[TITLE] Kicking Back
[VALIDITY] Has private prisons, has a judicial system
[DESCRIPTION] A months-long investigation has revealed that an alarming number of judges across @@NAME@@ have been accepting kickbacks from private prisons in exchange for sending inmates their way. In many cases, the perpetrators would normally have been let off with a warning or fine, but it appears they have been sent to prison strictly to line the pockets of the parties in question.
[OPTION 1] "The problem is clear as day – these judges are corrupt and must be punished!" roars the warden of @@NAMEINITIALS@@CI Inc., a private prison near @@CAPITAL@@. "As soon as private prisons like ours were introduced, they came sniffing around demanding payouts, and threatening to bankrupt us if we didn't play ball. We're the real victims here! Get rid of the bad judges, and I promise things will go much more smoothly. Here, I'll even chip in to your slush fund as a sign of good faith!"
[EFFECT 1] orange is the new black for judicial robes
[OPTION 2] "The problem is clear as day – these private prison companies are corrupt and must be shut down!" hollers judge @@RANDOMNAME@@, banging @@HIS@@ gavel authoritatively. "As soon as private prisons were authorized, they came around with envelopes full of money, slipping bribes everywhere they could, trying to corrupt the course of justice! I saw many of my colleagues tempted by that cash, and I suspect some of them gave in… but not me, of course. Now, would you like a glass of this Chateau @@ANIMAL@@ '59?"
[EFFECT 2] private prison executives find themselves guests in their own former facilities
[OPTION 3] [VALIDITY: No Corporal Punishment] "Prison shouldn't even be an option for minor criminals" suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, the minister responsible for the investigation in the first place. "It takes them out of the work force, and really isn't proportionate to the crime. What happened to the good old days of delivering public shaming and a good beating? Keep these prisons for the big stuff, but if they do something minor, just slap them in the stocks and give them a whipping! Then there's no question the folks behind bars deserve it, and everyone else is back to the work force, paying their taxes like good little citizens."
[EFFECT 3] minor infractions can lead to major infections
[OPTION 4] "Man, like, the whole system is rotten to the core!" comes the staticky voice of @@RANDOMNAME@@ from a payphone in prison, where @@HE@@ is serving a 30 day sentence for aggravated jaywalking and 'giving sass' to the judge. "You've gotta get rid of prisons, get rid of judges, get rid of this whole stinking system and just let people be! Where I come from, jaywalking is how we…" click "Please insert 10 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ for another minute."
[EFFECT 4] criminals are asked politely to stop being criminals
1st draft
