World Cup 73 - RPing Thread

[Krytenia]

K1K: The Game Of History

MATCH #305: MERCY IS A SLANI WORD
Krytenia 8-1 Capitalizt SLANI, World Cup 32 Qualifying
Emberton, Krytenia, 8 September 2067

It's a game that, perhaps with the benefit of hindsight, should have been delayed by the WCC. We, however, are not going to argue.

THE BUILD-UP
Krytenia were in their "golden age", when they were one of the teams to beat on pretty much any occasion. True, they hadn't managed to win the World Cup, or even reach a final, but the fact remained that this was the best side in sky blue seen up to that point. Ricky Mallon, who'd taken the job in unexpected circumstances, had almost immediately proved his worth, and at sixty-one, was preparing to lead the team to a fifth finals under his stewardship.

Capitalizt SLANI (née Commerce Heights), on the other hand, had been up and down over the previous few World Cups. No matter, though; alongside the Krytenians, they were coasting towards qualification as well...until the build-up to this game. On the way to Emberton, the SLANI team's Air Paripana plane crashed, killing all but three of the team and leaving star striker Alejandro Bolúfero without one of his legs.

The SLANI immediately clamoured for the WCC to postpone the match; they refused.

THE MATCH
The visitors rushed a team made up of Prontera Bulldogs players to Emberton, with them arriving mere minutes before the match. All of the players on both sides marked a minute's silence...and that's where the good nature towards the SLANI team ended.

To be frank, the patched-up side was no match for the Aces, as they inflicted a record defeat on the visitors. Jermaine Orange, an oft-overlooked Krytenian striker with an excellent goals-to-games ratio, bagged a hat-trick, Josh Quinnell bagged a brace, whilst the other three goals came from Dermot Gygax, Colin Varakhin, and substitute Liam Platt. After the match, the Aces team apologised to the Bulldogs players, and even paid to take them out to dinner, explaining that the game going ahead was nobody's fault and there were no hard feelings.

Of course, try telling that to the Capitalizt SLANI bigwigs, who understandably blew their tops.

THE AFTERMATH
It mattered little in the grand scheme of things, if we're honest. The SLANI were still assured their place in the finals, no matter what happened; as it turned out, their young side would reach the second round in Milchama and Geisenfried. Krytenia, meanwhile, would continue their near-dominance; a third semi-final in four cups, and another defeat. Not that anyone minded, as the team that beat them were the ever-popular Ariddians. And you just can't stay mad at the Ariddians.

Our next K1K Retrospective is the last in the series. Prepare yourselves...maybe bribe a Casaran referee or two...

#1: It Haperd One Night
#89: You Beat Us, We're Still Better
#637: The Magnificent Seven
#361: What's The Time?
#220: The Smashing Orangey Bit
#809: Hell Has Frozen Over, And Now It's Sky Blue
#234: Mallon's Miracle
#35: Send Us Victorious, Happy In Squornshelous
#394: D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
#729: RAWRCRUSH, Sky Blue Style

[Damukuni]

<< Previous Post | Next Post >>

"Tell me, Wisdom," Jessica St. Anne said over a fabulous venison dinner Wisdom was sharing with the rebels, "how did you manage to land a spot on the national team?"
"First, tell me how did you know?"
"Well, I have an ex-boyfriend who just happens to be one of the top executives at the Damukuni Football Association. We broke up because we didn't share the same values..." Jessica's voice trailed off at that.
Wisdom gave her old friend a pressing glance. Jessica mouthed, I'll tell you later.
Wisdom changed subjects. "So what are your plans now?"
"I don't know. I can't very easily clear my name from a certain few atrocities we didn't commit, however."
"Wait, so you guys didn't kill --"
"SHHHHH!" Jessica put a finger to her lips. In a low voice, she whispered, "They were killed by the Shinagawa régime. If you haven't noticed, he's bent on killing all the Otselicians among us. He's been at it for years, with his gangsters in the mining industry that managed to win most of the High Senate seats." She paused for a moment before she said, "Oh, by the way, we have a flag now. Wanna see?"
Wisdom shrugged. Two lackeys guarding the mess hall ran off and returned within the next minute, holding a white canvas with a tricircular design:

"Nice, nice," Wisdom said. As she opened her mouth to say more, one of the rebel leaders, holding an FM radio transceiver, shouted "Code Red! Code Red!"
Jessica motioned for Wisdom to follow her to the broadcast station. As they crowded around the television set, Wisdom recognised Damukunian Secretary of State Goji Desu speaking about Congressional Herald Tsukeru Hitori.
"Well that's good news for you, isn't it?" Wisdom asked. When she turned toward Jessica, however, the latter was frowning.
"Uh-oh... something's gone wrong in Atarashii-Damushuto..."

[Polkopia]

A Guide To The 11 States of Polkopia
Part 1 Part 2

The Allied States of Polkopia is composed of eleven different states, all of whom govern themselves to a certain extent. Of course, the states only have so much say compared to the ultimate power held by the dictator of Polkopia, in this case, Semyon Polk, who holds all jurisdiction over the states and can overrule any decision made by any state at any given point in time.

Originally, the eleven states had entire jurisdiction regarding decisions which were located within said state's boundaries and the leader of Polkopia acted as a figurehead of the state, however, that was all changed following the Communist takeover of the Allied States. Since then, the states' power was abolished, though the boundaries were kept in order to maintain order within Polkopian soil. After the dissolution of the communist governments surrounding Polkopia, Malcolm Polk, the dictator at the time, restored some of the states' original powers, but have himself the final say on matters regarding the states. Some historians believe that Polk was notoriously lazy and didn't want to have to handle every matter himself, and that he'd leave it all up to the states until he felt the need to step in, but this theory was never proven true.

---

#3: Altimou

Flag of 'Altimou'

The state of Altimou one of the eleven states of Polkopia, known for it's relatively expensive standard of living in comparison with the rest of Polkopia. The stakanka of Altimou, Zlatos, has the highest concentration of millionaires within Polkopia out of any other city, due to the city's extensive amount of luxury hotels, clothing boutiques, and eateries. Apart from that, the state contains the Birchwood landmark, which is the location for many Polkopian movie sets. Because of the high standard of living in the state, Altimou doesn't have a very diverse population living within the state's boundaries, and more than 90% of all people living in Altimou are purely Polkopian.

Demographics of Altimou

General
Population:                      778,4300
Percent 65 years or older:            44%
Percent 18 years or younger:          25% 
Percent 5 years or younger:            9%
Percent Female:                       52%
Percent Male:                         48%
_____________________________________________
Race/Ethnicity
Percent White:                        98%
Percent Other:                         2%
Percent Latino/Hispanic:               6%
_____________________________________________
Ethnic Groups
Polkopian:                            91%
Russian:                               4%
Arabian:                               2%
Other:                                 3%
_____________________________________________
Religion
Christian:                            57%
     Orthodox:     81%
     Catholic:     10%
     Other:         9%
Jewish:                               22%
Muslim:                               10%
Atheist:                              10%
Other:                                 1%

[Zenic]

"What a shame it would be if the squad didn't qualify for the World Cup," spoke the Emperor, before sipping some tea.

He was accompanied by the Minister of Sports, Hans Zimmel III, at a small table near the flower arrangements in the Arnfelde Gardens. It was a surprisingly warm and sunny day with very little breeze so Emperor Proctor decided to do some work, and play, outside. He had been following the national squad throughout the qualification whenever he had time. "It's been an impressive performance from Luke, hasn't it? I knew he would be a good manager eventually but I never knew he would be this good, this quickly." Zimmel smiled before sipping a bit of his own tea. "Indeed. Killian was always one up for a challenge, and he's managed to translate that sentiment from physical to mental to great results. He's got this squad in its first legitimate chance of qualifying since World Cup 69."

"Do you think they can do it, Hans?" Zimmel remained silent, aside from his occassional sip of his tea. He had pondered the very same question himself since last night. The squad needed a win to secure the playoff spot as the second seed in Group 15 after the loss to The Tricolor made Valladares group winners. Since the final game on match day 14 was against Burthnas, that looked like a lock. The REAL question was could Zenic beat whomever they were paired with in the qualification playoff. The last time they made it to that point, they were defeateded 6-2 by Pasarga on aggregate. "Yes, it will be tough but they can do it," finally replied Zimmel. "And if they don't?"

"Then we'll definitely make it to the Cup of Harmony with a realistic chance of winning it. Heck, maybe it would be better to win the Cup of Harmony than to make it to the World Cup and fail completely. At least, at this stage, it might be a better situation," Zimmel commented. "Perhaps but I think simply the significance of being a squad ranked outside of the top 32 and only one out of 32 teams in the World Cup might trump being the 'best of the rest', so to speak," replied Proctor.

"I can't argue with that. It would be something special, wouldn't it?"

[Ceni]

---

GET YOUR KICKS ON ROUTE 66
Ceni scores six goals but Free Republics matches tally

---

Ceni went into their home game against Free Republics hoping to salvage at least one point out of the encounter at Cenial Halcyon National Stadium, but expecting not to tally any points, not even a single goal. At first, Free Republics held Ceni to the latter expectation, but a miracle in the second half allowed Ceni to catch up to the number ten-ranked side and secure those valuable points for the top of Group 4 in the World Cup Qualifiers. Every point was valuable, and Ceni further helped its case for the playoffs with its excellent, but unanticipated, performance at their home stadium.

Proceedings started out quickly as Connie Chase - a prodigy similar to that of Ceni's Kira Koromin, except probably with more finesse, speed, and skill overall, rocketed out of the gates along with captain and star striker Kyle Bolton, who probably is the epitome of that very role, zoomed out in a classic pincer move, right around Corran Celgis, Thajan Jaros, and the seemingly hapless Cenian defense. With Koby Theodore guiding the ball straight through the midfield, he had two options - Chase and Bolton - to pass to, and both had good angles on the goal out past the defense. Jacrian Ryaden had to face the double fork and was left smitten by Free Republics' sheer power and skill, just as he had been on the home fixture, which the side lost two to nil. While Ceni was keen not to repeat Free Republics' absolute domination, it didn't look like it had much choice in the matter as Ryaden guessed wrong - not that it would have mattered in the end. But nonetheless, Connie Chase took the ball at her feet and scored a lovely, tough angle right across the goal line and into the corner. While Ceni started out with the ball at the next go-round, it didn't mean all that much as Bernard Lukic managed to effortlessly steal the ball away from Allison Swan. A team that had looked so dominant in earlier games against Frenline Delpha and Banija was now starting to stink - a lot - in comparison to the world #10 and World Cup qualifier. Ceni knew it would need to put in a lot of work to even have a chance against the higher-ranked team.

However, Free Republics had other ideas and continue to run circles around the Cenian team, at times looking like they were about to stick out their tongues at the Cenian players and just roll around on the ground laughing; during the first ten minutes of the first half, Levai Imre might as well have just sat on the ground picking dandelions, as his team was utterly thwomping and thwacking Ceni, simply just throwing them around like an old sack of peas heading to market. This time, though, Free Republics didn’t need some fancy tactical pincer or anything so complicated to score a goal against Jacrian Ryaden. No, Kyle Bolton simply just marched around an outmatched Kyle Lockwood and simply just shot powerfully into the right top corner of the goal. This game, at this point, was running the exact opposite of the way Ceni had hoped: at this rate, Ceni would be deluged in a sea of goals without a life preserver, perhaps down 12-0 or 14-0. Nobody wanted that, although perhaps Free Republics would be dancing and singing and praying to the Church of Margaret or whichever church is in vogue these days happily and gleefully. Everyone was sure they didn’t mind handing inferior teams’ asses to them; some people even thought they reveled in it.

Ceni, though, finally avoided a smooth tackle from one of Free Republics’ midfielders and took the initiative in the game, although any goal scored was likely to be a consolation goal at best. Boy, the game at hand would be a shock to the Cenian team at that moment – at the time they were simply trying to avoid a big ol’ thumping. Anyways, Kel Koromin and Jaime Del Olmo - now that they were past the Free Republics midfield, the big stopper of advances - penetrated the rest of the Free Republics defense with ease. It seemed like once Free Republics conceded a lucky advantage, they were down, belly up, like a flipped-over giant tortoise with a big shell. Ceni neatly poked Free Republics in that belly, and Jaime Del Olmo dazed Free Republics and their dandelion-picking dreams by smashing a powerful shot right into the left corner of the goal with just the right amount of spin. While Free Republics was still up after thirty minutes of play time, their lead had been cut to two-one. However, that didn’t faze them, as they simply moved around, passed around, and otherwise avoided the Cenian midfield and defense, causing much frustration and consternation. But there was nothing Ceni could do about its simply outmatched team as Free Republics wanted to keep on scoring goal after goal after goal. Koby Theodore, highly touted within his country, proved Rule Theriault proud as he received a good pass from Connie Chase, who moved back. As Jacrian Ryaden moved out to have a hint of a chance of stopping the ball, Theodore passed back to Chase, who simply knocked the ball into the empty goal.

