World Cup 87 - RP Thread

[Vdara]

Here We, Here We, Here We Fucking Go!

*”Hibsing It” is a reference to Hibernian Football Club, who have a reputation for throwing away games and/or being all-round disappointing.

”Hello, and welcome to Vai Sports 1’s coverage of the World Cup 87 Qualifiers draw! With the pots now empty and the groups now revealed, let’s take a look at what to expect from Vdara in this upcoming tournament!”

Group 3 Preview:

Team 1 - Baker Park - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 11th
These guys are good. Like, REALLY good. We’d have to be at the very top of our game to defeat these guys, and I just don’t think that’s going to be possible. In my honest opinion, both games against Baker Park are going to be harsh losses.

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Team 2 - Xanneria - Record: 0-0-2
KPB Rank: 43rd
As you can tell by the rank difference, us and Xanneria are more or less equal. A far cry from when they were way ahead of us and thumped us a couple of cycles ago, eh? This time, I think we’ve got a chance, so I’ll be predicting that both our games against this very physical side will result in either tight losses or draws.

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Team 3 - Vdara - Record: N/A (that’s us, you muppet!)
KPB Rank: 49th
Woo, that’s us! Time to celebrate another cycle of World Cup action! We can’t really play OR win against ourselves, so we’ll have to move on to the next team.

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Team 4 - Electrum - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 77th
Electrum, Electrum, Electrum. What are they like? Well, they appear to like our flag, which is a massive plus in terms of their likability in our eyes. They’re not too far off of our rank either, so I’ll be kind to them and predict that we’ll either draw or barely win against these guys.

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Team 5 - Qwakmybush - Record: 2-0-0
KPB Rank: 114th
Y’know, it’s been a long time since we played these guys. In fact, the last time we played them was in our very first cycle, World Cup 84. Things have changed since then, Vdara’s rank has increased, but the result won’t. We won against them back then, we’ll win against them now.

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Team 6 - Hapilopper - Record: 0-0-2
KPB Rank: 132nd
We’ve already talked about one side which we haven’t played since World Cup 84, so let’s talk about another, eh? Unlike Qwakmybush, we actually LOST both our games against Hapilopper, with Nate Ellis becoming an enemy of all Vdarans in the process. This time, things are going to be different. Vdara have become a much stronger side ever since, and Hapilopper have slipped down the order. Due to this, Vdara should be able to win against this Hapilopper side.

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Team 7 - Bonbokh u Piche - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 240th
This side is quite interesting. Not because of their performances, but because of their name. I must say, I do like their name. That won’t be stopping the Vdarans though, who should be able to easily win against these guys.

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Team 8 - Cascadia - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 315th
We’ve entered the lower ranked nations of our group, and from pot 8, we’ve got these guys. Now, you’d have to expect a win considering the rank difference, but Margaret has her ways, y’know? Still, I think that prediction will hold.

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Team 9 - North Japan - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: 361st
We’ve gone even lower in terms of rank, meaning that our chances of winning, in theory, should be higher. I’m not going to drone on for much longer about these guys, I’d be expecting victory against the North Japanese.

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Team 10 - Norish Jeia Repa - Record: N/A (never played)
KPB Rank: Unranked
Easy dubs, can already smell the dub from here, bossman.

With the teams in our group fully previewed, let’s go on to talk about the scenarios that could go on in our group, complete with tables.

Dream Scenario: Qualification

1. Baker Park
2. Vdara
3. Xanneria
4. Electrum
5. Hapilopper
6. North Japan
7. Bonbokh u Piche
8. Cascadia
9. Qwakmybush
10. Norish Jeia Repa

For this scenario to occur, Vdara would have to somehow tie or beat Xanneria, all while handily matching or beating Xanneria’s accumulated points tally against other teams. Can’t see this happening, not without a fuckton of magic.
Likeliness: 3/10

Expected Scenario: Missing Out

1. Baker Park
2. Xanneria
3. Vdara
4. Electrum
5. Hapilopper
6. North Japan
7. Bonbokh u Piche
8. Cascadia
9. Qwakmybush
10. Norish Jeia Repa

Let’s face it - the Vdarans are not the greatest at working miracles. In fact, most of their miracle energy seems to have gone into winning the Under-18 World Cup, which is still our only trophy to date. Nevertheless, Xanneria have outclassed us once, and they will more than likely do it again.
Likeliness: 8/10

Nightmare Scenario: *Hibsing It

1. Baker Park
2. Xanneria
3. Electrum
4. Hapilopper
5. Vdara
6. North Japan
7. Bonbokh u Piche
8. Cascadia
9. Qwakmybush
10. Norish Jeia Repa

Ah, the classic scenario. Expect too much, come up short, and totally *Hibs it. We’ve seen it from many other sides over these last few cycles, with one of the most notable being Chromatika’s Complete Collapse in World Cup 85. Will Vdara manage to do the same? Unlikely.
Likeliness: 2/10

”Well, that’s all the sporting news we have time to bring you for tonight. Join us very soon as we bring you live coverage of Vdara’s first game of the tournament - Vdara versus Norish Jeia Repa - direct to you from the VdarArena. See you then!”

[Saltstead]

OOC note: Credit goes to NAVA’s Good Flag, Bad Flag for the grading criteria and curses go to Electrum for doing an RP about flags before I could get this written up. xD

Asħwells Tijden
Vor Saxlandes en Såutsteides Königlikstad

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Introducing the World Cup of Flags, a vexillological competition of nations
Annelise Martijns from the Borough of Königsplaas

Asħwells Tijden is excited to announce a very special series for this upcoming World Cup cycle: the World Cup of Flags. Inspired by long hours of logging national banners for archival purposes and The Turnip’s brilliant Flag Men, we will be pitting coloured pieces of cloth against each other in our quest to find the best flag in the multiverse.

According to estimates by international intelligence services, there are more than 200 thousand nations currently in existence across the multiverse, so we need to narrow down the field quite considerably if we want it to be manageable. Luckily, qualification for the football World Cup is about to start, so we’ll just pit the 192 nations that have entered the hunt for football’s most prestigious trophy as our field of flags to compare.

First we need to narrow the 192 nations down further and, to mirror the real football World Cup, we’re going to narrow them down to thirty-two. The qualifying format for our tournament will mirror the format for the football World Cup: World Cup 87 hosts Ethane and Taeshan will automatically qualify for the World Cup of Flags proper. The top-scoring flag in each of the nineteen qualifying groups will automatically advance to the World Cup proper, as will the three highest-scoring runners-up. The remaining sixteen runners-up will face off in qualifying playoffs, with the winners of each qualifying for the finals.

The results of each qualifying group will be decided by the editors of Asħwells Tijden, while the playoffs will be decided by vote of a third-party jury. Once we are down to our thirty-two finalists, it will be up to you the readers to decide which flags reign supreme.

It would be easy for us to allow our opinions on the nations themselves to cloud our judgement of their flags, but we are going to set ourselves some grading rules based on advice from vexillological experts. The first criteria is simplicity: a good flag is simple enough that a child or an editor from The Beet can draw it from memory. Second, symbolism should be meaningful: the colours, patterns and images on the flag should have some relation to the nation’s people or history. Third, colours: they should be limited in number—two or three is ideal—and contrast well. Fourth, text and seals should not be used: they are ultimately incapable of being distinguishable in the conditions flags are flown in. And finally, flags should be unique, but using design elements from other flags is acceptable if there is some relationship between the two nations.

We’ll be grading flags on a ten-point scale, with two points available for each criteria. A flag will score a full two points if it meets the criteria or it breaks the rule in a way that is nonetheless effective and aesthetically pleasing. A flag will score zero if it breaks the criteria in a way that makes the flag less effective or less aesthetically pleasing; for instance, directly copying a flag from the popular online game RLstates will automatically result in zeroes for symbolism and for uniqueness: the symbolism of RLstates flags don’t translate to our world and are obviously not unique and don’t qualify for the relationship exception.

Now unfortunately, some of the flags in our database are registered as “rippled”, which applies an ugly effect that makes the flag look like it has been dragged through mud and then hung up on a poor, unfortunate wall. Any flag with such an effect will automatically receive a two-point Ripple Penalty to its score. We hope the number of penalties we have to apply for this reason will be limited, but hope is merely the precursor to disappointment.

Good luck to all nations and may the best flag win! ⁕

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In other news:

• Football: Researchers at the Royal University of Ashwell discover an alternate timeline with regionalised World Cup qualifiers
• Thingstead Watch: The Chamber of the People approves the budget for the upcoming fiscal year, despite a coalition collapse scare
• An Austerholmer couple announces a voyage to a politically unstable Farfadillis in search of rumoured kraken colonies

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★
The Royal Saltsteadish Football Association
Royal House of Sport, Ashwell

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Melbergia : Saltstead
World Cup 87 qualifying group stage — Matchday 1
Unknown Stadium, Unknown City, Melbergia
Starting line-up (4–5–1): Robert-Jan van Daal; Micħäl Aurelius, Jan-Pijr Åudenberg, Maxime Crabshaas, Victoria Rothöüf; Mina Ratmaker, Constantijn van Bleck, Aleksa Pascal, Zacharias van den Slåp, Natasħa Aħterop; Reinhard Åubreħtssen
Substitute bench: Christijn Sänt-Andreas, Marianne Åudershof; Richard Christopħe, Pijr Josefssen, Serena van Middelkamp, Catharine de Vriħt; Nicholas Tiberius, Benni Sħåul, Thomas Lions, Adelaide de Jong, Wim Amistad; Haråud Haråudssen

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[South Newlandia]

SNL at the World Cup Qualifiers 87: A preview

So, what have we got here? A vague podcast made at 1 am by someone who is probably a fan.

Alright. So, we’ve got the Elephants, and they are pot three for some reason. Not sure why a 4th and a 5th place in the groups qualifies you for that, but it’s whatever. What are the opponents, is the big question, of course. And South Newlandia has picked up quite a tough group, but it could be worse. Just look literally a single team up. Alright, so what do we have?
Pasarga is the top one team, and we make no mistakes here, the Wanderers are way out of our range. Ranked 18th, they aren’t actually among the very scariest pot one team, but they are scary indeed. They have that Brenecian coach, Meriadoc Griffiths, probably pretty good, and they were at both of the last two world cups. Make no mistake, we’re losing to these guys, just like we did four years ago, when they beat us twice in WCQ85 to get back to the World Cup.
Hampton Island is the pot two team, another very scary one. The Golden Bears are ranked 25th, and they come off of some massive success. They’ve been to the World Cup twice now, they’ve won the Campionato Esportiva earlier this year, and in South Newlandia, no less. The team with the two Carter girls coaching will definitely kick our ass. With our crappy offense, we can be lucky if we even see the goal against their phenomenal defense. In other words, no chance. They’ll kick our ass right on matchday one when we see them in Hampton Island. We’ve still beaten them in baseball, that’s something.
The pot three team.. Who is the pot three team? Uh.. probably some small unimportant nation no one cares about. Whatever, moving on.
Pot four. Valladares. Ranked 71, definitely a dangerous team from Rushmore. They weren’t too great last cycle, many draws, just like we had, but still very good. Can’t go wrong with a Cassadaiguan head coach, either. They’ve finished second in the World Cup at some point, offensively minded team, big stadium, lots of upside, players on all sorts of big teams. They’ll be a dangerous force. Will beat us, no doubt.
Pot five. Garifunya. 112th, Another offensive team, De Dolfijnen. Weird formation, that always confuses me, but in total, they seem roughly manageable. No easy out, that’s for sure. But maybe, we can hold them out or something. Van der Weide is the only one I’m really afraid of.
Sixth, we have The Gothanita Isles. 4 nations at once sounds very unfair to me first of all, and one of them is even Esportiva, too. They weren’t too good so far, but the 136th-ranked team has some upside, a nearly balanced team, and some guy that worked in Poafmersia as a manager. Not sure about that, but these guys aren’t an easy out either.
Seventh, Bluecliff. Fresh BoF-graduates, finished second, now ranked 195th, undefeated until the loss in the final. Extremely dangerous. Pretty defensive team, and we certainly won’t be underestimating BoF-graduates that play a defensive 4-4-2, that can go very wrong very fast. We would know. Wolverine, if you hear this, we have reason to be scared.
Number eight, Regmotto. Never heard of these guys. Ranked three-hundred somethings, were at the BoF, did okay there. We don’t know much except that you cannot lose games like this one.
Nine, U-Koro, pretty much the same thing.
And then, ten, Tumbra. They’ve been here before, some time in the seventies I think, did okay I think. Unranked, but very dangerous, offensively minded team as well, deep roster. That’s the kind of games South Newlandia loves to lose. They also have a striker named Cohen, so that’s got to be bad news too.
There we have it. The Elephants are f*****. Thanks for tuning in.

[Mytanija]

Lev Repin and his team were gathered in the away dressing room somewhere deep in the bowels of the enormous Estadio Generalissimo Joaquín Delgado. Very few had ever played here but they familiar with their opponents, both teams were reasonably well-acquainted following the pair of games at the previous Copa Rushmori. Nobody had expected Mytanija to do so well after being away from international football for a while, the result of a blanket ban from international competitions due to repeated incidences of hooliganism by those fans who followed the team. In the end they had battled all the way to 4th place, far beyond what anyone could have imagined going into the tournament. In order to get that far they had had to beat Sargossa, today’s opponents, 5-4 in the quarter final.

Both teams had fought hard in that fixture, but they had also both seemingly forgotten how to defend. Repin knew he had to stress to his players that they couldn’t let that happen again here, the home crowd would sense the weakness in the Mytanar back-line and the pressure would be ramped up and up. If the Sargossans got a fast start and their supporters got behind them it could end up being a long old night for the Hoops. On paper it was the group’s second seed against an unranked team, but the results in the Copa proved that Mytanija could play on Sargossa’s level and Repin had to emphasise that too. Finding the right balance in the team talk would be tough.

