World Cup 64 RP Thread

[The Inevitable Syndicate]

The Inevitable Syndicate 3-2 Silar
Syndicate: Pratt 20' 61' , Sinclair 39' / Silar: Unknown 16' 35'
Another close game for the Syndicate today, against an opponent of games past. Silar, who were present in our group during the Baptism of Fire, came back to the Flynn Arena to test whether we had improved from the last time we played against them, when we lost 1-0. Well, today we took that goal back, winning 3-2. The goals were mainly scored by Pratt, who seems to have found his feet again after the Western Cuba game, and the other goal was scored in a suprise run by Ethan Sinclair in the 39^th minute. It seemed that his side of the field was one of the main weak points of the Silarian defence, allowing him to dodge past the back defenders and take a clean shot at an almost empty goal, as for some reason the goalkeeper had gone walkabout. However, it wasn't all fun and games for us, as Silar did manage to knock back two goals, including the first one of the match. Oddly, no goals were scored during the second half, as it seems that both teams really locked down their defences. If the Syndicate can continue to play at this high level, then we might have better luck in the group overall. Next game is against Nethertopia.

Chapter i. Negotiations
Chapter ii. Raiders of a Lost Art
Chapter iii. Some Assembly Required
Chapter iv. The Syndicatian Intelligence Agency
Chapter v. Hidden in Plane Sight

An Inconceivable Truth
A Story of Syndicatian Climate Change

---

Chapter vi. Cramming & Planning

The crack team of the Syndicate's most underrated greats gathered in a dingy Ahlenfi hotel room, deliberating their next actions. Bones had deliberately rented a terrible hotel room, again to 'not draw attention'. The current plan was for the intel team back at home to continue trawling the Datalink for any idea of whether the Meteoricon was real, and where it could be found. But first, they slept, as it was about midnight by the time they got into the hotel room.

The next morning, Bones, Jones and Browne went down to the Great Ahlenfi Library, a fantastic building that contained hundreds of thousands of books, covering the walls and everywhere in-between. None of which were on the Datalink. She theorised that it was all a tourist ploy, to make people seeking the knowledge actually come to Ahlenfi and buy goodness-knows-how-many things from street merchants and the like. The worst bit? It had worked, as she noticed that earlier on in the morning, Administrator Browne had bought three new hats, a bracelet, a necklace, some flip-flops, and a lucky charm. The charm, he figured, couldn't do any harm. After all, he was off to talk with an Emir he hated, and eat some terrible food.

Bones entered the library, and immediately set out finding dusty tomes to scan for clues. This allowed the more... Politically inclined members of the party to have a chat.
“So, sir, how are you doing?” said Stephen Jones, undoing the top button on his shirt due to the heat.

“I'm fine, Jones. It's really warm, and I should be back home, but I'm fine. The sooner we find this machine, should it be real, the better. You know, I got a tweet the other day from someone who blamed me for this crisis!”

Bones walked over with a book, butted in. “Well, you know what the laypeople are like. That's what you get when you're Administrator; After all, you are a figurehead for the country. People are bound to blame you for things!”

“But it isn't fair, is it? Anyway, we should probably be helping.” Andrew grabbed a nearby book.It was rather heavy, so he assumed that would be a good thing to look through, even if he wasn't really paying attention.

Dr. Bones stared over to the politicians, and shot them all a stern look.

“Is that the sort of thing you should really be reading?”

Stephen looked at the cover of the book. 50 Sands in Grains, the cover read. Andrew very quickly shut the book and placed it back on the shelf.

And in the next few hours, in the swelteringly hot, dusty library, the secrets of Khabu and the areas around it were unlocked, until Dr. Bones stumbled upon something that could really come in handy...

[Ko-oren]

We're the best of the world!

...If draws count as a tiebreaker. The first of two matches against our fellow Atlantian Oceanianites, Secundus Kasius, which again should have been a win for the Greenblues according to the bookies, ended in a draw. Have we heard such a thing earlier, lately? Maybe. If you have been living under a rock, you might not have heard of the Ko-orenite record: 1 win, 4 draws. Which makes us the best of the world at ties.

This may seem a little problematic, but there is so much potential to drawing games: no losses. No conceding goals. A perfect balance between attack and defense. Though, not beating the hell out of teams ranked over 200 places lower than you does get frustrating.

The bigger problem is the group situation: Bearded Moose won 6-0, The Archregimancy won 4-0 and Kericia won 5-1. Ko-oren is the least scoring team of the group, except for Silver Beach. But that's not a real country anyway (OOC: They CTE'd). Otherwise, Ko-oren is the least conceding team of the group, together with Michael VII. Overall, there have been seven goals in Ko-orenite games. The funny thing is that the Greenblues do not have a record of small amounts of goals, despite the relatively defensive approach. I remember the Baptism of Fire, where Ko-oren for a long period have had the most goals overall in their games. I present to you a news article that is yellow by now: 'Ko-oren officially most entertaining squad'. In the end, North Chicanan took the honor of having the most goals overall, because they won 5-1 on the last day (versus a 4-0 win for Ko-oren). In World Cup 65, there are several teams on 7 total goals (Astograth, Yesopalitha (on 7-0), Turori, Algal States (on 0-7) ) and only Nekoni (6) and Paradystopia (4!) are below this. This means we at least have something to go for this cycle.


(OOC: I'm never doing -3 as style mod anymore. But I'm sticking with it, the RP possibilities are endless)

[Barunia]

Joric Ruskin
And so the spell was broken. The Suns had been on a roll, defeating the teams of 100 ranks above Lalo Limahina, and superstars Karditan. But against Taeshan, a team just outside the top ten, a team who hasn't done worse than the round of sixteen in the last three world cups, they just couldn't keep the magic alive. Joric still felt a sense of pride however, in the team's performance. There was no doubt that Taeshan were a powerhouse, a giant in international football, and the Barunian defence had held against them for all but one goal. Joric found himself wishing he had been there. Not for the first time, he doubted his decision to leave.

It had been decided in the heat of the moment, but he continued down that road, and now it was too late to turn back. The question was, had he made the right call? As he reached out to turn the radio off, a news bulletin caught his attention "in breaking news today, the city of Newland was reclaimed by government forces after a prolonged battle. President David today praised the troops involved and said-" Joric snapped the radio off. There was his answer. The answer was yes.

Just a short one tonight, Real life and all that jazz.

[Kinzar]

Wildcats lose again,

Kinzar was defeated in World Cup qualifying last night by Maklohi Vai by the score of 3-0, in what was in no way what Parkersburg Sports Network was hoping for when they agreed to televise the game live. The Wildcats were a team that played quite poorly, leading to the visitors not really breaking much of a sweat to get their three points. Maklohi Vai plays a very defensive system, leading to the lack of excitement. Even Katie Young, the PSN Spokesperson we interviewed for our last piece realize this isn’t a good thing, “I thought from a coverage standpoint, we did a great job of bringing the game to the people of Kinzar. Unfortunately, that game was not really what we wanted to show, and will only fuel the arguments of those who feel that soccer is a boring sport.” Attendance at Hudson was a respectable 60,388, perhaps a carryover from the Jeruselem game, and PSN received a 1.3 market share rating for the game, which while not high, isn’t exactly awful either for a first-time effort.

But the result was devastating.

[Blouman Empire]

[quote="Blouman Empire";p="13674432"]

THE EMPIRE TIMES

PLAYER SPOTLIGHT

4/12

First Name: Robert
Surname: Schmitz
Squad Number: 9
Position: Forward
Club: Riverside
Town of Birth: Braxon
Nation: Braxon
International Appearances: 70
International Goals: 33

Bio:Robert Schmitz is currently one of three players that have been apart of the squad since the Empire reentered the international arena after suspension and he has been an important part of the teams successes since then. As a fine passer of the ball Robert is considered to be a playmaker and operates well as a centre forward playing off the frontmen, Robert links well with his teammates and has a keen eye for goal netting a total of 33 goals in his 70 international games. Robert is one of the more popular players of the team with his strong personality and excellent attitude.

Kane Harrison made his debut in professional football playing for Jelson in the Braxon Championship where he managed to score a total of 12 goals from 16 games, despite his preference to stay with Jelson in his hometown he was sold off to Riverside where he quickly fit into the team and became a regular starter. Robert was selected to play for the Braxon U21 team and despite his strong performance in the U21 Imperial Cup where he won the golden boot with a total of 16 goals the team failed to progress into the final finishing 3rd. He was also selected for the Braxon side but only managed to play the first game for the Imperial Cup pulling out due to injury. With only one year left on Robert's contract it is rumored he is looking to leave Riverside as he is frustrated with the lack of success with the club, possible clubs rumored to be considering him are Port Fansat and Jollipville Athletic.

Before Robert's career took off in football it is well known he was looking at becoming an actor having done a number of small productions during his teen years. Robert has still managed to keep his passion of acting alive despite his full time footballing career appearing in a number of episodes of the popular prime time soap Hither and Yon playing the troubled adult son of lead character Paul Stodon.

[Kalumba]

Terrible Goalkeeping costs Kalumba.

Everyone bigged it up as 'the wonder goal', the 'marvellous piece of skill' which decided a close game. But that is, all frankly, tosh. And that mongish canute *ndy *ownsend spends the rest of the game harping on about the amazing show of ability which won the game. Yet as usual they all missed the ridiculous goalkeeping error, by the apparent 'number one', despite the presence of a far superior goalkeeper on the bench who is apparently only good enough to be an understudy.

