World Cup 91 [roleplays]

by **Farfadillis** » Sun May 22, 2022 8:16 pm

Cut-offsies.

World Cup 81/82/83/84

Trouble brewing in WCQ for several seeds
by Oliver Stanley
The Post Chief Soccer Correspondent

While there are many surprise packages that are currently the talk of the tournament in World Cup 91 Qualifying, logic would dictate there must then be some nations faring far worse. Over half of the 15 groups presently have one of their top four seeds—which covers about the top 75 ranked sides—currently positioned in the table well below their expected performance.

With eight matchdays remaining we'll run down the state of play in the tournament:
Group 1--Five teams separated by nine points and they all happen to come from the top five pots.
Group 2—Nephara (35) and Valentine Z (26) are running away at the top while a seven team battle continues behind them for third place including seeds 2-5 (Mercedini, Yuezhou, Oberour Ar Moro, Pluvia & the Saxean Isles)
Group 3—Tumbra sits in third still within striking distance of leaders Adab and Zwangzug; fourth seeded Eshialand is the laggard here, currently nine point behind a playoff place.
Group 4—The Commonwealth's opponent lineup has returned to form after both Trolleborg and Ranoria had struggles during the first half of the campaign, but the top four are currently placed where they should be.
Group 5—One of the closest mult-nation battles as just 5 points separates first place Electrum from fourth place Sarzonia, which is eight points clear of fifth.
Group 6—Number 4 seeds Qasden are losing touch with the leading pack, where The Cordian Isles have made their way into playoff contention.
Group 7—Another group where five nations are battling for 3 places, with top seeds Audioslavia currently in third place attempting to hold off Soldera and Zeta Reka & Hugeltaldom.
Group 8—Srednjaci and Mertagne are punching above the weight while third & fourth seeds, Omerica and Polkopia respectively, struggle.
Group 9—Pasarga and Tikariot are sailing along nicely but number two TJUN-ia and number 4 Barunia are looking up at the wild cards from Bollonich.
Group 10—Saint Eleanor have shaken up the apple cart in this group as pots 4 & 5 (Ochre Islands, Indusse) are slipping back.
Group 11—Another group where number four is well off the pace, as Saltstead languish in eighth while Saterun and Cabo Azure fly alongside HUElavia in the battle the for third place.
Group 12—Milchama were a pot three team but sit currently 20 points behind the leaders Banija—who have a 10 point lead over Brookstation in second, for context—a disappointing showing for a nation that appeared to be rising back to their once lofty position in the sport.
Group 13—Defending Champion The Holy Empire and Vilita lead the way, but yet another four seed sinking like a stone, Darkmania are behind Chartistan, New Eestiball and Aut-Ves-Nat in ninth place.
Group 14—Pot 3 Savojarnia are statistically the worst under-performing top 4 seed at the moment, with only 11 points from 14 matchdays. Juvencus and Wreckeria have stepped into the void to push Turori, while The 14 Stars have followed in their slipstream, currently sitting fifth a point ahead of five times World Champion Starblaydia.
Group 15—Hapilopper are making up for their pot 4 cohort by leading Valanora, Savigliane & Kelssek here, while Baggieland are taking advantage of fifth seeded Abanhfleft's problematic qualification.

by **Delte** » Sun May 22, 2022 10:43 pm

Delte 3-2 Darmen
Sports Correspondent Polka Lunn in Oswark for the Askirk Harpoon & Daily Herald

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match, but certainly mention should be made of The Representatives surprising late late comeback after a dreadful first half and a poor start to the second left them two goals down with fifteen seconds to go and really looking like they had blown all hopes of winning the World Cup. "It's still on!" yelled super-sub Kaldening Rayler, after coming on to create one and score two, to the adulation of the thirty fans who had stayed to the end and were richly rewarded with a triple of 90+1, 90+3 and 90+12-minute goals from the never-say-die Delts. "I don't know about that," harangued one cynical wag in the temporary World Cup stand at Ildemorton Road, "have you seen the wicking on Sarzonia's kits?". He has a point. That is seriously good wicking and it must make them favourites to win everything.

Oswark Diamonds 11-3 Sullenden Sixers
Sports Correspondent Polka Lunn in Oswark for Burye News

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match, but certainly mention should be made of Ny Tinnand's spectacular double-hattrick in the Friday Night & Saturday Morning Ultra Premier League's classico - the biggest match of the year in Delte and fortunately falling on a rest day for The Representatives in their quest for a place in the World Cup Finals. Not that there would be any competition of course - with an average crowd of 138 between the 'big two' mens teams, Oswarks Town & United - and a touch over 1,000 at the international games like the midweek win over Darmen, the men's 11-a-side code doesn't compete with the women's 6-a-side of the Ultra Premier. Almost 10,000 came from all down the valley to fill the Parish Advertiser Indoor Bowl and create a raucous atmosphere for a typically entertaining rivalry match. The Sixers will be disappointed with themselves, not really turning up for this title decider and missing out on becoming supreme football champions of the valley for a record fourth in a row; newly-crowned champions Oswark Diamonds, with Ny Tinnund in charge, producing a sparkling attacking display and a rock solid defence. If only the men's XXII were half as interesting.

VISIT DELTE
A Guide For Adventurers & Reluctant Football Teams

Exploring The River Delte: Do you have the time and inclination to venture a little further abroad, out of Oswark town? Well then, the River Delte and the surrounding valley will not disappoint, with plenty to see and do. From Town Lock take the River Cruise upriver to Leald and hop off for a picnic at the Leald Water nature reserve where you might spot a Delte heron spear-fishing for the beloved gargoyle salmon; or take the longer two night-three day water packet right up to Marshlock Spa for a hot spring water soak, and explore the upland Garga Marsh wetlands (see our forthcoming health and safety note befor you travel). Don’t have your water legs? There is always the train - the nostalgic Delte Valley Railway from Marshlock in the north all the way down to Deltemouth Wash and the harbour is the most scenic and relaxing way to explore the length of the valley, departing regularly from platform 1 at Oswark Station. Get the Up-Down Return for a day-long trip going both ways and back again. If social justice is your thing, book a visit to the Auld Triangle, the valley’s model gaol, and chat to the inmates about their reformation pathway (unless there happens to be a Screvenor from Overtane in the lockup, in which case guards will assist you in avoiding them - see Health & Safety for more information). If you enjoyed the museums in Oswark, try also the narrow boat museum at Warlye, the Valley Horology Centre at Kilny, the Battle of Lye visitor centre at Lye and of course the emotionally draining Great Big Smite Bay Contamination Memorial Museum in Deltemouth (sensitive visitors may find it upsetting).

Football fans with time on their hands will definitely maybe want to follow the ‘football path’ of the valley’s (almost) famous statue trail. Creating statues of celebrated personalities real and imagined is an obsession for the Delts - whether it be Prince Tyrbert the Deltic hero of the Uncivil Wars, or Lerena Ence the octagenarian dustcartwoman of Marshlock Spa - every town and village has a statue or two - there is even a Statue Makers School in Oswark to provide the valley with a continuous supply of in-demand sculptors. Naturally there are several footballers immortalised around the valley, and a trail map can be picked up at the Brewery Sports & Social Club exhibition in town, covering the whole valley for those who want a football statue odyssey. Don’t forget to visit The Garden of Regrets: where statues we wish we’d never sculpted of people we are no longer proud of have their final resting place. There’s at least one footballer in there, the infamous Cheald Nayler. Oh dear me, what were we thinking?

UP NEXT in our serialised visitor guide: it might be a bit late but how to avoid drowning in quicksand in the Garga Marshes, how to avoid drowning in the weir at Leald Water, and how to avoid drowning in the tidal bore at Smite Bay. Also how to avoid drowning at 36 other danger points along the River Delte.

by **Mertagne** » Mon May 23, 2022 3:26 am

Farfadillis wrote:The tournament's best eleven will be posted within seven days or so. Hopefully.

And so it was that the corporate executives and data crunchers at Boom! analysed the performance of every athlete at the tournament, determining who would take the coveted title as one of the best eleven. The lucky winners were decided, and a glitzy press release was to be distributed across the usual channels with an accompanying conference.

But then it was revealed that a brand new source of uranium had been discovered deep in the mountains of Fröndt, and all hands at Boom! were asked to help out with the effort of securing the site from Fröndti, flying jellyfish, and an extremely pissed off 'yeti' that claimed it was a 'sovereign citizen'.

Once the fallout was contained (not the fallout, that's probably blowing across the region by now), it was revealed that one plucky journalist had camped out in the room that was being used for the press conference in which the execs never arrived, and in addition they had made a fantastic fort out of chairs and had managed to subsist on growing legumes in the ceiling using condensation from the air vents and a few loose seeds that they'd found in a jacket pocket.

The Boom! press release was delivered to that journalist, and they set about releasing it to you. So, without further ado...

The Boom!™ Best Eleven - Baptism of Fire 78

Many players hit the pinnacle of their game here in the Baptism of Fire 78, and it is assumed that they will have a long and illustrious career across the multiverse. We're certain that they'll make just as much of a Boom! on the multiversal stage as we have.
Our chosen formation for the Boom!™ Best Eleven is a 3-4-3 formation, with the following glowing players:

Shane Rodriguez, Forbidden Territories, Goalkeeper
Thanks in part to Rodriguez, Forbidden Territories finished the group stage of the Baptism of Fire with the fewest goals scored against them. It certainly didn't stop their opponents from trying, however.

Yekaterina Olayeva, Aleirave, Left Back
Olayeva's defending style surely stopped many opportunities for opponents of Aleirave - the victors of this tournament - to score much-needed goals.

Timen Finnsken, Trollih Islands, Centre Back
Surely a wall in their match against Hopal, and having endured a lot alongside their team in this tournament, Finnsken proved that a solid defence is just as important as the fundamentals of scoring.

Kim Samrodd, Delte, Right Back
I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of Samrodd's performance, but safe to say she was just as useful to Delte on the pitch as she was off the pitch - exceedingly.

Kamisato Ayaka (VIII), Kamisato Ayaka Nation, Left Midfield
In this team of (mostly) Kamisato Ayaka clones we literally couldn't decide between them. So we span a wheel. It landed on 8. We hope that all the members of the team manage to get the best meta build for their respective roles.

Myra Randal, Gortolekua, Centre Midfield
Randal's playmaking versatility allowed for Gortolekua to clinch third place, as her assisting capability shone through just as much as her scoring skill.

Fatih al-Helfi, Maphidon, Centre Midfield
Fatih was at one point in the tournament inspected for illegally wearing 'rocket boots'. The inspection came back negative, which attests to the power of his kicks.

Sig Halvorsan, Gardelrya, Right Midfield*
"Sweaty" Sig Halvorsan captained Gardelrya to victory multiple times in the group stage, proving ferocious on the attack.
Halvorsan is actually a winger, but we felt that he would do great on the right midfield, and deserved a place in the XI.

Lanel Kamosspeffe, Efnakia, Striker
Kamosspeffe is a natural leader, and that leadership and flair enabled him to score over six goals for 2nd placed side Efnakia.

Renaud Kool, Mon Sold, Striker
Gone but not forgotten, Kool showed us what he was made of in the face of a 'man-tiger-boar'. Turns out, it's just flesh and organs.

David Guy Allen, Fort McKinley, Striker
David Guy Allen proved to be a talisman for the Fort McKinley team, and helped them get a clean three wins in the group stage.

As a prize, each athlete was awarded a bunch of merchandise, as well as a medal made of various by-products from Boom!'s operations, such as lead, trace elements of nickel, mercury, gallium, gold!, useless Polonium, and absolutely no Electrum. It looks really shiny and glows in the dark!
A football match was also played between the Boom!™ Best Eleven and the respective tournament hosts, before the start of the World Cup 91 qualifiers. Below are the results:

Mertagne 2–1 Boom!™ Best Eleven
at Cop Limy Stadium, Neorudo, Mertagne, kick off 16:00.
Weirdly, Renaud Kool didn't show up on account of him being dead. No side was allowed to use substitutions due to a weird clause in the Boom! contract, as they had sponsored the game.

Farfadillis 6-0 Boom!™ Best Eleven
at La Gran Avenida, Farolera, Farfadillis, kick off 15:00.
The referee here sported a lot of Boom! merchandise, and during the match, a hefty amount of feardallis fell out of his pocket after making a controversial decision.

by **Jeruselem** » Mon May 23, 2022 3:53 am

Advertisement on Naked News Jeruselem after the broadcast of the coverage when Jeruselem drew 0–0 with Trolleborg on match day 15 ... Princess Katherine Annabelle Dallas moving a rather large TV studio camera.

Hey there, this is Princess Katherine Annabelle Dallas for Naked News Jeruselem. Or just Princess Kate as most people know me as.
I would like everyone to know we're hiring more staff again!
Um, as you can see ... if I'm moving heavy equipment around there's definitely a short staffing issue.
Middle aged Mums with two kids shouldn't be moving around million tonne cameras ya know.

No, we don't need anymore anchors for now, but we need more back room staff and camera people.
That just sounds weird, camera people ... anyway!
So if you're interested in working for Naked News Jeruselem, now is the time!

We're especially looking for people from the TV production world, who know how to use ... these things.
Seriously these things are expensive, but I would't know how to use them.
Of course, if you work for us there's the best bonus ever!
You get to look at naked women ALL DAY!
OK, if you work in the adult movie industry that's just normal but hey, you can work here instead.
You'll know some of our anchors anyway.

