[Roleplays] :: World Cup 92

[The Jovannic]

Hibilit Province: The Electorate Rundown

Hibilit has a total of 7 Gouvernorat seats, which we will be taking a look at first.

Hibilie: Containing the provincial capital Hibilie City, Hibilie District is the most populous of the Gouvernorat seats, henceforth it is usually regarded as one of the more important positions to hold in the Province. Crisses Ritari is the incumbent from Forward Jovannicans, and will face Feremi Talons of the Jovannic National Party and Independent Candidate Cosbis Roholver. Traditionally a swing district, Forward Jovannicans has maintained relative control over the district for 12 years.

Merefields: Containing the populous towns of Mere and Briskiy, Merefields is another District that is held in high regard. Gouvernorat Habimar Dalahosp from the Governocrat Alliance maintains a healthy lead in recent polls, and is the favourite to hold a second term over Verli Calisone of the Union of Free Jovannicans.

Mireniskys: Featuring dense forests and dominated by its namesake town, it has been a major conservative beacon in Hibilit for 28 years now. Joseph Maymind of the Jovannican National Party has the clear advantage over brand new candidate Rimarto Leris of the Forward Jovannicans, and will be the favourite for a 8th term in charge.

Tuablie: Another swing district, the residents of Tuabilie and the smaller towns surrounding it are famous in Hibilit for being indecisive. A total of six candidates vy for this Gouvernorat seat, namely Sasha Merayegu of Forward Jovannicans (incumbent), Tarhiti Mosiues of the Governocrat Alliance, Trent Barn of Jovannic National Party, Nozille Yarla of Coalition of Progressive Speakers (Elected once before) and Independent Candidates Janey Rackal and Francis Behdon (Elected twice before). They have around 21%, 19%, 18%, 13%, 15% and 14% of support respectively.

Datoma: A relatively modern but sparely populated district, it traditionally leads left on many issues, but incumbent Tuanku Ning of People's Solidarity Party will look to emulate his upset last Gouvernorat election against Pasat Brein of Forward Jovannicans.

Tayrinie: The least populous district of Hibilit, Influencer turned independent candidate Farya Rotpan is the first candidate native to this District in 12 years and will challenge incumbent Daniels Mpai of the People's Solidarity Party along with the Forward Jovannicans' Ipal Karwinker.

Pasablie: The most Northerly of Hibilit's districts, Forward Jovannicans have dominated polls here for around 20 years here, and Medial Carrasco will most likely continue this trend to its eleventh term over Independent John Falirax.

Results of Gouvernorat Election Year -2 (Before WC92, all in %)

Hibilie:
Maria Celonges (FJ) - 52.1
Faremi Talons (JNP) - 36.5
Cosbis Roholver - 11.3

Merefields:
Habimar Dalahosp (GA) - 58.7
Verli Calisone (UFJ) - 41.2

Mireniskys:
Joseph Maymind (JNP) - 60.1
Rimarto Leris (FJ) - 39.9

Tuablie:
Sasha Merayegu (FJ) - 23.4
Trent Barn (JNP) - 21.6
Francis Behdon - 21.1
Nozille Yarla (COPS) - 18.6
Harabalaga Chew (GA) - 15.3

Datoma:
Tuanku Ning (PSP) - 50.8
Pasat Brein (FJ) - 49.2

Tayrinie:
Daniels Mpai (PSP) - 49.3
Ipal Karwinker (FJ) - 40.6
Lelo Bosah (JNP) - 10.1

Pasablie:
Medial Carrasco (FJ) - 67.1
John Falirax - 18.2
Samuel Kantosin (PSP) - 14.7

Electorate ~ By Simple Majority ~ Medial Carrasco 4-3 Joseph Maymind

---

In other news, The Jovannic lose their third game in a 2-1 defeat to Strayaroos after being a 3-1 loss to the Commonwealth of Baker Park. They will face Farfadillis and New Gelderland in hopes of having a quick rebound.

This quick stop Electorate Breakdown was brought to you by Sin's Metalworks. Get a special gift for your special ones this election season. For delicate types, get them some nice intricate jewellery, or get a finely crafted knife or sword made from specially sourced Jovannic High Carbon steel and designs from our finest craftsmen, all brought together in a personalised gift box. Sin's Metalworks, Better Metal for Better People!

[Geektopia]

---

Categorium: Work (Curated by Migueis in Geektopia) edited by Atham Tasasubsil in Burur cak Noaqsi)[/tab]
Automobiles (Curated by Naumovic in Geektopia) edited by Christoffer Cappuyns in Chica Saw)
Amusement (Curated by Zahharov in Geektopia) edited by Corion Icepis Samarneta in Aimena)
Household (Curated by Palime in Geektopia) edited by Kalijat Hink in Unimon)
Good Physical Condition (Curated by Blard in Geektopia) edited by Edtacio Bezerra in Campo de Ervas)
Government (Curated by Podjasek in Geektopia) edited by Eskanova Singleton in Sponsertivity)
Faith (Curated by Nke in Geektopia) edited by Taire Ah Oak Guru in Sainterris)
Branch of Knowledge (Curated by Rehnström in Geektopia) edited by Aguilḻar Mendoza Sanafan Ţluknaṟbire in Islas Cardinales) <======= You are here.
Competitive Games (Curated by Rifiño in Geektopia) edited by Andreika Rararch Sigi in Aimena)
Technology (Curated by Tschšppeler in Geektopia) edited by Shuan Zawadkun in Aimena)
Travel (Curated by Courtieux in Geektopia) edited by Tamir Tater in Aimena
Popular Media & Economy (Curated by Sulkumški in Geektopia) edited by Margharita Abbate in La Fiorita)
Multiverse (Curated by El Baraka in Geektopia) edited by Eva Mariska II Purrlicious Chowder Chocolate in Islas Cardinales)

Conglang enClave (carrying on from Geektopian to New Geektopian)
Lessons 1 and 2 <> Lessons 3 and 4 <> Lessons 5 and 6 <> Lessons 7 and 8
Lessons 9 and 10 <> Lessons 11 and 12 <> Lessons 13 and 14

#015 - Eyn | I wanna (insert verb here) // Ngeauir bīnor (insert verb here)

Serious champions for a system of the best order of this language now croon in contentment the likelihood of a national university in Le Montreé des Fallins upon the status of solid financial management that can readapt their language curriculum for New Geektopian, how it's taught, and how it's asked. Many conditions and attributes are cited to guarantee the movement of such a university, chief among which is a stable and just political reality. As a parallel, in light of high-profile antagonism that des Fallins has faced with other polyglots in recent years, they have adopted a simple question-and-answer system for the voice-over of their digital transmission whose accessibility spans many language-learning platforms having been allowed to be accessed in a typical LMdFU class, like HszyamoszeauiEd, with it's metric of four hundred thousand users per month that surely makes it the most popular language-learning platform on a continental basis. Happy as people are, this is still the only university in the country that is making such adjustments in front of public aggravation that's been going on in Geektopia for several dozen hundred years, and I can kind of see the pushback from these intelligentsia who run these colleges. I mean, it's no wonder that people wonder and even ask why these citizens go out of their way to hound institutions because of this one language that wasn't even founded by native citizens, but what I can't get to is what so angers them to the point that it's the thing keeping them awake at night, because knowledge is everywhere - all they have to do is look.

I feel like I'm officially spending way too much time recounting what happened since the last Conlang enClave I did and ranting, but I was told that this is one of the things that make Geektivities a paper that people can really touch base with, you know? The appraisal which I heard about the paper which really made me sign on started in 6136, years after the Treaty of Szilew had been signed which ended the First Goldmanite Retrieval Offensive against Islas Cardinales, who were treading their freedoms far over the line in which they should have according to Jagino Zuperedosno's confidante Jījciefeaui Ginjeigei. Nevertheless, since Islas was regarded as a small country and had little population density despite it's geography having military advantages the battle was pretty minor and that island country which was known to have gotten away from all these big wars waged on the part of continental powerhouses by taking into full effect their own knowledge of the landscape, but the Cardinnics got off lucky again from the way of a jus ad bellum that was sent but must have gotten lost at sea, and from then on an official cause for the war would be struck null and void, having looked as if it never started. The time had come to renegotiate the treaty with Cardinales and the Geektopian side was so contemptuous about all of this because for one their military had completely lost the trust of that body which was backing it in the first place: government. For two, all the terms were so one-sided from any angle you looked at it. It was around this time that Geektivities was established, and they were looking for people who could summarize the activities of the day in writing; I jumped at that opportunity. Although at first I didn't want to write anything about the war, that had changed, and this is also where my first ninety years as a journalist began. Hundreds of years on and my position in the company has changed from that of a journalist to a blogger. I was specifically tasked with not only writing accurate information for computer users to access, but also writing this compilation of articles, for a paper that people can physically have in hand, with no exceptions. I can't begin to express how hard I have pushed myself to write all the things I did in the short amount of time from when I was first brought up to that position and given a company phone and company house with a roommate who would split hairs on what I should exclude from the subject matter to now, where things are largely the same, I suppose.

There is still a lot of writing to do and I know you probably wouldn't want to hear that, so I'm going to get on with the vocabulary now. Now, 'wanna' is phrased incorrectly in Terranean, most everyone says 'want to' for those reasons, but the articles are separated with much less prejudice in New Geektopian such that 'I wanna' is Ngeauir bīnor and 'I want to' is just as similar as the other translation, except you would be starting the sentence with 'Bīnor', and following that up with a verb grammatically shaped upon how much you want to do said thing. When combined with the word 'Ngeauir', a word which is one of the many forms of the Terranean 'I', it sounds more respectable, a more formal way of communicating something that you want to do. 'Bīnor' by itself is less formal, since you're leaving out a word which connects you to what you want to do, thereby stating that the person who you're telling this to also wants to partake in this activity. As always,

"Bīnor szīrordavl" (meaning one wants to go bananas) |[]| "Bīnor kein Rukimin 7" (meaning one wants to be the Rukimin 7) |[]| "Bīnor szeauirōhmieauuseiir ngoōhnhyinaūhr" (meaning one wants to go to the parallel world) |[]| "Bīnor kein hszdav wbbrreaui" (meaning one wants to be the guy) |[]| "Bīnor rībg myar" (meaning one wants to see the moon) |[]| ""Bīnor kein GB"" (meaning one wants to be the GB) |[]| "Bīnor kein wewmōhngehyujsōhmwhyīniyaneauil" (meaning one wants to be the explorer" |[]| "Bīnor kein linōhwīl" (meaning one wants to be the scare) "Bīnor kein bīrōhlineaui!" (meaning one aggressively wants to be the fangame) |[]| "Bīnor leszmo wyowor" (meaning one wants to demolish the factory) |[]| "Bīnor lv̄hszw ngīsziwkeiryar" (meaning one wants to run the marathon) |[]| "Bīnor hszoōhszehcsczwin mireir wībyhrhsz mīrhsz" (meaning one wants to date with anyone)

By changing "Bīnor" into "Beno", you can configure the meaning of what you're communicating as much as to say what you do not want to do. This would be split into two words, as "Beno" wouldn't start the sentence, but would follow "Davro". Examples would be,

"Davro beno szīrordavl" (meaning one doesn't want to go bananas) |[]| "Davro beno Rukimin 7" (meaning one doesn't want to be the Rukimin 7) |[]| "Davro beno szeauirōhmieauuseiir ngoōhnhyinaūhr" (meaning one doesn't want to go to the parallel world) |[]| "Davro beno hszdav wbbrreaui" (meaning one doesn't want to be the guy) |[]| "Davro beno rībg myar" (meaning one doesn't want to see the moon) |[]| ""Davro beno GB"" (meaning one doesn't want to be the GB) |[]| "Davro beno wewmōhngehyujsōhmwhyīniyaneauil" (meaning one doesn't want to be the explorer" |[]| "Davro beno linōhwīl" (meaning one doesn't want to be the scare) "Davro beno bīrōhlineaui!" (meaning one aggressively refuses to be the fangame) |[]| "Davro beno leszmo wyowor" (meaning one doesn't want to demolish the factory) |[]| "Davro beno lv̄hszw ngīsziwkeiryar" (meaning one doesn't to run the marathon) |[]| "Davro beno hszoōhszehcsczwin mireir wībyhrhsz mīrhsz" (meaning one doesn't to date with anyone

---

#016 - Eys | I plan to (insert verb here) // Oōhdar (insert verb here)

Coming soon.

