World Cup 83 - Roleplay Thread

[Turori]

Eels blast Six past Dancing Mechanics in Qualifying Opener

It was a World Cup Cycle to remember just as much as it was a World Cup Cycle to forget for the Turori National Team, Nigel's Army of Electric Eel Green supporters and the entire Island Emirate of Turori. They had achieved new heights in every competition they entered just as they had achieved new lows. Never before had the Island Emirate of Turori advanced all the way through to contest the multiverse's most prestigious Championship Game: The World Cup Final. And never before had the entire nation suffered together in the agony of losing the most important match their nation had ever played, the World Cup Final. Yet that was the reward for their most successful sporting campaign in their nations history. An empty feeling of defeat while they stood on the sidelines and watched their neighbors, the Tropics of Vilita, celebrate their rise to the pinnacle of the sporting multiverse as World Champions and #1 ranked team in the multiverse.

After the disappointment of losing to their rivals in the World Cup Final, the Turorians joined forces with the Vilitans at the Under-21 level to contest the Di Bradini Cup. While Vilita and Turori don't always enter the age-restricted competition, the second they showed up they became favorites and nearly ran the table as Turorians once again celebrated a first ever final appearance, this time with their neighbors Vilita in the Di Bradini Cup's championship game. However, once again it would be a neighboring nation who took what could have been a crowning achievement and turned it into an overwhelmingly disappointing moment of suffering for Turorian fans yearning for a championship. Defeat in the Under-21 World Cup Final was the second defeat in as many major tournaments for the Turorian faithful who should have been delighted at experiencing a golden age of success for their Footsport squad but were instead feeling nothing but disappointment about being denied at the final hurdle once more.

So as the World Cup 83 Campaign began and the Turori National Team were drawn into Group W of the Qualifications as the #2 ranked team in the multiverse, there was certainly a tepidness to the optimism of Turorian supporters. Perhaps there was a reason that for generations the Turori National Team had never advanced to the Semi-Finals of the World Cup, and had instead gracefully bowed out at the Quarter Final Stage. Having never achieved anything higher the teams expectations were well and truly grounded in reality. Now, in this new era of Turorian success and heightened expectations, a Quarter Final run that would have once been seen as job expectations met for Turorians would now be seen as a let down. In fact, having now been all the way to the World Cup Final, anything short of lifting the World Cup Trophy in Banija and the Equestrian States could be seen as an unsuccessful campaign in the re-calibrated eyes of the citizens of the Island Emirate.

Speaking of the Citizens, given the success of Turori's National Citizen Squad in advancing all the way to the World Cup 82 Final, the Football Association of Turori confirmed that there would be no Citizen v. Cocoabo competition during World Cup 83 Qualifying. The Turori National Team now belonged to Klaillal Tuirma and Turori's National Citizen Squad. The Cocoabo Squad would still train and be prepared to step in but otherwise would be left to represent Tropicorp or the Cocoabo Forest in competitions such as the AOCAF or IAC in the World Cup offseason.

For Turori's National Citizen Squad - now once again simply known as the Turori National Team, it was time to prove that World Cup 82 was no fluke. They now had a new charter: Chase down Vilita and win the World Cup. Even as World Cup Runners-Up and #2 ranked nation in the multiverse the Turorians could not get out of the shadow of their larger neighbors. When Turori finish runner-up in the World Cup Final, it is Vilita who wins it. When Turori climb to #2 in the World Rankings, it is Vilita who are above them ranked #1.

Of course winning cures all pains and the Turori National Team knew that if they could just win every single game they played during the World Cup 83 Cycle then not only would they finally become World Cup Champions, they would also jump above their colonial rivals the Vilita Jungle Cats to become the top ranked team in the multiverse. Of course, the first step to winning all the games is to win the first one and the Turori National Team did just that in convincing fashion as they crossed the dimensional barriers to square off against a team believed to be made up of a mix of Automotive Mechanics and expert Gandham Style dancers who unsurprisingly were overwhelmed by their World Cup Finalists opponents. While it was certainly a warmup match for the Turori National Team with more difficult matches scheduled including their Matchday 2 fixture against one of their biggest Qualification rivals The Macabees, Coach Tuirma put out many returning players from the Eels World Cup 82 run including goalkeeper Wiyauw An'maude.

Tuirma's Eels dominated possession with over 60% control and scored on half of the shots they were able to get on target with three goals in each half including a somewhat cruel stoppage time chip from Kiidallen Aeroluzzi for Turori's 6th goal of the day. Perhaps the most excited goalscorer however was Tropicorp FC defender Moumouni Verre'elali who is on pace to become Turori's highest scoring defender of all time having notched 2 goals in the first six matches of their internationstatal career. In fact, both of Turori's opening goals were scored by defenders with Tarek Edgeli converting the Eels first goal of the World Cup 83 campaign off the second of Turori's 17 corner kicks of the afternoon. Verre'elali scored a similar goal 20 minutes later to ensure the normally defensive minded Turorians had gotten two goals from defenders to start their campaign.

Technically it was the second time in three matches that the Turori National Team had blasted six goals past their opponent having popped the back of the net six times in their historic Semi-Final victory over Farfadillis during World Cup 82 - but only time will tell if the goal scoring barrage will be just an uncharacteristic blip in history or the new norm for a modern Turorian National Team in search of its first ever World Cup Title.

Turori [6] - [0] Hyundai-Kia

:: Turori Goalscorers :: :: 13' Tarek Edgeli :: 32' Moumouni Verre'elali :: 43' Mbdiai Akarenaa :: 57' Mbdiai Akarenaa :: 71' Indelli Nura'amura :: 90' Kiidallen Aeroluzzi

:: Turori Statistics :: :: Possession: 62% :: Shots on Target: 12 :: Corner Kicks: 17

:: Hyundai-Kia Statistics :: :: Possession: 38% :: Shots on Target: 2 :: Corner Kicks: 5

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'Turori Eels Lineup v. Hyundai-Kia ::
[GK]Wiyauw An'maude, [D.]Amakli Inuro'o, [D.]Mikki Mayelli, [D.]Moumouni Verre'elali, [D.] Tarek Edgeli, [ML] Mbdiai Akarenaa, [MC]Indelli Nura'amura, [MC] Daliora Toru'u, [MR] Kiidallen Aeroluzzi, [FC]Meldi'ita Mungwaii, [FC]Wiztsana Iretziia
BENCH::
[FC]Nua'oma Aikiki, [FC]Kala'a Yuliizala, [M]Kentu Umaka'a, [M]Lati'ala Giaoka, [U ]Yitizo Mpala'a, [D]Biliki Rona'atu'i, [GK]Timaala Hualtia

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[Saltstead]

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The Beet

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A The Beet Exclusive!: An actual interview actually with the actual Tlanx-Nulzk Hal
As for why they would agree to do this, we are just as confused as you are, but somehow they actually agreed to do this, we shit you not!

[ERROR: Image could not be loaded]
An artist’s rendering of the mythical Tlanx-Nulzk Hal

Ashwell — With the World Cup qualifiers underway, all attention has turned to König Wilheum VII Nationalėpark for the inevitable trainwreck that are the World Cup qualifiers. For the sixth time, Saltstead will attempt (and probably fail) to successfully advance to the World Cup finals, this time led by a brand new head coach from… hold on, let us check our notes… “Qusmo”. And in a never-before-seen cosmic miracle, we, the most humble and gracious staff of the world’s greatest journalistic publication, had a chance to speak with the new head coach and alleged “Galacticos Manager of the Season” Tlanx-Nulzk Hal.

Here’s what the greatest and worst head coach in the history of the World Cup had to say to us:

The Beet: We’d just like to start by thanking you for being here.

Tlanx-Nulzk Hal: It’s an honour to be here in Saltstead. Thank you for having me.

TB: So first question has to be this. Why do you hate Saltstead?

TNH: What?

TB: Did a Saltsteader burn your house down? Did His Majesty kill your puppy when you were little? Did the Chancellor cut you off in traffic?

TNH: I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I don’t hate Saltstead.

TB: So you’re not a Hinodejin spy who’s been sent to sabotage us?

TNH: (laughs in Qusmu) I’m pretty sure I’m not. Qusmo isn’t that kind of country.

TB: Okay then. So what is your quest?

TNH: I felt like I needed a new challenge. Managing at Qastyr was a great experience and what I was able to achieve there is wonderful, but you can only do the same thing for so long before you itch for change.

TB: So are we talking “thermonuclear warfare” change or what?

TNH: Not that kind of change, sorry to disappoint. More a journey into bigger waters.

TB: So wait a minute, you were in Qusmo, but decided you wanted to move to “bigger waters” and chose Saltstead. Did you not watch the last World Cup qualifiers?

TNH: I did, but I think there’s a lot of potential in Saltstead that wasn’t being adequately developed and utilised. The national team were stubbornly sticking to conservative tactics that weren’t making the best of the talent pool this nation has to offer and the challenge is to coax that talent out of the promising, but neglected midfielders and forwards across Saltstead.

TB: Did you ask the Royal Saltsteadish Football Association first?

TNH: (laughs again in Qusmu) I did. They wanted change as well and they wanted to bring in an outside voice with different ideas about what you can do in football. I happened to be that voice.

TB: This “Galacticos” thing probably helped your case, didn’t it?

TNH: Maybe. The final selections hadn’t been released when I was hired, though.

TB: So did you burn down the Galacticos’ houses? Did you murder their puppies? Did you cut them off in traffic?

TNH: I don’t recall doing any of that.

TB: (under breath) So another non-puppy-killing non-arsonist. Also doesn’t cut people off in traffic.

(beat)

TB: So is it red with black stripes or black with red stripes?

TNH: Pardon. I don’t think I understand the question.

TB: The kit. Red with black stripes or black with red stripes?

TNH: I’d venture to say red on black given the shorts, but I’m not sure how this is relevant.

TB: Well, because we asked. We wanted an expert opinion on this since we were having an argument about it back at the office.

TNH: Okay, then. I don’t think I’m an expert on kit design, but I’m flattered.

TB: Any time. Now, the final question: Wat is lovė?

TNH: “What is love?”

TB: Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more.

TNH: Well played.

TB: Thank you for your time, Hal, and don’t pull a Ware.

TNH: I’ll try not to.

