World Cup LXV (65) RP Thread

[Nouvel Ecosse]

NOUVEL ECOSSE 3 2 LIVENTIA
Darren McFadden 19' Curt LaFleur 37' Jorge Sanchez 84' | James Clarke 17' Michael Coburn 50'

With six points and a grand total of 138 places in the World Rankings separating the two sides, it was always going to be a tough game for the Rampant Walrus. The last time the two sides met, in Liventia that time, it was a deserved 2-0 victory to the home-side, and there could be no arguments from the Nouvel Ecosse media. The story this time around, however, was entirely different. This time Nouvel Ecosse played well, and had a certain degree of luck. The fans were there in huge numbers, the hope was present, the crowd was behind the team. Norrie Stewart, in a press conference before the game, stated that "This game is the difference between qualification and desperation". And although there is still a long way until qualification, we can be reassured that it is still possible.

The match started doggedly, a few near the bone fouls just escaping punishment. Liventia won a dangerous free-kick on the fourth minute mark, Pierre Van Miller hauling down the dangerous forward James Clarke. Only the stretching open hand of vice-captain Zinedine Frazer, who has had a fairly good round of qualification so far, was enough to stop what would have been the opening goal.

But just over ten minutes later it was that dangerman again, James Clarke, who this time succeeded. Nouvel Ecosse had been enjoying a small bout of possession, pressing up high, when Jason Raynes won the ball off of of Curt LaFleur and with a high swooping loop found Clarke, who easily bypassed Everton player Dan Franklin in defense, and delicately cruised the shot past Frazer, who this time wasn't able to do enough.

It is a well-known fact that teams can often let their guard down after scoring a goal, and this was the apotheosis of examples of this. After kicking off from the restart, McFadden passed back to Sanchez, who then threaded a pass through to Di Nesbo. Di Nesbo delightfully powered down the left-hand side, before cutting and having a crack, which was parried away by goalkeeper Ross Ramsden, unluckily straight into the flight path of left-winger Darren McFadden, who found it almost to easy to score. The game was back at deadlock almost immediately.

This was followed by even more pressure from the Rampant Walrus, who like a shark nearing the kill attacked with ferocity unseen since their victory over Neu Engollon in the Baptism of Fire. Holt-Ash came close to snatching his first goal for his country with a swerving shot from 25 yards, however the post denied his clever work. On the thirty-seventh minute it was Endeavour Thistle midfielder Curt LaFleur who was the man of the moment, his free-kick from forty yards flying into the top corner, courtesy of a lucky deflection off the wall. Controversy surrounds the nature of the free-kick, awarded for a hand-ball which many claim to be non-deliberate, including the "perpetrator" Andy Davis.

Both sides went in at half time knowing that they could offer more, Nouvel Ecosse defensively and Liventia in attack. So it was no surprise then that, when the sides reappeared, it was Liventia who this time pressed, Clarke at the front creating the chances. On the fiftieth minute, Rob Grant fluffed his shot from ten yards, Frazer punched the ball out, and in what may be referred to as one of the best goals in qualifying Michael Coburn caught the ball perfectly on the volley, sending it shooting past Frazer, who could only gape at its majesty.

Although the game lost a bit of its edge after this moment, it reignited into flames once again at the seventieth minute, when Sanchez Reno looked to be unnecessarily pulled down in the box by an unknown arm during a corner, an action which the referee chose to ignore. Reno was immediately up in arms, shouting at the referee, and earned a deserved yellow card for his loss of temper.

Jorge Sanchez was the man, or should that be teenager (Sanchez is only seventeen), who earned the shock victory for Nouvel Ecosse in the eighty-fourth minute, when he scrambled the ball home from a corner. Although it took a few other touches, it was Sanchez who got most on the ball, and Ramsden could only flap an arm at it as it crashed home.

Liventia pressed for an equaliser, even bringing on Sean Edwards for Stewart Bailie, but it was not to be, and the stadium erupted when the referee called a halt to proceedings. The dream is still alive in the Nouvel Ecosse camp, and the hopes of reaching the World Cup continue. As LaFleur put it after the final whistle, "I've never seen our country so alive, so hopeful, so on the edge." Long may it continue!

[Kiryu-shi]

It was hard to believe that the Kiri had actually regressed over time, that the team Reah was leading onto the pitch tomorrow would be worse than any she’d led thus far. In the first half of qualification the Audioslavia match hadn’t been one she looked forward to, the moment was too large for her, the occasion too extreme. She hadn’t been able to cope with the intimidation factor, but she at least had some semblance of hope that the team would perform marginally well.

The alcohol situation had been… off-putting, to say the least, and once the game had begun the emotions drifted from apprehension to disgust, as both teams had engaged in an absolutely ugly effort. But at least the Kiri had managed to keep the match close, regardless of the blowout they should have expected based on the level of play.

At that moment in time, though, she had held a mild optimism, a hope that by going through those trials and tribulations, the team would come out stronger, and they could make a run to prove that they belonged, that their selections weren’t mistakes, that they could salvage some degree of pride and respect.


She did not see the tedium coming.

It wasn’t the long qualification cycle of some of the historical World Cups, Reah knew, but it still felt like lifetimes were passing to her. Every week had turned into the same routine, a slew of meetings and practices, film studies and drills, capped by the inevitable crushing result.

A nil-nil draw against Lzherusskia was the newest low, but Reah no longer held on to the belief that the team would bounce back, that the latest feat of uninspired, unimaginative, and overall poor play would be the worst that the team demonstrated.

She had thought they had hit rock bottom after their second loss in three matches, stringing together poor performances. She had thought they had hit rock bottom with a scoreless draw at home against a team ranked 110th in the world, and then another rock bottom the subsequent week with a second consecutive scoreless draw against a team that was ranked even lower than that.

Of course, the first of those two squad, Kishrael, and strung together a few nice performances and were currently sitting in third place in the group, four points behind the playoff position. And a point ahead of the Kiri.

The scoreless draw that led to this position was, of course, the new rock bottom. And with Audioslavia tomorrow, followed by the Dagans in a couple weeks, Reah knew they could easily go on to redefine the worst they could accomplish, over and over again.






Reah moved across the floor of her apartment, the stacks of papers providing notes on opposing players and coaches shoved up against the cramped walls, the binders full of notes holding up structures of notebooks and folders. Her eyes were closed as her mind raced to emulate a football pitch, seeing what she imagined to be opponents fall away before her feet.

She had never played a minute of organized football, professional or otherwise. She knew they suspected, her team, her assistants. Part of the tedium came from the careful, incessant planning to never expose the fact that she could hardly even kick a football. It was all orchestrated, every moment of every meeting and every practice, so she would never be demonstrating actual technique, even so far as to orient drills so that the likelihood of a stray ball coming her way would be minimal.

But now… The red wine filling her glass found its way to the rim as her feet emulated what she had seen so many times, the delicate balance of careful movements so easily coordinated to receive a pass and distribute another in the next moment. The arc of a foot as it crashed down into a moving ball sending it throttling through the air into the net of a goal.

It felt like it would be so easy, so simple to create those moments, those particular series of motions that collude to create goals, wins. Success.

Reah just managed to catch herself against a chair after her legs had betrayed her, although not before a wave of red wine had risen from her glass and found its way onto some of her notes from the Lzherusskia match. She let herself down into the chair, almost as if to make it seem she had intended for it to be in her way, and smiled down at the ruined papers, the spreading red stain quickly rendering words upon words illegible.

She wondered why she was still trying so hard when nothing she managed doing was worth anything to herself or her team.

But she knew she’d wake up tomorrow. She’d get dressed. She’d eat a light breakfast, and make her way to the pitch. She’s conduct a few drills, managing to avoid the ball, and she’d make sure everyone knew what the game plan was. She’d talk to her team in the locker room, smile and say those words of encouragement, and make her way to the side of the pitch as her players were led out with Audioslavia. She’d watch from the sidelines, managing each crisis as it came up. She’d shake some hands after the match ended, smiling as appropriate depending on the result.

She had gone through it all before. And when she was home alone again, it would just be another night of weighing the enormity of a nation’s disappointment slowly crushing her.

She poured herself another glass.

[The United Kingdoms of Zackalantis]

the Coach says

The UKZ started this tournament on a very low note but soon things started to look better but as then we drew 2 matches in a row. but i can assure you that the team is very excited to be here and they will for sure not want to be the first few teams knocked out. in the BOF the team came very close to the play-offs so this time they aim to at least make it to play-offs and if they do you can be damn sure the cup is coming back to Cair Paravel

These were the words of UKZ Crusader's coach after he was asked by a reporter of NSC (National Sports Channel)

Mean while back at home attention is shifting from this tournament as the 16th games of the National Olympiad aproach.

We will not have our greats this year playing for the Ogtow Team. but my good wishes go out to them

said the captain of the Ogtow football Team, which this year is predicted to perform dismally.

[The United Kingdoms of Zackalantis]

Team Members
1.George
2.Mike
3,Frank
4.Justin
5.Patrick
6.John
7.Peter
8.Luke
9.Stuart
10.James
11.Marc

[Eastfield Lodge]

Looking to the second half

Well, with the analysis that 3-1 friendly loss to Bears Armed out of the way, it's time to look ahead to the second half of qualifying. With 9 of the 18 games gone, this is the current state of the table:

Pos                            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 The Licentian Islands         9    7   2   0    21    9  +12    23
 2 Eura                          9    7   1   1    23   15   +8    22
 3 Jeru FC                       9    6   2   1    24   12  +12    20
 4 Eastfield Lodge               9    5   3   1    22   13   +9    18
 5 The Greater Archipelago       9    3   1   5    13   16   −3    10
 6 Tasrailia                     9    3   0   6    14   19   −5     9
 7 Ancharmunn                    9    2   3   4    13   18   −5     9
 8 Chiata                        9    2   2   5     4   10   −6     8
 9 The Kytler Peninsulae         9    1   1   7    15   24   −9     4
10 Vakolic                       9    1   1   7     8   21  −13     4

Somehow, we have ended up fourth with quite a stunning 5-3-1 record under our belts, only losing to top seeds Jeru FC away, and with a battling 5-3 scoreline as well. We have a comfortable 8 point cushion over 5th place Greater Archipelago, and the team is only five points away from the as yet unbeaten leaders and third seed The Licentian Islands, and four off the playoff spot currently occupied by second seed Eura.

I'll try to keep this short and sweet, mostly because I'm writing this minutes before our next match against Chiata (I blame training for that), but here is how our remaining nine fixtures line up:

MD10: @ Chiata
All the way back on MD1, we faced Chiata at home, and a 3-0 scoreline saw us comfortably win the match, and somehow top the group as well. Seventh seeds, they're currently in eighth place in the table, a position they'll be looking to improve upon. We'll be travelling this time, and they'll be looking for revenge, so I'm looking at a victory by a single goal in our favour.

MD11: vs. Tasrailia
Ah Tasrailia, the people who refuse to accept the legality of faster-than-human players playing football. Let's just hope they never have to face any equine nation, otherwise I can see that ending awkwardly. Still, we limited the damage to 5-2, just because we're nice and they had ragequit. But on our home soil, we will take full advantage of the eighth seeds, who are somehow sitting in sixth. Just to rub it in their faces, I want a RAWRCRUSH, but in all honesty, I'm only expecting a three goal victory. Winning by anything less than two will be unacceptable.

MD12: @ Vakolic
To think, we were actually on a perfect record and top of the group after this matchup on MD3. Granted, we played the ninth seeds, and at home, but the principle still stands, and it's amazing that we had yet to drop points against lower ranked opposition. The match itself we won 2-0, and I expect that the team currently last in the table will be similarly easy to beat on their turf as well, although a win will not be by many goals. Probably another 2-0.

MD13: vs. Jeru FC
Back on MD4, this was our first big test of qualifying, away to the first seeds. And we did well, only losing by two goals in eight, which we can be proud of. At home, I think things will be closer, as this will be one of the deciding games in who can challenge for the playoff spots, and failing that, third place. This one will be too close to call. I'm going for a high scoring draw, but a victory by a single goal is not unlikely. But I'm pretty sure at least 6 goals are going to be scored.

MD14: @ Eura
Second seeds, they'll still be looking to emulate that deep run into the finals a few cycles ago, and currently sitting in the playoff spot with a single point holding them off first, they're likely to reach the finals. Which means dispatching any and all teams they play against. On our turf, they had faltered, and we somehow claimed a draw from them, but MD14 will be on their ground, and they'll be looking to complete the job this time. As much as I'd like to say we'd get points, my head says that they should win, but it won't be a comfortable journey. A 1, maybe 2 goal victory for them in the end.

MD15: vs. The Licentian Islands
On the basis of the table going into this game, The Licentian Islands came up against us with a three point lead over the rest of the group. And on their home turf, they had really expected to go and claim the win and keep the gap. But we shocked them with a draw, and that let Jeru FC and Eura catch up. I can see this being a critical match if The Licentian Islands want to make it to the World Cup, especially if they want to top the group, and at the same time, stopping our challenge for qualification. This time, it's at our place, and it will be a tightly fought match. Not many goals either, I feel; there may be just the one goal.

MD16: @ The Kytler Peninsulae
Of all the unranked teams we had to get, it would of course be a team returning after a short break from qualification. Not much more than three cycles, but there's still enough knowledge of what to expect to cause the better teams a few problems. And when they faced us on our ground on MD7, causing problems is what they did. Namely, they took a two goal lead in 20 minutes, restored it again after 40, and only two red cards in the Kytlerian defence let us back into the match, which we ended up winning 4-3. Hopefully, we won't underestimate them on the return leg, and we should get the victory, although it'll be hard work.

MD17: @ Ancharmunn
The fifth seeds, it's rather surprising to see them down in 7th at the moment, because I thought they'd have a much better calibre than the teams surrounding them. Still, this was the only team ranking lower than us we'd dropped points to in the first half, and I think that's quite an impressive feat. On the other hand, those dropped points were at home, so as it will be a much harder away match, I wouldn't be surprised if Ancharmunn sneak away with the win. But I'm guessing another draw.

