World Cup LXV (65) RP Thread

[Felix]

World Cup LXV Qualifiers: A Tie?!

By: Steven Smith

In shock of a tie, Felix failed to win against the unranked Schalafania. Which puts Felix in third place with 4 points, behind by fellow Esporivian nation, Boring Paradise by goal differential and behind by Qazox by two points. While the tie isn’t disastrous for Felixan team, it isn’t good for the next match as we will be heading home and will face St Lucoa. In other news, Qazox beats favourite Valladares, 2-3 which caused many to question this year’s Valladares team as they are in 5th place right now. Although to be honest this is only the second match day and while this was a bad start, Valladares has plenty of time to recover. Boring Paradise ties against Borealia 3-3. Slembana barely beas Lahoa, 0-1 and Shadowbourne loses a nail biter to Torisakia, 3-2. The Free Republics lose against Carmadin 0-2 at home. Free Swiss States tie 4-4 against Hyskigland and Apox ties with The Sylvanaes Queendom by the same score as the FSS-HYS game. Sangti pulls off the amazing tie against powerhouse Saintland, 0-0. Paradystopia wins 1-4 against our rivals, Spranda. The Licentian Lisands win against the hapless team of Vakolic, 3-0. New Sideburn wins their match against fellow Baptism of Fire team Neu Engollon 0-1. Northern Sunrise Islands win against Hontaypyar 1-2. Gaveo beats Metropolis Mania 0-1. Aels, the team that beat us in the BoF finals win against The IOM Sports Association 1-5. Old team Quakmybush wins their match, while Neo Lemmitania loses theirs and Europa Brittania that once won a world cup, ties against Hutt River. Now, enough of that, let’s talk about our game.

The first half was a lot like our first match against Alexanderburn, we struggled. And it was bad, we couldn’t make the right passes, shots weren’t even close to the goal box and our defense was allowing easy plays to happen. The only good player that saved, Felix’s behind was our 30 year old Goalkeeper from Cato, Viggo Tyko. He blocked the shots that shouldn’t have been blocked and he was trying to encourage his teammates to play better, but unfortunately for us, they did not and the first goal of the match was conceded by Felix, in the 40th minute and poor Tyko was furious, he tried block that shot but he was literally centimeters away from the ball. And oddly enough that was the wakeup call for the Phoenixes, they got two shots off, one from Lee and one from Araboa but none of them went pass the line and into the net. Halftime and Felix was behind 1-0.

The second half was a revival for the Felixan team as possession went from Schalafanian hands (or in this case feet) to Felixan hands. The Phoenixes were clutch and passing and shooting rates went up, as the Felixan team was more organized and focused, Mr. Cardona later mentioned that he gave a speech to the “boys” about this match and how it meant to the kids in Felix seeing their team play, he told them that their play was pathetic and disgraceful and Felix need to get their act together, and they did which resulted in a screamer of a goal from Lee in the 56th minute tying the match 1-1. The ball was flaming fast and the poor Schalafanian Goalkeeper didn’t stand a chance against that shot. Felix attempted to get the lead with nice corner from Krister as Araboa headed the ball, it hit the post and touched the white line, but did not cross it, the Shalafanian goalkeeper ran and threw the ball out preventing the Felixan lead at the 66th minute. Things continued as Felix maintained ball possession and was preventing any possession for the Schalafanians. The match continued like this until the very end and Felix tied with Shalafania, 1-1.

The postgame news conference was better than expected by nonetheless you could see the disappointment of Mr. Cardona, as he really wanted the win there but alas they did not get it. He has expressed that the Felix-St Lucoa game will be difficult if Felix plays like they did the first half and won’t be able to do the miraculous like in the game against Alexanderburn. He said that the Felixan players will most likely be ready for the next match but to be sure, he needed to see them practice flawlessly. We will find out if they did, in the next following weeks.

Felix faces St Lucoa next week at Estadio Nacional in Santa Maria our capital. Will Felix get out of it’s second half rut and get a move on and win matches with a secured feeling? Or will Felix be rushing to tie the game as they did today? Will find out as usual next month, so good luck boys and may we win against St Lucoa, but firstly we have our friendly against Falklandia. Reporting from Shalafania, this has been Steven Smith.

As always here were the statistics for our second qualification match.

Goals
(40th): SHAL GOAL (SHAL)
(56th): Yun Dong Lee (FEL)
Assists
N/A
Possession
SHA: 49%
FEL: 51%
Fouls
SHA: 9
FEL: 10
Cards
Yellow: N/A
Red: N/A
Injuries
N/A

Now here are the statistics for the qualifiers so far.

Goals
Mikel Araboa (2)
Yun Dong Lee (2)
Assists
Sebastian Krister (1)
Clean Sheets
N/A
Yellow Cards
N/A
Red Cards
N/A
Injury List
Manolo Espina (OUT FOR 3 MONTHS)

-----

World Cup LXV Qualifiers: A Rout Of A Win Against Falklandia

By: Steven Smith

Two weeks after the Schalafania-Felix match, Felix returns home to face off against unranked Falklandia in Estadio Altomare, which was filled up with 60,000 Felixan fans watching the match. The historic blowout win against Falklandia gives a huge boost of confidence for Felix as 7 goals were scored and one was conceded in the dying minutes of the match. Felix’s win here give the Felixan hopeful that Felix will win against St Lucoa, which we will play against them in the Estadio Nacional in Santa Maria.

The first half was much better than the last two matches in the first half as Felix quickly dominated the pitch and that quickly resulted in a goal in the 5th minute by Eutimio Salazar with a nice pass from Sebastian Krister. 1-0 Felix. It wasn’t even another five minutes later and Felix scored again from a corner kick by Sebastian Krister and the ball was headed in by Bernardino Florentino. 2-0 Felix. In the 17th minute Felix scored again with another goal from Salazar, this time he stole the ball from the Falklandian defender and ran it all the way to the net. 3-0 Felix. And just before halftime Felix scored again with a goal from Mikel Araboa in the 44th minute with an assist from Salazar. 4-0, Felix leads at halftime.

Things got progressively worse for the Falklandian team as Felix continued to pour it on and the next goal happened in the 50th minute with a goal from Simo Roni with an assist from Krister. 5-0, Felix. 10 minutes later Felix scored from Krister’s free kick and the ball curved passed the wall and the goalkeeper’s hands. 6-0 Felix. In the 79th minute Felix scored once again from substitute Yun Dong Lee, he intercepted the pass from two Falklandian players and he ran up and shot it, 7-0 Felix. The last goal of the match was scored in the 86th minute from a set piece free kick, great goal by the Falklandians. The game whistle was blown and Felix won 7-1.

The postgame news conference was overwhelmed by questions by the press asking if it was fair that Felix ran up the score like that, Daniel Cardona responded with a yes, that if Felix did not play like they did it would be a disrespectful thing to do the Falklandian team. Many football experts are divided, at one half they agree with Cardona and the other half they are mad and want Cardona to write a formal apology to the Falklandia Football Association. No word yet if Cardona will do that.

Felix wins the match 7-1 and two weeks from now, they will travel to the north end of the nation in Santa Maria to face off against St Lucoa, will they win? We will find out next week and hopefully we continue the great play Felix has done today.

As always here were the statistics for our friendly match.

Goals
(5th): Eutimio Salazar (FEL)
(9th): Bernardino Florentino (FEL)
(17th): Eutimio Salazar (FEL)
(44th): Mikel Araboa (FEL)
(50th): Simo Roni (FEL)
(60th): Sebastian Krister (FEL)
(79th): Yun Dong Lee (FEL)
(86th): FAL GOAL (FAL)
Assists
(5th): Sebastian Krister (FEL)
(9th): Sebastian Krister (FEL)
(50th): Sebastian Krister (FEL)
Possession
FEL: 75%
FAL: 25%
Fouls
FEL: 4
FAL: 13
Cards
Yellow: N/A
Red: N/A
Injuries
N/A

-----

World Cup LXV Qualifiers: A Tough Loss Against St Lucoa

By: Steven Smith

After a amazing 7-1 win over Falklandia, you would think Felix would have the mentality and confidence to win against St Lucoa, which is ranked lower, than Felix. But you'd be wrong, Felix loss at home gives a tough blow to Felix's confidence as they prepare themselves for the flight in Kaznan, where their next opponent is. This loss is eerily similar to the Baptism of Fire finals loss, as Felix had the lead in most of the first half, tied near the end of the first half and conceded a last minute goal. A tie here would've been nice but we lost and now we are tied for 5th in Group 18 and team we won against, Alexanderburn, is now in 4th. The disappointing loss might have brought down the Felixan morale but we will get up, here is the summary of today's match.

The first half like the Felix-Falklandia match, was Felixian dominated, as Felix had the most possession in the first half. The first 10 minutes saw many oohs and ahs as Felixian players shot beautiful shots but either missed their mark by a hair or were blocked by the fantastic goalkeeper of St Lucoa. It was finally in the 21st minute that Felix scored the first goal of the match with a goal from Ziya Saqqaf. The play that lead up to that goal was great as Felixian players passed it to each other. Eventually that resulted in a the goal you saw in El Estadio Nacional. Felix continued it's dominance over St Lucoa until a surprise goal was scored in the 41st minute, Felix was on the offensive and the ball was miss passed, St Lucoan players took advantage of that and ran, the ensuing counter offensive resulted in a goal from the St Lucoa team, silencing the Felixian fans in stadium, Felix was in shock and the match was tied to half time 1-1.

Felix continued to play like nothing happened and was still making great plays. In the 55th minute Felix had the opportunity to go big with a score chance from Yun Dong Lee but the ball was blocked by the St Lucoan goalkeeper and the frustrated Lee kicked the post. Nonetheless Felix continued to attack and that's when the second goal from St Lucoa happened, in the 78th minute a dejavu moment happened, another Felixian offensive happened and it resulting a the ball hitting the post, St Lucoa took advantage of that and they quickly scored and the fans booed at the celebrating Lucoans. Felix tried to regain control of the match but the defense of St Lucoa had none of it and Felix lost at home, 1-2.

The loss against St Lucoa gave the visibly pissed Cardona a hard time focusing on the reporters questions. The first one was about Felix's chance that they will qualify now that they loss this match. Cardona cussed first and responded, "It's only the bloody 3rd matchday, we have plenty of time to recover from this stupid loss." The next question was about the game itself and how Cardona felt about it. Cardona cussed again and said, "We had the fucking game in our hands, look at the stats, we had the most possession, the most time on the ball, most corners, most shots at goal and shots overall, yet we let this game slip away and for that I apologize to the Felixian people that we loss this match and something like this will never happen again." He quickly stormed off after the next question.

The loss now puts Felix in 5th, many experts were surprised by the last three results, the last two results in a negative way, Felix was expected to win all their matches up to the Qazox, Boring Paradise, and Valladares matches, but now Felix has to do the impossible and beat those three teams (or at least tie against them) to have a chance to qualify. Now of course we have the reverse matches to get revenge and win, but we must be honest that if we do not place well in the first matches of play we won't make it pass the qualification stages. We face Kaznan next and we will be flying away, will we bounce back and get three points? We will find out in the next two weeks. Reporting from Santa Maria, this has been Steven Smith.

As always here were the statistics for our second qualification match.

Goals
(21st): Ziya Saqqaf (FEL)
(41st): STL GOAL (STL)
(78th): STL GOAL (STL)
Assists
N/A
Possession
FEL: 55%
STL: 45%
Fouls
FEL: 7
STL: 7
Cards
Yellow: N/A
Red: N/A
Injuries
N/A

Now here are the statistics for the qualifiers so far.