When a long ball is played over the top, the goalkeeper has two choices. One- he stays on his line and lets his defence deal with the issue or saves the weak effort with ease. Two- He comes and collects the ball, killing the chance before it arises. He does not move a few yards to his left and a few yards off his line, leaving the goal wide open and himself in a position from which he can do nothing. But hey let's all say what a wonderful piece of skill it was to loop the ball softley near the goal, where a competant goalkeeper would have had a simple and comfortable catch even my 83 year old grandfather could have made.

And then to top it all off, the senile old drunkard who passes himself off as a top class manager decides to bring on that absolutely useless canute Gashley Mong, who has never justified his consumption of oxygen let alone his inclusion in even a second class side. As well as believing that Fani would have any impact on an important game, but hey life moves on.

Earo 1-0 Kalumba

OOC This has nowt to do with Kalumba or her national team, just a veiled criticism of a certain well known RL team and TV channel. Apologies for the lack of a decent RP.

[Paradystopia]

Kharamhan and Viola were aboard a train bound for Sabrjk. Viola had managed to somehow persuade someone to relinquish two tickets for the Paradystopia vs. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega match. Kharamhan watched the scenery fly past outside of his window, he had a bad feeling about this. His Communadi assailant; Tau Azrak was in the country and seemed to be keeping his cards close to his chest. Viola, on the other hand, was in good spirits. She had fancied a holiday away from The Vixen Vault and she'd never seen a 'proper' football match before.

"So, do you think we'll win?"

Kharamhan snorted. After two successive losses to Kerblaekistan and Carpathia & Ruthenia, the Paradystopi team's chances against the top seed in the group were pretty doubtful. The match against C&R had exposed some rather troubling holes in the Paradystopi defense. Now Kjn Volgjsrhaad was good, but not perfect and also at a disadvantage when he's relied upon to stop shots by his own defenders. Evelyn Paradys was the guilty party. In an attempt to clear a cross, she had caught the ball with the side of her boot and watched helplessly as it skimmed past Volgjsrhaad.

He wondered for a split second whether it was a Commune nationwide conspiracy and Morgana and Evelyn were in on it. Were they sabotaging the matches from within? No. Surely not.

But maybe?

"I'm going to the dining car sugar. Let's see if I can find something to drink. Do you reckon they serve whisky?"

Kharamhan shrugged. It was the first time he'd caught a train before but he wasn't really in the mood for an 8 hour drive across Paradystopia's Southern province.

"Do you want anything?"

He shook his head. He needed a clear mind to piece this infernal puzzle together.

What did Tau want and who was he working for?

And why now?

Couldn't the Commune just let Paradystopia fail at football in peace for once.

[West Angola]

NAMIBE CHRONICLE

FOOTBALL TEAM TRIUMPHS IN TENSE, ZOMBIE-FILLED MATCH

Blake Green attempts to evade the zombies pursuing him

NAMIBE- Last night, West Angola's national football team managed a 4-2 victory over Ancharmunn in front of a crowd that started out hungry for victory, and quickly became hungry for each other. Luke Parrish opened the scoring in the 12th minute with a beautiful shot that barely made it past the grasping fingertips of Ancharmunn's keeper, a goal that was, stunningly, his first in this qualifying campaign. Seven minutes later, Peter Wilson added a second goal to give West Angola a comfortable lead. Parrish and Wilson would each score one more time, in the 31st and 42nd minutes, and West Angola held a 4-1 lead at the break.

Once play resumed, West Angola continued to dominate the match, and appeared to be on the way to an easy win. However, in the 51st minute of play, a disturbance was observed in the stands as several zombies broke into the stadium and onto the pitch. Initially regarded as a slightly-humorous-but-let's-get-back-to-the-game joke by both fans and players, mirth quickly turned to panic when it was realized that the zombies were a very real threat. In the confusion, Ancharmunn succeeded in getting a second goal past Blake Green, who had already abandoned the net in the face of a ravenous horde of flesh-eating monsters. Within minutes, the stadium was nearly emptied, as the crowd had either fled in terror or been turned into zombies themselves, and the players had been evacuated. The last person to leave the pitch was the referee, who made an executive decision to end the match with the score standing at 4-2.

In the aftermath of the incident, the Sporting Ministry released a statement regarding the disaster:

We at the West Angolan Sporting Ministry regret very much the unfortunate events which occurred a few hours ago at the stadium, but would like to stress the fact that this event was out of our control, and appears to be a worldwide outbreak. Therefore, there are much bigger things to concern ourselves with at the moment than interrupted football matches. After the conclusion of this incident, perhaps we can discuss compensation and other such things, but at the moment, we need to focus on combating the threat zombies pose to our nation.

We at the Chronicle have remained safe for the moment, a result of the government-ordered quarantine of all news sources until the conclusion of the emergency, but the zombies are running wild outside. It is unclear to anyone when or if the World Cup will resume play, or if West Angola will still have an intact team by the end of it. As of this writing, the official death toll stands at 1.2 billion within West Angola, which includes both zombies and actual deceased, and at least two members of the football team are confirmed as having fallen, with five more missing in action.

Players/Coaches Affected by Emergency:
1. Blake Green- Confirmed
2. Jan Pawel- Confirmed
3. John Blevit- Missing
4. Peter Wilson- Missing
5. Isaac Warren- Missing


Zombies: Luke Parrish is not amusedWe survived!

---

The area outside the football stadium was a disaster area, abandoned cars burned in the street, debris littered the ground, and the air was filled with the screams of the living, the groans of the dying, and the moans of the undead. Behind one of the cars, three men crouched low, armed with scraps of wood and metal they had managed to grab in a mad rush out of the stadium. The football teams had been evacuated during the zombie outbreak, but in the confusion John Blevit, Isaac Warren, and Peter Wilson had been separated from the rest of the team. Now, the trio was attempting to survive long enough to escape to the parts of the city that the military still held.

Blevit was visibly shaken, “They got Blake, and Jan, and they nearly got me. I saw them swarming Blake, he couldn’t get out, and then Jan went to help him, and they just latched on like Piranhas.” Jan Pawel and Blevit had been very close friends, they’d become very close over the last two cups, when they’d become the two swingmen on the middles, switching to forwards on the attack. The two had developed a relationship much like the one Isaac had held with Luke Parrish during the time when they’d played together, when each knew the other inside and out, and moved like extensions of each other on the pitch.

Isaac put his hand on Blevit’s shoulder, “John, I know what you’re feeling right now, I felt the same way during August’s coup, when I didn’t know if Luke was alive or dead, and the only news we could find was the Register pumping out pro-August propaganda, and WANN’s anti-Parrish team trumpeting victory for the rebels at every turn. I promise you, we will get them back, there has to be a cure somewhere. But right now, we’ve got to move, we’ve got to stay alive, we’ve got to get to safer areas. Are you ready?”

Steeling himself, Blevit nodded. Warren looked over at Wilson, who also nodded, and rose from his crouch. Throwing his metal pole, he impaled a charging zombie through the head, dropping him to the street. Warren grabbed Blevit and took off towards the distant sounds of gunfire, “Let’s go!”

[Saintland]

OOC: I was tired last night and didn't get this RPing idea until after I had already posted it, so I figured I'd add this on to my RP. I've already caught and corrected a few of my mistakes from RPing while exhausted last night.

Royal One Broadcast - Saintland VS Kinitaria

Iosue Galenus and Thomas Crispus have been sent to Kinitaria to call Saintland's match.

Iosue Galenus - Welcome to Royal One's coverage of Saintland VS Kinitaria, a critical World Cup qualifier.

Thomas Crispus - Iosue, The Sanctii have lost 2 consecutive matches. What are their chances of turning it around today?

Iosue Galenus - Well, Kinitaria are definitely favored, as they are the 2nd highest ranked team in this group.

Thomas Crispus - That means they are ranked higher than Soviet Canuckistan and Krytenia?

Iosue Galenus - Yes, they are.

6th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Silvester Flaccus gets the ball on a pass from Lucas Aufidius.

Thomas Crispus - Time for an attacking run.

Iosue Galenus - Kristijan Preda has stolen the ball from Flaccus and he's taking it toward the box.

Thomas Crispus - Seius will probably need to make a save.

Iosue Galenus - Preda passed and finds his vice-captain Luca Sabčot. Sabčot takes a shot and its in the bottom left corner.

Thomas Crispus - Not this again.

Iosue Galenus - Kinitaria leads 1 goal to nil. Saintland still hasn't scored since the match against Zwangzug.

20th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Georgius Catiotus has the ball and he's going to try a long pass. Looks like it is going to find Prince Andreas.

Thomas Crispus - Time for the Prince to get an equalizer.

Iosue Galenus - Prince Andreas finds the ball and he's heading directly toward the goal. Here comes his shot and it is right at the keeper's hands. It bounces off his hands and out for a corner kick.

Thomas Crispus - Prince Andreas needs to hit a good corner here. We need that equalizer.

Iosue Galenus - Prince Andreas takes the corner relatively quickly, booting it into a crowd of players. Several players jump for the ball and it looks like one of the red and white has headed it into the back of the net.

Thomas Crispus - GOAL!! GOAL!!! GOAL!!!! GOAL!!!! GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iosue Galenus - I have gotten word that Ioannes Poenius was the goalscorer. That is official, as recognized by the World Cup Committee. The Kingdom of Saintland is now level with Kinitaria at 1 to 1. Maybe we do have a chance of hanging with the best in the world after all.

36th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Vagionius is through on goal. He's going to score. No, he's not. He is fouled by Anton Spirlea.

Thomas Crispus - This is extremely poor sportsmanship. Give him a red card, ref. Show the world that your vision is 20:20.

