World Cup 58 RP Thread

[Turori]

The Eels have fallen mightily in a 0-4 defeat at the hands of group-leading Qazox. While the result does nothing to the Eels chances of qualification, which have been over for quite some time, it does eliminated Polar IslandStates Niko Marek from consideration for the position of Eels Manager.

Marek, who had a decent enough performance, despite defeat, against Wolfmanne in the first half of qualifying, proved perhaps that it was just a fluke as his side were completely overpowered by a Qazoxian side that Charmunny manager Gerard O' Shaughnessy had nearly beaten in the first half of the qualifiers.

It will now come down to O' Shaughnessy v. Civil Citizenry's Kirby Hurst for the last spot in the Final Showdown, with Frederick Anxscht of Landereien already confirmed as a Final Showdown participant.

O' Shaughnessy will take control of the squad for the next match against Kalumba, before Anxscht controls the squad against Virabia. The schedule after that, has not been revealed, as to whether managers will coach two straight games, or alternate, in the Final Showdown.


Turori Eels WC58 Coaching Trial Schedule
MD1: Lambert Spiedel (CH) @.Switzida [L 1-2]
MD2 BYE
MD3: Brian Ying Uing (TAE) @.Chenkorya [L 0-3]
MD4: Gerard O'Shaughnessy (ANC) @.Qazox [L 1-2]
MD5: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) v.Kalumba [W 3-1]
MD6: Mikael Gibbons (DAR) @.Virabia [L 1-3]
MD7: Kirby Hurst (CvC) v.Sjovenia [W 1-0]
MD8: Vladimir O'Shea (EFL) v.Homelands Our [L 0-1]
MD9: Niko Marek (PIS) @.Wolfmanne [L 2-3]

MD10: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) v. Switzida [W 4-0]
MD11 BYE
MD12: Kirby Hurst (CvC) v. Chenkorya [D 0-0]
MD13: Niko Marek (PIS) v. Qazox [L 0-4]
MD14: Gerard O'Shaughnessy (ANC) @ Kalumba

MD15: Frederick Anxscht v. Virabia
MD16: TBD @ Sjovenia
MD17: TBD @.Homelands Our
MD18: TBD v.Wolfmanne

[Chetkosk]

Huffin' and Puffin
The somewhat bearable musings of a moderately tubby man
- it's Yuri Stempov's Football Blog

It appears we have not only played well, but have also been incredibly lucky. Excellent.

Another stunning scoresheet from the Puffins, with a multitude of goals from all four corners of the pitch. Not quite as impressive a victory as the thrashing we gave Jedi8246, but ABK were woefully underperforming all the same. Anybody who saw the game will agree that Chetkosk were dominant throughout. There was never any real pressure from the visitors and those two corners both took us by surprise.

And you can bet anything Byshovetsiy is putting the team through some drills for defending set pieces, I can tell you!

Meanwhile, the rest of Group 17 were duking it out and gave us some very promising results. The leaders of the group (by a clear six points - surefire group winners by now, I think) are Kulverint, but they drew with Puerto Candelaria - but even that was not enough for the latter to avoid definitely missing out on that playoff spot. But any speed bump in the way of Kulverint is a good thing for us. Not only that, but Jedi8246 only managed a draw against Vergenskia, allowing the Puffins to close the gap on the Wyverns to a single point with a game in hand still.

But the best result by far was those pesky guys on Branta Island defeating the creepy Wight and allowing us to sneak ahead by a point. This reduces the importance of our next game away to Wight, but it would be good to shut the door on them once and for all with a second victory against them. You can guarantee their home support will be much stronger than their away support though, so I'm not entirely sure how brave our boys will be feeling.

All in all, a very nice night of football for Chetkosk. Our opponents failed, our rivals faltered, and we got one step closer to the playoffs. I've pretty much resigned myself to aiming for the playoffs now - we can still catch Kulverint, but only if they lose a few games including the last game of the campaign against us. At Kulverint. Unlikely.

As I said before the Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk game, there is no margin for error any more. Chetkosk are on thin ice and any more silly results will result in our failure to qualify. Of course, there's always the Cup of Harmony...
...
nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. We don't want to aim for the CoH. It's a last resort, a pleasant way to wind down the season if we don't reach the finals. A plan B, if you will. Nobody likes resorting to plan B.

Wow this really took a turn for the serious.
Adios.

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Chapter VIII : Saint Klara and the Hubrovor


In the height of Summer, the province of Ostrov can often see a large amount of surface water run-off produced by the melting snow on the upper plateaus, which runs down into the plains by the coast and producing cool peat swamps, where ferns and lichens grow at an abnormal rate and the air becomes humid yet cool - an ecology unique to Chetkosk. It is in one of these chilled swamps that this story is set.

The road from Veblensk, a thriving town at the time, to Moskalai, a small riverside trading village vital to the traffic down the River Tinovka, was a treacherous and tedious journey to embark upon. It was a route that wound around the many sinkholes and lakes dotting the lower plains of Ostrov, and took a great many days to complete in those times. However, the people of Veblensk noticed a sudden drop in the numbers of people entering the town from the Moskalai route, though many went the other direction.

Not believing the village of Moskalai had grown so popular, the mayor sent out a diplomacy party, but they failed to report back. Sending word to other Ostrovan towns, they replied that they had not noticed any mysterious disappearences of travellers to and from Moskalai, therefore this was a problem only with the Veblensk-Moskalai trail. The people of Veblensk began to suspect evil goings on at this point and so a party of warriors were sent to discover what was going wrong.

Accompanying them was Sister Klara of the Veblensk Nunnery, who would document the journey and keep the warriors in the light of Hestzhall. They trekked for a day and a night, through the mists of evaporating melt water and the murky nights of slipping in mud, until they stopped to rest at a small crest that remained relatively dry. The moon was beginning to set, and the faint rays of light from Balteja's Sun began to wave over the horizon. This was when the demon appeared unto them.

It fluttered above the shrubs and ferns, as if swooping down from the distant mountains. It twinkled softly in the night sky, and gave off a sweet aroma and a soft chiming sound as it landed beautifully and silently on the lip of a sinkhole. It was Hubrovor, the demon of pride and vanity, which took the form of a giant, iridescent dragonfly, longer than a man lying down and with wings as smooth and reflective as the most perfect mirror.