He looked from player to player in the dressing room and knew he had a solid line-up here. Jezdimir Ocokoljic was one of the most dangerous finishers in world football on his day and had proven that at the highest level in Nephara, by all accounts he had been a terrific success there. Tahir Fejzuli had played in Nephara too and despite flattering to deceive at times last season for Atletik Thessia he was still the subject of a large bid from Farfadillis based Mâ Âlâmëómë. There were good players in this team and he knew that whilst the Sargossans were favourites there was an opportunity to get the team’s morale up with a solid performance. A loss away to Sargossa in the opening game wouldn’t be a bad result. It would hurt, losing any game against a Rushmori rival hurt, but a good performance could at least show that the years away from top-level international football hadn’t completely ruined this team. And it would show that the outstanding performance at the Copa Rushmori hadn’t been a fluke.

The way the Hoops had got to the semi-finals had an almost mimetic quality, demonstrating those features many would hold to be inherent to the Mytanar identity. Passion and an occasional brilliance not unduly blemished by its flaws forming a potent cocktail which carried a team far beyond the expectations others had for it. Repin didn’t much go in for the idea that specific traits were inherent to one culture or another, but even he had to admit that there was something akin to life imitating art or art imitating life about that Copa Rushmori run. It ultimately ended in failure, but there was perhaps even something quite Mytanar about that. He allowed himself a wry smile before stepping into the middle of the room. The players soon fell into a hush after he did so.

“Okay lads,” He began, “You know the team. Pedja in goal. Back four of Srdan, Mojmir, Kamil and Petr. We’re going strikerless tonight, so that’s Alen and Tahir sitting and then Dalibor out on the left, Jezdimir and Jasno floating in the middle and Boris out on the right.” Repin paused as a few of his players gazed nervously at the ground whilst others sipped their energy drinks or tapped their studs against the dressing room floor. Petr Isaev was looking around, the team’s captain possibly trying to identify which players were feeling the nerves more than most, but this was a team of fairly experienced players now. They may have been entering the fray in World Cup qualifying for the first time in a long while, but most of the team had been there before in some way or another. The Copa had only been a couple of months ago after all.

“You’ve all had plenty of games in the league already so I’m expecting everybody to be sharp.” Repin said. “I want to ensure that they don’t come out and start fast, we know they’ll try to, they’re at home here and there’s plenty of their fans out there who will be desperate to get one over on us after what happened last time we played them. I want you to remember that game, you belong on the same pitch as those lot. We also need to remember that if we allow them to start quickly then we’re in for a difficult night, okay? We have to make sure we don’t let them score in that opening 15 minutes or so. There will not be any shame in losing away here, but we cannot lose in a way which becomes embarrassing, understood?.” He paused again, before turning to the tactics board behind him and moving a few of the magnets around.

“We know what worked when we beat them in that 5-4, but I want to make sure we’re a whole lot better at the back than that if at all possible. There’s a big responsibility on you tonight Mojmir,” Repin looked at him and the Olympic Thessia captain nodded back at him, his face expressionless. “You have to organise our defensive line and make sure that we stay level at all times – but I also want you to make sure Srdan and Petr know where they are as well as Kamil. We cannot have big gaps between you four at the back, it has to be narrow at all times. It’s absolutely crucial we force Soria outside whenever possible. He’s got the quality to beat you there, but make him beat you there. We can’t let him cut inside and shoot. First time that happens and I want you absolutely bollocking them Pedja, right?”

“My pleasure boss.” Kasun smiled as some of the others tittered.

“Alen and Tahir, you two know how to play those two roles. If you get the chance to express yourselves then by all means do it, but here – away from home – I want you to be disciplined, nothing too silly alright? By all means enjoy it, but enjoy it by being fucking disciplined in there.” Repin jabbed his finger against the tactics board a few times to emphasise his point. “When we get the ball I want the back four up to the halfway line as quickly as possible okay? And then you two no more than ten metres ahead of them. We’ve got to keep the distances between the back four and the central two as tight as possible, the bigger the spaces we have to defend the bigger the problems we’re going to have.”

“Do you want me going in there to help gaffer?” Jasno Odonelec interjected, the team’s vice captain.

“Not until we see what we’re dealing with son, alright?” Repin replied. “If we’re under pressure then it makes sense for you to drop in, but try and wait through the first 15 or 20 minutes to see what’s happening. We have to cause them issues so they’re unsure of who’s picking up who so I want you alongside Jezdimir to try and get Águila and the two big fuckers at the back arguing over who’s picking up who, does that make sense?”

“Aye gaffer, perfect.” Odonelec replied.

“Remember that Esnáider and Galán are nasty bastards lads, they’ll try to kick you if they feel they can get away with it so don’t be afraid of leaving one on them if you get the chance.” Isaev chipped in. “And make sure Soria knows you’re there too Srdan.” He continued, glancing at his fellow full-back who nodded at the sentiment.

“Alright. Dalibor and Boris you two know what’s expected of you, in possession you need to be making those runs – outside to inside – as much as possible okay. Jasno and Jezdimir aren’t dropping deep because they like getting booted in the centre of the park are they?” The pair gave each other a knowing glance as Repin said it. “You’ve got to be trying to get into the space. Don’t wait for Esnáider and Galán to go with them, you have to gamble that they’re going to do it because you won’t have time to wait until they’ve made the decision. You’ve got to be in behind and ready to receive the through ball.” Repin said, moving the magnets to demonstrate where they were supposed to be.

“And make sure you’re coming back when they’ve got the ball too.” Isaev added.

“Yeah, goes without saying lads, doesn’t it?” Repin said, looking at the two wingers. “You have to be getting back to support this back four as much as possible. We know they like getting it wide to Soria and Costa and if we don’t put pressure on the likes of Goyoso and Fonseca then those wingers will be getting the ball a fair bit. You’ve got to be unselfish here lads, I know you’d prefer to be running in behind Boris but I need you tracking back so we can go two-on-one against Costa on that side alright? Dalibor, you’re more used to it, but no resting on your laurels. I need you back there against Soria whenever they have the ball.”

“Do you want me playing inside when we have the ball at all boss?” Dalibor Vlahovic asked nervously. He was 25 now, but he’d only played for the national team 12 times and his experience at this level was limited in comparison to much of the starting eleven. He’d been selected ahead of Brajko Gavrilovic – a player who had enjoyed a relatively successful Copa Rushmori – and the media were waiting for him to perform poorly so they could produce screaming headlines about Repin’s tinkering on the back pages once again.

“We’ve worked on that sometimes with you Dalibor but in this game when we’ve got the ball we need you out on the touchline and then making those runs we’ve talked about. Srdan’s not going to be overlapping all that much, we cannot risk it like we did in that game in the Copa because we don’t want the game to get away from us. So stick out on the left and just keep making the runs son, that’s all I want from you. We might change things during the game, but unless I tell you anything different that’s what I want you to do. Right Petr, it’s over to you.” Repin finished, vacating the space in front of the tactics board to the team’s captain. He felt like he’d got most of the important information over to the team, but he knew even the best laid plans could soon go awry once out on the pitch. He hoped they could get a respectable result here and stop the home crowd going home too happy. It’d be an uphill task, but they’d shown they could do it on neutral ground at the Copa Rushmori. It was an altogether different task in front of over one hundred thousand supporters at the Generalissimo though.

[Astograth]

Transkribia presents…

DAINERI STARTING GOALKEEPER
The no. 1 cult footballing podcast in Astograth, with your hosts Ibon and Mantzia
Originally dedicated to the Audioslavian National League, then it spiralled out of control
Transcribed and translated by Transkribia, sign up at Transkribia.asg/DSG for the full script and a 30-day free trial

Ibon: …and then, you know, what was I going to do? I’ve got this 2-meter tall, Urrustoy looking guy – you know, long hair, beard, no remorse about snapping you in half – marking me, telling me not to get any ideas. I’m fearing for my life here. So I walk over to my pal Sotil and tell him we should change wings. He takes one glance at the other guy and shakes his head. I offer him money. He asks for it now, cash. You can’t be serious, I say. Yeah I’m serious, he says. So as soon as I can I go over to my bag for it. Then two minutes later I see that m-[bleep] [bleep] Sotil chatting to Urrustoy over there, slips him a [bleep]-ing two diru bill and next thing I know I’ve got this huge [bleep]-ing hulk in my face again. [Laughter].

Anyway, anyway, back on topic. What was it?

Mantzia: Qualifiers!

Ibon: Oh, that’s right! Go ahead.

Mantzia: Qualifiers. Everyone’s favourite biennial gauntlet –

Ibon: Biannual.

Mantzia: No, that’s twice a year. Biennial is every two years.

Ibon: You sure abou- OK, fine. Keep going, sorry.

Mantzia: Ibon Mendigurena, everyone! [Applause sound effect]. Now, before we talk about the obvious, there’s some interesting stuff around the other groups. Ibon.

Ibon: No Dainer.

Mantzia: No Dainer. The name of our show ages worse by the day, confirmed.

Ibon: It’ll be like a bug in amber someday, just think about that. The good old days of Daineri starting goalkeepers.

Mantzia: We’ll cling to them just a bit more. Now, other things – Al Qurija, for one, they’re back in Group 19. Unofficial World Champions, as everyone knows, and it’s between Eura and Siovanija & Teusland to see who’ll come away with it. What do you think, Ibon?

Ibon: You know I don’t like Eura.

Mantzia: You don’t like Martin Blessed.

Ibon: Hence, what I said.

Mantzia: You never had any Eurans at Astograth University?

Ibon: None, never, nope. And never will, at this rate. [Bleep]. Gentle Breeze, if you’re listening to this – which you’re not, because why would you, unless you’re reading this on Transkribia, which by the way: sign up at Transkribia dot ASG slash DSG for a 30-day free trial and access to the entire vault of transcribed and translated podcasts from across the multiverse, with proprietary AI tech that can read the podcasts back to you, practically indistinguishable from the original voices! But translated! It’s revolutionary! That’s Transkribia with S dot ASG slash D-S-G.

Anyway, Gentle Breeze. I know you’re listening. Come back. Please, please, come back.

Mantzia: To the Second Division.

Ibon: To the long-suffering but eternally glorious, greatest club in Astograth.

Mantzia: Right. Well, Siovanija & Teusland will have the first shot at the Lineal UWC in quite a while, and it’s likely that either they or Eura will take it to the World Cup. You know what I think is interesting though?

Ibon: Go ahead.

Mantzia: Eura hold the UWC going into the final matchday, where they play Savigliane at home. And because Eura are already qualified they’re kind of half-assing it, even if the UWC’s on the line, so Savigliane wins. They go to the Cup of Harmony. Who do they meet at the Cup of Harmony? Astograth, of course, because everyone knows second seed is the second most dangerous position to be in – the first is a 2-0 lead. Astograth beats Savigliane, wins the Cup of Harmony because third time’s the charm, and takes it to the Copa Rushmori. We win that one too. Then the World Cup. Olibondeka unites the CoH, CR, WC, UWC and reigns supreme for all time.

Ibon: You know, that’s exactly what I was going to say.

Mantzia: Thank you.

[The Gothanita Isles]

The Gothanita Times

Football: Lack of funding from the Gothanita Isles Football Confederation raises question about team's readiness
Hongsire City, Hallikshire - Many football fans and citizens across the isles have raised question on whether the Gothanita Isles Football Confederation (GIFC) has prepared our national team enough to see through the qualifiers, ahead of today's opening home match against Valladares in Esportiva.
The questions popped out of the surface after Poafmer Zahi Castillias revealed a 23 player squad for the qualifiers, way lesser as compared to the 30-35 player lists many teams around the multiverse has displayed for the qualifiers. And this raises a question on the readiness of the squad as a whole - is there just simply not enough players to pick from? Neither the GIFC nor any national team staff, players has responded by press time, but according to sources, the manager prefers a "find and replace" approach, that is, to find substitutes whenever necessary and replace them in the squad. That leaves the decision to keep with the current squad as it is.
The Isles is not expected to produce any result in front of the 72,000 fans here in Hongsire, but many fans are praying that the team can showcase their capabilities by settling for at least a draw. There are no obvious changes for the match, with the expected 11 starting for the Isles. The match will be broadcasted on many sporting channels around TGI at 7pm today, live.

[Huayramarca]

Reviewing Our Chances, not in depth.

Written by: William Chosica.
04/02/1982 - 6:40 P.M.

This won’t be as much in depth as I would’ve loved, I’m just introducing myself into football as of now, but I can tell that it seems to be a Qualifier that could change our paradigms and basic conceptions on what we know as Huayramarcan Football. Why? I’ll develop some argumentative points throughout this editorial in order to make it clear why I have built that point of view.

First and foremost is the quality of our rivals. This is only our third qualifying attempt, lessons from the past seems to have been learned through getting adapted to their level and being somewhat competent while facing those opponents. Facing Nephara, Sarzonia, Jeruselem back in our first attempt and getting decent scores on some matches, even eliminating Jeruselem while playing in Guayaquil helped the national team to get a notion on what they could face every cycle and how to answer to the stimuli that the rivals could bring against them and counter it. Caicedo also gained some vital experience in order to create different scenarios, depending of the scores, in order to field the team and earning flexibility in order to make Huayramarca an uncomfortable rival rather than the classical punchbag that every World Cup Qualifier brings every cycle.

Those matches provided unrivaled experience to our players, who back then were only youngsters trying to do something for a living or only getting national fame and try to catch some status or even haven’t kicked a football in their whole lives. Now, those players have evolved and are into the eye of some international scouts, the classical Huayramarcan biotype is helping them to get into modern football, the constant running style of play, marking, attacking, etc. and the stamina of ours, specially Serranos (due to living up in the mountains) forged them to have competent physical condition that has been exploited well while adapting to the pace established by superior teams.
Back at the last World Cup Qualifier attempt, Huayramarca proved to be a harder rival than expected, fighting decently during 75% of the Qualifiers for the second position, that was before the slump that the team had, pretty much due to the social condition of Huayramarca at the time, where we were struggling against the tyrant, many players were probably worried by their families and what would happen rather to keep their head into the game. Despite that, finishing 4th on said qualifier after eliminating Jeruselem for second time in a row at the very same venue, was a clear indicator about the burgeoning talent that we have, something that could provide great results soon.

