The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Separatist Peoples]

Steph carefully stoppers the jug and stands up, trying to look conciliatory. "Well, now... You did say they were gonna throw the book at you even before you guys, together, came up with this half-assed half-cocked half-baked half-empty plan! Didn't you? At least this way you have a solid geopolitical motivation to underlie your future run for Wad President. I know now ain't the time to think about it, but your principles'll serve you in the long run."

"Besides," she grins, "who's the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool who follows him?"

Steph comes around the table looking for all the world like she might - to her surprise - try to give Ari a hug. Of all things.

(Ari nods as he hears the words, then looks up to see Steph approach him.)

ARI: You. This is all your fff..... your ffff.... heh heh heh. You remmmmember, you remember that time, Steph, that Wad Ty thought you were cute? Because you reminded him of his dad? That was so.... erm. And that one time! That one time, with the golems, and you and Bell, HA! The look on your faces, that was so priceless! Oh. Oh. Or that time Herby drank methanol and tried to make out with Pink's phonebox? Or that time Fairburn tried to attack that cactus? Or, or, or that one time, when Wad Ahume smacked Helen on the ass and called her "toots"? Or that time Janis got drunk and... erm. Never mind about that one. Or that topless fascist who thought she was... Keisha? Or the Frost Federation duo? Or Inky Schlingg... Flung... Hammer? Or Althea? Or Captain Chiang? Or that idiot -- what was his name? Branson? -- that caused that time rift because Helen killed him in one reality? OOH! Or how about that time Arya tried to set herself and the Doughnut on fire? That was fucking scary shit! OH! And Benjamin and the ogre with Sergeant Boobala's head? Or how about that time when... that time... when.... (He sighs, and plops down in a seat.) That time in the subbasement. That... that was unspeakable, what those goons did to Bell. That. That's what I'll remember. That. I mean, no, I don't mean to reminisce about unspeakable things happening to Bell, I mean... erm. You know what part I mean.

"I appreciate you not reminiscing about the details of my kidnapping too much. And the golem thing...well, that was just a big misunderstanding...It's been a pretty interesting ride, that's for sure." Bell says loftily, watching Steph hug the Wad without anybody being threatened with a rocket pistol.

[Wallenburg]

"The Grand Nation of Araraukar wishes to let it be known that a mutually agreeable peace treaty has been forged and signed by the Araraukarian government and the Hivemind of the Potted Plants United, restoring the friendship and mutual cooperation between the nations. All of the Hivemind's possessions have been restored, and its self-mobile plants moved to the territory under its control. The full details of the Leveret Treaty can be viewed by any national diplomat who would like to leave a request at the Araraukarian WA office."

Janis grimaced at the last part, but waved her hand in a permission, when the aide glanced her way, and the younger woman practically ran out.

"Yeah, so, one drink each, offer's over tomorrow, so better get it while you can." She ordered her fortified cocoa and, upon receiving it, headed to where Wad Ari was sitting. "Hey, you, where's Ahume? I brought him a souvenier."

Kelvin raises his glass in congratulations. "Peace is good for business!"

OOC: Annnd I'm back. Worldcon was a blast, but damn, I feel like a zombie, and my bank account is probably more dead than alive too (booooooooooooooks and some merchandize). I'll probably throw out some details later, but I definitely got some fun new ideas to try... Tinfect, Essu Beti and Wallenburg should be afraid, very afraid. *evil laugh*

OOC: LOL

[Thyerata]

Those with more acute hearing were able to hear the faint protests and them being overruled by a much less faint voice progressing along the corridor towards the Bar door.

"B-b-but I am just an aide, it is not appropriate-"

"And I'm the head of the department, I decide what's appropriate."

"But surely the announcement should come from a more senior-"

"The Central Office seemed to like it just fine last time too."

"But I don't want to go there!"

"Good thing then that I'm not giving you a choice!"

