Cup of Harmony 56 (Everything Thread)

by **Filopines** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:04 am

Smart, Dumb and Funny PART 18

(continued from Part 17 so this and 17 are kind of like a two part episode)
*in Rachel's car*
Aaron: This is a disaster! I can't say "Apox, baby!" anymore...
Mark: Maybe there is an upside to this.
Luis: We're gonna miss our flight then.
Aaron: I was going to sit next to Ben.
Luis: Which Ben? Catchon or Arden?
Aaron: Both. I'm in between them.
Mark: You're in between them?
Aaron: Yeah, I'm in between them. Well, I would've been if it weren't for your stupid decision making.
Luis: Shut up. At least I'm not annoying like you. (mocking Aaron)"Apox, baby!" Just...shut...UP!
Aaron: At least I'm a better player than you!
Luis: (shocked) Bullfrog!
Rachel: Your language, Luis. Stop it you two.
Mark: Yeah, guys.
Aaron: (under breath) Dog eating-bacteria face.
Luis: I heard that!
Kate: Aaron! (punches Aaron's arm)
Aaron: How dare you punch me, Luis!
Luis: What?! I didn't do it! It was Kate!
Aaron: Don't get involved!
Luis: What?!
Rachel: You're crazy!
(Rachel, Luis, Aaron and Kate begin to argue indistinctly)
Mark: Travel Scrabble?

*at Kate and Rachel's apartment*
(knock on door)
Alicia: It's Alicia.
Julie: Alicia! Wait a second. (slowly gets up and runs to door)
(Julie opens door)
(Alicia wearing denim short shorts, large gold necklace and black shirt)
Julie: Alicia!
Alicia: Julie! Don't you live across the hall?
Julie: Yeah, but I like it here better. Watch this. (grabs coconut from table and throws it at TV)
(TV breaks)
Alicia: Let me try!
Julie: No, stop. It wasn't supposed to break.
Alicia: It wasn't? I broke mine about... (counts with fingers; one, two, three)...sixty-two times.
Julie: (quietly under breath) Rich slut.
Alicia: What?
Julie: Don't worry. I'll just replace it if I can find the money.
Alicia: Well I'm no help. I only brought 20,000 fuertes.

*in Rachel's car*
Mark: Kate. Kate. Stop it.
Kate: (finishes sentence in argument) Fine. What do you want?
Mark: Travel Scrabble?
(Kate rejoins argument)
Mark: I'm just kidding.
(Kate leaves argument)
Kate: What?
(Mark whispers to Kate)
(Kate whispers to Mark)
Mark: (normal voice) Julie's not here...
Kate: Fine. Aaron, Luis! It's getting hot in here. I think I'm going to take off all my clothes.
(Rachel stops arguing)
Rachel: I'm watching.
Kate: I said I'M gonna take my clothes off.
Rachel: (nervously) Oh. (laughs nervously) I thought you said Aaron and Luis were gonna take their clothes off. (laughs nervously) I'm not a lesbian. (rejoins argument)
Kate: I believe you. Maybe we should get Julie to come here so we can get to the airport in time.
(Rachel stops arguing)
Rachel: Julie's gonna take off her clothes?! I...I...I mean...I'M STRAIGHT! (rejoins argument)
Mark: Good idea. Use your phone. Mine's got no credit.
Kate: Ok. (takes phone out of pocket and starts to dial)

*at Kate and Rachel's apartment*
(two delivery men bring flat screen TV into apartment)
Julie: Right there, boys.
Alicia: Are you sure it's the same one?
Julie: Looks identical.
(Julie's phone starts to ring)
(Julie answers phone)
Julie: Who's this?
(Kate and Mark outside Rachel's car)
Kate: It's Kate.

(OOC: I am really busy at the moment so this RP will either be edited later or a seperate RP tomorrow)

by **Saintland** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:33 am

Saintland 3, Hutt River 3

(SP) A determined Prince Andreas led the Kingdom of Saintland's National Soccer Team back from a 3 to nil deficit in the second half as the Sanctii picked up a critical point in their Cup of Harmony debut. This was a match where everything was going wrong for our Kingdom's National Soccer Team, but the Prince of Saintland came through and sent a message to everybody watching that he may be the best soccer player in the world. When he is playing at his best, the National Soccer Team is unstoppable. "I don't know what happened today. We came out flat in the first half and played probably the worst half of soccer we've played in this entire cycle. It was nothing short of miraculous that we were able to salvage 3 points from this disaster. I give all credit to God. We prayed for his assistance at halftime and he delivered. When God is with us, nobody can beat us. Tomorrow, we need 3 points. We only have 2 more matches and we need to be in the top 2 to advance. We didn't come here just to play 3 matches. We came here to win a trophy." - Prince Andreas

As the match started, the Sanctii were not playing like themselves. It seemed that they were still disappointed about their loss to Audioslavia and just didn't have their hearts in it. In the 3rd minute, Paulus Flaccus attempted a pass to Prince Andreas. The pass was wildly off-target, going right to Matthew Mills. Prince Andreas tried to adjust, but he couldn't get into position. Hutt River passed the ball forward until it found its way to John Klaus. Klaus passed to Max Schroeder, setting up a shot at goal. Alessandro Seius just missed the shot by the narrowest of margins. Hutt River had a 1 goal to nil lead.

In the 7th minute, Hutt River had a shot at a second goal. This time, Seius knocked a John Klaus shot out for a corner. On the corner, Sebastian Marks got to the ball first and he headed it toward goal. Fortunately, Alessandro Seius was in position and was able to put his hands up and catch the shot. Seius threw it as far as he could, over the heads of all the players that were in the box. Lucas Aufidius reacted and kicked the ball as hard as he could. His kick ended up sailing out of bounds, but Aufidius had conceded a throw-in to Hutt River on the other side of the pitch. The scoring opportunity had been wasted.

In the 12th minute, the Kingdom of Saintland finally got a scoring opportunity. Prince Andreas found Vagionius in the box. Vagionius attempted a shot, but Roland Zimmerman easily saved it and booted it away to safety. When the 17th minute rolled around, Hutt River attacked again. Seius saved a shot from Max Schroeder and sent it back downfield. The Sanctii attempted a counter-attack, but Vagionius hit his shot right into the post. Hutt River remained in front 1 to nil at the 20 minute mark.

However, Hutt River would soon get their second goal. In the 24th minute, Sebastian Marks stole the ball away from Petrus Mamilius. Marks crossed it to Ekkehardt Bauschulte. Bauschulte took a shot and it went off the post. However, Bauschulte rushed forward, got the rebound and shot it into goal. Alessandro Seius could do nothing to stop it. Hutt River led 2 goals to nil.

As if that wasn't bad enough, things soon got even worse for the Sanctii. In the 30th minute, Vagionius hit a shot over the bar that landed on top of the net. In the 34th minute, Vagionius had another scoring opportunity and he again squandered it. This time, he sent his shot to the left of the goal for yet another goal kick. Then, the 41st minute rolled around. Hutt River went on the attack. Soon, they had the ball near the box when Lucas Aufidius decided to go for a sliding tackle. He ended up tackling Sebastian Marks inside the box and the referee decided to award a penalty. Aufidius received a red card. John Klaus converted the penalty. Hutt River now led 3 goals to nil and the Kingdom of Saintland was down to 10 men. Halftime soon arrived with the score still 3 goals to nil.

After halftime, a different team emerged to represent the Kingdom of Saintland. Prince Andreas decided to pull Belaeus and Catiotus. Instead, Gabinius and Gratus would now be playing for the Sanctii. He knew this 2-3-1-3 formation with no centerbacks could backfire and lead to an even bigger disaster, but his team needed goals and they needed to go on the attack to score them. Immediately, the substitutions did not seem to be working. Schroeder got another shot on goal in the 47th minute and Seius barely saved it.

However, it didn't take long for the Sanctii to begin playing better. Before the clock reached the hour mark, the Sanctii would blow a number of additional scoring opportunities. When the clock said 62 minutes, however, Prince Andreas suddenly took control of the match. Stealing possession from George Brown, Prince Andreas passed to Ioannes Gratus. Gratus faked a shot, but passed back to his captain. Prince Andreas easily put the ball in the back of the net. The Kingdom of Saintland had taken 1 goal back from Hutt River. Hutt River still led 3 goals to 1, but everybody at the Village Green in Barbury, Apox knew at that moment that the Sanctii would not go down without a fight.

In the 70th minute, Ioannes Gratus hit a shot too hard and it flew into the stands behind the goal. Paulus Gabinius took a shot in the 75th minute, but his shot was saved by Roland Zimmerman. The score was still 3 goals to 1 in the 80th minute when Prince Andreas effortlessly split the Hutt River defense and hit a shot. Zimmerman got to it, but it bounced off his fingers and into the net. Prince Andreas had scored for the second time in this match and the score was now 3 goals to 2.

In the 89th minute, Prince Andreas again took over the match. Receiving a pass from Silvester Flaccus, Prince Andreas again found his way past the defense. This time, Prince Andreas shot at goal quickly. Zimmerman somehow got it, but he could not hang on. Prince Andreas got to the ball first and sent it sailing into the back of the net. The score was now tied at 3. The Sanctii had pulled off a miraculous comeback in the second half. After Alessandro Seius saved a John Klaus shot in added time, he booted it long and the referee signaled for full time. The Sanctii had come from 3 goals behind in the second half to draw Hutt River. They had tied Hutt River and now Prince Andreas had exactly 20 career international goals in a total of 27 international matches.

Elsewhere in Group 9, Turori had defeated Mangolana 1 goal to nil. Tomorrow, Turori will face Hutt River and the Kingdom of Saintland will face Mangolana. Tomorrow is a very important match for the Kingdom of Saintland. Currently, Mangolana is the lowest ranked team in the group in the KPB rankings, so it is important that the Kingdom of Saintland defeat Mangolana. Failure to do so could jeopardize their chances of advancing to the next round. Tomorrow's match will be televised live on Royal One. If the Sanctii didn't have enough motivation to advance in this competition, New Sideburn upset Cassadaigua today and seem poised to advance to the next round. The only way this team can get another shot at our arch-rivals is if both teams overcome all the obstacles and meet at some point in the knockout rounds. There is not a man on the Saintland National Soccer Team that does not want to eliminate New Sideburn from the Cup of Harmony. Fortunately, Prince Andreas saved the Sanctii from disaster against Hutt River. Tomorrow on Royal One, he will lead them against Mangolana in a situation where they need a victory to go into the final day of Group Stage with the strongest chances of advancing. Lucas Aufidius will not be playing due to his red card. Instead, Andreas Inventius will get the start as the Sanctii go with a 4-4-1-1 formation. Be sure to tune in tomorrow and find out if the Kingdom of Saintland can pick up a victory in the Cup of Harmony.

After a grueling week of practice, the Saintland National Soccer Team prepared to face Hutt River. The day before their match, they noticed the locals celebrating something while they were walking back to the hotel after practice.

Josephus Flaccus - These people are celebrating like they just got points against Audioslavia.

Prince Andreas - Wasn't Apox scheduled to play Audioslavia first in the World Cup?

Alessandro Seius - Yes. That's all they talk about on the local news.

Prince Andreas - Alessandro, we're here to win the Cup of Harmony. This isn't a vacation for us.

Alessandro Seius - I understand that. If my play is adversely affected by it, I'll focus solely on soccer.

Prince Andreas - I'd prefer not to take that chance.

Josephus Flaccus - Come on Andreas. Why do we have to take everything seriously all the time? I'd understand it if we were at the World Cup, but this is the Cup of Harmony. Its a meaningless tournament for teams that didn't make it to the World Cup.

Alessandro Seius - Josephus, you need to take this tournament more seriously.

Prince Andreas - Remind me not to give him any playing time tomorrow.

Stephanus Vagionius - I heard from my brother Philippus last night.

Prince Andreas - What happened with him?

Stephanus Vagionius - He captained the Beach Cup team in Sicountimont. They lost every match.

Prince Andreas - I don't think any of them will be on the World Cup 65 team.

Paulus Flaccus - It definitely looks like this group will be competing in a second World Cup.

Prince Andreas - I didn't mention this yet, but I talked with my father about the National Soccer Program earlier this week when we were home. We agreed that dethroning Krytenia at the upcoming Olympics is a major priority for our Kingdom.

Alessandro Seius - Of course, that should be a priority.

Prince Andreas - Let me finish. We don't yet know the time or place of the Olympics. Apparently, the council hasn't even bothered to convene yet and the Olympics are just 2-3 months away. Anyway, my father believes that there is a good chance that the Olympics will be held simultaneous with World Cup 65.

