World Cup 86: Roleplay Thread

by **The Royal Kingdom of Quebec** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:01 pm

Auld Lang Syne

PART 7B-2 (24-2-1) - Season Finale - SECTION 2-First Half

PART 3/8 - Everything I Wanted

'Well, sorry about that.' Theo Pinson hiccuped, his speech slightly loose from all the alcohol him and Ian Lautner had drunk earlier. Both Theo and Ian were coming from the other side of the country, former Chicoutimi and latter California City, and the ride to the airport was certainly hectic to say the least. Having only arrived at the funeral home about an hour ago, they decided to get drunk early and it showed with the way they started slurring and saying uncontrollable words. 'I don't know about him, but we shouldn't have behaved like that when the Sangju himself is silent.'

‘It’s fine, Theo.’ said Asher as he slowly poured the 30’c Makgeolli, from the halfway-full pot to a Notgeureut. ‘It must not have been easy making the trip so late in advance. Not easy to do that even when your mum’s been such a close friend of late Mrs. Turner. Same goes for Ian as well.’

‘Certainly. What a way to start the March break. Not in the warm, backyard beaches, but in Kingston.’ Ian nodded, as he gulped down another load of Makgeolri. ‘But we’re all here for Myeong-Shin. He must be really hurting now, but that’s expected of anybody who lost his mum.’

‘Yeah. And he’s a senior too,’ nodded Samuel Carlini-Mwambutsya, who remains amazed at this. ‘Thank god he came back just in time for her last words….we were all worried about the whole match, against Westlake of all schools too.’

‘Yeah, the QBC guys were talking about it on broadcast,’ Theo nodded, as he looked at Ian. ‘I’m sure nobody thought this year would go anything like what we expected from 2038, you know? Myeong-Shin and I were supposed to play for Queen’s together, win a few and then be rivals once in pros. Instead, he bolted to Saguenay while I’m still heading to Cornwall.’ Theo lifted his head up and pensively into the ceiling. Theo and Ian, while still young, looked a lot more aged than what their written age suggested once in this room.

Of course, there’s a bit of a complicated reason behind why things were slightly complicated, and we all knew that was because Myeong-Shin, for whatever the reason only few (including themselves) knew, decided to break upon a promise of them all ending up in Cornwall. Being an Erskinian whose parents both went like the Lautners did (but not the Pinsons - Theo’s father Nathan was a community college grad back in the Pinsons’ hometown of Beolgyo, Ontario), it had previously made sense for him to go to Queen's College. That's what everybody thought. 99% of the crystal balls said so too!

But that didn't happen and now everything's changed. That may have been why the college junior was hesitant on making a college commitment at this point in time. Everybody knew Ian Lautner had reduced the list to three: Queen’s College, Saguenay and Southern Manitoba (most commonly referred to as USM). St. Croix was out early, so was Farrer and a bunch of major ones. UPRI made a valiant pitch, but they did not promise him that the Thunderbirds were not going to recruit a quarterback for the very next class after. Queen’s was where his parents, a history student and an art history student, met; USM was his hometown school where at least four football players from Pater Dei went every year; and of course, Saguenay. They became a huge riser after Myeong-Shin, the sangju himself whom he spent many cottage summers, committed to Saguenay.

‘And that’s why you never go back on your own words.’ said Ian, as he tried to find the right ways to describe it. ‘The old man, of course, never held back on his words nor did he stop loving her. Something my papa never came to understand, but it’s at least a good love story that ties all of us here.’

Of course, the final sentence was playing somewhat of a heightened tension in the room. Sure, it’s partly to do with Myeong-Shin’s commitment, but more it’s over the divide between the two. As described earlier, people on both sides of the polemics still argued whether it was the gorgeous redhead in Maureen Turner that seduced him the first time and then played a cruel game until it was too much, or that Heo Dong-Soo himself played a long game of life and death that he seemingly bet on for too long.

‘If such happened, then love must be a powerful creature,’ said Bradley Coughlan-Chen, trying not to say too much.

‘It certainly is, because nobody believed them when it was late Mme. Turner who was the one that saved him when he had to retire.’ responded Theo. ‘One of the greatest mysteries in this universe.’

‘Maybe miracles do happen out there.’ said Asher, just adding a minor thought to the discussion that was getting too blamatory towards this Dr. Heo and that Mme. Turner. Frankly, Asher didn’t care too much about it. Sure he was very much concerned with the deceased, being Myeong-Shin’s friend and long familiar to the family, but he had little concerns with whatever Ian and Theo were talking about. If anything, he was rather wondering who had the audacity to send a text message exactly five minutes ago. A text message so urgent that it got sent through and made emergency notification even though he had his phone turned off.

Now the conversation went onto something else about memories of Mme. Turner whenever the crew reached over the cottage summers or all star games, Asher found this a right time to move away. He turned on his phone, waited ten seconds and swiped right to unlock the phone.

‘Who is it...who is it...who is it…’ Asher repeated as he pressed the text button, trying to see if he could find out. It was an unfamiliar, out of town phone number for one. But for another it must have been a non-Montreal or Quebec City phone number, since it didn’t start with 0. Those two cities were the only ones that had their phone numbers start with 0 or 1. ‘Oh no….’ he dropped the phone, having seen the text and realised what had happened.

Hey Ash, this is Eileen. Is everything okay back there? I received your mail and tried to call you few nights back but you weren’t responding.

by **Farfadillis** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:03 pm

Now back in print after a brief ten-year hiatus!

Sarzonia Better; We Scored More Goals

Yesterday saw the two heavyweights of Group 14, Farfadillis and Sarzonia, face off at the recently-inaugurated [unknown arena]. The hosts were coming off a 5-game unbeaten streak - perfect record at that - while the pot two team had already dropped a massive seven points, and were no doubt with their backs against the wall. Under these circumstances, it was expected that la Vherderoja would dominate the encounter, showing the superior quality that they supposedly possess in goal, defense, midfield and attack.

Far from that was the beginning of the match. Both Cayden Aguirre and Jake Campos saw clear-cut opportunities denied by very risky last-ditch tackles from Çìríko Ûsêtêrnìx, who's finally bringing his club form to international matches. Brady Reynolds also saw a free kick hit the crossbar. Clayton Wilson created a chance out of thin air by nutmegging t'Öéséné, but sent it just wide. This was all inside the first eighteen minutes, when Farfadillis' only chance was a timid shot from afar by Faragó rue Cazade.

It is said that what differentiates great teams from good teams is their ability to win when they don't deserve to. It is said by me, the author of this article. Whether Farfadillis is a great team nowadays is very arguable - just look at our post-84 record - but it is undeniable that we definitely scored and we definitely didn't deserve it. In the thirty-fifth minute, a brilliant run from Tôsgo Alxíkí down the right flank ended in rue Cazade's head. The takilante had arrived late at the box, sneaking past his markers. He blasted it past Carlton Sandt, who didn't stand a chance. Four minutes later, rue Cazade returned the favor by dribbling past two Sarzonian midfielders and setting up the Rulandese right winger, who deftly blasted it into the top corner. “Lucky!” Some exlaimed. Probably.

These two goals did not deter the Stars, though, who continued their onslaught. La Vherderoja seemed all too content with their ten-point advantage over their rivals, and it showed quickly as Jake Campos scored an ultimately off-side goal just two minutes after Alxíkí's goal. It was a harsh call, but the replay showed the linesman was right.

This pattern continued into the second half, as Campos came back with a vengeance in the fifty-second minute, righting the wrongs of the first half and scoring a potent header, which was well-deserved. Just six minutes after that, Campos set up Holly Cambrio and the game was level.

This seemed to be a wake-up call for Farfadillis, who started pressing like they had realized they were not facing unranked fodder, slowly taking control of the game, with Çí Xôrí in particular causing a lot of problems for the Sarzonian midfield with his ability to hold onto the ball. He ended up setting up Edmün Çídh in the seventy-second minute, the agile striker having snuck past Tommy Benignati before firing past Sandt, who somehow failed to stop the striker's rather mishit attempt.

Ahead once again, Farfadillis continued to press, smelling blood, and had a fair few chances, specially with Wìjìnì on the left flank, but a combination of bad luck and solid defending from the Sarzonians, as well as a too-little-too-late flurry of saves from Sandt lead to no more goals.

All things considered, a draw would've been a more fair result, but La Vherderoja came out on top, and that's all that matters for this newspaper editor.

by **Savigliane** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:05 pm

Savigliane 2–2 The Hinodejin Empire
Lineup: Notari (C); Garcia, Giraudo, Moreau (Fenoglio 67); Marchetti, Vatrican, Petit (Belanger 55), Dutto; Coste, Grimaldi, Vitale
Goals: Coste 62, Vitale 88

In a high-scoring affair at Stadio del Piero, Savigliane were able to score a shocking point against group favorites The Hinodejin Empire. The Poltergheists showed their class and high-octane attack in a dominant first half, but the Swans were able to make a comeback and finish with a share of the spoils.

Laurent Chambéry began in a more defensive formation, opting to use wingback Giovanna Vitale as a winger alongside Coste and Grimaldi, and substituting the more defensive-minded Fabiano Dutto for attacking midfielder Gabriel Lefebvre. However, in the first half, the move didn't appear to pay dividends, as the attack with Vitale seemed disjointed and the defense still struggled to contain the Poltergheists. As a result, Iori Saitou was able to score an early double, first rising above Pietro Giraudo to head a corner-kick into the net before converting a penalty just before half-time to double the lead.

However, the Swans fought back, with Isabella Coste making a marvelous solo run to narrow the deficit. In the eighty-eighth minute, Giovanna Vitale was an unlikely hero by scoring off a corner-kick to ensure that the Swans came away with a point.

by **Drawkland** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:06 pm

WORLD CUP 86 - NEWMANISTAN/DRAWKLAND

Cutoff for MD7 and MD8!

Qualifiers may be nearing the halfway point, but Don't Stop Runnin' now!

Results

by **Omerica** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:09 pm

World Cup 86 qualifying — Stephanidis rates the Incorrigibles’ performance so far “great, but not ideal”
The Omerica manager express “no regrets” over her line-up choices in Astograth and Siovanija-Teusland, but regrets not bringing Chrysanthos off before their sending off

Romainbourg Centre-Ville — After the unveiling of Alexis Stephanidis as the new Omerica manager, Incorrigibles supporters had their bags packed for a Cup of Harmony host yet to be determined. When the qualifying draw was made, their decision appeared to be vindicated.

Coming off a wretched Independent Associations Championship performance, Omerica were in a state of utter disrepair and the United Republican Soccer Federation needed someone who come in and fix the right mess up. And as it turns out, Alexis Stephanidis has silenced and stunned soccer cynics across the nation with wonderful performances that have managed to delight the nation even in the national team’s worst moments so far.

Fortnight 1: Norralesse 0–3 Omerica; Omerica 5–3 Garifunya
Two teams in the bottom half of the group (by rank) were Omerica’s first test, with the opening game of the campaign to be played on the road as has almost become a tradition. Against a set of Baptism of Fire group éliminées, the Incorrigibles had an absolute field day, putting up the most comprehensive Matchday 1 win in the group and earning the lucky people who splurged on Omerica in Jarongi Sports Statistics Fantasy Qualifying a juicy bonus point.

Then, drunk off hosting the Independent Associations Championship grand final, Romainbourg bid bienvenu·e·s à Garifunya. Noted for missing out on a playoff spot thanks to clerical error several cycles ago, the pairing was billed as one for the Incorrigibles to be cautious about. Garifunya were able to take a two-goal lead early in the match, but the senior Incorrigibles kept their composure and rallied for a 5–3 win to hold the home fort, marking the first time Omerica have won a home qualifier at the Stade de la République in the URSF era.

“These matchdays have been all about rebuilding confidence,” Stephanidis stated after the Garifunya match. “It wasn’t always pretty, but the fact that the team were able to bounce back and pull out the win tells me more about their ability than them shipping in five, then conceding three. I quite prefer the former, if I’m being honest.”

Fortnight 2: Astograth 1–1 Omerica; Siovanija-Teusland 2–0 Omerica
The games in Rumiatzi and Stelburg were genuinely wonderful games to watch. Omerica were outplayed, sure, but to put up those performances away to these two teams was seen as a sign that things were looking up. Seeing a mix of potential prospects and old-timers who were coming close to never getting their chance to shine put up valiant performances against two of Omerica’s biggest competitors for qualifying berths was a breath of fresh air in comparison to campaigns past.

The decision to put up an untested line-up against these two respected teams was seen as evidence that Stephanidis was “conceding” the double-header to the opposition, but the manager justified her decision very sternly: “Some of these players in the pool need to learn how to win and win consistently. I want them to get back on their feet and rebuild their confidence,” Stephanidis stated in Norralesse after the opening win. “The new kids, though, don’t have the same kind of hang-ups. This is an opportunity for them, rather than a pressure test and all I’m asking of them is for them to just do their best.”

Ultimately, the new kids proved themselves to be worthy of wearing the Omerica badge in spite of the results and that’s what the gaffer was trying to gauge by throwing them into the fire. It will still be disappointing to leave the other United Republics with nothing, as the top-25 Siovanija-Teusland leapfrogged Omerica into second place with that result. “We didn’t get the results we wanted in these last two games,” the manager said after the Siovanija-Teusland game, “but that’s not the end of the world for us. I have absolutely no regrets.”

Fortnight 3: Omerica 2–0 Holy Junta; Gopnikea 0–1 Omerica
“You always want to be in front. You want to be driving the conversation,” Stephanidis stated ahead of the Holy Junta match. “You never want to be chasing results. In campaigns as short as these, you start to fall behind very quickly and it can be difficult to recover. But I’m just relieved to be back home and playing here in Omerica after a very trying pair of fixtures.”

The Holy Junta match was not much to write home about, with Omerica getting a routine two-goal win over low-ranked opposition; the most notable thing about the match was Fearchar Mac Cléirich getting called up to the spot after Adélaïde Argyris was brought down inside the box. The Incorrigibles had another penalty in Gopnikea, but Mercary Garrison was able to get his gloves on the Londonderry midfielder’s attempt. The real story, however, was in the 89th minute: already sitting on a yellow card from a bad challenge on Kenneth Workins, Alexis Chrysanthos ultimately saw red after a marginal handball call which overshadowed Omerica’s 1–0 victory.

“The one mistake we made was not bringing Alexis [Chrysanthos] off,” Stephanidis copped. “I knew they were already sitting on a yellow, so I should have taken the initiative and made the substitution rather than risk a red. You only get so many substitutions, though, and it’s lucky we’re not carrying that suspension to Turori. We’ve been great, but not ideal so far, but we don’t have to be perfect.”