The second argument is leaned towards the investment that the Government is doing on the Huayramarcan Football Federation. Innovation is important, even more if that’s supported in something that might empower people, without regional distinctions, by turning the National Team into a living example that we, Huayramarcans, are capable enough to excel on football, that we shouldn’t underestimate ourselves on the great scene of football. The Government of Ñucanchi Ñan is betting strongly on developing the current generation of players into a high-quality squad, based on the assumption that they are already enriched by talent, building High Performance Centers in order to have all the commodities needed to train, body build, and relaxation is deemed important for an elite player, that’s what the Government is doing right now, trying to form professional players rather than only casual footballers as before.

This aim is pending to provide some rewards, that’s something we will observe during the following Qualifier (s) in order to provide feedback about it, but, I’m sure that the results will be visible for everybody quite soon, since some players have been reported to praise the new system, also, being grateful for the support that the Government is making on them in order to represent Huayramarca in the best way possible. This work isn’t something that has been done only on players, the managerial staff has also been supported by the HFF in order to update their knowledge on football, since this is way important in order to innovate and continue being a team that aspires to earn more victories and learn from their mistakes.

The managerial staff has been sent to some nations abroad, mostly nations with great football academies in order to achieve excellence in the upcoming future. Mr. Caicedo has managed, apparently, to gather enough knowledge in order to provide the players an extensive training agenda that might help them in order to increase their skills, slowly, but might be noticeable in the near future. With this, the National Team might be ready in order to compete in a way more strong way against their rivals, specially if we now have in the group some strong names such as Audioslavia and Sargossa, also, keeping in eye North Kalactin and Damukuni, those two might pose a threat to our aspirations to fight for some decent position.

Third and final argument, but not least, is the desire of our players to excel, to represent our nation and their families with pride. That motivation might be crucial while facing their opponents in order to escalate in the table, day by day, a hardworking squad thirsty for glory, will give their best in order to reach the top and qualify for the World Cup Finals, the road won’t be easy, but not impossible to achieve, the Condors are capable to engage into the fight for the qualifying tickets against their rivals, they have to take advantage of the privileged conditions they have in the Sierra, Jungle and Coast and perform better abroad.

Huayramarca has been historically a team that performs better on the road rather than home, earning eight wins and drawing seven times, that’s 15 matches where they at least grabbed a point from their opponents, rather than eight wins and five draws (13 matches with points) at home. Making the opponents suffer defeats at your home turf is vital in order to boost your chances to qualify for the World Cup Finals, that’s a duty that Huayramarca should fulfill better than the last two qualifiers in order to achieve the dream of a whole nation, seeing the Huayramarcan flag waving in the World Cup Finals, singing the National Anthem during a match and cheering for the team while facing la crème de la crème when we talk about national teams football.

[Rangers FC]

Hello, and welcome to the very first edition of Life Advice with Broxi the Bear, Rangers FC’s best advice column since ‘Question Time with Pedro’. I’m your host, Broxi the Bear, and it’s time to answer some questions that you, the readers, have sent to me. Let’s see what’s inside our first letter...

Dear Broxi,

I recently discovered that my fiancée is a supporter of the not-so-famous green and white club on the other side of Glaskopolis. What should I do? Do I try and convert him into a loyal Rangers fan, or do I leave him?

Yours truly,
P. Rotestant

Oh dear. Well, this is truly a sticky situation we have here, eh? Here’s my response to that.

Dear Mrs. Rotestant,

He’s a lost cause, pal. Don’t even risk it. There may be harsh consequences if your soon-to-be-ex-fiancée supports the other team.
What I recommend you do instead is find yourself a good Rangers man with a good Rangers heart within him. That way, you will find yourself feeling much more fulfilled and, hence, much happier.

Cheery bye,
Broxi

Well, I’m sure Mrs. Rotestant will appreciate the answer I gave her. If not, she can get tae fuck. Next letter...

Dear Broxi,

When I was watching Rangers at Stadio Ibrosikis not long back, I found myself disappointed when I bit into my pie, only to discover the steak I was promised was, in fact, beyond charred. In all honesty, you could have put a brick in that pie and I would have been happier. Can you tell the so-called cooks at Stadio Ibrosikis to learn how long to put a pie in the oven for?

J. C. H. Maboab

Oh my, a burnt pie? Burnt to a crisp? This isn’t on, not at Rangers FC!

Dear Mr. Maboab,

Shove your burnt pie up your arse and take your business to one of the other diddy teams. If you don’t like the pie that we make here, bugger off! We here at Stadio Ibrosikis make our pies with the utmost care and respect, and while the ovens may malfunction and the cooks may fall asleep on the job from time to time, that doesn’t give you an excuse to insult our staff!

If you ever come back here, I’ll be sending my goons after you.

Bugger off,
Broxi

Another letter done and dusted. We’re flying through these, aren’t we? Onto the next...

Dear Broxi,

I’m a green-and-white fan, and all I have to say is:
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE
YOUS ARE SHITE

Hope this letter reaches you in time.

Declan

How kind, eh? I’ll need to give this message the response it truly deserves.

Dear Declan,

Thank you for your letter, and I’m glad to tell you that it did, in fact, reach me in time. However, due to the nature of your letter, I have no choice but to respond to you with something equally as derogatory.

SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD
SAYS YOU, YA FUD

Yours,
Broxi

Well, that’s us done three letters now. Looks like I’ve got time for one more! Let’s hope it’s a good one...

Dear Broxi,

I’m an wee boy from Glaskopolis, and all my life I have support Rangers. My favourite player is Freud Morelicks, and I like how he score goals. It is wonderful to watch, and I love it when Rangers do the win. In fact, it is so wonderful that I has skipped multiple lessons in school just to watch Rangers. It is worth it, as they are the fantastic and the winning is good.

I also drawn a picture of Morelikis. Tell me what you are think!

Johnny
Age 5

Oooh, that was a bit hard to understand. I could already tell that he’s a child before he stated his age, heh.

Dear Johnny,

Stay in school, you’ve missed so many lessons that I could hardly understand what you were meaning, and your artistic skills are gub.

You need a better education.

Yours sincerely,
Broxi the Bear

Well, that’s all the letters we have time for tonight. To send your own question to me, simply post a letter addressed to 1872 Staunch Avenue, Glaskopolis, R4N6 3RS, or send an email (telegram) to me and I’ll make sure to answer it in a future episode of...

Life Advice with Broxi the Bear!

[Mriin]

Maal Memoirs
Sports
Goats v Stoats, Olive-very concerned, and other assorted puns

Yon Kegaant
Maal, Mriin

The World Cup draw in Taeshan has come and went with all the poise and subtlety one can expect from the Taeshani. Much of the night was spent with the usual fretting over a potential difficult draw, and an awe at the startling number of extremely difficult groups being put together. The likes of Tequilo, Tikariot, and Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom joining a first and second seed with only two spots to play for? Madness. Group Eleven managing to feature about eight teams you'd expect to do above average and Valanora? Preposterous. And god, don't get me started on Group Four. The only thing they're missing is a World Cup Champion. So when one looks at all these murderer's rows lined up, there's a fear for where our very own Reavers will land. The diagnosis? Actually not that bad, all in all.

Matchday 1 & 10 - Lisander
The most heraldically confusing nation this side of the Plough Islands. The forests of Lisander are famed for their adorable national animal—the stoat, or as they refer to it, an ermine—frolicking about. However, all their branding from flag to crests feature a fleur de lis. Mayhaps that's where the 'lis' in 'Lisander' comes from? But the important bit here is that an ermine is an entirely different heraldic symbol, one that casual heralders (see: myself) might frequently confuse with said fleur. This is all a great big muddled metaphor, as I don't have very much to go on when it comes to their team. Their squad seemed to be going under some turmoil in World Cup 85, and specifics are hard to come by since. I imagine these will still be competitive matches—I would never classify them as the sort of fodder also-rans their rank might indicate—but it'd be nice if their sports media gave me a little more material to work off of.

Matchday 2 & 11 - Acastanha
One of the nations that makes up the wave of Melayu Archipelago representatives in the World Cup, the region quickly moving into a position to label itself as a true 'sporting region.' Certainly getting closer to it than Sonnel is, at any rate. Acastanha themselves seem like a competent debutant side, but ran into some tough matchups in this cycle's Baptism of Fire. Crashing out of the group stage with an 0-1-3 record is an inauspicious but not unrecoverable start; either way, the Reavers should find them manageable.

Matchday 3 & 12 - Astograth
Heh, do you get it? Astograth is a nation defined by its olive-green color scheme, their national team known as The Olives, and Oliverry is a nation of historical repute in the World Cup. I'm very clever. The challenge of this group is very top-loaded, and anyone ranked above the Astograthians will undoubtedly find themselves sweating. While never quite managing to break into the elite tier of the World Cup, they were historically always a strong presence and with an at-the-time unparalleled domestic league to pull talent from it seemed like only a matter of time before the Olibondeka broke through. Things wouldn't pan out quite the way anyone had hoped in that era, but their grand return to international football has sped along swimmingly as they very nearly unseated Audioslavia for a qualification spot last cycle! The Basque-bowl, as it were. Louis Vaudrail—a Sicoutian manager in this day an age?—is going to lead them to a qualification sooner rather than later, there's no doubt in my mind. I can only hope it isn't at our expense.

Matchday 4 & 13 - Euran Oceania Territories
Ahhh, good ol' Skorjiball. The Euran colonists and former Syndicatian citizens under the manic tutelage of a footballing genius always provide an interesting challenge to overcome, though we definitely have the edge historically thanks to a 4-3 win in AOCAF 60's eighthfinals and a 3-2 win in AOCAF 61's group stage. Oddly enough, the Territories are likely Mriin's largest local rival thanks to a dearth of matches against the likes of Osarius (one), Flavovespia (one), Saltstead (zero), or Northwest Kalactin (zero). And there's a minor theme that these pairs of matchdays—3-4 and 12-13—are an "Audioslav Hell" gauntlet, with several of EOT's greatest footballing achievements being further embarrassments of the Bulls.

Matchday 5 & 14 - Fjorsz
The rare nordic AO nation! Usually these guys end up in Rushmore, trying to suck up all that good juju left over from the Polar Islandstates. They fared quite a bit better in the BoF than Acastanha, making it through the group stages—including Icecliff—with a 3-1-1 record. Add in a dominant eightfinals victory over Caryton and it's a showing nobody can sneeze at, even if they went out Bluecliff League in the quarters. You know what they say: if one cliff doesn't get you, the other will. I'll be particularly interested if their keeper Thomas Keep can earn his keep when faced with a world-class offense; a converted midfielder in goal is a curious sight.

Matchday 6 & 15 - Squornshelous
The elephant in the room when South Newlandia isn't available. A behemoth of the ancient past, far beyond even Astograth's era, having won titles of yore and now come rumbling from the grave to strike fear in those that have grown complacent in their absence. Either through the lineal nation or their splinter state! Said lineal nation is who the Reavers will be facing off against this cycle, and rumor has it they may have found ways to utilize some of their hyper-futuristic cybernetic body modification tech in a way they'd couldn't in previous qualifying attempts. Will the enhanced strength and endurance provided by robotic limbs be enough to overpower the Really Tall Fucks we have at our disposal? Only time will tell.

Matchday 7 & 16 - The H Corporation
Another nation from the Baptism of Fire! That tourney has gotten so big these days, it's hard to believe. If Acastanha are too cold and Fjorsz are too hot, then the H Coproration are just right. 3-0-2 in the group stage including wins over notable Sonnelian nations Quemorr Isles and the Ponyvillian Separatists of Twicetagrien Caterlot Territories, before bowing out in the eighthfinals to Stevidia. A strategy the Reavers may employ is to use the players' unbridled greed—an instinct that must be drilled into the populace of such an absurdly hyper-capitalistic nation, that would even identify itself as a corporation—to control the flow of the match and force overextensions that can be punished heavily on the break.

Matchday 8 & 17 - Rangers FC
We're not Krytenia, so we'll be fine.

Matchday 9 & 18 - United Australasian Commonwealth
The Springboks are a highly multicultural squad and will provide an interesting endcap to both the first half and qualifiers as a whole. They're totally unranked, having decided not to file the extra paperwork to enter their squad into the Baptism of Fire. This provides some intrigue as to the actual quality of their team: more to go on than the totally faceless teams that pass into and out of a World Cup without a whimper, but not the sort of nation that sneaks into the lowest pot with a threatening aura like Mapletish, Mytanija, or Tumbra. At the very least we'll have the most information of anyone in our group when the match comes to pass, having their play against the group's other eight teams to study and develop a gameplan.

All in all, I'd characterize this draw as the Reaver's group to lose and Squornshelous' group to take. While it's by no means impossible that the middle-of-the-pack teams might make some noise, I'd rate the likelyhood of it happening in Group Fourteen as significantly less likely than many other groups that feature highly-touted up-and-coming teams to give the top three seeds a run for their money.

[Independent Athletes from Quebec]

OOC : To those in my group- Marco Hertel will be suspended for first half of the World Cup qualifying stage.

I Run To You

PART 1 (42) - Chhote Chhote Peg

Of course, dear reader, it is expected that Asher would make such a mistake when he reached Quebec City at six in the evening.

It was a typical, cold, breezing late Maytime evening, with light layers of snow on the ground. Asher initially headed to his house, where he got changed to a much nicer pair of suits in anticipation of grabbing last-minute dinner with his parents in Muryong District. But we the readers know too well on how impulsive his decisions can be in the spur of moment, and the more he thought about his schedules, the more he was realising that the possibility of troubles he would be having with his parents, should tonight’s rendez-vous with the Jeruselemite ‘prince’ be mentioned at the table.