So in conclusion, the new head coach seems like a pretty boring guy. No wonder Tulize had to score three against the Stallions, it was the only way to keep things interesting. Nevertheless, we here at The Beet look forward to many more misadventures like this and maybe some good football in between. —TB

[Xanneria]

We didn't botch it this time
By Steve Stevenson

PARATAN - Last year the World Cup qualifiers got started with a thud, after winning the Baptism of Fire, Xanneria lost its opener to unranked Esportivan newcomer New and Improved Peru, it set the team off in a sour mood they could never fully recover from. In the end a bizarre 6-5 victory over Grod Island in a game that saw all 6 goals scored by Glenn Hailey managed to propel the Maroons to a measly 7th place. So when the Maroons travelled to the struggling nation of Paratan. When the team flew into Paratan they were greeted by some fans who had previously flown in to watch the team but otherwise mood in the country was down. With home advantage Paratan still only pulled an announced 85% of the stadiums capacity. Even then it appeared closer to 45%. A large contingent of Xannerians took up most of the southwest corner of the stadium.

The game while not a defeat did end in a tie. 1-1 was the final score as Paratan held off the rapid attacks from the Maroons for most of the game, in fact it could easily have been a 0-0 game. In the 40th minute a tackle from Lane Stegall sent one of the collectively unnamed Paratan players to a Free Kick. While Evan Jefferson would have normally gotten the ball stopped, his timing was slightly to quick. the ball grazed his rib as he dove and went in to give the Paratan team a 1-0 lead. A couple of opportunities arose but the next forty minutes saw a gridlock. Eighty minutes in a breakaway happened. It wasn't a Hailey or the highly touted Lane Stegall, but rather Marquise Trenton, a quiet contributor for last years team who took a pass from Richard Presintino and hit a beautiful arching shot over the goalie and tied the game up. While the game would end 1-1, it still wasn't as bad as the earlier 0-0 tie with Banija. Granted most people including me do view that game as a massive accomplishment in increasing Xanneria's international reputation, despite being one of the most non-Xannerian games ever. When talking about the tie, coach Amos Alton put it best. "Hey we have more points in this qualifier than Apox does".

Women in Football?

Another talking point for Xanneria football has been weather the national team should be co-ed. FLOX leader Jeb Gyjorko has stated he would be open to the idea. "We have seen first hand in the Baker Cup that Women can play versus men." detractors have said that women might not be able to take the punishment that men can give out. Also it was known that the "chivalrous" men of Xanneria's national team felt uncomfortible playing versus Baker Park's Women's team. When asked about it, Glenn Hailey had to say the following "I'm up for anything at least once. If we can find some girls who can help the team out I'm all for it." Amos Alton was even heard saying "If we end up in the Cup of Harmony again, I could possibly suggest to Jeb a few girls to add to the team. We might have some success with them." We'll see if a mixed team happens in the future.

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician Football team The Stampedes are utterly exhausted vow to play on, team manager Yusuf Weir said in a late night sports program on WP Sports.

This year has seen a major boost on an international stage for the team, after fans and the West Phoenician Football Federation fought a long campaign with the Ministry of Sports to get the Stampedes competing on the international circuit.

"We pushed for years and the Ministry finally said ok, we are ready to see what they have to offer. Up until this point the only international event The Stampedes had competed in was the Olympics. Which found them lacking against other nations who regularly sent their squad to the World Cup. This year we have our first opportunity at the World Cup, it's been A busy time for the squad

The Stampedes first major event this year was at the Summer Olympic Games in The Free Republics, where they failed to leave the group stage after a result of 1 win, 1 draw and 4 losses. The result was shattering to the players and loyal fans who blamed funding as a big reason the team failed to deliver at an Olympic level.

With very little downtime they were thrust into The Baptism of Fire where they not only surprised themselves but other nations they were competing against. With a focus to not fail at the group stage, they breezed through it, winning all but one game progressing them to the Round of 16.
From there fans started to flock to the Baptism of Fire as they took out Amuaplye in the Round of 16. Knocked out Timuria in the quarterfinals after a nail biting penalty time and sent Port Ember to the third place play offs.

"They had bounced back, working tbeir butts off wanting to take home the Title," Coach Patrick Newman said.
Unfortunately there dream of a Baptism of Fire title ended in the finals when the Stampedes lost to
Hapilopper 3-0.
The team while initially disappointed were also impressed with .making it so far. There next step was the World Cup, but before that was to begin The West Phoenician Olympic Committee signed them up to the First Federation of Conservative Nations Olympiad hoping to cash in on their success at the Baptism of Fire. Which did not come to pass, winning only one game and failing to progress.

The Stampedes coaching staff are aware lack of proper downtime may disadvantage the team, but players did not was to forfeit their first appearance at the World Cup.

" They are not under any delusion. They know they are up against some powerhouse teams. Win or lose they have come so far already, if we just beat 1 team we have shown our worth. It's about going out there and having a good time and putting the Stampedes on the radar of other nations that we are here, and we will play hard and to not expect an easy game from us. We are here go challenge ourselves and the competition."

[95X]

What a random fan posted to some online service 95Xers use to write drivel to the masses:

The draw between 95X and Lavize was uninspired. 95X was clearly the dominant team yet failed to find the target more than 2 times. I was shouting “pass Dodongo the bomb” multiple times to my TV screen but the strategy seems off. And where was the defense? 2 goals against to somewhere I’ve never heard of? I’d rather take my chances with Nellie Scout Chance Cubes!

After posting the above, it was said the user rolled Nellie Scout Chance Cubes and morphed into a soccer ball, where they instantly deflated from all the hot air escaping from inside.

[Qusmo]

Chapter I.
Chapter II.

Chapter III.

A Blog

The mafia won’t kill me HAT easy

When I last posted on this wonderful blog I was in trouble.

TERE IS NO DOUBT. QUSMO WILL WIN THE COPA RUSHMORI. Bet your lifes savings on it (& borrow some money from every bank you can & posibly the mafica too so you can bet it & really get a nice payout). Youll thank me latrr.

But as i TURNS OUT apparently fuzpon Qusma doesnt know how to RIG THRIR OWN TOURNAMENT & they lost the VERY LAST MATCH to Pasaraga & got kocked out - & then EVEN ORSE they let Prasragra WIN TH WHOLE THING. This is an INJUSTICE & I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT.

Thats why Im sitting at this computer now. I hadnt been ble to before now thogh - Ive been THREATENED & CHASED & HARRASSEDD WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE. First the bnk called & very politely asked me for their money - no not THEIR money they asked for MY MONEY. Completely unfair! I said “new numbe who dis” & hung hup & I think I solved that issue. They cant get to me now.

ANYWAYS they werent the only people after me. OF COURE there more. In this cas it just so happend to be the mafia. ANYWAYS someone came up knocking to my door & they had a really nice pinstripe suit & a mathing fedora. I asked them where I could pick up something like what they were waring & they asked where they could pick up their money. I told them that that wasnt very nice of them & that I didnt have it because I lost it when I bet on Qusmo & then I started talking about Qusmo & how great it is & how thee was no chance Qusmo could have lost & so they really should ust let it go but the mafia guy didnt really seem to like thet.

They were very rude. They started saying stuff like “DID I FUDGING STRUTTER?” (Except tey didnt say fudging.) & “YOURE GONNA DIE TONIGHT YA DIRTY GUMBA.” & I didnt like that & I told them that. Statistically I have a ver low chance of dying on any particular day & I pointed aout all the days Ive lived before & I havent died on ANY of them. ANYWAYS then they pulled out a little gun thing & I thank Margaret that Im master of the super secret & mysterious New & Improved Peruvian martial art called bakom because otherwise that woulve been scary. I was able to handle it though. As it turned out the mafia person drove to my secret anti apocalypse complex with a concrete mixer & I thught that was very interesting & so I drove it to the lake & mafia guy went for a nice little swim but I dont think they know how to swim or at least not with concrete feet.

ANYWAS thats boring ybut my POINT is that because of all hat I havent been able t be at my computer & WRITE THIS BLOG lately & Im verry sorry about that & I hink the mafia guy is too now. ANYWAYS when I finally got back I was SHOCKED to discover that WORLD CUP QUALIFYING TAD ALREADY STARTEE> & GUESS WHAT? The CROOKS at the WORLD CUP RIGGERS COMMITTEE have RIGGED the WORLD CUP! OR AT LEAST ITS QUALIFYING! BUT PROBABLY BOTH! BECAUSE AS CORRUPT AS THE WORLD CORRUPT PEOPLE COMMITTEE IS ITS A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN FUZPON QUSMA BEING STUPID & NOT BEING ABLE TO RIGG IT FOR QUSMO. So GUES WHAT? Thy decided to rig it AGAINST them.

How do i know this? Well Qusmo was supposed to be in Goup E & EVERY SINGLE TEAM in Group E played a match - EXCEPT FOR QUSMO. THEY HAVENT EVEN ALLOWED THEM TO PLAY YET. HOW IS THAT JUSTICE? The answer is ITS NOT. In fact Id even say its the ULTIMATE EVIL. So the World DIRTBAGS committe is running an EVIL WORLD CUP & not even letting Qusmo TRY to qualify.

Why? Because they KNOW that if Qusmo isnt held back Qusmo will ALWAYS WIN. Qusm GOT to the World Cup last time & they NEVER LOST A SINGLE MATCH but then they had to invent something stpid like “penalty kick shootouts” & we were “eliminated in the Round of Sixteen” bu t I say thats STUPID because just LOOK at what the World BAD PEOPLE committee did if they didnt kno we could NEVER BE BEATEN EVER then why did they RIG IT AGAINST US SO MUCH & SO OBVIOUSLY & SO BLATANTLY & SO OBVIOUSLY that they didnt even let us PLAY a match? & if THAT doesnt convince you heres a cold hard FACT: Qusmo has NEVER LOST a World Cup Qualifying match this cycle. How do you explain THAT?

Make NO MISTAKE. There can e no “reconciliating” the INCREDIBLE EVIL of this EVIL WORLD CUP byt his EVIL WORL CUP COMMITTEE. & NO in fact I DIDNT FUDGING STRUTTER.

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“So you’re trying to tell me that this crackpot is our solution? This bozo is going to bring down the Qusmyry? I can barely even understand what they’re writing. For Margaret’s sake, they can scarcely run a blog - if you can even call it that.” Drolx-Dalox Aka, Qusmi Bez, seethed.

Azeld-Nexev Xlo tried to defend themself without angering their boss even further than they already were. “Evidently, they do.”

“Excuse me?” From the look Aka gave them, it clearly didn’t work.

“Well, all I’m saying is, A Blog - well, it is the name of their website, & -”

“Maybe you should work for this idiot, then,” Aka roared. “From the looks of it, if you think this is anywhere in the same universe as good enough, you’ll fit right in.”

Welar-Linot Ono tried to defuse the situation - not for the sake of their colleague, of course, but for their own benefit. “My Qusmi Bez, as bizarre as I know it sounds, I think Xlo might actually be on to something here.”