The door was pushed open and Janis Leveret entered, pushing ahead of her the ambassadorial aide who had been the last to leave, the last time the Araraukarians had been present. The aide was obviously about to protest further, until she realized they were already there, and practically froze in terror.

Keeping a grip on the younger woman's arm to make sure she wasn't going to go anywhere, Janis - for some reason dressed in her fire-resistant clothing rather than whatever combination of officially informal clothes she usually wore - plopped the cactus back onto the Bar counter and then proceeded to further push her poor aide towards the center of the floor, and attention.

"Alright, you lot," she bellowed, looking around to include the various shapes and sizes and species of ambassadors around her, "listen up to what this waif's about to tell you and then you can help me destroy my diplomatic budget by having a free drink!"

The ambassadorial aide had realized that she would get out the faster she read the declaration, so she slipped the official document out of the folder she was carrying, hid behind it best she could and read it out loud:

"The Grand Nation of Araraukar wishes to let it be known that a mutually agreeable peace treaty has been forged and signed by the Araraukarian government and the Hivemind of the Potted Plants United, restoring the friendship and mutual cooperation between the nations. All of the Hivemind's possessions have been restored, and its self-mobile plants moved to the territory under its control. The full details of the Leveret Treaty can be viewed by any national diplomat who would like to leave a request at the Araraukarian WA office."

Janis grimaced at the last part, but waved her hand in a permission, when the aide glanced her way, and the younger woman practically ran out.

"Yeah, so, one drink each, offer's over tomorrow, so better get it while you can." She ordered her fortified cocoa and, upon receiving it, headed to where Wad Ari was sitting. "Hey, you, where's Ahume? I brought him a souvenier."

OOC: Annnd I'm back. Worldcon was a blast, but damn, I feel like a zombie, and my bank account is probably more dead than alive too (booooooooooooooks and some merchandize). I'll probably throw out some details later, but I definitely got some fun new ideas to try... Tinfect, Essu Beti and Wallenburg should be afraid, very afraid. *evil laugh*

Matthew looked up: My understanding was that the Potted Plants' territory amounted to not much more than an oversized greenhouse...

[Herby]

"Though that reminds me, why are you here, Herby? I don't mean the Bar, I know why people are in here, but why are you at WAHQ? You basically never show up at the debates, even the ones that I would think would be important to a nation of sapient cars. And Ari, if I was you, I'd avoid accepting a ride from Herby after the way he was earlier so eager to show off his ejector seat!"

Why am I here? Ehhhhh well I'm here just in case someone calls for "The World Assembly HERBY" in a draft but ehhhh there's been less o' that lately. And don't worry 'bout Ari he ain't goin' nowhere. He's been through enough today.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

"I appreciate you not reminiscing about the details of my kidnapping too much. And the golem thing...well, that was just a big misunderstanding...It's been a pretty interesting ride, that's for sure." Bell says loftily, watching Steph hug the Wad without anybody being threatened with a rocket pistol.

(Ari faces Bell, places both his hands on Bell's shoulders, then gives him a quick hug, and a loud, wet kiss on the cheek.)

ARI: You're still a mischievous bastard, and you may be the Patron Saint of Bad Decisions, but I think I've finally supplanted you. Right, Herby? The "Virgin Mary of Bad Decisions". I like that.

"And Ari, if I was you, I'd avoid accepting a ride from Herby after the way he was earlier so eager to show off his ejector seat!"

(Ari looks from Janis, to Herby, to the window, to Herby, to Janis.)

ARI: Gee, Janet, I thought you wanted to see me fly. Would be hell of an exit, wouldn't it? (He walks over to Herby.) What do you think, my friend? Think I can stick the landing in the reflective pool?

(Ari smiles and looks around... and something catches his eye. He smirks. Yeah, that would be the Holy Mother of Bad Decisions, wouldn't it? He approaches Herby, and leans over near the passenger side window.)

ARI: Hey, ermmmm, Herby? I was thinking.....

(He whispers to the car, while maintaining a positively impish look on his face.)