Ceni were possessors of the ball, but yet again, it did them little good as Free Republics quickly cut to the chase and smacked the ball right out of Ceni’s grasp, and it seemed unable to respond in any measures whatsoever. As time ticked down on the clock, Free Republics moved forward. This time, Kyle Bolton got the goal. After Kaia Travaran knocked the ball out of bounds in a long overdue expression of “hey, it’s not too late here,” Koby Theodore lined up for the corner kick, sending the ball right to Bolton, who headed the ball into the right side of the goal, fairly empty for the moment, as Ryaden was busy covering the other side. Just when Free Republics had simply stolen the ball from Ceni – again – right after they had possession, the whistle of salvation blew to stop the half. For now, the Free Republics’ attacking rampage had stopped. However, that wouldn’t last long, as half time was only a brief fifteen-minute respite from the dangers of the game. Manager Kirk Koromin made some changes to the roster during that period, swapping in Andrew Daren for a flagging Jacen Xasan.

The Free Republics entered the second half wishing to preserve their 4-1 lead; the Cenian team entered the second half wishing they weren’t going to get clobbered on their home turf in their last home match of World Cup qualifiers. As events would soon turn out, the latter vision prevailed, but at the start of the second half, Free Republics was still continuing its good form from the first half. As Ceni started with the ball, Free Republics’ midfield quickly and easily took control, and Free Republics continued with possession, stopping any Cenian attempts at the ball whatsoever. Koby Theodore decided it was his turn for a goal and simply marched right around the Cenian defense to powerfully shoot into the right corner of the goal; Ryaden managed to get his hands on the ball but Connie Chase stepped right in to steal Theodore’s thunder, managing to catch the block on her feet and sending the ball to the left side, catching Ryaden off balance. It seemed like Free Republics was continuing to dig Ceni’s grave, and the deficit seemed to grow deeper and deeper. Free Republic was simply too good, too fast, too strong, too agile, too much of anything and everything. It seemed that everything Ceni did was met with stony silence; the Free Republics met every attempt at tackles or interception with a wonderful move to deny the chance. Simply put, Free Republics was a much better team than Ceni. Nobody in the Cenian camp had confidence anymore; the Free Republics’ spectators were verging between laughter and boredom at the spectacle.

Suddenly, a miracle occurred. Kel Koromin managed to get a hold of the ball after he and Jaime Del Olmo ran towards the Free Republics’ goal; with the defenders closing on him, Koromin sent the ball flying to the left of the goal, right past the outstretched arms of Imre. Minutes later, Koromin received a long-shot past from Del Olmo, was ruled onside, and simply marched down to the goal, past the defense (which, at times, had the opportunity to be leaky as a boat with duct tape patches), and shot right above Imre for an outstanding goal. The miracle goals didn’t stop: after a confrontation with some of the defense, Jaime Del Olmo got a header on a Kel Koromin pass and knocked the ball into the net. And a minute later, Kira Koromin correctly read Imre and hooked the ball into the right corner, shooting from the right of the goal after receiving a pass from big brother Kel. It was an amazing comeback, and showed that Free Republics wasn’t so invincible after all. The knight in shining armor had managed to fall off horseback; the Free Republics fans weren’t laughing anymore, and the display of athleticism, talent, strategy (‘strategery’ as some might say), and wit had made the stadium erupt in applause like a volcano suddenly erupting after thousands of years of dormancy.

Wow – just wow. Ceni celebrated ecstatically – the Free Republics just shrugged it off. They knew they could carry out the win out of the forty-eighth ranked side later in the game. And why not? There were still a good twenty minutes left in the game. If Ceni could score four goals in ten minutes, Free Republics could certainly score at least one goal in twenty minutes. The game proved to be a lot more competitive after Ceni’s goalfest: Ceni, having found the secret ingredient that coach Kirk Koromin put in their half-time water, proved to be much more confident and more skillful than they had proven to be before. In the first half, Free Republics stole, tackled, and intercepted away while proving immune to Cenian attempts at the same. However, in the second half, Free Republics and Ceni found their positions switched; Ceni was now enjoying an amazing resurgence, and proved adept at blocking whatever Free Republics chances came their way. The midfield, led by Corran Celgis, Thajan Jaros, and Allison Swan, turned out to be an impermeable barrier to Free Republics’ advances, just as Free Republics’ midfield had been during the first half. The next ten minutes proved to be more competitive until Kyle Bolton caught a pass from Allison Swan intended for Jaime Del Olmo. Bolton sent the pass far forward to Koby Theodore, who finally found his moment in the spotlight, drawing Jacrian Ryaden out before shooting right and up slightly to secure – what he thought – was a game winner.

The Cenians, spurred on by their remarkable performance, were determined not to let Free Republics win. They felt like it was time to finally stand up for the third seed of the group’s chances, and stand up they did. While Ayub Sandstrom lingered in one corner of the midfield, Andrew Daren passed forward to the 1830 Cathair player and Champion's Cup winner Jaime del Olmo, right past the annoyed Sandstrom. While he attempted to correct his mistake by tackling del Olmo, the move turned out to backfire on him as the tackle forced Del Olmo to pass the ball forward to Kira Koromin. She passed the ball back to her brother Kel, who shot, but right into the hands of Levai Imre, who sent the ball to defender Patrick Werfel. Kira Koromin came in handy at this point, for she knocked the ball right off the feet of Werfel, passing to Del Olmo; Imre, who was out of position, watching Werfel, could only dive in vain as Del Olmo sent a powerful shot right into the empty part of the net. Although Free Republics had possession of the ball, only a minute or two remained on the clock. Koby Theodore hoped to use that time by making a solo run on the goal, but that tactic wasn't the smartest idea as Kaia Travaran and Josh Axakel double-teamed him and forced the ball out of possession. Ceni had the ball, and they weren't willing to let it go anywhere. The final whistle blew and twelve goals lay on the score sheet - six for both the home and the away side.

The Cenian team was ecstatic; the Free Republican team simply shrugged and walked away, unhappy that they couldn't maintain their lead but really not that disappointed, as Free Republics sources had intimated they would be facing a tough match-up here in Ceni. After the match, the Cenian team certainly grew in confidence and stature, and they began to believe that they could do anything as long as they believed. That belief, though, will be put to the test as they travel to the Rhizome Stadium in Zorg, HopNation to fight for the last qualification place in Group 4. While the Cenian team will certainly have fun in the pubs of the world-renowned beer producing country, it is uncertain whether they will have fun on the pitch. However, Ceni's new-found confidence should not desert them, and their form should carry them to a good win. However, they will have to be careful when playing against the fellow Baptism of Fire 54 side, for one mistake could spell doom for Ceni's chances.

[Osarius]

There's something about setting records. I can't explain it, and as much of an ass as this will make me sound, I feel like you have to experience it to really understand what that something is.

That night, walking out onto the pitch at Mount Crown Stadium... fears melted away, and I just knew something great was going to happen. Daniele still thinks it's just hindsight, the gaffer never argued the point but I always got the impression he was just humouring me. The rest of the team didn't seem to really buy into my ...not premonition, it was more like some weird kind of precognition, I suppose. Now that I think about it, that happened quite a few times in my career, actually...

Anyway, the only person who seemed to really believe me, or at least understand what I meant, was Gramps. Figures, really. He was the only person I knew who had experienced anything like it. And he was significantly older than I was before he'd scored his first hat-trick.

It was funny watching the highlights with him the next day, too. He'd been in the dugout for that game -- the gaffer had called in a few people who'd otherwise not have been there, if you remember -- and when I got my third, he'd fist pumped. TV cameras caught him, and they'd drawn attention to it. They did this really cool side by side feature of him as a player doing the exact same thing. "Just look how much it means to the Hastmead boss! His eldest grandchild has just set a record for Osarius. Just look at the pride!" They really hammed it up.

They were wrong, though.

Gramps wasn't celebrating for me, or expressing pride. His emotional outburst on the pitch was little, if anything, to do with me. He was celebrating because we -- the nation -- had won. We were odds on to go through as group winners, despite all the doubts and concerns pre-game. Of course, he was happy for me, and he was proud of me... but those words came later. He caught up with me after the game and told me one-to-one. I'll never forget his words, either. "Ryan," he said, "I hope your dad saw that. I hope he knows what he walked away from. I'm so proud of you." I don't think I ever loved my grandfather more than I did in that moment. He'd given me so much in my life, but that... that was worth more than anything else.

[United States of Devonta]

Insult to Injury
_{Devontans lose yet another disappointing game in Group 18 to Maklohi Vai}

United States of Devonta 0-1 Maklohi Vai

United States of Devonta (4-4-2 Diamond): Cooper, Brooks, Benton, Kindred, Liam, Russell, Abdullah, Edwards, Owens, Johansen, Adams
Maklohi Vai (5-3-2): Makai, Punao K., Kolu W., Wulamo R., Lunako M., Lomo K., Lakunao W., Klaus W., Tilao P., Segundo, Tumo M.

Quick Stats:
52% Possessions, 11 Shots, 7 on goal, 5 corners
48% Possessions, 13 Shots, 9 on goal, 4 corners

Goals:
--NONE--
Lomo K. (85'

CAUTIONED: Benton (35'), Adams (87')
EJECTED: --NONE--

Table:

Group 18                    Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Saintland                  11    9   2   0    27    5  +22    29
2 Abanhfleft                 11    7   1   3    26   14  +12    22
3 Witty Penguins             11    5   3   3    13   10   +3    18
4 New Gelderland             12    3   5   4    12   13   −1    14
5 Maklohi Vai                11    4   1   6     7   10   −3    13
6 United States of Devonta   11    4   1   6    11   22  −11    13
7 Cuboneland                 11    0   1  10     7   29  −22     1

Schedule:
MD1: United States of Devonta 0-4 Saintland
MD2: United States of Devonta 2-0 New Gelderland
MD3: United States of Devonta 0-0 Witty Penguins
MD4: BYE
MD5: United States of Devonta 3-2 Abanhfleft
MD6: United States of Devonta 2-1 Maklohi Vai
MD7: United States of Devonta 2-0 Cuboneland
RD: BYE
MD8: United States of Devonta 0-5 Saintland
MD9: United States of Devonta 0-2 New Gelderland
MD10: United States of Devonta 2-3 Witty Penguins
MD11: BYE
MD12: United States of Devonta 0-4 Abanhfleft
MD13: United States of Devonta 0-1 Maklohi Vai
MD14: United States of Devonta Vs. Cuboneland

Other Group 18 Games:
Witty Penguins 3-0 Cuboneland
Saintland 1-1 New Gelderland

---

----MATCHDAY ELEVEN----

---

Matchday Eleven | Maklohi Vai | 92nd Ranked | @Capitol Stadium, Devonta City, United States of Devonta | 34,898 attendance | Ref. Gareth S.

[Schottia]

SBCNEWS Online...
Sports special

Schottia 3-0 Keyne Island - World Cup Qualifiers
Goals: 12" G.Avelione, 49" M-Allen, 60" K.Coultan-Schottia

Line-up: D'Araby 7, Watt 9, O'Brian 7, Okywä 7, Hanlon 7, Fotan 7, Corsie 8 (80- Addison 5), Coultan 9, Avelione 8, Killanen 7(55- Rudden 8 ), Allen 7 (70- Coine 6)

---

Jane Gullie's girls and boys secured themselves at least a playoff spot, for a place in World Cup 73, as their 3-0 win over Keyne Island kept them joint top of Group Six. Unbelievably, there were calls for the manager's dismissal after a goalless draw with Sameba left them on four points from four, however, Gullie has defied her critics and guided her side to the brink of qualification. With a game in hand over Mertagne, Schottia knew that a win against the group's only unranked side would mean they were guaranteed a playoff place at the very least. With that in mind the management team took to chances, sending out a full strength side to face the tournament’s strugglers.