We're also looking for people who are brains of the operation here.
The girls here need people to do the research to provide content for our network.
Yes that includes people who help us cover the world cup as most of the anchors are rather clueless about football apart from weird exceptions like me.

We're also needing some cameramen, err camera people, who follow the girls around.
This job is not particularly easy because you pretty much travel everywhere even if the weather is completely shit.
But you get to travel and if it's World Cup time, you can travel the world.
You get paid to travel and film naked women!

If you have kids, don't worry!
Some workplaces regard kids as a nuisance as they are time parasites for parents.
Yes kids are time parasites for parents, but here most of the staff are women so we got Mums everywhere including myself.
We don't turn down people just because they are single parents like some companies.
And we're happy to work from home for the jobs that can be done from home, but some jobs do require you be here at the studio or on site.

Please be aware this place is not a normal workplace.
You pretty much have half-dressed women wandering around, if that bothers you - this is not the place to work.
And it's pretty much run by women who aren't always the most stable gender ...
Oh yes one more thing, this place is full of my relatives the ones of the surname of Dallas or Sallad.
Well, if you want to work here you can apply on our web site.

I'd better get back to work. If I can remember where this thing is supposed to go ...

by **Cabo Azure** » Mon May 23, 2022 4:34 am

Renegade, act III, pt 1
King Manuel had mixed feelings about the Azurean royal palace; as far as places he’d called home, he put it above his father’s cramped, poorly-decorated bachelor pad in Portelo, but below the one-bedroom Sao Simone apartment where he’d been living when he’d gotten the news that he was to be king. He knew his family felt the same; Alex lived in a well-appointed but modest condominium in Sao Simone close to her clinic, while Ronnie kept a room in the bachelor officer quarters when she wasn’t at sea and his mother had a faculty apartment at the University.

One underrated feature of the palace, Manuel thought, was that it had a private dock. At the base of a sheer cliff, two hundred feet below the palace proper, was a small, rocky inlet, just big enough to park two speedboats side by side. The cove’s relative seclusion and the commanding view it offered of the maritime approach from the island of Aho to the west were the reasons his distant ancestor, Sebastien di Portelo, had chosen this spot to build his seat. Sebastien and his men would descend the cliff on a rope ladder, but Manuel’s grandfather, King Reinaldo I, had installed a freight elevator into the cliff face.

The upper landing of the elevator was in the catacombs beneath the palace, so every time Manuel made use of it, he had to pass through the resting places of his ancestors. In light of their rocky islands having limited space for cemeteries, common Azureans had long since adopted the maritime tradition of spreading ashes at sea, but royals had always been interred beneath the palace. Walking among them always made Manuel feel uneasy, as if they were watching him, judging his performance as a monarch, but this morning he was particularly disquieted by the news coming out of Cassadaigua.

It had been necessary for him to learn the nuances of Cassadaigua’s succession when he was preparing to take the throne, both because of his mother’s connections to Cassadaigua and the precedent set by Princess Caitlyn being set aside for the throne. Princess Brianna’s claim to the throne was hardly a surprise, then, but it still left him uncomfortably aware of how tenuous his own claim to the throne was. The Portelo dynasty had been unbroken in the male line for nearly six hundred years when King Reinaldo I took the throne, and even before the assassination attempt and subsequent coup that dethroned him, there were questions about his succession.

A violent, temperamental man, Manuel’s great-uncle had never married nor fathered any children. His half-sister, Manuel’s mother Abigail, then a young teenager, had been the intended beneficiary of the failed assassination attempt, but Reinaldo had annulled her mother’s marriage to his father and declared her a bastard in order to weaken her claim. When the Gang of Seven had agreed to step away peacefully, one of the myriad concessions they had extracted from Abigail was that she would not rule in her own right, and instead pass the crown to Manuel. She’d accepted, and Manuel had been crowned five years ago, but he had never borne the Portelo name and never would. The question then was rightly asked; was he the last Portelo, or the first Fonseca?

Ironically the name wasn’t a nonstarter for an Azurean king; the last fidalgo to occupy the manor on the bucolic island of Sao Vicente, from which hailed Manuel’s late father, was a Fonseca. It was a common name on the island, but it was still conceivable that Luis Fonseca was a scion of a noble lineage, a claim which would have made Manuel’s own claim to the throne much stronger. He could never make that claim, though, even after his father’s death; a staunch republican to the last, Luis would never forgive his son for dragging his name into courtly politics.

The elevator reached the bottom, and the two black-suited frogmen accompanying Manuel stepped onto the wharf in lockstep, staying two steps ahead of him, assault carbines held close. Manuel’s personal speedboat was deliberately unassuming, the same model used by many sport-fishing tour operators out of Sao Simone, allowing him to slip into and out of Cabo Azure’s many islands with a minimum of fuss. One of the frogmen took the helm and goosed the engine while the other got to work on the mooring lines. For his part, Manuel took a seat on the gunwales and dug out a prepaid cell phone.

“En route,” he sent to an unknown number.

“Acknowledged,” came the reply immediately. “Looking forward to meeting with you, Your Majesty.”

by **Audioslavia** » Mon May 23, 2022 4:44 am

22:18, Wednesday, Zeta Reka National Sports Complex (Commentary Box)
"It's the final whistle! Yuriorkis Stelea boots the ball away in disgust, it is a huge setback for the Bulls, and the latest in a long line of set-backs during this torrid qualifying campaign. There's to be no procession to World Cup 91, Audioslavia are in the midst of an enormous three-way fight for one, final, solitary unseeded playoff spot. RJ Styrn puts her arm around Unai Capadonna... Audioslavia have been floored here in Zeta Reka.

22:27, Wednesday, Zeta Reka National Sports Complex (Media Centre)
"Flat. Wasteful. Lacking urgency. It's a World Cup Qualifier, you're playing in the claret and green, the players must know, must know that... if they fail here, if they don't qualify for the World Cup... it's... it has to be the end for so many of their international careers? It simply doesn't happen"
"World Cup 5, 37, 59 to 62, 80..."
"Exactly. World Cup 5, early days, the side qualified for every single cup afterwards, six to twenty-nine. 37, a one-off, 59 to 62, only just back from a long break from international football. World Cup 80 was coming back from a break. Audioslavia have never failed to qualify for a World Cup where you'd *expect* them to qualify. If the Bulls qualify for two World Cups in a row, they're 100% guaranteed to..."
"Look we can bring up history all you want, but the fact is, this team... there's no cohesion, there's no belief"
"It's the manager then, Styrn has to go, surely?"
"CAFA Cup. She won the CAFA Cup. That was her work. Her work with, largely, this squad"
"And whatever she had for that tournament, she's lost it here. We're so far behind"
"Look, let's be reasonable here. The games she's lost - twice against Squidroidia, they're not a bad team, they had the measure of us, certainly. Now to Zeta Reka, we were turned over 2-0 by this team in qualifying for World Cup 90, we've a very 50/50 record against this side. It's a side that's been underperforming for years."
"Sure, sure, we've been beaten by a good team but it's a results business. Where did RJ expect to be after fourteen, fifteen matches? First, second, at least looking at a seeded playoff. Even if we finish third, and I can't believe I'm saying that's an 'if', here, who do we get in the playoffs?"

09:04, Thursday, Cathair Herald Newsroom (Morning Meeting Room)
"Styrned Over"
"No"
"Zeta Disfunction"
"No"
"... I dunno can we just use 'Bulls On The Brink' again?"
"That's... that's just for when we're almost over the line for qualifying"
"We can use it for when we're almost not qualifying"
"...huh so we can"

10:35, Thursday, Cathair Herald Newsroom (Basement Office)
"Ten teams Audioslavia could get in the playoffs (number six will shock you!)"
"Sure"
"Ten reasons Audioslavia might win the CAFA Cup (number six will make you go...) and then, I dunno a fishing emoji and the vomiting one"
"Sure"
"Seventeen times RJ Styrn looked glum (but still a grrlboss) (number nine will make you..) and then a kebab emoji and a fire emoji and a gif of a spider doing a dance"
"Sure. Honestly I don't know why we run these quality control meetings, just generate as much as you can before an AI replaces us all"

11:50, Thursday, Cathair Herald Newsroom (The Idiot Podcast Studio)
"This is, in fact, the worst Points Per Game any Audioslavian side has gotten in qualifying since cycles 59 to 62. No Bulls team has ever got a lower PPG than 2 at the end of qualifying, in the modern era, whether finishing 1st or 2nd, so for it to be at 1.9 now is... well it's a shock"
"So what do you attribute to it? Is it Styrn? Should Styrn go?"
"The entirety of Audioslavian football should go"
"Harsh"
"Allow me to rephrase... or rather explain. Look, Squidroidia, Drawkland, Zeta Reka, these are proper footballing nations with proper football teams. They're doing things, playing brands of football that are simply beyond anything any Audioslavian is currently up to. The Bulls have gone backwards, in terms of tactics. There's this belief that the Bulls have to play one way, this one, counter-attacking, ultra-defensive way but after a while, especially against familiar opposition, they begin to figure you out. Everyone else evolves while Audioslavian football is here bashing the B button"
"The what?"
"Never mind. Zeta Reka's game has evolved. Gone is the adventurous 4-3-3 they played back in cycle 88 when we dealt with them reasonably easily, now they have the system with the wing-backs and the mezzala and we suddenly have no idea how to deal with them"
"Styrn was never known for her tactical nous"
"She fires these players up and tells them not to worry about how the opposition play, play their own game. Honestly... It might simply be the opposite of what Audioslavian football needs right now"
"So who would replace her"
"I mean I'd love to see Ager Alaba in the job"
"Another foreigner?"
"It's just the best way, is it not? Rushmori tactical ideologies married to Audioslavian... Audioslavian..."
"Vim. Guts. Bluster. Balls."
"Douchebaggery"
"Also works"
"...it would work better than Styrn managing this team"
"Say, that's a good point Daffodil, and also providing us with good points today [i]Gnawed VPN, for when you absolutely must watch that Mrii sitcom but don't have the wherewithal to just pirate it as a Mrii would...."

by **Graintfjall** » Mon May 23, 2022 4:58 am

Across the first two days (MDs7-8, games 13-16) by Farf & Zwang:

~130 RPs graded
Mean RP earns ~65% of max bonus available
Median RP earns 65% of max bonus available
STDEV of RP bonuses is ~21%
~80% of RPs earn at least 50% of max bonus available
~15% of RPs earn at least 90% of max bonus available

by **Electrum** » Mon May 23, 2022 7:06 am

The Turnip: World Cup Committee Looking At Ways To Improve Engagement, Viewership, After Viewer Numbers Fell When People Realised That The World Cup Was Somehow Going To Be Co-Hosted In Farfadillis Again
by Billiam Maskey, chief-editor-in-chief

Things are pretty desperate at the World Cup Committee. According to sources in the WCC, only 32 nations (including the hosts) were interested in participating in the World Cup while very many more nations have been hankering to join the more popular and prestigious tournament on the football calendar, the Cup of Harmony. With that being said, Electrum is at real risk of failing to qualify for the Cup of Harmony after only three losses at this nearly-two-thirds juncture of the competition. That needs to improve. We'd need at least one more loss over our rivals to qualify after a spectacular 6-0 loss to Huayramarca which is apparently a place that doesn't exist according to The Turnip.

On to the point of this article which is how the loose-collection-of-political-units called Farfadillis were awarded hosting rights to the World Cup alongside the fictional nation of Graintfjall. The only explanation is that all of the World Cup Committee members were simultaneously hit in the head with an anvil right before they were to cast their votes. Where did the anvil come from? Allegedly a roadrunner escaped from the local Ko-oren zoo and somehow made its way to the voting convention centre. The only method the zookeepers knew to catch the roadrunner was to hire a wily coyote to drop multiple anvils in the convention centre in hopes of catching the roadrunner. Unfortunately, all 28 of the anvils which were set up instead fell on the heads on each of the nation's representatives. There is no other plausible explanation that can explain how Farfadillis has managed to host the World Cup. Except bribery. But that's even less plausible given the amount of times Farfadillis has been awarded hosting rights and not a single publication other than The Turnip shedding any light as to why they keep getting awarded the events. Quite frankly any nation that puts their hand up to bid for any sporting event are acting in quite the egotistical manner and we should not be giving attention to these nations. Especially those ones who host the World Cup but even more especially the ones who want to host the Olympics.

This situation has caused international outrage across the multiverse. All of the nation's football teams are desperately clinging onto the lifeboat of qualifying for the Cup of Harmony, eager to avoid its giant scorpions, draco-mosquitoes and deadly flying squid. Viewers are simply voting with their feet and are simply hoping for qualifying to just be over and for this World Cup to be done. As a result, the World Cup Committee has come up with three ways to increase viewer interest and hopefully get more people to watch the moribund tournament.

1. A new mascot
The World Cup 91 mascot was recently revealed to be a crying, starving child in a potato sack. This little child's name is Tico and according to organisers he is indeed a real Farf child that eats a few thimblefuls of rice every day. This stunning choice of a mascot means that commercial sponsors and their viewers will have no choice but to dig deep to ensure that Tico and his family survives. And that's by giving loads of money, or for the viewers at home, watching the World Cup to make sure that the advertising revenue flows through to this little boy. What a difference the World Cup is having on this family. We hear they are getting a single grain of rice for every minute of viewership.