Silvester Flaccus - I was hoping to represent our Kingdom at the Olympics.

Alessandro Seius - I'm sure we all want to go to the Olympics, Silvester.

Prince Andreas - Anyway, if the Olympics conflict with World Cup 65, we will be participating in the World Cup while a separate team will go to the Olympics.

Alessandro Seius - Any idea who your father is considering for the position of team captain if there is a separate Olympic team?

Prince Andreas - He told me that Fadius is probably his top choice.

Josephus Flaccus - Fadius? Isn't he too old to be playing internationally?

Prince Andreas - Actually, he'll provide veteran leadership.

Stephanus Vagionius - I guess they do need veteran leadership. My brother was probably in over his head trying to captain that team.

Prince Andreas - My father sent him there to see if he was capable of captaining the Olympic team. It sounds like he is not.

Stephanus Vagionius - Do you mean that he never had any intention of putting him on the World Cup 65 squad?

Prince Andreas - Of course he didn't, unless we're able to go to the Olympics.

Alessandro Seius - It would be nice if the Olympic soccer tournament finished up during the Baptism of Fire.

Prince Andreas - If that happens, we'll go into qualifying next time without ample time to scout the next teams to come out of that competition.

Stephanus Vagionius - I don't think Baptism of Fire 52 will be as tough as Baptism of Fire 51.

Lucas Aufidius - Personally, I hope we draw the Baptism of Fire winner at the next World Cup. I'd love to welcome them to the World Cup.

Prince Andreas - I wouldn't write them off. We took it to Audioslavia twice and we were eliminated from the Baptism of Fire by the eventual champions.

Alessandro Seius - Andreas, you know how much we all want a shot at New Sideburn.

Prince Andreas - That is, sadly, not likely to happen. New Sideburn drew Karditan and Cassadaigua.

Josephus Flaccus - So, they drew a nation that banned soccer and Feministvs Sanctvsterra's ideal country. Some competition.

Prince Andreas - Don't take them lightly. Cassadaigua's women somehow find ways to oppress their men and Karditan seems to be fairly good at soccer, even if the sport is illegal in their country.

Alessandro Seius - Andreas is right. The one thing I've learned in this competition is that women can be athletes. They shouldn't be because it is against their nature, but they can do it.

Prince Andreas - I've also noticed that. I don't want to live in a country where women pretend to be men. I like them better as women.

Stephanus Vagionius - Why do those foreigners do that to their women? They deprive them of the happiness that comes from embracing their nature and they deprive their men of the pleasure of experiencing women as they were meant to be.

Prince Andreas - There are some things we'll never understand, Stephanus. The one thing we can control is our own nation. We can keep our Kingdom on the righteous path. We can also pray that foreigners will embrace God's Truth and reject the lies of Satanas, but sadly I don't see that happening.

Alessandro Seius - Looks like we're back at the hotel.

Prince Andreas - I'll see everybody tomorrow. Be ready to play Hutt River tomorrow.

Prince Andreas could not know at that moment that his team would not be ready when that match kicked off...

Meanwhile, Feministvs Sanctvsterra had arrived in Apox. Soon, they disappeared from the group of Sanctii spectators and went to their own hotel rooms that they had purchased directly. There, they plotted their moves for a while. Finally, Agrippina figured out what they needed to do and suggested it to the rest of the collective.

Agrippina - We came to Apox to make an impact at the Cup of Harmony. Unfortunately, none of the nations facing the Oppressors are from Esportiva. Turori and Hutt River are from Atlantian Ocean and Mangolana is from Rushmore. That means we cannot reasonably expect any crowd to be against the Oppressors. Regardless, I have bought tickets to the match against Turori. We're going to use that as an opportunity to heckle the Oppressors and hold up our feminist signs.

Iulietta - I like the idea, but what do we do for the other 2 matches.

Agrippina - I was getting to that. Against Hutt River and Mangolana, we protest outside the stadium, informing spectators that the so-called "Kingdom of Saintland" is a nation that oppresses women.

Georgius - Will that be effective?

Agrippina - Please don't "concern troll" me right now, Georgius.

Georgius - I'm sorry.

Agrippina - As I was saying, we need to raise awareness. The World Korfball Classic helped somewhat, but unfortunately the sport of korfball, which is a model feminist sport, does not get widespread media coverage internationally. The Cup of Harmony does get such coverage, although the World Cup would be even better.

Maria - Why does the World Cup Committee allow nations that oppress women to compete in their sanctioned events?

Agrippina - That's a good question. I don't think I have an answer.

Maria - It will be great to protest against the Patriarchy.

Agrippina - In Apox, we can protest openly. Its great to get out of that Patriarchal Kingdom and spend some time in a democratic land.

Martha - I hope they don't arrest us and turn us over to the authorities from back home.

Agrippina - Don't worry, Martha. They won't. The worst thing that can happen is we get ignored. If we get ignored, we still get to have fun protesting.

Martha - You're right. Come to think of it, you're right so often it almost seems oppressive.

Agrippina - You're right Martha. We are anarcha-feminists and I shouldn't be oppressing you by being right too often. I apologize if I am imposing a hierarchy of any sort on any of you. When we're out in public, remember to focus on developing a favorable perception. We need more foreign support. The Patriarchy won't fall unless the foreign pressure becomes overwhelming.

The following day, spectators attending the match between Hutt River and Saintland had to listen to Feministvs Sanctvsterra protestors as they arrived at the Village Green. The female Feministvs Sanctvsterra members protested in clothing that would be considered revealing, even in most cultures outside of Saintland. They put aside their concerns about "objectification" and "objectified" themselves for the sake of their cause. It seemed that Feministvs Sanctvsterra were willing to compromise their "feminist principles" whenever they deemed it necessary to advance their cause. The illegal organization just kept evading capture by Saintland's authorities and they seemingly just kept getting stronger...

by **Sicoutimont** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:36 am

Sandiego Venequez jumped on his hotel bed in Richelieu. It was 2 weeks after grandfather's death, and he had spent the past 2 days being shown the city and talking football with representatives of the FC Richelieu football club, who wanted him to sign a contract with them. He just wasn't sure; he still had another 6 months in his major subject at university, tourism, and his minor, marine biology, had 3 months left. The next football season started in 2 months, overlapping with his course schedule. His parents had always told him education was the most important thing, but he'd dreamed all his life of playing football in the Sicoutian league, and he'd always dreamed of being the player who helped Girard Giroux and the other national team members qualify for their first World Cup. He would have to ask the rector of the university if Online Courses could be made available for him. Richelieu was a beautiful city, he thought. Right on the large peninsula where Sicoutimont juts out in Rushmore's southernmost seas, a calm, fishing town turned metropolis stood on the coast of Baie-Eternte, that was Richelieu. You could still see remnants of the communist era, the posters still up in older areas of the city encouraging people to work, or the big statue of Valeri Kripshev, the ace pilot from the civil war. Kripshev was from Richelieu, and even though he'd been communist, the Royal Flight School of Sicoutimont still teaches its pilots to use techniques he invented. He was arguably one of the greatest Sicoutians of all time. While being wined and dined, he's been shown the Richelieu River, its many bridges, but most important to him, the Museum of Sicoutian Indigenous People. He had decided to check it out the next day, when he would be able to explore Richelieu on his own for 2-3 hours before getting his flight back home. But Sandiego was also very excited; due to all the events surrounding grandfather's funeral, and a busy college schedule before jetting to Richelieu, he hadn't been able to read the book. Pulling it out of the luggage, he opened its soft cover. The book was written in Aspanolan, which luckily Sandiego had been taught by his grandfather. Although 90% of the San Cristobal archipelago's population had Aspanolan blood lines, only about 14% spoke Aspanolan exclusively, and only 58% knew the language. Most spoke just English or French with their friends. Even the University, claiming to be Sicoutimont's only Spanish/Aspanolan Speaking Higher Education Institute, used Spanish for only 3 classes, and Aspanolan for 2, including the class on learning Aspanolan. He was taught by grandfather that he should teach his children the Aspanolan language to his children, because someday, the Aspanolan culture could die out, but grandfather could leave the world happy that at least his family had tried to keep the culture. Opening the book, he saw that there were 6 chapters. The first one was about the Aspanolan creation story and the Aspanolan very early history. It also explained the reasoning of the canoes at Playa Este; grandfather had told him they had been left like that in a storm, but Sandiego had never believed him. It was a long chapter, he thought, so he'll just read the story about the canoes tonight, then the rest.

Canoes of Playa Este
The canoes of Playa Este. Old, wooden canoes that were there since the time we as a people were born. It is believed that when the first of our people were crossing from the mainland of Rushmare and Sicutimont, they rode the backs of dolphins. This is why our people fish alongside the dolphins today, and the dolphins help the fisherman of La Espanola by warding in the fish for them. Seeing the old wooden canoes standing upright, they left off at the beach they were on. This was our people's first introduction to San Cristobal archipelago, which was settled and sailed by our people. Another theory is that during a storm, people from the Sicutian mainland went out fishing, but a storm carried them away. Holding onto the canoes, they came up on San Cristobal, and whenever they tried to pull them out, they would stay in the beach.

Sandiego chuckled at the misspellings of Rushmore and Sicoutimont, obviously due to the translation from Ancient Aspanolan, before contact with explorers, to what is referred to as New Aspanolan. He believed the storm fishing story, as his family had before him it appeared. Most Aspanolans believed this as well. He decided to get some sleep, and on the airplane tomorrow back home he'd read some more.

Les Royales fall to Northern Sunrise Islands 3-2
St. Bart's Oval-Sicoutimont's national football team could not beat Northern Sunrise Islands yesterday, losing the first game of the Cup of Harmony 56 group stage. Georges Allonts began the game, his first since signing with Astograth football club Gesterlake FC, with a fast pace, setting up a shot from Christopher Savard early on, but that shot went wide. A few minutes later, the 14th minute, Georges would score, giving the Violet et bleu at 1-0 lead. Allonts would score again in the 35th minute off a similar play, header off a corner kick, but the Marills would bring the deficit to 1 with a Harley Smith goal in the 41st minute, dribbling 5 Sicoutian defenders. Around this point, Allonts began limping, and was brought off in the 46th minute, the first of injury time. With all of Sicoutimont watching to see if he would be alright, Allonts told the team trainer that it was nothing big, maybe at most a pulled hamstring. He would be kept out of the rest of the game, with Stan Sarault subbing in. Girard Giroux was oddly quiet on the pitch today, if you look at stats in goals, he had none. However, he had 2 assists, being the person who took the corner kicks for the team. And penalties, as well. Allonts appeared to be doing better late in the second half, but wasn't brought in. We have to wonder if this changed the game; Allonts had been on fire with 2 goals in the first half. But now, Christie Travis became the bane of Les Royales, stealing the ball from Fernard Girard, who appeared to be in some sort of shock after losing the ball in his feet and giving it up to Travis. Travis would go on to score the easy goal, making the score 2-2, in the 65th minute. In the 80th minute, Travis got the perfect chance, and did not mess up. It was a well-earned victory for the Sunrisians, and a devastating blow to Sicoutimont. A loss to top seed Qazox will eliminate Les Royales from making it to the next round of the Cup of Harmony. Kishrael and Qazox drew their match, leaving them each with 1 point. A draw with Qazox and a Sunrisian defeat of Kishrael will set up a final day battle between Northern Sunrise Islands and Qazox; if the Sunrisians should win that, and Sicoutimont defeat Kishrael, Sicoutimont could go through, but a Qazoxian victory over NSI would see Les Royales eliminated. So basically, if we lose this game, we're done. Here's the box score:

Cup of Harmony Group Stage MD1

Sicoutimont vs Northern Sunrise Islands, @St Bart's Oval, St. Bartholomew, Licentiapacisterra
Sicoutimont 2---------Northern Sunrise Islands 3
Allonts 14' Smith 41'
Allonts 35' Travis 65'
Travis 80'[/pre]

As stated before, Sicoutimont's next match is against Qazox, at the Coliseum of the Gaels, in Abingdon. The Sicoutian Football Association will also be giving out 4 tickets for Sicoutimont vs Kishrael on matchday 3, including full airfare to Abingdon, as MD3 will also be played at Coliseum of the Gaels. Tune in to see if you Royales can get their first Cup of Harmony victory, against Group 5's top seed, Qazox!

by **Barunia** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:34 am

"Hola! Welcome to the The Cup, the show all about cup football! I am your host Manuel Terez, and with me is a man who needs no introduction, it's Joric Ruskin!"

"Thanks Manuel, great to be here."

