Celdoria wrote:Gaazikumukh wrote:Why even have national anthems? Seems like anytime someone tries to perform it slightly differently it makes a huge fuss.
Ban all national anthems!
(Oh god I'm turning into an NS issue)
I was eating when reading this and almost choked on my food, lol.
But I guess this whole ordeal could be a good issue material, right?
Damn right it will!
Title: And the Crowd's Red Glare!
Description: Following the rather "unconventional" performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged, jingoistic, and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@, who is painted in his team's colors. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Throbbing and deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! This is all preposterous, and barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive patriotic makeup runs down her frilled bikini. "I make just some small... 'embellishments,' and this is the treatment I get? I can't go outside without people slinging death threats at me! I am an artist, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Let anyone sing the national anthem however they choose! If they couldn't handle my absolute fire, they shouldn't have hired me!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk, making the fire double in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in brandishing a fire extinguisher. "We can't imprison people for having a bit of creative freedom, but we also can't have anyone doing whatever they wanted with our national anthem! Simply require that all singers and performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem, perform perfectly in front of a panel of unbiased judges, require renewal of their license every few years, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: School softball games hire much cheaper black market singers to open their events.
Option 4: "Long live the creation of the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who has brought an entirely different mob to your office. "The problem is not the singers, but the song itself! Every day, capitalist exploitative criminals hire only the most elite to perform their backwards and challenging anthem! The average workingman cannot sing along, what with all the 15-note gaps and language from 200 years ago! We need a new anthem, an anthem for the people, which will be so simple and so accessible that anyone can join in and sing praises to the glorious @@TYPE@@!"
Effect: The new anthem inspired by "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is uninspiring.
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Description: Following the rather "unconventional" performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged, jingoistic, and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@, who is painted in his team's colors. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Throbbing and deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! This is all preposterous, and barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive patriotic makeup runs down her frilled bikini. "I make just some small... 'embellishments,' and this is the treatment I get? I can't go outside without people slinging death threats at me! I am an artist, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Let anyone sing the national anthem however they choose! If they couldn't handle my absolute fire, they shouldn't have hired me!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk, making the fire double in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in brandishing a fire extinguisher. "We can't imprison people for having a bit of creative freedom, but we also can't have anyone doing whatever they wanted with our national anthem! Simply require that all singers and performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem, perform perfectly in front of a panel of unbiased judges, require renewal of their license every few years, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: School softball games hire much cheaper black market singers to open their events.
Option 4: "Long live the creation of the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who has brought an entirely different mob to your office. "The problem is not the singers, but the song itself! Every day, capitalist exploitative criminals hire only the most elite to perform their backwards and challenging anthem! The average workingman cannot sing along, what with all the 15-note gaps and language from 200 years ago! We need a new anthem, an anthem for the people, which will be so simple and so accessible that anyone can join in and sing praises to the glorious @@TYPE@@!"
Effect: The new anthem inspired by "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is uninspiring.
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Title: And the Crowd's Red Glare!
Description: Following the rather "unconventional" performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! It's preposterous, barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive makeup runs down her bikini. "I... 'embelish' the national anthem, and now I can't go outside without hearing death threats! If we're truly free, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Those crusty old men shouldn't have hired me if they can't handle this absolute fire!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk and the fire doubles in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in with a fire extinguisher. "We should not let people perform our anthem freely, but they shouldn't be imprisoned. Simply require that all performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem. Test them for a panel of unbiased judges, require annual renewal of their licenses, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: Unlicensed artists are violently arrested by the country they praise
Option 4: "Long live the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who brought a new mob to your office. "The problem is not the singers, but the song itself! Capitalist criminals hire only the most elite to perform their backwards anthem! The average workingman cannot sing along, what with all the 15-note gaps and archaic language! We need a new anthem for the people, which will be so simple and accessible that anyone can join in and sing praises to the glorious @@TYPE@@!"
Effect: The new anthem inspired by "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is uninspiring.
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Description: Following the rather "unconventional" performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! It's preposterous, barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive makeup runs down her bikini. "I... 'embelish' the national anthem, and now I can't go outside without hearing death threats! If we're truly free, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Those crusty old men shouldn't have hired me if they can't handle this absolute fire!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk and the fire doubles in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in with a fire extinguisher. "We should not let people perform our anthem freely, but they shouldn't be imprisoned. Simply require that all performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem. Test them for a panel of unbiased judges, require annual renewal of their licenses, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: Unlicensed artists are violently arrested by the country they praise
Option 4: "Long live the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who brought a new mob to your office. "The problem is not the singers, but the song itself! Capitalist criminals hire only the most elite to perform their backwards anthem! The average workingman cannot sing along, what with all the 15-note gaps and archaic language! We need a new anthem for the people, which will be so simple and accessible that anyone can join in and sing praises to the glorious @@TYPE@@!"
Effect: The new anthem inspired by "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is uninspiring.
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Title: And the Crowd's Red Glare!
Description: Following the rather "unconventional" performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! It's preposterous, barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive makeup runs down her bikini. "I... 'embellish' the national anthem, and now I can't go outside without hearing death threats! If we're truly free, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Those crusty old men shouldn't have hired me if they can't handle this absolute fire!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk and the fire doubles in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in with a fire extinguisher. "We should not let people perform our anthem freely, but they shouldn't be imprisoned. Simply require that all performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem. Test them for a panel of unbiased judges, require annual renewal of their licenses, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: Unlicensed artists are violently arrested by the country they praise.