MD18: vs. The Greater Archipelago
Last but not least. If in the unlikely event that we'll be challenging for anything significant by this match, we can kiss it goodbye, as all of the current top four have very easy matches on this last matchday, on top of which is the fact that all four of us will be at home. And the fact that this is the closest of any of those four matches, as TGA are the sixth seeds, and the other three play seeds 7, 8 and 9. As for the match itself, well, we beat them 2-0 away on the last match of the first half, so it's unlikely that we won't beat them again when they come visiting us.

So going through the results, my best guess will be another 5-3-1 record, but I'll go as low as 4-2-3. 4-2-3 would bring us up to a very tasty 9-5-4, which is 32 points. And that sort of point total is much better than what we've had in any of the past few world cups. In fact, if we get to the CoH and put in a decent performance there, we may even obtain our deserved status as third seeds again in time for the next qualification cycle.

This is Shabeen Ahmad III, signing out to watch the Chiata match. Let's hope I'm right.

[Super-Llamaland]

Group 1
Friday Freshman 1–0 Taeshan
Oralana 0–3 Sargossa
The fief of Sir Kunne 0–3 Armed Bears
Kalusia 0–0 Leorudo
Horusland 1–5 Super-Llamaland

- Group 1 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sargossa 10 8 0 2 15 7 +8 24
2 Taeshan 10 7 2 1 17 3 +14 23
3 Super-Llamaland 10 6 1 3 28 18 +10 19
4 Kalusia 10 4 4 2 10 7 +3 16
5 Armed Bears 10 4 3 3 22 17 +5 15
6 Horusland 10 3 4 3 10 14 −4 13
7 Leorudo 10 2 6 2 12 13 −1 12
8 Oralana 10 2 1 7 10 20 −10 7
9 The fief of Sir Kunne 10 2 1 7 7 18 −11 7
10 Friday Freshman 10 1 0 9 9 23 −14 3

The Llamas have played Horusland twice. Okay.
Wins against Horusland have accounted for 80% of our run differential. Okay.
We swept Horusland by an aggregate of nine to one. Okay.
Taeshan's not in first. This group is turning out to be very interesting.
Wait...Friday Freshman just beat Taeshan. I give up on scorinators.

To the game!

FIRST HALF
A shock in the lineup as Michael Kerraway started the game! Not DeJesus, or Matthews, but Kerraway! Nicely done, Bryan Ferguson. Nicely done. Kerraway would block seven in the first half, but Horusland struck first in the twenty-ninth minute.

Horusland's defense did a nice job not allowing the Tigers to get into a rhythm. But they were bound to score, and they racked up possession. In the forty-second, Trevor Duncan bounced a shot off the post, but Evan Powell was there to catch the ricochet. One-all. In stoppage, Jared Mullin (in for Chris May, whose condition is 'stable' but rumored to miss three games) lobbed one over the goalie in a one-on-one spot to make it two-one.

Then, the Llamas got into a passing rhythm. Mullin to Alcanatra. Three-one. Oliver to Chapman. Four-one. Mujica to Rushmore. Five-one. And that was the score at the final whistle. A blowout victory, one that keeps the team in third with a three point lead and a nice +10 run differential.

62% Possession. YAY!

Stats Update:
Tyson DeJesus 86% Saves, 42 SOG-Six Goals [injured]
Nick DeJesus 85% Saves, 34 SOG-Five goals
Eric Matthews 40% Saves, 5 SOG-Three goals
Michael Kerraway 93% Saves, 15 SOG-One goal
Trevor Duncan SIXTEEN POINTS (six goals four assists)
Jared Mullin FOURTEEN POINTS (four goals five assists): He's a sub.
Bobby Crosby TEN POINTS (five goals)
Chris May TEN POINTS (three goals four assists)
John Oliver SEVEN POINTS (two goals, three assists)
Evan Powell SEVEN POINTS (three goals, one assist)
Luis Alcanatra SEVEN POINTS (two goals, three assists)
Johnny Rushmore FIVE POINTS (two goals, one assist)
Chris Chapman FIVE POINTS (one goal, three assists)
Alejandro Mujica ONE POINT (assist)

[Kinzar]

"You know that watch I got a couple months ago?"

"The one your ex girlfriend Margaret gave you a week before you cheated on her?"

'"I didn't cheat on her. She didn't understand we were friends with benefits only from the beginning."

"Bullshit."

"Well anyway it turns out it was way more then a watch."

"Really?"

"It's a secret device that records my conversations with people."

"I guess she was suspicious of you for a while."

"Because she didn't understand we were only, anyway, it records my conversations. If I press this button here it will stop recording."

"Well then press it."

"So I go to thinking, before I got this watch, Kinzar was 3-1-1 in World Cup Qualifying. After our conversations were recorded since then, we are 0-1-4."

"So us having our soccer conversations recorded were bad luck?"

"Apparently."

"So here, I'm gonna press the button, take this hammer, and smash the watch, saying, screw you Margaret!"

"I had wondered why you had a hammer."

"Here it goes, I press the but...."

[Mytannion]

The Switch had played an incredible show to be fair and it had been possibly the best gig I’d ever been to so far in my whole life. Alina had loved it too and I’d never seen Stefan so involved in something since we were little kids playing with toys in the nursery – he loved the music – it was almost as if it became a part of him and he could feel it flow through his body as soon as the first few notes of each tune were played. It was strange, but he was the only one out of all four of us who truly understood the music – we’d never have even learnt our first chords if it wasn’t for him.

The gig was winding down now and they had come to their final song, typically this was their most ‘bouncy’ song and everybody was almost raving along to it as the guitar chimed in and the drums began to get thrashed. The singer started to warble the lyrics and the whole place was just a mass of bodies being pounded together to the rhythm of the music. It was incredible, it was what we lived for. Alina was jumping next to me as the song changed a little, becoming more up tempo and even then – in the sweaty mass of beer drenched bodies, she looked perfect.

I was quite surprised that the MDMA hadn’t affected me as much as I had first thought it would, I wasn’t actually all too bad, I still had control of my actions... I just felt friendlier, like everyone would be alright and nobody in the whole place could possibly hold any sort of threat towards me. I wanted to be everybody’s best mate and like Alina had said, my mood had definitely come ‘up’ over the course of the night.

At first, she had been the same, she’d been hugging people she had never even met – or so I presumed – she was dancing with anyone who came within a couple of metres radius of her. It was weird how much it altered your perceptions.

She’d changed a bit halfway through the night and almost become tired, it wasn’t really the word for it, though she did seem more fatigued than she had first been. She didn’t seem to want to be as involved in the music as she had first been, she wasn’t dancing as much, none of that. But she had seemingly recovered pretty well, I don’t know what it was. She’d probably had another pill or something, or some more vodka and that’d made her almost forget about it. She was once again back to her friendly character and strange dancing.

The song was coming to an end now and the whole crowd was cheering wildly, almost thankful for the gig that we had all witnessed. The adulation and adoration of The Switch was possibly the weirdest thing I’d ever seen – even if I was involved – I didn’t quite understand it, I couldn’t understand how the band themselves must have felt. It must have been good, yeah, but how strange it must have been for them, seeing this crowd making so much noise just because of the performance they had put on.

Alina jumped over to me, beaming and laughing, occasionally joining in with the cheers and whoops from the crowd.

“How fuckin’ good was that?!” She shouted, trying to fight over the din being made by the crowd.

“Incredible man, incredible.” I replied, still awestruck by the crowd’s reaction. I didn’t know why, I was part of it, I knew it was unexplainable.

“Don’t lose me in this crowd Svet,” She said, a tinge of nervousness almost creeping into her voice, “You’ll never find me again!” She giggled.

“Yeah I won’t,” I said, grabbing her hand, “Don’t let go of me.” She laughed at me and instantly let go as the crowd began to sweep away, towards the exits, many still gabbling excitedly over the amazing gig they had just seen. I tried to look over the heads of the people as they walked towards the exits, I couldn’t see Alina at all and I had lost my mates (and hers as well), a long while ago. Where were they? I’d need to find her. I’d promised her, my sister and myself that I’d look after her to the best of my ability.

I hadn’t exactly put myself into the best state to be able to do that. I was high on E and heavily inebriated anyway, alcohol was having its way with me as it was. The cocktail of drugs and alcohol was not any help in my attempt to look after a girl who liked being a bit different – who liked being a part of the music scene and the choices that promoted.

I was being pushed along steadily by the people behind me as we moved – almost as one – towards the exit. I was still craning my neck to try and spot Alina somewhere amongst the crowd, but she was nowhere to be seen.

I had no choice. “Alina!” I shouted. “Alina? Where are you?!” There was no response. Even if she had been able to hear over the steady chatter of the large group of people pouring out of the exits, she probably wouldn’t respond. She was flying high and would think it was all a big game – hiding from me – the drugs had completely altered the way she would normally act and she wasn’t exactly the most straight thinking of characters when not under the influence.

I was outside now, rain was drizzling, it was damp. Puddles were forming around the pavements and there were already drunken girls deciding that sitting on the pavement was a better idea than trying to struggle around on the high heels that they had decided to put on.

One person I was glad I hadn’t met tonight was my sister – Silvana would have probably just started going on in my ear about looking after Alina, it’d be even worse when she was in a drunken stupor.

Shit. Alina.

That was when I saw her. My thoughts, deeply concentrated on thinking about looking after her and there she was. She was collapsed on the floor; people were walking around her, ignoring her. A couple walked past, laughing, thinking she was a teenage girl who had just had too much drink and couldn’t handle it.

Fuck.

Police were milling around all outside The Seahorse, the venue of the gig, I couldn’t allow them to get a hold of her. She’d end up in big trouble. It wouldn’t be a criminal record or anything like that and her parents were fairly liberal – but trouble with the dibble wasn’t something you wanted, especially when you were from our area of Thessia – there was always a big focus on it and as soon as you got in trouble people disassociated themselves with you, they wanted nothing to do with the police, even if it was somebody getting in trouble with them. All coppers are bastards and all that.

I jogged over to her, the water spraying up around me as my feet pounded the tarmac. She wasn’t in a great state, she didn’t seem to be conscious, though her chest was still rising and falling. I suppose she wasn’t dead at least, that was something.

“Alina!” I tapped her shoulder. “Alina, wake up come on.” Still no response, she murmured something but didn’t come around, she seemed to be asleep or knocked out or something. What had happened to her? “Alina you can’t stay here come on get up.” She moved. She moved!

Her arms had like slapped me, it was strange. She was so drunk and drugged up she couldn’t function, nothing was working properly. Her eyes flickered open and they sort of rolled, she was completely fucked. I don’t think I’d ever seen anybody as wasted. She’d have to go home. I couldn’t let her stay somewhere else tonight, nobody would want to be responsible for looking after her.

And I’d been the idiot who’d roped himself into actually having to do so.

I looked around, luckily the police had dispersed, they were probably following some fighting going on around the streets – something which had occurred after every single gig I’d been to thus far, though I hadn’t actively gotten involved. It was scary, some of the football hooligans doubled as hardcore music fans and they took their footballing rivalries into the music too.

Alina mumbled again. I looked down at her and decided I’d had enough, I’d have to carry her home or something. We couldn’t wait here much longer. We were pretty much in the city centre and it was a Friday night, horny old men and police would return in a little while. They’d be potentially the worst combination ever. Especially for an attractive teenage girl who couldn’t look after herself because of the state she was in.

I tried once more, “Alina come on.” This time it seemed to work. Her eyes flickered open and she started to focus, her eyes shimmering with tears, she looked straight at me and managed to actually gain some proper control of her sight. She gave me some serious eye contact.

“Svet... Where am I?” She asked.

“Fucking hell, Polak was right about you having too much ecstasy for you to handle.” I laughed. She was still off her head. She was trying to struggle up, I was having none of it, “Oi, sit down, you’re going nowhere fast.” I said, putting my arm across her.

“What the fuck happened?” A look of confusion dawned across her face, then she laughed, her usual smirk appearing across her face, “Tonight was mental wasn’t it?” It was a rhetorical question though, she presented it as a question but she was stating a fact. It was one of the most mad gigs I’d ever been to and it had been great.

“It was mad yeah,” I said, “You’ve been a right state for the past half an hour.”

“I feel like shit anyway,” She said, “Don’t think you need to tell me that.” She laughed, it sounded hollow, as if she didn’t really believe what she was saying. She knew she had probably gone too far for once, she’d done too much. She’d collapsed in the middle of the street and if it had been anyone else other than me they may well have taken advantage of her. She could have been in real big trouble – just like Silvana said.

I heard a little hiccoughing noise come from beside me. The drink was obviously affecting Alina in a comical way now, or so I thought, until I actually looked down at her and saw she was crying. Not again, I thought, I was barely able to deal with her last time she was upset – and she wasn’t drunk that time. Surely this would be even harder. Drunken people were emotional people. I couldn’t deal with emotions. I was a teenage boy and that sort of thing was nothing to do with us, yet.

“Wha—” I stuttered, I didn’t know where to start, “What’s up Alina?”

“Oh, Svet.. Don’t, it’s okay.” She sniffled, “It’s just me being silly seriously. Forget it.” She let out another little hollow laugh, she was trying to pretend she was okay. She definitely was not okay.

“Alina... Come on, you can tell me, open up for once.”

“Uhhh, Svet, don’t.” She said, “It’s okay, seriously.”

“No, come on, this is stupid, you’re never like this.”

“Look, I can’t stay at home tonight.” Then, a small, feeble smile crossed her face, “I told you not to make me look like a panda tonight – you’ve made me cry you idiot.”

As if she remembered that, maybe the drugs hadn’t affected her as much as I had originally thought.

“Why can’t you?” Then I laughed, “I said you’d look like a pretty panda didn’t I?” She chuckled.

“Shut up you and right, Svet, you can’t tell anybody – I’ve never spoken to anybody about this ever. Not even my Mum. Promise me you won’t say anything about it, please..?”

“Okay Alina, I won’t.” I said.

“Promise me!”

“I promise, I won’t say a word to anybody.” I confirmed, she sighed. We were sat on the pavement, rain falling around us – her hair was already dampened, my own was soaked through shielding her from the water. That was one issue with having fairly long hair and being a boy. There were already some revellers falling out of pubs and clubs, it was a little early for a Friday night, but even so. I couldn’t let them bother Alina when she was upset and in this state. “Oi, let’s walk and talk come on. We’ll find somewhere for you to go...”

“Right, okay,” She said, standing up slowly and nearly falling, I caught her.