"Ok, well on with the show, let's start with the Cup of Harmony. Barunia are in group three, which is being hosted by Licentipocus...er Licenpicaster, er that's not right, ah Li-cen-tia-pac-is-terra. God that's a mouthful. Hope I don't have to say that too often. Thankfully, all the teams in our group have easily pronounceable names, although interestingly, only Barunia has a one word name.
So, moving on to the groups, we have United Gordonopia, Western Cuba, and the Nenets Autonomous Okrug! So those are our groups, and how do you rate our chances Joric?"

"United Gordonopia are likely to dominate the group. They're an aggressive team, so the key will be to defend well and look fo the chances on the counter-attack. The Nenets are the exact opposite, they like to defend. I'm sure many of our viewers will remember the baptism of fire, in that game we just never had a chance to score. The Nenets did fade a bit during the World Cup, so perhaps Barunia can come back and even the score with a win."

"Speaking of the Baptism of Fire, you were captain for that campaign, but you left during the World Cup to fight in the civil war. Can you tell us a bit more about that?"

"I prefer not to talk about my experiences, so no."

"Nothing at all? I'm sure our viewers are dying to hear about it."

"No. I thought you were meant to be introducing the Cup of Harmony, not interviewing your co-host?"

"Nothing wrong with getting a former player's story. But as you say, let's get back to the Cup of Harmony. We face Western Cuba today, so let's pass to Licentiaterra, ah, the stadium, where our reporter Kitty Smith is standing by."

-------
As the on-air light clicked off, Manuel leaned forward in his chair. "What the hell was that?" he asked Ruskin.
Joric shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it. Why should I?"
Manuel threw his hands up in exasperation. "Because this is television darling! It's entertainment, that's what people come here to see. They want stories, so that they can imagine what it would like to be Joric Ruskin, a man driven by principles to leave the glamour of international sport for the horrors of a battlefield. Why, it's practically Hollywood. Better than talking about the World Cup play-off game. Five two! That was disgraceful."

Joric shook his head. "You know what your problem is Manuel? You talk to much."
"Where as you don't talk nearly enough." countered Manuel, "This is live television darling. You want the gig, you got to do the work. And that means actually doing more than just sitting there and occasionally grunting."

---------
"Welcome back to The Cup! I'm Manuel Terez, and with me is Joric Ruskin. Well, we've just seen Barunia take on Western Cuba in a close game. For all the details, let's cross live to the ground where Kitty Smith is standing by. Are you there Kitty?"

"I am Manuel. What an exciting game we've seen, despite the absence of any goals. It was a very even contest, with both sides managing to keep the ball firmly in the midfield a lot of the time. Possession was in fact 47-53 in favour of Western Cuba, so a very even game."

"Thanks Kitty. From what I saw of the game, there did seem to be a lot of scoring opportunities on both sides though."

"That's right Manuel. Plenty of tries, both teams getting in to double figures in total shots. There was some wild shooting out there, which contributed to the goal less draw, but ultimately the credit really ahs to go the keepers, Willans and Semshov, who made some fantastic saves throughout the game."

"Thanks Kitty. That's about all we have time for, so until next time, we'll leave you tonight with some highlights from the game. Adios Barunia!"

by **Turori** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 8:04 am

Eels take Down Mango's
Kulkkiia Makes Debut in Victory

The Turori Eels have defeated Mangolana on Matchday 1 of the Cup of Harmony in Apox and Licentiapacisterra.

The victory came under the guidance of head coach Ematora Saenu and is a welcome start as the Eels look to make up for their failure to qualify for World Cup 64 by winning their 4th Cup of Harmony title.

Coach Saenu did not experiment much with the lineup, sticking with Hooizo Nuakoi in goal and familiar names like Diauro Dlaminiii, Lioniaa Tana, Yoains Konoaafeo, Restiaa Mumamba, Raso Tareak, Cediici Tzatzos, Rutaj Ranaso, Liinai Zakazaka and Jukkia Diijelhma.

One name in the lineup, however, would have been unfamiliar to international pundits. The game marked the debut for 16 year old Cednia Beach AFC propsect Etamara Kulkkiia. Kulkkiia was developed at the Cednia Beach Academy having been highly scouted and recruited by teams throughout Turori and even Vilita. However, Kulkkiia has signalled his intention to begin his professional career at the club that he grew up with - Cednia Beach AFC.

With the penning of his first professional contract for the upcoming Vilitan League 38 Season, Kulkkiia was immediately considered for the National Side.

Since the Eels did not make the World Cup Finals, it was perhaps an easy decision for Saenu and his staff to call Kulkkiia into the squad and see what he could do in the Cup of Harmony.

While not the man of the match, it was a delightful debut from the youngster who worked hard in the midfield and up the right hand side of the pitch. Originally planned for just 60 minutes of play, Saenu stayed in communication with the youngster from the sideline and, saying he felt good, Saenu left the player in for a full 90 minutes.

It was Raso Tareak's 55th minute goal that was the difference in the scoreline with the Eels winning 1-0 to take an early lead in the group standings. The Eels still have Hutt River and Saintland to play and will need at least one victory from the remaining two matches to secure a place in the Knockout phase.

One player that was not part of the lineup against Mangolana was youngster Klaillal Tuirma from Colonial Sile. Many would have expected to see Tuirma get some playing time during the Cup of Harmony but he has been injured and unavailable for selection. Tuirma is currently day-to-day and is on the Cup of Harmony roster so could feature later on in the tournament.

Turori Goalscorers::
55' Raso Tareak

Mangolana Goalscorers::
:: None

Turori

Best Player: Raso Tareak
Worst Player: Restiaa Mumamba
Shots on Target: 2
Corner Kicks: 4

Mangolana

Best Player: JD Fuller
Worst Player: John Salmon
Shots on Target: 1
Corner Kicks: 1

Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Hooizo Nuakoi, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [UT] Restiaa Mumamba, [ML] Raso Tareak, [MC] Cediici Tzatzos, [MC] Rutaj Ranaso, [MR] Etamara Kulkkiia, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Jukkia Diijelhma
BENCH::
[FC] Loala Kigoouao, [FC] Anuh Ciniima, [M] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba, [M] Tiika Diirotora, [UT] Balariita Muzmaara, [D] Noa-isinao Wioauoi, [GK] Ronji Miiastara

Turori Substitutions::
(63) - Cediici Tzatzos >>> Vrotaoa Lorasoiba

by **Slembana** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 8:55 am

"We drew, Jyvx."

"I know, Aaron. It's a decent start to our Cup of Harmony 56 campaign."

"What was the score?"

"We drew 1-1."

"With who?"

"Mashiki. They're ranked 56th, a full 30 places above us?"

"We've dropped?"

"Yes."

"Shit! If bad luck had abandoned us, we'd be in the fifties or sixties. But no, we're still languishing in the bloody eighties. I can't see us qualifying for a long, long time. You and I will probably die before the national team reach a World Cup."

"I agree. Margaret loves fucking our team over time after time."

"Yup. Who scored?"

"Komodo."

"Who do we have next?"

"Alexanderburn. They're ranked joint-167th in the rankings."

"We should win. However, this is the CoH, and we fail to win a game every time we go to the CoH. I think that we'll probably draw or lose. In addition, they beat Kinitaria - something we'd never be able to do. They won't be easy in the slightest."

"You're probably right with that one. Bye Aaron."

"Bye Jyvx."

From: Peter Gwynneth, head of the Slembanan FA (petergwynneth@slembananfa.slm)
To: Susan Marshall, The Apox Football Board (S.Marshall@AFB.net)
Subject: New football club in Brimstone

Hello Mrs. Marshall,

We here at the Slembanan Football Association are interested in creating the new football club in Brimstone. We have agreed on all of the basics, and this email will tell you them all.

Name: Brimstone Athletic
Home kit: Red shirts with white shorts and blue socks.
Away kit: Black shirts with black shorts and red socks.
Third kit: Yellow shirts with blue shorts and green socks.
Style: +1.5
Manager: Alex Gardina (recommended solution)

As a bonus, we are also offering striker Xavier Farlington as a player for the new team.

Yours kindly,
Peter Gwynneth

by **Alexanderburn** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 9:15 am

Kinitaria 1-2 Alexanderburn
Jameson (56'); Fiedler (79')
Astounding win for national team, country unified

There are only two things that really matter to the Alexanderburnese. Football and the economy. And today, both of them have improved and strengthened.

Alexanderburn’s win against Kinitaria proved once again what this nation can do. The national football team, which was ranked much lower than its opponents, pulled off an outstanding win considering the first half of the match. The nation fell to the Kinitarians in Apox 1-0 after their competition scored in the fifteenth minute. Everything looked bleak as the ANFT and its supporters truly believed that there was no way to come back from defeat so early on. The first half was filled with lots of wonders from the Kinitarian national team, as it was evident that their skill and possession was far superior to that of Alexanderburn.

However, everything changed in the beginning of the second half. many believe that Kingsley and Calciorotti teamed up to produce new tactics and strategies for the national team despite their strong rivalry, though it is often denied by the former coach, who notes that,

I have absolutely nothing against the current [managers] of the national team. They are obviously doing a great job in producing a successful team as evidenced a year ago in the 60th World Cup and the steps that the team are taking are evidently going to result in a massive uplifting of the ANFT.

Calciorotti, who has managed to elevate Portsmouth’s status in the League 1 from sixth to first place in the past year, is ‘very satisfied’ at his current position. His feats include defeating favorite-FC Dundalk in the past two encounters, in addition to producing many successful young prodigied who have made tremendous efforts in the current lineup for the national football team. Therefore, many believe that if these two coaches cooperate and act together as evidenced in the second half of the game last night, there will be significantly improved in terms of the success of the national team in the Cup of Harmony. Here is the line-up that has been presented to newscasters:

STARTING LINE-UP (Alexanderburn vs Slembana [in Apox])

Kidane / Massie
Frederiksen / Holierhoek (c) / Jameson
Fiedler / Collett
Doyle / Rittenhouse / Beller
Moulton

Modification: -4.5

Good luck Alexanderburn!

by **Licentiapacisterra** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 9:59 am

The Cyan-and-Gold Observer

Mystery Consortium Considers Bid For Apoxian Club

Rumours have surfaced on the Islands that an unknown group from the Islands has registered their interest in starting a club to open in the Apoxian leagues in the city of Brimstone. The consortium is allegedly from Abingdon Parish, as suggested by their choices of allegiances for the club. We have a copy of the reply here for you.

Mrs Marshall,

I represent a consortium from the Licentian Islands, looking to take over the spot in the Apoxian leagues next season. I hope you’ll find our plans to your liking.

Name – Celts
Team Colours – Gold and green
Nicknames – The Tribe, The Islanders
Team Style – Defensive
Manager – The choice of whoever comes into ownership of the club (we plan only to set-up the club)

Have a good day!

Yours faithfully,
Jack Mackinnon

It appears that this Jack Mackinnon is wishing to extend Licentian football influence around the world. As far as this reporter is concerned, that can’t be a bad thing.

...and this is your cut-off for the second day of matches in the Licentian half of the Cup of Harmony. Scores will arrive shortly.

by **Licentiapacisterra** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:09 am

Group 1
Shadowbourne 1–1 Gaveo
Legalese 3–3 Armed Bears

Group 1                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Armed Bears                2   1  1  0    8   4  +4    4
2 Legalese                   2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
3 Shadowbourne               2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
4 Gaveo                      2   0  1  1    2   6  −4    1

Group 2
The Sova Empire 0–3 Swyftlandre
Sargossa 3–1 The Inevitable Syndicate

Group 2                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Swyftlandre                2   1  1  0    3   0  +3    4
2 Sargossa                   2   1  1  0    7   5  +2    4
3 The Inevitable Syndicate   2   0  1  1    1   3  −2    1
4 The Sova Empire            2   0  1  1    4   7  −3    1

Group 3
Nenets Autonomous Okrug 0–0 Barunia
United Gordonopia 1–1 Western cuba

Group 3                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 United Gordonopia          2   1  1  0    3   2  +1    4
2 Western cuba               2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
3 Barunia                    2   0  2  0    0   0   0    2
4 Nenets Autonomous Okrug    2   0  1  1    1   2  −1    1

Group 4
Hyskigland 2–0 Powersith
Jeruselem 3–3 Maklohi Vai

Group 4                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Jeruselem                  2   1  1  0    7   5  +2    4
2 Hyskigland                 2   1  0  1    4   4   0    3
3 Maklohi Vai                2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
4 Powersith                  2   0  1  1    0   2  −2    1

Group 5
Kishrael 1–1 Northern Sunrise Islands
Qazox 1–1 Sicoutimont

Group 5                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Northern Sunrise Islands   2   1  1  0    4   3  +1    4
2 Kishrael                   2   0  2  0    4   4   0    2
  Qazox                      2   0  2  0    4   4   0    2
4 Sicoutimont                2   0  1  1    3   4  −1    1

by **Apox** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:19 am

CUT-OFF

RP Incentive

There has been continued interest in the creation of the new Apoxian club, with interest being registered from local neighbours Slembana and co-hosts Licentiapacisterra, as well as murmurs from other countries who might be interested. After a short period of discussion amongst the AFB, they have been unable to come to a decision, and continue to extend the offer to more nations who might be interested. However, the AFB have found a potential owner, who's ambitious plans would aim to see the new club reach the Apox National League within 2 seasons of play from it's foundation.