The party were in awe of the beast, believing it to be a creation of the gods. How wrong they were. The soldiers crept to it successfully, for it seemed tame and happy to be in their presence in the way it fluttered it's wings and displayed them to the Chetislavi warriors. They gazed upon the shiny wings, seeing reflections of themselves on the surface. In these reflections they saw their wildest dreams come true, and saw themselves as perfection. They no longer wore battle scars and the visages of men of war, they were perfectly handsome suitors, dressed in regal clothing and with a look of having accomplished all there was to accomplish. In their hearts, the warriors craved this to be true, and could not look away.

Klara stood back a little, not so eager to gaze upon the Hubrovor, and was worried - especially when the beast took off into the air again and fluttered backwards over the sinkhole. It was a deep one, too dark to see the bottom, and the men wandered blindly into it. The sounds of them hitting the floor below echoed up to Klara's ears many seconds later with a sickening crunch. Seeing the reason why no travellers wre reaching their destinations any longer, and declaring it foul and worthy of confinement in Holheim, Klara picked up an axe from the warrior's equipment at the camp and hurled it at the Hubrovor that hovered so victoriously above the sinkhole, as if daring the holy woman to look deeply upon her reflection. Instead, the axe split the mighty demon's head, and it dropped like a stone into the sinkhole where so many of it's victims rotted away.

Upon her return to Veblensk and the telling of her tale, Sister Klara was ascended unto sainthood for vanquishing another of the primal giant's demons. In this way the sins of Pride and Vanity were confined to the souls of mankind and were manifest in physical form no longer.

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-------------- Deity Spotlight --------------

There are three different ways in which the deities of the Chetislav Pantheon were brought into being: by sexual intercourse between two deities, by the combined power of the souls of mankind in the moment of anthropogenesis, and by being created by another supernatural being. Tovic is one of only three deities belonging to the last group, along with the original two gods Lukos and Balteja.

Tovic was moulded into life by Hodain to keep him company in Holheim. She also extends Hodain's will into the mortal world, for he cannot venture there himself, and she has total devotion to him. She is considered to be the handler of the two demons Vimprawyrm and Konaszwig, of Deceit and Lust respectively, both traits that she is considered responsible for spreading through the mortal world. She almost always appears in images wearing a hooded cloak which conceals her presence as she goes about her business on the Middle Earth.

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BYE
Jedi8246 3-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 1-1 Branta Island
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 0-2 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 4-1 Wight
Vergenskia 2-0 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 2-0 Soviet Canuckistan
Puerto Candelaria 1-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 2-2 Kulverint

BREAK

BYE
Chetkosk 8-1 Jedi8246
Branta Island 1-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 7-2 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk
Wight v Chetkosk
Chetkosk v Vergenskia
Soviet Canuckistan v Chetkosk
Chetkosk v Puerto Candelaria
Kulverint v Chetkosk

[The Archregimancy]

OOC - the quote from 'Elder Ephraim' is a genuine quote from an Athonite monk.

The Diary of Fr. David of the Woods

It has long been one of the defining characteristics of Archregimancy footballing history that we beat the teams we need to beat, but then lose or draw to the teams that we should be beating easily.

This campaign has been no different. Losses or draws to Newland-America, Cyborg Holland, and Azrael are rather hard to explain when this is the same team to have beaten the Whirl Islands and Cafundeu by two clear goals. True, there have been more predictable results - such as victory over Tibania - and even the 3-3 home draw against Northern Bettia has proven to have been against a solid team, but nonetheless, there continues to be a worrying inconsistency in Archregimancy performances, as there has been for far too long.

If I am to stay on as manager, I must succeed in reversing this trend, without sacrificing the team's prayerful devotion to the Orthodox Church.

How, in this context, to interpret last night's 2-0 victory over Trafalgar? Certainly there were welcome aspects. Fr. Maximus and Fr. Neophytus combined well in the centre of midfield, and His Holiness was more dependable in defence than he has been of late. There have been times in the last couple of games where he seemed more intent on blessing the opposition rather than defending our goal.

I realise that we must still face a particularly difficult match against Cafundeu, but - accepting that my faith lies in the Lord, and not this motley XI that I must coach - I have renewed hope this morning; though I must concede that I am in the difficult theological position of being grateful to the Northern Bettian cheats for their fine victory over Whirl Islands.

Still, we must remain steadfast that by trusting in the Lord, we may yet see the light of qualification without the difficult route through the playoffs.

I am reminded of what the Elder Ephraim, a hermit of the Holy Mountain, once said to me:
"The faster you acquire a virtue, the easier it is lost. The more slowly and laboriously you acquire it, the more steadfastly it remains; just like that squash plant that grew tall and said to the cypress tree, "See how much I've grown in just a few days! You've been here for so many years and haven't grown much at all!" "Yes," said the cypress tree, "but you still haven't seen storms, heat waves, and cold spells!" And after a little while, the squash plant dried up, while the cypress tree remained where it was.

This is also how a spiritual man is. Both during a storm and during times of peace he remains the same. Why? Because the long period of time has created stability. When he first renounced the world, his spiritual condition was unstable, but with time, the grace of God gradually worked out his salvation and freedom from the passions. Thus, a person needs to force himself today, and the grace of God will start acting by itself tomorrow. Then you will not need to force yourselves to have good thoughts; the grace that remains within you is what brings them to your mind without your effort. Then you will see great mysteries! You will have a feeling, so to speak, of the remembrance of death, or of another beneficial recollection. When you wake up and are still opening your eyes, instead of feeling sleepy, you will have progressed; you will have already passed through the entire mystery of theoria and will say, "But how does this thing happen, since I am still getting up? How does this thing happen?" All the same, the grace of God acts by itself---it is the result of a long-standing habit."

This has been a difficult qualification campaign, but both during the storms of upsets and the peace which follows the victory, my attitude has remained the same.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

OOC - Figures from Chetkoski folklore used with full permission.


"Those sentient ocelots were magnificent against Sigeren, Juan."

"Ug-Ug think so too, coach one! Cats with spots play rock ball well!"

"Well, I certainly agree with you that they were significantly faster than the opposition. And once we explained to them that they couldn't eat the Sigeren team, they stopped giving away silly free kicks. I regret that penalty, but fortunately we were able to restore the left foot of the opposing player after it had been bitten off; thank God for being in the Dreamed Realm."

"So what do we have today, Juan? It's no secret that I had reservations about this squad selection system when the Cup began, but that opening day loss aside, we've had some magnificent players on some magnificent teams."

"Well, this one's been a slight concern..."

"In what way?"

"Well, Simeone - and you'll remember this too, Ug-Ug - HEFA have had understandable concerns about us dabbling with deities since that WC49 fiasco."

"And with good reason."

"Quite. Except that some people of Arcatea have, it would seem, recently become enamoured of Chetkoski folklore.... So here's our teamsheet.... In goal, we have the fifty foot tall primal giant Rovt..."

