The 83rd Cup of Harmony — Roster/RP/Scores Thread

[Acastanha]

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The Win That Save Us

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The 83rd Cup of Harmony is already finished half of the Group Stage campaign with the fourth matchday had just ended. And Acastanha showed a promising run with another win against Wreckeria. The 3-0 match bring back the country to the second place of its group. With 2 matches left, could the team pull through?

Acastanha next 2 matches are against Mercedini in the fifth match day and Srednjaci as their last opponent with a bye day in between the match. The next match would be a crucial one as Mercedini is the second pot in the group. The team might be having a trauma after 6-3 defeats against the pot 1, Tikariot. But Mercedini also having a bad run in the competition. Although they were winning against Tikariot. But they have been defeated by teams lower than them rank-wise. Ceni and Wreckeria were 2 teams that beat them. The results makes Mercedini placed 6th with only 3 points from their 3 matches.

I think we can take advantage from their bad performance lately. Although we still have to be cautious. We don't want another humiliated match.

Jorge Garbano

Rumour has it that this Cup of Harmony is Garbano's last chance to keep his position. Even though the team make a shocking result at last edition of MAC under Garbano's management (they reached final for the first time) and their 4th place finished at World Cup qualifying, but the federation have noted that Garbano's performance is being evaluated. And this Cup of Harmony is his last chance.

Acastanha have invited to this second largest football event twice. This 83rd edition is their second. In their first appearance, Acastanha success to reached Round 32. They were defeated by Qasden. This edition, the federation targeted to finished higher than that. It becomes Garbano's bargaining to be still continuing his job as Acastanhada national team manager. With the pressure, could Garbano's give his best result for the team and the country?

[Efnakia]

KE “SCANDAL” HE FUKSE
FDaE rocked by match-fixing allegations as offseason enters full swing

THIS ARTICLE WAS FOUND BY THE MINISTRY OF INTERNAL AFFAIRS TO BE IN VIOLATION OF THE NATIONAL OVERSIGHT ACT (SAFETY AND SECURITY) 395. AS SUCH, IT IS ONLY AVAILABLE TO NON-CITIZENS AND FOREIGN NON-RESIDENTS OF THE FEDERATED STATE OF EFNAKIA. IN LINE WITH THE NATIONAL OVERSIGHT ACT, IT IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE TO REPUBLISH OR OTHERWISE DISTRIBUTE THIS ARTICLE WITHIN THE FEDERATED STATE OF EFNAKIA, PUNISHABLE BY UP TO ONE YEAR IN PRISON AND/OR A FINE OF UP TO Ł2,000,000.

ODRA, Anddof – The Fukse Del ass Efnakia (Football Authority of Efnakia) faces the first major scandal in Efnak football since liberalization after the recent publication of a report from The Taegukgi, a primarily Korean-language newspaper in nearby Quebec and Shingoryeo specializing in investigative journalism, with particular focus on Atlantian Oceania.

Detailing the events of an investigation lasting almost 18 months, the report from The Taegukgi, through the work of multiple correspondents in Efnakia as well as undercover journalists, makes serious allegations against the FDaE, the National Committee of Referees (ELaFCc), and the entirety of the Efnak Football System through both seasons of operation. The initial rumors being investigated, around the midway point of Season 1, were that of referees, overseen by the ELaFCc, taking payments under the table in order to influence results.

Further information must be provided, however, to contextualize these rumors. Prior to the advent of organized, professional, national football in Efnakia, tournaments were run at the regional level, with few tournaments ever reaching even a provincial scale. These tournaments were notable for their lack of oversight by the government or any national sporting body, providing for few if any regulations beyond those governing the actual play on the pitch. These acts were primarily undertaken by the Efnak gambling industry, which operates legally in six of the seven provinces (with the exception of Abmas) and illegally (and pervasively) throughout rural areas across the country. These regional tournaments would regularly be fixed by – and in some rare cases, even entirely ran and established by – both gambling companies and illegal betting syndicates connected to rural organized crime.

With the advent of professionalism and the Efnak Football System, however, the rules were tightened significantly. With strict regulation matching that seen in nations around the world, the (in hindsight, rather naïve) presumption by Efnak society, and indeed
outwardly by the FDaE, was that the system of payments to referees had ended with the transition to the new system. The investigation by The Taegukgi has, however, dispelled those notions, with allegations backed with more than sufficient evidence to show that the system has continued to the present. The biggest case, and most shocking allegation, regarding the refereeing system is against the President of the ELaFCc, Tatom Konmu – with video filmed on hidden cameras showing the President meeting with undercover journalists, before being handed a briefcase with approximately ten million Luss (NSD 125,000) in cash, in exchange for a personal email address and phone number as well as promises to act as an intermediary between the journalists, themselves posing as members of a Ssedbam rural gambling syndicate, and referees within the Mas Ondde and Essome Ccoff. Other undercover reporters, working within local Efnak transparency organizations but also providing information to the Taegukgi, captured over three dozen instances of bribery of match officials, with amounts as high as one million Luss (NSD 12,500) to allegedly fix the result of a Kem Ke Dam (the largest derby game in Efnak football, between CmSH Muhdet’ and KSH Mutddem), to as low as, in one infamous case, one hundred Luss (NSD 1.25) and a value pack of imported Kratos chocolate bars from nearby Saint Kanye in Atlantian Oceania. Similar videos also explicitly displayed the attitude towards these actions within the ELaFCc – with referees taking payment brazenly and without hesitation, while higher officials in the body either implicitly condoned or explicitly endorsed the behavior, with the head of refereeing for the province of Anddof euphemistically calling the payments “bonuses for good performance”.

That was only the beginning of the investigation, however – further contact was made by undercover journalists with officials within the FDaE, the governing body of all Efnak football, with the intent of gaining the ear of those in power within the Efnak Football System. To the shock of those journalists, not only was that access simply and rapidly granted through a series of moderate-sized payments (between one and two million Luss, or 12,500 to 25,000 NSD), but this same access was also granted to games involving the full Efnak national team itself. In the most shocking allegation of the two investigations, it was revealed through hidden camera video that the Head of Football Operations of the FDaE, Dass Kakata, after receiving a bribe of around fifteen million Luss (NSD 187,500), pressured the manager of the Efnak national team, Tutsem Katemabffu, to fix a friendly match against Tumbra at the Mafo “Ccat’ Kalar” in Kalhus, Tamhu – a match that the Efnak team, preparing for the Cup of Harmony, lost 1-0.

Obviously, these reports remain allegations – every party in question has refused to comment on the report when invited by both the Taegukgi and Tedok, and any legal proceedings within Efnakia have yet to commence. Tedok also cannot confirm whether the result of the matches in question within the Efnak Football System were due to alleged match-fixing, or if the alleged pressure from Head of Football Operations Kakata on manager Katemabffu or other national team players had any bearing on the result of the allegedly fixed match against Tumbra. However, these allegations are a serious and major blow to the credibility of Efnak domestic (and potentially international) football, and merit an equally serious investigation into the very heart of the organizations that control the game in this country.

THIS ARTICLE WAS FOUND BY THE MINISTRY OF INTERNAL AFFAIRS TO BE IN VIOLATION OF THE NATIONAL OVERSIGHT ACT (SAFETY AND SECURITY) 395. AS SUCH, IT IS ONLY AVAILABLE TO NON-CITIZENS AND FOREIGN NON-RESIDENTS OF THE FEDERATED STATE OF EFNAKIA. IN LINE WITH THE NATIONAL OVERSIGHT ACT, IT IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE TO REPUBLISH OR OTHERWISE DISTRIBUTE THIS ARTICLE WITHIN THE FEDERATED STATE OF EFNAKIA, PUNISHABLE BY UP TO ONE YEAR IN PRISON AND/OR A FINE OF UP TO Ł2,000,000.

Thanks, dear reader! Buccoss kal, medunffob kasal! Ccam son ccamol teb he kem Efnak-asske bef bet’ tem ssa.

Ccam son omol ohaskof he al onka asske he memarfes ass kem Onka Ssaddo Loksob (Ssufuta hom Kodam) 395. Ccam ssal-lak ccamol omabu he Efnakia hom ccamol an Efnak ssaccess "memekmab mef".

Title: Big Scandal in Football
"Thanks dear reader! You can find this article in Efnak on our site here. This article was written in a foreign language in violation of the National Oversight Act (Safety and Security) 395. This newspaper is based in Efnakia and is on the list of Efnak government 'trusted sources'."

[Mertagne]

CLAVIERS WOOLLEN MILL IN HOT WATER - HOWEVER DOES NOT SHRINK WHEN AGITATING

The woollen mill that operates near Crater Field, one of the most exciting new football stadiums to make its multiversal debut in the recent Cup of Harmony, has landed itself in hot water recently after capitalising on a publicity stunt ahead of the clash between Mertagne and the Ochre Islands in a few weeks time on Matchday 6 of the Cup of Harmony.

Tompkin Textiles, the firm in question, received word that Ochre Islander politicians had disparaged the quality and effectiveness of their wools, citing that linen was a far better material with which to make clothes, and seriously discounted the use of wool in a variety of other applications, including knitting and crochet. The calls that Tompkin Textiles, who have been operating in the area for over forty years, were 'archaic', were a tough blow that the firm took to heart in organising their latest advert.

The advert, published as a full page piece in the Brandistock Bugle, one of Mertagne's largest newspapers by sheet size and circulation, features a full colour photograph of several Ochre Islander models of all genders wearing naught but the finest woollen clothes (such as jumpers, itchy y-fronts, jackets, and trousers) produced using wool manufactured at Tompkin Textiles. The shoot, was performed at Mount Achinet, the largest peak in the Ochre Islands, which features prominently in the backdrop of the image. The image also includes several masterfully crotched large-scale flags, which were hastily commissioned from local crochet clubs, and are emblematic of both the Ochre Islands, Tompkin, and Mertagne, which have been stitched together in a long scarf-like fashion and laid on the ground in front of the models. The tagline of "Why wooldn't you wear it?" is a staunch stance on the side in which Tompkin - and thus Mertagne at large - have taken in this tumultuous textile tête-à-tête.

[Gnejs]

Friends and Acquaintances - Cricket and Cracquet

“Poor Nina” they all thought to themselves as they studied their Directorate General sitting there in her ragged clothes with large black circles under her eyes. She had come to the office straight from the airport, and commenced to brief her team of Deputy Director Generals on the Fact-Finding Mission to Baggieland right away. Her eyes were red, and looked to feel like two piss holes in the snow. Her voice was hoarse and it seemed like pieces of her hair had fallen out. She reeked of cheap gin. She was the embodiment of the old saying “Baggieland? I spent a year there one night”.

