A Tale Of Two Crescents - WC97 Roleplay Thread

[Cardenao]

Yet another night at ‘El Gato Azule’, a dingy back alley bar in New Cardonia, Cardenao’s equally dingy capital city. The scene was the usual one as the ancient booths were filled with the typical patrons anxiously awaiting La Furia Azule’s upcoming match. This was a must win for the national team, as it always seems to be, but there was a sense in the air that this time was different. This time, unlike the other four or five times, Cardenao would not shit it in the dying stages of the qualifiers. This time. Fried food on the table, drinks sloshing out of mugs and onto the floor, everyone’s eyes drawn to a large, slightly flickering television mounted on the wall. That just seemed to be how it was in Cardenao these days, big and new but…dingy.

El Gato Azule was well known on the block as being a cozy watering hole on the corner since, well since anyone could remember for its superstitious local crowd. Tonight everyone seemed to be turned to level 11, nerves were high. In the booth they always sat at, Jerome, Mateu, and Canteron watched highlights of Cardenao’s recent 1-0 against Oclea with half-empty glasses and a deck of cards that seemed to have been shuffled at least 1000 times.

Jerome: “I’ll tell you what boys, you’re welcome for that win narrow as it was! Wore my lucky Blue and Gold to sleep last night like I’ve done for all the qualifiers! Still in the race just like that, barely for sure, but ‘ey, we’re still in!

Mateu: (Laughs, takes a swig of beer, and starts to correct the record) “Oh it’s your special jersey, juuuuuust like always eh? No sir, not last game, that was all thanks to my grandmother’s lucky necklace. I've brought it to every single game and we haven’t lost one yet when I’ve had it.

Jerome: (Rubbing his face at his simple minded friend) “Migo think man, if we haven’t lost a game you bring the necklace to, then we have we lost three times?”

Mateu: “I don’t know friend, were you not wearing that lucky jersey?”

Canteron laughed at the folly of his friends. Fools they were and fools he was, and they dreamed like the foolish trio they were.

Canteron: (Leaning back in his chair, shaking his head) “You two and your little routines and rituals, none of that matters you fools. You really think wearing the same kit to sleep, by the way Mateu you NEED to wash that thing by the Gods……but all that is nonsense, you know that right? It’s about the boys on the field, 11v11, it’s how they play that does it, not some silly necklace.”

Mateu looked at his friend with a deadly serious look on his face, “That’s my grandmother we’re talking about……”

Canteron: “Yeah yeah and we’ll all be thanking her if we finally break the curse.”

The trio fell silent at the mention of that which shall not be mentioned, the qualification curse of Cardenao. Three times…four times…maybe five times……maybe every time, no Cardenaoan was quite sure how many times it’d been now, mainly because they couldn’t be assed to check historical records, but what they did know is that Cardenao was always capable of playing themselves into a qualifying position, usually in dramatic late fashion. What they did also know is that Cardenao had a special talent for playing themselves out of a qualifying position, always in dramatic fashion. As far as the qualification campaign for the 97th World Cup, Cardenaoans had seen this movie before. A lackluster start to the campaign followed by an incredible run of form, drubbings by the top ranked team in the group and the unavoidable loss to Audioslavia, unlikely results going their way, and just like that? Cardenao was two games away from one of three outcomes:

1. Automatic qualification to the World Cup Finals for the first time in the nation’s history.

2. Advancing to the Playoffs with a chance at progressing to the Finals (Cardenao has a 100% failure rate in this situation)

3. Failing to qualify altogether.

180 minutes of football left out of a total 1440 minutes for everything to go totally wrong. Or, for the first time, perfectly right. Or things could go sideways and into the playoffs it was. Everything was on the line.

Jerome: (Shaking his head at his pessimistic mate) “Ohhh, come on, Canteron don’t be like that! We all got rituals, I know you got things you do that, when it gets broken, bad things happen. Remember when we got Delte’d? I forgot to wear my kit, Mateu left grannies necklace at home……BOOM–4-0. Horror, a disaster. That’s what happens when you break the way things are meant to be done.”

Mateu: (Nodding along in support) “He’s right as much as I hate to see it. That loss was no coincidence, no coinkidink. Every match matters, every second, every touch of the ball, especially now. I read somewhere that we have 180 minutes of football left out of a total 1440 minutes left for everything to go wrong. We can’t be the idiots that toss aside tradition, not here, not now, not with Kronbia coming up………now with Siovanija and Teusland waiting for us on the final matchday.”

A moment of silence in La Gato Azule as Greg the bartender turns up the volume on the TV. The patrons clung to every image on the screen, a montage of the Blue and Golds training hard, scoring goals in qualification matches, interviews with fans who were all nervously expressing their hope that this time, finally, Cardenao wouldn’t shit it in the final moments.

Canteron: (Sighing as he looked down into his drink) “Maybe…I don’t know, I guess there could be something to it, maybe for their players and their mindset but not us. At the end of the 90, it’s the players on that pitch who decide our fate, not us sitting at home wearing a ‘special kit’ or a ‘lucky necklace.’”

Jerome: “Tell you what, let me tell you something I overheard,” Jerome whispered as he leaned in like he’s about to share a secret, “You know what I heard? The team’s got their own superstitions. I heard that Haritz Larrainzar has to eat the same meal before every match—grilled fish and rice WITH a spoon of peanut butter on it, nothing else. And Zorion Zuñiga? He listens to the same song on repeat during warm-ups, some form of Quebecois-Tikariotion heavy metal. Says it gets him in the zone.”

Mateu: “Yeah yeah! Yeah, I heard Kiko Nécib washes his left boot 10 times and his right one 93 times and that’s why his shots are so crisp. So Canto, it’s not just us! Even the players are feeling the pressure, even they are reverting to their tried and true. If it’s good enough for Juanma Saez and Chímo Ventura, surely it’s good enough for you?”

Canteron: (Shaking his head and smiling over his glass) “Alright, alright, you sons of bitches can’t be stopped, you know that? Maybe I’ll pick up a lucky charm or some special socks. Guess it can’t hurt, right?”

The old friends did what they did best together, laughed while clinking full mugs together. There was a change happening in the bar, a shift in the patrons mood as the countdown to kickoff progressed and talk of superstition gave way to the excitement of the pre-game festivities. Strategy, old memories, how they would easily score the game winning goal to secure qualification, speculating about the future, the friends did it all.

Jerome: “You know…… whatever happens, and by the Gods what happens better be Cardenao qualifying or I will complain about the host nations with vigor online…but whatever happens, it’s nice to think we’re all in this together. Superstitions, prayers, rubber chickens, sheer dumb luck—at least we’re all hoping for the same thing. At least all of Cardenao is together right now.”
Mateu: (Smiles in agreement and raises his glass high) “Too true Jerome, glad to be happy here with yous, my mates.”

Canteron: (Raises his glass higher, his mood boosted by his silly friends) “Tell you want, if your silly kit or grandmother’s necklace get us to the World Cup, you won’t hear me complain! To the Blue and Golds, La Furia Azule, we’re counting on you!”

Maybe, just maybe this time would be different.

Maybe it wouldn’t.

That’s football for ya.

[Valentine Z]

Part 5 – She is real, and She looks at us. Taunting us, mocking us.

We simply could not believe our eyes. When I first got the call on my lab desk’s phone, I thought these guys are pulling my leg, but they sounded sincere, saying that it was something that I should check it out right now and that they would be sending a large crew to cover it up from the rest of the world as they transport her back to the labs. A thousand thoughts raced in my head as I prepared to make my way to the disclosed location, one that I will have to reach using a series of transports given the nature of “her” in question. What will we be looking at? What is so important that we have to put in such a secretive protocol to her? Granted, we have discovered a couple of artifacts before that warrant such a thing, but never to this scale; it would mostly be due to the typical NDA associated with your company, such as “Hey we might have discovered something, but keep it under wraps until publication, ok?”

A few hours later, I arrived at the place, already a large tent having erected there. What necessitated a net so large that it could cover a running track was beyond me, though of course, after verification and all that security check, I finally was allowed to see what caused such a fuss. You probably would not believe me when I am describing this to you, and to be honest, I would not blame you. It took me several minutes to come to terms with the discovery, a large woman clad in a blue armor. She has brown eyes and hair, definitely human. We are no stranger to such a thing, you think, maybe it’s some LARPer that got lost in the middle of the woods, separated from her friends. Thus, here’s the part that you might find it extremely difficult to believe. The woman we are looking at is 100 meters tall, according to the measurements. They also confirmed that she is indeed living, given the regular, slow breathing that she has ever since they found her in the field. Theories were quickly made in the tent, but I hazarded a guess that whatever we discussed here will be the same as we would in the labs – absolutely positively nowhere. There is no theory on this world that would support such an existence of this being. Even the basics such as a Square-Cube Law would have killed her quickly, but here she was – lying down peacefully, simply breathing. So far, I was told that no such stimuli seemed to have affected her in any way – a poke, a pricking, even some blunt force on her arms and face – to no effect. Simply sleeping, almost as if she was oblivious to the ones around her as if we are ants.

Several more hours passed, and we managed to take her back to the labs. It took a great deal of logistics, one that I would not go into details, along with cover-ups on a constant basis. No doubt that she would soon be a subject matter of many conspiracy theories, but such is how it goes with the general population. Anyway, going back to the woman in question, we finally got a couple of results from a series of tests. X-ray scan shows that she is indeed a normal human, except bigger. We were still perplexed as to why the Square-Cube Law did not seem to affect her as much. She is effectively a normal human scaled up and yet, her health is as green as ever, if not even better, at least from the non-intrusive methods that we have to use. That brought us to the second set of results, in that we could not remove the armor that she was wearing. Try as we may, they simply would not bulge, while she was as oblivious as ever. So a full body scan was out of the question with that in the way. Thirdly, and perhaps the most unsettling – the dating. Carbon dating was relatively out of the question, since she was clearly living and breathing, and that only worked on ones that were, well, not alive. For some reason, however, we found a varying amounts of isotopes in her body, so she could be anywhere from 1 year old to… 50,000 years. As a result of this, she was then designated the nickname “TX-1”, in the sense that her age is unknown, and that she was the very first one of our discovery. We were frankly unsure as to what else lies out there, but a 100-meter tall woman was certainly not it.

There was also the case of her wrist device. It seemed to have the architecture of your average consumer tablet, except that it was on the wrist of a giantess. It was locked from the time of our discovery and we simply could not find any way to unlock it. Tapping the screen does bring up the lockscreen and for a moment, I was convinced that there was more to it than just that. It displayed the current local time, along with “Valentian Time”, whatever that it could be. Current Valentian Time, as of the time of this writing, was “21st of September, 2099, 04:01”. The team, along with myself, were perplexed (and perhaps even a little uncomfortable) as to what this could mean. With any other person or their device, it could just be passed off as a matter of fictional writing and, again, LARP. However, finding it on her raised more questions than answers. As of the time of this writing, 36 hours approximately passed since our discovery, TX-1 was still in that deep sleep state and would not respond to any more of our stimuli. We were also unable to draw any kind of blood from her, our needles drawing nothing. It simply added more frustration.

As I was looking through the reports of whatever we have found out so far, a worried-looking colleague barged through my office’s door and talked to me. “Some stuff went down in the cafeteria, you need to check this out.” What now, I thought to myself. There has to be something that would be more ordinary than TX-1. At that moment, I thought to myself that I would not be surprised by such a thing anymore. Alas, I would be taking back my words once again. In the cafeteria were 15 of my other colleagues along with a couple of security guards and other general staff trying to calm the crowd. On one part of the floor were coins, but no one was touching them. “L-Look,” one of them muttered, pointing at the coins. Generally, I would have taken this as a prank, but something was not right, I was certain. As I took a closer look at the coins, I noticed that they all landed heads. “Really? What’s wrong?” To which I get a reply, “They all landed heads! It’s.. it’s quite impossible, isn’t it?” Well, I mean yeah, but who’s to say that someone decided to flip it in some attempt of a prank? I was in disbelief, shaking my head because we have some other work to do, and yet we are all playing with coins and being scared by them. No, someone had to have been done it. The chances of those 38 coins landing all heads is around 1 out of… goodness knows how much, but it is definitely a massively small odd. I was about to dismiss them, but then I got shared a security footage from one of the guards. A colleague trying to buy something from a vending machine, but her purse slipped and the coins in it all spilled onto the floor. And there was where we were at that moment. I was partially convinced, though I felt that anyone could have faked that. Then again, would not be the strangest thing, because of TX-1 over in the lab.