Heading there is a likely imperative, thought Asher as he slowly burnt a cigarette on the terrace of his Quartier-Calanien apartment. Even with light snow on the ground, the time of year provided the Capitoliens with enough light to enjoy the views of their intermediate vicinity. Asher remembered how the boulevards of Quebec City, product of the modernisation that had taken place in the mid-1800s under Queen Arlene, were immortalised in the public, not just by the walkways but also the views the Capitolien descendants of the Industrial Age were able to savour in their own measure of life. There was a passage that he first read from the reading section of the Quebecois Baccalaureat’s International History exam his junior year:

”In the Age of Empires, between the latest of trends and the most innovative of inventions, the arcades had brought the night into day, and the day into night, in their sheer presence. Our fathers and grandfathers would remember how their age had begun, with the pomp and circumstance expected from such celebrations of modernity, whose taste the ordinary people had increasingly become exposed to, and how alien they were. The crowds broke out of opera houses, hot and dehydrated, into the hybridised Hanoks and the latest stores made out of sandstones, smelling the fumes coming out of chimneys and the roses right above them on terraces…”

Lucien-Robert Kwak, The Days of Earliest Promenades in the Capitol (1929) -

By the time he had finished his cup of cappuccino and took the cab, it was dark enough for him to see the streets all light up. It seemed more like the festival of fireflies and Bogong moths than the city landscape, if anything. On his way, Asher remembered that Marco Hertel, who was last heard pre-ing at two in the afternoon, would be most likely heading his way to the l’Alliance nightclub, where he had already booked a spot for his distinguished guests.

“It’s inevitable.” Asher quietly mumbled, as he looked at the window. The taxi driver, a Huayramarcan of his forties, wasn’t listening, casually listening to the music blasted over the radio. In that Asher couldn’t help but to feel delighted in that a man was too busy with his own lives to give slightest darn about the stranger beyond what’s necessary.

Make it quick, as you promised to me earlier.

But Asher also was reminded of the promise that Eileen (Plongeon) had made to him earlier in the day, to not fall into traps no different to Drosera Rotundifolia. But then, as we would expect to mortals whose policy revolves around the phrase ‘Piensa con la de abajo’, he decided to enjoy a high once again to forget his realities with his comrades of days gone past. In a poor matter of judgment, he came with the specific rationale that his promise to Eileen would not be binding because the promise was made months before in account. “It is seeing an old friend, so nothing surprising, just like you going home for a week every other month,” said he earlier in the day, as they rested at a largely deserted beach in Jookrimpo, a resort town where the couple was resting. This was the symptom of their relationship, where one was a sporting journalist who thrives with notorious columns on papers and hours spent on socialisation, and other the high-flying musician who is used to travelling unnoticed on the Metro, buying occasional fast food sandwiches and glimpses at vintage stores. No matter how happy the couple may be in general, it only made sense that Asher often looked to find ways to indulge upon such matters and beyond.

It was eight in the evening when Asher took off to l’Alliance nightclub in Downtown Quebec City. Upon seeing the nightclub barracks that looked similar to the Great Walls of China, Asher went around and entered via the backdoor. The backdoor corridor was completely empty- the expected guests with backstage pass were either not going to come until tomorrow (it’s wednesday), or later tonight at around eleven or midnight.

Asher slowly walked without thinking too much, meticulously clutching his heart and thoughts, and he walked all the way until he reached the end of the hallway, where the bodyguard stood in front of the steel door.

“Password please.” The security guard, in his fifties, asked the enquirer.

“Blue Fun Fest!” shouted Asher. The guard nodded, and to Asher’s delight the door was open, ready for him to immerse into the night.

---

Finally reaching the Executive Suite of the l’Alliance nightclub, in which there were a penthouse reserved specifically for the Distinguished Guest of the Night, Asher climbed the stairs, turned to the left and then went inside.

All Asher could say about the sight was that it was familiar to him. The pres were over an hour ago, but the guests were far from being predisposed and the bedsheets were still not covering their bodies. Dozens of empty bottles, from the finest of youth-giving Juven wine and miraculous Ming Star Soju reaching their apex of fifteen and fifty percents, were lying around every table and coffee table. The cloaks, first of things to be taken off as a matter of ritual, were neatly placed in the coat hangers, while the shoes were already sold on online auction by a nearby voyeur. The food crumbs, far and distant from the ants crawling underground, were spread everywhere- on the floor, on the bed and on their bodies.

While the sight alone was predictable, so were his expectations to it. There were about a dozen of them, semi-clothed or naked, and they were doing their own thing- drinking, frolicking, xenapchatting, etc. The sounds of laughter, joy, moans and shoutings calling for their parent seemed to suggest the sense of familiarity to Asher, the good ole Ridler Club boy with Byronian aesthetics (OOC: Ridler Club is the Quebecois equivalent of Bullingdon Club).

In such space even an exception would be just agreed upon as a matter of protocol, as from some distance came some ‘oooh’s’ and ‘aaaaah’s’ of the familiar voices, and the growlings of a creature that shouldn’t be there, and the excitement. As you could imagine, two lads, by the name of Deondre Rhine and Tyson Long, were sitting on the back of a young purple dragon, while Amadou Secka, the legendary Banijan international basketballer and the latest Jookrimpo resident and homeowner, was pulling the dragon with a thick chain and trying to set him loose as the others giggled without much notice.

“Ho….Hey……Ho…..Hey,” giggled the Llamaean outfielder, a single father of two, watching the ‘Spin-o-rama’ bump back and forth with every step of the way.

“I’m in love with you, you in love with me, you my sweet….heart!” shouted inebriated Sebastien Petit, the latest signing of the CSKA Quebec who came to the capitol for a week of partying before hitting the Complex.

“Oh shut up, you two!” shouted Aaron Milić, the Zeta Rekan player with PLI Islanders who is busy embracing his secret lover, fellow countrymen by the name of Radek Hrubek at Winnipeg United. The young lovers, who found hope in a hopeless place, were truly the calm ones to sail these shores of fluids tonight.

“You children shut up!” shouted Secka. Among all twelve members of the Best XI and their manager, the thirty-eight year old was by matter of age placed into the role of manager. “We are going 4-4-2 if you guys are gonna behave like this!”

“Home...home...” cried Garthapis Koulouris, somewhere in the curtained-off section. The Twicetagrien, the latest addition to this international WhatsUp Group, was rumoured to be Marco Hertel’s latest lover. Poor kid, Asher sighed, knowing that Marco’s fate was never to marry, unlike that of his father Xavier, as he heard the remainder of the phrase. “Home is wherever I’m with you.”

“Asher, is this my Asher?” jumped the host, the tall, handsome, muscular gentleman who stood as the clear Alpha Wolf of the international sportspeople’s circles, with his dress shirt all unbuttoned and his jeans tightly put on. This was Marco Hertel, the son of Quebecois international and CD FAS legend Xavier Hertel and Princess Anna of Jeruselem, the notorious gambler, womaniser, and of course the heart of Servette FC in Metropolis, Valladares. “My boy, my boy, my boy….mesdames et messieurs…..Asher Chania Lundrigan!” cried he, looking at Asher as he jumped fifty-metres forward to give his dear friend a bear hug. “Come here!”

On the back of another dragon the blonde, muscular man raised his voice, his countertenor voice particularly evident among all the relaxed music of the vocal cords, cried forward: “Giddyup! The boys! Tonight shall be our day and Carpe Diem!” And that was Deondre Rhine, widely regarded as the best quarterback to have come out of a Ranorian college in ten years (sorry Garrett fans), a notorious gambler and dancer, who was training with his idol, Dexter Ahn of the Quebec Voyageurs. Asher chuckled, once again impressed with the sheer name value his college friend placed to the table again.

“Seems like we’re back on this again, my friend,” said Asher, laughing at the Birthday Boy tape draped over Marco's body and the crown over his head. “You’re never going to disappoint, don’t you?”

“Shush! You aren’t drunk yet! Here’s a bottle!” said Marco, and picking up the two-litre bottle of marijuana-infused Soju (with 40% alcohol percentage) that some college kids would drink when preing in their provincial college towns, he went and handed it to him with two hands.
“I may be the one on hometown visit, but you shall be the one drinking!” Marco shouted, before hopping on the dragon’s back.

Then like that he was back to his old self, as Asher drank one bottle after another, thinking about the crucial mistakes he had made earlier in life, either closing his eyes or trying not to look too much at his comrades, who had started to put on their blue paint and white hats to mark the symbolism of the night. He was somewhat listening to their chatter and while much were utter gibberish or onomatopoeia blessed to us by the music of the night by the DJ outside their executive suite, he still found them amusing enough because they came without any epiphany he would hear from the angel, the muse of his life, the light of his soul….

Marco and Amadou kept going outside and coming back to feed the boys, refilling the table with fried bustards readily provided from the stall in middle of the main dance floor at the first floor, while chatting about possible contingency plans and the joy and the curse of being a parent.

“Keep drinking, keep drinking,” said Amadou, winking at Asher with a row of Tequila shots lined up right in front of them. “Latecomer gotta pay for it!”

“No, I can’t,” said Asher, his conscience quickly reminding him of his limits. “Eileen...She is waiting for me.” Pushing Amadou aside, he slowly swayed back and forth like a fig, before dropping to the ground.

[Maccian]

The Plant

"Angelo, we have a problem," stated Kemari Matzorr as she pulled him to the side. "These guys are in no shape to play against Yerapia."

"C'mon, they were just having fun. I didn't give them anything, you have Angelina and Luna to blame. Mainly Luna though, lately she's been up to no good with that weird magic thing she has going for her. But, the enchantment they put on this weed is 'goated' or so I heard them say anyways," replied Gelinas. They both looked around the training ground. Klay Broskellis and Roma Senozen leaned against the post and were intensely immersed in a nature documentary, seemingly ignoring the goalkeeper trainers going absolutely berserk at them.

On the sidelines, almost all the defenders barring Loklana Solomon and Luna Agaia were lounging around passing around blunts and alcohol as though they were playing 'pass the parcel'. Inexplicably, LeSole Saint Markudjos started to sniff Stephanie London's hair which was almost instantly rebuffed by Stephanie pummeling her fist into his face. Kemari looked on with disgust and turned to Angelo to berate him. Suddenly, Espede Luftboltzen charged through Kemari, knocking her over and intentionally trampling all over her before leaping over her and sprinting away. Stunned, Angelo looked at Espede in bewilderment as Swisse Kadune chased after her.

"The hell is wrong with that girl?" questioned Angelo. He looked over at Luna Agaia and Angelina Aurellix practising their witchcraft, then turned his attention towards Resaiix Stzazsner, Ixeria Volacanis and Liga Koiu making what appeared to be an explosive device. Jessie Calinnflores lectured Loklana Solomon about how to be more 'lady-like' and demonstrated what's she called a 'thirst trap'. The newcomer Star Geiger lazily basked in the sun's rays, seemingly unbothered about all the chaos occurring around her. Literally, the only people who were actually somewhat serious about the training was Eztelle Zeyla and Jeiles Kriessmann who practised free-kicks in an open net.

"EEEEK! You fucking perverts, what are you doing in the girl's bathroom?!" screamed a bunch of girls. A thunderous scream echoed out into the training ground and caught everybody off guard. Angelo Gelinas stood in absolute awe as Eries Kizerain and Kevin Brazy darted out of the bathroom and promptly left the training ground. Rising, Kemari held her broken nose and muttered:

"What in god's name are we going to do with this bunch?"

"I don't know, we're totally fucked for the first game. I'm making Eztelle the captain because she's the only serious person here so maybe she can pull these fucktards out of their despicable states.

[Eura]

OOC: This is the penultimate entry of my election storyline RPed during the Copa Rushmori, set during the summer of end of Euraleague S45/WC86.

emplor.eur/main/worldnews
GOVERNMENT CLINGING ON AS LIBERAL ERA TEETERS ON THE EDGE
- Yarley debate performances bring her party back from brink
- Liberals less than two points ahead in polls
- Prime Minister tops leadership numbers
- Social Party cautiously optimistic
- Low turnout expected in new ex-Sameban seats

Over two billion Euran’s will go to the polls tomorrow after a hard fought campaign.

Two months of endless door stepping, news items and column inches, television and radio debates, online town halls and stirring speeches will culminate in election day, where the Euran electorate will cast their ballots to elect the 3,000 members of Parliament. This election will be the first to feature votes for 250 new seats in the former Republic of Sameba, corresponding roughly to Sameba’s post war population (the accuracy of this figure is hotly contested). It will also coincide with sub-constituency votes for metropolitan councillors across Eura’s major megacities.

A defining feature of the campaign so far has been the lacklustre performance of the governing Liberal Party, with even heavyweight senior figures such as Foreign Secretary Ian Smith and Secretary of State for Economic Affairs Anthony Pollard struggling on the campaign trail. The Secretary of State for Health, Rhonda Ainsworth, had a particularly dire time on the tricky “Alternative Debate” held by Reach Television, where she was unable to counter scathing attacks on the government’s record on healthcare during its lengthy time in office.

Threatening most of all to bring that mammoth period of 21 years in power, of which Yarley has been Prime Minister for 11 years, is Harry Barnham’s Social Party. Eura’s traditional left of centre party has enjoyed a relatively successful campaign after three decades in opposition, presenting a united front as it hammered the government on poorly handled Sameban integration, lack of health and welfare investment, and a patchy foreign policy record. By comparison the Capital Party under Tom Paldrey has been stagnant and possibly even receded further when they desperately need gains to avoid a “tipping point” in the Euran electoral system that will cost them many of their remaining seats.

The first leader’s debate threatened to derail the Liberal campaign further when Yarley came across as unconvincing and aloof to many voters, and in the second debate she fared better but failed to land a knockout blow on a surging Barnham. Barnham benefitted, and by the time of the third debate, the Social Party led by two points in the polls, putting them on course to be the largest party. However Yarley turned it around in the third debate, blowing away her internal party critics with a performance reminiscent of the figure most Eurans consider one of the best Prime Ministers of the modern era, making good use of her record in office and victory in the Great Endemian War. Barnham remained steady but failed to match Yarley’s vigour, while Paldrey found himself fighting a bizarrely defensive battle on patriotism against the leader of the nascent Unionist Party, Tom Bannister.

In the final days of the campaign Yarley’s performances appear to have given the Liberal’s the edge. They have retaken their lead in our running polling averages, and look likely to be leading in our exit poll when it is published this evening as polls close. Crucially, Yarley enjoys a substantial lead in the leadership and “Best PM” polling, usually a strong indicator of who is set to win the election. However this will go down as a close call for her party who increasingly resemble a lumbering leviathan rather than the all-powerful force of five years ago. The Social Party are still hopeful of at least taking away the government’s majority and the Unionists believe they are being underestimated by the polls in their ability to strip away Capital voters. Much will come down to Sameba, where turnout is expected to be very low and regional polling unreliable.