If Schottia needed any proof of what their opponents could do, then they needed to look no further than 3-2 win over Mertagne, one of the results which helped to throw this group wide open. In not wanting to succumb to the same fate as the group's top seeds, The White and Greens were perhaps guilty of being a little slow out of the blocks in this match. That said, it didn't take long for Schottia to make the all-important breakthrough, in front of their home fans.

On twelve minutes, in their first real foray into the opposition half, Eion Killanen beat Billy Rivers for pace, with a surging run down the right hand side. Never short of craft and invention, the Kingsgrove attacker, then cut back onto his left foot, before drifting tantalising ball across the six-yard-line. Daniel Sawney came to collect, but unable to get two hands on the ball, it was turned into the net by Gaston Avelione coming in at the near post. There was a second of doubt, where no one was sure if the referee was going to award a free-kick or a goal. However after what must have felt like a life time, he pointed towards the centre-circle, sending Schottia's fans and players into rapture.

The side from Tyran had one foot in the playoffs by this stage, but they will have been aware just how fragile a one-goal lead is in international football. Although Schottia held the balance of play in the opening forty-five, danger was always lurking, and they were given a sharp wake-up call ten minutes from half time. Gullie's players had been holding a high line, as they probed and prodded, trying to find a way through the Keyne Islanders defence. However, as Jon Fottan tried to pick out Kim Coultan with a crossfield pass, he played the ball woefully short, allowing Bletchley City's Carl Clough to pick the ball up just inside his own half. With Coultan, Killanen, and Gary Corsie all committed to the attack, the 29-year-old could have driven a bus through the Schottic defence, as he closed in on goal. Darren O'Brian tried franticly to get back across and cut Clough off, but in doing so he left Lewis McCrory in space. Making his way to the touchline, the Wolverton City winger cut in, and hammered a shot in from a tight angle. The entire stadium had their hearts in their mouths, but the ball ended up harmlessly in the side netting.

After surviving the first real test, Schottia again turned their attentions to the task at hand, and produced two more clear-cut opportunities as the half drew to a close. Coultan, who has been outstanding throughout the tournament, spurned perhaps the best of the chances, after doing well to earn herself a sight on goal. The move started after a Larry Watt played the ball out of defence, into the feet of Corsie on the half way line. The Chatswood midfielder, then disguised his pass well, working the ball through to Coultan thirty-metres-out. The 21-year-old then poked the ball past young Ryan Jones, before hitting firing a long-range effort just wide of Sawney's left hand post. Schottia threatened again moments later, when Mark Allen rose too soon to meet a Jon Fotan free-kick. Mistiming his jump, the Hill Valley man saw his header drift safely into the arms of the keeper.

Schottia re-emerged unchanged from the tunnel after the break, with Gullie happy to keep the faith in her starting eleven. The manager was rewarded for her steadfastness shortly after the restart, when her side finally managed to convert some of their pressure into a goal. After picking up the ball out on the far left, Gaston Avelione did well to hold off the challenge of Mark Carrick, as he twisted and turned, using his pace to win himself room on the edge of the box. Unable to get a clear sight on goal, the winger then laid the ball off for Kings Park's O'Brian, who played a sweeping cross in towards the back post. Direct football, with the ball played into the box, was proving to be a fruitful avenue for Schottia, and this time Mark Allen made no mistake thumping his headed effort in under the cross bar.

The goal made a big difference to the game, and you could almost feel a veil of tension had been lifted from Harbour Hill Stadium. The players were much more composed, finally passing the ball with some real fluidity, and the 55,000 supporters had found full voice. In four previous attempts, Schottia had never come close to finishing in the top two. Despite finishing third a couple of times, poor results against higher ranked sides, had always meant they ended up some way off the pace.

Someone who could hardly be considered 'off the pace' is North Laithland's Chloe Rudden, and on fifty-five minutes Gullie decided it was time for her inclusion. Coming on for Eoin Killanen, her injection raw pace helped to exacerbate Keyne Islands demise. There will have been no surprise that it was Rudden's pass, which brought about Schottia's third and final goal, putting the team on easy-street. The Jet-heeled winger managed to ride the challenges of Jones, and Callum Kitson, before picking out Coultan's perfectly timed run from deep. One on one with Sawney, she dropped the shoulder, sending the keeper the wrong way, before side footing the ball into the net to round off a good performance.

Schottia are now in uncharted waters, and incredibly, things could get even better if they manage to somehow hold of Krytenia away from home. If the two teams' only other encounter is anything to go by, then it will be one heck of a battle, both sides knowing that it's winner takes all. Krytenia is not an easy place to go and get points, and it's in these sorts of games, that Schottia's relative inexperience can start to show. Krytenia have no such problem in that department, and elvish striker Valrauncion was playing football before most of the Schottic starting line up were even born.

Whatever happens, everyone in Schottia is likely to be tuned in to watch the game, with pubs reportedly having to issue tickets to supporters due to the amount of interest. For the six and half million Schottians, who have watched their nation go from a team which finished the WC 68 qualifiers on zero points, to a side capable of challenging for first place, this will be a special day.

Man-of-the-match: Larry Watt. The 1860 Azoth man was absolutely tireless, worked his socks off for 90 minutes. At only twenty-three, he no doubt has all the makings of a world-class defender.

[Kernansquillec]

THE INTERVIEW

Adélaïde Noupen

Personal information

Full name       Adélaïde Roxana Noupen
Date of birth   5th February 2036 (29 years old)
Place of birth  Guingamp
                Faisanshire, Kernansquillec
Sex             Female
Height          1m78
Position        Midfielder
Nationality      Kernansquillecan

Club information

Currant team     Guingamp
Number          10

Youth career

2042 - 2056     En Avant Youth Academy

Senior career

2056 - now      Guingamp

National team

2056 - 2057     Kernansquillec U21
2055 - now      Kernansquillec

Adélaïde Noupen, welcome to the Interview! How are you this fine evening?

I'm very good thanks.

It's great to finally have the captain of the national team pay us a visit. First question, this is your sixth qualifying campaign despite being just 29 years old - is this finally going to be the time you make it to the World Cup proper?

It's what we're aiming to do. At my first qualifying campaign we came close, falling at the hurdle of the playoffs. I don't see ourselves falling at that stage again so if we do manage to get past The Sarian I believe that we will make it this time. But for now, we can't afford to think that far ahead. We have a job to do and we know that if we don't win against The Sarian that's going to be it for another World Cup.

Indeed, everything is resting on that final game in the capital. With Barunia assured of qualification credit to their superior head-to-head record and The Sarian having beaten you last time out by a goal to nil, a win is the only way the Kers can qualify. Is it something the team is capable of if The Sarian turn up and play their A game?

The Sarian are a very good team and anyone would have a tough time against them. But even if they do turn up and play out of their skins - and I'm sure they will, they want that playoff spot just as much as we do. But we can beat them anyway. Our squad is very strong and we now have the qualities needed to beat teams who may look stronger than us on paper. On the field we are a match for anyone if we play our game.

Of course, if ever the team didn't qualify, there would be the Cup of Harmony to deal with. At the last edition you failed to make it out of the groups, do you feel that you would be able to go a step further this time?

I think we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves. We could still make the World Cup so I'm not even considering the Cup of Harmony for now.

You're one of the most experienced players in the team, having been there since the rebirth of the national side ten years ago. How proud are you to have been a central part of this project to take Kernansquillec back to the elite of the game?

It's a huge personal pride of mine to have been able to be a part of this. The whole country has gotten behind us and played their part. We just hope we haven't disappointed them and that we can repay them for their loyalty and support that they showed when things weren't going our way.

It's been said that the team is a lot like a family with a lot of friendships being made between the players despite them coming from different teams. As captain what's your role in the team off the field?

It's a central part of our game. Team spirit is great within our team and we're very close knit. I don't know if being captain puts any extra pressure on me to make sure things run smoothly. I do my bit to help when needed, especially when welcoming and including new players within the group, but all of the more senior players do their part and help out. As you said, we're pretty much one big family so I'm not a super-Mum who's got to take care of everyone, no. It's all for one and one for all here.

Putting the National team behind us for a moment, you've been with Guingamp since you were just 6 years old and have been very much a one-club player since. Is there any chance of you moving, possibly abroad, when the transfer window opens?

I doubt it very much. I know a few rumours have suggested this, but I'm very happy in Guingamp with my husband and my team. I've always been a Guingamp girl so unless something changes suddenly I won't be going anywhere.

Last question. Do you have any regrets in your career?

No. There are quite a few things that I'd rather hadn't happened, but I don't regret any bit of it. It's all helped me gain experience and become a better player. It's been tough at sometimes, but I've always given my all for club and country. Sometimes it hasn't worked out and hasn't been enough, but I'll keep on pushing until it comes right.

Adélaïde, thank you for your time. Good luck for the upcoming game against The Sarian and the games to come afterwards. We'll all be cheering you on.

Thank you very much. Hopefully we won't disappoint.

Kernansquillec 4 - 4 Barunia
(Noupen 19', Varano 45'+2' (pen.), Spijker 67', Lilac 80' / Sweet 30', Collins-Holzknecht 44', 88', Bailey 55')
The National Stadium, Kernansquillec

RealSquad 0 - 1 Kernansquillec
(Varano 22')
National Stadium, RealCity

# Group 2                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Form
1 Barunia *                    12    7   5   0    31   16  +15    26   XDWXWW-WWWWXX
2 The Sarian **                11    7   2   2    23   11  +12    23   DDW-WWWWLW-LW
3 Kernansquillec ***           11    7   2   2    30   21   +9    23   WX-WLWLWW-WXW
4 Britonisea ****              11    3   4   4    24   26   −2    13   DWXL-LWLWXL-X
5 Garifunya ****               11    3   4   4    16   19   −3    13   -XXXWLW-LXLWL
6 Dreamplanet                  11    3   0   8    25   34   −9     9   LLLWL-LLLLWW-
7 RealSquad                    11    0   1  10    13   35  −22     1   X-LLLLLL-LLLL

MD12 fixtures
Kernansquillec vs. The Sarian
Britonisea vs. RealSquad
Garifunya vs. Dreamplanet

*Barunia have qualified by virtue of their supperior head-to-head records against The Sarian (W1 D1) and Kernansquillec (W1 D1).
**The Sarian seal a playoff position if they avoid defeat against Kernansquillec thanks to their supperior head-to-head record (W1).
***Kernansquillec will overtake The Sarian should they win their game.
****Should both teams remain level on points, the one with the best GD will take 4th place after the two sides draw both their games (2-2 and 1-1).

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and slaves. I am your Lord, Your God, Lord Almighty Gregory, the One True Lord, the Creator of the Multiverse. I have come to you tonight to talk about various matters pertaining to our Glorious and Holy Nation, and the Multiverse as a whole. First of all, our soccer team, the Foot Slaves, are one win away from the playoffs for qualifying and will face Natanians and Nosts tonight in an important showdown. Natanians and Nosts is a most useless, no-name country, and I couldn't care less about them. They are utterly stupid, devoid of intelligence, and smell like beans. So we will win easily, I am sure. That is why I am declaring tonight's game Must-See TV. Every Gregoryisgodistani Man, Woman, Child, and Slave must watch this game or be executed along with their family. We will see you not watching on surveillance spy cameras which we most certainly did not install in your homes secretly, and when the game is over, the Police will summon an Executioner to execute you and your family. Even if you are having a heart attack or your house is on fire, you must wait until the game is over to get help, instead remaining in your home and watching the game. However, you may use the restroom at halftime if you so desire, but not during game action. Otherwise, that will mean death to you and your family.

"Additionally, should the Foot Slaves win and advance to a playoff, that too will be Must-See TV. The same rules will apply - everyone must watch in its entirety or die with their family. That would be most horrible. But it's OK, because we're going to win, we're going to qualify, and we're going to lift the nice, shiny trophy that is the World Cup Trophy. And then we will nuke San Jose Guayabal 317 times in celebration and to show them that I am the One True Lord. We will also drop 32 atomic bombs on Associaeted Godlands, because we can, and because Shirley Phelps-Roper is a horrible person who must die at all costs. So death to her, for she claims I am not Lord, a most heinous crime indeed. And yet she has the nerve to condemn us to the Land of Eternal Punishment, which she simply calls "hell." Well, whatever you call it, that's where she's heading, and that's where all of San Jose Guayabal is heading when we nuke them all after winning the World Cup. So the world will know I am the One True Lord and respect my Awesome and Glorious Power.