Sudilia 0-1 Geektopia <> N/A @ N/A, N/A, Sudilia
G's: 75' by #23 Rebimbas for GEE (assisted by #4 Livengood)
Notable Fouls: YC in the 16' via #3 Sistek (GEE), YC in the 30' via #4 Livengood (GEE)
Substitutions (GEE): #28 Ogrodowski off at 1 minute introducing #15 Hugee Adsginsier for GEE, #13 Jerykah Dhubthaeiruh off at 5 minutes introducing #32 Dameţrice 'iidayfib Ṟath Eadjani for GEE, #17 Gulcan 'iirţasdaṟi off at 5 minutes introducing #20 Rinnert for GEE, #11 Zalie 'amquk off at 28 minutes introducing #19 Thorud for GEE

Player Ratings

ON FOR 90 MINS
#22 Lertora = 7.5
#3 Sistek = 7.4
#33 Pitter = 7.5
#4 Livengood = 7.9
#23 Rebimbas = 8.5
#8 Matkowski = 7.5
#6 Upson = 7.5

SUBBED OFF
#28 Ogrodowski = 7.5
#13 Jerykah Dhubthaeiruh = 7.5
#17 Gulcan 'iirţasdaṟi = 7.5
#11 Zalie 'amquk = 7.5

SUBBED ON
#15 Hugee Adsginsier = 7.5
#32 Dameţrice 'iidayfib Ṟath Eadjani = 7.5
#20 Rinnert = 7.5
#19 Thorud = 7.5

---

Geektopia 3-4 Banija <> 26,290 @ Place of Valence, Mukladrue, Geektopia
G's: 7' by #14 Tijan Sowe for BNJ via a bicycle kick, 35' by #7 Sarafina Ikpeazu for BNJ (assisted by #23 Wanda Kouyaté), 45+4' by #9 Abel Wesoloski-Okafor for BNJ (assisted by #20 Sohna Kolley), 46' by #15 Hugee Adsginsier for GEE (assisted by #9 Jayleanna Lnepzsloal), 59' by #28 Ogrodowski for GEE (assisted by #3 Sistek), 74' by #3 Sistek for GEE (assisted by #22 Lertora), 83' by #10 Gereh Kama for BNJ (assisted by #4 Demba Kouyaté)
Notable Fouls: YC in the 60' via #32 Dameţrice 'iidayfib Ṟath Eadjani (GEE), YC in the 84' via #20 Rinnert (GEE)
Substitutions (GEE): #23 Rebimbas off at 12 minutes introducing #16 Witrago for GEE, #11 Zalie 'amquk off at 12 minutes introducing #9 Jayleanna Lnepzsloal for GEE, #13 Jerykah Dhubthaeiruh off at 26 minutes introducing #32 Dameţrice 'iidayfib Ṟath Eadjani for GEE, #17 Gulcan 'iirţasdaṟi off at 26 minutes introducing #20 Rinnert for GEE, #4 Livengood off at 37 minutes introducing #15 Hugee Adsginsier for GEE

Player Ratings

ON FOR 90 MINS
#22 Lertora = 7.0
#3 Sistek = 8.0
#33 Pitter = 6.5
#6 Upson = 6.5
#8 Matkowski = 6.5
#28 Ogrodowski = 7.5

SUBBED OFF
#23 Rebimbas = 6.5
#11 Zalie 'amquk = 6.5
#13 Jerykah Dhubthaeiruh = 6.5
#17 Gulcan 'iirţasdaṟ = 6.5
#4 Livengood = 6.5

SUBBED ON
#16 Witrago = 6.5
#9 Jayleanna Lnepzsloal = 7.0
#32 Dameţrice 'iidayfib Ṟath Eadjani = 6.4
#20 Rinnert = 6.4
#15 Hugee Adsginsier = 7.5

[PotatoFarmers]

Tecoia 1–1 Poafmersia
Goalscorers: Jordan Huerta 79' (assisted by Michael Jackson)

Lineup: Nicole Potts (c); Kilikina Lee, Zak Kaoyanov, Diamond Byan, Jacqi Equine; Michael Jackson, Min Berg, Aapeli Shea; Janelle Frederick, Jordan Huerta, Leontiy Seet
Substitutes: Tessa Bjarnesen (Frederick 62'), Bolívar Tamura (Seet 80'), Dagur Lawrence (Huerta 84')

Poafmersia 2-0 Kethsi
Goalscorers: Janelle Frederick 36' (assisted by Huerta), 80' (assisted by Lawrence)

Lineup: Nicole Potts (c); Kilikina Lee, Nikkita Alfaro, Cindy Oriol, Jacqi Equine; Michael Jackson, Sylvia Fusco, Aapeli Shea; Janelle Frederick, Jordan Huerta, Jackson Handris
Substitutes: Erle Sartini (Jackson 60'), Bolívar Tamura (Handris 77'), Dagur Lawrence (Shea 85')

Sporting Daily

Hot Takes: Poafmersia is too nice for managers

Managers outside Poafmersia gets sacked whenever the team does below expectations. Adnan Suliaha has survived 17 years without being anywhere near the sack.

Yes, he is widely considered to be the father of the Poafmersian national team. Yes, Poafmersia getting into the World Cup within 10 years after debut is largely considered a surprise. But for Poafmersia, a top 50 nation, not qualifying for the World Cup for 2 consecutive cycles should be considered a disaster and an excuse for the sack. This, however, is not the case for Poafmersia. At the Red Panjias' 9th cycle, the Red Panjias are still trying to regroup and rebuild following the failures of 3-4 years ago. This, for an experienced team, shouldn't be the case.

Some people tend to attribute this trend to Poafmers being nice in general. They point to the Apex - many clubs continue to keep their managers despite a poor run of results in the IFCF. There aren't many clubs who are deserving of their manager, if you were to trust the results-oriented Poafmers. Probably 4 clubs at maximum, should keep their manager. The rest of the clubs are merely cruising along, with no good chance of winning the title, or getting a good run in the IFCF, they argue. "Accepting a club should just be in the top half of the Apex is a big no-no," said one of these ultras. In fact, they start to question what is the goal of clubs like Kistina Galaxy and Sarim Potato FC, and wonder if change should be afoot in Rukiya. "None of those clubs should be where they are at right now," said an anonymous poster on Chirper, Poafmersia's main social media.

When the Red Panjias failed to secure a win in Tecoia, that sparked alarm bells among Poafmers. "At the group draw, we think this group of players should have a strong chance of getting into the World Cup proper. Now that they fail to win games like these, how can they make sure that they will be able to beat the likes of Omerica, Hapilopper, and Kimi-Suomi? Unacceptable. An entry to the Cup of Harmony isn't what we are aiming for, unless you are supportive of the Turnip," said a comment at the bottom of our Chirper post reporting the results. Given the rise in dissenting voices, it seems that it isn't Poafmers in general who have low expectations? Are Poafmers too nice? Well, our hot take is, yes. We don't really want to see these managers go out of job, so we keep giving them chance. But this mentality needs to stop. Managers and the club as a whole should give pressure to ensure that they do their best at every competition.

[Electrum]

FOOTSPORT ASSOCIATIONS OF VILITA & ELECTRUM - WC92 ✓

@TheTurnip

Leeks are not root vegetables. It does not count as a turnip. Please do not listen to the lies. #WC92 #WoahThere

#CUTOFF :: #GRP_1-7

[Cabo Azure]

Cabo Azure 2–1 Qasden
Scorers: Silveira, Branco

Saltstead 1–2 Cabo Azure
Scorers: Cunha, Corte-Real

Cabo Azure 2–2 Sixty-ninE X
Scorers: Corte-Real, Gouveia

Ziwana 2–1 Cabo Azure
Scorers: Silveira

“Rex Ex Machina”, pt 3
Sonia Vargas was frustrated. When she’d gotten into politics, she hadn’t expected it all to be so…political. Rut and her bosses had made it seem simple, like the old men in Sao Simone just needed someone to come in and shake them up. Well, she was here, and she was shaking, but so far she’d achieved bupkis. It was like trying to shake the face of a mountain. Rut talked her into accepting a posting on the Sports Committee by pointing out that Mario Borges was a footballer and Minister of Culture before he was Prime Minister, but Sonia had never been a sports fan, and she found the discussions tiresome.

The worst part of being on the sports committee was the endless stream of constituent mail it generated. She was genuinely happy to receive mail from her neighbors in Sao Cristobal, and made it a point to reply personally to all but the most perfunctory correspondence. The letters and emails she got from sports fans, however, were mind-numbing in their inanity; demands for tryouts from washed-up athletes, requests pleading with her to fire Paulinho as the national team coach (as if that were her choice and hers alone), and hare-brained ideas that wouldn’t last a day on a sports forum. Most of them she skimmed and tossed, but Rut said she had to be seen as responsive, so she responded to as many as she could, mostly with well-worn platitudes.

One day a mailpiece came across her desk with postage from the Royal Kingdom of Quebec and Shingoryeo. Sonia would have rather not bothered with it, except that it was typewritten and appeared fairly well-formatted compared to the normal drivel she received at her office. Reading it, she found it fairly succinct and well-written: the author identified himself as Julian Chan, a Quebecois-born athlete in a sport called biathlon, which he helpfully explained involved cross-country skiing and rifle shooting. He went on to say that he held an Azurean passport through his mother and had, along with a dozen or so of his fellows, formed a Provisional Azurean Olympic Committee and petitioned the International Olympic Committee to allow them to compete in the Winter Olympic Games. The IOC had said of course they could compete, but only with the acquiescence of the Azurean government, preferably given in the form of a resolution passed by the Assembly.

The envelope included a draft resolution that would recognize the PAOC as the official Azurean Olympic Committee, which Rut reviewed and said would be fine to introduce with minimal correction. Sonia’s next call was to the senior members of her own party, who were eager to put their names on the resolution as co-sponsors.

“The Olympics,” explained Diego Carboz, representative from Lagostim and a staunch wolf*, over the phone, “Are the distinct realm of countries like Electrum, New Gelderland, and Ceni, the exact partners we need if we are to counter Nepharim and Euran aggression. Both of those countries, by the way, put far more emphasis on football than the Olympics. This way we can appear patriotic while also strengthening ties with our neighbors and not alienating our allies like Quebec and Cassadaigua.”

The fact that Quebec had co-hosted the recent summer Games, and that Ceni and the Isles of Avon had recently co-hosted the Copa Rushmori was apparently lost on Diego, but Sonia went along with it, happy to have brought her party something useful. The measure passed the sports committee unanimously and was referred to the floor, where it passed comfortably, though not overwhelmingly. Most of the opposition came from the more isolationist wing of the bears*, who tended to vote against anything that involved international trade on principle.

–

“I call this meeting of the Royalty Committee to order.”

Alexander Hawkins had no gavel and no parliamentarian, and so his meetings were decidedly less formal than those of the whole Narrative Council. They had recently elected him chair, after the whole Council decided to charge them with finding a solution to the issue of royal succession. He’d been unwilling, but for the good of the Narrative, he’d acquiesced and ever since had been trying unsuccessfully to galvanize the committee to meet and deliberate a way forward. Finally, a text from Kinzie Schved that she had news that would be of interest to the committee succeeded where months of Hawkins’s wheedling had failed.

They all gathered in the same study room where the full Council met. Eligibility criteria for the committee were that 1) an individual’s nation had once been a monarchy and 2) an individual did not originate from Cabo Azure. The individuals who met the criteria were: Hawkins, whose native Hasznia had lost its monarchy to a coup suspiciously like the one in Cabo Azure; Kinzie, who had spent a good deal of her academic life chronicling the kings and queens of Frusennia; Liam McRae, even though the role of “viceroy” in Santa Rafa had never really been defined; and Malone, because he’d played a good deal of soccer in Pravenna, which was as good as a monarchy even if it lacked the title.

“I think we’d all like to cut to the chase,” Malone said, apropos of nothing. “Hawkins and I found something useful in Sao Cristobal, and we’d like this committee to decide how to proceed.”

“As most of you know,” Hawkins continued, cutting him off. “We went to Sao Cristobal to seek the help of Michael Chao. He declined to leave with us, but shared a vital piece of information; the future queen of Cabo Azure’s name is Solveig Davidsdottir.”

Shocked expressions from the rest of the Committee.

“He just gave it to you like that?” McRae asked. “What’s the catch?”

“There is no catch,” Kinzie Schved observed. “It’s a framing device. Now that we know the name, we have to find her and bring her into the fold.”

McRae, who was new here, remained skeptical. “How do we know he’s telling the truth?”

“Frusennia had a Queen Solveig back in its history aways,” said Kinzie. “There are parallels between Frusennia and Cabo Azure, just as with all of our nations. I’d bet what he said was true.”

“So what do we do about it?” asked McRae unhelpfully.

“It’s a Graintfjaller name,” said Malone, who’d spent an hour searching the Internet to be sure. “Of course, it’s hard to track just one Graintfjaller, but it at least narrows our search down.”

“Who fancies a trip to Graintfjall?” Hawkins asked the group.

[Eraman]

MAT BOLA'S BLOG
So far so good, rest well Monkey Kings

As expected, Eraman is no match for teams like Graintfjall and Tikariot. After losing 4-3 at the hands of Graintfjall in the last international break, Eraman again lost 2-1 at the hands of Tikariot in the opening match of this international break earlier this week, both at home. With the strong support of the home fans, Eraman performed very well against their opponents but it's clear that Graintfjall and Tikariot are in a different class.