"Well, at least it'll be hard to get the ball past him."

"...with his wife Sjelag anchoring the central defence. On either side of Sjelag in defence are Lukos, God of Knowledge, and Balteja, Goddess of Fertility..."

"Say, Juan.... I don't know much about Chetkoski folklore, but didn't Lukos and Balteja have some sort of argument with Rovt and Sjelag?"

"Argument's an understatement; Lukos and Balteja killed the giants, who cursed the two gods and all their creation."

"So are you sure it's a good idea to play them in defence."

"Ug-Ug had a word with them; they've promised to behave today - and besides, they'll look really intimidating out there. Anyway, on the wings we have Hodain, keeper of the Holheim, and his self-created wife Tovic, Goddess of Cunning and Trickery. It's my plan to have Hodain provide suitable punishment for the opposing right back, while his wife summons up all of her cunning to bamboozle the left back with amazing dribbling skills."

"Sounds sensible."

"In central midfield we'll have Agodur, God of the Sea and the Wind, and his might sister Hesta, Goddess of Thunder and Lightning; yes, they do tend to bicker over their responsibilities - something which could be particularly bad in a central midfield partnership - which is why I'm separating them with Wielov, God of Smithing and Magic; it's my hope that he can forge a role as an anchorman, while summoning up some magical through-balls."

"Again, I can't contest the logic. And as forwards?"

"Isn't it obvious? Skuld the wily God of Fire, and Vrhn the God of War. If those two can't score a shedload of goals, can't revel in the tantrums of the mere mortals they face while firing a way through the opposition, I don't know who can."

"So it sounds like you have it all thought out..."

"More or less."

"Any predictions on the score, Juan?"

"If we don't win at least 6-1, I'll be severely disappointed..."

[Ipeland]

A History of Ipelandic Football

Part 1: Amateur Age

Welcome to Part 1 of this feature on Ipelandic football history. If you just want to see the results click here or scroll down to the bottom of the page. On with Part 1.

The version of football we now know and love, albeit a few archaic rules, was introduced in 1900 at the inaugral 'South & West Ipeland Sports games' where it was contested between Leighton Amateurs (Keep that name in mind), Marlston Village and Caelon University. It was in a group format, with 2 points for a win and no points for a loss. If the game ended in a draw it would go until the next goal was scored (Golden Goal). The competition was won by Caelon University, who won their two games and had a bye for the last matchday. Marlston Village came second after winning a close match that, according to a newspaper article from the time;

...lasted a day and a half...

Leagues formed soon after the games, with teams from the South and West playing each other in amateur leagues, which garnered a few bits of support from business owners, who gave them money to rent the field which they play in. Soon, a league system was formed, encompassing the top teams which played football. The first season was won by Leighton Amateurs, who remained unbeaten throughout the season. Leighton won the league 5 times in a row after that, until Allspice won in 1915-16.

Football was slower to reach the North and East of the country, as the main job there was farming. A few teams popped up after they realised they could play with a leather ball instead of pig's stomachs used in the South and West. The first game played was between Sporton F.C. and Waseby, which ended in a 4-3 win to Sporton.

Football became more and more popular throughout the 1920s, while still retaining it's amateurism. In 1927, that was about to change, as an unnamed Walkden Town player became the first professional footballer in Ipeland. This began a large change in the Ipeland football landscape, who's affects would last today and in the future.

Next week will be Part 2: The Rise of the Professionals.

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Erikkesh 2-1 Octinstine
Ipeland 5-2 Neo Japan
Gyatso-kai 1-1 Cosumar
Darmen 0-0 French Scandinavia
BYE Burchadinger

Team                     P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
1 Cosumar                 12  11  1  0  41  10  +31  34
2 Ipeland                 11   6  1  4  23  19   +4  19
3 Burchadinger            11   6  1  4  18  14   +4  19
4 Darmen                  12   4  5  3  16  12   +4  17
5 Erikkesh                11   5  2  4  11  16   -5  17
6 Gyatso-kai              12   4  4  4  20  16   +4  16
7 French Scandinavia      12   3  4  5  11  14   -3  13
8 Octinstine              12   3  1  8  13  26  -13  10
9 Neo Japan               11   0  1 10   4  30  -26   1

[Homelands our]

A Players View of Margaret, The Goddess of Random Numbers

Hello I am Karl Gadi from Homelands Our. You may have seen me play for our national football team, yes it's called football not soccer. This world of sport is ruled by Margaret the only goddess of random numbers. Many people have many different views on the goddess but this will show you mine.

Margaret is a higher being than humans and one of the few beings known not to live on this planet. Margaret should be praised as she is the one who makes sports like this happen. When you go out on to a football, not soccer field to play a match the result as already been decided by Margaret, nothing that you do can change that. She knows what you will think, what you will do, when you will do it and how you will do it. You cannot change that, what you do has been set by Margaret.

Margaret is great, Margaret is good. We all should love Margaret. However some people don't. She rewards the people who make the effort, the people how stick at it and the people how love her. She does not reward people who are lazy, people how change  often and people how make death threats at her. She also does not reward people who are bad, so be bad and I'll be good, ok. That's me being bad! 

I like Margaret a lot. I am not lying, Margaret would know is I am, so there is not point. Margaret should be thanked for what she does for this world. Margaret should be thanked more so by the sporting world, as it is them who Margaret does her work for. She could be lazy and not bother, she is a higher being, she can do what she wants. Margaret likes sport, you like sport, so like Margaret.

A tribute to the goddess Margaret.

Karl Gadi, signed 6th of February 2012 AD.

If that has not moved you then I don't know what will and so close the Valentines day too! 

Were will we be?

Ok that has probably got you looking at this paper looking for us! What we means is were will be at the end of this world cup and the next few world cups.

WC 58 (this world cup): Qualifying Group Stage 4th.
I just cannot see us making 2nd place in this group now. The points are just too much. However be happy for what you get fans. We should come 6th as we are 6th seeds but if we keep this up then 4th is great.

WC 59 (next world cup): Qualifying Group Stage 3rd.
Getting better all the time. Once more I think that we will not have enough power to cope with the run in. We might be 2nd even 1st for some parts of the stage but I think when it comes to 2nd and 1st seeds I just don't think we could get 4 points from those 4 games

WC 60: Playoff losers  
Look we made it to the playoffs. Ok I don't see us winning the playoff. I don't  see heartbreak. I see us getting a right royal thumping. We would be the new kids on the block playing one of our elders. Those elders do know a thing or two.