"But that is not all I wish to talk about. In just one short week, it will be Creation Day, the day I created the Multiverse in the Year 0000, in my infinite and holy beneficence. I'm sure your local worship leaders have been teaching you all the new and old Creation Day songs this year, and of course there are readings as well. But those Worship Leaders who help the masses praise my Glorious and Holy Name have been adding more and more songs every year and removing some boring readings. Just as well - those who praise me in song will be rewarded as well. For I am the Lord, who created the Multiverse, and the world shall respect and acknowledge that fact some day.

"Fortunately, the World Cup organizers appear that they will not schedule the World Cup proper to be played on Creation Day, and the playoffs will be done by then, so the Foot Slaves will be at home in their own Worship Centers. And I warn you, do not fanboy with the Foot Slaves, for you should be worshiping me on Creation Day, not your fellow man. Creation Day is a day to forget about soccer, forget about everything else except for how Glorious, Holy, and Awesome I am. And to praise me, bow to me, sing the anthem, not eat, nor drink, nor go to the bathroom for 24 straight hours, praising my Holy and Awesome nature.

"Finally, with the adoption of the new national anthem since last Creation Day, some have asked if we will still conclude with the traditional conclusion, which is based on the old anthem. The answer is that you will do a slightly modified hybrid. First, you will sing the first two lines of the current national anthem - "You are our God, You are Our Lord/Lord Almighty Gregory", three times, increasing in volume and pitch each time. Then, you will sing the opening lines of the old anthem, "Gregory Gregory Lord Almighty/We Praise You We Worship You" seven times, again increasing in volume and pitch each time, getting closer to me, the One True Lord. Finally, you will conclude by singing the last four lines of the first verse of the current anthem, "We Worship You Unto The Core/We Will Love You Forever More/You Kill the Fools in Holy War/Lord Almighty Gregory", a single time, loudly and slowly. At that point, the clock will strike midnight and Creation Day will end. Notably, at no point in this concluding chant will you sing the third and fourth lines of the current anthem. Of course, this is the only time during the whole year when it is permissible (indeed, mandatory) to not sing the entire anthem on the hour, and also the only time of the year when it is permissible (indeed, mandatory) to sing part, and only part, of the national anthem.

"Go Foot Slaves, may this Creation Day be the most meaningful ever, and Me Bless Gregoryisgodistan."

[Krytenia]

Much of the match description comes from this RP from WCXLIX.

K1K: The Game Of History

MATCH #242: THE CASARAN JOB
Krytenia 2-1 Starblaydia (aet), World Cup 29 Quarter-Final
Bromham, Krytenia, 2 July 2050

And so, to our grand finale. And what else could it be, but that infamous night, that cauldron of sky blue, that was the World Cup XXIX quarter-final?

THE BUILD-UP
Forget political "intrigue". This was practically all-out war in the making. Not in terms OF Krytenia co-hosting the World Cup of course - not even a hint of skullduggery there - but in the mood between the nations themselves. President Domasca did not like Lady Viannor one bit. Of course, it didn't help that she had somewhat of an infatuation with Tiberius Starblayde, and Viannor had..."taken him out of the picture" (it didn't stick), but the two women were, to quote one hack, "one bad word and two hundred litres of orange jelly from what would have been the most televised political debate in history". Personally, I'd have gone for strawberry...but I digress.

Embargoes had been placed on anything and anyone Starblaydi, with the exception of the SFA's World Cup delegation, and even then under heavy guard. Whether that was for the team's protection, or to make sure nobody was trying to do anything "interesting", we don't know. Nevertheless, it was not the ideal preparation for the reigning World Champions.

And so to Bromham. The KFA had, they said, sold the Starblaydi tickets to "neutrals". That these "neutrals" seemed to have a fondness for sky blue and a pathological hatred for purple and white was never debated. It effectively meant that the now-demolished Midland Stadium was absolutely choc-a-bloc with screaming Krytenians.

To their credit, the Starblaydis kept their focus on winning the game...and possibly running for their lives afterwards.

THE MATCH
It was in this hostile atmosphere that the match got underway, and immediately it became clear things were going to be "a bit tasty". Pedro Rujano received a yellow card from the Casaran referee, Javis Wilson, a mere twenty-six seconds into the game after fouling Jean-Christophe Wood-Collins. A similarly cynical tackle from Wood-Collins a minute later, meanwhile, just got a free-kick and a wagged finger from Mr. Wilson. It was, to be honest, one of those days where similar decisions made the Starblaydis feel they were playing eleven against twelve. This fact was probably not helped by Durum Rage's disallowed goal, either. Mr. Wilson seemed to suggest there was a foul on defender Andy Snelders; slow motion replays showed minimal contact at best, despite Snelders going down as if he had received multiple axe wounds.

Jackie Maitland eventually scored for Starblaydia shortly before half-time, having been booked for dissent a few moments earlier. (It was one of those games.) The Starblaydi players went wild; the fans in the streets of Jhanna, Tabeck, and Corinth doubly so. The joy was to be short-lived though; Rujano received a second yellow card, reportedly for "simulation", though there did seem to be some contact from Tejai's arm - though not the deliberate elbow claimed by the Starblaydi media. Starblaydia now felt it was ten versus twelve, an uphill struggle in anyone's book.

The second half didn't get any better for them. Paul Noble picked up a careless yellow for berating Mr. Wilson after yet another Krytenian free-kick; this particular free-kick was taken by Marlon Friday, who hit the bar. It was the beginning of a Krytenian siege. The Starblaydi players were wary of breathing near the Aces players, such was their creeping paranoia, and eventually substitute Colin Eccleston would thrash the ball home. One-one, and that was how it would stay through normal time, and right up until the 119th minute of the game.

With penalties looming (and history suggesting that would be a bad thing for the Krytenians), the home side put forward one last attack. Tejai broke away on his favoured left side, skipping past Tabitha Di Bradini before pulling the ball back. Juan Valdez' clearance found only Wood-Collins though, and he found Friday. His pass found Tejai running back from an offside position, but astonishingly, the flag stayed down. Even then, David Bedford conspired to stop him, but the parry found its way back to Tejai, who put the ball away. The goal was given, and moments later, the match was over. Krytenia were in the semi-finals.

THE AFTERMATH
The phrase "all hell breaking loose" is, in this case, a honking great understatement. This was not pandemonium, this was Pandemonium, the capital of Hell. In fact, it was that in two places. Emberton ground to a halt as seemingly the entire populace decided to flashmob the streets with drunken revelling. The Starblaydi team didn't even go back to the hotel; they were escorted straight to Emberton's Hessenthaler Airport, their luggage following in a car from the team hotel.

In Jhanna, meanwhile, where similar embargoes on the Krytenians had been put in place, things got ugly. Effigies of President Domasca and Tejai were burned in the streets, and the (empty) Krytenian Embassy was burned to the ground. The Starblaydis still insist to this day that Javis Wilson was bunged a significant amount of cash to ensure a Krytenian victory; though that was never proven, the fact was that Casari weren't fans of the Viannor regime either, and maybe, just maybe, the ref had it in for them.

As a fitting epilogue, considering the opponent for the 1000th game, Krytenia lost to Audioslavia in the semis.

The match, and all that happened around it, changed the face of football overnight. Whereas previously Krytenia v Starblaydia had been seen as a good-natured and friendly rivalry, this turned it into the match. Forget Audioslavia v Squornshelous, disregard Eauz v Capitalizt SLANI. To hell, even, with Starblaydia v Valanora. You want people to sit down and watch a match? Take the two sides from opposite banks of the Beck, shake thoroughly, and stand well back.

I hope you've enjoyed this strange and thrilling journey through the archives of Krytenia's first one thousand games. There is only one place to go from here, and it's not backwards. Hopefully, when World Cup Whatever rolls around, and my descendants are reminiscing on the eve of Krytenia's 2,000th, there will be more memorable nights. Perhaps, even, the night we finally won the World Cup.

But these, readers, are stories yet to be written. Here's to the future!

#1: It Haperd One Night
#89: You Beat Us, We're Still Better
#637: The Magnificent Seven
#361: What's The Time?
#220: The Smashing Orangey Bit
#809: Hell Has Frozen Over, And Now It's Sky Blue
#234: Mallon's Miracle
#35: Send Us Victorious, Happy In Squornshelous
#394: D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
#729: RAWRCRUSH, Sky Blue Style
#305: Mercy Is A Slani Word

[Eastfield Lodge]

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Crunch time in World Cup qualifying

With Eastfield Lodge now officially knocked out of the World Cup, after a hard-fought 7 goal thriller going 4-3 in the way of the visitors Audioslavia, and with only a single round of matches to go, it's time to cast our eye across the rest of the World Cup groups, and to clear up the possible combinations that teams may find themselves in. Our final predictions are underlined.

Group 1: Nova Anglicana and Nephara have secured the top two spots in the first group, but neither is automatically through yet, with a single point separating the two sides. The final matchday sees Nephara, in second, host 3rd place Timbermunich, whilst Nova Anglicana travel to bottom of the table Mangetsujima. And with the two tied on H2H Points and H2H GD, Nova Anglicana's superior goal differential overall would see them stay top should they lose and Nephara draw (to tie the points), unless the leaders lose by a margin of 8 to a team that has scored only 7 goals in 11 matches. A must win for Nephara, but it's in Nova Anglicana's hands (even if they have to win as well). Nova Anglicana top, Nephara second.

Group 2: Barunia are top of the table here, but have a last matchday bye, and are three points ahead of both The Sarian and Kernansquillec. Fortunately, because the latter two play each other on the last match, Barunia have secured at least playoff spot - and actually have secured automatic qualification. Kernansquillec have the home advantage in the crunch match, but as The Sarian had won the reverse match, a draw does them no good and sees The Sarian through to the playoffs. If The Sarian win, they can only reach the playoffs due to Barunia holding H2H Point advantage (a win and a draw) - and as Kernansquillec also lost and drew against Barunia earlier in qualifying, Barunia hold H2H over them too, meaning that Barunia cannot be knocked off its perch. As for the crunch match, we predict that The Sarian will take the playoff spot, purely because they are the higher ranked nation and have the H2H advantage, but it's a tight call - one can easily see vociferous home support pushing Kernansquillec to a victory.

Group 3: Ah yes, our group. Audioslavia have secured a playoff spot at least (in the official tables), and are three points ahead of second place Chiata, who are three ahead of third place Nassau-Hessen. Nassau-Hessen will host us, whilst Audioslavia host 6th place Emirate of Akbarstan and Chiata host 5th place Fluvique. The minnows are both 2 points behind us, and holding on to fourth is the best we can achieve - we could conceivably fall as far as 6th, but those possibilities have been covered elsewhere. At the top, Audioslavia have actually got the H2H advantage over Chiata with two wins, and as such are actually through automatically; Chiata drew and then beat Nassau-Hessen, so hold the H2H advantage and as such have automatically secured a playoff place, nothing more.

Group 4: A very complex situation at first glance, with Free Republics top on 25 having secured a playoff spot at minimum, Ceni are second on 23, HopNation are third on 21 and Matthewsiania are fourth on 20, and all four teams play in the last match, with Free Republics travelling to Matthewsiania, and Ceni travelling to HopNation. If Free Republics draw or win, Matthewsiania are out, and if FR draw, they automatically finish ahead of Ceni on H2H points (having beaten them in the first leg, and despite the awesome 6-6 draw between the two recently) - of course a FR loss and Ceni win sees Ceni top and Free Republics into the playoffs. Ceni are through into the playoffs (at least) regardless if they draw or beat HopNation - HopNation will need to win to get the playoff place. And Matthewsiania cannot make it, as to tie Ceni on points (the best they can do), HopNation need to win, which would put HopNation 2nd. As for predictions, it seems pretty cut and dry that Free Republics will remain unbeaten and qualify automatically, with Ceni making it into the playoffs.

Group 5: Pasarga have already sealed a place in the World Cup next year, finishing with a 6 point advantage over Flardania in second on 22. Yttribia lurk a point behind them, and Greater Watford lie in fourth on 19. Greater Watford travel to Flardania in the final match, with Yttribia hosting bottom of the table Swilatia. Assuming Yttribia lose, Greater Watford must obviously beat Flardania, to tie it on points and H2H points (as Flardania won the reverse fixture). If Greater Watford win by more than one goal, they go ahead of Flardania on H2H GD, but winning by one goal won't be enough due to Flardania's much superior overall goal difference, meaning a margin of 2 or more is necessary. A Flardania win sees them into the playoffs fine; a draw would need an Yttribian draw as well - an Yttribian win puts them to second. Should Yttribia draw and Flardania lose/Greater Watford win, a three way tie ensues. Yttribia have 7 H2H points (2 wins and a draw), Flardania would have 6, and Greater Watford would have 4, putting Yttribia into second. As tight as this is, we'll go with Yttribia into the playoffs.