“Come on, explain, walk slowly though, you’ll fall in them shoes.”

“Ouch, my feet are killing me.” She said, yelping, “I’m taking these off, sod it.” She said, and so saying, pulled her shoes off, the high heels slipping off easily. She yelped again as she put her feet down on the damp ground.

“Right, stop avoiding it, I’ve promised you. Come on, explain to me. What’s up with you?”

“Right. Okay.” She said, “I don’t want to go home because I know if I do – in this state and with Mum probably asleep, that her boyfriend..” She almost spat the word out with disgust before continuing; “..Will probably end up hitting me.”

I stood still, shocked. Was this really true? This man who had seemed so normal, surely he couldn’t do that to somebody. Surely he couldn’t do it to a girl who would surely become his step-daughter pretty soon, I mean, it wasn’t like him and Alina’s mother had been together for a month or two – they’d been together for a long while and Alina had often mentioned how her mother had wanted him to propose for a while. Alina had always acted in a disgusted manner at the very thought, she had baulked at the idea, acted as if she couldn’t imagine anything worse – perhaps this was the reason why. Originally I hadn’t had a clue as to why she had recoiled at the thought so badly, but as some context had been put to it, I understood it a little better. Even so. This was mad, completely beyond comprehension.

I couldn’t manage anything properly in response, why would he do that to her? There was no justification of it at all. I just looked at her, completely shocked, another few tears rolled down her cheeks – she obviously had never been this candid about the matter with anybody before – it upset her and quite rightly too, he had no fucking right doing that to a poor girl, especially not her.

All I could do was look at her, consider her and eventually pull her into a tight embrace.

She started crying again, into my shoulder, her head buried. Her black hair had a faint smell of beer coming off it, evidently she had been the victim of one of the flying plastic cups full of the stuff that had been hurled by one of the various members of the crowd. I didn’t really mind, she was beautiful as ever. Even looking up at me with her pale skin blotted with tears and her mascara run severely, her green eyes looked up at me and they were full of trust – something I had never seen in her before, she had always been about fun and liked taking the piss, my relationship with her had never stretched to this extent.

This was different, it was something more. Her eyes were like portals to her mind – I could understand the little whirrings and workings that were going on. She could probably make sense of my very own feelings about her at the same time. It was a strange moment and would change everything. I probably would have kissed her, letting my feelings be known properly for once but the situation preceding it really didn’t call for it. It wouldn’t work, it would be unfair.

“Come on Alina,” I said, before thinking, “Y’know what, you can stay at mine tonight – no one’s in – as long as you get out in the morning it’ll be fine.”

“Thanks Svet, I’ve been so stupid,” She said.

“No you haven’t!” I said, refusing to let her believe that herself, she was no way in the wrong for what she had alleged to have occurred, “At least you have told someone now, even if it is me,” I chuckled. She laughed. “We’ll sort something I’m sure.”

She put her head down on my shoulder as we walked, arm in arm, locked together. I wished this was how we could be, but she probably didn’t feel the same, we were friends, not what I wanted us to be.

She’d probably go all awkward on me – and just like when she was angry or upset – she’d become very boring once her mood was affected by something. She wouldn’t be much fun, it just wouldn’t be the same. The banter we had shared before would probably disappear and we’d grow apart and it would just be plain rubbish.

Unless she felt the same of course.

But I couldn’t risk finding out if that were the case, I didn’t want her to change her attitude towards me. I didn’t want her to be weird with me, be strange or different. It wasn’t worth discovering if she felt the same because chances were – she probably didn’t – and if she didn’t, the way she was with me would probably change and I just did not want that. At all.

Life is difficult for teenagers. Every time I thought about that I felt like I was my parents – discussing myself – I felt like an idiot. But it’s the truth. We made our lives harder than they needed to be, we were finding ourselves and our feelings were hugely modified because of the age we were at – everything was heightened. It was difficult.

We walked through the streets of Thessia – heading away from the city centre – back towards our end of the great city and the red brick terraces greeted us like an old friend. Our familiar surroundings weren’t difficult to work around and we were soon pretty near home, pretty close to where we needed to be. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to pass her house. I felt like I’d burst through the door, knocking it down along the way and then throttle her mum’s boyfriend. I was so angered by what she had told me, how could anybody treat any young girl like that? Especially one as talented and just as great as Alina was. How could somebody do that?

“What are you going to say to your Mum and...” I struggled to even bring myself to say it, “...Him, about where you’re staying tonight? Tomorrow I mean..?”

“I think they think I’m staying at one of the girl’s tonight.” She said, “I’ll probably just tell them the truth tomorrow, my Mum should be fine with it.”

“So have you told them, definitely then?”

“No, but it’ll work itself out.” She said, trying to grin bravely at me. I hoped she was right, if she wasn’t and they were worried sick she’d probably end up in just as much trouble as she always did – and it wouldn’t surprise me if she got knocked about over it.

I swear that if she did I’d fucking knock the bastard into next week, damn the consequences. I no longer cared, I didn’t mind if she found out about how I felt about her in that way. He deserved what he got.

Twat.

[Polar Islandstates]

Prologue
The Concrete Museum
Accidents Will Happen
The Popular Peoples’ Front of Bjarnarey for the Bjarnese
Professor Know-Nothing



A Brief History Lesson

**
From the case notes of Wolfgang Lillehammer, PI
Professor Aalesund’s office was exactly as you’d imagine a stereotypical history professor’s office to be. Loose papers and open books scattered across the tables rustled slightly in the breeze as we opened the door. Manuscripts aged with the years of lost centuries were then further aged with the coffee rings from discarded mugs of coffee, and piles of dusty tomes littered the shelves around us.

“Please, take a seat,” gestured Aalesund, pointing towards two half buried chairs semi-hidden behind a filing cabinet, “I’ll track down these documents.”

I looked at the chair and wondered why brown upholstery had never taken off. Shifting a couple of takeaway boxes encrusted with old noodles I realised that this would have been where the Professor had welcomed his students for meetings during the term. Poor students. I perched on the edge of the chair uncomfortably and watched with Officer Kolberg as the Professor shuffled about the room collecting the relevant papers.

“Now, let me see,” he mumbled, half to himself, “I wrote down what they wanted on a piece of paper when I answered the phone… Ah! Here it is!”

Triumphantly, Aalesund held aloft the grubby scrap of paper and looked to us for some sort of celebration or congratulatory encouragement. With none forthcoming, and seeing only our unresponsive faces by way of answer, he got down to finding the information he’d photocopied for the ‘Boris’ on the phone.

Getting up as he gathered a host of papers and muttered to himself, I walked over and scanned the list on the slip of paper for any significant documents. Mostly it looked like a host of fairly indecipherable squiggles that made me think I’d be better off waiting for Aalesund to finish collecting it all, but a couple of clearer words at the bottom were underlined several times and had been written down with a lot more care and consideration than the others. What’s more, I could actually read them.

’Svein Bjarne’
‘Gold’
‘Little Wight’
‘Maps’

“Professor,” I asked, “why are these ones underlined?”

“Oh, erm, I remember the man on the phone being very insistent that I didn’t forget those documents in particular?”

“Why, what are the other ones, not important?” asked Kolberg, also standing up.

Aalesund looked at the pile of papers in his hand and did a quick calculation.

“I guess not,” he replied, after a slight pause.

“You’re thinking a smokescreen?” I asked Kolberg.

“Could be,” she replied, “you could have done us a great deal of help by underlining these ones at the time, Professor. What are the ones in your hand anyway?”

“Oh, just some documents relating to my latest digs. Scraps of pottery, locations of digs, clearance forms, procedural notes, instructions on safe exposure of ground, that kind of thing. He just asked for a selection rather than mentioning any of them specifically.”

“Hmm, and these four?” I asked.

“Well, he wanted some up to date maps of the lagoon, I remember that one because I had to tell him I didn’t have them,” said the Professor, then, by way of explanation after seeing our confusion, “I’ve been planning a dig in Bjarnarey at some point in the future but I’ve not actually received the appropriate permissions yet – you only get the maps once you get the permission as they change so often.”

“So, no maps.” said Kolberg, “and the others? Little Wight something-or-other?”

“Yeah, uh, he wanted my articles on the history of Little Wight.” answered Aalesund, “You know, the Wightlings, emigration, earliest settlements, immigration, myths, legends, that kind of thing. It’s all in my book. Chapter five.”

Handing me a copy of a dark covered book, Aalesund smiled.

“It’s a signed copy,” he said smugly, “but you can have it on the house.”

“Oooh, fancy!” joked Kolberg.

“Not really,” he sighed, pointing to a pile of them on a shelf behind him, “I’ve got like, eighty of them still.”

I looked at the book. The cover was simply the crest of the city on a black background. The white writing along the bottom simply said ’Bjarnarey: A History – by Professor Magnus Aalesund’. It looked like a reasonably accessible version of whatever it was he usually taught at the University, made suitable for the high street. Not that Bjarnarey has a high street. Which could explain the poor sales, of course.

“Chapter five?” I enquired.

“Chapter five,” he confirmed over his shoulder as he dug out sheets from the bottom of another pile, “Little Wight and the Immigration of Bjarnarey.”

“So, the last two?” asked Kolberg as I flicked through the book.

“Well, he wanted a load of stuff about the old stories on Svein Bjarne. You’ve heard the rumours about his fortune, I assume?” he responded, grunting with exertion as he tried to get a piece of paper out of the filing cabinet.

“Of course,” I answered, “everyone in Bjarnarey has.”

“Well, they liked that story and wanted everything I had on Bjarne. Kind of geekily enthusiastic, in fact,” he responded with a shrug, handing over the final piece of paper.

Taking it in my hands, I smiled by way of thanks, and looked at Kolberg.

“Well, shall we?”

“Indeed,” said Kolberg, looking at the Professor, “so, thank you for your help, Professor, we’ll look over these back at the station.”

“Oh, erm, you’re very welcome.” he said, slightly stammering and reminding me of his brother just a little bit.

Kolberg and I left, clutching our bundles of papers, and started walking down the quay towards the gates of the University campus once again. The sun was down, and the evening breeze started blowing in through the gaps in the wooden shacks that made up much of the campus. It was getting chilly, and the papers rustled in our arms.

“Plenty of homework to do, then?” I raised.

“Aye, time’s ticking on as well.” she said slowly.

The flashing lights of police boats drifted into view behind the reception building.

“Friends of yours?” I asked, pointing.

“Oh, erm, probably.”

“You ask for them?”

“Not me, no.”

We walked closer, and none other than Klimpt stepped off the lead boat and onto the pier. He was holding a clipboard and had his uniform presented impeccably.

“Klimpt!” I said, pleased to see him.

“Wolfgang Lillehammer?” he asked, sternly.

“Klimpt?” I said again, slightly less pleased to see him.

“Mr Lillehammer you’ve been at the scene of two kidnappings in recent days, neither of which you were invited to,” he continued officiously, “would you care to come into the station to answer some questions?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t make a scene, Wolfgang,” he said softer, “give your stuff to Kolberg and we’ll go have a chat, okay?”

I stared blankly at him, but, not willing to cause a scene, numbly handed my stack of papers to Kolberg and got in the boat. Well aware that there were handcuffs in the back of the boat, I kept calm, considered my story, and enjoyed the ride across Bjarnarey to the station as best I could. It was difficult, because I knew my excuses would all look bad.


The story will continue in Boris, QC

[Barunia]

BaruniainSports.com.bu

Suns burn Mantwenic with best ever score
By Kitty Smith

Last time the Suns faced Mantwenic, it was a close affair, with the Barunian team managing just one goal. After receiving criticism for their lack of goals, the Suns came out for their second game against Mantwenic with something to prove. And they did just that.

The Suns showed their intent almost immediately after the kickoff, with Bhara intercepting an early pass and lobbing it downfield to Castolo, who took a long shot that cleared the bar. And then it was on for all, with the Mantwenic defenders barely able to get the ball to the midfield before it was won back and sent back towards them. Matthew Barnes, in between the sticks for Mantwenic, was hard worked as he dealt with shots from all angles. Eleven minutes in, he was forced to stop a difficult ball fired from short range by Sagoro. Barnes was barely able to get his hands in front of his face in time to stop the shot. The ball smacked into his gloves, spun, and then dropped onto the ground. Right in front of Sagoro, who know had the opposing keeper about a metre away with his hands in front of his face. One-nil.

Mantwenic showed some spirit on the restart, mounting a challenge that resulted in Victor Lipscomb getting a shot at goal, but Mic Willans was able to stop it fairly comfortably. The Mantwenic defenders were also getting there act together after having had circles run around them for the first ten minutes. The Suns wasted several good opportunities trying to run the ball into the box, only to be stopped by the defence. However this aggressive style of defending was Mantwenic's undoing, when, in the 29th minute, Gregory Plant once again tried to carry the ball into the box. Facing off against against Vincent Kilton, he tried to sidestep. Kilton anticipated the move and threw his leg out, bunt missed the ball and slammed his foot into Gregory's right shin. He went down in agony, and the referee blew his whistle for the foul.

Plant had to be helped off the field, and while there has been no official conformation, early reports suggest a ligament tear that would end his World Cup campaign. I certainly hope it's nothing that serious, and I and everyone here at Baruniainsports.com wishes Gregory a speedy recovery.

On the pitch, Yohan Marris came on to replace Plant while Sagoro lined up the shot. The fouled had happened just outside the area, so no penalty, but it was a good distance and Sagoro had a wide angle on the goal. Facing off against a four-man wall, Sagoro planted his right foot firmly into the ground and struck the ball with just the right angle with his left, to send the ball curving around the wall and slide through the gap between the post and Matthew Barnes' glove.

The Mantwenic team and players were not happy with the call and resulting goal, and perhaps that gave them some fire. They certainly came back hard, and a excellent shot from Alan Marringer came within inches of putting them back in the game. Giving the goal kick, Willans took it short, passing off to Tsebo. He passed to Bhara, but somehow the Ravens midfielder was unable to control the ball, and Patrick Delmonico was able to win the ball back. A brilliant cross connected with a speeding Silas Cromwell, who headed the ball just out of Willan's reach to put the difference back to one goal.