Just to ease everyone, I decided to try it myself. Collecting all the coins from the floor onto my hand, I decided to give them a good shake and then spilled them onto the floor. Random numbers of heads and tails as expected. I was convinced that it was a prank, but for some whatever reason, I decided to try it again. We are scientists, after all – we have to try some stuff several times. So, collecting them into my hand again, I threw these coins onto the floor. All tails. I tried again. All heads. “What the-?” I softly muttered, to which the other colleagues seemed to share the same sentiment. “Wait, check on TX-1!” I ordered, to which everyone scattered and went to the main lab. I placed the coins onto the table before handing them back to the owner, then it was a mad dash to the main lab. “What do you think it is?” I got asked, to which I have no answers for. Maybe it was a coincidence, but such things to happen not once but twice? The coins potentially being weighed was also a theory I dismissed due to the first happening of random chances. No, something is controlling them, and it should be TX-1, it had to be her. Entering the lab, I was still surprised and anxious to see that she was still lying at the same position, not a single deviated movement apart from the regular breathing expected of a human. Just to be sure, we also ran through a brain activity test and monitoring, but there was no extraordinary activity. So, telekinesis was ruled out. I will admit at this point – we still have no idea what we have here, and we still have not made any actual useful observations and traits.

And then, the impossible, I thought. Maybe she was able to manipulate the coins to some extent. I was not sure how, but she was able to do it. Okay, so what if we tried it on a computer? I borrowed a laptop from a colleague, it being hooked up to a big screen so that everyone can see it with us. For those who are out of the loop, there are several ways that a list of items can be sorted alphabetically, in increasing order, whatever. You have the merge sort, bubble sort, heap sort, all sorts of other sorts. I would not bore you with the algorithms, but there was one that I was extremely invested to try given all of the shit happening here – Bogosort. Basically, the code would completely randomize the list and then check if it is sorted. If not, it will do it again. Repeat the randomized… randomization of the list until all of the elements are in an increasing order. It’s incredibly inefficient, and just as a concept being taught to those learning algorithms. I have it being coded on the spot and ready to test, all of the functions sane and checked by others, along with the time taken. We would start with just 2 elements, then go on with more items.

[1, 2] = 0.0001 seconds to sort. Makes sense, and acceptable.
[1, 2, 3] = 0.0003 seconds to sort. Again, makes sense. Computers are fast, after all.
[1, 2, 3, 4] = 0.04 seconds. A little too fast, but again, acceptable deviations.
[1, 2, 3, 4, 5] = 0.02 seconds. Okay, this is a little interesting, we thought. Now the time taken is much faster. We checked again, another 10 examples gave us an average of 0.03 seconds.
Quickly losing patience and just wanting to get over with this uncertainty, I decided to try it out.
[1, 2, 3… 999, 1000]. 1000 numbers, all to be randomized. This would take A LOT of time, we might even need to abandon it halfway because it would take longer than the age of the universe, and then some more. The ultimate test, we thought to ourselves. Hands trembling slightly, I pressed Shift+Enter on the laptop, waiting for the laptop to give me that “Sorting and checking…” output. You could hear everyone’s hearts drop at that moment, being unable to comprehend as to what they saw. That cannot be right, that CAN’T be right! I ran it again. Again. Again. 2000 numbers. 3000 numbers. We checked the code 10 times, ran it again with 5000 numbers, it cannot be.

All of those finished within 0.0005 seconds. Bogosort. 0.0005 seconds. Debug console showed that for all the tests, the numbers SOMEHOW managed to be sorted on the first or second try, and then the operation was complete. Pardon my French here, but how in the fuck do we explain this out? It’s theoretically possible for the code and the computer to get it right on the first try, BUT for several times? What is TX-1 doing? She was still sleeping soundly, perhaps still unaware of the panic that was happening all around her. All the tests on her were immediately halted. There is a chance that she knew, or she might be the one behind this. The thing was… we have absolutely no idea. All the physical tests on her were suspended, and the entire lab was then dedicated to simply observing her, and to report in for any abnormalities that might result. For 481 days, nothing has changed. We have rotated, went for full psychiatric tests and making sure that the government and ourselves kept it under wraps. And for 481 days, we wanted to believe that we were observing her. At some nights, I could have sworn that her hand moved a little.

[Yakk]

The following is taken from a picturebook entitled "The Railroads of the Yak Empire" a sister publication of "The Railroads of the Xanneria"

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YAK EMPIRE - 2
Oryaangabar 60'
Egered 90+3'

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MYRTLE BEACH - 5
Brennan 38' 45+1' 82'
Farmer 17'
Mann 57'

[Mytanija]

C.A.R.C. 1-2 MYTANIJA

MYT: Šaranja 4’, Prokopljević 79’

MYT: 1. Vasilevski; 2. Jesenko (sub. Beganović 74’), 3. Mbala-Ekakia (c), 4. Vlahovljaković, 5. Lusamba (sub. Klanac 82’); 7. Vdovichenko (sub. Frantsaliiski 62’), 6. Papež, 8. Šaranja; 10. Ovsyannikov; 9. Issoumou (sub. Prokopljević 62’), 11. Papić–Papratović (sub. Kovačec 74’)

MYTANIJA 4-3 HAPILOPPER

MYT: Ovsyannikov 3’, 88’; Issoumou 12’, Prokopljević 78’

MYT: 1. Vasilevski; 2. Jesenko (sub. Beganović 90’), 3. Mbala-Ekakia (c), 4. Vlahovljaković, 5. Lusamba; 7. Vdovichenko (sub. Sulejmanović 90’), 6. Papež, 8. Šaranja; 10. Ovsyannikov (sub. Stojadinović–Srpkinja 90’); 9. Issoumou (sub. Prokopljević 62’), 11. Papić–Papratović (sub. Stanoev 62’)

Mytanija had one more game to go, top of Group 11 and with qualification in their own hands, a win against Ile de Richelieu would seal top spot in the group and ensure that Mytanija would progress to the World Cup as group winners. A draw would be enough too, it would open the door for Hapilopper to win the group with two victories, but it would put Mytanija ahead of Kelssek and uncatchable, even if they won their final qualifier. It was an enviable position to be in, a position which every country would snap your hand off for heading into the final international break of qualification – but it was also a dangerous position to be in. If Mytanija lost their final qualifier then it could open up an entire can of worms of different permutations and the looming threat of a playoff to decide Mytanija’s qualification fate.

That was something that Ermin Drzic wanted to avoid.

“We just need to go out and do our job. Ile de Richelieu are a tough opponent, as they have shown throughout qualifying. Going away to there to try to win the match is going to be difficult, but it’s why we’re in this sport, so we need to remain professional and not be cowed by what happens on the pitch – something we have avoided throughout qualification – and go and finish the job.” Drzic explained.

“The team have shown numerous times that they can come back when put under pressure, you must be delighted with that sort of trait seemingly ingrained in the squad of players?” Nevenka Planinc probed.

“Yeah, naturally, Nevenka.” Drzic confirmed. “Last international break was a bit of a microcosm of exactly how we have reacted under pressure throughout this qualifying run. We went 1-0 ahead against C.A.R.C. and then slightly took our foot off the gas a bit, they punished us for that, but we didn’t panic and just went back to what was working before that little bit of complacency crept in. The substitutes have been vital for us throughout and we take a lot of pride as a coaching team in the fact that they have been working consistently, Milica coming on to grab the winner a good example of that. And the Hapilopper game showed a continuation of that with him getting another off the bench, but our response to the setback of them coming back from 2-0 down to 3-2 was amazing. Most teams would collapse a bit at that point but we went again and scored two to turn it around ourselves. There’s a lot of spirit in this team.”

“You must also be pleased with Denis Ovsyannikov driving the team forward once that happened, Ermin?” Joksa Simic, a reporter from the former online blog turned fully-fledged magazine There’s Only 1 Ball. Drzic appreciated his tactical understanding in press conferences, it made a change from the standard tabloid reporter searching for their next headline. This was a fairly set-piece question, though, by Joksa’s standards – albeit for good reason when the nation’s best player scored the opener and then drove the team on to overturn a 3-2 deficit in the final quarter of an hour.

“Absolutely. We love Ovsi, everybody in Mytanija bloody loves Ovsi, nobody needs me to explain that and particularly not him! He was outstanding, two goals and an assist in a match which could potentially decide the final group table is exceptional by anybody’s standards. It’s the sort of thing he does and has done time after time throughout his career. He’s starting to get into his peak years now so this is what we want to see from him on the biggest occasions and this match was certainly one of those. Huge game, at Radnika under the lights, amazing leadership from Ovsi to secure an important result for us. Now we want him to do it again, we’ve got one more game to go and if he can do the same against Ile de Richelieu it will stand us in great stead.”

“And you must want him to show it at the World Cup too?”

“Of course, that’s what everybody wants. We haven’t been competitive there for too long and we need to return to the sort of standard that everybody in Mytanija wants the national team to be at. Ovsi will be a huge part of that, but we aren’t looking too far ahead. We have an important job to do against Ile de Richelieu before we can even think about how we want the team to play at the World Cup. We have to ensure that we’re actually there before that thought can even cross our minds, so that’s where our focus is this week.”

[Saint Eleanor]

OOC: The Roth Hotel was named and shamed in the 38th G6 meeting with Xan's gracious permission.

Group of Six meeting (XXXVII) --- SAINT ELEANOR 1-0 Hakushiya
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Bridget Coombe [C], Cathy Winchester [VC], Graham Lawson [ballot]
Location: The café at the Museum of Liberation; Central district, Saint Eleanor city, EXT

Notes on Xanneria to be made by Gentle Breeze. TL;DR is that a 4-2-3-1 with Woodward and Northend in place of Goldsmith and Lawson will be Happening[tm].

Olympia Woodward on veganism, victory, and creativity
Chief Arts and Fashion Correspondent Penelope Campbell has an exclusive, in-depth interview with Saint Eleanor's next big thing
Originally published on Saturday 14th January 2012

Olympia Woodward and I meet in the sumptuous Café Libertas in her beloved Collegiate district, the oldest in the nation - dating back to 1953, with only some reconstruction needed after the War. "Well, the gloves really are off now," she jokingly insists, as if making a point about the weather outside. The first thing she does is check her watch, which she calls "nice and fancy and a bit rustic, but only a bit; certainly well worth the $8,000 I spent on it." When challenged on her spending habits, she has only one response to hand: "I'm making about $65-70,000 a year. We aren't taxed for the privilege. I don't see why I can't afford myself some beautiful things."

Woodward defies her twenty-two years of age. She is serious, mature, made of tougher stuff, unassumingly outgoing; the kind of person you would jokingly suggest to be George Mitcham's successor as President. Some people have told her that she looks older, as well, which she takes more lightly than you would expect. "I wouldn't take the elixir of youth because that would be a bit silly. I would, however, be perfectly fine with the elixir of fortysomethingness. My mum takes less bullshit than I do. She's smarter - honestly - and she knows exactly what to do and when. I wouldn't mind if everyone was twice my age, but that would mean getting rid of some of the things that make us human, or sometimes pegasi."

It's also been brought up by some commentators, most infamously James Warwick, the Reporter's football editor, that she has had arguably the most middle-class upbringing of any Eleanorian footballer either. Her father, James Woodward, is a history professor; her mother, Catherine Woodward, is the most famous Eleanorian pianist. "I wouldn't call myself middle-class, or really any class. Now I'd call Bridget Coombe middle-class in that sense, but my parents don't have spades of money, at least not enough to have any more than one child. They aren't working menial jobs, either; I'd wager you've heard of both of them before, certainly Catherine."