Group 6: Schottia and Krytenia are both on 23 points, and both can't be caught meaning they have at least secured a playoff spot. And would you look at that, Krytenia are hosting Schottia in the final match. Schottia got the better of the Aces last time, winning 5-4. As such, it's a must-win for Krytenia if they want automatic qualification, with Schottia going top if they draw. The two are extremely close in rank as well, but we think that home advantage will push Krytenia top, and Schottia into second.

Group 7: Starblaydia seem to have returned to vintage this qualifying campaign, as the third seeds top the table, two points clear of second seeds Brenecia. First seeds Ko-oren are in third, 6 behind Brenecia and having played all their games, meaning they're eliminated in quite shocking fashion. The Purple Menace travel to bottom of the table Ilasia, and Brenecia are on the road to Reçueçn in 6th. Should Starblaydia draw, a Barunia win would take the tie-break down to overall Goal Difference, courtesy of a 1-0 away win apiece. And with both teams on 20 goals for and 6 against (+14 goal difference), such a scenario would see Brenecia's GD overtake Starblaydia's, putting Brenecia into first. Obviously, a Starblaydi win keeps them top, and anything but a Brenecian win keeps Starblaydia top. And we think Starblaydia will top, and Brenecia stay second.

Group 8: All tied up here, with Electrum top, unbeaten and through to the Finals with a bye, and Acronius in second through to the playoffs.

Group 9: Sargossa and Vilita have both secured a playoff spot, with Sargossa two points clear of the Jungle Cats, but not playing in the final round with a bye. Which means that Vilita will need to beat 4th place Eshan at home, a team they drew against on the road last time out. The group's top seeds should eke out a win on their own turf, and will top the group, pushing Sargossa to second.

Group 10: Another group with nothing to play for, as Farfadillis have qualified for the Finals, and will be looking to keep their unbeaten campaign against Cruenatia at home on the last day. 9 points behind are Crystal Empire, who are a point ahead of 3rd place Super-Llamaland, but due to the latter having played all 12 games, the group is done.

Group 11: The Holy Empire have qualified automatically, with Blouman Empire in second having a bye through to the playoffs.

Group 12: Yet another group of no consequence, as Polar Islandstates comfortably qualify for the finals, unbeaten to boot. Big Tern fans Semarland could join their heroes on the grand stage itself, having booked passage to the playoffs.

Group 13: Kandorith have qualified automatically, 6 points clear of Equestrian States, who are a point ahead of the other playoff challenger Stvoto Latoli. Equestrian States play host to bottom of the table Saaksvala, whilst Stvoto Latoli have to travel to the group winners Kandorith. Should ES lose and SL draw to tie on points, Stvoto Latoli would leapfrog the Ponies due to a better H2H GD (having won 2-0 whilst losing 1-0). But given the matchups, that's unlikely, and we see Equestrian States comfortably into the playoffs.

Group 14: Eura are on a perfect record after 11 games, and have qualified directly. A long way behind them, Polkopia and Szavoda are tied on 22 points, with Sandwich Territories 3 points behind them. Eura will travel to Szavoda, looking for a 12th win out of 12, and Sandwich Territories will play host to Polkopia. Polkopia currently lead Szavoda on H2H GD, having lost 3-2 and then won 2-0, meaning that matching results in both matches (not losses) sees Polkopia stay second. Both teams losing is where it's complicated, as there is a three-way tie. In that case, Polkopia and Szavoda would both have 4 H2H Points, whilst Sandwich Territories would have 8, putting them into second. It's a very tight one to call this, but we're going to say that Eura will go perfect, and Polkopia will scrape a draw, putting Polkopia into the playoffs.

Group 15: Valladares have wrapped up the group title, despite having a last match bye. Zenic are two points clear of Kirisaki for playoff spot contention, and in the last round of matches, Zenic hosts 6th placed Burthnas, whom they smashed 6-2 on the road in the reverse fixture, with Kirisaki travelling to 4th place Thaldor, whom they drew with in the reverse fixture. In case of a point tie (Zenic draw, Kirisaki win), the two draws between the two sides negates the H2H tiebreakers, and given Kirisaki's already higher GD, they would go second in this situation. However, we'll still say that Zenic will advance to the playoffs.

Group 16: San José Guayabal have already qualified for the Finals, and have played the full 12 games. Vying for the playoff spots are Gregoryisgodistan and Jeruselem, with Gregorystan a point ahead. 4th place Associated Godlands will host Jeruselem, who they beat 4-3 on the road in the reverse fixture, whilst Gregorystan will host 6th place Natanians and Nosts, with a 1-0 victory being the record prior. The tie situation here (Gregorystan loss, Jeruselem draw) would see them tie on H2H Points and GD as well, having gone 1-1 in both encounters. Gregorystan would lose out in this situation if they lost by more than one goal, unless they could overturn a deficit of 12 goals scored (e.g. lose 13-15 and a 0-0 draw), in which case a 2 goal loss is fine. But given the calibre of the opposition, Gregorystan should make the playoff.

Group 17: Osarius and Unified Sunrise Islands have nabbed the top two, with Osarius currently a point ahead of USI. Osarius will travel to 5th place Armeia, who they narrowly beat 4-3 at home in the first match, whilst USI have to travel to bottom of the table Zackalantis, having won 1-0 last time out. On H2H, the two teams are matched on points and GD, with a 4-3 win to USI and a 2-1 to Osarius, but a tie in this situation would very likely see Osarius qualify automatically on their vastly superior goal difference, barring a 15 goal loss. Another tight choice, but we'll choose out BoF mates and World Cup winner Osarius to top the group, with USI into the playoffs.

Group 18: Saintland top and unbeaten, and through to the Finals, with Abanhfleft clearly in second and into the playoffs.

Group 19: Turori have wrapped this group up, and are off to the Finals. Behind them it's still up for grabs, with Carialus and Star United States vying for the playoff spot. Carialus have a one point advantage, and play last place Scottopian Isles, who they drew away 1-1, at home, whilst SUS play 6th place Freedom Utopia 100 on the road - a 5-0 win last time bodes well. SUS have the advantage in a point tie, with a 4-1 win wiping out Carialus' 2-1 win to hand SUS the H2H GD advantage. But we still think that Carialus will edge it into the playoffs.

Group 20: Valanora are through automatically, and Cosumar will make the trip to the playoffs.

[Chromatika]

Franscesca Cortes couldn't help but smile when she thought of the last two games of this qualifying cycle for the Anomalies. They had had a rough time of it, as was expected of the first-time participating nation, but the last two games - a win against Polaaskan and a draw against Eshan - were a cause for celebration.

First, they were the first points taken off of a team not named Kyrjasmark, the only team ranked worse than the Anomalies in the beginning. Sure, Cortes' team had played teams tough in the first half of qualifying, losing by one goal to Vilita and whatnot, but to actually win against a better team, and to tie against another who had had a very good Baptism of Fire run? That was a cause for celebration. Second, this meant that the finale coming up could possibly catapult the Anomalies all the way up to 13 points, and the fact that Vilita and Sargossa had thoroughly dominated the group meant that a top half finish was not out of the question. The fourth place team, Eshan, was only three points up. Cortes could possibly fulfill her goal, after all.

Three players deserved massive kudos for their play in the last two games. Luuk Aart had really come into his own through the qualifying cycle, throwing aside his upcoming trial and focusing on the game as much as possible. He was the backbone of the suffocating five-man defensive third, calling out assignments, sticking to his man, and cheering his compatriots every time it seemed as if they needed it. Meagan Kelly was the second, stepping up as the player who could turn the switch from defense to offense effectively. The goal against Polaaskan had been a classic Chromatik affair - one of the defenders picking the ball off of the opposing forward - Vitor Raoul that time - getting the ball to Kelly, and then Kelly threading it to a streaking Gabriella Antonio who headed it in from in front of the net. All the Chromatik midfielders were showing flashes of being very good long crossers, which bode well for the team going forward. And Gabriella Antonio - one of the two forwards in the defense-centric strategy, who knew that her chances would be few and far in between, she was starting to embrace them and make the most of them.

The goal against Polaaskan was the third of this qualifying campaign for her, and moving onwards, it gave Franscesca confidence in sticking with the 5-3-2 as a scheme, of playing good defense and turning it into a sharp offense when the opportunity presented itself.

Taking 13 points out of a possible 36 wouldn't be that great by any standards, but the game against Saarbia could definitely be a crowning moment to show that the Chromatiks did indeed know how to play football. It was true that the months to come may change a few things in the isolated country, but she was doing all that she could do - to lead the team to victory in as many ways as possible.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

SUNRISIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
The Fault in our Stars: Hollywood Acres Stars

The team that bought its' way into the league. Certainly not the best stigma for a football club such as the somewhat minnow team Hollywood Acres Stars. Built on the current heart of the Pokémon movie industry on Northern Sunrise Islands, the city of Hollywood Acres, southern coast of Mardi Island; the team fits the bill that one would expect from such a place: a halfmon squad with a couple of humans that recently moved from the Basil Futures squad. The Stars got their start at 2001, playing at the Mardi Halfmonian League. The team would strike gold on five seasons, before being invited to play at the then forming Halfmon Championship. While the lack of exposure clearly hurt the team, one of its' most valuable points is the fact the team managed to build a reputation of a strong team on the Halfmon scene. "We thankfully had a consistant fanbase that surpasses the line between famous and regular people." said Stars' president Marice La Velle, "...As much as someone like a half-human, half-Muk can, of course.". Club organization happens to be unique among the football clubs of the Sunrise on terms that most of its' higher staff (and an even bigger portion of the minor staff) happen to be halfmons of all sort. The president happily explained "Even under our move towards the Sunrisian Championship, we want to retain as much we can from our past. We also hope that this structure is enough to push our style of football to the Sunrisian scenery.".

Hollywood Acres has joined the team on the craze for the football season, buildings doning the blue, silver and gold aren't hard to find on the "Pokécapital of Cinema". "Just the idea that we'll be able to see all sorts of teams on our small place got me hyped!" said Angeline Beaucouf, a half-Milotic, accompanied by her baby, "It's time the rest of the Sunrise and the Unified Sunrise gets to see us eye to eye!". Though the whole atmsphere inside the city points towards a great season, their future opposition hold mixed opinions about them. Matthew Mets, another team that came out of nowhere to join near the top has shown themselves to be excited for, what the owner calls, a new type of challenge. "Look, dawg. I'm all cool with whateva' shape of team we'll be facing this season." said Iuri Gagliano, Matthew Mets' owner, "It's all about putting the one team from Little Rome on the top, catch my drift? Halfmon can do whatever they want if it's about my opinion, but they won't beat us because they ain't SAWFT enough. And ya can't teach that!". While the Mets aren't the only team overjoyous about the choice, some teams aren't as thrilled. "We live on a conservative community... alright, I mean we live on a conservatice community... to some extent." said Michael Summers, chairman of Steelport City. "I'm just not exactly thrilled about having a bunch of Halfmon filling the crowds. Sure, it brings the money and no, I don't have any sort of racism against them. It's just that I don't think most of our supporters are going to not bring the point up. My excuses in advance.". Anyhow, the Hollywood Acres Stars might be here to stay. And a good proof of that might be what awaits us on the first matchday as the Stars take on classic Eastern Sunrisian side Mertiogna Marauders at the Actors' Union Field.

OTHER NEWS
> Baseball: Admission of new teams to the Sunrise Baseball system starts next week
Central Sunrisians leading in number of current teams already leading on proposed teams
> Gridiron: New Milkwood Hogskinners hurt after star quarterback gets released from jail
He plans to start a new life and move to Flock Nation, New Milkwood plans to start a new season and move to the bottom of the standings
> Mardi Fashion Week - Day 1
Theme of Sustentability causes social media jokes all around
> Pokémon Fighting National Tournament Finals: Ike from Londonpool against Tetsuya from Karikan
Mangetsu talent is surprise of the tournament, odds are stacked in favor of the Londonpool trainer

[Associated Godlands]

GodHatesYou.God
The official blog of Shirley Phelps-Roper

So I'm a bit confused. I'm also a bit worried, a bit disappointed, a bit shocked, a bit of a lot of things. Honestly, I don't know what to feel. I don't know why Associated Godlands has been eliminated. I feel like I'm on drugs. Does God hate drugs? I can't remember. I can barely remember how much God hates Islam. Something so obvious, and I'm struggling to wrap my mind around it. I've been struggling to wrap my mind around a lot of things.

