It's Because the Present Sucks
we score five and then get shut out by Wreckeria?
and we have Donnell's revenge tour next, great
Salwan Mynhier
So we've arrived at that magical moment in history when our forebears finally got to hoist the cup for the first (and so far only) time. After 26 attempts ended early, the 27th finally saw them break through. There were no fewer than seven West Squornshelans on that roster, two of whom were key players in the first team. Several who were named to the national team roster for the first time would go on to great achievements of their own, and they all deserve a thorough write-up. Cranking out the ten thousand odd words it would take to profile all seven of them and their contributions to the cup run seems like a bit much though. I'll start off with just four of them for now: the two who were stars on that team, and the two who were their club teammates.
Igor Khabarov and Jan Jorgenson, co-starring Pyotr Nedvinsky and Knut Hanson: The Veterans
All of these players were already seasoned veterans when they were named to the roster Hanson, at 32 years old, and Khabarov at 30, had each first earned a roster spot during Cycle 28, and had appeared in each cycle since that time. Khabarov had been a starter: one of the few in their 20's on the World Cup 30 team, and scored 6 goals during qualifying, adding another 2 during the Cup Proper, and converting both his penalty kicks in the shootouts against Fmjphoenix and Liventia. Jorgenson and Nedvinsky, 30 and 29 years old respectively, had been in the national team pool since cycle 29, and Jorgenson had also started in the previous cycle, playing at left back, though he would shift to the center for cycle 31.
Together with goalkeeper Pyotr Nedvinsky, who was a depth option for cycles 29 and 30 and would be in conversation as top choice in cycle 31, Khabarov was a star for Damogran, ushering in an new era of excellence for the Eagles. Damogran had not seen a striker of his ability since the days of Franz Persson. Jorgenson, who was comfortable at both left back and center back, was Algolia's captain by this time. His teammate, striker Knut Hanson could never quite crack the first team for the Red-and-Black, but was more than capable for the Suntigers. Many still view this stretch as the golden age of the Damogran FC - Algolia AC rivalry. Jaglan had not yet ascended to form the third side of the Algolian triangle of hatred (though they weren't far off), and AC Damogran wouldn't even exist for another decade or so. Brantid clubs would occasionally challenge their supremacy, most often Chalesm, but none seemed able to sustain their good form the way the Eagles and Suntigers could.
At the qualifying draw, the 9th-ranked Red-and-Black were placed into Group 9, along with The Archregimancy (22) Spaam (28), Wentland (38), Rorysville (50), Iansisle (60), Tessan (82), Tocapa (111), Funnia Lan (159), and Lord of Hosts (204). It was a favorable draw overall, including the lowest-ranked team in pot 2. What many expected to be an easy cruise through qualifying began on a mildly troubling note, as the Pschychoes slogged through three victories in which they were anything but convincing, and a matchday four loss to Spaam that left them sitting third in the group, a result that caused no small amount of consternation both at home and abroad. The editors of the Vilita National, for instance, gave the Red-and-Black's performance through four matches a grade of D+. Domestic publications were less charitable, calling for everything from the ouster of Antropov as manager to the dismissal of the entire starting lineup. In the end, the only casualty of the shaky start was Nedvinsky's status as starting keeper, as he was replaced by Fallia backstop Anders Peterson. Whether Nedvinsky was actually a problem or the change simple served to wake the team up, their play saw definite improvement over the next few matches. After allowing seven goals in the opening four matches, they allowed only four in the next four, including one scored in garbage time away to Wentland after the Red-and-Black, leading 4-1, had long since taken their foot off the gas. Khabarov's brace of goals in that match helped secure the win, and he followed it up with a hat trick against Lord of Hosts, bringing his total to seven as the showdown with the Archregimancy loomed to end the first half of qualifying.