“Bizarre? It sounds a whole hell of a lot worse than that, Ono.”

“I know, but hear me out: Whoever this is is a quack, right? They’ll believe anything. &, most importantly, they’ll publish anything.”

“Really? Won’t they get suspicious when, I don’t know, the head of government of the State of Qusmo decides one day to email them on their blog?”

“No, my Qusmi Bez, this is the best part. Of course they’re going to be suspicious - they’re suspicious of everything - but they’ll be so giddy that they’ve obtained a ‘source’ & finally uncovered the ‘truth’ that they won’t think twice about publishing this stuff. In fact, the more crazy, the better; the more they’ll believe it, the more likely they’ll be to publish it, the more they’ll hype it up, the more viewers will read it -”

“But those viewers wouldn’t possibly actually believe the load of shit this thing is putting out there,” Qusmi Bez retorted.

Ono looked them straight in the eye. “I think you’re underestimating the number of people who will believe whatever they want to believe.”

Qusmi Bez pondered this for a moment. They frowned. Finally, they responded. “Alright. Do it. But if you do it, you must be invisible.”

“Oh, we will be,” Xlo hurredly stammered, “I assure you, my Qusmi Bez. We will make you proud. I’ve already thought of some names we could go by. Maybe Qusmo Incognito, or Qusmyr Anonymous, or something along those lines, like Qusmonymous, or -”

“Let’s go with something simple,” Ono interrupted. “Anonymous is too long, Incognito sounds too suspicious, but we can have people understand - & trust us - with, say, Anon. & you don’t need ‘Qusmo’ or ‘Qusmyr’ or anything else; just a Q will do. It’ll signify that our ‘source’ knows about all of those things, & even more.”

“QAnon?” Qusmi Bez, head of government of the State of Qusmo, thought about this moniker. “I like it. Now, let’s get to work.”

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

© Sporting Times Daily 2027
WCQ to kick off for BP at Shirley
by Mindy Cartwright, National Soccer Writer

The Commonwealth National Team will get their first taste of competition in anger since the end of the AOCAF tonight as they host Eastfield Lodge at President's Park.

The visitors come in having already played a match, winning at home against Libonesia 2-1. Manager Pam Scott says there aren't many surprises about the Eastfielders, as she's seen them on tape several times. "They are another Rushmori side, like Cassadaigua and Qusmo, so we're familiar with them a bit just from seeing them against other team's we've played."

Scott says the squad are in good spirits and she senses their confidence heading into these matches. "We've really stressed, all the way back to (AOCAF) that just because there is a small number next to our name in the rankings, that doesn't change who we are. It takes the same amount of work, discipline, and respect everytime you step out onto the field wearing the Black & Gold. We're the top dogs now in the other teams mind's, and they are going to you their best game, every night."

The following match will come on the road against San Felix, who are in their first WCQ after coming 4th in the Baptism of Fire, losing out to the eventual winner Happilopper in the Semi Final. Scott said she talked to the squad a bit about all the teams in the group so that they would get an idea of what the squad are up against. "I think the fact we have so many players who were in the BOF side (in BOF 67) that when I say this team was almost in the final (losing in extra time) I know they get what I am telling them. They can view San Felix in the same way that people view us when we first started. Eastfield and Saltstead are no pushovers either, and we know that the latter bunch will be looking to settle scores (after BP eliminated the Stallions in the Round of 16 at the AOCAF)."

Squad to face EFL & San Felix:

Gordon; Briggs, Vasillias, Foreman; Haller (C), Westmoreland, Taborn, Navarro; Bozeman; Sandoval, Patton

Subs (& potential 2nd match starters): Moyer, Stephens, Arnold, Yeomans, Sotolongo, Stone, Callum, Simmons, Tilton, LeClair.

[Omerica]

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All the football news that’s fit to print!

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Okay, maybe that last headline was a bit of an exaggeration — Omerica’s less awful opening day adventures (Part 2)
By Christine Halleran

For fourteen years, the denizens of the United Republics suffered and agonised in the struggle to qualify for the World Cup finals. One of the pinnacles of achievement in football, Omericans had always quite arrogantly believed that it was simply destiny for Omerica to qualify at some point. Sure, it happened eventually, but it came when everyone was least expecting and with, as it turns out, a hefty price tag.

These United Republics were force-fed not just a slice of humble pie, but the whole damn thing. Now as further karmic retribution, we’ve since been forced to play each and every one of our opening qualification games away from home. The good news is, however, that the whole “drop points on matchday 1” meme has dropped dead thanks to an impressive opening day record since Omerica’s phoenix match against West Violénce, winning four out of five matchday 1 games in the qualifiers. (Not that it has ever gone on to matter much in the end.)

Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen the game in Szcerkina, by the way.

World Cup 75: Omerica 0–1 HUElavia
Claim to fame: Most recent opening day home game, final opening day game under the Omerican Football Federation
Unfortunately, the good times never last. Even after being drawn as second seeds to San José Guayabal, it was perfectly reasonable to expect 27th-ranked Omerica to qualify for the sesquicentennial finals in the countries of COCANEFA. Unfortunately, riots among supporters had worn down the resolve of the national team and a tax investigation by the federal Department of Customs and Revenue, spearheaded by future World Cup Hall of Fame inductee Carola Lefebvre, took a fatal toll on of Omerican football. Omerica’s most recent opening game to be played at home came against 134th-ranked HUElavia and presaged the fall from grace the national team would quickly suffer. The result was initially called into question during an insider betting scandal—though upon further investigation, the refereeing errors were ruled honest mistakes—symbolising the tragedy that Electrum mercifully ended in the playoffs (perhaps the only time in World Cup history a nation has been happy to not qualify).

World Cup 79: West Violénce 0–2 Omerica
Claim to fame: First World Cup qualifying game under the United Republican Soccer Federation
Electrum captain Tyler Fernando lamented his team’s playoff triumph, stating that “[​i​]t’s not a good feeling once you realise that you were the reason that potentially they will never ever play again.” Luckily for the chap, he was mostly wrong: none of the players on the pitch at the Arena la Rouge would return, symbolically turning the page on that chapter, but a now-unranked Omerica would return to the pitch in the nation of West Violénce for a new chapter. With Ryan Pritchard back at the helm and maintaining his defensive stance against an attack-minded Violént team. It was here that Morgan Barzetti made history as the first woman to score for the national team—a penalty which had to be retaken due to encroachment from several Violént players. Barzetti bagged the second as well, giving the newly-christened “Incorrigibles” a winning margin that they would fail to match for the rest of the campaign.

World Cup 80: Kandorith 1–0 Omerica
Claim to fame: Most recent opening day loss
A game which the nation has made a collective vow to never speak of again. Kandorith entered as the technical underdogs, ranked 187th versus 111th for Omerica, but proved the better team throughout Omerica’s visit. It wasn’t any help that Pritchard had finally decided to hang up his jacket and pass the baton on to his assistant Christine Salmond, statistically the most hapless manager Omerica have ever had. Lacking the kind of leadership skills of her predecessor, the Incorrigibles looked listless in the first half and practically lifeless in the second, with Krysten Speight and Skye Ecclestone looking particularly out of their depth—undoubtedly a factor in their failure to win a single cap after Anne-Sophie Groothuis’s takeover at the subsequent Cup of Harmony. Omerica would go on to notch a mere five wins in the entire campaign and were eliminated by Buyan with four matchdays to go, leaving few to wonder why Christine Salmond was forced to resign halfway through the qualifiers.

World Cup 81: Kedroiqua 0–1 Omerica
Claim to fame: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anne-Sophie Groothuis had just come in and was frankly not expected to amount to much. Anne-Sophie’s struggle to stamp her mark on the Incorrigibles is shocking to think about nowadays, with group stage and round of 16 exits at the Cup of Harmony and Independents Cup inspiring no confidence. Sure, Omerica were facing a team that failed to make it out of the groups at the Baptism of Fire, but football is always played on a pitch, never paper. (Though maybe they’ve played it on paper in the Dreamed Realm. Don’t quote us on that.) It was thus a relief that Omerica didn’t completely cock it up, taking the lead in the 23rd minute of the match and never surrendering it. The match will probably be remembered more for the captain stuffing his chance to double the Incorrigibles’ lead from the spot, only to be denied by home keeper Lukas Ottesen. The Incorrigibles would go on to record their best campaign in a decade, while Kedroiqua would disappear into the ether.

World Cup 82: Sherpa Empire 3–4 Omerica
Claim to fame: First consecutive opening day victories
By far the most exciting of Omerica’s opening games, the two teams traded the lead back-and-forth twice over the ninety minutes in Changsha’s Hunan Territorial People’s Stadium—one of only two matchday-one away venues whose names the URSF has record of. Omerica started off on top, with an efficient Barzetti–Affini partnership striking gold within half an hour. But as every Nepharim quoteth: “2–0 is the most dangerous lead.” Shubhashish Srihatta struck back inside five minutes of Barzetti’s second goal and assisted right-winger Lakpa Mehta in levelling the score three minutes from halftime. Upon returning from halftime, Namri Ngedup decided the other two forwards needed to stop hogging the fun and put the Sherpa in the lead. Maria Nelissen was not having any of this, though, levelling again in the 70th minute before assisting Barzetti in claiming her hat trick and the three points for Omerica. ‘Twas not shabby, though in the long run neither team looked much better than the other, finishing together in the middle of the table.

World Cup 83: Szcerkina Federacy 0–2 Omerica
Claim to fame: Most recent opening day game
Sure, we didn’t know where the hell we were or who the hell we were playing, but we ran out victoriously. Newly-minted Independent Associations Championship-winning manager Anne-Sophie Groothuis notched her 70th match in charge of the Incorrigibles—only four fewer than Jean-Manuel de Rosas, Christine Salmond and James-Alexandre Christopherson combined and nine more than Jean-Baptiste Archambault—sending out a second-string side in a bid to deepen the experience pool Omerica can rely on. Despite fears the gambit would backfire, Jean-François Fernand and Martin la Rouge reaffirmed their worthiness for the squad in an opening victory, an unprecedented third-straight for the Incorrigibles. Londonderry’s Felix Zanetti and Malavan’s Adélaïde Argyris snagged their first Omerican caps, while Christina Falkirk nearly bagged her first competitive goal late in the match, only to be denied by a duck with a death wish. Still, the win was enough to match South Covello’s margin in Eraman and justify Omerica’s place in Pot 2 of the draw.