Wealthy businessman, Charlie Vetton, the owner of Vetton Rail, the company that has a 45% share of rail traffic in Apox, controlling 90% of trains that run in the North of the country. He is thought to be worth £300 million, which would place him 9th on the Apoxian rich list, last compiled in 569 A.T. As before, please contact, Susan Marshall, The Apox Football Board, AFB Central, Dwile, Apox or at S.Marshall@AFB.net if you are interested in taking part in this ground-breaking opportunity.

Group 6
Alexanderburn 1–0 Slembana
Kinitaria 4–4 Mashiki

No  Nation            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1  Alexanderburn        2    2   0   0     3    1   +2     6
2  Mashiki              2    0   2   0     5    5    0     2
3  Kinitaria            2    0   1   1     5    6   −1     1
4  Slembana             2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1

Group 7
Zwangzug 2–2 Filopines
Mytannion 1–0 Ossidiacqua

No  Nation            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1  Mytannion            2    2   0   0     2    0   +2     6
2  Filopines            2    0   2   0     3    3    0     2
3  Zwangzug             2    0   1   1     2    3   −1     1
4  Ossidiacqua          2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1

Group 8
Kalumba 1–2 New Sideburn
Karditan 1–1 Cassdaigua

No  Nation            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1  New Sideburn         2    2   0   0     5    1   +4     6
2  Karditan             2    1   1   0     2    1   +1     4
3  Cassdaigua           2    0   1   1     1    4   −3     1
4  Kalumba              2    0   0   2     1    3   −2     0

Group 9
Mangolana 0–1 Saintland
Turori 2–0 Hutt River

No  Nation            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1  Turori               2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
2  Saintland            2    1   1   0     4    3   +1     4
3  Hutt River           2    0   1   1     3    5   −2     1
4  Mangolana            2    0   0   2     0    2   −2     0

Nations in gold have qualified for a play-off place or better
Nations in red have sadly been eliminated from the Cup of Harmony

by **Alexanderburn** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:49 am

Alexanderburn 1-0 Slembana
Kidane (90+2')
Team tops group for Cup of Harmony, moves on to Quarterfinals

God has blessed us with patience indeed! All these efforts are finally paying off, and the nation can proudly say that it has something to show for it.

The game last night made everyone in the stadium silent. It was the 90th minute. The score was 0-0. The referees had set four minutes of injury time on the clock, hoping that they would be able to claim that they saw a team to victory and then call it a night. But for one team, it wasn't over.

90 minutes and 21 seconds. The Slembanans slowly begin to make a move towards Alexanderburn's penalty box, hoping that their skill will be able to outsmart the Alexanderburnese after the surprise win against Kinitaria last night. The team creeps up with caution, looking for loopholes in their opponents' defense, hoping that they will be able to score a last-minute goal and stall the match from there. Finally, a shot is taken; however, Moulton catches it with ease.

90 minutes and 53 seconds. Alexanderburn starts a counterattack, but the pace of the game suddenly and instantly changes. Rather than their competition's slow buildup for an outstanding and graceful goal, the ANFT has decided to make this one quick. They progress the ball down the field as quickly as possible, evading many of Slembana's defenders who have not made their way back to their half of the field yet.

91 minutes and 32 seconds. First it's Doyle, then it's Collett, then Holierhoek, Frederiksen, Kidane... GOAL! It is absolutely amazing. For a second time in the row in this cup, Alexanderburn's decisive and straightforward tactics have paid off. The team roars in victory, and the fans are loving every minute of it. The team just might qualify for the next round.

94 minutes. The whistle blows. It's all over. Alexanderburn has six points, which means that they are automatically in one of the first two spots, but as the scores flash overhead of the other group match, it is evident that even the next best team in the group is still four points behind with one match to go - Kingsley's team is moving on.

STARTING LINE-UP (Alexanderburn vs Mashiki [in Apox])

van der Pol
Jameson / Holierhoek (c) / Austerlitz
Collett / Walker
Doyle / Hooper / Milton / Ebersberger
Nordaglio

Modification: -3.1

Good luck Alexanderburn!

by **Sargossa** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:33 pm

War. War never changes.

The island's early settlers waged war to gather slaves and wealth. Sargossa built an empire from its lust for power and territory. Joaquín Delgado shaped a disparate nation into an economic superpower.

But war never changes.

Fortunately this isn’t war. Because war is flippin’ expensive. In war time you have to pay the military more money. War ruins economies. And we can’t be having that. So this is something else entirely. Peacekeeping, if you’d like. Or maybe aggressive operational activity. A large scale training exercise might be a bit of a stretch, but whatever works for you. The essential fact to grasp here is that this is not a war. It’s the only thing Soluca and Franz Josef City agree on.

* * * * * * * * * *

There were hundreds of them swarming across the Kűlmsaari countryside. Jeeps and trucks sped along roads while either side of them infantry yomped ever onwards. The coastal landings had been a complete success, what little resistance mustered had been overwhelmed in a quick and decisive show of force. The Polarians weren’t a naturally martial people, not on land at least, and it was showing. At this rate ‘ole Pointy would be flying over the entire island within a week.

The darkness ahead gave way to a smear of light, the sleepy port town of Stanley was just over the horizon. That was the target, that was the challenge. Although how much of a challenge it would be remained very much in doubt. Out beyond the harbour’s breakers the Sargossan navy were putting on quite the show. Cruisers and destroyers sailed in formation along the coast, frigates served as outriders while helicopters buzzed between the vessels. It was a sight. Just as it was meant to be. The manoeuvres were intended to capture and hold the Polarian’s attention, to make them think an invasion was imminent. It was, just not in Stanley. Instead the landings were made on the peninsula’s western coast and those forces were now racing inland to take Stanley in the rear. So to speak.

Mobile units tore into the streets of Stanley to remarkably little opposition. But there was no time to reflect as officers forced their men deeper into the town. The harbour defences would be the toughest nut to crack, they had to reach them before the defenders knew what was happening. A derisory Polarian effort along the harbour wall was scattered in moments, some guards barely having time to pull on their boots before they fled into the night.

The assault ground to a swift halt in the harbour itself as coastal guard units, reinforced by local police forces, put up a fierce resistance. Only the deployment of several artillery pieces finally broke the local resolve. Before long Polarian soldiers were marching dejectedly back into the town, hands firmly clamped to their heads and heavily armed Sargossan troops watching them like hawks. With the defenders safely locked away three green flares were fired from the harbour wall, a signal to the waiting fleet that the port had been taken. Reinforcements could now safely arrive.

For the advance guard, their work wasn’t yet complete. After a regroup in the centre of Stanley and a brief meal of unappealing ration packs the column again moved out to assault the nearby town of Natalis. Speed was once again of the essence. Firstly, with surprise achieved, the Polarians could not be allowed to organise themselves into some form of order. Secondly, and much more importantly, they wanted to be encamped in time to enjoy Sargossa’s Cup of Harmony fixture against Swyftlandre.

by **Kishrael** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 1:17 pm

OOC: Just a small post, because I feel bad getting these points :')

קשמש צפונים איים 1 - 1 קיסרל
Qashemesh Tsfonim Iyim 1 - 1 Kisral
Northern Sunrise Islands 1 - 1 Kishrael

Kishrael continued their surprisingly impressive run of form in the Cup of Harmony today, with a draw against Ha'Qashemesh Tsfonim Iyim, or The Northern Sunrise Islands. Ranked 99th in the world, they were generally perceived as the better side, for their better World Cup run, and evidently higher ranking. On the field however, it was a much more even affair. Already coming off a 3-3 draw against the formidable Qazox, the Kishraeli team were evidently on a high, the appointment of a new manager, a more balanced style of play, and a better and happier team. The lovely, modern stadium, the Barton Software Arena held about half of its capacity on the night, around 10,500 Kishraeli fans filling the stands to watch their team perhaps have another triumph.

As the whistle was blown, it started, the duel for the vital three points, that would almost guarantee their advancement, especially for Qashemesh Tsfonim Iyim, who won a tight game against Sicoutimont just a few days before. The team, named affectionately after a cute ball of blue, who, until evolves into Azumarill, is rather useless competitively, started just like their nickname suggested. They defended like any team would, some hiccups here and there, but ultimately, their Thick Fat and average defence among all players helped them pull through the rough patch that Kishraeli had put them under. They hit back, like a jet of water, a Hydro Pump, if you will. The Marills showed great vigour in slamming the defence of Kishrael into submission *SLAM* in a short space of time, and on the 24th minute, Francisco de Souza driving it into the back of the next, the Kishraeli defence splashing like a worthless red fish...

That, however, was not the end, as the second half was to show. Kishrael came out with a renewed vigour, recovering from the tough first half. Shimon Et Basat, one of the more experienced players, had a very impressive attempt at goal, which, unfortunately was saved, just, and excellent display of the goalkeepers role, to protect the goal. Kishrael were not to be deterred, however, and Bibras Tapuah set up Et Basat once again, who slotted it home, a critical Thunderbolt to the Marills attempts at a victory, to seal their campaign. Either way, the game was pretty much up at this point, as if both teams were to be satisfied with a draw, but certainly Yahudi Gamarav would be happier than Lynette Bourbon. Kishrael now goes to face סכוטיהר (Sicutihar - Sicoutimont), with the winner of that game likely to claim a place in the final, or, at least, a place in the play-offs.

Learn A New Kisvrit Phrase, Daily! - Limod Bito'i Kisvrit Chadash, Yomi! - !לימוד ביתוי קיסברית חדש, יומי

Today's Phrase Is - Shel Ha'Yom Bito'i - של היום ביתוי

Thank you Northern Sunrise Islands for one point! - Todah Qashemesh Tsfonim Iyim Noqod Ki'Echad - !תודה קשמש צפונים איים נוקוד כי'עחד

by **Shadowbourne** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:33 pm

Shadowbourne Struggles to 1-0 Draw
by Bradley Keegen | SNSN
22-April, 2013

National team manager Lukasz Kellner urges his team on from the sidelines during last night's draw versus Gaveo.

Shadowbourne's national team struggled once again to put the ball in the net, registering just one goal in last night's disappointing 1-all draw with Gaveo. The team's only goal came on a spectacular and potentially lucky header by emerging star Thomas Keegan in the 59th minute. The team looked to be o

Shadowbourne's national team struggled once again to put the ball in the net, registering just one goal in last night's disappointing 1-all draw with Gaveo. The team's only goal came on a spectacular and potentially lucky header by emerging star Thomas Keegan in the 59th minute. The team looked to be on their way to victory, entering the last ten minutes on the game still clinging to their one goal lead, but lost it when a defensive breakdown lead to an easy put-away for Gaveoan striker Sebastian Cádiz. Shadowbourne managed to make one final push; they earned a corner kick after a hard shot ricocheted off of Gaveoan keeper Joaquin Cádiz and out of bounds, but failed to convert on the corner as their last-minute push proved to be too little, too late.

Manager Lukasz Kellner remained optimistic after the match, saying, "Even after this disappointing result, we are still just one win away from making it out of the group stage. I am very proud of the boys, an I am truly faithful in our ability to knock off Armed Bears tomorrow night." The players, however, were noticabely less positive: "We played very poorly tonight," said star striker and team captain Andrew Wirahadi, "and I am not surprised in the least that we were unable to win. We just didn't execute tonight, and we ended up having to take terrible shots from poor angles. We can only hold the opposition off for so long, and one goal just isn't enough to beat a team like Gaveo."