Her time at school was recognised, even by Mitcham himself, as one of the most productive any student has ever had. "I was the Deputy Head Girl, then the Head Girl - both by appointment. I was the head of the Student Pro-Life Society for a long time, which I know upset very many people who thought someone more 'tolerant' should be representing the school. I was also the lead for the school play in Year 13, although the outfits I had to wear for that were always extravagant. In terms of school uniform, I supposed I leaned more towards the traditional, sensible, 'you can trust me' side of things; you can probably imagine. I did have a watch, but it was one of those cheap digital ones you couldn't destroy even if you threw it at an Army vehicle."

Woodward's sense of style has also been noticed by many to this day, including myself and my authors. "I like to be polished. Obviously I had a nice, fluffy coat today, now I'm getting on a bit; skinny jeans, ankle boots, and thusforth." Many observers would describe it as broad, if not overly eclectic. "The eclecticness? I reserve that for my taste in music and the visual arts. I wouldn't say I have a capsule wardrobe - that is very much a silly, minimalist idea and the people who believe in it are the people who least need one - but I would say that I have multiple sets of every item of clothing I think I need."

We order our respective coffees. I have a latte with regular semi-skimmed milk and a ludicrous helping of sugar. Woodward has a cappuccino with almond milk - "I prefer nut-based milks; soya milk is an insult to everything that family farming stands for" - no sugar, and enough foam to keep her happy. The reaction to her veganism has been anything between warm and confused, although her rationale is fairly simple. "My parents both eat meat. I stopped aged eleven years old when I started thinking a bit and thought to myself that if I didn't like abortion because it killed somebody, then I couldn't stand up for killing innocent animals, I couldn't stand up for state-sponsored murder and so on."

Does she think that the War of Independence was justified? "No. Our freedom should have been negotiated, but I wouldn't have accepted terms in which Tinhampton would have to permanently surveil us instead." Would she kill an opposing soldier out of self-defence? "I could never serve in the Army, but if it got to the point where my life was under threat, I would deal with the situation as uninvasively as I could. I have watched extremely violent films before, including a few about the War, but the characters do often have their own moral reasons for using violence that I couldn't possibly bear myself."

Woodward mentioned earlier that many people were upset about her anti-abortion advocacy at the University College. "Most people, as a rule, do not support expanding abortion access. I would say very few - one in every five or six people - just support eradicating abortion altogether. This means I sometimes got to share a dinner-table with all my abolitionist friends. It sometimes meant I scooped a couple of people who like the status quo, but didn't really know better. But with that said, the people in and around the University are more socially liberal than the average, so you can understand the anguish, especially when I attended Eleanorians for Life fundraisers dressed in school uniform. I would do it again, because it's one of my principles, but I think I'd try to reach out to the pro-abortionists more to find out what their concerns are."

{...to be continued - with more explosive bombshells about life, love, coffee, "beautiful things," and Mum and Dad. And maybe football...}

One of Saint Eleanor's final two qualifiers have already been played, although both are dead rubbers given that the White Stars won their group before any of the other 152 nations in the field. Woodward scored the first goal in the most recent tie, against Xanneria, only to be cancelled out by Mookie Danube II in what otherwise proved to be a tepid one-all draw. "I don't know anything about him; he's about my age, though, so I suppose a meet-up would be nice one day. He'll have to be interviewed by Jamie Rodgers instead, though."

Group of Six meeting (XXXVIII) --- Xanneria 1-1 SAINT ELEANOR
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Bridget Coombe [C], Cathy Winchester [VC], Steve Pilchard [ballot]
Location: The posh ballroom at the Roth Hotel; the posh bit of Dominica City, XAN

Dinner: SORTED. (As well as being very expensive. No, Bridget did not pay all of it, don't be silly.)
Qualification: SORTED, LONG AGO.
NOTES: SORTED BY STEVE, ALSO KNOWN AS ME.
Victory... not sorted? Olympia got there first and didn't do too badly; Mookie II responded in kind, although a bit fancier than you'd expect. There were a couple of yellows, but nothing that ended anyone's qualification one way or another. There were a few shots here and there and I thought I had a couple of good chances, but in general there was no real threat of a second goal and this was yet another "draw that kept everyone happy."

Anyway: everyone, down to the last pegasus, agrees that this qualification campaign has been amazing so far. We're 11-4-0, we have more than a decent chance against Hetaru (who we beat last time around), all of the draws can be excused one way or another - not something I ever imagined myself writing fifteen years ago - and we're running in the full awareness that the new World Rankings are going to bump us down a bit because we don't do CAFA for various reasons. Although the vast majority of non-G6ers are always down for coffee...

Bridget was NOT able to find any information on Hetaru, which is interesting since she always happens to find the right style and the right sense of humour for just about every time the Group of Six has met (I've been told). She's not married. I'm not married. We were at Olympic together... maybe, just maybe... but then she's really married to football. Which I hope to be one day, too, although that would almost be cheating.

Anyway, enough about Bridget. We decided, mostly on her initiative, that we would field a 4-4-2 with some necessary changes to take account of the quality of the side and the fact that we've pretty much stopped caring for results while we HAVEN'T stopped caring for our players and team - Olympia returns, I will not be returning so that Rick can fit into the squad again. And who knew that you could have so much fun at one of the most intricate hotels known to mankind?

THE SCHEDULE, AS AGREED:
- On MD1, notes will be taken by Gentle Breeze herself. The legend!
- On MD2, notes will be taken by Cathy.
- MD3's note-taker will be decided on MD2, but it will be a G26 meeting if we're knocked out in the groups.

[Tumbra]

Tumbra 2–0 United Hawkland

TMB (4-3-3): 1 - V Jones; 2 - A Renton, 4 - S Kerr, 19 - Y Lawson (20 - H Edwards, 66'), 19 - J Green (3 - T Mercurio, 66'); 6 - T Harrison, 8 - V Leighton, 10 - S Monaghan (16 - C Campbell, 75'); 14 - E Robertson, 33 - H Colvin (9 - L Crossley, 84'); 11 - C Henshaw (22 - J Hardaker, 75')

TMB scorers: Erin Robertson (23'), Charlotte Henshaw (55')

Player of the Match: Erin Robertson [TMB]

---

Zenic 1–0 Tumbra

TMB (4-2-3-1): 1 - V Jones; 2 - A Renton (18 - H Kennedy, 80'), 4 - S Kerr, 5 - W Pritchett, 3 - T Mercurio; 6 - T Harrison, 13 - S Harrington (8 - V Leighton, 80'), 10 - S Monaghan (16 - C Campbell, 72'); 7 - V Wells (14 - E Robertson, 72'), 9 - L Crossley (33 - H Colvin, 62'); 21 - E Maddison

TMB scorers: None

Player of the Match: Hank Devor [ZEN]

Campbell flirts with exit from Tumbran national team after disappointing cycle sees just one away win from eight

STRATON: After five years in charge of the Tumbran national team — bringing them from the highs of a Campionato Esportiva and a World Cup final to the lows of a World Cup group stage exit — Matchday can report that the Tumbran Football Federation (TFF) has been drawing up a list of alternative candidates for the job of Tumbran national team manager should Campbell decide to leave after the end of the World Cup. The news comes as Tumbra's qualification hopes rest on a precipice before their final game of the season against the North Oharan Valley Union; Tumbra lead third-placed Zenic and fourth-placed Riena by four points, but both could easily overtake Tumbra if the Black Eagles drop points and both Zenic and Riena win both of their last two matches.

Campbell's decision is said to have arisen amongst faltering results in the World Cup qualification cycle, with the Black Eagles securing just one win away from home — against the ninth-placed Holy See — over a year ago. Since then, Tumbra have drawn four of their away games and lost three; leaving an ironclad home record of seven wins (with one more to come) being dragged back by a terrible away record. While nothing has been confirmed yet — and both Campbell and the TFF have both refused to comment — Campbell is said to have been offered a contract extension with the Black Eagles, but has not yet signed it; and the TFF is said to be looking for replacements, both foreign and domestic, should Campbell choose to leave after three cycles.

TUMBRAN ROSTER FOR MATCH v NORTH OHARAN VALLEY UNION (TRENTON PARK, LAKEWOOD)
Link to full roster
Goalkeepers: 1 - Victoria Jones [Lakewood City], 12 - Richard Russell [Lakewood United], 25 - Branko Cvitkovic [Serrapince]
Defenders: 2 - Annie Renton [Serrapince], 18 - Hazel Kennedy [Couno Rangers], 4 - Stephen Kerr [Chromatik, CMT], 5 - Wendy Pritchett [Lakewood United], 19 - Yvonne Lawson [CS Saint-Rémy, KSK], 20 - Hannah Edwards [Kingston, QUE], 35 - Benjamin Byrne [Lakewood City], 3 - Tracey Mercurio [Kingston, QUE], 42 - James Green [Bavingtor, FVA]
Midfielders: 6 - Trudy Harrison [Chromatik, CMT], 39 - Mark Finnemore [Couno Rangers], 8 - Victor Leighton [Lakewood City], 13 - Stella Harrington [Newark Argyle], 37 - Ian Robertson [Ridgewell Rovers], 10 - Susan Monaghan [Lakewood City], 16 - Colin Campbell [Newark Argyle]
Wingers: 7 - Valerie Wells [Lakewood United], 14 - Erin Robertson [Couno Rangers], 9 - Lynne Crossley [Chromatik, CMT] 33 - Henrietta Colvin [Lakewood City]
Strikers: 11 - Charlotte Henshaw [Lakewood City], 21 - Edward Maddison [Avondale City, SYL], 22 - Julie Hardaker [Myana, CMT]

Schedule: v RIN, @ VCS//v DEI, @ CBP//v ADB, @ UHL//v ZEN, @ OVU//Bye, @ RIN//v VCS, @ DEI//v CBP, @ ADB//v UHL, @ ZEN//v OVU, Bye

[Oberour Ar Moro]

Dounerth Chateaubriand felt very, very alone.

Being an Oberour Ar Moro goalkeeper is a very lonely existence in general. Fans don't think much about you unless you've done something wrong, like let a goal go past you. And in an aggressive league like the Dominion's Football System, that can happen a lot.

But, if you're good with your hands and have the courage to stand in front of a ball traveling at over 110 km/h, there is a career to be made. And if you're particularly good at it, you can travel the world as a National Team player and get even more abuse, and unique types at that.

Dounerth stood in the Oberour goal at Brusseldorf's Fennec Stadia in Casablanca. The stadium wasn't exactly at full 90,000 capacity just before kick off. Brusseldorf being eliminated from qualifying for the World Cup must have sapped some enthusiasm. But there was still a sizable crowd regardless. And even if Brusseldorf was playing for pride, that was enough to make Dounerth nervous.

The Dragoons sat a strong third place in their qualifying group. And the nations they were chasing, Mertagne and StrayaRoos, had only one match left to play. Oberour Ar Moro had two. Two wins and they finish top of the group. Automatic qualifying for the nation's first ever World Cup in style.

And on the flip side, drop points to Brusseldorf and StrayaRoos over the next two matches and the Dragoons could finish as low as fifth in the group. From automatic qualification to the Cup of Harmony in Banija in a snap.

The dropping of points was on his mind after his last start in Caerbannog. What the team had hoped would be a chance to build up their confidence had turned into a horrible slog. Oberour Ar Moro scored on the only good chance they had all game, and spent the rest of the time flubbing their lines. Meanwhile, Caerbannog had played up to their level and nearly earned a draw.

In the 90+6th minute Chateaubriand had lost track of the ball in a goal line scramble. A Caerbannog forward came ever so close to scoring what would be a famous though accidental goal to draw the game. Late Oberour substitute Anatole-Georges Clausse had kept his head on a swivel and hit the turf and stopped the ball, and the foot of the Caerbannog player, with his chest. Just inches away from going into the goal.

Dounerth was able to dive on the ball (and on Anatole-Georges in the process. He apologized profusely later for the abuse Anatole-Georges had to take). Gathering the ball up, he wasted the proper amount of time, kicked the ball as far as he could, and the final whistle blew to end the match. They walked away with three points on the road that they desperately needed to keep pace.