Goals
Mikel Araboa (2)
Yun Dong Lee (2)
Ziya Saqqaf (1)
Assists
Sebastian Krister (1)
Clean Sheets
N/A
Yellow Cards
N/A
Red Cards
N/A
Injury List
Manolo Espina (OUT FOR 3 MONTHS)

[Sandwich Territories]

SBC SPORTS

The people of the Territories are in awe of the recent results of the team, regardless of the weak schedule that Sandwich has gotten early. "In all honesty, I think a good streak like this really gives the organization and its fans a lot of confidence", noted Sergei Nabokov, the CEO of Costco Inc., who is also a major fan of the Sandwich FA squad. The players and manager Max Bellerd, however, are ready to get back to work, as they need to prepare for tougher opponents in the near future. "Our competition has been rather weak", noted backup midfielder Remi Ferdinand. "We are ready for some tough competition soon."

[Zwangzug]

The Bassabook Baritone

Trying to spell "stymieing" is really styming stimying hard

Defense spotted a lead, but settle for a draw

Three matches into the World Cup 65 qualifiers, and Zwangzug's defensive outlook seems to be getting results, if not very surprising ones. They've conceded as many goals as they've scored from open play; one.

The former came in their most recent match, against Neo Lemmitania. The visitors have plenty of options up front, and all of them were on display in the first half. Yet midfielders Ted Silla-Raty and Patricia Eliot were able to drop back to the defense, stymieing Roger Rosco, Michael Bingson, and Henny Henneman's attempts (plural, in every case). In the second half, however, the Lemmings (the team nickname, not to be confused with the currency, the astonishingly-pervasive animal, or the rugby team) would finally get on the board, with Rosco assisting Bingson on a goal.

The thing is, though, that Zwangzug still didn't lose. After sixty-four minutes had gone by, Mick Chang earned a yellow card for recklessly charging Joan Gerland (her person, not her bank account, given both countries' rather left-wing economies). Just as he'd done against Aels, Yuuki Nakano calmly stepped up to the penalty spot and sent a shot past Mel Flanders. He remains responsible for the entirety of Zwangzug's offensive output so far. (He had also had Zwangzug's only real chance of the first half, being acutely aware of some obtuse positioning on the part of Will Spud, who for a left defender had drifted too far to his right, but nothing came of that, and the San Lemgeles Angles player seemed more aware of his positioning during the second half.)

"I mean, I'm pleased with the way things have been coming together," Bridget Scroves claimed after the game. "Neo Lemmitania represented a different kind of test, definitely, but by and large we're able to keep playing our game, the defense is working. Are we going to give up goals, yes, but if we keep doing our thing we will get results."

Absent from this vague statement was any specific definition of what, exactly, "our game" is. Defense? Okay. A formation that, by international standards looks like it's a defensive one? Fine. (Although these are not the same thing.) A lone striker scoring literally all the goals? It's hard to imagine that's what she had in mind, but surely even she is not deranged enough to bench him for egalitarian reasons? Waiting around for other people to commit penalty fouls? Well, on this form, why not. So long as they're at numerologically-relevant times, one hopes, and maybe even give our penalty takers a chance to build their confidence. If and when, some day far down the line, the team is ever in a penalty shootout, they need to go into it with the confidence that they stand a chance.

But that's a long way off. The qualifiers, in and of themselves, are a long way. And Zwangzug's remaining opponents, while all storied in their own right, will provide different defensive challenges. That being said, we asked some of the fans who'd made it up to the game for what their take on it was. Jillian McDonohue, of Outrive, admitted that "just as a match it was fantastic, maybe not two of the finest sides out there but evenly matched today and a thrill to watch. Just please don't ask me for any sweeping statements about how watching this particular team reflects my national pride or anything, because sometimes thinking about our national identity I get the feeling that there is no such thing." How's that egalitarianism working out for you now?

[Antoletia]

"Well that was to be expected."

"Yep third time playing The Sylvanaes, third large defeat to them."

"Hell we've barely scored a third of the goals they have in the meetings."

"Good news is we got them out of the way and now can worry about mostly lower ranked teams. With Apox Vetrrera and The Icemark still awaiting, but in reality we can beat two of the three of them, two out of three times."

"I hope, the boys shouldn't be down after this loss, but it would not be surprising if they were."

"Always tough to lose a game big like that, even against the best of competition."

"Like when we used to compete international in the club competitions and basically got wiped out each time we came against any good team."

"We really need to improve the youth in Antoletia if we ever hope to do something good again."

"Yeah, its getting embarrassing."

"Can't always be the third best and failing to qualify like we have for the past 10 or so years."

"Yeah, need to regain that fire."

"Regain the glory behind the nickname."

"Light afire the Fire Ants."

"Come on baby light my fire."

"Exactly."

[Valanora]

Valanora Times
Powering Through

Three matchdays into this marathon of qualifying and it seems that the troubles that bothered the Marauders during their last qualification process may have been smoothed over. Despite eventually winning their group and finishing with a modest points haul, the Maruaders were unable to assert their will and dominate matches in the qualifying process for World Cup 64, with draws and narrow one goal victories over even minnows in the world stage. This lack of ability to assert themselves eventually cost the Marauders when the they failed to make even the quarterfinal stage of the Finals. Considering the history of the Marauders, that failure to do so makes the entire previous cycle a wasted cycle in the eyes of many of the fans and those inside the VFA and VSC.

That all however seems to be something of a blip in the radar as through their first three matches, the Marauders have thoroughly dominated their opponents as has been the norm for nearly six decades. Though it is still early days, the squad looks to have found the harmony and chemistry that was eluded them for the majority of last cycles' qualifying process. In addition, depending on your definition, the Marauders are off to the second best start in qualifying, second only to the unexpected Bongo Johnson side who has erupted for some very surprising results.

All that said, it is still only one sixth of the way into the qualifying process and this harmony that the squad has found may not last during the important middle and late stretches that really test a squad's mettle. Even it does, it is not simply enough for a Marauder side to perform well in qualifying, that is expected of them already. What is demanded of those who don the Vanorian national team shirt is to be excellent and that means deep runs into the knockout rounds of the Finals. It means winning championships with class and skill. It means that when we do lose, that we lose with grace and humility. That is what is expected of any and all who represent Valanora, a tall standard for which not all can achieve. For those that do, they are treated as heroes by our people.

You only need to look at that midfield trio that is the heart and pulse of the Vanorian squad; Hawk, va Drake, Soldarian. They are the epitome of everything that it means to be a Vanorian sportsperson, they demonstrate all the talent and class that is required of them. Their names are known well beyond just Vanorian shores, with some even going so far as to name Hawk as perhaps the greatest footballer to ever play the game. It is a testament to everything they are and why smallfolk and high class families alike revere them so. For they are at their very core what Vanorians wish to be, for despite being just sportspeople, they walk the path of Elune better than even the clergy.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

DE PLACA
if they could see what you can see / then they would know that you're with me
/ i'm crying out to see the beast set free

WORLD CUP 65
Colland almost takes two points from NSI in the end, but Vaporeons put another W under the column, 3-2
Another matchday, another team that refused to reveal their squad, another win! Northern Sunrise Islands's reserve squad entered the field against a less than interested, but still pretty skilled squad of Colland. We say pretty skilled, because, let's face it, they did more than what a team that doesn't reveal their squad should do.

What we could get from their players, aside from their names, which they refused to tell, was that they admired the Union Stadium, feeling surprised and, most importantly, impressed, to play at one of the biggest stadiums of Esportiva. The Vaporeons impressed the crowd too, making the chants of the Northern Sunrise Islands fans be even louder than the usual, even at the two low moments of the match, where Colland scored the first and the second goal.

The first goal would come up with Pippi Mangalonga taking the ball from the feet of a weaker forward player from Colland and then, as the common Nekonian player from NSI, would run all over the middle lane of the pitch, ending with a simple shot to the top right angle, something that, thanks to the lack of skill of the goalkeeper of Colland, was unblockable.

Without changes, the second half would see, right in the fifth minute, Duda converting a Free Kick on the left top angle of the goal. Duda would keep pointing to the crowd as part of the celebration, while the goalkeeper would throw a tantrum after what he would later describe to the Sunrisian papers as "just the proof that our defenders can't get their stuff straight".

The last goal of "the Bourbons" would be made by Louise Montblanc, who would roll the ball to the left while a defender tried to stop her, leaving him running clueless to the front. Then she would proceed to tip the ball over the head of another defender. He would go on to try and take the ball out from the feet of the young number 22, but she would do a panna, passing the ball through his legs. She would pass the ball to the feet of Melina Patiy, who would lift it diagonally for Montblanc to bicycle kick it to the goal.

Later, the team of Colland would score twice, but thankfully, the Sunrisian defensive sector, with Mangalonga doing even more than her goal on the first half, would save the Sunrisian team from an embarassing draw or even a loss. The Vaporeon squad now has three wins and +3 score difference, positive and good for a team that doesn't really expect anything that is not a hoperful Cup of Harmony invite. Meanwhile New Montreal States confirm their dominance, Timfen surprises as third, Lymantatia and Farfadillis complete the Top 5, with NSI as second. Colland continues to stay winless.

NORTHERN SUNRISE ISLANDS - 3
M. Sioux; A. de Souza, P. Mangalonga (36'), N. Hanekawa, L. Souza; B. Laval, B. Crawford, H. Smith, Duda (50'); M. Patiy, L. Montblanc (72')
COLLAND - 2
Another team that refused to reveal their squadnames, but they scored twice: at the 88' and the 90'.

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[Taeshan]

Taeshan

Armed Bears

1

0

Voegael

Longwaters

Lydie

Jaffacake

Fasnacht

Pato

Juniper

Müller

Ptolemy

Ibrahim

Wiggin

---

Subs: 47' Brian Kljestan for Xavier Ptolemy [TAE], 65' Jeremi Krieder for Brian Ibrahim [TAE], 80' Grant Wetter for Ender Wiggin [TAE]

---

Goals: 49' Ender Wiggin [TAE]

---

In what could only be described as a beautiful game of possession played by the Purple Knights the away side controlled the field for most of the field. The Armed Bears didn't know what to do for half of the game, and the fact that their coaches were the only ones with names didn't help. The team came out onto the field nameless, but their coaches seemed to be the stars for the Bears. All the fur around the field was a bit to much for the Knights as the temperature near the field rose, and for the first half they could do little more than control the ball and hope the Bears didn't eat them, or worse expel them.

The smaller humani team of the Purple Knights proved the victor in the end due to sheer luck, and the fact that they barely let the Armed Bears near the ball. Therefore not allowing them to Bear the ball, and arm themselves with a goal. The Knights scored on one of only two shots that came anywhere near the goal as Gwyn Juniper smashed a free kick from the side line near the edge of the penalty box and a confused bear side seemed quite gummy in their defense and let the ball flow to Ender Wiggin who had to do little but sneak the ball into the back of the picnic basket of a net.

[Super-Llamaland]

Bryan Ferguson, 6:43 PM

Group 1
Sargossa 1–0 Friday Freshman
Armed Bears 0–1 Taeshan
Leorudo 0–0 Oralana
Super-Llamaland 1–0 The fief of Sir Kunne
Horusland 0–0 Kalusia

- Group 1 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Taeshan 3 3 0 0 5 0 +5 9
2 Super-Llamaland 3 2 0 1 6 2 +4 6
3 Armed Bears 3 2 0 1 8 6 +2 6
4 Leorudo 3 1 2 0 2 1 +1 5
5 Kalusia 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
6 Horusland 3 1 1 1 3 4 −1 4
Oralana 3 1 1 1 3 4 −1 4
8 Sargossa 3 1 0 2 1 3 −2 3
9 The fief of Sir Kunne 3 0 1 2 3 5 −2 1
10 Friday Freshman 3 0 0 3 0 6 −6 0

Game Three. A game the Llamas rather wanted to win. Badly.
The fief of Sir Kunne was a pretty easy win. But so had the last team been. And they'd lost. Now, they needed something special.

TWEET! Kickoff. Game. Tyson Richards adjusted his gloves...as always. The bench was chatty and watching at the same time, with an energized discussion about hotel food.

The game started off okay. Pass. Deflection. Pass. Dribble. Fake. Pass. Shot. Miss. Deflection. Save. Kick. Dribble. Tackle. Roll. Pass...it was a boring game. But Ferguson remained hopeful.

