How do you make being hit in the balls hurt less?

[Callisdrun]

XXXnoonXXX, I hope you do get kicked in the balls. I hope that they get crushed so badly that you're sterile forever.

Because you will have brought it on yourself. A large number of people here have offered (oftentimes very good) advice to help you get out of this situation without your testicles being pulverized. You have either ignored their advice, or offered extremely flimsy excuses for why you can't follow it. Unless you're trolling us all, you either want to get kicked in the balls for some reason, or you're a sad little man who sucks at life and is so desperate for any degree of acceptance he can get that he'll let people walk all over him in return for being tossed the occasional doggy treat. Is it nice being the meat puppet of these people? I say "these people," because while you may call them "friends," they are anything but that. You see, friends respect each other, usually enough not to manipulate their words and cause drama, and certainly enough not to want to cause them immense physical pain and suffering. These people clearly don't respect you, at all. I don't blame them, though, because how could anyone respect such a pathetic, whimpering fool as you make yourself out to be?

You may think I'm insulting you, but I'm not. There is nothing I can say that would demean you any more than you've already demeaned yourself. I hope you will post about the experience of having this girl punt your scrotum, for I want to read about the pain that you, or the person you've presented yourself as, so richly deserve.

However, what would be even better, is if you would stand up for yourself and stop letting people treat you as a toy.

[Allanea]

Wear a cup.

Kick her in the face.

[Zirilrath]

Wear a cup.

Kick her in the face.

3. ???
4. Profit

[Allanea]

3. could be streaming the whole thing to Youtube.

[Peepelonia]

I have this one friend who I just rub the wrong way. Apperantly, the build up over the years has gotten her to the point where, next time she sees me, she says she is going to kick me in the balls so hard her foot will come out of my mouth. This is clearly not something I am going to enjoy. Seeing as I don't like suprizes of that nature, I agreed to hang out with her this comeing friday. I doubt there is some way I can dissuade her from from kicking me altogeather (i alread was able to convincer not to do it at our other friends halloween party), but if anyone has any advice on how to make it hurt less or trick her into thinking she kicked me when she actualy didn't, that would be apreciated. I've only ever realy been kicked twice befor, and I do not want it to become thrice. Any advice would be apreciated.

actually it sounds like shes out of line. You need to give her a damn good smack in the mouth to let her know where she stands.

Good advice... if I want to be castrated.

So you would rather let this girl assault you? Madness.

[Dyakovo]

We had an argument about her kicking me befor, her responce was to try. Said she could because I was sure she wouldn't. I was wrong (she tried but missed). I have made a second atempt, she will not be disuaded. Long story short, she's basicaly cashing in the last time I said she could and my friends back her.

Again, you need better friends, I suggest letting someone else pick them because you obviously suck at it.

[Dyakovo]

I have this one friend who I just rub the wrong way. Apperantly, the build up over the years has gotten her to the point where, next time she sees me, she says she is going to kick me in the balls so hard her foot will come out of my mouth. This is clearly not something I am going to enjoy. Seeing as I don't like suprizes of that nature, I agreed to hang out with her this comeing friday. I doubt there is some way I can dissuade her from from kicking me altogeather (i alread was able to convincer not to do it at our other friends halloween party), but if anyone has any advice on how to make it hurt less or trick her into thinking she kicked me when she actualy didn't, that would be apreciated. I've only ever realy been kicked twice befor, and I do not want it to become thrice. Any advice would be apreciated.

actually it sounds like shes out of line. You need to give her a damn good smack in the mouth to let her know where she stands.

Yep, that solves everything.

You could wear an athletic cup.

I could wear a cup... IF i didnt have a nother friend who said she would kick me in the balls as hard as she could if I ever bought on for that pupose. Im pretty sure this other friend could easily lift me of the ground at half striength kick. A cup is not an option.

1) These are not your friends.
2) They are threatening assault. You have the right to defend yourself against assault, so if they hit you, make sure you hit them so hard they will never want to hit you again...
3) Or wait till they assault you, then swear out charges against them and have them arrested for assault.

QFT

[Dyakovo]

Well, by page 12 of this thread you have made it quite clear that there is no possible way to prevent this agonizing event from taking place (making me think that there is no way in hell it is actually a serious issue, but nevermind..), so I'm going with a combination of suggestions that were made earlier:

get stoned, get drunk, and go face your beats. When you wake up and your scrotum looks like a shriveled, purple-black balloon, get some balls of steel tossed in there and go retrieve some of your frigid troops from the local sperm bank so that this stupidity can be perpetuated.

Oh, and write a journal entry about this whole fiasco now so that when you hit your early twenties, you can look back and reminisce about the poor company you kept and judgments you made back in junior high, just for good measure.

... Im in colledge.

I find this incredibly difficult to believe.

Why?

For one the inability to spell college.

[Aelosia]

All you need is to say, "If you kick me in the nuts, I am going to punch you twice in the boobs".

Believe me, that hurts. I don't have a set of nuts to do a proper comparison, but a well aimed jab to the tits can make a woman faint.

[Sith Korriban]

Woooooow.

I've read through the entire thread.
My advice:

1. Learn to spell. Some of my fellow net-writers are dyslexic, and you know what? That just means they try harder. (Some of them have Asperger's, too, and they don't use it as an excuse, unlike you.)
2. Grow up and take a good hard look at yourself.
3. Wait until after she kicks you to grow a pair, because it won't hurt that way.
4. Man up, realise you need better friends.

...Alternately, realise you're currently being rather pathetic and deserve to be rendered sterile. Have fun. Or don't.

[Kryozerkia]

I will be frank: I am NOT going to unlock this thread. It shouldn't have ever been allowed to go on as long as it did. Now comes the fun part: the warnings.

He could always "donate" to the local sperm bank, but after reading through the thread, it sounds like hes a little **** whose only chance at procreation is with one of my girls, and if he gets her preggers, well, thats lost revenue right there. I say he ought to take the hit if he can't learn to stand up for himself.

well fuck you too!

Warned for flaming.

A word of advice for the future: don't expect NSG posters to always provide you with "good" advice. When folks see a thread like this, they often see a chance to post the most asinine thing that pops into their mind. Take everything here with a grain of salt.

Don't get hit in the balls, you dumbass!

Unhelpful as it is inflammatory. Warned for flaming.

You are as wise as a fucking stapler!

Hmm, a masochistic, dyslexic moron, who has social issues and believes he part of the cool gang because some bimbo wants to bury her foot in his scrotum... Yes, I'm sure society want more of you running around consuming resources.

...and other comments of yours in this thread have contributed to your warning. Though you have no warn history, you seem to have gone out of your way to flame the OP. You're warned for flaming.