Looking forward

Group 5                                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Turori                                 6    5   1   0    19    9  +10    16
 2 Siovanija and Teusland                 6    5   0   1    19   11   +8    15
 3 Omerica                                6    4   1   1    12    6   +6    13
 4 Astograth                              6    2   3   1     5    3   +2     9
 5 Garifunya                              6    2   2   2    12   12    0     8
 6 Gopnikea                               6    2   1   3     6    9   −3     7
 7 NorraLesse                             6    1   3   2     8   11   −3     6
 8 Valladares                             6    0   3   3    14   17   −3     3
 9 Blampano                               6    0   3   3     6   12   −6     3
10 The holy junta                         6    0   1   5     6   17  −11     1

The Group 5 table as of the end of Matchday 6.

Omerica’s next pair of matches will be a home game against Blampano, followed by a trip to Eels Park in Eelandii to face Turori. Omerica will then wrap up the first half of qualifying with a home game against Valladares. In the only previous encounter between Omerica and any of their upcoming opponents, the Incorrigibles were battered 3–0 by Turori in both legs of the World Cup 79 campaign, the last helmed by legendary manager Ryan Pritchard.

If Omerica can defeat Blampano, they will have collected a maximum fifteen points from the bottom five seeds in the first half of qualifying, something which only Siovanija-Teusland can possibly match. Turori were held to a scoreless draw at home to Garifunya, while Astograth were held to scoreless draws in Blampano and Garifunya. And for their part, Valladares have been held to draws at home to Blampano, Norralesse and the Holy Junta.

Following up a victory against Blampano with a win in Eelandii would also guarantee that Omerica leapfrog Turori thanks to head-to-head results, boosting the Incorrigibles’ odds of making it to a first World Cup finals in nearly a quarter century and throwing a spanner into the campaign of the sixth-ranked team in the multiverse. Encouragingly, Turori have already dropped points at home and Omerica have taken down more intimidating qualifying contenders before, stunning the then fourth-ranked Holy Empire during the World Cup 72 campaign under Football Audjourd’hui correspondent James-Alexandre Christopherson’s watch.

Finally, Omerica will have the benefit of hosting a Valladar team that are having a wretched time of qualifying thus far. Surprisingly stuck all the way down in the fifth pot of the draw, the eastern Rushmoris have been winless so far, losing to Siovanija-Teusland, Turori and Gopnikea and picking up mere draws at home to three other bottom five seeds. While the attacking flair of La Nacional has been on full display, it has been paired with the joint-most porous defence that will make the Omerican Triad lick their lips with delight.

Everyone and their mother is dropping points in this group. It’s early days, but Omerica are still sitting in third after six matchdays—even despite dropping five points in those six games. With two-thirds of the campaign left to go, it is a deficit that can most certainly be overcome and the Incorrigibles will have one of the best chances of them all to make up that ground.

Omerica resume World Cup qualifying action against Blampano at the Stade de la République de la ville de Romainbourg, with live coverage on SFRD Sport. ⚜️

For your reading pleasure
▶ OPINION: Omerica’s home soil humiliation is the best thing to ever happen to the Independent Associations Championship
▶ IAX Omerica: Where did it all go wrong for the Incorrigibles? What needs to change for the next Independent Associations Championship?
▶ Saint Anne Athletic pull in Saltstead under-21 manager Christiane van Åupħen to replace the departing John Nicholas Rosencrants
▶ Prime Minister Julie Thibault rules out dropping the writ for a spring federal election and commits to the fixed summer date

United Republican Soccer Federation
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port Alexandre, MS 18-A40
UNITED REPUBLICS OF OMERICA
Blampano v Omerica
World Cup 86 qualification — Matchday Seven
Grand Duke’s Stadium, Rumiatzi, Astograth
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Antoine Vicario; Sylvain Aiello – Anna Charles – Justin Thyme – Sacha Sepulveda; Nadiya al-Hashim – Paige Boyce – Maxime Fournier (captain); Rasoul Qadir – Anaïs Guérin – Wesley Sawyer
Substitutes: Valentine Augustin – Rowan Greycastle; Darcy Francis – Frédérique Marquetti – Noah Clement – Felix Zanetti; Simone Bonfils – Fearchar Mac Cléirich – Alphonse Fontaine; Maïa Bustos – Jean-François Fernand – Adélaïde Argyris

Turori v Omerica
World Cup 86 qualification — Matchday Eight
Eels Park, Eelandii, Turori
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Valentine Augustin; Alphonse Notley – Charity Kayode – Raphaël Martin – Lauren Kerry; Thom Magalhães – Soraya Archambault – Red Bolton (captain); Jessie Beckett – Jean-François Fernand – Jamal Ahmad
Substitutes: Rowan Greycastle – Antoine Vicario; Darcy Francis – Frédérique Marquetti – Noah Clement – Felix Zanetti; Simone Bonfils – Fearchar Mac Cléirich – Alphonse Fontaine; Maïa Bustos – Alexis Chrysanthos – Adélaïde Argyris

by **Blouman Empire** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:11 pm

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Eagles Fight Off Tamgu Resurgence

Tamgu, are now only one point ahead of bottom place but started the match against the Blouman Empire well. But the Eagles moved through the gears after Issac Cupstran broke the deadlock with a rising 25-yard drive that thundered in off the bar, and they added a further 2 first-half goals - a superb free-kick from Brad Hunter and Luke Cousin’s powerful strike. The Tamgu forward scrambled one in for Tamgu on the stroke of half-time but their hopes of a comeback appeared to be snuffed out 10 minutes after the break, when Lincoln Zilva headed in his first goal of the qualifiers from Rhys Lornet’s cross. The substitution made by Tamgu appeared to have a dramatic impact then as he sparked a fightback, creating a goal for his forward partner and then scoring one himself as this entertaining game took an unexpected turn. To the thunderous sound of the visting fans chanting out his name it was Luke Cousins who drove home the Eagle’s fifth goal with only 5 minutes left.

Tamgu were the better team early on but the Eagles produced one of those appealing spells after the midway point in the first half scoring three goals and even when Tamgu threatened an unlikely resurgence, they rose to the challenge again to confirm the win through Cousins. Paul Credab could have put the game to bed sooner but missed several chances, while Cupstran distinguished himself with a superb strike and excellent performance. As we have seen so far these qualifiers the Eagles refused to finish second best in a show of character and quality.

The win gives the squad a confidence boost and puts them into second place only 3 points behind league leaders and favourites Banija. The Eagles looked at times lackluster in defence and were slow to pick up on their intensity, two things they will need to improve in time for the next match when they face Banija back at the Empire.

Near Perfect Performance Humbles Empire

The 40,000 fans who packed out Kings Park last night were in person to witness a mesmeric Banija performance. And it is performances like that that gives the impression that Marcus Waters’ team can do what they wish when they want and last night they wanted to trounce the Blouman Empire 6-1. The matched equaled the worst defeat the Empire has seen since they faced The Archregimancy in World Cup 65 qualifiers.

The display of near perfection featured Namakula Kawesa and Madu Okparra and was crowned by a hattrick from Ilman Jawara. Waters’ starting 11 was always going to be one that the Empire was going to find hard to get around. Meanwhile Lewis Parry sent out the same starting 11 that had so far won 4 matches from 5 games. Twenty-three minutes had passed before Parry’s men threatened – Luke Cousins passed the ball back to Ty Freltron but his 20-yard attempt soared over the crossbar. There was no such accuracy issues for Fekati Abdi from the resulting goal-kick. Winning the ball he sent a 70-yard pass to Jawara and, as Henry Polinoir advanced, the goalkeeper found himself the victim of a tidy lob and Banija led 1-0.

Now Okparra, out on the wing, was about to join the his teammate on the scoresheet. Kawesa drove at the Eagles. His pass to Okparra was returned, and with a quick 1-2 Okparra put the ball in the back of the net to put the visitors up two goals. Kawesa was also behind Banija’s third, this time he sent in a skidding cross that Polinoir spilled and there was Jawara to add his second and the team’s third. The error by Polinoir was acknowledged by Parry during the post game interview but also pointed out that his keeper had made some great saves as well.

The third goal was notched up in the 35th minute, which meant that three strikes in a 10-minute burst had surely put the Eagles in damage-limitation territory. Except that wasn’t the case with Banija switching off it allowed Cousins to get his head onto a Ryan Hunter cross giving the home fans something to cheer about. Soon after the break, though, Gitonga Kahara restored the three-goal cushion. A cross-field run from Jawara ended in him winning a free-kick. Kahara took no hesitation in slamming the ball into the back of the net. The spectators who travelled across Atlantian Oceania were enjoying themselves and their fun had not yet finished. At just past the hour mark Nwabudike Ugonna replaced the impressive Okparra, illustrating the depth of Waters’ squad as he dominated the right side. Banija continued to press to the very end. Jawara drew another stop from Polinoir. Kahara – not for the first time – raced back to dispossess and initiate another attack while Ugonna flew along the right to send the Eagles scurrying. Then came Jawara’s hat-trick. Kawesa capped his outstanding display with a cross which the Jawara hit first time past Polinoir. The rout was finally ended with another shot off Jawara that could only be deflected by Polinoir and into the legs of the unfrotante Jason Potts and into the net

The world class performance was proof as to why Banija are ranked #1 in the world and left Parry who could only express appreciation “We knew this was going to be a difficult game but I don’t think we were ready to come up against this sort of quality and form tonight. I must applaud my team though they kept fighting till the end and we’ll be looking forward to the next time we face them”. The loss puts the Eagles 6 points from the top of the ladder now and will be looking to bounce back when they face The Gothanita Isles

by **Mavinet** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:23 pm

© Bóng Tròn Magazine
Know Your Government – WC86 Edition: Guns, guns, guns!
by Dang Duc Tri, Associate Sports Editor

In many ways, a football match isn’t just a game; it’s a battle. In a competitive tournament like the World Cup, the teams are not just playing for the entertainment of the spectators, they are fighting for a chance to “survive” the harsh qualifying stage, then the group stage, then the knockout stage. One team’s loss is another one’s gain, and in the end, there can only be one winner. Mavinet’s national team players are not just football players, they’re soldiers fighting for the hope and dream of a nation. In that context, another set of battles have been fought, and there have been up and down. Before we come to meet the actual soldiers, let’s recap how our football soldiers did in the most recent matches of the World Cup qualifiers.

The first match of this set saw another time Mavinet defy the odd of the rankings. Sharktail may not be the most difficult opponent in the group, but a higher-ranked team nonetheless. An away match did not make the encounter any easier. Head Coach Minh Quan stuck to the usual active pressing and counter attack tactic that had brought Mavinet victories over New Lusitania and Damukuni. Sharktail seemed to have studied this tactic thoroughly and knew when and where to hit Mavinet. 3 goals were scored for the home side before half time by Gabi (12th minute and 30th minute) and Fikri (38th minute). However, a timely change in personnel and tactic helped Mavinet turned the tide in the second half, with 3 goals from Vo Thanh Hai (45th, 52nd and 79th minute) and one from Ho Vu Thanh Hoang (68th minute). Mavinet got another important 3 points to stay in 2nd place of the group.

Another victory helped Mavinet’s position in the group, but seemed to have harmed the mentality of the team. Coming back home to face the lower-ranked team Unimon, the Water Buffaloes displayed a disjointed face. Despite controlling the match in possession and number of chances created, Mavinet’s front line had one of the most disappointing performances since the start of the campaign. Vo Thanh Hai, Ho Vu Thanh Hoang and Vu Tien Linh squandered almost every chances, even clear-cut ones, and didn’t seem to communicate well with each other on the field. Unimon had merely 2 dangerous situations in the match but needed only 1 to create the difference. Ricky Duncan defeated keeper Nguyen Hoang Trung at close range after a sleepy Mavinet’s defense failed to mark the opponent’s striker. The match ended 0-1 to Mavinet with an unnecessary drop of 3 points.

If you would like to read, or re-read the detailed highlights of these matches, we have the reports and analysis ready for you on page 4, brought to you by my talented football writer and analyst Pham Ngoc Le.

The guns of the national team had their good days and bad days, home and away, but the real guns that protect the country must not fail. They have to make sure everyday is a good day in the country. The guns we are talking about are the military soldiers of Mavinet. The focus of today’s Know Your Government is the Ministry of Defense, but instead of asking the top brass (mainly because we were not able to meet them), we had a conversation with a recruiter stationed in District 5 of Dai Hoa, where the headquarters of the Ministry of Defense and the High Command of the Capital Military Zone are placed.

Another one of the “Original Six” – six government agencies that predated the establishment of the Republic in 1887, the Ministry of Defense is also one of the most popular ministries in the country due to the high respect our society gives to the military and soldiers. Its missions are extremely straightforward: To protect the country from external threats and preserve Mavinet’s territorial integrity on land, the sea and in the air. Since the end of the Revolution War in 1887, Mavinet’s military has only been involved in one other large-scale conflict during the 1944 Secession Crisis, in which minority ethnic extremists incited a secession movement in the northern region. The operation in northern Mavinet spanned 6 months from March to September, and ended with a decisive victory for the government forces. With the active monitoring of political situations both domestic and international, the Ministry of Defense and Mavinet’s military forces stand vigilant and ready to perform its duties.

We met with Sergeant Nguyen Hong Thanh, Army Recruiter, in the lovely little garden plaza of the Armed Forces’ recruiting office building, about 700m or 6 blocks away from the Ministry of Defense’s headquarter at 91 Vo Nguyen Giap Street. Aside from being a dedicated soldier and recruiter, he is also avid football fans, especially that of the national team.

1. First of all, thank you for your service! Let’s talk a little about your daily life as a recruiter and as a soldier in the Armed Forces.

“A day as a soldier is not that much different from any other job: You wake up early, get into your gears and work on the jobs you are given until it’s time to wind down at the end of the day. The details of job will depend on your rank and specialty: If you are a new recruit, then training takes the majority portion of your day for 3 months. Once you choose a specialty then you get specialized training and start working on the area that your job cover. My specialty is chemical and biological specialist so I have to train and prepare for decontamination duties, maintaining the specialized equipment and train other soldiers, things like that. As a soldier in the Army, I get to learn and do a lot of things that I think people don’t easily get in other fields: specialized knowledge, discipline, self-defense, health improvement, not to mention travelling around the country. That’s a good life in my opinion. I’m doing my recruiting duty to help bring information and a chance to improve one’s life to other young people in the country.”

2. The national football team recently got a lot of attention thanks to some early success. Have you noticed any change in any aspect of your job or in the military due to this?

“I think the biggest change I see is how the Ministry is utilizing the enthusiasm the national team created to promote enlistment and serving your country. For individual soldier like myself, football has always been an interest and a widely played sport in the armed forces. We have friendly and competitive tournaments for units across the country as well as between branches. Recently, the Ministry of Defense proposed a collaboration between us and the Football Association to showcase military life. A few popular players will participate in a reality show where they live as a soldier in a barrack for a month, so I believe that will educate the people more about what we actually do in the military.”

3. The Ministry of Defense used to own and run TelcomMavi FC, a club that is playing in the M1 League, but has transfer the management of the team to Telecom Mavinet since 2001. Do you think the recent interest in football will prompt the military to consider retaking the ownership of the club?