Finally, with possession 51-49, something happened. The Kunnians lead a drive up. And another. And another. But Ferguson could tell he was getting vintage Tyson Richards tonight, and nothing would get by him. Now, a goal...?

None. 45% Possession and a 0-0 tie going into the second half. TWEEEEET.

The second half began as boring as the first. Pass. Deflection. Pass. Dribble. Fake. Pass. Shot. Miss. Deflection. Save. Kick. Dribble. Tackle. Roll. Pass...Possession ticked up. Possession ticked down. The bench players stopped watching.

Then-POWELL went down. The bench stared and groaned. Possession dropped like somebody had put bricks in it.42. 39. 37. But Richards was great, and 0-0 it remained.

Then, Duncan passed it up. Powell dribbled and passed across the field. Rushmore headered it to Mullin. Mullin shot.

The bench groaned. So did Ferguson. The shot was off. It rolled down the line as the goalie jogged for it.
Then, Rushmore stretched his foot out. The ball rolled, then touched, and rolled backwards. Johnny slipped and thought, I blew it again. Alcanatra might as well-

He fell to the ground. Duncan fell-no, jumped-onto him. Then Mullin. Then Chapman. Then Oliver.

The ball had rolled into the goal. One-nil after seventy-two minutes.

And eighteen plus stoppage later, the game ended. 42% Possession, 7 shots (5 on goal), one yellow card (Mullin).
Sir Kunne-58% Possession, 15 shots (13 on goal), no yellow cards.

Second place!

STATS UPDATE:
Tyson DeJesus 92% Saves, 26 SOG-Two Goals
Trevor Duncan SEVEN POINTS (two goals two assists)
Jared Mullin FIVE POINTS (one goal three assists)
Johnny Rushmore THREE POINTS (one goal one assist)
Chris May THREE POINTS (one goal one assist)
Evan Powell TWO POINTS (goal)
Bobby Crosby TWO POINTS (goal)

[Socialist States Owen]

Thomas the difference as Eurans register another win
Sporadic: Calling his team a cohesive unit is 'an understatement'
Clint Covey reports from Bastion Arena, capacity 110,000, Eura

EURA - 3
Thomas 32, 76
Spartan 65

KYTLER PENINSULAE - 2
Stamp 59, 74

Sam Thomas continued to push his claim to the throne of the Euran front line as he netted two hard earned goals against Kytler Peninsulae, while John Spartan scored on his debut.

Eura have won their first three games, yet are second in Group 13 to Eastfield Lodge on goal difference after tonight's victory. It almost started in tears though, when Guy Stamp (a player familiar to fans in Eura) headed the ball against the bar after beating Lyle Heath to a Gabi cross. Kytler Peninsulae, returning from a lengthy absence from the World Cup qualifying stages, started confidently and made the Euran defence work hard to try and cancel out their ventures forward. In the 10th minute Davor Miani-Pipi was unlucky not to give his side the lead when his 30 yard free kick was tipped over the bar by the flailing Daniel Belgrave. This won them a corner which Arthur Moon swung in towards the near post, only for Pitama Pongia to head the ball into the side netting. Eura held on regardless, withstanding the early assault that they had faltered against in their game against Jeru. Colin Collymore, in for Jan Mayen Islanders left back Mickey Smith who has been in poor form, tested Duncan Binnington with a rasping 25th minute drive. The balance of play was beginning to swing in favour of the home side, and soon they would have a breakthrough.

Josh Stevenson has been superb in the last few games and his good form was continuing today, as the he and Colin Collymore wreaked havoc down the left against the seemingly clueless Zourab Nizharadze. Nizharadze was largely at fault for the first goal, slamming a powerful through ball up the line straight against the back of his teammate Gabi. Collymore took the throw quickly down the line to Stevenson, who practically jogged past a stationary Nizharadze to collect the ball on the left side of the box. After hesitating a moment with Nizharadze now chasing him half heartedly and Wolf Havenstein charging towards him, Stevenson dragged the ball right past the onrushing Havenstein before passing it to Sam Thomas on the edge of the box. Thomas made no mistake with plenty of space to shoot, rifling it past Binnington. Thomas could have made it two before half time but couldn't keep his shot down after snapping up the rebound of a saved Lee Sharp strike. However Eura were far from totally in control, and the second half would prove to be much more challenging.

Until the 59th minute, the second half was a slow affair of stop and start play. Whenever either side attempted to move forward, poor passing or hopeful final balls would kill each move. This would change when Guy Stamp equalised. Stamp has been instrumental to the success of Honeybadgers in the last half a dozen years or so, and he has held the same status for his national team for a while. 19 year old midfielder Gabi, a rather promising young midfielder who has been linked to a Euran club or two recently, delivered a peach of a cross from the left for Guy Stamp to head the ball home like a bullet from 10 yards. Minutes later, Eura struck back. Two debuts were being made in the Euran side - Glenn Anderson, who started ahead of the reportedly tired Tom Riley, and John Spartan, who replaced Clive Dawson at half time. Spartan would score a debut goal to remember, like Gareth Blackthorn against Sameba not so long ago. Lee Sharp failed to find a way past George Coughlan with an unusually lacklustre bit of dribbling, but he at least managed to lay the ball off for Spartan to fire home in acres of space with a beautiful curled effort.

Kytler Peninsulae would equalise again though, and once again Guy Stamp was the scorer. This time he netted all by himself, dispossessing substitute Kieran Kane after he hesitated outside his own box before slamming the ball under Michael Robertson and past Daniel Belgrave. However Stamp would be outperformed by another centre forward on the day. Sam Thomas has long been knocking on the door of the international team with the likes of Simon Xavier, Skorji Oslograd, Paul Fessner and Nicky Martin, yet with the exception of Oslograd he has come closer than any of them to breaking the Sharp-Needle front line monopoly. He continued his mission to prove himself with a late stunner to win the game, his third goal in two games. Substitute Buschak Dassuna found him with a long ball which he chested down 25 yards out before beginning a run at the box. He skipped past Mike van Dijk before drilling the ball low and hard past Binnington in the goal. It was a late but on balance deserved victory for Eura, and next they face Licenpacisterra.

ANALYSIS

Player Ratings

EURA

1. D Belgrave – 7/10
2. N Feeney – 6/10 YC
4. M Robertson – 6/10
5. L Heath – 7/10 (Dassuna - 67)
23. C Collymore - 8/10
7. J McCroft - 5/10 (Kane - 50)
20. G Anderson - 7/10
8. C Dawson - 6/10 (Spartan - 45)
11. J Stevenson – 8/10
10. L Sharp – 7/10
17. S Thomas - 9/10

Substitutes

13. C Waller
15. B Dassuna - 7/10
19. R Collins
3. M Smith
6. T Riley
16. K Kane - 6/10
26. J Spartan - 8/10
14. S Oslograd
9. S Needle

KYTLER PENINSULAE

1. D Binnington - 5/10
6. Z Nizharadze - 2/10
4. W Havenstein - 4/10
3. M Van Dijk - 6/10
5. G Coughlan - 7/10
2. A Moon - 6/10
13. S Coteskais - 4/10 (Papa - 45)
7. P Pongia - 5/10
8. Gabi - 7/10
10. G Stamp - 8/10
11. D Miani-Pipi - 8/10 (Yule - 70)

Substitutes

12. D Draskovic
14. K Finnbogisson
15. T Kolbeinnsonur
16. Papa - 7/10
17. D Benito
18. A van Hoof
21. S Palsson
22. B Calding
9. C Yule - 6/10

MoM: Sam Thomas (Eura)
Attendance: 109,435

Possession
EUR - 56 % 44 - KYP
Shots
EUR - 11 8 - KYP
On Target
EUR - 7 5 - KYP
Corners
EUR - 9 5 - KYP
Pass Completion
EUR - 77 % 75 - KYP
Fouls
EUR - 9 8 - KYP

[Punum]

Punum's First Point

Yesterday Punum gained their first point of this World Cup campaign with a 2-2 draw with Charruterra in a game which was full of excitement.

The game started of slowly with no shots being taken in the first ten minutes. However, for the second time this tournament Punum took the lead. In the 11th minute, making his international debut, Matthew Jewell received the ball outside the centre circle, he sees Michael Dean running down the right. He passed it to him. Dean sees Martin Hood running into the box. The wingman plays it through a Charruterra defender's legs. Hood controlled the ball and placed round the keeper into the bottom right hand corner to make it 1-0 after 13 minutes. Punum spent the next 30 minutes of that half threatening but not being able to finish, with shots going left, right and over the goal, but not in. This was until the last minute of normal time in the first half. Chris Lloyd got the ball on the corner of the box. He plays it down the line to Michael Dean. Dean then crosses it in and Lloyd using an amazing burst of pace gets his head on it to make it 2-0 in the first minute of added time. Punum went into half time dominating and with a two goal advantage. The team in blue once started the half dominating but a mix of poor finishing and excellent goalkeeping denied Punum from extending their lead. Charruterra finally got to attack in the 76th minute when their right winger effortlessly ran round Clinton Conley. Lays it back to the centre midfielder, who shot from 25 metres out into the top left hand corner of the goal. 2-2 after 78 minutes. Punum were fatiguing rapidly as in the last minute of stoppage time Charruterra made a desperate final attempt. The right back hoofed the ball into the box from 40 metres out perfectly onto the head of the striker with just enough contact to go into the bottom left hand corner to bring the scores equal. The game ended 2-2 at the end of a thrilling game that was keeping you on the edge of your seats for the whole 90 minutes.

Punum's next game is against first placed team, Mangolana. Their most recent game was a 3-2 win over Tyrrin. Manager Zackary Brown has released the team:

GK: Felix Briggs
RB: Craig Hoffman
CB: Norman Ismael
CB: Rick Curtis
LB: Marcos Dane
CDM: Matthew Jewell
RM: Michael Dean
LM: Henry Dean
CAM: Chris Lloyd
CAM: Malcom Guzman
ST: Aaron McGuire

Subs

GK: Bill Hanson
RB/LB: Albert Chandler
CB: Clinton Conley
CDM: Frederick Newman
RM/LM: Neil Long
CAM: Rodrick Dalton
ST: Martin Hood

There are two changes; Norman Ismael and Aaron McGuire replace Clinton Conley and Martin Hood.

Lee Mueller

[United Gordonopia]

The Beautiful Game: A History of Football in Gordonopia
By Dr. Frank Donaugh, Imperial University

Chapter III - Spreading Roots

With the seeds of the sport planted in Gordonopia City and Deska, they would need to expand further in order to survive.

The first real movement was when a member of FC Deska, Howard Furst, moved to the city of Reichsburg on business in the summer of 1904. While members of other clubs had left their hometowns, Furst was the first to bring football with him. When he arrived in his new home, Furst advertised in a local paper that he would be instructing anyone who showed up at a local park the next saturday in the 'exotic' and 'far away' sport of football, imported freshly from the colonies. After enlisting and instructing a few co-workers and friends to help as assistants, Furst was shocked at the nearly 160 men who showed up to learn. After several weeks, 50 of them would join Furst in forming the Reichsburg Football Club.

Manley's school provided its first transplant when one of Manley's closest friends, retired Sergeant James Hughes, offered to travel to Teva, the largest port in Gordonopia and the next largest city in the nation, in order to raise interest in the game. Enlisting several old military buddies stationed in the city, as well as a few dozen locals who were interested including some individuals from the small Atlantian immigrant population, Hughes founded the Teva Football Club on January 3rd, 1905.

It was Hughes' model that ultimately helped spread the first roots of football throughout the nation. In a letter back to Manley, Hughes wrote on January 30th, "This game we have come to love deserves to be shared with the nation. I firmly believe that with time it could stand alongside even running. To do that we must bring it to the people ourselves."

