*”Hibsing It” is a reference to Hibernian Football Club, who have a reputation for throwing away games and/or being all-round disappointing.
”Hello, and welcome to Vai Sports 1’s coverage of the World Cup 87 Qualifiers draw! With the pots now empty and the groups now revealed, let’s take a look at what to expect from Vdara in this upcoming tournament!”
Group 3 Preview:
Team 1 - Baker Park - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 11th
These guys are good. Like, REALLY good. We’d have to be at the very top of our game to defeat these guys, and I just don’t think that’s going to be possible. In my honest opinion, both games against Baker Park are going to be harsh losses.
Team 2 - Xanneria - Record: 0-0-2
KPB Rank: 43rd
As you can tell by the rank difference, us and Xanneria are more or less equal. A far cry from when they were way ahead of us and thumped us a couple of cycles ago, eh? This time, I think we’ve got a chance, so I’ll be predicting that both our games against this very physical side will result in either tight losses or draws.
Team 3 - Vdara - Record: N/A (that’s us, you muppet!)
KPB Rank: 49th
Woo, that’s us! Time to celebrate another cycle of World Cup action! We can’t really play OR win against ourselves, so we’ll have to move on to the next team.
Team 4 - Electrum - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 77th
Electrum, Electrum, Electrum. What are they like? Well, they appear to like our flag, which is a massive plus in terms of their likability in our eyes. They’re not too far off of our rank either, so I’ll be kind to them and predict that we’ll either draw or barely win against these guys.
Team 5 - Qwakmybush - Record: 2-0-0
KPB Rank: 114th
Y’know, it’s been a long time since we played these guys. In fact, the last time we played them was in our very first cycle, World Cup 84. Things have changed since then, Vdara’s rank has increased, but the result won’t. We won against them back then, we’ll win against them now.
Team 6 - Hapilopper - Record: 0-0-2
KPB Rank: 132nd
We’ve already talked about one side which we haven’t played since World Cup 84, so let’s talk about another, eh? Unlike Qwakmybush, we actually LOST both our games against Hapilopper, with Nate Ellis becoming an enemy of all Vdarans in the process. This time, things are going to be different. Vdara have become a much stronger side ever since, and Hapilopper have slipped down the order. Due to this, Vdara should be able to win against this Hapilopper side.
Team 7 - Bonbokh u Piche - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 240th
This side is quite interesting. Not because of their performances, but because of their name. I must say, I do like their name. That won’t be stopping the Vdarans though, who should be able to easily win against these guys.
Team 8 - Cascadia - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 315th
We’ve entered the lower ranked nations of our group, and from pot 8, we’ve got these guys. Now, you’d have to expect a win considering the rank difference, but Margaret has her ways, y’know? Still, I think that prediction will hold.
Team 9 - North Japan - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 361st
We’ve gone even lower in terms of rank, meaning that our chances of winning, in theory, should be higher. I’m not going to drone on for much longer about these guys, I’d be expecting victory against the North Japanese.
Team 10 - Norish Jeia Repa - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: Unranked
Easy dubs, can already smell the dub from here, bossman.
With the teams in our group fully previewed, let’s go on to talk about the scenarios that could go on in our group, complete with tables.
Dream Scenario: Qualification
1. Baker Park
2. Vdara
3. Xanneria
4. Electrum
5. Hapilopper
6. North Japan
7. Bonbokh u Piche
8. Cascadia
9. Qwakmybush
10. Norish Jeia Repa
For this scenario to occur, Vdara would have to somehow tie or beat Xanneria, all while handily matching or beating Xanneria’s accumulated points tally against other teams. Can’t see this happening, not without a fuckton of magic.
Likeliness: 3/10
Expected Scenario: Missing Out
1. Baker Park
2. Xanneria
3. Vdara
4. Electrum
5. Hapilopper
6. North Japan
7. Bonbokh u Piche
8. Cascadia
9. Qwakmybush
10. Norish Jeia Repa
Let’s face it - the Vdarans are not the greatest at working miracles. In fact, most of their miracle energy seems to have gone into winning the Under-18 World Cup, which is still our only trophy to date. Nevertheless, Xanneria have outclassed us once, and they will more than likely do it again.
Likeliness: 8/10
Nightmare Scenario: *Hibsing It
1. Baker Park
2. Xanneria
3. Electrum
4. Hapilopper
5. Vdara
6. North Japan
7. Bonbokh u Piche
8. Cascadia
9. Qwakmybush
10. Norish Jeia Repa
Ah, the classic scenario. Expect too much, come up short, and totally *Hibs it. We’ve seen it from many other sides over these last few cycles, with one of the most notable being Chromatika’s Complete Collapse in World Cup 85. Will Vdara manage to do the same? Unlikely.
Likeliness: 2/10
”Well, that’s all the sporting news we have time to bring you for tonight. Join us very soon as we bring you live coverage of Vdara’s first game of the tournament - Vdara versus Norish Jeia Repa - direct to you from the VdarArena. See you then!”