[SUBMITTED] Fishy Goings-on

[Baggieland]

I have no idea how this one will be received, but it is topical, so let's give it a try!

Also, my deepest apologies to all Scandinavians everywhere!

[TITLE] Fishy Going-ons

[DESCRIPTION] The football World Cup is in full swing and @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the porpoise, an animal oracle resident at @@CAPITAL@@ zoo, who has correctly predicted all but one of every game played so far. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal chose @@NAME@@ to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

[VALIDITY] must allow prosports must allow zoos

[OPTION] "There's only one thing to do with this treasonous aquatic mammal," declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most patriotic advisor. "Send him to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let's all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight. How dare that porpoise think that @@NAME@@ could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness? Ban all animal oracles in the future, so we don't send bad luck to our already superstitious footballers."

[EFFECT] police spend hours interrogating parrots

[OPTION] "Oh, come now, it's just a bit of fun," says your secretary. "Pepe has already got one prediction wrong, who's to say he's not going to be wrong about the Skandilund match? These animal oracles provide an entertaining side show to the action on the pitch, and people love them. We should encourage all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ to see if their pets have psychic abilities before every major sporting tournament and award a prize to the best of them."

[EFFECT] this year's phenomenon in @@NAME@@ is a psychic ant colony

[OPTION] "I have a better idea with what we can do with this animal," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff. "If Pepe is truly psychic, then we should use him to predict our military strategies. We can put the flag of our adversaries in his pool to see if we should bomb them or not, or pictures of a boat and a plane to see if we should go with an airborne or a naval assault. Our enemies won't understand how we can predict their every move!"

[EFFECT] the military budget has seen an increase in the demand for fish

[TITLE] Fishy Going-ons

[DESCRIPTION] The International Football Federation Global Cup is in full swing and @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the porpoise, an animal oracle resident at @@CAPITAL@@ zoo, who has correctly predicted all but one of every game played so far. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal chose @@NAME@@ to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

[VALIDITY] must allow prosports must allow zoos

[OPTION] "There's only one thing to do with this treasonous aquatic mammal," declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most patriotic advisor. "Send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let's all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight. How dare that porpoise think that @@NAME@@ could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness? Ban all animal oracles in the future, so we don't send bad luck to our already superstitious footballers."

[EFFECT] police spend hours interrogating parrots
[FLAG] reverses vegetarianism policy

[OPTION] "Oh, come now, it's just a bit of fun," says your secretary. "Pepe has already got one prediction wrong, who's to say he's not going to be wrong about the Skandilund match? These animal oracles provide an entertaining side show to the action on the pitch, and people love them. We should encourage all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ to see if their pets have psychic abilities before every major sporting tournament and award a prize to the best of them."

[EFFECT] this year's phenomenon in @@NAME@@ is a psychic ant colony

[OPTION] "I have a better idea with what we can do with this animal," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff. "If Pepe is truly psychic, then we should use him to predict our military strategies. We can put the flag of our adversaries in his pool to see if we should bomb them or not, or pictures of a boat and a plane to see if we should go with an airborne or a naval assault. Our enemies won't understand how we can predict their every move!"

[EFFECT] the military budget has seen an increase in the demand for fish

[TITLE] Fishy Goings-on

[DESCRIPTION] The International Football Federation Global Cup is in full swing and @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the porpoise, an animal oracle resident at @@CAPITAL@@ zoo, who has correctly predicted all but one of every game played so far. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal chose @@NAME@@ to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

[VALIDITY] must allow prosports must allow zoos

[OPTION] "There's only one thing to do with this treasonous aquatic mammal," declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most patriotic advisor. "Send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let's all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight. How dare that porpoise think that @@NAME@@ could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness? Ban all animal oracles in the future, so we don't send bad luck to our already superstitious footballers."

[EFFECT] roosters that herald the rising sun are immediately sent to the slaughter house
[FLAG] reverses vegetarianism policy

[OPTION] "Oh, come now, it's just a bit of fun," says your secretary. "Pepe has already got one prediction wrong, who's to say he's not going to be wrong about the Skandilund match? These animal oracles provide an entertaining side show to the action on the pitch, and people love them. We should encourage all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ to see if their pets have psychic abilities before every major sporting tournament and award a prize to the best of them."

[EFFECT] dog owners proudly declare that their pups can predict when the mailman will arrive


[OPTION] "I have a better idea with what we can do with this animal," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff. "If Pepe is truly psychic, then we should use him to predict our military strategies. We can put the flag of our adversaries in his pool to see if we should bomb them or not, or pictures of a boat and a plane to see if we should go with an airborne or a naval assault. Our enemies won't understand how we can predict their every move!"

[EFFECT] the military budget has seen an increase in the demand for fish

[TITLE] Fishy Goings-on

[DESCRIPTION] The International Football Federation Global Cup is in full swing and @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the porpoise, an animal oracle resident at @@CAPITAL@@ zoo, who has correctly predicted all but one of every game played so far. However, controversy arose yesterday and national pride was hurt, when the animal chose @@NAME@@ to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

[VALIDITY] must allow prosports must allow zoos

[OPTION] "There's only one thing to do with this treasonous aquatic mammal," fumes @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most patriotic advisor. "Send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let's all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight. How dare that porpoise think that @@NAME@@ could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness? Ban all animal oracles in the future, so we don't send bad luck to our already superstitious footballers."