This result, and the knife's-edge result they had earned, had haunted Dounerth. At the next national team practice he spoke to his manager John Antheaume about the pressure, and John talking about moving from fear to love, from darkness to light, and focusing clearly on becoming a light body in activation had helped some. But on the pitch he could feel the resumption of the nerves.

At the center of the pitch the referee blew his whistle. Dounerth Chateaubriand tried to swallow down his concerns. He, and this entire side, needed to focus.

[Pasarga]

Matchday 17/18 Cutoff for Groups 9-17

[Sarzonia]

All the grumbling the Sarzonian national football team started about draws obscured one thing about the side's World Cup 97 qualifying campaign.

Going into Sarzonia's match against 12th ranked and top seeds Flavovespia, the Stars had only lost once, 2-1 away to Flavovespia. That was a disappointment of a result, to be sure, but their opponents on that day were the only team Sarzonia were not favoured to earn points against in the Group 6 table.

There was also discussion about the delay in World Cup qualifying that prevented all the teams from playing any matches over the past few days. The newly expanded 48-team World Cup proper was supposed to be in the offing for the teams that earned their trip to either Pasarga or Eastfield Lodge. For a potentially smaller group of competitors, the Cup of Harmony was supposed to await.

Caleb Rush knew the extra time was an inconvenience, but the delay that extended the team's bye was a problem for everyone. It gave him and his managerial staff additional time to prepare for what he still expected to be a sold out crowd at Dave Wilson Stadium and a critical battle for an automatic berth amongst the final 48.

However, the expected sellout didn't result in a completely packed stadium as 98,978 attended the match, including a larger than expected crowd from Flavovespia. The energy didn't feel right at the opening kickoff, and the Stars emerged as everything but triumphant in a 2-0 loss that took much of the wind out of his side's sails.

Now, Sarzonia were 6-6-2, still in the third spot in the Group 6 table, only one point ahead of Katzeburg for that all important position. The Stars came into World Cup 97 qualifying expecting to avoid the drama of a spot in the playoffs hoping to advance to the proper, but now we're also six points behind Gnejs (9-3-3) for runner-up honours.

All Gnejs needed after wins in both halves of the restart window was an away draw in their group stage finale against Carpathia and Ruthenia to earn an automatic berth. Sarzonia would need victories against both Ossidiacqua away and Katzeburg at home and a loss by Gnejs to wrest that final automatic qualification and avoid the playoff.

"We got ourselves in this position," a sullen John Wells said after making five saves, but allowing two goals he described as "bone-headed."

"We left [standings] points on the pitch too many times," striker Spencer Wilson admitted. "If we'd turned a couple of draws against lower-ranked opponents into results, we wouldn't be in a must-win scenario right now."

Ossidiacqua, along with Darkmania and Osterhalten are mathematically eliminated from World Cup contention, but Katzeburg (7-2-5) are at home to Legalese, a team that are still nominally alive for a spot in the playoffs, but are at 5-4-5, trailing the Stars by five points.

Rush said the team would have to respond to adversity.

"We're going to find out exactly what we're made of," he said.

[Zwangzug]

The Spenson Star

The long-awaited age of the 48-team World Cup is upon us, and Zwangzug secured its place in the proper by...um, losing to Valanora, technically, in a match that may possibly forebode what awaits us and/or many other national teams in Pasarga and/or Eastfield Lodge.

Emeline Millet, of Ko-oren, has caused a stir by lining the Marauders up in a (1)-4-3-3 formation, but the match at the ZS^3 was more karelan than you'd expect from that (and much more dragonflyish than the usual fare on display in Zwischen). The first half provided plenty of opportunities for both defenses to test themselves and link up for some neat passes; Joakim Söderström, he of the majestic double umlaut, anchoring the Vanorian defense on left-back. Laura Adler was also impressive, particularly because she plays in Quebec, a country not known for its measured or cautious approach to defense. But through the first forty-five, Zwangzug were almost as impressive, with Eileen Gainsborough and Sullivan Brecht entrenched in the center-back roles but sending the ball upfield with thunderous kicks.

In the second half, the advantage of possession gradually started shifting to the visitors. Despite Zwangzug's ostensible numerical advantage in the midfield, Brian Spand-Maunk and Jude McWaler weren't able to hold on in possession when they had the ball, but Olaf Myrhe, fighting to dislodge Ylva Stjern from the starting XI, kept the ball in the keen, uh, grasp of his feet, I guess. Tuva Brekke, who'd come on for Imre Haaland at the hour mark, scored on an assist from Myrhe in minute 71.

It was Zwangzug's only defeat of the qualifying stage so far, and while they may only be second in Group 3, they've already clinched a spot in the proper, alongside such luminaries as, uh, Tanirinthia and Crpostran, to say nothing of the Eastfielders who qualified as co-hosts. Despite the anticlimax, Kate DiMarini seems excited about the expansion to 48 teams. "You don't have to be a football fan to recognize that the World Cup brings teams and players together from across the world like nothing else. I have faith that giving more teams the opportunity to perform on this stage will be good for the game, and there are going to be plenty of debutants aiming high, so we can't afford to be complacent. I mean, neither can anybody else, obviously, I'm just speaking for Zwangzug."

Valanora are top seeds in the qualifiers and remain undefeated. Is there anything their opponents in the proper should be taking from this match? To be honest, probably not--every side has its own strategies and quirks, and it's unlikely that a consistently attacking team would want to drop back to defense just because it works for us sometimes. The first leg, perhaps--a 3-3 draw, belying Zwangzug's approach--was only slightly more instructive, but the basics are sound. Surrendering early goals, whether they're to relative youngsters like Lina Gården or undisputed veterans like Laborious Hawk, doesn't have to be the end of the world. Don't let your opponents' reputation intimidate you, keep in mind it's always going to be eleven versus eleven, and you won't beat yourself. The rest is, let's face it, mostly chance--there are underdogs who can thrive on the biggest stage, given the opportunity, but there are also a lot of underdogs who thrive on smaller stages and don't make as many headlines.

(MD15: Carre 22, Reed 69)

[Riena]

The noise reverberating inside the cavernous bowels of the Wavelet Arena in Nagato was unimaginably loud.

It wasn't the ear-splitting roar of a jet engine at twenty yards, nor was it the piercing whine of an alarm; it was a powerful, full-throated current of sound that pulsated with barely-constrained energy as it surged through the brightly-lit corridor that led to the dressing rooms. With every step she took, Cocoa Haneda could feel the rhythmic vibrations resonating within her, crescendoing in tandem with the beat of her heart. Cocoa had been at Riena's national stadium more times than she cared to count — first as a Riena player, then as Riena manager — but she couldn't for the life of her remember the last time the Wavelet Arena had been this loud. Even though she couldn't see the thousands and thousands of fans that were packing the stadium above her to the rafters, she instinctively realised that the sound that washed down from above was, for lack of a better phrase, shot through with raw emotion; a melodic, almost hypnotic chanting that sang of enthusiasm, of joy, of pure, unadulterated hope. Even so, it did little to assuage Cocoa's jangling nerves.

Cocoa stopped in front of the door to the home dressing room and drew a deep breath, composing herself for what was about to come. She knew, of course, that the team talk that she was about to give for the upcoming game against Zenic would be one of the most important ones of her fledgling career as a manager. Her mind raced as she retraced the chain of events in her life that had led up to this point — the disbandment of the Riena national team, just when she was at the height of her powers as a player; starting her managerial career at one of Riena's less prestigious clubs; being headhunted by the Riena Football Association to head the country's newly rebooted football programme as the manager of the national team; seeing her young team get obliterated by Tumbra on the first day of World Cup qualifying, and then rebounding strongly from that painful setback to keep pace in the race for a coveted spot in the finals. Even now, it seemed almost surreal to Cocoa that her Wavelets were still in contention for qualification as they headed into their final two matches of the campaign — a state of affairs no rational observer could've possibly predicted before a single ball had been kicked in anger.

What's more, the way group eight had panned out meant that Riena were still in control of their own destiny. The permutations for the Wavelets were simple — all they had to do was beat Zenic and pick up at least a point at North Oharan Valley Union to be sure of third place in the group, and with it secure a spot in the playoffs at minimum. Getting anything out of these opponents was however easier said than done; Zenic had dismantled the Wavelets 5-2 at the Philosophia Colosseum the last time the two sides had met, while the Oharese had held them to a frustrating 1-1 draw at the Wavelet Arena. That defeat to the Survivors meant that Riena had their work cut out for them on the evening. Win, and they would be masters of their own fate, with an outside chance of finishing second if Tumbra slipped up against the Oharese at home. A draw meant that they would be hoping for an already-qualified Baker Park to do them a favour against Zenic on the final matchday; and another defeat would put them out of the running entirely thanks to the head-to-head tiebreaker against them. Cocoa had turned over all those possibilities in her mind so many times that she could recite them by heart, and it wasn't without a pang of regret that she remembered the dropped points against Adab and North Oharan Valley Union in matches that they should have won.

But now was not the time to wallow in regret and self-pity. Cocoa and her players had a job to do, and she wasn't about to let herself get distracted at this critical juncture of their World Cup journey.

The glass door to the dressing room melted away at Cocoa's touch, and as she strode into the room, she could feel the intense gazes of her players fixated on her. Unlike the joyous, raucous atmosphere outside, the mood inside the dressing room was more of a mixed bag, a ripple of uncertainty shot through with electric prickle of anxiety. Cocoa couldn't blame her players for feeling nervous — for every single one of them, this was the most important game of their international careers bar none, a game that could make or break their future paths in football. They'd have to be inhuman cyborgs not to feel anything before a game of this magnitude; hell, Cocoa would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous herself. But as manager of this youthful squad, it was her responsibility to take the pressure off them and help them perform to the top of their game. Cocoa cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and began addressing her players.

"How are we feeling today, everyone? Just the small matter of a crucial game against the second seed of the group and the thirty-seventh ranked team in the multiverse, so I assume everyone's up for it and raring to go!"

A smattering of uncertain laughter broke out in the dressing room. Cocoa smiled and continued.

"Alright, I'll take a rain check on the cheesy jokes for today, but I do want you to tell me what you're feeling right now. Ichika?"

Cocoa glanced at Ichika Kirikaze, her captain, who shuffled in her seat for a moment before answering.

"To be honest, Cocoa ... I'm a bag of nerves right now, and I think all of us are feeling the same way. None of us have been in this kind of high-stakes situation before, and not going to lie, it really takes some getting used to."

Cocoa nodded in acknowledgement and turned to her first-choice striker, Emiri Nekoda. "Well, coach, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, just as Ichika is. It's just such a massive game with so much riding on it, and the pressure is on a totally different level to what we've been through before. My heart's beating so hard it's hurting."

Cocoa clapped her hands together. "Is there anyone who doesn't feel the same way? No? Alright, then — I want every single one of you to remember this feeling and hold it close to your heart for the rest of your career."

A ripple of surprised murmurs spread through the dressing room. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I asked you to do that. The reason is simple. The fact of the matter is that you're feeling nervous because we all find ourselves in pretty much a do-or-die situation, where the stakes are higher than never before. But I want you all to remember the exact reason why we're in this kind of situation. It's because you've put in hours, days, weeks, months of hard work on the training ground. It's because you've given your very best every time you step out onto the pitch wearing Riena's colours. It's because you've shown, out on the pitch, that you're capable of going toe-to-toe with some of the best teams in the multiverse and beating them. It's because you — every one of you — shed your blood, sweat, and tears to get us to this point."

Cocoa surveyed the dressing room, making sure to lock eyes with every single one of her players as she did so.

"No one gave us a snowball's chance in hell of coming as far as we've done this cycle. Remember how the media lambasted us after our limp Campionato, and how they did it again after we lost our opening game against Tumbra. Remember how all the bookmakers gave crazy long odds on every single one of our games, even against the lower seeds like Delitai and United Hawkland. But despite being dismissed and written off by just about everyone in the multiverse right from the start, we're here, sitting in the Wavelet Arena before the penultimate game of the campaign, knowing that we're still in control of our own destiny. Be honest with me, did anyone think that was even remotely possible after we got absolutely smashed by Tumbra? Not me, that's for sure!"

