World Cup 85 || RP Thread

by **Independent Athletes from Quebec** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 5:59 pm

CORONATION RP - PART 1 : FLASHBACK

‘With all appliances and means to boot, Deny it to a king? Then, happy low, lie down! Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.’
Part II, History of Henry IV, William Shakespeare -

‘I’m sorry about this, mummy,’ Jacques IX reminisced, as he looked at the Royal, Imperial and the Commonwealth Crown (RICC) that became his way earlier than he had ever envisioned. The Crown, thirty centimetres tall and 1.25kg heavy, is a beautiful creature of its own; the frame is gold, silver and platinum, and decorated with 1,608 diamonds, 56 pearls, 18 sapphires, 8 emeralds, 6 rubies and 4 amethysts. By its side, the crown has 8 different symbols of the then-Quebecois Empire and the State that were carved in the neoclassical manner to reflect the heritage of the First Korean Fleets who came from the ashes of the Goryeo Dynasty as willing exiles. Then they were draped by solid rows of tassels, that reflected this too. He cleared his throat and then opened his mouth again. ‘I wish father was the one getting crowned today, not I, who still has a month of schooling left.’

‘Don’t feel sorry, son.’ Queen Mother Nathalie said, quietly reminding her son that there was no alternative. ‘You’ve been ready for this all your life, and neither your father nor I have failed you to become a good King for years to come.’

‘Do you remember the grandpa’s coronation?’ Jacques asked. He knew his parents, college sweethearts, did not know each other back then. Of course, while socioeconomics weren’t so much the concern, they had grown up in quite different political environments to each other.

‘Absolutely, Jacques.’ Queen Mother Nathalie nodded, as she brought small pieces of the memory trail back to life. ‘I was sixteen, so back in grade ten. The imagery of King Sylvain was quite impressive. Especially after the economic depression and instabilities that came up in the last half-decade of Henri VII, it felt as if your grandpa, the long proponent of the Enlightenment and scholar of international socialist movements, would be quite different.’

‘I remember grandpa telling me about his arguments with the late Prime Minister (Ivor Cernak) Lanka,’ Jacques remarked. ‘They respected each other, but could simply not find themselves on the same side of the discussions, compared to Prime Minister (Marian) Lecavalier, whom he always enjoyed talking to.’

‘Oh yes. That was true, by all accounts.’ Queen Nathalie smiled, impressed as always with how well-versed the young Monarch was in Quebecois history. ‘It’s a day in life when you are a King, to not always feel like you have an opinion, but make sure you have one that will assure you all. Your grandfather never treated Lanka worse than Lecavalier for that matter, and after former’s retirement, he always. ’

‘Absolutely, mummy.’ The young monarch responded, thinking fondly to the late Prime Minister. However much Sylvain IV disagreed with him, to the young Monarch he was a gentle young Ivo, who did his best to protect the Quebecois institutions. He always remembered how the elderly gentlemen who bowed to him, en route to have fifteen minutes a week with his grandfather or father, were respectful people. They may have shared different visions of the country, but they were at least ambitious and hopeful. ‘I remember he was the one who taught me how to play polo when I was little.’

‘Indeed, your Royal Highness,’ said Assistant to the Chief the Royal Staff Laurence, the 17th Count of Huez (Krytenia) and 4th Baron of Sault (Quebec), as he entered the Room. He then followed up with a quick bow to both the King and the Queen Mother, before the King gave him a gesture. ‘The late Prime Minister did play on the Thetford Castle team when younger, as your father once said.’

‘Indeed, and now I see what he had meant when he said, before his passing, that the weight of the Crown is not as easy to be held on an ordinary man’s head either.’ Said Jacques, as the young assistant looked at him with the Crown. Having grown up close to the Royal House, partly thanks to his younger sister’s friendship with the Jacques IX and Princess Alexandrine, Laurence got the hang of the Prince years in advance.

To him, Jacques IX, in every way, was the son of the late Pierre Henri IV and the Queen Mother. He inherited their features equally; in appearance he was his father with his Asiatic facial features and dark hair, and he was en route to graduating from Universite St. Croix with a congratulatory first (OOC note: think of Summa Cum Laude). On the inside, he was very much like his mother; a soft-spoken man with love of outdoors (Pierre Henri IV was notorious for his love of indoors, on the other hand) and commoner tastes, and held great interests in domestic matters over those abroad.

Of course, all that talk about the internal and external appearance of the monarch mattered little if they were to take account. Did this mean something good or bad, and was he going to be the right king for the state? He wasn’t sure about that, but he also knew it wasn’t a question he had an answer to, or even had a right to answer to. Being a loyal royalist of traditional upbringing, he probably felt that wasn’t something he should challenge himself, let alone others, over.

'Yes, sir. There is no doubt in me that you, as the loyal ministers of your father and grandfather had long said of them, will be a great king.'

'Well I hope so.' Jacques responded in uncertainty. 'It was just the matter of delaying the fate, if that's what is implied by the Holy Divinity. Whoever that may be above us is the most cruel man for having taken away the Right Man for the job, who was ready for it all, in favour of a little Prince Inadequate.'

'JACQUES!' Exclaimed Queen Mother Nathalie, whose voice unfortunately only remained in their perennial softness due to previous months of mourning. 'Please do not sadden your father with self-discouragement.'

'My apologies, mummy.'

‘What is the next on schedule, Laurence?’ Queen Mother asked the young assistant. ‘How much time does he have before heading to?’

‘One moment, Your Royal Highness. Sir. Michael will be coming in a moment shortly.’ He said. ‘I will make his presence be available sooner if desired. The royal highnesses do have fairly packed schedule at the Castle and then the City, from what I know…’

CORONATION RP - PART 2 : Modern-Time

‘It’s not as easy as it looks,’ Christine II stood in her room, feeling more at her internal self that the Prince Caspian got to enjoy panoramas of. The moment that she had dreaded for the past five years of her life, and which had caused her to worry a ton, was only a week away, and nobody in the Palais Royale was neither excited nor dreary about what was eventually going to happen.

‘I know what you mean.’ Prince Caspian assured him, while a couple of the members of the Royal Household looked at him. There was some sense of excitement in the air for the young Prince, who was now used to an entirely different environment that stood in Quebec City. Now, it was as familiar as the spring snowstorms that ruined many foreigners’ travel plans upon arrival. ‘Cassandra has always said the same for me.’

‘And that’s what the King had said, ma’am,’ Remarked Chief of Royal Staff Laurence, the 17th Count of Huez (Krytenia) and 4th Baron of Sault (Quebec), as he checked the Queen’s posture. ‘And he prepared since his own, to prevent the history from repeating itself, as he had once said.’

Lord Sault and Huez, now in his seventies, is a longtime veteran of the Royal House. Having entered the Royal House at age twenty four, he has seen through three monarchs who had passed before his eyes, and that symbolism had kept the man going. Prince Caspian, while not so familiar with the Royal House yet, was getting very good glimpses of the institution. The Royal Institution certainly reminded him of another universe, where the remnants of the former Quebecois Empire stood in particular contrast to the universally loved motherland of his in Cassadaigua.

He of course knew what was coming for falling in love with the radiant princess, and not just in her or her family’s positive attributes. Preparation was everything in ascending to positions of responsibility - and the lessons learned always meant for something. For Caspian, this was no different. He was lucky to have been old enough to remember his mother, Queen Cassie II, crowned the Queen of Cassadaigua, and decades of careful education had conditioned him for the job that he had never expected, but were to eventually become his.

‘This reminds me all too well of my father.’ Queen Christine slowly moved the crown forward, delicately matching the crown’s fit to her head shape. ‘He too felt that he was too young, and always said that he wanted the day to come as late as possible, until I was of the right age.’

‘But the new era cannot come without the abrupt change, your father also said that back then.’ Lord Sault and Huez reminded the young monarch, giving her a nod as a matter of approval. ‘Turns out, the only part of the changes he didn’t achieve was marrying your mother early enough, but the lord has blessed the late His Majesty and the Queen Mother decades of happiness, until the death has brought them apart.’

‘Mmmmm.’ A minor mumble was all that came from the Queen’s lips, as she still struggled to handle the symbolic weight. Decades before her wildest dreams, before her marriage. Five years of stress, five months of handling the procedure that the Royal House had established many centuries before. She looked around and saw both her fiance and the confidantes, opposite in age but together in their loyalty, almost feeding her the energy she needed but reluctantly so. Am I ready? Am I deserving all this? Father always prepared me for this, but I don’t know if I’m actually ready... He couldn’t really show this so much, not in the presence of others. ‘Mind if I spend some time with His Royal Highness of Cassadaigua, Laurence?’ Christine asked. ‘By all means, ma’am.’ Laurence nodded, as he walked outside the room, before closing the door.

The couple were now alone and by themselves. ‘Can we stand still here?’ Christine asked, almost as if a matter of retrospect. ‘‘til death do us apart.’ The couple had been dating for some time, going back about three years now. When they first met, Caspian was a shy, third prince, Christine a princess with an ill father and a rapid learning curve ahead. Since crossing paths at the Olympics, their lives kept going back at each other, that it all made too much sense. Christine, the Queen of Quebec, stood as if the golden ray of sun; she would be heading to a reign of long-desired peace in the realms, with the lucky Prince Consort and children in sight. She was dazzling and elegant, with long, golden, curly locks deriving from her mother. By contrast, Caspian, stood in his newly-minted regal uniform, hair nicely cut, and the future list of honours to be received, and tasks to be completed under the royal name.

They slowly caught each other in embrace, and danced to a coronation tune that they had heard to death for the past couple of weeks. What stood ahead of them? ‘If we can handle that, my love,’ Caspian whispered. ‘We can dance the entire night and still have the strengths to make it to tomorrow night.’

‘Even if you have to kneel before me?’ Upon the question mark by the Queen, the young prince quickly returned to reality. Both the Clause 11 of the Coronation Rulebook and the Clause 11.9. of the Charter of the Royal House had ordered that all who have made ‘I’m sure you still have six months to reconsider, if you are thinking of someone less intimidating in mind.’

‘Do you think that, after all this, I will be allowed to go back on the promise?' Caspian shook his head, catching the Queen's concern. ‘All my family's coming from Concord Heights, even without the binding of the lord for us. Even papa and cousin Brianne are coming and whatnot, and you know it's almost impossible to get papa outside the country with my mother for this.

Then the Prince continued speaking. 'And I have promised your father that I will never leave you, and that I will be there, by your side, as you need me and the people needs me.’

‘’Til death do us apart?’ Christine asked once again, her smile glowing up the entire chamber on a February morning.

‘’Til death do us apart.’

by **Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:02 pm

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The Deputy’s car rolled up the National Sports Complex. The car went past the main stadium, and drove to the nearby athletic areas. It had only been a few days since the “riot” took place on these ground. Even so the pathways were cleaned up, and only one window seemed to be smashed. Parking his car, Helmutov looked out for his contact. Waiting for Helmutov was a young man. “Mr. Helmutov,” the young man said quickly as he Deputy of Law exited his car. “Do you care for bananas?” Helmutov asked, feeling like a fool. The young man crossed his arms, “Only meats are for me.” The code was quite cringe inducing for Helmutov, but he knew this was his contract. “Well Nikola, shall we proceed?”

The two men milled around the complex, stopping a juncture in the roads. “So, this is where the madness happened?” Helmutov asked his young cohort. “Yes sir,” the officer replied. “You were with the local police?” Helmutov asked, gaining the same response as before. “Well, what happened,” Helmutov asked. “We got into a fight. We had buttons, they had tent poles and sticks.” Helmutov began to scan the area as Nikola spoke, “That was when crowd control came in. They were efficient. I’m not the biggest fan. I’m not the commander. I know h went to school with you.” Helmutov paused, “Yeah, how’d you know that?” “Your friend told me.” Nikola said, referring to Luka. Helmutov was a big disgusted by having the creepy fedora man for a friend, “Just keep talking,” he said. Nikola continued, telling about all that he knew, stopping to point at a place near the parking area. “That is where I saw the girl. She was flipped over.”