2. A centerpiece stadium
The La Fantás stadium in Farfadillis which may possibly allegedly could be possibly the main stadium for this World Cup cycle has one of its stands being on fire for eighteen years now. Now, organisers are hoping to give broadcasters around the world exclusive access to the fires to see how exactly it has managed to stay alight for so long while not compromising the integrity of the stadium by that much. This is expected to be a mecca for conspiracy theorists who always insist that jet fire can't melt steel beams. If a place can be ablaze for 18 years without that much damage, this really puts the kibosh on the scientists' constant bleating who say that it can.

3. Just plain old begging
The World Cup Committee will be spouting the usual lies that this is the world's most prestigious football tournament and that we simply must pay attention to the scores every two days. Look at their pathetic eyes begging you to watch this tournament and read all the articles about it as if it were the most important thing in the world. None of this matters, and none of it ever mattered. We don't have the time to be looking at some silly sporting event. Does anyone?

by **Ko-oren** » Mon May 23, 2022 8:57 am

Believe it or not, but even in their 33rd qualification cycle, there's still a defensive record that the Dragonflies have to earn. There are plenty of things that our national team hasn't accomplished (mostly in the goal scoring realm), but it's rare for us not to have achieved something on the defensive side. And this team is on the cusp of doing this for the first time. With one more clean sheet, the Dragonflies will have gotten ten clean sheets in a row. And this run of nine clean sheets is the longest by far, too. During the playing days of Juliasterinthen/Davenport, the Dragonflies recorded incredible numbers of clean sheets, but rarely several in a row.

In fact, this is our most defensively sound cycle so far: ignoring the cycles we weren't in (57, 76, 77), we're conceding less per game than even during 87, 68, and 69. We'll maintain that those late-60s Ko-oren squads should have made a deep run into the World Cup knockouts, but with the knowledge of today, we're ok with it.

Because even this magical cycle of never conceding, we're still getting fewer points per game than in the 68 and 69 qualifiers. Those were two fantastic cycles and yet we have very little to show for them.

For fans of this kind of thing: the same graph as above, but sorted by time, with our earliest attempts at World Cup greatness on the left, and the current campaign on the right. You can clearly see the impact of playing no international football for two cycles on the development of our defenders in WCQ 78, 79, and 80. Our debut cycle, 55, remains the only time that we conceded more than we scored. Interestingly, for the glory 89 brought us, the qualifiers were not outstanding: we scored significantly less - even less than in the current cycle, on a per-game basis - with just cycle 82 out-sucking that.

That's not the only thing: we hadn't exactly expected it this soon, but Ko-oren is also 5 wins away from their 500th competitive victory, which means it's technically possible during the playoffs or on day one of the World Cup. The 1-0 over Sharktail just last week was our 850th overall competitive match - and for the record, those 850 games gave us 495 wins (58%), 136 draws (16%), and 219 losses (26%), with 1230 goals scored (1.45 per game) and just 670 conceded (0.79 per game). Among those 850 games are one World Cup Final win, an AOCAF final win... and one World Cup Final, AOCAF, and CAFA Cup final loss each.

For all of the above reasons, it's difficult to point out a lot of interesting things about the individual games. Lots of 1-0 wins, our staple, but there wasn't a lot besides that. Points-wise, we're among the best of the best. Fantasy Points-wise, we're not looking that dominant because of a lack of wins by three goals or more. Before we set our aim that high, let's first work on scoring twice per game (while keeping that all-important clean sheet, of course). The last nine games were a 0-0, a 2-0, and seven 1-0 wins. If you can tell me anything interesting about how one game stands apart from the rest: let me know. There has been some rotation in the starting XI, possession has been fluctuating, the number of chances differs per game (but not that strongly)... you tell me. If the defence includes Aelisire, Betteridge, or Hellegeland, the number of passes going forward (instead of sideways/backwards) goes up a lot, but head coach Davenport doesn't dare to line them all up at the same time yet. Dhentingun has started more than a few games - far more than expected - and is bringing the defensive midfielder role back into the squad after a long absence (since Yokota's retirement). Since then, there were two central midfielders, as pivots or passing options, and one attacking midfielder. But now, switching from 5-3-2 to 5-4-1, brings back that defensive option, with the two central midfielders moving outwards a bit. The wider formation, with Janoreirinthen on the wing as always (partnering with yCinrhadd or Abbagan, or with Batchelor or Ulysse in previous cycles) is also helping us circulate the ball, and possession has gone up a lot as a result. Up front, with one fewer striker, and without Erisia as the single striking option, we're finding it difficult to get good shots at goal. Aomelirea is fine, and so are Bonstirthinden and Archer, but the perfect combination to 1) create chances, 2) get shots on goal, and 3) convert those into actual goals hasn't been found yet.

by **Xanneria** » Mon May 23, 2022 9:36 am

Commentary from Xanneria's 4-3 win over Sudilla

52:Here comes Burns setting up, she passes back to McKenna, McKenna passes back to Bronson, who lobs it up in the air.....and GOAL! Goal! GOAL! a header by Dillon Hailey has brought the game to 2-1!

57:Hailey takes a shot......and it's blocked, game still 3-1

65: Hailey again, but he passes it backwards, here comes McKenna and.....saved by Sudilla! That was a smart move to pass backwards and fake the goal keeper but he read it and it's still 3-0

80: Hailey again makes it by the defense, he's one on on......and GOAL! Hailey Scores! Game is now a within a goal!

88: Here goes Burns she jukes a defender and gets a pass off to McKenna who lobs one quickly and GOAL! GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!! It's 3-3, 3'2 Maroons are tied! Can you believe it!

90+1: We still got five minutes as thats the extra time from when the animal got on the field here in Sudilla, so we haved a breakaway from Sudilla, they got Jefferson Jr in their sights and SAVED!

90+4: Last stand for the maroons to get three points, Bronson sends it to Burns, Burns passes to McKenna who take a quick kick and GOAL, GOAL GOAL GOAL! "The winna from McKenna!" he's took a shot from the left side of the field, and Sudilla goalie just simply dove at the wrong time for it and the comeback is real friends! A3-0 deficit is now a 4-3 win and revenge on Sudilla is served up fresh!

(Lyle 19' 47' Ouiment 10') Sudilla 3 - 4 Xanneria (D. Hailey 52' 80' McKenna 88' 90+4)

(Burns 40' Sequin 82') Xanneria 2-4 Poafmersia (Huerta 15' (PK) 60' 65' Berg 22')

by **Sarzonia** » Mon May 23, 2022 10:48 am

For a team that’s used to success, and one that’s used to consistently taking part in World Cup propers, the away match against The Karodin Tetrarchy would be seen as an unacceptable lapse, even despite it being a 4-3 victory for the Sarzonian national football team.

Stars manager Nathan Hanifer would likely have engaged in a post-match tirade to let his charges know not to take their foot off the ignition after seeing the Karodins score twice in the final 10 minutes to turn what should have been an easy win into a nail-biter. He likely would have assigned the team to run laps during training, imposed a 2100 curfew, done something, anything, to demonstrate to his team that he expected better.

With that said, however, what Hanifer was more concerned with was getting the full three points. He realised the team could ill afford to pass up any opportunity to earn valuable points to stay competitive in Group 5. Cassadaigua fell to Huayramarca on Matchday 15, opening the door for Sarzonia to make up ground. The Stars did just that, winning 4-1 over Magnecia to bring the Stars level with the Fillies for third in the table, although Cassadaigua have the point differential tiebreaker over the Stars.

Technically speaking, that meant the Stars were in fourth place, which would leave them on the outside looking in for a position in the World Cup proper. However, in what midfielder and team captain Clayton Wilson described as a “clusterfuck,” the Stars were only two points behind top of table Electrum after Huayramarca demolished them 6-0 at home. That result brought Huayramarca into runners up position in the table, just one point behind Electrum.

Four teams all within two points of each other for a spot in the proper and potentially a playoff position. It’s unfamiliar ground for a Sarzonian team that seemingly made a habit of slow
starts and fast finishes, but Hanifer said he was pleased with the team’s determination.

“We’ve had to gut out a few close matches, some closer than we’d have wanted,” Hanifer said. “Still, to be in this position after 16 matchdays is rather heady stuff.”
However, he also pointed out that the next match would be absolutely critical to the team’s chances to advance to either the World Cup directly or to a playoff.

“We’re playing Huayramarca away,” Hanifer said. “They defeated us at home last time.” That match, a 1-0 result to Huayramarca, knocked the Stars out of a three-way tie for top of the table. However, the stakes now are simple.

“We’ve got to win this one,” Wilson said. “We recognise they’re an outstanding side, so we know we’re going to have a lot of difficult work ahead of us. We’re capable of beating anybody, but we’ve also proven we’re just as capable of stinking up the joint. We’ve got to get better.”

by **Ranoria** » Mon May 23, 2022 11:13 am

Snow Bears Fall To Baker Park, Ends 8 Game Stretch Without A Loss
Granted, 4 of those were ties

The Snow Bears are to no one's surprise out of the qualification race at 6-5-3, but it was another respectable season for the squad

Bright spots of this season: Roaring back from a 2-1-2 start to get now to 6-5-3, c. As you saw above, the Snow Bears went on an 8 game stretch without a loss. And although four of those matches were draws, it's still an impressive mark that ended with a competitive if futile 1-0 defeat at the hands of the Commonwealth of Baker Park.

That stretch included a 4 game win streak as well, capped off with a 4-1 blowout over Tekatus that stands as the biggest win of the fledgling Snow Bears era. With those in mind - and the team close to clinching a winning record for the 4^th qualifying run in a row, we here at RSNN feel confident in saying that it's been another successful cycle.

Let's be honest, Ranoria's NAAF - from which we draw the entirety of our soccer talent - is a farce compared to most domestic leagues. The fact that this team is competitive at all is frankly a slap in the face of the sport in our opinion, and if we were ever to qualify for the World Cup Proper (ha! as if!), it may just incite the end of the world as we know it.

We've also fielded a top 10 defense in this tournament so far, another impressive achievement. Between the athletic Vincent Emilia at goalkeeper, stalwart Kris Reinhardt in the center, and electric youngsters in Sabra Sapharina and Andrew Parrish at the fullback spots, perhaps that isn't too much of a surprise. Having a Banijan veteran as the assistant head coach and goalkeeping coach doesn't hurt of course - 73 year old Manlafi Sowe has been instrumental in maximizing the talent of Vincent Emilia, who continues to be one of the solid keepers on this stage.

So no - don't expect something to drastically change in the near future, this just isn't a top 32 team in the multiverse and it won't be any time soon. But as long as we're competitive, we like to think anyone (who actually cares enough to watch) can't help but grind their teeth watching the Snow Bears do anything but embarrass themselves.

by **Sargossa** » Mon May 23, 2022 11:20 am

At least the fans could reminisce to a happier time. To roughly around the win over Milchama, when the nation was well placed in the group after an unbeaten start eight games in. Then the campaign really turned a corner. And fell down some stairs.

The city of San Marquez is a burst of noise and colour on the nation’s southwestern tip, but even the locals were struggling to inject any vibrancy to the drab game of football playing out in front of them. Mon Sold were the visitors and were quietly and effectively grinding out a draw. That can’t really be criticised for playing for a point, except by the sixty thousand or so home fans who were very much vocally criticising them for playing for a point.

It simply wasn’t like this in the good ole’ days. New nations to the World Cup scene would feature players whose day job was that of a postman or a dung hauler. They’d be described as plucky, take their inevitable thrashing with good grace and kindly fuck off back to their obscure little lands, never to be heard of again. Not this new crowd. Not them at all. Mon Sold were one of three Baptism of Fire 78 participants in Group 12 of World Cup qualifying. And, quite frankly, the new boys were not playing their roles at all well. They’re having the temerity to win games. In five fixtures against the Baptism pack, Sargossa had now taken five measly points. Just five. Those are the kind of stats that take a nation from well-placed to scrapping among the rest of the pack.

As Mon Sold completed their hard earned point the fans satisfied themselves with a large chorus of booing, before heading back to the barrios for some social media based spleen venting. Because their Corsairs were now fifth in Group 12, seventeen points behind the leaders. A win in Eraman in the next match was now vital just keep the nation in touching distance of second place. And even that may not count for much as, after that, will be the small matter of the visit of Banija. A nation that is so far clear at the top their players may as well don slippers and break out their pipes.

by **Tumbra** » Mon May 23, 2022 11:53 am

Zwangzug 0-1 Tumbra

TMB (4-2-3-1): 1 - Barker; 2 - Hughes (25 - Kemp, 77'), 5 - Henderson, 14 - Ashburn, 3 - Harris; 6 - Harrison, 8 - Hicks (16 - Fisher, 84'), 10 - Cole; 30 - Fraser (7 - Hilton, 81'), 9 - Vaughn; 11 - Riordan

TMB scorers: Robin Vaughn (81')

Player of the Match: Robin Vaughn (TMB)
Tumbra 5-0 Montesina

TMB (4-2-3-1): 1 - Barker; 25 - Kemp, 4 - Kerr, 26 - Perry, 27 - Crozier; 16 - Fisher (43 - Burnet, 88'), 8 - Hicks, 10 - Cole (23 - Monaghan, 66'); 7 - Hilton, 21 - Crossley; 22 - Erskine - inj (11 - Riordan, 84')

TMB scorers: Nigel Erskine (10', 24'); Lynne Crossley (55'); Andrew Fisher (71', 80')

Player of the Match: Andrew Fisher (TMB)

PREVIOUSLY ON DEFENDER MEETS MIDFIELDER

Intrepid defender Stephen Kerr and his world-class midfielder team-mate (and also girlfriend) Trudy Harrison, on a routine trip back to Tumbra for a national squad call-up, were seemingly kidnapped outside Kingsbury International Airport by several black cars. Turns out that said cars belong to one Charles Harrison, Trudy's dad, media magnate and the second richest man in Tumbra. After a very, very awkward meal with the two Harrisons, Stephen was escorted out while Charles put pressure on his daughter to re-join his company. While on a house tour with the family's butler, Walter, Stephen learned more about his girlfriend than he had previously — and came to the realisation, too, that Charles Harrison was not as friendly as he seemed. Will Trudy and Stephen finally get a private moment together? What has Charles Harrison planned for the two of them?