“I can’t really answer that because that is a matter for higher command. As a fan of TelcomMavi FC, I can say that there will be some consideration given the relative success of TelcomMavi and the financial and promotional benefits it can bring to the military. Beyond that, I don’t know anything. I just focus in my duties as a soldier and a recruiter."

4. Where do you think Mavinet will place in the World Cup qualifying group and who do you think will make it all the way to the final glory?

“I think Mavinet can qualify so 2nd of the group? I know I’m super optimistic but that’s my belief. Nephara are superior to the rest of the group both in quality and experience, so they will clinch top spot. Based on how the team have played so far, I think we can push for qualification if the team stay focused for the whole campaign.

And who can make it all the way? I like Nephara and how they play football: quick and aggressive. I believe Mavinet are building the foundation to implement something like that, but we are still lacking in the aggressiveness. Nephara have done progressively better among the last 4 for the past 2 World Cup, so I think this time will be their time to shine. That will be an honor for Rushmore too.”

If you would like to know more about Sergeant Hong Thanh and the work of a soldier in Mavinet, head over to bongtron.com and check out our full exclusive interview video with him.

Mavinet’s qualifying campaign is heading to its midway point, and soon we will have a slightly clearer picture of how the team and others in the group will fare come the end of the qualifying stage. As the national team head to Nephara for an important match between current first and second place, we will head over to the next destination of the “Know Your Government” series: the Ministry of Interior.

by **Sylestone** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:10 am

Audioslavia 2-0 Sylestone
At least this one was expected. In fact, it was more than that. 2-0 away from home against one of the best sides in the world is a stunning result. But still, it wasn't really good enough. Audioslavia just kept on pressing the Appliances' defence and their play was simply too good for them. Somehow they managed to hold Audioslavia to the 60th minute before they scored, but after that, it was a ride for the Potty 2 side. Sylestone had to be satisfied with yet another loss.

The Brick Wall had yet another astonishing game, somehow saving two shots within the first ten minutes from Eurico Da Rosa. Da Rosa was shocked at his feat and held back for a little while before putting together some half-hearted chances with Santiago Rosel, chances that were easily blocked by the stout Sylestonean defensive line. Rosel was even given a free-kick in the 42nd minute, and a crisp curling shot was the result. Straight into the side of the Brick Wall. His astonishing keeping had stopped Audioslavia in their tracks and they had to regroup at half-time to avoid a disappointing draw.

Unfortunately for Sylestone, regroup they did. They lured the Appliances' defensive line into a false sense of security and before they knew it, Kyrn Knudsen had found a gap between the Toilet and Dishwasher and exploited it perfectly, like anyone in such a good side should. Before Sylestone knew it, he had somehow found a way around the Brick Wall and slotted a goal in to put the scoreline 1-0 in Audioslavia's favour with a half-hour to go. Soon enough, in the 69th minute, the Dishwasher bogged and fouled Santiago Rosel in the penalty area. Soon enough, it was 2-0 to Audioslavia and the Appliances, who had played so well, were slipping away. But they regained their grip and kept the opposition side at bay and 2-0 it stayed.

AUDIOSLAVIA - 2
Kyran Knudsen 60'
Santiago Rosel 69' (P)

SYLESTONE - 0

Sylestone 1-2 Euran Oceanic Territories
A close game between the Appliances and EOT resulted in a slightly expected but still heavily disappointing result. Sylestone had chances, too, but just couldn't score. The Toaster said after the game: "If we play like we did today, we may as well buy our tickets to the CoH right now. That is if we even go somewhere..."

In the third minute, Peter Chadwick got a corner and slotted it over the Brick Wall's head to put the away side 1-0 in the lead early on in the match, but the Bar Stool equalised a solitary minute later with an awkward header off a little chip into the goal. 1-1 after four minutes set the game up to be a goal-fest, but it wasn't to be. Both sides seemed content to play possession football until a shock announcement came at half time.

"Good morning, ladies, gentlemen and sentients of Sylestone and our lovely counterparts from the Euran Oceanic Territories. I am proud to inform you that following our discovery of sentient animals in the huge Melville Rainforest in Western Sylestone, we have looked further in. We would like to announce that the famous Sylestonean explorer Ethan Watkins has discovered near-conclusive evidence of elves living deep in the forest, surprisingly close to Emacuton. We will let you know if we make any more inroads in due time."
The already chattering crowd erupted and the last thing on everyone's minds was the football match they had all come to see. It was only remembered when they heard the referee blowing the whistle that there was a game on. However, 45 minutes later, after watching no goals, the crowd was ready to pack up, go home and prepare to journey to Emacuton to search. Only 10% of the fans stayed behind to watch the last play of the game, 1 minute into injury time. The ball was up EOT's end and Fuller missed a desperate shot for goal. But Ramsey was there and aimed a pass at Chadwick for the second goal. However, the pass was far astray and somehow managed to find it's way to the back of the net. Sylestone was distraught. They were now placed eighth on the table and at serious risk of coming last.

SYLESTONE -1
Bar Stool 4'

EURAN OCEANIC TERRITORIES - 2
Peter Chadwick 3'
Garret Ramsey 90+1'

Predictions
The Holy Empire 5-0 Sylestone

by **Graintfjall** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 3:40 am

Weather, nun incident ‘not factors’ in disappointing loss

Græntfjall national football team coach Sigtryggur Brynjólfursson denied that “the Snow Wolves had melted” after they succumbed to a difficult 3 – 2 defeat in Northwest Kalactin, the second leg of a double-header away trip as part of World Cup qualifying. The stark difference in climates between the two countries appeared to contribute to a poor performance from a team unused to playing in such heat; only 9 blue shirts remained on the field by the end of 90 minutes after Brynjólfursson had exhausted his substitute bench and several players exhausted their fitness reserves. He also denied that an incident involving a busload of nuns played any part in the defeat.

Prior to the tournament, concerns had been expressed about a lack of match practice in hot conditions. While football is a summer sport in Græntfjall, the White Winter Queendom’s summer temperatures pale in comparison to those of countries like Northwest Kalactin, and with few players with domestic experience in such climes in the squad, adjusting to such heat was always likely to be difficult. Brynjólfursson however insisted that the Snow Wolves pride themselves on their fitness levels. “Losing Amanda [Guttisdóttir] to an early injury was unfortunate and obviously the kind of situation that could not be planned for,” he said, in response to the central midfielder limping off clutching her knee after just five minutes. “What happened with the nuns was also unfortunate, but it was an isolated incident and precautions are now in place to prevent it from recurring.”

Ralf Álfarsson and Andrin Franklínsson both ended the game sitting on the sideline, clearly suffering from cramp, while goalkeeper Alexander Leonardsson was briefly treated for dehydration post-match. All have since been medically cleared, but some have criticized the Snow Wolves of insufficient preparation. “It doesn’t take advanced footballing knowledge to realize we might have to play in some warmer countries at some point,” said Steinaux forward Petter Erlingsson. “I question whether enough is really being done to prepare our players for the realities of international football.” However, he stopped short of joining in criticism that age could be a factor, as it was mainly the older ‘Gray Wolf’ players afflicted, including 38 year old Vilbjörn Hjörleifursson, who had to be replaced at half time. “Amanda is pretty young, so I don’t think age was the issue,” he said. “And as for the nuns, that’s just a learning experience for everyone involved.”

The development of a new purpose built high performance training center in Græntfjaller Multinesia may be a long-term solution to the fitness issues thrown up in the Northwest Kalactin game, but it will not be completed for at least two years owing to construction delays, funding issues, and the stubborn resistance of a few Multinesian tribespeople selfishly objecting to the razing of their homelands in order to get a bit better at sports. Such bottlenecks are expected to be dealt with by the Marine task force being dispatched to the South Indies, but the center will clearly not be built in time to help this World Cup squad with their preparations. “The high performance center will provide an environment suitable for hot weather training for the next World Cup squads,” said outgoing Education and Culture Minister Kaija Michaelsdóttir, who oversaw approval of the project as part of the Left-slate coalition but is expected to lose her role in the new Blue-Green Alliance-led government. “Hopefully our teams will be better prepared to deal with such conditions, and such nuns, in the future.”

The game against Northwest Kalactin saw the hosts stake out an early lead through their talented young striker, Thomas Butler, who capitalized superbly on the lack of pace shown by Græntfjall’s defensive core three of center backs Álfarsson and Hjörleifursson, and defensive midfielder Jvarsson, himself replaced at half-time. Butler scored twice inside the first 25 minutes, first sprinting through the defence virtually untouched and placing a sharp shot from his left foot past Leonardsson, then seizing upon a poorly cleared cross to snap a second from his right foot. Only a fine save from the Græntfjaller keeper denied him a hat-trick within a half hour, Leonardsson at full stretch to tip a headed cross onto the bar. Leonardsson was forced into multiple saves during an evening in which his haunted expression suggested he was struggling with dehydration and the memory of dealing with the nuns.

By contrast with the exciting, explosive display exhibited by Northwest Kalactin’s talismanic striker, Græntfjall’s own star, Jason Þórhallursson, was unable to get into the game during the first half. With Guttisdóttir off, Ketilbjörg Aunosdóttir seemingly not up to the task of filling her shoes, and Jvarsson struggling to adapt to conditions, it left Græntfjall with a distinct lack of ambition in attack, and booming long balls to Þórhallursson left him waving his hands in frustration at the lack of good service. After a virtually chanceless first half, Græntfjall would go in 2 – 0 down and facing the depletion of their substitutes, thus preventing them from bringing in any additional playmakers. Veteran football journalist Olle Tobiasson criticized Brynjólfursson’s inflexible strategy. “They have to be more creative, more adaptive, more responsive,” he said, adding that “the encounter with the nuns may have contributed to the defeat, but the lack of offensive vision was a bigger problem”.

The second half did see Græntfjall briefly draw level, with goals from Þórhallursson – finally provided with a through-ball he was able to chip past Mark Romero – and Justiina Dannysdóttir, the Snow Wolves’ best player on the night. “Justiina looked great out there,” said Þórhallursson, praising his striking partner. “She had a lot of energy and had a tough job to fill the gap left after Amanda went off.” Her goal was itself not quite one for the highlights reel – Northwest Kalactin trying, and failing, three times to clear a corner, which she eventually scuffed in at the near post off her shin – but well deserved. “I’m glad she got on the scoresheet,” said Þórhallursson. “She’s a good teammate and works really had. And she was really helpful in dealing with the aftermath of that thing with the nuns.”

Nonetheless, the eventual result never looked seriously in doubt, as Northwest Kalactin poured forward attack after attack on an increasingly beleaguered Leonardsson and increasingly depleted defense, and just three minutes after Dannysdóttir’s equalizer, Keith Torres curled in a shot that bounced awkwardly. Leonardsson spilled it off his chest and Frank Owens seized on the resulting chance, slashing home a left footed volley to settle matters. Unable to make further changes, Brynjólfursson’s tactical instructions during the last 10 minutes seemed aimed more at limiting the damage to goal difference than on trying to salvage a draw. “It was like he’d given up,” said a critical Tobiasson. “He’s a coach who doesn’t know what to do when things go wrong, whether it’s losing a player unexpectedly, falling behind late in the game, or crossing paths with a bus full of nuns.”

Earlier, Græntfjall had claimed victory in the Overseas Territories of Sylestone, winning in more comfortable circumstances after Jvarsson gave the Snow Wolves the lead, heading home a corner after 25 minutes. They eased out 1 – 0 winners on what was a generally more relaxing day for Leonardsson, who was relatively untroubled in goal. The team now returns home to prepare for the final game of the first qualifying period, a home fixture to Nagore. Despite the fitness concerns in Northwest Kalactin, a full squad is expected to be available. “It’s a crucial encounter if we still hope to qualify,” said Erlingsson. “So it’s important we put out our best team, concentrate on trying to get all three points, and don’t get tangled up with any nuns.”

Overseas Territories of Sylestone – 0 (0)
Goal; S. Ball, Stick, B. Ball, Pads; C. Bat (4’) (86’ Hoop ), Backboard (36’), V. Net, T. T. Bat (62’ Broomstick ); Club (79’ Frisbee ), Racquet

Græntfjall – 1 (1)
Leonardsson; Vilbertsdóttir, Hjörleifursson, Álfarsson, Vernerisdóttir; Raphaelsson (79’ Aunosdóttir ), Guttisdóttir, Jvarsson (25’) (40’), Franklínsson; Dannysdóttir (79’ Bjørnsson ); Þórhallursson (46’ Antoninsson )

Northwest Kalactin – 3 (2)
Romero; M. Hall, Anderson (69’), Martinez (80’ Taylor ); Gilbert, Owens (71’) (79’) (86’ Guidry ), L. Hall; Dillan (65’ Torres ), McCarthy, Sanders (62’), Butler (6’, 23’)

Græntfjall – 2 (0)
Leonardsson; Vilbertsdóttir, Hjörleifursson (45’ Farmansson ), Álfarsson, Vernerisdóttir; Raphaelsson, Guttisdóttir (5’ Aunosdóttir (76’)), Jvarsson (45’ Bjørnsson ), Franklínsson (9’); Dannysdóttir (76’); Þórhallursson (53’)

Also in the paper:

NEWS: Blue-Green Alliance ‘not ruling out’ Progressive Liberals as coalition partners
BUSINESS: Textiles manufacturers eye Northwest Kalactin investment: ‘how strict are their child labor laws?’
TECHNOLOGY: New government criticizes WhoTube over ‘jihadist content’
CORRECTIONS: “If two of our players went off shouldn’t it be ‘8 blue shirts’ because the goalie wears a different color?” furiously anal reader complains
SPORT: Could archery event be a boost after poor Olympic showing?

by **Jeruselem** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 3:57 am

Princess Kate by herself

Hello, this is Princess Kate for Naked News Jeruselem covering the World Cup 86 qualification.
Daisy Cutter isn't here because of her kids decided to hurt himself.
So match day 7 and 8!
Yeah, we're doing great. Not

Match 7 was a bit of disaster.
One of the bottom placed teams Quebecois Acadiana visited and well, you'd expect us to win this one.
But we lost 2-1 to this team and this was at home.
For some reason. the manager decided just to change our formation slightly.
Well, our 1-4-5 formation which was supposed to ... sure up our defense, kinda blew up in our face.
Mainly because it messed up our malfunctioning attack and made it worse!
We didn't get many shots on goal and the opposition, well liked us not being so offensive in attack.

In other games on match day 7
Huayramarca beat rival Sajnur 3-1 at home
Netop upset Iles Rogieres 3-0 at home
Ko-oren beat 95X 1-0 at home in the game of most importance to the other teams
Semarland put up a fight against Tequilo at home but lost 4-2

Well, that was a write-off and a huge blow to the slim changes we had
If you lose the lowest rank teams, you deserve not to qualify.