Helmutov saw a glimmer in the shadows, and it wasn’t first time. He walked up to a bed of rocks next to the parking lot, and chucked one at a bush. He heard a small sound, and walked closer. Before he could come closer, a person with long hair dashed out from behind the bush. The person ran past Helmutov, and a the men ran after the person of mystery. The two men were in pursuit, unsure of what they were dealing with. Helmutov wasn’t exactly relevant in the chase, so he headed around a building. The move was good, as the camera person, a lady, ran around the corner. Helmutov grabbed her, suffering a kick to the leg and a second body part. While the deputy was wincing, Nikola took hold of the woman.

A camera flew onto the ground. “Get off!” she yelled, “If you’re going to spy, ma’am” Helmutov said looking at the woman’s photo equipment, pausing and the speaking quietly, “you should pick a bigger bush.” Helmutov inspected the photos, seeing shots of him and Nikola, but then riot police and protestors. “This is a pretty high angle” he said, “These are interesting photographs. Why do you have these.” The lady grunted, “I’m not telling you.” Helmutov put the camera in his jacket. “I’m going to have to take this.” Helmutov looked at his partner, “We need to go.” The two men went to Helmutov’s car, “I walked here, as you know.” Helmutov open the doors, “Get in.” The woman came back with a blade, and Helmutov began to drive his car with the doors open. As he backed up, another car pulled up. “Like the old days.” Helmutov said as he tried to spin his car around. A second car came out. Nikola looked back, and saw men in suits. “These your friends?” the officer asked. “Hell if I know.” Helmutov said with a sudden snap in his voice.

The motorists went onto the public roads, going through a suburban residential area. Traffic was low as most adults were at work. The cars were not shakable, and worse yet, one seemed to turn off. Any fears in Helmutov’s mind were confirmed when the vehicle reappeared at an intersection. A sudden left turn put Helmutov’s car onto a public walkway. While on the walkway a bulky silver car flew by in Helmutov’s lane, slamming into the the mysterious vehicles. Nikola received a phone call. Helmutov shushed away the phone, “It’s important.” Nikola said picking up the call. “Hello? He’s driving. Yes! I’ll tell him. Yeah, bye.” Nikola put down his phone, and looked at the old politician, “You need directions.”

by **Mriin** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:11 pm

Today's games are brought to you by the Maal-based Pirate Historical Society. When you visit for the finals, make sure to see the expertly-preserved hideout caves that dot the coast of Easthold! Cutoff for Groups 8-15.

by **Taeshan** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:12 pm

Freeport 0-4 Taeshan
The Stables?, Freeport
Hirahito 16’, Nkitilna 55’, Morgenstern 70, Ninetails 85’

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 1

They didn’t believe me. I remember my parents faces when I told them about the evil robots. They just couldn’t take it seriously. But I knew it. I knew that the evil robots wouldn’t beat me. I had taken all the pills, all the supplements I could as a kid, and I was going to beat the evil robots. I was going to conquer them and follow my dreams. I wanted to play professional soccer, and I wasn’t going to let some pesky pink robots defeat me. I wasn’t. I had hopes, I had dreams.

I didn’t. I followed my dreams. I beat the cancer. I was a pesky little kid. My parents were all sad when they found out about the cancer. I remember my mom crying after the scans. Cancer is tough, a lot of people die from it. But I wasn’t ready to die I told them. My mom was hysterical, I knew I was going to make it through. I was destined for greatness. I was going to play in a World Cup. Cancer as a kid wasn’t something that really made me worry. I was going to win.

The evil robots may have been my imagination though. I think mentally speaking I needed something to fight. I needed something to beat. I was always strong, but like many athletes I needed something to best. I needed an enemy. The enemy within became the enemy without and I fought. I fought really hard. Made me who I am. Besides I needed to get back on the field. Youth is the prime age to have a ball at your feet, and I wanted to Go, I wanted to Go Beyond.

I needed control of my life from a young age. Cancer can take that control from you. I had to live a by a schedule. That wasn’t hard. The soccer regimen was in my DNA, the cancer regimen was something that I could adapt to. Adapt to and overcome and I did. I eventually beat it. I never looked back. I got a contract in Schottia and moved on. MY parents stopped crying so much. Now I have a good hope of playing in a second World Cup. This is my story. And I’m still living it.

Yoshimi Hirahito

by **Sarzonia** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 7:18 pm

The questions came flying at Sarzonia national football team manager Kevin Connelly almost before he even reached the lectern in the press room at Dave Wilson Stadium.

Unfortunately, the questions had little to do with Sarzonia handily thrashing South Charlia 5-1. No one asked about Cayden Aguirre notching a hat trick or Mek'hi West scoring a goal and notching three second half assists as he spelled Brady Reynolds as a playmaking midfielder. No one said a word about Paolo Gomes making five saves and rounding into his best form of the current World Cup qualifying cycle.

"Coach! What's your reaction to the news that Tim Landers was suspended by the DFA?"

Connelly gave a quick scowl that betrayed his thought, why the FUCK are you asking me about this? but he realised that sports talk throughout Sarzonia was fiercely debating the news about Landers being suspended pending an investigation. He looked out at the reporter who asked the question and thought for a few seconds. Seconds Connelly knew felt like an eternity to him. And, he was sure, felt like an eternity to reporters on deadline.

"It's an unfortunate situation," Connelly began. "We don't have all the answers about exactly what was going on, although we have received word about some goings on that Tim was apparently kept in the dark about.

"I don't know. It's not a situation I've ever dealt with in football, so I can't really comment on my thoughts about the subject. I know Tim had to act quickly once he knew about it, but I can't really go into it any more than that."

"Coach! Do you think Landers handled the situation the right way?"

Connelly drew in his breath and exhaled. He looked at the reporter for a couple of seconds and then replied.

"There's no template for handling some of the things Tim had to face. I don't know what I would have done, to tell you the truth. What I do know is that Tim had to move quickly and make some very difficult decisions. I'm not in a position to judge him or Ryan Keating or any of the guys who didn't get involved."

"What about Keaton Durbridge?"

"My understanding is that he wasn't involved in the, um, extra-curricular activity, and I believe he was instrumental in rooting out what happened in the first place. Durbridge is definitely someone I would love to have on my team."

"How do you think you would have handled that situation?"

"Again, there isn't a template for a situation like this. I'm sure Tim acted as soon as he gathered all the facts, which is all you can do. If something like that happened here? I don't know. They say hindsight is 20/20. I don't want to get too far into it since I don't manage that team."

Publicly, that was all Connelly could say. He didn't know the full extent of the debauchery that went on, nor the nature of Keating's departure from the team. He didn't know how the Delaclava Football Association reacted to Landers having to play technical director in addition to his managerial role.

Privately, however, he wasn't sure what to do. Part of him wanted to contact Landers and ... what? Console him on the spectacularly shitty hand he was dealt? Confront him and ask how in the everloving fuck an orgy ring could have slipped under his nose and catch him completely unaware? He wasn't sure. He just knew that this incident was threatening to overshadow his own team's effort.

Nephara defeated Jeruselem at home, allowing the Stars (13-4-4, 43 points) to leapfrog the Princesses into the second qualifying position. Huayramarca held Sarzonia's next opponent Darmen to a 1-1 draw at home, pushing the Pot 2 side four points behind the Stars and more firmly into fourth place.

Connelly knew his primary concern was ensuring that his team were prepared for a match that stood out as soon as the schedule was announced. He knew that in a worst case scenario of Sarzonia losing the away match at Stadio Rushmore in Johnho whilst Jeruselem got an expected result in Great Lausitz would vault the Princesses back into that second and final World Cup qualifying position. A draw and a Jeruselem victory would see the teams level in the table, whereas a Sarzonia victory would allow them to at least hold serve.

Regardless, Connelly enjoyed the relatively simple concerns of a manager who could focus on his team's fight to return to the World Cup proper in just its second World Cup qualifying campaign back after an extended absence from the world stage. It took a Stars team that was new to international competition four tries before finally becoming one of 32 teams competing for the sport's biggest trophy. The Stars teams that returned after The Great Isolation needed three campaigns to make it back to the big stage.

Connelly knew he would be able to look at the football aspect of his tenure with great pride. He took a team that was unranked and grieving the loss of his former boss and led it to some remarkable victories, culminating in the 65th rank in the multiverse. And now, he had his team on the precipice of a return to glory just two World Cup qualifying cycles after an even longer absence.

Still, he stared at his mobile phone after he'd escaped the tyranny of the press room and the team dressing room.

Should I or shouldn't I text Tim? he thought.

Group 7
Sarzonia 5–1 South Charlia
Huayramarca 1–1 Darmen
Great Lausitz 1–2 Aimena
Nephara 4–2 Jeruselem
Welzat 3–4 Delaclava
Simpralia 3–4 Acronius

   Group 7                                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Nephara                                      21   18   1   2    75   16  +59    55 Q
 2 Sarzonia                                     21   13   4   4    56   37  +19    43
 3 Jeruselem                                    21   13   2   6    58   37  +21    41
 4 Darmen                                       21   11   6   4    53   36  +17    39
 5 Acronius                                     21   11   1   9    38   41   −3    34
 6 Delaclava                                    21    8   6   7    52   50   +2    30 X
 7 Simpralia                                    22    7   7   8    35   42   −7    28 X
 8 Huayramarca                                  21    6   7   8    41   46   −5    25 X
 9 Welzat                                       22    6   7   9    29   43  −14    25 X
10 Aimena                                       21    7   3  11    24   41  −17    24 X
11 Great Lausitz                                21    4   4  13    24   42  −18    16 X
12 South Charlia                                22    4   3  15    23   47  −24    15 X
13 Competitive Solitaire                        21    3   3  15    17   47  −30    12 X

SCHEDULE
MD 1: @ Delaclava^ W, 6-4
MD 2: v. Acronius L, 0-2
MD 3: @ Simpralia (Glory Park, capacity 122,000) W, 5-3
MD 4: v. Welzat L, 2-4
MD 5: @ Nephara L, 1-4 (Farham Arena, Sabrefell, capacity 88,046)
MD 6: v. Great Lausitz W, 1-0
MD 7: @ Huayamarca (Estadio Olímpico del Oriente, Sechura, capacity 26,000) W, 4-2
MD 8: BYE
MD 9: v. Competitive Solitaire W, 1-0
MD 10: @ South Charlia W, 2-0
MD 11: v. Darmen D, 2-2
MD 12: @ Aimena W, 2-0
MD 13: v. Jeruselem D, 2-2
OFF DAY
MD 14: v. Delaclava W, 5-3 (game played at Pride of Manchester, capacity 110,000)
MD 15: @ Acronius L, 1-3
MD 16: v. Simpralia D, 3-3
MD 17: @ Welzat W, 3-0 (Sir James Tretol Memorial Stadium, capacity 19,595)
MD 18: v. Nephara W, 1-0
MD 19: @ Great Lausitz W, 5-0
MD 20: v. Huayramarca D, 4-4
MD 21: BYE
MD 22: @ Competitive Solitaire W, 1-0
MD 23: v. South Charlia W, 5-1
MD 24: @ Darmen (Stadio Rushmore, Johnho, capacity 70,000)
MD 25: v. Aimena
MD 26: @ Jeruselem (Dazza Dallas Stadium)

^Match was played at Dave Wilson Stadium in Woodstock.

Note: Except for the match in Manchester, Delaclava, all of Sarzonia's home matches will be played at Dave Wilson Stadium in Woodstock, capacity 105,900.

by **Jeruselem** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 8:18 pm

Princess Katherine Annabelle Dallas in Nephara

Hello this is Princess Katherine Annabelle Dallas for Naked News Jeruselem!
Another World Cup 85 qualification day, number 23. Only three left.
It's getting a bit close to the end.
We're obviously not at home, but we're in Nephara for an important away game.
There's only 5 teams in contention for the top 2 spots in Group 7.
One is Nephara who will qualify, we know that one.