The Suns had a chance to increase another, but Marris' long range shot was easel dealt with by Barnes. Just before the end of the half, there was some drama after Liam Jefferson was felled by Cedric St. John with a sliding tackle. There was some angry words spoken between the teams, but the referee was able to keep it under control. St. John received a yellow card for his efforts, and Jefferson was able to play on, so no real harm done. The resulting free kick was also harmless, Lucio David able to deal with the aerial cross and clear it without much difficulty. The Suns kept possession until the half ended.

The Suns started the second half with as much determination as they did the first. Castolo found an opening, but was unlucky to hit the post and the keeper was able to smother the rebound. Coach Wiggens made a change to the defence early in the half, resting Pacifique Tsebo and sending out talented youngster Tommy Clinton. The fresh pair of legs seemed to revitalise the defence, and the Mantwenic forwards where almost denied any chance to shoot. It wasn't long before the Suns had another goal-scoring chance, with Fabrice Sagoro desperately looking for his hat-trick. He took a pass from Castolo and threw his foot at it, but skewed the ball harmlessly wide.

The next goal for the Suns wouldn't come from Sagoro though. It happened when the Suns were pushing forward, passing the ball around the area, trying to get a clear run in on goal. Castolo saw an opening and went for it, but was stopped. He managed to backpass the ball to Yohan Marris, Marris, who scored the only goal last time these team's met, proved once again too much for the Mantwenic keeper as he slammed a straight low shot past Barnes' knees. 3-1 and the Suns were on a roll. In the seventieth minute Horatio Montoya joined the party, scoring off a Harry Centena corner. 4-1.

It wasn't all over for Matwenic though. Silas Cromwell almost had a goal, but couldn't control the shot properly after an excellent pass from the midfield. But it was Alan Marringer who caused the trouble for the Suns, trying a chip shot that was headed out across the line by Julian Millet. Marringer then returned the favour by beating Millet to the header to score from the resulting corner. 4-2, and despite a desperate Mantwenic attempt to score again, it seemed the score was destined to end that way. But the Suns still had a few surprises up their sleeve. Georgio Bezana, substituted late in the game for Cedric St. John, came up with the goods in the eightieth minute to claim the Sun's fifth goal of the match, and Bezana's first in the blue shirt of Barunia. Georgio's goal came from the wings, a curving aerial cross that surprised everyone, including the keeper, by swinging in and landing in the net.

With little time left, Mantwenic mounted a desperate counter-offensive, but the Suns dealt with it and held on to win with their highest ever score in international competition. Next week we face the German American States, who the Suns defeated 1-0 last time they met. Will we able to do it again? I'll be covering the game as usual, so catch me on BNN or stay tuned here to find out!

[Legalese]

Keep Calm and Score On
Trio of goals saves Legalese embarrassment in Europa Brittania

When manager Stan Thate last addressed the media prior to the Legalese National Team’s departure for Europa Brittania, he had warned us that they were not to be trifled with.

“This is a team with a culture of winning, even if it is historical,” he had said. “They have two cups in the trophy case, and know how to win, even if it’s been a long time since they’ve done so. A bad day on our end, and we could be in trouble.”

For the first hour, it looked as if Legalese could fall into that trap. An uninspired first half closed with a bizarre goal by the home side, putting the favored visitors down one-nil. However, despite making no changes at the half - a move that surprised pundits nationwide - they were able to overcome the poor start, with veteran Jimmy Jay finally breaking through in the sixty-third minute, enroute to a three-to-one victory for the Legal Eagles.

“It’s a nice feeling to score - been longer than I care to admit”, Jay commented after the match. “I but sometimes you just have those long runs where the chances aren’t coming, and we just had that sort of afternoon, to start. Once we finally broke through late, the goals came when we needed them.”

Jay started the action, but wasn’t the only one to get in on it. Xavier Boyle tallied his fourth of qualifying, netting home the game-winner in the 68th minute on a breakaway started at midfield, when Cyrus Damhan intercepted and redirected a Brittanian attempt to play the ball forward. Damhan himself nearly added another tally to his seven on the year, but was denied by the right post in the 82nd minute. The rebound, which bounced off of a Brittanian defender and out of play, did set up a corner kick, taken by Jack Wayne. Wayne’s kick slipped through the goal area, finding Liam Todd’s head near the far post - a move that resulted in Todd’s third goal in ten matches.

“Corners? I love them,” the team’s senior defender said after the match. “I mean, my job is to prevent the goals usually, and that’s priority one, but if I can help give us a cushion on the other end from time to time, I’m gonna take it.”

The goal that started the scoring off in the 44th minute, however, will likely remain on the minds of most. A rare error by Damhan in the midfield led to a Europa Brittania turnover and breakaway, their lone forward going one-on-one with Legalese keeper Tarquin Waldrop. Waldrop started to come forward to close the angle on the striker and challenge the shot, only to be momentarily stopped in his tracks by what appeared to be an object thrown from the stands.

“Yeah, so I was setting up to make [the opposing striker] him earn his goal, and next thing I know, someone hits me with a piece of - well, meat, I guess is what you’d call it.” Waldrop said after the match. “The thing came apart on my leg, and sad to say, took my attention off the shooter. Next thing I know, the ball’s by me, and my leg has these little pink pieces of canned meat all over it.”

No action was taken on the play by referee Ludo Hotten of Wight, whom was shadowing the striker as he closed in on the play, or by Brittanian officials, who politely declined to comment on Waldrop’s tale of the events.

Legalese manager Stan Thate, however, was surprisingly happy to weigh in on the events.

“It’s a shame that a game can be ruined by a piece of spam, and worse when the match host sits idly by and does nothing about it,” Thate commented. “This is the type of behavior that leads to potential disaster. Fortunately, we overcame this time, but one hopes that these events will not set a dangerous precedent for the future.”

At any rate, the Legal Eagles prepare to face Starblaydia on their journey home, in a match that could very well determine the fate of Group Five. It will also be the first time Starblaydia has played in Legalese in just over a decade, with World Cup 60's qualifying session opening at the same site, and a 4-1 victory for the hosts.

[Maklohi Vai]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

Klaus had invited his friend Mukuno over on the advice of the coach. He told him what happened, and then they both agreed they should relax. They decided on Trondheim, the popular Viking nation-building game that the Norwegian immigrants had brought.

Shortly after pillaging a village, they heard a knock at the door. Klaus glanced over at Mukuno. "Should I....?" The response was a firm no.

There was another knock. They kept silent.

Another knock. "Come to the door, or we'll come to you."

Klaus looked at Mukuno. "Shit! Do you have a gun?"
"No, I don't. What do we do?"
"Stay silent?"
Mukuno nodded back.

The voice from behind the door came again. It was weary and slightly condescending. "We know you're there."

Klaus and Mukuno stayed silent.

"Open the door now, or we open it for you."

Klaus dialed 55555, entered 115 at the voice command, and then put his phone away.

"This is the last time we ask."

Mukuno looked at Klaus questioningly. He answered. "We're going to fight back. Hard." Klaus stood up, walked to the door, looked at Mukuno, and casually opened it to see two men standing there, one of them the same guy from the parking lot, and immediately punch the first guy in the face. The second man bull rushed Klaus, who was caught off guard and thrown against the wall. Mukuno rushed up and socked the guy in the stomach, making him double over but not lose it. He lifted his leg to aim for Mukuno's leg, but Klaus, still stunned and on the floor, but his arm in the way.

There was a sickening sound, as if cardboard with bubble wrap had been broken. Mukuno didn't hear it, however, as he was punching out the shocked attacker. Now both lay on the floor, out cold. Klaus, in his dazed state, slowly swiveled his head to look at his arm.

That wasn't what was broken.

He turned his head down slightly to look at the second man's right leg. It was cracked nearly in two pieces at the shin.

The police came within a minute, rounded up the two intruders and took them off for booking.

Klaus sat on the couch now.

"You want to call anyone?"

"Not now."

"Klaus, you gotta watch out."

"Yeah." He stared ahead. The World Cup was only in 4 days.

---

It was shortly before practice, the day before Maklohi Vai was set to play Mizuyuki in the opening round of World Cup qualifying. Klaus had been called into the coach's office.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, coach."

"You recovered from the intrusion?"

"Yes, I have."

"Good. I don't think they'll be coming back, hmm?"

"I sure hope not."

"You have any concerns about the World Cup?"

"Well I'm a little nervous."

"That's natural. Everyone is nervous, even veterans."

"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"Yes, there is. Klaus, you seem pretty comfortable and in sync with your teammates. Is that correct?"

"Yeah, I'm really getting in tune with them."

"Good, good. Because you're starting against Mizuyuki."

"Whaaaaaaa...."

"Yup, starting. You've earned it, use it well."

"Thank you so much, coach, I j---"

"Don't thank me, thank yourself. You've put in the work." He checked his watch. "Now it's time to practice, let's go."

---

Notes: "55555" is the emergency service number. It has specific numbers which correspond to an event if the caller cannot or does not want to speak. In this case, 115 signifies an intruder breaking into the house or threatening to break in imminently

[The Sovan Antithesis]

ALL HAIL MARGRET

Oath has been recited, so here is our schedule:

1. @ Karditan
L 1-3
2. Jedi8246
W 3-2
3. @ Saintland
L 2-5
4. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
W 3-2
5. @Sondstead
W 3-2
6. Aquitayne
W 4-3
7. @Sangti
L 1-2
8. @Narsora
W 2-1
9. Wight
L 1-3
10. Karditan
D 3-3
11. @Jedi8246
12. Saintland
13. @The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
14. Sondstead
15. @Aquitayne
16. Sangti
17. Narsora
18. @Wight

Remember when I was complaining about not having any draws in the first half? Now we begin the 2nd half with a draw. Karditan continues to struggle through qualification despite being a favorite to qualify. They opened with a 3-0 lead in the 1st half of the game, scoring on Red Trotski, Sweet Swing and Lightning Heart in the 30th, 37th, and 43rd minutes respectively. The 2nd half was all TSA though, as they re-grouped and dominated the ball, scoring in the 50th, 75th and 88th minute by 9718, and twice by 36300, respectively. Sadly, the comeback was a bit tardy, and the result was a measly tie.

We now present you, the daily census ranking for our group. Today, basket weaving.

1. Karditan (13)
2. Jedi8246 (4)
3. Sangti (2)
4. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec (-2)
5.Wight (-3)
6. The Sovan Antithesis (-4)
6. Aquitayne (-4)
8. Narsora (-5)
8. Saintland (-5)
10. Sondstead (-7)

And the running tally (10 for first, 9 for 2nd, etc.):
1. Karditan (66)
2. Jedi8246 (57)
3. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec (55)
4. Sondstead (52)
4. Wight (52)
6. Narsora (51)
7. Aquitayne (50)
8. Sangti (45)
9. The Sovan Antithesis (44)
10. Saintland (31)

[Turori]

Streaking Eels Keeping Pace
Darmeni Re-Match Staged to Decide Group 2

After the dissapointing setback of a defeat against Thatius that put the Turori Eels behind the proverbial 8-ball, Ematea Saenu's side has fought back boldly putting together a string of 5 consecutive victories to close out the first half of World Cup 65 qualifying, conceding just 1 goal in the process.

Hooizo Nuakoi of the Turoki Tide has certainly laid his claim on the #1 goalkeeper position for the Eels maintaining a perfect record in net since the Thatius defeat. Backup Ronji Miiastara, who has been rumored to be making a transfer away from Kiiarana City before the end of World Cup Qualification, conceded the Eels lone goal against in the past 5, a lone goal against Nekoni that only slightly dampened the excitement of one of the Eels best runs of form in recent World Cup Qualifying memory.

It was a potential bogey of a match for Turori against Stachland. After being defeated at home by Thatius, Saenu and the Eels were wary about dropping any more points and knew that if any team remaining on their first half schedule was to do it, it would be Stachland.

It was quite a tense affair for the majority of the match - Vrotaoa Lorasoiba's 31st minute goal requiring the Eels to hang on to that thread for nearly an hour's worth of action, worried at any moment that Stachland could snatch the equalizer that could make the difference between the Eel's having a chance to qualify for the World Cup, and not.

The tension was eased as full time approached when Raso Tareak latched on to a slotted pass from Jukkia Diijelhma and found the back of the net to seal the victory for Turori.

Tareak would score again to open the day against Nekoni on Matchday 7. Tareak's opener was responded to and coach Saenu will certainly not be pleased at having to wait until 15 minutes from time to re-take the lead, but Rikko Rawaai took care of business and secured 3 more points for the Eels who continued to keep pace with the leaders in Group 2.

Matchday 8 brought a comfortable victory for Turori, another clean sheet for Hooizo Nuakoi and a pair of goals from the strikers, Liinai Zakazaka and Anuh Ciniima. A narrow 1-0 victory against Albaie on the final matchday before the break critically left the Eels just 1 point behind Darmen at the top of Group 2, Setting up an epic matchday 11 clash between the two rivals whose relationship was strained even further after the Football Association of Turori's attempt to smuggle the Gibbon's family, Aaron, Abraham, Jake and Mikael ahead of the Eels Matchday 2 fixture in Darmen.

That match ended in a worthwhile draw for the Eels but perhaps some undesired political pressures from the Rushmori nation. Talks of boycotting the return leg in Turori from Darmeni supporters still hurt by the Gibbons' scandal have thus far fallen on deaf ears in Darmen - the match having far too large an implication on the Group 2 table to risk taking a foreiture on.

While the Football Association of Turori has been pushing many matches to be played at the new Eels Park stadium in Eelandii, the Darmeni clash will be held at the Cednia Beach Center in downtown Cednia allowing the maximum attendance for Eels fans and Maximum atmosphere to hopefully will the Eels to the three points that could send them to Saugeais and Pasarga.