Link to previous part | Link to arc home
defender meets midfielder: season 6, part 5
the gleneagles test

Gleneagles Hall, Georgia?

Everything was hazy. Woozy. A thick fog had descended over his brain. But Stephen Kerr still knew where he was. He was in Trudy's old home. The place where she'd grown up. Right? Long corridors. Architecture that came straight out of the pre-Republic era. When was this built? God knows.

He stepped out of the room he'd been assigned. The lights that were shining through the windows were blinding; he almost couldn't bear to look at them. But when he looked down either side of the corridor, he couldn't see an end to them. This isn't right, he thought. This corridor definitely has to end somewhere. But I can't see where it does. Slowly, he tiptoed out of his room. He wandered for a bit, down the corridor with various nondescript doors, until he came to one that looked slightly different from the others. It had a weird crest on it, though the words were too blurry to make out there and then. He tried to knock, but the door opened for him.

And then he was face to face with Charles Harrison.

"Stephen! It's good to see you. I was wondering when you would show up. Trudy and I have been waiting." Charles flourished at another impossibly long dinner table — he could just make out the silhouette of what he thought was Trudy at the other end of the table. "We've got so much prepared for you..."

"I-I haven't changed into dinner—"

Charles glanced at him with a quizzical look. Stephen looked down. Somehow he was back in the suit he'd worn for the day, but it didn't feel like it. The heavily starched collar wasn't threatening to strangle him, for one. He shrugged, and began following Charles down the table.

Surprisingly enough, the longer the two walked, the shorter the table became. Eventually, though Stephen felt they hadn't moved a single inch, they reached the end of the table where Trudy, now wearing a black dress, was waiting for him. She didn't make eye contact. Her eyes were resolutely focused on the plate set out in front of her. Somehow she seemed...colder. Less Trudy. Her hair was now tightly plaited; her skin fairer, her movement and manner more refined.

He sat down. The entrance to the room was now just behind them. Something was definitely wrong. But he knew better than to say anything. He'd already done that, and messed up once. Better to just wait and listen.

"While we wait, I think there's something that Trudy wants to tell you. Isn't there?"

Charles looked expectantly at Trudy, which also forced Stephen's gaze to shift to her. She almost seemed too sheepish to be there; but her father's gaze seemed to get her to begin. She still refused to look at Stephen, with her eyes still focusing anywhere but Stephen's.

"I think I'm going to stay here with my dad, Stephen. We talked for quite a while, and I came to the conclusion that I think it's better that I stay here. I won't be returning to Chromatik for the new season. I think it's better for both of us if we ended what we have, and...well...tried to forget about everything that's happened."

A yanking feeling in his stomach. The room began to turn white. His heart began to beat quicker and quicker. No. It can't be. This is ridicu—

Another yanking feeling, but this time from behind him.

Then he felt his eyes open.

Gleneagles Hall, Georgia

It took about a minute for Stephen Kerr's breathing rate to return to normal. He didn't wait that long, though; immediately after his eyes opened he shrugged off the luxurious blankets he found himself in and threw open the curtains. No, the lights weren't blinding; he could actually see the soft blue light of sunrise, checked by a faint yellow glow. Well, he could nearly see it; the close surroundings of Gleneagles Hall were enveloped in a thick mist. Or was it fog? Certainly the first time he'd seen the phenomenon.

There was an attached bathroom; Stephen washed up, then decided to venture out into Gleneagles Hall. After all, if he was to be a guest of Charles Harrison, he'd certainly make himself feel welcome. That, and maybe he'd finally be able to try and find Trudy. The message he'd sent immediately after waking up had gone un-read. The one he sent after dinner, too, and before he went to bed. Both grey-ticked.

But the corridors were empty. The one butler he'd run into didn't know where Trudy was, though he did mention that Walter might know. The young butler gave Stephen directions to Walter's room — it turned out to be the one where they had their conversation the previous day — and soon Walter was welcoming him in with a smile. Soon, though, they were on their way to the stables. Apparently Trudy knew how to ride horses. And she was particularly good at it, as the stablehand joked when helping Stephen into the saddle.

Just how much did he not know about his girlfriend?

The horse Stephen had been given was remarkably calm, given his inexperience; he'd heard before that horses could smell fear, but this one didn't seem to care. If anything, this one had a mind of its own. The two ambled around the fields of the gargantuan estate, with Stephen breathing in the fresh morning air and allowing himself to relax for the first time he'd arrived on the sprawling estate. Was this really what it was like to be rich? He cast his mind to Ian Ashburn, a fellow defender and national team-mate. Ian was humble, almost apologetic about his riches; he didn't seem to enjoy sharing details about the finer parts of life that he no doubt had access to. Was it something like this?

Him and the horse soon came to a small brook. It was then that he realised he'd basically been riding roughshod all over the estate; a small pang of guilt rose up as he looked back at the destruction that his horse's hooves had left. Little pockmarks of brown in the otherwise pristine green grass made the lawn look rather less photogenic; though he thought that the groundskeeper would —

Jesus. Jesus, no. What the fuck? That's not how you should think. That's how Trudy's dad thinks. Not you. You and him are different.

At the same time, though, there wasn't really much he could do about it; so sheepishly, he redirected the steed back onto something that vaguely resembled a path and began finding a bridge.

After a few more minutes, they found one — and Trudy Harrison's horse with it. After trundling over the stone bridge, which was surprisingly harder than it looked, he clumsily dismounted. The horse, apparently having sensed that there was no more rider on it, joined the other steed in the field, and began to munch on the grass. Stephen, for his part, wobbled over towards where Trudy was sitting. She was relaxing, with her back against a tree and munching on an apple; but as he got closer, she threw the apple core at him, and looked at him crossly.

"What," she took one step towards him, "the absolute fuck," a finger was jabbed at his chest, "was that all about?"

"What? What do you mean? C'mon, Trudy..."

"You don't follow a single word of what I tell you to do. You make a complete fool of yourself in front of my father, and you leave me out to dry in front of him by listening to what he's saying? How stupid are you?"

"Listen, I'm sorry —"

"My father is not your average person, Stephen, he didn't get where he was today by being an idiot! I can't believe you let him treat you like that, and you just went with it!"

"I don't know, what am I supposed to do? All the time I've been here I've just been going with it! If you didn't want me here, you could've just left me at the airport! You're the one who chose to bring me here, throwing me into the deep end — do you realise how uncomfortable this whole experience has been to me? I've seen more wealth than I've ever experienced either in Straton and in Chromatika. Sure, you can —"

"Oh, yeah, sure, leave my boyfriend behind at the airport and face my evil father alone. Wow, what an amazing girlfriend I'm being —"

"You've basically ignored me and left me out to dry!"

"Oh, leaving you out to dry? That's rich!"

Above all, be kind.

Stephen exhaled, prepared to fire back; but he stopped himself, looking sheepishly at the horses, who were now drinking from the small stream of water.

"I'm sorry, Trudy. I really, really am. I really hope Charles didn't give you a hard time. I just didn't want to piss him off. I can't imagine what it was like, facing him alone —"

"I'm sorry. Didn't realise it'd be tough for you to transition to this environment. It's hell, you know?" She waved her arms. "Corner of the fucking world, full of all the wealth you'd ever need, want and even more. Horses, everything. But that's about it. There's nothing beneath it. But you get used to it." A faint smile appeared on her face. "He was an arse. Obviously. Kept telling me to join him."

"You said no."

"Of course I said no! I'm not leaving football. Or you. Mainly football, though."

"Pfft."

"But yeah. That was about it. I think he's just about given up on me as a disappointment to the family. Though I expect him to try again."

"What makes you think that?"

"Uh...he said something along the lines of alternative persuasive methods. You came up, though I refused to say anything."

"Fuck." Stephen turned away, and stretched his hands behind his head. Walter was right — Charles would be coming for him, next. He didn't feel ready at all for it. Charles Harrison had all the power in Tumbra, and more; he, Stephen Kerr, was just a bloody footballer from Straton. A sense of dread enveloped him as he looked back at the brown stone building where'd he'd ridden from.

He felt Trudy gently take his hand from his head, hold it within hers, and give it three squeezes. The anger had gone from her face, now; she was looking concerned at what was happening.

"What's going on?"

"It's as you said, Trudy — he sees me as an idiot —"

"You are not an idiot."

"Maybe outside here I'm not, but here? I'm basically fresh meat. A hunk of fresh meat who's standing in the way of him and reclaiming his daughter for his media empire. If I'm removed from the equation..."

"But you won't. Right?"

"No. I'll do my best. I'll chat with Walter, see what I can do. I talked to him yesterday..."

"Oh."

"Oh? You sound disappointed."

"No, I just — how much did he tell you?"

"A lot." Trudy turned away, sheepishly. "That was why I got so mad earlier. There's so much you didn't tell me..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how. I'm assuming you now know why I decided to return, even if it's put us into this, well, this..."

"Mm-hm. How is your grandma?"

"Not good. Her seeing me managed to make her mood much better. It felt nice seeing her again, even if I had to act like a dutiful daughter once more." Trudy's face contorted in disgust as she spoke. Stephen couldn't help but chuckle. "But the doctors said she doesn't have much longer..."

"I get it." Stephen embraced Trudy, leaning into her; his lips brushed against her forehead, and she held him close. For a few, blissful moments, there was nothing but the two of them; but the reality of their situation soon set in again.

"Anyway," Trudy said, brushing a strand of hair over her forehead, and trying to sound professional. "I really don't know what Dad'll try. I'm sorry I can't help. Just know that I'll be with you all the way."

"I know you will."

"Let's ride back. He'll probably be expecting us for breakfast..."

Charles, again, was supposedly in one of his jovial moods, patronising Stephen and asking him all sorts of questions about his footballing life. Trudy, meanwhile, was ignored; but she seemed to enjoy being ignored, as she heartily spread butter on her toast.

"I see you've been out horse-riding, as Walter told me; and for a first-timer you seemed to do fairly well. You're taking well to this, I think."

"Well, it helped that the horse was fairly calm."

"Yes, of course, that seems to make all the difference. You know, it's looking quite likely to be a wonderful afternoon out; and I was thinking about doing a spot of grouse hunting. Yes, grouse; they're quite plentiful in this neck of the woods, though the best ones are caught along the state border. There's a bog there, and the birds there are particularly fat. I've never brought Trudy — she doesn't like hunting, and all that — but I was wondering if you'd like to join me. Have you ever shot a shotgun?"

"No, I must admit, I haven't."

"Well then you must simply join us! I'll ask the servants to prepare an outfit for you; surely there'll be something that fits. Who knows, you may be just as good with the gun as with a ball at your feet! All you need to do is to test your skill."

"I think —" Stephen hesitated, glancing at Trudy, who was now glaring at him. But he knew what he was about to do. "I think that'd be great. I'd love to give it a shot." A confident smile emerged.

He knew this was a trap Charles was trying to get Stephen to spring.

But it was time for Stephen to set a few traps of his own.

TUMBRA SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 91 QUALIFYING, MATCHDAYS 17 AND 18: @ LEGALESE AND vs SAJNUR
Goalkeepers: 1 - Nick Barker (FC Inter Nantwich), 12 - Andrew Taylor (Couno Rangers), 24 - Victoria Jones (Gallant Cross, BRE)
Defenders: 3 - Nigel Harris (Lakewood United), 4 - Stephen Kerr (Chromatik, CMT), 5 - Harry Henderson (Aleuisia Capital, ZRH), 14 - Ian Ashburn (Lakewood City), 18 - Nicholas Moss (Miruan City, TKT), 20 - Douglas Moore (Lakewood United), 25 - Sabine Kemp (Lakewood United), 26 - Raymond Perry (Serrapince FC), 27 - Neil Crozier (Lakewood United)
Midfielders: 6 - Trudy Harrison (Chromatik, CMT), 8 - Vincent Hicks (FK Metropola Borograd, STL), 10 - Phil Cole (Osarese Marcadia, AUD), 16 - Andrew Fisher (FC Inter Nantwich), 23 - Susan Monaghan (Northern Stallions, BRE), 37 - Mark Finnemore (Couno Rangers)
Wingers: 7 - George Hilton (Serrapince FC), 9 - Robin Vaughn (Lakewood City), 17 - Valerie Wells (Swanguard Athletic, QUE) 21 - Lynne Crossley (Strathcona Intl's, KSK)
Strikers: 11 - Nick Riordan (Sabrefell Moths, NPH), 22 - Nigel Erskine (Anomalies, CMT)

by **Banija** » Mon May 23, 2022 11:57 am

The Busukuma Post
Covering All of Banija, All of our News, All of the Time

Foreign Policy Explainer- Why the Banijan Royal House has so forcefully thrown its support behind Cassie III in the Cassadagan succession debate

Easy rests the head that wears the crown

BUSUKUMA, NATIONAL CAPITOL REGION- Many of you, who follow foreign politics, have heard, by now, the royal succession debates that are beginning to be seen in Cassadaigua. With Princess Brianna I, the daughter of the former Princess Caitlyn(who was intended to be Queen but was disinherited), officially challenging her own removal from the line of succession, which happened as a result of her mother's removal, and claiming her right to be the Crown Princess of Cassadaigua. Of course, ideologically, the natural Banijan lean would be towards Brianna. Particularly her platform for men's rights, which would seem to be fairly amongst this fairly patriarchal, socially conservative society we have here in Banija.