She chronicled the journey in detail, and after about an hour, she reached the part of the story where Senior Advisor Øystein Øye had disappeared. “It was right after the last innings – no, apparently the s is supposed to be there, it’s the same in singular and plural, for some reason, we’ll just have to accept those kinds of explanations to the ins and outs of this wretched game – and Captain Fletcher of the HMS Onslaught offered to take us on a tour of one of their submarines. I was much too tired from playing, and utterly confused from trying to understand the rules, the scoring system and the overall jargon, but Øystein – polite as ever – agreed to accompany Fletcher and a few of his men. Lei Siulung and Garry Greenidge instead treated me to lunch – canned lasagna from Luigi’s – and tried to answer my questions about the game. Regrettably, there was no tea, even though we had been promised pausing for tea was an integral part of the game. Instead, we were only served gin and milk in excessive amounts throughout the entire day. It was a strange combination, but the heat on that deck was excruciating, and we had no other choice than gulping down that peculiar brew to keep from dying of thirst. You all know I am not adverse to enjoying a bit of Grande Cucina Corvina on a Friday night, but I was not at all prepared to handle the sheer volume of alcohol being consumed on that ship. The last thing I remember was Mr. Greenidge trying to explain the various interactions between bowled balls, stumps and bails, and then there is just darkness. I woke up on the plane bound for home, wearing a Throstles jersey and an eyepatch. Øystein was nowhere to be seen.”

It took a minute for the team of Deputy Director Generals to process the DG’s story. “So, what do we think happened to Øystein? Has he been kidnapped? Is this a ransom situation?” The DDG for the Unit for Union Games (UUG) asked. “No,” Nina said. “It’s probably just a joke or a misunderstanding or something. I going to need for one of you to draft me a letter to the Baggies saying that we need him back. Take it via the Department of Diplomatic Friendships (DDF) over the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, they’ll want to have their say.” The UUG-DDG nodded and said he would take care of it.

Nina cleared her throat and poured herself a large glass of water, and proceeded to empty it in two large gulps. Feeling somewhat more refreshed, she asked “Anything important happen here while I was gone?”. The DDP for the Unit for Other Games raised her hand and started speaking.

“Yes, we have received a letter from the Commissioner's Office at the Oswark Cracquet Club in The Community of Delte.” Nina looked perplexed. The UOG-DDG continued. “They have sent us a copy of the latest Plemons' Almanackle, which is a comprehensive guide to the sport of Cracquet. We have only begun to study the contents, and I won’t dwell on the finer details, but it all looks very promising.” Nina nodded slowly, before responding. “Question. Cracquet?” The UOG-DDG handed Nina the letter in question. After reading it, she had a horrified look on her face. “Have we been saying it wrong? How very embarrassing. Maybe this is why we had such a hard time understanding the Baggie instructions; perhaps they play some sort of bastardized version of Cracquet over there? I swear, it was like they made up the rules as we played.”

Nina sat still in contemplation for a few minutes. “I see they are inviting us down there. I think we should go. The mission to Baggieland was educational, but we need to get to the bottom of this. However, I must say it is highly irregular of an Acquaintance to contact the Ministry and Department directly, like a Friend, without going through the proper channels in the Foreign Ministry. We need to consult with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and their Department of Non-Aligned Diplomacy (DNAD) how we should approach this.” The UOG-DDG cut in and said, “We have spoken with the Unit for Acquaintances and Courteous Non-Alignment over at the DNAD, and they are comfortable with us replying directly, as long as they get to see a draft of the letter beforehand.”

Nina nodded in contentment. “Very good. Then I need two letters. One to the Baggies concerning poor Øystein, and one to the Commissioner of the Oswark Cracquet Club. I want to see drafts before they go to the DDF and the DNAD for approval, and then once again after approval when they are ready to be signed by the Minister.”

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The Prosaic Union Ministry of Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities

To: The Imperial Glorious Baggielandian Ministry of Bread and Circuses

Most dear Friends,

We extend to you our warmest gratitude for your generosity in enlightening our representatives in the ways of Cricket. It is a trying enterprise, introducing a sport completely foreign to our minds, and we are most grateful for your guidance.

If it is not too much trouble, we humbly ask that you return our representative – Senior Advisor Øystein Øye – who most unfortunately disappeared towards the end of our delegation’s stay.

Yours in Friendship,

Magnus Sten, Minister for Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities.

The Prosaic Union Ministry of Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities

To: Oswark Cracquet Club, Commissioner's Office, Room 6, Corridor U, OCC House, Oswark Oval cc: Commissioner Imryn Numbrill

Comrade Acquaintance Commissioner Imryn Numbrill,

The Prosaic Union greets you and the Community in which you dwell with non-aligned courtesy.

We have studied your Almanackle with great interest, and it is our assessment that it may very well be of great benefit to the Union in our current endeavors. I also inform you that the Prosaic Union Ministry of Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities intends to use the enclosed voucher.

Despite your Almanackle’s great scholastic value, it is the view of the Union that we are in need of more knowledge concerning this most esoteric activity of Cracquet.

It is our firm belief that this can only come about through experiencing the game firsthand, and we would therefore like to send representatives to your Community and study one of your fourteen-day test match specials.

To make matters proper, we ask that you to forward this request to the Delte River Trust and The Stoic Council for their consideration.

All further communication regarding this matter should be directed to the Unit for Acquaintances and Courteous Non-Alignment within the Department of Non-Aligned Diplomacy of The Prosaic Union Ministry for Foreign Affairs, with a copy sent to the Unit for Union Games and the Unit for Other Games within the Department of Civil Society and Sports of The Prosaic Union Ministry of Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities.

In closing, we ask you to specify what would be the suitable attire when attending Cracquet within your Community.

In courtesy,

Magnus Sten, Minister for Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities.

[HUElavia]

HUElavia 0–0 TJUN-ia
Columbus Field, Columbia, Alexandria, Tumbra

XI vs Baggieland:
1 Lettmann, 4 Vargas, 2 Lavezzi, 3 Higashi, 5 Rosado, 6 Font, 8 Brousseau, 10 Navarro-Hamada, 11 Chanca, 7 Honda (C), 9 Nascimento
Home Uniform will be worn.

Options for Knockouts

With Matchday 4 having came and gone, there are roughly 2-3 games left for the teams in Group C. After a 0-0 draw against TJUN-ia, HUElavia still maintains as the leaders of the group, against most prognostications. Kuraita gave an upset over Soldera, 3-1, while Astograth upset Chromatika, 2-1. Thus, the group at this moment stands as follows: 1st. HUElavia with 7 Points (2-1-1), 2nd. Astograth with 6 Points (2-0-1), 3rd. Chromatika with 6 Points (2-0-2, 0 GD), 4th. Kuraita with 6 Points (2-0-2, -1 GD), 5th. TJUN-ia with 5 Points (1-2-0), 6th. Soldera with 3 Points (1-0-2), and 7th. Baggieland with 1 Point (0-1-2).

For HUElavia, there is the relief that they took on the three direct opponents of their group in the likes of Chromatika, TJUN-ia, and Astograth, which gave them 4 points out of the whole ordeal. Now, they are left to face off against the bottom two teams of the group, Baggieland and Soldera, with their bye coming in between both matches. At this point, a win over either opponent should see HUElavia clinch a spot into the Round-of-32.

For Chromatika, they have their bye on Matchday 5, followed by two games against Kuraita and TJUN-ia. With them being one of the favorites to win it all, they should be able to clinch heading into Matchday 7, expecting things go their way between matches on MD 5 and a win over Kuraita.

For TJUN-ia, they have a noticeably difficult road to the knockouts. Already having had their bye and taking on the weaker teams of the group, they now have the likes of Soldera, Astograth, and Chromatika coming up their way in that order. In theory, they should get wins over Soldera and Astograth, but those two are no easy pushovers. Chromatika of course is a massive game and one that could have qualification implications if they cannot get the job done against the previously mentioned opponents.

For Astograth, they had their bye on Matchday 3, and now have Kuraita, TJUN-ia, and Baggieland. If things can go their way against Kuraita and Baggieland, they should be seeing themselves in the Round-of-32. Strange things can happen though, so they will have to be on their A-Game to guarantee they advance to the knockouts.

For Kuraita, they are a surprising team, especially for being so lowly ranked among other participants and having options to advance. But, they have Astograth and Chromatika before their Group Stage ends with a bye on Matchday 7. If they hope to clinch a surprise spot to the knockouts, they need points over those two teams and hope other results in the group go in their favor.

For Soldera, they have TJUN-ia, HUElavia and Baggieland to close out the group. They will need to get points against TJUN-ia and HUElavia if they wish to keep their hopes alive. A loss on Matchday 5 could result in an elimination for the team.

For Baggieland, they have small hopes of advancing and do need to get victories in these remaining games to possibly advance to the knockouts, assuming that other results in the Group go their way.

Remaining prediction of teams advancing, in order of 1st to 4th: Chromatika, HUElavia, Astograth, TJUN-ia.

[Cardenao]

The Cardenian Inquirer
Kimi Time

Good afternoon, good readers! Kimi here for a spot of football talk. I hope you all are well, my dear readers from Cardenao and beyond; I hope things are well for you and that your team is winning, unless they’re in the same Cup of Harmony group as us! Yes my friends, the Cup of Harmony is upon us in full force (as I’m sure you’re aware of) and has been…well wonderful but also a little painful so far as a Cardonian. When you’re the underdogs like we are though, that’s to be expected!

Yes it has been a bit of a rough start to this brief qualifying campaign but let’s be honest here, it’s a miracle that Cardenao is even in the Cup of Harmony in the first place. After that amazingly awful Baptism of Fire campaign that kicked us out onto our face, hopes were not high at all for the whole World Cup thing. Damn were we in for a treat, I wish I could go back in time to the first match day and relive the whole thing all over again. We entered this most prestigious of sporting events ranked 277th in the multiverse and all expectations were limited to perhaps a few wins but no more than 10 points in any situation. And…well you all know how it went.

After only securing six points in our first seven matches, the Cardonian national team went on an absolute rampage taking 16 out of the next seven matches that propelled the team to 5th place and seven points behind the qualifying zone. The World Cup could’ve ended right then and honestly the whole country would’ve celebrated. Which, believe me, we did. We partied hard, celebrating the miracles our boys in blue and gold were performing match day by match day on the pitch, and the spirit of the nation swelled to a point I must say I have never quite experienced in all my years alive.

If you are aware of the history of Cardenao then you know our country is a broken one, still reeling a hundred years after we were occupied by the Republic of Eshan. Those absolute…unfortunately language fails to really convey the level of contempt myself and all Cardonians have for Eshan. A vile, soulless hellhole full of poison and those beastly subhumans who hurt for fun. Absolute bastards. They killed millions when they destroyed the iconic seawall system protecting the landbridge between East and West Cardenao and that impact is still felt till this day. I’ve written so much about this pain, it’s curious how it almost becomes numbing at this point, that I fail to find new and fresh words to describe this national trauma. I suppose that is largely in part thanks to the extreme cathartic effect of watching the national team play in the World Cup. It’s something all of us Cardonians could bond over, the tournament united us in patriotic passion and the entire country was locked in for the final six qualifying matchdays.