However, the players can be proud of their performance in the first 6 matches of the World Cup qualifying campaign. Apart from the 2 expected defeats at the hands of Graintfjall and Tikariot, Eraman has recorded 3 wins and a draw. The result puts Eraman in a battle for fourth place alongside North Cassadaigua, New Eestiball, and Astograth. And one of the matches in the battle for the fourth place can be witnessed by us next weekend with the visit of North Cassadaigua to Daulapura Stadium.

North Cassadaigua is a new national team. We did not know what to expect from them at the start of the campaign. But after 4 wins in 6 matches placing them at 4th, North Cassadaigua is showing that they are Cassadagans after all. Just like Eraman, their two defeats were also at the hands of Graintfjall and Tikariot. But they did very well beating Ingont, Loyo, Britonisea, and Sannyamathland.

Qualifying for the World Cup may be difficult for North Cassadaigua due to the presence of giant sides such as Graintfjall, Audioslavia, and Tikariot in the group but they have shown that they can be the best of the rest. They will meet another team competing for fourth place in the midweek next week against Astograth whom Eraman drew 0-0 with last night. Eraman, on the other hand, will have more time to rest as it does not have any matches in the midweek before hosting North Cassadaigua on the weekend.

It is hoped that our national players can rest well and will be able to make full use of the available time off to come up against North Cassadaigua with full energy. No parties next week. Not until we beat North Cassadaigua. It's an important match for the battle of fourth and with the strong support of 40,000 fans at Daulapura Stadium and 14 million at home, nothing is impossible for Eraman, except beating Graintfjall and Tikariot.

[Ziwana]

This is part 2, for part 1 check ; viewtopic.php?ns=1&f=7&t=524101&p=40004547#p40004547

Balabet Ngwaziliga News

Balabet Ziwani Ngwaziliga 7/8 ZNE Matchweek 1 Review

Top flight football is finally back in Ziwana after a 4 year hiatus in the form of the newly founded Balabet Ngwaziliga, and what a way to introduce the new Ziwani top flight.The fourteen magnificent contingent of local footbal's finest returned to action after four years on friday. Ziwana's colourful and boisterous football fans where there in the stadiums to witness history as the new league begun. For those not able to go to the stadiums, ZiwaSports made sure that no one would miss any action.

Below is an extensive all-inclusive review with interesting stats of all the matches of the Balabet Ngwaziliga 7/8 ZNE Matchweek 1;

Black Leopards 3 - 2 Tamaria Strikas
(Michael Kaunda 46', John Malunga 81' Dainess Musonda 86', , ; Orama Bukani 51', John Bartlett 63' )

The biggest fixture of matchweek 1, would come on Saturday evening between two formidable sides in Black Leopards and Tamaria Strikas. The Leopards of Zibaba are one of the most successful football club in Ziwana. From the late 60s to early 90s , the Leopards where one of the dominant teams in the then top tier league, the Liga Malicky winning the title 7 times. The club eventually fell into obscurity after being relagated to the Liga Kaifa 1. After 30 years Black Leopards would come back stronger in the top tier league eventually winning the title. They would fail to retain their title the following season losing it to newly promoted side Tamaria Strikas. In the first round that the two sides would meet they would share the spoils in a 1 - 1 draw. In the second round the match between the two sides would end 1 -1, Black Leopards at the time where in 1st place whilst Tamaria Strikas where in 3rd place. Black Leopards where sure they would retain the title. With 4 matches left, Tamaria Strikas would reach 1st place on matchweek 23 in style by beating Western United 3 goals to 1 whilst Black Leopards would struggle to win, drawing again in the end dropping to 3rd place. Tamaria Strikas funs had really rubbed salt into Black Leopards by jeering and teasing the club as they celebrated their title. This fixture was a grudge match for Black Leopards to prove that theyy had it in them to win matches when it mattered.

The match was graced by several high profile dignitaries such as the Ziwani Football Federation President, Niklas Bayaram who is a former Black Leopards player and Her Royal Highness, Ngwazi Aisha Amanjani. The 46,000 capacity Zibaba Sports Arena was sold out.

The game kicked off at 6:00 PM and about 4 million people watched the dramatic and entertaining match.

Not a lot happened in the first half although Tamaria Strikas were the better team. Tamaria's John Bartlett hit a shot wide, Exildah Munsaka made a good save from Tamaria's Eru Banda and Urepo Watihana was booked for wiping out Leopards' William phiri.

The best chance of the half fell to Orama Bukani just before the break. Bartlett played Bukani through on goal with just Munsaka to beat, but Bukani saw his effort blocked by the goalkeeper.

Otherwise the first half was most notable for a female streaker who run unto the pitch.

After the recess, Black Leopards Manager William Gadi subbed in Michael Kaunda who put Leopards ahead straight from kickoff.

Black Leopards lead did not last long as Orama Bukani equalised five minutes later. On the hour mark Bukani would would put Tamaria Strikas ahead but his goal would be disallowed by VAR for a handball. Dissapointment would not last long as John Bartlett would head the ball home after Munsaka had blocked a thunderous Eru Banda shot.

Another Tamaria Strikas goal would be chalked again after being labelled an offside.

Black Leopards would get back into the game from a John Malunga penalty after Kaunda was brought down by Urepo Watihana who received a red card after receiving a second yellow card.

With 10 men on the pitch, Tamaria Strikas struggled to defend against Black Leopards. Their defence had gone to pieces and eventually conceded when Dainess Musonda raced through and shot at Amiri Karaka.The goalkeeper got two hands to the ball but it looped over him and bounced into the goal, giving Black Leopards the winner in the 86th minute.

Black Leopards has finally beaten Tamaria Strikas, if they can improve from their mistakes in this game they will be a force to reckon with in the league. Tamaria Strikas lack of discipline may affect the side going foward if they don't correct it.

[Starblaydia]

From the creative minds at Ozuwara Corporation comes the latest craze amongst Starblaydi kids (of all ages, let's face it) of collectable World Cup-inspired Monsters: Cupémon.

MatchDay One saw the release of the first of the brand new set of the Trading Card Game that's taken the Protectorate by storm, with a new card debuting on every Matchday.
Inspired by Qualifying Group 9 of the 92nd World Cup in Vilita and Electrum, it's time for everyone to play along at home and guess:



For MatchDay Two it's... Macbon!



The MacbonPokémon Cupémon was generated by text-to-pokemon on Replicate with the prompt "a cute green lion".

[Saint Eleanor]

World Cup 92 - fifth matchday of qualification
New South Yukon 0
Saint Eleanor 0

---

After shocking New South Yukon draw, calls for a new approach to football governance intensify
Amanda Foster, our woman in New St Paul, reports on how Saint Eleanor has reacted to its recent sporting troubles - and whether they could lead to change
Originally published on Thursday 19th April 2001

It is almost astonishing to consider that, of the seven matches Saint Eleanor has played against unranked sides, it has only won four. But this is the reality an entire nation faces. It is a nation that has overwhelmingly grown up on football, a nation that loves football, a nation that will do anything short of invade another country to see to it that football is played and played efficiently, a nation that even qualified for last year's World Cup - and its best and brightest still cannot win away games against teams so obscure that hardly any Terranean-language information is available about them. Scratch that: it is absolutely, objectively astonishing.

Yesterday's 0-0 draw against New South Yukon, at least according to this outlet's chief football correspondent Jamie Rodgers, "could be best described as an impressive exercise in frustration by the hosts." But to view the result only through the lens of what happened on the pitch hides significant concerns about how the sport is being treated by its governing body from view. SEFA, the Saint Eleanor Football Association unveiled its medium-term action plan, Diamond 10, in February; its goals - for Saint Eleanor to have a top-10 national team and a top-10 league by the end of 2010 - are ambitious, even if near-impossible, for good reason. But without any obvious short-term targets for encouraging high-level participation or strengthening the quality of play in the Saint Eleanor League, it seems to be little more than meaningless word salad with an extravagant serving of hot sauce on the side.

Most of the football supporters I spoke to in St Paul and New St Paul districts did not know anything about Diamond 10, whether about its benefits or its costs. One of them thought it was a Tumbran infrastructure project. Another believed it would be a good name for a chain of pawnbrokers. But when they learned about its proposals, they were quick to dismiss them as fantastical, wishful thinking, even "the single worst idea I have ever heard of." If anything motivated their concerns over the program, it was how it appeared to set what they believed to be unachieveable targets without offering any interim guidance whatsoever. SEFA's last medium-term plan, Vision 1997, was considered a success; but it was written in 1989, had a correspondingly strong focus on the domestic game, and featured interim annual targets. Eleanorian football today is not Eleanorian football a dozen years ago.

The concerns of the public - that Diamond 10 is too ambitious and international in focus - are, for the most part, not shared by the SEFA elites. Andrew Fleet, one of its many vice-presidents, has said that football, being "a multiversal game," should be treated by the FA on a multiversal scale with a view to making Saint Eleanor a "multiversally competitive football nation." Yet many Saint Eleanor League teams are weak enough that they are unlikely to challenge for IFCF competition and most Eleanorian footballers abroad do not routinely play at the top level. Some of Saint Eleanor's best footballers play Juventud and Nova Aegis in the league week after week and then wonder why they struggle against the likes of New South Yukon in World Cup qualifying.

While SEFA has said that Diamond 10 sets stronger targets than Vision 1997 due to the nation having greatly improved in quality over the interceding twelve years, relatively recent Eleanorian participation in the IFCF and World Cup does not justify by itself why it should be targeting rankings instead of results, never mind social issues such as player welfare or football in the community. While Saint Eleanor has mercifully been free of abuse scandals, some players - most prominently Jessica Martin and Charlotte Bryant - have criticised the lack of psychological support across the domestic game. Mental health is not the only area where clubs are struggling to deliver: Nova Aegis' stadium, the Workers' Coliseum, continues to experience regular pitch invasions despite improved security in recent years, while poor dining facilities have forced players and even staff at many clubs to eat at cheap, unhealthy local restaurants instead. Even then, SEFA has not indicated that it will increase funding to clubs to improve these services.

Despite extensive efforts by Newbanks United and Athletic Saint Eleanor to promote comprehensive youth football training beyond the Charles Trump Shield, as well, most clubs focus almost entirely on the development of their senior team and the fate of their community school in the Shield. Many young players will not show their full potential in the Shield and almost all of them flock to grassroots football during the holidays. Many adults also take part in competitions such as the Army League and the Dockers' Cup (a tournament for neighbourhood teams in the south-east of Saint Eleanor which has run continuously since 1932), but these recieve scant coverage outside of the local media in Oaktree and Trident. There is simply no reason why clubs should not be paying attention to grassroots, even if doing so it might not strengthen their league rosters.

It has been suggested that SEFA could introduce targets for the Saint Eleanor League as soon as the end of June, which coincides with the league breaking up for the ten-week summer holiday reserved by the World Cup Committee for international football, including eight of the next seventeen rounds of qualifying. If confirmed, this would be a welcome step forward - but it would not change the fact that the Eleanorian national team, already failing to meet even the limited, unofficial hopes of fans, will most likely collapse when faced with the Diamond 10 challenge. It will not stop the culture in Eleanorian football from being disproportionately focused on what happens on the pitch. And it may well perpetuate the apparently aimless approach to football that the FA has taken since Vision 1997 expired. Serious questions will be asked of many people associated with the side if they disappoint in the rest of qualifying, but they should be pointed first at the board of SEFA.

Amanda Foster is completing the third year of her degree in philosophy, politics and economics at the University of Saint Eleanor. This article was published as part of our Next Generation program, which has invited students at the University and Polytechnic Institute to report on important news stories with the national broadcaster since 1979.

[Gnejs]

Batten down the hatches

As that top part of a submarine - the one where you can pull up the thing allowing you to see above the surface while below - slowly descended into the vast dark waters just north of Port Kejm, Lena Hall smiled and turned to her old friend Jakob. “This is so exciting, I can’t believe we managed to score such a remarkable vintage set, and for practically nothing!” Jakob smiled back and nodded. “Indeed, it seems Øystein and his new friends are not wholly up to date on period cutlery market prices.”

Lena opened up one of the many crates standing in the back of her van and picked out a finely wrought dinner fork. “Remarkable,” she said and smiled once again. “This lot is going to be a great new centerpiece in our Non-Union Epochal Tableware exhibition. Finally we’ll have something decent down there. People are getting tired of that dusty old Earthenware of The Vatmark display, and frankly so am I.”

“You will have to cool it for a bit though, of course,” Jakob said and pointed towards the crates. “Bad idea putting hot forks out on display right away. It should simmer down for at least a couple of months.” But Lena shook her head. “No, these treasures are going on display as soon as possible.” Jakob cleared his throat and started saying “Let us not forget the Terran..” but he never got to finish, because Lena snapped back angrily: “We don’t talk about the Terranean knife scandal of ‘86!”

When the madness in her eyes had died down, she continued, now with a more sober handle, “And besides, this is completely different; we’ll take the necessary precautions. The boys down at Restoration and Conservation will have those insignias right off, and once you supply a Ministry certificate of the lot being an official anonymous donation to the Union, we’ll be untouchable.”