But as anyone who has ever followed politics knows, and particularly those who follow foreign policy, there is a lot more that matters when determining alignment in foreign policy than simple ideology. Ideology helps, of course- but it is not the sole determinor. Just look at the crisis in Nyowani Kitara, for example. How many countries supported factions that you would have, in normal circumstances, expected them to oppose. Hard power is something that always matters. People estimating their chances of being on the winning side of a conflict matters perhaps even more so- nobody wants to be on the losing side of a foreign policy debate. To the victors go the spoils, and the loses are left to pick up the shattered pieces of their pride. Banija learned this the hard way in Nyowani Kitara- with everything invested in the KFF, and absolutely nothing to show for it.

Because of that, of course, Banija is surely going to look to take a back seat when it comes to politics all the way out in Rushmore. And yet... Not really? Take a look at the statement of the Isebantu, on the succession debate in Cassadaigua, when asked about it, off the cuff, at a press conference.

Isebantu Mutungi wrote:The Cassadagan Royal succession fight, of course, is a matter for Cassadagan law. However, we believe that the claim of Princess Cassie III is strong. She is the daughter of the reigning Queen, and a basic principle of royal succession is that the Crown passes on down through the Monarch's immediate successors. The situation with former Princess Caitlyn is quite sad. But general royal protocol dictates, that once disinherited, one's heirs are also disinherited. It may be a disappointment for Princess Brianna, of course, but it would not make sense for the Crown to flow away from the head it rests upon, when they have eligible heirs, to a person who has no right to the throne. Cassie III's claim to the throne, through that simple logic, seems likely to hold up in Court, and her claim has the support of my Royal Family.

Of course, the Kabaka himself issued a statement to similar effect, supporting his son's statement, emphasizing that 'the basic guiding principle of monarchy is that succession flows from the Crown', and that, in his opinion, 'Cassie III is the clear-cut successor to her mother'. The question is, when Cassadaigua is so far away- why?

There are a multitude of reasons. But of course, in that multitude, there are two primary reasons. The first, of course, is the very basic guiding principle of monarchies everywhere. The whole point of the system for many rulers, particularly ours, is that power flows from the Crown, to oldest eligible child, etc... Of course, in Banija, that would mean oldest baptized Mormon son. Monarchies over the world operate under that same guiding principle. Whatever the circumstances of Queen Cassie II getting the Crown, the simple fact of the matter is that the crown rests firmly on her head, and that she has an eligible heir. You never know how these things might play out over time. Once the ball gets rolling, it may not stop.

"Monarchies tend to support the traditions of other monarchies, because it strengthens both the idea, the concept, and the legitimacy of the entire system in general." Said a Foreign Policy Analyst, who is a Professor at Northern Moravica University. "Once some countries, especially very large, culturally influential monarchies, like Cassadaigua, start messing around with their system, many Monarchs fear- why can't the same happen to ours? If the line of succession can be changed in Cassadaigua, why can't it be changed in Banija? The Isebantu, from that point of view, as the first son of the Kabaka and the heir to the Banijan throne, is the most biased party in this case in all of Banija. He is the heir, and succession is guaranteed to flow through his sons. He could not possibly improve his lot if talk happened in Banija about the line of succession. He is the leading beneficiary in Banija of the principle that the children of a monarch should inherit the Monarch, and so it is of no surprise that he supports Cassie III."

There's the practical considerations. And of course, there are the historical considerations as well in a country like Banija. What historical considerations are there? Let's take a trip all the way back to the 1940s. It is a long story. But to make a long story short? The then Isebantu Sanyu, first son of Mugisha II, came out publicly against a very divisive public policy proposal of Kabaka Mugisha II(may he rest in peace) for Banija to join a war(ironically, all the way out in Rushmore). When his speech rallied the Lukiiko against Mugisha II, it was the first successful Lukiiko challenge to the foreign policy power and rights of the Banijan throne. It enraged his Father so much, that less than a year later, Mugisha II disinherited Sanyu and his future heirs, stripped him of his income and any other royal benefits, and barred him from speaking with any of his family ever again.

It caused a constitutional crisis in Banija based off the simple question, can the Monarch decide, on his own unilateral authority, to just remove someone from the line of succession? The answer ended up being yes. Who was Sanyu's brother? The future Isebantu, and Kabaka, Mutungi. Mutungi, of course, is the great-great-grandfather of our current monarch, Kabaka Mwanga. So that shows exactly how long ago this crisis was. But it's not like Sanyu simply disappeared. He went to Quebec, and lived a pretty good life for himself, eventually join the Quebecois House of Lords. While his ascension to political power in Quebec caused brief stress on the Banijan-Quebecois relationship, everything ended up being fine in regards to that.

But that is never far from the minds of Banijan Royals. While Sanyu is not a perfect analogy to Caitlyn(particularly that he had no heirs yet at the time of disinheritance, whereas Caitlyn did), Mwanga is obviously a beneficiary of that moment. What if distant unknown heirs of Sanyu laid a claim to the Banijan throne off the same logic? While of course that is a crazy stretch, considering how many years it has been since that incident. Some may see that as incredibly weak reasoning. But hey, what Monarchy doesn't love a good pretender? The Banijan Royal Family would obviously have an interest in not allowing that kind of chaos here. If a previously disinherited Cassadagan can jump back to the top of the royal succession line, couldn't something like that happen here?

The answer is, extremely unlikely. Obviously, Cassadagan court rulings do not apply in Banija. But it'd be best for the Banijan Royal Family that nobody even try something. And, frankly, it's been long enough where basically every single Royal in Banija is now a beneficiary of Sanyu's disinheritance- who the heck would advocate for their own removal from power? But you never know what could happen. No public debate. Sniff it out in the bud. There's a reason why Sanyu's heirs were given the same permanent travel ban to Banija that Sanyu was given, even though Sanyu had no heirs at the time.

So because of all that, the Banijan Royal Family has come out swinging for Cassie III, and the House of Katende will be rooting for her faction to prevail.

Foreign Policy Roundup
- Banija, for negotiations to renew and review the Farf reparations agreement, as a result of the Banijan nuclear bombing of Farfadillis, has said that they will recognize Farolera President-For-Life Alex Terán as the 'sole representative' of Farfadillis in negotiations. "After consultation and a deep analysis, we have reasonable assurances that President Alex Terán can adequately represent all of Farfadillis in negotiations." Said a Banijan foreign policy spokesman. "We expect to have fruitful discussions and negotiations with the President."
- The Banijan Royal Family has issued their sincere condolences on the passing of King Jakob In Pasarga, and have announced that Omugaba Immaculate, the eldest daughter of Kabaka Mwanga, will travel to Pasarga for his funeral, representing both the family and the country.
- There are rumors swirling that the Isebantu may pay a visit to Garifunya, in the coming days, to finalize a trade deal between the two nations.
- The RTC has announced that they have received exclusive rights to building out a functioning public transit system in Cardenao, in a move that will be a great financial boon for the company.

Sporting Roundup
- Banija comes out with another 6 point window as they continue to march closer and closer to the World Cup Finals. With a tight 1-0 home win over Efnakia, and a 5-2 blowout road win over Aleirave, Banija are 13 points clear of second place Brookstation in Group 12, although Brookstation has a game in hand. If Banija win our next two games, which are at home against an unranked Lumbinipur, and then a visit to Sargossa out in Rushmore, we will officially win this qualification group and qualify directly for the World Cup Finals.
- Banija's offense continues to light up the scoreboard, with 46 goals for in 15 games played. They have the 4th most goals for in the entire competition at this point, with Valanora(47), Hapilopper(49), and Pemecutan(50) being the only teams that have scored more than Banija throughout the first three-quarters of World Cup Qualifying.

by **Bollonich** » Mon May 23, 2022 12:21 pm

Politics - State Elections, Socialists tested

With the backdrop of international negotiations with Græntfjall at Norwegian Wood in Brookstation to discuss a peace agreement following the Hofvinger Conflict, two states of the nation went to the polling stations to find out who shall be serving in the State Legislatures of Lorfgrania and Pseudonia for the next four years. These elections were important to find out whether the resurgence of the Socialist Agenda was a valid phenomenon with the perfect case study serving as Lorfgrania, a state which in the past had welcomed Socialist policies with open arms. Socialist aims ahead of both the states going to the polls were to naturally assert control over the states their very origins are tied in. Meanwhile the Liberal agenda was more forward looking and they had different goals to accomplish. The Liberals had developed a long time agenda to spread the Liberal ideology in the south, the results of which would be displayed in these elections. That, and to get a good footing in the states prior to what could be a defining Federal election for Bollonich’s history.

The nature of the southern states is such that there is quite the presence of regional parties in these states which fight for seats in the State Legislature. The political structures of Bollonich however prevent these regional parties from running in the Federal elections as to be represented by a Party the Party must possess at least one seat in the State Legislatures of two States which none of the regional parties have achieved as of now. This usually means that the result of a State Legislative Assembly is skewed in not being able to sufficiently represent what could be expected from a Federal Election.

The Liberals have expectedly lost out on quite a few seats in the Legislature with there being a great disparity between their achievements and the Socialists who along with the share of seats of the Greens possess a comfortable majority in the Assembly. This however would not have come as a shock to Liberal leadership given their support has seen quite a downturn for the worse following the Hofvinger Crisis the effects of which are visible for everyone to see. That coupled with a major disparity between the economic conditions of the South to the North makes the Liberal’s economic policies difficult for citizens of these states to fully get behind. In Lorfgrania however, the Liberals have been sure to receive more than adequate support from the Lorfgranian People’s Party (LPP) who used to be the primary opposition to the Socialists for control in Lorfgrania prior to Liberals growth in reach across the nation. In this occasion, the LPP appear to have faltered in terms of their electoral strategy focusing on opposing the Socialists while most of their voter share seems to have been gobbled up by the Greens who came away with more than 24% of the nearly 2 million voters in the State Legislature. The LPP on the other hand received a meagre 6% voter share and only 17 seats basically forfeiting any control they held in the State Legislature.
The Gubernatorial Race was a completely different story though despite the expected once again taking place. Socialist candidate Melina Wyatt backed by the Left Coalition cruised to victory with more than 50% of the voter share. LPP candidate Dewey Sameuls, to everyone's shock following the Legislative Assembly catastrophe, managed to get a fairly good voter share. Based on exit polls by Politico and the Vreton City Journal, this sudden increase is likely a result of Greens voters voting for the LPP as the relationship between the Socialists and Greens despite the alliance have been rocky at times leaving a sour taste in voters of both parties which gives us some justified distrust in their greatest partners in the political world. This increase also resulted in a nearly 3% decrease in Liberal candidate Cory Beckham’s vote share which signals major concern for the Liberals in Lorfgrania if they wish to regain their strength in the region.

Pseudonia on the other hand has had multiple interesting and intriguing developments over the last four years in terms of political alliances. Pseudonia has historically been a ground for immense amounts of discussion and discourse on Socialist and Communist political ideology with multiple different schools of political thought being represented in its Legislature. The three parties to have originated, the Socialist-Marxist Party (SCM), the Communist Party of Pseudonia (CPP) and the Socialist Party of Pseudonia (SPP), have been some of the most influential in formulating mainstream socialist ideals. The Communists dominated the domestic political landscape for much of Pseudonia’s history as the Socialist-Marxists attempted to provide a more swallowable doctrine of belief for Bollonich on a whole. This meant that the Socialist-Marxists while being moderately popular in Pseudonia, could never combat the Communists on their own, which is where the SPP came in. The SPP being more of a sidelined party due to the Socialist-Marxists popularity meant a partnership between the two to counteract the Communists in Pseudonia was essentially a necessitated decision with the Socialists Coalition and the CPP trading blows on multiple occasions. Recently however this story took a turn for the better for the Socialist-Marxists as their popularity skyrocketed in the state and the SPP began to feel suffocated in a Coalition where they felt they were the only ones contributing to the Socialist-Marxist agenda with them receiving none of the same assistance from their partners. With the Socialist-Marxists having risen to a level where they could take on the Communists alone, the only purpose the Socialists served was to grant the SCM a comfortable majority in the Legislature. That is when we witnessed a shocking announcement from the SPP chairman, Merrick Foster, making their intentions of having left the Socialist Coalition and having entered an alliance with the CPP due to “ideological differences” with the SCM. This was a major shift in the tide for the 2024 Pseudonian Elections with the CPP-SPP coalition appearing strong for a victory with the CPP already fighting for a majority with the SCM being the only ones blocking their way. Surely, the help from the SPP would be enough to get them over the line, well it was not.