When I came to this job, I learned a lot about God. After all, I need to know a lot to be His sapient mouthpiece. I thought I'd know everything, but I'm not even close to knowing what's going on in that beautiful mind of His. What is God currently thinking? I'm running out of ideas. There's no Muslim, we're not going to make some magical resurgence since we've already been eliminated.

I need a nap. A really long one. I want my head to hit the pillow, and when I wake up, everything makes sense. You know what, that's what I should do. Nap for a few weeks, maybe a few months. That's what I would do if my country didn't need me and if God didn't frown upon week-long naps.

I just don't know where I'm going. Or where the country's going. Or where the national team's going. All I know is that I'm so out of sorts right now that I can't even remember the launch codes to Gregoryisgodistan. In fact, I could barely type theses words, so I had someone do it for me. And then I had trouble speaking these words, so this is about to end.

Shirley Phelps-Roper out, I guess.

[Cosumar]

Cosumar play spoiler in Capri, vanquish Valanora's undefeated status

The Dragons got a taste of sweet, sweet revenge last night as they took down the world's #11 team 3-2 in their own country - the exact reverse of the scoreline that occurred in the first meeting. In doing so, Gethin Ramsey secured his biggest World Cup win in charge of Cosumar and soiled the pursuit of perfection of his Vanor counterpart Vanauraiiel Nardironel.

It was a delightful match to watch, frantic at the beginning and well-played by both teams throughout. It could've gone either way, but ultimately Cosumarite midfielder Darwyn Lucassen made the difference late, breaking the 2-2 deadlock that had persisted for 50 minutes. His magical midair strike from distance off Aldamiel's bungled clearance was a thing of beauty that will be a staple of Cosumarite promotional videos for years to come.

Cosumar
9 shots (5 on-target)
49% Possession, 82% pass accuracy
5 corners, 3 offsides
9 fouls, 1 yellow card (Winterfyll)

Valanora
15 shots (5 on-target)
51% Possession, 86% pass accuracy
6 corners, 5 offsides
10 fouls, 2 yellow cards (Toraandal, Omasas)

Cosumar - 3
Newman (4')
Öhman (11')
Lucassen (72')

Valanora - 2
va Drake (6')
Lithvathar (23')


Cosumar substitutions
S. Senterekoesima (36')
K. Kvanderwyk (74')
K. Everdale (87')

Forward Ace Newman (right), who scored off a Galadirdren blunder early, celebrates with family following the big win.

With 27 points from 11 matches, this has been Cosumar's best Qualifying campaign since World Cup 59 - but there is one final test remaining. The only Group 20 side they haven't beaten yet: Taeshan. The Purple Knights had an up-and-down campaign, climaxing with a 1-0 win over our Dragons and a 1-1 tie against Valanora, but were doomed by a pair 2-0 defeats to lowly Hodife.

With nothing to play for, it is hard to imagine Peter Wiggin and the Purple Knights besting the Vanquishers again. Cosumar will be full of confidence after taking down one of their bogey teams in Valanora, and eager to improve their points total for the sake of the Playoff draw. Enjoy this match, Cosumar fans. For after tonight, every viewing experience of this World Cup will be an excruciatingly tense one.

Thank you for reading The Cosumarite Courier's exclusive World Cup 73 Coverage. Follow us on Twitter @TheCourier or subscribe to our website (TheCourier.cos) to receive daily updates and analysis of Cosumar's progress in the tournament.


Leela Jones
Staff Writer

---

Cosumar's World Cup 73 Journey
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 1-1 Super-Llamaland
Pre-Qual Friendly: San Jose Guayabal 6-2 Cosumar
Matchday 1: Cosumar 2-0 Hodife
Matchday 2: The Fallenmark Islands 0-3 Cosumar
Matchday 3: Cosumar 5-2 Wazekia
Matchday 4: Alpha Gamma Kappa 0-2 Cosumar
Matchday 5: Bye
Matchday 6: Cosumar 2-3 Valanora
Matchday 7: Taeshan 1-0 Cosumar
Mid-Qual Friendly: The Royal Kingdom of Quebec 5-4 Cosumar
Mid-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 4-2 New North Aqmuland
Matchday 8: Hodife 2-7 Cosumar
Matchday 9: Cosumar 4-3 The Fallenmark Islands
Matchday 10: Wazekia 1-3 Cosumar
Matchday 11: Cosumar 4-0 Alpha Kappa Gamma
Matchday 12: Bye
Matchday 13: Valanora 2-3 Cosumar
Matchday 14: Cosumar vs. Taeshan ( @ Leviathan Arena, Kaldukosic, Cosumar)
Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat
Home team listed first

Cosumar Goal-Scorers Tally (including friendlies)
Anders Engström (9)
Ace Newman (8)
Ole Öhman (5)
Belarmin Worsaw (4)
Kit Kvanderwyk (3)
Vareza Na'Noni (3)
Mauricio Sigler (3)
Tevin Lilley (2)
Aziz Senturk (2)
Darwyn Lucassen (2)
Jacob Pandan (1)
Augen Wittevrongel (1)
Jon-Perohlin Nodtveit (1)

Cosumar Assists Tally
Mauricio Sigler (7)
Anders Engström (5)
Darwyn Lucassen (5)
Sheldon Serra (3)
Ace Newman (3)
Tevin Lilley (2)
Maynard Gorham (2)
Vareza Na'Noni (2)
Kyron Everdale (1)
Kit Kvanderwyk (1)

Substitute Appearances Tally
Kit Kvanderwyk (9)
Tevin Lilley (7)
Belarmin Worsaw (6)
Aziz Senturk (4)
Kyron Everdale (4)
Tiffany Elam (3)
Arndu Farsgaard (3)
Senter Senterekoesima (3)
Olaf Womack (2)
Augen Wittevrongel (2)
Tomasso Tenebrosa (1)
Peter Svensson (1)

[Carialus]

Carialus Clairon
A Miracle

Everyone thought Carialus was done for when they drew against Torisakia. With only two matches to go and two points behind Star United States, how could the Comrades hope to win. Their next opponent was Turori. This qualifying, Turori has been in perfect form. Before this matchday, they were 10-0-0. To put the cherry on top, Carialus was playing on the road. It seemed impossible to win there, but somehow they did.

Carialus would be the first to score and surprised the home crowd. Masson found his way past his marker, received a precise pass from Echeverri, and tucked the ball in for a neat goal. The Eels would have none of that, and neither would their now fuming angry fans. The fans themselves have had an easy cycle, so perhaps it was time they suffered their fair share of hardship. Anyway, Turori was quick to respond with their own goal. Carialus began to take control of the match late in the first half. However, a solo attack by a Turori striker led to another goal for the Eels, ending the half at 2-1.

If the first half seemed off, the second half makes it look trivial. Carialus exploded into the lead and very nearly gave it up. Cinq-Mars would be the next Comrade to score, equalizing on a strike to the corner of the net. Carialus gained a lot of momentum in the opening of the second half and put it to good use. Babin would be the next scorer, followed by Caouette. By the time an hour of play had passed, Masson had scored again and the scoreboard read 5-2. Turori was in shock. A team that had ten wins, no losses nor draws, was now behind by three. Now, that wouldn't do, so the Eels stepped up their game. Carialus had already used up all three substitutions and could do little to adjust to the more aggressive Turori. In the 75th minute, Turori scored and brought the deficit to two goals. Ten minutes later, the Eels scored again, making it 5-4 in favor of the Comrades. If it were not for an unusually short period of stoppage time, Turori might have found an equalizer.

With a miracle of a win, Carialus is one point ahead of Star United States, who had they BYE. There is a straightforward path to making the playoff round: win the next match at home Scottopian Isles. Unlike last cycle, Carialus has their own fate in their own hands. A win, their in. Anything less, then Carialites will be praying that Freedom Utopia 100 steps up their game and somehow defeats Star United States.

[Nova Anglicana]

Lions Play Thriller With Cormorants, Still Need One More Win

Hayden Landers, Nova Anglican Football Today

All eyes in the nation were on Londinium yesterday, as the 3rd-ranked Cormorants of Nephara were visiting the not-so-friendly confines of Kelly Park. The Lions had shocked the Cormorants 2-1 in Sabrefell, rallying on goals from Chris Hodges and Emmanuel Moga, the latter in added time. In the second half, both teams had won all of their games and the Lions sat four points ahead with two games to play.

The Lions came out firing, completing a large percentage of their passes and generally dominating possession. However, they couldn't seem to find the goal. The Nepharim tandem of Kruse and Belfast held strong up the middle. The Lions had a little window of opportunity when Kruse took Moga out with a vicious tackle from behind, earning himself a yellow card and the Lions a free kick. Unfortunately, Alec Chapin's ball found the head of Sasha Christener and was diverted out of danger. The first half ended scoreless, but Andrea Cawdor and Christener made Thomas Barnett make saves, and Michael Kellard got a bit of a header on Elaine Ashdown's free kick, but it sailed harmlessly over the bar.

Early in the second, Tanith Rainsford's well-executed pass found a streaking Theodora Covenant, who managed to get the edge on Aaron Bowen. Fortunately for the Lions, her shot was wide of goal. They looked like they were going to turn the game around as they pressured the Nepharim defenders again, finding just a few inches of space at a time before being shut down again. Emmanuel Moga, operating in the penalty box, flicked a little backheel to Jake Rhodes, but Rhodes mistimed his kick or slipped or something, as his shot was easy pickings for Diandra Ballard. Ballard, with the acumen of a veteran keeper, slipped the ball out to Tanya Bottlegreen, who found Elaine Ashdown. Ashdown slipped by Cesar Martinez while the Nova Anglican defense, trying to find its bearings, covered as best they could. "As best they could" was not good enough, as Ashdown found Covenant, who blasted a shot past Thomas Barnett to give Nephara the lead.

Even down 1-0, the Lions did not flag, but continued to attack. Chris Parker sent several dangerous balls into the box, but Ballard or a Nepharim defender were always equal to that, and secured it. Moga saw one of his shots get deflected over the bar, and the subsequent corner kick came to naught as Casey Bowman knocked it too high and into the crowd. Lee took out Jake Rhodes, who had been playing poorly, for Kyle Fleming. With this, the Lions adopted a 4-3-2-1 look, with Chapin pushing forward to join Moga behind Kelly and Fleming settling into the more distributive role. Fleming showed some veteran's craft, deking the offensive-minded Bottlegreen and playing a few nice through balls. But, as was the story in the entire game, the Nepharim defenders were up to the challenge and shut down every offensive effort. When the final whistle blew, the Lions were exhausted, but still heartily congratulated their opponents on defeating them. It was an entertaining game, even if the result wasn't quite what we would have liked.

With the loss, the Lions still hold a one-point edge over the Cormorants with a game to go. Nephara will host Timbermunich, a team that got the better of them (1-0) in their last meeting, but that has faded badly, going 4-0-2 down the stretch to fall out of contention. The Lions will face Mangetsujima away, a team that gave the Lions' subs a tough fight at home before eventually succumbing 2-1. You can bet that Lee will not be sending the second team this time around. If the Lions slip up at all, Nephara can and will pass them. The Lions would then end up in the playoffs, where there is no guarantee of success. That's a fate Lee and his boys will want to avoid at all costs.


Eli Barrett looking pensive at a recent practice

[San Jose Guayabal]

MATCHDAY 14 RP CUTOFF - GROUPS 1-10

Will be this an ecstatic night for your nation? Will your players carve your nation name in the shining stars of the World Cup?