WC 61: Playoff Losers
Same place again. This time however we will come close. I see a injury time of injury time of extra time heartbreak. Knowing what we are going into would give us help. I think however it will be one would cup that the team will watch on to TV like the rest of us.

WC 62: World Cup Proper Group Stage 4th
And we made it. This time we will after two world cups of heartbreak win the playoff. However in pot 4 for the group stage draw I don't see us doing very well. A 0-0-3 record is what I would expect the first time our team walks out onto the field in the world cup.

WC 63: Group Stage 4th
This time we will do a little better but still linger in 4th place. We will know what we are going into. A higher rank will also help us but still not making it out.

WC 64: Quarterfinals
This will be our next big break. Finally getting out of that group stage I think we could also win in the round of 16. I don't think we will be ranked in to top 30 yet but that won't stop us from trying. However we will fall short.

WC 65: Semifinals
Going one step more. I think getting into the top 15 will help us push into the semis. But we won't be ready for the final yet. In the TTPP I think we will lose once more but by less than in the semi.

WC 66: Runners-up
Disappointment will run across the nation. We will be the nearly men. A impressive run will just fall short. Just think of the excitement before the final.

WC 67: Quarterfinals
Here we will take a step backwards. You read right backwards. I think this as the players and manager will still be shocked by the last world cup. A team ranked lower than us will do us in the quarterfinals.

WC 68: CHAMPIONS!!!
This will be the year. All ready to go for it again everyone will be with the team. In the final we will know what is coming to us. Will Jamie Long still be playing to lift the world cup or will a new face come in and lift it?

So do you think that we could lift the world cup just 11 world cups after stating out as a unranked nation?

WC 72: Hosts?
Could we be hosting the world cup in this year? I don't know who HOFA would turn to but finding a co-host would be easy. Just think of the party if the world cup was to be played here.        

[Baleyaroh]

Matchday 13

As expected Mapletish took out Baleyaroh without much effort. This time the "protesters" had their share of chances, which were wasted one after another. It's obvious that while the defence is doing his job properly (the team has received one or none goals in ten of twelve games), Baleyaroh's forwards are far from being any danger to their opponents. Five goals scored in twelve games, only one of them by a forward. Perhaps should coach Vernetta Lavongsar set 10 defenders and hold the result from the beginning, there won't much difference in the attack.

Group 1
Mapletish 1-0 Baleyaroh
Mangolana 1-1 Sativaville
Yesopalitha 2-1 Bostopia
Erathore 4-0 West Angola

Tactical Update: Eight changes have been arranged for the game against Bostopia. Without much to lose, coach Vernetta Lavongsar will experiment a bit with Hiroko Lipkovitch, Milan Mizee, Diamond Argudin, Walton Deralph, Jin Havekost, Jere Obermuller, Ellsworth Kellem and Rudolf Delgadillo while sacrificing Hobert Mamone, Digna Anoe, Nga Braver, Carletta Mihor, Henriette Lighthart, Alonso Heitmuller, Sid Dellon and Palmer Pav. Walton Deralph will advance his position from MC to AMC to connect better with Jin Havekost and the wingers and to facilitate the transition between the the defence and defending midfielders and the attack. That may leave a gap in the midfield but coach Vernetta Lavongsar wants to decrease the opponents' defence recomposition capacity by improving the counterattack's speed. On a different note, 16 year-old DM Jere Obermuller will become the youngest player ever for Baleyaroh national football team

4-2-3-1 Formation
GK - 23- Hilma Kellish (32)
RD - 20- Buck Moreci (25)
LD - 14- Rudolf Delgadillo (19)
DF - 4- Lurline Gals (30)
DF - 15- Milan Mizee (25) - Captain
DM - 21- Jere Obermuller (16)
DM - 8- Hiroko Lipkovitch (30)
AMC - 17- Walton Deralph (35)
RW - 18- Diamond Argudin (32)
LW - 11- Ellsworth Kellem (25)
FW - 24- Jin Havekost (34)

Subs
GK - 13- Jeromy Jubyna (18)
RD - 2- Florencia Nygaro (21)
DF - 3- Digna Anoe (20)
DM - 16- Hobert Mamone (24)
MC - 7- Carletta Mihor (23)
RW - 10- Nga Braver (32)
FW - 9- Henriette Lighthart (25)

Reserves
GK - 1- Risa Brittsan (31)
LD - 5- Palmer Pav (19)
DM - 6- Alonso Heitmuller (28)
LW - 22- Sid Dellon (18)
FW - 19- Alejandrina Berley (18)

MD1: Cheergirls vs. Baleyaroh (0-1) MD10: Baleyaroh vs. Cheergirls (0-0)
MD2: Baleyaroh vs. Erathore (0-1) MD11: Erathore vs. Baleyaroh (2-0)
MD3: Yesopalitha vs. Baleyaroh (1-1) MD12: Baleyaroh vs. Yesopalitha (1-1)
MD4: Baleyaroh vs. Mapletish (0-1) MD13: Mapletish vs. Baleyaroh (1-0)
MD5: Baleyaroh vs. Bostopia (1-5) MD14: Bostopia vs. Baleyaroh ( - )
MD6: West Angola vs. Baleyaroh (1-0) MD15: Baleyaroh vs. West Angola ( - )
MD7: bye MD16: bye
MD8: Mangolana vs. Baleyaroh (0-0) MD17: Baleyaroh vs. Mangolana ( - )
MD9: Sativaville vs. Baleyaroh (1-1) MD18: Baleyaroh vs. Sativaville ( - )

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Gather around, everybody. It's time for the most wholesome segment of the week. No, no, no. Not the one where a purple dinosaur creepily rubs the tummies of little children. No, not the one with the slightly homosexual colored bear things either. No, not the cartoon with the socially underdeveloped seven-year-old aardvark either. No! Not the one where the depressed black-and-purple colored ghost and his dog-jaguar-poltergeist crossbreed try to slingshot themselves across the ocean, either! (That last one is a big hit in Polar Islandstates, so I'm told. Nothing like smoking a little herb, cranking up Björn & the Gladiolis, and watching that ghost-and-jaguar-poltergeist-slingshot show on a Saturday morning. But I digress.)

No, no. Point is, this isn't a children's show. Though it's certainly innocent enough to be. So gather the children around the television, it's time for...

Brutušam Erassi, manager of the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team

* Erassi strides irately into press conference, rocking the shaved head and goatee look as usual. He sits down in a huff at the desk, with several microphones and a cup of espresso lined up in front of him. Behind him is a wall with the KPFA logo and a bunch of corporate sponsors.