[Herby]

Hey hey HEY quit it you stupid Wad that tickles oh heh heh, heh heh, heheheheheheh, hell yeah it'll work you got plenty o' power in that thing! Oh man oh man you do this right bub and I swear we'll get a billion views on YouTube, more than that silly dinosaur video of yours.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

ARI: All right, let's do this! (He looks around, and spots Steph, then looks behind her and points.) Shit! Look! It's the golems! Quick!

(He waits for Steph to turn around to look at the WA guards -- which, in fact, are nowhere to be seen -- so he can grab the shotgun and shells that she had carelessly left leaning against the table before she can turn back. After successfully faking out Steph, he jumps into the open passenger side door, closes it, locks it, and checks out the gun.)

ARI: Oh boy, oh boy, I haven't handled one of these in about thirty years. You know guns are strictly forbidden in Wrapper, right, Herby? (He checks the chamber and preps the gun to fire.) Double barrel, birdshot, oooh, this looks like it's going to be pretty damn loud, Herby, so if you're able to take any precautions, you probably should. Okay, my friend, the safety's off! Time to go out... with a BANG! Haha! Erm... you're absolutely sure you can calculate the right trajectory to do this, yes?

[Separatist Peoples]

Bell, still mildly shocked by the big wet kiss that the good Wad planted on him, stares at the sight of a Wad Ari armed with a double-barrel scattergun and standing before a very excited looking Herby. The cogs spin in his head as he puts two and two and two together, but the look on his face when it falls into place was one of awe. He stands up and gives the Wad his best Parade Ground Attention as it dawns on him exactly what the Wad is about to do.

"Godspeed, friend. And don't you dare forget to come visit us, or I will reactivate that sub-basement gate and find you. Might do it anyway just for fun."

He raises a glass in salute.

[Herby]

Okay okay okay oh boy oh boy oh boy okay hang on Ari, a few more feet to the right, okay, deploying sunroof, and I'll give you a countdown, in five, four, three, two, one, SPROIOIOIOIOING! Hasta la vista Waddy!

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

Bell, still mildly shocked by the big wet kiss that the good Wad planted on him, stares at the sight of a Wad Ari armed with a double-barrel scattergun and standing before a very excited looking Herby. The cogs spin in his head as he puts two and two and two together, but the look on his face when it falls into place was one of awe. He stands up and gives the Wad his best Parade Ground Attention as it dawns on him exactly what the Wad is about to do.

"Godspeed, friend. And don't you dare forget to come visit us, or I will reactivate that sub-basement gate and find you. Might do it anyway just for fun."

He raises a glass in salute.

(Ari looks at Bell and gives an awkward salute. Heh, Ari thinks, he has no idea exactly what I'm about to do, does he? Or wait. Maybe he does--)

Okay okay okay oh boy oh boy oh boy okay hang on Ari, a few more feet to the right, okay, deploying sunroof, and I'll give you a countdown, in five, four, three, two, one, SPROIOIOIOIOING! Hasta la vista Waddy!

(Herby's trajectory is perfect. With virtually no time to think or aim as he's hurtled toward the stained glass image of Benjamin Bell, Ari pulls both triggers. The shot scatters enough to shatter almost the entire portion of stained glass, as small bits of what was once the spitting image of the Patron Saint of Bad Decisions showers the karaoke stage and the surrounding area. Ari shouts as he hurtles through the window, and on toward the pool below.)

ARI: YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HA! I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, oh erm whoa whoa WHOA--

(There is a thunderous splash... then after it dissipates, there's no sound. Ten seconds. Twenty. Thirty. Then, some mild splashing from below:)

ARI: WOOOO HOOO! Ha ha ha ha! Holy shit, that was awesome! Ha ha ha ha ha oh fuck now I'm sober.