Match day 8, we had another home game after the fiasco on match day 7.
This time our opponent was Huayramarca, the team which beat Sajnur 3-1 the game before.
So on form, you'd think Huayramarca had over us given our last game being so crap!
The good news is we managed a respectable draw 1-1 with our normal formation.
We're not very good at sitting around waiting for the opponent to strike first.
Today was far from perfect, and we could have scored more than one goal.
But we actually could have won, and our opponent was much dangerous!

In the other match day 8 games.
Quebecois Acadiana crashed to earth at home losing 2-1 to Tequilo.
95X had an easy time against Semarland, winning 5-0.
Iles Rogieres showed fight at home going down 2-1 to Ko-oren.
Sajnur was at home but Netop beat them 1-0 to score two wins in a row.

The group 2 table, is bit depressing for us.
Ko-oren had a perfect 8-0-0 record on 24 points.
Well 95X still have 17 points, with 5-2-1 but Tequilo are 3rd with 16 points on 5-1-2.
Tequilo is a real threat for 2nd spot!
Huayramarca are 4th on 4-2-2 on 14 points and still in contention.
Sajnur fell back to 5th with 3-2-3 record on 11 points.
Netop jumped from the bottom to 6th with two wins and 2-2-4 record on 8 points.
Then there's us on 7 points with our pathetic 1-4-3 record.
Iles Rogieres in 8th also on 7 points with 2-1-5 record.
Semarland and are on 1-1-6 and 4 points on the bottom.

We have two games left and ... we're sitting in the bottom 4.
We're not going qualify if we repeat this in the 2nd half.

I'd just like to address something that gets raised by visitors.
Water here is bloody expensive!
Yes unfortunately living in natural dessert with one river is not ideal and the rainfall isn't exactly great either.
You're paying for desalinated seawater which is powered by nuclear reactors, which also use lots of water.
Nuclear reactors aren't cheap to run.
I wish clean water was cheap but it's not.

One may have noticed our rival network Network Mann isn't covering the World Cup 86 at all.
Yeah we're doing shit but that's not an excuse.
The truth is they don't have the money, you noticed half their shows are repeats and they've cut down on live shows.
We don't do repeats! You don't want hear yesterday's news seriously.
But you're welcome to watch repeats on our web site, err for a fee because video uses shitloads of disk space.

OK, someone is spreading rumours about visitors being forced to get compulsary coronavirus vaccines.
There seems to be actually no details, because it's false.
If we did we'd be breaching international laws, so no - it's false.
I noticed it's come from churches, the ones full of ill informed ignorants who can barely read and spell on social media.
And type everything in CAPS.

OK everyone, just a reminder pretty soon the 3G or HSDPA networks in Jeruselem will be shut down.
Yes, totally.
I'm saying this because some visitors might turn up with those ancient 3g phones expecting them to here.
We need the extra equipment for 4G and 5G on the towers, and move out the old stuff.

One last thing! I know you see all those public water drinking fountains.
They aren't working, well locals know this but they've been not running because of like purely hygiene reasons.
With all these viruses around, you know who's been using one of those fountains.
Sometimes the water in them isn't that all clean either.
Just buy a huge bottle of water and you'll be fine since you don't have to worry who's germs and viruses have been there.

Yes, I get emails from people who have great ideas how to get us out of this world cup mess.
Well, err ... send them to Boris guy as I have no say how we runs the team.
Actually don't bother, he never reads them anyway.

See you all later!

OOC

MD7
Jeruselem 1–2 Quebecois Acadiana
Huayramarca 3–1 Sajnur
Netop 3–0 Iles Rogieres
Ko-oren 1–0 95X
Semarland 2–4 Tequilo

MD8
Quebecois Acadiana 1–2 Tequilo
95X 5–0 Semarland
Iles Rogieres 1–2 Ko-oren
Sajnur 0–1 Netop
Jeruselem 1–1 Huayramarca

by **Trolleborg** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 4:52 am

Greetings, compatriots! It's TTV, with a latest news about our national team.

GREARISH UNION – TROLLEBORG 1:3.

Almost nothing was known about Grearish Union as a country, perhaps even less than about the team, since you can watch the matches it has already played in the qualifying tournament. To the already exist fleur of strangeness we must added the fact, that, being located in the Esportiva region, this country hardly appears at all in local competitions.

In fact, this approach is quite common in world football, especially among novice teams who prefer to compensate for some lack of experience trying to exploit surprise. But many teams of the first row use this technique, remember, for example, our game with New Lusitania in the framework of the last IAC.

Having lost all three matches at home, the hosts have not yet shown any miracles in the qualifying tournament - but maybe only for now. We all know perfectly well how things can turn out. It is all the more joyful four us that our lads approached the game thoughtfully and responsibly. From the first minute, one of the two debutants called up under the banner of the team was playing in the lineup, 24th-year old Joran Du Riis, who looked good in defense, the left edge was entrusted to Zhita, however, he did not do the miracles that were expected of him, but in this there was no need in that, simple daily work done. Another newcomer, Kenneth Pathmoor, came out for a couple of minutes at the end, obviously just getting a taste of international football.

The team played confidently, in the middle of the first half, Troll got the ball near the penalty area and shot hard right under the crossbar.

And our guys were not even embarrassed by the fact that the teams left for the break with an equal score: the hosts equalized from the penalty spot

Soon after the break, Kerr responded to Zhita's pass, but did not become greedy, and gave the opportunity to break through for Finnsnes and he did not fail

And then our guys put an end to the end: Mogrin took advantage of the moment of relaxation of one of the hosts' defenders, dashed into the penalty area and already in the fall managed made an accurate pass to the center, where Kerr calmly rolled the ball into the net

TROLLEBORG – ZIWANA 2:0.

“The most important task on which the success of the team in the entire tournament depended to a large extent was not to let Ziwana play their football,” said Morten Troghil after the game in a moment of his rarely opening. “Leopards can create more than enough difficulties for any team that doesn't pay the right amount attention to the defence”

Graduates of class-71, like us, Ziwana, plays - again like us - bright, sharply attacking football, and the fans, not without reason, were expecting a SHOW - with a capital letters.

And the players did not disappoint. All of you have, of course, watched the live stream, so we'll only focus on the key points. The 4-3-3 arrangement of opponents gave some space to our flanking players, but completely tied the defense and, to a large extent, the midfield, by the need to constantly be on the alert and not really get involved in adventures on the other side of the field. To our great relief, the lads coped with this difficult task. It was evident how eager they to support the attacks, but held back in the interests of the cause. Nevertheless, even with the utmost concentration and dedication, the swift Haqawi and the experienced Mourgine kept the audience on their toes. However, most of the game took place in the guests' half of the field.

In the first half, our players opened the score thanks to the skill of Troll, who took advantage of some inconsistency in the actions of the defenders, dashed into the penalty area with lightning speed, beat the defender, did not allow the second to come closer and accurately shot into the far corner
.

The second ball was scored by Gulbranden, who imposed on his opponents a power struggle in the penalty area as he can and loves to do, turn around and shot

Pleasant news came about other matches in our group, its favorites drew among themselves. But the last match of the first half our guys will play with the Hinodejins, and it will be a real serious trial.

by **Rangers FC** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 5:13 am

The Sleepy Rangers Fan Chronicles

The impossible had happened. Rangers FC won two games in a row. Everybody was astounded.

Sleepy Guy: ”WE ARE THE PEOPLE!”
*intense clapping*
”WE ARE THE PEOPLE!”
*intense clapping*
”WE’RE SO FUCKING STAUNCH, WE WON TWO GAMES IN A ROW! WE’RE ALMOST AS GOOD AS CELTIC!”
*even more intense clapping*
”YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF THE POPE? Well, I think he’s a lovely guy, actually. He does some good things for charity, and he looks like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Anyhow, back to celebrating. YEEEHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAH!”
*even MORE intense clapping*
”MON THE GERS, THE MOST STAUNCH CLUB IN THE WORLD! CELTIC HAVE GOT NOTHING ON US!”

NO SURRENDER, THE POPE’S QUITE SLENDER

Rangers FC - 2
Boronis Baranasikis 24’
Yanis Kentis 68’
Krytenia - 1
Alun Belmwr 78’

Rangers FC - 1
Flora Helanderikis 24’
Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison - 0

by **Ko-oren** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 5:14 am

How do our players fit into the system?

The diagrams so far consisted of numbers only, now it's time to put names to these positions.

Positions are numbered rather freely, as opposed to the tradition in many other nations. The national team now uses five defenders, but it has used four in the past as well, and that had no influence on numbering. An interesting side note is that Ko-oren historically used base-12. This meant that an eleven-man squad took up all single-character numbers. 10 and 11 are often written as X and = as a result. A player entering the field with a number over 10 was instantly recognisable as a backup. This caused some confusion around the early days of international football, when the most lethal or creative players often wore 10 and 11 - which were largely ignored by our defence given the status of these numbers on the archipelago. The teams of those days quickly learnt from their mistakes. One constant for jersey numbers in Ko-oren is the tendency to start giving out numbers from the back-left. This means that the defensive midfielder in a 4-man back line gets 6, and in a 5-man back line will carry 7. Seven and eight are the only true-midfielder numbers. 10 and 11 (as per the base-10 system) tend to be strikers only.

In the base formation, one of the numbers 3-4-5 needs to be an 'advanced' central defender, capable of recognising spaces left open in front of the defence and taking the role of a sweeper. One member of the 3-4-5 central defence club needs to be good on the ball and a good decision maker in the build up. This might be the same person (Dennis Lampshire if he plays), or divided across two players (Van Schelven is learning the sweeper role, while Mizuno is a solid player on the ball). An element of the Ko-orenite game is that any of the defenders (including wing backs) should be able to carry the ball forward and become a sixth man in the attack if the situation allows. Wing backs aren't selected for pace and crossing abilities: Lionel Dalton (rightback) never advanced. Hellegeland played alongside Dalton for years, and mirrored his role. Only with the addition of Aelisire (current NT rightback) have we seen some attacking impulses from the wide roles.

In midfield, number 7 needs to be decent at marking, preferably a bit of a dogfighter. Passing skills are not necessary. Due to the limited nature of the role, especially with a sweeper CB, players at this role can only excel if they have some other element to their style. Reizo Yokota, stalwart at the position, adds leadership and stamina to his game, for instance. Number 8 needs to be a regista, complementing number 7's skills. Juliasterinthen found his man in Janoreirinthen, who is physically quite limited but has a fantastic sense for space, able to take his defensive position very well but really finds his niche in possession, rarely missing a pass. Longchambon is not a typical number 9 for Ko-oren, but his natural talent makes it impossible for any coach to bench him. Normally, the number 9 needs to feed the strikers directly, from central midfield. Longchambon has taken the position out wide instead. On the bench we see that all defence-oriented midfielders are effectively Yokota copies, who filled this position for nearly a decade now: Magrath and Palethorpe obviously take their hints from Yokota himself. Train, unselected now but potentially part of the team in the future again, plays far more physically and lets the sweeper go ahead to central midfield instead. Batchelor is another interesting player, one of few true wingers.

Numbers 10 and 11, traditionally the Tokachi-Shiribeshi combination (Tokachi still in the top 3 for assists as a Dragonfly, Shiribeshi still the top scorer as a Dragonfly), and the time since has been spent looking for a similar combo. Vallotton is a bit too goal-oriented as a number 10, but he's covered by Longchambon. Noya is a decent striker, and needing few shots for a goal is a necessity at the number 11 position. Whoever ends up being the most lethal and accurate striker who also holds a Ko-orenite passport tends to be picked.

In the defensive stance (angled towards an attack over the left side), we see sweeper #4 advance up, ready to jump into any space near him or behind him. We see that 7 and 8 appear on the same line, needed to get a counterattack going. 9 and 10 are also close together, while 11 is as far up as possible without triggering the offside trap. 4 and 7 are there to contain the move inside. 8 and 6 cover the right side, preventing the attack to continue over there. 2 and 3 are there to limit the attack to the left wing, while 5 is the only true marker - which is where the importance of #4 comes in. #4 (or #7) needs to jump into the back line if needed.

In the attacking formation, with the team having won the ball back on the left wing, #2 advances, creating neat little passing triangles between 2, 3, 4, and 7. 6 and 8, previously in charge of guarding the right side, are divided up: 6 finds space out wide, while 8 sneaks inside, ready to pivot the game out to the right wing, where there are already passing triangles between 5, 6, 8, and 9. 10 is the outlet on the left wing, and 11 pushes the defence back. Depending on where the ball is won back, either backs, or sweeper #4, can advance the ball.

by **Squidroidia** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 5:16 am

Taken from the SBN broadcast of the World Cup 86 qualifiers, Squidroidia @ Main Nation Ministry

[Click here for the broadcasting music.]

Well you can't get on top forever as they say. A spectacular 5 game unbeaten run has been ended at the hands of both Cassadaigua and Electrum last international break, and now the Squidroidian national team sit at a still impressive 4th place heading up to the midway point of the qualifiers. Manager Mito knows that in order to keep their qualification hopes alive, they have to pull off a win against the Main Nation Ministry, a nation that Squidroidians who watched the World Bowl were used to, away from home and get back into striking distance with Quebec, the Ministry and Cassadaigua.

Hello and welcome to Matchday 9 of the World Cup 86 qualifiers, I'm Takanaki Osa reporting from the Ministry's national stadium. Squidroidia begins their 3 game trip around the world today with a team that they will face in Inkopolis on Matchday 18, and depending on how the results pan out could be the final stepping stone to qualification to the biggest sporting event besides the Olympics for Mito and his squad. The Main Nation Ministry, as far has we've been told, haven't released their roster yet, so Squidroidia, much like the rest of the world, have to play blind. Before the 4th international break the Ministry was on top of Group 15, but a disapointing result against Wymondham has let them slip up the lead and guaranteed qualification to the World Cup, falling to 2nd and only behind Cassadaigua on goal difference.

Speaking of disappointing results against Wymondham, Squidroidia got disappointing results last international break too, but not for a lack of trying. A 2-1 loss to Cassadaigua at Concord Heights was expected, but a wake-up call to the system was the 3-4 loss at home to Electrum. With those results Squidroidia sit in 4th place, 3 points behind Quebec in 3rd and 4 behind the top 2. For this international break the national team has opted for a change-up with talented Inklings getting their first starting eleven role. Speaking of which, here's today's FunStar Starting XI.

In goal we have Real shotstopper Takemoto Shingen, who unlike his predecessor hasn't kept a clean sheet in a single competitive game yet and has been rumored to be replaced by Kyushichi if that still is the case after the away leg against Wymondham. At the left back position Shigeko gets onto the substitutes bench and is replaced by Inkling leftback Florianne Meeuwessen, marking her first starting role in the Squidroidian team. Umezaki Moronobu and Ogasawara Arinori make up the centerback pair for the start although Mito might want to swap out Arinori for 21 year old Muto Toki in the second half. Rounding out the back line is Squidbreak rightback Toujou Shihei, who himself is prepared to leave the SAF after the cycle ends.