ERASSI. Today I'm cutting it a little short, you all... ten minutes is all you've got.

* General whining sounds from audience of journalists.

ERASSI. Shut it!

* A few exasperated press officials mutter 'fine,' a few others continue to grumble bitterly under their breath.

JOURNALIST 1. Coach Erassi; Liz Sith, Metro Sports. What did you think of our West Guiana team today? They looked like a side much improved from the outfit that went down to the Urchins three-nil at Blueford Insurance Arena, particularly in defense.

ERASSI. They look much better, yes. They were in far better control of the wings than they had been in the first leg, and I felt that defensively they weren't as willing to be caught out, which meant that we could hold possession but do nothing with it. It was much, much harder to get a sniff of goal. However, while I don't mean to impugn the efforts of the West Guianese, I felt we were really, really poor in attack. I needed more from Filipov; I needed more from Šeruthuvu; I needed more from Razava. Desperately poor effort, and I dismiss as false the suggestion that we're not fit. This was a home match, and we looked like a second-rate side fighting for a point on the road.

JOURNALIST 1. Whether or not fitness is a problem for your team, it's certainly welcome news that the bye is coming up for them, no?

ERASSI. It's welcome, but it's not significant. We're on the home stretch now; fitness takes second fiddle to confidence in my book. I want to see drive! I want to see effort!

JOURNALIST 2. Hi Brutušam; Tertius Shajarhayam, Mahathu Herald. What do you think about the suggestion that your team looked so slack because of the rumors of your impending dismissal?

ERASSI. That's nonsense. The KPFA hasn't said a thing about a sacking to me. All I've heard from them is that they're behind me one hundred percent. The players know that.

JOURNALIST 2. But it's public knowledge that you were given a number of tasks at the start of qualifying. You were to get at least four points from our three friendlies, which you've done, you were to be in at least sixth place in Group 9 after Matchday 2, which you did, but you were to be in at least third place after Matchday 10, which you failed to do, and you are expected to win the group by the end of qualifying. It's our understanding that if you flunk two of these four requirements, you're out! So if you don't win Group 9 outright, you're going to be sacked!

ERASSI. Nonsense. The scenarios you've mentioned just aren't true.

JOURNALIST 3. Well, then, let's change the subject. Brutušam, this is Bryan Patrick of UIB 103. Your captain put in a fine performance yet again today, she had to make several brilliant saves early in the first half.

ERASSI. Yeah. First ten minutes, we were really under the cosh. I think Zubeida had at least three saves to make in that period, and she came good. I'm displeased that so much has been asked of her since she returned from injury, but I'm glad that she's been such a strong performer. And I do think our defense improved as the match went on, though part of that was because West Guiana just stopped venturing into our half.

JOURNALIST 4. Lateranusam Šabh, Pazhujebi Sport. Mr. Erassi, the loss of Chalia Sajid to injury has been catastrophic. Since she went out back in that loss to Baltskandio, the Urchins have looked timid in attack. She's a new addition to the national team, but it appears that she's already a crucial player.

ERASSI. She is. It's been hard to adapt without her. One of the problems I've noticed is that with Sajid out, Šeruthuvu drifts inside. He's been her replacement, but his natural instinct is to be a second striker, so he drifts inside from the left wing, which means that Peregrina has to cover a lot of extra ground on the wing. Peregrina's a great player, but she's a midfielder, not a striker. She's not equipped to do that.

JOURNALIST 4. So you'd like Šeruthuvu to stay out wide where he's less likely to score goals?

ERASSI. No, I'd like Sajid to be back. But that's not going to happen for at least a few more matches, and until then we'll have to manage. I haven't ruled out putting either Durai or Ouam-Ouam in the starting eleven for our next match, but I won't discuss that too much.

JOURNALIST 1. Once again, Liz Sith, Metro Sports. Coach, this was a very physical match, and yet there were no yellow cards shown from the Khytennan referee Trevor Munoz. Do you feel his lenience damaged the game at all?

ERASSI. I don't think it mattered either way. Referees like to believe that they have a massive influence on the game, but really, matches are played between two teams. A ref can do what he likes, it doesn't usually change the course of things.

JOURNALIST 1. You don't feel that you should have had a penalty in the 36th minute when Jackson tugged Oujadda's shirt in the box?

ERASSI. No. To be perfectly blunt, it didn't look like a foul to me. I might have a look at the replay later, but I thought it was a good no-call overall. Fušia ought to have stayed on her feet there, not flopped to the ground. Just one more question. Tertius?

JOURNALIST 2. Thanks, coach. Tertius Shajarhayam, Mahathu Herald. You mentioned Oujadda; she was really the only forward who looked like having a go today, wasn't she?

ERASSI. Yeah, but I still think she could have performed better.

JOURNALIST 2. Well, talk about what she could have done better for us.

ERASSI. I think she needed to really dominate the right side. Instead she allowed herself to be drawn into the middle, which worked perfectly for West Guiana's negative strategy. And with Šeruthuvu drifting in on the other side... it just wasn't working.

JOURNALIST 2. And if you wouldn't mind discussing the 68th-minute goal...

ERASSI. No, I don't mind. Basically what happened was Filipov had taken control of the ball at the top of the area and was dancing around, trying to find a hole while he drifted right. So he played it out to Razava wide on the right. It was a nice ball; I thought Razava should have hit it right back into the box first time though. Instead he backtracked down the wing and ended up playing a really low-percentage ball back to Bhara near midfield. We're lucky we didn't get counterattacked on there. But Bhara had a great first touch, cut inside with some pretty good industry, and she had a lot of green space in front of her about forty or fifty yards away. When she lobbed it ahead for Oujadda at the top of the eighteen, I thought she'd played it much too early, but Fušia just chested it down, made a defender miss, and then powered it past the goalkeeper from thirteen yards. It was all Bhara, as far as I'm concerned. Great industry, great effort, and a really great assist to Oujadda. Okay, that's all I'll give you, folks.

* Erassi stands up and leaves the room, headed for the team hotel in Mahathu.