[Separatist Peoples]

Bell reaches into a pocket and pulls out a cell phone. He punches a few numbers and puts it to his ear. "Yeah, is this the Tinfect delegations window guy? Yeah. Yeah, its Bell. Yeah, it's broke again.You really gotta make this thing swing open, people get thrown out of windows all the time here. No, I'm totally serious. Look, put it on my bar tab. Yes, bar tab. No, I'm not joking with you. Ok. Ok. Tomorrow work for you? No? How about the day after? Alright. Alright. Yeah ok, bye."

Bell looks over at the shattered glass and sighs. "That glorious asshole. This one is going down in the history books. Maybe he'll get a spot on the replacement."

OOC: because what other window was he going through? Bravo!

[Wallenburg]

Before Helen realizes what is going on, Ari is inside of Herby with Steph's shotgun, and Bell is wearing a few specks of Wad saliva on his face. "Hey! Ari, you are not going on a joyride--err, joyflight with Herby." She climbs onto Herby's hood and stands in Ari's flightpath.

"You are far more capable than this, and you know that! By Notch, by the sons of Arabus, you shall fight tooth and nail for what you believe in!" She holds her fist to her chest. "Never give up! Never--"

Herby's ejector seat fires, sending Wad Ari right into Helen. Despite the loss of momentum due to the impact, Ari continues through the air, dragging Helen wth him as they both go sailing through the Patron Saint of Bad Decisions. Helen pushes away instinctively once she realizes she is no longer inside the bar, sending Ari ahead of her and hastening her unceremonious fall into the reflecting pool.

"Goddammit Wad!"

Plunk!

Herby's ejector seat fires, sending Wad Ari toward Helen. She falls back and rolls uncomfortably off of Herby to avoid Ari's projectile motion. The shotgun fires and, miraculously, the Nullifiers forget to activate. Grains of glass pepper Helen as she scrambles away from the chaos.

"Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit!" she exclaims. Standing up, she observes the extensive damage to the stained glass portrait. She walks forward and stands at the mostly empty window frame, watching as Ari goes underneath the surface of the reflecting pool.

"Sweet mother of God, that's quite a distance!"

[Giant Bats]

*snip*

[Outside] Atikitir, the spiritualist of the small Tikrr delegation, was getting slightly hungry and was thus willing to check on any potential meal, so she landed near the pool. She hadn't been in the Bar, but thanks to the warning message from Ikiti, had known to wait for something noisy and potentially destructive to happen before trying to enter. She decided to wait for the Wrapperian floundering in the pool to climb out of it, to make sure he was alright, while wondering if 'no longer an ambassador' removed the humanoid from the Do Not Try To Eat list.

"We're normal and normal for both," says Iksana, mostly because Mohan had started showing signs of minor distress (mostly in the form of a gradual backing away halted only by a hand on his sleeve) at the idea that this giant toothy bat could hear their heartbeats. "70 years at most and mid-teens at earliest. Usually closer to twenties because we need time to earn money and job experience and whatever to make a good impression on the families of whoever we're trying to court. But I think you'll find that in the old country, most of my people didn't live nearly so long. The enclaves weren't exactly the nicest places to live. And that's if you don't follow his father's example." At the 'his,' he jabbed Mohan on the shoulder.

"To be fair, I'd consider that natural causes," Mohan says weakly. "It's very natural to die if you tell a kasiduti captain that he earned his job only by performing lewd and unmentionable acts on the Honorable Prince."

[Inside] Though the special translator did its best to try to get the foreign concepts across, Ikiti was still confused and decided to not pry further into the unnatural things in Mohan's parentage. Instead, she decided to return the favour of sharing information about one's reproductive biology.

"Our concept of "year" is not quite the same as it is to you, so it is hard for me to say if our years are long or if yours are short, but female Tikrr go into their first heat about eight years after birth. Reproduction is then mandatory if the individual wishes to survive, as only pregnancy will end the reproductive heat. We usually have two offspring at a time, rarely only one. Males might never reproduce, as it is the female that chooses who will mate with her, and if no female wants to choose a male as her preferred mate, he will stay a Roostmate. My species does not age the same way yours does, so I do not know if there is an upper limit for reproduction."