Over the next two years, scions of first Manley's and later Faulkner's and other newly established clubs like the aforementioned Reichsburg and Teva made journeys to cities and even towns throughout Gordonopia hoping to drum up interest and found new clubs. In some cities they found little interest, despite the foreign allure of the game. In many others, particularly those that had never been powerhouses in running, such as Tolven, or metropolises like Tolten where industrialization had fostered overcrowding, high street crime, and only a few lots as empty space, not conducive environments to running but suitable for small football games, small communities began to form.

By the end of 1906, five years after the game was introduced, there were 80 football clubs throughout Gordonopia. On Christmas Eve, to raise the profile for the game, the two fathers of the sport managed to put together the funds to rent Dawson Field, a small 9,000 capacity track and field stadium in the capitol, to use the interior field for the highest profile Gordonopian match ever. Because of the lack of running events around that time of the year, they were able to secure a handful of journalists from both city's papers, one of which even ran the story above the fold on the cover of the sports section. Gordonopia FC ultimately won the match 3-2, kicking off what has become the quintessential Gordonopian rivalry.

Football had had its biggest day, but after five years it needed to do something in order to become more than just a passing fad. The Second Golden Age of Expansion, which had been an incubator for the game, had already ended. The game needed something to help it bloom.

[Audioslavia]

Rubio Sanchez had been married to Sue Dysos for god-knows how many years. He'd thought he'd gotten used to her occasional bouts of anger and frustration, and the occasional over-reaction in life as well as in her writing style, but even he was surprised to see how much bile she'd thrown in the direction of the Audioslavia national team in their defeat to Cassadaigua.
"...utterly devoid of ideas, tactical nous or even, on occasion, a single hint of a desire to chase the game..."
"...Klimt's team selections have raised more than a few eyebrows, and with departed assistant David Radic having delivered sound thrashings to allcomers from his new post at Falconwhereveryouare, the jury is out as to who *actually* was the brains behind Audioslavia's recent triumphs..."
"...now with just two wins in their last five, with three defeats coming against opposition ranging from 'modest' to 'middling'..."
"...despite all their amazonian bragadocio, broad-shouldered posturing and brash vulvas-to-the-wall style, this Dagan side still played like less than the sum of their parts, let alone their former glories, and that the Bulls have failed to even worry this most pedestrian of sides is nothing short of preposterous..."
"...an incomprehensible cluster-shambles from start to finish, and a measure of how quickly a team can fall from grace..."
"...rubbish. Just rubbish...."
"...assistant manager Alvaro Mozo is evidently utterly out of his depth at this level, as well as looking like he should still be in school...."
"...a terrible appointment by the FFA. Overtures should be made to Radic immediately..."
"....Tragedy. A f***ing tragedy"

"Hi darling" came a voice behind Rubio. He turned to see Sue stroll in through the front door, a bag of shopping in either hand. Rubio heard the clicketty-clank of bottles and figured, despite the fact that they had both cut down on alcohol intake since the kids had arrived, that letting off some steam might be a good idea. Indeed, Sue had the look of someone who'd stopped off at the pub on her way home from the supermarket. Her cheerful and slightly hazy demeanour was utterly at odds with what Rubio had just read. He decided to play it cautiously.
"Just read your article" said Rubio, after Sue had finished unpacking everything that was breakable or easy to fashion into a weapon at short notice. Sue grinned.
"Like it? I properly tore into them. Figured they deserved it"
"I'm sure the players do, maybe Klimt" said Rubio, not looking Sue in the eye, "they've been really lacklustre, not impressed anyone since the World Cup 64 triumph. Still, though... do you reckon you had to lay into that Alvaro Mozo so hard?"
"Yeah, I did" said Sue, crossing her arms, daring Rubio to persue the conversation. Rubio took his chances.
"He's just a kid"
"He's 27"
"You know what I mean. 27 is old for a gymnast, good for a footballer, but damned young for a manager, even an assistant manager. At least let him find his feet first"
"Find his feet? F***er couldn't find his arse with a cock-shaped metal rod and an industrial magnet'
Rubio bristled at that sentence. He sometimes wondered whom exactly was the 'lady' in his relationship.
"Still young. Started out at twenty-five, inexperienced, knows his stuff though, so I've heard, clever young lad. Might be manager of the national team in the future. You might not want to upset him"
"He might not want to upset me more"
"You know what I mean"
"I do" replied Sue, "but it doesn't matter, does it? He's too young. The FFA shouldn't have entrusted him with such a role, especially if they had an inkling that Radic's role was more important than the rest of us believed. You can't just throw a kid in to the big-time like that"
"You can" said Rubio, "surely if you're good enough, you're old enough?"
"Balls" said Sue, walking past Rubio and into the living room. Rubio stood up, took his newspaper and followed her in, sitting carefully next to her as she slumped onto the sofa.
"I was 22 when I covered my first world cup. Everyone said I was too young then. Jeremy didn't"
"Jeremy's a.." started Sue, before stopping herself, having a thought. "That's why you don't want me to ride him too hard, isn't it?"
"Maybe it is" said Rubio. "You should interview him at least, let him explain himself
"Pfft" spluttered Sue, cracking open a can of beer. "It'll be a month until I could meet him without decking him. He's on thin ice with me. You love him so much, you do it"
Rubio thought for a moment.
"Might be a good idea, actually" he replied..

---

Jeremy Jaffacake dropped his pen and flipped the chart round to face his partner in crime.
"What's this?" said Sucker Punch, the Karditani pony with whom Jeremy was collaborating.
"What do you mean, 'what's this?', this is the plan. All here in black and white"
"I can see that" said Sucker, taking a sip of an espresso martini - a difficult feat at the best of times for a horse, especially difficult after previously having had several other espresso martinis. Sucker had fondly imagined that the caffeine would cancel out the alcohol content. In reality he simply became jittery as well as un-coordinated. Ever the scientific-minded, Sucker had decided to keep experimenting with that particular cocktail, 'just to make sure'. "What I mean is, I can't read any of it. Your handwriting looks like that of a... a..."
"A pissed pony on a caffeine high"
"Exactly the phrase I was going to use, actually"
"Well that's hardly my fault, is it? Somebody broke my right hand" said Jeremy, pointing at the plaster on his hand.
"Somebody else saw an iron shoe attatched to a hoof attached to a five-hundred pound stallion and decide to rap his three century-old hand against it as hard as he could"
"Someone's a snarky little drunk, aren't they?"
"Depends on the someone"
"Anyway. Until I can get this typed up on a computer, *this* here is the plan".
Sucker surveyed the enormous sheet of paper, and the myriad circles and scrawls thereon.
"Looks like an awful lot of... stuff" said Sucker, trying carefully to place is emptied espresso martini glass back on its saucer and failing. The glass tipped over and spilt a drop of liquid onto the sheet. Sucker had the decency to let out a 'whoops' as Jeremy sighed and wiped the stain off with his sleeve, putting the glass back on the saucer as slowly and sarcastically as he could, with his left hand, while giving Sucker an ironic 'look'. This time, the glass missed the saucer by three inches, rolled off the table and onto the floor, shattering into three large pieces with a sharp crunch. Jeremy and Sucker looked forlornly at the glass's remains.
"So" said Sucker, "we're two guys, with eight limbs but only one hand, neither of us can write, neither of us can perform basic motor tasks, and its taken us a whole two weeks to come up with the most embarassingly simple and dumb plan to smuggle alcohol into Kjeligsted - a strict, dry island in which the penalty for booze-smuggling is the loss of a hand. Heaven help us. Lets hope they take your fucked hand at any rate"
"Lets" said Jeremy, before frowning, "no, wait, lets hope they take someone else's hand"
"Quite. We do, after all, have minions in mind for our 'operation'"
"'Ted' should be on board" said Jeremy, referring to the enormous criminal he'd hired as a retainer shortly after almost being killed by the same man. Enemies closer, and all that. "And anyway, the plan has changed since we last spoke. I had a brain-wave"
"What was wrong with the previous plan?" asked Sucker, exasperated, "it took us two weeks of kerfuffling just to come up with 'that', we exhausted every other avenue. The apples thing is the simplest idea"
"Exactly" said Jeremy, "so everyone can do it"
"Or, they could get *us* to do it for them, pay a small fee, and not risk getting their hand chopped off"
"*Small* fee" said Jeremy, *small*. We're not in this for small profits, are we? And I'm damned sure I didn't spend three weeks across a table from your martini-swilling ass just to..."
"My mother's here?" said Sucker, startled, looking around. Jeremy frowned before he realised what he'd just said.
"Very funny. Anyway. The previous plan was too simple. 'Buy apples from one shop, buy sugar from another shop, combine the two in a warm cupboard, mash together, let the apples rot, let the bacteria digest the sugar and shit the alcohol, blend, sell'. Too simple. Anyone can do that and at almost zero risk of getting caught. My plan, however, is much, much more devious"

Remember what I said about the wee guy in The Inevitable Syndicate? He was smuggling a box of sand from Syndicatia to Ibex every day, riding on the back of a goat. The border control would search the box every day, tip it up, delve through it, and find it was full of sand and nothing else - no trace of drugs, narcotics of any description, nothing - and had to let him go on his way. Only later did one bright spark realise that the box was a red herring, proverbially of course, and that it was the *goat* that was the contraband. He was smuggling slaves into Ibex. Well, I was thinking about that story. We realised there was no way we could do the same thing - we can hardly ride into Kjeligsted on the back of a barrel of whisky - but we can do something similar. Kind of. The explanation for my plan has to go back in time a long way. Long long way. Before even I was born. Back to the dark ages, even before [Violet] and Audioslavia even existed. Back to the tribal days. Before everything, but not before cheese.
Every wondered how we have cheese? Did some bright spark think, just after the invention of fridges, that leaving milk a cool place for months on end would result in a tasty snack to have with red wine and crackers? No. Cheese has been around since... well, probably shortly after the domestication of previously wild animals. Shortly after we started realising how wonderful cow's milk tasted, we started trying to find ways to transport it from place to place, for when we wanted milk for a long journey and couldn't be arsed tugging a cow along. Well, to do that, one needs something to put the milk in, and some bright spark came up with the idea of taking an animal's stomach, putting the milk in, and then sewing it up. Naturally, at some point someone forgot to properly clean the insides, tasted the milk, realised it was disgusting, and left it somewhere. Months passed, then someone finds this stomach full of something that context demanded must be milk, they realised it was hard, though, and opened it up to find something odd, unfamiliar, alien. 'Cheese'. The enzymes in the animal's stomach had turned the milk to cheese, rather than simply to 'rotten milk'. To this day, even, we still use similar techniques to make cheese. Most cheesemakers use chemicals instead of actual animal-innards, but some still use the animal. Parmizan. Can't make parmizan without it. 'Rennet', that's the name. Can get it from any mammal, even a human, but usually you just use a cow. One of its four stomachs."

"Cheese" said Sucker. "You're talking about cheese. We don't want or need to smuggle cheese".

"Let me finish. Anyway, so that's the method we're going to use. We're going to carry our booze in an animal's stomach, *but*, not the way you're thinking. We're not simply going to cart a load of cow stomachs around with us and tell any snooper that they're filled with milk, rather than brandy. For one that'd make terribe brandy. What we're going to do is travel with a load of animals, and not just any animal. We're going to travel over to Kjeligsted with a herd of Siggies"

"Cigarettes? Siggies? What in blazes are you talking about?"