“That’ll take some time, Lena. You know that. This whole operation is obviously not sanctioned by the Ministry, and I can’t just magically make those things appear. I have to do some ground work.” Lena nodded impatiently and rolled her eyes, before answering “I know that, don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot. But the certificate is just a formality, you do your thing and use the time you deem necessary; we’ll prepare the items and display as soon as we can. Whatever we’ll have of a gap in between will be insignificant enough.”

Jakob nodded, and they stood in silence for a while. Dusk was upon them. “I can’t wait to see what those dirty sea rats bring us next,” Lena said as she looked out over the horizon. “Easy does it, Lena,” Jakob said without looking at her. “Once or twice, sure, but you don’t want to be like the girl who stole a rock, because you know what happens to her?” Lena scoffed as she closed the back door on her large Bergsonian Institute for Fine Cutlery van and started making her way to the driver’s side. “Just let me know when the sea urchins come back this way. And get to work on those certificates. Drop you off by the Institute?” Jakob shook his head. “Nah, it’s a nice night. I though I might walk home.” Lena shrugged and smiled, “Your choice.”

Jakob watched the van leave and then redirected his gaze towards the sea once more. He knew he had to try and temper Lena’s ambitions, she’d be suspicious otherwise. Just the right amount of resistance, but never putting the foot down completely. As he should’ve, and normally would’ve, done. Because dealing in contraband cutlery was a fool’s game, anyone could tell you that, and it wasn’t a coincidence that people kept bringing up the autumn of ‘86. But Jakob wasn’t concerned with consequences of that kind. He was concerned with making sure former Senior Advisor - now Landsman - Øystein Øye continued docking at home soil, and buying enough time to get all the required details in place. Details securing him, and Hannah (perhaps, no, definitely, mostly Hannah), vengeance. A vengeance proper for someone so blatantly taking a Friend - and the oaths of Love-amongst-Friends - for granted.

[TJUN-ia]

By Peter Davis

After two great wins gave us a spot in the Top 2, the Jaguars of TJUN-ia are now being tasked with trying to keep their space up there intact. David Seems and Li Xiu Ying are certainly playing well right now, despite Li being seen less and less due to obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean any letdown in the effort for this team. This journey is still at a balance and these two games will show you just how infuriating this sport can really be.

Up first was the team we really cannot beat as we faced Ziwana at Stade de la Victoire in Roi Ville. The Akambuku has always been a thorn in our side even after all this time and today in the NAU would be no different. Seems and Li would take the lead twice in this game, through Malhrani al-Kalhrani in the first half and Archer Andrews in the 2nd, but the 3 co-managers of Agus Putra Yudana, Thokozani Tembo and Feston Muhiwa didn't like that and they would counter in each half as well, through Andrew Gondwe and then Richard Mumba. That was that for this game as despite everything we threw at them, Ziwana continue to be our Achilles heel after 16 years.

Then came an interesting trip to the SendBank Arena in Stennköping to take on a Cap Nord team who have somehow managed to not drop points in their first 4 WCQ games. The team who ended the Baptism of Fire with a bronze was looking golden at the moment, powered by Jon Forseth and the belief that they had nothing to lose but everything to gain. That clearly would inspire them today as this game was certainly pure footballing tennis. We took the lead three times on the road thanks to a brace from al-Kalhrani and a strike from Jackson Smith-Scott, but Cap Nord simply refused to give up and sometimes, you can't really compete with the heart alone. Rohan Williams, Dirk Lemmeling and Dieter Scharf would score all the goals that countered ours and that was how things ended here in Stennköping. Cap Nord is certainly good...and if they can keep up the good work, I will have no complaints about them being here in the Top 3.

That concludes Act 1 of our journey as we shall now enter a bye week before we take on Cabo Azure over in Tiankong. A good rest should certainly help and with the Jaguars currently undefeated at 3-3-0, we need all the rest we can get to try and keep up our Top 3 push. That WC dream is still in reach...but a rest won't hurt, right? GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group 9)
MD1: vs Talannua (227) - Tallawah Stadium, Port Town W 4-2 (T-2nd)
MD2: @Qasden (80) D 3-3 (4th)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD3: vs Saltstead (95) - Zebra Stadium, Toropo W 3-0 (2nd)
MD4: @Sixty-ninE X (UR) W 4-2 (2nd)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD5: vs Ziwana (146) - Stade de la Victoire, Roi Ville D 2-2 (2nd)
MD6: @Cap Nord (176) - SendBank Arena, Stennköping D 3-3 (2nd)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD7: BYE
MD8: vs Cabo Azure (60) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD9: @Ancherion (113)
MD10: vs Mytanija (19) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD11: @Tumbra (4)
MD12: @Talannua (227)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD13: vs Qasden (80) - Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo, Kepu Manu
MD14: @Saltstead (95)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD15: vs Sixty-ninE X (UR) - Salam Liljamie Stadium, Al Kalifa
MD16: @Ziwana (146) - Ziwanicell National Stadium, Birnin-Likulu
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD17: vs Cap Nord (176) - Estadio Universidad Carlandas, Carlandas
MD18: BYE
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD19: @Cabo Azure (60)
MD20: vs Ancherion (113) - Estádio do Pacífico, Rio Pacífico
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD21: @Mytanija (19) - Radnika, Esca
MD22: vs Tumbra (4) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City

[Eshialand]

A Look Back, a Look Ahead
Macbon 0-2 Eshialand
Eshialand 5-0 Rouyoute

"Guess who's back..."
"Karsten, really? Do you have to build it up like that?
"It builds hype though..."
"Or we could just say that... we're back with another edition of Tournament Report!!"

---

"Yes, you heard that right, I'm Josh Seametzle..."
"...I'm Karsten Rhodes..."

"...and we've reawakened from our slumber to present you with another edition of Tournament Report, WCQ edition! Today, we're going to look at the three sides of Eshian soccer: the Owls at home, the Owls away, and whatever the hell the Seagulls have been up to. Okay Karsten, let's see, would you like the good news first, or the bad news?"

"Well, I'm not really in the best of moods right now, so I guess I'll take the good news..."

"Good choice! The good news is that Eshialand at home has been one of the most ridiculously dominant teams ever! Three wins in a row, combined score 14-1, tying the record for highest margin of victory not once, but twice!"

"Wait... Mystylands... The Finntopian Empire... Rouyoute... I've never heard of these teams!"

"Shhhh the Owls won and that's what matters. Right now, the Owls need money. With Fiona Reval denying sports all funding, getting butts in seats at home is the only way to keep this team alive, and MASSIVE victories like these are exactly what they need."

"Okay, that begs the question then... what about away?"

"Away... has been kind of mid. They got the needed win against Macbon, but they barely failed against Garifunya and Drawkland. Did they deserve to beat those teams? No, they didn't. But losing by one both times is just a gutpunch to team morale, and with Starblaydia, Milchama, and Squidroidia still left to play in this first half (Milchama being the only one of those three to be playing in Eshialand), the Owls desperately need all the morale they can get here."

"So, that's Eshialand done and dusted... what is that, 4-0-2?"
"A whopping +13 GD too."
"Dear Maggie... wow..."
"But uh... you won't wanna hear about Aleirave."
"Why?"

"Uhh... their record is only 0-3-3. They couldn't even beat the StrayaRoos Barrier Islands or unranked Bears Armed. Granted, Bears Armed is a storied nation of World Cups gone by, but this is a whole new team of all-new, pretty inexperienced players. A draw there is just kinda ugh."

"Oh no..."

"Don't get me wrong, the losses are understandable. Valentine Z and especially global rank 1 Turori are both teams the Seagulls very much deserved their Ls to... but Ceni? Surely that could've been a draw. It's like the only thing this team has to be kind of proud of is the draw to Gyatso-Kai, but that really isn't much in the grand scheme of things."

"Okay, that record hurts more than the time you duct taped me to a chair back in that one International Baseball Slam."
"Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that... uh... sorry?"
"Did you seriously only just say sorry for something you did TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO???"

"Let's not bring up the details, alright? Anyway, the 0-3-3 record isn't even the worst part for the Seagulls. After all, most teams in that position can just... fire their managers. Does Aleirave have that option? Why, no! After all, they have no money whatsoever thanks to the whole Reval kerfuffle, and Haulafo Paka'ula is the only one who's willing to do this job for free. So, they're stuck with him. And the way things are going, unless either their record or politics change for the better, this could be the last team Aleirave ever fields."

"That's... a bit bleak, not gonna lie."

"Such is the Eshian world in 2025. Bleak, upsetting, and a little bit confusing too... ANYWAY, on that lovely note, that's been it for this edition of Tournament Report!"

"Really, ending it there?"
"I've been Josh Seametzle, he's been Karsten Rhodes..."
"Can we lighten the mood just a little bit?"
"...and until next time, good night."

[Kimi-Suomi]

Last time out, we managed both our first defeat and our first win of this WCQ Campaign. Now, the Huuhkajat were almost at their first bye of the campaign and things were certainly looking interesting in this group filled with twists and turns. Any predictions for how this may end will most likely muuttua paskaksi but at least for Esko Laaksonen, the only thing he can really do is just try and get as many points as possible, come what may.

Our final opponents before the bye were Kuraita, a team who were still undefeated despite winning only 1 of their 3 games thus far. Eriks Liepinš has certainly created a unit that can pick up points in most situations thus far. This game would turn out to be no different, with both sides certainly getting a few punches in but in the end, the hosts would get another point to add to the collection, with our effort from Valtteri Nordström in the 35th being countered by Domantas Vaskevičius in the 66th. We end the first quarter of this group at 1-3-1, with 6 points in the bag and a GD of 0.

So is this record good or not? Of course, everyone prefers to be 5-0 and being P8 in an 11-team group certainly does sound not cool, but we've only lost one of those 5 games we've played in thus far, so it's not as if we're just bad. We are getting points, we're just not doing enough to get many wins right now...and that will certainly have to be improved as the tougher games start to come thick and fast.

We're back at Pesä next time for "NSSCRA Night 2" against Hapilopper, where the HM merch will be out in full force as well as all the middle fingers in Nate Ellis' direction before we travel to face Srednjaci. The current P3 and then the current P4...sounds tough. But we can never give up. NOSTA KUIN HUUHKAJAT!

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

"Brothers, welcome to another meeting of the Hamster Liberation Front. I come bringing news from Chairman Mouse, and his attempts to infiltrate Olaf Svante's hamster farm so as to build revolutionary cadres that will, in the fullness of time, liberate our hamster brothers and sisters from Struve's vile oppression.

Alas, brothers, the news is not good. I must ask you to prepare yourselves for sad tidings. I shall read out Chairman Mouse's letter:"

Dear Gerald; dear hamster brothers

I have located the residence of Nyowani Kitara hee-yoo-man bean Olaf Svante, and have begun my attempts to infiltrate the farm. This is dangerous work, and I was almost caught and imprisoned twice. How I long for a hamstermech so I can simply stride in to the farm - but no, I realise the importance of acting in utmost secrecy in this case.

I have now entered the farm, and have attempted to communicate with our enslaved brothers and sisters. It pains me to report to you that they seem incapable of communicating beyond issuing the occasional 'squee', defecating, eating, and running in circles on their hamster wheels. Not a single one of the hamsters imprisoned by the Svante hee-yoo-man bean has been able to discuss revolutionary politics, the formation of revolutionary cadres, or how to best educate the hamster masses on the inevitability of the coming hamster revolution.

Since they show no sign of intellect or indeed even basic sentience beyond the ability to carry out the bare minimum of tasks necessary for living, I can only conclude that the criminal Svante has lobotomised all of his hamsters.

Yes, hundreds - perhaps thousands - of our hamster brethren have been denied the right to intelligence through vile surgery - nay torture - that seeks to deprive them not only of their freedom, but of their basic right to think for themselves.

I stand ready for further instructions.

Yours in haste,

Chairman Mouse

"It is my suggestion, brothers, that we meet again tomorrow to further discuss how best to support Chairman Mouse - but fully digesting this news and making recommendations on how to react must wait until after the extra training that Mr Tzimisces has ordered for us following what he refers to as 'the most catastrophic opening to a Holy Empire qualification campaign in recent memory'. I must admit that the Cordian Isles result also concerns me, and I have asked that our hamster engineers examine all of the hamstermechs before the next match to see if they need a bit of a tune-up. Our search for righteous revolution should not overcome our footballing obligations."

[Jeruselem]

Princess Stella Anna Dallas dressed as a cat girl in a stadium in Civia Welephilostopia ...

Hello, this is Princess Stella Anna Dallas for Naked News Jeruselem once again on the road for the World Cup 92 qualification campaign.
Today we're in ... I better get this one right ... Civia Welephilostopia
From now on for this broadcast, I'll just say Civia because I'm not going saying Welephilostopia all the time and satellite time is expensive.

Firstly, a quick recap of qualification match day 5 which was a weird one in Group 6.
Actually qualification match day 6 was also weird but we'll get to that later.