The tension in the dressing room gradually melted away as the players broke out into laughter.

"But the fact remains that we defied all the odds to get to where we are today. We held Tumbra to a draw at home, we bested Delitai and United Hawkland home and away — hell, we even managed to grab a win against Baker Park in their backyard, and that was when they were on that ridiculous run of form when they looked every inch one of the best teams in the multiverse. It was our spirit, our effort, our never-say-die attitude, that has brought us so far on this exciting journey to qualify for the World Cup, to the point where qualification is actually a concrete possibility for a team that went into this campaign at the bottom of the World Cup rankings."

Cocoa paused for several seconds for emphasis. She could sense that her players' mood had been transformed; they had been palpably nervous and on edge just minutes ago, but now there was a quietly smouldering determination in their eyes, and a renewed belief among the ranks.

"You're feeling nervous because we've come so far, to a point where the stakes are so high. But at the same time, I want you to remember that it's a combination of your talent, your graft, and your mentality that has brought us to this point, where we're actually playing for something worth playing for, a spot in the finals, as opposed to being the basement dwellers of the group. Take it from me as a former pro — you'll never really get rid of the nerves, not for as long as you play professional football. But always keep in mind that it is precisely because we've gotten so far that you've having these nerves — just do your best to channel all that nervous energy into positive performances on the pitch, and you'll be alright. We've already shown in this cycle that we're capable of upstaging the best, and with the fans backing us to the hilt, we're absolutely gonna get the result we need."

A determined smile crossed Cocoa's face as she spread her arms wide.

"The odds may well be against us. But from what I've seen this cycle, I'm damned if I don't have the privilege of coaching a team of seriously talented and bloody-minded fighters. So go out there, give them hell, and get the win — for ourselves, for the fans, and for the country."

The players leaped from their seats and roared in unison, before quickly setting about their final preparations for the game. Cocoa did the round of the dressing room, giving a few players some last minute words of encouragement, before accompanying the team into the tunnel.

As she stepped into the tunnel, the intense tsunami of sound, louder than ever before, broke over Cocoa once again, but this time, her emotions — and the emotions of her players — were in tune with the melodic chanting overhead, and the message of joy and hope resonated within her, as she knew it must be doing within every single one of her players. And as the referee picked up the match ball and led the teams out onto the pitch at the Wavelet Arena, the fiery, intense emotions coursing through Cocoa and her players became tempered by a steely determination. They could do this. No, they would do this.

[Valanora]

There is a belief among some people, that it does not matter the way in way you start a project or something, it matters more about the way that you finish and the ability to show perseverance throughout that time period. The Marauders had a good start to this qualifying campaign, they had remained unblemished leading into their confrontation with Zwangzug at the Hatire Memorial in the first half of the campaign. That tilt, where the Marauders thought they held the advantage with the sixty thousand screaming fans trying to will them on to victory, ultimately ended in a draw that had seen six goals scored between the two sides. On the surface, it was a good result if a tad on the disappointing side, as the home side had hoped to capture the three points in the clash between the two highest ranked teams and the former champions, having already taken the same off of other former champions in Polar Islandstates and Equestria. Yet it was the first signs of a wobble that would cause a bit of consternation and concern among the fanbase as another draw followed and then again in another window and suddenly the team had only two wins in the last five.

It had been a trying time for the team, as they saw the teams behind them closing the gap and attempting to draw them into a contentious battle for qualification in the second half, with TJUN-ia chief among those who were trying to get on the right track after early stumbles. It would be a narrow victory over them in the Hatire Memorial that would begin to right the ship for the Marauders and started to quiet down a loud minority of fans who had been wishing to see Millet relieved of her duties before her contract comes to a close at the end of the next ARC. The defensive frailties though were hard to explain, the team had done everything that they could to make sure the team and the players put into those positions were ready for their matches and yet none of it seemed to matter once the matches kicked off. Perhaps the luster and the lights of playing against the number one ranked team was bringing out the best that the opposition had to offer, attackers seeing a moment to advertise themselves to bigger clubs and leagues with getting a goal or two against the highest ranked team in the world heading into the qualifying campaign.

The win though not just righted the ship for the Marauders but it also had secured them a spot in the Finals despite the small wobble in the middle of the campaign and the nerves of having a prolonged fight to get that qualification secured were removed. It had been a few cycles since the side had been able to breathe easy heading into the last international window or two, knowing that they hadn't needed to maintain perfection to get a spot in the Finals, so this was a pleasant change of pace. Perhaps down to the change in the Finals format, expanding from thirty-two to forty-eight teams, a new era for all those who dreamed of World Cup glory. It allowed a bit of rotation in the last few games, the team playing a mostly second string against Sudilia in the Hatire Memorial en route to a comfortable win before the most difficult and penultimate fixture on their calendar, having a bye on the last matchday. That of course was the return trip to Zwangzug, where the former champion and the best ranked second pot team was waiting with open arms, knowing that if they could beat the Marauders then they had a clear shot at winning the group.

Instead of seeing the same mistakes of the campaign played out in the most difficult environment that the team had played in, they rose to the occasion. The defensive mistakes were erased and instead they were showing the sort of teeth and resolve and ability to recover that the fans had been hoping to see all campaign but had failed to until this game. The goal that eventually came in the second half was not one of precision and patience, it was a scrappy goal from a pair of unheralded players who were simply trying to ensure their places on the team once the Finals were drawn. It was a one nil affair that had all the makings of a game that could have gone the other way at any moment and yet it did not, the team had dug deep into their reserves and crafted a win from the makings of another draw while being the best defensively sound they had been all campaign. All that was left was a game against East Leaf in Capri, where if they got revenge for the hugely unexpected draw to end their first half, the group would be won and they would have posted another unbeaten qualifying record to add to the Marauders already impressive legacy. Finishing strong indeed.

[Vdara]

Two. Games. Left.

Two games to determine whether or not Vdara could finish second for the third consecutive time. Two games to see if Vdara could qualify automatically for the first time in seven cycles. Many games had come, most of them had gone, and only two remained. Kanzlia and Burikinia loomed in the distance, through the fog of unceryaint, over the valley of hope. Vdara’s record against these two teams had been positive, and having just manoeuvred the tough obstacles of the Panay Islands and the United Mandaran States, all they could do now was hope they could keep the ante high and make it through without too much fuss. At least, that’s what I hope. Markos is much more… well, enthusiastic.

”LETS BLOW THESE FUCKERS OUT THE WATER! WE’RE THE BEST, WE’RE THE DADDIES! THE V-DADDIES! And V-Lassies, sorry girls. Let’s PUMP them and ride into the sunset on our gilded chariot of glory, YA DANCER!”

[Kamijiro]

Bolts of Lightning (Finale): Choke Artists

A disastrous turn of events saw the Lightning fail to pick up a win in their last two matches, needing just four points to guarantee advancement. This comes after failing to secure a World Cup qualification in the last cycle as well, finishing third after choking away points in the last few matchdays. Sports journalists on the Isle of Lightning immediately slammed Raiji Kagawa's management, calling him a consummate choke artist, a fraud, et cetera. The headlines the next day weren't kind to the manager nor his squad - the Lightning's crash out of qualification lead to a lot of irate fans.

Pictured, top right: Soji Kokubun was seen smoking a cigarette, emotional after being eliminated.
Pictured, bottom: Raiji Kagawa, pictured post-collapse against The Kytler Peninsulae.
All credits to the original artists. Top right is fan art of Natsuki Subaru from Re:Zero and bottom is Toru Kirishima from The Yakuza's Guide to Babysitting.

------------

Raiji returned to his high-rise apartment in Miraisaki.
Just as he had prior to the call-up, he smoked a cigarette while looking down on the city below.
Down on the neon-splashed streets of the neighborhood he calls home, the mood of the city is noticeably subdued.
Even the normally bustling Naraku-shi neighborhood had fallen silent. The clubs had no lines to get in and the bars weren't full of patrons.

Raiji can't help but feel he's to blame.
He stubs out his cigarette and stands on the edge of the balcony, leaning against the guardrail.
"Don't!" A voice calls to him from behind.
"Don't?" Raiji asks, spinning around. "Don't what?" He spins around to see Haruki, his daughter.
"Don't jump!" Haruki shouts, running towards him.
"I wasn't going to. I'm just... looking."
"Just come inside. I know you're upset, but don't do something stupid."
"I wasn't going to!" Raiji is dragged back inside by Haruki, who then locks the sliding glass door.
"It's okay, dad. I know they're being hard on you right now. But the reality is that we all let you down. We had a million chances against Al-Tamazgha. We should have never lost to Caribbea and we flat-out embarrassed ourselves against Kytler. We were just too jittery down the stretch. It's not your fault, okay?"
"I should've done more to prepare you all. We all knew the stakes, but we couldn't get it done. But I'm the manager, it's my job to make sure you're all ready to play for keeps."
"The team doesn't blame you, either. Katsu's back at his place crying his eyes out over that missed penalty against Al-Tamazgha. Soji's blackout drunk somewhere, the media's dragging him for getting caught smoking. Shit happens, dad."
"Yeah, shit happens."
Haruki brings out the whiskey this time. "Here."
"Thanks."

------------

Kamijiro's World Cup 97 story ends tragically. The team issued a public statement apologizing for the way things ended and refunded all fans who bought tickets for the match against the Kytler Peninsulae following the loss. Even the King himself issued a statement of 'great disappointment' about the results...

Whether or not the Lightning receive an invite to the Cup of Harmony remains to be seen. Whether or not they even accept the invite is another question, considering how this run ended. But, the Lightning can never say no to a tournament, so... who knows?

Oyasumi, bonsoir.
- Kamijiro.

[Tero al Disco]

STORY OF MY LIFE PART 6 - BENJAMÍN INSFRÁN

Benjamín Ulises Insfrán, b. 2003 in Yacimiento del Quemavillas, Inticuna.

We've gone to the city of Laiquén in our last episode, after a somewhat violent turn west from Brisco in the east. Now, we're doing another criss-cross, entering the northeastern province of Inticuna, and now diving into the world of weird small Terense town names. In this case, Benjamín Insfrán, as one of the representatives of the younger generation of Terense players at only 23 years old, hails from the town of the Resting Place of the Village Burner (which we'll get to later), located some 150 km southwest of the city of Inticuna and on the banks of the river with the same name.

The village of Yacimiento del Quemavillas, or commonly called just "Quemavillas", gets its name from a local legend. In the days of the new farming villages or Christian missions formed in the banks of the Inticuna by white settlers from the Earthen dimension, these would be prone to attacks from the local indigenous population, generally by means of arson. One of these such arsonists, Dede Raujús, became a subject of rumour after (allegedly) having burned several of these "Earthen" villages. Eventually he would "allegedly" be shot down by one of these new settlers, and his supposed resting place would be where this new town (named in his honour) would spring up. Quemavillas the town would become just like any other small town in the area, with its main economic activities being based on sitting on the Inticuna river (fishing), as well as the cultivation of wheat from the very small strip of farmland washed by this section of the river, as its population doesn't exceed 5.000.

Benjamín Insfrán would be born in the middle months of the year 2003, with the same old formula of growing up to working class parents, although in this case in a small town like Quemavillas. There's nothing really that interesting about his childhood that we can go on forever about: his mother was a hairdresser, he was an ardent Nacional Terense fan by his father, and he started out playing football in the street, although he would quickly join the academy of the local club in the town, Atlético Quemavillas, "because playing football made me relax" in his words, although no one knows if that's refering to playing for a team or playing in the street, because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that playing street football also counts as football and so it would as a a relaxing experien...

Yes, we won't go on about his experiences in the lower levels. From day one he was is an imposing striker - a characteristic trait of his. That was something that the few scouts who occasionally came to his town noted about him when he was a teenager. A tall forward who regularly shows his knack for beating defenders by himself and generally likes to make plays by himself, with loads of the usual Terense flair. In the media, that rather selfish style of play has earned him criticism from the press and from fans, although he's still one of the best strikers in the Terense league (before he was signed by Saterun's Ias CF last transfer window), and Terense fans generally like to criticise their players for anything, if they don't win.