Iosue Galenus - The ref has called Vagionius over? He has shown Stephanus Vagionius a yellow card? What in the name of Infernus is this?

Thomas Crispus - That was one of the most vicious fouls I've ever seen and these crooked refs decided to give the yellow card to the victim. But, we really shouldn't be surprised by this. The refs are foreigners after all and they hate us because we are Saved and they are bound for Infernus.

Iosue Galenus - Thomas, we do not know if they would reject the message of Iesus if we told them, so you should not speak of them like that. Only after somebody has rejected God's True Church is it appropriate to say that they are bound for Infernus.

Thomas Crispus - You're right, Iosue, but I'm upset about that awful call.

Iosue Galenus - We all are, but you are a professional and should be acting more professionally.

55th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Paulo Naoumov has taken the ball to just outside of the box. He's looking for a pass to set up a scoring opportunity. Actually, he decided to shoot it himself. The long shot is to the right side of the goal. Seius goes to save it and he somehow falls just an inch short.

Thomas Crispus - Actually, I think he was around a centimeter short. Kinitaria now leads 2 to 1. This isn't good.

60th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Prince Andreas looks to set up a pass. He has found Mamilius inside the box. Mamilius shoots! No, he faked it and Costin Petran bought the fake. Stephanus Vagionius has the ball and he puts it into the back of an unguarded net!!!! The Sanctii are level with Kinitaria.

Thomas Crispus - GOAL!!! GOAL!!!!!!! GOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGGGG-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iosue Galenus - Now, Prince Andreas needs to make a decision. Will the Sanctii try to hold on to a 2-2 draw or will they go for the victory and risk conceding another goal?

68th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Nicolaus Poenius purposely kicks the ball deep downfield and out of bounds to concede a throw-in. Prince Andreas must have decided to bring on some substitutes.

Thomas Crispus - About time. The center backs look exhausted out there.

Iosue Galenus - Ioannes Gratus is on for Petrus Mamilius. Looks like Andreas Inventius is coming in for Silvester Flaccus and Josephus Flaccus is replacing his brother Paulus.

Thomas Crispus - Prince Andreas doesn't replace a single one of the center backs? That could prove costly for the Sanctii.

73rd minute

Iosue Galenus - Prince Andreas passes to Ioannes Gratus and Gratus has taken a shot. Its in the back of the net.

Thomas Crispus - GGOOAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-OOOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA----------

Iosue Galenus - Stop right there, Thomas. The referee has signaled offsides. The goal does not count.

Thomas Crispus - Now, this referee has cost us a penalty and a goal today. Unbelievable. If this match was being held at Royal Stadium, I don't know if he'd make it out of our Kingdom without being dragged to the stocks by a mob of angry Sanctii.

Iosue Galenus - I understand the sentiment, Thomas, but we don't need any international incidents. The last thing we want is for the World Cup Committee to ban us from playing at home.

Thomas Crispus - They can't do that.

Iosue Galenus - Yes, they can. They oversee World Cup competition and can set whatever rules they wish.

77th Minute

Iosue Galenus - Kristijan Preda has the ball and he attempts a pass to Lupan Mihalcič. Lucas Aufidius should intercept this one, but he was somehow out of position.

Thomas Crispus - He must be tired.

Iosue Galenus - That may be. Mihalcič is through on goal and he takes a shot. Seius guesses the wrong side and Kinitaria takes a lead of 3 goals to 2.

Thomas Crispus - Why did Prince Andreas change the midfield and leave his exhausted center backs in the match? That blunder has likely cost us our points from this match and it has undoubtedly cost us the chance to get 3 points.

88th Minute

The Sanctii have been extremely aggressive for the last 10 minutes. Vagionius was called offsides a few minutes ago.

Iosue Galenus - The shot from Prince Andreas is knocked out for a corner.

Thomas Crispus - It is now or never. If the Sanctii don't equalize here, this match is lost.

Iosue Galenus - This time around, Prince Andreas is going to take his time. He's calling everybody forward.

Thomas Crispus - Even Alessandro Seius is up for this corner.

Iosue Galenus - Prince Andreas takes the shot and he sends it into a crowd. Looks like it is heading toward Seius, but Anton Spirlea leaps into the air and heads it away to safety.

Thomas Crispus - The same Anton Spirlea that should have gotten a red card for his cheap shot on Vagionius. I guarantee you that this ref has been bought by the Kinitarians.

Iosue Galenus - That may be, but Luca Sabčot is making a run at the ball and he will probably beat Belaeus to it.

Thomas Crispus - This is not good at all.

Iosue Galenus - For once, that is an understatement Thomas. Sabčot has the ball and he's running toward the empty goal. Nobody's going to catch him. He's into the box and he puts the ball into the back of an empty net.

Thomas Crispus - Match over.

Iosue Galenus - There are still a few more minutes to play, but Kinitaria leads 4 goals to 2 and this match is a foregone conclusion. The Sanctii will lose for the 3rd match in a row. Let's just hope they perform better against hapless Kishrael tomorrow.

[Branta Island]

"Buon giorno, signore Gaspari. Another good win for you and your squad today against Super-Llamaland. I'm sure you'll take those three points."

"Three points is three points, as someone used to say. And yes, it was a good win. We dominated possession to something like 70-30, if I read the match report correct? But with all that time on the ball, I'm a little disappointed we didn't have more goals. The shooting was fantastic, but their keeper isn't an international player for no reason. Making stops left and right is his job, and getting one by him proved difficult."

"And on the flip side, your goalie was tested as much as in the previous matches."

"No, Rustici didn't get more than 5 shots in his direction, so it was a quiet day for him. The Llamas were taking shots well out of range, and that can be attributed to quality back line play. Keeping them away from the net was their main priority, and executing that today made the difference."

"Well sitting in the middle of the table, certainly this is more than you expected?"

"After being at the top of the table for two matches? Hardly. I had full faith in my squad that we could pull something like this and shock some of these nations. Especially with a trip to Babbage Islands coming up. I'd love to be able to draw against them at there own place, just to say 'Look at what teams like us can do to teams like them.'"

"Realistically though, you don't think you can win, right?"

"Realistically, what I think is what I think, and I think this conference is over."

[Perinpanland]

!Perinpan Sports Network!

Cameras pan to three men sitting on an oval desk with. On the right is the Soccer Analysis Joe Brown. In the middle is a young dashing Soccer Informat Chad Dylan and on the Right is Ex-Coach of Chymala FC Steve White.

Mr. White: Hi and welcome to the Gol! Perinpanland! The soccer program as part of the Perinpan Sports Network. Perinpanland is back! Finishing a well fought game against a very experienced team: Free South Califas. The final results were 1-1.

Mr. Dylan: Well, things did get a little shaky on Futball Ship.

Mr. Brown: our informats didn't get us the formation the team was going to use. However something tells me that the Perinpan team went in knowing they would lose.

Mr. White: Yes, I saw it too. Coach Martini did a very good job in keeping them motivated.

Mr. Brown: Either he did or the crazy fans did.

---

0' Welcome fans to Futball Ship on the docks of Pirate Encampment. Perinpan fans and Nethrezite fans both arrive and the first 10 000 fans receive a free Bunsen Burner for Bunsen Burner Day. The ship is ready to depart onto the middle of the sea.

As the ship moves, it starts to get a bit chilly. The anthem plays. First the Free South Califas, then Perinpanland and Finally Nethrezim. It had already been decided by Cpt. Morger to have Free South Califas kick first. In the Audience we also have Cpt. Kalimdor and the many cheering fans from both Perinpanland and the pirates. At first kick approaches, the ceremonial anchor is dropped and the game starts with the launch of a ceremonial harpoon missile.

4' Down at midfield, Chidiebele Guttman has the ball. Stolen by Rosario Charpentier Many passes now to Raymond Bradley... First shot...and it hits the post!!!!

6' More shots by Bradley...and finally, the goalie will punch it out.

12' Corner after corner against Free South Califas. Finally Bradley with the cross....and it...Goal!!!!First 12 minutes and scores...Charpentier heads in the delightful cross by Bradley. Early lead in this game goes to Perinpanland 0-1.


16' Ignacio Cook long pass to Rolf Valenzuela and its intercepted by Onofre Reynoso Lovato

24 Guttman is trying to equilize it. Shot after shot. The ball continues to return to him and he keeps on shooting but sadly, no goal for them.

25' Perinpanland gets the ball from outside the Perinpan square. Valenzuela challenges it and he clears it.

28'SHOTS FIRED! Its the ref. Foul on Godvin Nes. The referee is running to him, holstering his pistol. Yellow Card. The ref is calling it unsportsmanlike conduct.

32'Now on the other side of the field. Arlen Wall is being booked for verbally distracting a player. He shall also receive a yellow card.

36' Donovan Miles hands it to Valenzuela. He runs up. Pass to Charpentier but intercepted. ---Shots are fired and the alarm is risen. The top of the stadium is closing and the ship is being hit hard. Many of the fans are taking out their guns and running out. It seems that the ship is under attack. Cpt. Morder gets out and screams man your station! Ship's anchor begins to go up and it heads for the enemy ship. The enemy ship is fast approaching. Missiles have been fired on both sides and the enemy has begun to try and seize the ship. The enemy ship:

THEY'VE ENTERED THE SHIP!!! ZOMBIE PIRATES!!!! ZOMBIE PIRATES HAVE ATTACKED US!!! Perinpanland's military has already decided to quarantine this apocalypse but now they've taken the sea. The Nethrezite Pirates fought hard. Blood was spilt everywhere. Cpt. Morder screamed before his plight of death: Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.

After a while the ship was calmed again. From this time on, the ship will be protected at all times and watched at all times.