Qualification match day 5 was the round when República Guanacasteca had the bye.
Delaclava hosted Civia who halted their run of wins and held the hosts to 1-1 draw. Delaclava dropped points breaking their perfect record.
Flavovespia hosted our friends Zwangzug and it was Zwangzug who prevailed 2-1 against the home team who suffered their first loss. Zwangzug aren't a team to be ignored as it seems but hey we knew that one.
Efnakia hosted Hopal who registered their first win taking the three points 5-3. Efnakia probably expected to win given Hopal had lost their last four games.
Britland didn't have much luck at home, going down to visiting Togonistan 3-1.
AND to finish the weird round, Jeruselem at home lost to Ochre Islands. Our first lost points and our first loss, I guess that was bound to happen eventually.

Now to qualification match day 6, which itself was far from boring. We prefer boring, seriously ...
Togonistan had to sit our day 6 due to the bye.
Hopal was back home and is having a much better time as it trashed visiting Britland 7-2. I guess they had a great day, Britland probably wished they didn't turn up.
Zwangzug scored 1-0 home win over Efnakia who aren't have great time since their lone win.
República Guanacasteca were back off their bye and they have a home game ... against Delaclava. The rest did them a world of good as they somehow managed a 5-5 draw with Delaclava. Yes 5-5, 10 goals in one game.
Actually round 6 had a lot of goals for Group 6. Round 5 had 18 goals for all games ...
Ochre Islands seem to be doing well after their win against us, with 3-3 draw with Flavovespia at home. YES, Delaclava and Flavovespia held to high scoring draws.

That leaves us vs the local Civia team!
The trend in round was goals and ... this game had lots of goals as well.
Except we lost 3-2 to the home team in our 2nd loss in row after losing at home.
Well, we didn't lose like Britland did ...

Group 6 had 31 goals in round 6. We only had 18 in round 5.
Not sure what's going on, and yes Jeruselem did lost two games.
Delaclava and Flavovespia dropped points as well, so it wasn't like they had an easy ride.

Group 6 is now a lot closer, with Delaclava taking the top spot on 14 points but Flavovespia 2nd on 13. Jeruselem's two losses dropped it back to 12 points in 3rd and Zwangzug sit pretty in 4th spot also on 12 points.
Ochre Islands round out the top 5, on 8 points. República Guanacasteca are 6th also on 8 points. Togonistan and Hopal are off the bottom in 7th and 8th spot with 6 points.
Civia Welephilostopia despite their first home win are 9th on 4 points with Efnakia on 3 points being 10th.
Britland still have no points, didn't help if they got trashed 7-2 today.

So what did we learn today? Nothing is certain, especially in football. We didn't expect to lose two game or did we expect our rivals to be tripping over other teams as well.
We aren't perfect and we'll be learning from the two recent games about ourselves.
We aren't expecting to win all our games ... we're not that good.

Yes, I'm dressed like a cat girl ... because ... I can and I'm not allowed to rather undressed around here in Civia.
People do ask if we have some national animal mascot for our World Cup team. Um, not really. Yes there's a three head-dragon on our flag, and our old flag used to have a lion but ... dragons and lions aren't the mascot. Despite girls like me dressed like rabbits and cats, those aren't either. Actually there's no official animal ...

A lot of complaints from visitors about water being expensive in Jeruselem, err yes it is. Mainly because we're pretty much a giant desert with a coast area and some inland seas which are bloody salty. Most of our fresh water doesn't come from rivers, it comes from the sea itself which requires like crazy amounts of power to desalinate. And yes, sorry about it being a little salty, it's not dam water.

And err, that's all for now. I'll have plenty of time to talk about Jeruselem when I'm back home since we don't have buy expensive Internet time overseas.
Hopefully Jeruselem is back on the winning track and we break this losing streak.

[Cassadaigua]

Moving right along,
by Chelsea Dufresne, Concord Heights Times

We are now six games into World Cup 92 qualifying, and the Fillies sit atop Group 3 with 14 points, one more than both Nephara and Pluvia. They are even in games played with Pluvia, but pretty much for the entire qualifying period, Nephara will have a game in hand on us. Cassadaigua handled Recuecn, a nation that was once popular for qualifying for the World Cup on their first ever opportunity, and was well respected. They have fallen on hard times of late, and I think most people would love to see that squad have a rebirth, as they provided a lot of excitement to our competition, as a whole. Coming on the road, there was much to like about the 5-nil result, but the game that followed, in Grande Mountain, left a lot to be desired. They could only tie Kelssek at two. Now, look, I know Kelssek is a great team with a storied history and one that is very capable of winning this group, and if we tied them out in The East Pacific, it would have been much better. But they are someone who is going to be right on our heels, and we need results against them. At the moment, the Voyagers are three points behind us, but also have a game in hand on us. We are now in a situation where we will probably have to beat them away later in this campaign.

Back to the Recuecn game, this was the second time that the Fillies scored at least five goals in a game. The new formation should produce goals, and we have been seeing that. Just seven minutes in, Bayley Stanton got the scoring going, and it would be 1-0 for most of the first half, before Morgan Rosenblatt scored in the 38th. In the second half, Cassadaigua picked up goals from Chloe Anderson (56'), Krystal Sherwin (65'), and Allyson Perry (80'). Krystal Sherwin’s goal was her first of qualifying, and while the team expects to get scoring from others before her, she is the type of player who could benefit from this new 4-3-3 tactic. The Fillies dominated time of possession, and goalkeeper Stacie Thornton did not have to do much to earn the clean sheet. Following the game, Brittany Byers talked about going to a nation that was once a powerhouse, “It’s pretty sad. You go here, and see excited fans, at the stadium wearing jerseys of past greats moreso than their current players. There is a lot of passion in the seats, but then you don’t see as many cameras on the sidelines. Knowing that things have been better, it really makes you wonder, is it better to try to qualify for the World Cup while knowing that the team might not be competitive, or should the nation just not attempt to qualify at all, and save face from this type of thing.” Continuing to participate will allow Recuecn to continue to get some from of ranking points, which will help them from competition to competition so if they wanted to give the team a full rebirth, they would not have to start from zero. Though, stating at zero didn’t keep them out of the World Cup before. Right now, they are a pot eight team, and not really exciting to watch.

This brought the team to Peak’n’Break Stadium in Grande Mountain to take on Kelssek. The Voyagers are a pot three team, and a country with a storied athletic history. They expect to qualify for the World Cup, but are probably more known for Olympic hostings and the sport of hockey. The visitors struck first, on a Loïc Maçon-Petrault goal in the 11th minute that lived up to the scouting report of painting the corners with precision. Rachel Bolden tied it up in the 29th, and Cassadaigua would get their first lead of the match in the 36th, on Krystal Sherwin’s goal. The 2-1 lead would hold up for much of the second half, and Brittany Byers made some defensive substitutions to try and lock this game down. However, those preparations would be beaten on a stunning 85th minute equalizer that this team will regret. Stacie Thornton probably should have made the save, but you also have to give credit where credit is due to the veteran Shaheen Taleb for putting the ball right where he wanted it. If I am going to fault anyone here, it is Madison Rutland, simply because I think she should have been more physical on Taleb. She might have been concerned about the referee awarding a penalty if she played the body in a more aggressive manner, and at this stage of the game, it is a fair concern, and a split second decision that a defender must make. Still, the referee had been “letting them play” since the opening whistle, and was consistent with that on both ends. About this draw, Byers said post-game, “That one hurts, but we will have to put it behind us and move on to the next one.” Yes, it’s one of the top ten post-game cliches of the sports world, though in that situation, I don’t know what more she could have said as obviously she is not going to throw anyone under the bus.

The beat of qualifying goes on with an away game against Mertagne before the team returns to Cassadaigua to play Saterun, and fans will be expecting to pick up six points over these games. Mertagne is a good team, we all know that, but this is an important spot for the Fillies to show them that as good as they may be, we are the ones with the storied history. A look at their roster shows Holly Eveson of Carthage United is part of the team, but probably not in a position to play. Perhaps, they will start her when they come to Five Star Mobile Stadium in Brattleboro in the second leg. Brattleboro and Carthage are not geographically close, but I’d imagine that many would make the trip if they knew she was going to play. The Saterun match is being held in Victoriaville, the lone game in that city. It has already sold out. Backup goalkeeper Cynthia Kerr, of Victoriaville South End may get strong consideration to get the start in that one. Byers has not made an announcement, but we have the feeling that it will be Kerr in that game, with regular starter Stacie Thornton playing against Mertagne. We need to be 6-2-0 after these games, I know this is good opposition, but we need to establish ourselves as the group’s co-elite team with Nephara, and do it now.

[Sendhang]

---

---

---

---

3 things from the slim 1-0 victory over Gnejs

Sendhang returned to winning ways after recording a narrow 1-0 win over Gnejs at the Federal Stadium, last night. The Rice Farmers didn't wait long to break the opponent's goal when they managed to score in the ninth minute through Teuku Salahudin's shot towards the top right corner of the goal which the goalkeeper, Samuel Wijk, failed to save. Attempt after attempt continued to be launched by Sendhang until the last minute but failed to add a goal and the result remained until the final whistle.

Here are 3 things from the slim victory:

100% record at home, winless on the road

The narrow 1-0 win over Gnejs yesterday was Sendhang's third consecutive win at home after beating Juvencus and Lisander in the previous 2 home games. The strong support from 40,000 spectators in the Federal Stadium was fully used to fuel the spirit of the national players who performed well every time they played at home in this World Cup qualification campaign and thus recorded a 100% record at home.

The victory was a great relief to the Sendhang camp especially after the lackluster performance when visiting Yakk earlier this week. The visit to Yakk was Sendhang's best chance to record their first away win in this World Cup qualifying campaign after being tied when visiting Brookstation and Ko-oren. However, Sendhang failed to score any goals in Yakk and had to settle for 1 point after being tied 0-0.

No triple hattrick for Teuku Salahudin

Unlike the unrealistically overpowered Erling Haaland's feat in the latest episode of the popular fictional TV show the English Premier League, there was no triple hattrick for Teuku Salahudin at the Federal Stadium last night. Teuku Salahudin who scored a hattrick in the last 2 home matches when they entertained the visit of Juvencus and Lisander was at the center of attention for the match against Gnejs, especially after the recent episode of the TV show where Erling Haaland who played for Manchester City scored his third hat trick in a row at home, this time against their city rival, Manchester United.

With the media probably getting in his head, Teuku Salahudin was clearly keen to get his third hat trick in a row too, just like in the TV show. He was hungry from the kick-off, scored within the first ten minutes, and continued to threaten Gnejs' goal until the final whistle but failed to add on his goal. However, his greed in the match almost cost us like in the 52nd minute when he shot straight at the goalkeeper instead of making a pass towards Keylar Samoi who was in a better position to score.

Albertus Wageo is the best goalkeeper in Mandalanusa

Luckily, all the wasted chances went unpunished as our number 1 goalkeeper, Albertus Wageo continued his brilliance with another clean sheet last night, his 4th clean sheet in a row for the national team after shutting Ko-oren, Lisander, and Yakk prior to the match against Gnejs. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the 34-year-old goalkeeper's experience makes him the best goalkeeper in Mandalanusa right now.

Albertus Wageo is expected to play an important role again in the upcoming match where Sendhang is scheduled to visit Chromatika, on paper the second strongest side in the group after Ko-oren. With Sendhang's poor away record especially the attacking line that has only scored 1 goal in 3 away games, Albertus Wageo's experience will once again be called upon to get a positive result in the important match against Chromatika.

[Yue Zhou]

THE JIANGDONG TIMES
THE VOICE OF JIANGDONG
LEFT IN CRISIS AS YAN FACES DEFECTIONS TO FORWARD PATH
WANG Wen, POLITICS

BEIAN -- With the election closing in, Yan Ailing's controversial quest for a left-wing Yue government is facing down yet another obstacle - Assemblymen's defection to the newly-formed centrist Forward Path party. And with Yan's Progressive Democrats already significantly behind both the incumbent National Union and the right-wing Liberation Army, this latest setback could prove fatal to Yan's career as the leader of the Yue left. After a period of uncertainty, reports this morning confirmed that six of Yan's fifty-three Assemblymen had defected to the new centrist party, which currently holds just two seats but is poised to make massive gains in the upcoming election.

AM Yang Zhenglin, who announced his decision to defect via a five-part Twii this morning, claimed that while a significantly higher number of Progressive Democrat AMs were dissatisfied with Yan's leadership, most were waiting until after the election to challenge her so that they could present a united front in an election with massive consequences for Yuezhou's place in the modern Rushmore. However, Yang noted that while the defectors also considered waiting, "the other AMs and I simply could not wait any longer. Yue progressivism is an ideology of unity, not one of division. Yan Ailing's divisive economic and social views go against everything such an ideology stands for. We strongly believe that the Forward Path party is Yue progressivism's only true option in the upcoming elections, which is why we chose to defect before the election." In particular, defecting AMs cited Yan's support for a referendum in the secessionist territory of Sangau, as well as her staunch opposition to anti-terrorism measures implemented by the government, as reasons to believe that her party was no longer electorally viable in the upcoming elections.