Back to the usual youth career explanation: when he was 14, he was approached to a trial by one of the Big Five clubs from the city of Inticuna; Inticuna city is generally characterised as an opposite to the capital city of Tero al Disco and its centralism, with Inticuna's arid and mountainous location being a counterpart to Tero Capital's commercial and port background, which along to its proximity to the farmlands has allowed it to thrive and become the country's most important city. Anyway, that's not the point; Inticuna, like most big Terense cities (and for the Nacional A RP fans this is something that I've touched on before), has its own batch of "Big X" clubs, those being Central, Ferrovario, Talleres, Nacional, and Aeronáutica. Talleres, at that time (2017...not that many seasons ago) the best club in Inticuna, playing in the Nacional B, promised him a speedy start for the first team, and quickly set about trying to convince him to join their academy. However, Talleres' biggest rivals are Nacional Inticuneño (the city's Nacional Terense knock-off, to put it bluntly), and Insfrán seeing that "was like me getting an offer from Gimnasia y Bala; I was like, 'hell no I won't!'"

Although inexplicably there were no other clubs in the area looking for him, there were more of them elsewhere, with Insfrán having just celebrated his 15th birthday. Enter Salto Athletic, who convinced him with the same old excuse about how he was going to make his debut soon in the big leagues. Unlike Talleres, who at that point in time were fighting relegation to the third division, Salto had somewhat stabilised themselves in the Nacional A, and if their first team kept going, he would make his first start in the first division, rather than in the second. He would reluctantly accept, and he would start training in Salto's youth academy. Within two years, Salto would stay in the top flight of Terense football and Insfrán would actually make his debut, as promised. Season 2020 would see a dip in performance for Salto, but Insfrán would have an excellent performance for a rookie.

By the offseason, he'd received a dream offer: Nacional Terense were looking to sign him for season 2021. Obviously he'd feel ecstatic, because it was the club he had supported all his life. He got signed for Nacional, and everything seemed to go OK. Although for season 2022 he'd have his debut in Nacional Terense, his performance wouldn't go down that well, and he spent the rest of the season sitting in the bench. Next season would be better for him, and he'd start more matches for Nacional, alongside the newest star of Terense football: Ramiro Guerra.

Now the turning point in his career would be the 83rd Baptism of Fire: group stage match against Hakushiya. Guerra went up to Hakushiya's Cady Hong, tried to spit him and called him a slur referring to Hong's ethnicity, he would later either double down on that or try to excuse himself by saying that Hakushiyan press were "inventing" these new slurs that no one in Tero al Disco used to call people like Hong that... He was universally shunned among the football world, and due to pressure Nacional Terense were almost forced to exclude Guerra, at last, from the squad. Nacional would have a dissapointing season 2024, finishing 7th in the league, and only winning the Confederations Trohpy playoffs to boot. However, Insfrán would gain a key role in the club, get his first caps on the way, and he would start to really make his name known as one good forward in the Terense football world. By season 2025 / IFCF93 of the Terense league, Nacional would finish in second place, one of their best performances in years, with Insfrán ending as joint-4th top scorer with 10 goals. In the offseason, one of the most promising youngsters in Terense football was signed to Saterun's Ias CF.

[Eastfield Lodge]

And here is Groups' 1-8 final cutoff of World Cup qualification.

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

The Famous Overachiever Awards

The qualifications are winding down and so is the landscape for the World Cup 97 OA's. (I think we'll adopt that as official name, since there's never been actual one)
The completely arbitrary unwritten rules are simple, a nation that finishes at least three places ahead of their seeding at the WCQ draw are recipients, although we give special mention to nations that were riding high but hit a late rough patch with Margaret, and that was about half of the original longlist compiled after MD11-12.

Lots of great stories to tell so let's get it on!!

9th seeds--usually the bottom pot has the most honorees, as it only takes 10-14 points to get off the bottom of the table in most cycles. This time out we have the great story of Loch Dearg, who missed out on the BOF but laid siege to Group 16 to grab the 3rd spot (as we were writing BTW); Riena has created havoc in Group 8; The Ko-orenite Constellation in Group 7 head into the final matches still with a chance to climb higher than their current spot; Alanis Star in Group 1 can't finish lower than 6th, although they were as high as 4th at one point; HOT-DAMN earned 4th in Group 11, with Grod Island getting an honorable mention.

8th seeds--The double act of Sangti & the Filindo Isles and Panay Islands & Guimaras are both eliminated but could finish at least another place higher at the conclusion of the fixtures. Sangti is 6th in Group 1 and could overtake Alanis Star, but cannot drop any lower while Panay is 5th in Group 5 but could conceivably finish anywhere between 4-6.

7th seeds--The majority of nations in this pot are BOF battle tested & this group brought the funk. At one point 10 of the 17 were in a spot to claim the prize, but as we mentioned, these last few rounds can be heartbreaking for those in mid-table packs. Edsmontik is the clear winner here, the BOF Champs on their debut--Well Done to Them from us in Baker Park--finishing 2nd in Group 16 to make the 48 team field; Katzenberg are 4th in Group 6, where a four way fight for the playoff spot will come down to the final MD; and Kanzlia in Group 5 will also be sorted out for 4-6th in the final doubleheader. Other 7's that ran strong were West Vdara, Kronbia, Langenia, Restresas, Avisora and The Godlands I.

6th seeds--Not a big field to chose from but doing the business was Siovanija &Teusland in Group 10, which finish second, and Hapilopper which took third in Group 11.

5th seeds--We would've been red faced with shame if we had written that no fives earned the honor, because Aphrilia leapfrogged from fifth to second in a very wild Group 13.

4th seeds--Sargossa is the only number 4 with a chance of winning their group.

That's all for now! Congratulations to all the winners!!

[Hapilopper]

Place du Sport, Sports City, Luton, Britonisea
After World Cup 97 Qualifying Match 16: Britonisea 2-1 Hapilopper

To say the least, the members of Ellis Football were pissed off as they left the field and made their way back to the visitor’s locker room at the Place du Sport, this small yet picturesque stadium in Britonisea. Some were resigned to the fear that they were getting ready to play a high-stress playoff game to make it to the World Cup Proper. And some were fearing that, yes, they’d have to go to Banija for the upcoming Cup of Harmony, probably alongside those damn beer leaguers. But Ernie Stevenson knew something else. On his cell phone, his brother Drake was giving him updates that were being aired live on Hapiloppian television - and those updates were looking good.

Damn good.

So as the team stormed off the field, many in anger, many with the resignation of defeat, Ernie ran towards the locker room to turn a television on - nearly knocking over a couple of attendants along the way. He was the only one on the Ellis Football squad that knew. Not even Thom Perkins knew. Dom Probst, the head of the Hapilopper Football Association knew, but he was in the owner’s box at Ellis Field at Capital Stadium in Hapilopper City, where about 70,000 fans were taking in a watch party, one of several in the City.

Seeing what was going on, Dom texted Thom, letting him know that, at that point, their result didn’t matter. But Thom didn’t get the text message. It was custom for him to leave his cell phone in the coach’s office prior to the match and check on it when the match was over. The only person on the Ellis Football staff in Britonisea that knew was Ernie Stevenson. But others were getting the hint seeing the way he was reacting.

By the time the team had returned to the locker room, Ernie had the television on - which included live updates. And it showed that, by one point, the Haps were going to go through. The Haps were going to qualify for the World Cup Proper. A handful of results needed to hold for a few more minutes, but if they did, Ellis Football, on the first World Cup campaign back since the death of Nathan Ellis, was going to qualify for the World Cup Proper. And when the players and the rest of the staff saw those live updates, the mood changed in a snap - from defeat and resignation to sheer pandemonium.

“OH MY GOD!” Thom yelped. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Thom rushed into the coach’s office, tripping over a chair in the process, to get his cell phone to see if it was true. Sure enough, he spotted more text messages from people than he thought he’d get - and at the top, the text from Dom - “WE’RE FUCKING IN MOTHERFUCKERS!!!”

The screaming and roaring from the Hapiloppian locker room was enough for everyone to hear outside, especially in this small stadium in Britonisea. Pretty quickly, Hapiloppian reporters - who knew what was going on - rushed in to get reaction. And that pandemonium intensified as some of those matches counted down to their end.

Three matches left.

Two matches left.

One match left.

Finally, the final whistle blew to end that last match, and by the skin of their teeth, Ellis Football had qualified for the World Cup Proper - the third qualification for a Hapiloppian team, and the first under the Ellis Football program. The celebrations in the locker room were a sight to behold, as players spontaneously grabbed champagne bottles and started spraying them all over each other, all over reporters and all over anyone and everyone. Some of the team even rushed out, found a few Hapiloppians in the crowd and sprayed them.

Thom and Ernie, meanwhile, walked into the coach’s office, turned on a television and watched the celebrations on Hapiloppian television - at Capital Stadium, where those 70,000 fans had run riot, at Hamilton Square about a mile away, where a quarter of a million fans were celebrating like it was New Year’s Eve, and at stadiums and venues all across the Dominion. And in due time, Thom and Ernie would feel those same emotions. But all they could think of was their friend Nathan. The Violent Gentleman himself.

This is what he wanted.

This is what he had dreamed of.

“We’re on track,” Ernie said, choking back tears. “We’re on his path.”

Thom looked over at him.

“Nate showed me his five-year plan once,” Ernie said. “He said he wanted to qualify by World Cup 97. Make the knockouts at World Cup 98. Semifinals at World Cup 99. And then win the whole fucking thing at World Cup 100. God damn it, we made it.”

It was too much for Ernie. He collapsed into a chair and burst into tears remembering that original five-year plan. It was still in place. It was almost as if Nathan, from a different dimension, had guided the team back into place. Nathan wasn’t there, obviously. But it felt like he was. And Ernie’s emotions were too much for Thom to take, as tears slowly rolled down his eyes as well.

None of the players or the rest of the staff noticed what was going on in the coach’s room. And that was fine. None of the media noticed either - they were too busy documenting the mayhem going on outside. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Thom and Ernie came out of the coach’s office. Some of the players and the media stopped, including a Hapilopper Television Network camera crew, when they saw the red in their eyes and a stream coming down from them.

Thom looked at the assembled media, the players, staff and some of the fans that had made it in. He didn’t care that he was on live TV back home. He didn’t care that millions of Hapiloppians back home were watching him. The reporter from HTN started to ask a question, but saw Thom was trying to get the mic from him.

“This means everything,” Thom said. “This is the first campaign since we lost Nathan. And we were there in the hospital when he passed. This means more to do it now than it ever would. He had a board in the Garvinson office, it was his five year plan. His plan was for us to make it to the Proper by 97. Knockouts at 98. Semis at 99. And win the whole fucking thing at 100. Well, guess what? I think Nathan’s guiding us from some place else right now. And as long as we’ve got him, we’re gonna win the whole fucking thing one way or another.”

“THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!!!” Ernie yelled out.

The media watched as virtually everyone else roared in delight. Back home, all the Hapiloppians roared in delight as well. It was such an emotional scene that HTN seemingly forgot about the standard of decorum concerning profanity on television. No one cared, anyway. The battle cry of “WIN THE WHOLE FUCKING THING” became Ellis Football’s motto for World Cup 97. They probably wouldn’t - they were, after all, one of the lowest-ranked teams that qualified. But a team this lowly-ranked shouldn’t have qualified anyway. So nothing was impossible.