The Liberals meanwhile had been focusing on trying to navigate all this political chaos to gain some quiet support for themselves and build themselves in the state from that point on. This strategy worked for them as they gained 13 seats from the 2020 elections, snagging quite a lot of those from hardcore communist constituencies. The Socialist-Marxists used aggressive campaigning smearing the SPP-CPP alliance as a desperate attempt to disassemble a party with the national socialist doctrine which according to them was the best thing to happen to the socialist cause ever in Bollonich. This sort of campaigning appeared to be successful as the Socialist-Marxists gained a respective amount of seats putting them right up there to snag a narrow majority. They however were largely disappointed by the Greens who had never been popular in Pseudonia in the first place as the Greens lost 7 seats to opposition SPP candidates. That along with the Development Party’s slight faltering meant the National Left Front had failed to achieve a majority in the Pseudonian State Legislature and would need to rely on SPP-CPP cooperation to pass bills of their choosing. The SPP’s moderate rise to a level of respectable competition however must be applauded as the party coming out of a one-sided alliance managed to gain seats and in fact possibly start to take the number 1 role in the CPP-SPP coalition in the future. The Liberals fared fabulously, gaining a record number of seats and overshadowing the CPP numerically in terms of seats which would have been a major boost to their Pseudonian campaign.
The Gubernatorial Race was equally intriguing and tight as Socialist-Marxist candidate Ashlea Newell narrowly edged out Communist candidate Salone Boon backed by the SPP. Winning the election just by a matter of 1.19% of the vote share would have been quite a shock to the Socialist-Marxists as it could signal tough days for them to come in the future. The Liberals made small gains primarily coming from Greens voters who in truth are much more Liberal leaning than towards some of the left organisations.

Given the massive disparity in the domestic political situations of both states, it remains hard to come out of the entire ordeal of analysing two crucial elections with information to forecast the happenings of the Federal elections to come. With focus on the fight between the Liberals and the Left Front the battle seems to have heated up for the moment with the Socialist and Liberals continue to trade blows in different states with Socialist making a resurgence in Lorfgrania while the Liberals did the same in Pseudonia.

by **Squidroidia** » Mon May 23, 2022 1:32 pm

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?"

A scream can be heard in the away locker room in Pale, and the Squidroidian players bolted up, guilt on their faces. This should've been a tough, but manageable game away from home against a StrayaRoos team that can be described as "Average if you discount the fact that they lost 9-2 to the Inklings in Inkopolis". It seems like that loss lit a fire in the Strayans, and that left one Adam Johnson angry as he stormed to where the Squidroidian players were.

"ALL OF YOU should be ashamed! You beat up on this team in the home leg in Inkopolis like they were an under-12s side and now you go and lose like THAT? We're 7 points behind Drawkland now. 7. POINTS. All because you pooped the bed against STRAYAROOS AND SOLDERA!!!"

Johnson was, understandably for some and un-understandably for others, throwing a biiit of a fit. He thought that this Squidroidian team was going to pull off a close group race with Audioslavia and Drawkland, winning most of their games apart from losses against their opponents. Instead, as they beat Audioslavia home and away, the thought of Squidroidia winning the group with change to spare got into his head. He's an old, but veteran, manager who has been there and done that. Now the Elite Eleven were finally being elite, having only drawn TWICE in their first 14 matches, and with 6 games to go, barring a comeback of epic proportions, they looked like going to the World Cup automatically.

"HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WIN THE GROUP IF WE KEEP SLIPPING LIKE THAT!? LIKE HOW, WHEN THE EGOTISTICAL ELITE ELEVEN EMBARRASS ENEMIES EVERY EVENING? Also how did I get that all out that effortlessly? Okay, that's besides the point, YOU LOT SHOULD'VE WON AND WE'RE GOING TO GET TO THE PLAYOFFS BECAUSE OF YOUR POOR DECISIONS!"

Okay, maybe not poor decisions, StrayaRoos actually learned from their mistakes that they had from the shellaking and turned those into a StrayaRoos team that didn't at all look like the team that made the Squidroidians laugh. They felt like a respectable team. Johnson was acting all irrespectable. Maybe that was the point, but the Wunderbars weren't buying it. They knew the team was good. The other Squidroidians were delusional.

So they started a fight.

Chaos brewing in the locker room as the young upstarts unleashed their might on their oppressors, targeting Johnson and the rest of the team. It was an ugly incident, one that, for a while, overshadowed the upcoming Leader elections. Even the candidates in the debate had something to say about that night in Pale - Go doubled down on disbanding the SFA due to their lack of competence running the Squidroidian national team. Fujiwara, in a rare move during the debate, agreed with him. Even if the Squidroidian national team's selection process became more of a mess, sometimes chaos does bring order.

But after that whole ordeal was done, Johnson stood up and looked at the battered Squidroidians, bruises and ink on their faces. He needed something to motivate them.

"Lads, ladettes... Let me tell you something. If we don't qualify for the World Cup, if we don't find ourselves in Farfadillis... I'm done. I'm leaving this team. You have 6 matchdays to turn it around, to lay it all on the line and qualify automatically. If you don't and you get 2nd or third, you HAVE to win your playoff game. There is no excuses anymore. Either fight together or fight amongst yourselves.

"Which one strikes your fancy?"

by **Cardenao** » Mon May 23, 2022 1:36 pm

The Cardonian Inquirer
Kimi Time

Hello hello good morning good readers! It is a beautiful morning with the sun just starting to rise as I write this and let me tell you, I am feeling good my friends! Yes the sun is rising and I’ve got fishing to do right off the coast of Alameda on the northwestern side of Cardenao. What am I saying, you all know where it is! Or perhaps not, as my lovely editor (editor note: the first true thing you’ve ever printed Kimi) has informed me that more people than ever are reading my column and indeed my words are being read in several beautiful nations across the multiverse to which I say, my God more people have time to waste reading the crap I say? (editor note: wow Kimi the second true thing you’ve ever printed) For all of this I believe I must give thanks to one person it seems, our glorious President Mihaly Otamendi long may he reign (editor note: alright he’s great but let's not get weird about it), for going out into the great void that is the multiverse and gaining the Kingdom of Cardenao so many valuable allies, and it is here my dear reader that I must take a second to do what I believe the more ‘hip’ of you refer to as ‘flex’ where some of you might be reading this from! (editor note: Kimi this…this is the correct usage but this sentence sounds like a meme please reword. And please don’t ask me what a meme is)

Greetings to my Banijan readers! Thank you to your beautiful country for all the help you’ve given us! The ferry line that your Regional Transit Corporation operates throughout Cardenao is simply magnificent and has catapulted our country's attempt at modernization into overdrive; I hope our great national friendship continues to prosper for a long time yet.

To our wonderful northern neighbors in the Ochre Islands, I hope you are enjoying the metric heapton of flax we’ve been sending your way! I tend to think it’s rather strange your obsession with flax but then I start thinking about building a beautiful bridge the stretches all the way from East to West Cardenao and that bridge I…I just…it’s such a good thought imagine such a bid bridge mmm (editor note: mmmm bridge) that…uh..what was I saying? Ah yes, I think about our own national obsession with building a bloody big bridge and suddenly how you feel about flax suddenly makes perfect sense. Also sincerest thank yous for the 20 coast guard vessels, the other day my cousin got beached navigating the watercombs of November City and sure enough the new Cardenao Coast Guard was dispatched over to help rescue him. Apparently the newly formed Coast Guard is so new that they are not entirely fully trained as two unfortunate vessels were beached themselves. Now in their defense, navigating the watery deathtraps of the flooded November City was a difficult task for even the most accomplished of seafarers. For my international readers, November City is an infamous city in Cardenao that stood right at the edge of the Great Flooding when the Cardonian land bridge was flooded. The rising waters turned half the city into a flooded death trap, with neighborhoods and town blocks laying in varying stages of submersion in the sea water. It is quite unnerving to see, wondering just how many poor souls are still trapped in the depths below while the other half of the city still tries to function. (editor note: thanks for the morbid image Kimi) With that in mind hopefully you now understand the challenges of boating in that area, and fortunately the rest of the coast guard was able to rescue, not only my poor cousin, but also the unfortunate two vessels of the guard itself that got stranded. Thank you Ochre Islands for the entertainment.

And in this incident thanks must also be given to a nation I have deeply respected for longer than you might suspect, my dear reader, the Protectorate of Starblaydia. Yes thanks indeed must be given to our pre-eminent regional powerhouse who’s purple kits look simply dashing as they fight to climb up from 5th place in their own World Cup group. Why are we thanking Starblaydia? Because they graciously opened up their Hierro Naval Academy in the Starblaydi city of Samosisos to train Cardonian cadets in the arts of coast guard operations and naval warfare. I’m not entirely sure what the plan with the naval warfare officers is considering Cardenao doesn’t actually have a navy but considering President Mihaly’s ease at negotiating a fleet of 20 ships for our new coast guard, I can’t imagine him securing weaponized naval vessels to be much more of a challenge. Anyhow, thank you to my Starblaydi readers for helping give my country a mighty backbone it never had and for an education in what exactly it means to RAWRCRUSH in a scientific sense.

Greetings to my next group of readers, those fantastic people in the wonderful nation of Quebec and Shingoryeo. Your country is simply superb, always eager to lend a hand in whatever way possible to help restore Cardenao to her former glory. From financial aid to naval assistance to generally being reliable over these last few months, I must say both thank you and good morning! Though it’s probably afternoon on your side of Anaia isn’t it? Salutations all the same though.

With all of that out of the way, we can now get to the good stuff. That one special thing we all love more than life, love, and good drink: football. Yes yes my readers, now is the time for football discussion!

Let me start firstly by shouting my praise for what manager Scooter McNash has been able to do with the boys in Blue and Gold. Cardenao entered her first World Cup ranked 277th in the world after a very disappointing Baptism of Fire campaign, it really had been just an awful, truly shite campaign it must be said. (Editor note: True but please Kimi no swearing in the paper we are an institution) Expectations were thus minimal at most and obtaining seven or eight points from the 20 matchdays seemed reasonable considering the quality of opposition in our Group 9, there was zero pressure and myself and the rest of Cardenao were looking forward to just watching the play, enjoying it all without feeling the stress that must come with being a fan of a top level team. Boy have things changed! Burning out of the Baptism of Fire might actually be the best thing to happen to Cardenao as Scooter McNash has used it to light a fire under the national team and holy hell have they risen to the challenge and done our whole nation so very proud!

A draw against Barunia to open the campaign had been a good sign, the following 5-3 loss to Tikariot a formality considering the gulf in class between the two but the scoreline was very encouraging, but it was in the third match against Schima Bas that our tournament looked like it might go much better than we could have ever expected. I don’t know what Scooter said in the locker room before the match but the lads came out guns blazing and were up 4-nil at home by half time before winning 5-1 and just like that, Cardenao was off the races. Minus a painful 5-4 loss to Ziwana right afterwards, the highlight of that match being the overall quality of the team despite defeat with four different goal scorers and four different assisters. And then there was the boring 2-2 draw against Republica Guanacasteca.

Annnndddd then the 5-1 drumming we suffered at the hands of Tjun-ia with only a sole headed goal from Roberto Rojas following a Giampetro Vera corner kick. And then a 1-1 draw against Bollonich after that. So, maybe we weren’t quite off to the races, Cardenao was floundering while simultaneously doing much better than anyone could’ve expected leading to a weird sort of national paradox where, despite the overperformance, the national attitude was one of disappointment. Seven matches in with six points to show, at that rate we were projecting finishing around 14 points, which was definitely a great thing but it just felt like a disappointment considering the Cardonian’s ability to score goals and transition the ball efficiently from the defense through the midfield into the attack, we all genuinely believed that more could and should be coming from the team. All of us including Scooter McNash.

Who else to be more disappointed, more perplexed at Cardenao’s paradoxical over-underachievement then the man responsible for all of it? Yes, the eccentric national team manager was sure to understand and realize how close and yet so far away from a winning formula his team was. The pieces were there, just a little tweaking was all that was needed. That and a helluva lot of luck.

After that 1-1 draw with Bollonich, Scooter got the team together on a 5 day ritiro with total media blackout and social silence. We don’t know where they went, what they did or discussed, we don’t know anything other than after that 120 hour ritiro, the Cardenao national team came back to World Cup qualifying with a new fire burning in them.

Back to back wins against Muralos and Kyhun after Scooter McNash’s intervention doubled the team’s point tally and started to rise some heads. A 3-0 loss to Pasarga had been expected and the final scoreline was honestly better than had been hoped for, while a 4-4 draw against Barunia brought Cardenao out of the lower part of the group and up to sixth place with 13 points. All of a sudden we were five points behind fourth place and nine outside of the beautiful qualifying zone. It was incredibly improbable, Cardenao the broken backwater flooded nation in her maiden World Cup voyage going on an epic comeback to potentially qualify for the World Cup? No, absolutely not. Sure technically it was mathematically possible but come the hell on. There was zero way Cardenao could come close to qualifying, let alone actually pulling it off.

Unless…..

Cardenao 3-2 Tikariot.
Schima Bas 0-1 Cardenao.
Cardenao 3-2 Ziwana.