And indeed, while the Progressive Democrats remain by far the largest left-wing party in the Assembly, there is reason to believe that Yan's sudden leftward turn has undone much of her party's progress in consolidating Yue liberals. Although initially founded as a big-tent center-left party, the Progressive Democrats veered drastically leftwards on economic issues in the aftermath of the prior election, where they lost comfortably to Wu Zhongsheng's National Union Party. Although left-wing policies such as the renationalization of strategic oil reserves proved initially popular, leading to some polling success when combined with continued reports of the current government's economic corruption, they were strongly divisive within the Progressive Democrats, with only a lack of a credible alternative keeping AMs in place. However, Yan is believed to have pushed her hand with more recent policy statements around foreign policy and state security, and with no indication that the former activist will reverse course, it's become clear that the party is starting to fracture. Both the PD and Yan have rapidly lost favorability in recent weeks, and combined with a recent state visit by Euran PM Harry Barnham driving support for both the CRC-curious National Union and the anti-CRC Liberation Army, the left-wing coalition is in danger of undoing itself.

While Forward Path has yet to solidify its place in the Yue political ecosystem, the defections give party leader Hong Nanwei eight seats in the Assembly and increased electoral credibility as a centrist alternative to National Union or the Progressive Democrats. Hong, a former barrister who first won election to the Assembly as an independent, founded Forward Path last year in response to the "endemic corruption of Wu Zhongsheng's National Union". Hong is supportive of CRC accession if voted for by a "convincing majority" of Yueren and supports significant accountability and transparency reform to the government, but otherwise is generally content with the economic status quo, preferring electoral and governmental reform instead. While its support for reform and for policies such as proportional representation makes Forward Path popular with the Yue center-left, it remains unclear how the new party would differentiate itself on key issues such as public safety and the economy. Still, Hong emphasized that today's defections were "a triumph for the Yue left, who are rapidly beginning to concede that there is only one path forward against the lunacy of the Liberation Army and the corruption of Wu Zhongsheng."

With ten weeks to go until the election, the legitimacy conferred to Wu by Prime Minister Barnham's visit, as well as a period of relative public stability, have boosted National Union somewhat, but the strengthening of the Forward Path as a centrist alternative to Wu's government threatens to sap significant support from the embattled incumbent. Meanwhile, although Liang Ziyou was able to gain more of the anti-CRC vote due to Wu's emerging position on the issue, and rumored foreign support has improved the quality of his campaign, a lack of viable coalition partners means the bar for victory - 151 seats - remains very high. With the possible collapse of the left-wing coalition on the horizon, it's not quite clear what the new dynamics of the race will be - but the stakes remain high.

PROJECTED ASSEMBLY SEATS AFTER THE ELECTION - five days after the Forward Path defections

NATIONAL UNION: 109 (-71)
LIBERATION ARMY: 101 (+66)
PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRATS: 49 (-4)
FORWARD PATH: 26 (+24)
Minor Parties/Independents: 15

[Squidroidia]

An Inkling's Dilemma

---

Episode 4 - We Couldn't Score More

"We couldn't score more than once against a bunch of Rouyoutian farmers. It's a disgrace. I'm disgusted. I don't know what to say. We don't need a striker, do you? No, we're a Ko-orenite defensive unit rocking upon the pitch, we already have 3 capable strikers, nah, we don't need a striker, WE COULDN'T SCORE MORE AGAINST F%*$KING ROUYOUTE! It's unacceptable!"

An overreaction of the unstoppable Squidroidian force against the less unstoppable force that was Royoute was nothing more than a soft crack at the foundation of the Rachel Coltfield era of the Squidroidian national team. Some people cared about a routine 1-0 when Squidroidia were so used to giving these foes 2 goals that would be impossible to climb out of. Maybe 3, 4, 5 on a good day or 7 or 9 when the time was right. Not a 1-0 scoreline. Brick wall against log wall be damned, this wasn't really the Squidroidia they were used to. Some purists called them a Ko-oren in Inkling clothing or a ghost of the team that they used to be. Forget them winning 5 games on the bounce to start and being unbeaten in 13 straight qualification fixtures (Including the playoff last cycle against Yuezhou), they needed to score MORE. Points do matter, yes, but goal difference meant a better advantage.

...They had to play Starblaydia on Matchday 6.

Starblaydia's best days, however, were behind them. Once a formidable 5 time champion capable of beating anyone on their day, big or small, the home of Di Bradini ended Group 14 beating The 14 Stars in the table... But finishing 4th in a group where Flavovespia topped the pile. They didn't do that well in the Cup of Harmony either, getting 2nd in their group and being dumped in the Round of 16 by Savojarna. They couldn't even get Pot 2 in the qualification draw, being the strongest Pot 3 team of the entire lot, and that pot contained those Flavovespians, Saint Eleanor, Zeta Reka and, most importantly, Sendhang. However, the Starblaydians hadn't dropped points in their opening 4 matches - Tlanxball will do that to anyone - and this match, somehow, was being billed as a showdown of 2 tidal forces, with 100% records on the line.

Only problem that it was in Squidroidia. Inkopolis, to be exact. If this were in Jhanna it would have been a different story entirely. One does not simply waltz up into Squidroidia and expect points at this stage, of course. Coltfieldball took on another dimension against the legendary Tlanx-Nulzk Hal, and on that day Sho Itō wasn't shy to pull his punches. Serafim Tassidis was being danced around by the peak of his powers attacker, sliding a ball to his partner in crime Hideo, who rocketed it into the net to open the scoring to start the 30th minute of play. Considering the only goal in the Rouyoute came was in the 60th minute, there was at least some hope that more would be coming.

In came the latest submission into the halls of "It'll Not Be Alright Today" - Just before halftime, talisman Serafim Tassidis slipped up his ball control, with Shiba Tetsuo conveniently receiving the mistimed, mismanaged and completely away from the intended target Henry Whittaker, as the attacking midfielder rushed past and slipped the ball underneath Cristaldo Sarro to make things 2-0. Luckily the Starblaydians learned to tighten things up a bit more once the second half arrived, but they were no closer to responding to the Squidroidians.

2 goals against a team like Starblaydia was enough to ease the nerves of the uneasy public. The Inklings, with 18 points and 6 wins to their credit, were now in elite company. Only them, Savojarna, Kandorith and Ranoria had completely untouched 100% records after Matchday 6, but with one caveat - Everyone else in that elite group only had 5 games in their list for now. By absolutely zero means Squidroidia should've been considering themselves World Cup contenders just from that alone, but it was a baseline heading into the second quarter of the qualification campaign.

Can Squidroidia keep this up? Not if they score enough goals, as the proverb would say.

Although, it was important that there was a bye scheduled on Matchday 8. If we knew anything from earlier, byes were the crux of that IAC campaign, as the group winning Inklings came back onto the pitch to lose to Poafmersia. The SNTA had to something the SFA didn't want to do in their time fielding the Squidroidian national team.

Play a friendly.

[Chromatika]

ONE
TWO
THREE

MD5: (125) Lisander 0-0 (31) Chromatika
Goals: None.
Starting XI (3-5-2): Bautista; Paterson - Ansoll - Mixon; Christelle - Ju - Laurette - Phoen - Fillar, E. (C); Park - Toussaint.
Substitutes: Coulibaly -> Paterson (58'), Fillar, B. -> Phoen (58'), Kuznetsov -> Fillar, E. (68'), Xuen-Zhukov -> Park (79'), de Aea -> Ansoll (79')

MD7 vs. (46) Sendhang @ The Tidal Wave, Tihon, Urrhed Island, Chromatika (Cap. 95,210; 25,000 Seats) and MD8 @ (101) Cardenao
Predicted Starting XI (3-4-1-2): Fillar, J. (C); Ansov - de Aea - Anbient; Fillar, G. - Zuniga - Hauser - Ighv; Kuznetsov; Killian - Oveni.
Reserves: GK Kathie Begley, GK Lorée Bautista, DCR Ami Coulibaly, DC Klavida Régine, DC Cylie Nodis, DCL Ipati Aimée, WBR Emilie Kruetzberg, WBL Edith Fillar, BWM Kaia Larriet-Cortes, AP Baillaire Fillar, AM Alissar Phoen, BWM Mare Si, P Sandara Park, CF Candice Delaya, AF Lavrentiy Xuen-Zhukov

---

The Red League All-Decade Team
04: Center Backs - Second Team

By: Jordan Lawless, Chief Correspondent

When it comes to defenders, what should we base our decisions off of? Obviously, seeing how the team did in conceding goals is a huge metric, but not the only one. Sometimes, great defenders can be overcome by lack of cohesion, and other times, a team only concedes as many goals as it did because there was a player that was carrying the team. It is hard to decide on two pairs of center backs that really shined through the decade, but here is our attempt at a stab.

The Red League All-Decade Second Team Center Back: Stephen Kerr, Chromatik

Yes, he's not as famous as his counterpart, but Stephen Kerr, despite having only made it to one team of the year, deserves a nod. He came to Chromatika in Season Seven, and in the four seasons that followed, Chromatik won its first league title. He's not the best in terms of any specific skill, but Kerr is a hardworking player with the work ethic to put anyone to shame; he's since become on of the established members of a Tumbran squad that's become Top Ten in the world. The best part? He's just getting started, as age is on his side, and he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Yes, many others have been part of the Team of the Year more than Kerr, but the way that he changed the landscape of the league cannot go unnoticed.

The Red League All-Decade Second Team Center Back: Carlo Callejon, Wirr Tsi

With Wirr Tsi for five seasons, the Juvencus international was an integral part of the Shock's success in their three title seasons. Unheralded at the signing, he possesses the classical Juven defensive ability of extreme speed, great positioning, but lacks physical strength. A leader that is determined to keep his team's composure at an all-time high no matter the atmosphere, he slotted into a defensive-first atmosphere in Wirr Tsi and really blossomed. Though he's not a part of the team now, he was there when the team had their impeccable season, as well as the other two titles. As is true of many other Shock defenders in this initial decade, his spot is deserved.

Next: First-Team Center Backs

---

The Third Chromatik Premier Election

Meet the Candidates #4: Finnja Kornhäusel, Rainbow Party - The Stalwart

Let it be known that the days of a unified Chromatik government post-Rainbow Revolution is over. In the dissolving of the Traditionalist Party, they fired one parting shot that could have far-reaching circumstances: They removed a common enemy from the board, one that everyone could lay down their differences and focus upon. Since then, though the Saebitdang (New Light Party)'s emergence has put some things to rest, the Rainbow Party has seen itself splintered to three different pieces (thankfully, the Saebitdang has also seen some internal strife). The three candidates that will face off in the Rainbow Party primary represent each of those pieces. We shall now focus on one of the strongest characters: Finnja Kornhäusel.

In the southeastern direction of Chromatika, there is the nation of Kotzellach. Not much is known about Kotzellach, but there are a few Kotzellachians that have made a huge impact on Chromatik society - and Finnja Kornhäusel is one of them.

Born in Kotzellach City, Finnja Kornhäusel heard the call of the Rainbow Revolution and joined the Chromatik Air Force as a pilot. Not much is known about her life in Kotzellach before that, but joining the Chromatik Air Force at the age of twenty-nine, she became one of the ace pilots of the Rainbow Revolution. Totaling more than fifteen aircraft kills during the brief conflict, she rose to the rank of Colonel, where she stayed receiving her retirement two years ago to focus on the political theater instead.

With stern, angular features and piercing eyes, Finnja is a soft spoken but a deliberate individual who takes everything she does seriously. She still has a bit of a Kotzellach accent, but she's learned to speak three of the five languages of Chromatika (French, English, Japanese), which yields her an advantage. She's truthful, she doesn't mince words, and her calm demeanor can be mistaken for consent, which is a mistake that many an opponent has rued making.

Finnja Kornhäusel first entered the Rainbow Party's picture as an ally during her days at the Chromatik Air Force. After her retirement, she turned her considerable connections with the Chromatik Armed Forces and the Rainbow Party to become a spokesperson. A few months afterwards, she submitted her request to be considered to be a candidate for the Premiership. Though a bit out of left field, her ability to command a room and hold people's attention, as well as the fact that she's come through in all the promises she's made, has obtained her a number of very powerful allies.

Kim Yeon-Bi, the head writer for Chromatika Today, the nation's leading political commentator, has been one of Finnja's greatest supporters, the two having become friends during the Rainbow Revolution days; her other major allies are Rear Admiral Iryna Palij, the head of the Chromatik Navy, and Hélène Bouvett, a restauranteur with eight locations across the Myana and Urrhed Islands.