43' OMHIGOD SHOTS FIRED...oh wait its the ref. He is going to book Valenzuela for that dive. That will be his second yellow card: Red card. Valenzuela is out of there.

44' Nadezhda Prokhorova is injured from that attack. Substitution has been made: Nadezhda Prokhorova for Conchúr Vittorio

45' Free South Califas with a great strategic attack! Down the line and stopped by Arlen Wall. The game is now turning around.

45' The sound of a gun fire is heard. It seems that Isabella Ferreira Cardoso is injured. She will continue to play in that game.

45+1' 1 minute of added time... and it's Halftime!!! 0-1 Perinpanland.

45' Second half and Free South Califas makes another substitution. Godvin Nes for Rufus Goldman

47' Free South Califas begins to attack. Superbe cross. But not as great as we thought because Scottie FIsh takes it back.

50' From the endlines. Bela Ceh has the ball. Dribbles. In the box now...SHOOTS.....and it's...NO GOAL!!! Hit the side of the net. Half the ship erupted in viscious scream thinking it was a goal.

52' Ignacio Cook taps it to Charpentier. He shoots...and deflected off of Frida Rubaiyat. Back to the feet of Donovan Miles. He goes for the shot... and deflected by Conchúr Vittorio. Worley for the corner and its...caught by their goalie.

58' Bela Ceh drives it into the Perinpan box. Pokes it to Obioma Chukwufumnanya who shoots....Wide but still in. Now its Chidiebele Guttman's turn and it is wide...

60' Perinpanland is getting a little deperate at the moment. No consise planning. Just clearing the ball.

62' Free South Califas corner. Haidou Zhongyuan passes. Adriano Xavier tries to intercept it but he is a bit shy. Bela Ceh is OPEN AND 10 YARDS AWAY!!!! AND ITS WIDE!!!!!!

63' Free South Califas substitution. Obioma Chukwufumnanya for Ralf Huber in his debut appearance.

66' Hanrah Anzalichi grabbing onto the jersey of Charpentier as he runs through. He shoots and it is no goal!!! Saved by their goalie. Anzalichi will be booked. Yellow Card. That in my opinion is a stupid call by the ref but who am I to argue with a guy like that.

70' Another great shot by Ceh. Caught by Trotter. Oh SH- he dropped it. Free South Califas will try another grab at it but it is safely captured by Trotter again. Phew.

75' Guttman with a great lob shot. And its his fisted away by Trotter over the net.

76' Haidou Zhongyuan with the corner. The ball is being kicked around...SHOOT...off the post and into Trotter.

76' Perinpanland substitution. Raymond Bradley for Dani Alves

78' Corner for Free South Califas. A great clear. Headed by Guttman. Fisted out by Trotter and Ralf Huber with the rebound....GOAL!!!! Free South Califas found the equalizer. 1-1.


86' Miles shoots from 30 yards away and its wide.

90'+2 Back at the Free South Califas side. Both teams are desperate for the goal. 4 minutes of added time. that should be enough. Fish with the ball. Runs up. Ralf Huber challenges him and the referee's gun is heard. Ralf Huber is being booked at 90+2' with a yellow card..

90+4Scottie Fish with the free kick, 25 yards away. Final minutes on the clock...Miles has the ball now. Dive by Isabella Ferreira Cardoso...that should be illegal. Miles did trip. He back. Has the ball. Shoots and punched away by Free South Califas' remarkable goalie. Corner. Referee is also running up to Cardoso. Being booked with a yellow card.. Let me tell you. Both teams are deperate for that goal.

90+4' a final shot by Perinpanland to win this game. A great clear...HEADER!!!! and caught by Christine Gonzalez! FULLTIME! The score is 1-1 here on Futball Ship.


Here are the games stats:

Perinpanland

Free South Califas

#1 Gaspard TROTTER "A" RD: #6 Arlen WALL [] CD: #16 Adriano XAVIER CD: #17 Adolfo UNAI LD: #4 Nicolas WORLEY CDM: #9 Scottie FISH [] RM: #24 Ignacio COOK [] LM: #3 Rolf VALENZUELA [][][] CDM: #11 Donovan MILES substituted in the 58' RF: #5 Rosario CHARPENTIER Scored in 12' "C" LF: #8 Raymond BRADLEY substituted out in the 76' Assist in 12' LF: #12 Dani ALVES substituted in the 76'[]

GK: #34 Christine Gonzalez #2 Nadezhda Prokhorova substituted out in the 44' #14 Conchúr Vittorio substituted in the 44' #4 Onofre Reynoso Lovato #68 Frida Rubaiyat #65 Isabella Ferreira Cardoso [] #6 Godvin Nes substituted out in the 45' [] #45 Rufus Goldman #7 Haidou Zhongyuan #23 Hanrah Anzalichi [] #76 Obioma Chukwufumnanya substituted out in the 63' #12 Ralf Huber substituted in the 63' Scores in the 78' [] #10 Bela Ceh #11Chidiebele Guttman

Team	Free South Califas 1	Perinpanland 1
Goals Scored	Huber 63'	Charpentier 12'
Shots:	19	14
Shots on Goal:	15	11
Possession:	45%	55%
Yellow Cards	4	2
Red Cards:	0	1

---

Mr. Brown: well that is one interesting game. What do you think?

Mr. Dylan: Let's not talk about the zombies. They give me the frights. The Perinpanpan militia has ordered some tropps to guard the studio so we're somewhat safe.

Mr. White: During the game, it seemed that the first goal didn't really faze Perinpanland. They continued to play normally. What they didn't account for was Free South Califas' added motivation. That will be key. Coach Martini has improved in the training of their mentality.

Mr. Dylan: Well, our next game is against Schmiegelland. They are 1-0-4 while we are 2--1-2. They are a pretty new team. However, Perinpanland will not be overconfident, afterall, they did beat us in the exhibition match.

miniguns being heard

Mr. Brown What the-

Mr. Dylan: Dam, the zombies are coming into the studio. Perinpan militia is holding them back but for how long.

Mr. White: before we leave, let us tell you that our informats at Schmiegelland have given us some very good info and we'll leave you with tonights roster.

Perinpanland

#1 Gaspard TROTTER "A" RD: #6 Arlen WALL [] CD: #16 Adriano XAVIER CD: #17 Adolfo UNAI LD: #4 Nicolas WORLEY CDM: #9 Scottie FISH [] RM: #24 Ignacio COOK [] LM: #10 Chas MORRISON CM/CF: #11 Donovan MILES RF: #5 Rosario CHARPENTIER "C" LF: #8 Raymond BRADLEY

Possible Subsistutes: D: #28 Freddy SIDRO D: #21 Forrest VOSS M/CDM #2 Maximillien MASON [] M: #14 Tony SUMMERFIELD M: #19 Honoré MICHEL F: #12 Dani Alves []

R_= Right ________
L_= Left ________
C_ = Central __________
_D = ____________ Defender
_DM = __________ Defensive Midfielder
_F = ___________ Forward

[Saugeais]

"Well, there goes the neighborhood. A draw to Sylvanaes Queendom? It's like we are destined not to win against them."

"I hear ya. It seems like no matter where we face them, we aren't going to get anything greater than a draw to them."

"And it's not like we lucked into the draw, either. The back line gave up a stupid goal, leaving Vincent James out to dry in a one on one situation. James delivered a strong goal kick, but that Ickaeth girl knocked it back over the defensive line, that was playing high for some reason, to that speedy Saber girl who ran right by the everyone to get to James. She fooled James badly and slotted the ball into the net to tie up the game."

"Tied it up, yeah, in the 80th minute. I blame the decision to take out both Daley Hart and Deforest Seaver from the lineup. Sure, you had a fully fresh Georges Toussaint and Lucas Volclain, but their cohesion with the rest of the unit wasn't there, and they were frequently out of position. Hell, Toussaint played the furthest up when that goal was scored."

"It can't be helped now that the game is over. We did open with a good goal though. A penalty shot from Casimir Archambault. You know, we don't really have a dedicated penalty shooter after Kuzman Ruslan left. Powell Pieran needs to figure that one out. But what led to that situation was a handball by that girl Elminster in the box was spotted by the referee, who awarded the Knights with that penalty kick. Casimir didn't have the same......flow as Ruslan did. He paused after every step on the run up before striking the ball into the top left corner of the net, well out of reach from the Unicorns' keeper."

"A good start indeed, but of course, ended badly."

"And now we got Antoletia next up. They're coming on strong lately."

"Yeah, but if you read what Stub Harnish says about them, I wouldn't worry. And he's right a good 75% of the time."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, he says they're not the threat of the group, that it was the Queendom and, heh, Eastfield Lodge that were. This was pre-qualifying of course."

"I don't know what he was thinking about Eastfield Lodge there. I'm still wary of Antoletia, and Pieran and the Knights should be too."

"I have faith Hart and Archambault will get the victory. One step closer to the Finals, that's all it is."

"We'll wait and see."

[Sargossa]

“Good afternoon and welcome to this live Copa Sargossa coverage. Thank you for pointing your radio thingies at this frequency on what has been a somewhat trying day so far. Hopefully we can brighten the mood with some fine sporting action. It’s Quarter Final day and we have four fantastic fixtures to bring from across the nation. Here in Soluca Sportivo host Alianza Jucaro, and we’ll also be bringing you all the latest news from our reporters in Maturín, Torreón and Daroca.

“And as we approach kick off what better time to check in with our correspondents around the grounds. First, here’s Carlos Fuego in Maturín and he’s watching Dínamo versus Porto Alegro Azul. Carlos, give us some team news.”