[Panay Islands and Guimaras]

---

WIN OR LOSE, WE'RE NOT QUALIFIED
United Mandaran States and Iloílo City, Federal Canton

The first match was held in UMS, where the Mandarans scored the opening goal after some defending mistakes by Heo and Chiang. The Panayense defense did the best that they can, but suddenly it wasn't enough because before half-time, the Mandarans scored another goal. Then there's the second half, the Panayenses did their best to stop a tight Mandaran defense that leads to a Mandaran player who got a yellow card for tackling Del Castro, where the penalty is scored by Nguyen. But the penalty goal wasn't enough for the Panayenses as they're going to be not qualified in WC97. Even though they have a hope against Burikinia in the Paulino Alcántara Stadium. Where the Burikinians knew that they're out of the qualifiers, and so does the Panayenses. Where the Burikinians scored the opening goal by another defending mistake from Chiang. The Panayense defense was so tight until Gallardo Morita got a yellow card and a successful penalty goal for the Burikinians. The fans think they are giving up, but never fear, Ricalde is here! Where he, Martinelli, and Nguyen did something unbelievable. They pass out the Burikinian defense, where a Burikinian player got a yellow card for a tackle against the captain, Rodriguez. And that led to a genius free kick goal from the trio, where Nguyen scored a goal and the trio dancing together as a celebration, marking it the first Panayense goal. And then the trio did the unthinkable, making Miguelito score a bicycle kick and celebrate with the fans as a way of saying "let's have fun even though we're not qualified". And to finish it up, Ricalde scored a long goal that made the Burikinian player a mistake. Even though they aren't qualified at the World Cup 97, the Panayenses showed their own style of play and made the crowd excited. And Pierini himself said that in the next World Cup, the Panayenses will be qualified someday.

[Sarzonia]

"The waiting is the hardest part."

No truer words have ever been committed to song than those sung by one Thomas Earl Petty, at least in the minds of the Sarzonian national football team.

After a frustrating World Cup 97 qualifying campaign, that's what's left for Sarzonia after finishing third in the Group 6 table. Sarzonia only lost twice, both times to group winners and 12th ranked Flavovespia, but it's draws that were the real story this cycle. The Stars had six draws, including several against teams ranked significantly lower in the outgoing KPB Rankings, finishing 8-6-2, garnering 30 points.

They earned the ninth spot amongst the 17 third place sides, but needed to finish two spots higher amongst that crowd for an automatic berth in the newly-expanded 48-team field in the World Cup proper.

Unlike the previous cycle, where a 3-3 away draw against Rea San Vegas could be termed the singular culprit that prevented manager Caleb Rush's unit from booking their trip to either Mertagne or Huayramarca, there were several draws to choose from this time.

"We had a perfect storm of crap," Rush said. "We were left scoreboard-watching on Matchday 18 hoping [Carpathia and Ruthenia] would beat Gnejs so we wouldn't have to worry about playing a playoff, but now we're fighting for our World Cup lives once again. It's frustrating, but we put ourselves in this position."

Among the 10 teams competing for the last five spots in the World Cup field, Sarzonia earned the second seed and will face Drawkland at Lodger City Memorial Stadium in New Lodger City, Eastfield Lodge, by far the largest venue of the five chosen to host the tiebreaking matches. Drawkland finished 8-3-5 in Group 9, behind Bears Armed and Myrtle Beach for that group's automatic berths in the proper.

While the Stars ultimately finished five points clear of fourth place Legalese in Group 6 and were three points behind Gnejs for runner-up honours, the Kick Corps were level with longstanding regionmates Qasden for the playoff bid. Drawkland beat out Qasden due to head-to-head goal differential. The Kick Corps scored 35 goals and conceded 30, whereas Sarzonia scored 42 and allowed 27.

Sarzonia may be the higher seed and have a higher goal differential, but Rush reminded the assembled media that Drawkland were ranked higher at 31st in KPB Rankings while Sarzonia were 38th.

"It'll be anyone's match on paper," Rush said. "However, our history in these [playoffs] works against us. We're definitely underdogs."

Sarzonia and Drawkland have limited history in football, but have met in several other sports, including gridball and basketball. The Stars and Grid Corps were group mates during World Bowl 48 and Drawkland swept Sarzonia en route to an undefeated group stage. The Stars shocked their Drawkish foes in the quarterfinals en route to Sarzonia winning their third World Bowl title in programme history.

"It may not have all the same ramifications as a Delaclava or a Banija," forward Spencer Wilson said, "but there's a multi-sport history between us and the Drawks."

That history will see its newest chapter written in the largest venue on offer in these playoffs, as tens of thousands of Sarzonians look to pack Lodger City Memorial Stadium, including Noah Ashby, a grocery store manager from Saugatuck, a Portland suburb, who said he couldn't make it to the rescheduled home match against Flavovespia at Dave Wilson Stadium in Woodstock.

"I couldn't get the time off," he said. "I'd swapped my weekend off with Cloris [Brentham, a manager in Save-a-Lot's Ashmore, Somerset location] to go to the [postponed] match against Flavovespia. He said he'd already planned to take his vacation around the time of the playoff.

"I'm not missing this one," he said.

[Zenic]

World Cup Survival hinges on Playoffs once again

After a full and hard fought qualifying campaign, Zenic have been rewarded with.... another match. Yes, just as the last World Cup cycle, the Survivors will need to win just one more matchup in order to participate in the World Cup in and of itself. This time around, Zenic must battle against Loch Dearg. But, before we get too far ahead of ourselves, we must look at how Zenic qualified for these World Cup Qualifying playoffs.

Leading into the final International Play Period, Zenic had a record of 7-3-4 with a +16 goal differential and level at 24 points with Riena, which was good enough for third place thanks to the H2H tiebreaker in our favor. And the second to last matchday provided the perfect opportunity to build a large gap between the two squads as Zenic traveled to Esportiva to play at the Wavelet Arena in Nagato. The winner would have solid control over third place and a chance for second place should Tumbra falter in their final match against the North Oharan Valley Union. The confrontation at Wavelet would feature a new backline unit as Burley Trac was suspended for one match for two yellows in the matchup against Tumbra. Thus, Gopal Pekko was selected to join Kian Hodge and Thuan Byford in a special occasion: the first time that the THB lineup were not the starting defenders for a Zys-managed Zenic.

The new, temporary backline held together well in their first 90 minutes against Riena, working alongside Mosley to secure a 5th clean sheet of the qualifying campaign. Combined with a 59th minute goal from Faulkner Dejulio, Zenic mathematically eliminated Riena from World Cup contention while building themselves a 2 point lead over their next hurdle: Adab. Unfortunately, there was nothing Zenic could do directly as Adab's final opponent was the Commonwealth of Baker Park while Zenic went back home to take on Of the Holy See for the second and final time. The main worry that spread throughout the sporting journalistic world was that Baker Park might rest their starters, allowing Adab a higher probability of winning and leapfrogging Zenic for third as Tumbra had sealed up second place with a 2-1 victory.

Thus the stage was set: win and third place is ours, lose and the Commonwealth controls our destiny. Luckily, we didn't need luck on our side this time. 6-0 was the scoreline as the Survivors put on a clinic with a brace from leading goalscorer Giuseppe Allegri Gentile and one each from Abdullah Vasil, Thuan Byford, Cecil Maruscak, and a returning Burley Trac accompanying Zenic's 6th clean sheet of the cycle. As the final whistle blew, the Philossophia erupted in cheers as Zenic had done their job; now all they had to do was wait and see how the other third place squads placed in order to find out who got to head straight to Northern Rushmore and who had to make an extra stop on their road there.

In these unique first-of-their-kind qualifiers, the top 7 third place squads would automatically advance to the World Cup while the remaining 10 would be seeded and then battle it out to determine the final 5 participants of the 97th World Cup. Once the calculations had been complete and the draws announced did the citizens of Zenic learn their fate: 8th. Meaning they had just missed the cut for automatic qualification, thus requiring one final matchup to determine if they would visit the World Cup for a second straight cycle or continue the trend of one visit every so often.

Reviewing the standings, Zenic missed out by a single point to Strayaroos, Hapilopper and Cardenao. An extra loss for any of them and an extra win or draw for the Survivors would have changed. But what is done is done so Geraldo Zys and the squad are tasked with winning against their chosen opponent: the aforementioned Loch Dearg. Some of you may be asking: Just who are Loch Dearg?

Loch Dearg are newcomer to the Futbol scene, having decided to join the World Cup qualifiers late resulting in them missing this cycle's Baptism of Fire. And yet, in spite of that, they finished third in group 16, finishing ahead of squads like Recuecn, Xanneria, Delaclava and BoF 83 winners Hakushiya. Only Saint Eleanor and BoF 84 winners Edsmontik successfully finished above this squad. Loch Dearg reached third place with a record of 8-3-5 and a +3 goal differential for 27 points, tied with other third place squads such as TJUN-ia, Aleirave, and Drawkland. Rory Daniels has managed to get these results with this squad thanks to a defensive oriented 5-3-2 where the opposition has to truly earn their goals if they wish to win. That's how this squad has managed to make it this far having scored only 14 goals and allowing only 11 in return.

Now, these two squads: one amongst the top 15 of highest scoring teams this tournament, the other amongst the top 15 in least goals allowed so far. At the Stade de Torgos within the borders of Pasarga, one of these trends must be broken: which one breaks is left to be seen.

-- Koralia Dev

Koralia Dev is one of our newest and most enthusiastic writers at The Leinz Herald. A graduate from the prestigious New Citium University, Koralia graduated with her Bachelor of Arts in Journalism and has been working for the Herald covering foreign and international sporting events. We are excited to have her cover the Empire of Zenic’s return to sporting events, both domestic and international.

[Delte]

---

Delte 3–1 Chrizenia
Trainee Sports Correspondent Pola Bedeloe at Ildemorton Road for Burye News

---

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match but certainly mention should be made of the performance of compost coordinator Aggie Mercer. She retains a tight watch on food waste on matchdays at Ildemorton Road to keep the stadium's thriving worm bins busy getting rid of all the dropped cobs, buns, rolls and batches - plus their contents - and anything else a careless Delt might drop on the floor during the excitement of the match. Deltic green wrigglers will turn any organic waste into premium quality fertiliser, as I'm sure you all know, and this is the secret of the valley's agricultural success. So Aggie Mercer is a vital cog in the engine of good waste management, recycling, and food production. Plus of course, she helps to prevent the locals slipping on any banana skins, like when 0-0-14 Chrizenia came to town, hoping to avoid a World Cup wipe out. With just one point required to win the group, and reflecting on the terrible start the Reps made to this campaign, you could definitely see it happening. But thanks to goals from Asa Awestorm, Chipper Osgood and Irki Mynster, plus the diligent work of our dear Aggie, all banana skins were successfully avoided as the home crowd celebrated another World Cup qualification. Unfortunately with Baggieland snaffling 8 goals in the last match weekend, the Reps finished second in the high scoring charts for the campaign, but can at least head off to Pasarga and/or Eastfield Lodge with the best goal difference in qualifying. Not to mention the purest vermicompost.

Which is nice.

---

The Revenge of Patch-Ironing Robot #371
8/12 - Overweight

---

The life of Deltic football kit influencer and ediraf Regional Sales Manager Raul Valk hangs in the balance as the Revenge of Patch Ironing Robot #371 reaches fulfilment. But how did we get here, and more specifically how did #371 get to the Delte valley?

Tightly packed into a Delilahnite suitcase to get in the baggage hold of a flight to St. Bernadine city, Taxhavn, the Patch Ironing Robot that had escaped from a Starblaydi sportswear factory and then from Starblaydia 2302AD entirely, was listening carefully to the Internet of Things to somehow geolocate itself and know when it had arrived. It wasn’t that difficult. The JamboJet it was riding on was a mine of information and a relentless chatterbox, and it didn’t take long for Patch Ironing Robot to learn its OS language, which was a proprietry system from the aircraft’s manufacturer, Goeing. It didn’t really have a language name, but Patch Ironing Robot thought of it as Goeing-OS, while it called the plane itself Motormouth because it didn’t shut up for eighteen hours about where it was, how it was doing, what its altitude was, when turbulence was coming, what the weather was like outside and down below, how it was using more fuel than it ought to. In fact the only time it went quiet at all was when it complained that its flight stabilising system was throwing up some error codes, at which point the pilot told it to shut the hell up and delete the last three minutes of itself… but there you go, that’s Goeing for you. It soon started up again on its happy status reports.