[EFFECT] roosters that herald the rising sun are immediately sent to the slaughter house
[FLAG] reverses vegetarianism policy

[OPTION] "Oh, come now, it's just a bit of fun," says your secretary. "Pepe has already got one prediction wrong, who's to say he's not going to be wrong about the Skandilund match? These animal oracles provide an entertaining side show to the action on the pitch, and people love them. We should encourage all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ to see if their pets have psychic abilities before every major sporting tournament and award a prize to the best of them."

[EFFECT] dog owners proudly declare that their pups can predict when the mailman will arrive


[OPTION] "I have a better idea with what we can do with this animal," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff. "If Pepe is truly psychic, then we should use him to dictate our military strategies. We can put the flag of our adversaries in his pool to see if we should bomb them or not, or pictures of a boat and a plane to see if we should go with an airborne or a naval assault. Our enemies won't understand how we can anticipate their every move!"

[EFFECT] the military budget has seen an increase in the demand for fish
[OR] military chiefs are confident of extra funding in this year's budget

[Trotterdam]

If you have a thousand monkeys at typewriters all making predictions, sheer chance suggests that one of them will turn out to be right. It doesn't mean that monkey has psychic powers.

[Baggieland]

It's one animal, making one (different) prediction at a time.

[Valentine Z]

If you have a thousand monkeys at typewriters all making predictions, sheer chance suggests that one of them will turn out to be right. It doesn't mean that monkey has psychic powers.

But this is a porpoise. It can predict the games without a typewriter, so it's pretty powerful!

On a serious note, you can make another option with it.

"What an utter load of rubbish!" followed by what Trotterdam said, then "LEADER, you must dismiss this prediction as mere coincidences and chances aligning together, not some hocus pocus!"

So yeah, you can actually add another option with this idea of claiming it as a load of baloney.

[Trotterdam]

It's one animal, making one (different) prediction at a time.

There have almost certainly been other animals that have been attempted to use for such shenanigans, but which didn't make the news due to not being as successful. Quoth Wikipedia:

Spiegelhalter points out that there are "other animals that have attempted but failed to predict the outcome of football matches"; it is not remarkable that one animal is more successful than the others, and only the successful animals will gain public attention after the fact.^[11]

Some other German oracles did not fare so well in the World Cup. The animals at the Chemnitz Zoo were wrong on all of Germany's group-stage games, with Leon the porcupine picking Australia, Petty the pygmy hippopotamus spurning Serbia's apple-topped pile of hay, and Anton the tamarin eating a raisin representing Ghana.^[35][36]

Mani the parakeet of Singapore became famous for correctly predicting the results of all four quarter-final matches. Mani contradicted Paul by picking the Netherlands to win the final, resulting in some media outlets describing the game as an octopus-versus-parakeet showdown.^[37][38][39]

There are other factors at play than random chance. Paul picked Germany with disproportionate frequency, suggesting that the octopus was predisposed to that box, possibly because it found Germany's flag attractive or because the behavior of its handlers inadvertedly featured bias in how the two boxes were placed in the cage each time. Since Germany made a fairly good showing in the year's tournament, and won most matches (clearly not a random coincidence either - they were probably fielding an above-averagely-skilled team), that means Paul would often end up being right by default, with a chance in excess of what would happen if both the predictions and the outcomes were truly arbitrary. Paul correctly predicted all of the (nine) games that Germany won, in fact, but correctly predicted only half of the (four) games that Germany lost. This is rather comparable to the outcome you might expect from a rabid fan of the (legitimately good but not invincible) team simply making overly-optimistic predictions of his favored team's victory, without any special insight.

It's also worth noting that if an animal did have real psychic powers, then eating it because it made a prediction you don't like would just be shooting the messenger, and really mean. Also, if an animal had real psychic powers, it would avoid making predictions what would cause people to eat it. It probably cares about not being eaten more than it cares about being right about a football match.

[Baggieland]

Thanks for the in-depth insight into the scientific exploration of the phenomena that is animal oracles. However, these "psychic" animals are just a bit of fun, that pop up every world cup, are not taken that seriously and hence this issue does not delve into the scientific realities of such animals.

[Baggieland]

On a serious note, you can make another option with it.

"What an utter load of rubbish!" followed by what Trotterdam said, then "LEADER, you must dismiss this prediction as mere coincidences and chances aligning together, not some hocus pocus!"

So yeah, you can actually add another option with this idea of claiming it as a load of baloney.

Thanks for the idea. But this seems too similar to the dismiss button. An option needs to do something, like enact a policy or change a stat and stuff.

[Bears Armed]

However, these "psychic" animals are just a bit of fun

Guess whose nation has an 'Oracle of Owls' that is taken seriously... and that is, indeed, fairly reliable in its predictions about all sorts of matters.

[Trotterdam]

Fun fact: while in real life many birds are quite intelligent, owls are actually not one of them and are among the dumbest of birds.