Moving up a third to the midfield and the blood has been changed in this part of the pitch more than ever. Jo Jun and Shoji Shiko take back seats on the subs bench for Midnight's Kabuto Tadataka and the Wanderers own Inkling prodigy Henriette Brooks as she makes her first appearance as a starter. Before the break Charlie Cobert was given a shout for a spot in the qualifiers, but wasn't called up to the senior squad, which means Yoneda Toshikuni will keep the 2nd center-mid role along with Brooks. The front 3 has been entirely kept the same, with Ohashi Kiichi, Makino Hideo and captain Itoh Hoshi hoping to anchor the attack once again. Notable names on the substitute's bench include Go Kyushichi, Muto Toki, Jo Jun, and young Inkling Ira Atling, hoping to make his national team debut against the Ministry.

The squad is ready to go for this crucial do or die game against the Main Nation Ministry. When we come back, it's the national anthems before this Matchday 9 clash gets underway! We'll be right back.

by **Springmont** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 5:33 am

   Group 12                             Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Trolleborg                             8    6   2   0    22   10  +12    20
 2 The Hinodejin Empire                   8    5   2   1    16    8   +8    17
 3 Taeshan                                8    4   3   1    14   11   +3    15
 4 Riena                                  8    4   2   2    14   11   +3    14
 5 Ziwana                                 8    4   0   4     9    6   +3    12
 6 ZSeparatists                           8    3   0   5    10   13   -3     9
 7 Springmont                             8    2   2   4    12   16   -4     8
 8 Savigliane                             8    2   1   5    15   20   -5     7
 9 The Grearish Union                     8    1   2   5     7   15   -8     5
10 Fluvannia                              8    1   2   5     7   16   -9     5

 (MD1) Springmont 0–1 The Hinodejin Empire
Kingbury
Krepanovic, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Farrowshard
Fjetland, McColsom, Mohaupt
Mayfirth, Crownfish, Compton

 (MD2) Riena 0–0 Springmont
Kingbury
Krepanovic, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Bloodsword
Fjetland, McColsom, Mohaupt
Mayfirth, Crownfish, Compton

(MD3) Springmont  3-4 Savigliane 
Coe
Fogdream, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Farrowshard
Fjetland, McColsom, Mohaupt
Kaizer, Crownfish, Stanley

Springmont Scorer: Waldo Miguel Stanley - 23', 45', 77'

 (MD4) Taeshan 3–2 Springmont
Auwaerter
Krepanovic, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Farrowshard
Fjetland, McColsom, Delinois
Mayfirth, Crownfish, Stanley

Springmont Scorer: McColsom - 43' & Crownfish - 76''

 (MD5) Springmont 1–0 Fluvannia
Kingbury
Krepanovic, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Bloodsword
Ravenbluff, McColsom, Mohaupt
Mayfirth, Crownfish, Compton

Springmont Scorer: Mayfirth- 12''

 (MD6)  Trolleborg 5–2 Springmont
Kingbury (C)
Fogdream, Bloodsword, Wingstrom, Farrowshard
Fjetland, McColsom, Mohaupt
Mayfirth, Crownfish, Compton

Springmont Scorer: Farrowshard- 30';  Crownfish - 59'

 (MD7)  Springmont 2–1 ZSeparatists
Kingbury
Fogdream, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Farrowshard
Fjetland, Delinois, Mohaupt
Kaizer, Crownfish, Stanley

Springmont Scorer: Kaizer- 57';  Fjetland - 90'

 (MD8)  Springmont 2–2 The Grearish Union
Kingbury
Fogdream, Heckbert (C), Wingstrom, Farrowshard
Fjetland, Delinois, Mohaupt
Kaizer, Crownfish, Mayfirth

Springmont Scorer: Mayfirth- 12';  Crownfish - 65'

Next Game
MD9: Ziwana vs. Springmont

by **PotatoFarmers** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 6:19 am

Previous RP (Poafmersia - Ch 2 Part 7a)
Previous RP (TGI - Ch 2 Part 7b)

RP Series: Getting to the top
Chapter 2: A tale of 2 nations
Part 8: How to reach the Playoffs

For Tykria Githin, his job on a day-to-day basis is to analyse numbers. After all, his job is a statistician - a job which is done by a small group of the Poafmersian population, but it is a job which Poafmers aspire to be. He loves to do what people may term as “big data analysis”, where they spend hours in front of the screen, crunching data and predicting trends. Little knows how difficult a statistician’s job is - trying to come up with code to break down huge chunks of numbers and data into things which he needs, and then translating them to graphs, tables and even graphics, to allow others to understand what these statisticians have found up.
Even the simplest things aren’t as simple as you may think they are. For instance, when he was first hired by Sporting Daily to help them with the math behind their World Cup Qualification microsite, he thought it was simple - but that didn’t turn out like what he thought.
Now, as they aim to find out just how much is enough to make it for playoffs, they realise that they could not look at World Cup 84 or 85, both of which had the qualification results thoroughly analysed by Poafmers. Githin was one of the team members who led the project to help analyse the data set, and he was upset that he had to relook at past history to decide how much is needed to go into playoffs. They looked at the last 3 World Cup Qualification that involved playoffs, and went to crunch the numbers:

1) World Cup 83 (Equestria and Banija)
Format: 24 groups of 7, top team advance, 2nd proceed to single round robin (6 groups of 4)
Tiebreakers: Points -> Head-to-head Points -> Head-to-head GD -> Overall GD
Worst Group Champions: Bongo Johnson (Group F), with 7-1-4 (22 points)
Average Points obtained by Group Champions: 29.17 (2.43 ppg)
Best Group Runners-up: Ethane (Group O), with 10-0-2 (30 points)
Worst Group Runners-up: Newmanistan (Group P) & Abanhfleft (Group T), with 5-3-4 (18 points)
Average Points obtained by Group Runners-up: 22.79 (1.90 ppg)

The last World Cup qualification with playoffs was 6 years ago, during the 83rd cycle hosted by Equestria and Banija. All group champions automatically qualified, with 2nd placed teams going on to a single round robin hosted at a neutral site. For 12 games, 29.17 was the average of all Group Champions, while 22.79 was the average of Group Runners-up. That translates to 2.43 and 1.90 points per game respectively. Among teams who did not make the top 2, the team with the best record was Natanians & Nosts, with a 6-5-1 record giving them 23 points (1.92 points per game), just losing to Savojarna by tiebreakers. Of course, this was the tournament where West Pacific powerhouses Reçueçn made it straight from being unranked to a 7-3-2 record (24 points) in stage 1 of qualifying, before defeating Abanhfleft, Siovanija & Teusland and 95X to qualify for the World Cup. Looks at Yuezhou

2) World Cup 81 (Free Republics and Banija)
Format: 19 groups of 10, top team & 3 best runners-up advance, remainder proceed to two-legged playoffs
Tiebreakers: Points -> Head-to-head Points -> Head-to-head GD -> Overall GD
Worst Group Champions: Valanora (Group 9), with 13-2-3 (41 points)
Average Points obtained by Group Champions: 47.16 (2.62 ppg)
Best Group Runners-up (qualified directly): Mercedini (Group 13) & Ko-oren (Group 18), with 15-0-3 (45 points)
Best Group Runners-up (qualified for playoffs): Drawkland (Group 3), with 14-2-3 (44 points)
Worst Group Runners-up: Acronius (Group 7), with 10-3-5 (33 points)
Average Points obtained by all Group Runners-up: 40.32 (2.24 ppg)
Average Points obtained by directly-qualified Group Runners-up: 44.67 (2.48 ppg)
Average Points obtained by Group Runners-up in playoffs: 39.5 (2.19 ppg)

A really weird format of 19 groups, there was even mayhem on final day after Garifunya (13-2-3, 41 points) of Group 10 was disqualified for “ceasing to exist”, causing 3rd placed Saltstead (11-4-3, 38 points) to qualify for playoffs instead. For the purposes of the statistics above, Saltstead was not counted. On average, 2.19 points per game was required to get into the playoffs. Among teams who did not make the playoffs, Devonta and Tinhampton both had 40 points, or 2.22 points per game. That is slightly more than the average points obtained by teams in the playoffs.

3) World Cup 76 (Ceni and Electrum)
Format: 20 groups of 7, top team advance, runners-up proceed to two-legged playoffs
Tiebreakers: Points -> Head-to-head Points -> Head-to-head GD -> Overall GD
Worst Group Champions: Savalen (Group 6), with 8-1-3 (25 points)
Average Points obtained by Group Champions: 28.65 (2.39 ppg)
Best Group Runners-up: Fluvique (Group 1) & Jerusalem (Group 9), with 9-1-2 (28 points)
Worst Group Runners-up: Chiata (Group 14), with 7-2-3 (23 points)
Average Points obtained by Group Runners-up: 25.9 (2.16 ppg)

Technically World Cup 80, hosted by Equestria and Starblaydia, also had playoffs, but that involved all second and third-placed teams, which is an unfair basis of comparison. To find a proper playoff format, we had to go all the way back to World Cup 76, 20 years ago from now. And of course, the number of matches we have to play also makes a difference - you do realise that the points per game required to top the group here is similar to that of World Cup 83. Still, the average number of points to make the playoffs remains high at 2.16. However, we have got to be careful here - In Group 1, Nova Anglicana had 28 points together with Group champions Semarland and runners-up Fluvique, but lost out on Head-to-Head. Seems like 2.33 ppg may not even be enough here.

After looking at these 3 case studies, it has been very clear that apart from raw points alone, group dynamics is very important. You have to pull in all the stops to ensure that you reach the 2nd points before looking at raw scores alone. So after looking at these results, Tykria Githin and his team agreed that 42 is the magic number here - 42 points, or 2.33 points per game, is likely to be enough to reach 2nd place. And our Red Panjias must aim for that magical number.

Poafmersia 1
Pete Carisa 59’ (assisted by Joel Haodao)

Delaclava 0

Starting 11: Sandi Jaliaha; Nasri Sanchez, Pasits Rikachz, Alex Hoboson, Natalia Abbott; Gisiik Moonar, Woden Sweet, Daas Taisg; Joel Haodao (c), Aleka Dufour, Pete Carisa
Substitutes: None

Juvencus 3
Santo Silvestri 12’, 70’
Joaquim Martell 35’

Poafmersia 2
Joel Haodao 26’
Pete Carisa 59’

Starting 11: Dikash Johikas; Nasri Sanchez, Danzik Hoboson (c), Pasits Rikachz, Denise Pickford; Daas Taisg, Ftiks Wariq, Nero Wood; Joel Haodao, Shakira Handris, Pete Carisa
Substitutes: Gisiik Moonar (Wood 65’); Dargis Walshor (D. Pickford 78’), Whitney Rios (Wariq 78’)

Starting 11 for MD9 against Lovisa: Sandi Jaliaha; Nasri Sanchez, Pasits Rikachz, Alex Hoboson, Natalia Abbott; Gisiik Moonar, Ftiks Wariq, Daas Taisg; Joel Haodao, Shakira Handris, Monesty Erdos

by **HUElavia** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 6:19 am

HUElavia's Reserves Play Fantastic in Two Commanding Victories!

New Waldensia 0–3 HUElavia
(Shi 30', Leite-Reis 54' (P), Cusi 77')
(Tobias Masters Memorial Stadium, Valdenton, New Waldensia)

HUElavia 3–0 Baggieland
(Abyyappy 18', Conti 43', Belleza 90')
(Stadio Delle Romano, Canternico)

HUElavia came back to the Qualifiers facing off against two of the more weaker teams in Group 10: Away at New Waldensia and Home versus Baggieland. Due to the strong performance by the A-Team in Matchdays 5 and 6, Coach Garcia Kimura decided to play with the C-Team and D-Team players for these matches, one that many pundits saw with skepticism and felt it was too much of a gamble to use very inexperienced players. Regardless, she wanted to give the youngsters a chance to earn experience with the National Team. For the matches, Vannier was the starting goalie against New Waldensia, while Rossi was the starting goalie against Baggieland. 5,000 HUElavians went to the match at Valdenton, while a crowd of 49,725 HUElavians were in Canternico.

The first match went very well for Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos, as they were in full control of the match against New Waldensia in the early minutes. The opening goal would come in the 30th minute, as a pass from Sakaguchi would meet the right foot of Shi, who gave a blistering and curving shot to go past the reach of Clayton and into the goal to make it 0-1, with the Guang Tzu-HUElavian midfielder scoring his first-ever goal with the senior team, all while he celebrated with his teammates. The second goal would come in the 54th minute, as a foul by Nguyen on Savedra in the penalty box called for a penalty kick. Leite-Reis stepped up, and sent Clayton the wrong way as she put the ball into the goal to make it 0-2, and she went on to celebrate with her teammates and the bench for the goal. Finally, the final goal of the match would come in the 77th minute, as a foul by Ayala on Colombres allowed for a free kick to be taken. Cusi stepped up and curved the ball over the wall and past the fingertips of Clayton to make it 0-3, as the Native HUElavian (Hueti) celebrated her first ever goal for the team. Shortly after, the match ended, and HUElavia took a much needed victory.

The second match saw the team play in front of their crowd against Baggieland, playing with reserve players, all while Conti (from the B-Team) was playing as Captain in front of her home crowd. The opening goal would come in the 18th minute, as a cross by Beaudin would go into the box and over the defense, only for the debutant Abyyappy to come out of nowhere to tap the ball past REDACTED and into the goal to make it 1-0. The Pinay-HUElavian celebrated with her teammates as the crowd jumped with passion and joy to make the stadium rumble in the celebrations. The second goal would come in the 43rd minute, as Conti would receive the ball from Ruggani but she saw nobody open. Thus, Conti ran straight past two defenders and went one-on-one with REDACTED, where the tapped the ball over REDACTED and into the goal to make it 2-0, running to the corner post to celebrate with her teammates. The crowd jumped up and celebrated with joy and passion once more, as they saw their hometown girl get a goal and they began to chant her name and applaud her spectacular effort. The final goal would come in the 90th minute, as a cross from Dohna would go into the box and Belleza would come up to chest the ball down and give a low shot past REDACTED into the goal to make it the definitive 3-0. The Pinay-HUElavian winger celebrated with her teammates and cried from getting her first ever senior goal. Not long after that, the referee blew his whistle and the match ended 3-0, as HUElavia was hitting their stride with another important victory.