I’ll spare you the suspense, we drew and lost the first two of those, which were the most important games, and that ended our chances of qualification. That really, really sucked, I won’t lie to you my dear reader, it had long been expected for sure, but we had gotten to dream as a nation and that had been an incredible thing. And the party wasn’t over! The final four matches came up and the national team scored 11 while only conceding five to win all four matches including an unforgettable 4-3 win at home against the 15th best team in the world, Pasarga. We ended up winning exactly 50% of our games, with 10 contests won, 5 drawn, and 5 defeats while scoring 45 and conceding 41. We finished the World Cup qualifying campaign in 5th with 38 points, three points behind a qualifying spot to the Finals. All of this as the 277th ranked team in the world that I personally projected to finish with 7 points.

Despite not qualifying, the spirits of the nation were at an all time high and the players were welcomed back as heroes with a massive celebratory festival that lasted for a full fourteen days as the players toured through the country spreading good will and motivation to their fellow countryfolk. Absolutely awesome and the nation collectively fainted when the new KPB rankings were released and Cardenao sat at 110th in the world, just insanity! And then came the Cup of Harmony.

National team manager Scooter McNash figured why mess with a great thing and simply named the exact same squad selection heading into the 83rd edition of the prestigious tournament, and the national hype was fired back up. Once again, we were drawn into a very challenging group and the odds were arguably more stacked against the national team as we faced legendary teams from nations such as Krytenia, Darmen, and host nation Mertagne, not to mention our literal next door neighbors the Ochre islands, and toss in Eshialand with a worryingly similar name to Eshan and it was a recipe for a spicy group stage that, while sure to be entertaining, didn’t entirely inspire confidence in the Cardonian FANatics but after the sorta-miracle of the World Cup who could say what was possible anymore!

Things were off to a flash as Cardenao faced up against Eshialand to start off our Cup of Harmony qualifying run and it was off to the races with an incredibly exciting 0-0 draw. Not the most glamorous of opening fixtures but one point is better than no points at the end of the day and with that, the campaign was on! A small point of interest is that this match was the national team’s fourth match without scoring. Not bad for our first 25 matches if I may say so myself. Still though, a win would’ve been very ideal.

Fortunately we only had to wait until the second match for our first win of the tournament when we squared off against Xanneria (pretty sure I took a pill called that once?) where we came through with a 2-1 win with goals coming from arguably our two best players Juanma Saez, I mean who else would it be on the scoresheet, and Ibai Acosta-Vargas. Both goals were assisted from Graysão Sandora, the incredibly skillful winger was making his first start for the national team and boy was he a thrill to watch. Super tricky dribbling, a great burst of pace, and just an arrogant way of approaching his game, you can sense it in everything he does on and off the pitch, truly an interesting talent who will have forced his way further into Scooter McNash’s plans after that display.

Unfortunately we lost the next game to Darmen 3-1, with a sole goal from captain Dylan Mathers our consolation despite playing fairly well all things considered, and we still sat at 4th in the group which meant we would qualify on to the next round. A win here had surely been out of the question but it really would’ve been nice to draw Darmen and get a point out of it.

On came the match against the Ochre Islands, our fantastic neighborhoods who participated in quite the foreign resource exchange program with our own lovely government where we traded them copious amounts of flax in exchange for a small fleet of coast guard naval vessels. It was sure to be an exciting game, not a rivalry by any stretch of the imagination, but who better to have bragging rights over than your next door neighbor am I right?

Well I was right, only it wasn’t us in Cardenao celebrating a great victory, it was those darn Ochrens instead who won 3-2 despite early goals from Harritz Larrainzar and Juanma and again, three points slipped through our grasp and we dropped out of our qualifying position to 5th place in the group with only two matches left to play. That is not ideal.

We need to win our final two matches against Krytenia and Mertagne, while hoping Eshialand loses to Xanneria, Darmen, and the Ochre Islands. Once again our fate seems to be out of our hands, once again qualification is so close and so, so far away. Can the team pull it off? I certainly think so but it’ll take all results going our way and that is rarely a smart thing to bet on.

[Ochre Islands]

Page 5

KETTLE'S PEAK CONQUERED WITHOUT WOOLLENS

Correspondents: Katie Brown and Richard Lemon

Claviers, Mertagne While there were hopes that the recent 'textile standoff' between politicians from Mertagne and the Ochres would die down, instead it looks like some offended Ochreites have given Mertagne a literal dressing down instead!

This afternoon, a group of intrepid Ochre Islanders courageously scaled Kettle's Peak (a prominent mountain in Mertagne) without a stitch of clothing on. The group said that this was in response to Claviers own Tompkin Textiles arranging a photoshoot in the caldera below Mournhow's Mount Achinet, where Ochre Islanders were bribed to pose in woollen clothing made by Tompkin Textiles in an apparently shot at the linen industry the Ochres are famed for. The photoshoot, set around the tourist information centre near the base of Achinet's peak, had outraged some Mournhow residents who view Achinet's peak as a symbol of the Ochres themselves, let alone the island it sits atop.

When we spoke to the protestors, they told us 'this is to show Mertagne that you don't need their itching woollens to climb a mountain' and 'they shouldn't have desecrated one of the holiest places in the islands with any flag, let alone theirs'. Politicians in the Ochres were keen to downplay any suggestion that tensions between the two nations could rise, with one foreign office official commenting that 'wearing a jumper whilst going to the top of a mountain is a rather sensible idea, if we're being honest', despite some claims from the nude protestors that it would be 'hotter near the top' as you'd be 'closer to the sun'.

[Eraman]

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Day 16 - Month 6 - Year 10

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SPORTS

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Eraman goes top of Group F

Scharfwick: Eraman jumped to the top of Group F of the 83rd Cup of Harmony after recording a narrow 1-0 victory over Bollonich at the New Brazier Stadium, here tonight. The match's only goal was scored by winger Era Hitam in the first half through a long-range shot to give three points to the Monkey Kings.

The Monkey Kings squad did not wait long to tear through the opponent's net when they managed to score in the third minute through Era Hitam's shot hitting the top right corner of the goal which failed to be saved by the Bollonich goalkeeper, Sean Halliday.

Eraman was more comfortable controlling the game keeping Bollonich in their own half waiting for the opportunity to counter-attack. Attempt after attempt continued to be launched by Eraman until the last minute but failed to add another goal and the result remained to the final whistle.

The win put Eraman at the top of Group F by collecting seven points in four matches. In other Group F matches, Savojarna and Sargossa shared the points after a scoreless draw while Kelssek won comfortably over Gortolekua with a 4-1 scoreline.

[Sendhang]

DAY 15 - MONTH 6 - YEAR 10

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Teuku Irfan confident Sendhang will advance

Lakewood: Sendhang head coach Teuku Irfan is confident the national team will be able to advance to the 83rd Cup of Harmony knockout rounds, after a narrow 1-0 win over Sarzonia in a match at Lakewood City Arena yesterday.

He said the Sendhang players will fight hard in the remaining 2 matches to ensure their place in the next round is guaranteed.

"We will continue to strengthen our position in an effort to secure a place in the next round. We are on the right track and in a good position," said Teuku Irfan when met after the match.

"We are in second place in the group with a 6-point advantage over the team in fifth place with 2-3 more matches to be played. However, we cannot feel comfortable. We will not rest on our laurels. We will continue to improve our strengths and skills. And most importantly, continue to fight," he added.

On the win over Sarzonia, Teuku Irfan said he was very satisfied with the performance of his players who carried out their duties professionally. Sendhang scored the only goal of the match through a beautifully strucked free kick by Nanang Wirajuda in the 61st minute.

“For me, they have played brilliantly,” Teuku Irfan said.

The win is Sendhang's third consecutive win in the 83rd Cup of Harmony campaign and put them second in Group B, level on point with group leader Cassadaigua who still has a game in hand.

[Valentine Z]

Part 4 – Around the Tumbra in 80 Decihours.

Day off. Markus has let the Kittens out of the bag, which is to say that he has let the players do whatever they want for the day since they have done their usual drills and exercises in the early to late morning. With the afternoon approaching, the Valentian Kittens made their own separate ways around the country and appreciating the relatively comfortable temperature, i.e. 25 degrees Celsius, there is relatively a right amount of sun, and there were said to be warm, white-sandy beaches at the south coast according to the guide. There is also a High-Speed Rail Network that effectively connects the entire country, much like Valentine Z’s Intercontinential Railway System which connects the entire planet, even across the seas. As they are strangers and guests in another country, the first thing that the Valentians did was to visit VisitTumbra.com, as well as the extract of the guide that was posted for the international (and interdimensional guests). They were definitely not going to use any weapons, for they can do it back in Valentine Z’s shooting ranges. They were certainly not here to use alcohol or hard drugs, let alone sell and distribute them. All they wanted was to play football and to see as many sights as they possibly could while also riding the high-speed rail. More importantly, they exchanged their Valentian Credits to NSD, and then to Tumbran Dollar, for the purpose of going all around the place and fancying whatever they like buying. And of course, they had to shrink themselves down to a more reasonable height, of an average of 8’. So, how did it go overall for them?

Eveline Valeria Annalise Tiêu Xuân Ngọc, Daina Allison Leela Phon Seng Sreynuon, Clemente Kenneth Evans L. Jiang Guanyu, and Nathaniel Orla Hayden Johnstone McMahon simply sat around and talked to each other as they soaked in the sun and the white sands at the beaches in Marray, Bechor. They thought of playing a bit of beach volleryball, but decided against it because after all, they were all there for some relaxing time and not to go for sports.

Elisabetta Enzo Hannah Lodovica D'Elia, Joaquina Samanta Alonso Clara Lombardo, Kortnev Grigoriy (Grisha) Konstantinovich, Antel Marcel Georgia Katona Vass Dániel, Iraj Alexander Soroosh Homayoun Hashempour, and Sigfreður Gamalíel Onyx Jason Steinason all took the rail to Iswilyn for a bit of greenery and for hiking. They quite enjoyed it there, and after 2 hours of trekking, Sigfreður and Kortnev then headed off to Westmond to enjoy a bit of the cold that they were promised there. Sigfreður and Kortnev did not have the cold bothering them, though they wished that they should have let their body sweat from the hiking and trekking evaporate a little bit before they go.

Emerson Jamie Taylor Erin Scott Maddox was a bit of a train geek, and would ended up his entire R&R travelling around and was expecting to spend quite a lot of his own money on taking the rail all over the country. As it turns out, “all public transport is free at the point of use, again to encourage its use,” as per VisitTumbra.com [Miraheze]. He also managed to learn a lot about the Tumbran rail and its history – from station names, to the types of trains.

Holly Annemiek Gerrieke Van De Hoogte, Helen Jennifier Hiroto Morishita Chiyumi, and Marlene Isabelle Lisa Roselyne Pasquier went out for girls’ window-shopping, as well as some shopping spree, at Serrapince, Bechor. Helen then went to the country’s Museum of Modern Art, while Holly was going around (and hopefully with a lot of permission granted) took a lot of photos of their tourist adventures, taking care not to overstep any boundaries, as well as to make sure that they are not taking photos of any possibly sensitive places. So far, they did not run into anyone, perhaps presumably the locals who are curious or terrified or cynical of the Valentians who are built like tanks.