“Arrrrgggghh, gethimoffmegethimoffmegethimoffme!! Stop it! Sto . . .”

“Hmm, we seem to be having some technical issues with our Maturín connection. How’s about we try Roberto Robredo in Torreón. Are you there Roberto?”

“I am indeed but it’s not good news I’m afraid. There were major doubts about this fixture even taking place and groups of volunteers have been clearing corpses off of the pitch for several hours prior to what we hoped would be kick off. Unfortunately when the referee went down to conduct his scheduled pitch inspection he was devoured by his assistant and three stewards. They have just cut the sirens long enough to ask whether anyone in the crowd is a qualified match official. But it’s a sparse attendance here and the outlook doesn’t look great. I would say that Estrella against Jaguarés is probably off.”

“Oh what a shame. Particularly for the fans who’d made the journey. Perhaps we’ll have better luck at the Estadio Bolero? Carlos, come in.”

“. . . cause for alarm. This is a nation-wide curfew. Stay in your homes. There is no cause for alarm. This is a natio . . .”

“That doesn’t sounds like Carlos. Well while we try and resolve some of the difficulties we’re experiencing today let me tell you about the fixture being played here, at the Estadio Generalissimo Joaquín Delgado. Joining me is . . . oh no, it looks like there’s some trouble in the stands. A number of enthusiasts are shambling over the advertising hoardings and on to the pitch. But a large group of uniformed security are moving to intercept so we should be up and running soon. In the meantime let me welcome my co-commentator Jaime Sanchís, who of course played for both these sides. Welcome Jaime.”

“grrrrr.”

“Oh-kay. Well, Alianza come in to this game as underdogs but it also appears that only five of their players have survived the trip from the team hotel. Now they’re really up against it. How can they possibly overcome the odds?”

“brraainnnnnnsss.”

“Absolutely. With a six man disadvantage they won’t be able to outplay Sportivo so they’ll have to try and outthink them. But Sportivo have been in excellent form of late, particularly at home. What do you think their key area is?”

“brraainnnnnnsss.”

“Erm . . . well, yeah. Lot of experience, lot of old heads in that side. The coach won’t need to tell them what’s at stake. Although he seems plenty occupied at the moment, chewing on what looks from here to be some kind of thigh bone. Well will all have our own pre-match rituals, I guess. What were the strangest you came across in your career Jaime?”

“brraainnnnnnsss.”

“Ahhaha . . . ha . . . errrrrr. Well, alright then.”

[Bears Armed]

"Nevertheless," Grey pointed out, "no pulse means no life means dead: Hrright?"

"Well... ayyuh, I suppose it does.
"So, hwhat do you all hrreckon we should do next?"

"Hr'rmm, if we stay here then that might make it a bit easier for anybearry who's trying to contact urrs from back home to get through...

"Or for anybearry from the enemy who knows how we were sent here to find us, too, though."

"Ayyuh, there is that little point."

"Hwhereas if we move out, say along the track that seems to start betwen those two pine trees over there, maybeso we'll find hwhoever's in charge here"

"If anybearry is, that is."

"Ayyuh. anyhows, only one way to find out: Hrright?"

"Hrright, sarge."

"So, then, off we go. Lightning, you take the point. Grey, you...
"Wait! Who's that, advancing slowly from the left?"

"Looks like some of those furless Chaos cultists from before, sarge, only they're moving a bit funny-like. Maybeso either the shift from Shebahr or something about this place has affected them worse than it did urrs?"

"Maybeso. They should be able to see urrs by now anyhows, despite this fog, but they're not stopping. Hr'rmm, maybeso they're as confused as we are...
"Now, hwhatever's happened to urrs, they actually look dead."

"Smell dead, too: urrgh!"

"Ayyuh. But why...?"

"Zombies!"

"Zombies?"

"ZOMBIES!
"We have to destroy them quickly, before they get too close."

"Hrright. Quarter-field zones each, as practiced. Selective fire, conserve ammo. Fire at will."

*<Sounds of gunfire>*

[Milchama]

"So a draw"

"Yep an awful result"

"Just terrible"

"Almost like that zombie plague"

"Whatever, we won"

"True"

"So really it's about terrible results"

"Ok"

"Yeah we need good results"

"Well we are in first place"

"Sure but that was an awful result"

"Yeah if I can't spell the country and can't be bothered to spell the country then it's a terrible result"

"Exactly"

"So?"

"We had a chance to extend our lead over Mesoland and just failed miserably"

"Have Mesoland played Jeru FC yet?"

"Nope"

"Good"

"And anyway we're still undefeated that's what most important to me"

"It's nice but not drawing to crap teams is also nice"

"Very true, look if nothing else we can complain now and actually have semi-interesting RPs"

"Fair, you know what else would be good RPs?"

"What?"

"Actual stories"

"Yeah that would be nice"

"Why does it never happen?"

"Because we're terrible at it. Think about it, every time we attempt a story it ends up stuck in the middle and never ends"

"Exactly it's a subversion of the beginning/middle/end structure of a traditional narrative"

"See if I was actually good at writing that might work, but right now that's just not true and you know it"

"Look when you deconstruct the text what you get is just not true"

"Who would want to deconstruct a Milchamian RP?"

"Derrida"

"Fine, you know what, just to prove you wrong we'll use Derridian deconstruction in our next RP"

"So now you want our RPs to go from probable gibberish to actual gibberish?"

"Yes"

"Oh dear"

"It'll be great"

"No it'll be awful"

"It'll be the best Milchamian RP since that one time"

"God that sucks"

"What?"

"No memorable RPs"

"What are you talking about, we brought back Margaret"

"Oh yeah that thing"

"So that's something"

"Truth"

"Anyway to deconstruction"

"And parody"

"Exactly"

"Go Cubs!"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"

[Socialist States Owen]

SECOND HALF GOAL RUSH DEFEATS PASARGA...
...but key win neutralised by previous poor performances
Clint Covey reports from Stade de Torgos, Pasarga

PASARGA - 1
Hoffman 45+2

EURA - 3
Stevenson 61, 74
Thomas 77

After several poor results that left Eura inexplicably in the middle of Group 10, Eura rediscovered their class to dispatch Pasarga with a superb second half performance.

Kelly Sporadic's team had to fight hard on the second match day to come away with a 3-2 win away at Singapuroar. The minnows took the lead after just ten minutes and despite a quick equaliser through a Thompson free kick, they went into half time with a 2-1 advantage via a penalty. Sporadic had his head in his hands as things went from bad to worse in the second minute of the second half, as the home side won a penalty while Julesk Paranaya received a second yellow card. However at this point the game would turn in Eura's favour as Belgrave saved the penalty, and within a few minutes they were level as Lee Sharp fired past the hosts keeper from close range. A late and valuable goal won the game - substitute Ashley O'Brien headed home from another Thompson free kick with just seconds to go. Yet in the shock result of Group 10 so far, Shadowbourne managed to defeat Eura on our own turf in the next game, scoring two first half goals in a poor performance even worse than that of the first half against Singapuroar. In fact a pattern appears to have been set as Eura once again failed to launch in the first half at home to Stachland, conceding two early goals this time (though one should have been disallowed for a foul on Belgrave.) However this time Eura came back once they had a goal back through Sam Needle's 77th minute penalty, before Nick Feeney earned them a point with a blistering strike. Despite this late equaliser the side were booed off at full time.

In this key fixture, Eura's performance seemed to follow the same pattern. They started slowly and had taken a big risk in picking Lyle Heath and Ashley O'Brien as a centre back pairing ahead of Paranaya and Robertson, while Tom Riley gave way to Djourou Calaga. Pasarga had all of the early chances and came agonisingly close to taking the lead in the 29th minute when Erôss Ivett rounded Daniel Belgrave, only to thump a seemingly simple finish into the post. Peter Hoffman then tested Belgrave with a long range shot before Lee Sharp had a hopeful shot from range go just over. Right before half time Pasarga would break the deadlock; and they deserved the lead thoroughly. Janne Lämsä advanced down the right wing past Parsons and Smith in a mazy dribble, before cutting a pass across the box which was hooked away by Heath - only for Peter Hoffman to run straight on to it and pelt the ball into the top corner from outside the box. Sporadic reportedly locked the doors of the dressing room at half time as he gave his players a verbal dressing down. Seemingly he got the response that was required as the Eurans came on to the field for the second half fully woken up and raring to go - substituting Calaga for Riley and Parsons for Stevenson probably helped too. Hoffman would no longer be allowed to dominate the right wing.

Stevenson was instrumental in winning this game for his side and that didn't only come through his clampdown on Hoffman. In the 53rd minute he delivered a glorious cross into the box from out wide that Needle should have put in the net, but the Bastion striker could only head the ball straight at Boris Ivan Rabuza. Eventually Stevenson took things into his own hands, dribbling the ball into the box from the left before curling it past Rabuza with all the finesse you could want. Kieran Kane seemed to get the motivation he required from his teammate on the left wing at this point because within minutes he had struck the post. Kane then turned provider as his 74th minute cross zipped through the cross and, after Lee Sharp and substitute Sam Thomas failed to intercept, Stevenson appeared from nowhere to volley home from the edge of the six yard box. Stevenson rounded his man of the match performance just three minutes later with a darting run into the box, much like for his first goal, before slamming the ball towards Rabuza - who denied Stevenson a hattrick with a desperate parry, but the ball went straight to Thomas who headed home. Ivett would remind the Eurans that Pasarga were still in the game in stoppage time as he headed against the bar, but Kelly Sporadic's side held on for an important win as they attempt to regain control of the group.