Fielding an anonymous team of monks, and with a commentating team as likely to wax theological as share footballing insight, The Archregimancy had, after a slow start, slowly worked their way up to be just one point outside of a qualifying place. Played in the idyllic setting of the Dreamed Realm, the match was closely contested. One would think a team whose training sessions were bound by the strictures of a monastic rule (and wearing cassocks to boot!) would have been no match for the ninth-ranked team in the multiverse. KPB ranks notwithstanding, the well-disciplined Monks held the Squornshelan attack just enough in check, frustrating Khabarov in particular and held on for a 3-2 victory. The Red-and-Black had not lost two matches in a single qualifying tournament since dropping three during cycle 26, and though they still held first place in the group, Spaam and Tessan lurked just one point behind them with the Monks a further one point back in fourth. With the worst goal differential among those four sides, a single ill-timed slip could have seen Squornshelous tumble all the way out of qualifying position. It was a worrying situation to say the least, but Antropov made the most of the mid-qualifying break.
Nedvinsky was reinstated at goalkeeper, and the team drilled relentlessly to fine-tune their attacking timing and chemistry, as well as defensive positioning. The result was that when they returned for the second half of qualifying, the Red-and-Black looked like a new team. Outscoring their overmatched opponents 14-1 in their next three matches, they looked unstoppable heading into their rematch with Spaam. The Waffles were a team in increasingly dire straits by this point, having been upset by Iansisle and Rorysville, and they played with a frantic energy that the Red-and-Black couldn't match. With Squornshelous coming fresh off an eight-goal match against Tocapa, the Pschychoes and Waffles combined for nine. Unfortunately, the odd goal was on the Spaamanian side of the scoresheet, and the Red-and-Black lost another match, slipping to second place behind the Archregimancy. Luckily, this poor result, which saw Nedvinsky shuffled out of the lineup again, was followed by another furious outburst of attacking power, and the team scored 18 goals across their next four matches, including a 7-3 outburst against Tessan which knocked the upstart, iron-age nation back into fourth place. The ten goal total set a new Squornshelan record for highest scoring match which has been equaled four times since, but never exceeded. The final match of qualifying, which would decide the group winner, but little else, was a fairly tame 2-2 draw with the Archregimancy, with one goal coming from Hanson, and the other from a young striker named Jaromil Ctibor (more on him next time). It was not the easy romp through qualifying some fans had become accustomed to, but the Red-and-Black had done the important thing and made it to the Cup, and topped their group by a two-point margin. Khabarov's 18 goals were enough to lead the team in qualifying.
Maybe facing some adversity before arriving in the group stage was what this team needed to temper them a bit. They announced their arrival in Vilita with a 3-0 drubbing of Geisenfried, in which Khabarov scored two goals in the first half hour, and the Jorgenson-led defense clamped down to make sure the lead wouldn't be challenged. The following match against Turori was much more hotly contested, with the Eels keeping things close, finding equalizers to answer goals from Khabarov and Xenakis before Ilmari scored off the bench to put the Red-and-Black ahead for good. With full points from their first two matches, and third-place Turori having just one, Squornshelous were through, and Antropov made a controversial decision to rest a number of his starters for the match against the Unified Capitalizt States. The result was an ugly 3-1 loss.
With valuable momentum perhaps lost, and a less favorable draw, the first team returned to face Bettia. The Bettian glory days had not quite come around yet, but they were definitely a formidable opponent, and a penalty shootout was necessary to settle the match. Nedvinsky, who was back in Antropov's good books by this time, stopped two Bettian shooters while the Squornshelans were perfect, making the fifth shot unnecessary for both teams. The reward for the tired team after their heroics was to face Bedistan in the quarterfinal. The Lions were defending champions, and reckoned second-best in the world by the rankings at the time. This would be the fourth (and final, sad to say) knockout meeting between the two teams, with the Red-and-Black holding a historical advantage in the series, but Bedistan of course, having been much more successful overall, particularly in recent cycles. Jorgenson was a force of nature on the back line, seemingly everywhere at once. He had to be, with the defensive situation often breaking down into a trio of one-on-one battles on Bedistani breaks into the Squornshelan end. With Nedvinsky capably cleaning up anything that made it through the defense, attacking players had the freedom to move forward, and while Khabarov did not notch either goal, he did assist on one by Aalto, and the defensive performance made it stand up until Petrov added an insurance marker with just a few minutes left.