Dawson Joshiah Davidson Brooks Marshall, Jakov Emile Janessa Mirko Varteks Modrić, Sammie Arif Raihan Bin Mohamamad Andika simply went for some food at Marcato, appreciating the quietness there, and remarked that it felt like back in Valentine Z, possibly due to the friendly and welcoming faces there. The relatively quiet nature of the place should have bored anyone else, but not for the Valentians, who were just simply happy to be around there.

Josief A. Yandi Eko Yohanes Dharmawijaya, Štěpánka Caitlin Madeline W. Sedláčková, Katarzyna Violetta Zofia Aleks Polańska, Vanuza Poliane Elaine Castro dos Reis simply rested at their lounge, playing a few LAN games on their laptops, with Markus joining in with them, all this while they were looking out for Martina Anastasia Hedvig X. Luna Bukvić and tending to her. Whether they are outside or resting in lounge, the Kittens had quite a good day.

[Milchama]

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I have no idea"

"You have writers block?"

"Yeah basically, there's nothing to talk about"

"Well we beat Eura"

"Oh yeah I mean the only thing we got going for us is that meme:

"Yeah and that meme is not an interesting way of doing an RP"

"It really isn't"

"So what else is there to say?"

"What do you want to me say?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"What do you feel is the best option?"

"I have no idea"

"Good to know"

"How do you feel about stuff?"

"I have no idea"

"What is space?"

"A thing"

"What is family?"

"A grouping of relationships"

"What is queerness post-Pulse Orlando?"

"Somehow not meaningfully different based on the mass shooting crisis that continues to plague the US"

"Ugh"

"Basically"

"So we're stuck"

"Well we could win the next 2 games and then be fine"

"Oh yeah, I guess that's an option but can we beat a non-top 32 team?"

"Yes"

"You think so?"

"Yes, I think so but not beyond that"

"Well then let's hope for the best and expect the worst"

"Sounds good to me!"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"

[PotatoFarmers]

Poafmersia 1–2 Starbalydia
Goalscorers: Jordan Huerta 76' (assisted by Leontiy Seet)
Poafmersia Lineup (4-3-3): Nicole Potts (c); Mitchel Rosales, Diamond Byan, Nacro Astro, Mac Rojas; Michael Jackson, Min Berg, Magreta Rym; Janelle Frederick, Jordan Huerta, Leontiy Seet
Substitues: Aapeli Shea (Rym 70'); Kelefe Hans (Byan 81'); Erle Sartini (Berg 86')

The results of the Red Panjias at the Cup of Harmony has been extremely painful. A draw against Kimi-Soumi which shouldn't have happened, and then, two one-goal losses against Cabo Azure and Starbalydia. To the casual fans, this was a rather painful run of results - it puts the Red Panjias in danger of missing out on the knockout rounds - that, after the craziness of the World Cup qualifiers where the Red Panjias failed to make it to the proper, was difficult to swallow for any Poafmer. But for Adnan Suliaha, this represented a totally different trend that he never really expected about - that is, is a younger team the correct way to go?

In recent runs, Poafmersian national teams have been aging on the higher ages. Especially this list of players - the youngest player is 25 years of age. When compared to teams which are breeding young stars, this seems like a relatively high number. With players like Nicole Potts, Natalia Abbott and Mitchel Rosales heading into their mid-30s, the question became whether these players are still well capable of meeting the necessary requirements of being in the national team. If the last two results was an indication, than it was that the older players were making unnecessary mistakes that affected the performance of the team - especially, the defence, choking on some occasions to let opponents get free attempts on goal. The churn of young players had to slowly come onto the main team even during tournaments - and that hasn't been happening for quite some time, as Adnan can testify.

What about the fate of our younger players? Well, submitting to the Di Bradini Cup and the Under-18 World Cup for the first time in ages, new youth team manager Jabik Henderson had no expectations whatsoever. That brought the Under 18 team to the Round of 16, but for the Under 21 team, it was extremely chaotic. A single point from what looks like a relatively manageable group - that was how ridiculous the results were.

DBC Box Scores

Poafmersia 0–1 Octapolis
Lineup (4-3-3): Natanael Feigenbaum (c); Sergio Rowbottom, Nikkita Alfaro, Summer Vincent, Queralt Gagliardi; Anjelica Friedrich, Tate Maynard, Ruthie Magee; Taliah Alcock, Trena Post, Ashlee Torres
Substitutes: Iris Díaz (Post 60'); Fynley Redfern (Magee 73'); Jimmy Couch (Rowbottom 83')

United Adaikes 2–0 Poafmersia
Lineup (4-3-3): Aleksandar Malloye; Sergio Rowbottom, Nikkita Alfaro, Summer Vincent, Kathryn Woolley; Anjelica Friedrich, Tate Maynard, Ruthie Magee; Taliah Alcock, Rhodri Haworth (c), Ashlee Torres
Substitutes: Gioia Tyson (Alfaro 45'); Jimmy Couch (Rowbottom 60'); Trena Post (Maynard 74')

Poafmersia 1–1 Starblaydia (Haworth 67' - assisted by Friedrich)
Lineup (4-4-2): Aleksandar Malloye; Jimmy Couch, Quispe Nordström, Gioia Tyson, Kathryn Woolley; May Person, Anjelica Friedrich, Ruthie Magee, Rosanna Williamson; Trena Post, Rhodri Haworth (c)
Substitutes: Fynley Redfern (Magee 70'); Manfred Bähr (Post 83'); Taliah Alcock (Person 85')

Well, look, this team only managed to score against Starblaydia, one of the original hosts of this tournament. Against Octapolis and United Adaikes, it seemed like this midfield and defence was absolutely disjointed into two parts. Some players' performance looked rather embarrassing. 19-year old Gioia Tyson was certainly more effective than Nikkita Alfaro, who was absolutely nowhere to be seen in his first 135 minutes of player. Taken out of the starting 11, and certainly Nordström was doing much better things with Tyson in the final game. The midfield had little to cheer about. It seemed that Rhodri Haworth and Taliah Alcock wasn't synergising enough originally in the second game, something which came out as rather odd given Taliah Alcock's heroics in the Under 18 World Cup. Something that looked rather different was how 4-3-3 didn't seem to work throughout the tournament. Saying the players are at fault came out as rather weird, given how many of these wingers and midfielders are used to "that 4-3-3 narrow version, played Poafmersian style".

And as such, it prompted Adnan Suliaha to include none of the 21 years olds that he intended to include. Nothing. The younger players, he felt, need an opportunity to grow, and he rather experimented in the IAC than in the Cup of Harmony, where pride was at stake. And given the remaining 2 matches are relatively simpler fixtures, Adnan Suliaha knows one thing - he needs to change the way his current stack of cards are used. And that might even mean a fundamental tactical change if necessary.

[Tumbra]

Matchday Five - Mertagnian Half Cutoff

Group E
Krytenia 3–2 Ochre Islands
Mertagne 1–1 Darmen
Eshialand 2–4 Xanneria

. Group E              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Mertagne               4   2  2  0    7   4  +3    8
2 Ochre Islands          4   2  1  1   11   9  +2    7
3 Darmen                 4   2  1  1    8   7  +1    7
4 Xanneria               5   1  2  2   10  10   0    5
5 Krytenia               5   1  2  2    7   9  −2    5
6 Cardenao               4   1  1  2    5   7  −2    4
  Eshialand              4   1  1  2    7   9  −2    4

Group F
Sargossa 1–4 Bollonich
Gortolekua 1–5 Savojarna
Efnakia 1–2 Kelssek

. Group F              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kelssek                5   3  0  2    8   6  +2    9
2 Eraman                 4   2  1  1    4   3  +1    7
3 Savojarna              4   1  3  0    7   3  +4    6
4 Sargossa               5   1  3  1   10  11  −1    6
5 Efnakia                4   1  2  1    4   4   0    5
6 Bollonich              4   1  1  2    4   3  +1    4
7 Gortolekua             4   0  2  2    6  13  −7    2

Group G
Tikariot 0–1 Oberour Ar Moro
Wreckeria 3–2 Srednjaci
Mercedini 4–2 Acastanha

. Group G              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Tikariot               5   3  0  2   14  10  +4    9
2 Oberour Ar Moro        4   2  1  1    6   5  +1    7
3 Acastanha              5   2  1  2   13  14  −1    7
4 Ceni                   4   2  0  2    7   6  +1    6
5 Mercedini              4   2  0  2    7   7   0    6
6 Wreckeria              4   2  0  2    4   6  −2    6
7 Srednjaci              4   1  0  3    8  11  −3    3

Group H
Poafmersia 2–2 Gnejs
Kimi-Suomi 1–2 Starblaydia
Juvencus 2–0 Cabo Azure

. Group H              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Starblaydia            4   3  1  0    8   5  +3   10
2 Fort McKinley          4   2  2  0    7   5  +2    8
3 Cabo Azure             5   2  1  2    9  11  −2    7
4 Juvencus               4   2  0  2    8   8   0    6
5 Poafmersia             5   1  2  2   11  11   0    5
6 Kimi-Suomi             4   1  1  2    9   9   0    4
7 Gnejs                  4   0  1  3    2   5  −3    1

The next cutoff window will open in approximately 48 hours from this post.

[Eura]

CUP OF HARMONY 83 GROUP D – MATCHDAY 2
Pluvia and the Saxean Isles 0–2 Eura
Scorers:
Malone 24, Atkinson 62
Lineup:
1. E Palmer
4. J Menard
15. K Sherwood
5. T Green
24. J Gates
8. V Robshaw (sub Erskine 65)
11. B Malone
7. M Woakes (sub Vincent 71)
18. D Bowman
10. C Atkinson
9. S Robson (sub Sharp 68)

CUP OF HARMONY 83 GROUP D – MATCHDAY 3
Eura 0–3 Milchama
Scorers:
n/a
Lineup:
1. E Palmer
19. A Coles (sub Green 45)
25. Q Phillips
27. J Byrd
6. S Erskine (sub Gates 45)
28. G Stewart
21. T Coffey (sub James 60)
20. R Marshall
12. A Woodman
14. S Singh
26. T Vivier

---

The Euran dozen investigating the Cooper River region were an eclectic bunch from a variety of backgrounds and vast experience both in the academic and practical spheres. Even so, none of them were really prepared for what they were seeing in this little-known corner of Rushmore.
When they had arrived in a quiet village early in their trip to make contact with the locals, their expectations were limited. This place wasn’t even marked on a map. But quickly their almost colonial mindset was transformed by what they saw in front of them. Though the people of this region had no nation or flag, they were far from lacking in “civilisation”, and their story was clearly an untold one rather than non-existent. It was obvious that the Dagans did not care in the slightest and were purging these people from their lands. Sure, many countries had founded and enriched themselves that way, but in the dozen’s minds, these were different times. Surely this couldn’t be happening in this day and age?
The party had discussed their preconceptions and Cassadaigua’s policies in late night gatherings in their tents, with the majority of them all in agreement, and their views going stronger as they moved closer to the Sicoutimont border and evidence of Dagan violence against these brave people became clearer. One of the military personnel was vocally with them too.
But the other one – and a “diplomat”, who was really an OSI agent – were very quiet. The latter was the leader of the group, and one night pulled aside the former outside their latest camping spot. She needed counsel.