ANALYSIS

Player Ratings

EURA

1. D Belgrave - 8/10
2. N Feeney - 6/10
19. A O'Brien - 7/10
15. L Heath - 7/10
3. M Smith - 5/10
7. K Kane - 7/10
26. D Calaga - 4/10 (Riley - 45)
8. S Thompson - 8/10
11. C Parsons - 5/10 (Stevenson - 45)
10. L Sharp - 7/10
9. S Needle - 6/10 (Thomas - 70)

Substitutes

13. C Waller
5. M Robertson
21. G Dawkins
23. JA Pizza
6. T Riley - 8/10
18. C Dawson
12. J Stevenson - 10/10
14. S Oslograd
17. S Thomas - 8/10

MoM: Josh Stevenson (Eura)
Attendance: 90,000

Possession
PAS - 46 % 54 - EUR
Shots
PAS - 12 11 - EUR
On Target
PAS - 4 6 - EUR
Corners
PAS - 7 9 - EUR
Pass Completion
PAS - 74 % 69 - EUR
Fouls
PAS - 10 11 - EUR

[Nenets Autonomous Okrug (Ancient)]

Pride, Prejudice, the Trial of Hermione Aglukark, and Zombies
Part the Thirdddzzmargh

With the second witness ready to testify, the trial was reconvening. Across the way, the giant screen blared on. Across town, the Red North Stadium (Sacred to Sirte the Bear) was preparing to host the once-mighty Dance 2 Revolution.

Judge N’en: There has been some disorder at this trial. I would like to remind all present that such will not be tolerated. I’m a proud woman from a proud nation. And I’ve brought along a large snake to devour anyone who steps out of line. Now, the next witness is…?

The prosecutor’s voice is drowned out by the Nensport broadcast of the entry of the Dance 2 Revolution squad.

“… Seven! Eight! And the renowned goal scorer … Nine!” The crowd goes wild. Slightly confused, but wild nevertheless. “Hey, why is Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven Eight Nine!”

A collective groan went up across the Autonomous Okrug, from Amderma to Vortspltty-Mar.

“Hey,” the announcer protested. “Don’t be afraid of clichés!”

And speaking of clichés:

Blanche Almond, who had not been feeling well, slumbered on the Nenets bench. The opening whistle woke her.

“Grr,” she remarked.

“Arg,” she explained.

“Grr,” she concluded.

Blanche lunged at the nearest player. Two was too quick for her, but she took a large bite out of fellow Nenets midfielder Fuchsia Rose.

“Gulp,” she opined.

“Yum,” she continued.

“Arg,” she declared.

The crowd went wild again. Not in such a good way, this time.

“Er, substitution!” shouted Sumi Li, manager of the National Football Squad of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug. “Rose off for….”

Zombie Blanche charged on to the field.

“Er, for Almond.”

The referee looked like he was considering a penalty, but thought better of it as the zombie footballer bore down towards him, foaming at the mouth.


“Grr,” she announced.

“Arg,” she disclosed.

“Buffy,” she revealed.

Zambrona: The People of the Autonomous Okrug call Cooper Penny.

Judge N’en: Surely she’s at Red North Stadium (Sacred to Sirte the Bear) playing football.

Cooper: Not any more, I’m not.

Judge N’en: Why’s that?


Cooper: Too many zombies.

Judge N’en: No such thing as zombies. And if there were, surely one would be too many?

Cooper: Yes indeed. More people should have the brains to see that.

At the sound of the word “brains,” a zombie horse descended on the trial site. People scattered. Judge N’en blanched, and ordered her giant snake into combat against the attacking zombies.

It blinked slightly, and then lunged at her.

“Grr,” it enunciated (quite clearly, for a snake).

“Arg,” it affirmed.

“Gulp,” it suggested, as its jaws started to close.

Judge N’en screamed. “What’s wrong with my snake?”

The ESPN screen – and all the others except Nensport – went blue. The National Flag of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug (Sacred to Dashe the Reindeer) unfurled across the screen.

“Do not be alarmed,” said a relaxed female voice. “Yes, there is a minor zombie outbreak. The National Clan Mothers of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug have the situation well under control. We are currently using flamethrowers against zombies with extreme pride and extreme prejudice. They shall soon be consumed in fiery fire (sacred to Campy the Campfire Dog). Welcome to Bunsen burner day!

Footage crossed the screen showing the National Armed Forces of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug (Sacred to Kilte the Bear), as locals affectionately called their army. Soldiers in thinsulate parkas advanced on a horse of zombies, burning as they went.

The voice continued. “If necessary, we will impawn the entire country to stave off zombies. Your Clan Mothers are watching out for you. Prasie Sirte the Bear!”

As the trial turned into a chaotic massacre (as the humans saw it) or a splendid brain-eating carnival (as the zombies saw it), one woman stood her ground.

“Do your worst, demonspawn,” Hermione Aglukark shouted. “I spit in the face of zombies.”

“Sounds unhygienic,” her defence counsel said. “You shouldn’t spit on --- arghhhhh…”

Seven-seven zombies piled on top of Hermione, munching happily.

Nensport continued to broadcast. Can’t stop a football match, after all. The match consisted mainly of players kicking the ball around while trying to avoid rampaging zombies.

Zombie Blanche Almond saw the ball, at last.

“Brain?” she inquired, eyeing the small round object.

“Brain!” she affirmed and raced towards it.

“Wantzzz!” she remarked as she lunged at the ball.

Nenets defender Curley Nen saw what was happening. “Nooo!” he exclaimed. “Can’t let a match be called, we need to win this century!” He stuck out his foot and committed an appalling foul tackle on the zombie. Considering the circumstances, the referee let it slide. It ricocheted off a zombie and past One into the Dance 2 Revolution goal.

“Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability,” Nen stated to no one in particular.

“That’s Jane Austen, isn’t it?” called out Berndt Umber, who was having a quiet match in the Nenets goal. Well, as quiet as possible during a zombie invasion. He wasn’t facing too many shots, at least.

“Austen?” Nen yelled back. “So proud. So prejudiced.”

“It was Wilde, you morons,” bellowed Suomi Li from the sidelines.

The crowd went wilde.

The deets
Nenets Autonomous Okrug 1 Dance 2 Revolution 0
(C. Nen 66’)
Match dedicated to: the colour purple, sacred to Alice Walker and to Zombe the Undead Bear.

[Apox]

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

An Adventure In Old Guard - Part Six

Clement and David crept forwards through, tightly hugging the sea wall that flanked the edge of the harbour, towards the sounds of the voices. After they reached the end of the sea wall, 20 metres away, and still with no-one in sight, they walked out into the adjacent street. Or at least, Clement walked out, shat myself, and then promptly turned around, dragging David back with him. It was the harbour master, his fat rump disappearing into the distance, towards the voices as well.

After he disappeared around the corner of one of the closer houses, David walked, and Clement cowered out from round the corner and followed. This time they were more cautious, and David just poked his head round the corner. There they were, four people, including the harbour master, sat on the docks with up to 3 others on board a small boat which seemed to be in a small, side harbour. The harbour master was just sitting down as they began listening to their conversations, trying to find out what was happening.

"Alright then, where've you been?" asked one of the men on the dock, the one who seemed to be in charge of the operations occurring.

"I was having a snooze when some bastards came in asking questions." replied the harbour master, grumpily.

"What were they asking 'bout?" asked on of the deck-hands, as he walked past, crate in his his hands. The harbour turned round angrily,

"I can't remember alright? Don't think it was important." The deck hands was a little surprised, but not very, indicating that he was often exposed to the harbour masters anger.

"All right Ted," said the leader, "where have they gone?"

"I sent them away," said the harbour master, who was presumably Ted, a twisted smile crossing his face. The leader looked slightly disgusted at this point, but carried on regardless.

"Well, it's lucky they came in an woke you up, this is the last load. We're heading off the the HQ now." The final crate was put in the van, and the boat was powering up to head off. Two of the ground crew members got on the boat, whilst the other clambered onboard the old van, which Ted and the leader were just walking towards.

"See you in Michucari lads" shouted the leader to the boat, which had just slipped it's mooring and was heading out of the harbour.

"Quick David, get the name of the boat," hissed Clement, as he wrote down the number plate of the van. Old Guard had a weird number plating system, which seemed entirely random, unsurprisingly.

"The Queen o' the North," hissed David, as Clement wrote that in his notepad, along with the numberplate of the car, G3NS. The van coughed into life and it's headlights flicked on in the rapidly darkening evening, as Clement and David both decided that it would probably be best to leave at this stage and return to the offices of the Post. Something was up, and it was their job now to try and solve it.

---

Apox 1-0 Mytannion Carpenter 56'
It was a triumphant occasion for the Apoxian team, as we faced our biggest challenge of the qualifying campaign so far in the form of Mytannion. And mercifully, our team showed that we could withstand the tough teams as well as the easy ones with a 1-0 victory. For Brian McDermott's men, it was a good effort, they turned up to the Royal stadium with few fans, a result of the troubles occurring there, and had to take on the 2nd ranked team in the group. For the most part, they held back our goal attempts, (although though, we held back their as well), with a slip from inexperienced Narek Berozhserkovsky, who over-read the game as little too much, and fell right for John Carpenter's dummy pass to Olim Benzari, allowing John Carpenter through on goal, finishing with a superb shot in the bottom right corner, which Demy de Zooijt just couldn't get to. Apart from that, both sides defences held up well, although Apox reverted to an unorthodox 5-3-1-1 in the final 20 minutes to protect the lead, with Fran Gracie coming off for Matthias Sindelar, as the latter got his first taste of big game football. This win leaves Apox on top of Group 9, as we continue our excellent start to the qualifying campaign, now on 13 points, two points above Western cuba in 2nd, and crucially 4 points ahead of Mytannion in 3rd, as we try to separate ourselves from any spot which doesn't have qualification to the World Cup attached to it.