What Kellner said is true, however. The team is just one win away from surviving the group stage and moving on to either a playoff or the Round of 16, depending on how the rest of the games turn out. "I definitely think we have a chance of making it out," Wirahadi said. "As long as we manage to score and keep playing good defense like we have been, we'll be fine." That, however, is no small task; the team we be playing an Armed Bears team that is one of the best in the world, boasting a solid defense and an offense with the abilityn their way to victory, entering the last ten minutes on the game still clinging to their one goal lead, but lost it when a defensive breakdown lead to an easy put-away for Gaveoan striker Sebastian Cádiz. Shadowbourne managed to make one final push; they earned a corner kick after a hard shot ricocheted off of Gaveoan keeper Joaquin Cádiz and out of bounds, but failed to convert on the corner as their last-minute push proved to be too little, too late.

Manager Lukasz Kellner remained optimistic after the match, saying, "Even after this disappointing result, we are still just one win away from making it out of the group stage. I am very proud of the boys, an I am truly faithful in our ability to knock off Armed Bears tomorrow night." The players, however, were noticabely less positive: "We played very poorly tonight," said star striker and team captain Andrew Wirahadi, "and I am not surprised in the least that we were unable to win. We just didn't execute tonight, and we ended up having to take terrible shots from poor angles. We can only hold the opposition off for so long, and one goal just isn't enough to beat a team like Gaveo."

What Kellner said is true, however. The team is just one win away from surviving the group stage and moving on to either a playoff or the Round of 16, depending on how the rest of the games turn out. "I definitely think we have a chance of making it out," Wirahadi said. "As long as we manage to score and keep playing good defense like we have been, we'll be fine." That, however, is no small task; the team we be playing an Armed Bears team that is one of the best in the world, boasting a solid defense and an offense with the ability to light it up when they get hot.

Despite that, Kellner still believes in his team's ability to win. "Armed Bears may be one of the best teams in the world, but so are we. It won't be easy, but I know that our guys have the talent and determination to take those clowns down."

400,021 people like this | 222,641 people tweeted this | 12 people +1'd this

2 Comments

by **New Sideburn** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:01 pm

Setback
Portia Thrift was almost relaxed in goal. It was a minute in and things seemed good and she'd made it through the whole of the cassadaigua gaOH COCKS

The shotstopper stepped awkwardly left and dived... poorly. A masterful strike from just over thirty yards away had flown into the top-right.
After seventy-six seconds.

Portia slowly got up, picked the ball out of the net and tossed it to Alicia Scabbard. "You know what to do, lads!" she roared, trying to overcome her error through sheer bravado. "Break 'em down!"

Comeback
Lucia Oakwood set down the ball on the corner area, and braced herself to fire one in low and hard. The best kind. Lucia had, uncharacteristically, been going forward a lot this match; this corner was the fruit of her most recent shot, coming in on the near post and deflected by the goalkeeper onto the side netting.
Still. She'd take it.
Briefly, she put a hand on her diaphragm and exhaled, to regain some composure. To distract herself, she looked at the signs in the crowd.
YOLO, said more than a few. GET IN THERE ME OLD SON, said a rather quaint one held by a crew of six old-timers. And, uh... Show Us Yer Tits, Lucia?
Immediately Lucia ran in and just belted it inside, trying to wipe her mind from the terrible, awkward, stupid poster.
*HOOF*
The ball came firing in, and from nowhere came Gerd Thunder, throwing himself at the ball. The Kalumba defence had no idea he was even coming, and the ball duly thudded into the back of the net.
1-1 just after the 30th minute. They could do this after all.

Fullback
Anna Shrike was sensing A Moment.

There wasn't one of those every game. And yet as Dale Brightley held up three defenders, there was a massive wide open streak down the inside that seemingly nobody else had noticed.
The short, chunky defender began to run. She ran as fast as she possibly could.
Dale, mercifully, noticed, and rolled the ball to Anna a decent time before she got there. The wingback found enough time to have a first touch before just blazing it past the keeper and into the net.
Immediately, Anna was swamped in deep blue shirts. "VICTO-" she managed, before Lucia jumped into her face and the entire dogpile of players crashed to the ground.

Callback
As the final whistle blew, Gethin Ramsey tried to keep the satisfied smirk off his face as he lit a cigar. He couldn't help but think of the Baptism of Fire all over again... that feeling of coming in as a favourite to win. The international community perhaps hadn't fully got to grips with the potential Gethin's men had, but they'd apparently quadrupled in strength over the course of the qualifying rounds, so things were getting to where they ought to be.
New Sideburn had seventy-two fully professional teams in three leagues of 24, with a smattering of fully-professional teams in the slightly lower leagues as well. It seemed... right, that the best pickings of those 72 teams would walk into the Baptism of Fire and dominate the proceedings. Which wasn't to say that Gethin didn't have regrets. He regretted the fact that Saintland was currently ranked ahead of New Sideburn, for one thing. He regretted that their first historical match would officially be recorded as 4-0 against New Ecopia in a dead weight tournament of four sides and two clear favourites. He regretted his first loss that mattered, defeated by the Northern Sunrise Islands on the first day of qualification, and despite the fact that they'd arrived as outsiders was disappointed that he hadn't managed to do better.
But he didn't worry about that now; didn't have the time. Didn't need to. With two wins in two games, a bright future already looked to be over the next hill.

by **Qazox** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:36 pm

Qazox muddle their way to yet another draw.

A 1-1 draw with Sicoutimont has Qazox still unbeaten at the 56th Cup of Harmony, but now they face Northern Sunrise Islands next, who drew 1-1 with Kishrael earlier in the day, in a winner-take all game. Qazox needs a win to at least assure themselves a top 2 spot, while a draw could send them home, even if Kishrael and Sicoutimont draw. Sicoutimont's Christopher Savard scored first in the 30th minute, while Florence Schumer provided the tying goal in the 50th.

Here is the scenarios for each team in Group 5 for Wednesday's crucial games:

Northern Sunrise Islands: Clinches group with win v. Qazox OR draw and Sicoutimont-Kishrael draw. Clinches playoff berth with Sicoutimont-Kishrael draw or 1-0 Sicoutimont win over Kishrael.
Kishrael: Clinches group with win of 2+ goals v. Sicoutimont and Qazox-NSI draw OR by winning by 1 goal while scoring one more goal that NSI does in a NSI-Qazox draw OR a win with better margin of victory than that of a Qazox win. Clinches playoff berth with: (1)- A draw and a Qazox loss to NSI. (2)- A win and a Qazox win vs. NSI. (3) A draw and a NSI-Qazox draw in which Qazox scores fewer goals than Kishrael does.
Qazox: Clinches group with win over Northern Sunrise Islands and a Kishrael loss or draw OR a win with better margin of victory than that of a Kishrael win. Clinches playoff berth with win and a Kishrael better margin of victory; OR Draw and a Kishrael draw v. Sicoutimont in which Qazox scores more goals than Kishrael.
Sicoutimont: CANNOT WIN GROUP. Clinches playoff berth with win by 2-0 or greater over Kishrael. OR Win vs. Kishrael and a 2 or more goal loss by NSi to Qazox OR Win and a NSI-Qazox draw.

Currently, there is a projected 35% chance that Qazox and Kishrael finish both level on points, GD and GF. In that case, for 1st or 2nd in the group, the procedures are unknown as to settle the tie, other than a replay or coin flip.

by **Jeruselem** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:43 pm

After Jeruselem drew 3-3 with Maklohi Vai in the CoH

Katy: Gee fruity, that was definitely a close game today
Michelle: Maklohi Vai are a very good team
Katy: Still, we could have won
Michelle: They were very good, they deserved their point
Katy: No, one of our bumbling defenders gave to them
Michelle: It was only a small mistake

Katy: Nevermind, we didn't lose but we could have seal out spot in the next round
Michelle: Speaking of bumbling, Qazox are doing just that
Katy: Well ... yes
Michelle; Two draws, not what you'd expect from them
Katy: I'm disappointed too fruity
Michelle: Actually, Cassdaigua bumbled themselves out this cup

Katy: No, what a shocker!
Michelle: So Qazox and Cassdaigua could go out of this cup
Katy: But look at all the other great teams in the CoH
Michelle: Yes, can't rule anyone out
Katy: Here's our chance to win this fruity
Michelle: It' s not gonna to be easy

Katy: I know but we have two big rivals out of the way potentially
Michelle: Well, it means other teams become the big threats
Katy: All we have to do is not lose to Powersith, preferably winning that is
Michelle: Winning is always preferable round here
Katy: Yes, losing is not a good habit
Michelle: Definitely.

Katy: Say you heard my new single on the charts?
Michelle: No, I'm no music follower.
Katy: I'm sure you have, your daughter might have played it.
Michelle: Oh that ... that Hot Buns song
Katy: Yeah that's my song
Michelle: I'm not into sexually suggestive music. Buns mean boobies right?

Katy: I've got a great pair o buns
Michelle: You sure do
Katy: Jealous?
Michelle: You know, when I was a pretty girl ... those days are gone
Katy: Poor fruity
Michelle: Just make sure that dress don't fall off

Katy: Why?
Michelle: Your boobs are trying to escape
Katy: I guess they are
Michelle: Mine are like dead airbags
Katy: A bit of surgery can fix that
Michelle: It's a wasted effort on me. I mean I don't even have hair.

Katy: Come on, don't put yourself down girl
Michelle: I suppose I am
Katy: You just get the team to win this CoH
Michelle: Yes, I have look forward and not backward to past glories ... or lack of them
Katy: You've got a family, children ... be happy
Michelle: I nearly wasn't around for them.

by **Saintland** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:51 pm

Saintland 1, Mangolana 0

(SP) The Kingdom of Saintland picked up a critical victory today in the Cup of Harmony as the Sanctii prepare moved into strong position for their final Group Stage match against Turori. Andreas Inventius was only starting today because of a red card by Lucas Aufidius against Hutt River. He would prove to be the hero of this match, scoring his first career international goal to pick up the 3 points for the Kingdom of Saintland. "I was honored when [Prince] Andreas named me as a starter for this match. There is nothing better, in this world, than starting for God's Kingdom in an international soccer match. I gave everything I had today. When I scored that goal, I could not believe it, but it was even better to help my teammates secure a clean sheet and leave with 3 points. All credit goes to God. He's with us right now, I just know it. We're going to move on in the Cup of Harmony and I know everybody in our Kingdom would love to face New Sideburn in the Knockout rounds. If it be God's Will, let that match happen and we will, God willing, finally defeat New Sideburn. If it be not God's Will that we face them in the Cup of Harmony, we will take that trophy of Strongnesse the thug from them prior to World Cup 65." - Andreas Inventius

For some reason, the host nation of Apox scheduled today's Sanctii match clear on the other side of the nation from the location of the previous match. The Saintland National Soccer Team took the Apox National Railway from Barbury to Urbanista and arrived at the Lime Ground. The 36 thousand seat stadium was filled with a few thousand Sanctii who had made the trip from Saintland to Apox. Most prominent on the Royal One broadcast of the match were former Winter Olympians Pius Inventius and Martha Pudentilla. For the second consecutive day, members of the terrorist organization Feministvs Sanctvsterra stood outside the entrance to the stadium where the Sanctii played, harassing spectators and spreading malicious lies about our Kingdom. Unfortunately, this is the nation of Apox. It would be a violation of their sovereignty if Sanctii authorities had apprehended the terrorists and dealt out some much-needed justice to the "ladies," and we do use that term very loosely, so the authorities from our Kingdom were helpless to stop the illegal protests. Requests to Apox authorities for assistance with the feminist problem were ignored. However, the SP can confirm that a Feministvs Sanctvsterra compound was located near St. Ioannes village today and a dozen members of the organization were apprehended. It is believed that this was just one of several compounds located throughout our Kingdom, but it is heartening that the authorities have finally discovered a Feministvs Sanctvsterra compound.

Anyway, the match kicked off on schedule. Early on, Mangolana had the better of the match. In the 5th minute, they pressed forward. A defensive mistake from Matthaeus Belaeus allowed Gregory Nena to get through on goal. Nena sent a shot toward the goal and it looked certain to score, but Alessandro Seius made a spectacular save. In the 11th minute, Brett Mallon would get close enough to take a shot. Although it wasn't all that great a shot, it was good enough that Seius had to deflect it out for a corner. Allen Fuller took the corner. He sent directly toward JD Fuller and Fuller headed it forward. However, his header ended up going wide to the right side of the net. Mangolana had blown a few scoring opportunities early.