"Lemme finish, lemme finish. The Siggy. Common or garden siggy. Its an animal in Audioslavia, been in Audioslavia for years and years and years, probably since before humans arrived. They were a protected species for a bit, but we closed off a few of our more boring mountains to mountaineers and, so I've heard, the hills are *teeming* with them now. Siggies are weird creatures Two long legs on one side, one short leg on the other side. Its ideal for galloping round mountains but not for much else. The siggy isn't a relative of the cow, animalickicky speaking, but has something in common with it. Siggies have more than one stomach. Three to be precise. The third stomach merely blends the contents of the other two together for ease of pooping. Of the others, one is for turning grass into energy, the other is a special one, nurtured over hundreds and thousands of years of evolutionary oddness. That stomach is for eating rotten fruit. Y'see, at the top of these mountain ranges, millions of years ago, there used to be fruit trees. Don't ask how or why, there just were, and they went extinct long ago. The siggy evolved to eat the fruit of the tree, catching it as it fell and rolled down the mountain. Occasionally, of course, they'd encounter an old piece of fruit, one that had fallen a while ago but hadn't been spotted by any hungry siggy, so they'd eat these windfalls, but by that point they'd already have started going rotten. The siggies at one point would have been getting very drunk, but rather than evolve a distaste for them or simply stop eating them, they instead evolved a way of dealing with the alcohol problem. Their secondary stomach - previously only used for munching grass - developed a knack for taking the sugars and good stuff out and getting rid of the alcohol via the bladder, without absorbing any of it. Their piss must have been something like twenty percent ABV, when mixed in with the regular pee from their usual diet. Anyway, the fruits they ate stopped growing on the mountains long, long ago, but the ability to perform their Jesus routine lives on, like a tail-bone or in a human or a pelvic bone in a python. Some bright spark figured this out a long, long time ago and tried to sell Siggy-piss to the wider public. It never took off. It tasted, quite frankly, like piss, and in a competitive alcohol market it died a death. I remember the guy trying a new technique - cutting off the siggy's primary stomach, tying a knot in the 'out' end and feeding it pure fruit. The piss became about 80 percent ABV, still tasted funny, but was an improvement and, given a bit of treatment with spices, molasses and such, was more or less okay to drink. Thing is, the guy's repuation had been tarnished - that kinda thing'll happen if you try to sell piss to people - so he never found a buyer for it and, in any case, it was shortly after that that Siggies became an endangered species - probably winos going up the hills and sucking on their fur. Anyway, as far as I'm aware, the alcoholic potential of the secondary stomach of the siggy has been largely forgotten, most likely by the powers-that-be in Kjeligsted at any rate.."

"So, hold up, hold up" said Sucker, who's brain was in danger of falling out of his nose. "You're proposing that, rather than smuggle alcohol into the country, or make cheap moonshine using legally imported fruit and sugar, that we kidnap a couple of these 'siggy' things - which I'm pretty sure you've just made up to fuck with me - and mutilate them by removing a stomach and cleaning their insides up a little, and letting them work as living, breathing means for the production of, from what I can glean from what you said, is a slightly pissy version of rum?"
"Not quite" said Jeremy, "there's more"
Sucker sighed in resignation.
"My thinking was... what if we leave the primary stomach of the animal as it is... but we change its diet? What if, instead of feeding it grass - as its used to - we feed it.... hops and malts? We'd feed it whichever fruit it liked, however much it liked. Hops and malts are half the ingredients needed for beer, the other being yeast and water. Well, we're bypassing the yeast part, and water shoud be easy to come by on what is, of course, a small island."
"Wouldn't work" said Sucker, after a moment's thought. "The animal would eat the hops and malts, use them as fuel, and shit out something rather horrible"
"Malts would go straight through it" said Jeremy, "don't think it can digest anything like that.... good point though. Not thought about that. Hmm. Well, we could... rewire the siggy, so to speak..."
"Rewire it?"
"You know.. maybe find a way to put this hops in that isn't though its mouth. Maybe... maybe we could feet it straight into stomach number three? Oh.. oh god I've got it... stomach three.. .that produces poo as one by-product, but produces milk as another. Well... it won't be able to produce milk if we're not feeding it grass... so how about we rewire the udders?"
"What?"
"Turn the animal upside-down. Turn the outie-udders into innie-udders. Feed the hops through there. It can mix in with the alcohol and the malts, sit there brewing for a few days, and then get pissed out naturally. This will be an animal that literally pisses beer... is that not exciting?"
"There are so, so many things wrong with this, Jeremy, that I don't even know where to begin. I can't barely remember how to talk"
"Only problem I can think of is that the digestive period of the siggy is long for a mammal but not nearly long enough to make a good beer. We'll be making weak, pissy beer, but with a whole load of ginger or lemon we could make pretty damned good ginger-beer or shandies."
Jeremy had a very, very wide grin on his face. He appeared to think he was a genius. To be fair, though, Jeremy usually thought he was a genius, despite what his actions or brain functions might be up to.
"There's the problem of... you know... animal cruelty" said Sucker, "which as an animal I am utterly against"
"Well thats just turkeys voting for christmas" said Jeremy, shrugging
"No, no, its not 'turkeys voting for christmas' its 'a horse voting against mutilating a farm animal for material gain"
"That's all farmers do" protested Jeremy
"No, there's attaching machines to cows and there's whipping pack horses and there's performing sick sub-human-centipide surgical operations on pack animals"
"They're not pack animals" said Jeremy, "nowhere near big enough".
"What? Then... jesus Jeremy how small are they?"
"About.... lemming sized" said Jeremy. "Not very big. Not very bright. Small ginger and round. Two and a half legs."
"Sounds... sounds like they deserved to go extinct" said Sucker, frowning.
"There's the spirit!" said Jeremy, "see, it'll be easy"
"I didn't mean 'sounds like they deserved to go extinct therefore lets collect a load of them together and perform....' wait, how many will we need?"
"Oh, no more than a few thousand"
"A few thousand? How many of them are there in Kjeligsted? Won't people notice they've gone missing"
"Not at all" said Jeremy, "there aren't any in Kjeligsted. Its flat. Siggies can't live on flat land, they've only got two and a half legs.We'd have to bring them from the Audioslavian mountains. That, however, is where the second part of my devious plan comes in..."
Sucker leant back in his chair and nodded at the attractive human waitress who had popped by to top up their drinks. He'd ordered a decaffineated espresso-martini this time. Jeremy had decided he didn't fancy drinking beer any more, and opted for the same as Sucker.
"I know before i ask that I'll regret this but, fuck it, we've come this far already, I'll ask anyway. Jeremy. What is the second part of your plan?"
"We find a perfectly reasonable excuse for why we're carting thousands of siggies into Kjeligsted. I, as it happens, have the perfect excuse. We disguise them"
"We disguise them? We disguise a three-legged furry ginger booze-pissing lemming-sized mammal as something? As what?"
"As a lemming-sized mammal, of course. A lemming, to be precise". Sucker blinked. "It's brilliant" continued Jeremy, "we disguise them as lemmings. Buy them spare legs and give them a the mammalian equivalent of a groucho-marx sunglasses-nose-mustache mask. We make them look like lemmings and we tell people that they are tourists from Neo Lemmitania. That way, we won't even need to hire trucks. We'll hire buses! We'll give each siggylemming its own seat, a book to read, in-passage movie, the lot."
"Again" said Sucker, "I have a *number* of important and pertinent questions and observations. For one, Lemmitanians *aren't actually Lemmings*, they're humans..."
"Kjeligstedis don't know that. Odd, insular island. Lemmitania hasn't been spoken of for decades, centuries even. The nation passed into folklore, a wild race of lemmings once hell-bent on repressing and oppressing the Audioslavian culture. Nobody would be surprised if, a few months after the Lemmitanian region of Audioslavia - as I will insist on calling it - declared independence, or re-independence, whatever you want to call it, they see a bus-load of 'Lemmitanians' arriving on holiday.
Sucker stood up.
"Fine. Great" said Sucker, "its a plan. We'll do it. Set the gears in motion and we'll meet tomorrow"
"Excellent, knew you'd come around" said Jeremy, an excited grin on his face.
"I haven't" said Sucker, shaking his head, "but if I don't agree then you'll keep trying to explain it, and I feel I was more familiar and comfortable with the whole process back when I hadn't heard of any of it"

---

Jon Mozo, barman extroadinaire and baby brother of under-fire Audioslavia assistant manager Alvaro Mozo, put out his twentieth cigarette of the afternoon into his ashtray and looked longingly out of the window. Days off work used to be great. He used to be out drinking, partying, pulling girls, the lot. Not any more. Not since most forms of chemical entertainment had been banned. He'd initially tried to find speakeasies, having learned about them in ancient films and being sort of excited to try them out, but the powers-that-be had been wise to such an idea long before the thought had crossed even the most devious gangster's head. There were speakeasies around, of course, just like there were brothels, but the elusivity of the bars meant that they were expensive, and the wage of a barman in a dry hotel could barely pay for one drink. It wasn't the alcohol he missed - he could take it or leave it, really - it was the culture that surrounded it. Jon had never properly acclimatised so sober life, despite having left the mainland to do exactly that. The passage of the anti-booze law had annoyed him, and just as he was turning eighteen too - old enough to actually, legally buy booze without fear of being reprimanded and beaten with his own skateboard.
He'd heard tell from a barman friend in Calorborne that plans were in the works for the cartel to move in, to meet the Kjeligstedi authorities head-on. Some kind of Karditani-Audioslavian partnership, apparently. Whatever was going to happen, he knew one thing for certain. He wanted in.

[Quakmybush]

*Press conference room*

Sitting in the front of the room are Quakmybush National Soccer Team Members Jon Fields IV, and Benjamin Paxton, as well as Manager Matthew Johnstone, and the president of the Quakmybush Soccer Association Jon FIelds III.

Fields III: Quakmybush has been in dark times recently, with money drying up, leading to economic downturn, and all in all chaos. Thankfully, this time is passed us as a nation. During this time, the QSA had no choice but to suspend operations of the national soccer team. Finally after nearly 10 years of horrible times in this country, the sun appears to be coming up. Part of this uprising includes the reinstating of many national sports teams in the nation. This includes soccer. However, when we heard the news, we wanted to make this big. The Quakmybush National Soccer team is a rather storied one in the history of the World Cup. A rather successful nation in regards to qualifying. The team qualified for 12 of the first 13 World Cups it attempted to. During this, the team became the first EVER unranked nation to qualify. They accomplished this 36 Cups ago. It was truly a joyous time for the nation. We hope the team can continue to bring joy to the nation by qualifying, and eventually winning a World Cup. Back in the glory days, the team was known as the Sharks, however we feel, as an association that changing this will give the team a fresh new start. We have two team members as well as manager Johnstone here with us to usher in this next great chapter in Quakmybush soccer. Manager Johnstone will speak now.

Johnstone: Hello all, great to see you here. I for one am very excited for this opportunity. I believe that we have a great core of young players that can make us a competitive side for a very long time. Now, I know Quakmybush is used to qualifying, however the talent pool is now much deeper within the sporting world. We as a team will do everything within our power to qualify for this 65th annual World Cup. However, it will take a very amazing run. We as a team expect to be competitive, and finish near the middle of the group. But within two World Cups, we expect to be competing for the real prize.

Fields III: Thank you Matt. We will know unveil the much awaited new name, and colors of Quakmybush soccer.

Paxton and Fields IV move up to the middle of the podium, and each pull down a corner of fabric revealing the new kits, crest, and name for the team. Applause fills the room.

Fields III: As you can see the colours come from our wonderful flag, and drawing a beautiful blue from former nations. The crest represents the new and old of Quakmybush soccer. The former fin of the old sharks and the cross of the flag in the background. We feel the name Celts represents many of the people of Quakmybush and it also has quite the ring to it. Thank you all for coming, and good luck to the team this qualifying cycle!

[New Sideburn]

Cathy Stokes' Dream Diary
November 17, 330
I dreamt I was holding a ball in a white room. The other left-back, Leila Corvette, was staring at me. She said, "Don't drop the ball, Cath." After a couple of seconds, I dropped the ball. It bounced off of one of my feet and rolled into the distance. There was about a minute and a half of uncomfortable silence, and the dream ended.