We named a full strength side with only one exception, Dan Weekes replaced by Hans Nielsson as he recovers from a thigh injury.
GK - Will Hewitt
RD - Jack Forster
CD - Hans Nielsson
CD - Fronden Abel
LD - Jennie Scott
RM - Olim Benzari (c)
CM - Will Fich
CM - John Carpenter
LM - Fran Gracie sub Matthias Sindelar 72'
CF - Keri Ularu
ST - Chris Maarsden

[Cassadaigua]

Get to know Team Cassadaigua! By Brittany Lawton
So far we haven't talked much about the current players as we have done a lot of talking about where we have been, and past events. Let's start now to focus on the current World Cup 64 team.

In regards to knowing National History in the World Cup:
Most Likely to know the score of our first ever Baptism of Fire Game: Lauren Kearns
Most Likely to think we won our Baptism of Fire: Lexi Quinn
Most Likely to realize we’re the only nation still in existence from our BoF: Adrienne Geraci
Most Likely to rather read What's Wrong With My Snake, then about our national history: Ashlee Spillane
Most Likely to actually own a pet snake: Jennifer Bellamy

Most Likely to have watched World Cup 50 & 51 highlights, at the least, once a week: Lauren Kearns
Most Likely to refuse to watch World Cup 50 & 51 highlights as a means of self-motivation: Meghan Kinson
Most Likely to forget that we won World Cups 50 & 51: Lexi Quinn
Most Likely to think we won these titles through some form of Martyrdom: Erika Fenwick

Most Likely to tell you all the people who have had their kit # retired: Brittney Moser
Most Likely to not know any of them: Lexi Quinn
Most Likely to engage you in a debate about who SHOULD have it retired: Adrienne Geraci

Most Likely to Know the legend of Stacie Kerrigan-Fraser: Brianna Bouchard
Most Likely to Date and Get Married to a player on another team: Cassie Brennan
Most Likely to Marry a Zombie: Ashlee Spillane
Most Likely to be a Zombie in Bed: Wait, I can't go there, kids are reading.


In Regards to the Competition:
Most Likely to wonder how the hell Leorudo is ranked better then us: Amy Genord
Most Likely to be able to correctly and thoroughly answer how Leorudo is better: Adrienne Geraci
Most Likely to have actually been to Leorudo before qualifying: Kirsten Kunes

Most Likely to taunt Polar Islandstates fans about why they don't play in the World Baseball Classic: Erika Fenwick
Most Likely to taunt Qazox fans about it being forever since they did something of merit in the WBC: Erika Fenwick
Most Likely to taunt Bergnovinaia fans about them being the most inconsistent nation in anything: Erika Fenwick

Most Likely to hate traveling to countries she’s never heard of: Lexi Quinn
Most Likely to be able to tell you all kinds of cultural facts about the smaller nations that are in our group: Adrienne Geraci
Most Likely to get motion sickness on the plane: Danielle Leonard

Most Likely to bitch-slap the first reporter to say “oh my God, they’re girls and we should be beating them”: Ashlee Spillane
Most Likely to at least politely ask these reporters to call us women and not girls: Brittney Moser

In Regards to the Hosts:
Most Likely to want to play in Wight: Brittney Moser
Most Likely to want to play in New Montreal States: Brianna Bouchard
Most Likely to wish there was a 3rd option: Kirsten Kunes
Most Likely to think Cassadaigua is hosting the World Cup: Lexi Quinn
Most Likely to want to move to Wight: Jennifer Bellamy
Most Likely to want to move to New Montreal States: Jessica Gratton
Most Likely to believe we will qualify: Brittney Moser/Brianna Bouchard (tie)
Most Likely to lecture you about our rank to be realistic: Lauren Kearns

[Shadowbourne]

Kharai Dotzer couldn't help but throw a brief, paranoid glance over his shoulder. He had no intentions of being captured again; as far he he was concerned, he had spent enough time at the hands of criminals over the past few days. He continued his brisk walk forward.

Then he saw them.

The two goons who had dragged him over the house were Alexey had held him. Forunately, they hadn't yet noticed him. Kharai quickly ducked into a coffee shop. He knew he didn't have much time. He practically ran over to the counter and ordered one large black coffee. He waited impatiently for his order to be filled. As the lady behind the counter handed him his cup, he raced out of the shop, not even bothering to thank her. Ordinarily, he would have knocked back his cup immediately and taken a big gulp.

Not today, though.

This cup of coffee wasn't for drinking. It was a weapon: a brutal, scalding, projectile capable of discouraging even the largest of assailants. He scanned the streets and relocated his former captors. He race-walked over to the other side of the street. The henchmen noticed him within a matter of seconds. "Perfect," thought Dotzer. As the men neared, Dotzer made his move. He he hurled the scalding hot liquid at the larger man's face. As he ducked away, holding his face and screaming his pain, Doter turned to the other man. Before the poor guy even had a chance to react, Dotzer swung a viscous left elbow towards the man's temple. His bone connected with a satisfying thud. Dotzer scrambled away quickly. However, within a few moments of launching his attack, he realized that he had not made the smartest decisions; attacking two unarmed men was not necessarily the best way to deflect attention from yourself. Regardless, Kharai continued his surge forward. He couldn't afford to waste any time.

[Mangolana]

Mangolana Gazzette

Mangolana earns first return World Cup win

Mangolana has done it. Mangolana has defeated Shining Armour by a score of 2-1 to earn their first win since returning to World Cup qualifying action. Mangolana's previous match was earned Mangolana's first point in World Cup qualifying when they drew Starblaydia 1-1 at home after Mangolana striker Gregory Nena scored Mangolana's tying goal in the 76th minute. Mangolana was able to hold on in the match to end the game in a 1-1 draw. That was big at the time as it was Mangolana's first point in qualifying while this is huge for the national team. Mangolana came into the match against Shining Armour as the underdog, but the national team quickly showed they were no pushover as Gregory Nena in the 18th minute fed a through ball to Allen Fuller, who had gotten between two defenders and was just onside, who buried it into the back of the net to give Mangolana a 1-0 lead.

Shining Armour did not let Mangolana end the first half as the leader however as they scored to tie the match up at 1-1. The goal came in the 39th minute when an S.A. player broke through the Mangolana back line, used his speed, and scored a goal in a 1-on-1 match-up with the Goalkeeper Chris Marte. After half-time both teams would make 1 sub with Mangolana taking off Antonio Ventera and bringing on leading scorer of the Mangolana Premier League Brett Mallon to the striker position. This move proved to be the deciding factor in the match as a free-kick was awarded to Mangolana on the far side of the penalty area in the 72nd minute. The kick was taken by Allen Fuller who crossed the ball into the box. The S.A. goalkeeper made a play for the ball but just missed on the punch attempt. The ball fell right to the feet of Mallon who buried the ball into the back of the net to give Mangolana a 2-1 lead and the win.

Following the match, Mangolana manager Arch McTash announced that Mallon would be in the starting 11 until further notice as he would be replacing Antonio Ventera at the striker position. McTash also announced that Mangolana captain Tappy Shogun had picked up a strained calf during the match and would miss the next match in World Cup Qualifying.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

10 year anniversary of Mangolana World Cup soccer
Cup of Harmony 47

Following Mangolana not qualifying for the 55th World Cup, Mangolana was invited to and accepted an invitation to the 47th Cup of Harmony which took place in fellow Rushmore nation Saugeais and unknown mysterious, rumored to have existed at one time, Sarzonia, though no living person seems to have a memory of a nation of that name. Mangolana was drawn into Group F with Newmanistan, North Chicanan, and Astograth. Mangolana would earn their first Cup of Harmony win in the tournament finally but would lose their first two matches and manager Robert Jimenez would be fired after the tournament. Mangolana opened up the Cup of Harmony with a 4-2 loss against Newmanistan. Mangolana's 2nd match was doomed from the start as before the match, Mangolana was confused as they thought they were playing North Chicken not North Chicanan. Mangolana was doomed from the start as they fell 1-0 to the Chickens or Chicanan, whatever they were. Mangolana would win their final Cup of Harmony match however as they defeated Rushmore mate Astograth 3-2 in Mangolana's first ever Cup of Harmony win in 6 tries, though the team was eliminated from the KO rounds prior to the match. We were also blessed to have Edorta Urrustoy for a full interview about his experiences against the Mangolana National team.

"Edorta Urrustoy, how would you describe the Mangolana national team during the 47th Cup of Harmony in Sarzonia & Saugeais?"

"It was certainly a strong team, Tim Hedjuk in goal and Tappy Shogun mixing up the midfield from what I recall. Our group was tough - I'd say Mangolana, North Chicanan and Astograth were at about the same level back then, regardless of Newmanistan finishing second to North Chicanan. Had Mangolana grabbed a few more points, which I think they deserved against the North Chicanans at least, they could've made waves at that Cup of Harmony."

"Do you feel that Astograth and yourself were under a lot of pressure coming into your match against Mangolana in your last match for Astograth?"

"Oh, absolutely. In the end it didn't matter, of course, since we needed a Newmanistan win and they ended up losing 5-1, but the pressure was overwhelming when anything could yet happen. I was the first Astograthian "star", what with Juvapanam and all that, so with this being my last tournament with the national team I felt completely under the spotlight. Didn't help."

"The match between Astograth and Mangolana was a high scoring 3-2 defeat for your team, was this caused by a defensive breakdown by your team or just pure offense from Mangolana?"