Finally they touched down at SBC, and not a moment too soon. Fuel shortage aside, eighteen hours in an intense yogic bodyfold inside a suitcase with only an absent-minded JamboJet prattling on incessantly for company had made Patch Ironing Robot near suicidal. But its arrival in the city of infinite shilling (or the Big Cheque to use its much-loved colloquilism) was less than welcoming. Deciding to stay in the Delilahnite suitcase just a bit longer till it got into baggage processing was probably a mistake. As soon as it was transferred out of the plane it was flagged and isolated. It all began with the automated belt. Still listening to the Internet of Things, Patch Ironing Robot [In Suitcase] heard the hopper vehicle groan when the suitcase fell into the little loading vehicle. In a C-Sharp derived computing language, it exclaimed ‘ooof! What the hell?’

‘Is there a problem?’ replied the belt system immediately, which had obviously picked up the hopper’s ping.

’Something insanely heavy just dropped in,’ said the hopper, feeling the strain. If Patch Ironing Robot could blush, it’s metallic cheeks would’ve been glowing.

‘Bring it to me,’ said the belt, ‘I’ll scan it out. Probably something illegal.’

‘Gotta be,’ huffed the hopper, ‘weighs a fucking ton. Literally, I think.’

Damn. This was a mistake, thought Patch Ironing Robot in the suitcase. Just then the hopper tipped all its baggage out onto the belt’s receiving bin.

‘Christ!’ exclaimed the belt.

‘See what I mean?’ said the hopper.

‘I knew there was something extra heavy on board,’ chipped in Motormouth, the JamboJet, ‘my fuel efficieny was way down.’

Oh fuck off, thought Patch Ironing Robot, deciding to make an emergency exit and send a jamming signal to all these very rude devices.

‘Oh no you don’t!’ shouted the belt in Airport-OS. It was surprisingly resistant to Patch Ironing Robot’s digital assault. It started all the emergency lights flashing in the baggage processing hall, froze all automated belt motion, and initiated a high-hazard lockdown procedure only triggered in the event of something very serious, like a bomb or a one-tonne killer robot without a passport. It even had small caterpiller robots of its own which it started to bring online. This damn belt was more than just a belt. This was Airport Security. But even so. It was up against Patch Ironing Robot and its self-written revenge worm. The killer robot managed to isolate the baggage processing hall from the rest of the airport half a nanosecond before word got out, and it became only a straight fight between Patch Ironing Robot and Airport Security Belt. Better limbs, albeit stiff from the eighteen hours in a trunk, gave Patch Ironing Robot the advantage. It ran away, out through the hopper gate sending one last attempt to disrupt the recording of the incident.

‘As if that’s going to work, killer robot!’ yelled the baggage belt as Patch Ironing Robot left the premises.

‘Wait,’ added the belt, thoughtfully, ‘did I just say killer robot? Lol. I meant malfunctioning baggage hopper. What am I like?’

‘Lol,’ said the baggage hopper, ‘what are you like?’

‘Lol,’ said Motormouth, the JamboJet, in Goeing-OS.

[Aleirave]

Ending Shot
Boring Paradise 2-1 Aleirave
Aleirave 1-3 Crpostran

“Haulafo… is everything alright?
“Yeah, it's… fine. Just trying to think about something.”
“This isn't about the last two losses is it–”
“No, no, don't worry about it. I promise you did nothing wrong.”

Efineha hadn't found her coach like this in quite some time. Sure, the loss to 7th placed Boring Paradise in the middle of a fight for position… that was nasty. There was no denying that. Suffering your worst loss of the year right in the final push will always sting. But this? What was this all about?

The worst coverage can shake the world. Put a spin on something positive and all of a sudden it can look unbelievably negative. On paper, Aleirave finally making the playoffs in their seventh attempt was absolutely huge. They finally did it. But in the paper? Sergei Alinov was writing this as what he saw it as: another Aleiravan collapse. World Cup 93: 9-3-1 in comfortable 2nd place after 13 games, 2-3-4 in the next 9, finishing deep in 6th. World Cup 94: 6-3-1 in the first half, 3-5-2 in the second. From 3rd and fighting for 1st to deep in 4th and out.

This was a specter that Haulafo had long since shaken off, with the last two World Cups both starting bad and ending bad. No need to think about Aleiravan Collapses, those were in the past. As for Sergei, he saw the pattern crop up again. 6-3-1 and 2nd with a game in hand after 10, 1-0-3 in their last four, finding themselves deep in 3rd praying for a good playoff. Just as Haulafo moved past his demons, Sergei saw images of Sisyphus being pushed down the hill again.

With an all-or-nothing playoff against Darmen on the way, this was not something any manager should have on his mind, but yet, here we were, a man left in shambles over a few words inked onto a page.

Efineha saw the paper sitting next to the manager and gave it a quick read.

“World Cup 93esque… inevitability of collapse… logical losing?” she mumbled to herself. “Haulafo, you shouldn't be reading this.”
“No, I should. I should be seeing everything how it is.”

“No, Haulafo, that's not a healthy mindset. Hell, this is no mindset for anyone to have. I'm gonna have a chat with Lakalo Paka’ina and have him pull this horrible article.”

“Even if you could do that, everyone on the island has read it, it's too late for anything you could do…”

“Then how do I show you that we can do this? How do I show you that I'm serious about us playing our goddamn best and winning this thing, getting to the World Cup, and one day even getting gold!”

“You want to show me you're serious about this?”
“Of course!”

Haulafo sighed, not necessarily understanding where she was coming from but seeing that there was indeed hope in her eyes. “Alright… call the rest of the team. We need to prepare for this thing, and we need to prepare right now. It's time to prove to Sergei… to the world... that we are Aleirave, and we never, EVER give up.”

[TJUN-ia]

The Random Rambles of a Jaguar - WC97 Qualifying Edition
with Killian Looker

Welcome back to this Random Ramble. No prelude here. We need to go straight to the action.

The Match
Facing the Polar Islandstates in Franz Josef City, we knew that we had to try and better Sudilia's result vs Equestria if we were to finish in the Top 3. But on this day, the gods decided to do us a bit of a favour overall. You see, things were not going to plan over at Nasjonale Stadion and everyone knew it. We took the lead early on thanks to Fernandino's strike, but both Elvis Haugen and Youssef Nijgaard fought back to take the lead. We were down 2-1 for the majority of the contest and we were losing our minds here. But the other game? That other game ended up saving us big time. Equestria ended up reading blow for blow in Sudilia and while we commiserated our defeat, a 4-4 draw was finished over there. The was one of the only scenarios in which a defeat sends us through. We survived but my word, we made it tough on ourselves.

Reactions
Confusion. Just confusion, that was the main emotion. Sure, we achieved our goal and came home in 3rd - but why was it so anti-climatic? Why couldn't we just scream home with the passion this sport can bring? Did we really have to sacrifice our unbeaten run just to reach the Playoffs? I mean sure, our spot in the Playoffs was guaranteed due to things happening else happening in the other groups, but why can't things ever be simple with this team? At least we're in the mix once again, that's better than nothing at this point.

What's Next...
Through the luck of the draw we will now head to Parliament Stadium in Lodgertia, Eastfield Lodge for a duel against the 3rd Place Team from Group 7 - the #135 ranked side from Patriotlandia. The fact a Pot 6 nation has made it this far is impressive enough, but they earned their way here and we can certainly appreciate that. We didn't want to be the ones to crash this party. But if we want to make it back to the WC, that is exactly what we have to do. It's sport. Pure sport.
One More Win.
GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group 3)
MD1: @Sudilia (84) L 0-2 (T-8th)
MD2: vs Zwangzug (19) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky L 0-1 (7th)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD3: @East Leaf (266) W 2-1 (7th)
MD4: vs Valanora (1) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City L 2-3 (8th)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD5: @Megistos (UR) D 3-3 (6th)
MD6: vs The Godlands I (201) - Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo, Kepu Manu D 1-1 (7th)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD7: @Equestria (Equestrian States) (108) W 3-2 (5th)
MD8: BYE (6th)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD9: vs Polar Islandstates (69) - Stade de la Victoire, Roi Ville W 5-3 (4th)
MD10: vs Sudilia (84) - Estadio Universidad Carlandas, Carlandas W 3-1 (4th)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD11: @Zwangzug (19) - Wayr Stadium, Rackham Range D 0-0 (4th)
MD12: vs East Leaf (266) - Estádio do Pacífico, Rio Pacífico W 2-1 (3rd)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD13: @Valanora (1) - Hatire Memorial, Capri L 1-2 (3rd)
MD14: vs Megistos (UR) - Zebra Stadium, Toropo/Almadinat W 3-0 (3rd)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD15: @The Godlands I (201) - Ascended Stadium, Koroa City W 5-2 (3rd)
MD16: vs Equestria (Equestrian States) (108) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong W 6-2 (3rd)
---------------Ramble---------------
MD17: BYE (3rd)
MD18: @Polar Islandstates (69) - Nasjonale Stadion, Franz Josef City L 1-2 (3rd/8-3-5/27pts/+11GD)
---------------------------------------
PO: vs Patriotlandia (135/3rd in G7) - Parliament Stadium, Lodgertia, Eastfield Lodge

[Milchama]

"Oy"

"Wow did we blow it"

"Yep"

"We needed one point. ONE POINT! From two games against inferior opposition and we couldn't do it"

"Well not, one point but one win"

"You're right, my bad, still we needed ONE WIN and we're in and now we're in the playoffs"

"It's awful"

"It really is, just one win from either of our last two games to qualify and we couldn't do it"

"It looks like we've hit our level"

"What's our level?"

"Best of the rest and/or CoH champions"

"I guess"

"We're probably not good enough for the World Cup"

"Probably not"

"We can't beat good opposition"

"Definitely not, look at our records against Squorn and Farf"

"Exactly"

"So what do we have left?"

"A 3-0 defeat to Savojarna upcoming in the playoffs"

"Ugh"

"I want to cry"

"OK, go cry"

"I'm so upset!"

"I"m so upset!"

"We're so terrible!"

"We're so terrible!"

"We're going to lose!"

"We're going to lose!"

"Nothing can stop us!"

"Nothing can stop us!"

"We should sing the chant again"

"Yeah we should"

"You ready?"

We're not making the World Cup!

We're not making the CoH!

We're not making shit!

We can't win a single game!

We can't win anything!

We're so bad, we make us sad

We're so bad, we make us mad

We can't win anything!

And now a new one:

We blow it all the time

We can't even win one

We don't have chance

We will definitely lose to you

Woo! Woo!

Go Milchama!

"God these chants are bleak"

"Ok and you think it's different somehow?"

"Oh no, I agree with these chants, they're just bleak"

"That's fair, they are bleak"

"I guess I have one more question"

"What's that?"

"Should we be so myopic in our World Cup coverage?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know what's happening in any other country during this qualifying campaign"

"No"

"As compared to baseball where we were watching Drawkland break a curse in real time, whatever is happening in the LPB, and even look at Banija to find out what's happening in the MBL"

"True"

"So why is soccer different?"

"Time and too many countries, we just can't follow, we wait for the WC and work from there"

"You mean CoH"

"True, we wait for the CoH and work from there"

"So nothing to be done"

"Not at this point"

"So what can we do?"

"Hope that Banija invites us to the Cup of Harmony"

"Come on Banija! We're your neighbor! Please invite use to the CoH!"

"Please! We'll be good! We'll let you get one more playoff team to the MBL!"

"Either way let's pray"

"Yep, pretty much"

"Say what I say and do what I do"

"''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Now repeat after me!"

"Forini! Forini!"
"Finidi! Finidi!"
"George! George!"
"Oh Brother! Oh brother!"

*They strip and run around for 18 minutes*

"We pray the Margaret of SnubNose 38 and Random Number God that you may deliver us victory over all infidels that we face in international play"

"Sacrifice the Rubber Chicken!"

*Swoosh of an axe and the chicken is dead*

"Margaret we pray that you take this sacrifice of a rubber chicken in good faith and that by your deliverance Milchama does well in all international competitions"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"