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#omericavotes21: omerican aurentina
the aurentines will be a must-win for the nationals if the socialists are to be beaten
Georgetown — This article is the second in a six-part series exploring the battlegrounds of the upcoming federal election. You can read our first part on Melenchon and the Provence here.
Crossing into the Aurentine cantons is like crossing into a foreign country. The language is different and the people are… odd. Aurentina often seems to have a contrarian streak that runs deeply through its veins, with hopeless petitions for Aurentine independence being one of the most common sights on the Commonwealth’s online petition site.
Nonetheless, the Aurentine Democratic Party, once the most successful ethnic party in Omerican history, has officially been deregistered by Elections Omerica for falling below 500 members and secessionism is not a big force in Aurentine politics these days, as former AEP leader and current National leader Aleksänder Mätjassen will tell you.
The cantons of Asterleis and Vestleis—the two least populated in the entire country—solidly benefit from the four MP minimum imposed by the Basic Law and will be easily sweeped by the Nationals, who form majority governments in both cantons. Alfort, which is governed by a National minority government, will be trickier, but should fall to Mätjassen’s party. The other cantons are trickier, though.
Braadwund, Omerica’s third-least populous canton, is currently governed by Liberals, but should likely be bathed in a sea of National blue come election night unless the Liberals perform exceptionally well. As for Koningsplaas and Kalsden, it is trickier still. Both are governed by the Socialists at the moment, with the former’s government reeling from a CHS scandal that will likely take the wind out of Socialist sails in Koningsplaas’s six electorates. The Socialists will be in contention for the seven electorates of Kalsden, whose Socialist government is generally approved of, but will need to stem Liberal growth throughout the region to avoid handing all of the electorates over to the Nationals.
Aurentina is a region facing conflicting desires. The region has not benefited from the resource boom nearly as much as other places and relies mostly on the service sector and tourism, something that the Nationals are likely to be a boon for. However, the socially conservative policies of the Nationals are likely to be a turn-off in key battlegrounds in Kalsden and Koningsplaas that Aleksänder Mätjassen needs to win to become Prime Minister. If the Liberals can sway voters in these key battlegrounds and can make some inroads into Braadwund and Altfort, John Timms may just pull of the greatest political comeback in Omerican history by putting the Liberals back in contention for election victory.
Inevitably, a recession will benefit Mätjassen’s Nationals immensely. Economic calm will favour John Timms and his Liberals, while the Socialists will clutching at straws here. If Kalsden and Koningsplaas turn National blue, Aleksänder Mätjassen will likely be taking the keys to Rucker’s Hill. If Aurentina turns Liberal gold, John Timms and Staci Laurent will breathe a sigh of relief.
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#omericavotes21: urination and recession
former contractor forced to withdraw as candidate, while omerica officially enters recession
Langholm, Silverforce — The Nationals have suffered the first major embarrassment of the 2021 campaign after their candidate for a marginal Silverforce electorate was forced to withdraw after videos showed him urinating in bathtubs and showers.
A video released on YouTube yesterday revealed that the Nationals’ candidate for Langholm Church Stephen Mallard urinated in numerous bathtubs and showers across the Silverforce capital during his career as a contractor, unbeknownst to homeowners. This setback comes after another National candidate in Hackney Limehouse in Philibiscostal was forced to withdraw her candidacy after several racist social media posts surfaced.
Mallard had been featured on a United Counties Network hidden camera programme back in 2014, where producers discovered that he was also urinating into sinks. The National Party has officially announced on Twitter that Mallard is no longer the party candidate for Langholm Church.
“We take all necessary steps to ensure the integrity and propriety of our National candidates,” National campaign manager Peter Caldwell stated in a press release. “We can assure Omericans that neither Stephen Mallard nor Michelle Franklin [former Hackney Limehouse candidate] will be candidates for the National Party in the federal election.”
“This incident should not be considered a reflection of my character or the integrity of my work,” Mallard stated on Facebook. “I regret this will ever fibre of my being and I apologise to anyone who has hired me for this cloud of doubt cast over the work I have done.”
However, the embarrassment for the Nationals may not prove as much of a dent to their election hopes as feared, as Statistics Omerica announced that the Commonwealth has officially entered into recession after two consecutive quarters of economic contraction. The Socialists, who are campaigning mainly on their record of economic growth, will likely see their poll numbers take a hit due to the announcement.
The recession has been pinned on the contraction of natural resource extration and declines in fishing outputs, while the service sector marginally grew in the last quarter after contracting slightly in the first.
“We have seen quite clearly that the Nationals can’t present decent candidates and the Socialists can’t present decent policy,” Liberal leader John Timms, who is seeking to return his party to top-two status after three consecutive third-place finishes, said in a tweet.
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Official Press Release - Tuku Katipa Hoi ʻe PietiTuranga ʻAhipula ʻo ʻOmerika
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port-Alexandre, Philibiscostal 18-A40
COMMONWEALTH OF OMERICA
Qualifiers for the Seventy-Third World Cup
Omerica national team line-up vs Armeia (home)Starting elevenSubstitutes
GK - No 1: INTAN Petera
GK - No 13: Stéphane ROUSSEAU
LD - No 2: Jean-Luc CHARPENTIER
CD - No 5: Tobias WILMER
CD - No 3: Marvin SESSIONS
RD - No 4: Victor MASON
CM - No 6: Kai EKO
CM - No 7: Erik DE WAALD
AM - No 8: Uirema MOANA
LF - No 9: Neama IOKUA
ST - No 11: Jan-Nikläs ROSENKRÄNTS
RF - No 10: JEAN-BAPTISTE Couard
GK - No 25: John MARTIN
LD - No 14: Martin PALL
CD - No 17: Jean-Marie MOLINEAUX
CD - No 15: Makara ʻO TOA
RD - No 16: Mikäel CHRISTOPHE
CM - No 18: William PARNELL
CM - No 19: Tömas DE VRIKT
AM - No 20: Raia TURI
LF - No 21: Red TYLER
ST - No 22: John PERCIVAL
RF - No 23: Ryan CASSIDY
Omerica’s top scorers
George's Rousseau - 2 goals
Neama Iokua - 1 goal
Tii ʻo Uirema - 1 goal
Casimir Paquet - 1 goal