EURAN ELECTION – HEADLINE POLLING AVERAGES
Bracketed are changes since beginning of campaign. Does not include figures for former Sameba (c. 250 seats of 3,000 available) due to incomplete data

Voting Intention
LIB – 35.7% (-4.5)
SCL – 33.9% (+5.5)
CAP – 17.4% (-3.5)
CIF – 4.0% (-0.5)
UNI – 3.8% (+0.7)
Best PM
Yarley (LIB) – 46.7% (+3.6)
Barnham (SCL) – 34.5% (+7.4)
Paldrey (CAP) – 11.1% (-3.5)
Adamson (CIF) – 3.7% (-1.1)
Bannister (UNI) – 3.5% (+1.5)

[Taeshan]

Without much further ado

Today you could say after 13 years of waiting boys.



It Feels Like the First Time

[Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom]

OOC: The following is a work of fiction, all names and identities are fictional and any resemblance to our world or NationStates are probably coincidence
“Only a few days late.” Maria said to herself, the lady mumbling as she sat upon her chair. Her fingers delved into a cheesy snack, and dripped orange dust onto the keyboard. Maria looked down and sighed at her mess, vowing to clean it up later, for now there was work to be done. She logged onto her favorite website. A world where everything was tailor made from scratch, a new world. YourNewWorld, a website for making fictional nations, and much better than any real life states. Maria was a special kind of nerd. She not only did she love fictional countries and politics, but sports. Starring at her old computer screen, she went onto YourNewWorld’s message board, avoiding the general chit chat and skipping to the good stuff. Maria had a job to do, her and a friend were in charge of one of their community’s crown jewels. This diamond was a great event, the Football Championships. A place where dozens of role players tested their mettle in a competitive environment, built on skill and an ungodly amount of luck.

Too bad all of the threads were supposed to be up last week. No time to worry though. Maria had a ping from her speakers. Two beady eyeballs darted over to the taskbar. It was her friend, Carlos, he’d sent her a message on Fuwa. Maria opened up her app, “shit,” she said, “updates.” After a few minutes, Fuwa was finally open and she navigated the UI, full of dark colors like any civilized person’s programs. She read his message with confusion

Janijaisntonline [Today/13:58:04]: Hey, they pulled out.

Maria scratched her head, needing some proper nouns in her life right about now. Another message came up as Maria started typing back.

Janijaisntonline [Today/13:58:24]: Dhino-Daki is dropping out. We’ll have to add a reserve team.
Heartsinfire18 [Today/13:59:57]: Is she still mad about the pillow incident?
Heartsinfire18 [Today/13:59:57]: Games aren’t for a few days. No big deal.
Janijaisntonline [Today/14:00:24]: We don’t talk about that. :-|

“Just another thing to jot down” Maria said to herself, reviewing the Championship Withdrawal policy, “You don’t get thirty cycles without some rules.” Luckily for Maria, there were reserve entries. “The Caravan of Joking Elves” got themselves a shot. Maria looked over the world cup entry list, making sure the numbers were still okay, and they obviously would be. Of course, some originality would be good with the names, but I guess plagiarism was okay if the user was ill educated about the 230,000 nations and 24,000 regions of the world. Maria’s friend gave words of encouragement as Maria did her work. The kindness made Maria smile.

Janijaisntonline [Today/14:00:45]: Sorry I couldn’t get this done on Friday. You’re doing a good job though.
Heartsinfire18 [Today/15:01:48]: Thanks, Carlos.

Maria closed her eyes, copy pasting all of her word documents together on the forums. She previewed the page a good three or four times, copy and pasting the post back into the box. With one last ceremonial preview, Maria pressed send.

---

Links | RP/Scores Thread (You Are Here) | Roster Thread | Bid Thread | OOC Discussion Thread

---

Advisory - this thread is for nations registered to participate in YNW Football Championships 31 and is your home for In-Character roleplay submissions. Please post your squad lists in the dedicated roster thread, and OOC discussion into the official Football Championships Discussion Thread - links are above.

Thank you! <|:3

---

Presented by the Football Federation of Ezellmach, and the Janijian Football Federtion, The YNW Football Championships’s 31st edition is underway, running smoothly as ever. We at the Football Federation of Ezellmach and also the Janijian Football Federtion would like to thank the world for allowing us to host this ever prestigious event.

---

QUALIFYING POTS

Pot 1
Fuoco Della Terra (1)
Norris Grrove (2)
Terra Salamantica (3)
Ji Hao (5)
Digital Apocalypse (7)
Desert Rattlesnakes (8)
Kozumistan (9)
New Seraphim Republic (10)
Romanguan (11)
Montagnard Pas (12)
Isle Melphanion (14)
Tear Islands (15)
Morgex (16)
Bah-Shu-Bah (18)
Loxotxquetox (18)
Quizzinovac (21)

Pot 2
Acadian Rass Realm (23)
Senatai Squad Pi (23)
New Englesy (23)
Burnhaven2 (23)
PLDS Sun Colony (27)
Mantis Shrimp-2 (28)
Jrwarkburg (29)
NattiQex (31)
6 Fed. Islands (32)
Imperium Terrafaux (32)
Mongeese (32)
Arnaq Queendom (37)
Old Vinh Quang (37)
West Laguardia (40)
Mutated Rushmore (41)
Basketballer Kings (41)

Pot 3
Veil of Kwazton (41)*
Veti (41)*
Nomadic Pilots (41)*
Suprastania (UR)^
Bluinia (UR)^
The Secret (UR)^
Cash and Gold (UR)^
Los Quebecos (UR)^
Sullokos (UR)^
Dasofylakas (UR)^
Yannick (UR)^
Dikilti (UR)^
Da Freaking Moon (UR)^
Northestania (UR)^
Cornerian Fleet (UR)^
Knotsian (UR)^

---

*Added to Pot 3 via random draw
^given priority as a returning nation

Pot 4 (all unranked, placed in pot at random)
Gleim Clana^
Reseracher Safe Haven^
Frosts of PIS^
Nowi-Grade^
Glie y Glil^
[The Clan of] Shaunnesey^
Superterranean Morgex^
Deeeeeeeew^
Boogiestania^
Kevinsworld
North Newlandia
Fourth Land of Air
NwK 400
Gulyaz
BattleDawtNet
The Cheesy Union

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^given priority as a returning nation

Pot 5 (all unranked, place in pot at random)
Crystal Mermaid Islands
Synthol Users
Tapioca Springs
Troh Strijanoh
Janijan Sportlich*
Battleship K22
Wulvinnia
Dhink
Iridium Kingdom
Conservative Fantasyland
Brightwitchstan
Oprana and Toypia
Abblehafardia
Leanersfall
Le Chronic
Caravan of Joking Elves^

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*Not controlled by co-host Janija
^Reserve Entry

QUALIFYING GROUPS
*To be drawn by Janija*

---

SCHEDULE
Day 1: 2v5, 3v4, 1 BYE
Day 2: 1v2, 5v3, 4 BYE
Day 3: 3v1, 4v5, 2 BYE
Day 4: 1v4, 2v3, 5 BYE
Day 5: 4v2, 5v1, 3 BYE

---

Day 6: 5v2, 4v3, 1 BYE
Day 7: 2v1, 3v5, 4 BYE
Day 8: 1v3, 5v4, 2 BYE
Day 9: 4v1, 3v2, 5 BYE
Dy 10: 2v4, 1v5, 3 BYE

---

Day 11: Playoff Matches (16 group runners up vs. 14 third place teams)

[Lorrana]

Lorrana 4-6 Yuezhou: Post-Game

Key Events
14' Goal for Lorrana (#10 Kiyon)
17' Yellow Card for Yuezhou (#15 Zhu)
29' Goal for Yuezhou (#10 Liu)
46' Goal for Yuezhou (#18 Wen)
51' Goal for Yuezhou (#18 Wen)
54' Goal for Yuezhou (#18 Wen)
62' Goal for Lorrana (#11 va Daledi)
66' Light Injury for Yuezhou (#7 Yang)
67' Goal for Lorrana (#10 Kiyon)
73' Goal for Yuezhou (#9 Huang)
86' Goal for Yuezhou (#2 Lang)
90+3' Goal For Lorrana (#9 Ravilu)

Commentary

The match started pretty calm. A lot of parking the bus and passing. 14 minutes in, Lorrana midfielder Kiyon scored from inside the box after a huge defensive mistake. A few minutes, Yuezhou defender Zhu Aiguo gave away a free kick and it seemed like Lorrana would extend their lead, but they missed the shot. Yuezhou began playing a bit more aggressively, and at 29 minutes they got their wish: a goal. It was a fine shot from 30 yards out by Liu Huiying. The rest of the half was pretty uneventful. However, things got crazy after half time. Yuezhou rising star Wen Xiaohui scored a hat trick in 8 minutes, followed by two goals for Lorrana. Both defenses were becoming a lot more open at this point in the game, which just led to more goals. Yuezhou scored a brace putting the score at 6-3 in favor of Yuezhou. Lorrana scored in stoppage time, but it was little more than consolation.

In other news, Yuezhou midfielder Guo Xiawei suffered a mild injury, but with rest Xiawei will be able to play next game

[The Gothanita Isles]

Presenting, the roundup of the headlines following the loss to Valladares.

TGI 1-3 Valladares
@ Camp TX (cap. 72,000), Hongsire City, Hallikshire (of Esportiva region)
Lineup for TGI (4-2-3-1): Thulile Bolkvadze (c); Jeanette Ross, Abu Bakr Ekmekçi, Saif al-Din Kartal, Charlee Harel; Sardar Chaplin (Amalija Bothe 62'), Remus McQueen; Grigorii McCrory, Ladislava Tyler, Cyneburga London; Abdelkader Kartal
Lineup for Valladares (3-2-3-2/3-5-2): Paulo Gaviria (c); Jair Marrugo, Martín Delgado, Jorge Vargas; Bryan Castillo, Christian O'Brien; Ronald Mickel, Arley Barrios, Cristian Benítez; Wilfried Baume, Thibault Benezet
Cards: None
Goals: Cyneburga London 9';
Thibault Benezet 30', 82' (pen); Wilfried Baume 58' (assist by Benezet)

The Hongsire Daily
Opening loss to Valladares is due to lack of confidence: Castillias
Hongsire City, Hallikshire - "I don't think it is the problem with choosing only 23 players, I think the players just need to be more confident about themselves and put themselves in the correct mindset," said manager Zahi Castillias at the post-match press conference.
The Gothanita Isles hosted 71st ranked side Valladares at Camp TX, in Hongsire City. The match was supposed to be a difficult one considering the capabilities of the opposition side, yet the home side presented 30 minutes of nice football, as our Yellow Lions storm to a 1-0 lead through an early goal by London in the 9th minute. She powered the ball home after receiving a free-kick on the right side of the field, and made a shot that stung the fingers of Valladares captain Gaviria as it went past the goal. However, the happy times weren't able to last, as an error by our keeper Bolkvadze allowed Benezet to slip past and equalise for the visitors. After the break, it was a complete mess as Baume slot home following a 1-2 with Benezet, before Benezet himself netted a penalty following a foul in the box by right-back Charlee Harel.
For The Gothanita Isles, though the loss to higher-ranked opposition was well within expectations, it fueled the opinion that the GIFC has not been placing enough emphasis on international football as a whole. Ever since the Isles participated in international competitions, it has been plagued with lots of errors on its part. The lack of records surrounding the recent regionals in the official history of the Isles football team has been one, while the "late submission of entries" to the Atlantian Oceania Champions League (AOCL) and Copa de Campeones (CdC) 2 years ago has been another one. There has been criticism on the preperation done by GIFC to prepare to take football in the Isles to the next level, competitive with the top 100 nations in the multiverse.
The Isles next play Regmotto away before U-Koro at home. Both teams also suffered similar losses, and with the Isles being about 200 ranks above them, the match is supposed to be easy for our Yellow Lions. Zahi Castillias has said that both matches would serve as a "confidence-booster" and a litmus test for the team's ability as a whole, as the Isles is expected to grab all 6 points for the matches.

The Handorian News Network
Is the World Cup Qualifiers coming to North Handoria?
So the World Cup Qualifiers may not be held here at all.
For the first time in recent World Cup history, a 10-team qualification group would not feature any nation coming from Atlantian Oceania (AO), widely considered to be the biggest region involved in sports around the multiverse. Well, that is if you do not consider The Gothanita Isles as "a quarter AO" with North Handoria residing in AO. This fact was quickly pointed out many newspaper and media outlets multiverse-wide following the group stage draw held in Ethane. Combined with GIFC's statement that home stadiums are decided to "maximise our reach while minimising travelling time for the national team", it seems extremely likely that North Handoria, who hosted the most games among the 4 member nations of the Confederation, will host at most 1 out of 9 home games.
Even though the GIFC has been slow in releasing the home stadium allocations, the first 3 home games would not be held here. Yesterday's match against Valladares was held in Camp TX (with 72,000 capacity) , located in Hongsire City, capital of Hallikshire, while the match against U-Koro will be held in Hallikshire again, this time in Yhens at the Mytraton Stadium (with 25,000 capacity). Hallikshire will also host next week's match against Garifunya, held in East Solam Park (with 69,000 capacity). Many are expecting the double header against South Newlandia and Tumbra to be held in South Jeolerina, in either Manclester or Jeolerina City, especially since Matchday 9 and 10 are consecutive away matches in Rushmore region. With absolutely no reason to move the matches back to AO and North Handoria, the likelihood of home matches here are getting slimmer.
Fans in Mondown City, capital of North Handoria, are hoping that the GIFC would consider bringing a match or 2 here into AO. "Atlantian Oceania needs some representation in the group. Seriously. There is no excuse to ignore us Handorians when considering home stadiums, and I am sure the whole of AO would be pleased if Group 18 matches can be held in the region, even if there may not be a lot," says a fan who goes by the name Jackson. Another fan, named Ellari, agrees with the opinion. "Just allow us Handorians to enjoy two games of the qualifiers. That is probably enough."