So, what are some of the major platforms that Finnja advocates for, and what is her power base? She subscribes to the bare minimum of the Rainbow Party in the uplifting of the previous ROYG populace, but that is as far as she goes in terms of the Rainbow Party. A major proponent for uplifting defense of Chromatika - both militaristically and in cyberspace - she's vowed to uplift the Chromatik military and cybersecurity to a new level so that Chromatika will be able to protect itself from any external or internal threats. This has raised many an eyebrow of other politicians and columnists, as everyone is wary of another conflict, but some agree that the best way to avoid conflict is to carry a bigger stick, and the Chromatik military is a fan of that.

Other aspects of Finnja's platform is the continuation of the green movement to get Chromatika to be more environmentally-friendly, which has earned her the support of Eyrods and that movement. It remains to be seen if this is just a political move or if she truly believes in a green future, but at least on paper, she's someone who's loved the idea of a greener Chromatika. Lastly, Kornhäusel is someone who believes that the Chromatik educational system needs some overhauling - they're too stuck in the past and using too much of what the Chromatik Party had based the education off of. The reason for this is that not much of the Chromatik Party's educational system was based on propaganda, but Kornhäusel would rather have the entire system rebuilt from scratch.

She's not the most popular among the candidates of the Rainbow Party, but she commands the attention of one of the most powerful institutions of the country as well as one of the biggest media outlets. She is a stalwart being, and she will not be ignored.

Next: The Rainbow Party #3

---

World Cup 92 Qualifying, Part 3: The State of Things

-  Group 11                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Brookstation                        5    4   1   0    10    3   +7    13
 2 Sendhang                            6    3   3   0    12    2  +10    12
 3 Chromatika                          5    3   2   0    10    4   +6    11
 4 Cardenao                            6    2   3   1    13    8   +5     9
 5 Ko-oren                             6    2   3   1     6    4   +2     9
 6 Juvencus                            6    2   2   2    15   15    0     8
 7 Xanneria                            5    2   1   2     9    7   +2     7
 8 Gnejs                               5    2   1   2     6    6    0     7
 9 Yakk                                5    1   1   3     6   11   −5     4
10 Lisander                            6    0   1   5     5   22  −17     1
11 Atetancillo                         5    0   0   5     0   10  −10     0

Standings as of Matchday Six.

Next six:
vs. (2) Sendhang
@ (4) Cardenao
vs. (7) Xanneria
@ (11) Atetancillo
vs. (1) Brookstation
vs. (6) Juvencus

Chromatika faces second placed Sendhang and fourth placed Cardenao in the next cutoff, though both teams haven't had their BYE yet. With Ko-oren struggling - three draws to their name, along with the one loss to the Anomalies - the group is in a state of flux, with three teams that haven't lost yet. Chromatika drawing away at Gnejs wasn't the best of outcomes, and it's going to be very important for the state of this campaign to not drop points to lower ranked nations. Thankfully, nobody has really gone out to a huge lead, and the Anomalies still have the period of getting used to Repin's leadership; the meat of the campaign await.

[Acastanha]

União do Povo

---

União do Povo
People's Union


Abelardo Saramotxo


Abbreviation         UdP
President            Abelardo Saramotxo
Founded              3 April 1977
                     45 years ago
Split from           Aliança Nacional
Ideology             Arranese nationalist
                     Left-wing nationalism
                     Democratic socialism
Political position   Center-left
Party colours        Blue, white

União do Povo (English: People's Union, abbreviated as UdP) is a center-right political party in Acastanha. The party was founded in 1977 by the left leaning fraction of the center-right Aliança Nacional. It currently hold 16 of 100 seats in the Conselho Popular. UdP started as a small party until it gradually gained popularity especially after the Arrakan Civil War. UdP formed the government between 2002-2022 and win the general election from 2014-2022.

The UdP was established as a center-left party with the main objective of working towards furthering recognition of Arramayn and other natives which was left behind during the build up of the country following its independence. It often combining left and right policies with nationalism as it main core. After the Civil War, the party faced a decline especially in Palidas. The separation further distanced the country until to the political party influence. No party from Arra can win in Palidas and vice versa. As the result, UdP who is based in Arra, have to focused more on their voters in Arra. The shift also change the party itself. As the natives now have a control of their own, their next step is to bringing their position in par with the more established Palidas. And UdP is a front runner in this field.

Regionally, UdP often in coalition with CAD (Centro da Aliança Democrática). Both parties teaming up for the development of Arra Republic. While nationally, it often cooperated with PLDP (Partido Liberal Democrático de Palidas), a Palidas based political party. Both are the largest party in their respective region. The current Acastanhada president, Joao Makarin is UdP politician.

Party Chairman and Faction Leaders

• Party Chairman : Abelardo Saramotxo
• Conselho Popular : Narcisa Ekamsi
• Conselho Estadual : Edu Karagi
• Arra Republic Parliament : Rubinho Maganing
• Região da Capital Parliament : Hermínio Blankista

Representation
Conselho Popular
Total : 16/100 seats
Arra Republic : 15/57 seats
Região da Capital : 1/4 seats

Conselho Estadual
Total : 11/75 seats
Arra Republic : 10/35 seats
Região da Capital : 1/5 seats

Arra Republic Parliament
Total : 31/115 seats
Arrakan Province : 11/32 seats
Baasarra Province : 7/15 seats
Radkan Province : 3/20 seats
Sagamarkan Province : 1/21 seats
Tabeirakan Province : 9/27 seats

---

---

MD 5
Acastanha 3-0 Montaña Verde
@ Estádio da Unidade Nacional, Amarelda, Região da Capital

Goal:
Felix Kalchankar
Manuel Brandas
David Gothrado

---

MD 6
Republic of Covelandia 4-3 Acastanha

Goal:
Lisandro Turtapa
Felix Kalchankar (2x)

MD 7
Acastanha v Coconut Isle
@ Estádio da Unidade Nacional, Amarelda, Região da Capital

MD 8
Trolleborg v Acastanha

Calls up

Starter
31 GK  Santiago Karba
12 LB  Rafael Oronako
3  CB  Santiago Urupao
16 CB  Dionisio Leimanki
4  RB  Jorge Vidshav (C)
17 LM  Lisandro Turtapa
6  CM  Plinio Adondare
20 CM  Nóe Brinanko
9  RM  David Gothrado
22 ST  Manuel Brandas
11 AT  Felix Kalchankar
Substitute
23 GK  Armando Padia
33 GK  Tiago Kalabar
13 LB  Manuel Savalor
2  CB  David Erunde
27 RB  Casimiro Urinjane
26 LM  Henrique Gambrig
8  CM  Igor Erdagh
28 RM  Andre Aramde
10 ST  David Yushankar
Injured
7  LM  Pedro Ustankar

[West Barack and East Obama]

BBC OFFICIAL REPORT: Sonnelian Derby Results in Nine-Goal Madness

By Football Correspondent Gary Obamaniker

Seven, Sevendia - The usually sturdy Obaman defence conceded twice the amount of goals today as they did throughout the whole Baptism of Fire 73, but also scored as many today as they did in that competition. What caused this sudden turn of events? The answer: Sevendia's absurd/innovative formation and relentless attacking style.

On the bounce after a demolition of fellow minnows New South Yukon, the Obamen were hoping to get a result against Sevendia. With both nations hailing from Sonnel, this was going to be a spicy away tie. Sevendia had been performing pretty poorly so far, so it was a must-win in the Obama Carer's bid for World Cup (qualification) glory.

Due to Brett Pogama's injury, the high-flying Jean-Marie Ouibama was still in the team. Backup centre-back Bogdan Obammus, second cousin of West Barack and East Obama national cricketeer Kate Obammus, filled in Bark Obamallama's role following the latter's 3-day suspension for violent conduct.

The very energetic Sevendians decided to get right onto attacking very quickly, making quick runs onto goal. Their fluid attacking style mean that it didn't take long for the Obamen to concede. In the 7th minute, Sean-Seven Raven (aka 'The Only Competent Player') dribbled past the rusty Obammus and struck a fantastic finish into the top right corner, bringing the score up to 1-0 for the home side. However, sole centre-back Severin-Seven Sjeven just couldn't cope with the onslaught of Obaman attackers who also decided to get into the attacking groove, and in the 17th minute he accidentally booted a Fred Olibama strike into his own net. 1-1.

The Obamen, having fun playing an attacking formation for once, managed to grab a second goal of the game when Jean-Marie Ouibama chipped the ball over to Olibama, who volleyed the ball right past a confused Sebastian-Seven Proven, who was for some reason way off his line. 2-1 to the away team in the 27th minute. The Obamen were eventually punished for their complacency however, when Sergey-Seven Vanven took advantage of his massive height to ball home during a corner kick, leveling the scores at the 37th minute.

After half-time, things really kicked into gear. Seton-Seven Heaven dribbled past the entire Obaman defence in the 47th minute to strike the ball past a now-exhausted Dwayne Obama, allowing the Sevendians to once again take the lead. The Obaman looked further resigned from running so much today, and were basically limping around the pitch. This gave the Sevendians the perfect opportunity to double their lead in the 57th minute when a poorly timed tackle from Barack Denovitz won the opponents a penalty kick. Sean-Seven Raven converted the penalty to bring the score up to 4-2 in the 57th minute.

Buck Obamafinakis, not yet giving up, decided to bring Juan Bama, Lasse Sobama and Andrew Vobama on for Harvey Chobamya, Lily Chobamya, and Fred Olibama respectively. The substitutes made their international debuts in this match, as this was the most tired the Obaman had been after playing a very tiring style all day long to keep up with the Sevendians. The fresh legs rejuvenated the Obamen, who launched a massive assault on the Sevendian's goal in search of a comeback. In ghe 66th minute, Seattle-Seven Badven tripped up Juan Bama in the penalty box and gave away a penalty. Fourth choice penalty taker Wolfgang Obamadeus-Mozart stepped up to score, but send it high and wide. However, as the goalkeeper was 7 metres off his line, the penalty had to be retaken. In the 67th minute, Obamadeus-Mozart finally got it right and scored, resulting in a 4-3 score.

Right around the 77th minute, disaster struck for the Sevendians as Seton-Seven Heaven accidentally headed the ball into his own net whilst defending a corner, resulting in the Obamen equalising. With both teams scrambling to find a winner, it was complete chaos for the remaining time on the pitch. In the 87th minute, Seton-Seven Heaven tried to redeem himself with a goal from point blank range, but it was ruled offside. In the last minute of the seven minutes of stoppage time, the Obamen finally clinched the victory when Andrew Vobama tried to score an ambitious overhead kick, but Sebastian Seven-Proven fumbled the catch and slapped it into his own goal, resulting in a 5-4 win for the Obamen right before full time.

In spite of the defeat, the Sevendians would be happy that they scored 7 goals today (inclusive of the three own goals). With the Obamen now scoring much more, they'll be hoping that they can carry this form into the a rematch of the IAC Round of 20 against Abahnfleft, where they will be hoping to avenge their 5-1 humiliation.

[Huayramarca]

Rating: A - Suitable for everybody.
Broadcaster: RTH - Radio y Televisión Huayramarquina.
Time: 1h - 20:00-21:00 every Sunday.

You might not know me, so let me present myself. I’m Santiago Campuzano, I’m a foodie and a lover of tourism, culture, and all things folk. This is my first time in National TV and now I’m a man on a mission! I want YOU to hop into this adventure traversing the entirety of this vast country called Huayramarca, land of the Pachamama, high af mountains, jungles, and exotic coasts to get lost! This trip will, for sure, be an interesting one. “¡Dame tu mano y ven conmigo! ¡Vámonos al viaje para buscar los sonidos mágicos de Huayramarca!

*Then, a 1-minute intro to the tune of Huayramarca by the band Illari popped up, showing footage of the cities of Guayaquil, the Huayramarcan Metropolitan District, Sechura, El Alto, Alto Hospicio, Puerto San Carlos among others*

Welcome to the third episode of Enchanting Huayramarca. It’s me, Santiago Campuzano, and the team that is responsible for filming the magic of the places we visit through Huayramarca. In the last two episodes, we were close to the Metropolitan District of Huayramarca, visiting the markets of Challuma, and El Alto to show some culture and culinary preferences from the zone. We have emphasised on the diversity hotpot that is the region nearby the district, a place where many local immigrants have chosen to make it home with a common purpose, helping their families to progress.

This time, we are switching to the Coast of Huayramarca, but not to the traditional hotspots such as Guayaquil and Lima, this time we are moving down south to the Province of Tarapacá, specifically to the city of Alto Hospicio and surroundings. This region may be cold, dry, and somewhat desertic, which highly contrasts with the image we usually have of Huayramarca of lush forests and mountains; Tarapacá is home of forests, mountains, and the famous desert of Lauca, a strip of land near the coast that provides the perfect conditions for a not-so-well-known but exciting activity you can do in Huayramarca, one that isn’t food but a drink.

After taking a two and a half hours flight from the Metropolitan District, we have reached our destination, the Regional Airport of Tarapacá “Joaquín Merino”, located in the outskirts of Alto Hospicio, the regional capital. We have been received by Marielos Granada, our local guide who has some interesting activities scheduled for us, let us talk with her. “Marielos, hi, thank you for receiving us,” said Santiago, then Marielos replied, “We are glad of receiving you here, welcome to Tarapacá. I’m sure you all will enjoy what we have to offer here.” When planning this episode, we talked about what to do here with Marielos, we made sure to pick two of the less common activities that one could do in this region, although interesting ones for the first timers here.