‘I hope our colleagues are not getting the wrong impression of what we’re here for.’
‘You mean writing papers? Yeah.’
‘Don’t sneer. They think about the theory, so we don’t have to. But…’ The leader glanced over his shoulder to double check they were not being listened to. ‘…I’m worried they’re starting to think we are here on some kind of activist rodeo or, worse, are some kind of saviours. We are not here to save people. Nor are we here to set up a peace camp. We are here to gather evidence, get what we need, and fuck off at the earliest opportunity so that Bastion can decide how to respond. And if that means leaving these people to it against the Cassadagans then, well, so be it.’
‘And preferably before the others try to form a human chain in front of a Dagan tank column.’
‘Indeed.’
The culture of the Euran state was not anti-intellectual or even one that leaned particularly to the right, but it was instinctively authoritarian and cold to notions of emotional connection with suffering overseas, and those in positions of power distrusted anyone who might be seen to be letting their empathy get in the way of their duty. It was no wonder they’d put a spook in charge of the operation to keep an eye on all of them.

They returned to the tent and woke everyone.
‘We’re moving.’
‘What? But this settlement is fascinating, we’ve only just got started here!’ said the team anthropologist, repeating what they had asserted about the last dozen locations they’d been to. This is exactly the kind of thing my students would love to-‘
‘No. This place is too quiet, and the locals are English speakers who seem ambivalent about Dagan rule. They are not in danger and, even if they were, they are not what we need.’
‘But Liz, I don’t understand-‘
‘Shut the fuck up, Colin. That’s my decision and its final. If you want to come back here and write a book, don’t do it on the taxpayer’s expense, and don’t expect a medevac when some prick Dagan puts a bullet in you.’ For the first time on this peculiar expedition, the leader was being blunt with his subordinates, most of whom did not think of themselves as agents of the Euran state. ‘We are here to do a job, and that is all. These people are not our friends. But, you know, if it makes doing the work easier, feel free to let them believe we’re pals. But only believe. Got it?’
Finally, the entire group was on the same page. And as if by fate…

‘Hey! Hey, Eurans!‘
‘Hello, sorry, did we wake you? We were just having a, uh, debate’ said the team leader, her insincerity well masked while Colin fumed at her quietly to the side.
‘No! No, you must come quick. Something has happened in the next valley.’
The team leader’s eyebrows rose. She had heard what sounded like gunfire that morning. But they had not been this close to Dagan versus local combat before, not yet. Had their luck turned?
‘Ok then. Show us.’
Rather than using their vehicles, all of them proceeded together on foot, and made sure they brought their weapons and Kevlar vests with them. The locals came too, armed with horrendously outdated small arms, melee weapons and one grenade launcher they had “acquired” from Dagan forces before the Eurans arrived.
As they crested the hill, the leader wondered what they were about to encounter.
The next half an hour was a blur. For one thing, Colin vomited, and so did a few others. Even the leader lost her cool a bit, only given away by lighting a cigarette and not having the stomach to bother finishing it.

What they had discovered was nothing short of a total massacre. A small community – apparently French speaking from a couple of signs over local shops – was devastated. The main street through the settlement was silent, the houses and other buildings scattered with bullet holes and cratered walls and rooftops, the obvious result of use of heavy weaponry. A church of some kind was still on fire and several bodies were scattered outside, charred beyond recognition. The real giveaway, though, was the crows circling on the other side of the main gathering of buildings from where they had come, and the unmistakable stench of the dead.
‘This is a mass grave’ said a shocked member of the team, standing alone at the edge of the crow’s source of fascination as the team reached him. ‘I…that’s what this is isn’t it?’
It was. A thirty-metre long “grave” – more like a lazily dug shallow trench the Dagan troops had barely bothered to conceal – stacked full of dead locals.
‘How many, do you think?’
‘Hard to tell’ inputted one of the two military members of the team, who had seen such horrors in northern Eura at the hand of Sameban troops, ‘but I’d bet at least a few dozen, probably more. Boss!’

The team leader was already taking photographs. ‘Mmm?’
‘A lot of the dead are fighting-age men. If I were some conspiracist nut on the internet, and you showed me this, I’d just say they’re clearly insurgents. Terrorists. Whatever.’
‘And that is exactly what Concord Heights will tell the world, I’m sure. But are they right?’
‘Well’ the ex-soldier said, pointing at some very young looking corpses and at least a few women, ‘if this lot don’t fit the same patriarchal norms as most, then maybe half-right, but look at these people. They’re all wearing civvies. And can you see any evidence of Dagan casualties?’ This was a key question, so they scoured the town, and reconvened. There was blood splatter everywhere, more scattered bodies the Dagans had obviously missed, and a couple of discarded rocket tubes fired on buildings which were indisputably Dagan military standard issue.
But no evidence of Dagan casualties. No burned vehicles, used medikits, and crucially little evidence of return fire apart from a few small arms bullet casings and old rifles lying about.
‘Bonjour? S'il vous plait, ne tirez pas!’
…and that was the golden ticket.
Survivors. Three civilians – a middle aged woman, and a teenage boy and girl – who had somehow survived this ordeal. They spoke to the Eurans and the Cooper River locals at length about what they had seen, having run and hid in a woodland less than a hundred metres away when they saw the Dagan army turn up.
This was enough.
‘Get me the laptop and the signals equipment. Time to call home.’ A short, highly encrypted message would do the trick:

OVERLORD

THIS IS HUMBUG. BIG ONE DISCOVERED. ALERT PRIME MOVER IMMEDIATLEY. PRIMARY EVIDENCE ACQUIRED: PHOTOGRAPHIC, FORENSIC, WITNESSES. SUGGEST EURAERO REORIENT ASSETS TO SECURE OVERHEAD IMAGERY. REQUEST IMMEDIATE EXFIL.

---

‘How sure are we?’
‘I don’t usually say something is 100% certain, but, I mean, its hard to know what else to say.’
The Ticker peered at the printouts with his aging eyes.
‘Uh-huh. Satellite technology really is a marvel, is it not?’
‘Yes sir, it really is.’ The Ticker had no official title in this new “arrangement” he’d made with the Barnham administration. However, they had given him a desk in an unmarked office down the hall from Foreign Secretary Chadwick, several aides, and direct influence over the operation in the Cooper River region.
He was Overlord.
“Prime Mover” was Prime Minister Barnham, and with Chadwick was stood over the Tickers shoulder.
‘Well then’ he remarked, ‘that’s pretty cut and dry. Eloise? Thoughts?’
‘I agree’ she replied without hesitation, ‘and we shouldn’t wait. We should release all of this right away.’
‘Now? But our people are still down there.’
The Ticker shook his head. ‘They’ll be fine, we’ll just have them drive west with the witnesses and get them out by air. Helicopter from a carrier should do it. I’ll go ahead and speak to the Navy.’ The Ticker rose to his feet and went to leave. ‘Don’t mind me – I should like to oversee this myself. You decide whatever you need to politically.’

Although he had left, Barnham kept his voice down. He didn’t trust the old prick not to bug the office. ‘Ok, so, assuming we can get everyone out anyway, and we just release now-‘
‘Which we need to’ Chadwick interrupted, ‘so there’s no time for the Dagans to return to the site and cover up.’
‘Sure. My question is then what? No-one has presented me with any options, not yet.’
‘Naturally, we will need to condemn it immediately and throw up a fuss. Demand explanations and international investigation. Call for a freeze on all Dagan operations in the area. Then, as we get more and more evidence coming back from the satellite monitoring and the media drip feeding into the region, we keep upping the pressure.’
‘And in private?’
Chadwick took a long pause on this one before giving her potentially controversial answer. ‘If the Dagans really want to press this home then they will do – the military balance against the Cooper locals is overwhelming. But bringing this to light could serve our wider goals regarding the autocracies and monarchies of Rushmore.’
‘Yes. And on that point, has our man in Torgos spoken to Azra yet?’
‘No – one thing at a time, Harry. I’ll let you know when he has and what comes out of it. Needless to say, if the army rock up on Torgos’ doorstep to implement a change in leadership without parliament’s approval, the Euran government will strongly condemn the action and consider a response. I’ve already instructed the Chiefs of Staff to talk to their equivalents in the country and recommend they don’t do anything stupid.’
‘Right. Well, let’s get it done. But, Cooper River – really, what do we do if the Dagans simply press on or deny it all?’

Chadwick, almost casually, blurted out the top five things that came to her head. But, in truth, they were all options.
‘Do nothing. Carrot over stick, try to persuade the Dagans to behave differently through incentivisation. Divide and conquer – tap up the Princess and make this an opportunity for her to topple the current monarch. Or we call for peacekeepers. Or…we pour weapons in, and rely on the Dagan public calling time on the whole adventure when the body bags start stacking up.’
‘Fund an insurgency?’
‘Yes.’
Barnham was sweating ever so slightly. Elected to be a domestic leader, like all Euran Prime Ministers, he seemed destined to be focused on the world around Eura instead. There remained much to consider, and a lot depended on how the rest of the region reacted and what the Dagans would do when their behaviour was exposed.
In the meantime, Chadwick made a call, and by morning every newspaper in Eura carried an image of the Cooper River Massacre under the words "genocide", "ethnic cleansing", and whatever else would give the leadership in Concord Heights a great deal of embarrassment.