Yep, guess who plays them today ... yeah us.
Other game first.
Sarzonia had an easy game at home, against South Charlia. Well, easy 5-1 win against a team near the bottom. Kinda expected.
Huayramarca were at home and also eliminated and had Darmen visiting. For the home, doesn't matter what they did but Darmen needed to win!
Darmen had another draw 1-1. Yes, draw number 6. What's going on there.
Great Lausitz hosted Aimena, and lost 2-1. A game with no consequence to the top 4.
Welzat who were eliminated hosted Delaclava, also eliminated. Delaclava won 4-3.
Simpralia hosted Acronius, who aren't eliminated officially. Acronius won the game 4-3, but Simpralia didn't roll over like South Charlia did.

So that leaves us, and Nephara.
I have no idea what South Charlia did to beat Nephara but we couldn't.
We did lose, expectedly. Only 4-2 win so it's not like we didn't try. Losing is bad enough but we did limit the damage to our goal difference.
One could nitpick why we lost but seriously, we faced the highest scoring team and the team with best defense in the Group 7.
They can score and defend, this team is top 5 material.
So we didn't come here to lose but we expected to lose if they were playing at their best.
So, they did win play well, and they won.
They had a weird patch of draws and losses but seriously they were always going to qualify.

So the table changed, with Nephara going to win this group on 55 and they qualified.
Sarzonia back on 2nd spot on 43 points pushing Jeruselem back to 41 in 3rd.
Darmen are in 39, and yes they can still make 2nd spot.
Acronius on 34 and well honestly they are really eliminated. 8 points to Sarzonia, they will not qualify really.

Our friends in Quebec, they won 9-2. Wish we did that!
But oddly, they are still 4th and err probably won't qualify anyway.
Still 9-2 is a great win, wish we could do that for the next 3 games.

So it's leading the showdown in the last game, Jeruselem vs Sarzonia!
Darmen are still there so both teams cannot relax.
We do have our own fate in our hands, so at least fucking byes don't destroy us on the last day.
Damn those recently losses have hurt so we're back to doing stuff to qualify on the last game.

Next game, we have Sarzonia vs Darmen! So damn it, one of those two teams or both will get points.
We just need to WIN the next two and hope other drop points.

See you all later.

OOC
Group 7
Sarzonia 5–1 South Charlia
Huayramarca 1–1 Darmen
Great Lausitz 1–2 Aimena
Nephara 4–2 Jeruselem
Welzat 3–4 Delaclava
Simpralia 3–4 Acronius

Code: Select all: Group 7 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts 1 Nephara 21 18 1 2 75 16 +59 55 Q 2 Sarzonia 21 13 4 4 56 37 +19 43 3 Jeruselem 21 13 2 6 58 37 +21 41 4 Darmen 21 11 6 4 53 36 +17 39 5 Acronius 21 11 1 9 38 41 −3 34

Qvardax 2–9 Independent Athletes from Quebec

by **Sylestone** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 10:29 pm

With the nation in uproar, the Sylestonean Appliances lost another game, this time to second-placed, pot-three side Main Nation Ministry. Albeit this was the expected result, Lucas Cunningham took the loss to once again prove that the Sylestonean human's side should be playing instead of the Appliances. Once again, he didn't mention that Main Nation Ministry is currently second-placed and would be incredibly hard to beat anyway.
Main Nation Ministry completely dominated the Sylestoneans, who definitely were far from their best during the game. None of their dirty tactics worked as they were meant to. For example, in the 19th minute, MNM's right-winger slipped over from the dishwasher's water that he was spraying everywhere. Out of pure luck, while he was slipping, you kicked the ball right past the Brick Wall and into the goal. Two minutes later, Main Nation Ministry managed to slip past the Washing Machine in the defence and the Brick Wall somehow let the ball in via a little leeway in his left side. 2-0 down, the Dishwasher and Ironing Board held the defence together until the break and then halfway through the second half. However, after this, Main Nation Ministry's right-wing, slipped the ball through the Ironing Board's flexible legs and past the Brick Wall to make the score 3-0 with only 18 minutes to play. The Mixer made a good run in the 82nd minute, with his dribbling skills working extremely well, but he couldn't score due to a terrible shot at goal. A similar thing happened in the 89th minute, but instead the Mixer passed the ball to the Tumble Dryer. He spun the ball in his dryer and flinged it at the goal.
At the top corner of the goal.
Where the goalkeeper wasn't.
It was going in...
And then the ball curved. Yes. It curved into the crossbar and out. He fell to his knees, full of despair, knowing that although it wouldn't have helped, it would have saved his side from an absolute slaughtering. The whistle blew and once again Sylestone left the field dejected and disgusted. (OOC: Felt like I've written that line far too much).

Later, the Tumble Dryer was asked about how it feels playing against sides who are mainly purely human. His response was:
"I mean, it's weird. But that's how they feel about us, so I don't know. At least we've grown up among them. Most of us are their servants so we know them pretty well and how they act. Meanwhile, non-Sylestoneans would have no clue how to play them, so I think it's more of a challenge for them than for us. This has reflected in the games, as almost every side has performed better against us in the second round than in the first."
Sylestone is at the bottom of the Group Four and has been well and truly eliminated. But they know that their next game will decide whether they get that dreaded wooden spoon. It is against MR TAYTO, who are two points ahead of them. To beat them will almost certainly mean that they will take out twelfth spot in their group. Their final game is against #1 Taeshan. They are expected to get absolutely slaughtered but bear in mind that last time the two sides played Taeshan only won 2-1. Should be an exciting two games, separated by a bye in the middle.

by **Tequilo** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 11:05 pm

TAPALUPÉ, Tequilo - Today in your new favourite magazine we continue our new series for those unfamiliar with pitxi in Tequilo by looking at some of the biggest teams in the country. Rumour that these features are prepatory material for the new IFCF-focused blog are completely wide of the mark of course; they are here to help followers of the World Cup navigate the ins and outs of domestic football that underpins the new World Cup campaign.

In this series, we go state by state to look at the teams in that region that qualify for the nomination of 10-Nacional; that is to say, the top ten teams in the country based on the number of state championships won. In this edition we head to the cultural hothouse of Puezan State, and the team that can fairly claim to be the greatest of them all - CF Frankxizko-A.

But first - what happened to Los Pitxileros in World Cup qualifying? Let’s fire up the Copametro to find out…

DULL DEADRUBBER DING DONG DRAW IN DE MATTI-DJANA
Mattijana 2-2 TEQUILO HT: 2-1

Location: The Unknown Field, Petrovijanka, Mattijana Att: 3
SCORERS: 9.Mattijano 18’, 10.Mattijano 41’ | Niño Pinto 9’ 66’

Los Pitxileros forced another high-scoring draw in Petrovijanka to secure another point toward a top half finish in a game surprisingly lean on chances - a scoreline that flatters in a match that might better be summed up as a 0-0 draw with occasional goals. Baby-faced assassin Niño Pinto put the agave-blues ahead after 9 minutes with the first real chance of the game, but two goals before half time with the second and third chances of the game put the Mattijanos on the front foot going into the break. The fourth chance of a pedestrian dead rubber fell to Niño Pinto midway through the second half and he took it well to finish and make the game level once more. In the dying minutes the game threatened to break into excitement as one more chance at each end offered both sides the opportunity to take all the points, but in the spirit of preserving the dull status quo, both sides rejected that with glaring misses.

The team return ‘home’ to Tapalupé for the last home fixture of qualifying, hoping to secure that top-half finish with a good result over Indusse. It is an entirely different back four from the last game as coach Martí rings the changes; Zambo & Apeiztegui return from injury, Noxochinoch replaces Antón Lascares and Huachalla comes in for the injured Chicchan. Midfield looks mostly different too with Isidor Artechevarria and Ricardo Bailén selected for the wings to replace Vilca Hualla and Tutayan, while in the centre we welcome back team captain Mateo Tafalla, who has had his cycle blighted by injury and will be appearing in only his tenth game since the Baptism of Fire. The coach sticks to the same front pairing, resisting more change, but expect to see some rarely used subs in this game as he looks to the future, hoping for a Cup of Harmony birth.

Starting Line-Up for TEQUILO vs. Indusse:

Bienvenida | Zambo, Apeiztegui, Noxochinoch, Huachalla | Callañaupa | Artechevarria, Tafalla (Capitan), Bailén | Tlacolotl & Toran

VENUE: Estadio Pablo Invocador, Distrito Santa Léa, Tapalué; Capacity 53,500

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
What ever happened to García de Corcoles?

It seems somewhat preemptory to put a missing person in an article titled ‘What Ever Happened To...?’ because, well, we don’t actually know whatever happened to García de Corcoles. The 23-year old Antivadorio goalkeeper who came through the youth system at Humberto and was good enough to get on the squad for the Baptism of Fire, where he made four rather undistinguished appearances, disappeared last year in The Appalachian Nation, mid-BoF tour. That has been followed by a lot of rumour and conjecture, and some very extraordinary claims, but at the heart of it, the facts are that García disappeared from hospital in Charleston, Appalaxia, and has not been heard from since. What we do know, fairly certainly, is that whatever happened to him, and if he ever comes back, his pitxi career is good and done. The facts of his last few days are this: that, during the quarter-final win in Appalaxia, with García in goal only because both the other two keepers were injured for the match, he collided with a ball-boy during a break in play, broke a leg, and then was dropped by the stretcher bearers in tunnel on the way to the changing room, breaking an arm and collarbone. His ambulance to the hospital was hit by a truck in a high speed collision, where he sustained a second broken leg and broken pelvis. He was left to recuperate in hospital and that’s where things get sketchy, but certainly, by then, his injuries were enough that his playing days, aged only 22 then, were done. And then he disappeared. Official records say he left of his own volition. Eyes witnesses say his room was razed by fire after a lightning strike. The Appalaxian Health Service deny this. Skeptics say he could not possibly have discharged himself, he was completely incapacitated. Some claim he was kidnapped by mountain people right out of the hospital. That there were attempts by some elements to make contact and rumours of a ransom have not been verified with local law enforcement, and an international incident at the border with Ethane involving a wild cripple on a raft, rumoured to be García and now incarcerated somewhere in the region, is strongly denied by both nations. It all seems a bit too fabulous to be the truth, which is likely more prosaic: he’s probably still in a hospital bed somewhere recovering from his appalling injuries, but the Appalaxians have messed up the records and don’t want to admit they’ve misplaced him.

10-NACIONAL
Part 5/6 - Puezan

Though entirely enthusiastic about the union of Tequilo and historically one of the first proponents of a united states, the people of Puezan retain a fiercely protected identity and consider themselves both a part of, and separate to, the country Tequilo. Geographically the fertile prairie state of Puezan is sheltered by mountains across the large part of its border, sits on the north-east coast of the nation, and is the more temperate breadbasket of the nation. The fire of Puezan, so the saying goes, is the character of its people - they are considered, perhaps a little unfairly, [/perhaps not - ed.] the hotheads of the country. We prefer to think of them as passionate. A strong cultural identity is matched by a huge passion for sport as an expression of Puezaño independence; pitxi is their favourite sport and in CF-Frantxizko-A they have the (almost) undisputed jewel in the crown of domestic football.