Option 4: "Long live the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who brought a new mob to your office. "The problem is with these corporate fatcats who don't give us a singing voice! Capitalist criminals hire only the most elite to perform, leaving the average workingman in awkward silence as someone else sings for him! We should all carry our parts, and that way no one can tarnish the reputation of the glorious @@TYPE@@! There may be some who lack the necessary... erm... talent, but who cares? We will be stronger together!"
Effect: Third grade recorder classes sound better than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ national anthem
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Description: Following the rather "unconventional" performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! It's preposterous, barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive makeup runs down her bikini. "I... 'embellish' the national anthem, and now I can't go outside without hearing death threats! If we're truly free, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Those crusty old men shouldn't have hired me if they can't handle this absolute fire!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk and the fire doubles in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in with a fire extinguisher. "We should not let people perform our anthem freely, but they shouldn't be imprisoned. Simply require that all performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem. Test them for a panel of unbiased judges, require annual renewal of their licenses, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: Unlicensed artists are violently arrested by the country they praise.
Option 4: "Long live the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who brought a new mob to your office. "The problem is with these corporate fatcats who don't give us a singing voice! Capitalist criminals hire only the most elite to perform, leaving the average workingman in awkward silence as someone else sings for him! We should all carry our parts, and that way no one can tarnish the reputation of the glorious @@TYPE@@! There may be some who lack the necessary... erm... talent, but who cares? We will be stronger together!"
Effect: Third grade recorder classes sound better than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ national anthem
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Title: And the Crowd's Red Glare!
Description: Following the freestyle rap performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day to discuss how performers are to play the national anthem.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! It's preposterous, barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive makeup runs down her bikini. "I... 'embellish' the national anthem, and now I can't go outside without hearing death threats! If we're truly free, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Those crusty old men shouldn't have hired me if they can't handle this absolute fire!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk and the fire doubles in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new experimental pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in with a fire extinguisher. "We should not let people perform our anthem freely, but they shouldn't be imprisoned. Simply require that all performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem. Test them for a panel of unbiased judges, require annual renewal of their licenses, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: Unlicensed artists are violently arrested by the country that they praise.
Option 4: "Long live the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who brought a new mob to your office. "The problem is with these corporate fatcats who don't give us a singing voice! Capitalist criminals hire only the most elite to perform, leaving the average workingman in awkward silence as someone else sings for him! We should all carry our parts, and that way no one can tarnish the reputation of the glorious @@TYPE@@! There may be some who lack the necessary... erm... talent, but who cares? We will be stronger together!"
Effect: Third grade recorder classes sound better than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mob singing the national anthem
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
Description: Following the freestyle rap performance of the @@NAME@@ national anthem by popular singer @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ during a large Calvinball game last night, the mob of upset citizens and patriotic patrons have swarmed into your office the next day to discuss how performers are to play the national anthem.
Option 1: "God save the anthem!" shouts middle-aged and enraged sportsfan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I expected a joyous ballad celebrating our nation, and I get THIS!? Women dancing in scant clothing? Deafening bass? The chorus sung as a rap verse!? Anyone who sings our anthem wrong should be thrown in jail! It's preposterous, barbaric, and un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@!!" To prove @@HIS@@ point, @@HE@@ flips your desk and lights it on fire, to the cheers of the mob behind @@HIM@@.
Effect: Schoolchildren are regularly thrown into prison if they miss one note in the national anthem.
Option 2: "Oh, say, can't you see!?" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE_1@@ as her expensive makeup runs down her bikini. "I... 'embellish' the national anthem, and now I can't go outside without hearing death threats! If we're truly free, I should be allowed to have the creative freedom to sing however I want! Those crusty old men shouldn't have hired me if they can't handle this absolute fire!" She throws a mix-CD on your desk and the fire doubles in size.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand proudly for the new experimental pop-punk-techno-metal rendition of the national anthem.
Option 3: "Save us from these idiots!" yells your Minister of De-Escalation, who runs in with a fire extinguisher. "We should not let people perform our anthem freely, but they shouldn't be imprisoned. Simply require that all performers take a standardized test and obtain a license before they can perform the anthem. Test them for a panel of unbiased judges, require annual renewal of their licenses, and force legal action on any illegal singers. It'll be expensive-- I mean, great!"
Effect: Unlicensed artists are violently arrested by the country that they praise.
Option 4: "Long live the will of the people!" declares @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who brought a new mob to your office. "The problem is with these corporate fatcats who don't give us a singing voice! Capitalist criminals hire only the most elite to perform, leaving the average workingman in awkward silence as someone else sings for him! We should all carry our parts, and that way no one can tarnish the reputation of the glorious @@TYPE@@! There may be some who lack the necessary... erm... talent, but who cares? We will be stronger together!"
Effect: Third grade recorder classes sound better than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mob singing the national anthem
Option 5: "Why do we even need an anthem at this point!?" laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, known for sitting in the corner and holding @@HIS@@ ears during sporting events. "Anthems are just loud and obnoxious noise! And every time someone does something weird with the song, there's always a mob at your door! Just don't let @@NAME@@ have a national anthem, it would be so much easier for everyone. I mean, it's not like there's a rule that says every country needs an anthem."
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ stand in awkward silence for the @@REGION@@ Olympics Award Ceremony.
This is my first issue (that I can remember anyway) and I'm eager to hear any feedback. If anyone has good ideas for national-anthem-related sequiturs then also provide them, especially for option 3, cuz I couldnt think of one for that. I'll also probably cut down on the word count too.
Draft 2: Trimmed excess wording on all options. Redid effect 3.
Draft 3: Reworded option 4 due to apparent redundancy. Also fixed spelling.
Draft 4/Final: Fixed description to not contain opinion