[Mertagne]

Matchday Five Scores - Tumbran Half

Group A
The Cordian Isles 0–0 Audioslavia
Aleirave 4–3 Chartistan
Delte 2–1 Yuezhou

_  Group A                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 The Cordian Isles             5   2  3  0   10   6  +4    9
2 Yuezhou                       5   2  2  1   14  13  +1    8
3 Audioslavia                   4   1  3  0    5   3  +2    6
4 Delte                         4   2  0  2    6   7  −1    6
5 Indusse                       4   1  2  1    8   8   0    5
6 Aleirave                      4   1  0  3    8  11  −3    3
7 Chartistan                    4   0  2  2    5   8  −3    2

Group B
Sendhang 2–1 United Adaikes
Cassadaigua 2–3 Sarzonia
Valentine Z 2–1 Brookstation

_  Group B                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sendhang                      5   4  0  1    8   6  +2   12
2 Cassadaigua                   4   3  0  1   11   4  +7    9
3 Sarzonia                      4   3  0  1    6   3  +3    9
4 Valentine Z                   4   2  0  2    6   8  −2    6
5 United Adaikes                4   1  1  2    7   9  −2    4
6 Brookstation                  5   1  0  4    9  14  −5    3
7 Saterun                       4   0  1  3    5   8  −3    1

Group C
Kuraita 2–1 Astograth
TJUN-ia 2–5 Soldera
Baggieland 2–1 HUElavia

_  Group C                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kuraita                       5   3  0  2    8   8   0    9
2 HUElavia                      5   2  1  2    9   7  +2    7
3 Astograth                     4   2  0  2    7   6  +1    6
4 Soldera                       4   2  0  2   10  10   0    6
5 Chromatika                    4   2  0  2    8   8   0    6
6 TJUN-ia                       4   1  2  1    7   9  −2    5
7 Baggieland                    4   1  1  2    6   7  −1    4

Group D
Garifunya 2–3 Eura
Ranoria 0–2 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles
Electrum 0–0 Tjorl

_  Group D                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Eura                          4   3  0  1    6   5  +1    9
2 Milchama                      4   2  1  1   13   9  +4    7
3 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles   4   2  1  1    5   3  +2    7
4 Ranoria                       4   2  1  1    3   2  +1    7
5 Garifunya                     5   1  2  2    6   7  −1    5
6 Electrum                      4   1  1  2    4   8  −4    4
7 Tjorl                         5   0  2  3    6   9  −3    2

RP Bonus Information
For the purposes of these statistics, multiple RPs by one participant within a cutoff window will be counted as one combined RP.

25 participants earned RP bonus.
The mean RP score was 70.00% of the maximum.
The median RP score was 70.00% of the maximum.
The standard deviation of RP scores was 20.82%.
5 RPs scored 90% or higher of the maximum bonus.

[Sendhang]

DAY 18 - MONTH 6 - YEAR 10

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Sendhang made history, advanced to the knockout stage

Lakewood: Sendhang made history by advancing to the knockout round of the 83rd Cup of Harmony for the first time after beating United Adaikes 2-1 at the Trenton Park, just now. To make it sweeter, the result saw the Rice Farmers qualify with one match remaining after recording four wins and one defeat. United Adaikes' Lorainne Kennard's own goal two minutes into injury time ensured three valuable points belonged to the Rice Farmers.

Playing in front of 74,000 spectators, Sendhang almost scored as early as the first minute as a result of Ramon Kalbasi's movement that slipped in from the right-wing before feeding the ball to Teuku Salahudin, but the opportunity was wasted by the KS Tapaklaboh striker.

Teuku Salahudin continued to cause restlessness to the opponent through his agile movement and managed to win a free-kick for Sendhang in a strategic position. Nanang Wirajuda, who took the free-kick, managed to complete the task perfectly after his kick past the wall before beating United Adaikes national goalkeeper, Abby Kidd in the tenth minute.

Sendhang's excitement, however, did not last long when United Adaikes managed to tie the score shortly after the goal. Teuku Hamzah's failure to remove the ball from the danger zone gave Kolton Dale space to make an interception and feed the ball to Collin Maddox who shot hard to beat Albertus Wageo in the eleventh minute. United Adaikes almost added a goal in the 15th minute with a quick attack but Collin Maddox's effort went wide

The situation became more difficult for Sendhang after defensive midfielder, Josua Beripeda who was taken out to be replaced by Joroq Mendriq was seen to have slightly affected the tactics of Sendhang's game in terms of dominance in the middle. United Adaikes doubled the pressure on Sendhang's goal and Collin Maddox once again tried to make an accurate attempt at goal in the 22nd minute, but this time Albertus Wageo was more prepared to punch the shot out for a corner kick.

The second half continued just like how the first half ended with United Adaikes more hungry to find a goal. Sendhang was able to keep their discipline and defended well to break the onslaught by United Adaikes. And when Sendhang looked almost certain to be tied by United Adaikes, the last attack of the match through Cezar Nowela's wild shot inside the penalty box was deflected in by Lorainne Kennard for an important victory in Sendhang's history.

[Cassadaigua]

Queen Cassie II woke up in the morning expecting this day to be much like the last. Things had seemed to be going well up north, and she expected to have another productive call with Rachel LaSalle, who has been her liaison between the palace and what is really going on.

“You’re Highness, sorry to bother you,” a trusted official remarked once she first saw that the Queen was up, “but there has been a concerning news story making it’s way across the wire. It originated in Eura. May I show you?”

The Queen nodded and took the official’s phone and saw the news story. She was shocked for many reasons, the first being that she was never told about all of this to begin with from Rachel LaSalle. Although, that was not LaSalle’s fault, as General Hannah Torres, who led the mission in C17, did not fully disclose everything that had happened. This was not what she wanted, there should have been no reason for the sort of mass grave that was seen in the photos. She could understand some of the other images, but could not comprehend why people that clearly were civilians were buried in a rather haphazard manner. Then, she was annoyed by that aspect of it, too. If things were going to get out of hand, as clearly happened in C17, why was such a nonchalant approach taken in regards to burying the bodies. But mostly, she was concerned about how the Eurans got these images to begin with. Why would they undertake such a mission? What did they hope to accomplish from it? They had no reason to be concerned about the Cooper River. Why would they care? This type of ethnic cleansing, as it was referred to, happens all throughout the world, routinely.

Queen Cassie II excused the official, and before getting in touch with Rachel LaSalle, she checked the local media websites, and certainly they got a hold of the story and were running with it as quickly as possible. Just like that, in the age of the internet, Cassadagan citizens would not need to go to Euran websites to see the images, they were plastered all over our own, with many asking the same questions. What are we doing? Are we covering anything up? And, there would be the expected few who were calling for the resignation of the Queen, immediately.

“Rachel, what the hell is going on up there?” Queen Cassie II asked on the phone without the beginning greetings that would be expected. “Surely, you have seen this.”

“I have, you’re Highness, and the images are as shocking to me as they are to you. I have been in conversation with General Torres, and she has explained to me what happened. Although, I don’t know if I really agree with it, it sounds fishy.”

“What did she say?”

“General Torres told me that they were pirates dressed up as civilians that engaged in a sneak attack when they arrived in C17. I don’t know if I really buy that, though, because she would have told me this initially.”

“Yeah, that’s a crock of shit, Rachel. So, this means I have someone up there that I can’t trust. She must replaced. Recommend me five people to go up there, with their resumes, and I will pick someone to replace her. In the meantime, I want you to figure out what really happened up there from her. Secondly, how the hell are the Eurans getting these images?”

“That is tougher to figure out. The land is secured, and we have done a great job with that. I would want to think that it is the locals that have somehow chosen the Eurans as their source to show these images too, but it has to be more than that. Eura has people in the northern territory, and their intentions are not to help us out.”

“They want me gone, and want Brianna in charge. Why the hell else would they be sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong? I know they like to do that a lot, though. Prime Minister Barnham is a smart man, and he wouldn’t go getting involved in this without having motives to do so. That’s the problem with those damn democracies, their politicians do all this shit to look good to their public, and he wants to be the one to condemn what we are doing. I’ll speak to him, though, let him know that the images they captured were something not authorized by the Cassadagan government, because, after all, it wasn’t, but that I am working to obtain more information about it, and will handle General Torres accordingly. I’ll work on getting a PR speech out to make the people feel better about what happened. In the meantime, I want 50,000 more troops heading north for the sole purpose of seeking out spies. In the meantime, I will tell people we will not advance further until we get this straightened out.”

“How do you want them handled if we find them? Do you really wish for us not to advance further?”

“Capture them. Do not, I repeat, do not, under any circumstance, kill them. Find out who they are, who specifically they are working for, and what they want. Right now, yes, I do not wish for us to advance further.”

LaSalle nodded and went to do as instructed. It was not always easy for Rachel LaSalle to get a hold of General Torres instantly due to poor cell reception in parts of the northern territory, but she was fortunate to get a hold of her on the first try,

“Good morning, Hannah, how is everything going?”

“We’re moving out of C21 now. Not much difficulty. Might need to start getting more buses up here, though, the further northeast we go, the more people are not wanting to become Cassadagans.”

“Ok, but Hannah we need to talk about C17. Have you seen the news?”

“No. I’ve been busy.”

“I understand. Well, somehow photographs of what happened in C17 were taken by Eurans, the Euran press got a hold of it, and now it’s all over the world. Some of the images that I have seen were unexpected. Why didn’t you tell me about all of this?”

“Eurans? How the hell are they getting anything?”

“Which is something that we are going to be working on. The Queen has just ordered 50,000 more troops to seek out spies. Anyway, why were you so sloppy with the handling of the pirates you encountered in C17?” Rachel LaSalle asked.

“I was told we were having people coming behind us to handle the situation. Why they didn’t come isn’t my troop’s responsibility.”

“What happened in C17, Hannah?”

“We went over that already.”

“After seeing these pictures, the Queen isn’t so sure that she believes what happened. I am not so sure I believe it, either. She wants to know what happened. It’s not something that looks completely justified to either of us. I didn’t expect to see what I saw.”

“Then get up here, Rachel. This is what real combat is like, you served your prime years during peace time. This place is a war zone sometimes. Either come up here and experience real combat for once in your life, or trust me that I am telling you what really happened. Ask Queen Cassie why the bodies weren’t handled better. My troop is not here to handle bodies, but we did the best we could given the situation. We have a mission. By the way, you were the one who told me that would not be a priority and that we didn’t have any spies.”

“Ok, Hannah, first of all, I would have been just as prepared to fight in combat as any of you if we were in one. I’ll pass on what you said to the Queen. In the meantime, the Queen also wants you to stay put, no further advancement until she says so.”

“Thank you. Will do.”

After the call, Hannah Torres rounded up her troop and delivered a message, “Everyone, be extra careful. There are spies around. Somehow the damn Eurans found out what happened in C17, got pictures and posted it all over the news. This means that not only are there spies around, but people that we are getting in contact with now could be working with them. If you suspect anything is wrong in any of your communications, that any of the people that you come across cannot be trusted, then they have no choice but to get their asses on one of the buses, whether they want to stay here or not. Now, onwards towards C22.”

Brittany Claussen was one of many soldiers that acknowledged the message and were not going to speak up against it while at the same time not liking it. After the general walked away, Brittany turned towards one of her new best friends, Gabby Cordero, and asked her, “Do you think she’s going crazy? Hannah?”

“Yeah, I don’t like her. I mean, we didn’t have to keep shooting like we did in C17. Clearly they ran out of bullets and we kept firing on her command.”

“It’s just so heartless. We kill people and it’s move on to the next territory. These people did have lives. Hannah doesn’t care about any of that. Gabby, this isn’t what I signed up for.”

“We can’t let down our country, though.”

“I know, and I’m not. But I think Hannah is.”

“I have a secret, Brittany. Can I tell you?”

“What is it?”

“I saw three people hiding in the woods there. I knew they were there, they didn't think I knew, but I knew. Scared, unarmed civilians. Not Eurans or anything. I was about to shoot, but I couldn’t. They were unarmed. I, I couldn’t do it. And I didn’t tell Hannah.”