1 - 0

Venue: Therakham Velodrama, Mahathu, Pazhujebu
Attendance: 52,000
Referee: Trevor Munoz (Khytenna)
Man/Woman of the Match: Zubeida Ichuvihaja (Kagdazka and Pazhujebu)

Managers

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Brutušam Erassi
West Guiana: Mick Temist

Squads

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Ichuvihaja; Bhara, Mizirov, Makureru; Razava (Klossovskaya 72'), Ogorodov (Ztnkk 88'), Winogradsky, Thašighi; Oujadda, Filipov (Andropov 72'), Šeruthuvu
West Guiana: Stienwell; Yotomoto, Hamilton, Jackson, Hummel (Sanchez 63'); White (Ytei 85'), Diyelo, Lopez; Wilkson, Proto, Isaac (Honi 76')

Goals

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Oujadda 68'
West Guiana: none

Next Match

Opponent: Lizland
Venue: Gelendzhik Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka
K&P's Projected Starting XI: Ichuvihaja; Bhara, Mizirov, Makureru; Razava, Ogorodov, Winogradsky, Thašighi; Oujadda, Pudibhišu, Šeruthuvu
Referee: Paul Wakelin (West Zirconia)

[Armed Bears]

“Hwell, we’re certainly improving…”


“Do you hrreally think so?”

“Ayyuh. Just compare our results so far this year to our results against those same opponents last year_
“Against the New Montreal States, a one-one draw hrrather than a nil-one loss, and that’s with the second game being at their place hrrather than ours.
“Against Kag-Paj, hokay so instead of last year’s one-one draw we had a one-nil loss, but that was at their place with its foul climate — instead of at our own stadium, like last year, too.
“Against Camwood, a two-nil win hrrather than a hrrepeat of last year’s three-one loss, hwhich was a pretty good improvement… Hrright?”

“Hrright…
“And then, against Baltskandio, a one-one draw instead of a hrrepeat of last year’s two-one win. So, hwhat improvement?”

“Ur’rmm…
“Hwell, hokay, I admit not hrreally an improvement there... even if that was yet another opponent hwhom we met at our own stadium this year but at theirs this time around. Still, on the whole?”


“Hr’rmm. Maybeso some improvement since last year, I suppose, but we’re still going to have to play much better during the rest of this series if we seriously intend to end the qualifiers any higher up our group’s table than the seventh place at hwhich we hwere originally seeded… Hrright?”

“Huuuh…. Hrright, I suppose.”

“For true!
“Now, we need to sort out tactics for our next match. Hwhere’s Urra got to…”

“She was called away, by somebody from higher up in the Sun Clan, and won’t be hwith us for that game.”

“Hwhat?!? Urrgah!”


“Ayyuh. Some ‘Business of the Clan’ that’s apparently important enough to supercede her team responsibilities. So, we’ll be starting Marrla o GreenWoods as Centre Forward in her place, instead, with Harroya ‘of the Rovers’ on the bench.”

“Hr’rmm…”



___________________________________________________________________


(More-or-less meanwhile, elsewhere…)


Urra SunBlesséd looked around, with a slightly worried expression on her face. She had followed the instructions from her Clan Militia battalion’s commander that a raven had delivered the day before, and followed the raven who had turned up to guide her this afternoon — whether this was the same bird as that earlier messenger or not, which she couldn’t actually tell — through a rainbow-coloured hole that had opened up in the ground in the park to which that guide had led her. Now she was standing in one corner of a rectangular expanse of some dark material — ‘tarred-mack’, she vaguely thought the inhabitants of one of the Human-inhabited nations that the Belles had visited for ‘away’ matches during this attempt at entering the World Cup had called such stuff — that had the sides and backs of various buildings around three of its edges and a fairly low brick wall separating it from a busy road on which powered vehicles of various kinds roared past in larger numbers and at higher speeds, than had those on any road with which she’d been familiar back home. She stepped a little bit further back into the poorly-lit enclosure’s shadows as a large group of humans — who sounded as though they might be drunk, or at least very excited, with their repetitive shouts of the unfamiliar word "Pompey!" — walked past along the line of pavement that lay between that road and the space in which she was standing.

“Try to avoid being noticed by any the local Humans,” the letter from her C.O. had said, “because they aren’t aware that sapient Ursines even exist and we don’t want to enlighten them about this fact yet. Somebody else, whom you will recognise, will arrive to join you on this mission within no more than about one watch of your own arrival there, and will bring the rest of your instructions. I know that we can count on you to do your best to complete this mission, which should be quite easy but is actually important to all Bearkind. Good luck!”

Urra adjusted the rather smart-looking white hat that had been sent along with her orders, and pulled the matching leather trench-coat more tightly around herself against the bitterly-cold rain and the strong wind — smelling a bit of the sea — that was blowing this water almost horizontally at her.
Suddenly there was a flash of bright light just a few yards in front of her, as another mysterious ‘hole’ opened up — this one at almost her own height up in the air, rather than actually on the ground as had been the one through which she herself had reached that place — and a person dropped down through it to land unsteadily on the tarred-mack and then slip, losing their footing on the wet surface, so that they fell down onto their back.
“Urrgah!” this new arrival exclaimed, as they climbed back onto their feet. “That was a hrrough trip!”

Urra looked at the newcomer, who sounded distinctly familiar but smelled slightly less so.
“Marra,” she enquired, “Is that you?”

“Heyyah, Honey. Ayyuh, it is me… Hwell, sort-of, anyhows: I’m the other Marra SunDaughter, the one from the ‘Bears Armed’ version of Reality hrrather than the one from your own ‘Armed Bears’. I was sent along here to help you hwith this mission because I’ve got a lot more experience of travelling in Human-run lands than anybody from your own homeland does.”

“Oh. I see…. At least, I think that I see. You’ve got the details about hwhat we’re actually here for, hrright?”



(Continued in Bears Armed’s next RP post…)

[Hutt River]

Wordsearch, No. 1

Find the 36 nations at the World Cup in the grid

[Bears Armed]

(Overlapping/continued-from Armed Bears's last RP...)


After finishing her visit to those “other” Ursines in the country that was now being called Armed Bears internationally, Marra SunDaughter had already made three more quite enjoyable trips abroad. She had been to Carmadin, and not only watched the locals’ national team play its ‘home’ qualifier against the side from Antoletia but gone on an interesting tour of sites associated with the local mythology as well; to Jeruselem, where she had seen Jeru FC absolutely steamroller visitors Albertsasby by the somewhat incredible score of eleven-nil before having a meal and a chat with her old friend and former assistant Karra Thunder who was now those victors’ manager; and to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega where she had seen a league game featuring a team called ‘Stonengarten’ for which two of her own Bear-Belles had played in the past before visiting the rather hairy human culture living in the Meldinburg area who had turned out to worship ‘the Great Bear’ — as rumour had said was the case — and had shown her great respect. So where was she now? Following a raven through a passage between worlds, that’s where…
Suddenly the ground (such as that was) disappeared from under her feet, and she fell downwards to land on a hard surface. Losing her footing due to the unexpected nature of this descent and thin layer of water that covered the ground there, she slipped over and landed on her back.
“Urrgah!” she exclaimed, as she climbed back onto their feet. “That was a hrrough trip!”