The Manclester Times
Lead thrown away in loss to Valladares
Hongsire City, Hallikshire - The Yellow Lions were left licking their wounds after throwing an early 1-0 lead to lose 3-1 against Valladares in the opening game of the World Cup qualifiers, prompting Poafmersian head coach Zahi Castillias to step out and urge "patience".
The Gothanita Isles took the lead in the 9th minute through a free kick from Cyneburga London, an early goal which had caused the home fans to jump for joy and thought that the Isles would be able to take home a good result against the 4th seeds. However, things were not to be, as Valladares equalised after the 30th minute with a solo effort from the Gothanitan captain Thulile Bolkvadze, before 2 more goals in the second half sealed the game.
Head coach Zahi Castillias said that the team had "no confidence" after poor performances in the recent regionals and last qualifiers. "It is about trying to find back the confidence and the thing that makes this team click. I believe they have it, however, it just didn't show today against stronger and more organised opponents. Football is about the mental strength, and after the scar 2 years ago, the players are trying to find it." He pointed out some positives from the match, such as how McCrory and Kartal helped each other to 3 brilliant attempts which was saved by Paulo Gaviria, the opposition keeper, and how the team managed to keep the corners well defended. "The team is clearly improving, so I would give them more time to bring in the performances before deciding to change them."
There was no shortage of drama across the multiverse during Matchday 1. Equestria defeated Starblydia 4-2 in the biggest match of the night, while Tequilo held Vilita to a 1-1 draw. Unknowns Red Kelp held The Holy Empire to a shock 2-2 draw away, newcomers Socialist New Britain forced the visiting Krytenia team to a goalless draw, while Mytanija marked their return with a 3-3 draw away at Sargossa. Baker Park almost lost their UWC belt as they were held to a shock 1-1 draw with unknowns North Japan. Siovanija & Teusland took over the lineal UWC belt, a change of ownership for the first time in over 10 years as they defeated beltholders Al Qurija 3-1. Both belts have lots of potential to change hands again in this upcoming week. For the lineal UWC belt, Siovanija & Teusland (S&T) will be playing Natanians and Nosts in Matchday 2. A successful defense would mean lots at stake just 3 days later in the battle for top spot, with Eura playing S&T. If S&T is unable to defend the title, it might go back to Al Qurija with Natanians and Nosts playing them on Matchday 3. In the battle for the Interim Belt, Baker Park will face a tricky opponent in Vdara on Matchday 2.

[Geektopia]

A New Web Blog Series Thing: The Molecular Level | Legend: --- Arturo Vitriol

---

--- » Oh, absolutely brilliant, this tape film cartridge thingamabob isn't working. By the way, who this is produced by-the group of people who produced this camera- I swear, I don't remember the name of the company, it's escaped me. This is a faulty camera, I didn't even get a back up.

--- » Yeah, I'm sure the audio still works on this piece of crap, OK, I'm heard. That's a great first step, OOOOHHhh, actually, I think I left the camera contacts in my warehouse. It'll only take a second, probably, it's right next to the studio. This will be totally insightful commentary for any impatient viewers who are listening, I'll get down to it right when I find that fuckin' lense, and put it on the camera's exterior and all that hunky dory stuff. This corporation's the same one which made a dartboard replacing the numbers with highly valued Aimenan politicians just last year, no? Only God could give me the answers to how they would make a fully functioning camera.

--- » Ooohp, actually it's under my lab desk here. Aand we put this bad boy in, presto! So, to introduce you guys, this will be a show about me interacting with various fundamental chemicals, compounds, mixtures, whathaveyou. I might even eat a few things in my laboratory, of course, not the chemicals. You should never do that. The duration of this content is gonna be, eh, maybe ten to fifteen minutes if I try really hard. I'll also make an effort not to skim over any information presented to you, although that would drain my time. Oh, also, my name is Arturo Vitriol, sorry that I haven't told you until now.

--- » For this two chemical special, I'll be looking over Dinitrophenol, (DNP for short) and Dichlorodifluoromethane, one of the most unwarrantedly hard molecules and words to pronounce since some of the names of our gridiron squad waaay back in World Bowl 37. So I call it a double D special episode!

--- » So the first one that I have here on my lab table is called Dinitrophenol, you obviously already know that, so I'll show what happens when I coarse my hands through it. I can see it's a powder already, and the qualitative characteristics tell me that this molecule runs through your hands like a sort of nutritional yeast, which is why as a scientist, you wouldn't want it anywhere besides your lab table. You could make a horrible mess! Oh no, look, I carelessly spilt some out onto my lap, and now I have to run my silky satin pants through the laundry again! Remember, I do the things that I do to inform my audience.. and increase runtime some.

--- » Alright, I'm done with my laundry. Now, let's dive deeper into what Dinitrophenol is. Now, the media have panned this as a deadly material of modern medicine which should be taken off of the market, but with actual research, it's been shown in an experiment to make rats healthy, eliminating almost completely any type two diabetes or fatty liver disease symptoms through the stretch of a month. But the media and journalism cronies have retaliated on this almost immediately, as if that was possible for such dunderheads like them! Sources from them say that DNP shouldn't just solve health problems for rats and that it's completely irrelevant to the argument, yet another newspaper on the same side back-pedalled their point, exclaiming idiotically and frighteningly frantically that health issues for these squealers which were highlighted to be completely solved by the Dinitrophenol drug only make symptoms and weight gain go away for a month, exactly as long as it takes for the vitamin to work within ingestion.

--- » My side on this issue, if you couldn't tell, lies with credible, dependable, and devoted scientists who work for the government and are arguing with morons who don't know that.

--- » Now for this segment of the show, we'll be looking at the other molecule called Diclorydious or something like that. Dichloro-dichlr-dichlorofluoromethane? Not really sure how I pronounced it in the first time asking. I've kept this in a refrigerant for now so I won't be physically interacting with it. For if it could damage the ozone layer, imagine what it could do to my hands! More about this, though, it's a real ozone destroyer, but in the world of today, for how much I can't explain it, people use this chemical, convert it into a state of liquid, and then put it into their tap drinks/tequila/champagne and try to see what happens.

--- » What happens is a real letdown, I'll tell you. See, asides from the chemical Dichlorodifluoromethane also being just a couple of syllables from sounding like the word meth, which should be a real turn-off anyways, it, while in another liquid, pulls the solid thats in that liquid to the very bottom. So, if you own a mansion out in the Hamptons to be rich enough to access this shit, like I do, you can also put this into your Capri Sun, tequila, alcohol, whatever with ice, and it'll pull the ice down to the very bottom of the cup. I mean, how cool is that?! Not very, to be honest. If you want to be killing off the planet while showing your friends an assortment of cool party tricks I think you'd be the person for it, maybe. And the messed up thing is, more and more people are getting pulled into this pointless bullcrap every day in our country. You can just look at a photo of ice water under the effects of Dichloro every day and be completely satisfied anyways. So stupid.

--- » Oh, yeah, gee i almost forgot to add in these stupid companies who are making refrigerators with a Dichloro option, why would you try to sell shit that destroys the ozone layer and is also subliminally poisoning young adults that drink it? Why would you buy that with the same knowledge as well? I'd also like to note how these corporations plan to make a third Dichloro option, would it be self-sustaining? Would you have to pick up the material when you first get the fridge to fill it up, and then less than a month later when that same fluid runs out, would you also order dichloro from a shady reseller or make a deal with the government to get it and then have to wait a month, just beckoning for that sweet siracha juice to come back to your door? Like, I don't get the thought process behind some of our generation who are pre-ordering this, still, don't get me wrong, I might be both the minority and insane against this.

--- » Anyways, I've droned on about politics for too long now, but that's what our first episode disappointingly has to contain most of. Guys, I'm sorry that I couldn't leave it mostly to scientific analyses and not lead myself to further having a shitty day, let's have a better second episode. Well, that's not up to you of course. I'll certainly have to sleep a lot and have a dream journal and in overthinking about my dreams, forget all of this ever happened. Also, if any interviewer or reporter is watching this, just saying this in case I might hit it off big in the country, don't ask or mention this first episode thingy, mabob, whatever, I'm tired.

Geektopia 1-1 Recuecn <> 44,679 @ Isleshore Stadium, Geektopia
Goals: 3' #4 Lukas Kayserling (assisted by #19 Quentin Gouin), 87' #30 Ponti (assisted by #37 Foletta)

Substitutions: 9' | #20 Rinnert in for replacement of #9 Shammami, 38' | #25 Manese in for replacement of #10 Nankervis, 64' | #6 Germaine Sophie in for replacement of #23 Rebimbas, 64' | #27 Swenty in for replacement of #29 Diminno, 75' | #37 Foletta in for replacement of #14 Sdao

Player's Marks:
LERTORA: 6.0
PONTI: 7.0
PITTER: 6.0
GERMAIN SOPHIE: 6.0
JULIO: 6.0
MATKOWSKI: 6.0
DIMINNO: 5.8 ⬇️
REBIMBAS: 6.0 ⬇️
NANKERVIS: 6.0 ⬇️
SHAMMAMI: 6.0 ⬇️
SDAO: 5.8 ⬇️
—————————————————
RINNERT: 6.0 ⬆️
MANESE: 6.0 ⬆️
GERMAINE SOPHIE: 6.0 ⬆️
SWENTY: 6.0 ⬆️
FOLETTA: 6.5 ⬆️

[Jeruselem]

Princess Katherine Dallas (naked) at Dazza Dallas Stadium

Hello, this is Princess Katherine. IT'S WORLD CUP 87 TIME! First game of qualification right here at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Today, the visitors were Oberour Ar Moro.

I will not be like covering the other ... 18 groups today as well, I think you don't really care about those.
Anyway, pretty exciting the first round of games.

Well well ... New Lusitania or New Lusitania and the Algarves who are our main rival in this group, had their first home game. The pretty unknown Thibaea came over and handed them 4-2 loss. Wasn't expecting that. I guess the first game of the qualification is always fraud with issues as a new team assembled have their first proper hit out. For the home team, not such a great day. But for Thibaea, a great win ... historic?

Stevidia hosted Banija and got spanked 4-1. Not the best way to start at home.

The Belacian States hosted Vangaziland, and also got spanked 4-0. Round one not the best for the home teams in Group 13.

Melbergia hosted Saltstead and lost 1-0. Yeah another home team loss, well ... home teams not doing great so far in Group 13.

Well that leaves us, the other home team. Given home means losing 4-2, 4-1, 4-0 and 1-0 ... it was our turn to lose. But we're different and we beat Oberour Ar Moro 2-1. Yeah it sounds boring, but we were the only home team actually bloody win in Group 13.

It wasn't exactly our best, as we didn't play a friendly or any games with another international team before this. Unfortunately we had the rough start before any football with annoying anti-royal protesters trying to block people getting the game but we cleared them out in time. We threatened to spray them with gay gas and they all ran away like girls. I guess they don't like homosexuals.

And then we has some annoying people who didn't like wearing masks in the stadium. They got chucked out real quick because we don't want to deal with fuckwits like that and their lack of respect for other people's health. No we do not test everyone who enters the stadium, that's just being impractical and expensive. Yes players and staff do get tested before they get to work ... including the visitoring staff and players.

But as for the game itself, the team scored their first win 2-1 and hopefully this is what we need to qualify. Far from perfect, but for the first real outing a good result. Yes the opponent was not exactly super difficult but any team on the day can win. We have work to do but that's why qualification is so important. You learn about the team from successes and failures.

Yes the manager is not a middled fat guy with a mop on his head, like the last two cups. It's that crazy woman with carrot hair ties. You've seen her before the JPL, the one with no filter. Complete opposite of the last coach. You might ask, err why her. Well, she's guided her domestic team to relative success despite limited coaching years compared to others. She is different, we can all agree with that. We tried boring, so we're trying a little insanity. Just a disclaimer, I do know her from school.

We'll be interviewing her later after things settle down in the World Cup, we're still sorting shit out with our schedules. But for now, we have at least 3 points. Hopefully we get a lot more and top the table at the end of all this business. Or at least qualify, we don't want to the Cup of Harmony again.

Just a reminder I will not be travelling overseas, my friend Akai will be doing that. It's bad enough with your own kids but I have to babysit other people's kids too. If you missed today's game, the replay is accessible from our web site afterwards. We try to get games from the other Group 13 games but you that's all down to if the hosts of that country allow it or not, so ... eh so don't expect it to be there.

See you all later! Eh, probably tomorrow.

OOC

Jeruselem 2–1 Oberour Ar Moro
New Lusitania and the Algarves 2–4 Thibaea
Stevidia 1–4 Banija
The Belacian States 0–4 Vangaziland
Melbergia 0–1 Saltstead

[Turori]

Turori Open Qualifying Campaign with Victory over Freeport

Condottieri Coliseum, Freeport :: The Turori National Team got off to a solid start for their World Cup 87 Qualification campaign with a relatively strong side traveling to Freeport and securing a 1-0 victory over the Condottieri - a team made up of a variety of Ponies, Pegasus, Unicorns, Dragons, Griffons, Zebras and the occasional Human or Dwarf. While there were discussions that the Cocoabo Preservation Society were pushing to have Turori's National Cocoabo Squad square off against their Hoofball rivals the Football Association of Turori wanted to ensure the team were well on their way to the World Cup 87 Finals before swapping out large portions of their match ready Citizen Squad in support of the Cocoabo Enrichment & Enhancement movement. They did not, however, rule out the possibility of the return leg being played at the Cocoabo Park Arena with Turori's National Citizen Squad should the Eels be leading the group at the midway point of the qualifications.

The starting lineup saw just one junior player, Naraiza Ruaplal who plays for Broadview AFC in the the Commonwealth of Baker Park. The 20 year old Defensive Midfielder actually made their international debut for Vilita in the 7th Cup of Champions but as the registration for that competition was done under the Vilita & Turorian Footsport Association Ruaplal retained their eligibility to play for the Turori National Team. Since then, Ruaplal has made 8 starts for the Eels - many at the recently completed Eagle's Cup competition, but the fact that they were the only Under-21 player in the lineup for the season opener could mean big things to come for Ruaplal with the Eels.