3 wins in a row put Cardenao in 5th with 22 points, seven (7) behind Bollonich in the qualifying zone though we had a game in hand. From the first seven (7) games, Cardenao took six points out of a potential 21. In the next seven (7) after Scooter McNash’s ritiro with the team? 16 from 21. Regardless of how things go in the final six matchdays, that is a helluva turnaround and something the team should always be proud of accomplishing as the 277th ranked team in their first ever World Cup appearance. If we had carried those same results in the first seven (7) games, we’d be three points clear in the qualifying zone. That isn’t the case though, but it is intriguing to see the potential that lies within our Cardonian team. Seven points behind 3rd and qualifying, three points behind TJUN-ia in fourth, it could technically be done. That being said, the next two matches will determine everything, there is no way around that.

Our next match is against Republica Guanacasteca who sit three points behind us in 6th place. If the lads lose that game, now they are fighting to make 5th place their own while trying to crawl into 4th. 3rd place and thus qualifying was out of the question. The prior fixture had taken place in Cardenao at the Stadi Nacional and had ended in a 2-2 draw after goals in the 77th and 83rd minutes from Juanma and Yeison Mesa had pulled the team level. A lot had changed for both teams since then and momentum was on Cardenao’s side but luck and the randomness of sport seems to rule at the end of the day, so who could say was more likely to walk away with the three points?

A draw would be good but disappointing and make our qualification job that much more improbable, especially as Bollonich faces two easy fixtures against 9th placed Ziwana and 10th placed Schima Bas.TJUN-ia plays the same Ziwana during our match against Republica Guanacasteca, so assuming both we and they win, Cardenao would still be seven points behind Bollonich and qualification, and still three points behind TJUN-ia, but we would now have a six point gap between us and 6th place.

The machday after even more so determines the fate of our campaign as the boys in blue and gold lace-up TJUN-ia. This match is huge, everything rests on it. Lose and qualification would be out of the question. Draw and qualification would be even more mathematically improbable. Win and qualification would be slightly more possible. Assuming results held elsewhere, we would be tied on points for fourth and….. still be seven points behind Bollonich and qualification. Not to mention TJUN-ia beat us 5-1 in the previous fixture, though this time the match is being played in Cardenao and we have a much better playing team since then.

As you can see, qualification is not impossible, merely very much improbable. I have not lost hope, this is better and more exciting than any of us Cardonians could have ever hoped for in the leadup to the World Cup, especially after the dumpster fire that was the Baptism of Fire qualification process. We expected six points, maybe ten if the Gods smiled on us: here we sit on 22 points needing to overcome a seven point deficit with 18 to play for. Improbable, not impossible.

Good luck to the lads, thank you all for reading, have a great rest of the day!

by **Krytenia** » Mon May 23, 2022 4:16 pm

Insanity At The Isserson
By Rami Niblick in Emberton

THERE'S an old, old saying: "it's not over till the fat lady sings". It originally applies to opera, and the only female member of the Krytenian team is positively svelte, but the spirit of the phrase was embodied by the Dragons in an electric encounter at the Isserson Olympic Stadium. With table-topping Kandorith coming to town, points were always going to be at a premium, but Krytenia showed their mental fortitude to grab a hard-earned point in a game that was absolutely one for the neutrals.

Kandorith are a difficult side to play at the best of times. This is partly due to the excellent technical skills of the players on the pitch, and partly because their tactics are less based on a particular formation and more a doctoral thesis on fluid dynamics. BXE's 4-2-3-1 looked positively rigid in comparison. Unsurprisingly, the visitors' instinctive flow of play around the pitch and unpredictability of movement had them on the front foot at the start, leaving holding midfielders Savannah Quinn and Scott Stringer feeling like they were trying to solve a Rubik's cube blindfolded and wearing oven gloves.

The Mekahi made good on their early pressure, too, going ahead in the eleventh minute. A Yoshito Yamakawa cross was nodded clear by Gavin Healey, but only as far as the edge of the box. Toshi Oshita's shot was true but into the crowd, and the ball ricocheted off the leg of Daniel Usher into the path of Yuki Ono, who poked home past an out-of-position James Orwell to give the visitors the lead. With their noses in front, Kandorith began to relax on the ball a little more; not so relaxed as to be sloppy, but simply patiently probing the Krytenian defence for cracks in the shell, moving the ball around to prevent the Krytenian press and stretch the defence. Ono nearly grabbed a second as the Krytenian back four tried to plug gaps even as they were created, finding space in between the centre-backs to shoot but unable to find a way past the sprawling form of Orwell.

On the sidelines, BXE saw how the game was going, and decided to deploy this Krytenian side's greatest strength; pure, unadulterated speed. Having already decided to start David Green ahead of Owen Pedersen in this regard, the Qusmi decided to go straight to plaid with an early substitution, hauling off Usher to bring on Shaun Evans. It helped to shore up the back line, especially with Quinn dropping back into a more libero type position. Krytenia brought the game back into a bit more of a balanced affair, with Kandorith's dynamic attack countered by Krytenia's vice-like press. The next goal, then, would set the tone for the rest of the match. As to who would score that goal, though...that was up in the air. Yoshihiro Matsumoto could have had it on the half-hour, managing to get a sight of goal between Evans and Quinn; Orwell, though, was alive to the danger, getting his body behind the ball to snuff out the chance. Alexander Devereux, too, had a good chance to score, connecting with an incisive Carlos Senna pass, but he, too, shot too close to the keeper, with Akio Maruyama clutching the ball out of the air to preserve the lead.

It looked, despite the attacking play visible at both ends of the pitch, like the game was destined to go into the break at one-nil. Krytenia, though, had other ideas. A fast break from a wayward Harumi Hamada pass saw the sky blue shirts surging towards the Kandorith box, as BXE's "Overrun, Overload, Overpower" mentality came on full force. The ball moved quickly between Quinn, Stringer, Simon Masari, Cande Montalban, Stringer again, out to Masari, off to Paul Vonn on the overlap...and his cross in whizzed fiendishly towards the far post, where an inrushing Green met the ball with a textbook diving header, looking for all the world like a missile with legs. Even if Maruyama had been in position, there was no stopping that one. Kandorith restarted, but were unable to put any meaningful possession together before the referee whistled for the half.

There was to be a second change before the sides came back out for the second half. Devereux had fallen foul of the offside trap a few times, so BXE decided to embrace the chaos, pulling off their target man for a second false nine in the form of Jason Whitmore, with the Dragons now playing a formation best described as "ah, screw it". To be fair to the Krytenian manager, it worked. The home side were now combatting liquid football with raw volatility, with Quinn playing between the defence and the midfield, Whitmore and Montalban performing a footballing pas de deux betwixt and between the Kandorith defenders, and Stringer orchestrating the whole beautiful mess, spraying passes around like an overactive lawn sprinkler. For a good fifteen minutes, the Mekahi had no answer to Krytenia, mainly because the question was being asked in Esperanto and backwards. Their goal was under siege from the Dragons' talented artillery batallion as shots rained in from all directions. Whitmore rattled the crossbar with a howitzer three minutes into the half, Maruyama performed a heroic double save from Montalban and Stringer, Shou Asato cleared a Healey header off the line from a particularly venomous corner, and as the minutes ticked on, the onion bag still somehow remained undisturbed. Eventually, though, the breach was made. Masari's silky footwork drew a foul out wide, and Senna's inswinging free kick bounced through the crowd before Quinn got foot to ball and directed it just inside the post. Krytenia had the lead, and it was they who now looked the most likely to get out of this with all three points.

Faced with this onslaught, most teams would have folded. But here's the thing: Kandorith aren't most teams. If anything, conceding the goal allowed them a little time on the ball, and a chance to regroup and change up their strategy. This is a team, after all, who simply do not know the meaning of the word "quit". Liquid football was out of the window; time to set fire to the rain, and come at the Krytenians with bulldozer tactics of their own. Krytenia's press was still high - but sometimes too high, occasionally forgetting the rule that you can't be offside in your own half, and leaving holes behind as the defence surged into enemy territory to try and regain possession. Krytenia's lead wouldn't survive even ten minutes, as Ono timed a run to perfection, receiving the ball beyond the last defender - though still in the Kandorith half, and then made a beeline for the onrushing Orwell. Ono responded to this by nutmegging the hopelessly exposed keeper before slotting the ball into an empty net.

Life was about to get worse for the Krytenians. The high line may have dropped back slightly - the Dragons are too savvy to make the same mistake twice in that regard, but that just allowed the Kandorith front three to six - delete as applicable - to go back to picking at the bones of the defence. Krytenia were back on the back foot again, and before long they would fall behind for the second time in the match. This time it was Matsumoto who got the goal, picking up a shanked Evans clearance before thumping an unstoppable drive into the top corner. With a little over ten minutes to go, the score was now three-two to Kandorith; a repeat of the meeting earlier in the qualifying campaign. For a moment, the rowdy Isserson crowd was silenced.

Note the words "for a moment" there. If the Kandorith players don't understand "quit", the Krytenian fans don't know the meaning of the words "shut up". The Cyan Army don't turn it up to eleven, mainly because they start at nineteen and only get louder from there. The cauldron of noise means little, though, if the opposition is on top, and this was the situation that the home side found themselves in. Time for a final chunk of rubidium in the water, then. Quinn had run herself into the ground over the course of eighty minutes, and was physically and mentally spent. Rather than change like-for-like and bring on Andy McCulloch or Niall Monaghan, BXE decided to go full takil and introduce Remy Seydoux into proceedings. Krytenia were now playing a 4-1-5, clearly a final roll of the dice.

They got boxcars. For the second time in the match, a loose pass allowed Krytenia back in possession, with Healey quickly hoofing the ball forward. Seydoux headed the ball into the path of Whitmore, whose first-time effort arrowed past a helpless Maruyama and into the roof of the net. The roar from the capacity crowd would have probably spooked chickens in Hastings as Whitmore found himself mobbed by his team-mates. There was still time for a late scare, as Ono looked to complete what would have been a deserved hat-trick, but Vonn was alive to the danger and slid in to take the ball from the striker's feet and keep the scores level. A point apiece was probably a fair result at the end of what was a classic match between two teams equally matched in both skill and sheer audacity of tactics.

After this drag-down rap battle of a match, the Dragons will probably be glad of a couple of weeks rest before their next game. They'll need it, too, as their trip to Elephant Valley could well be pivotal to both sides' chances of qualifying for the next World Cup. Defeat for South Newlandia will as good as end their chances - though not mathematically - whilst a loss for Krytenia puts them at the disadvantage of being behind the Elephants, albeit with a game in hand. After that, there's the small matter of Saint Eleanor's visit to Avidia, which may well end up deciding who finishes second and (at least in theory) gets an easier playoff match. It'll be a crucial few days for the Dragons, but if they can produce more performances like last night's, they could be well and truly in the driving seat come full time at the New City Stadium. Onward!

KRYTENIA - 3
Green 45+1
Quinn 61
Whitmore 88

KANDORITH - 3
Ono 11, 68
Matsumoto 79

by **HUElavia** » Mon May 23, 2022 4:49 pm

HUElavia 5-2 Stresia
(Quichca 5', 62', Yakovich 35', Simangan-Bayona 56', Herzberg 82' | REDACTED 41', REDACTED 72')
Arena da Selva, Caranhaba, HUElavia

Kimi-Suomi 0-0 HUElavia
The Nest, Kimi City, Kimi-Suomi

XI vs Al Qurija
Casillas (C), Arroyo, Pillpe, Ardance, Larrangoz, Mayordomo, Simangan-Bayona, Aveiro, Noffke, Quichca, Lopes
Home Uniform will be worn

XI at Saltstead:
Casillas (C), Arroyo, Pillpe, Ardance, Larrangoz, Mayordomo, Duarte, Aveiro, Noffke, Balderas, Lopes
Away Uniform will be worn

A Chef's Voyage

Quebec and Shingoryeo

"Hi, my name's Antoine Brousseau. For several years, I've been a chef, working in various restaurants throughout HUElavia. The sights and smells of cuisine have been a part of my life since I was very young. But now, it's time for a new change in my life. It's time to travel throughout the multiverse and sample the various dishes people has to offer. I don't know what's ahead for me, but I got the appetite to find out."

"This is A Chef's Voyage."

Cold. That's the first word that comes to mind when setting foot in Quebec and Shingoryeo. Located in the northwestern most area of the central continent on the region of Anaia, Quebec and Shingoryeo is a pretty large country with over 74 million Quebecois. Despite the name may suggest, there is a pretty big mix of cultures in the country, notably being Franc, Angshire, and Jeong. They're a nation that has close ties between them and HUElavia- nations are trading partners, Q&S at one point were illegal suppliers of condoms and birth control into HUElavia when it was (temporarily) banned in HUElavia during the 2090s, and they offered up one of their greatest players and coaches in Leonardo Conavacio, who led the HUElavia National Football Team to their 1st ever IAC title a while back. Such success gave much love to the Quebecois that President Carpentier gave Honorary Citizenship to Convacio and his family for the title. Back at home, the HUElavians enjoy the Quebecois, and I'm here for the first time to enjoy what they have to offer.

Arriving at the capital city of Quebec City, I decide to stop by a local pizza place called Stoned Bakes, where it combines two well loved things in Q&S: Pizza and Weed. Quebec and Shingoryeo is one of many countries in the multiverse that fully legalizes weed, where they supply over 42.0% of the weed supply in HUElavia. Here, there is a gimmick to the restaurant. You order a pizza, along with your weed of choice, smoke a blunt, and eat up a pizza as you get the munchies. I order a strain called Kush Mints, and start to smoke it. *Huffs* "Man, this is some good shit right here, may need to find this back in Curumba." After having a nice smoke, my order finally arrives: All Meat Pizza. A pizza topped with sauce, melted mozzarella cheese, sausage, pepperoni, bacon, and ham. The exact opposite of what your doctor recommends. *Takes bite* Mmmmm... It's so good! Man, all this meat is salty, but so savory. The pepperoni has a slight kick to it with the spice, but it's all good. The ham and bacon have a nice salty taste to it. All in all, a definite recommendation to eat, whether you want something fulfilling or when you're high as hell. With the cameraman, producer, and myself having a nice meal, we go about to explore the town.