Mangolana continued to control the match until the tide began to turn in the 25th minute. After Ioannes Poenius stole the ball away from JD Fuller, the Sanctii began to slowly move forward. As the clock reached the 26th minute, the ball finally arrived at the feet of Prince Andreas. The Prince of Saintland, who may very well be the best player in the world today, showed off his skill as he evaded a few defenders and passed to Stephanus Vagionius, who was somehow open inside the box and onside. Vagionius took a shot at the goal, the first Sanctii shot of the match, and Chris Marte put it out for a corner. Prince Andreas went up to take the corner as the clock changed to the 27th minute. He booted it into the box and it went in the direction of Andreas Inventius. Inventius had only been playing because of the red card to Lucas Aufidius the previous day against Hutt River. Now, the ball landed at the feet of Inventius. The defensive-minded midfielder, who had never scored an international goal before in 9 caps, took a shot and found the back of the net. The Kingdom of Saintland led 1 goal to nil.

Suddenly, the momentum in the match turned the other way around. Mangolana was suddenly on defense constantly while the Sanctii were constantly threatening to score more goals. In the 31st minute, Vagionius would be denied by the post. In the 37th minute, Marte made a great save to deny Prince Andreas his 21st career goal. In the 41st minute, Silvester Flaccus took a long shot and it would have scored easily if it had been just a few inches lower. The Sanctii went into halftime confident that a second goal would arrive soon. The Kingdom of Saintland led 1 goal to nil.

After halftime, the match initially stayed pretty much the same. Paulus Flaccus made a great run in the 48th minute, but his shot was blocked by Jordan Morgan. Prince Andreas gave it another try in the 53rd, but he was denied by the post. A Vagionius shot was just inches wide to the left in the 59th minute. Until the hour mark, the Kingdom of Saintland continued to dominate the match and threaten to score more goals.

At the hour mark, that began to change. Caleb Debana sent a long pass in the direction of Brett Mallon in the 62nd minute. Mallon got ahold of the pass and he was past the entire Sanctii defense. Alessandro Seius charged out and dove for the ball. Mallon had put a scare into the Sanctii, but that appeared to be just a fluke. In the 65th minute, Mangolana obtained possession when Silvester Flaccus tried to force a pass to a triple-covered Prince Andreas. Sal Matts passed forward to Allen Fuller, who set up Gregory Nena. Nena's shot hit the post. Then, in the 69th minute, JD Fuller got possession of the ball and broke through the Sanctii defense. Fuller took a shot, but he hit it too high as it landed on top of the net. Prior to the goal kick, Prince Andreas decided it was time for a change. The Flaccus brothers were off and the Jucundius brothers were now in the match. The Sanctii switched to a 6-2-1-1 formation.

The substitutions worked perfectly. The Mangolana fans and neutrals in attendance booed loudly, but the Sanctii were determined to finish this match by running out the clock. No longer did they desire a second goal. Now, they just wanted to escape with the 3 points. Prince Andreas had learned from his strategic mistakes in qualifying. He now understood that greed would be his team's undoing. It didn't really matter what the score was. The only thing that mattered to Prince Andreas now was getting 3 points. After a short goal kick, the Sanctii somehow held onto the ball for 15 minutes, just passing it back and forth. Eventually, Petrus Mamilius made a bad pass and Tappy Shogun jumped it. Shogun ran forward and attempted a cross to Gregory Nena. Andreas Inventius had moved back into the box to help defend and he moved into position to intercept the pass. After that, the match was over and the entire stadium knew it. The Sanctii just passed it back and forth until the referee got tired of watching that and blew his whistle to signal the end of the match. The Kingdom of Saintland had been victorious by a score of 1 goal to nil.

When the match came to an end, the Sanctii realized that Turori had defeated Hutt River 2 goals to nil. That meant that the Kingdom of Saintland needed only a draw tomorrow against Turori to guarantee 2nd place in the group. A victory over Turori would put the Sanctii into first place and send our Kingdom through to the Round of 16. If Hutt River does not defeat Mangolana tomorrow, the Sanctii will advance. If the Sanctii lose by 1 goal to Turori and Hutt River defeat Mangolana by 1 goal, the Sanctii advance on goal differential. If one of those results was decided by 2 goals, it would come down to goals scored. If the Kingdom of Saintland loses 2 to 1 to Turori and Hutt River defeats Mangolana 2 goals to nil, the 2 nations would be tied on all tiebreakers. The same would be the case if the Sanctii lose 2 to nil and Hutt River wins 2 to 1. Needless to say, it is important that the Sanctii pick up at least a draw against Turori. We cannot afford to risk being eliminated on a tiebreaker. Tomorrow's match will be televised on Royal One. When our arch-rivals from New Sideburn have already clinched a spot in the Round of 16, the Kingdom of Saintland's National Soccer Team can not afford to be eliminated in the Group Stage.

At halftime of the Hutt River match, Prince Andreas spoke to his team, which was down 3 goals to nil and playing with only 10 men.

Prince Andreas - That was unacceptable. Lucas, you should know better. The last thing we needed when we were already down was for you to get yourself thrown out and concede a penalty.

Lucas Aufidius - I'm sorry, captain. I'm just frustrated. Audioslavia robbed us of our trip to the World Cup and now we're getting embarrassed at the Cup of Harmony.

Prince Andreas - You're now suspended for the Mangolana match. Spend all your free time over the next few days studying Turori. I want you to tell me about every one of their weaknesses so we can exploit them.

Lucas Aufidius - I will do that.

Prince Andreas - Good. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's address the hole we just dug ourselves into. That was the worst half of soccer I've ever seen. We could have put a team of 8-year-olds off the playground at any elementary school in the Kingdom out there and they would have played a better half than we just played. We need to snap out of this. We are in the Cup of Harmony. We are down 3 goals against Hutt River, a team that is ranked higher than us in the KPB ranking. If this doesn't work, I'm sure I'll hear about it, but Matthaeus and Georgius, I'm pulling you out of the match. It is time for Gabinius and Gratus to come in. We're going all-out attack in the second half and, God willing, we will come back and salvage something out of this. Now, let's pray.

The team gathered round as Prince Andreas asked God to be with the Saintland National Soccer Team in the second half and lead them to a miraculous comeback. Their prayers would be answered...

Following the match, it was a different scene in the locker room. Prince Andreas spoke again.

Prince Andreas - God answered our prayers. He led us back and now we escape with a point. Do not celebrate yet. Tomorrow, we face a must-win match. We need 3 points against Mangolana. Without a victory, our chances of qualifying will be jeopardized. Show up ready to play tomorrow and we will be victorious, God willing.

Alessandro Seius - Tomorrow, we have to play in Urbanista. That's on the other side of this country.

Prince Andreas - No big deal. We take the train tomorrow morning. Lucas will be staying in Barbury and I expect him to report to us on the weaknesses of Turori. Mangolana may not be an international soccer power, but they can beat us if we don't stay focused. There can be no looking ahead to our 3rd match.

Josephus Flaccus - I understand, now, why you are always so serious.

Prince Andreas - I'm glad to hear that, Josephus. You're a talented midfielder. You just need to take the sport more seriously and someday you may be good enough to start for the National Team.

Josephus Flaccus - I will be going to that swamp soccer tournament and I will dedicate myself to improving.

Silvester Flaccus - I've wanted to hear that from you for a long time, little brother.

Josephus Flaccus - I've always thought that taking the game seriously takes the fun out of the game, but I now understand that losing is not fun. If you don't take the game seriously, you will lose.

Prince Andreas - That's exactly what I've wanted to hear from you, but I'm still going with Andreas tomorrow.

Andreas Inventius - I'm starting?

Prince Andreas - Yes. With Lucas out, we need a defensive-minded midfielder.

Andreas Inventius - I'll put in my best effort.

Prince Andreas - I know that.

The Sanctii left the Village Green, unsure what would happen the following day at Lime Ground. They were finally focused and that would pay off...

The police in St. Ioannes village were just enjoying a Monday afternoon when they received a phone call from Sister Maria Polus. The chief of police for the village, Petrus Duccius answered the call.

Petrus Duccius - Hello, this is the St. Ioannes village Police. Chief Petrus Duccius speaking.

Sister Polus - Hello, Chief Duccius. I am Sister Maria Polus. As you probably know, I am the High Inquisitor at Progress High School.

Petrus Duccius - Sister Polus, what reason do you have to call the Police at this hour. Didn't detention let out an hour ago?

Sister Polus - You are correct, Chief, but I am not calling about a student running away from school. I have a suspicious lead to report to you.

Petrus Duccius - Go ahead.

Sister Polus - As you know, I adopted a uniform policy at the foreign resident school. Like the uniforms for the Church schools, uniforms at Progress High School contain tracking devices.

Petrus Duccius - So, you're saying that a student has been going to a suspicious location on a regular basis?

Sister Polus - That is correct. We have evidence that one of our young ladies has been frequently visiting a location to the west of town after school. So far, we have not detected any other students visiting that location. The young lady in question has a habit of staying there for 4 or 5 hours after school on school nights.

Petrus Duccius - Send us the coordinates and we'll check it out.

Sister Polus - I will do that.

Petrus Duccius - Thank you for the tip, Sister.

Sister Polus - Thank you for your assistance, Chief.

Petrus Duccius hung the phone up and spoke to his force.

Petrus Duccius - We have a report of a young lady attending Progress High School regularly visiting a suspicious location after school. I'm personally going to check it out and 5 of you are going with me. That's probably overkill, but you never know when you'll stumble on a Feministvs Sanctvsterra compound.

Petrus Duccius checked his computer. Sister Polus had been quick. The girl's current location was already in his system.

Petrus Duccius - Its time to go. We need to hurry, so we're taking the automobiles this time.

The officers got into the 3 police vehicles, as the 3 qualified drivers took the wheel. They kept the sirens off to avoid alarming anybody any more. It was an unusual sight to see a car on the streets of St. Ioannes village. Indeed, cars were rare even in the cities. Residents of the village wondered what the police were up to. They drove outside of the village on a dirt road and eventually ended up at the location shown. It was an old farmhouse that had been abandoned years ago. It looked like a worn-down old home from the outside.

Petrus Duccius - Why is a schoolgirl visiting a place like this?

Lucius Helvetius - This is definitely no place for a young lady.

Paulus Cluentius - So, we brought half the force in police cars to find and punish some young lady who is sneaking inside around abandoned buildings?

Petrus Duccius - It looks like it. Let's go in.

Duccius went to open the door. It was unlocked. He could not believe what he saw.

Petrus Duccius - You have to see this. Looks like we just hit the jackpot.

Paulus Cluentius - Does that mean?

Petrus Duccius - Yes, its an actual Feministvs Sanctvsterra compound. Let's bust some crazy ladies.

They walked into the compound and found their way to an interior room where the Feministvs Sanctvsterra members were. At this particular compound, there were a dozen members of the organization. This local branch had no male members. Chief Duccius could hear them plotting an upcoming stunt. Only 9 members of the organization were at the compound at this moment. Chief Duccius decided to knock on the door, while 2 officers were stationed outside, monitoring for escape attempts. Thinking that their fellow members had returned, one of them opened the door.

Petrus Duccius - Freeze! Put your hands up, right now! All of you are under arrest!

The girl in the Progress High School uniform protested.

Girl - What did we do? I'm just hanging out with my friends after school.

Petrus Duccius - Well, your "friends" are clearly not dressed in ladylike clothing and normal young ladies don't hang out in abandoned farmhouses.

Girl - But, you can't arrest me. It'll ruin my life.

Petrus Duccius - You did that by joining Feministvs Sanctvsterra.

Girl - Wait a minute, you think?

Petrus Duccius - I know you are Feministvs Sanctvsterra members. Who else hangs out in compounds in the middle of nowhere sitting around half-naked plotting God knows what?

Girl - How did you find us anyway?

Petrus Duccius - We'll tell you that once you're safely in the squad car.

Lucius Helvetius - Do you mind to tell us how this abandoned house has electricity and Internet access?

Petrus Duccius - We'll have to inform Royal Electric and Royal ISP. Feministvs Sanctvsterra is apparently stealing electric and Internet.

Lucius Helvetius - We're taking this stuff back as evidence. Don't even try to wipe anything.

Petrus Duccius - If there are any passwords on that computer, you better give them to us or we'll beat them out of you.

Lucius Helvetius - I advise all of you to come clean, confess and beg forgiveness. All of you will be spending a very long time in prison, except for you young lady.

Helvetius pointed at the schoolgirl.

Girl - What's different about me?

Petrus Duccius - You're going to a reform school. They're going to straighten you out and make a good Christian lady out of you.

Girl - I'm sorry. Please don't take me away from my family.

Petrus Duccius - You should have thought about that before you joined Feministvs Sanctvsterra.

The police arrested all 9 of the ladies and put them into the squad cars.

Petrus Duccius - Lucius and Paulus, do you mind staying at this compound for a while? I suspect that additional Feministvs Sanctvsterra members will come to us.