The rest of the lineup was mostly as expected for Turori with Cedniavella's Wiyauw An'maude notably besting Inland Peaks net minder Timaala Hualtia for the starting job. An'maude was able to keep Freeport off the scoresheet for the duration of the 90 minutes and the decisive moment of the match came in the 39th minute when Daliora Toru'u converted a free kick to give the Eels a 1-0 lead which they would hold through to the Final Whistle.

 Turori [1] - [0] Freeport
				
	GOALS:	Turori 	:: 39' Daliora Toru'u              		
	STATS:	Turori 	:: Possession: 57%:: Shots: 5:: Corners: 7	Freeport 	:: Possession: 43%:: Shots: 3:: Corners: 4
	Lineup:	[GK] Wiyauw An'maude, [D.] Mikki Mayelli, [D.] Yitizo Mpala'a, [D.] Amakli Inuro'o, [D.]  Biliki Rona'atu'i, [ML]  Daliora Toru'u, [MC] Naraiza Ruaplal, [MC]  Kiidallen Aeroluzzi, [MR]  Lati'ala Giaoka, [FC] Meldi'ita Mungwaii, [FC] Nua'oma Aikiki			
	Bench:	[FC] Wiztsana Iretziia, [FC] Mirana Gotuai, [M] Mbdiai Akarenaa, [M] Kentu Umaka'a, [U ] Moumouni Verre'elali, [D] Bvalis Amaanara, [GK] Timaala Hualtia

World Cup 85 Silicon Boot Winner now Available for Transfer

After three Vilitan Stellar Division championships in four seasons with Jungle Strike FC, Turori National Team striker Meldi'ita Mungwaii appears ready to move on for a new challenge. Mungwaii could surpass the 100 appearance mark for the Turori National Team during the World Cup 87 cycle and is just two goals away from the 50 mark for the Eels. While Mungwaii has been a dominating force on the pitch for the Turori National Team, many of their recent successes have come on the domestic side leading Jungle Strike FC back into prominence after a period of down spell when they had not only lost their Stellar Division dominance to the Turoki Tide but temporarily became the second best team in their own city with the rise of Lonngeylin Coast. Mungwaii pulled Jungle Strike FC back up to the top of the Stellar Division and firmly planted Strike back atop the charts in the Vilitan League.

While Strike will not be looking to offload Mungwaii cheaply, the Turorian striker continues performing at the top of their game as demonstrated by the fact that they were recently recognized as the Silicon Boot recipient for World Cup 85. Mungwaii has indicated a desire to play through at least World Cup 88 for the Turori National Team before they will begin considering other options for continuing their career in the sport. Mungwaii is currently available on the transfer list.

[Electrum]

The Turnip: Inside: The conspiracy to make the world think we won the World Cup 78 (Part 1: The Cover Up)
by Billiam Maskey, chief-editor-in-chief

In all of the record books and the Miraheze articles, the name "Electrum" is inexorably attached to the phrase "won the 78th edition of the World Cup" and "that totally rad nation that the kids love". But the real truth of the matter is that this "fact" is an elaborate conspiracy. Electrum has never won World Cup 78, and even if it did, it wouldn't have happened in this fourth-dimensional slice of the multiverse, it would have happened in another fourth-dimensional slice of the multiverse where we are good at football or in a slice where only Electrumites play football and the entire multiverse plays Waratah-rules football.

In this two-part journalistic investigation, we will first investigate the reasons why Electrum could not have possibly won World Cup 78, and then in our next article we will reveal who actually won World Cup 78 and why it was covered up.

People who keep insisting that the Electrum has won the World Cup means saying that the disreputable publication, The Turnip, and more specifically its chief-editor-in-chief, Billiam Maskey had superb divination skills. What else can explain The Turnip's prediction that Electrum would win the world Cup during qualifying? Options one to four absolutely didn't occur, in this timeline anyways, but option 5, that we are actually good at football just can not be true. No publication would be stupid enough or audacious enough to predict its own nation's victory, especially during qualifying, and yet The Turnip supposedly has. Really makes you question the reality that we live in.

Another reason why we can not possibly admit that the nation of Electrum has won a World Cup is that it would mean that our country has won a World Cup and yet nations like Taeshan, Drawkland, Ethane, Ceni, Banija and South Covello haven't. What it really means is that we would admitting that we live in a cruel and unjust world, where undeserving nations like Electrum and Eura have won a World Cup, that we are not living in a post-communist utopia, and that Valladares is a thing that exists.

The third reason why Electrum simply can not have won a World Cup is that Electrum just doesn't exist as a concept. Once, it was a normal nation with normal humans and nothing bad happened. We would have supposedly done well in World Cup 78 to 80, but after our time loop where we were saved by the fifth dimensional The Computator, we are suddenly very bad at football? After just a few cycles out of the loop? Surely, our nation's top players would have been good enough to resume play just as normal, but all of a sudden they are doing terribly and we haven't qualified to the World Cup in three cycles now. The logic of the nation of Electrum just doesn't make sense, and that's why we've had to supplement our humans with random creatures across the multiverse since that's apparently a thing now. There is no rhyme and reason here, we would have been good coming back, but since we're not, this just throws the World Cup 78 victory into question. Us having a bear on our team to supplement the human players would make sense only if we didn't win World Cup 78. It would have meant we were mediocre at football in the past, and we are still mediocre at football now.

Do we need more reasons? Fine, one final one. Because we say so. We have absolutely no incentive to lie to you, why would we lie to the whole multiverse about such a thing? It's a glorious achievement that only a few nations could even dream of having. To deny such a victory is to deny something that every other nation wants, a legacy, a history, a name in the history books. What kind of silly nation or publication would deny that they have won a World Cup? Why are we not shouting out the fact that we have won a World Cup from the rooftops? It's because we know the truth. We haven't won a World Cup. And you should stop believing it too.

[Baggieland]

The DAILY BOING

Baggieland Close to Causing an Upset

Baggieland 2 – 3 Nephara

Baggieland kicked off their world cup qualifying campaign at home to the second ranked team in the world – Nephara. Dartmouth Hill was packed to capacity as the expectant citizens of Baggieland were hoping to see their team beat the odds and pick up a win against one of the hot favourites for the trophy.

Alas, it wasn’t to be.

Head coach Fred Buckingham has promised the nation exciting, attacking football during his reign, no matter who the opponents are, after the inglorious reigns of his predecessors, Tony Allardyce and Sam Pulis, brought nothing but dire football and no trophies.

It was Nephara who came out of the blocks the quickest, as they dominated most of the first half and deservedly went two – nil up before the break thanks to some great build-up play and finishing. Many commentators were questioning the philosophy of trying to go toe-to-toe with one of the best teams in the world. However, Buckingham’s half time team-talk should be bottled and sold, as it was the Throstles who came out for the second half all guns blazing. Bomber played a delightful through-ball into the path of Bassett, who then played a delicious back-heel to Richardson, who in turn smashed the ball into the back of the net. Things got even better for the home side ten minutes later when Brunt curled a free-kick into the top corner of the net with his trusty left foot. The crowd were going wild by this time, urging their side on for a famous victory, but it was another wonderful finish from Nephara in the closing minutes that broke the hearts of the Baggieland faithful.

After the game, our intrepid Daily Boing reporter managed to get hold of the previous national managers for their thoughts on the game.

Reporter:
"What are your thoughts on the game today?"

Pulis:
"Bloody irresponsible for Buckingham to expose his defence like that. He should have put ten men behind the ball at all times."

Allardyce:
"Aye, a ten man defence, bloody marvellous that is."

Reporter:
"But we scored two goals against one of the best in the world and nearly caused a major upset."

Pulis:
"We wouldn’t have conceded three goals if we had defended with ten men."

Allardyce:
"Aye, a ten man defence, bloody marvellous that is."

Reporter:
"There you have it, would Baggieland have sneaked a one – nil win had Pulis or Allardyce still been in charge? Send us your thoughts on the game and we’ll report them on the news tonight."

[Sylestone]

CHAMBERLEY, SYLESTONE - Sylestone have won their first game of the 87th World Cup Qualifiers, for the first ever time. The game was against North Alezia, a Pot 8 side who made the knockouts of this cycle's Baptism of Fire. They showed promise and pushed the Sentient Objects to their limits, but they simply weren't good enough as we prevailed 1-0. The result puts us in equal second place, with the Independent Athletes from Quebec, after one matchday.
Despite the win only being by a singular goal, Sylestone still shone in what was really a very good game of football. The defence was supreme, as was the Brick Wall's goalkeeping. The midfield played their role, as did the Mixer and the Tumble Dryer in the forward line, pushing North Alezia onto the back foot from very early on in the game. With a friendly record of 1-0-7 up until the start of qualification, yet another fiasco was seemingly on the cards. But the signs are promising, and if Sylestone can continue this form, who knows how well they could do?
Both sides began cautiously, testing each others defence, although Sylestone definitely looked the better side from the outset. I mean, a game between a Pot 5 side and a Pot 8 side, what did you expect? Honestly! *Shakes head.* Despite this, it was North Alezia who broke through first, in the 16th minute. A good save by the Brick Wall kept the score to 0-0 after the North Alezian forward messed up what really should've been an easy goal. It was their only real chance at goal for the entire game and it came back to bite them.
The next opportunity was in the 22nd minute when Sylestone were given a corner after the North Alezian goalkeeper fumbled the ball and let it go out of play. The Fridge took the resulting corner and hit a very good ball right to the Bar Stool's "head". The header just flicked the outstretched hand of the goalkeeper, clipped the post and just scraped away from the goal.
For the next twenty minutes, the game was uneventful as attacks seemed to lack something and the defending was sublime. But on the edge of half-time, in the 43rd minute, Sylestone once again broke through. From the edge of the penalty area, the Tumble Dryer had a good shot at goal, with one half being uncovered after a brilliant set-up by the Mixer, Bar Stool and Toilet. But once again, the North Alezian goalkeeper surprised everyone, tipping the ball over the crossbar to nullify the attack. A full Chamberley Institute of Sport ground, brim to its 109,300 capacity, emitted a groan as the ball fell into the crowd behind the goalkeeper. It was the last chance either side had before the break at half-time.
Despite the game still being in the balance at 0-0, the Toaster and the rest of the Sylestonean players were confident of their chances. They felt that they had outplayed their opponents and could press home the advantage in the second half. As the Toaster said, "The attitude in the room was the same as it would be if they were already 4-0 up, not deadlocked at 0-0. They were very optimistic and confident about their chances of getting the full three points out of the game."
The insight proved correct. Just two minutes after the whistle blew to begin the second half, the Toilet ran up the left-wing and crossed it in. The Bar Stool passed it back to him and surprising his defender, the Toilet displayed an astonishing bag of tricks as he shot the ball into the left corner of the net. The crowd roared, deafening all those in Esportiva. The pressure had been released and Sylestone was in the lead.
The singular goal pushed Sylestone back on the defence. Under no circumstances were they planning on letting any more goals through. But North Alezia kept on fighting. They pushed Sylestone back, back and back some more, until all 10 players, save the Brick Wall in goals, was within 20 metres from the goal. But it was all in vain. North Alezia were getting a bit cocky, thinking that they could equalise and didn't realise that there was a glaring gap in their centre-left defence. The Tumble Dryer saw this and started forward, with the help of the Fridge and the Mixer. After an array of passing, the Tumble Dryer took a shot at goal, which flew into the back of the net at incredible power. Sylestone were 2-0 up, with only 11 minutes remaining!
Except they weren't. After a close look at it, it turned out that the Tumble Dryer was offside, if only just. So the goal was actually NOT a goal, and it was still 1-0. But it didn't matter. Sylestone kept their lead and when the final whistle blew, the score was still 1-0 in Sylestone's favour. A great start to their campaign.
Sylestone's next two matches are against Legalese in Legalese and at home in Pesfield against Crystalline Caverns. Two wins look a possibility, which most likely put Sylestone within the top two in the group. But we can't get cocky. Not just yet.

SYLESTONE - 1
Toilet 47"

NORTH ALEZIA - 0

[Mapletish]

The Sour Kind
"I only know one thing, that is I know nothing"

Commentaries| Timothy Jozua

Natanians and Nosts 1–0 Mapletish: Dragons edged out in closely matched game

The Natanians and Nosts National Stadium played host to the opening matchday of Group 19''s World Cup 87 Qualifying campaign for Natanians and Nosts and Mapletish as both sides face each other for the first time in the World Cup qualifying history. Mr Manager could be seen at the sidelines in his neat suit taking down notes even before the match started as he scanned the field looking at the young squad that Bernhard Floris had selected for this qualifying campaign. In contrast, Floris was proactive in his approach as he chatted with the players as they warm up and ran through the drills with them. Before the players gathered in the tunnel for a walkout, Floris made one last effort to rally the players together while Mr Manager patted the shoulders of his players as they walked towards the tunnel.

The Buio'Dzz lighted up the atmosphere in the Natanians and Nsots National Stadium as the Dragons broke into their traditional ritual. Another tool that rallied the players together as they face off the 102nd rank team in multiverse football. Natanians and Nosts were first to attack the goal against Mapletish in the 3rd minute as Player #10 broke free from Quin's man to man marking. Singer was the first to cover up and was also passed by the fast moving Player #10. The latter would then unleashed the ball towards Player #9 who was ready to take on the goal against Meade. The resulting attempt by Player #9 was not enough as Meade was first to snatch the ball away from him. The Army's football team starting goalkeeper unleashed the save with military precision.

The Dragons were quick to respond to this threat in the 12th minute. Tijs, the tough tackling right back snatched the ball from the feet of Player #7 as the latter failed to get past a heavy body check and double leg sliding tackle from Tijs. Tijs was quick back on his feet and unleashed a tempting down the right flank ball towards Tomomi. The refined right midfielder, took advantage of his deep position and took the ball and with great speed moved past Player #3 who was caught sleeping and a resulting cross reached the head of Patrick. The inside forward headed towards the goal only to see his attempt sailed past the goal.