In the semifinal, the Red-and-Black met Oliverry, who had defeated Milchama, and one of the strangest matches in Squornshelan history ensued. Both sides lodged formal protests against the officiating, which was provided by a mixed group hailing from Liventia, Bedistan, the Unified Capitalizt States, and Quakmybush. Both Oliverry and Squornshelous had considerable rivalries with the first four nations, so it seemed like a bad idea to appoint them to this particular match. The result was a match that got out of hand almost immediately. A 5th minute goal by Xenakis was disallowed in questionable circumstances, though his 16th minute effort stood. Oliverrian Nathan Miller was sent off just 25 minutes in for supposedly kneeing an opponent, though no one could seem to identify whom he had attacked. In the 36th minute, Oliverry appeared to score, but the play was ruled offside, somehow. No pass was made on the play, so Margaret only knows what the Bedistani linesman was thinking. Perhaps in recompense for this mistake, the Liventian official seemed reluctant to call fouls against Les Francais, which allowed them to get away with a lot of shirt-pulling and clattering challenges. With Oliverry having a 75%-25% advantage in possession but the Red-and-Black still leading 1-0, the first half finally ended. Mere minutes after the restart, a heated exchange between Aalto and Oliverrian defenseman Noah Hill resulted in another sending off. Hill was dismissed for a racial slur, though he insisted it was Aalto who had racially abused him. Yet another goal was disallowed in the 61st as Miika Lundqvist synically went down as Julien Dionne slipped past him, clutching his ear. After Khabarov made it 2-0 in the 71st, a third player was ejected for Oliverry. This time there was no controversy, as Aiden Hunt physcially assaulted the Liventian referee with a kick to the shin, and had to be restrained by his teammates. Somehow, with only eight players remaining, Oliverry nearly pulled within one, but the goal was offside. Xenakis made the lead three goals soon thereafter, and the match dissolved into a near brawl. Two Oliverrian players headbutted officials in the immediate aftermath of the final whistle, and the Squornshelans quickly made for the safety of their dressing room.
After that fiasco, the final against New Montreal States was almost anticlimactic. Oliverry had vented their considerable frustration on Krytenia, hammering them 5-0 in the third place match the previous day, and the Red-and-Black, fortunate not to have received any bookings in the semifinal took the field in their second World Cup Final, hoping to avoid the hearbreak of World Cup 15 two generations previous. They needent have worried. The Red-and-Black looked comfortably in control throughout, with a pair of goals from Benelli before half time and another lights out performance from Jorgenson and the defense. While their bid for a third straight clean sheet was spoiled as the Blue and Silver launched a last gasp effort to force extra time, Goran Renberg's 88th minute blast put the match virtually beyond doubt. Upon their return, the Squornshelan FA paraded them through every major city in the country on a month-long victory tour.
Following the championship, Hanson retired from international football. Nedvinsky, Khabarov, and Jorgenson would all return for the defense attempt, as would Jaglan right back and Red-and-Black substitute Andrey Kuznetsov. All four were major contributors to the quarterfinal run in World Cup 32, but it would be the last international tournament for all of them. Later in life, Jorgenson would go into management, eventually leading them back to the cup final. Nedvinsky also went into football management, but quickly gravitated toward the business end. Working in the front office for Damogran FC, he was passed over for promotion one too many times in his estimation, and left the club announcing publicly that if they couldn't see his ability, he'd build his own club. Assembling a large group of investors and bringing a number of sympathetic staff with him from his old club, he founded the Athletic Club of Damogran, cementing his status as one of the most divisive figures in Damogran footballing history. As for Khabarov, no one really seems to know what he did in his retirement. Rumors were that he moved somewhere up into the mountains on the Molvanian border, but there's no agreement as to why, and none of the sources I can find seem particularly valuable. Some say he founded an anti-imperial cell that lasted for decades and eventually fought in the Civil War. Another claims he became a spiritualist and shaman, and that people with more money than sense came from across the empire to visit him and be healed of various real or imagined conditions. Finally, probably the least likely, but most entertaining source was a conspiracy theory website which claims that Khabarov was abducted by Imperial scientists and that his genes were used to raise future generations of Squornshelan footballers. Pretty farfetched, I know.