CF FRANXIZKO-A
Puezan State Champions: 21 times - joint highest nationally; most recent season 108 (fourteen seasons ago)
Copa Tequila Winners: 6 times - the most titles; most recent season 117 (five years ago) including one double
Stadium: Estadio Florentzio Mesperuza (El Mesperuza), Iragartze
Capacity: 76,505
Nicknames: Los Oros, The Golds
Colours: All gold strip with black trim
Alternate: Black shirts, white shorts, red socks
Current Manager: Urdintxo Lecuona, 48
Team Captain: Xesus Vales, 34, AMC
Star Player: Garaitz Minha, 29, DL
Young Prospect: Alexandro Calvoecheaga, 18, ST

Only Pitxi-Pitxi 77 of Chazapa state come close to matching the dominance of Los Oros in domestic football, each of the two teams winning 21 state championships. But with six Copa Tequilo wins, four more than the '77os and two more than any other team, it is CF Frantxizko-A who hold the crown as most successful team of all time; in amongst those titles are a rare cup and state championship double, and the first four-in-a-row of state titles, with that record only ever having been matched once, by Cooperativa of Ocotapa state. The widest supported team in the country, they rightly claim to be both the biggest and the best - but it’s this attitude that also makes them a divisive team - while the ‘77os are just about everyone’s second team, The Golds certainly are not; you either love them or you hate them. In football-mad Puezan they have dominated a championship that otherwise still has some big and famous clubs, including Peru Urzagui, Urbo Ibaeta, Sporta Ibaeta, KKA Bixintxo and Unuiĝinta - but none have managed to come close to the huge status of CF.

Set against all of this is the quite unimaginable situation that right now, Los Oros are a very ordinary team. A steady decline in their success means they have not won a state title for fourteen years - even more than the ‘77os, who are also going through a barren spell with an 11-year wait for glory. Only the very oldest supporters - the really ancient ones - will remember, from their own childhoods, the twenty year wait for a title back in the thirties. Today, there are a whole generation of kids who have never seen them win a championship and think they are just another ‘alright’ team. It hardly seems possible. And no-one is sure when things might change - their star player Garaitz Minha, on the edges of the national team, is 29 and a leap ahead of anyone else in this team. Hopes are pinned on the unproven young striker Alexandro Calvoecheaga, but the jury is out even on him. Many fans agree a shakeup must come soon, because although it seems unlikely they could fall out of the Big 10 any time soon, nevertheless, a reputation for being ‘alright’ is a disaster for a club the size of CF Frantxizko-A, who are not winning round a new generation of supporters.

First Team

Goalkeepers: Armentari Arguinariz, Qhora Yacupaico, Samuel Villacrés
Defenders: Garaitz Minha, Fruktuoso Arteagaelorriaga, Seber Ostivar, Nico Berrocal, Otsando Bertendona, Mamakoka Nahal, Aetz Urroz, Xosé Cardosa, Andos Bedua
Midfielders: Sotero Abando, Tanzetanau Dumè, Xesus Vales, Rémy Lussier (RCN), Ixaka Basauta, Sebastian Curbelo, Nuno Inchasti, Quisuyupanqui
Forwards: Alexandro Calvoecheaga, Memnon Cuya-Beraeche, Galez Marcelin, Carihuasari, Patro de Porto

RÚI de Los ROVAS
Rúi Raza & the family company are back!
Read on for this all-action episode, as Crown Prince Jaques of Monaco sends an assassin to do Rúi! Thrills and spills in every panel as the deadly killer gets aboard the SS Sepp Blatter anchored in the harbour in Russia, and doesn’t realise the old man has already flown south to Geneva. But he fins Roque and assumes this is his target - can Roque Raza survive the deadly attentions of his father’s wannabe killer? Will the Russian secret police unmask the plot in time to save the day? Will this initiate World War III with Russia and Monaco the spark that lights the fuse?! Meanwhile, in other news, Rita is schmoozing a potential new client Kepa Arrizabalaga who looks done at Fancy-Pants Chelsea, and surely will be a huge draw for Bundesliga-2.

NEXT TIME
What’s Up In The Next Issue of GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-a!!!

Coming soon - We finish our series on the Big Ten of Tequiloan Pitxi with a nice trip to Las Islas Antivadorio, where the rather superior folks of that part of the country seem to be validated by having no less than three teams in the 10-Nacional, with Atlás, Real Gardaresso and Florentino all vying for greatness. Meanwhile, we wonder whatever happened to geeky Guillermo Puertas and of course, there is more from Rúi de Los Rovas.

by **Geektopia** » Sat Jun 13, 2020 11:52 pm

Geektivities
*Be cool, be woke.
Reports done by Abdel-Dayem, our new Culture categorist and editor

Learn 6 more things about the Geektopian language before you sleazily drink their electrolyte flavored beer at Isleshore Stadium

1. There are only just one thousand different translations for numbers one to one thousand, with numbers 20-1000 offering the same words throughout five iterations, the pronouns the only letters changing throughout said iterations that cycle through a familiar a-e-i-o-u pattern.

For example: | lhas | lhes | lhis | lhos | lhus |

2. The Geektopian alphabet could have been made up of hundreds of letters that connected to interior letters to make a total of six hundred seventy six of these little bastards, but there are only twenty-six, not 26^2.

It actually makes more sense to call these glyphs in Geektopia because of their look and and origination from randomized 3x3 nodes, which is an implementation commonly shared in terms of football tactics that concern who to pass the ball to. The former means that no Geektopian letter is unconnected and most of the twenty-six diverge into each other anyways.

3. Learning words for colors is a tough ordeal in the mainland

You don't just have to learn what the title suggests here, mind you. The average person who invests their time into this malarky language finds themselves unable to balance out saturation, hue, and temperature in order to address the color by it's RGB, which constructs every color from their combination of red, green, and blue to make over sixteen million said combinations to memorize with an already intimidating number set that has different pronunciations for almost quadruple the amount of integer values that already exist in one color space. To top it off, you have to identicalize what color you already see in the event of pointing it out in a Geektopian conversation to it's RGB value.

This is only half of what you have to address, with the color's more common name coming after an RGB value.

Parts of values with zero are dropped as there isn't a valid translation for that number.

For example:

| Drawkland has a mostly red and black banner to boot with it's football prowess. |

Simplified
| Drawklandja ve nioshi fiet (152 1 0) fiesh ehat (0 0 0) facj mi vuteovji mipe djane qiomi. |

Complex
| Drawklandja ve nioshi fiet nhid nu fiesh ehat facj mi vuteovji mipe djane qiomi. |

4. Sentence Structure

For one, the Geektopian (or Kwandoan) lingua has what's known as a verb-subject-object language. To simplify it, those articles come first in a simple sentence. Finally, something that's not hard to remember!

5. Football vocabulary to know

a. assistant referee | sioviuos dapve | in soccer, one of the two officials who help the referee to make decisions during a game; formerly called a linesman

b. attacker | oupteovjiuos | a player who is in an attacking position in a team

c. away game | dmaodji es tjoam | an away match or game is played at an opposing team's sports field

d. corner | daoppi | in soccer, an opportunity to kick the ball from the corner of the playing area, allowed when a player from the other team has horrible conduct

e. locker room | tiupse veotdiefeop | a room with lockers where people can keep clothes and other things, especially while taking part in a sport

f. defender | dutepvuos | someone on a sports team who tries to prevent the other team from scoring in any manner

g. draw | vesseoph | to finish a game with the same number of points or goals as the other person or team

h. equalizer | duvjsupuos | the point or goal in a game or competition that gives both teams or players the same score

i. extra time | ep csioti | a period of time in a sports game in which play continues if neither team has won in the usual time allowed for the game

j. fit | uosoapedj | healthy and strong, especially as a result of exercise and training around the grounds

k. foul | temedj | an act that is against the rules of a sport

l. full-time | oepeontie-svje | the end of a sports match, in this case, a soccer match

m. goalkeeper | damceosi | the outfield player who stands in the team's goal to try to stop the other team from scoring

n. half-time | miev-svje | a short ten minute rest period between the two sides of a soccer game

o. handball | moevjsuofmeonji | in soccer, the act of touching the ball with your hand or arm

6. There are no idioms

Using pre-existing idioms will get you nowhere in the Kwandoan mainland as everyone will assume you're being literal, so be careful when you're thinking of telling someone at Mordecai to "qeosd otviedje" or pitch in, as it will make no sense in a physical respect.

by **Sharktail** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:58 am

Group 5 Matchday 23

Sharktail-1
Fikri (m '83)

Line up
Ahmad
Harold
Azmi
Yusri (sub m 63)
Ashaari
Azmer
Badhri
Chandra (sub m 71)
Fikri
Gaby
Sulimani (sub m 63)

Sub
Salaman (m 63)
Afif (m 71)
Virman (m 63)

Mkabia-0

Hello guys. Hi, welcome back to Nazri TV. Today your host will be me Fira. Nazri can't stream with you all today. He has a meeting with SFA. He said maybe he will be busy all day so he asked me to replace him today. I 'm not good with this kind of thing but let's get along.

I don't know how Nazri did in his streaming, so I will just do the report about Sharktail NT match last night. Last night Sharktail NT facing Mkabia in Kota Lama National Arena. Sharktail will have a chance to jump into third place if they won but they have to see other matches result too. Playing against Mkabia at home Sharktail win the match 1-0.T he single goal for Sharktail scored by Fikri in minutes 83. Both teams make a lot of attack in the first half but they failed to score any goal. In second the half, Mkabia gets more possession on the ball but still failed to search for any goal. Fikri goal really saves Sharktail to collect full 3 points tonight.

After the end of the match 21 for Sharktail, this team now stand in third place of the group. Zwangzug has confirmed their place in the World Cup Final after having 12 points different from us in third place. With just three more matches, impossible for any team to catch Zwangzug.Twicetagria and Squornshelouos tied with 34 points in 4th and 5th place. With just 2 points different, they may still have a chance to take back third place.

Three more matches to go, against Squornshelouos away, Adsuri at home and end with Vakolicci Haven and Celeria away, I hope all the fans stay with this team until the end. Thank you for always supporting this team. Thank you for watching, sorry if I not good as Nazri and thank you for stay until the end with me.

Bye.

Group 5 Matchday 24 VS Squorshelouos.

by **Ko-oren** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 3:05 am

NS World Cup Fantasy Qualification

Ko-oren	652
Royal Kingdom of Quebec	649
T. Septentrionale	647
Eternal Empire	644
Mavinet	641

And even with a few matches left to go, the Fantasy title is far from decided! Northwestern Atlantian Oceania looks to be a step ahead of the competition, with Ko-oren and Quebec taking the lead. All of the top 5 has a decent chance to win it all, though, just 11 points apart. By now, however, the bottom entry is 100 points behind the top entry, so we have that at least.

by **Busoga Islands** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 4:35 am

84 minutes in, Kohnhead v. Busoga Islands at Orange Bull Arena in Kohnhead City

Madhav Oojam was warming up on the sideline, quickly. The plan was not to bring Oojam in at all- he hadn't played in five consecutive games for the national team. But the circumstances had, unfortunately, or fortunately for him, called for the veteran's inclusion into the match. Oojam had used to start for the national team-but had since been surpassed at this preferred position, left wing, by the slightly younger, and certainly more talented, Kamu Jacobs. Jacobs was probably the team's most talented attackers, showcased by excellent performances for Lhor in Chromatika in league play.

But Jacobs, who had been having a stellar game and had been doing everything he could to keep the Busoga Islands alive in Kohnhead, had pulled up with a cramp in lower right leg. He was in clear pain- the 1,500 or so traveling Islander fans had been holding their breath, as well as the entire Islander bench. As the trainers went out to work on him, they signaled towards the bench- Jacobs was going to need help getting off the field. Hopefully, the injury wasn't serious. But now, the Islanders were going to be desperately searching for a goal. They knew that a draw would put them further away from their goal- only a win could really vault them back into the thick of the race for the Finals.

"Madhav!" Barked Bethany Donnell, the manager. Oojam moved toward her. "You're going into the game. You know the instructions- you've gotta get forward, we've gotta do what we can to get the goal. At this stage of the game, with so few games left, it's not about draws- it's about wins, it's about getting those two extra points. Wins over ties are the difference between Qualifying and the Cup of Harmony. We've played well enough for this win, Madhav, we just need to have one more opportunity to bury it- let's do so."