Turori 2-0 Stachland
Turori Goalscorers::
31' Vrotaoa Lorasoiba
89' Raso Tareak

Turori

Best Player: Jukkia Diijelhma
Worst Player: Hooizo Nuakoi
Shots on Target: 4
Corner Kicks: 4


[b]Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Hooizo Nuakoi, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [UT] Restiaa Mumamba, [ML] Raso Tareak, [MC] Cediici Tzatzos, [MC] Rutaj Ranaso, [MR] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Jukkia Diijelhma
BENCH::
[FC] Loala Kigoouao, [FC] Anuh Ciniima, [M] Etamara Kulkkiia, [M] Tiika Diirotora, [UT] Mumau Atla-Siioai, [D] Noa-isinao Wioauoi, [GK] Ronji Miiastara

Turori 2-1 Nekoni
Turori Goalscorers::
35' Raso Tareak
75' Rikko Rawaii

Turori

Best Player: Yoains Konoaafeo
Worst Player: Lioniaa Tana
Shots on Target: 4
Corner Kicks: 3

Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Ronji Miiastara, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [UT] Restiaa Mumamba, [ML] Raso Tareak, [MC] Cediici Tzatzos, [MC] Rutaj Ranaso, [MR] Rikko Rawaii, [FC] Jukkia Diijelhma, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka
BENCH::
[FC] Loala Kigoouao, [FC] Matlya Eelador, [M] Jake Gibbons, [M] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba, [UT] Mumau Atla-Siioai, [D] Moia Fliporta, [GK] Hooizo Nuakoi

Turori Substitutions::
(45) - Jukkia Diijelhma >>> Jake Gibbons
(45) - Yoains Konoaafeo >>> Vrotaoa Lorasoiba

Turori 2-0 Lacus Magni
Turori Goalscorers::
29' Liinai Zakazaka
71' Anuh Ciniima

Turori

Best Player: Klaillal Tuirma
Worst Player: Hooizo Nuakoi
Shots on Target: 3
Corner Kicks: 4

Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Hooizo Nuakoi, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [UT] Klaillal Tuirma, [ML] Cediici Tzatzos, [MC] Etamara Kulkkiia, [MC] Tiika Diirotora, [MR] Rutaj Ranaso, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Loala Kigoouao
BENCH::
[FC] Jukkia Diijelhma, [FC] Anuh Ciniima, [M] Raso Tareak, [M] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba, [UT] Balariita Muzmaara, [D] Noa-isinao Wioauoi, [GK] Ronji Miiastara

Turori Substitutions::
(45) - Rutaj Ranaso >>> Anuh Ciniima
(45) - Klaillal Tuirma >>> Vrotaoa Lorasoiba
(68) - Hooizo Nuakoi >>> Ronji Miiastara


Turori 1-0 Albaie
Turori Goalscorers::
15' Raso Tareak

Turori

Best Player: Anuh Ciniima
Worst Player: Tiika Diirotora
Shots on Target: 2
Corner Kicks: 3

Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Hooizo Nuakoi, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [UT] Klaillal Tuirma, [ML] Raso Tareak, [MC] Cediici Tzatzos, [MC] Rikko Rawaii, [MR] Tiika Diirotora, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Anuh Ciniima
BENCH::
[FC] Jukkia Diijelhma, [FC] Inamari Altariiz, [M] Etamara Kulkkiia, [M] Rutaj Ranaso, [UT] Ronji Miiastara, [D] Noa-isinao Wioauoi, [GK] Mumau Atla-Siioai

Turori Substitutions::
(38) - Rikko Rawaii >>> Etamara Kulkkiia
(38) - Raso Tareak >>> Inamari Altariiz

[Sargossa]

SSM | Sargossan State Media
International Edition - Sport


Tonight's The Knight


Gonzalo Pereira reports from some horrible Oralanan backwater;

You see? This is exactly what is supposed to happen when a nation of the sporting calibre of Sargossa meets a minnow sporting a Oralana-esque score on the universal crapiness matrix. Although it does kind of beg the question, how on whateverplanetthisactuallyis did we manage to lose to this lot, at home no less, on the first matchday?

Needless to say the matchday 10 trip to Oralana was a wholly different affair. On another day the Corsairs would have been several goals to the good already before Ferreyra did finally open the scoring but a lack of composure in front of goal saw a number of chances spurned. That was until Medrán launched a long goalkick forward which was misjudged by the Oralanan defence, allowing Ferreyra to nip in behind them and slide the ball home. It was route one all the way but the travelling support couldn’t care less.

The match took on the guise of something resembling a glorified training session, such was the gulf in class between the champions of Rushmore and the world ranked three hundred and a bit. The home side did get a couple of corners to their name but both were comfortably dealt with by the Sargossan defence. At the other end Corsairs’ captain Alejandro Echeverría took advantage of the acres of space afforded him on the right edge of the penalty area to play a lofted ball into the danger zone. The diminutive form of Sebastián Canteros ghosted in to meet the cross with his head and direct it goalwards. Had the keeper been on his line he probably would have saved it but he’d wondered into no man’s land and could only watch on helplessly as the ball looped over him and into the unguarded net.

Canteros was having an excellent game and it would be the tricky winger who‘d polish it off with five minutes to go. The opposing right back had suffered a torrid time all match and the constant pressure told as he stumbled while trying to shield the ball from the man he marked. The slight trip was all Canteros need to steal the ball away and drive into the penalty area. As a centreback came across to cover Canteros touched it to the side and on his less favoured right foot drilled it towards the near post. The keeper got a hand to it but such was the force of the strike it tore through his grasp and rippled the back of the net. Three goals to zip and a job well done.

Particularly encouraging to coach Iarlaith Mag Aonghusa will be the form of his defenders who, after those two somewhat nervy performances against Super-Llamaland and Horusland, have now kept three successive clean sheets. In fact the team as a whole seem to have found themselves in a nice grove following an eighth win on the spin. And the timing couldn’t be better with the top seeded Taeshani Knights on their way to Soluca for a top of the table clash. The Purple Knights had looked imperious in the early stages of the campaign, running away with Group 1 at one stage. But a couple of disappointing draws and a shock defeat to Friday Freshman have seen the Corsairs overhaul their Rushmori rivals at the top of the group. But we’ll be taking nothing for granted against a nation whose defensive prowess now rivals that of Rejistania or the Yaforites. Let’s not forget they disposed of Sargossa with consummate ease in Atlantea. Just like they did during the qualification campaign for World Cup 63, before losing in Sargossa on the final matchday.

Let history repeat.

[Kinitaria]

A History of Kinitar Football in Eighteen Objects
Ten: The banner

Everyone recognised that football in Kinitaria was changing, whether for better or for worse. Not just the rules of the game, but now, the culture, resembled that which might be recognisable to a modern fan. Grand stadiums stood all across the country, the temples and cathedrals of this new religion of football which had captured the hearts of so many in Kinitaria. Money was very much a part of the game now, with it being commonplace for fans to be heard griping about the latest ticket price increase or new national transfer record. In addition, multi-millionaire owners tried to propel a select few ultra-rich clubs into the footballing elite, and were often succeeding. The culture of fans' resistance also existed, and as we have seen already, fans were able to win out against their clubs' owners by means of concerted effort and mass protest, something which has been endemic in the Kinitar national culture for centuries. Crucially, it was becoming increasingly apparent that the game of football could not exist in isolation. Football clubs were now a part of their communities, and these communities were changing. The game was about to be dragged into a new era by the society of which it had become an integral part.

The history of Kinitar society, to paraphrase left-wing literature, is a history of class struggle. The battle between the haves and the have-nots has always been visible, spattered across the pages of Kinitar history. From the first kings of the nation and the peasant revolts against the same, through to the revolution which overthrew Bojan V, the last king of the nation, the battle of the classes has always been present. Since 3354, Kinitaria had been, constitutionally, a democratic republic, but whether this classification bore any relation to reality is dubious. The franchise was initially extended only to male landowners over the age of 30, and although this had been gradually expanded in the years since, the legal right to vote was still heavily biased in favour of the male-dominated aristocracy. Even by 3425, only approximately 0.8% of adult women in Kinitaria could vote, and about 37% of adult men. The vast, disenfranchised lower class - the lumpenproletariat - represented a plurality of Kinitar society at the time, and they frequently expressed their dissatisfaction over many issues, not only their lack of political franchise, but also the long hours they were expected to work in poor conditions. Mining and shipbuilding, two professions that were (and often still are) incredibly dangerous, employed a large proportion of the Kinitar workforce, and in some areas, were almost the sole employers.

Adding to the woes of the lower classes at the time was the dismal state of Kinitaria's economy. Inflation was typically high (and it could practically be guaranteed that any wage increases that were granted would not be in line with inflation), with a rate standing at around 20% year on year. In real terms, the wage of the average worker was falling with respect to inflation. Deplorable living conditions were also commonplace, with tens of thousands of people living in vast slums in almost all of Kinitaria's main cities. But the government, a directly elected parliament known as the National Assembly, was unwilling to do anything about the problem. Simply put, the aristocratic, Conservative-dominated chamber was out of touch with the conditions faced by the ordinary worker. And the Kinitar people had had enough. On Labour Day 3427, up to a million people reportedly marched through the capital city of Mi'ato. Their aims were wide and varying, but the general cause of the demonstration was a better deal for the working class. These protests turned violent when faced down by the police. In the end, they were suppressed by the army. Troops fired on unarmed demonstrators, and 83 of the protestors died.

This crisis frequently spilled over into football. Most prominently, a number of clubs gained political affiliations, which they often retain to this day. Unione de Fule, a club that was formed in the first place as an expression of popular protest, existed in a Communist stronghold. Correspondingly, a large number of their fans had links to far-left ideology, and left-wing political flags and banners began to appear at their games. But Kinitar society was polarising on both the left and right. Olimpia Mi'ato, who had often been seen as the club of the Kinitar bourgeoisie, began to take on a much more frightening line. Reports exist from as early as around 3425 of Olimpia fans carrying far-right and fascist banners at their games, and these same fans were frequently observed making fascist gestures in the stands. The response of the Federation was predictably lukewarm. The Federation has always, right up to the modern day, taken a laissez-faire approach to the behaviour of fans, choosing to treat all manner of violence and hooliganism as "all part of the game". As such, nothing was done to halt the display of extremism from both left and right in the Kinitar game.

Meanwhile, Kinitar society was falling apart. Chaos reigned on the streets as members of the Red Fighting League - the paramilitary wing of the Communist Party - confronted their political opponents on the street. Members of the far-right were just as responsible, if not even more so, for perpetuating political violence in Kinitaria's towns and cities, with fascist cadres often seen marching through Mi'ato and other major cities and bringing a campaign of intimidation against those unfortunate enough to fall on the wrong side of their growing numbers. The government had abandoned all illusions of having control, and it was not uncommon to see the State's own paramilitary wing - for the Kinitar state could not be said to have a functional army at this point - engaged in street combat with the extremist organisations. Inflation was through the roof, with prices doubling on average every month. Mass protests and strikes paralysed civilisation in Kinitaria as food shortages reached critical levels. All the government could do was frantically appeal for calm. This, surprisingly enough, didn't work.

Footballers spoke of the intimidation that they faced when playing against the fiercely partisan crowds at the time. Ciumi Talmar, Junulara Fojvalva's star centre back for almost a decade, wrote in his autobiography that "the most hostility I ever faced was when we played away to Damaciu, a club whose fans had attracted a reputation for right-wing violence. Before the game, as someone who was known to have participated in socialist political activities, I had death threats sent to me from Damaciu fans, describing in graphic detail what they would do to me and my family". Talmar goes on to describe the climate of hostility during the game itself, reporting that he had missiles thrown at him from the home end behind the goal throughout the first half. "The referee didn't want to know," he continued. "When I made my concerns known, I was told to just get on with the game. We thought the score much less important than getting out of there safely, but Roman Pavlov scored near the end and we drew 1-1. Had we won, I honestly think there would have been a riot."

Talmar was not alone in voicing his concerns. Many of the game's leading figures could sense that things were about to get out of hand in a major way. The spark that lit the blue touch paper would come in a Northern League Division One clash between Universita Tirinthea and Paleu in 3427. While Paleu were a club who were very much in touch with the right-wing element of their support, and the city itself was a hotbed of militant fascist activity, Universita Tirinthea had certainly kept in contact with their roots as a team based in the left-wing revolutionary student tradition. Adding fuel to the fire was the fact that the two cities are no more than 15 miles apart, and already contested a significant local rivalry even without the additional tension. Come the day of the game, some ten thousand away fans made the journey from Paleu to Tirinthea, where an unofficial home crowd of 45,000 awaited them in the 40,000 capacity arena. Somehow, everyone who showed up was herded into their respective terrace. Before the game, the tense atmosphere was already apparent as chants were exchanged between the rival sets of fans and provocative banners were unfurled.

Policing and security were scarce at the game. That was usually the case in Kinitaria, for football fans had usually behaved themselves with admirable conduct in any case. But this was an extraordinary match for all the wrong reasons. Paleu kicked off into a wall of intimidation. Fans on both sides chanted death threats to the fans and players on the opposite side, but that wasn't especially unusual in the heightened political climate of the time. Four minutes into the game, Paleu went in front. The game got underway again, but it soon became apparent that something was wrong. Specifically, Universita Tirinthea fans had breached the thin line of security separating them from their opposite numbers, their enemies, and a full-scale brawl was now erupting in the stands. The unfortunate referee, one Segel Mirancič, was left with no option but to take the teams off the field. The players had to sprint into the dressing rooms (no security escorts in those days), as fans of both sides chose that moment to spill onto the pitch and continue their brawl there. The chaos was only brought to an end when the army was brought into the stadium to separate the warring factions. Hundreds of people were arrested, and given the scale of what went on, it was perhaps remarkable that there were only seven recorded fatalities.

The Federation was backed into a corner. It had to be seen to act, and take decisive action against the shocking scenes in Tirinthea. Instead, it issued both teams with a fine of 500,000 hirin (about 1,000 NSD), and issued a statement in which it deplored violence in all its forms and stated that it strongly opposed political groups infiltrating football clubs or using football as a means to achieve their own political ends. This was widely seen as the Federation being ineffective as usual, and it's hard to disagree. But there would be reciprocation from the authorities. The Kinitar government decided to take action of their own accord, introducing a new law - the first that dealt directly with football. It provided that football clubs which were unable to control the behaviour of their supporters would face being outlawed as an organisation which promoted political extremism. While this seems a harsh measure on the surface, the Kinitar government at the time had only limited power even within its own country, and no club was ever convicted under the new law. The supporters who had participated in the rioting at Tirinthea - and, later, elsewhere around the country - could easily be convicted under laws which prohibited political extremism. Indeed, these laws were very often used against football fans who had participated in politically minded activity in the stands. But for the democratically elected government of Kinitaria, it was their act of desperation, brought into force when there was nothing left that they could do against the rising tide of extremism.