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So there you have it. The undisputed high point of Squornshelan footballing history. So far. We certainly don't look likely of matching that achievement any time soon, not if we continue to play the way we did in Halstead. After going undefeated away from home in the first half of qualifying, the second half has gotten off to a fairly putrid start. Sure 5-1 over Balaslandia was a nice stat booster, but losing against two lower-ranked sides hurts a lot. Those matches being away from home is no excuse, considering this team has already shown it can win regardless of the venue. If we can't beat Torisakia and Wreckeria on their own ground, what's going to happen in a few weeks when we have to play in front of 100,000 plus screaming Drawkians? The defense seems to have gotten its shit together over the past several matches, but where has the attack gone? What's the use of naming all these big name strikers who went abroad to chase fame and money to the team if they can't deliver when it matters? This team has an opportunity to make a statement in their next match. They handled Donnell's Busoga Islands squad in Dukuma back on matchday 4, and you know she'd love nothing more than to return the favor. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold any kind of grudge against her. She delivered consistently decent qualification efforts and Cup of Harmony showings here, and IAC8 will always be a magical memory. Everyone always wants to do well against their old team though, show em what they're missing out on. In front of a rowdy crowd of Molvanians at the Lutenstaad, the Black-and-Reds have a chance to put the whole Donnell story to bed, and take a step closer to earning their first qualification.
Finally, it can never hurt to appeal to a higher power for help, even if you don't necessarily believe in any. Accordingly, let us pray.
Hail, Margaret, full of caprice,
the RAND is with thee.
Blessed art thou with rubber chickens,
and blessed is the fruit of thy scorination.
Holy Margaret, Mother of Upsets,
pray for us footballers,
now and at the hour of our match.
Amen.
SRS Qualifying Schedule
MD1: SRS 4-5 Torisakia @ Pheldagrif Stadium, Yassaca, Sivolvia, SRS (cap. 45,620)
MD2: Balaslandia 2-3 SRS @ TBA
MD3: SRS 5-3 Wreckeria @ Sunergy Field, Hunian, Algolia, SRS (cap. 37,550)
MD4: Busgoa Islands 2-3 SRS @ Dukuma Oval, Dukuma, BUS (cap. 63,000)
MD5: Bye
MD6: SRS 5-2 Drawkland @ Megabrantid Financial Field, Brantisvogan, Megabrantis, SRS (cap. 69,245)
MD7: Jantor 3-3 SRS @ TBA
MD8: SRS 0-2 Gyatso-kai @ Slavnarzeczpospolitastadion, Lublova, Molvania, SRS (cap. 61,230)
MD9: Donnacona 0-1 SRS @ TBA
MD10: SRS 2-3 Kita-Hinode @ Bridger Lane, Damogran, Algolia, SRS (cap. 72,406)
MD11: Kohnhead 0-1 SRS @ Orange Bull Stadium, Kohnhead City, KHN (cap. 23,000)
MD12: SRS 3-1 EGM @ Igbar Steel Arena, Zarss, West Flania, SRS (cap. 15,100)
MD13: Lochario 1-2 SRS @ Zun Olympic Stadium, (cap. 98,000)
MD14: Torisakia 2-0 SRS @ TBA
MD15: SRS 5-1 Balaslandia @ Killough Grove, Han Wavel, Han Dold, SRS (cap. 31,400)
MD16: Wreckeria 1-0 SRS @ Patrick Stadium, Halstead, WRE (cap. 30,000)
MD17: SRS v Busoga Islands @ The Lutenstaad, Lutenblag, Molvania, SRS (cap. 75,000)
MD18: Bye
MD19: Drawkland v SRS @ Spartan Veteran Stadium (107,500)
MD20: SRS v Jantor @ Malgacorp Arena, Hensha, Megabrantis, SRS (cap. 29,350)
MD21: Gyatso-kai v SRS @ Meshgeroya'yaim, Keldabe, Mandalore, GKI (cap. 79,890)
MD22: SRS v Donnacona @ Smolak Systemy Stadion, Sjerezo, Molvania, SRS (cap. 31,200)
MD23: Kita-Hinode v SRS @ Tentai City, Tentai, HIN (cap. 80,000)
MD24: SRS v Kohnhead @ Olympiastad, Arkintoofle, Megabrantis, SRS (cap. 47,550)
MD25: EGM v SRS @ TBA
MD26: SRS v Lochario @ Castle Street, Jaglan, Algolia, SRS (cap. 57,300)