[Herby]

Helen doin' somethin' silly

AHHHH whew that was a close one! Helen, you scared the sludge out of me! What the hell is wrong with you? Other than ehhhhh actually you look kinda cool with that colored glass in your hair.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

ARI: All right, let's do this! (He looks around, and spots Steph, then looks behind her and points.) Shit! Look! It's the golems! Quick!

(He waits for Steph to turn around to look at the WA guards -- which, in fact, are nowhere to be seen -- so he can grab the shotgun and shells that she had carelessly left leaning against the table before she can turn back.

"Hey..."

Before Helen realizes what is going on, Ari is inside of Herby with Steph's shotgun, and Bell is wearing a few specks of Wad saliva on his face. "Hey! Ari, you are not going on a joyride--err, joyflight with Herby." She climbs onto Herby's hood and stands in Ari's flightpath.

"You are far more capable than this, and you know that! By Notch, by the sons of Arabus, you shall fight tooth and nail for what you believe in!" She holds her fist to her chest. "Never give up! Never--"

"Hey! That's really stup--"

Herby's ejector seat fires, sending Wad Ari toward Helen. She falls back and rolls uncomfortably off of Herby to avoid Ari's projectile motion. The shotgun fires and, miraculously, the Nullifiers forget to activate. Grains of glass pepper Helen as she scrambles away from the chaos.

(Herby's trajectory is perfect.

"Hey! That's my--"

With virtually no time to think or aim as he's hurtled toward the stained glass image of Benjamin Bell, Ari pulls both triggers. The shot scatters enough to shatter almost the entire portion of stained glass, as small bits of what was once the spitting image of the Patron Saint of Bad Decisions showers the karaoke stage and the surrounding area. Ari shouts as he hurtles through the window, and on toward the pool below.)

ARI: YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HA! I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, oh erm whoa whoa WHOA--

(There is a thunderous splash... then after it dissipates, there's no sound. Ten seconds. Twenty. Thirty. Then, some mild splashing from below:)

ARI: WOOOO HOOO! Ha ha ha ha! Holy shit, that was awesome! Ha ha ha ha ha oh fuck now I'm sober.

"Hey! That's..."

Steph runs to the now wrecked window, bits of beautifully colored glass crunching beneath her boots. She waits for Ari to surface, then jumps in the air with a whoop.

"HEY!" she hollers down to him. "That's fucking awesome! Better technique than half my nuggets and an epic explosion on top!"

She turns, sees Helen, and quickly runs over. "Hey! You godsdamn moron, are you OK?!?" Steph tries to help her stand up, and then starts carefully brushing the glass off her clothes. "That was badass, but you know you're a fuckin' idiot, right? Damn, girl."

She glances aside at Herby for a moment; her eyes narrow, but she can't keep a slight grin off her face. She shakes her head and turns back to Helen, clapping her on both shoulders and turning her about slightly.

"Any broken bones? Eye shards? Dizziness? Decompression wounds? Eh, not that... Force of habit."

[Wallenburg]

She turns, sees Helen, and quickly runs over. "Hey! You godsdamn moron, are you OK?!?" Steph tries to help her stand up, and then starts carefully brushing the glass off her clothes. "That was badass, but you know you're a fuckin' idiot, right? Damn, girl."

"Not nearly as much of an idiot as an old man ejecting himself through a glass window into a pool, firing a shotgun willy-nilly. But yes, I'll admit I planned poorly. I kinda thought he would listen. But now he's out swimming, so that opportunity has most certainly passed."

She glances aside at Herby for a moment; her eyes narrow, but she can't keep a slight grin off her face. She shakes her head and turns back to Helen, clapping her on both shoulders and turning her about slightly.

"Any broken bones? Eye shards? Dizziness? Decompression wounds? Eh, not that... Force of habit."