[Eura]

It was yet another day in the recording studio at EBC Radio Sport for the crew of the show When The Fat Lady Sings, who were now nearing the end of an episode which was hosted by Matt Terfel as usual. He was joined by four guests; Neil Rowland, one of the EBC's best sport writers, the former manager of the Euran women's football team Lucy Layworth, internet entertainer and comedian Will Painter, and the regular comic relief guest that was Josh Maxwell. After the panel had enjoyed a hearty bout of laughter at a funny story about a Euran rugby player and a pig, they moved on to the next question. 'Now, with World Cup qualifying drawing to a close, the next tournament doesn't seem that far away, and the same can be said for the Cup of Harmony, but let's forget about the teams for a moment and think about the individuals who have got them there. This question is all about this of course, as we are asking, what individual are you looking forward to seeing at the World Cup? We will start as we have so far with you Neil, and no Lucy, that is not EBC old-boys-club bias!' Some laughs followed, along with Neil Rowland's answer. 'Well starting off at home, Matt, I'm going with Steve Thompson. Tommo has done such a fantastic job for Eura; a Copa final and then a late stages finish, a World Cup semi and a World Cup final, and now a brilliant qualification campaign. There's still a question mark that is hanging over his head though and that is his ability to see his team through, to see them finish the job and actually win one of these tournaments; there is a danger that if we go close but get no cigar once again, that Tommo's Eura could be remembered for bottling rather than winning.'
'Ominous words there from Neil, but it isn't surprising that he's a bit miserable considering that he lives in lower Harther.'
'Now now, keep it clean!'
'Bit difficult in Harther to keep it clean, isn't it? Filthy. My producer is now telling me...yes, she's telling me to apologise to the fine people of one of our great industrial powerhouses. I apologise, and pray for you all. Oh wait, hold on a minute. Now come on, Lucy, stop giggling and answer the question.' It took her a minute to get there, but she did. 'Well as a Brigham fan I can't wait to see Halyos Anaximander and Dominik Mauer at the World Cup, but keeping on the topic of Gold League players I'll have my eye particularly on Gunnlaugsson of Spartangrad. He's been great in the league and I think he will be hugely pivotal to the Polarian's.'
'Good choices there, points for you Lucy. Will Painter, how about you?'
'Well mate, I mean, its obvious man - Craig Sinclair. They said his moment was last time, I don't agree, World Cup final goal or not or Kris Campbell being the main man recently or whatever. He's a 91 overall on the latest WCC version for a reason, its 'cos he is clearly the best player around. Read it and weep, whoever 'dem muppets are from, like, Holy Empire or wherever.'
'Now that is some patriotic banter! I love it! Time to ruin it with some cynicism, Josh Maxwell?'
'No actually, I was going to say I'll have my eyes on Lofty Jones.' Josh raised his voice as the room was filled with the sound of the host's protests and mutterings of "here we go again". 'Now hold on a minute, hold on, you said individuals and he is the man! He is our titan, our plan B!' The Euran national anthem came on in the background. 'He's a Euran lad, our Euran lad, a big boy who ate his greens at six foot eight, and he's going t'bluddy poleaxe whoever stands in Eura's way when Comrade Campbell runs out of steam!'

Eventually the fuss surrounding that answer died down, and the host took control once more. 'Ok, so not long left, now to our penultimate round of "Stoppage Time", where you all get a chance to vent about something, sport related or not, from this week. We start with Neil Rowland.'
'I think we have to say that for all the joy World Cup football and qualifying brings to the world, as does the domestic game in all sorts of countries, what is it with the muppet's that infiltrate our beautiful game sometimes? Its bad enough at home sometimes with this nonsense at Spartangrad where the boy Gibbons has allegedly punched a police horse; what is far worse is seeing detestable countries use football as a political opportunity. Obviously we were all angry to see Sameba use the buildup to the Mertagne game to mount a protest about Eura's presence in the former Inevitable Syndicate and Whittoria and their disgraceful abuse of the Mertagne players, but they're not even the worst for it. Just look at Group 16! Even the otherwise likable San Jose Guayabal embarrass themselves with their behaviour, which is a response to the absurdity of the countries they're playing. You've got a bunch of freeloving, vaguely misogynistic fools from Jerusalem, religious fundamentalists from the Associated Godlands or wherever treating football like a church session, some odd dictatorship run by a retail manager and then Gregoryisgodistan, the most absurd regime I know in this region of the planet and one that will almost certainly collapse under the weight of its own stupidity and violence within a decade or two. Utterly, utterly pointless.' The host signaled his agreement with a sound affect akin to a standing ovation, and praised Rowland right away. 'That is a top, top rant there. Top rant. Are you impressed Lucy?'
'Really am impressed yeah, it was like that just burned my eyebrows off, it was so furious and so close to me!'
'And what do you have on your mind?'
'Well, on a similar note actually, I wanted to complain about negative football. What is it these days with all the negativity? Pasarga won the World Cup with energetic play and we nearly topped them by just demolishing teams, and Nephara and Osarius and all that all seem to be quality attacking sides. So why is it so many teams now just want to park the bus and be done with it? I mean I know watching Taeshan for the last few years has been like being subjected to some sort of skin-peeling torture, so why have people copied them! Ko-oren are another one, they're just everywhere, second rate teams usually.' The panel murmured in agreement, although Rowland was less sure. 'That seems a bit harsh to me, a lot of sides are just very well organised, and some have to park the bus or good teams would rip them apart.' A brief conversation that found the nuance in the middle followed before Painter contributed. 'Going off football then, I mean that is the whole point of the round innit? Yeah, well, I got one word for you mate, and it is Swest! What the hell is going on there man? I spent three figures on an internal to Falourr for a gig and I got no legroom, I'm sat next to a right geezer, and then I get there and I found out that me and like a bazillion other people have had their info nicked. Sort it out Swest.'
'I am liking these answers so far, spot on. Last but...well, last but least, Josh Maxwell?'
'Well I wanted to talk about Bastion, who you know I love very much, t'rrific club I've followed since I was a boy, are and always have been the biggest club in the country.' This started a brief argument, which he dodged. 'I don't care who has won the league in the last five years mate, we are a big, big club. What I wanted to say was thank the heavens we have finally got our act together because the last few years of often UICA-less mediocrity have been woeful, but I gotta' ask, what took so long? Bastion Football Club, should have been sorted out five years ago. Ridiculous.'

'Ok well, after that entertaining display, we have our final scores. In last place, I am afraid, its Lucy, though I hope you come on again because you've been great on your first time.'
'I'll be back, don't you worry. Just don't get Jaffacake on at the same time or I'll tear my hair out!'
'Tear his out, that's the trick. In third place is Mr Painter, I'm sorry to say.'
'Ah, its no problem man. Happens. I'll be back.'
'This of course means that the finalists this week are Neil Rowland and Josh Maxwell, and Neil, you will go first as you scored the most points. For the uninitiated, our final round to decide the winner is called Speak the Unspeakable - we give you a premise or quote to defend, and you have twenty seconds to defend it to the best of your ability. Before anyone angrily writes in complaining, no, none of us believe what is being said. Ok Neil, here we go. You ready?' He nodded. 'Right. "World Cup qualifying is too easy. Countries like Eura should qualify automatically without qualifiers from now on, on the basis of historical relevance and wealth." A ticking sound effect of a clock began; he had twenty seconds to speak the unspeakable. 'Obviously this has to happen because I think we are a great country and shouldn't have to play some peasants from Whoever-stan to qualifying, and it shouldn't just be us, the Polarians and Pasargans and Valladares should be in, and all the golden oldies like Audioslavia and all that lot, and Krytenia, but none of these upstarts or poor countries because they're all a bit poorly dressed and that upsets my tea an-' The buzzer went before he could finished. 'Well, that's a hell of an effort Neil, Josh Maxwell, the pressure is on!'
'Bring it, I've had three sausage rolls and a nairn today. I can take anything.'
'In that case, I ask you to defend this quote; "Steve Thompson should be sacked as Euran national team manager if they do not beat Szavoda to complete a clean sweep in qualifying."' Maxwell took full advantage of this opportunity. 'Course he bl'addy should be, this group was a sitter, it was like my nan trying to box a train, it was ridiculous!' That image generated quite a bit of cackling in the studio but he wasn't done. 'The fact is that we weren't playing any real countries makes a mockery of us, so if anything only winning the games and not winning each with a clean sheet and five goals minimum is a failure! I mean two goals against New Mission, what's that? Tommo out! Bring back Kelly Sporadic!' The buzzer rang and the round was over. The host took a dramatic pause as he decided the winner. 'It is so, so close, but I'm afraid Josh that as funny as that was, we have to give the win to Neil Rowland!'
'Yes!'
'Bugger!'
'Not sure we should be broadcasting that on a Saturday afternoon, but oh well, this is the Fat Lady and we've sung our song this week, tune in next time and have a great weekend!'

[Flardania]

Tnks to Armeia for the co-op

Hoyodai Hotel
Kairaku | Choju Prefecture
Island of Zipangu | Kirishima

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Sayo was finishing crying following the loss to Parsarga as well as dealing with the stress of being hated by various Armeians on social media. "Hey are you okay?" a familiar voice spoke as Sayo looked up to see Koharu Miyamoto and Joseph Yabuta. "Why did you even address that glass maiden in the first place?" Joseph asked. Sayo sighed "Because she indirectly insulted Kate when she made that unwanted redhead joke." Sayo said with reknewed resolve ready to deal with the Armeian reporters.

Tyler Olynik from Strikerless.ari: "The season in Armeia is rapidly approaching, with just a short Street League tournament before it starts. Are you confident going into this season knowing that teams like Southeastern and Blazers are openly hostile towards you and your team?"

Sayo: Sayo sighed "it's going be tough with by words being blended with tetsuya's and people painting me as some sort of elitist anti christ. Also chemistry took a hit as players gonna have my misspoken words in mind or mad they are disliked by association. I can only be confident in the individual ability of my teammates and I."

Tyler: "But do you think that your teammates can do good this year, even with most of the better teams holding a vendetta?" asked Tyler.

Sayo: "Yes, we are not amateurs and we all are professionals. We are in this division because we have talent as well as good mental state. It will be difficult but when the whistle blows I know my teammates will play well and we will win the games we need to in order to stay competitive. "

Kane Zorasson from Sporternav: "Recently an anonymous player talked with Strikerless in an interview and mentioned you before saying that the locker room was set to 'explode'. What do you have to say about that?"

Sayo: "Should not be the case as those from last season know my character and those new to the team hopefully figure out the context of this whole issue. Worst case scenario people don't bother following the whole story and I don't have friends to eat with. *looks visibly upset for a short while before taking a breath* so long as we can co exist on the pitch, im good."

Kate Desjardins from the Loftus Post: "What do you think about your teammate Pandora Reimfeller being tricked into signing, with alcohol?"

Sayo:"If it happened before last season, then I wouldn't be here. The same way my initial thoughts on Bianka was due to lack of professionality, I have issues with how Pandora was signed. It is unprofessional and disgusting and the league should've at the very least fined Mr. Reach."

Ezra Blaha, from Strikerless.ari: "Rumors have linked you to Southeastern, which reportedly has large amounts of money to spend on one more transfer. Do you have anything to say about this?"

Sayo: " I am more than willing to talking to management if they are indeed interested. As I've shown that last few wc games im much better than last season and if a manager respectfully approaches me when im not drunk, I will be happy to discuss possibility. This goes for any team regardless of money."

Bryan Ovesson from Sporternav: "The media has unanimously picked Center City's archrivals, Hawks, as the title favorites with 2/1 odds, followed by Lionesses with 3/1 odds, Southeastern at 4/1, and Vandals and Northeastern both at 6/1. Do you feel that AFC Center City should have been ranked higher?"

Sayo: "I admit that I may be a little bias but so is the Armeian media. Sure we are no hawks or lioness but AFC CC is talented and just because im a foreigner does not mean ovetlook my abilities or the ability of the team post this debacle. No further questions." Sayo stated as she got up.

[The Saint James Islands]

For all IC purposes, this entire story is a crock of bullshit: Jan-Nikläs Rosenkränts’s protests against Ryan Watson’s third goal and Neama Iokua’s disallowed goal were both wrong, Rosenkränts absolutely deserved to get sent off and Watson legally scored a hat trick. Don’t believe any of it, but don’t expect any true-blooded Omerican to ever admit that any of it is wrong.

blogdefootball.co.om
All the football news that's fit to print!

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A staunchly anti-fascist country is backing a horde of fascists: Hell has frozen over
By Makaio Moana, published 12 June 2021

Let’s be clear here, fascism has about as close as you can get to a zero per cent approval rating in Omerica. Extremism is generally considered taboo in the Commonwealth, so the far-right Armeians are not the kind of team an Omerican would ever consider supporting. Nevertheless, after being brutally denied a place at the World Cup by bumbling referees, Omerica seems to be united around a team that represents the very antithesis of what Omerica stands for. It feels wrong to support a bunch of fascists, but I definitely have to admit that it’s our best hope for Osarius getting the dose of karma they are due after goals magically appeared where they shouldn’t have and disappeared when they should have been credited.