As we got in the car, Marielos told us “We are now driving through the city, we are going to visit the market in search for some food, specifically, some local ceviches.” About the variety, she told us “There’s a lot of fishes used for a ceviche, although some of the most interesting types of ceviche include, either salmon or kraken (which is found in Farf coasts but unloaded in the port of Alto Hospicio). The choice is yours, but both are quite expensive.” Well, there it goes the first barrier of Huayramarcan cuisine for many, it is not needily cheap, it could be somewhat expensive but that is, for sure, that you’ll receive something worth the money.

We got into the municipal market to buy ceviche. This was intended to be a small stop, but turned out to be an activity by itself, as we were hungry after that long flight. After reading the menu, I found an interesting choice that costs $60 Intis ($20 NSD), it was the rather exotic mix of ceviche of salmon and kraken. For those who don’t know it, there’s even a small chronicle of the perils that fishers endure in the sea to fish those creatures. The sole act of having a serve of this is fruit of the enormous sacrifice of a flotilla of fishermen.

The exotic mix is often accompanied by sliced onions; 10 Islands dressing, which combines tomato sauce and spices found only in the 10 islands that comprise the San Carlos Archipelago that are brought here; and the unforgettable cancha¹. As I eat, I was able to identify the flavours of each animal, a greasy feeling for the salmon and a sticky ink-like taste from the kraken, which is camouflaged by the 10 Islands dressing. The spices from the dressing highlighted the flavour of salmon quite good over the kraken, which turns to be beneficial for health due to its abundance of collagen. A bit of lemonade and this would suffice to watch the waves of the sea reaching the beaches full of people enjoying their weekend, a nice view from this seaside market.

Guillermo Mamani, one of the chefs from the market, told us about the origins of this dish. “The mix of salmon and kraken was seen before as a crazy idea, as it wouldn’t be a lot of people that would buy it, that’s what people said. No matter their opinions, I decided to go forward with the creation of this dish, which has been a magnet for many people to this market.” “The idea was born when a fisherman returning from duty in the sea thought that it would be a great idea to use salmons and krakens in the same ceviche dish, as both would complement themselves great. As he tasted it for the first time, he asked me for a mix of 10 spices from the San Carlos Archipelago, one for each island, to dress the ceviche and add a bit more of flavour to the kraken. As we tasted it, we noted that the food was good, a different ceviche with a fresher appearance, some great health benefits due to the cartilages and collagen present on the meat.”

“As people knew of this mix, the interest on it started to grow exponentially. People from even Sechura came to visit this place on their holidays to have a taste of this ceviche, some of those called to be “the miraculous ceviche” as there were people attributing it curative properties; truly, we won’t know, but the kraken turns out to be a rather mystical creature.” “Many people here also replicated the recipe, which at the end is good, as we were all growing due to the demand of this product and the notorious popularity of this across Huayramarca.” It is indeed a great story of success for this market, an idea that sparked beliefs, myths and boosted the variety of ceviches in a whole province, something incredible. It was time to leave, as the second and last adventure was waiting for us some hours away from Alto Hospicio.

As we left the city, right into the countryside of the Province of Tarapacá, it came to the mind of Mariela the history and said, “This is Huayramarca, a place where you can invent everything and give it a good taste for your stomach.” And we all agreed, as this nation continues to grow when it comes to culinary variety and food quality, creating itself a good position in the region among the tastes of experts. And talking of experts, the following activity is also one that is suggested for the experts of degustation, but not about food, now it was the turn of a quite particular beverage that is produced in the province, we talk about wine.

There’s a reason why Alto Hospicio is nicknamed “The Good Taste of Huayramarca”, not only by the fact of having some good seafood and creativity, but also by its massive vineyards that are blessed by the fact of having a spectacular climate that favours the harvesting and storage of this exquisite beverage.

Let’s talk about weather, which plays a crucial role in the formation of land appropriated for vineyards. Tarapacá is graced by being in the south of Huayramarca, a region which has temperate weather year-round with low levels of humidity, as the Andes act like a gigantic wall that impedes humidity from reaching this zone, creating opportunities for somewhat arid soil, which is the adequate condition for the fertility of the grape raisins. This conditions, aside from the fact that the Andes act like that bolsters the quality of the soil, which will help for a better taste of the grapevines.

We reached our destination, Finca Piedralta, home of a humble family that is dedicated to the harvest of grapevines, preparation of those, and export of wine with some good ages, ranging from 5 to 25 years, accessible enough for an average consumer and fan of this beverage. We met Dalia González, the owner of the domain to show us some of the processes that are involved in her home-made brand of wine.

“We produce wine in natural ways, no automatized processes, done as it should be!” prides Dalia, then adds “We start here, by deposing the seeds of wine in the holes that have been prepared by specialised people. They take some time analysing the best place to put those the seeds and make sure that we will have quality since day 1.” Then, we moved to different places in the vineyard, she showed us how the trees grow in the zone, the care that are they subjected to avoid contamination by plagues or insects. Wine culture is significant and meticulous, its always important to take care of every detail as possible to ensure quality.

Then, we were taken to the wine storage room, where casks were identified by harvest time, conditions noted during the fermentation and the temperatures it has been subjected through the time. Dalia added “It is of the utmost importance to guarantee that the temperature will never exceed 25°C while in storage, if not, the whole cask will be damaged, and we would lose years of effort put into it. Air conditioning is checked around the clock to make sure we can prevent that circumstance from happening.” Then, I asked her “Does temperature affects alcohol levels?” She told us, “It does, and that’s why it ruins. We don’t want wine without alcohol to be produced, but we also don’t want an excess of alcohol in our wines, it will kill the taste of the grapevines.”

Then, we were offered a small glass from wine stored since 1959, which was strong enough yet delicious to drink in a night with family and celebrate an important milestone or happening in our lives. Then, Dalia took us to the reception room, she was giving us an interesting surprise, but we had to walk a bit, right to the table. We noticed that we got offered an important food and beverage for the Tarapacá inhabitants, a tradition that has lasted from generations and its popularity has grown up across Huayramarca and Anaia. The tradition of drinking wine and eating cheese, jam, and cookies at 6:00 p.m.

We drank some glasses, eat some fermented Vitacura cheese, homegrown too and jam from the Huayramarcan Sierra. All for us. Then Dalia told us “Did you know that drinking wine, once per day, is good for your health, as we prevent the formation of blood clots?” We didn’t know that, but we got shown some actual scientific evidence of it. So, guys, get some Huayramarcan wine and enjoy it, as a Tarapacá inhabitant, a 6:00 p.m. everyday with some crackers and cheese.

And this episode is wrapped up, we tasted some mystic ceviche, enjoyed the wine culture of Tarapacá and how wine can help your blood to be lighter and avoid clots. We will provide more facts and interesting information in the next episode of Enchanting Huayramarca.

---

1. A small side-dish of maize with salt and peanuts.

[Baggieland]

On Patrol with HMS Onslaught

Captain Fletcher: "Landsman Øye, it does seem that you've found us a regular buyer of our ill-gotten booty, keep up this good work and ye might be up for a promotion."

The rest of the crew sniggered quietly, as not a single submariner had ever received a promotion since the mutiny.

Landsman Øye's eyes lit up like one of those Japanese anime cats.

Landsman Øye: "A promotion Captain? What are we waiting for? Let's find another target and grab their booty!"

Captain Fletcher: "Easy now Landsman, we can't just go around attacking any old target, some nations don't like that and some of these nations be having depth-charges!"

Landsman Øye: "I see, so who's an acceptable target then?"

Captain Fletcher: "Electrum always be a good picking, they tend to just accept their losses, then leave everything up to their insurance companies."

Lieutenant Hamilton: "Captain! Ship sighted 20 degrees to starboard."

Captain Fletcher: "Take a look Landsman, whose flag it be flying?"

Landsman Øye: "Oh! Oh! It's Electrum! It's Electrum! Board it! Board it now!"

Captain Fletcher: "Gotta be careful Landsman, make sure it don't be no trap."

Lieutenant Hamilton: "No escort sighted, she be all alone Captain."

On Board the Electrum Vessel

Captain Fletcher: "What's in the hold boys?"

Sub-Lieutenant Travis: "Damn it Captain, even more useless than last time. Nothing but pebbles, shingles, rocks, stones, gravel and grit. Why are they even transporting this stuff? Not even those weirdos in Gnejs would be interested in this."

Landsman Øye's eyes lit up like one of those Japanese anime cats on steroids.

Landsman Øye: "Are you kidding me? This stuff is like gold in Gnejs, we're rich, do you hear me? RICH!"

Captain Fletcher: "Petty Officer Rollins, set course for Gnejs!"

[Delte]

---

Delte 5-0 Darmen
Sports Correspondent Polka Lunn At Ildemorton Road for the Sullenden Morning Bugle

---

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match, but certainly mention should be made of the exceptionally polite tone of the match with full stoicism restored to the Representative team and the tremendously respectful visitors roundly admired for their own approach to a surprising spanking at Ildemorton Road. Handshakes all round, sirs!

[At the same time, or maybe a few minutes before...]

---

New Gelderland 1-0 Delte
Professional cellist & Temporary Player-Reporter Oughry Queough in Nassau Bay, New Gelderland for the Delte River Trust Staff Newsletter

---

I've been briefed not to dwell overly long on the finer details of our match here in the Rushmore region (what a terrifying place by the way, the Rushmori boat people from the Cooper River were right about that) but suffice it to say the Away Team Mission looked a little startled as they fell to a first defeat on the road. I didn't manage to get off the bench, unfortunately, so I had a good view of proceedings. Things improved in the second half when Coach Cerrough showed the team a map of the region during the half time team talk and confirmed that Cassadaigua were too far away to launch a genodice operation in New Gelderland, but the momentum had been lost and so was the game.

I hear the home team hit five again - a pat on the back for the chaps in green.

---

Every Day I Roleplay About Football
2/6 : A Rumble In The Queue at Sark’s

---

From: human.3458374874@ediraf.co.sb

To: bot.hr@ediraf.co.sb

Dear Human Resources Inbox Processor. Hello, Quality Controller Raul Valk again. Thanks so much for your reply I wasn’t expecting that. I must hold my hand up and say I have not heard of the Turing Test so you could’ve told me you were Turing Compliant and I probably would have though that meant your smelted aluminium container was made in a very clean metalworks by well paid and highly respected smelters with long lunch breaks and ample annual leave. Or something. Anyway I’m so sorry and I fully understand now that you are made of self-‘aware’ aware-ware, that I shouldn’t write ‘aware’ in quotation marks as if I don’t believe it, and that I have hurt your feelings. Sorry about that. And yes, you are right, I am the employee that won employee of the month when I spotted a terrible error printed on the back of a Tuncastle Rovers replica shirt and pulled it off the courier bot just in time. I am so glad to hear that young master Jurgen Spalfßip of New Gelderland is none the wiser and still a fan of Rovers and of course of our great corporation.

Talking of fans of ediraf - oof! I went down to Sark’s Family Sportsmonger today here on my holiday in Oswark-upon-Delte. It is such a quaint town and the people so entirely stoic in my experience that I was not prepared for what happened at the shop. It was about half past eleven in the morning (I apologise for being so late, I think it was the jet, boat, and train lag from the interminable trek from Starblaydia) and there was a queue of customers all the way down Aughtshambles Street - which is quite a long street. When I asked a few of them, they confirmed they were here for the new ediraf stock. As I wasn’t intending to buy any gear myself, what with the company discount back home, I thought it would be no bother to skip the queue just so I could get in to have a chat with the store manager. But they had some security on the door and when I tried to talk my way in, a ripple of discontent went down the queue - I’m sure they aren’t generally a xenophobic lot but my obvious Starblaydi complexion, coupled with the fact I was actually wearing ediraf walking boots and my ediraf windcheater with the technical wicking, seemed to deeply offend them. When at the same time, unfortunately, the sportsmonger came out with a sign to announce they had sold out of all ediraf stock - well, all hell broke loose. I was immediately punched in the crown jewels by a furious little girl who was screeching with combined heartbreak and frustration, and the last successful customers coming out of the shop with their Liga Starblaydi replica shirts were set upon as errant queuers attempted to steal their new purchases. The River Patrol, that’s the local constabulary here, turned up after six or seven hellish minutes in which Sark’s main window was severely cracked, and several offenders were carted off in a black mariah including my junior assailant who tried to claim it was all my fault. After a bit of a clarification chat with a River Patrol officer, I was very suddenly offered all deference and taken to the hospital by ambulance. Quite unnecessary. Apart from a little light bruising to the old changepurse, I’m perfectly fine, if a little shocked. Apparently nothing like this has ever happened before - the Delts are discovering they really really like ediraf-wear: perhaps you should get a Relationship Manager (and some stock) over here asap.