How the success will translate through the rest of the campaign is hard to predict, especially with Szcerkina being one of the statistically weaker teams in the group, far off the pace of the Sherpa Empire or South Covello. Nevertheless, it could still presage triumph, or at least the first World Cup campaign in nearly two decades where Omerica even manage to come close to qualifying. It all remains to be seen, but the ball is rolling in the right direction. ◇

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Uniting Omerican sport fans across the United Republics — blogdefootball: a proud member of the Gryphon Pride network

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United Republican Soccer Federation
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port Alexandre, AM 18-A40
UNITED REPUBLICS OF OMERICA

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Szcerkina Federacy 0–2 Omerica
World Cup 83 qualifying group stage — Matchday One
Old Sample, Sampleville, Szcerkina Federacy
Goalscorers: Fernand 10’; la Rouge 65’
Omerica line-up: Drew Durant; Jet Sneyders – Emily Michelakis – Jesús Cruz – Marine Roldan; Alex Rodrigues – Sean Tester; George Palmeiro – Robin van Tyn (captain) – Martin la Rouge; Jean-François Fernand
Substitutions: Sneyders > Felix Zanetti (46’) – Palmeiro > Adélaïde Argyris (55’) – Fernand > Christina Falkirk (77’)

Omerica v Brigantii
World Cup 83 qualifying group stage — Matchday Two
Stade Marin, Romainbourg, Romainbourg
Omerica line-up: Drew Durant; Jet Sneyders – Emily Michelakis – Jesús Cruz – Marine Roldan; Alex Rodrigues – Sean Tester; George Palmeiro – Robin van Tyn (captain) – Martin la Rouge; Jean-François Fernand

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[Amuaplye]

The Rocks Police Station
132 George Street
Sydney, Amuaplye
March 3rd, 2019

Gregory Sanders drove his boat up to the Sydney Harbor, more specifically, Pier 3. He had been missing for approximately a month, last seen at Republica's airport. He started walking towards The Rocks Police Station. First, he went through security. Nobody seemed to recognize him, despite the fact that his disappearance dominated the airwaves post-Olympiad Bomber.

He walked into the metal detector, which didn't go off. He then got searched with a wand, which didn't go off either. He was then free to go, as he started his walk to the police station. First, after leaving, he turned left, going down Hickson Road, towards Towns Place, then turned left and took the stairs towards the Windmill Steps. Then, he turned right, going on Windmill Street, then almost immediately turned left on to Kent Street. After a similar amount of time as when he went to Hickson Road, he turned left again onto Argyle Street. He nearly got hit as he walked across the highway on the freeway leading up to the Sydney Harbor Bridge, but carried on. After a rather long amount of time, he turned right onto George Street, then arrived at his destination.

He entered the Police Station, then walked up to the reception desk. He looked at the woman in front of him.

"Hello, what do you need?" The woman asked him.

"I need police. I'm Greg Sanders, and I need to get something off my chest."

The woman looked somewhat shocked. Could this be Greg Sanders? "We'll get someone immediately. Just sit down in one of those chairs."

"OK."

He did so, sitting down at one of the chairs, before an officer walked up to the waiting room. "Mr. Sanders?" He asked.

He got up, following the officer into a small room. It was only fitted with a notepad, a computer, all on a white table, and 2 white chairs. There was a single fluorescent light fixture, which needed repairs, as it flickered. Both the officer and Sanders sat down at the chairs.

"OK, Mr. Sanders. What do you want, 'off your chest', so to speak?" The officer asked.

"I committed the MNM blimp bombing."

"The one in Republica, from last month? The one we thought was done by Perry?"

"Yes. I was a childhood friend of him, so he decided to pass the torch to me."

"Well, we do have CCTV footage placing you in Republica, the place where the blimp took off from... plus the Perry connection..." The officer wrote down some stuff on the notepad, before getting up. "I need to grab some stuff. Just a minute." He left the room, before returning a few minutes later.

He handed him first an ink pad and a sheet of paper. "I need to have you put your fingers on the ink pad, and put them on the sheet of paper. We need to make sure that you are Mr. Sanders."

Sanders complied with the request. Once he was done, he was then given a Q-Tip. "Now, stick the Q-Tip in your mouth, and rub the side of your cheek." He also complied with this. The officer put the Q-Tip in a vial, and took the slip of paper with him.

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Westmead Hospital
153 Hawkesbury Road
Sydney, Amuaplye
March 3rd, 2019

Dr. Erwin was staring ruefully at Room 202 at the ICU. Inside the room was MP Marlene Ramirez, a victim of the Parliament bombing nearly a month prior. She was severely wounded, and had severe brain damage from the incident. A fellow doctor, Dr. Grant, walked up to him.

"How's the Ethics Committee going?" Dr. Grant asked.

"They're still deliberating on whether to stop life support. The family is severely divided on the issue. They at least compromised on signing a DNR."

The EKG was beeping loudly, as Dr. Erwin nervously listened in. Then, the rhythmic beeps stopped, instead replacing it with a loud tone.

"Call the code. Don't do anything. She's dead now." Dr. Erwin told Dr. Grant.

[Banija]

To win again... To never stop climbing...

Moving as one! Is the word for hope!

cutting off... Yourself in the bake frame...

When you dream! When you dreaaammmmm! Awake! Matchday 2!

[Main Nation Ministry]

Hearts of Ash

Chapter 2: Practice

Both me and Charlie went down to the studio that evening, where I discussed with the band and Brenda about the next song I wanted to do with them. Charlie helped with setting up the equipment, while Brenda had some food get delivered.

"Alright, I was thinking that we go on the same style that we usually do. I already made the music sheets to get ourselves ready." Jessica told her band the news, where Gerald had some questions. "We're doing it a bit of a minor comeback? Even after the whole..you know?" Gerald asked her, where she raised an eyebrow. "Comeback? What do you mean by comeback? We had been relevant through the whole summer."
"Ahem! Sasher!"
"Oh right. My fans are going to want a new song, since they know that the whole events had killed their moods. I don't want to rush it, though I want to have it heard to the public. Who knows. Maybe I can have the Leader listen to it and maybe he can see how he thinks?"

"Doesn't he hates all of your songs?" Tony asked Jessica. "Just because he hates them doesn't mean he doesn't approve of them?" Jessica replied where she took a bit of a sigh. "Look, how about we take it to the top. Gerald, I can show the bass parts?"
"Good choice, Jess."

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Meanwhile....At Free Republics

The Leader didn't want to return to Free Republics, however it was necessary to teach some people a certain lesson. While he was on the plane, he has been dealing a bit of research towards someone he realized he met someone. Jasper Chuter. The Leader didn't really meet him in person, however he was somewhat aware of his sexist and parasitic behavior, by making Sporting World look like a mockery to the eyes of everyone in Foreign Imports. The fact that it was still selling copies in Free Republics when Chuter was running it was a mystery to him. Eventually, Chuter might have possibly gotten laid off or probably quit Sporting World to end up in Gossip Magazine. For the Leader, he thinks that it was Chuter who encouraged Etoile to cover him in a fake interview, which revealed some lies and revealed some rather accidentally true secrets.

What really hit the nail on the coffin for him was a reported sex tape that featured Princess Keller Harrington, however this was a deep fake. Normally, you figured someone would take this with a grain of salt. However, the Leader didn't. Now, wearing his trenchcoat and hat disguise that he likes to wear in the public, he stepped out of the airplane that landed on the runway, where several of his soldiers followed suit. "Alright, we just take a bus or take a taxi and find out where Gossip Magazine works at." The Leader stated to his men, as some were checking some of the magazines from the Gossip Magazine that were denied by Foreign Imports. "Leader, sir? There is a PO Box on the address listed on one of the pages of the magazine."

"Well, make sure it's the right address! We're going to find where that heretic Jasper is and teach him a lesson! And for that Etoile girl, we will deal with her also." the Leader explains their objective, as they started to leave the airport.

[The Macabees]

THE WITCH EMELIE, III
Previous: I, II

Throwing his hooded sweatshirt on the living room table, Dario walked over and sat down in his armchair with a violent heaviness. He sank into it until he was almost hanging off of it, so far down his back had gone as he let out a long, heavy breath. Looking around his apartment, he suddenly hated it. It was small, cluttered, and ugly — all he could afford even with his analyst salary. No wonder Emelie didn't like him. A woman of her caliber would never go out with a loser like him, not when she had those rich, handsome football players within her grasp. The thought...and vision of her and Klasos Derag made him almost vomit. It was all he could do to keep the bile from leaving the back of his throat.

It was men like Klasos and Frapto who were the problem. Nothing but playboys who could get anything they wanted, even if the price was paid for by others...like Dario. Besides, what they truly offer her? They wouldn't stick around. Once they were tired of her, they'd just move on. They didn't know how to treat a woman. Why couldn't Emelie see that? Why couldn't Emelie see that Dario was the right one for her?

He stewed there for a very long moment, perhaps almost an hour.

Then, something in his mind simply clicked.

He rose, walked over to the kitchen, and started preparing dinner for himself. Cracking three eggs over a bowl and mixing in tuna, he fired up a frying pan and with a knife threw in a slice of butter. Whipping the eggs and tuna together, he poured them into the pan once the butter was nice and hot, all the while humming to himself. Everything was back on track.



When Janis got home, her roommate was sitting on the couch watching something on the television.

"Hey," greeted the roommate. She was munching on popcorn. "I'm watching Cielo Brillante, that new show on Filmline. You know, the one on that nuclear reactor in Nuevo León that melted down and exploded. It's so tense, it's crazy. You have to watch it, trust me. Sit!"

"I just got back from work, Anita," she replied. "For the sake of the gods. Why are you always so annoying?"

Anita's eyebrows narrowed over her eyes. "Excuse me? What crawled up your butt?"

Janis breathed in and closed her eyes, shaking her head lightly. "I'm sorry," she said, "it's been a long day at work."

"Does it have to do with Dario?" asked the roommate.

Janis nodded and looked down. "Yes."

Anita rolled her eyes. "Oh my god, Janis, forget about that guy. He sounds like an idiot."

"He's not an idiot!" said Janis. "He's really smart. He's just...you know...lost. He doesn't know what's good for him."

"You can't change him," said Anita.

"You don't know that," retorted Janis, who had had enough of it. She stormed off into her room, slamming the door behind her. Anita could soon hear the sound of muffled sobs coming from that direction. She played her show again and turned up the volume until the sounds were there no more.



Emelie walked into Donal Jerispo's office as the building started shutting down. Almost everyone was home by now, but she had requested a meeting with the big boss that very same day that Dario stormed into her office. Nobody had said anything about it, so she wasn't sure whether Dario had told anybody else, but she wanted to nip the problem in the bud once and for all.