"Come on, lads! Run up the score a bit!" bellowed Gethin. It was 1-0 in their favour, but... his leg hurt, and that was a bad sign. Anyway, he hated being the overdogs. He wasn't used to it. "Oh, come on, come on, come on..."
He'd experimented a little with the formation for this game. Not only was Grant Beardsley being... rested, on Escher's advice, but Jessica Loque was making her first start in place of Anna at right-back. May as well test out the second-stringers. What could possibly go wrong?
After all, they were just Creeper, a tiny ninth seed nobody even knew, numbers without names on the back of their jerseys. Number seven at right wing. Number four in defensive midfield. Number ten surging forward into the box in possession as a centre-forward.
...
Wait.
"FUCK!" roared Gethin as Rook bodyslammed him. Unsurprisingly, the WCC referee gave the penalty.
At seventy-eight minutes. If they put this away...
Well, Portia Thrift was good at this penalty-stopping lark. If anyone could-
Creeper's number 8 took the penalty thunderously down the middle. Portia flopped to her right, and... the scores were level.
"Calm down, Gethin," cajoled Escher. "There's still time. Throw on Tara, she's a big lass, she could put us ahead again."
But she didn't. The scores ended level. And if they were going to press for a playoff place, they... really couldn't afford to drop points like that again.
-----------------------
Gethin sighed. "Right, lads. Get on down to the pub. I sure know I need a drink."
Rook was first to gratefully lumber forward, but Gethin slammed his fist into the doorway to block his path at throat-level. "Not you." Rook glanced into Gethin's eyes, saw no mercy there, and slunk back onto one of the benches. The other players filed out, some giving sympathetic glances towards Rook but most were just relieved it hadn't been them.

The centre-back opened his mouth to speak, but Gethin slammed the door shut. It wasn't really a gesture you could talk over. Besides, it was loud.
"Today, Rook," the manager announced grandly, "I'm going to talk to you about the role of the centre-back. The slow, dependable centre-back whose age is really starting to count against him but we keep him around because he's experienced and canny and a big bastard."
"Now hang about, chief, I-"
"The slow, dependable, squad player, no-longer-necessarily-first-team-grade centre-back," Gethin continued loudly. "Now, Rook, you tell me what the centre-back's role is."
"Stop the other bloke scoring," grunted Rook.
"Close. The right answer is to deny the other bloke chances to score. What would you say constitutes a chance to score? What about, like... a penalty?"
"Come on, chief, he was rolling on the ground!" sneered Rook.
"Sure. I'll buy that. You poleaxed him from the fucking shins, but lessay he dived." Gethin leaned in very, very unpleasantly close. His breath smelt of black coffee and taurine. "Doesn't fucking matter. Looked enough like a foul for the referee... and you know as well as anyone we got a reputation for foul play. Not entirely unearned, at that." Gethin lit a cigar, and shrugged. "I'm taking you into the next match. Don't let me down again."

[Krytenia]

Are You Sitting Comfortably?
By Rami Niblick in Jhanna

AS Krytenia celebrates two centuries of footballing prowess (insofar as one losing World Cup Final appearance and two Olympic gold medals can be classed as "prowess"), the Margarets who blessed the draw balls must have been channelling some serious mojo. There's Europa Brittania, who gave the Aces some serious lessons on finals play when they met way back in World Cup XVI. There's Legalese, and Zwangzug, and there's Neo Lemmitania, the bastard zombie offspring of a legend from back when cyan was just a printing ink.

And then, there's them. The other team celebrating fifty World Cup cycles this time out (unless you count Turori, and why would you? Weirdos) and the shining violet beacon of all that is bad and impure in the footballing world - at least through the sky blue tinted glasses of the Krytenians.

Starblaydia.

They may be the sixth best team in the world right now, and they may be the favourites for winning the group, but do we care? Do we hell. Quite simply, we can put it thusly:

Choose life. Choose a team. Choose a colour. Choose a fandom. Choose a sky blue replica shirt. Choose watching from the stands, singing, overpriced beer, and curried brownies. Choose greying hair, high stress and semi-final defeats. Choose going to Polar Islandstates in the middle of January. Choose a Casaran ref. Choose cheap flights to the back end of wherever. Choose tracksuits and matching caps. Choose a season ticket at the Isserson. Choose highlights on KBS One and wondering what the fuck went wrong on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on a plastic seat watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing defeats, stuffing a vindaloo burger into your mouth. Choose screaming at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable bar, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish bastards in purple. Choose no future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got Valrauncion?

ONWARD!

[Brenecia]

The free kick rippled the back of the net, smashing past Mansfield as he stood rooted to the spot.
Blake Lawless, on the sidelines, chose this moment to swear. A lot.

But at least there had been something to take away from this match...

Riggs, for example, specialised in long throws. One of them had been the cause for the goal. He hurled the ball over the Carmadian defence, and Edmund Pike danced in front of a centre-back to chest the ball to his feet, and from his feet smashed it into the net. And despite being on the defensive most of the game, a back four now containing Bruce Morant was coping with it admirably. Mansfield in particular was doing sterling work in goal, and Sam Allbeck had apparently learned how to effectively move upfield from her experience in New Sideburn. Some neat overlapping play with Macbeth had happened on the right wing.

Brenecia were almost attractive to watch, as long as you didn't go in for pretty little triangles.

But ultimately, Brenecia had failed to get a result again. Next match, Sudagiu... maybe they'd get the result they were due.
------------------------------------------------
SCOOP OF THE DAY with MEREDITH FINCHE
Hello again, my friends! It's a good day, and Brenecia... have done alright, but they lost. Again. It's really annoying how we can't keep hold of a point.
Oh, well.
Brenecia have had struggles with centre-backs, with even captain Leo Musket not safe; he was benched this game for AFC Integabad defender Bruce Morant. Do you know who they could've done with? Northern Union legend Garret Singer, who never played a game for any other club. He was a late arrival at 19, but he had a lot of skill and talent and maturity for his age. He was superb at ball control for a centre-back, relic of his youth which was played as a holding midfielder, which was... uncommon for the position, granted, but it gave him a lot of unique utility. Singer could hold onto the ball as long as you like. He was also a consummate touch in the sliding tackle, and almost never got the man. Granted, most of his red cards (of which there were a few) came from when he did get the man, but still. Singer retired just three years ago, at 34, before he lost his touch from age; after all, that would mean he'd have to find playing time at clubs that weren't Northern Union, and that just wasn't on. But Garret Singer is the first of our centre-backs in our ... Perfect XI project, thing.
See you next week!

[Ancharmunn]

Dariusz couldn't help but feel humiliated as he slumped back into his seat on the bench whilst Eibhlín handed him his tracksuit top. Éibhear Mac Dónaill hadn't even acknowledged him as he completed the warm-up he'd been told to go on ten minutes ago. Instead Ancharmunn's manager switched between pensively concentrating on the action on the pitch and trying to block out the catcalls from within the stands.

“Get that bloody Murray off, Mac Dónaill! We need a proper striker out there!”

Dariusz couldn't help but agree, what Ancharmunn needed was someone like him out on the pitch. In most cases the two goals he'd scored off the bench in the opening round of qualifying against The Greater Archipelago might well have convinced most managers to give him a go. It hadn't and Mac Dónaill had seen fit to keep him on the bench for the trip to Chiata in the next round of matches. Even worse he'd only given him a brief cameo appearance at the onset of injury-time in a listless match that had been crying out for a player with something about him, a verve, a spark, to come on and make a difference. Even despite his limited time he'd managed to create Ancharmunn's only respectable effort on goal with a shot that just fizzed wide in what had proved to be the final act of that match.

The line-up for the second home match of qualifying, the visit of Tasrailia, a side without so much as a single whole point in the KPB rankings had been announced the evening before to the squad at their secluded hotel base on the outskirts of Ballyfeeaknock. Dariusz, surprised at being omitted had taken up the issue with Mac Dónaill of why he wasn't starting. The response had merely been an uninterested shrug and a mumble about not having shown himself to be worth a start.

Bollocks to that. He was banging the goals in at club level for Goidelic and was leading the scoring charts in the National Soccer League. He was the only Charmunnry player to have scored so far in the World Cup 65 qualifiers. If he hadn't shown enough to merit a start then what the hell had Piaras Ó Flannagáín and Shaun Murray contributed between them? As if to emphasise his point Murray ballooned a chance well over the Tasrailia bar, all Dariusz could do was to throw himself back against the headrest of his seat and look to the heavens in exasperation. Again, the crowd protested.

“Gerthadonkeyoff Mac Dónaill! He's bloody useless!”

There then came various suggestions of what shape to switch to, who should move where and who should come off and on in order to change the game in Ancharmunn's favour. A handful even made a half-hearted attempt at a 'There's only Cormac Power' chant. Conspicuous by it's absence was any mention of Dariusz Kaczka's name. That even Cormac Power, a man yet to score this season for Ballymairead Town was mentioned above him was perhaps the most galling aspect of it.

Once again Mac Dónaill was floundering in the face of adversity. Something clearly needed changing and yet he was trying so hard to look as if he was considering his options that the reality was that nothing at all was happening. All the while Tasrailia were lurching forward with more of a vengeance with every attack. A bloodlust, a sense of imminent victory had engulfed them, and each venture forward appeared to weaken the Charmunnry defence even more. When the elastic finally snapped it was in the shape of Barry Fitzpatrick selling Aodan McGrath short with a woeful backpass. The Tasrailia forward Jarrod Murphy needed no second invite and gleefully latched onto the loose ball before rounding the stranded McGrath for what will surely be one of the easiest goals of his career.

Fifteen minutes left at home at home to the group's eight seeds and Ancharmunn were 3-2 down. The roars of disapproval from the crowd would only grow louder if things stayed this way. Mac Dónaill now had to do something, anything. Or at least just about anything.

Just about as reluctantly as he could he motioned for Dariusz Kaczka to get off the bench and come on as the final substitute. Not that it was a move that endeared Mac Dónaill to his critics.

“The bloody Mytanar? What do we want with that eejit?”

“You're bloody clueless Mac Dónaill!”

“What's Ancharmunn come to when we're letting them play for us for slani's sake?”

Rather than carry on relaying his instructions on to Kaczka the beleaguered manager instead turned to the stands and offered an apologetic shrug. As far as pep-talks went, it was far from the most encouraging that Kaczka had ever received.

Seventeen minutes later and the ten-thousand or so that have bothered to remain of the fifteen-thousand crowd were wildly differing in emotions. One the one hand they'd come back from the dead and not only got a late equaliser but also snatched victory from the jaws of defeat with a late-late-late winner. They were rightfully going ballistic in only the way that such a turnaround could inspire. On the other hand however the difference had been Dariusz Kackza, the striker from Ballymytanar. How could they truly be happy when the two goal match-saving cameo had come from someone who wasn't even a proper Charmunnry anyway?

An Aelsh captain? Fine. Hell, perhaps even a naturalised Audioslavian who had assimilated into Charmunnry culture, or maybe even Stl-Blnd acting as a matchmaker and matching up Charmunnry folk with Vanorians, Starblaydis, Aguazuleño or Candelariasians in an attempt to force some footballing genes into the Charmunnry population on the basis of those nations had once been good at the game, all for the purpose of an advertising campaign. But having to adopt a Charmunnry born Mytanar as some sort of hero? That was simply too much.

[Chiata]

Chiata News Article
Is it not ment to be? Will it ever hapen? These are some of the questions Chiata Suns fans are asking. These quastions could be directed to several things. With the Suns ever score? Will they ever win? Hopefully the answers will be yes. Yesterday the Suns lost to their rivals, The Greater Archipelago 1-0. On the bright side, Chiata only gave up one goal.
The Chiata Suns next game will be against the Kytler Peninsulae. They entered the World Cup at number 10 in group 13 and unranked in the world. Kytler is also winless so hopefully we can see the Suns win for the first time ate our home field.

Matchday 3 Results:
Eura 3–2 The Kytler Peninsulae
The Licentian Islands 1–1 Jeru FC
Eastfield Lodge 2–0 Vakolic
Ancharmunn 4–3 Tasrailia
The Greater Archipelago 1–0 Chiata

Updated Rankings:
1: Eastfield Lodge 3-0-0 +8gd
2: Eura 3-0-0 +4gd
3: The Greater Archipelago 3-0-0 +4gd
4: The Licentian Islands 2-1-0 +4gd
5: Jeru FC 1-1-1 +1gd
6: Ancharmunn 1-1-1 0gd
7: Chiata 0-1-2 -4gd
8: Tasrailia 0-0-3 -5gd
9: The Kytler Peninsulae 0-0-3 -5gd
10: Vakolic 0-0-3 -7gd

Note: The Chiata News Paper will not be able to run from 6-23-13 to 6-29-13. That is the leangth of one of Chiata's national holidays. We are sorry for the inconvinence.
OOC: I'm going camping and won't be able to rp for a week.