After these two matches, HUElavia moves up to 3rd Place with 15 Points and a record of 4-3-1. Reçueçn continues to lead Group 10 with 20 Points (6-2-0), while Squornshelous holds 2nd place with 15 Points (5-0-3) due to the head-to-head result in Matchday 1. The next match will be at 4th Place Praeceptia, who also has 15 Points (5-0-3), thus HUElavia will start all of their main starters for the match, including Lobato in goal and Cristiano as the Captain. The match will be played at Stadius ex Heroibus (100,000) in Magnextrus. 15,000 HUElavians will be present in the match, as Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos look to keep pace with Reçueçn and Squornshelous. After this match, it will officially be the halfway point of the Qualifiers, and the team is now hitting their stride and Coach Garcia Kimura's tactics are starting to bear its fruits. The team is eager to finish the 1st half of the Qualifiers on a positive note, and the fans look forward to supporting the team with passion and hope.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

by **Electrum** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 6:41 am

The Turnip: May We Suggest Something to the Football World?
by Sweet-T, citizen journalist

It is in our humblest of opinions that the sport that the multiverse calls "football" or in some accents, "sarkar", is quite boring. It's not anyone's fault really, because the founding fathers of the sport just decided that the sport be as boring as possible. Indeed, if we look at the founding document of football, The Laws of Football, it states that:

Tis hereto-forth declared thusly that there shan't be any inclusions to ye olde sporte of footeballe that will thusly make the sporte more enjoiable to watche

But times have changed - the whole world has moved on from the times where corn flakes were invented to being an easily digestible food for invalids and where football was invented to being an easily played sport for invalids - it's all about instant gratification now.

First, there's nothing in the rules that states that athletes can bring along other animals onto the pitch, so we propose that all players be allowed to come onto the field on a horse. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this arrangement because ponies can play just fine, and besides these horses are not sentient. I mean for goodness sake, there are appliances that can play football. There is nothing in the rules that states that humans cannot play in the World Cup without horses, and besides, if people do complain, we can just say that we're sending six legged cenotaurs.

This one simple change will make the sport more exciting and instantly gratifying because instead of boring people moving the ball back and forth, its now boring people on HORSES moving the ball back and forth.

The horses can kick the ball every which way too! This will go a long way in fixing one of the main problems of football -- the fact that the results are so predictable now. I mean, golly gosh, all of these results are so white bread plain bleh. For example, at this point of the tournament, we predicted eight losses, but we are unfortunately only on four wins and four losses - a prediction rate of fifty percent, which means we are pretty much guessing at an average rate when really we should be getting more than fifty percent of our predictions wrong. Where are the crazy results? Like Farfadillis coming in first place? Or Eastfield Lodge not qualifying for the World Cup? Or Drawkland being stripped of hosting rights? Or Saltstead coming last? These are the kinds of crazy unpredictable results we expect and demand to see, and we're just not seeing them. Having the horses kick the balls around will hopefully lead to more accidental goals and more unpredictable upsets, because we surely haven't seen many of them lately.

But wait, there's more!

What if I told you there was an even better way to make the game more enjoyable for us to watch? There is! By allowing the humans to use an implement to manipulate the ball, for example, a very long mallet with which to tap the ball in the desired direction. After all, if humans are going to be on the horse, then they need some way to manipulate the ball, otherwise it's going to be all luck and no skill, and that's no fun at all. Think about it, all the best sports in the multiverse have some kind of non-human utensil to manipulate the ball: tennis has the racquet, baseball has the bat, cricket has the bat, pandemic has the bat, netball has the net and beach volleyball has the beach. And besides, has anyone ever found it kind of weird that the game is called "football" despite the fact that the goalkeeper can use their hands? That's against the spirit of the "football" surely because it's in the name to only use feet, not hands. Now, only the horse's feet or the mallet can hit the ball, so it's more closer to "football" because there's more foot to ball interactions than "football" itself. Have we used "football" too much in this article that it has lost all meaning? Maybe.

With these two recommendations, we do hope that this sport goes some way into reforming its outdated ways. It's boring predictable rubbish, and we'd much rather see people on horses hitting the ball with their horse's feet and their mallet. Is that too much to ask?

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:43 am

The Last Archduke - Part IV

Kaiser-Wilhelm-Stadion, Stelburg, Teusland - May, 1891

“You see the guy on the ball now for Teussen?,” said Archduke Franz, now 16 years old, to his younger sister, Archduchess Elizabeth, now 14, as they sat in the stands at the Kaiser-Wilhelm-Stadion.

“Yeah, number 8.”

“That’s Franz Gorz. He’s the best player in the Empire, and he’s the captain of the team. No one can pass the ball like he can.”

“He doesn’t look that special to me,” replied the Archduchess, teasing her brother.

The two were taking in the final match of the Teusliga season, FC Teussen Stelburg, the most successful club in the competition’s history, taking on FC Felsenkirchen 1879. Teussen in their famous white and gold, Felsenkirchen in blue. Felsenkirchen were a good team, but no match on the day for Teussen. The home side needed a win to claim the championship, and thanks to a goal and two assists from Gorz, they were in command of the game 3-0.

“So are we going to win the championship, finally?,” Elizabeth asked.

“Of course - there’s only a few minutes left now, and we just need to hold on to the lead. And finally, Liesl? It’s only been a few years.” Elizabeth just laughed back, mocking her brother’s defensiveness over the team.

The minutes did tick down, and finally, the referee’s whistle blew - FC Teussen Stelburg were Champions of the Empire, for the first time in 5 years. Franz remembered being in the stands that day, too - with his father. When Teussen won, the whole stadium seemed to shake under the celebrations of the fans, and gold and white fireworks shot off.

This time, however, there wasn’t as much joy. The stadium was only about three-quarters full - many of the usual fans away on the frontlines. Of the ones in the stadium, a good quarter at least were in uniform - soldiers on leave from the front, getting some entertainment before heading back. And no fireworks, either - it wasn’t right to display such enthusiasm when so many were suffering.

No, the war hadn’t ended by Christmas 1888 - and 3 years later, it didn’t seem to be any closer to an end. An early Teus offensive drove the Siovanijans back out of the Marzig district, but the Siovanijans proved capable defenders, and withstood that first winter by building the ‘Dialikov Line,’ a system of trenches from the Nordsee to the Sudsee. The Teus Empire withdrew from the region, unwilling to waste their time with the trenches. They set up defensive positions in the Mittelgebirge, the mountain range between the two countries. The Siovanijans followed. And in the 2 years since then, brutal mountain warfare had followed, neither side gaining any advantage.

“Franz, look - your Franz Gorz is getting the trophy!”

“Yep. He’s only 26, too, Liesl, so he’s still got a lot of years ahead of him. Three leagues now, and four Cups, imagine how much more he’s going to win with us.”

Elizabeth laughed. “And how do you know he’ll stay here forever?”

Franz shrugged. “Where else could he go?”

The two watched on as the Teussen players celebrated on the field with the trophy, everyone patting Franz Gorz on the back as they waved to the crowd. Even the Felsenkirchen players remained on the field, clapping for the champions. Now, Gorz approached the microphone at the side of the pitch, to give a victory speech to the adoring crowd.

“Fans, friends, everybody in Stelburg. We couldn’t have done this without you, without your support. The reason why we get to come out here every Saturday, and put on that white and gold kit, is because of you. And the reason that we’re the best football club in the country, is because of your support.”

The fans applauded wildly, including the Archduke and Archduchess.

“And today, after a long 5 years, we’re champions again. It’s one of the best moments of my career, and I think all of my squadmates would tell you the same.” The captain now paused, considering his next words. “And that’s why I think the time is right to tell you all now what I’ve known for a little while now. This is the last game I will play for FC Teussen Stelburg.”

Shock throughout the crowd. You could hear the audible gasp going around the arena. The royal siblings turned to each other and stared, eyes wide at the incredible news.

“I know, I know. But our country is in a serious situation. Our boys are on the frontlines, in the trenches, on the mountaintops, defending the Empire, defending all of us. And I can’t, in good conscience, sit back and do nothing. I’ve enlisted in the Imperial Teus Army. We all have to make sacrifices for the Fatherland in its time of need - and this is mine. Thank you, thank you for everything.”

There was still shock in the crowd. Most of the crowd here was upper-class Stelburgers - maybe the last group in the country that hadn’t been truly affected by the war. Roaring applause began from some of the soldiers in the crowd, and soon the rest of the crowd was joining in, Franz and Elizabeth included. His Teussen teammates, too, and even the Felsenkirchen players applauded, and members of each team lifted Gorz up onto their shoulders as he bid farewell to the fans.

Walking out of the stadium, Franz and Elizabeth could barely believe what had just transpired.

“I can’t believe it. Why’d you have to say he was going to leave, Liesl?”

“I never said that!”

“He shouldn’t have said it was his last game for Teussen, though - the war will be over in a year or so, Father says.”

“Won’t it be hard for him to come back after missing a season or two?”

“For average players, maybe, but he’s Franz Gorz.”

The two walked along the River Drai, back towards the palace, mostly in silence, each comprehending the day’s events. Finally, with the palace in sight, Franz spoke up again.

“He was right, though, you know.”

“Right?”

“We all need to do more to help out the war effort. That’s the only way we’ll beat them, everyone in Teusland working together.”

“So you’re going to join the army?”

“You think mama would let that happen, Liesl? Or even Father. I’m not even 18 yet. I mean that you and I, everybody, we can all do more. We can send supplies to the soldiers, donate old clothes to be made into blankets, anything we can possibly do.”

“Are you going to try to join when you’re 18?”

Franz paused for a long time, unsure of how to answer her question. Unsure of what the answer was, to be honest. “If that’s the best way to win the war, then yes.”

It was now Elizabeth’s turn to pause, now quite worried for her brother. Then, she smiled, and added, “You’re no soldier, Franz - stick to hockey in the driveway”

The two laughed, and continued to walk back to the comfort of the Sanssouci Palace.

NorraLesse 2-5 Siovanija & Teusland, @ NorraLesse

Starting XI: Heuser; Richter, Thierse, Maksimov, Spitz; Bahr, Mihailov, Bliznakov (Werner 77'); Kokalj (Segert 77'), Gaspersie, Ribbeck (Kynev 65')
Goals: Michael Ribbeck 15', Sinisa Gaspersie 26', 41', Lojze Kokalj 30', Leopold Bliznakov 62'
Man of the Match: Sinisa Gaspersie

Siovanija & Teusland 3-2 Gopnikea, @ Ostrovi-Arena, Vrnovo, Siovanija

Starting XI: Eulenberg, Steimle, Jager, Niedermayer, Vesele; Kramer, Bahr (Mihailov 46'), Werner (Bliznakov 87'); Segert, Tauscher, Ilev (Kynev 87')
Goals: Thorsten Kramer 47', Stanimir Ilev 55', Tristan Niedermayer 68'
Man of the Match: Thorsten Kramer

Siovanija & Teusland National Football Team
Squad Selection - Qualifier 9, friendly match
Away to Garifunya and Royal Kingdom of Quebec (friendly)

GK - Ewald Heuser, Anatoli Sveteikov, Dennis Eulenberg
LB - Edgar Steimle, Bastian Mendel
CB - Karl-Heinz Jager, Erich Thierse, Tristan Niedermayer, Taras Maksimov
RB - Darijen Vesele, Pierre-Louis Lotbiniere
CM - Thorsten Kramer, Todor Mihailov, Heinrich Bahr
LW - Lojze Kokalj, Andrey Bunev
CAM - Leopold Bliznakov, Julian Werner
RW - Lukas Tauscher, Mario Pfitzner
CF - Michael Ribbeck, Stanimir Ilev, Denis Dezelac

Expected Starting XI vs Garifunya: Sveteikov; Steimle, Jager, Thierse, Vesele; Kramer, Bahr, Bliznakov; Kokalj, Tauscher, Ilev

Expected Starting XI vs Quebec: Eulenberg; Mendel, Niedermayer, Maksimov, Lotbiniere; Kramer, Mihailov, Werner; Bunev, Pfitzner, Dezelac

by **Kelssek** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 8:36 am

Bullying tactics backfire in Geektopia upset

A bizarre game against a completely bizarre team resulted in a second defeat and serious trouble for Kelssek in the World Cup 86 qualification campaign. Giant-sized, temporally anomalous team Geektopia won 2-1 despite – or possibly because of – the unorthodox approach Kelssek’s players took to the game of bullying the nerdy nerds nerds fat turd nerdy nerds.

Although Brayden Custworth was able to score thanks to a solid wedgie that Patrice Champetier gave to the Geektopia goalkeeper, the goal was quite obviously ruled out for offside as it’s kind of necessary to be in an offside position in order to get a solid hold on the goalkeeper’s underwear. Kelssek captain Ruslan Demetriev marked his 100th cap by grabbing Crete’s brand new football boots, dangling them just out of reach, and then passing it around to other teammates while Crete ran around trying to get them back, before finally filling them with mud and throwing them into a hard-to-reach area.

The younger generation also did their part with Loïc Maçon-Petrault reducing several players to tears with vicious insults about their weight and appearance on three different social media platforms. Meanwhile Tim Bowler started a MyFace group called “Quit playing Fortenight Szczerbinski your embassring yourself” and added over 400 members in order to destroy the self-esteem of the Geektopia captain.

The results did not encourage, however. Damien Halliger was too caught up in twisting opponents’ nipples, which allowed an unmarked Dolivo to get onto a cross to open the scoring after 28 minutes. And whatever space-time warping technology has allowed Picolet to function as a striker, no professional defender can really be excused for allowing a morbidly obese player to chug past them with the ball, as happened on four separate occasions.

Shaheen Taleb levelled the scores shortly before half time with a calm close-range finish, with Colm Ó Tuathail getting an assist both with the perfectly weighted pass from the byline and for having smashed defender Osorto’s glasses and stolen his lunchbox 6 minutes earlier.

The winning goal for Geektopia will have to go down to another defensive error as Joseline Fourtin’s attempt to taunt Sudlow about how ze’ll never find love again because ze’s such a fugly loser, instead of actually putting in a tackle, did not produce the desired result.

“There is some kind of lesson to be learned from this but I’m not sure what,” said Fourtin after the match.

GEEKTOPIA 2 – Dolivo (28’), Sudlow (59’)
KELSSEK 1 – Taleb (43’)
Poirier, Liadon, Halliger, Fourtin, Bowler (Douglass 74’), Demetriev (Dionne 63’), Lapierre, Ó Tuathail, Champetier, Taleb, Custworth (Maçon-Petrault 70’)

LIBONESIA 1 – Err. 552 Scorer not found, abort universe and try again
KELSSEK 3 – Blueman (13’), Karven (35’), Torshen (82’)
Shaughlin, Liadon, Lozic, Halliger, Douglass, Bogdanor, Blueman (Tremblay-Fillon 83’), Dionne, Champetier (McDonald 72’), Maçon-Petrault, Karven (Torshen 67’)

by **Murphtannia** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 10:54 am

Matchday 7

*The Ground sports intro plays, fans can be heard celebrating on the streets outside the studio however.*

Suddenly a deep voice emerges, "Hello I am your commentator Bill, and joining me today is Gill, welcome Gill" Bill says, then Gill speaks "It's a pleasure to be here today at the Zoloroni Sports City Stadium. I think I can feel the ground shaking, such is the roar being created by both sets of fans."

"Today is an important day for Mercedini, as they hope to build on their wins over Cheer girls and West Angola. What is your prediction for the night Gill?" Bill states, clearly straining to be able to be heard over the crowd.