And she was right. It was 1-1 at the time, and it had been a stellar, back and forth type of match between the two World Cup Qualifying contenders, Kohnhead and the Busoga Islands. The Busoga Islands plan to change up the tactics to put on early pressure led to an excellent start for the visitors. It looked as if Amitabh, although he rarely plays out wide, thrived on the wing, at least for this one, special matchup. Amitabh and Birla combined well, with Amitabh able to use his pace to fly up and down the right side of the pitch, and give Kohnhead all sorts of problems. The normally defensive side did not sit back, but continued to bring the game to their opponents.

And it would be the Islanders, after a dominant first quarter of an hour, who would score first and put the home side on their heels. A Kamu Jacobs cross was able to swing all the way across the box, and find the head of Amitabh, who was on the back post. The striker rose above his defender, and smashed the header exactly how he was taught- down, and back across the face of goal. The ball bounced right before the goal line, going back towards the other side of goal, and the goalkeeper did not have a chance to stop the powerful header. That meant the Islanders were flying high, leading 1-0 away from home just 15 minutes into the match.

But Kohnhead isn't in the thick of the Qualification race because they simply roll over after 15 minutes. No- Kohnhead, even if they are fresh faces to international football, tend to play like grizzled veterans. They've shown an incredible amount of maturity for never going through this process before. The talent level is certainly there, but it is about a lot more than talent when you are closing in on a valuable berth in the World Cup Finals. It's about mental toughness. It's about being able to ride the ups and downs, because they certainly are a lot of them. And it's about being able to insulate yourself from the pressure.

There is, comparatively, far less pressure on Kohnhead. They just went to the Baptism of Fire- they weren't even supposed to be here. In a group with Drawkland in it, they're trying to do something that Drawkland did in the 70s, and Baker Park did in World Cup 80- qualify for the World Cup at their first effort. Squornshelous Remnant States have been to four consecutive Cup of Harmonies. This is our fifth effort, and we've never made it. Drawkland, the World Cup is the expectation. And Kohnhead was able to get themselves back into the game. They were able to put sustained pressure on the Busoga Islands, creating a few opportunities.

But they were finally able to put one past the Islanders in the 60th minute. 22 year old striker Erin Maltos leveled the game, bringing the crowd back into it and making it game on. That's when Kamu Jacobs really had stepped up. It was clear to see how badly he wanted to make the World Cup- he was certainly taking himself to the limit. He had four shots on goal himself between the Maltos goal and his injury. And that is what put Oojam in the position of being on the pitch, for the match's final moments.

Oojam was full of energy when he came on. Running everywhere, taking this increasingly rare opportunity of playing time and taking full advantage of it. The opportunity for him would come in the 87th minute. It came, interestingly enough, on a corner kick for Kohnhead. They had brought players forward- Orange Bull Arena was urging the home players forward, and they had come in numbers, trying to have enough in the box to get a winner. The corner was poor, however, and al-Shareef was able to grab it out of the air. Oojam saw that this would happen, however, and even as al-Shareef was leaping, he started breaking out towards his sideline.

He had no idea if al-Shareef could hear him, but he raised his hand, and al-Shareef threw him a beauty. He was flying down the sideline with the ball now, and Sarika Birla was coming up the middle, with Amitabh coming up the right side. He could see that Birla would be able to outrun the defender, so he played one down towards the left corner of the 18 for Birla to chase, while he crossed back to the middle to try to be of service. Birla outsprinted her defender, and got the ball about 30 yards from goal. She played it right back to Oojam, who dribbled left past a backpedaling defender.

Oojam was at the 18. He wasn't going to let this opportunity. He vaguely heard somebody yell, "pass!" but he ignored it. He put his left foot through the ball, and it flew towards the lower right hand corner, with pace. He had kept his head down, but he looked up and saw the ball flying past a diving goalkeeper. The ball hit the inside of the far post, and bounced into the back of the net. "YESS!!" Oojam yelled, as he sprinted towards the corner flag. This was it! This was his moment! It was 2-1, he had scored the winner in this massive Qualifier.

After the game, Oojam was in tears. What a moment. It had been a tough campaign, coming off the bench, and essentially almost being forgotten about. But he had his opportunity, and boy, did he seize it by the horns. He would, surely, never forget this day.

by **Baggieland** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 4:43 am

The Daily Boing

Aldaveria 3 – 1 Baggieland FT (2 – 0 HT)

Baggieland’s bid to qualify for the World Cup finals is now, without doubt, over. An unconvincing display against a struggling Aldaveria side means that qualification is now not possible. The Throstles conceded two goals in the first half without reply, although they did have a couple of decent efforts. The best one coming from a Brunt freekick that ended up going just over the crossbar. They gave a better account of themselves in the second half when they got a goal back through Richardson, but then allowed the home side to add a third almost immediately afterwards. The game petered out with a handful of half-chances, but it would end three – one.

Baggieland stats:

Scorers:
Jeff Richardson: (52’).

Possession: 44%.
Corners: 3.

Tournament scorers:
Jeff Richardson: 11.
Bomber Robson: 6.
Ginger Astle: 6.
Ronnie Regis: 5.
Billy Cunningham: 3.
Ray Brunt: 3.
Jonas McAuley: 2.
Laurie Bassett: 1.
Len Livermore: 1.
John Moore: 1.
Cyrille Allen: 1.

International goals:
Jeff Richardson: 17.
Bomber Robson: 7.
Ronnie Regis: 7.
Ginger Astle: 6.
Ray Brunt: 5.
Jonas McAuley: 4.
Billy Cunningham: 3.
Laurie Bassett: 1.
Len Livermore: 1.
Chris Barlow: 1.
John Moore: 1.
Cyrille Allen: 1.

by **Banija** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 5:18 am

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII
Part VIII
Part IX
Part X
Part XI

Also see the Siovanija & Teusland parts, the first three which follow Part VII, Part VIII, and Part IX respectively. The fourth happens at the same time as Part XI.
S&T Part I
S&T Part II
S&T Part III
S&T Part IV

Also see the following Farfadillis part, which immediately precedes Banijan Part XI/S&T Part IV
Farfadillis RP

Part XII

Setting is Borograd, 12:30 AM

The Minister of Defense, Amanuel Amsalu, had been slightly delayed getting into the air, most unfortunately. He had been hoping to get into Borograd by Midnight, but of course, with the ever rapidly changing situation, he had needed to make all sorts of phone calls, and get a number of people on the plane with him. Have all the facts available at his fingertips, so that he could properly explain to Banija's allies what the hell was going on. It was something he could still scarcely believe himself- but now, he had, at least for the time being, come to terms with it.

When he was originally about to leave, they switched his plane to the Katikkiro's plane- a better way to be able to communicate with Banijan authorities on the ground, while in the air. The most important person with him on the flight was the Deputy Director of Military Intelligence, Lt. Gen. Issa Shawel. It was deemed critically important to have him on the flight with the Minister- that way, they would be able to best answer any questions that Borograd had in person, beyond if Minister Amsalu was here by himself.

The phone call that he had been able to make while he got in the air, was with the Banijan Ambassador to Siovanija & Teusland. "Minister," The Ambassador had started. "What is happening? I'm reading reports that Banijan ICBMs are airborne, and that Farfadillis might get hit? I don't have any information, all I know is that you're on your way." Amanuel Amsalu had told the Ambassador that he, indeed, was airborne, and had told the Ambassador to make his way to the Chancellery. Surely, the Ambassador would beat Amsalu to the meeting. The Ambassador probably wouldn't have much of a direct part to play in the meeting, but it was important to keep the Ambassador- as the main on the ground for Banijan foreign affairs, this Ambassador would surely be a busy man for a couple of months yet.

When Amsalu had gotten into Siovanijan airspace, they were met by Air Force planes, who provided the Minister an escort to the ground. From there, it would be Siovanijan & Teuslander Air Force personnel who would whisk Amsalu, Deputy Director Shawel, and the rest of the emergency delegation to the National Chancellery. They were checked in, and taken downstairs to Command Centre. Standing outside the door, was the Banijan Ambassador. "Minister." The Ambassador said. The two shook hands briefly. "Let's get to it, shall we?" The aides to the hosts opened the doors, and the Banijan delegation strode to their side of the table.

"Mr. President, Chancellor Meier, we meet again." Said Amanuel Amsalu, the Minister of Defense. "Unfortunately, these are much different circumstances from the last time we met, and certainly, much worse ones. You'll surely believe me when you'll understand that Busukuma is alive tonight. But time is of the essence. With me today, is the Deputy Director of Military Intelligence, Lt. Gen. Issa Shawel." The Deputy Director simply nodded. "We brought him along to ensure that any and all questions you had could be answered in this session, tonight."

"Let's go through what happened, shall we?" The Minister grabbed a set of papers from his folder, and began. "In the past few hours, this is what we have pieced together. At approximately 20:45 local time, at the facility in Northeast Hangaza, one of our guards, Julius Nambozo, was shot and killed while patrolling the area with actual weapons. At that point, according to camera footage viewed by the Deputy Director, a number of guards started to set up a barricade to the room. The defense systems within the facility did start to work- as soon as the gunshot was fired, alarms went off automatically and soldiers came running."

"One of the nuclear scientists started to use a hack to get into the systems. Right now, how he managed to get into the systems is anybody's bets guess. As you can understand, it will take quite a while to figure out how they hacked their way in. However, the scientist who was in the room, who actually launched the weapons, was an integral member of our scientific team that designed the weapons and the centrifuges. We believe that this scientist, and a couple of the guards, were traitors to their country. Our best guess, currently, is that the scientist was able to install a hack into the system as a workaround to normal controls, controls that specifically require the Katikkiro, the Kabaka, and the Minister of Defense to all personally approve the launch of nuclear weapons."

"Of course, this scientist, alongside the scientist's traitorous guards, were shot and killed by Banijan military forces. Unfortunately, we were unable to take anybody alive. The security of the weapons and the facility was the first priority, and in such a scenario, since more traitorous people could have been out there, or it even could have been a full on assault, Banijan military forces would be under shoot to kill orders. Of course, as you may understand, this is a massive breach of Banijan national security, and with everything going on, we had to make sure that the facility, and the weapons, were secure. Of course, we did not have knowledge of whether or not there were more traitors. We ordered the immediate replacement of the security forces of the entire facility, by nearby military personnel, until we can figure out just how deeply the forces were infiltrated."

Amanuel Amsalu took a deep breath, and a swig of water. "Deputy Director Shawel can fill you in on what happened next."

The Deputy Director stood up. "Thank you, Minister. Upon ensuring the facility was secure, we did an accounting of Banija's nuclear weapons. We had 9 nuclear weapons to begin with, 5 was fired from northeast Hangaza. Shortly after myself and the Minister went airborne, at about 23:05, all five missiles were believed to have landed in Farfadillis. Where, exactly, is difficult to determine- with the general chaos in Farfadillis, it is difficult to track ICBMs there. We'd probably need to do some sort of investigation on the ground to determine where they landed, but we believe with near certainty that 5 of them hit Farfadillis landmass. From that point, we ensured the security of the final four weapons."

Amanuel Amsalu stood up. "Now, this is tough for me to say as it has ever been tough for me to say anything. But there are, naturally, worries for the security of our remaining four nuclear weapons. While we have made the decision to keep them on site, for now, we've tripled the security around them for the time being. We've also debated heavily taking them offline for now, but we have not. There is, unfortunately, a lot of investigation to be done on exactly who launched these attacks. These people have been difficult to ID, but we believe the operation was sophisticated enough to require funding and aid from some sort of source."

"Without determining who launched these attacks, it's impossible to say why. Are there those who intend to start a war between Farfadillis and Banija, and bring both to their knees? Does somebody out there just have a grievance against Farfadillis? Are these Banijan traitors to their country, or foreign? We aren't sure. But we are a nation determined to avoid war- we saw, during World Cup 80 Qualifying, exactly what the horrors of war can do for a country. But there are, of course, large worries about the security of our remaining weapons. Even a few hours ago, at cabinet before I went to air, we voted on decommissioning. If we can't figure out for certain how these weapons got hacked... This could happen again. In good conscience, even decommissioning would be better than that, right?"