"A bit of both, really. Dei [Ormache] opened the scoring, I made it 2-0 and then we thought it'd be easy coasting. Wasn't that way - Mangolana organised itself and we just buckled under the pressure. There's no exuse for giving up three unanswered goals."

"Mangolana basically built off their win over Astograth with Tappy Shogun even saying that the win taught them they could compete on the international level. What did you think of Mangolana’s talent back then?"

"Mangolana was in a very similar position to Astograth - plenty of talent, but lacking polish and exposure. Diamonds in the rough, if you will. I was lucky to play abroad; most didn't have that chance and the domestic league was still very isolated from top-level play. Mangolana was the same, and I was very glad to see them achieve success later on, relying on the same backbone."

"Final question for you sir, what do think of how Mangolana are now?"

"Oh, that's a though one. I haven't kept up very much, you know, but I'm amazed Tappy Shogun and the Fuller brothers are still going. Good lads up front from what I've heard, too. A mix of young and old, a changing of the guard, is a solid way to build upon the past and seek a new beginning; it's a nation with much to look forward to."

We would once again like to thank Edorta Urrustoy for the interview and wish him the best in his future.

[Western cuba]

Las Palabras de Libertad

The Inevitable Syndicate 0-3 Western Cuba

Javier Andino

---

Well the last few days have just been absolutely terrible, at least yesterday's victor made things look a bit better then they have been. So it all started hours before the Mytannion game, where I had been watching television brainstorming on my next column in a CLA stronghold when agents from Western Cuba breached our base. Thankfully we managed to repeal them, but the possibility of me writing an article about the Mytannion game was next to none. (And to tell you the truth, due to the team's performance and the "Red Army" I was not in the mood to write).

So for the last twenty four hours, I had to go through the pain of being relocated to a new and safer location. I know sounds a bit crazy for just being a journalist, but people like Makarov really wish for me to be dead!

As you can already tell, I was not a big fan of the Mytannion game, so I'm going to keep this short. Not to deprive you of information of course, but the fact that it's almost to shameful for any Cuban to hear it. The game and the referee were bad enough, I don't feel like digging deep into the post-game activities that ravaged between both sides.

Astonishingly enough, I actually managed to watch the Mytannion-Western Cuba game even though my former location was suffering from the aftermath of a break-in. Sure authorities probably weren't to happy I was just sitting on my sorry butt watching the game as they secured perimeters and eliminated threats, but hey I didn't sign up to be a soldier.

For the first few minutes, the game looked to be going well for Western Cuban fans. Moreno opened up the game with another breathtaking goal, recording the first goal of the game without seeming to break a sweat. The next several minutes proved to be deadly however for Cuban fans as Moreno took a harsh and absolutely uncalled foul from behind by Dennis Adkvissen, who has proved to be dangerous with his tackles in the past. As Moreno lay down on the pitch in agony, gripping his left ankle, immediately the "Red Army" and his fellow teammates began to signal for the referee to take action. A foul was called, but to almost everyone's disgust (besides Mytannion), not even a yellow card was called in what should of been exhibited as a red card and reducing the Mytannions down to ten men.

But instead of punishing Mytannion, the foul had a much harsher effect on the Cubans. With Geogry Rabinovich subbing in for an injured Moreno, Geogry never get adjusted to the field of play, as along with the rest of the team able to play fluent football without Moreno. The team looked a mess, and the thrashing that happened was no surprise as a result.

When the clock struck 90', extra time expired as the ref blew his whistle, the national team had only the next game to look forward to. But unfortunately for our case, the "Red Army" thought differently. While there had been a few minor altercations with Mytannion security guards in the stadium, the "Red Army" found themselves largely separated from Mytannion fans, preventing any serious incidents from happening.

But while nothing had occurred inside the stadium, it is what happened outside the stadium that proved to be a dark shadow over the game of football. Hundreds of fans from both teams stood across from each other away from the stadium gates from each other. At first it was only mild, starting off with the "Red Army" shouting, throwing bottles, and at worst burning the opposing team's flag.

The tension peaked however when "Red Army" supporters began to flip over the car's of Mytannion fans, torching them in the process. As a few dozen Mytannions ran over to stop the Reds, one Red Army fan threw his beer bottle in the air, striking a young child and knocking him out cold. In rage, the two sides began to clash with each other. A mosh pit was created in the streets outside the stadium, the "Red Army" in their military uniforms threw punches and sometimes worse things towards the opposing fans they battled with. By the end of the altercation, which seemed to be hours later, dozens of people were scattered across the streets injured on both sides, with Mytannion ER vehicles picking them up and dispatching them to the hospital. I do not know if any supporters have died, for a Mytannion statement has not yet been released, but I just hope that such a case has not happened.

Bringing myself to brighter news, Western Cuba did indeed pull off the three points yesterday against Lacus Magni. With Tito Moreno however out, the team looked in shambles. Only Andrei Mostovoi saved the game for Western Cuba, scoring two admirable goals to lead his team to victory.

With Moreno's situation fully not cleared yet however, the outlook for the national team does not look good. Every point in qualifying is critical, and right now we haven't been able to achieve our full best with Moreno's absence. His chance of playing in the Silar game is questionable, so let us just hope that somehow he manages to play before the game begins, for our chance of qualifying may look gloom without him.

[The Archregimancy]

For Immediate Release to Interdimensional Sporting Media

Joint Statement of the Monastic Football Association and Fr. Silouan the Strict

Dear Brothers in Christ, and assorted heathens, heretics, schismatics, atheists (and miscellaneous others):

Recently, our differences of opinion over the current World Cup qualification have been painfully laid bare for all the world to see. It is important this Lenten season that we set aside these differences for now in a spirit of mutual reconciliation. As the Second Letter to the Corinthians says, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation."

We therefore wish to make the following joint statement:

1) In the wake of the Archregimancy's 4-0 victory over Jedi8246, we prayerfully acknowledge that God is not wholly averse to monastic footballing victory; "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ".

2) Nonetheless, this Lenten season it may not be wholly appropriate to fully promote the idea of monastic victory over other, non-Orthodox teams - instead the MFA shall seek to find a middle way of recognising the team's recent success in all due humility. "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

3) Both parties in this dispute resolve to find peaceful solutions to their differences in a spirit of mutual respect. "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect".

We hope that these steps will bring an end to the recent unpleasantness regarding the national football team.

Yours in Christ

The Monastic Football Association and Fr. Silouan the Strict

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

Hello!

I am naming Yaropolk, and I am being doobel plik-plok player for Sbrskj Krk Trkrj (or, as you are saying in your language, "Let Us All Rejoice in Harmonious Melodies of Glorious Motherland").

Some are asking me 'Yaropolk, what is 4th five year plan for elimination of vowels in Slobbodovanian language, and why are we the caring?' 4th five year plan is excellent planning of National Council for Protection of Slobbodovanian Language, and is protecting us from the foreign influences in our beloved language, of which foremost is being existence of vowels. Soon vowels will only be used for words of traditional Slobbodovanian culture, such as names of musical instruments and 'Slobbodovania'; here vowels are not being scheduled for elimination until 11th five year plan.

This plan is cause of much chtrsky among members of Sbrskj Krk Trkrj, almost as much chtrsky as the beating of Armed Bears in home match last night.

This has been inspiring me to write new song for Let Us All Rejoice in Harmonious Melodies of Glorious Motherland.

Vowels are evil foreign influence that must be eliminated.
Purity of Slobbodovanian culture must be preserved at all costs
Even if it means we are all marrying our cousins
Though my cousin Ana is quite a pretty girl
And often we make grglsh under the zgrtch tree.

Making grglsh under the zgrtch tree.
The memories make me happy.
Making grglsh under the zgrtch tree.
The memories make me happy.

Ana is a winsome lass, with quite a lovely pair of jrtchzr
And all the village boys have offered to krklyrk her.
But they do not know what she looks like when she grgs her brzhjt
For my cousin Ana is quite a pretty girl
And often we make grglsh under the zgrtch tree.

Making grglsh under the zgrtch tree.
The memories make me happy.
Making grglsh under the zgrtch tree.
The memories make me happy.

Competition
Let Us All Rejoice in Harmonious Melodies of Glorious Motherland wish to be pleasuring you! Commission them to write new famous song for your nation! After each matchday, you may suggest topic for new song by Let Us All Rejoice in Harmonious Melodies of Glorious Motherland!

You set theme for song, and band write song for best idea each matchday - which will also include the result of your nation's most recent match. You can suggest song as many times as you like. Song theme need not be about beets. Let Us All Rejoice in Harmonious Melodies of Glorious Motherland look forward to pleasuring you!

[/quote]

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

DE PLACA
Phosphorusetum of Lanthanum with Calcium at the Side

WORLD CUP 64 QUALIFIERS
Northern Sunrise Islands beat Rikatan 2-0, probable excuse being zombies.

The Marills obtained their second victory in the Qualifiers by beating nineth-place Rikatan 2-0. The Marills had trouble with the opponents due to their lack of fairplay, but had to wait for two hours as, appearently, they were too afraid of zombies. Supposedly, this came from the media thinking about pulling another April 1st prank and got a couple of nations freaked out. Psh... Silly people.

The first goal came at the first half, by the fourtieth minute of the game as Anthony Hawk dribbled half of the opponents so that he could pass the ball to Larissa Pereira as she shot straight to the goal. Twelve minutes in the second half, a corner gave Francisco de Sousa the chance to score the second goal of the match.

With their second victory, the Marills now have eight points and keep following the tide of the group as Basque Socialist States are now behind both Sicoutimont, our next target and the Marills.