Gill also straining, but slightly less, speaks "Well Mercedini are a very good footballing side and they are coming off the back of 2 very good wins, but as seen in the West Angola game they do have weaknesses which can be exploited in defence, I think Murphtannia will struggle in this game but it's not impossible, I'm going with a 4-2 win for Mercedini"

Bill "Thank you Gill, well it's time for the starting lineups, starting with the home team.

Playing in net for Mercedini is 30 year old, Zoloroni City keeper Daniel Hosset, who will be looking to continue his good form. Making up the defence will be Joaquim Santorino at LB,Liam Toivonen and Nico Petrosino at CB's and Dominik Dzudzev at RB.

The Midfield consists of 26 year old Lawrence Garzallo at LM, at CM are Johannes Nymark and Johnny Markus, while at RM is Ross Presic.

Finally upfront Mercedini are employing Daniel Dostalok and Feliks Alva, who will look to continue their good scoring form."

Gill then speaks "And now for the Murphtannia lineup, In Goal is Ball, looking to continue his superb form this season, the defence consist of the usual back four, Cartlidge at LWB, Pallett and Banks at CB and Bridges at RWB.

The Midfield consists of CDM Marley, CM's Jenkins and Owen, and finally CAM Styler.

That leaves the front 2 as Boland and Murphy, who will be looking to add to his goal tally this season."

[Kick off]

[10th minute] Alva is running through on goal, he beats Banks, and he's brought down in the box!, a scything tackle from Pallett.

After a quick VAR check a penalty is given to Mercedini, this isn't the start Murphtannia would want. Bad news for Mercedini as Alva is coming off, being subbed on for 19 year old Adrian Talisky.

Dostalok steps up for the pen, Ball is just staring at him, Dostalok runs up, he shoots, SAVE, a terrible penalty from Dostalok as he hits it slowly down the middle, giving Ball plenty of time to collect the ball.

The game remains 0-0.

[34th minute] Dostalok has received the ball on the edge of the box, he pings the ball over Bridges and onto the foot of Talisky is running in on goal, he shoots, GOAL, Mercedini go 1-0 up in the 34th minute thanks to an excellent pass from Dostalok and a even better finish from Talisky, right into the bottom corner, Mercedini have dominated so far and it's not turning into a good night for Murphtannia. 1-0.

[43rd Minute] Murphtannia have their first chance of the game, Styler picks up the ball ,he passes to Jenkins, who passes to Owen, who passes to Boland, who passes to Murphy, who is running in on goal and GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!!

MURPHY SLOTS IT INTO THE BOTTOM LEFT OF THE NET, THE KEEPER WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE BUT CAN;T MAKE THE SAVE, IT'S 1-1.

[HF] Mercedini 1 Murphtannia 1.

[Kick Off Second Half]

[60th minute] Talisky is in on goal, he tries to square it to Dostalok but the keeper picks up the ball, Murphtannia look the like the side with momentum now, and they have the away crowd behind them, they could still win this,

[65th minute] Murphtannia have a corner, Owens whips it into the box, Murphy gets his head on it but a deflection from Hosset, Toivonen clears the ball.

It;s falling from the air but Jenkins doesn't look like he's going to control the ball, why is he lining up for a shot, the ball comes down, he volleys it, it sails through the air, OH WHAT A GOAL, WHAT. A. GOAL.

JENKINS RUNS TO THE FANS IN CELEBRATION AFTER SCORING THE GREATEST GOAL I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY 30 YEARS OF BEING A COMMENTATOR, HE VOLLEYS IT FROM THE HALFWAY LINE, INTO THE TOP RIGHT CORNER OF THE NEXT, THE KEEPER IS STUNNED, THE FANS ARE STUNNED, EVERYONE IS JUST STUNNED.

What a way to gain the lead in the match, and against all the odds, Murphtannia lead Mercedini 2 goals to 1.

[91st minute] We are into the first minute of added time, Mercedini have been quiet in this second half but they have a chance now, the sub Cody Graszeszak has been played in after a impressive pass from Talisky, he's 1 on 1 with the keeper, Mercedini need to score this chance if they have any hope of winning the game.

But it's straight into the keepers arm, he's punching the floor. Ball kicks it long onto the path of Jenkins, he;s running forward with the ball now, Murphtannia are on the counter attack.

Jenkins is being forced left, but he sends in a cross into the box, Boland jumps, he gets his head on it, AND IT'S IN!!! I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING, BOLAND HAS JUST SURELY SECURED THE 3 POINTS AND THE COMEBACK WIN OVER MERCEDINI, THE FANS ARE ON THE PITCH AND CELEBRATING WITH THE PLAYERS

Murphtannia 3 Mercedini 1.

[FT] Well that is the best result this season, Murphtannia, albeit with more impressive away form than home form, have secured the 3 points and beaten a top, top footballing side, away from home by 3 goals to 1.

This will be a massive dent in Mercedinis hopes to qualify but this win see's Murphtannia rise to 4th in the table, next up a home game against West Angola.

However Mercedini will be boosted by the fact that Alva didn't suffer an injury and it was just cramp, he will be fine for the next game.

Bill speaks again"Thank you Gill, well that's all for match day 7, join me next time as we cover Murphtannia's home fixture against West Angola."

Match day 2

"Hello and welcome back to ground sports, today we cover the highlights for match day 8, as Murphtannia travelled to West Angola looking to build on their 3-1 victory vs Mercedini, so lets start with the team sheets shall we."

"First the home team lineup, In Goal for West Angola was Waithira Wambui, with the defence consisting of Bije Carrick at LB Mathani Wanderi and Karol Gakuhĩ at CB and David Parrish at RB.

Making up the midfield were Lukas Presczek at LM, Kĩmotho Kahũthia and Chege Matu as CM's and Anna Davis at RM.

Finally the front 2 were Kĩbunja Waigwa and Andrew Thomas."

Bill speaks again, but quicker as if he is bored of reading the same team sheet for every match "In goal for Murphtannia was ball, in defence was LWB Cartlidge, CB's Pallett and Banks and finally RWB Bridges.

The Midfield was the usual Marley at CDM, Jenkins and Owen at CM and finally Styler at CAM.

That leaves the attack as Boland and Murphy, who is now the all time top scorer for Murphtannia will 10 goals to his name."

"With the lineups finished, now for the highlights".

[Kick Off]

[17th minute] West Angola started well with forward Thomas bagging an early goal, slotting it past the keeper in the 1 on 1 to make it 1-0, maybe West Angola were on their way to their first win this WC.

[23rd Minute] The day would get worse for West Angola however as Murphy played a through ball past the entire defence and into the path of the on-running Cartlidge who levelled the game at 1-1.

[30th minute] Murphtannia were unlucky to be not in the lead, after 10 minutes of good attacking football they opened up the defence but Murphy was unable to apply the finish, hitting it straight at the keeper.

[44th minute] Right on the verge of half time Murphtannia had another good chance to take the lead but Boland skied it over the bar.

[HF] West Angola 1-1 Murphtannia

[Kick off Second Half]

[50th minute] With only their second chance of the game, Angola went 2-1 up, after defender Carrick headed home a cross from a corner, you could see the frustration in the players eyes.

The Angolan players however went nuts, clearly desperate to get that first win on the board.

[70th minute] West Angola's day would be spoiled however as Murphtannia level the playing field, Boland gets the ball but is closed down by Wambui, however he then ships the keeper and Murphy slots the ball into the open net to make the game 2-2.

[FT]

Bill speaks "While Murphtannia went into that game seeing it as very winnable, an away draw is not a bad result and that point could prove vital. An all round decent performance from the lads, they were unlucky not to win the game."

by **Audioslavia** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 12:10 pm

OOC: THE has requested some extra silliness for our match, so I am (of course) granting the request and I'll let him do the match report.

Episode 4, Chapter 2
External link directly to YouTube

Original Script
DD: I know we’ve spent a while building the suspense for this episode, but before we get into the lineage of the Unofficial World Title, we have a story that’s just too wholesome not to tell.

The early World Cups happened at a rate of about one per month. World Cups 1 to 3 were completed in the spring of 2003, World Cup 4 happened in June, 5 in July, 6 in August and etcetera. It was late November by the time World Cup 10 got underway. Christmas approached as it, and the Unofficial World Championship, reached the last last thirty-two.

That Christmas, Margaret was clearly in a festive mood, pairing together Runaway Moose and Snub Nose 38 in the opening match of the tournament.

The two nations were regionmates… but their connection ran closer than that.

There’s so much to love here. The use of H-E-double-hockey-sticks for ‘hell’, for example. It’s endearing.

They were certainly excited to find out they’d be battling each other on the opening day.

Runaway Moose, with plenty of reasons to celebrate, posted a poem as their roleplay for that game. To read it, I’d like to introduce an old friend of mine:

WC: HELLO THIS IS WILLIAM CALREK. IN CHANGE TO EXPECTED PROGRAMME I PROVIDE POETRY CORNER ENTERTAINMENT… FOR EVERYBODY. IT IS CULTURAL SIDE TO WILLIAM CALREK THAT PEOPLE WERE NOT OFTEN SEEING ON FOOTBALL FIELD BECAUSE I EXPRESS MYSELF IN WAYS THAT ARE ARTISTIC AND UNCOMPROMISING AND THESE REFEREES FROM MY DAY THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS… DON’T START ME ON REFEREES THIS IS CULTURE PROGRAM AND I PRESENT TO YOU WORTHWHILE AND INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION NOW SHUT THE UP AND COCK THE EAR.

[pause. William calms down. Possibly while muttering to himself. The following will scroll up the screen as William is talking. William provides his thoughts between stanzas]

'Twas two nights before round one in Runaway Moose,
Parties were raging; the team'd been set loose.
The coaches were drinking with n'ery a care,
In hopes that the World Cup soon would be theirs.

The players ran rampant, all out about town.
Bars were open all night; there was no closing down.
Nif was at home, with NO reckless abandon.
She'd a phone call, long distance, from dear Caddy Cannon.

When out on her lawn there arose such a shout,
"Hey Nif, say good-night! It's time to go out!"
And who on her lawn had just happed to appear?
L. Moz and Beast, grinning ear to ear.

"We're meeting the team at the old 'Ale and Antler,'
That’s way more important than gushy love banter!"
So into the phone she sent love and kisses
To the player from LE, she'd soon be his Mrs.

Then off to the tavern, quick as a wink,
It was Tinesta's round and they each had a drink.
One after another, the drinks they all came,
When suddenly Butch yelled, "let's play a drinking game!"

Now Pettle and Booty, Evalina and Liz
Were a little bit skeptic about this drinking game biz.
The last time they'd played one, before they'd reached closure,
Half the team was arrested for indecent exposure.

But Tossa had just issued to Kiwi a dare...
This would be entertaining, so what did they care?
And while off went Antlura to get the next round,
Eruptions of laughter were the dominant sound.

"I have to do WHAT!?" It was now Nina's dare,
"But don't you guys think it's a bit cold out there?"
Ah yes, it was streaking, a time honored tradition,
That Bilbo had given to Nina as her mission.

So in just an overcoat, from head to toe,
Out into town poor Nina did go.
And suddenly the coat was drawn from her back,
Off Nina sprinted, as though she ran track.

The team, how they giggled, all feeling quite merry,
But did the cops find it funny? The answer: not very.
They rounded them up and off to the slammer,
But the team was still laughing 'cause they were all hammered.

It was finally Bilbo, who thought in a shout,
"OH SHIT!! What will happen when Berkett finds out!?"
Taiga and Ontario suddenly turned pale,
Hoping he'd not be too mad to post bail.

Quite mad he was though, and so was Fernandes,
"Could you think of a worse mess in which you could land us?
Celebrate, yes, but have some moderation.
You're responsible for the footballing hopes of our nation!"

Then in came Niffiner Moosekopf, right into the jail,
"Don't worry coach, no need for their bail.
I'm pardoning all of them," she said with a grin,
"Hope you got your kicks out, 'cause tomorrow you stay in!"

With Noic and T. Gigas she shook hands quite proper
Then she was off in her 'Rogue-in-Chief' chopper.
But they heard her exclaim as she flew out of sight,
"You all better kick ass! Now have a good night!"

DD: William Calrek, everyone.

Runaway Moose versus Snub Nose 38 ended in a draw, and the Moose dropped the title in the next match. It was their first, and only, run with the Unofficial World Championship, which ends up in the hands of World Cup winners Lemmitania.

Lemmitania are undisputed champions as 2003 draws to a close. The new year sees the reintroduction of Brazillico and, with them, the reintroduction of the original, Lineal Championship. It lasts... all of one cycle before being removed from circulation again. It returns a few months later, and the Interim and Emeritus championships will finally be unified at the business end of World Cup 16. The competitors in this unification match will be another two teams who very much have a shared history.

Trivia / Extras
This is the second time that Maklohi Vai’s wonderful creation William Çalrek has appeared in The Idiot Project, with the first being in Episode 1, Chapter 5. That video used an old recording of Çalrek from around 2013. It was so funny that I decided, there and then, that I needed to ask MV to record something for The Idiot Project in the future.
Aside from the intro, most of Çalrek’s bit is ad-libbed. He knocked it out of the park.
Çalrek’s bit is heavily edited. The audio file he sent me was fourteen minutes long. This got cut down to ’only’ ten.
Chapters two and three were originally one larger video, but including the cut-down Çalrek bit it was running to 29 minutes.
This was the third TIP4 video to be uploaded. A full six weeks after chapter 1. The script was basically finalized around April 30th, and MV sent the recording on May 5th. I believe the video had been pretty much completed by mid May, but I didn’t upload it until June. The first few chapters were so difficult to write that I took a break. I think Chapters 5-9 of this episode are stronger than 1-4 because of that.
The original script for Chapter 2 was, like this, a small tangient away from the general theme of the Unofficial World Championship. It was about infamous 2003-era n00b Lanky Dude, who somehow won the UWC around that time. The original plan was to have Çalrek dramatically narrate some of Lanky Dude’s terrible old RPs.

by **Yue Zhou** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 12:26 pm

Yincheng, Yuezhou; YFA Headquarters
Two days after the match against Nagore

Yuan Zilai knew that he was eventually going to run afoul of the YFA, especially after going against their orders and letting Wen Xiaohui play. So when Liang Wei had smugly informed him that the YFA President wanted a private meeting as soon as possible, he was expecting the worst. He'd thought that they wouldn't dare to sack him after such a great start to the qualifiers, and he was hoping that they'd just reprimand him privately, but you could never be sure with this YFA.

Unlike the vast majority of Yue government bureaucrats, Hu Aiguo was a large, physically imposing figure. A former defender for the YIncheng Capitals known for his physicality and leadership over a decade of captaincy, Hu had earned his position not just through footballing acumen, but for his vocal support of Premier Ren Qiang from the beginning. Compared to the five-seven Yuan, who had been a wispy attacking-midfielder for WNS Nangang for two seasons before injuries forced him from the YPL, he was a verifiable monster of a man.