Amanuel Amsalu took a large swig of water. "Oh, and I almost forgot. No member of the Banijan government has made a statement to the press yet. The good thing about this happening so late at night is that one can be avoided until the morning, until we gain our bearings. But opposition party leaders have been informed of the night's events by the Katikkiro, and the entire Lukiiko will have an emergency 7:30 AM, closed door session, to be briefed before the Katikkiro speaks to the public."

Amsalu looked down. "That was a lot of information, I'm sure. Let's take 5." And he simply sat down, huddling with the Deputy Director and the Ambassador, talking about possible next steps.

by **Blouman Empire** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 5:38 am

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Eagles Make It Two From Two

The Blouman Empire recorded a second successive World Cup Qualifiers victory as they knocked Xanneria out of qualification and moved up into 7th spot.

Having scored the decisive goal against Lo Santano last weekend, Ty Freltron proved the difference once more for Lewis Parry’s side as he converted his fifth international goal of the campaign with a smart finish from the edge of the penalty area after 28 minutes. Xanneria started the better side at XANAir National Stadium II but attempts by Richard Presentino and Eddy Peralta failed to trouble Henry Polinior. The Empire who also record their seventh win of the qualifiers, went close through Ryan Hunter and Luke Cousins overhead kick during a scrappy second half which neither side was able to really seize control of. Xanneri’s Lane Stegall’s powerful strike from outside the box forced Polinior to tip over the bar, he also managed to push Peralta's header around the post as the vistitor’s held out.

Recent wins including this one epitomised the no-nonsense style with which Parry’s Eagles have repeatedly steered clear of trouble and this showing was no different as centre-backs Jason Potts and David Parsn protected Polinior with unrelenting determination. In an otherwise pedestrian start, Issac Cupstran provided the energy in the centre to put some pressure on Xanneria before Freltron’s excellent finish kick-started the visitors. Freltron’s five international goals have helped considerably the 25 points to the Eagle’s fight these qualifiers despite already being eliminated but his contributed contribution is showing how much the Eagles will continue to fight regardless of the end result and will prove crucial in the remaining three games of the qualifiers in Parry’s quest to finish as high as possible. Parry’s side still have to face the top two sides still in these three matches, but their recent form means they can now afford to enjoy those challenges.

Xanneria manager Myrone Rhule will be desperately disappointed that his side were unable to reproduce a similar level of performance against the Blouman Empire, the loss ending their hopes of a place in the World Cup Proper. Jox Alirome started on the left but failed to assert himself, while Franchesca Bonchek was unable to have the same devastating influence on the right as he has throughut most of the qualifiers. Stegall attempted to single-handedly pull his side level, a great strike from distance drawing Polinir into a great save, and the Xanneria

by **Electrum** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 6:16 am

The Turnip: The Unrepentant Anti-Cocoabo Inquisition does what we expected
by Billiam Maskey, chief-editor-in-chief

Our very lovely Sweet-T, was pilloried and lambasted by the Unrepentant Anti-Cocoabo Inquisition to the surprise of no one. The Inquisition, which was held in the fertile and virile turnip fields of Kale Island, off the coast of the Electrumite mainland, was a farce from start to finish.

The Inquisition had confirmed it's anti-Turnip and pro-Beet bias when Senator Copronymuso, the nasty bureaucrat who doesn't even know how to perform Ordinary Reality tasks like underwater basket weaving and taking care of a ten-foot puppy on the account that she's never been to this reality before, accused Sweet-T, the most sweetest of sweet Turnip-lovers of torturing and killing innocent little puppies for fun. In fact, Sweet-T owns ten dogs, and they all sleep on her bed during the night, and if one or more than one of them poops or pees on the bed, then Sweet-T just shrugs it off. That's how cool she is with puppies and dogs. We bet Senator Corponymuso is just jealous that she can never have puppies in The Dreamed Realm, they would all probably die of boredom because Senator Corponymuso is only interested in asking them the same questions about them over and over again like saying "Do you love me?" to her bored to death puppies a million times when they already died after her 1,093rd time asking that question because they were bored to death with her inane questions, also this sentence is not too long at all, no siree. Besides, people of this reality know that being smeared with Cocoa-bo is a surefire way to get puppies and dogs licking you - they love the sweetness of the Cocoa-bo (which does not contain the poisonous chocolate, as it is made of extracts and crushed up remnants of cocoabo feathers) mixed with the naturally produced sweat of our bodies. It's basically like salted chocolate that everyone likes.

Then we come to Sir Barsanuphius, whose farcical crusade to rid the world of Cocoa-bo hit a stumbling block after our very own Sweet-T provided him a list of questions that the inquisition could not answer:

Sweet-T wrote:How can you have 'A fair and balanced independent inquiry' when you have a known anti-Cocoa-bo sympathiser and infidel on the Unrepentant Cocoa-bo Inquisition? Who is really funding the Unrepentant Cocoa-bo Inquisition? Why appoint some Senator who's never set foot in the real world to judge a case involving real people, real root vegetables and real drinks? How did the deadbeat-bunny-daddy that is Snuggles have the urinary capability of processing '20 litres of Cocoa-bo a day'? Why is it that when they started to drink Cocoa-bo, the glorious Electrum teams results became worse? You can't answer any of those questions, can you?

His response? "Miss T, do you have anything constructive to add?"

How pathetic and sad, he dodged all six of our Very Important Questions that raise serious concerns about the credibility of the Inquisition. The whole multiverse knows the truth now - Sir Barsanuphius is a secret Cocoa-bo lover who wants to ban it across the multiverse so he can have the delicious chocolaty goodness of crushed-up cocoabo feathers and milk. Everyone knows it, he just needs to admit it. If he can't answer simple questions about the inquisition and how it was set up, then that just means that any report made by the Unrepentant Cocoa-bo Inquisition will not be worth the paper it is printed on. That report's fate, in fact, is destined to be toilet paper used to wipe our butts, and all of society's butts, which will then be flushed down the toilet and used as manure for our virile turnip fields so that at least that paper can meet its potential above that of being a "shitty report".

And, in the interests of fairness, let's talk about Mr Minett, who is a Jeckish person on the Committee. Who the hell is he? Who does he think he is? Smearing Cocoa-bo on your body is a perfectly rational thing for Sweet-T to do. He's just jealous that he isn't lickable to puppies like Sweet-T is.

This whole inquisition, to us, seems like a set-up to ban the multiverse's most beloved drink. All of the inquisition witnesses so far, except that of Sweet-T, have been anti-Cocoa-bo, with no balance whatsoever. In the words of a famous movie: "I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

by **Jeckland** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 6:36 am

JECKLAND AT CUP OF HARMONY 62 - A LOOK BACK

With qualification drawing to a close and the Spuds mathematically eliminated, Jeckish fans will now look forward to the upcoming Cup of Harmony. Whilst there is of course no guarantee Jeckland will be invited, an impressive qualifying campaign combined with the rumoured likelihood of a larger tournament makes it seem very likely. Despite never qualifying for the World Cup in the past, Jeckland have only ever taken part in one Cup of Harmony in the past… and it was certainly one to remember.

Jeckland went into the tournament off the back of a surprisingly good qualifying campaign, coming fourth in the group, just four points off a playoff berth. This earnt them their spot in Felix and Mizuyuki, but they went into the tournament as the twenty third seed out of thirty two, facing a fight to progress past the group stage.

Their opening game, against top seeds and neighbours Gregoryisgodistan, was one that remains etched in Jeckish history to this day. Whilst the on pitch exploits of the Spuds were excellent, winning 2-0 against the odds, off the pitch things were considerably more ugly. Jeckish fans made mocking chants about their opponents tyrannical dictator, Lord Almighty Gregory, causing a riot during the game. A knife wielding fan broke into the Jeckish section and began stabbing fans, killing three in the process.

The tragic off field events, however, did not stop the good times coming on the pitch. Kazamatsuri were defeated 3-1 in a result that not only saw Jeckland qualify, but guarantee their place as group winners with a match still to play. The Spuds rounded off the group stage with a 4-3 victory over Gylias. The Spuds had done well to reach the Round of 16, but would now aim to push further into the tournament, especially given their matchup against Red Blackiland, a side ranked below them.

Before the match, touching scenes occurred as the famous Red Blackiland ultras unveiled a banner in memoriam of the three Jeckish fans who lost their lives during the Gregoryisgodistan match. The game itself was a tense affair, with no goals after 120 minutes resulting in a penalty shootout, which Jeckland narrowly won 4-3. The Spuds then moved on to face their current Group 1 opponents Turori, one of the tournament favourites. It was here at the quarter final stage that the run ended, with the Eels winning 2-1 and going on to the title.

Jeckland, if invited, will likely once again find themselves one of the lowest ranked sides in the tournament. As shown in Cup of Harmony 62, it is very possible to go far despite this. After all, this is the side that reached the semi finals of the Campionato Esportiva from an unranked position and have also taken points off the top three seeds in this campaign. The Spuds would surely be a team most would be hoping to avoid playing in a potential Cup of Harmony appearance - let’s hope to see some more Jeckish upsets at the upcoming tournament.

(O.O) · by **TJUN-ia** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 8:13 am

By Peter Davis

Necosia is the bottom team in this group and it isn't even close. They only have 1 win so far, but they seemingly have our number. A 4-4 draw in Necosia and now a 1-1 draw in TJUN-ia CIty.

They scored first in the 7th minute, but it was immediately replied by Joe Green in the 10th. But after that, nothing. There were chances, don't get me wrong, but Necosia's GK kept them in check. A defensive masterclass means that if we want to register a win at the National Stadium, then we need to beat Astograth. And that will be tough.

But before we do that, we must travel to Turori. They may be undefeated no more, but the Eels are still a dominant force. We have 11 points in this half be to expect anything other than zero is rediculous. Let's see what the scoreline is, shall we? GO JAGS!

SCHEDULE (Updates on stadiums will occur as soon as we get them)
MD1: @Audioslavia (22) - Arena Kirola, Cathair L 1-2 (T-9th)
MD2: vs Euran Oceania Territories (84) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City D 2-2 (T-9th)
MD3: @Porticalia (330) L 0-1 (T-10th)
MD4: vs Sajnur (57) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong L 2-3 (12th)
MD5: @Jeckland (UR) - Jecken Stadium, Rack City W 2-0 (10th)
MD6: vs Natanians and Nosts (131) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky L 0-4 (11th)
MD7: @Villablanca (235) W 6-1 (9th)
MD8: BYE (10th)
MD9: vs New Lusitania and the Algarves (42) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky D 4-4 (10th)
MD10: @Necosia (341) D 4-4 (9th)
MD11: vs Turori (12) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City L 1-5 (10th)
MD12: @Astograth (303) - Castle Hill, Gesterlake D 0-0 (10th)
MD13: vs Muradil (212) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City D 2-2 (10th/2W-5D-5L/-4GD/11pts)
-----------------------Off Day---------------------------
MD14: vs Audioslavia (22) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City L 0-1 (11th)
MD15: @Euran Oceania Territories (84) - Flynn Arena, Fligsive W 4-1 (10th)
MD16: vs Porticalia (330) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong W 5-2 (8th)
MD17: @Sajnur (57) - Niurka Stadium, Ciarkhan D 1-1 (8th)
MD18: vs Jeckland (UR) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong D 3-3 (8th)
MD19: @Natanians and Nosts (131) - Stadion Nacional (?) D 1-1 (8th)
MD20: vs Villablanca (235) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky D 1-1 (8th)
MD21: BYE (8th/OFFICIALLY ELIMINATED)
MD22: @New Lusitania and the Algarves (42) - Estádio da Anta do Dragão, Porto L 0-1 (9th)
MD23: vs Necosia (341) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City D 1-1 (9th)
MD24: @Turori (12)
MD25: vs Astograth (303) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City
MD26: @Muradil (212)