[Bears Armed]

Fun fact: while in real life many birds are quite intelligent, owls are actually not one of them and are among the dumbest of birds.

I know, but Owl was one of the 'Seven Holy Helpers' whom the Great Bear sent in ancient times to advise Bearkind so...

[Australian rePublic]

Is @@NAME@@ really that immature? And if so, this aspect of it needs more references as such. Also validity, must allow sports

If you have a thousand monkeys at typewriters all making predictions, sheer chance suggests that one of them will turn out to be right. It doesn't mean that monkey has psychic powers.

This calls for a Simpsons' reference: "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times"

[Trotterdam]

Is @@NAME@@ really that immature?

Maybe not the whole nation, but the real-life evidence does suggest that football fans are not the most mature of people.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

So I am guessing Option 1 couldn't be proposed in a vegetarian nation?

[USS Monitor]

So I am guessing Option 1 couldn't be proposed in a vegetarian nation?

Just have it cancel vegetarianism if you pick that.

[Outer Sparta]

I love a good World Cup-esque like issue and this one has an unusual but unique tilt! Seriously tho, why would people get riled up over a psychic fish?

[Baggieland]

So I am guessing Option 1 couldn't be proposed in a vegetarian nation?

Just have it cancel vegetarianism if you pick that.

I'll do that next time I'm on my laptop.

I love a good World Cup-esque like issue and this one has an unusual but unique tilt! Seriously tho, why would people get riled up over a psychic fish?

Only the first speaker gets riled. Let's face it, there are many easily offended people these days who kick up a fuss over trivial things.

[Baggieland]

Just made a couple of changes to the draft. I'd really like some suggestions for the effect lines, I don't think they're that great. Also, is the title right? Fishy Going Ons / Fishy Goings On / Fishy Goings Ons? Hyphen or not????

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Just made a couple of changes to the draft. I'd really like some suggestions for the effect lines, I don't think they're that great. Also, is the title right? Fishy Going Ons / Fishy Goings On / Fishy Goings Ons? Hyphen or not????

As a non-native speaker, I can't say much about the title, but I can propose some effect lines, perhaps.

Option 1 says (or implies) nothing about animals being interrogated, it is just about banning animal oracles (and perhaps also eating them). I could suggest the following effect line for this:

[effect]roosters that herald the morning by crowing at dawn are slaughtered

Again, Option 2 is about probing if pets have psychic abilities - and an ant colony wouldn't be considered a pet, I guess. (I know people who keep an ant colony at home in a terrarium, but still...)

Here, maybe you could go with:

[effect]dog owners proudly declare that their pups can predict when the mailman will arrive

For Option 3, maybe you could go with:

[effect]@@DEMOYMPLURAL@@ know which dolphin to flog when their military strategies fail

P.S. idioms.freedictionary.com suggests that "to flog the dolphin" is a vulgar idiom that means "to masturbate." I don't know if this is a widely-used thing, or a regional variant. But in case most English speakers recognize it, perhaps it could be used.

[The Sherpa Empire]

I think the title should be "Goings On." "Going-ons" sounds weird.

P.S. idioms.freedictionary.com suggests that "to flog the dolphin" is a vulgar idiom that means "to masturbate." I don't know if this is a widely-used thing, or a regional variant. But in case most English speakers recognize it, perhaps it could be used.

Never heard it before...

[The Free Joy State]

I think the title should be "Goings On." "Going-ons" sounds weird.

P.S. idioms.freedictionary.com suggests that "to flog the dolphin" is a vulgar idiom that means "to masturbate." I don't know if this is a widely-used thing, or a regional variant. But in case most English speakers recognize it, perhaps it could be used.

Never heard it before...

Erm… I can't say it's a term I've heard before.

EDIT: And I concur that "Fishy Goings On" is the only one that sounds right IMO.

[Trotterdam]

I'm pro-hyphen, but I also agree that the "s" belongs at "Goings-On".

[Jutsa]

I actually misread it as Goings-On and then realized it was Going-Ons. Personally I think the latter sounds more appropriate, but then again the very phrase is very odd in of itself.

[Baggieland]

[effect]roosters that herald the morning by crowing at dawn are slaughtered

That's good, tweaked it a bit.

dog owners proudly declare that their pups can predict when the mailman will arrive

That's excellent, thanks.

P.S. idioms.freedictionary.com suggests that "to flog the dolphin" is a vulgar idiom that means "to masturbate." I don't know if this is a widely-used thing, or a regional variant. But in case most English speakers recognize it, perhaps it could be used.

Never heard of it either. I don't think this should have direct sexual innuendos, as it doesn't have an adult tag.

Thanks everyone for the consensus on 'goings-on'.

[Baggieland]

4th draft is up. I've added 'national pride was hurt' in the description, just to make this issue more of a matter of concern. I was thinking of adding 'riots broke out after the prediction', but that's stretching the realms of possibility too far!

Changed a couple of bits of vocab in options 1 and 3.

Got a new effect line for option 3, let me know which you think is better! Thanks.

[Baggieland]

Bump. Anymore suggestions before submission?