"Hi," she said, when she opened the door.

Donal smiled. "Hi, Emelie! Sit, sit, please. Would you like some water?"

"No, thank you," she answered. "I actually need to get home soon. I just wanted to bring something up really quickly."

"Oh?" he answered.

She gulped. "Nothing bad. It's just...Dario, from the analytics team. He's a good guy and all, and I know he means well, but he's been very aggressive as of late and it's started to make me uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable in what way?" he asked.

"Well," she answered, "he likes me and I don't like him."

The boss nodded. "And he doesn't get that."

"Exactly," she said.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," said Donal.



In Frapto's hotel room, the defender and Klasos were sitting on the edge of the bed laughing.

"...that would get him good," said Frapto. "We should totally do it."

Chuckling, Klasos said, "You don't think it's too mean?"

"Forget about that creep," replied Frapto. "I already gave him a solid one right to the eye and, can you believe it" — the tinge of sarcasm apparent — "he didn't get the message. Nobody likes him. He's shady. I still can't believe he walked in on you and that medical chick." They both laughed. "He's a weirdo. Maybe this will drill the message into to him."

He was typing a message into his phone. "There, I just hit that girl up. She's down. Her office at 0900."

"Man," laughed Klasos, "this guy is going to want to curl up and die after this."

[Dreamplanet]

COMEBACK... AGAINST DREAMPLANET

Eura were able to snatch the 3 points after a turnaround

Despite a strong start to the match, leading 2 time World Champions Eura by 3-1 in the 51st minute, Os Tricores were stunned by a lightning fast turnaround by Eura and the unfortunate victim was Dreamplanetian wonderkid Aaron Hungar, with an 89th minute own goal to doom the first match of an important double-header to a loss.

Despite that unfortunate end, the match can be a proud moment for Dreamplanet and the Dreamplanetian home crowd were sent into raptures when Luis Silva hit a longshot into the bottom left corner to open the scoring following a pass back from Paulo Figueiredo, however it wouldn't be long until Eura got their tactics in order and were able to equalise via a Dion Underwood header when Jorge Cardozo's clearance was intercepted by Anthony Townsend who crossed it into Dion Underwood. Dreamplanet brought back their CE24 tactic of tiring out their opponents, while Eura knew what was going on and hardly fought as hard as Os Tricores' opponents had previously, Luis Silva was able to get a brace via a free kick, this time he hit it instead of passing to Miguel Benedito, Dreamplanet would have a 2-1 lead in the first half.

The second half would continue to be a positive for Dreamplanet when Aaron Hungar went on to give Dreamplanet a lead as big as the amount of stars that Eura has on their badge, with a header from the corner, Dreamplanet were now confident in a win against former World Champions, Rodrigo Vaz had decided to defend more, trying to prevent fatigue and trying to hold on to the result, this seemed to be working as Dreamplanet kept holding back Eura until the 70th minute when Dion Underwood got his second of the game, scoring a volley from a overhead pass, but yet the home crowd were confident of keeping the result, even if nervousness started seeping in. Os Tricores kept their tactics the same as it had been largely working, you can't always stop a squad so potent but Os Tricores were willing to keep trying. Luis Silva had a chance to make it 4-2 in the 78th minute when he was brought down in the box and was awarded a penalty, many would bet their lives on Luis Silva burying a penalty, specially in a important match like this, however everyone was stunned when Robert Griffin saved it, clutching the ball to his chest after saving it by diving left, looking very pleased with himself. The news that no Dreamplanetian fan would hear happened in the 86th minute as the match looked like a likely win for Dreamplanet, Dean Sharp equalised when the pressuring was put on by the attacking team, Dean Sharp was able to tap it in from a pass inside the box. Dreamplanet had gone full defensive to atleast try to keep the result, however in a cruel twist of fate, Aaron Hungar scored the winning goal, however for Eura as he headed a corner into the wrong goal, a complete contrast on how he scored the 3rd and last goal for Dreamplanet. The home fans were silenced and as the final whistle went, everyone was bitterly disappointed, knowing that this was a missed chance and the next match would be increasingly vital as Dreamplanet dropped to 3rd.

With Eura's and Ko-oren's wins, Dreamplanet are lowered into 3rd place in the 7 nation group, the squad will fly to Ko-oren to try to get back into the playoffs spot or maybe even back on top if Eura were to be held back, this was undoubtedly a missed chance, however now all Dreamplanet can do is hope that they can beat Ko-oren to leave their fate right back on their own hands like the champions they should've been.

Dreamplanet 3 - 4 Eura
(Luis Silva 17', 32', Aaron Hungar 51' - 21', 70' Dion Underwood, 86' Dean Sharp, 89' (o.g.) Aaron Hungar)
Libon, Dreamplanet

Fixtures:
August 1st - MD1: Western Bjornaic 2-6 Dreamplanet
August 2nd - MD2: Dreamplanet 3-4 Eura 
August 4th - MD3: Ko-oren vs Dreamplanet
August 5th - MD4: Torisakia vs Dreamplanet
August 6th - MD5: Dreamplanet vs Flavovespia
August 9th - MD6: Bye
August 10th - MD7: Dreamplanet vs Freeport
August 12th - MD8: Dreamplanet vs Western Bjornaic
August 13th - MD9: Eura vs Dreamplanet
August 14th - MD10: Dreamplanet vs Ko-oren
August 16th - MD11: Dreamplanet vs Torisakia
August 17th - MD12: Flavovespia vs Dreamplanet
August 19th - MD13: Bye
August 21st - MD14: Freeport vs Dreamplanet

Group M                             Pld   W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Eura                               2    2   0   0     6    3   +3     6
2 Ko-oren                            2    1   1   0     2    1   +1     4
3 Dreamplanet                        2    1   0   1     9    6   +3     3
4 Freeport                           1    1   0   0     1    0   +1     3
5 Torisakia                          2    0   1   1     0    2   −2     1
6 Flavovespia                        1    0   0   1     1    2   −1     0
7 Western Bjornaic                   2    0   0   2     2    7   −5     0

Qualified for World Cup
Qualified for Playoffs
Eliminated

[Bolgano]

If we continue like this goodbye to the world cup


Another defeat today against Damukuni with a humiliating 3-0 with nothing to do, the local fans are upset by the two previous results and continue to fire the current team coach.

Fanatic: This team does not play a football as we hope, only those who make us are tough, so we will not reach the World Cup and if we achieve it we will not be able to pass the round, it is better that they improve their game.

Damukuni 3-0 BOLGANO
D-B
1-0 Wisdom Tracey
2-0 Jiah Leeds
3-0 Auni Okeoke

[Port Ember]

Port Ember Times

The Tridents grabs a hard fought win!

Port Ember 4 - 3 Competitive Solitaire

By Erica Davies - Port Ember Times Sports Section

The Tridents have managed to do the impossible and beat an opponent whom everyone thought would destroy them, in a nailbiting derby with the final score of 4-3.

Port Ember managed to clinch the victory in their second match of the World Cup Qualifier Run this friday, played in their opponent's home ground.

What has impressed analysts about this victory, is the fact that The Tridents is such a young and inexperienced
team compared to their veteran opponents, who is ranked 117 spots above them.

The Game

The Competetive Solitaire team kicked off the game and immediately looked impressive. The technical skills, teamwork and ability to remain calm on the field made it clear that they are a world class team.

The opponents managed to overwhelm the Port Emberians with a numerical advantage and amazing dribbling skills in minute 19 and managed to score.

They attempted the same tactic which failed when Captain Reddington stole possession in the deep field, and managed to launch their signature Bait Ambush counter attack, allowing striker Danny Nicovic to score an impressive goal in minute 22, bringing the score level at 1-1.

The opponents scored again in minute 38 with a penalty, when defender Alex Kuhn was yellow carded for a rough tackle, causing injury to the opposition striker. Thus the half time commenced with Port Ember trailing 2-1.

The second half saw the opposition still dominating the game, launching many attacks, yet rarely overcommiting, thus seeing their attacks failing. It managed to pay off once more however from a header-goal from a corner kick in minute 60.

The attacks continued with the opponents growing complacent and visibly tired- which led them to over commit during attacks, which saw the still fresh and energetic Tridents spring their Bait Ambush counter attack, leading to two successive goals in minute 74 and 80, by replacement striker Ryan Bowman and midfielder Ray Reddington respectively. The opponents were too tired to mount another successfull attempt at goal, with thr Tridents still looking fresh and the game was put in the bag when Danny Nicovic scored his second goal in minute 89, which concluded the match a final score of 3-4 in favour of the visiting Port Emberians.

The Fans

The game was played in the home stadium of the Competetive Solitaire's team, and in typical Port Emberian fashion, was filled to the brim, with over 40% of the seats filled with Port Emberian fans. They were loud and energetic as always and surely energised their team on the field.

Port Emberian Player Scores

Goalkeeper (GK)(#1): Peter Smith - 7/10. The talented and much loved keeper had a tough day against world class strikers, and managed to stop 7 of 10 shots at goal.

Center Back (CB)(#2): Josh Richards - 6/10. Worked hard during the game but never truly excelled in the manner we know he can. Did not make any major mistakes, yet never caused an upset.

Center Back (CB)(#3): Jason Lee. 7/10. 'The Prince of the backline' was forced to work extra hard to manage the constant offensive onslaught. Although excellent teamplay and coordination from the opponents almost neatralised him in the first half, he still worked hard to stop many scoring oppertunities. He can hold his head high after a hard worked battle. He has proven to be a constant thorn in the sides of all opposition offences in his 12 international matches.

Full Back (LB)(#4): Alex Kuhn - 5/10. Had a tough day on the field and never really displayed his talent. Was also the reason for a penalty goal when he got overly aggressive with a rough tackle and was yellow carded.

Full Back (RB)(#5): Russel Pierce - 4/10. Seemed to be the weaklink in the defence and was targeted routinely by the opponents offence due to this. Was subbed when this became obvious. This is the third match that he has dissapointed.

Attacking Midfield (AM)(#10): Raymond Reddington - 8/10. The captain again proved his worth on the field (as he has consistently done since the start of the league). From defence, organising the back line, offense and setting up attacks for his strikers, the lad was everywhere on the field. Pretty sure the match would be lost if not for his organising skills. He also scored a beautifull goal and is well deserving of the Man of the Match Award.

Defensive Midfield (DM)(#6): Steven Packard - 7/10. Was instrumental in retaining possession in the second half, ending the domination suffered in the first half.

Wide Midfield (LM)(#8): Jason Chamberlain - 7/10. Capitalised well against the tiring oponents in the second half, creating gaps in the left flank of the opponents defence time and again.