The battle against extremism would go on for years. But the political climate of the country was so fragile that anything the Federation could think of doing would do nothing to reduce tensions, either on the stands or on the streets of Kinitaria's cities. This was solely a matter for the national government to deal with, and the Federation were perfectly happy to leave them to it. But it soon became apparent that the national government couldn't do anything about it either. History was being made in Kinitaria. The Federation was powerless in its wake, and all that the nation's football clubs could do was to go along for the ride. Problem is, not all of them were on board, which caused problems given that the nation was about to change forever.

[Sargossa]

Presidential Palace, Soluca

“Out of the way!” The suited figure yelled as he sprinted down one of the long corridors that ran through the heart of Sargossan power. “Bloody move!”

Knots of admin staff parted before him like some colourfully labelled body of water from a work of popular fiction as he ate up the yards between him and his destination. A small concern broke through his panic as he entered the inner workings of the palace, in his rush from the office he now wasn’t entirely sure whether he'd picked up his security pass on the way out. Still, surely they’d know his face. And recognise the fact he was on a hugely important errand of state. It would be fine.

* * * * * * * * * *

Gregorio Emparán, President of the glorious Sargossan Republic, carefully placed his pen onto the ornate surface of his desk, the disturbance outside his office couldn’t be ignored any longer, no matter how hard he tried.

“Elena!”

The door to his office opened just wide enough to allow his executive assistant to squeeze through it. She shut it again immediately, her body planted firmly against it.

“Excellency?”

“What is going on?”

“Errr . . . nada.”

“Elena.”

“There’s one of Minister Dorival’s data analysts outside. He has some economic figures that he’s . . . errr . . . keen for you to see.”

“Ok.” Gregorio made a futile attempt to massage some of the stress from his temples. “I suppose it’s the only way I’m going to get any work done this morning. Show him in.”

Elena opened the door, a tangle of bodies fell straight through it to land with a thud on the plush presidential carpet. In the one arm that was free from the three soldiers who were desperately trying to subdue the suited analyst he waved a piece of paper through the air.

“Let him up.” Gregorio gestured at his guards as they helped the aide to his feet. “And wait outside. You.” He pointed at the panting figure. “The floor is yours.”

“Excellency . . . figures.” The analyst was having trouble catching his breath, the sprint and subsequent tussle taking their toll. “Econ . . . omic . . . stats. Kard . . . i . . .tan.”

“Ugh, them.” Emparán’s predecessor in the Presidential Palace had overseen a series of financial reforms that had made the nation into the economic powerhouse of Rushmore. There hadn’t been a single industrial sector that Sargossa didn’t dominate. That was until those pony loving Karditanis had shown up. Now the malign influence of that corporate bordello was slowly yet steadily eroding the Sargossan stranglehold on Rushmori trade.

“So what have they taken now? Trout? Cheese? Cruddy cars? What?” He reached for the elegant basket of muffins that catered for his snacking needs during those hard days in the office. “At least I’ve still got you. They can take our soda pop but they’ll never take our basket weaving.”

The analyst just stared at his own feet, unwilling to even glance in the direction of his leader.

Gregorio felt a chill run through him, he turned the tightly woven basket over in his hands, muffins and crumbs rained down onto his paperwork and keyboard. “Oh my G . . . Noooooo!”

He throw it to the floor, it rolled for a few feet before settling downside up. Written on the base in neat little lettering were three damning words.

Made in Karditan

[Qazox]

Unknown Stadium, Borealia-

Just like the qualification opener, Qazox beat Borealia to open the 2nd half of qualifying, this time by the score of 4 to 3. A pair of goals from Erika Bastille (32' & 56') sparked the comeback after trailing 2-nil after 18 minutes. But the hot, humid conditions wore both teams down considerably, leading to much sloppier play from both teams over the final half-hour.

Qazox took the lead in the 74th when Remy Folk waltzed past two panting Borealian defensemen, but allowed a tying goal just 5 minutes later. The tying goal came after Ollie Teanis fell flat on his face chasing down a loose ball deep in the Wolves' end, and the home side had a 4 on 2 advantge. Tied at 3-all, it seemed like another draw was looming for Qazox; however an own goal by a Borealian defenseman , a header that bounced the wrong way during a corner kick.

Now comes the big one, the home game vs. Valladares at Qazian Memorial Stadium. A win would put the Wolves 7 points clear of the pre-qualifying favorites with 7 games to go. Not an insurmountable lead by any means, but the psychological damage to Valladares will be tough to overcome.

GOALS:
Borealia- 7'
Borealia- 18'
Bastille- 32'
Bastille- 56'
Folk- 74'
Borealia- 79'
Qazox (Borealian OWN GOAL)- 87'

[German-Spanish Empire]

The Hawks Roster-
Defenders:
Julian Juarez
Darryl Johnson
Wayne Stephens

Midfielders:
Johan Streisberg
Dennis Schmidt
Pedro Gonzlaez

Attackers:
Yunel Ferdinand
Miguel Rios
Jose Martinez

Goalkeeper:
Franz Bramer

Coaching Staff:
Head Coach-Victor Rios
Assistant-Karl Bachstädter
Assistant-Thomas Weiss

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose My Goalscorers: Yes
Godmod Scoring Events: Yes
RP Injuries to My Players:No
Godmod Injuries to My Players:No
Hand Out Yellow Cards to My Players: Yes
Hand Out Red Cards to My Players:No
Godmod Other Events: Yes

[Zwangzug]

(OOC: Parody source here. Apologies for the unoriginal ending, but it had to be done.)

Zwangzug had shut out Aels the first time around, to the delight of the home fans. Those who made the trip out for the return leg...well, they did like to sing. And they were pleased, on the whole, not to have been defeated, despite the defensive performances. In fact, it was much like the end of the previous qualifiers from Zwangzug, when strong defense had given way to the 4-4 scoreline.

As chants went, it was perhaps not the most insulting, but the nationalistic particularity was a bit surprising by Zwangzug's standards. Mostly, they were just exasperated at the defense.

The day's theme of leads-that-could-not-be-held began with Kerry flicking in a pass from Davi. After that, however, Marc Powell would set up Bryn Thomas for the equalizer. Aels tried to take the momentum over, after that, but despite their speed in the midfield, they often lost control of the ball. And, tentatively, the visting fans broke into song...

Three men went a-hunting
And something they did find
They came upon a football
And that they left behind
The Snorthern said it was a football
The Weegie he said nay
The Aelshman said it was a globe
With the borders drawn the wrong way.

Aels, nevertheless, got their pace under control. Rhodri Evans was in control in midfield, winning several challenges with Davi and Joan. Eventually, he was able to set up Aled Jones, who fended off Shula (still in for Ted, though he'd returned to practice on occasion), and scored. After Jerzy came up for a corner, he would tie it for Zwangzug, although the Aelsh team quickly regained momentum again. Little could be said for Zwangzug's defense, and yet, impressively, Aels missed several of their shots for the remainder of the half. It was a small relief for Zwangzug.

Three men went a-hunting
And something they did find
They came upon a goal net
And that they left behind
The Snorthern said it was a goal net
The Weegie he said nay
The Aelshman said it was a hammock
With the net set up the wrong way.

The opening goals in the third half had the air of inevitability about them. Joan was coming forward on the attack again, approached by youngster Owen Griffiths, a defender even more obscure than poor Steven Andrews of the first leg. The collision was clumsy, the location too close to the newly-home goal for comfort, the penalty duly slotted home by Yuuki. 3-2. Undaunted, Aels fell back on the time-tested plan of just sending it forward to Elwyn Richard, a strategy which paid off in the equalizer. Perhaps a selfish, but effective, leadership style. At any rate, it wouldn't shut the fans up...

Three men went a-hunting
And something they did find
They came upon an armband
And that they left behind
The Snorthern said it was an armband
The Weegie he said nay
The Aelshman said it was a handcuff
With the links all cut away.

Both defenses were exhausted. Several newcomers had been substituted on, to say nothing of the midfields, and Zwangzug thought they'd take the lead one more time through Xolani. It was not to be; Gethin Evans passed forward to Marc Powell, who scored for the hosts, and by then even the referees were tired. Not so the fans, who were still trying to figure out whether they'd get to host any lower-altitude matches in the second half. Just in case, one more send-off for the two sides...

Three men went a-hunting
And something they did find
They came upon Zwischen
And that they left behind
The Snorthern said it was Zwischen
The Weegie he said nay
The Aelshman said it's the end of the world
Let's go back the other way.

So they did, to find out that indeed, their next qualifier would be played in the capital. Specifically, "Zwischen S^3." Yes, that was the name of the stadium. Yes, it was probably just as good as if not an improvement on its predecessor. The standards were not set very high.

[Kalumba]

On The Lash With The Lads

Well the unbeaten run is gone, and so is my two years free from imprisonment, but thakfully 'normality' has returned. After the 2-0 defeat to Mashiki spirits dropped and it appeared that we would once again return to the losing ways which have so plagued us in the past and with a difficult game against Slembana coming up gloom filled the air.

But then joy of joys, we produced a decent post-defeat performance ad pulled off a closeo 1-1 all draw and watched Big Terry score the only goal of his career so far. Despite the good performance we trailed by a goal with just a few minutes to play and it's the usual story, team losing vital game by a goal, gets a last minute corner, up comes the keeper and an equaliser. But for once it wasn't quite the usual scramble in the goalmouth, instead Slembana cleared and it looked all over but Anderson nodded the ball out wide to Ottbourne who had decided to stay forwards, probably well aware his old legs would never get him back in time to do much if Slembana had broken. Instead he nutmegged a defender and pushed to the byline and attempted a cross, which he sliced horribly as he slipped arse over tit and looped into the far corner of the net. While the stadium and team erupted in celebration Ottbourne just raised an apologetic hand to his opposite number, reinforcing the class he brings to the game.

While a great moment it did land me in the nick for the night and I was dragged in front of the magistrate the following morning still highly intoxicated. The charge you ask? Take a wild guess, yep. Drinking alcohol within sight of the pitch. I know full well it is illegal and I am not protesting my arrest, or subsequent 250 Shilling fine, but the rule. I have only ever once disturbed a game when I was drunk, and that was in company of the rest of the stadium so can hardly be blamed on my drinking. I attend every rugby ad cricket match Kalumba take part in and don't get in trouble there when I drink, so why does it happen at football? Because the FA see us all as scum, hooligans or as they officially describe us 'Prominent Delinquents'. So because of their biased views we are segregated, forced not to drink and banned from standing. So log story short 'I dun wrong, but it wasn't me fault. Honest guv.'

Then came last nights masterfull display against Shadowbourne in which we emerged the clear winner and deservedly so. Sadly I was unable to watch the match, as the magistrate is yet to decide on whether to ban me from all football grounds or not, so I had to catch it on the wireless. And we sounded good and Kahali was in good voice so it all bodes well for the next few games, I will do all I can to give you a report or two but due to my incarceration and trips in and out of court I cannot promise anything major column wise in the next few days.

Mr Spleen

O, as a now convicted felon it is even more important to ignore Mr Spleen in his entirety and not associate them with Kalumba.

[Saintland]

OOC: I found 2 errors in my stats list in my factbook. I must have forgotten to add the Vagionius and Prince Andreas goals against Gordonopia to their totals because both of them had 1 more goal than they were credited for. I have once again used Aquitayne's BoF roster, since Aquitayne has not posted a roster in the World Cup thread.

Saintland 1, Aquitayne 0

(SP) After an extended stay in Sondstead, the Kingdom of Saintland National Soccer Team came out flat against Aquitayne. For the better part of the match, neither team could convert their scoring opportunities. Things finally changed in the final minutes when Stephanus Vagionius scored in the 90th minute to give the Sanctii a critical victory against one of the weakest teams in Group 16. "All day long, we just couldn't get our shots on target. Everything seemed to be going wrong and I know I wasn't the only one of us to be worried that we'd actually play Aquitayne to a scoreless draw. However, I put all of that behind me in the 90th minute. When [Prince] Andreas sent that corner right to me, I knew I absolutely had to score on that opportunity and I did. We didn't win in our first 3 road matches, but fortunately we are undefeated at home and have taken 13 out of 15 points so far. I am certain that God is watching over us in this second attempt at World Cup qualifying. What else explains the Wight draw against Narsora or Karditan's struggles? While the Jedis seem to be sticking around, we're now just a point out of second and 2 points out of first. If we can just win all 8 of our remaining matches, we would be guaranteed qualification into the World Cup and would not have to worry about a playoff. We could use a few days off before the World Cup begins, so we need to keep on winning and we will, God willing." - Stephanus Vagionius

In a surprising turn of events, Aquitayne started the match in an attacking mode. The Sanctii defenders were making their fair share of mistakes. In the 4th minute, Lucas Aufidius chased after the ball too aggressively, allowing Neil Gram to go through the gap and take a shot at goal. Alessandro Seius saved the shot. Several minutes later, Kurt Hawkin took his shot at the goal. Seius once again saved it. Aquitayne took shot after shot for the opening half hour of the match, but each and every Aquitayne shot was either off-target or saved by Alessandro Seius. The climactic scoring opportunity for Aquitayne came on a corner kick following the 3rd or 4th Max Widley shot of the day that did not result in a goal. Aquitayne's corner went to Matthew Godines and Godines headed it toward the net. However, Alessandro Seius still got to it and was able to not only get a hand on the header, but also hold onto it. Seius got back up and booted it deep downfield to deny the Aquitayne scoring chance.

The tide began to turn somewhat toward the end of the first half. As the clock reached the 40th minute, the Sanctii finally got forward on their first serious attack of the day. Petrus Flaccus crossed to Prince Andreas and the Prince of Saintland forced Liam Kneasson to concede a corner. His corner went into the back of the box, where a leaping Paulus Flaccus just missed it and Andre Badalamenti headed it away to empty space in midfield. There was a mad scramble for the ball and the first man to get there was Georgius Catiotus. Catiotus passed forward, finding Petrus Mamilius. Mamilius took a shot, which deflected off the left leg of Cody Kilian toward Prince Andreas. The Prince of Saintland took a shot and it looked certain to go in, but Javier Herrman just so happened to stumble into the path of the ball. The ball hit the Aquitayne defender's back and suddenly ended up at Badalamenti's feet. The midfielder booted the ball away and the Sanctii had blown a scoring chance.