OSARIUS 4–1 OMERICA
Watson 10’, 34’, 56’     Rosenkränts 19’    .
Charpentier (og) 69’                        .
Match abandoned in the 70th minute (Omerica forfeit)

The game started off like a normal game. Quickfire mistakes gave Ryan Watson a quick goal in the 10th minute, though the Firebirds quickly floundered and Jan-Nikläs Rosenkränts equalised in the 19th. Watson put Osarius back up in the 34th minute, but other than that, the first half went fine. A dubious call around the penalty area, where Osarius should have gotten a penalty instead of a free kick, but overall, decent refereeing. Not world class, but decent. The second half was where things began to go horribly wrong.

Things seemed fine after the hosts kicked off the half, but went downhill fast. A wrongly-called offside for Osarius was a foreboding of what was to come. A bogus corner kick for Omerica in the 49th minute amounted to nothing, with the hosts quickly getting things under control. After a battle in the midfield, Osarius managed to break away with the ball. Their shocking star player offside, Ryan Watson managed to put the ball past Intan Petera. A goal was credited where none should have been.

Jan-Nikläs went up to the referee to demand that the goal be annulled as it should have been. But the Omerican captain’s protests would ultimately be for naught, getting the Black Dragons’ striker booked and guaranteed to miss the final qualifying game. With the Omerican staff and substitutes departing after Ryan Watson’s ghost goal completed a “hat trick” in the 56th minute, things went downhill fast. Neama managed to score just a few minutes later, but found his goal wrongly disallowed for an incorrectly-called offside, managing to get Jan-Nikläs sent off after protesting yet again.

With a goal kick ensuing, Erik de Waald managed to get the ball, but unexpectedly began running towards Intan Petera’s goal. After a pass off to Jean-Luc Charpentier, Charpentier did the unexpected by scoring an own goal, with Intan Petera doing absolutely nothing to stop it and the team unanimously walking off the field and out of the stadium immediately after Osarius went three up with twenty minutes left to play. The match was later awarded to Osarius by forfeit, though the scoreline at the time of the Omerica walk-off was allowed to stand by the World Cup Committee.

Omerica will be showing up for the final game in Port Michael with a full reserve side, though the game no longer matters with Omerica guaranteed to finish in a bitterly disappointing third place. But here is hoping that after the farce in Osarius, the Firebirds lose their direct qualifying berth in a ball of smoke and flames against Armeia, a team we would almost certainly not pull for in any other situation. It likely won’t happen, but every Les Oiseaux fan would be smug seeing Osarius have to go through the play-offs, especially if the Firebirds lose.

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Turanga ʻAhipula ʻo ʻOmerika
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port-Alexandre, Philibiscostal 18-A40
COMMONWEALTH OF OMERICA

Official Press Release - Tuku Katipa Hoi ʻe Pieti

Qualifiers for the Seventy-Third World Cup
Omerica national team line-up vs Kaboomlandia (home)

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Substitutes
GK - N^o 1: INTAN Petera
GK - N^o 13: Stéphane ROUSSEAU
LD - N^o 14: Martin PALL
CD - N^o 17: Jean-Marie MOLINEAUX
CD - N^o 15: Makara ʻO TOA
RD - N^o 16: Mikäel CHRISTOPHE
CM - N^o 18: William PARNELL
CM - N^o 19: Tömas DE VRIKT
AM - N^o 20: Raia TURI
LF - N^o 21: Red TYLER
ST - N^o 22: John PERCIVAL
RF - N^o 23: Ryan CASSIDY

Starting eleven
GK - N^o 25: John MARTIN
LD - N^o 26: Red MILLHOUSE
CD - N^o 29: Keone MAKAIO
CD - N^o 27: Tre URISTSON
RD - N^o 28: Ansel RYAN
CM - N^o 30: Ryan ANDSEN
CM - N^o 31: Kairo KAMARANI
AM - N^o 32: Casimir PAQUET
LF - N^o 33: Martin ALTING
ST - N^o 34: Tii ʻO UIREMA
RF - N^o 35: Georges ROUSSEAU

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Omerica’s top scorers

John Percival - 3 goals
Georges Rousseau - 2 goals
Tömas de Vrikt - 2 goal
Neama Iokua - 2 goals
Jan-Nikläs Rosenkränts - 2 goals

Tii ʻo Uirema - 1 goal
Casimir Paquet - 1 goal
Kai Eko - 1 goal
Neama Iokua - 1 goal

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

MATCHDAY 14 RP CUTOFF - GROUPS 11-20

Let's finish another qualifying round in a star-struck night, playing as if we're smokin' on something?

[Brenecia]

THE ROZELLE OBSERVER
Playoff Preview: Brenecia vs. Abanhfleft
by Karena Fife

Orson Faulkner was unusually but thankfully candid after the match. "We lost that match before we even stepped onto the pitch. All our focus was on Ilasia - not on ourselves. So even if Ilasia hadn't gotten facefucked 5-0 in front of their own fans, we didn't even do our part of the equation." He sighed, deeply. "We let ourselves down out there."

To be fair, Faulkner, Duguid, Given, her replacement Waters and Collingwood didn't really do a lot wrong. Nor did Urquhart behind them, nor Paterson in front of them. But yet again it fell apart in the final third for Brenecia as they suffered a third straight goalless draw with Recuecn in three years, swooning to their second point from their last three matches. Three matches over which the Patriots have scored precisely zero goals and conceded exactly one. Hard to remember the nine straight wins before it. And, of course, this dismal run of form comes straight before a playoff. Great.

We've been drawn against world number 47 Abanhfleft who come straight off a fairly unimpressive qualifying campaign. Seven wins from twelve matches saw them comfortably ahead of Witty Penguins and comfortably behind Saintland. They have an almost entirely domestically-based squad with just three plying their trade abroad, lacking any real superstars of world renown. Particularly as none of those leagues are UICA-recognised. Oh, and several of their best players - including their best centre-forward, Chelsea Stuart - have been left at home. Abanhfleft are one of the first in a recent wave of nations entering the international circuit who have split up their male and female sides and spurned the traditional mixed-sex approach. Stuart is just one such casualty of that decision, and a likely consequence is the call-up of a player like Musa, who plies his trade in the second tier.

So, okay, they're effectively only half of their own national team fresh off a pretty much uncontested run to the playoff place. Still, given Brenecia's recent record they aren't to be underestimated, and players like Kelvin can definitely get the ball in the net - more than can be said of the likes of Maddon or Rankin at the moment. They have a solid set of defenders who can be relied upon when the going gets rough and a gigantic goalkeeper in Varamoninov who is sure to invalidate any high crosses, like the inswingers to the far post that Thatcher has found, up until a couple of weeks ago, devastatingly effective. That said, the defence is aging, and vulnerable to being attacked at pace. Brenecia has pace in spades.

Up front, though, are Abanhfleft's greatest riches. Everyone loves a good strike partnership, and they have that. Potter is one of the strikers based abroad with an eye for the spectacular while Kelvin is the epitome of a confidence striker, with plenty of reasons to feel confident. Just behind them, Rory Edwards is an emerging talent as a playmaker and has an eye for goal of his own. Kolnerov, a dedicated one-club man through thick and (mostly) thin, anchors a midfield marshalled by a hatchet-man in the weirdly-named Turpentine and the aforementioned second-tier Musa. On the whole, a solid squad put through the fires of their own leagues that punch consistently above their weight... in a way, the opposite of Brenecia's talented but disparate group of journeymen, where none of the expected starters ply their trade in the A-League.

The question for Bale - twist or stick? Maddon has been crap since Ko-oren, Rankin invisible given the start against Recuecn. Kilbane can claim fatigue as a legitimate excuse for flagging performances lately, and Blackslate could be an alternative having done well against Recuecn and hit a post late on, but the wingers have no excuse for being suddenly useless. Purrington, who ambles through every match at a leisurely pace anyway, is irreplaceable - but Bowditch could be an option on the right, having shown both steel and poise in qualifying. Pendragon, similarly, is a classy and proven operator on the left. And might this be the time to try out Cullen as a striker, where she has filled in reasonably successfully for Barbury? At least defensively, the pecking order has been firmly established, and the same back six that has started every game of note through qualifying should get their chance again this time around. Except, slightly awkwardly, that Scout Given is suspended. Either the more battle-hardened Fiona Berenger or the dark horse in the quietly impressive Lena Waters will need to fill in, unless Faulkner moves there to let the brick wall Anaximander Scrivener take his place at centre-half.

It could have been so easy for the Patriots... but right now, there's no use crying over spilt milk. Abanhfleft won't be easy, but Brenecia are favourites for a reason. So enough self-pity, enough 'what-ifs' - time for the Patriots to haul themselves over the finish line.

[Armeia]

The two capos from Auburn Street Elite and Inferno CC, Roman Durr and Kailey Bergfalk, had seen a lot in their time with their respective groups. League titles, heartbreaking defeats in the Regions Cup, and finally a championship in that tournament for Western Armeia. So they had seen plenty of hostile environments before, and had often played a part in creating those environments. Well, this was for once unlike any national team match they had ever seen. Cora City was always an intimidating place to play, with a stadium that you had to drive through the slums to get to, where there was always a massive pyroshow before the match. But right now? It was even more hostile than usual, pure hate filling the air. This was the return leg of the qualifying series against Osarius, who had defeated Armeia after a handball goal previously. And the Armeian ultras weren't going to let them forget that.

As the Osarian players entered the pitch for warmups, the entire north end of the stadium broke into a chant that was usually reserved for Northern Armeia. Even some of the Armeian players who weren't from the West looked scared, but the Western players like the Schraeder sisters, Petra Jennings, and Edi Dragic egged the crowd on, drawing energy from it. As the warmups were almost finished, chants from around the stadium made it pretty hard for anyone to hear. "Build a bonfire, build a bonfire, put Northern on the top, put Osarius in the middle, and we'll burn the fucking lot," the whole stadium chanted until the match kicked off.

It only took five minutes for a line brawl to start, over a foul on Bianka Schraeder, who started at striker next to Reina Toure and Edi Dragic. The crowd had everyone on edge and the match had to be stopped for five minutes as objects rained down on the pitch, ranging from coins to bottles, as both Schraeder twins and Edi Dragic got involved in the fight. Marco Puntoreiro had to leave the match early with a minor injury sustained in the fight, which again increased the energy in the building and made it feel like something big was about to happen.

But that never happened, at least not on the pitch. Armeia had more of the possession but couldn't capitalize on their shots, having two hit the post in the first half from Edi Dragic, and they went down 1-0 after a deflected corner went in after Alek Sander made a defensive mistake. In the second half, Atlas prodigy Dan Nazaryan came on for Bianka Schraeder, but this only led to the riot at the end of the match when Nazaryan scored on a screamer in the 83rd minute before it was disallowed on a dodgy offsides call, by the same referee that awarded a illegal handball goal to Osarius in the first match. "FUCK YOU REF!" the north end chanted, followed by the rest of the stadium. Again, play had to be stopped due to items thrown on the pitch, and this time, there were many flares and firecrackers thrown there too, and it took until minute 89 to get the pitch cleaned up again.

Unfortunately, the match never actually finished, because as play was starting again, the referee dropped dead, hit by a shot from the upper terraces. The police suspect that one of the riot police on hand to control the crowd did the deed, but thanks to the chaos going on in the stands when the shot was fired, police will probably never actually find out who shot the referee. The match was abandoned with Osarius escaping with the 1-0 win. The riot however, was just starting, and a clash broke out between the north end fans and the 3,000 traveling Osarian fans who were seated in the northwest sector of the stadium. Various melee weapons were used in the fight including knives, chains, and baseball bats, which led to the deaths of 321 Osarians, as riot police joined in the fight. As of now, the rest of the Osarians are stuck in Cora City, not being able to find flights back to their home country, which no airline wants to fly to right now.

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Armeian Lineup:
#1 GK Isa Tangemen
#4 FB Kenneth Berringer
#3 CB Bojan Fertig
#29 CB Alek Sander
#7 FB Boom Redman
#5 DM Alakare Abbey(C)
#12 CM Tilo Abrammson
#98 CM Zoran Michel
#9 ST Edi Dragic
#13 ST Bianka Schraeder
#17 ST Reina Toure