Wide Midfield (RM)(#11): Steve Rogers - 7/10. Managed to shut down counter attacks from the flanks regularly. Was Instrumental in turning the tide in the second half.

Central Forward (CF)(#7): Leon Moult - 8/10. Although not scoring, his keen eye and fitness combined with his chemistry with he rest of the team allowed him to exhaust and frustrate the opposition endlessly.

Central Forward (CF)(#9): Danny Nicovic 8/10. He was a constant threat in the match, scoring once and supporting twice. His excellent stamina meant that he could threaten and exhuast the opposing defence and midfield for a full 90 minutes.

Match Stats

Goals - Port Ember: 4 - Danny Nicovic x 3 (22)(89); Ryan Bowman (74); Ray Reddington (80)
Goals - Competetive Solitaire: 3
Man of the Match - Port Ember: Raymond Reddington

Aftermatch word from the Coach

"I am delighted with our result today. It was a very close game until the final seconds of the match, but we managed to play our hearts out. We have nothing to be ashamed off, and we have proven that we can go head to head with a world class team. I wish to thank the opposition side for putting up such a insanely good fight - you guys rock. We have definitely learned a lot by playing you today, and we have surely grown stronger as a team as a result!" Coach Baxter

[Brusseldorf]

Online article, 03.08.19

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Brusseldorf's World Cup campaign has begun, albeit slower than many had hoped. Thursday night saw Los Alrededores travel away to Sajnur, returning with a tie and a single point on the table.
In a particular bitter opening half, neither side was able to gain the upper hand. Spectators became unruly as play was stopped on multiple occasions due to fouls, leading to 7 minutes of added time. Teddy Wolfenden attracted the ire of the 100,000 Sajnur fans, in two controversial VAR reviews that went the way of the Behotzadt Casablanca striker. Brusseldorfen midfielder Sarah Pickett was not as fortunate, attracting two yellows and being sent off before the half-time whistle.

Sajnur substitute Kabas Verjez scored in the 60th minute, putting Brusseldorf's fate into jeopardy. Teddy Wolfenden responded shortly after, with a 64th minute shot aided by the woodwork. Both teams fought to a stalemate for the remaining time, Brusseldorf handed two more yellow cards for Boronia and Gabriel Lellouche.


Sarah Pickett concedes a foul to Sajnur captain Jessica Siafik. Image credits: UEFA

The Herald spoke to Manager Craig Foster shortly after the match.
"I'll be honest with you, I didn't particularly enjoy that. From the stands I'm sure it looked bad but down pitchside it was far worse. I wasn't sure when I was going to lose my next man, the referring really was off and I felt like my players were being prejudiced. All credit to the lass y lads, they certainly held their ground and I didn't expect to come away with a draw after that first half. It's frustrating to lose Sarah after the first match, but she was instrumental in preventing them scoring in the first half, so I'm happy that she did her job. Credit also to the hosts, their stadium is one of the nicest we've played in and their fans were certainly bolstering their team, you could feel it on the pitch. We've got a bye tomorrow, and then a rest day after that so the team will be much more prepared going into our match against Filindostan. I've admired Estie's work with the FFF, it's partially what the FFB based their overhaul off of, so it will be an interesting match to say the least."

Head Coach Tim Erikson also commented on the match.
"If we consider our previous first matchday, we've come a long way. Certainly now we can put that behind us, and I think we can do what we've always done with confidence. Going forward I'd like to see the newer players really cementing themselves in the team, and players who have shifted position also doing the same. Dominguez did really well in a more attacking role, and I think he'll continue to flourish as a striker and a hold-up player. The team has really great chemistry, and I think that was helped by a productive off season. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what we can achieve in these coming days.


Teddy Wolfenden kept Los Alrededores in the game. Image credit: The Times

No comment was available from Los Alrededores diehard Mario Sanchez, who is believed to have been temporarily detained following a scuffle with the Sajnur U23s team.

[Geektopia]

Geektivities

Hello all, I am Gary Rozensweig and I have the job of holding up this terrible show as well as my NT as a coach. Today we're recalling over the last two days in Geektopian competition, in which the Greens hat-tricked themselves against No and made the biggest upset tie in their history. Prior though, I have a confession to make. Some yahoo uncovered the posts on Boggler I made as a non self-aware preteen and uploaded them to show the world how I should get fired from my sportscast. I have no excuse for that but what I can tell you is I run the show as well so if there's anybody to make me go unemployed it might as well be a forced coup.

Now for the No victory, we scored three goals with a marvelous no-looker from de Andes as well as two cheap tap-ins. The offense could only be described as "Tiki-Taka mind games" as an enraged fan snarled at me as I asked the question.

Digressing, Geisenfried as you all know, is a tough competitor ranked at 80 in the world and the Motherboards weren't even ranked as 160, two times as worse as their competition in MD2. So, a cakewalk for Geisenfried, right? Not necessarily as I, their wonderful coach, got the NT sailing unto the rainbow and into the pot of gold that was our tie. I don't care if some scorers crossed their own paths, obviously I waned them to the goalpost with my awesome auger. Realistically, we're probably not qualifying for this WC but what the Greens can hope for is either a draw or a loss for Kandonica, ranked 3rd below Geektopia.

[Ouna]

FRI 02 Aug 2019｜World Cup 83 Qualifiers

Newmanistan 1 3 Ouna

Essoa (24', '27', '67 mins)
HT: 2-0

Ouna have done it again to make it two in two for the World Cup Qualifiers. In a game which left experienced football pundits scratching there heads, the unrated Away side dominated the match with a late consolation goal for Newmanistan the only solace.

Pluim's side played free-flowing attacking football right off the bat utilising the passing abilities of Vedder in CDM feeding wingers Lun and Essoa. The former (Essoa) ran rampant creating countless opportunities, making up for his lack of performance in the opening match against Lochario.

Essoa opened the scoring with a great assist by Vedder, feeding the ball straight through the Newmanistan defence. All Essoa needed to do was lob the keeper to give the team a well deserved lead.

Shortly after, a quick counter attack from the team resulted in Fuzo setting up a simple tap-in for Essoa meaning the team lead by two goals within the first 30 minutes.

Newmanistan failed to react at half time and Essoa again made use of his exceptional dribbling skills to take on the three Newmanistan defenders and smash the ball off the left post, leaving the keeper with no chance of saving the shot.

By the time the home team managed to get into the game it was too late, with a well worked goal coming in the 75th minute. The team looked to be in control deeper into the game, however it is not known whether Ouna cruised a little bit.

The team are now surprisingly 1^st in their Qroup P Qualifying group, exceeding all expectations set by the O.N.F.A before the competition.

Ouna Line-up

GK de Beer
LB Fuzo
CB Megelink
CB Na
RB Mansa
CM Vedder
CM Van de Vaart - subbed for Susi '76
CM Yao
LW Lun
CF Samson
RW Essoa


Match Stats

Possession
Ouna - 65%
Newmanistan - 35%

Shots
Ouna - 18
Newmanistan - 3

Shots on Target
Ouna - 10
Newmanistan - 3

Corners
Ouna - 13
Newmanistan - 1

Fouls
Ouna - 3
Newmanistan - 10

Yellow Cards for Ouna - Van de Vaart ('47)

[Hapilopper]

Capital Stadium, Hapilopper City
World Cup Qualifying Match 2: Hapilopper vs. Islas Aaland
Inside the locker room of Capital Stadium, the Hapilopper National Football Team could hear the fans above them. It was the first time the HNFT had played in Hapilopper, and boy were the Hapiloppians ready to party. The ceiling tiles of the locker room were being jostled by the fans jumping up and down in the stands. All of the players looked up and wondered if the locker room was going to cave in on them. Thom Perkins, the team’s manager and head coach, looked at the ceiling and back at the players.

“Gang, I think you know what that’s for,” he said, chuckling. “This nation has gone rabid over you guys. You need to win it for them. Now you know how important this whole deal is.”

Ernie Stevenson looked at the ceiling, back at the players and smiled.

“Gentlemen, I think we’re going to have a magnificent game today,” he said. “I’m gonna score a couple and we’re going to win one for the Haps. I just hope we’ll have a locker room when we get back.”

“If you score a couple, we might not,” joked Murray Hunnisett. “So be careful.”

“Yeah, I’ll be careful alright,” Ernie chortled.

Ernie had come under some fire in the last several days for his showboating in the match against Bolgano. Specifically, Bolgano’s goaltender, Red Nines, said that Ernie would the player he would “hate the most” and that he would be the “most hated player in all of Bolgano.”

Thom, in fact, asked Ernie to tone down the theatrics, as he was concerned that that sort of theatrics would lead to retaliation against him and the team – reminding him that Hapilopper would have to play Bolgano again later on in the qualification cycle. Ernie brushed those concerns off, stating that he was trying to focus on the Islas Aaland match, and he’d get to Bolgano again when Hapilopper went up against them for the second time.

As the players came out from under the tunnel, the cacophonous din that could be heard across Hapilopper City nearly deafened the players of both teams. It was the first time that Hapiloppians had seen their favorite footballers in person after watching them run roughshod over the Baptism of Fire, and again over Bolgano, and now it was time to see them raise some hell over Islas Aaland.

Practically all of the fans in Capital Stadium joined their teammates in singing the Hapiloppian National Anthem, “The Sun Always Shines on Hapilopper.” It was one of the most intimidating sights and sounds a person could hear, and the HNFT were more than ready to give their fellow countrymen exactly what they had come to see.

Everyone that wanted to be seen was there. William Mathis, the President of Hapilopper, was there with his family. The drivers of Team Blue – Chet Byrd, Chris Holmes and Frank Bronson were there. Drake Stevenson, Ernie’s brother, was there. Much of the Hapilopper National Baseball Team was there as well, as well as some of the nation’s top actors, actresses and musicians. This was the place to be in Hapilopper on this day.

When the whistle blew, the HNFT was in command all game long. Ernie Stevenson could score at will, and in fact, if he had wanted to, the match could have ended up 6-1 or 7-1, instead of the 3-1 it turned out to be. In the fifth minute, Ernie, having gotten the perfect pass from Beautiful Bobby East (we’ve sure written a variation of this sentence a lot), fired into the back of the net before goaltender Daniel Kristensen even knew what hit him. The Haps led 1-0, and the crowd went into an absolute frenzy – one that people could see on television around the world. The cameras across the 49-year old stadium shook from incredible roar heard all over. Some shot firecrackers into the air, and thousands upon thousands of Hapiloppians threw their beer up into the night sky. Ernie was about to celebrate, but the wild celebration from his fellow countrymen simply overwhelmed him, and his teammates.