[Lymantatia]

Lymantatia 1–2 New Montreal States
Posted at 9:00pm 2013 June 21 - Lymantatia has lost its Matchday 3 game which is against New Montreal States. The only time we scored goals, the other team did not score any goals. The most famous part of this game, when Jacques DeLamielleure tried to block the goal, he was tripped by John Randle-Cunningham very fast. Then DeLamielleure's face landed on the field.
Goalscorers
16 mins - Jacques Bressler (Lymantatia)
30 mins - John Randle-Cunningham (New Montreal States)
90 mins - John Randle-Cunningham (New Montreal States)
Current Statistics
Average number of time of goals: 160 minutes
Average number of time of goals by other teams: 60 minutes
Most goals by person on Lymantatia's team: Jacques Bressler (4)
Comments
Less than a minute ago - Well the next game's against Farf.
2 minutes ago - Oh.
3 minutes ago - Then he lost!
4 minutes ago - I know! He tripped!
7 minutes ago - Ha! Look at DeLamielleure!
IC Time is 9:00pm 2013 June 21

[Tasrailia]

Ancharmunn 4-3 Tasrailia

GK: Kyle Danai (Devbourne)
DF: Matthew Norir (Devbourne)
DF: Joshua Coap (Devbourne)
DF: Mario Aoaoae (Launey)
DF: Ryan Eoaee (Devbourne)
MF: Ryan Whincup (Burth)
MF: Ben Ben (Burth)
MF: Michael Mole (Devbourne)
MF: James Blueberry (Hoberra)
FW: Robin Federer (Burth)
FW: Jarrod Murphy (Burth)

I can't believe it, but in someway I can know that Tasrailia have played 2 and lost 2 in a tough group for rookies. The squad was lucky that they got away from their home stadium after the previous match where it was doctor who galore. But at least in Ancharmunn they have actually do have humans.

Anyway the opening minutes was abousilty brilliant with tightness all round. Even if Alun Jenkins scoring the opener in the 7th minute. At least it wasn't like the previous match where it was 4-0 already. The looking was brilliant, the stadium, the crowd show. I quite enjoyed the feel.

A brilliant goal from Alun Jenkins put Tasrailia 2-0 down in the 26th minute and the crowd was in happy mode. That was until Ryan Whincup and Ben Ben scored goas to level the match back up at 2-2 with half time coming in.

The second half of the match started and Shaun Murray kicked the ball way over the bar on our end and even we started to get in exicting mode as the crowd saying "Gerthadonkeyoff MacDonaill! He's bloddy useless!"

That would put Murphy in a brilliant position and he got it. The crowd was booing at the goalkeeper with 3-2 to Tasrailia. Dancing was now the main part with a win in exicting manners.

Then diaster happened with Kyle Danai braking his knee and he couldn't get to the ball as both goals came from Dariusz Kackza to not only destroying the hearts of Tasrailia but celeberating in the Ancharmunn camp and I was diasspointed

The standings after 3 matchdays

1: Eastfield Lodge 3-0-0 +8gd
2: Eura 3-0-0 +4gd
3: The Greater Archipelago 3-0-0 +4gd
4: The Licentian Islands 2-1-0 +4gd
5: Jeru FC 1-1-1 +1gd
6: Ancharmunn 1-1-1 0gd
7: Chiata 0-1-2 -4gd
8: Tasrailia 0-0-3 -5gd
9: The Kytler Peninsulae 0-0-3 -5gd
10: Vakolic 0-0-3 -7gd

[Kiryu-shi]

The mirror was cruel.

It had been a long time since Reah had taken the time to look. To be honest, it had been a long time since she had taken the energy to care, even.

The truth was that she had been attractive once, she knew that. She was the subject of a significant amount of attention when she was younger, and to ignore it would have been… willfully ignorant, to say the lease. And she never had been inclined towards ignorance.

But what she saw now, it was… difficult to take in.

She hadn’t taken well to the attention when she was younger. Back then, at her best, she was reclusive and quiet. At her worst, she could have been called a shut-in. Academic, sure. There had been those who were inclined to call her gifted. But she wasn’t ambitious, and attention could cripple her. She had found a way out, thankfully, which allowed her some degree of success… but she hadn’t really allowed any of the more physical kinds of attention penetrate. And gradually the attention diminished, and it had been… likely years, since she was the subject of it.

Still, she knew what was attractive and what was not. She could even see it in her players, strong, fit, sleek athletes in the prime of their youth. Even if they hadn’t been gifted with beauty, their bodies tended towards a powerful grace, natural athletes. Immersing herself in football had been a means of escape, but they also provided a powerful incentive not to think about her own physicality.


Watching Cassadaigua on tape and seeing them in person were two entirely different things. Reah knew that - it was the same with all teams, all footballers. They had been clinical in their take-down of Audioslavia, playing with a passion.

And then she had caught a glimpse of them earlier today, emerging from a practice field reserved for visiting nations. It had been a coincidence, Reah had simply forgotten her briefcase in her office and was hurrying across campus when she caught sight of the squad, but… That type of self assuredness, poise.


Looking at the mirror now, it was difficult to imagine that she was even the same species as the Cassadaigua squad. And the figure that Brittany Lawton had struck. It was clear that she was a former player. A former world-class player. Just by the way she stood, she looked like the leader of the squad, the way she carried herself.

Reah knew that the Kiri were ranked higher than the Dagans, and that they were supposedly the more talented team. But she doubted any of them even recognized her as she scurried by. How would she manage to stand up on the pitch for ninety minutes with them? How could anyone ever have thought that this was a good idea? And yet… there was nothing to be done to avoid it. Her days of hiding in her room for weeks at a time, only coming out to keep herself nourished, those days were long gone. She had nowhere to hide, now.

[Wight]

.

[Kinitaria]

A History of Kinitar Football in Eighteen Objects
Three: The hotel

The year was 3362. At the Grand Hotel in Serenberg, the face of Kinitar football is about to change forever. The Federation Cup had been going strong for some time now, and was entering its fourth year. Avnani had successfully defended their title in the second edition, before going out at the first round to eventual winners Tirinthea in the next year. This season, the Sports Union of Mi’ato were strong favourites to make a claim for the title which had so far eluded them, but they faced stiff competition from around the country. The competition was rising in popularity every year, with crowds now in excess of 35,000 commonplace for the latter stages. Up to 50 clubs could be counted on to enter every edition. And yet, some clubs saw fit to raise certain grievances with the Football Federation.

Several of these were rules-based; two controversial incidents from the 3361 quarter-finals had led to furious protests from the clubs involved. In the first instance, with Tirinthea 1-0 up against AC Kaniu in the dying seconds, Kaniu were awarded a free-kick. A Tirinthea defender responded by picking up the ball and booting it out of the ground. The referee had no chance but to blow for full-time, because the rules at the time stated that the game lasted for 90 minutes, and did not allow for additional time. The second was in a clash between AU Seliste and Serenberg. Seliste, the underdogs, had fought well, pushing their more skilful opponents all the way, and trailed 3-2. With a Seliste attacker through on goal, the opposing goalkeeper came rushing out of his goalmouth and hauled down the forward some five yards from goal. The only possible reaction was to award a free-kick, which was easily dealt with by the defensive phalanx that formed on the Serenberg goal line. That game ended 3-2. Both clubs had launched furious protests with the Federation, but nothing could be done, since the rules had been followed to the letter in both cases.

The other key issue was an exceptionally common one, especially amongst clubs that had been eliminated in the early rounds. They had joined the Cup in order to have some competitive football, they said. But, once they were eliminated, there would be no competitive football for them for up to a year, and all they could do from that point was to play friendlies – an arrangement that worked fine when it was the only choice, but there was no prestige in having nothing but friendlies all season when other clubs were playing in the nation’s key tournament. But there was one man with an idea. Novak Virincič, the director of SC Serenberg, one-time losing finalists, sent out a letter to many of the nation’s top clubs proposing that, “owing to the prevalence of interference from Cup matches, Clubs are increasingly left with no option but to play undesirable opposition, teams who will not attract public interest [...] therefore, it is desirable that a number of the most prominent member Clubs of the Federation meet in order to organise home and away fixtures each season, guaranteeing regular income and appropriate opposition for the nation’s strongest Clubs”.

That is how representatives from fifteen clubs came to be gathered in the Grand Hotel, Serenberg, with the intention of organising this new competition. League competitions were nothing new in the football world, of course, but Kinitar clubs had previously had very little contact with any foreign football ways, and Virincič himself would later claim that the idea was his own, and that he was completely unaware of any similar competition operating in other parts of the region, although the accuracy of this claim is somewhat dubious. It is notable that, of the fifteen clubs present at this meeting, only one (Paleu SC) was from the north, and they showed little interest in the idea in any case. In response to what many delegates called opposition and open hostility from a number of the northern clubs, it was decided to make membership of this new organisation exclusively available to clubs from the south of the country, resulting in the fledgling organisation becoming known as “The Southern Football Alliance”. This would set a long-running precedent; Kinitar leagues would remain strictly divided by geographical location for a long time, with the formation of a national league not even being discussed for over a century. It would also lead to a great deal of hostility between the northern and southern clubs whenever the two came to meet in cup competitions.

Eventually, twelve clubs – all, naturally, from the south – had signed up to contest the first-ever season of the Alliance. Further meetings were held to make clarifications on the rules. Later that year, the management of the Alliance announced that they would be adopting the penalty kick in place of the free kick for fouls inside a box 18 yards from the goal line. This unilateral announcement caused considerable friction with the Football Federation, who had grown to see themselves as the sole governing body of football within Kinitaria. Relations were not helped by the Alliance’s later declaration that the referee should be allowed to add on time to the end of the match equal to the amount of time lost to stoppages during the regulation 90 minutes of play. It may seem obvious to us, but these were novel and revolutionary ideas in the early development of football. After weeks of tense negotiations between the two bodies, both organisations, and the member clubs of both, agreed that any rule changes would have to be ratified by a simple majority of the clubs in each organisation, as well as that no other body would be allowed power to alter the rules. With the major roadblock out of the way, the way was clear for the first season of the Alliance to begin in 3363.

Once the teams had decided they were happy with the arrangements – each team would play each other team once at home and once away, with two points being awarded for a win, one for a draw and nothing for a loss – the schedule was drawn up and the first ever league season in Kinitaria was ready to begin. This particular schedule had been drawn up to ensure that SC Serenberg, Virincič’s club, would play SU Mi’ato in the first game, with the other ten clubs to play the next day, and then six fixtures to be held on each consecutive weekend, save for those taken up by cup matches, until the season was over. It was seen as an exciting and innovative idea by the Kinitar public, and the speculation was that bumper crowds would be attracted to these new “league” matches. Predictions ahead of the new season were mixed, with Serenberg and Damaciu being seen as two of the front runners, although it looked to many people to be too close to call. Some welcomed the new competition as a welcome way of determining the best team in the country, while others derided its selective nature, and yet more expressed disappointment that Tirinthea – a northern team, and possibly the finest in the country at the time – weren’t to be allowed to compete, owing to the exclusionary nature of the Alliance.