by **Balqia** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 8:17 am

The only noise came from the water flowing down the sink, they looked at each other in discomfort, Stariq was too close, she could feel his breath in her neck and his nervous hands in his pockets, she was trying to maintain distance from him and avoid making noises. Meeting in a hotel bathroom wasn’t a very convenient thing to do, but someone entering it only made things worse, now they were trying to stand in the toilette to don’t be seen.
The sink went silent and the steps went outside, they were freed. She was the first to return to land, he followed soon after. In the ground they could talk more comfortably, without worrying about a stranger having the wrong ideas.
— Much better.
— You should brush your teeth.
She didn’t knew if that was a joke or a real criticism, but in any case it went unanswered.
— So, what is the plan?
— You are going to leave the match during the period between the first and second half, it’s when the security is more distracted due to the team being reassembled. In the outside you will take a cab and go straight to the airport. If everything goes right you will be in Port Arthur in a few hours.
She repeated the steps in her head. It was a very simple plan, maybe it was just a trap to justify her being incarcerated, but if the chance was real she would be free from that hell.
— Why are you doing that?
— I’m just a nice…
Someone entered the bathroom, they returned to their previous position above the toilette.
— Man, I can’t believe we won the match against Lisander!
— Wish I could’ve seen that, being in the gates is a pain, you just hear the entire match.
— Well, the next one is against Caelapes, we can only hope for a victory.
— The real deal will be the match against Banija, hope I get personal security for the manager.
The sinks where turned on again, the water was flowing and so was their chat.
— So, have you heard anything about the foreigner girl?
— Yup, my brother told me she is clean, but they will maintain an eye on her.
— Not this one, the other.
— Ah, she was executed.
Mary shivered after hearing that, she could be next, they executed Riviera for leaking information, they could do anything with her. What they spoke after that went unheard, her senses returned only after Stariq shook her shoulders.
— Did you understood the plan?
— Yes, yes…
— Good, now let’s get out of here.
— Wait.
She hold his hand, he kept looking at her for a while.
— What if we are caught?
— We will not.
— Yes, but if we do?
He sighed before answering.
— They may think that you were guilty and was trying to run.
— But I’m not
He looked at her eyes.
— Not until you are interrogated. Now let’s get out of here.
He went out of the bathroom after that, she followed soon after. The only thing she could do was to wait until the match against Banija.

by **Kelssek** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 9:43 am

TRANSCRIPT OF NEXT SESSION: INDEPENDENT COCOA-BO COMMISSION

Sir Barsanuphius: I now give the floor to Professor Aninyel Serendei, who I understand has conducted some investigations into the present matter. Professor, please introduce yourself and perhaps a brief explanation of your conclusions would be in order.

Dr. Aninyel Serendei: Good afternoon. I am a master spellweaver and hold a doctorate of Magical Philosophy from the Allcaster Conclave. I specialize in applied evocation, exploiting the elemental forces that emerge from particular arrangements of the basic stuff of reality, that is, forms of nature and life. I also serve as Third Feywarden in the Syfirithin elven lands. We are responsible for communication with and safeguarding portals and linkages between our plane of existence and the eldritch realms.

As you know, the physical universe is imbued with immense magical energy. If an average-sized human were to combust, for example, it would have the destructive force sufficient to destroy a modern human city about 50,000 times over. Magic draws upon this inherent power of the universe. Items produced or imbued with magic have a signature that can be detected by the senses and measured with thaumic instrumentation that you can find in any secondary school, at least among the Syfirithin. I apologize if the panel finds this rather superfluous.

Chad Minett: No, not at all...

Senator Copronymuso: What about magical puppies?

Dr. Serendei: There are certainly some spellweavers who have canines as familiars, but that is more of a witchcraft thing.

Senator Copronymuso: I see. And do you work much with puppies as a Feywarden?

Dr. Serendei: Young dogs do not respond well to being transported to primordial realms. This is an area where research is still developing. It is known that some clans of human ninjas summon and train puppies for combat purposes, so clearly puppies do exist in adjacent planes.

Senator Copronymuso: That is quite disturbing.

Sir Barsanuphius: Indeed. What can you tell us about Cocoa-bo?

Dr. Serendei: At the request of investigators, I obtained some Cocoa-bo in order to ascertain its magical properties, if any. As a Feywarden and adjunct member of the Academy of Firithà I have full access to its laboratories and carried out investigations which are currently under review at the Journal of Indefinite Studies.

Mr. Minett Hold on. Hold on just a second. Are you expecting me to believe that Cocoa-bo is magic?

Dr. Serendei: I suppose it does no harm to preface this methodological discussion with my conclusion is that Cocoa-bo is in fact not magic. This is very important to stress. Or at least, it is no more magic than a banana, which emits a small amount of magical energy. And of course we are all exposed to magical energies the equivalent of eating 100 bananas each and every day just from cosmic background magic.

Mr. Minett: Uh.

Dr. Serendei: If Cocoa-bo is created with magical processes, or is enchanted in some way, any sample would give off much higher levels of detectable magic. In addition you can tell the type of magic used from the signature of energies that is detected. While deliberately falsifying this is possible, it takes a lot of individualized skill and effort which would be impractical at the scale of production that Cocoa-bo involves.

I carried out a full spectral analysis, revealing that Cocoa-bo is not haunted. A centrifugal necroscopy also had negative results. This rules out that Cocoa-bo is created by or connected to fiendish sorcery, necromancy, or demonic influences. Celestial magic is also unlikely as radio-angelic microanalysis turned up negative. That doesn’t rule out exotic sorcery of course, but in any case, Cocoa-bo emits around 60% of the magical energy of the average banana, so if it is enchanted, it’s not by very much.

Extraplanar influences could also be undetectable in the reality in which the laboratory is based, so I submitted samples to the Court of the Summerwild and they responded with the following report, and I quote, “Meh, is that all?”

Sir Barsanuphius: And that means what exactly?

Dr. Serendei: If it was magic, they would’ve said. I’d interpret it as meaning they found it rather disappointing despite being exposed to the company’s extensive marketing campaigns. Mind you, the Summerwild are rather saturnalian in their tastes, and they were likely expecting something hallucinatory.

Sir Barsanuphius: Ah, then was it performance-enhancing?

Dr. Serendei: For the eldritch beings of the Court of the Summerwild, Cocoa-bo as an alternative to the recreational drinks they are used to would probably improve athletic capability, in that it does not induce euphoric visions, uncontrollable laughter, or se... other behaviours a holy man as yourself would not countenance. For beings of what you understand as ordinary reality, my findings do not speak to that. What they do show is that whatever its effects on the user, Cocoa-bo does not utilize magic to effect them.

Sir Barsanuphius: Well, thank you for your investigations, professor. Are there any further questions from the panel?... Let us adjourn until the next session.

by **Northwest Kalactin** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 10:32 am

Northwest Kalactin 0-0 Terre Septentrionale
So, you know how we said the Kalactanians needed to win at least one of these games to qualify? Well, they did okay at it, but we really could’ve used a win today. If we where able to grab a win today that could’ve put us into a position where we would’ve had a decent shot at qualify. Of course, tying 2 teams that are multiple pots higher than our isn’t bad at all. But the Kalactanian team needed a win here, they needed it. The win would’ve been huge in helping the Kalactanians have a shot at qualifying, but a few poor mistakes during the second half blew their chance at it. Eshan seems to be running away with the group, but they do have a game against Terre next that could help the other teams in the group blow the door open on them. We don’t think the Kalactanians will qualify at this point however, we do think they will receive an invite to the Cup of Harmony and accept it, which could be a huge earning experience for the team. If you just watch how much this team has grown throughout this edition of the World Cup, it is amazing. Last World Cup they put on a below average performance that overall didn’t impress anyone, but this World Cup, they are challenging for a Cup of Harmony spot which would be huge for the team if they can get it. Jimmy McCarthy has proved to be an extremely valuable player to have on the team as he leads the team in goals, and is one of the best overall players in this edition. He may be getting even better though. He will be entering his prime during the next edition of the World Cup, which could turn him into one of the greatest Kalactanian strikers ever. If you look at the entire team they have bright futures. For example, look at Matt Hall, he is 23 and one of the best players that is playing in Farfadillis right now, if we get lucky he maybe a world class player soon.

The game started out very quietly, with neither side able to break through to get any shots in the first 10 minutes. The Kalactanian squad tried to produce a few chances, but they weren’t able to as many of the Terre team was able to stop the attempts before they started. The first large chance of the game was when Will Sanders took the ball and went on a sprint down the field. He was challenged by a defender from Terre Septentrionale who was able to slow him down a bit. Sanders was still on us run down the field when he decided to shoot on sight. The shot flew about 10 yards wide of the net, the wind was strong, but either way it wasn’t a very good shot. Many of the chances that both teams where creating were easily shut down by defenders in the area. This was very problematic for the high powered offense of Northwest Kalactin because they play their offense in a way that they need to get inside the box to create chances. The Terre Septentrionale defense played in a way where they were able to prevent the Kalactanians from being able to create those chances. At halftime both teams tried to regroup, and find ways how to get into the box and create high percentage chances. The Kalactanians adopted a strategy where they would continue playing with their Tiki-Taka style of play,but they would shoot from further out. Of course this meant more shots, but a much lower chance of actually having those chances pay off. Again this didn’t really work. Half of the time the Terre Septentrionale defense was able to stop it, and the other half they just weren’t able to find the net. Overall, it was an okay game, they where able to tie a team that was ranked quite a bit higher than them. This Kalactanian team has been punching far above their weight lately, and they will need to win all the last 3 games to qualify.

by **HUElavia** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 10:42 am

Special Preview: Equestria vs HUElavia

Matchday 25 gives the Multiverse an interesting match: #8 and WC 83 Champions Equestria hosting #23 and WC 84 Surprise Package HUElavia. This is the reverse fixture to the first leg that saw Equestria defeat Los Amarillos 0-2 at Estadio Capital in Curumba. This time around, HUElavia is a point off not only from already-qualified Equestria, but of qualifying to the World Cup, where 50 points is the qualifying goal.

Both teams will field their best XI in what will be a fight for 1st Place in the Qualifiers, something that HUElavia is making a full effort to achieve. Fans will flock to the stadium to watch the match and will passionately support the team. Millions back at home will be looking at a screen to watch the match with passion as well. It will be a winner-take-all match for 1st Place, in what can be a historic match.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

by **Hampton Island** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 10:56 am

(During the Match Against Mercedini; CEO and Assistant Converse from Luxury Suite)

CEO: Why the hell do these people enjoy watching this? This is supposed to be an important game and it could not be any more boring.

Assistant: That plays right into our hands. That’s an offensive minded team on the other side of the pitch, and our guys are doing a wonderful job at neutralizing them.

CEO: I get the strategy, but the fans. They are enjoying this. What out there is actually enjoyable when there are no goals? It’s like the days where I am setting my budget for the fiscal year. I will be on my computer doing it, make effective progress, and come up with a result. But I didn’t enjoy it. Same thing out there.

Assistant: The fans know that Mercedini needs this game much more then we do. While we would love to have it, they need it. That is what is exciting.

CEO: Time to go for the kill here. But Hannah is obviously playing for the draw. I know I want them to lose but if I was playing to win, how are you not looking to eliminate that team right now.

Assistant: Gradual progress, they’re old. They can’t control a fast pace against a team like Mercedini or they will not like the result. Hannah does a good job in coaching them. For a 21-year old she knows this game very well. Have you thought about making up with her?

CEO: No, have you forgotten how this all went down. She bailed on me. Remember. I never wanted to have a problem with her. She got it in her head that she could do all of this herself and now can blackmail me. And it has been this long and I still do not know if that video actually exists. Neil McCusker out there has been my spy the whole time. But he still knows nothing.