Halftime soon arrived. The score was scoreless and the Sanctii had not looked like much of an offensive side today. Prince Andreas decided to make some risky substitutions at halftime, removing Matthaeus Belaeus and Georgius Catiotus. In their place, he brought in Paulus Gabinius and Ioannes Gratus. Suddenly, the Sanctii were playing a 3-3-1-3 formation in the second half. However, this 3-3-1-3 formation had just a single center back. Prince Andreas even decided to continue playing the Poenius brothers as quasi-midfielders, so the Sanctii formation now bordered on a 1-5-1-3.

After halftime, the Sanctii were absolutely dominant against their weaker opposition, but they still just could not score goals. It was only a handful of minutes after the half until Lucas Aufidius set up a Stephanus Vagionius scoring chance. The Vagionius shot would hit the post. Paulus Gabinius got the rebound and took a shot off the rebound. He put it to the far side, just past the arms of Liam Kneasson and it appeared that the backup Sanctii striker had put the Sanctii up. However, the referee put up his flag for offside. The goal would not count.

As the hour mark approached, Prince Andreas made his own attempt at scoring a goal. The Prince of Saintland skillfully evaded the Aquitayne defenders to get into a one-on-one situation with Liam Kneasson. He shot hard and in the top right corner. Kneasson barely got to it, getting a hand on it to send it out for a corner. Prince Andreas took the corner and it landed at the feet of Ioannes Gratus. Gratus took a shot, but it was saved by Kneasson. The Sanctii had once again failed to score a goal.

This would continue to be the case for the better part of the second half, although Aquitayne did get a counter-attack in the 82nd minute. After Ioannes Gratus faked a shot and Kneasson bought the fake, Kenneth Menega intercepted the pass intended for Paulus Gabinius. Menega booted the ball clear to the other side of the pitch. Matthew Thakkar got to the ball first, heading it down to Neil Gram. Gram ran forward as fast as he could and passed to a barely onside Max Widley. Widley took a shot at the goal of Alessandro Seius and Seius somehow came down with it. Seius tossed it out to Ioannes Poenius and Poenius made his way down the wing to try once again to produce a Sanctii scoring chance, which would once again amount to nothing.

The Sanctii would finally get on the board in the 90th minute. Prince Andreas had once again evaded Aquitayne's defenders to get into scoring position. This time, the Prince of Saintland took a shot at goal and Liam Kneasson knocked it out for a corner, which was the 11th Sanctii corner of the match. On this 11th corner of the match, Prince Andreas aimed for Stephanus Vagionius. The Sanctii striker put his head on the ball, sending it past Kneasson and into the back of the net. The Sanctii began celebrating. They had just scored a goal and taken a 1 to nil lead, just seconds before the beginning of added time. Prince Andreas chose not to bring in any substitutions. Aquitayne made one last desperate effort to score a goal, but a skillful tackle by Lucas Aufidius ended that goal scoring opportunity and the Sanctii wasted the remainder of the clock. The Kingdom of Saintland had escaped a scare in Aquitayne with a 1 goal to nil victory on a last-minute goal by Stephanus Vagionius. The goal had been the 25th international goal of Vagionius's career.

With the victory, the Sanctii now have a record of 6 wins, 2 draws and 2 defeats. That is good for 20 points, which is 3rd in the Group 16 standings. Jedi8246 defeated Sangti today to remain in 2nd with 21 points. The other 3 matches in Group 16 ended in draws, including a shocking 2 to 2 draw between lowly Narsora and group leaders Wight. Wight now has 22 points. If the Wightlings continue to leave those extra 2 points on the table, that could prove quite costly. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec and The Sovan Antithesis are now tied for 4th with 16 points, so there is now significant separation between the top 3 teams in the Group 16 table and the remainder of the group. Tomorrow, the Sanctii will host Sangti at Royal Stadium, with a chance to all but eliminate the Sangtians from any hope of qualifying for the World Cup. Wight will be visiting under-performing Karditan. The other important Group 16 match during the 11th day of qualifying for World Cup 65 will see Jedi8246 hosting the Sovan Antithesis. While the Sanctii will attempt to take care of business against Sangti, they will be hoping for victories by Karditan and the Antithesis. Such a scenario would put our Kingdom's National Soccer Team atop Group 16 with 7 days remaining. Tomorrow's match between Sangti and the Kingdom of Saintland will be broadcast live on Royal One. Tickets have already sold out at Royal Stadium, so be sure to tune into Royal One if you don't have a ticket to the match. We will soon find out whether the Sanctii can beat a team that held them to a scoreless draw during the first half of qualifying. Since the Jedis don't seem to be fading, yet, the Sanctii will need to keep on winning to stay on the pace in Group 16.

---

Feministvs Sanctvsterra releases blasphemous "song" on Sanctustube

(SP) The domestic terrorist organization Feministvs Sanctvsterra has struck again. Earlier today, under the alias "Cantvs Feministvs," the terrorist organization released a blasphemous music video on Sanctustube. This "song," which was stylistically similar to a Cantus Virginum song, was paired with a music video which shows several known members of Feministvs Sanctvsterra dancing blasphemously in the St. Petrus Cathedral. "When we received multiple reports earlier today that a Feministvs Sanctvsterra propaganda video had been posted on Sanctustube, we acted immediately to disable access to the video. Copies of the video were immediately made and sent to the King's Government. We are disappointed that Feministvs Sanctvsterra members chose to use our service in violation of our terms of service, which are written in easy-to-read Latin and clearly state that all videos which are illegal in Saintland must enable the region-blocking feature. As it is not permissible to upload region-block enabled videos within the Kingdom, nobody is permitted to upload such videos from within the Kingdom. We have determined that the video was uploaded from an IP address located within the Kingdom and we have terminated the account that was used to post this illegal video. By the time this article reaches the presses, the authorities will likely have arrested the individual responsible for uploading this illegal video." - Ioannes Liburnius, Founder/CEO of Sanctustube

Feministvs Sanctvsterra is an unlawful organization within the Kingdom of Saintland. The organization first emerged several months ago when they blockaded the streets of St. Paulus on a Sunday morning, preventing the people of St. Paulus from getting to their Church of Saintland services on time that morning. As part of the King's Decree of January 31st, which also appointed Sister Polus as the High Inquisitor at Progress High School, among other things, Feministvs Sanctvsterra and all similar organizations were outlawed. As His Majesty wrote on that day, "The organization Feministvs Sanctvsterra and all similar organizations are outlawed. It is now illegal to join, financially support or otherwise aid any such illegal organization. Anybody who has knowledge of the membership, supporters or plans of such organizations and fails to report it to the authorities will be regarded as a supporter of the organization."

After that Decree, Feministvs Sanctvsterra went into hiding for over a month. They re-emerged to travel to Vaugania to compete in a mixed-gender "sport" called korfball. The 2nd World Korfball Classic was held in that nation and saw Feministvs Sanctvsterra defeat New Sideburn in the finals. Research by the SP has discovered that one of the New Sideburn korfball "athletes" is a cousin of the infamous thug Lukas Strongnesse. During that event, Feministvs Sanctvsterra uploaded korfball videos to Sanctustube and sent out so many unsolicited emails promoting their videos within the Kingdom that Royal ISP was down for an entire day.

Feministvs Sanctvsterra would re-emerge within the Kingdom around the middle of World Cup qualifying last time around. They repeatedly disrupted home qualifiers for the Sanctii, pulling a number of stunts, most of which were, in and of themselves, illegal. This included hijacking a television station, blockading streets following World Cup qualifiers and hacking into the Royal Stadium speakers to make it appear that Cantus Virginum was singing a blasphemous and seditious song. They even took their clothes off, jumped the rail and ran around the pitch naked!

These disruptions continued during the early days of the last World Bowl. During the 3rd quarter of a gridiron game against Euskirribakondara that saw the prolific Sanctii offense, led by heir to the Throne Prince Petrus, put up 67 points, a number of Feministvs Sanctvsterra members ran onto the Royal Stadium field and took off their clothing. Those members of Feministvs Sanctvsterra would be arrested by the police and are currently doing the time for their crimes in the maximum-security wing of the Royal Prison for Women. However, at that time, a number of Feministvs Sanctvsterra members stormed into the St. Petrus Cathedral. This was apparently the time when that video was filmed.

Shortly thereafter, those same Feministvs Sanctvsterra members that appeared in the video left the Kingdom to protest at the Cup of Harmony in Apox and the Licentian Isles. After spreading falsehoods and half-truths about our Kingdom and God's True Church at the CoH, Feministvs Sanctvsterra disappeared for a long time. During the Cup of Harmony, Sister Polus had provided information to the St. Ioannes Police that led to the arrest of an entire cell of Feministvs Sanctvsterra terrorists. Since then, there has been no Feministvs Sanctvsterrra activity within the Kingdom that we are aware of, so the news that this video was posted from within the Kingdom is alarming.

The terrorists that appear in the video were seen in Cassadaigua during the World Baseball Classic, attempting to incite the women of that nation against our Kingdom. That didn't prove to be a very difficult task, as Cassadaigua is home to women who, to a woman it seems, rebel against their Nature and their Creator. They left Cassadaigua a day before Saugeais eliminated the Sanctii from the WBC and were last seen competing in the Free Republics, where the 3rd edition of that World Korfball Classic abomination was held. Feministvs Sanctvsterra finished 3rd, losing to New Sideburn in the semi-finals. New Sideburn went on to be finish second in that thing again, but in KPB's latest korfball rankings New Sideburn is ranked first in the world.

At this moment, it is unknown if the "Cantvs Feministvs" video has been uploaded anywhere else. Hopefully, it isn't uploaded on VousTube or whatever the New Montreal States call their wannabe Sanctustube, but it probably is. That site first became prominently known in our Kingdom when somebody from New Montreal States downloaded a video of a Sister Polus lecture that was never intended to be uploaded to Sanctustube. Although they have apparently taken it down, as of this moment, that is very controversial in their nation and their courts are apparently taking their time to decide whether the videos should be up or down. For some reason, they don't seem to believe in speedy trials.

It seems like Feministvs Sanctvsterrra is on the verge of a re-emergence. This is a worrying sign for our Kingdom. We don't know when or where they will strike next, but we know to expect Feministvs Sanctvsterra. One can only pray that God will be with us and that He will help the authorities capture the members of Feministvs Sanctvsterra. We cannot afford another reign of terror by those God-denying terrorists.

---

Immigration

Saintland's immigration laws are drastically different from those of most nations. There are several different legal statuses that non-citizens of Saintland can hold. Those are Visitor, Foreign Resident and Immigrant statuses. Each status has its own advantages and disadvantages, so anybody wishing to visit Saintland should make a decision regarding what status they wish to seek before departing for the Kingdom.

Visitor status is the one that most travelers to Saintland will want. Visitor status is highly recommended by Lonely Multiverse for anybody who intends to stay in Saintland for fewer than 90 days. As a Visitor to Saintland, you are given relative leeway, as the Sanctii authorities recognize that most Visitors are not aware of the nuances of Saintland's laws. Visitors are also completely exempt from a number of laws, including the mandatory Church attendance law. Visitors are permitted to rent, rather than buy, appropriate clothing for women and female Visitors are the only women permitted to leave Saintland unaccompanied by a male relative or authority figure.

In a nation like Saintland where there are numerous morality laws that travelers are unlikely to be aware of, it is highly beneficial if the authorities understand that you are not from around there. Although Visitors have to pay a small fee to get Visitor status, it is worth it. In Saintland, the authorities maintain a list of every Visitor in the Kingdom and they also require visitors leaving the Kingdom to identify themselves. Staying longer than 90 days while you have a Visitor status is not allowed. If you are a Visitor to Saintland and discover that you will have to stay longer than 90 days, it is highly recommended to contact the King's Government immediately and request foreign resident status. Those that overstay, while possessing Visitor status, are committing a crime, albeit a crime that is considered relatively minor. Still, a "minor crime" in Saintland is not something you want to be convicted of. Overstaying while a Visitor can result in several hours in the pillory, although the authorities will usually permit an overstaying Visitor to choose either foreign resident status or deportation.

Foreign residents are legally considered long-term visitors to Saintland. They live in Saintland, work in Saintland and pay taxes to the King's Government, but they are neither citizens nor are they attempting to become citizens. They are permitted freedom of religion and are generally permitted to be more free than citizens or immigrants. However, they are expected to know and follow many of the laws of the Kingdom, especially those relating to public morality. The authorities don't tend to concern themselves too much with things that happen in private among the foreign resident community, provided that these things do not happen in the presence of citizens or immigrants.

Foreign residents are encouraged by the authorities to bring their families with them. The children of foreign residents inherit the foreign resident status of their parents, whether they were born in Saintland or in the nation where their parents were originally born. Because some nations do not grant nationality to children born to their nationals outside of their nation, there are many foreign residents living in Saintland that have no nationality.

Although the children of citizens and immigrants are educated in Church of Saintland schools, the children of foreign residents are required by law to attend a foreign resident school. Foreign resident schools used to be almost entirely autonomous. However, in the King's Decree of January 31st, 2013, King Paulus XV issued a few regulations for the foreign resident schools. Foreign resident schools are now prohibited from teaching "sex education" in any form or anything else that is deemed to be "anti-Sanctii or anti-Church of Saintland propaganda." Foreign resident schools are also required to submit their curriculum to the King's Government for approval. Another provision in the King's Decree permits the King to appoint a High Inquisitor at any foreign resident school. The High Inquisitor is a monk or nun from the Church of Saintland who is granted full authority over the school's rulebook and disciplinary procedures. Following the end of the 2012-13 school year, King Paulus XV elected not to re-appoint over 90% of the High Inquisitors, deeming the position to now be unnecessary at those institutions. This signals that High Inquisitors will only be appointed in the future at foreign resident schools where, in the opinion of the King, discipline has significantly broken down. It appears, at the time of this writing, that most foreign resident schools in Saintland will soon regain much of their former autonomy.