“Marra,” another Ursine voice enquired, “Is that you?”

“Heyyah, Honey. Ayyuh, it is me…” she replied. “Hwell, sort-of, anyhows: I’m the other Marra SunDaughter, the one from the ‘Bears Armed’ version of Reality hrrather than the one from your own ‘Armed Bears’. I was sent along here to help you hwith this mission because I’ve got a lot more experience of travelling in Human-run lands than anybody from your own homeland does.”

“Oh. I see…. At least, I think that I see. You’ve got the details about hwhat we’re actually here for, hrright?”


“Ayyuh. You remember the nation called Wight that entered a team of Undead into the same ‘Baptism of Fire’ that was your own squad’s international debut, although you never actually played any games against them, hrright? The ones whom your chaplain gave a blessing to the team from Yesopalitha” for use against?

“Hrright… Downright Chaos-creepy, they seemed to be, from all that I heard about them back then…”

“Ayyuh. Hwell, anyhows, their bosses cubnapped two sapient Bears from some other country — a Human-run land, I think — after that ritual, to try using those to counter-act the blessing in some way, but now Raven Himself has arranged for the two to be released and apparently they’ve decided that they’d like to move to Armed Bears and your government has agreed to give them refuge. You’re here to receive them from Wight’s emissaries, and I’m here to guide the three of you to your way back home afterwards.”


“Hr’rmm… So somebody from Wight will be coming here?”

“Ayyuh, but this place isn’t actually a part of their own home dimension, it’s just a site in one of the many Human nations around to which (for some reason) they have easier access than is the case for most other locations, and we’ve got a solemn promise — one made by their verrry King to Raven. who would have known if that word was false — that they won't try to do us no harm. They and the two of refugees should get here sometime around midnight, if things go as I was told would be the case.”




(OOC: and now I hand the situation over to Wight to RP the next part of this scene, if he chooses to do so…)

[Seunem]

You could almost think it was the Lenpy, if you squinted. The great, three-tiered stand certainly wasn’t full, not like in the golden olden days of eighteen months ago, and between the clumps of bouncing, screaming supporters you could just about make out the H, and a bit of the EN, and the right-hand side of the Y. And it was still all in red and white, but unless you were still nursing Sylvanae-induced ocular nerve damage you’d have to acknowledge the slight modification in shade. The seating’s good ol’ polychromatic pigmentation had shifted – apparently of its own volition, large sections of the Candelariasian public having come to the conclusion months ago that the Tristar Songstress Stadium was a self-aware life form in its own right – to a slightly brighter red for the occasion; the red of the hated rivals Albrecht Turkish, the red of the Seunem national team.

But it wasn’t the Lenpy, because the Lenpy wouldn’t never wear those colours, not quite those shades, and never jump up and down in huggy, noisy joy because a Turkish striker had scored, much less for a foreign country. Amy wasn’t quite sure what it was, but she was pretty sure she liked it. It was like discovering a whole new species, a creature very much like another more familiar variety, but nevertheless distinct enough to get to lend your name to it. Lenpy Seunemii.

“I could get used to this,” the left-back grinned, as she high-kicked pointlessly a few times in the Seunem technical area. She hadn’t been asked to, but it was better that than squat and fidget on the bench, wishing beyond all reason that she could be out there herself. “Look at ‘em. They’re loving it!”

“Hm. Mm,” Thomas Merrytent and Paschal mumbled. The old manager stamped a few times, lacing and unlacing his fingers irritably.

“Seriously, gaffer, we’ve got to come back here! I know it’s only a third full, but still… Why don’t we just base ourselves here permanently, eh? At least until the Seunemi FA had got a proper stadium of our own in order, we… ooh, nicely done, Stenners… I mean, just look at ‘em. This country’s crying out for football, I mean this could be the catalyst we need for actually getting a team back! Get rid of this hair shirt, and blaming football nonsense, an–”

“If you do wish to defect back to the land of your birth, dear girl, you have only to say, mm. Hm. Otherwise, kindly stopper your stirring, we are in the midst of a match…”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’d really get selected for the Big Blues two-point-oh, wouldn’t I? I’m not defecting anywhere, I’m just sayi –”

“Hush! MISTER STEN! KINDLY stay on your feet, if you would please!”

“S’alright, gaffer, it’s the logical thing to do… They’ve got nothing from set plays now their right-back’s limped off.”

“That was our third yellow card, I do think. There is still half of the hour left to play, it is dangerous… FOUR yellow card, MISTER TUU, ENOUGH! I will wring the neck of that lilburne, I swear it true…”

“He just mistimed the tackle, gaffer,” Amy said quietly, as the manager motioned towards young Colecta Customers to start warming up, “In happens it football, y’know. I wouldn’t haul him off just yet…”

“I did not ask your advice. And I am tired of these so-called ‘honest mistakes’. He is supposed to be a professional, most of you are. No lower-league game anywhere in the worlds would finish with eleven players a side if such tackles were simple ‘mistakes’…”

“We’re a goal to the good and cruising, boss. It won’t do any of the guys out there much good to see you stalking about angrily on the touchline…”

Mister Thomas sighed, and slumped back into his dugout. “Perhaps… Perhaps you are right. It is this place, I do think. I like this place not. I feel… uneasy.”

“Well I think it’s great. It’s even better than the Solidarity. I guess it’s ‘cause C&M played their qualifiers here for the last couple of years.”

“In their famous bright yellow shirts…”

“Uh… Yeah, why not. It’s like we’re an adopted national team, y’know? Doesn’t hurt that we’re basically pronounced the same. And we’ve got Candelariasian players, hello, it just makes sense for us t… Uh-oh.”

At that moment, Costin Kennedy and Snade gave the ball away cheaply, and the Cascratian’s deep-lying midfielder Rokonara Aylmer surged into the Seunem box. The rapid arrival of the reassuring presence that was Cayolle Customers, the former Sorthern international, brought his run to a crawl, but the teenager turned away from her and seemed to glance up into the Lenpy, a beatific smile suddenly on his face…

***

“…ok, I don’t see how it’s my fault. I didn’t know he was going to turn up.”

“He’s your countryman.”

“So? He plays for our arch-rivals. Occasionally. When someone can be bothered to arrange a game.”

“I’m just saying, as captain, as our dear Mister Thomas’ right-hand man, you might have thought that Albrecht FC legend Jesse Nakatsuru might have planned to turn up to a rare match of any note taking place at his home stadium, and perhaps might have thought that it might be a good idea to show some initiative and ask him not to.”

