…and in other news, many were surprised yesterday when Prime Minister Tangeus Oxwald and Minister for Foreign Affairs Grethe Fjell confirmed rumors about the Union participating in a two-nations contest determining «Superior Culture and Couth» in Prescott, Electrum, competing in judo against our Friends in Baggieland. The surprise grew even larger today, as the Minister for Foreign Affairs and the Minister for Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities, Magnus Sund, in a joint statement confirmed that the Union Champion would be none other than former MP, Gertrude Molineux. Mrs. Molineux has been completely out of the public eye after she was expelled from the Storting and the Moderate Party last July, and her new party initiative The League of Extraordinary Couthness failed miserably to gain any seats in the municipal and county elections last fall.
While Mrs. Molineux today is perhaps mostly known for her crusade to have Baggieland’s Rock of Friendship revoked last year, she has been a long-time Storting representative before that. Elected for multiple periods from the Moderate Party’s list in County Dælengen in the northeastern parts of Ängby, she was a prominent supporter and ally to Johannes Dahl’s Moderate/Center Party coalition government in the 1980’s. Acting as a political adviser to the Prime Minister, she was a spearhead in trying to implement many points on the sweeping reform agenda the coalition government had in these years. Known as a fierce and cunning power player, she also commanded respect in the political community due to her ruthless effectiveness. While working to implement the privatization of the Union Postal Service (UPS), she came under heavy fire from the anarchical crowd in the Libertarian Nazi Party and was forced to live under police protection during the late 1980’s and early 1990’s.

Gertrude Molineux in 2015, when she campaigned for banning electrical scooters.
Now in her late 70’s, many have questioned her appointment as Union Champion, citing her old age and fragility as grave risks when competing in a martial art. Foreign Minister Fjell confessed that Moineux’s appointment was indeed made to fulfil Baggieland wishes – and one does not deny a Friend – but assured everyone that despite her old age, sources close to the Minister maintained Mrs. Molineux was actually in surprisingly good form and fought with a disturbing ferociousness. Mrs. Molineux is apparently already travelling to Prescott, and the contest will be under way shortly. So now, it only remains to be seen whether Mrs. Molineux will triumph, or get trampled. Speaking of getting trampled, Peter, the Dandelions played their opening game of the Cup of Harmony down in Mertagne this morning.
Yes, Hannah, they did indeed. It was never going to be easy, facing teams like Cabo Azure, Poafmersia and Starblaydia, but Bjørnstjerne Eriksen’s men pulled off a respectable showing against the aforementioned Azureans on MD1 and all but had an opening draw in the bag. Eriksen’s Wall stood its ground for most of the game, but came up short after Azurean forward Cleto Silveira headed in the only goal of the game 60 minutes in. In the other games of Group H, Poafmersia and Kimi-Suomi left the field with a point each in their 1-1 draw, whereas Fort McKinley produced quite the upset in their 2-1 win against Juvencus. The undisputed behemoth of Group H – Starblaydia – had a bye on MD1, and they enter the tournament properly on MD2. The opposition? Our very own Dandelions. Coach Eriksen said he was pleased with most of what the Dandelions produced in their opening game, but confessed they without a doubt needed to step up their game in several aspects if they hope to contend for one of the top four spots in the group. Adding to that headache, Eriksen saw his preferred forward Vasco Clavell of Kejm BK leave the game early due to hamstring pains. Cornelis Ceder of IFK Nordstiernan replaced him, and will likely play against Starblaydia, should Clavell not recover in time.
In other sports news, Arne Oxwald and Georg Heraklit managed to walk way victorious in the doubles final of the Antillia Masters down in Costa de Ouro, besting Tena Špiričić and Alina Koreleva of Srednjaci in two straight sets. We now go live to Henrik Blixt in Antillia, to speak with the Union’s new doubles champions…



