Another provision in the King's Decree permits the King to quarter troops in foreign resident homes in majority-foreign resident neighborhoods. This provision was used for a few months in 2013, but it has since been discontinued. King Paulus XV judged that it was a poor use of scarce military personnel to use them to monitor foreign residents at a time when foreign resident communities are no longer facing a breakdown in moral standards. The provision still remains the law of the land in Saintland and may very well be used again in the future if there is a breakdown in moral standards in the foreign resident-dominated areas of Saintland.

Even during the peak of the crackdown on foreign resident immorality, foreign residents were not held to the same standards as citizens or immigrants. That is a definite upside to foreign resident status, unless the Church of Saintland's theology happens to appeal to you. Foreign residents are permitted to stay in Saintland indefinitely and, after their first 90 days in Saintland, are permitted to leave Saintland at any time they wish. However, the laws against unaccompanied women and girls leaving Saintland do apply to foreign residents and foreign resident women are, like citizen and immigrant women, prohibited from seeking employment, although foreign resident women are, like citizen and immigrant women, permitted to perform some forms of volunteer work. On the downside, there is an additional tax imposed upon foreign residents. However, that tax has been waived, at the time of this writing, every year for the past 15 years. That does not necessarily mean that King Paulus XV will choose to waive the foreign resident tax next year, but a fairly large number of foreign residents currently living in Saintland have never paid the foreign resident tax. Even if King Paulus XV does bring back the tax, most foreign residents would likely consider it an acceptable price to pay so they don't have to sit through Church of Saintland services every Sunday.

Lastly, there is immigrant status. Immigrants are foreign nationals living in Saintland who have converted to the Church of Saintland and are seeking Sanctii citizenship. Believe it or not, there are actually people that hear about the Church of Saintland and consider it to be appealing, although most people that move to Saintland are satisfied with their foreign resident status. Under the law in Saintland, once the head of a household joins the Church of Saintland, his subordinates are also legally regarded as members of the Church. Under this law, when a man joins the Church, his wife and children are automatically considered members. When a single mother joins the Church of Saintland, her children also become members, although single mothers are not permitted to re-marry under Church teaching unless they are widowed due to the prohibition on divorce. In cases where the wife of a foreign resident converts to the Church of Saintland, she is considered a Church member and so are her children, even if her husband does not join the Church. However, she is still considered to be married to her husband and has a duty to do everything in her power to convert him to the Church.

Under the laws of Saintland, immigrants are considered legally to have all the obligations of citizens, with the sole exception being eligibility for the military draft. They are exempt from the foreign resident tax and any children born to an immigrant are automatically citizens of Saintland. Immigrants can become citizens automatically by serving a term in the military. When the head of household is a citizen, legally all of his subordinates are also citizens. If a foreign resident wishes to marry a citizen, he is required to join the Church of Saintland and acquire immigrant status. Immigrants are permitted to marry citizens and automatically become citizens once they are lawfully married in a Church of Saintland wedding ceremony. While Lonely Multiverse does not recommend citizenship or immigrant status in Saintland to our readers, it is perfectly understandable to become a citizen of Saintland if you fall in love with a citizen.

---

The Feministvs Sanctvsterra members that appeared in the Cantvs Feministvs music video had left the Free Republics and were currently heading for The Sovan Antithesis.

Iulietta - Why do we have to go to The Sovan Antithesis? Why can't we go to Karditan instead?

Agrippina - As you know, we're going to protest against the False Church and their Puppet King at their away soccer matches now. We can't protest in Karditan because the government of that nation has banned soccer.

Maria - That sounds like something the Puppet King would do. That is just awful.

Martha - Soccer's a great sport. The only problem is the team that represents our homeland.

Iulietta - You know, there is an all-female team out there that has been very successful.

Agrippina - It was awesome watching Cassadaigua beat those male chauvinist pigs from Audioslavia.

Catharina - I know. Audioslavia's team is all-male and they won the last 2 World Cups. That is just wrong.

Iulietta - The World Cup Committee should require every team to have at least 1 female player.

Agrippina - Iulietta, I thought you were a feminist. Every team should be required to be 50% female and it should be against the rules to play fewer than 5 women at a time.

Maria - Hopefully, someday the World Cup Committee is taken over by feminists.

Georgius - If teams are required to have at least 5 women at a time, shouldn't they also be required to have at least 5 men at a time?

Catharina - Georgius, I'm sick of you and your endless mansplaining. You don't seem to understand feminist logic.

Agrippina - Come on Catharina. Georgius is a man. He just can't help himself.

Georgius - Sorry. You're both right. I need to learn how to be a better feminist.

Iulietta - Georgius, I'll help you out with that.

Agrippina - I just found out that the Cantvs Feministvs video has finally been released.

Elizabetha - That's great news.

Catharina - We worked so hard on that.

Maria - We're alot better than those frigid, talentless self-hating goodie-2-shoes Cantus Virginum.

Martha - I can't stand Cantus Virginum.

Iulietta - I know what you mean. They're just so awful. How can women be so misogynistic?

Agrippina - They are rewarded very well by the Patriarchy. Remember, our real enemy is the Patriarchy, not the naive schoolgirls that they've brainwashed.

Catharina - I just want them to go away.

Maria - How long do you think its going to take Sanctustube to take down our video?

Agrippina - They've probably already done it. Fortunately, we've uploaded it to all the popular tube sites in the multiverse and numerous copies are available on Sanctusfile.

Iulietta - Have you talked to Monica Marcellina about using the bot network again?

Agrippina - I've already done that. We're going to flood every email inbox in our homeland with links to Cantvs Feministvs videos. We're also going to run bots to put them on every foreign message board throughout the Internet.

Georgius - Are you sure that running adbots is really a good idea?

Catharina - Of course it is, Georgius.

Maria - Yeah, what she said.

Agrippina - Georgius, that's the second time you've concern-trolled us in just the past few minutes.

Georgius - I'm sorry. You know what you're doing, so I probably shouldn't be questioning you.

Catharina - Finally, it seems to be sinking in.

Agrippina - Georgius, there's no need to feel down. You just haven't figured out how to think in a feminist manner yet.

As they set out for The Sovan Antithesis to protest against the Saintland National Soccer Team, the members of Feministvs Sanctvsterra had decided to run adbots to promote their music video. It was now just a matter of timing...

[Svengarda]

Neither of my parents were at home when I returned, and I found dinner waiting in the oven and the cat sat longingly beneath it, eyeing the metal handle and probably thinking whether he could reach eat and reach the baked salmon inside. I stroked him on the head and gave him his dinner, and that seemed to satisfy him for now.

I sat down in front of the telly to watch 81321, Svengarda's top teen drama at the moment (the country appears to have quite a few), and all of a sudden I realised how tired I really was. My legs completely gave up and I had to practically throw myself off the sofa to retrieve my rapidly over-cooking dinner.

Emily was saying some shit about Kurt, the same usual fare on 81321, but I watched it with no less enthusiasm than I did every week. The cat soon came and joined me, and within minutes I was out like a light.

I woke with the summer sunshine at about 5am, a blanket wrapped around my bare shoulders. My parents had returned and had seen me. The plate and cat were gone, and I sat up to haul myself back to bed for 5 more hours. As I did so, I almost collapsed without the support of my legs. I regained my composure, and despite the ache in my legs, walked up the two flights of stairs to my snuggly warm bedroom.

I woke several hours later to the noise and smell of cooking breakfast. I took extra long in the bathroom because my hair looked like it had been bombed. There was plenty of hot water and I spent 20 minutes standing motionless under the torrent of water. My Dad had left by the time I emerged in the kitchen in my pyjamas and dressing gown, but my mother was typing away on her laptop at the counter.

"Morning sweetie, how did it go?"

"Meh" I shrugged, helping myself to coffee "Could have been better, could have been worse. There were a lot of good players"

"Do you know how you did?" she enquired

"Kinda. I made the group who might get selected"

"That's amazing dear! Do you think you will?"

"Well, there weren't many players of my position so I might. But it's all up in the air at the moment, I simply don't know"

[Filopines]

(flatline tone)

I am James Gordon. I was a star football player in Filopines back in my day.

"Gordon! I don't believe it! Greatest free kick ever!"
"Nutmegs Cayenne, passes to Alvarez back to Gordon, too easy. James Gordon, you bloody legend.

Until...

I was 27 years old. I looked over at the time. 10:00. 10:00. Can't believe I'm waking up at this time on a Monday. Not good enough, James. Got to get out of here. Got to go to work. Work starts in thirty minutes. This was back in the day when sports players had full time jobs alongside professional sport. I was shaking. I must be cold. I was in the mood for porridge. Whistling, I reached for the milk. I picked it up and dropped it immediately. That's weird. I'm strong. I know I'm strong. Why am I dropping a 1 litre carton of low fat milk? I picked it up slowly and wiped the floor with my shoes. Damn, my shoes are all sticky with low fat milk. Stupid low fat. I heard fat is non-stick. I sat down on my fat brown chair. At least I'll be able to get up. I picked up the spoon and dropped it again. Fucking spoon and fucking milk. Low fat. Why am I failing at such simple tasks? Hopefully I will be able to at least eat breakfast. A late breakfast. It's bad enough I'm late for work but not being able to pick up a spoon and a carton of milk! Low fucking fat!

Where are my fucking keys? Keys? Hello? Keys? Where are you? What was that noise? It sounded like one of those car beeping thingys."Jimmy! Hurry up!" Oh, yeah. My friend's picking me up today. Piss off, keys. I wonder if he can hear me from here. "I'm coming, Ken!" Hmm. No reply. I'll try to shout louder. "I'M COMING, KEN!" He hit the thingy again. Why does it matter? Stuff my hair. "We're going to be late, Jim!" Settle down, mate. I said I'm bloody coming! I opened the door and almost forgot my bag. I picked up my bag and dropped it. This is unbelievable. Actually, it is quite believable because it happened to me. Nevertheless, unbelievable!

I forgot to lock the house. Who cares? All the robbers in all of Filopines are in gaol anyway. I walked into the construction site and said, "Hey, guys." "Batman!" they all cried out. They really all should call me 'Commissioner', not 'Batman'. "Speed up and nail that piece of wood, Batman!"
"Where's the hammer?" "I don't know, Gordon. Just go get one from over there, will you? Quickly!" If I was boss here, I'd fire him quicker than a mirror falling to the ground. Of course, I'd pick up the mirror, but you know what I mean. I found the hammers. "Hey, Cayenne! Pass a hammer here, mate!" Cayenne underarms the hammer to me. What a pussy. Underarm. Pssh. I couldn't talk though because as I threw my hands up in the air to catch the big piece of rust, it hits my hand then falls. I don't know why, but that drop changed my life. I knew something was wrong. I picked up the hammer and worked long and hard till 5:00. "Come on, Ken. Let's go!" "Why are you in such a rush?" "I need to go to the clinic. Now." "What's wrong?" "Just hurry up!" "Alright, just wait up for two minutes."

"Why this one?" "It's still a clinic, Jim." "But it's not my one." "Ugh. Fine." We were in the car for twenty more minutes. Fort Town is a big city. I mean, metropolitan area. "There! That one!" I quickly got out of the car.

"Name?"
"James Gordon."
"What about you, sir?"
"Kenneth Corales, but I'm fine. I'm just with him."
"Ok, have you heard about our new deal for couples? 10% percent off all fees."
"We're not a couple, Ma'am. But we could be."
"Stop it, Ken."
"I'm quite flattered, but no. I'm sorry."
"(mumbles) That's OK. Shut up Jim."
"Ok, Mr Gordon and Mr Corales. You may proceed to the waiting room."
"Oh my. It's James Gordon! Honey, it's James Gordon!"
He knew I heard but I didn't care. There's something that really grinds my gears about waiting rooms. So many kids. They're all loud and making noises with their toys and coughing and sneezing at the same time. Gears grinding. Made me shake even more.

We waited for one bloody hour. Big fat fan-boy had already left. The kids were gone too. Ken and I were the only people in the waiting room by the time it was my turn.

The doctor checked my body for forty minutes then he stopped suddenly with a shocked look on his face.
"How old are you, Mr Gordon?"
"Twenty-seven. Why?
"You've got Parkinson's."

[Licentiapacisterra]

So it looks like it's going to be tight getting back to Montfort in time for the ceremony. I've just got into Spit, on the Broken Islands, and I'm getting ready to head back home, but it's not as simple as I hoped it would be.

I waved goodbye to Old Shakersson, Kevin, Barlow and the other guy (sorry dude, I can't remember your name) today. They've done me well, bringing me down the Back Road to here, and I really owe them one for this; they've done me a massive favour, even if the truck breaking down and that bear showing up in the front of it slowed us down a little. I was actually quite sad when I left them to head to the airport; I've come to know them over the time that I've been with them, so it's kind of tough saying goodbye.

It turns out that the bear, Mettle, taking out the truck will cause me more than a little bit of inconvenience, as I thought at first. I can't get back to the Licentian Islands on the flight I originally planned to come back on; I've missed it. All the flights after it are full, with no space for me, so I have to take a long-winded route back to Montfort through Atlantian Oceania and Esportiva, just to get back in time.

I don't even know where I'll go, to be honest. There's a lot of places in between me and that nomination, and I don't know how I'll link them all up, if I'm honest. I want to see some good places to visit as well, and want to do a little bit of touristy stuff while I'm there. But, at the same time, I want to get back as soon as possible. I don't know what to do, really. I'll find my way though, I'll just bumble through as I always do. As I have done all my life.

I somehow managed to find a bar in Spit that was showing the game between the Cyan-and-Gold and Tasrailia; apparently, because of the links between the two nations, and the Gardiner-Stewart Cup, and all the rest, they follow our team very closely over here. I still find it strange when I walk into a bar on the other side of the world, and see people wearing the cyan and gold kits of the Licentian Islands, especially when they clearly aren't from there originally.

Anyway, we were in Tasrailia, and got the win that we fully deserved considering the performance we put in. It was a dominant Licentian side that took the lead twenty two minutes, Aran Millar cutting in from the wing to put a beautifully placed shot past Kyle Danai. King Keir replaced Logan Moran for the game, after the captain stayed at home with his family following a bereavement, and Keir took the opportunity handed to him; his towering header made the lead two nil. Ryan Whincup scored a late consolation for the hosts, but it wasn't enough to stop us holding our lead at the top of the group.

Now, I should probably get going. I need to plan how I'm getting back home. It's going to be a long trip.