Before the Baptism of Fire, he was used to playing in front of crowds about a tenth of this size, at stadiums that doubled as high school football stadiums. Now he was the hero of over 66,000 people in Hapilopper’s de facto national stadium and to the millions watching across the country. It was almost too much for him to handle, and a tear ran down his cheek.

He quickly regained his composure after the whistle sounded to restart play, and pretty soon after, Pancakes Taggart wrestled the ball away from the control of Islas Aaland midfielder Toher Lastensen, and fired it to Steve Erickson, who saw an opening at goal. Good thing he didn’t send it to Ernie – he was being tied up with defenders. Murray Hunnisett, however, was open. Pancakes fired it to Murray, who shot it into the goal at the 9th minute. Again, the crowd went into a frenzy, but it was then that Murray started a minor controversy.

Not far from the Islas Aaland goal was third base for Capital Stadium when it is in its baseball configuration. Murray was still fuming over the poor treatment of his brother, Leroy, by his domestic baseball team, the Hapilopper City Nationals – specifically, Leroy being treated as the “fall guy” for when the six players from the HNFT stopped by Capital Stadium to thank fans for camping out for tickets to matches such as this very one. When word got out the HNFT was there, fans poured out of Capital Stadium – which, at the time, was the host of an HC Nationals home game – and over to see the six players. Leroy was verbally eviscerated by the HC Nationals’ general manager, and in response for being yelled at for something he didn’t even do, Leroy left the team in frustration.

So now, Murray pointed to the area of third base, grabbed a sign from behind the wall that read “FREE LEROY HUNNISETT” and made a rude gesture towards the HC Nationals owner’s box.

The owner and the general manager of the HC Nationals were in that owner’s box, and how they reacted would make headlines as the days progressed. They didn’t like the sign. They also didn’t like the fans cheering the sign. And they REALLY didn’t like it when the fans at Capital Stadium started chanting Leroy’s name.

For what it’s worth, Leroy Hunnisett was in another luxury box, with members of the Hapilopper National Baseball Team. He couldn't help but crack a smile when he heard the chants.

The third goal, in the 26th minute, came when Ernie Stevenson, catching Islas Aaland defenders off guard, track-meeted it from midfield all the way to the goal, sending the ball into the back of the net. It was his second goal of the match, his fifth of the World Cup Qualifiers, and a rare unassisted goal for him. Ernie was making quite a statement to the organizers of the World Cup for inclusion in the team of the tournament.

While Hapilopper didn’t end the day with a clean sheet, thanks to a Peters Frintrs goal in the 88th minute, the team was obviously in control, and ended the evening with their 12th straight win.

When the media asked Thom Perkins about the obvious home field advantage, he said the players knew it the second they got there.

“We’ll be asking Capital Stadium to reinforce the locker rooms,” he said jokingly. “We had a couple ceiling tiles fall while we were out there playing, simply because of how loud and rowdy our fans are. We know they’re cheering for us, and we’ll do as much as we can to not let them down.”

But Hapilopper knew they couldn’t rest on their laurels. They had beaten Bolgano and Islas Aaland, and that’s great. But the first real test of the World Cup qualifiers was coming, in the form of Polkopia, the 63rd ranked team in the world. Hapilopper would need to work as hard as they could to pull off an upset. They would need to train hard, work hard, and play hard. It would be difficult. But it would be possible.

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier

Oh jeez, Scallop probably going to be nominated for freaking All-Star team again

Three cycles ago, Martin Scallop was a young defender just beginning his tenure with the national team.* Yet already his leadership ability at Keppal was clear; he was selected as a starter then, and has held down the left-back position ever since.

Moreover, he earned acclaim that cycle for, as he tells it, "pretty much just bothering to put effort in at defense." Scallop was selected to the "Team of the Qualifiers," a standout XI for players in nations that did not qualify, alongside Jai Mauryan of the Sherpa Empire and, in fact, no other defenders.

At the time, Scallop attributed this to the so-called "law of conservation of quantification," which states that forwards, having more easily-recorded statistics, can therefore be fewer than defenders, who more easily blend into a seamless whole. Since then, Keppal have continued to improve, winning the most recent season. This has resulted in Tavish Willow being appointed manager, and Scallop succeeding Kendra Jover as captain of the national team.

To the disturbance of all, the country may have no decent candidates but to nominate Scallop yet again.

"It's a bit of a cynical move, just heralding our defenders because we know no one else is bothering to," admitted one journalist. "But if someone told Sydney Stefred that we just wanted her to follow in the footsteps of Vipin Lamin or, uh, Lita Jaramillo, she'd knee us in the groin." Franziska Schnee-Krull is considered politically unpopular and regressive, at least in her domestic league of Qusmo, after uttering statements to the effect of "men and women have different body parts and it's perhaps unsurprising that many natural languages have different words that distinguish them." (Although she could probably write op-eds for Bassabook, if it comes to that.)

This leaves Chevanthi Arokiaraj in the starting back four. "Chevanthi's all right," said district rival Subroto Parida with his eyes squeezed shut, "for Guariday anyway. I dunno how they stand out over there, I mean, she's got like five others to overshadow."

"I think it's a bit premature to talk about any of our defenders excelling," Arokiaraj demured in response. "I mean, Abercontin-Jereaux aren't exactly troubling the top 200s of the KPBs, the fact that we gave up two to them [Lee Kangwon and Chase Alvazrez] doesn't bode well." Fortunately for Zwangzug, and perhaps more importantly Willow's formational dreams, the enormous midfield had four of their own goals in score. Marlon Sayle-Bren scored two and assisted Joshua Twoni, while Lucas Kukiseso added one on in added time of the first half.

"We have lots of midfielders!" complained an anonymous fan. "Sayle-Bren was Galactico longlisted, you know, Esper have their moments! Kukiseso is endearing when he's not adopting an unnatural Picksalladed accent! But are the federation going to consider them world class? No, they're probably going to be cowards and let the other countries do it." Willow was unavailable for comment on the consequences of the strikerless formation.

At press time, Paige Daunten had helpfully pointed out that the potential for goalkeepers to excel is the "discontinuity corollary" to Scallop's law, and that Zwangzug might as well record their exploits in detail. The federation retaliated by once again disconnecting the phones of Ephesian FC, because they probably had the ability to cuss her out after fixing them from the last time.

*Editor's note: the bureaucrat responsible for preparing our roster erroneously noted that Scallop debuted in Eagles Cup 7, which is certainly not the case. The error has been remedied and the responsible party has been sacked. Never let it be said that the Kerlagrad Courier cannot serve the cause of responsible journalism.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale beats Hyundai-Kai!

Hyundai-Kia City, Hyundai-Kai - After a bad start at home, Terre Septentrionale played an away game against Hyundai-Kia. All I can say about them is that it's a nation obsessed with cars. The game was played at Hyundai-Kia National Stadium in Hyundai-Kia City, Hyundai-Kia and was sponsored by your local Hyundai-Kia dealer! But to avoid making them more free publicity we'll just call them "The car nation". It started well for the Nordiques, especially at the 25th minute when Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz passed the ball to Sarah Surprenant who was dribbling with the ball and making a cross to Zbigniew Zajaczkowski who shoots and scores! 1-0 Terre Septentrionale. The Reprezentacja Nordycki attacked again at the 39th minute when Pawel Wawrzynkiewicz passed to Amelia Zalwowska who dribbled with the ball and passed to Zbigniew Zajaczkowski who kicks the ball on the post. Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa takes the loose ball and shoots right into the net and the Septentrionaux are leading 2-0! This is the score at the halftime.

The car nation attacked at the 58th minute when Played #5 passed to Player #7 but Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz intercepts the pass and passed to Amelia Zalwowska who dribbled with the ball and shoots from 40 meters and the ball is in! 3-0 Northmen and women. The car nation attacked again at the 82nd minute when Player #6 passed to Player #10 who made a header pass to Player #11 who heads the ball right into the net and the score is 3-1 Terre Septentrionale. The Nordiques answered back at the 85th minute when Jedrzej Kosciukiewicz passed to Tymoteusz Swierczewski who made a short pass to Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa who shoots and scores and the Septentrionaux are leading 4-1 and this is the final score!

BOXSCORE
25th minute: Zbigniew Zajaczkowski assisted by Sarah Surprenant
39th minute: Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa (unassisted)
58th minute: Amelia Zalwowska assisted by Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz
82nd minute: Player #11 assisted by Player #10
85th minute: Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa assisted by Tymoteusz Swierczewski

YELLOW CARDS
11th minute: Player #8
54th minute: Élisabeth Normandin
65th minute: Player #3

RED CARDS
None

Group W

With this win against The car nation, Terre Septentrionale is 2nd in group W with a win and a loss, tied with The Macabees and Amurbia. Turori stands alone in 1st place. The Reprezentacja Nordycki started off with two easy games and lost one of them. Easy games (that we still lose) are over, our next game is at home against The Macabees, ranked 46th. The game will be played at Stadion Hydro-Polnocna in Trzebiegoszcz, Township of Pomerania. Slawomir Skrzeszewski, who purged his 1 game suspension, will be back in the line up.

[Ko-oren]

The football savant has asked for more time and space for his wisdom, and it seems like yesterday's story was well received. So who are we to limit his musings?

The Numbers Game - by "Lunaro" Tsukida

Hi all, my name is Lunaro and I wanted to take my time in instructing you more into my world, the world of football. I'm used to writing my blog posts over at Quac.kor/Lunaroball, but I think I have to change the tone. I hope to make that change in due time, but for now it will be a long blog post.

Anyway, we have two games to cover, Ko-oren v Flavovespia (K 2-1 F) and Torisakia v Ko-oren (T 0-0 K). These were the first two games of the 83rd World Cup's qualification campaign, home (at Schemerdrecht) and away. For this season, it's my 11th watched game at Schemerdrecht SVV's stadium, where the home team won 64% (7 out of 11) and that trend fits in with what the national team does. Theshendan faced seven shots, and like in his club games for Maethoru, he was flawless in set pieces, though his club's bad performances were visible in his doubting around shots from a distance, as if he expected someone to deflect the shot. Anyway, out of those seven shots, four were on target and he had little problems dealing with them. Dalton continues his upwards trend, showing there is plenty you can learn after the age of 30 as long as you play in a good enough team and league. The Chenoworth Harriers are a pretty good fit for him, he plays every single week, and in the weeks I've watched the Harriers (against Crisisbless and North Laithland) - though I've watched their Crisisbless match more for the non-Dalton team, what can I say, I'm a Blesshead - Dalton looked very different from his persona on Ko-orenite fields. He is still not much of a potential captain even though the rest of his profile is perfect for the job! Against Flavovespia, Van Schelven and Benjamin were solid though failed to block shots. The midfield was alright but completed fewer passes than the opposing team's as well as with a lower completion percentage. Vaugrenard took a lot of opportunistic shots that would not go in, Tsuchida was a little more efficient, hence why he scored two goals and Vaugrenard did not. While Vaugrenard has a much higher xG (expected goals) in the league than Tsuchida, the trend is completely reverse in the national team, where it's Tsuchida who is brought in much better chances by Longchambon and Janoreirinthen.