“You did the right thing. Hannah would disagree, but you did. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

[The Cordian Isles]

You’re all lowly ranked and shit out of luck
‘Cos this time out we give a fuck
And you all look like sitting ducks
It’s time for a Grand Slam.

So let’s sing it: Hi guys in Cup of Harmony
We don’t care we didn’t make it to the WC
We’re here to spend the last of our KPBs
Singing ’This chorus won’t come back to haunt us next week no way lol’
’This chorus won’t come back to haunt us next week no way lol’

The Cordian Isles 0–0 Audioslavia

OOC: Apologies for lack of RP, been focused on WCoH and Margaret has run absolutely rampant in Group A here.

[Eraman]

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Day 22 - Month 6 - Year 10

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SPORTS

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Don't take Sargossa and Gortolekua lightly

Scharfwick: Don't take Sargossa and Gortolekua lightly!

That was the warning of the Eraman national team head coach from Pemecutan, Agung Suryanantha ahead of the last 2 matches in Group F of the 83rd Cup of Harmony campaign.

Although Sargossa and Gortolekua are lower than Eraman in the world rankings and Group F standings, Agung Suryanantha still considers the two teams to be tough opponents. Therefore, he explained that the national team players need to be more vigilant in accomplishing the important mission, which is to advance to the knockout stage and at the same time avoid surprises by Sargossa and Gortolekua.

“We have a lot of respect for the Sargossa and Gortolekua teams, but we are still fully confident that our players can give their best. Sargossa and Gortolekua are very strong teams for us, so I think we need to do a thorough preparation in terms of tactical, technical, mental, and strategy,” he told a press conference, today.

If we take into account the world ranking, Eraman is ranked 58th in the world, Sargossa is 69th while Gortolekua is 100th. However, the last two matches between Sargossa and Eraman at the 91st World Cup qualifiers saw Sargossa manage to thrash Eraman 5-0 at home before losing 2-1 in Eraman.

Currently, Kelssek is at the top of the group with nine points, Eraman is in second place with seven points followed closely by Savojarna and Sargossa in third and fourth with six points. Efnakia is in fifth place with 5 points, 1 point ahead of Bollonich in sixth place while Gortolekua is at the bottom after collecting just two points.

[Delte]

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Delte 2-1 Yuezhou
Player-Reporter Kim Samrodd in Cuono, Tumbra for the Ughmirren Broadsheets

---

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match, but certainly mention should be made of coach Enda Clentin’s post match interview shortly after Tai Cerotha had given the Representatives a late late surprise surprise win win. Whilst humbly submitting that he was still very pleased with progress toward winning the Cup of Harmony, he was, he admitted for the first time, concerned that in truth the team had not expected to get out of the group stage and perhaps might not have enough underpants to go round if their stay was extended. Nobody wanted a repeat of the return home from the Baptism of Fire, when the same thing happened, and the civic reception on platform 3 of Oswark station was marred by an awkward… cheesiness?… during congratulatory speech-giving about the otherwise proud quarter-finalists. Perhaps, wondered coach Clentin in his analysis, they might yet have to send someone out for some additional intimate garments, though they would hope - this being Tumbra and all - not to have to return home in woollen undercrackers.

---

BOOM! KIM SAMRODD BLOWS UP THE INTERNET
5/5 Straton International Airport (Arrivals Hall)

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The Real Kim Samrodd (recently voted one of the world’s… well if you don’t know by now I shan’t bother telling you) had no idea what ‘special treatment’ meant as he passed through the arrivals hall of Straton International Airport, Tumbra, one week before the start of Cup of Harmony '83 with his team-mates of the Representative squad. He didn’t even suspect he was due any. But since he had recently blown up the internet as someone who may or may not exist, possibly in a similar vein to Carlos The Jackal, Turin Shroud Man or Momo, he was a familiar face to the Tumbran immigration officers and was invited for a quick chat around the back so they could correctly verify his identity and gender.

[pause for outrage]…[/pause]

Passport and visa notwithstanding, they did not find verification in literally any of his cavities or crevices which they so thoroughly checked, but a second look on their computer system whilst the pale and shaky rightback dressed himself seemed to do the trick, and the immigration officers were all smiles after that. They told him there was a special guest in the airport who was keen to meet him, and they seemed very excited. Given his first experience of the local translation of ‘special’ he wasn’t sure he wanted to meet a special guest, but they brooked no denial as they led him through the labyrinthine corridors of the airport’s Control Zone and he was pleasantly surprised when they emerged into a rather fancy VIP executive lounge. With continued zest they pointed to a secluded corner of the lounge and said in broken Deltic, “look… is there… for you waits!” It was Enor Perro. What was he doing here? He must be a big deal now, the valley’s first professional footballer. “Nonono him no… her! Yes look! Is Farvy-Girl, very delicious” said the immigration officer, entirely star struck.

Enor Perro introduced the stunned footballer to Mrs. Enor Perro, his new wife. (In fact not Mrs. Enor Perro of course, because the Delts don’t do that sort of thing. Señora Vínsà Lülèèn, to be precise, aka. the six-million unique followers and counting Farvy-Girl). “W- w- what are you doing here?” wondered Kim, staring at Vínsà and then dragging his reluctant eyes toward his old teammate Enor.

“May have autograph?” asked the immigration officer of the señora. Kim was staring at her again.

---

CRACQUET-CRICKET: AN UNEXPECTED ADVENTURE
Delte River Trust, Town Lock, Oswark-upon-Delte

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"By the heavenly statue," shouted Tessa Sack, head of the Trust and de facto leader of the community, with an unusual lather of emotion, "how many times have we told you Imryn, you don't circumvent official communication channels just to talk crackitt with your old school ties!"

"Well now," said the Chief Stoic Officer of the community, Taski Mangepole, with a soothing tone, "I think this is getting a bit - "

"On official headed paper too!" interrupted Tessa, to Imryn Numbrill of the OCC, "And before you start with all that Cracquet-crackitt guff,let me remind you the damned inventor of the sport was called Jiminy Cricket! C.R.I.C.K.E.flocking.T CRICKET! People in foreign countries are allowed - allowed mind you! - to say it however they flocking want and it's not your place to say otherwise!" - she was getting louder.

"Honestly, though I see your poi- " started Taski again, and he was fully in agreement with the pragmatics if not the spirit of Tessa's rage -

"There is no way" continued Tessa, at paled Imryn, "I am letting you entertain official bloody diplomats the way you carry on... 'suitable attire'? Are you mad? To foreign ministers? Just who do you think you even are - AND YES THAT IS A FLOCKING RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU INVETERATE BUFFOON!"

It was a long time since there had been such a heated discussion in the corridors of power at the Delte River Trust.

From: The Office of The Managing Director
Delte River Trust, Town Lock, Oswark-upon-Delte

To: Unit for Acquaintances and Courteous Non-Alignment, Department of Non-Aligned Diplomacy, The Prosaic Union Ministry for Foreign Affairs
cc: Unit for Union Games, Department of Civil Society and Sports of The Prosaic Union Ministry of Culture, Sports and other Charitable Activities.
cc: Unit for Other Games, the same.

The Delte River Trust Sports & Social Club, being the oversight body for sports and social activities in the valley of the River Delte, and The Stoic Council's Hobbies Division, together with the Commissioning Office of the Oswark Cracquet Club would be delighted to entertain your ministers and other potential acquaintances at Oswark Oval for a test match special. Each round of the special, as I am sure you are aware, is fourteen days and there are five rounds with two rest days between each. The match is best of five but as this is Cracquet of course we play all five rounds even if the result is decided in the first three. I have taken the liberty of reserving diplomatic suites at the Governer's House for the next three months to cover the duration of the Oswark Parish vs. Sullenden Parish match, an important fixture in the Parish Championship. We feel the match should permit you to gain a detailed understanding of the intricacies of the sport and we will additionally make available to you one Umpire Dibbens, whose encyclopaedic knowledge of cracquet will be at your disposal for the duration of your stay. Commissioner Numbrill, unfortunately, will be on a gardening mission to Blackacre at the time of your visit, but sends his regards.

Appropriate attire, of course, is whatever you deem to be appropriate, given the legendary status of sartorial elegance in your Prosaic Union.

Kind regards, Tessa Sack
Managing Director, Delte River Trust

"Right," said Tessa to Taski, after the poor old cricketer had finally been ejected from the office, "what's next on the agenda?"

"Let me see. Oh. It's Shephard Uskoe, from the Valley Woollen Society, he requests an audience regarding -"

"For Flocks' sake, Taski," interrupted Tessa, "no way. Not today."

[Baggieland]

The Mysterious Disappearance of Øystein Øye

Extra Ordinary Meeting of the Baggielandian Cabinet

Bread and Circuses Minister: "Thank you for coming everyone."

Home Secretary: "Is there a problem?"

Bread and Circuses Minister: "Yes, we are missing a Gnejsian."

Foreign Minister: "Come again?"

Bread and Circuses Minister: "We're missing… we have lost a Gnejsian."

Home Secretary: "That's impossible. Those Gnejsians stick out like a sore thumb here in Baggieland."

Bread and Circuses Minister: "Apparently only Nina Stark returned to Gnejs. No one knows where Øystein Øye is. Lei Siulung and Garry Greenidge, you two were showing them around. What happened?"

Lei Siulung: "I remember Ms. Stark was in a rush to get to the airport. I don't remember seeing Mr. Øye towards the end."

Defence Minister: "For God's sake woman. How can you lose a Gnejsian?"

Lei Siulung: "Oh what, am I supposed to do a head count now? This is Baggieland, go to Gnejs if you want to do head counts. Besides, I'm sure he'll turn up in a day or two."

Garry Greenidge: "Lei Siulung's right. The other day I went out with some friends. The last thing I remember is having a drink with them in a bar, and then the next morning I woke up in my house all alone. But then I met my mates again later in that day. There's nothing to worry about, he'll turn up."

Bread and Circuses Minister: "Can you walk us through what happened that day?"

Lei Siulung: "I met those two Gnejsians at the airport, then we went to meet Garry, who explained to them the rules of cricket. Finally, we took them to HMS Onslaught where they had a game."

King Alswitch: "Gnejs played cricket against HMS Onslaught? I would have liked to see that. Who won?"

Lei Siulung: "HMS Onslaught, but Captain Fletcher cheated badly."

King Alswitch: "Cheating at cricket… sinking international shipping… that Captain Fletcher is a real character!"

Lei Siulung: "Anyway, Ms. Stark had been fielding on the deck of the submarine for about three hours non-stop, without any protection from the Baggielandian sun. When the game was over, she was looking very frazzled and she screamed at me to take her to the airport."

Home Secretary: "Why didn't she just stop fielding, go and sit in the shade at the tavern and have a nice cool drink?"

Lei Siulung: "You know how prosaic those Gnejsians are. Got to follow the rules. So I took her to the airport. Didn't see what happened to Mr. Øye."