Assistant: Then you need another spy.

CEO: He does well. Lets me know what Hannah is thinking, and some of the other guys on that team too. From what he says, it is a unified locker room right now and Hannah has good control on it. He cannot get to her office though when she is not there to see if that file is really on her computer. Now that the Carter twins are there as assistants, he can’t sneak into anything.

Assistant: You could always add a new model. Whatever happened to the male models?

CEO: The old guys couldn’t care less about male models. We aren’t playing to a female demographic much anymore. I know there are a lot of female fans out there but they all think Hannah Sanders is just so wonderful. That backstabbing witch.

Assistant: Scoreboard watching, Lisander is going down to Balqia. Things just keep falling into place.

CEO: Falling into place for us to blow this somehow, I have to admit though getting to the World Cup is appealing to me. I never thought it was a reality but yet here we are, very close. All the pressure right now is on Mercedini, and Hannah and the old guys know that. Last three games very winnable.

Assistant: So, you are starting to root for our team to do it?

CEO: I still hate Hannah’s guts, but the money from this is amazing. And like I said before, Hannah cannot use that authorization letter after qualifiers, so I can renegotiate everything to my favor.

Assistant: Did you hear where Clyde Benner declared that he will come out of retirement if the team qualifies for the World Cup?

CEO: Yes. And I am going to see to it that we sign him here in Stafford City. He could have other loyalties based on where he played before. He’s 50, so one of the younger ones.

Assistant: Will be very interesting to see how that plays out.

CEO: He will probably come out of retirement regardless. I am just wondering how many more might follow his lead.

by **Flavovespia** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 11:09 am

Your clothes look familiar: Times a team had to wear part or all of their opponents kit

As well as times teams don’t wear their familiar colours, or even their own kit, there’s another subset of kit blunders. The times through some confusion, a team can’t wear their own kit or a third party kit, but an opponents. Some find it embarrassing, others amusing, and some both. Here are 5 top flight games in which this occurred, in some shape or form.

Havermilly vs Hampridge United – 29BU

In 29BU, the GWNFA finally allowed the top flight teams almost complete freedom, after the 12 season of centralised kit control. It wasn’t without its teething problems. Havermilly switched from a dark claret to a light blue blue. Hampridge United had a blue and yellow halved kit. Unfortunately with the referee determining that was too close to the Havermilly home kit, the visitors had to play in the away shirts of the hosts. That said it created a surprisingly attractive all white kit.

Langmere Green Rovers vs Towerhaite Sports Society – 28AU

This was a peculiar example, given the two sides had met previously last season in the same kits, and no problem was posed. In this encounter, the match was being televised, which could have made the difference. However it seemed the lime green and ecru were hard to distinguish from far on TV, even with the teams in different colour shorts. For the second half, Towerhaite Sports Society played in the white away shirts of Langmere Green Rovers.

Kings Lunsel vs Binclestead Wood FC – 13BU

There’s not much nuance to this story. Binclestead Wood simply brought their home kit, which despite a few efforts to persuade the referee to allow them to wear it, was never going to be acceptable against the black and white stripes of Kings Lunsel. The visitors had to then pair the yellow away shirt of the visitors with the white shorts and black socks of their home kit. It also appeared that tape was placed over the Kings Lunsel logo. One would assume that someone in the Binclestead Wood organisation received strong words after that mess.

Langmere Green Rovers vs Narrock Wood United – 10BU

Langmere Green Rovers’ all grey kit at the time didn’t seem to have any sort of problem with the Narrock Wood United red and black stripes with black shorts and socks. That was, until Langmere Green Rovers’ manager seem to consult the fourth official shortly before kick-off. After deliberation, the visitors were sent down the tunnel, to reappear a few minutes later in the lime green away socks and shorts of the hosts. Maybe there was some gamesmanship at play, even if the officials okayed the decision. Not that meant much, with the away side winning in their odd mishmash of colours.

Apsbrooke vs Waldster – 6AU

A rare example from the top flight in the modern era, coming from one of the top sides no less. Apsbrooke were new to the top tier in 6AU, and unfortunately struggled, making a quick return to the Challenge League with just 15 points. In this late season game however, they posed a problem for Waldster. The visitors turned up with their black away shirts with yellow shorts and socks, somehow forgetting the all yellow home kit of the hosts! In a bit of a “blink and you’ll miss it”, the black shorts and socks of Waldster in this match weren’t their own from their home kit (which were the same template on both kits), but borrowed from Apsbrooke’s away kit.

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 12:27 pm

12:35AM - Borograd, Siovanija

The activity in the conference room at the National Chancellery in Borograd was continuous throughout the late hours of the night. The State Security Committee was meeting to determine the immediate reaction to the launch of nuclear missiles in the subregion, originating from the Banijan bases in the northeast of the country.

In the beginning, it was unknown where the missiles were heading, other than that they were on a southeasterly trajectory. Authorities had taken quick action to prepare for whatever would come. The military’s reserves had been mobilized, and the Air Defence Lines that surrounded cities like Borograd, Chernovets, Stelburg and St. Jakob were fully staffed. A no-fly zone had been established in domestic airspace. Nuclear submarines in the Westsee were ordered to surface and be prepared to launch if necessary. An emergency alert came over all televisions and radios in the country, encouraging citizens to turn off all lights. The streetlights in every major city, too, were dark - every precaution was being taken.

Radar stations in the northwest of the country continued to track the five missiles, eventually determining that they were heading towards the island nation of Farfadillis. At this news, some of the non-essential military personnel were demobilized, and the national alertness system was lowered from Grad 5, the highest possible, to Grad 4, the second highest. While Siovanija & Teusland was not the target, it was still unknown who or what was behind the launch and attack on Farfadillis.

Many of those questions, however, were cleared up with the arrival of the Banijan delegation in Borograd in the middle of the night. The Banijan Ambassador to Siovanija & Teusland, naturally, was present - he’d been on call all evening already. Joining him at the meeting were the Banijan Minister of Defence, Amanuel Amsulu, as well as the Deputy Director of Military Intelligence, Lt. General Issa Shawel. Given the close cooperation between Borograd and Busukuma on the development of the Banijan nuclear program, it was only natural that cooperation would continue on this night.

The visitors immediately explained what the exact situation was. There had been traitors within the Banijan program - a scientist, in fact, who had been quite high-up in the development of the program itself. He had installed an override in the launch system that allowed him to launch without the approval of the Katikkiro, Kabaka, and Minister of Defence. Along with several guards, they had organized a hostile takeover of the nuclear facility, and launched the nuclear weapons at Farfadillis. All involved had been killed, however, the damage had clearly been done.

The nuclear weapons had landed in Farfadillis at around 11:05PM, according to the Banijan intelligence, which matched perfectly with the reports from the military radar stations. The origin and motive of the assailants, however, remained unknown. The Lukiiko would meet in a private session at 7:30AM to be briefed on the subject before the Katikkiro spoke to the media. The Banijan cabinet had, in fact, already voted on decommissioning the remaining nuclear weapons. Now, it was the United Republics’ delegation’s time to respond.

Chancellor Dominik Meier stood up. “First of all, I’d like to say thank-you for sharing this information with us - we know that your government must be exceptionally busy this evening, as are we.” The Chancellor continued. “The events of this evening are, naturally, very worrisome to the United Republics. There are countless security concerns, of course, as well as the difficult task of charting a course for the future. I’d like to invite Field Marshal Reinhard Drachmann, the Chief of Staff of the Army, to speak.”

The Field Marshal, who even at this early hour had his dress uniform ironed perfectly, rose. “Naturally, we have some questions of our own. Do you have any indication as to how long these traitors were involved in the program? Obviously, they had a great deal of access to your systems - would they have been involved in the visits of your delegation to Chernovets? Some of these answers may have died with them, I suppose, but another important question we have - is it at all possible that any design details of the Fessler-type centrifuge or the Helle class nuclear missiles were stolen and shared with any enemies, such as a terrorist group?”

The Field Marshal paused. “I understand if you don’t have all the answers at the moment. These are, of course, some of the key questions relating to our own national security. And due to the particular danger this causes, we will offer you a great deal of assistance.”

Field Marshal Drachmann reached for a drink. “Firstly, our Armed Forces Intelligence Division would like to work closely with your military intelligence. Lt. General Shawel, we believe that by cooperating on this investigation we can work to uncover exactly what happened tonight, as well as guarantee the national security of both countries.”

Drachmann paused as he continued. “In addition, you mention that you’ve replaced the entire security detail around the nuclear facility, as well as tripling the security measures. We applaud this move. Given the importance of the technology to our own national security, and feeling it is in the best interests of both our countries as well, we’d like to offer a division from our own Armed Forces to help guard the facility for the time being. This would only be, of course, with your permission in order to ensure the safety of the remaining weapons. If you accept this offer, we will send our unit as soon as possible.”

Drachmann tried to quickly gauge the reaction to that offer before he continued. “You also mention decommissioning of the remainder of your nuclear weapons. We respect and understand this decision of your cabinet. And again, here, we can offer our assistance. We ourselves have just recently completed the decommissioning of many of our Helle class missiles, and our Army Engineers would be willing to provide assistance to your military in this endeavour. Again, this is entirely up to you and your government’s decision - but we are offering all assistance we can.”

The Field Marshal now sat down, and President Fleiss rose to replace him. “I echo the comments of Chancellor Meier in thanking you for your presence here tonight, and thank Field Marshal Drachmann for articulating our immediate response. Now, as I’m sure you’ve seen and heard here tonight, we’ve taken a great deal of actions in response to this situation. The streets of every major city are dark, and our military reserves have been called up. While our people understand the needs of national defence, tomorrow morning they will surely require answers - why were our sons called away in the middle of the night, why was the evening television sign-off replaced with a lights-off instruction. And I myself will take the podium outside this building and answer those questions.”

The President was asserting himself as the face of this situation domestically - it made sense, after all he was the commander in chief. “I will wait to deliver my remarks, however, until after Katikkiro Azizi has been able to address your country. If there is anything specific that you would like us to mention or avoid mentioning totally, please let me know.”

Resting again, it was now Chancellor Meier who stood again. “I’m sure you’ll want to take a moment to consider the answers to some of the important questions raised by the Field Marshal and the President, so let’s take a moment to breathe.”

The United Republics delegation conferenced with each other now as they waited. The immediate panic had somewhat passed now, but the long night was about the continue as the countries dealt with this great crisis.

Appalachian Nation 2-6 Siovanija & Teusland, @ Appalachian Nation

Starting XI: Heuser; Richter (Karapetrov 74’), Thierse, Jager, Vesele; Mihailov (Bahr 67’), Kramer, V. Dimitrov; Kogler, Tauscher, Ribbeck (Mandl 67’)
Goals: Michael Ribbeck 7’, 40’ (pen.), Lukas Tauscher 11’, Thorsten Kramer 33’, Johannes Mandl 70’, Viktor Dimitrov 90’
Man of the Match: Thorsten Kramer
Report: On a night where the Goldhorns knew they’d advance to the World Cup Finals with a win, it was a total domination from the boys in gold as they pulled out a 6-2 win over Appalachian Nation. Michael Ribbeck scored his first of the game just 7 minutes in, before Lukas Tauscher made the lead 2-0 moments later. Ribbeck’s second would come from the spot a few minutes after a great effort from Thorsten Kramer, and the Goldhorns took a 4-0 lead into halftime. While the home side would pull themselves back into it somewhat with two goals in the second half, a goal from super sub Johannes Mandl and a last minute tally from Viktor Dimitrov secured the 6-2 win, a record number of goals in a game for the national team. On what the win and Qualification means, RBC Radio Siovanija commentator Jiri Pletanek summed it up best: “Dimitrov! Six! Look into that away end now, see the celebrations - the Goldhorns are going back to the World Cup! It’s going to be a party all night here, and the celebrations say it all: here we come.”

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