The Torisakia bout saw a lot of the old flaws of the team that have persisted under Juliasterinthen's reign. Ko-oren had the higher possession percentage - something that is completely different from when Juliasterinthen took over - but the xG was far higher for Torisakia than Ko-oren. The Ice Birds from elsewhere in Atlantian Oceania could not often find Kallian or Kelso, and Lovel and Franklyn were forced to shoot from a distance and this is where Ko-oren's failure to block shots enters once again. These distant shots found their way to Theshendan, who mostly parried them away for a corner kick. When Kallian or Kelso could take a shot, they were out of time and surrounded by defenders. Our defence's tendency to stay in a single line to rule out any offside trap shenanigans means that those in the second line can take unopposed shots. My proposal then is the following: replace Theshendan with Munks, who is in a much better form and thus more prepared to deal with these kinds of situations, as well as being a much better goalkeeper on reflexes and keeping on his line. Set pieces are a strength of our defence anyway and I can see all of the chances arising from those to be stopped by both Munks and Theshendan, so he doesn't add much to the team. On the other side of the field, Longchambon failed to penetrate the defence to find Tsuchida, and even after he was taken off for Noya, Noya was slightly more ready to shoot and hope for the best, but his position, direction faced before the shot and where the defenders were didn't give much hope.

Let's not forget that this combination of 23 players could be very, very different. There are a lot of players on the Dragonflies' fringe, and it would be wise to look at what they bring to the table instead of holding on to the same 11 and the same 23, as easy as it is for Juliasterinthen to keep bringing the same guys in. Remember how Juliasterinthen could not stand Lampshire, Van Schelven, and Benjamin? Well they're back on the team. Deservedly, that's not the point, but being a Juliasterinthen regular is more important than being on form.

With that, I'll leave you to the third qualification game. Until then, I'll be watching an interesting second division fight between Zinchester Town and Langward, and maybe be in the stadium for Aviansola vs Vurusen, depending on if I can find a train with a good enough price. I'll also be on the lookout for a Mallox match (Cosumarite league) to see what Benjamin can do. Apart from that, I'll be preparing for the transfer period with hopefully a bunch of sales to bigger leagues - I'd love to see some national team players on the leagues of Brenecia, Valanora, Turori, Vilita, and so on.

[Taeshan]

A big second day matchup on the road in Penguinland against a side getting off to a strong start with a win in Darmen could have spelt doom for the Purple Knights of Taeshan if they failed to get a strong game in. The Purple Knights came into the game on a rather high after their big opening match victory over Mytanija they did not see there chances against Penguinland as less than great, but they had already season Rushmore neighbors Darmen fall to the upstart side. That said the Purple Knights were coming into the match with an early lead in the group and wanted to keep it up against a weaker opponent.

This was not a match that would see a lot of goals as many fans of Taeshan have been like to see over the years. The defensive nature of the Purple Knights tends to go up to 11 in road matches and this was no diversion from previous history. That said the Knights were still the favorite, and while they tended to send out a defensive effort on the road the Knights came into the match ready to press, turn the ball over and get the needed and necessary victory. The match proved tough fought but eventually the Knights would get their needed goal in the 56th minute to give them a 1-0 win. The goal would come from Abriel Torres who had a fall in the opening match, but managed to come back in match two with a strong performance and his 9th career goal.

[New Lusitania and the Algarves]

STL|Serviços de Transmissão Lusitana
Sport | Football|
World Cup 83 | 83º Mundial

CRYSTAL.
New Lusitania 1-0 Crystalline Caverns
@ Estádio RSP de Nervião, Sevilha (Att: 53 478)

New Lusitania had sat out the first matchday and would only begin in the second batch of games, at home against the Crystalline Caverns in Seville. They had won their first match at home against Abaja, whilst Cassadaigua had thumped New Karelograd away 1-6. The other match had been Rakivland's win at Bengaliana.
Patríce started in goal, Guerreiros, Leiteiro and Cancela In defence, Nevais, Mário, Fernando, Gama and Veiga in midfield with Silveira and Jota up front.
For the away side, it would be Clovis Terrano defending goal, a four man defence composed of Arik, Timour, Starkeysa and Kujesmart; captain Castellani would play in the middle of the park with Tovnia, Wavers and Zercon. Smoker and Phirestone would be the goal threats up front. There were good chances in the first half namely a cross going in for Smoker that hit the bar, a shot that went wide by millimetres coming from Silveira.
New Lusitania seemed to have met their match here, and could only find the goal on the 85th minute. Substitute Ivo Cavalariça scored the goal after an assist from Viega, thorough the power of his header, much to the likening of the home crowd to take the three points.
FULL TIME: 1-0

Around the Grounds
In Group Q, New Karelograd got back from their heavy defeat by getting their first three points at Bengaliana after a 1-3 win. At the same time, Abaja and Rakivland drew three all, meaning Cassadaigua took the week off.
In Group A, Mriin's surprise defeat to Ariwana (2-1) left them in fourth with a point after their draw against North Quadana, with Savojarna leaning the group. Group D is one of the most interesting. Sargossa kicked off today against New Saria in a convincing 4-0 win. Drawkland beat Osarius in a thrilling 5-3 game putting them fourth with a win from two games following their unexpected defeat to Togonistan, who fell against Kelssek 2-1 this time out. In Group E, Qusmo began their campaign with a win against F.W. Eryunce. There we two 4-3 games, with Port Ember and San José Guayabal beating Competitive Solitaire and the Euran Oceanian Territories to put both teams in the top two positions. In Group F, Bongo Johnson is looking to return to the world cup for a second time, currently leading the group. Meanwhile Group G is extremely tight with everyone having at least a point, after Schottia started their campaign with a draw against the San Carlos Islands. HUElavia took the weekday off but remain top after their win against Drawkland 2-4, who got back to winning ways away 1-4 against Aurevbush. Group H is lead by the Holy Empire by a convincing goal difference (+7) as the SRS fall down to 4th after their 2-3 defeat at home against Siovanija and Teusland as in Group I Baker Park beat Eastfield Lodge 3-1. In Group M, Eura beat Dreamplanet 3-4 away in what was one of the matches of the day. Brenecia lost to Polkopia in Group N by a goal and Cosumar beat Eshan by the same margin in Group P. In Group V, the Main Nation Ministry suffered a defeat by Greater Vakolicci Haven & Celaria (0-2) who are now top of the group. Finally in Group W, Turori beat The Maccabees away 0-1 and in X, Vilita were victorious in their match against Jeruselem as Mattijana lost to Asdia 3-5.


THE HUB
GOALS: Cavalariça (1)
ASSISTS: Fernando (1)

LATEST STATS
World Cup 82 Quals
Top Goalscorers: Silveira (9)
Assists: Fernando (8)
Cup of Harmony 74
Top Goalscorer: Silveira (4)
Assists: Fernando (3)
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MMXIX

[Mattijana]

Department of Sport Head Offices, Petrovijanka

"I'm not being negative Julian, but I think we've got a bit of a situation on our hands, and not a good situation either."

The Mattijanan minister for sport Julian Petrov was deep in discussion with head of Football Polona Struna during an emergency meeting to discuss the national team's start to their World Cup qualifying campaign, which had been nothing short of disastrous.

"Well two defeats, not least to two sides ranked lower than us, isn't the ideal start. Especially seeing as I hadn't heard of one of the sides we lost to. There's still a fair few matches to go at least."

Julian was certainly the more measured of the two characters. He had been in the job for a little while and had gotton used to the regular, if expected, disappointment from the Mattijanan national team. On the other hand, Polona was new in her role and was therefore still of the incredibly naive opinion that she could do something about the team's fortunes.

"I'm not being funny, but we're giving everyone else in the group who'd expect to be in the mix for a qualifying place a bit of a head start at the moment, aren't we?"

"I had a sit down with Dusan before the tournament and I let him know that we expected a more competitive campaign this season. He knows what he needs to do and he knows the potential consequences if we have another qualifying stage like last season, because we're all very keen to avoid that happening ever again."

Despite no official announcement from the Department of Sport, the general consensus in Mattijana was that if they failed to qualify, or at least nearly qualify, for their first world cup finals, head coach Dusan Vukoja would find himself out of a job.

"I think I'm still mentally scarred from that..."

"Well exactly. The pressure's on him to turn things around."

"I know that Julian, but surely that pressure's been on him for at least the last two qualifying cycles now and there's still been no sign of anything that looks remotely like progress. We just cocneded 5 against a team that nobody's ever heard of for goodness sake."

"That's very true, but considering the less-than-ideal situation we're in at the moment, is there anything we can do to improve which doesn't involve just hoping for the best?"

"Something needs to change. Look, to put it bluntly, I've already started to shortlist new candidates for the job once he inevitably gets sacked."

The silence that followed Polona's fairly bold statement went on for a little bit longer than was really comfortable.

"Ah, right, I see... Who would they be."

"Well I think my favourite so far is probably Zala Stefanidi. I know it's a bit of a radical choice, but frankly, I think what Mattijana needs right now is radical."

"Right well, I must admit that's a bit left-field."

Zala Stefanidi was currently the head coach of PrvaLiga side FK Shalkar, a mid-table side from the south-east of the country - an area which wasn't generally seen as a hotbed of football. To her credit, she had actually done a pretty good job with the tools she had, but she wasn't a typically Mattijanan football manager.

"Yes I know Julian. Her style is a little...um...different, but I think that she could really hit the ground running."

Stefanidi employed a much more defensive style of football than Vukoja, preferring to not be in posession whenever possible and quickly score goals by mugging the opposition in the 15% of the match where they didn't have the ball.

"Well she might lick the defense into some shape, that's for sure. I just worry that we're a bit of a lost cause at that end of the pitch."

"Well so I've been told, but we've just lost our top scorer to some backwater in the middle of the sea somewhere and our second-top scorer's practically geriatric. A change of plan might not be an awful idea."

"I've got to say Polona, there's certainly some logic in that somewhere..."