The Dragons would continue to threaten the goal as Natanians and Nosts sat back a little deeper. Despite Floris' insistence on a more rigid defensive stance, the Dragons were quick to respond to counter attacking chances as seen from a misplaced pass from Player #8 in the 21st minute. The Dragons were quick and orchestrated. The man, Quin was responsible for that. Quin pounced on Player #8's mistake, stole the ball away from the latter and unleashed a one two pass with Tomomi before releasing the ball towards Gauvain who dashed forward ahead of Player #4 to beat the lead man in defence before unleashing an attempt against Player #1. Player #1 parried the ball towards his left as he shouted angrily towards his defence line.

The Dragons were not satisfied still and was quick to overwhelmed Natanians and Nosts once again. Floris was not pleased when his defensive line intuitively sat higher than he had planned for. He shouted at Singer for orchestrating such a set up. Singer turned his head towards Floris and shook his head, indicating his unwillingness to follow Floris' instructions. The defense line would prove to be the start of the attacking movement that unleashed another attempt at goal. It all came together in the 33rd minute. Following a misplaced long ball from Player #2 towards Player #10 in an attempt to break the high press, Dwight was quick to respond and moved the ball upwards into Natanians and Nosts' half. He found Sonnie, while the latter released the ball towards Bobbie for another attempt on goal. Player #1 was quick to respond as he dived towards his right to save the ball.

Natanians and Nosts were not to be beaten to the prowess and presence of the Maplish on the pitch. Following Tijs' tough tackling causing a foul outside of the penalty box. Player #7 took his chance. Setting the ball patiently, Player #7 did a quick pass towards and on running Player #8 from the dead ball situation before the latter rallied his shot against Meade. To Player #8's delight, the shot marginalised and it was 1-0 up in favour of Natanians and Nosts. The hosts seemed a little as uptight after enduring bouts of Maplish offensive. The Maplish side remained clam as Floris could be seen gesturing for his side to slow things down and to stick to their game.

The first half would remain in favour to Natanians and Nosts as the Dragons made last offensive attempt, this time via Elton. The fluid sprinter in the team, Elton took a short one two pass with Singer in the closing minute of the first half. He would bring the ball confidently through as the Dragons' formation moved systematically and precisely forward as he continued to bring the ball towards the Natanians and Nosts' half. Elton then made a run for it and turned abruptly as Player #9 failed to track him properly. The abrupt turn opened him a pass towards Tomomi who unleashed a roaring long shot from 30 metres. Player #1 was quick to parry the ball out for a left corner.

The left corner was played out short by Tomomi and it found Bobbie. Bobbie headed the ball towards Patrick who attempted an overhead bicycle kick. As spectacular as it looked, it did not result in a spectacular goal. Only looking spectacular, Patrick turned his head away form the goal after getting back on his feet as he jogged disappointingly. The first half was blew to an end as Mr Referee concluded proceedings as both sides left for their half-time break.

The half time break was sufficiently rejuvenating as the Dragons came back into the second half with the same line up. This time round, it was the Dragons who would take on the responsibility for starting the play. Controlling the play from the midfield, Patrick slowed down the play as the ball travelled around the midfield as Natanians and Nosts pressed loosely. This gave the Maplish side enough space to work the ball around. Subsequently, the Natanians and Nosts side dropped back a little deeper as the Maplish side advanced into Natanians and Nosts' half. With more men in their own half, Natanians and Nosts were vicious in their man to man marking and zonal markings as they picked out the Dragons' danger players.

Natanians and Nosts would be the first team to have to defend their goal in the 53rd minute as the Dragons creeped dangerously closed into their half. A quick midfield round play between Quin and Bobbie towards Tomomi kept the attacking direction on the right side of the pitch as Tomomi attempted to cut in and got past Player #3 before unleashing a through pass towards Gauvain. Gauvain was quick to trap the ball and picked his shooting options instead of unleashing a one touch shot or no touch shot of his own as he took a few more touches on the ball before taking his shot. The extra time it took him to deliberate though did not yield results as Player #1 blocked the shot comfortably.

Natanians and Nosts would attempt to mount a response for such a dangerous attack by the Maplish side in the 59th minute. Player #10 was spending a little more time than usual with his pass as he tried to dragged the time. Patrick looked on at Player #10 and was not too particularly pleased about the latter's attitude. Patrick then got into a one on one tussle with Player #10 in the middle of the pitch as both players tried to out-body one another. The body to body dancing ended as Player #11 stole the ball away from the two as he himself was not very pleased with what he had seen. He unleashed a quick ball towards Player #9 and the latter leaped ahead of Singer who was caught a little out of position. Meade was the man as he saved the resulting shot from Player #9 and kept the ball close to his body.

The 65th minute was the Dragons' turn to shine as they got a direct free kick opportunity on the left side of the penalty box. Job Bobbie placed the ball in a calm manner and as a habit he would rotate his left ankle for a few times before counting his steps and walking back from the ball. His resulting run up got caught short as he almost slipped. His resulting kick veered so much off right that it hit the crossbar and it reflected towards Gauvain who had his jump readily timed as he headed the ball towards the goal. The ball was not fated to be in goal as it hit the crossbar again, this time round reflecting outside of the pitch for a goal kick. It became one of the most amusing attempts on goal ever yet in this matchup.

In another attempt to contest the most amusing attempt on goal by the Maplish side once again. Arnar Vioir who came on for Moseses Quin was the next contestant to take on this attempt. The olympic weightlifter sat in a deep squat position facing Meade in the 72nd minute as the latter was about to kick a long ball in his direction. The ball was trapped straight in the neck of Vioir who then stood up and let the ball dropped to his heel as he attempted to trap the ball facing Natanians and Nosts' half. He then trapped the ball back on his feet again and juggled it twice before popping a long ball towards Patrick who trapped it with his neck too before attempting to do the same back heel recovery to the front. Just that it was not a perfect over the head ball as the ball ended up on Patrick's side and he could only volley it towards Player #1 who saved the resulting volley attempt.

The last attempts on goal in the closing minutes of the game were not contenders for the most amusing attempts on goal for the match up as both sides reverted to sticking to their rigid structures and cutting down on the fluff. Tomomi would close up his last attempt on goal in the 86th minute as he played a one two with Vioir in the midfield before catching the forward running Tijs on the right flank. Tijs would out run Player #9 who was tasked to catch him on the right flank in the closing minutes of the game. Player #9 was thus left in a huff and Tijs dished out a tempting cross to the centre of the penalty box towards Gauvain. Gauvain was once again unable to convert the opportunity as Player #1 jumped higher to punch the ball out of the penalty box before allowing Player #5 to dished out a hasty clearance straight towards the Dragons' half of the field.

The rest of the match would play out in the centre of the pitch as both sides were unable to have a breakthrough in the closing minutes of the game. Natanians and Nosts thus took on all three points in a closely contested match against the Dragons. The Dragons will face Eura at home next and Pemecutan away in Matchdays 2 and 3 next in an attempt to secure some points to at least get the qualifying campaign going.

This is Timothy once again, see you in the next one.

[Indusse]

IFA NEWS NETWORK
Cool Good Start

Group 9
Indusse 3–2 Sett Forrest
Baggieland 2–3 Nephara
Quemorr Isles 2–5 South Covello
Græntfjall 1–1 Kandorith
Pluvia and the Saxean Isles 6–2 Garbelia

Group 9                                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles            1    1   0   0     6    2   +4     3
 2 South Covello                          1    1   0   0     5    2   +3     3
 3 Indusse                                1    1   0   0     3    2   +1     3
   Nephara                                1    1   0   0     3    2   +1     3
 5 Græntfjall                             1    0   1   0     1    1    0     1
   Kandorith                              1    0   1   0     1    1    0     1
 7 Baggieland                             1    0   0   1     2    3   −1     0
   Sett Forrest                           1    0   0   1     2    3   −1     0
 9 Quemorr Isles                          1    0   0   1     2    5   −3     0
10 Garbelia                               1    0   0   1     2    6   −4     0

It's time for another World Cup, the soccer world is looking for their new champions. Thousands and Millions of people flock to the host nations of Taeshan and Ethane to see their favourite teams playing,winning and maybe yes! Losing their matches. Indussean fanbase known as "The Flocking Blues" have also joined their team for cheering them up. The Flocking Blues are the largest fan base in India, over one million premium members and ten million registered members are part of the fan base. The Flocking Blues were first created after the performance of the national team in World Cup 83. The current Chairman of the fanbase is the founder of this big organisation. Sattwik Dhar, a thirty six year old entrepreneur hailing from sea shore town of Helmintis in the province of Neagra. Helmintis was a small town situated near the fisherman colonies of Neagra. It soon became a developing city with Sattwik Dhar having his business empire stationed. Sattwik Dhar runs a business of selling eatables and things that can be used in something that's eatable. His Company known as Espinova is one of the leading eatable producers in India. At the time of Creation, The Flocking Blues had sixteen members and two premiums and within the span of four WorldCups it have hit millions. Indusse's victory in the Wonder Cup semifinals and emergence into the finals caused a big increase in the memberships. The Flocking Blues are always there with the national squad for a better and enthusiastic game.

In the first match against the national squad from Sett Forest, Indusse secured a good and close win for a score of three against two. The match against Sett Forest was a very good one, Baskar H Kumar scored two goals in the match and won the MVP (Most Valuable Player) award. The goalscoring run was started by the Sett Forest players at the sixteenth minute. The quick goal caused some confusion in the Indussean stronghold but wasn't of much effect. But it was wrong, Sett Forest was able to score another goal before the half time break which led the team for two goal lead (2-0) after half time.
The second half is important for the Indussean team yes, and there started the Indussean goal run. Goblin Grundjee who had been signed by a Sylestonian club in the transfer window started it. The Header from Grundjee in the seventieth minute was a big relief to Indusse. Now that's the time for the revenge, Then came the eightieth minute, Baskar H Kumar who teirf to score a shot was tackled and fouled inside the penalty box. The Referee blew the whistle and pointed to the penalty spot. It's a penalty, Another chance this time for a equilizer. Baskar Kumar came up, he took a quick kick not even allowing others to think. The process of thinking which had to happen after too much chemical reactions in the body wasnt completed. The quick kick and it's a goal. Rejoiced Indusse, but the Sett Forest team was not tensed. They were able to go with a equilizer effort till the eighty seventh minute. Again it was Baskar H Kumar who came to save. His kick from the left end of the penalty box just shook the goal web. It's a goal and a victory! That was a Really good start for the national team. Congratulations to Sett Forest for playing a well planned game.

[Garbelia]

Results are in: Pluvia and the Saxean Isles 6 - 2 Garbelia
By Norvis FC legend, Edward Ottero

Highlights of today's game:
GOAL! Arthur Goodotter, GAB (6) Assist Otto Otter from a corner
HUGE CHANCE! Steve Ottoman looks to head home an Otto Otter free-kick, but scrapes the post (13)
GOAL! Pearce, PLUVIA AND THE SAXEAN ISLES, from a free kick (23)
GOAL! Pearce, PLUVIA AND THE SAXEAN ISLES (32)
GOAL! Arthur Goodotter, GAB (39) Assist Bob McOtterson
-HALF TIME SCORE: 2-2-
SUBSTITUTION! Steoarian Barnes on for Steve Ottoman (HT)
SUBSTITUTION! Lonivan Blisset on for Miaow Lutrini (65)
GOAL! Pearce, PLUVIA AND THE SAXEAN ISLES (74)
GOAL! Kilbride, PLUVIA AND THE SAXEAN ISLES (84)
SUBSTITUTION! Lutra Scratchington on for Ottery Ottoerson (86)
GOAL! Grisbaum, PLUVIA AND THE SAXEAN ISLES (88)
INJURY! Lutra Scratchington (90, minor back injury, will recover in time for the next game)
YELLOW CARD! James Lutrison, GAB (90+1)
GOAL! Pearce, PLUVIA AND THE SAXEAN ISLES (90+2pen)

To be honest, we were expecting a loss away to this strong team, but we didn't expect to get thumped quite so badly, leaving us bottom of the group. Goodotter, ever the talisman, scored on 6 minutes to send Garbelia into wild, delirious celebration, Pluvia pulled one back from a free kick curled into the top corner taken by Pearce, and took the lead with a scrappy one, before Goodotter scored again at 39 minutes before the end of the half. At half time, Garbelia made their first substitution, hoping to bring more pace to the attack, and it looked like they would hold out for a draw until the 74th minute, when Pluvia and the Saxean Isles scored again though Pearce. And again to bring up a hat trick. Another substitution in attack, bringing domestic veteran and last minute call up Lutra Scratchington on, did nothing to stop the flow of goals, with another 2 minutes later before a minor back injury to the 40-year-old. Then, frustrated, Lutrison took a swipe at a Kilbride striker, conceding a penalty that was slotted away easily.

The main things to take away from this are the team's reliance on Goodotter to create goals out of nothing, and their inferior fitness, really showing towards the end of the match, in that horrible 15-minute spell. They have a lot to improve in defence, and stamina was very poor. On the other hand, we were unlucky not to get several goals from set-pieces, Steve Ottoman's final touch emerging as quite poor in this match. There were several positives though, including a domination in midfield, and Goodotter's majestic prowess in attack. He really is on another level to the rest of the team, but has to be managed carefully.


Player Ratings for Garbelia:

Arthur Goodotter 9.5/10
Otto Otter 7/10
Bob McOtterson 7/10
Lefiné Avianuin 6.5/10
Miaow Lutrini 6.5/10
Otto Johnson 5/10
Steve Ottoman 4/10
Ottery McOtterface 3/10
Lutro Ludovitch 3/10
James Lutrison 2/10

Garbelery Star Player: ARTHUR GOODOTTER
Overall Star Player: OTTO PEARCE

Fun Fact! This match contained a huge amount of players called 'Otto', 3/22! According to the Garbelery Archives, this is a record! (Garbelery Archives may not be in sync with international ones, this statistic may be incorrect for past games)


View from Venjolath Road will be broadcast on both radio and television daily until the end of the WC Qualifiers, and will be available as a podcast afterwards. Tomorrow, we bring you previews for our next two games. Current top scorers for this tournament: Arthur Goodotter: 2