The opening game, as predicted, drew a huge amount of interest. At least 25,000 were packed into the field in which the game was to be held, which was a remarkable feat in the times before there was such a thing as stadiums. They also conducted themselves very well, with a local newspaper report from the time praising the crowd for “exemplary conduct throughout, despite their partisan nature”. The game itself was one to give the packed crowd their money’s worth; the hosts took a 2-0 lead before half-time, before Mi’ato rallied to overturn the deficit immediately after the break. Serenberg inside-left Hamčov put them back in front, before the Mi’ato forward Costin Novrilev brought the game back onto level terms. 3-3 was how it finished, in what would be described as a fantastic advert for this new “Alliance”, as well as giving the other teams in the league something to try to imitate. By all accounts, that’s what they did. Games were open and free-scoring, with highlights including Serenberg’s 8-5 victory over Fojvalva in the pouring rain in the third round, and Čilibeni going down 9-0 at the home of close neighbours Ajbental. Crowds were boosted, as expected, and up to 30,000 people attended some of the higher-profile games, and this was just the beginning.

Meanwhile, in the north, clubs looked with envy at the new competition which was shooting up in popularity across the south. An application by Tirinthea to join next season’s Alliance was rejected out of hand, and so they decided to take matters into their own hands. The chairman of the sports society, one Milo Nikov, called a meeting of the most prominent northern clubs with the intention of establishing their own league. The primary issue was that there were possibly three or four clubs in the north who would have been good enough to join a league, under Alliance standards. Nevertheless, Nikov managed to scrape together interest from eight northern teams, and cabled their intention to form a league to the Federation by the end of the year. Neither the Federation nor the Alliance could prevent the northern clubs playing matches, of course, nor were they especially interested in doing so, but it was made very clear to them that any northern organisation, under the rules agreed at the start of the year, would have any power to vote on rules changes in their own right, save those which were members of the Federation. This was not a popular move, but the northern clubs were backed into a corner, and had little option but to co-operate with the other organisations if they were to have a competition at all.

Meanwhile, the Alliance was having its first major controversy. Liadova’s 3-0 win over Fundatura, it transpired, had taken place with a Liadova player by the name of Zorin Mateyev on the field, who had just transferred from Litora. The player’s registration at his new club, however, had not been completed until two days later. Fundatura argued that they should be awarded the game, but in the end, it was decided that the result would stand, with Liadova being docked the two points that they had won in that game. In the meantime, the season rolled on with growing interest. A game between Damaciu and Serenberg – the top two in the league at the time the game was played – was reportedly watched by 40,000, although it is possible that this figure has been exaggerated. Whatever the case, an intimidating atmosphere was certainly created. Damaciu, the hosts, won 1-0 in a physical contest, which gave them a six-point gap at the top of the table. This was a huge gap in this era, especially with only five games to play, and caused many observers to mark them as champions-elect. They would actually lose three out of their final five, winning the other two, but the chasing pack couldn’t do enough to overtake them, and they confirmed their title with a 5-2 victory over Avnani on the penultimate matchday. The final table for the first ever league season in Kinitaria is reproduced below.

Southern Football Alliance - 3363 season
                   P   W  D  L   F   A   GA  Pts
 1. DAMACIU       22  14  1  7  63  29  2.17  29
 2. Fojvalva      22  12  3  7  44  23  1.91  27
 3. Serenberg     22  11  4  7  52  35  1.49  26
 4. Mi'ato        22  12  2  8  39  50  0.78  26
 5. Ajbental      22  12  1  9  47  34  1.38  25
 6. Lantiči       22  11  2  9  52  43  1.21  24
 7. * Liadova     22  10  5  7  51  31  1.65  23  (-2)
 8. Avnani        22   9  3 10  52  63  0.83  21
 9. Inovita       22   7  4 11  45  58  0.78  18
10. Fundatura     22   6  4 12  28  50  0.56  16
11. Čilibeni      22   7  1 14  47  81  0.58  15
12. Lokani        22   5  2 15  34  57  0.60  12

The experiment was a success. League football had been brought to Kinitaria, and had taken off in style, propelling the sport into a new era. But there were challenges on the horizon – northern clubs wanted in on the action, the spectre of professionalism was about to rear its ugly head, and more and more clubs were springing into existence, all of whom wanted to be a part of the new craze. It would take a lot of work to sort this out, but for many, that was something to be dealt with in the future.

[Maklohi Vai]

Part 1
Part 2

"So you're the new guy, huh? Aren't you, uh, uh, like Wagner?"

Klaus Lomupakani-Wagner had walked into the clubhouse at 8:30, finding a few guys in there getting ready for practice. Most action has stopped when he walked in. After all, he was the new specimen, the new player. The team's lineup was consistent for three World Cups; this one change was actually quite large in that scope. Most people knew he was there to play and left him alone after introducing themselves, but there were a couple who wanted to engage in conversation. This one was reserve defender Nomao Kawai, known to the rest of the team, but not yet Klaus, as a friendly but often nosy guy.

"Yes, I'm Klaus Lomupakani-Wagner. Nice to meet you."

"Oh yeah, I'm Nomao. Call me No."

"Sorry?"

"It's my nickname: No. Most guys have one. You'll get one eventually."

"Oh, ok. I don't have a very good history with nicknames, you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, becaus----"

"Oh wait, aren't you like half-Vaian?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, ok. I've heard of you. I've got a younger brother who is a couple years younger than you. I remember him telling a story where he was bout 10 or so, and watching his club's U13 side face off against yours. There was some idiot parent from his club who was yelling at you, calling you Kraut, I think."

Klaus looked at him. The man did not seem to realize how uncomfortable this was making him. He just looked at Klaus expectantly.

"Well," Klaus started, "I was heckled, yes. For my race. I don't remember that incident beca----"

"How could you not remember it? That's probably something that sticks with you for a long time, huh?"

"It's happened so many times it just all blends together as one big thing."

"Oh, oh. Well how do you feel about it?"

"Sorry?"

"How do you feel about it?"

Klaus gave him a glance analogous to one he would give someone clipping their toenails in the middle of the street.

"What? I asked a question."

"I'm sorry, I don't want to answer that."

"Oh come on, I'm your friend. You can tell me."

"No."

"Yeah?"

"No!"

"What is it?"

"Goddammit I'm saying the word no, not using your nickname!"

"Oh. Well, see you at practice."

Klaus walked off.

---

"Alright, boys, we have our newest team member here." The coach motioned for Klaus to come stand next to him. "This is Klaus Lomupakani-Wagner, and he's a midfielder. For now, he'll be a reserve, and Ulumo will start in the DMIVC. Now, we have only a few days before the DMIVC, so I want all you guys working hard and helping Klaus get adjusted. He needs to move quickly here."

"Coach, is this guy even Vaian?"

The question came from Luto Omapai, a reserve midfielder. He stared into Klaus's eyes as he asked the question, a slight grimace on his face. Klaus found himself staring back, as much as he didn't want to.

"I'm sorry?"

"Is this guy Vaian? Sure as hell is a light one."

"Klaus is half Vaian, and I'll warn you right now not to ask such brash questions."

"Why shouldn't I? This team should be as Vaian as possible, and this half breed is messing it up."

No sooner had he finished the sentence than Umo Munulowai, the man set to start, clocked him right in the nose. "EAT DIRT, YOU SON OF A B****!"

Immediately, others sprang into action, holding back both parties in the fight. Omapai stood up groggily, glaring at Munulowai. The coach, momentarily surprised by the action, took control. "BOTH OF YOU, my office now!"

The rest of the players stood on the field, slightly awed and shocked by what had just happened. Klaus was petrified with anger and fear, and some gratitude. This transition apparently wouldn't be as easy as he hoped.

[Sangti]

Empresa Noticias Deportivas Sangti Staff Meeting
June 2013, 1700H.

The Boardroom of the ENDS are not happy. They are disappointed on how Rommel Cahimat, the journalist assigned for cycling events, was not reporting on the ongoing World Tour of Cycling. The match between Sangti and Royal Kingdom of Quebec will be broadcast late in the evening but Roman Barlaan is in St. John's to cover the RKQ-SGT match.

The boss is also disappointed by Mico Toledo's sparse articles in the World Cup of Hockey. The Sangtian Nation would have no idea what is happening to the Flaming Eagles as the articles by Mico are not that in-depth. Well, some parts of the meeting were wiretapped and was leaked on the internet.

BOSS: Fuck you boys! How can you not be a Rafael Sigua or a Roman Barlaan? Our nation is waiting for updates on every sport that Sangti participates in. And yet you disappoint? Explain yourselves!

Rommel Cahimat (RC): SIr, Ariel Caraan, director of the ECS is not coordinating with me. It would be ashaming to post only news updates from others' point of views.

Mico Toledo (MT): I don't get match reports from the officials of the WCOH 21. Are you sure you signed the El Diario Deportivo del Sangti in the media partners of the WCoH for Sangti?

BOSS: Excuses, excuses everywhere! I don't want a repeat of this shamble. You get...

(some FB sound was heard...)

Roman Barlaan (RB): HT Update from St John's, RKQ is leading the match 2-0. The goals were scored by...

BOSS: Hey Roman we are in a meeting here! Cut it out!

RB: Yes sir.

BOSS: Anyway, we are meeting here for the introduction of two new reporters, Ahlen Danque for Tennis, Romeo Matubis for basketball and Andrille Velarde for volleyball. Introduce yourselves.

Ahlen Danque (AD): Ahlen here, and I am covering Sangti's participation in the ITA and the Tueres Tenis de Sangti.

Romeo Matubis (RM): Romeo here and I will be covering the Campionato Esportivano de Pallancestro and the future games of our Globos Angas Sangti.

Andrille Velarde (AV): Andrille here and I will cover the Volleyball World Expo.

Rafael Sigua (RS): Nice to meet you, there is only one thing I could say. Welcome...

RB: 75th minute update from St. John's. RKQ 4-0 SGT. Goals were...

BOSS: Shaddup Roman! Don't give us updates when it is from the opposing team!

RB: ...

BOSS: Anyway, we are here to discuss the rules of writing in the Diario. First...

RB: UPDATE UPDATE! Sangti has...

BOSS: Roman! Shut the hell up! (Throws something to the communication PC and... it broke.)

A huge electrical explosion was heard at the office. It was learned that all electricity around the Diario's office were shut down. As a result, it was unknown to the Sangtians what the result was from the ENDS, the only company to bring sports news and updates to Sangtian Sports. A false text message spread around Sangti with the Agilang Dilaw winning, but in actuality, it was Royal Kingdom of Quebec 4-1 Sangti. Goals were scored by Hong (3), Johnson, and Utanes.

That is how an inaction of a sports news company paralyzes the Sangtians from receiving sports updates. Sangti host Sondstead at the City of Baoyam.

The Empresa Noticias Deportivas Sangti is the parent company of the El Diario Deportivo del Sangti, the only newspaper bringing sports updates to Sangtian community.

Roman Barlaan is the football journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He covered Sangti's football matches in the Swamp Soccer World Cup IV, Di Bradini Cup 27, Market Cup VI, Baptism of Fire 52 and World Cup 65 Qualifiers.
Rafael Sigua is the baseball journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He covered the World Baseball Classic 26.
Mico Toledo is the ice hockey journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He covered the World Cup of Hockey 21.
Rommel Cahimat is the cycling journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He covered the Island Tour and the World Tour of Cycling.
Ahlen Danque is the tennis journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He will cover the International Tennis Association events.
Romeo Matubis is the basketball journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He will cover the Campionato Esportivano di Pallancestro.
Andrille Velarde is the volleyball journalist for Diario Deportivo del Sangti. He will cover the VI Volleyball World Expo.

---


And a sneak peak of Lonely Multiverse: Sangti Sports Venues takes a look at the Estadio de Inversores Chinos.

"Estadio de Inversores Chinos is a football stadium in Baoyam in the region of Cantones. After the Chinese invasion and Spanish influences, The people here are a mixture of Chinese, Filipino and Spanish ethnicity. The stadium has a capacity of 35000 and is one of the largest stadia in Sangti. This is the home stadium of Racing Xinghua Baoyam, the 2012 Superliga champions."

People buying in Sangti can avail the book for 70 Sangs, in Holy Kamote for 100 Kamotes, in Alitaba for 85 Alitaban Pisos and in Pilipin Repablik for 100 Pisos.