"Welcome, brother Yuan, and congrats on the win against Nagore," Hu started.

"Thank you, sir. The boys have been brilliant so far; I'm hoping we can keep this up," Yuan replied humbly, emphasizing the "we" in the sentence.

"I'm sure you know why we called you here today." The words struck Yuan like a whip. "Of course, sir."

"I'm afraid that with the current political situation, it would be untenable to keep the same management for the Red Dragons. Unfortunately, especially after today's events, we're going to have to shake things up."

Yuan's heart dropped, and he began to blather, trying to find the right combination of words that could let him keep his job. "I'm so sorry I played Wen today, but look how well the team is doing! We can't just-"

"...what? No. Why would we be mad at you for that?"

"...You're fine with Wen Xiaohui playing?"

"She's on the roster, isn't she? Might as well use her - and you've used her very well these qualifiers. Anyways, before you cut me off, we were talking about your assistant manager, Chen Huikang. With the whole 'Nanhai independence' thing our Premier has had to deal with, we really can't have an ex-Nangang Royals star on our management staff, especially when they go out and do things like this." Hu Aiguo nodded to his aid, who conjured up a picture on his phone and showed it to Yuan.

"As you can see, he retweeted a post from Nangang's mayor, a known anti-Ren advocate, on twii.tur. Just not something you can do in this political climate."

"...This post is just about Nangang opening a new football academy. Is it maybe possible that-"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that, starting now, your new assistant manager will be a rising star of the FA, someone with governmental connections who can make sure our nation's pride stays unblemished. It's Liang Wei, your FA contact. I trust you two are familiar?"

"Welcome, gaffer," Liang Wei said cheekily, coffee cup in hand.

"Fucking...why did you tell me I couldn't use Wen Xiaohui? Hu Aiguo just said he was fine with it."

"Did I do that? Well, as long as Wen Xiaohui doesn't go and do anything anti-government, which I would then report directly to Hu, I guess we can keep her as an option."

"I can't have my assistant manager going behind my back like this. You need to-"

"Let me stop you right there, Yuan. What I need to do is to serve as the government's eyes and ears on your team, to make sure none of your players have secretly been slipping up. My reports control their national team careers now, and you will respect that. As long as things are running smoothly between us, I'd have no reason to put anything in my reports about, say, Liu Huiying, or Ruo Xiaolan."

Yuan found a surprising amount of steel in his voice as he responded. "Here's what's going to happen if you do that. I'm going to go to Hu Aiguo and tell him you're going behind his back with this Wen Xiaohui shit that you decided to email me. Real smart of you to do that from your YFA email. You think Hu wants any loose cannons in his administration? Fake anything about my players like that and we're both going down."

"Didn't think you had it in you, Yuan. We'll see," Liang replied with a coy smile, before turning and leaving the office.

Yuezhou 4 - 4 Farfadillis
Yuezhou: Ruo; Kang, Ren (Zhuang 60), Han, Guo, Lin (Qiu 25); Yang (Chen 60), Wen, Gu (C); Huang, Liu
Farfadillis: Ibrelaná; Exihosahar, Ûsêtêrnìx (Çí Xôrí 53), Ànáxímane; Ziczi, Lsos, Ezaa Robé (Alaminos 60); Gallegas, R. Çídh (de Zúñiga 75), Quîrîjá, Alxíkí
Goals: Liu 8, Liu 36, R. Cídh 45+1, Wen 51, Quîrîjá 57, 66, Alaminos 78, Huang 84 (PK)

If there was any team in the multiverse that would test Yuan Zilai’s tactics, it would have to be Farfadillis. Arguably the most attack-minded team in the World Cup Qualifiers, Pamela Scott’s squad had scored twenty-four goals in their first six matches by playing a style that was more restrained than the Farfadillis of old, but still aggressive and incredibly demanding of any defense they matched up against.

In front of a sellout crowd at Yincheng National Worker's Stadium, the Red Dragons stuck to the tactics that had carried them to an improbable 4-1-1 start in the qualifiers, aiming to press even more aggressively than usual in the midfield and push the back five all the way back. However, he did substitute Lin Wangming for the defensive-minded Qiu Geming, indicating an increased focus on counterattacking through the flanks. He also, in a more controversial move, opted to start creative midfielder Wen Xiaohui over the more defensively solid Chen Xiwei, a favorite of the Yincheng fans. For her part, Pamela Scott opted to make a few rotations but demonstrated respect for her opponents by maintaining a relatively unrotated defense.

The game was an absolute barn burner from kick-off. Farfadillis were undoubtedly the better team of the first ten minutes, but Yuezhou surprised La Vherderoja by pressing forwards even more aggressively than usual, with Liu Huiying and Huang Shedong dropping back significantly and the ball-playing Guo Xiawei being more restrained than usual. As a result, while Farfadillis was able to manufacture opportunities by fluidly playing down the wings, especially on the Red Dragons’ right, where the thirty-five-year-old Lin found himself seriously tested by the pace and skill of Quîrîjá and Alxíkí, they didn’t immediately dominate like the away fans would’ve hoped.

After conceding a dangerous free-kick on the edge of the box, though, it would be Lin to redeem himself. The delivery from Alxíkí nearly drew first blood for the visitors, but Ruo Xiaolan was barely able to punch it away. The ball fell at the feet of Lin Wangming, who turned Exihosahar inside-out before whipping a pass down the right touchline. Farfadillis were caught with their pants down as Liu Huiying barely beat Lsos to the ball before taking off into ample space and whipping a low finish past Ibrelaná. Yuezhou had once again scored first - but Farfadillis, unlike Northwest Kalactin or Eraman, didn’t fall into the trap and push forwards even more aggressively. Instead, they continued with their game plan of circumventing the press by overloading the flanks and passing with great tempo. By all rights, it should’ve led to the equalizer, although Yuan Zilai did pull Lin out for the more solid Qiu Geming after just twenty-five minutes.
Instead, after half an hour, it was the hosts who’d found the match’s second goal, thanks to an awful mistake by the goalkeeper Ibrelaná. Between the first two goals, Çídh and Quîrîjá had both found amazing chances against the Yuezhou defense, the former heading just over the bar and the latter blazing it wide from just six yards out. But when Çídh had his pocket picked by Guo Xiawei, who immediately went long in the general direction of Huang Shedong, Exihosahar collided with the marauding sweeper-keeper while trying to make what should’ve been a routine interception. The ball bounced past the both of them, and Huang did well to draw in Ûsêtêrnìx before rolling it to Liu Huiying for an improbable thirty-yard finish into an empty net.

The visitors’ relentless attack finally paid off just before half-time, as Alxíkí delivered a peach of a cross into the box that Çídh was able to slip past the defense to collect and fire home at Ruo Xiaolan’s near post. But despite being the better team of the first forty-five minutes, and also just in general, Farfadillis went into the second half trailing 2-1. Despite this, Pamela Scott didn’t adjust - correctly noting that Farfadillis’ lead was simply a result of a lack of finishing, rather than any tactical failure.

The Red Dragons had been looking a little tired toward the end of the first half, which was understandable due to how much defensive effort they’d had to put in against La Vherderoja, but they came out of the tunnel looking rejuvenated and as dangerous as ever. The third goal came not from Yuezhou’s system, though, but a moment of individual brilliance from controversial midfield talent Wen Xiaohui. While Wen had often been criticized for her lack of effort on the defensive end, especially on a national team that required high-octane pressing from its midfielders, she silenced the doubters by tracking back, making a brilliant tackle to dispossess Ezaa Robé and single-handedly dribbling through half of Farfadillis before being brought down for a free-kick from thirty yards out. Wen then looked at her passing options and how the wall was set up, and thought “fuck it, I’ll do it myself,” before bending a miraculous shot past a stunned Ibrelaná (who, to be fair, didn’t really see the shot until it was too late) and into the net. 3-1, Yuezhou.

Wen’s free-kick was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Pamela Scott and Farfadillis, who somehow found renewed energy. The attack-minded substitution of Çí Xôrí, who pushed Lsos back to center-back, proved wise, but Farfadillis’ comeback had always been just a few minutes away as the Red Dragons’ high-effort pressing finally caught up to them. Yuan Zilai brought on defensive reinforcements in the form of Zhuang Chonglin and Chen Xiwei, and encouraged his team to drop back further and further to make up for their declining stamina, but by then it was too late. No longer constantly hounded by the snapping midfield press of Yuezhou, Farfadillis’ attacking quality really began to show. The young talent Quîrîjá received the ball near midfield after a disappointing Red Dragons counterattack and sliced past an exhausted Kang Enlai before cutting back to Alxíkí, making a well-timed horizontal run in the box to link up with the return pass from his La Lus teammate, and beautifully turning and firing past Ruo Xiaolan’s diving effort. Ten minutes later, it was Alxíkí’s turn to use his individual quality to completely obliterate Yuezhou’s defense on the flanks, again turning Kang inside-out, evading a clumsy challenge from Chen, and linking up with Çídh before firing a shot. Ruo Xiaolan, arguably Yuezhou’s best player on the night, did well to get a hand to it, but she only served to deflect it back to Quîrîjá for the equalizer.

While Pamela Scott continued to put fresh-legged reserves into her attack, Yuan Zilai found himself out of options. The former WNS Nangang manager, seeing his system tested by a team that was more fluid, physical, and dangerous in attack than any other side in Qualifying Group 14, could only hope to sit back, absorb pressure, and somehow stop Farfadillis from conceding for the next twenty-five minutes. They couldn’t even last half that, and even that was because Ruo Xiaolan made three game-saving stops in quick succession, first diving to palm Çídh’s shot away from the goal, then taking Gallegas’ shot from point-blank range off the shin and smothering Alxíkí’s attempt to pounce on the deflection.

It would instead be the substitutes to take the lead against Yuezhou this time. De Zuñíga made a strong run with the ball before being brought down at the edge of the box, and Alaminos curved a marvelous shot off the post and in. Yincheng National Workers’ Stadium had been silenced by three goals in short succession - and the Red Dragons, after taking a 3-1 lead against one of the best teams in the world, were set to go home empty-handed.

But against all odds, the plucky underdogs were able to find an equalizer. Was it off of a cheaply-won penalty from a foul that arguably hadn’t even been won in the box? Maybe. Would that matter to the roaring stadium after Huang Shedong leveled the score, and after the Red Dragons switched to a 10-0-0 to see out the rest of the match with a share of the spoils? Absolutely not.

by **Kandorith** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 12:33 pm

Shinonome Kyoai - International
News From The Empire

Kandorith Attempts At a Turnaround

The fact that the qualification campaign for the Kandorese national team hasn't been going smoothly is an understatement. The matches against Qasden and Solharcht Kirale are again symptoms of the same problem haunting the team.

The start against Qasden would mean a dream start for Hayabusa but in the end the team was overcome yet again with failing to hold their lead against yet another team. With eight matches played now the position of the Kandorese team can be called dramatic, unimpressive and outright insulting. Again against Qasden the team was looking for answers and seemed to drop the ball where they should have stayed on track for a win or at least a draw in the closing minutes of the game.

The team even failing to defend in the most standard situations is becoming a terrible sight next to the team seemingly failing to gain any control on the important game days. Hayabusa himself also seems uneasy with the current team's performance. The manager has been trying different strategies to no avail and has fallen back on the strategy used in previous successes. If this will be enough to turn the tide is yet to be seen.

At home Hayabusa's performance has been met with plenty of criticism, but also with careful optimism. Plenty of fans still believe in the team turning around in the upcoming matches and the second part of the qualification campaign. Kandorith has done so before, the team always seems to perform better during the second part of the qualifications, with almost reaching the end tournament in the previous campaign. This time however; the team will have to work extra hard this time because in the current group the spot they are in is almost equal to being eliminated early.

   Group 9                              Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora                               8    6   2   0    26   11  +15    20
 2 Qasden                                 8    6   1   1    23   13  +10    19
 3 Ancherion                              8    5   1   2    15   10   +5    16
 4 Lochario                               8    4   2   2    15   11   +4    14
 5 Kandorith                              8    4   2   2    27   18   +9    14
 6 Schottia                               8    2   2   4    10   14   −4     8
 7 Emastalia                              8    2   2   4     9   14   −5     8
 8 Kencana                                8    2   1   5     3   10   −7     7
 9 Solharcht Kirale                       8    1   1   6     9   28  −19     4
10 Glazgo                                 8    0   2   6     8   16   −8     2

by **Northwest Kalactin** » Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:44 pm

Our Top Picks for 86
Sporting news Kalactin back here again with the lists. Today we will be going over our top picks to win the 86th World Cup, which will be hosted in Newmanistan and Drawkland. This will certainly be a cup where we could see many teams win, as the champions from last time, will not be returning.

1. The Holy Empire

We know that we said this same thing last cycle, but we think that they actually have a real shot at winning this one, they should be able to make it out of their qualifying group easily and get a old draw. They are a team that should be able to turn up the heat for the World Cup Proper and challenge for a title run with some of the other best teams in the world. Their high powered offense has always been a force to reckon with as they play very offensively. The disappointing Round of 16 exit to Zwangzug in the last World Cup may have shown weakness in the defense, although they seem to be good enough on offense to cover that.

2. Banija

Even though that the Banijan team went all the way to the 3rd place match and won it last cycle, it was still a surprise that they did not go further, as they seem like a team that is building a dynasty in the World Cup. They are currently the best performing team in qualifying so far this cycle, and are 8-0-0 right now against the “shit group”, as the Kalactanian delegate at the World Cup draw remembered it being called. Despite this, they are the number 1 team in the world, and should be able to do well easily.

3. Baker Park

The team that would go onto lose to that great Banija team in the last World Cup was Baker Park. They have climbed up the ladder so quickly and are becoming one of the best teams in the world at ease. The only reason they aren’t higher on this list is purely due to the fact that they do not have as much experience as the other teams on this list, who could beat them based off of that. They have also only had 1 cup where they got past the Ro16. Despite this, they are one of the best teams in the world and will soon be a force to watch out for.

4. Valanora

The team that the Kalactanians lost to in AOCAF was Valanora. They showed us how good they were and there was no doubting that they are one of the best teams in the world. Making it to the Quarterfinals of the last cup may have just been the start of a Valanora revitalization. They have not been on a podium finish since World Cup 67, so the team led by Labardious Hawk may have another shot at the title this year. Last cup, they got an unlucky loss against Baker Park, but they have a shot to make it back there.

5. Audioslavia

The other team that we lost to in the last cup was the Bulls of Audioslavia, they may very well have one of the best defenses in the world, and they are just getting back into their groove. They have not had a top spot finish since the Mid-70s, but just like Valanora, that could change very quickly. They finished last in a 3 way tiebreak in the toughest group during the last cup, and got unlucky. If they can avoid something like that this World Cup, the Bulls have just as good of a shot as anyone.

World Cup 86: Roleplay Thread

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