Paulus Cluentius - Yes, sir. We'll arrest anybody that shows up at this location.

Petrus Duccius - Good. I'm going to take these ladies back to the station. They are a high escape risk, so we need to keep their identity secret for now and keep them monitored at all times.

Petrus Duccius drove them back to the station. Cluentius and Helvetius would soon capture 3 more Feministvs Sanctvsterra members. After he was sure that all of their members were captured and all evidence was out of the compound, Duccius called to set up a special train to St. Petrus. These criminals needed to be taken before the judge in St. Petrus and sent to a high-security prison in the capitol. Keeping Feministvs Sanctvsterra members in a village jail would be ill-advised. By the end of the day, they were sentenced and the news of their capture became a major news story in the Kingdom of Saintland...

In Urbanista, Apox, a number of Feministvs Sanctvsterra members had just finished protesting outside the Lime Ground about the oppression of women in Saintland. They returned to Barbury and found an Internet connection.

Agrippina - The Saintland Propaganda is reporting that the St. Ioannes compound was raided by the police and the entire village chapter of Feministvs Sanctvsterra arrested.

Iulietta - That is awful news. I feel sorry for the ladies.

Agrippina - I'm going to check with the others.

Agrippina logged onto Feministvs Sanctvsterra's private Internet forum.

Agrippina - They are reporting that St. Ioannes has not been heard from.

Maria - This is alarming. If they found the compound, that means they also found out that we're stealing electricity and Internet.

Agrippina - If they have possession of the computers from the compound and they didn't get the opportunity to destroy the hard drive in time, that means they'll have access to all of our secret files. They now or will soon know the locations of all of our compounds. Fortunately, they won't know the identities of our members. All of us have aliases and our real identities are nowhere to be found.

Martha - You have to warn them.

Agrippina - I'm posting right now. Fortunately, the St. Ioannes accounts have not logged on since the incident, which means they haven't discovered the passwords yet, but it is only a matter of time. I'm telling everybody to evacuate the compounds and abandon the forum. I have set a script to purge the entire forum 12 hours from now. We're starting a new forum and moving to new compounds. I'll get in touch with the trusted members from the other cells via email and tell them the new forum's location when it goes live. Hopefully, the St. Ioannes members don't give the Oppressors the password before then.

Feministvs Sanctvsterra was preparing their contingency plan. A cell had been captured and they were determined to make sure their entire organization wasn't captured by the Patriarchy. Agrippina hoped it would succeed. This was not how she wanted to spend the day before she would get to attend a Cup of Harmony match. Instead of coming up with signs and chants to heckle the Sanctii, she was spending her time helping her fellow Feministvs Sanctvsterra members evade capture by the authorities...

by **Nenets Autonomous Okrug (Ancient)** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 7:28 pm

Fan’s diary

By: Natalya and Vyacheslav N’net

Hilltop Stadium. A clever name, evoking images of the tops of hills. Even though the stadium is in fact cut into the side of a hill and is not in fact on top pf a hill. Crazy foreigners.

So it's some of our favourite competitors today, the Suns of Barunia. It’s so nice that they’re back to having that nice man who played for them in the Baptism and Fire and then went away for a while. A Mr Ruskin. He seems lovely, for a foreigner.

We had such a lovely time before the match started. Some of the younger Nenets fans were scheming to give the Footballing Squad of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug a catchy nickname and popularize their new mascot, Boris the Beet. Here’s a snap of Boris:

As for me, I’m an old lady. If I have time to chant “Victory to the Footballing Squad of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug and Long Live Sirte the Bear!” then so do they. Honestly, kids these day.

Vyacheslav is telling me to put a sock in it. He wanted to sing the chart-topping “Song for Barunia,” by the Fetals.

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here come the Suns
Here come the Suns, and I say
It's all right doo doo doo Nenets are going to beat them

Well, it’s true that the Footballing Squad of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug did in face beat Barunia once. But that was a long long time ago and the Suns are ever so much improved. The Nenets, not so much. But back behind the bench they have coach Hermione Aglukark NC RIP, the lady who loves the scoreless draw.

We both thought that that nice Blanche Almond had a wonderful chance to score. You know, we had Blanche’s mother-sister over for tea once. Well, I say tea, it was warm beet juice if I’m honest. But songs have been sung about our warm beet juice.

Not good songs, but songs nevertheless.

So Blanche had actually got a long ball placed right on her feet after some indecisive possession battles in midfield accompanied by fan shouts of “do something!” She seemed poised to get the day’s first shot. Hey, is that a woman on broomstick? No, couldn’t be. Everyone knows brooms can’t fly, even if women can. Darn it all to hockey sticks, Barunia has the ball back.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here come the Suns
Here come the Suns, and I say
It's all right beat them once before we can do it again doo doo doo doo gargle choke hack choke hack chose hack dah dah dah dah dah

Oh Vyacheslav, you’ll do your throat a mischief. Have some more beet tea.

That was a dangerous probe. You know, despite the Footballing Squad of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug (sacred to Sirte the Bear) having a fetish for never scoring and never conceding and in all ways possible trying to bore the entire non-Nenets population of this and quite a few other earths to death, perhaps this style of defensive football is not entirely perfect in all ways, may Sirte the Bear forgive me for saying so.

Take that incredible puncturing of Nenets defensive pretensions by Castolo, who just stole the ball with ease from Nen and made a magnificent play past Nen. The Barunian fans are erupting (poor dears). “Castolo, Castolo,” they cry! This is perhaps not the most imaginative chant ever (we would have gone with “Don’t Eat us Sirte, and if you could possibly see your way clear to granting victory to the Footballing Squad of the Nenets Automomous Okrug, we’d be ever so grateful”). But the chant seems to fire them up. And it looks like Umber is out of position! Could this be a goal for Barunia?

Oh my, is that a bear on a vacuum cleaner? No, couldn’t be. Everyone knows vacuums can’t fly, even though bears can. Maybe we should get a bear on our team. All the best teams have bears. Or ponies. Or elves. Or other animals. Or giant mechs that crush everything in their path.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

That was pretty, Vyacheslav. But you missed what might have been a lovely save by Bernt Umber.

We had Berndt’s gran over for cake last month. Well, I say cake, and it was cake. Sweetened with beets!

We couldn’t get beets back in the communist days. Now there are three different types of beets! It’s consumer choice gone mad! Vyacheslav agrees with hem, and he wrote a song about it too.

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here come the Suns
Here come the Suns, and I say
It's all right Barun’ya’s fine but we’ll win this match dooday

Oh Vyacheslav. That’s not a song you wrote. That’s the “Song for Barunia” by the Fetals.

Honestly, this is such an improved squad of young Suns. I think it’s entirely possible that the Footballing Squad of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug isn’t going to beet them. In fact, the Suns have certainly had the better chances to score. Or at least get a shot away. The Suns seemed dazzled by the Nenets defensive wall the first time these two sides met. Now, they are pushing forward, testing an increasingly tired side, pushing for that goal.

One goal against should be enough to break Nenets morale. Especially since everyone knows Sirte the Bear will devour one of our players should we lose. And if we fall a single goal behind, then we’re likely to lose: after all, we’re not famous for being able to score very often. There was that one really impressive cross from Cedric St. John up to Montoya, who got his head on it, and Umber is looking shaky now that his defenders are beaten, and

Goodness me, is that an Orthodox monk riding Yegg-Sussoroth-Vlrtzzunpatch the Ineffable Monstrousness? No, couldn’t be. They’re all at the real World Cup.

Here come the Suns
Here come the Suns, and I say
It's all right
It's all right
It’s all right it’s another scoreless draw hack choke dah dah dada

So, Coach Hermione is pleased. She seems to be packing up her harpoon and apparently no Nenets will die today. That's disappointing.

A draw on top of the opening-day loss leaves the Nenets well adrift with one point. But the Footballing Squad (of, I hasten to add, the Nenets Autonomous Okrug) is still in with a chance. A win against Western Cuba would give them four points. Barunia has just two, and if the Suns lose to United Gordonopia, then that will leave the Nenets in second spot with a chance to play on.

Oh, it's all so terribly exciting!

by **Northern Sunrise Islands** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 7:31 pm

DE PLACA
My Baby is a Pokemon!

CUP OF HARMONY 56
Kishrael lived up to its league quality, 1-1 against NSI

Another matchday, another result. NSI continues their run in the Cup of Harmony still unbeaten, as Kishrael, this matchday's opponent manages to hold the Marills to a tie, 1-1. Francisco de Sousa opened the score in the first half, only for in the second half, Shimon Et Basat, tie up the score and eventually hold it until the referee signed the end of the match.

Kishrael's survival at the tournament was somewhat of bound to this match, while NSI had their eyes set on a passaport to the next round, something even newer to the Marills following their first ever victory at the tournament, against the strong team of Sicoutimont. Winning would also help to enchant the team in a higher mood to face Qazox at the last matchday.

As both teams entered, the Sunrisians took the lowerhand right away against the Blue Shield. Given the good combo of De Sousa (who paid hard in pre-match training until being re-picked) and Smith on the offense, it was hard to believe that Kishrael could be on the upperhand of that match. Also, NSI was way better in the rankings when compared to Kishrael. The Sunrisians would eventually overcome the strong pressure on their side to take the offense at the match.

Eventually, Kishrael suffered to protect themselves from the Sunrisian offense, with Francisco de Sousa having little trouble to score against a weak defense. The Sunrisians would continue holding their opponents until the end of the first half. As the second half would start, Nagatomo would be subbed out for Xene. She did well but would not be able to stop Kishrael.

As the second half started, Kishrael returned to play offensively and man, how! It was almost as if it was a completely different team. Commanded by Shimon Et Basat, who, in our opnion, was commended as Player of the Match, would make a beating out of the Marills, eventually scoring a goal with a great assist of Bibras Tapuah.

The ref called it the end of the match not too long later, as both teams left with a draw that was nice for both sides. Kishrael can still fight for a position at the next round, while the Marills have to at least tie with Qazox to continue in the Cup of Harmony in any way possible, getting the first place only if Sicoutimont holds Kishrael to a tie.

KISHRAEL - 1
Shumron; Shefiel, Wallach (H'omrun), Sinashin (Hassoudi), Maksimov; Netanya, Marikosh, Karpaty (Chaikin); Taputzov, Et Basat, Tapuah
NORTHERN SUNRISE ISLANDS - 1
Cunnington; de Souza, Di Martine, Hikari, Hawk; Lima, Bonapart, Laval, Nagatomo (Xene); De Sousa, Smith (Travis)

With the score, the Marills would be in a very unfamiliar position to them when it comes to international tournaments (aside from regional ones), as they would be in the first place of Group 5, following Qazox and Kishrael ending in a draw with three goals for each side. With this, Sicoutimont now has to get a win against Qazox to get themselves back on track, while NSI needs a win against Kishrael to guarantee post-group play, if they really want that so much.

CUP OF HARMONY 56
Starting Eleven against Qazox may have more ties to the team that beat Sicoutimont
Night before the match, Lynette Bourbon revealed on her Twitter, the squad that will play against Qazox for a chance at the next round. While her commands at the team have been commended for the considerable progress the team has made, the country has high hopes on the chance of playing the next round.

STARTING LINE-UP: Andy Cunnington; Justin Redwing (Andressa de Souza), Matthew Di Martine, Netto Hikari, Anthony Hawk; Marcelo Lima, Damien Bonapart, Bridgitte Laval, Namine Nagatomo; Sofia Xene, Christie Travis (Harley "Quinn" Smith)

OTHER NEWS
> Off-Season Moves: Afonse Batallion renames to Afonse Battalion, EHS now FK Blau-Lunar Ehrenhofstadt, SL5 announced
> Ligue 1 of Kitsunia-Déesse: Olympique Caenne guarantees back-to-back championship
> Esportiva's own New Sideburn guarantees qualifying to the second round of Cup of Harmony
> Daineri footie legend, Alexis, buys Fineesseeberg Football, relocates it to Tiamare and ties it officially to Dainer's Xistrumbigonça

by **Karditan** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 8:48 pm

"Alright, that's good, that's good." Emanuel clapped as the little Nozaman kids scurried about the hardwood court, kicking around the basketball. Sure, it wasn't the optimal setup, but you need a cover when practicing an illegal sport. Two sweatshirts placed on either side of both baskets marked off the inconspicuous goals for the youth soccer league, surely the most scandalous thing going on in Karditan. After all, he thought, soccer is a gateway crime, as the politicians say. 'A direct link has been established between soccer popularity and crime,' they spout, 'just look at those hooligan Mytanars.' Well, the Mytanars are an outlier, they're just weird in general. But of course there's a link between soccer and crime--they're both things the poor do! Maybe if we actually had a welfare system in this country, we wouldn't have to worry about either and we could all live peachy lives driving convertibles and playing baseball. He was snapped out of his reverie by one of his most promising pupils, a young lad named Paradon, cartwheeling by. Wesley, the oldest and the biggest of the group (thus being the natural choice for keeper), was sprawled next to one of the sweatshirts with the basketball bouncing around behind him.