Helen smiles and waves her hand at Steph. "I'm fine. Just a few, oh!" She winces as she pulls a bit of glass out of her palm. "A few scratches. That really was incredible, though. Is that forty, fifty feet?"

Helen doin' somethin' silly

AHHHH whew that was a close one! Helen, you scared the sludge out of me! What the hell is wrong with you? Other than ehhhhh actually you look kinda cool with that colored glass in your hair.

"Um...thanks, I guess," Helen says awkwardly. She reaches up to her hair and brushes lightly at it with her uncut hand, letting several pieces of glass fall to the floor.

[Herby]

She glances aside at Herby for a moment; her eyes narrow, but she can't keep a slight grin off her face. She shakes her head

Heh heh. Oh ehhhhh sorry Steph, Ari called dibs on the ejector seat test. Heh heh. Oh ehhhhh the gun by the way that was all Ari's idea. You believe that? That guns-are-ebil pacifist blowhard used ta play with 'em in his younger days? Handled it like a pro! Anyway ehhhhhh I can go outside and see if I can recover it if ya want. Hey ehhhhh here's what I can't figure out though. Why didn't the ACME goopy-fier kick in? I was 'spectin' him to crash through a Marshmallow Fluffified window or somethin' like that. Ehhh. Fluffified. Dat's a word, right?

[Sierra Lyricalia]

She glances aside at Herby for a moment; her eyes narrow, but she can't keep a slight grin off her face. She shakes her head

Heh heh. Oh ehhhhh sorry Steph, Ari called dibs on the ejector seat test. Heh heh. Oh ehhhhh the gun by the way that was all Ari's idea. You believe that? That guns-are-ebil pacifist blowhard used ta play with 'em in his younger days? Handled it like a pro! Anyway ehhhhhh I can go outside and see if I can recover it if ya want. Hey ehhhhh here's what I can't figure out though. Why didn't the ACME goopy-fier kick in? I was 'spectin' him to crash through a Marshmallow Fluffified window or somethin' like that. Ehhh. Fluffified. Dat's a word, right?

"Sometimes if the ordnance isn't directed at anyone the fluffenutteration doesn't actually kick in. You weren't around when Chuckie raided the Fleet Marshal's weapons cart?"

OOC: Here is the place to start with that, I think.

[Herby]

"Sometimes if the ordnance isn't directed at anyone the fluffenutteration doesn't actually kick in. You weren't around when Chuckie raided the Fleet Marshal's weapons cart?"

'Course I was but I thought the fluffy thing was broke. Remember that's when Helen took her sword and ehhhhh wait wait wait no I forgot that other thing never happened so ehhhhh never mind hallucinatin' again ehhhh must be the heat or somethin'.

[East Kerbin]

A metal flag pole is my weapon. I will wack you with it if need be.

[Herby]

A metal flag pole is my weapon. I will wack you with it if need be.

Ehhhhh you talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' you talkin' you talkin' to ehhhh wait wait wait who the hell are you?

[Skylus]

Madi simply blinked at everyone else.

".....What just happened....?"

OOC- THAT WAS AMAZING.

[Godular]

Madi simply blinked at everyone else.

".....What just happened....?"

OOC- THAT WAS AMAZING.

"It would seem that the demon automobile used an ejection mechanism to launch one ambassador through a stained-glass representation of another ambassador and into a pool outside," Balmothere replied levelly while sipping a glass of what might have been vodka, "And there's a free round of drinks, but you might be too late for that... or were you not being serious?"

[Skylus]

"But why did Bell have/had a stained glass window of himself- and no, I don't drink. Might later on, though."

[Godular]

"But why did Bell have/had a stained glass window of himself- and no, I don't drink. Might later on, though."

"The same reason there's a demon car functioning as the life of the party: BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Balmothere waves his hands around like a lunatic through the last part of his statement, then returns to his vodka.

Alexis sips from her own glass and leans back. "Oh great. Now it might actually notice you."