Bread and Circuses Minister: "Well, the Gnejsians are very worried, they've sent me a letter."

Defence Minister: "Are they threatening war again?"

Bread and Circuses Minister: "No, it's very politely worded. Any suggestions on how we can find this fellow?"

Home Secretary: "We could check all the hospitals."

Defence Minister: "He's missing… not injured!"

Garry Greenidge: "We could ask the police to help us."

Bread and Circuses Minister: "Hey… eating lasagna with a fork is uncouth, but it's not a crime!"

King Alswitch: "So, it's agreed, we'll do nothing until he turns up."

[Sargossa]

From here

= = = Official Communiqué = = =

To: Chair of the Royal Commission of Quebec and Shingoryeo to Pasarga
From: José Carizzo, Minister For Foreign Affairs, Greater Sargossan Republic
CC: Foreign Ministry (Exec), OOTP
Re: The Pasarga Situation

Duke Platt-Houseflower,

Thank you for your recent correspondence regarding the ongoing dynastic challenges currently occurring in the region of Oygruppen. I have consulted His Supreme Excellency President Emparán on the matter and can confirm that the situation is of grave concern, particularly given the recent attack upon the royal heirs themselves.

On this topic it would seem the interests of our two nations are very much aligned. Monarchism itself is of no consequence to us. The government of Sargossa does not judge a nation on its system of government alone, that would be short sighted. But what is unacceptable is foreign powers manipulating affairs in our venerable corner of Rushmore to propagate their own ends. The direct heirs of King Jakub are the rightful and legitimate rulers of Pasarga and should be recognised as such. I understand that familial ties to your own royal family are what drives Quebecois thinking in this matter. Preserving the status quo in Olde Rushmore is ours. Regime change is not a palatable option, lest it give others ideas that they should not be having.

With this in mind, the President is most interested in a potential strengthen of ties between the Greater Republic and the Kingdom of Quebec and Shingoryeo. With an eye to further ties to the other nations you mention and more besides. Although he stresses that such an arrangement should be seen to be more a diplomatic arrangement than a military one. Given the current political situation, condemning alien intervention in another nation’s affairs in one breath and then having a coalition rattling their sabres at said nation the next may not present the best optics.

Kind regards,

José Carizzo
Minister For Foreign Affairs
Republic of Sargossa

= = = Official Communiqué = = =

[Audioslavia]

I glance up at the scoreboard again. Jesus, has another minute just passed? Ninety-three now. Maybe if we get the ball right now... right now...

God it's frustrating. You just want to march over there and do it yourself. Your opponents, happy with the draw, have the ball next to your corner flag and two of their number are making absolute pains of themselves, wasting time, booting the ball off your full-back's shins for a throw-in or a corner, from where they recommence wasting as much time as possible. Had we even gotten the ball out of that corner for the last four minutes? I watch as Archer Flat marches over, tries to dig the ball out from under Anton Osterholt's foot, but he only manages to give the striker a kick in the ankle and... yup, that's a free-kick and another minute and a half.

I go to tie my shoelaces back up, but I've barely moved since the last time I did that. They're still fastened tight. I want to walk over to the wing, or anywhere the ball might appear, but instructions are instructions. I'm the outlet. If we get the ball, the defence will be looking for me. I need to be where they expect me to be.

The free-kick's taken short, because of course it is, and the defence tries to go about getting it without leaving themselves too exposed for a chance to be created. Nicholas Eriksen has a cheeky look up and thinks about trying to find striker Sebastian Voll, who's still in the penalty area and making sure Obadele Volonte keeps his wits about him, but instead turns back towards the corner flag. There, finally, Giacomo Duran gets a foot in, and Archer Flat beats his man to the loose ball.

Here we go, then. Seconds on the clock. I come forward to show myself. Yuriyorkis doesn't even look for me, but still finds the space I'm jogging into with a reverse pass. I glance to my right as the ball comes to me inside the centre-circle, feeling the footsteps of a defender behind me. One thing I won't do right now is try to turn him. You only do that once in a counter-attack before it's trained out of you. Nothing more annoying than a midfielder losing the ball or even delaying a counter because he wants to beat his man. Inigo Brandao is making the run on the opposite flank. The angle's not there, but with a quick lay-off to Cappadonna... okay, we know the drill from here. Now we run.

Counter-attacking is fun. Possession football is exhausting, pressing is exhausting. You're constantly on your toes, your brain is constantly working, you're emotionally and physically on it the entire time. A counter-attacking game, where your main brain power isn't focused on what are you doing with the ball right now but more what are my opponents doing, and how can I ruin it? is easier. It allows us to go further into games at the same intensity, and means we've still got energy whenever we want to do one of these counters. Quick, short passes with the inside of your right foot. No funny stuff. Get the ball into a place where a midfielder can make that killer ball and turn the defence, and that's exactly what Cappadonna has done. The Cordian Isles have rarely had a high line today, but with the ball on our corner flag for so long they've all drifted forward. Brandao's away down the left. My job now is to get. The. Hell. Up. The. Pitch. Letexier is following me to my right so, instinctively, I run in front of him and he cuts towards the ball. The defenders, having by now chosen who they want to mark, have to decide whether to mark the zone or mark the man. One lapse and there's a two-on-one and, well, one thing you can rely on with Audioslavian wingers is their ability to see that as it starts to happen and get the ball to the free man's feet as soon as it happens. Johnson and Chase aren't falling for it. Cool. I'm still furthest forward and I'm not getting in front of my man, so I slow my run, forcing Johnson to adjust. Letexier breezes past to my left, I drop towards the right hand corner of the area. The ball is ahead of Letexier, who takes a touch, and the next action must be the ball into the centre. It's Kontrapuntzeka. This is the way.

I change pace once more, head down, arms pumping, and charge in. The ball is played, I've got my shoulder in front of Johnson, it's a quick, low ball and I know that, if I try and hit this first time, my chances of getting it on target, especially with my left foot, are slim. I take a touch, it's heavy, but I'm still there ahead of Johnson. The keeper stays in his six yard box, I'm eight yards from goal. Left foot. Last minute. This is it...

---

The phone goes ding but I don't need to check the messages. Mum. Dad. Sisters. Love-yous and head-ups. I don't need to be watching TV to know what the pundits are saying. Need a striker. Need experience. Helios Roy isn't working. I don't plan on watching the footage back any time soon. One touch with the left foot, look up, look down, swing left leg, slice the fucking thing harmlessly wide.

"Still unbeaten, Hello" says the boss, hand on the shoulder.
"Aye" I say, shaking my head.
"Go get yourself cleaned up" she says, hand on the back of the head. "You did well"
"Worked hard mate" says another voice, that of Obadele. "It'll come"
"You're our guy" says RJ. I nod and head towards the shower.
"You need to say it" she calls after me.
"I'm your guy" I say, my back still turned.

[Sarzonia]

When your team gets walloped by an opponent and you play that team in a rematch, you typically want to beat them by the same margin or more to exact revenge for the blowout defeat.

Sarzonia didn't get that against world No. 7 Cassadaigua, but they walked away from the pitch with something that was impressive in its own right. They battled back from a 2-0 halftime deficit and won 3-2 with the match-winning goal in the second minute of stoppage time off a spectacular bicycle kick from striker Jake Campos.

The final whistle brought the nervous players on the bench streaming onto the pitch to join the exhausted 11 in jubilation. It saw Brady Reynolds earn an early candidate for a signature victory as Sarzonia ended up winning two of the three matches against the Fillies in the current cycle.

"We just showed a lot of character against a really good Cassadaigua side," midfielder Clayton Wilson, who scored Sarzonia's first goal in the 58th minute with a free kick. "There's no quit in this team."

Holly Cambrio leveled the score in the 76th minute as Campos drew two defenders to him with a dangerous run into the area. Cambrio just slipped past her defender and slammed a header past Dagan goalkeeper Cynthia Kerr. Stars goalie Carlton Sandt made five saves after allowing both Fillies tallies 29 minutes in.

"I felt like I had to atone for my play against them the last two matches," he said. "Brady gave me a chance to do that."

Reynolds yelled out encouragement to the Stars, telling them they could play with Cassadaigua, pointing out their 1-0 win in Woodstock against the Fillies.

"I saw our players looking glum," he said. "I felt that if we lost the mental battle, we'd lose the one on the pitch, so I tried to give us some hope out there."

Sarzonia will face Valentine Z and Brookstation in their final two group stage matches of the Cup of Harmony, but they hope to carry momentum from a huge victory into those final matches.

"We bounced back in a great way," Campos said. "We want to build on it."

[TJUN-ia]

FT: TJUN-ia (34) 2-5 Soldera (76)
TJU: Archer Andrews (22', 33')
SOL: Cayden Barkley (25', 37', 56'), Lisa Allyson (68'), Eric West (88')

By Peter Davis

Pain.
Fletcher Park observed a piece of trauma as we ended up snakebit at the hands of the Soldera Snakes.

We did well to start in a frantic first half but in the end, Larry Carricker's side managed to blow us out of the water in that 2nd half of pain.

Now 6th in the group, we need to bounce back here against Astograth if we have any hopes of making the Top 4 as many do not see us with much of a chance against Chromatika on the final day.

In other news, the pink armbands we have worn for a while now (in support of returning Cassadaigua to certain sports) will now be removed permanently due to recent events in the Rushmori Terra Nullus that have been brought to light by those in Eura.

The Government of TJUN-ia, which usually doesn't interfere in outside affairs, released a segment denouncing the alleged "ethnic cleansing" of the Cooper River region as "a stain on humanity" and that "any and all military action in the region must cease immediately until an internationally-recognised independent investigation is instigated and completed". They also stated, in a dramatic sentence, that "we understand that HRH Queen Cassie II did not condone any of the alleged actions that have taken place in this specific settlement, but we also hope that she uses her willpower to ensure that nothing of this sort happens ever again. Human rights and the rules of war must be respected by all parties and we hope that Her Majesty understands this fully."

What does this mean? Well, it means that TJUN-ia has taken an international position for the very first time in its history. What the means long term is uncertain but in my view, it is absolutely needed. Injustice must be highlighted even by the most neutral of observers.

I, and many others, will have to focus on football and that is fine. But make no mistake, to anyone outside our borders who reads this:

We are watching.

#JusticefortheCooperRiver

GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group C, all games in Tumbra)
MD1: vs Kuraita (124) - Bencoolen City Stadium, Bencoolen, Bencoolen W 2-1 (T-1st)
MD2: BYE (T-2nd)
MD3: vs Baggieland (106) - Bencoolen City Stadium, Bencoolen, Bencoolen D 3-3 (3rd)
MD4: vs HUElavia (48) - Columbus Field, Columbia, Alexandria D 0-0 (5th)
MD5: vs Soldera (76) - Fletcher Park, Kingsbury, Georgia L 2-5 (6th)
MD6: vs Astograth (66) - Fletcher Park, Kingsbury, Georgia
MD7: vs Chromatika (24) - Columbus Field, Columbia, Alexandria