It's snowing during our time here, as it is early winter. People are out and about, enjoying the snow, skating, walking or just taking in the environment. We certainly don't have this kind of experience back home. I rent some skates, and I do my best to practice skating. But between me slipping and falling on my face or my ass and laughing from still being high, I get just about nowhere. I decide to plop down on a hill and start making snow angels in the snow. I may be a grown ass man, but being high and enjoying snow for the first time in many years, who can resist the fun?

After a while, the high wears off, and I'm hungry again. and I decide to help myself to a Jeong Street Stall, where I decide to buy Gyeran-bbang. A street snack that consists of small bread-like loaves filled with whole eggs, ham, cheese, or parsley. *Takes bite* Mmmmm! Oh God, this is so delicious! The bread is very soft, the egg is cooked well, the yolk is runny that adds like a sauce to the snack, the ham is also salty, but has a smoky taste and smell to it, and the cheese is gooey and melts with each bite. Shit, I gotta learn this back home, maybe find it in Goang. Generally speaking, this is some great snack.

During the afternoon, we take the rail system, which is one of the best in the multiverse, to Montreal, a major city in the country. We go down to a local bar and restaurant, Pepin's, where people are gathered around a giant projector screen, watching a local hockey game. These people are crazy for hockey, where the city has hosted World Cup of Hockey games before. Even HUElavia and Quebec & Shingoryeo have met in the tournament, which have ended in tough victories for HUElavia many years ago. I order their main specialty, Poutine. A traditional dish of french fries and cheese curds topped with a brown gravy. Time to dig in. *Takes bites* Mmmmm... Yes. God this is so good. The fries are fried just right and have a nice crisp and saltiness to it, the cheese curds are chewy and have a squeaky sound when you bite down into it. The gravy is just savory and nice, kinda waters down the saltiness of the fries. Great dish to have, especially during a game. After a nice serving and a few beers, I've gotten into the game with the fans. We sing song, cheer along, and celebrate a late goal in overtime that sealed victory for the home team.

Quebec and Shingoryeo is a great country. With a mix of cultures, they also have found a way to make it work out well, much like HUElavia. The people here are open-minded, welcoming, fun, and adventurous. They're well cultured and multilingual, making it easy to understand them. Doesn't matter if you get high or buzzed, between the good food and people, you're bound to have a great time. I can see why many HUElavians love visiting here and having solid relations with him. For being the first nation I visit abroad for this show, they really made a lasting impact to me. You guys are truly amazing.

Never change Quebec and Shingoryeo.

by **Delaclava** » Mon May 23, 2022 5:11 pm

They said it: Delaclava's finest take in the soccer in Catherina

The Delaclava soccer team, at least until recently, has been the best it's been in a long, long time, and with a crucial game against Ko-oren to be played in Golden Phoenix FIeld, seating 150,000, there was plenty of room for Delaclavs, from the most notable to the blue-collar backbone, to flock to Catherina and take in the match. Here's what some of the attendees had to say about Delaclava's 1-0 loss to Ko-oren.

Boris Ishutin, current Phoenixes manager: "They were what we thought they were. We had our chances to win today, the stage was set for us to get a big win in front of our fans and get closer to that qualification. It didn't happen. We move on."

Tim Landers, former Phoenixes manager: "It's always good to watch this team that I care so much about. I thought some of their inspiration was missing tonight. Perhaps if they got back a leader who knew what made them tick and help them reach that next level."

Conor Fernandez, basketball forward for Gifford Jets: "I feel for them. All of us as elite athletes know pressure, but I can't imagine it with so many of us here. I don't think they were affected by it badly. I think they lost to the better team. But they should think about scoring more next time."

Brian Burchess, president of Hybrid Combat Championship: "Can you fuckin' believe what happened out there? You got a bunch of guys in purple and they're just, like, staring at the ball. Don't you hate that shit as much as I do? The fans really deserve their money back. Of course, I wouldn't give it to 'em."

Matthias Toussaint, professional mixed martial artist, Hybrid CC welterweight: "That was, how you say, fine. I think, you know, perhaps next time they play wiz, how you say, aggression, and push more forward wiz the ball and maybe they, how you say, win. WHERE YOU AT, MCCHICKEN??"

Damian de Falla, acoustic pop/traditional vocalist: "Ah, you know, the lads gave it a good knock, you know? But hey, that's the way the rose petals fall. You know?"

Katie Knight, thot pop/Delatrash singer: "They all a buncha hoes. They all scrubs..."

Martin Martin, award-winning stage actor: "For ninety minutes and then five, perhaps six, more, the football men in magnificent purple and shimmering gold toiled valiantly, flailing to rid themselves of the pests in ghastly green, miserable blue and a tinge of cowardly yellow. For they may not have won by the rules of the game, forever we shall remember their name...Can we cut? Fuck, that was lame..."

Joseph Urso, President: "It was a very tough match for our boys, but they have a lot to be proud of. They did their nation proud with an admirable performance today."

Anna Voss, Chancellor of Valhalla University, and the next President, probably: "My opponent in the election believes too much that the national identity subsumes all. Our role as a limited government should be to promote and enable our citizens' success while instilling hard work, strong values, and a responsibility to the communities. I believe our team was not happy with today's result, and they owe it to themselves and to no one else to learn from the experience and come back stronger."

by **Baggieland** » Mon May 23, 2022 6:09 pm

by **Chartistan** » Mon May 23, 2022 6:17 pm

It was a glorious day.

VILITA'S GONNA GO
A parody of On Top Of The World by Imagine Dragons

[Doctor Lucas Combbrush]
If you're going somewhere
Better go off all the way because
They might just run with you
They'll never see the days, well
Then again it depends on
How much of more you got to lose
You had the largest glories
You had the deepest sorrows
You will face them all, and life keeps moving
Now kick the ball and go score now
Cause Vilita's gonna go, hey
Vilita's gonna go, hey
Losing the game for a while now
Dragging down to the dirt
Missing shots for a while, hey
Been falling down behind a mile, hey
Go taking your dream where you can
To show off and scream for a while
Vilita's gonna go

[Tatertot Crazy]
I've tried to skip on this team
Try to get everything out
I kept on wondering for something
I should have stayed here then, and
Maybe then, I would've loved the
Way that I have become something
I'll kick the ball and go score now
Cause Vilita's gonna go, hey
Vilita's gonna go, hey
Losing the game for a while now
Dragging down to the dirt
Missing shots for a while, hey
Been falling down behind a mile, hey
I'm taking my dream where I can
To show off and scream for a while
Vilita's gonna go
Oh-woah, oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-woah, oh-oh
Cause Vilita's gonna go, hey
Vilita's gonna go, hey
Losing the game for a while now
Dragging down to the dirt
Missing shots for a while, hey
Been falling down behind a mile, hey
I'm taking my dream where I can
To show off and scream for a while

[Doctor Lucas Combbrush]
And I know it's tough when you are off
And it's a hard road back when you aren't enough, but
Stay sharp now, stay sharp, stay sharp now

[Tatertot Crazy]
And I know it's tough when I am off
And it's a hard road back when I ain't enough, but
Stay sharp now, stay sharp, stay sharp now

[Doctor Lucas Combbrush, Tatertot Crazy, Both]
Cause Vilita's gonna go, hey (And I know it's tough when I am off)
Vilita's gonna go, hey (And it's a hard road back when I ain't enough, but)
Losing the game for a while now (Stay sharp now, stay sharp)
Dragging down to the dirt (Stay sharp now)
Missing shots for a while, hey (And I know it's tough when I am off)
Been falling down behind a mile, hey (And it's a hard road back when I ain't enough, but)
Go taking your dream where you can (Stay sharp now, stay sharp)
To show off and scream for a while (Stay sharp now)
Vilita's gonna go

by **Brenecia** » Mon May 23, 2022 6:50 pm

THE ROZELLE OBSERVER
Brenecia in the hunt, but facing ill-timed generational shift
Tara Ousted

It's rare these days that Brenecia managers feel they have the right to chop and change. Brelk-Xeral Erv, of course, was notorious for keeping to a very tight squad; since then there just hasn't seemed the depth on offer. But a double-header against an Arjunnagar and NTN that were both glued to the bottom of the table seemed as good a chance as any, and Derdriu Wright did not disappoint.

It was a mix of old and new; the same attacking line was broadly returned to the fold, with the exception of Sylvia Marusak getting two starts as Katua Byrne was rested, Leonard not favoured and Wake playing on the right. She performed well, and scored. Yet the thread of continuity with the past matches, ones which had not been present at the beginning of the campaign, may have caught the eye most; the presence at the back of Felice Lovibond and Iucharba Killen.

Since switching Killlen and Lovibond into the back line, Brenecia have conceded just once in six games, and it has had the feeling of a corner turned. Sure, Casey Giltanan has over a hundred caps, but like many of her generation being an early bloomer was mistaken for world-class potential and she has bubbled away in the middle of the Goldleague her whole career. In fairness, Killen's bubbling away in the middle of the Zenith, while Lovibond's never left the A-League at all.

They are not golden generation players, and Lovibond is a short-term option; she'll be 30 by the CE. But they can keep the ball out of the net, and that's what the pragmatic Wright needs.

But she does not have the luxury of treating the remaining games like a chance to run out the kids. A win on home soil at the Hubris Dome could have beaten Eura off and opened up a five-point gap at the top; instead, Brenecia just didn't look like scoring against a tough Eura side playing their best football, deserving the win they got.

Brenecia recovered, at least, with their best performance of the campaign so far, dominating Srednjaci 4-0 away from home. Killen actually scored, thumping home a header off Carpenter's corner, and Carpenter's two fellow forwards, Lofthouse and Byrne, both scored as well. Intriguingly, substitutes that came on at this point - albeit when the game was won - were both holdovers from the NTN/ARJ double-header; Rajmund Sitko and Sylvia Marusak both looked lively in helping to see out the game, and it was Sitko who laid on the assist for Carpenter to provide goal number 4.

Sitko, Marusak and Skaidrina Briggs have all made the squad to host Mertagne and visit Gyatso-kai and are surely now in the driver's seat to make whichever tournament Brenecia qualify for, and while the Patriots lag Eura by a point, the far smaller natural underdogs will feel confident in their ability to win their remaining fixtures and just narrowly steal back their place.

Derdriu Wright has not been hostage to hype, waiting for players to develop before handing them debuts rather than using the international scene as a proving ground in its own right; if she can manage this natural squad transition to a new generation, phasing out mainstays like Giltanan, Schofield and Bravender who represent holdovers from another era, it may well be her most crucial contribution to the national team's proud legacy.

BRENECIAN NATIONAL TEAM SELECTION - FORTNIGHT 9
Goalkeepers: 1 - Anthea Finnan (Holdenberg City, EUR), 12 - Sorcha Tanner (Southern Star), 20 - Cairbre Dundalk (North Laithland, NPH)
Defenders: 2 - Clovette Bravender (Ulsa, EUR), 3 - Mynah Seeler (Southern Star), 5 - Athelney Shrine (Falourr, EUR), 6 - Casey Giltanan (Workers Union, EUR), 17 - Felice Lovibond (Kingsgrove), 18 - Iucharba Killen (North Laithland, NPH), 22 - Nimue Culpepper (Rozelle)
Midfielders: 4 - Skaidrina Briggs (Southern Star), 8 - Iseult Conway (Northern Union, c), 11 - Lienke Covolan (Vermillion Rage), 13 - Consaidin Garrard (FK Metropola Borograd, STL), 19 - Kurtis Mikoliunas (Mâ Âlâmëómë, FFD), 23 - Rajmund Sitko (Rozelle)
Forwards: 7 - Kendra Carpenter (Wirr Tsi, CMT), 9 - Cantwell Lamorak (Twin Saints), 10 - Katua Byrne (KT Itzalovalle, AUD), 14 - Danand Tristram (Northern Stallions), 15 - Maerhen Wake (1830 Cathair, AUD), 16 - Sylvia Marusak (North Hall), 21 - Jadwiga Lofthouse (Northern Union)

[size=75]Brenecia 4 - 0 Kuraita
Natanians and Nosts 0 - 0 Brenecia
Brenecia 4 - 2 Arjunnagar
Eura 1 - 0 Brenecia
Brenecia 4 - 3 Srednjaci
Mertagne 0 - 3 Brenecia
Brenecia 5 - 2 Gyatso-kai
Polkopia 1 - 2 Brenecia
BYE
Brenecia 3 - 3 Maphidon
Omerica 0 - 3 Brenecia
Kuraita 0 - 0 Brenecia
Brenecia 2 - 0 Natanians and Nosts
Arjunnagar 0 - 2 Brenecia
Brenecia 0 - 1 Eura
Srednjaci 0 - 4 Brenecia
Brenecia vs. Mertagne
Gyatso-kai vs. Brenecia
Brenecia vs. Polkopia
BYE
Maphidon vs. Brenecia
Brenecia vs. Omerica

World Cup 91 [roleplays]

WCQ-91 MD15-16

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