"Wooh!" yelled Paradon, "did you see that, Mr. Portico?!"

"No, I was thinking about something else. What happened?"

The barely six-year-old Hispanic trotted back to the midline and mimicked his goal run. "I dribbled up here, then I spun around Jacob, and I cut by Eduardo here, and then I took the shot from here!" He raised his leg as far back as he could and took a big swing at the air where the ball had been.

Emanuel gave him a hearty round of applause. "That's great, Paradon. You've definitely got a future in this game."

Paradon's smile at that was priceless, but interrupted by the comically chubby Hispanic kid (his name is Paco, fittingly) waddled around the corner with frazzled hair and wide eyes. "IT'S THE FUZZ!"

Emanuel raised his hand and his voice, grabbing the attention of the hyper kids. "Alright, everyone! Basketball time!"

Wesley sprang back to his feet and scooped up the ball, while the others set up in a circle at center court. Wesley, with his height advantage, wasn't allowed to play--he just reffed, and ran over to today's centers to toss up the starting ball. Paradon, with his amazing aerial game, came down with it despite his opposite being a good three inches taller. The game had progressed to the hoop by the time the cop scrambled around the corner, much in the same fashion Paco had.

"I got a tip about a soccer game! Wait..."

Emanuel walked up to the officer--thank Luna this isn't one who's booked me before--and gave a broad smile. "Is there a problem, officer?"

The officer sputtered and the color drained from his face; it seemed he was getting winded just watching the kids run up and down the court. "I, uh, heard something about an illegal soccer game going in the area. But this just looks like a normal basketball game. You know anything about it?"

"Soccer? Who would want to play that trash? I want these kids to grow up men, not pansies."

"[heavy breathing] You're... a good man. I hate these prank calls. Don't people know the police don't have time for this crap? I... need a doughnut..."

Once the officer waddled a safe distance away (Emanuel had picked the most remote court in relation to doughnut shops), the NT's keeper whistled and the ball hit the ground.

by **Zwangzug** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 8:53 pm

Loris had put Zwangzug off to an early lead, a pass from Ted--now playing up in the center--setting up the opening goal. But then Filopines scrambled back into it, their wingers controlling the attack for a while until Jason Hale tied the game. Zwangzug at least looked confident on defense for a while, but then, Ahmed Dibay--still rather young, for having started in Filopines' first ever game--broke through off a pass from the scarcely-much-older Stephen Cayley to give them the lead. But they'd held together, with Martina coming up with a long dribble past Ben Arden before scoring to tie the game again.

"Well," said Patricia, "no matter how bad it gets, at least I don't have to room with any of you."

"It's a road trip," Sally pointed out, "so that's different."

"I mean, back home."

"Well, obviously we wouldn't be rooming together back home, we're all spread out across the country. Do they even have clubs?"

"They're in the UICA," said Brett.

"Oh. Well."

"Speaking of clubs, any news about this Apox thing?" Ted asked.

"Obviously nobody from Zwangzug is going to be involved," Patricia retorted, "we'd need to get our own second division together before investing in somebody else's."

"We have colleges," Xolani pointed out.

"Those don't count."

"Sure they do."

"Okay, well, colleges--aren't going to invest in somebody else's club."

"Never said they would."

"Did you even say anything except that you didn't want to coach them?" Xolani gave a coy shrug. Patricia rolled her eyes. "Okay, then."

"All right," said Joan, "sounds like they've got an owner already? Guy who owns a bunch of trains. No, hold on, it's like--it's a private-enterprise thing, so there's one guy responsible for a bunch of trains."

"And he thinks he can get the team up into the top division within two seasons?" Ted asked. "That's bravado."

"It's easy," said Patricia. "Just threaten to call off all the trains."

"That's not very sporting."

"Yeah, but it'd work."

"It'd work in Zwangzug. I don't know about Apox."

"The trains are important, some of the car roads aren't very good. At least away from the capital."

"Yeah, and this guy's mostly responsible for the north," said Joan, "it could totally work."

"Okay, that's enough," said Brett, "we get it. Big game tomorrow, it's not completely in our hands. If we win, Mytannion need just half...one point against Filopines, if we tie...we'd need Mytannion to beat Filopines, and probably by more than one. Either way, we can't lose, and we're only ahead of Ossidiacqua anyway based on goals scored, I think? Which is ironic, considering, but, uh, keep it up. Forwards. That is. Just--"

"See," Bruce interrupted, "this is why we shouldn't have qualified for the World Cup, we'd have had twice as long for you to brood over your calculations. No, thanks. Let's get this done."

by **Maklohi Vai** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:17 pm

OOC: Really sorry for the short RP, I just threw it together earlier when I had a tiny bit of time. I've been swamped with work today, but hopefully I can get another chance in the playoffs to finish up my RP line. And if it helps Licen out with a tricky tiebreaker situation, all the better.

Group 4
Hyskigland 2–0 Powersith
Jeruselem 3–3 Maklohi Vai

Group 4                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Jeruselem                  2   1  1  0    7   5  +2    4
2 Hyskigland                 2   1  0  1    4   4   0    3
3 Maklohi Vai                2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
4 Powersith                  2   0  1  1    0   2  −2    1

With the 3-3 draw to Jeruselem today, Maklohi Vai faces a rather interesting scenario tomorrow. Namely, win or go home. Let's break down the Vaian's chances:

If Maklohi Vai beats Hyskigland, Maklohi Vai advances.
If Maklohi Vai ties Hyskigland, Maklohi Vai does not advance.
If Maklohi Vai loses to Hyskigland, Maklohi Vai does not advance.

Fairly simple, eh? Win or go home for the team. But what about the rest of the group? Let's look, under the conditions set above.

If Maklohi Vai beats Hyskigland, Maklohi Vai advances.

If Maklohi Vai ties Hyskigland, Maklohi Vai does not advance.

If Maklohi Vai loses to Hyskigland, Maklohi Vai does not advance.

And another way of looking at it: how each team wants the day to play out (just the simplest guaranteed way, not all scenarios included)
Maklohi Vai: beat Hyskigland
Hyskigland: beat Maklohi Vai
Jeruselem: beat or tie Powersith
Powersith: beat Jeruselem by more than 2

by **Hyskigland** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:36 pm

Di Hārold
Di Furš ænt End Āŋlɨš Tɨndiŋ av di Komunwelþ av Hískɨglænd

Sumir: Di Blʉ-Svards prepar bʉrga dār furš Kup av Harmoni.

The Herald
The First and Only English Newspaper of the Commonwealth of Hyskigland

Following their 4-2 loss to Jeruselem in the first match of the Cup of Harmony, the Blue-Blacks of Hyskigland needed at least one point from their match against Powersith to remain in contention for a berth in the knockout rounds of the tournament. The squad got all that they wanted and more out of this middle match of the three matches of group play, defeating their foes 2-0 in what was one of the Blue-Blacks’ most conclusive victories of this World Cup 64 cycle.

Though their opponents were ranked eighty-fifth in the world and were coming off of a draw with powerful second seed Maklohi Vai, the Hyskiglandic forwards were ruthless from the first whistle, taking seven shots in the first fifteen minutes of the match. The first goal would come from Bror Helmensun in the seventeenth minute, when a Ketɨl Ketɨlsun free kick slipped between the fingers of the Powersith goalkeeper and bounced into the middle of a scrum of players right in front of the goal. Almost by chance, Helmensun managed to emerge from the tangle with the ball and dribble it into the net for an easy goal.

The halftime break would see the Blue-Blacks head to their locker room still clinging to a 1-0 lead, despite efforts by Powersith to equalize at the very end of the half. The second half would belong solely to Hyskigland, however, as the midfield shut down any attempts by the opposition to begin a rally, and Erɨk Fɨsk put the game away in the sixty-ninth minute with a lancing shot that found the corner of the net from thirty-five meters out.

“We have not dominated a game like that in a long time,” head coach Everett Lang commented, a wide smile on his face as he looked up at a monitor showing the Blue-Blacks in sole possession of second place in Group 5. “Since the Baptism of Fire, even. And this was against a team ranked in the top one hundred in the world. I only wish that my old Stachland teams could have been this consistent—we sometimes had a bit of trouble against teams we should have beaten. This team doesn’t have that issue.”

The Hyskiglandic victory—along with the 3-3 draw between Jeruselem and Maklohi Vai—sets up a simple scenario for the Blue-Blacks going into their final match of the group stage: win and they are in. Draw and they are in. Lose, and they are out.

“I feel good,” Lang continued. “I have a very good feeling.”

If Hyskigland advances, the possibility of breaking the top one hundred of the world by the conclusion of their very first World Cup cycle would become a distinct possibility, and would put the Blue-Blacks in an excellent position to qualify for the World Cup 65 finals.

Learn Hyskiglandic: Colors in Hyskigland
The following is a short list of the words for the standard color spectrum in the Commonwealth of Hyskigland.

White = Vanka
Black = Svard
Grey = Grā
Brown = Brʉn
Red = Rát
Blue = Blʉ
Yellow = Yeda
Green = Gran
Purple = Lil
Orange = Rānga
Pink = Rosa
Silver = Sɨlver
Gold = Gʉld

by **United Gordonopia** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:52 pm

Just for context's sake, this series of RPs is based off of The Bastard NS Mod from Hell, which itself is a take on The Bastard Operator from Hell. This specific character is my own Bastard II Mentor from Hell, but for the context of this RP he is 'on a vacation' and looking to unwind from his 'Goosestepping Purification of the Roleplaying (II) Forums'. Standard disclaimer that this is intended as a parody and not to be taken seriously (don't worry, I am most certainly not a Nazi and if the persona seems a bit harsh, it's all in good humor). Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated by TG.

The Bastard ~~II Mentor~~ Sports RPer from HELL!
Year 1 - Volume 2
Things to Come
By: United Gordonopia - Bastard RPer alter-ego "Unter~~sturmführer~~Striker Gordonopia"

A draw? A draw? A draw?!? All I could get was a bloody draw?

I provide them with my glorious roleplaying talent, pour endless hours of labor into writing a masterpiece of a preview, and I am only 1-1-0. Sure, I may be first in my group, but it is a group filled with competitors of a... shall we say... lesser caliber. After all, they wouldn't be ranked so much lower than me if they stood my equal.

I suppose I will have to take matters into my own hands. A shot of schnapps, a crack of knuckles, and I set to work.

*Clicky clicky

There, that should do it. Rather fortunate that hosting that Bapdismal awhile back gave me the chance to find all of the exploits in the Goalination program, and now I can put them to good use.

First up, my rank. I am horrified to discover that Liceicantquiterecalliterra has seen it fit to award me a mere one point for my labors. I give a gift of true RPing talent to these backwards natives and all I get in return is a point? For Marge's sake, Nene-whatsisnameIthinkitssomethinglongandrussian, that wide-eyed kid who's candy I stole on the first matchday, already has ten! Ten!

That simply will not do.

I jimmy with the numbers for a bit before its all as it should be. Do I deserve as many KPB points as the number one ranked nation in the world? You bet I do.

After that it's time to play around in the point distribution, perhaps add a few lines of code pertaining specifically to teams with the name 'Gordonopia'. A few *clicky clickys and I have it set so that every one of my matches will be a 7-0 victory. What? You're telling me -4 teams aren't supposed to score like that? I hold back a chuckle as I point to the third C of sports: 'chance'.

On my way out the door, I can't resist the temptation to change around names a little bit. Well, perhaps not just a little bit. Boy would I like to see the shame on the lusers', or better yet the hosts', faces when they see al-Quds and Bare Arms popping up in their carefully designed results sheet.

My work complete, I lean back in the golden throne I had some native kid cast on the cheap. Today may have ended with a shameful draw, but who ever said it has to ruin the entire vacation?

~Unter~~sturmführer~~Striker Gordonopia
~~~Goosestepping Purifier of the Roleplaying Forums~~Vacationing Practitioner of Roleplayed Athletics
~Bastard ~~II Mentor~~ Sports RPer... from Hell!!!

Cup of Harmony 56 (Everything Thread)

Who is online