“How? How? How was I supposed to know he was Rokonara Wozzizzface’s childhood hero, and that the realisation of his very presence would provide such inspiration that the bloody kid would go and score a bloody hat-trick?”

Tuu Dufu shrugged. “I did. I did my research,” the Kytlerian replied, placing the emphasis on the ‘re’ in such a way that forced Amy, lounging against the wall opposite, to have to dig her heels into the skirting board lest she leap forward and bite his nose off.

“And you didn’t think to mention it?” Samson said through gritted teeth.

“Well, nobody really listens to me, do they? You’re Tommy-boy’s anointed son and heir, of nothing in particular. I’m just Mister Sixty Minutes And Then Haul Him Off And Replace Him With A Sixteen Year Old Girl…”

“He’s got a point about that,” said Sam’s drinks cabinet, doing a passable impression of a slightly muffled George Gjorgjinski. “Dunno what the gaffer was thinking there, I really don’t. How many times did Colecta give the ball away? Twelve? Fifteen?”

“God, you’ve had a right cob on all week, you ‘ave,” Juri Sadowsky snorted. “Just twang ‘er bra strap or summat; get it all out of yer system.”

“And get your head out there as well, young man, your mam’ll have our heads on platters if you get plastered on our watch,” Amy snapped.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever… And that’s nothing to do with it, Juz. We just needed a goal, he should’ve sent me or Freskin on, not another random Customers.”

“Bobbins, you’ve just got a mard on ‘cause you want t’see our substitute holding midfielder in the nud, an’ she ain’t having any of it.”

“Talking of seeing other people’s bodies,” Tuu smarmed from his position on the sofa, “When’re we going to see your mystery corpse, Sammers? That’s the only reason I agreed to come back here!”

“Sam’s just a bit overtired at the moment, aren’t you?” Amy said loyally. “It’s alright for you lot, in countries that have a proper timeflow. We’re practically playing a game every twenty-four hours, or travelling somewhere at the very least. It’s taking it out of us, isn’t it, Sam? And I expect that’s why the gaffer didn’t send you on today, George. We’re in need of a break, are us Candelarians. Sam is, anyway.”

“You’ll get one, soon enough, he ain’t going to bother selecting him once we officially can’t qualify anymore, is he? And when’s that… next week? Or tomorrow, your time. It’s going to make my little day out at the Waterside a damp squib, let me tell you.” Tuu sniffed a hunter’s sniff. “Where is mine host, anyway? Gone to find a new corpse?”

Comfortably beyond Tuu’s hearing, Sam slid miserably down the stairwell outside his apartment, and groaned. Maybe Amy was right, really. So much travelling, so many games, so much responsibility, in such a little time. Even Edith had buggered off back to her mother’s to a bit, citing his impossibility to live with during the international ‘season’. So, maybe…

“So. This body of yours.”

“Hi, Henk,” Sam sighed. The Nethertopian took his as an invitation to plonk himself down next to him.

“Sorry I’m late, Jan wanted to go down to Gordon Bay again, and I had to go a buy a great big raincoat for his… missus, or whatever she is, ‘cause I’ve got t’tell you, you people really aren’t quite as okay with the whole ‘non-human’ thing these days as you make out. Anyway. The corpse. Y’know. The one you ‘killed’ the other day.”

“Yeah, alright, obviously I didn’t… Maybe there wasn’t someone there at all. Maybe I dreamt it. Or he got up and walked away, I dunno…”

“Right… So… What did he look like?”

“Kinda… Seunemi, I guess. What you’d expect. Brown hair, horsey face. Old-e world-e clothing, big boots, pirate hat. Pistol.”

“He was armed? You didn’t think to unarm him, at all?”

“I didn’t think it was worth worrying about, on account of him being very dead at the time! Also, I just… Went back to sleep. Y’know. And by the time I’d woken up…”

“Pistol, eh?”

“One of them flintlock jobs. I googled it.”

“Hmm. Look, mate… You really ought to talk to my dad, y’know? I know I haven’t been in this squad as long as the rest of you, but… There’s some weird stuff going on, I reckon.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“So… I don’t know what it is about me’n you, Henk, but our conversations just seem to fizzle out, don’t they?”

“Yeah. Comedy out-word?”

“Seattle?”

“Yeah, that’ll do.”

[Sargossa]

Continued from here

...down the line it goes, Montiel on the chase. The attempted cross is deflected high into the air. But here's Esquivel on the VOLLEY!! What a goal! Celso Esquivel hit that full on the volley and it flew past Ao i E. The striker has looked out of sorts in this campaign but that should do his confidence a world of good. And Sargossa go 3 - 0 up against Elmonia...

"That was a cracking goal, I knew he'd come good." Captain Alejandro Reyes sipped at his morning coffee as the squad car's radio continued its broadcasting of the previous night's football highlights.

"I seem to remember you wanted Vazquez to drop him. 'A burro with a banjo would show better finishing ability' I think you said. 'Couldn't score in a bordello' I think you said."

"Thank you Sergeant. It's a comfort to know that you've been paying attention."

They were interrupted by a beep from the police transmitter. Grudgingly Reyes muted the football.

"This is C&C to Unit 19, come in Unit 19"

"So much for a quiet morning." The captain sighed. "Reyes here, go ahead Control."

"We've got a possible two-fourteen in a wood off of the IT3, sending the location now."

The built-in Sat-Nav system woke up as new coordinates were beamed in. "Location received control, on our way. You heard the disembodied voice Sergeant, off we go."

The location turned out to be a patch of woodland to the side of the main road that connected the Sargossan capitol to the port of Bayamo hundreds of miles to the north. Signs of police activity were evident as they pulled up. Areas were taped off and uniformed officers, with slightly more casually attired dogs, roamed among the trees. Reyes, Sergeant Moreno dutifully in tow, headed towards a small tent erected within the copse's interior. As they approached the flaps opened and a figure in medical fatigues and a face mask stepped out.

"Morning Maria." There was little cheer in Reyes' greeting. "What's the verdict?"

"She's dead."

"Well done Doctor, another case solved. Shall we have breakfast?"

"The doctor removed her mask and managed a small smile. "Not really a morning person are you Jandro?"

"No time of day's great for this. Shall we get it over with?"

"Of course." The face mask went back on. "Follow me."

The two detectives ducked to follow her into the confines of the tent. In the centre of it, partly covered by foliage lay a prone figure. It was never an easy moment but it was so much worse when they were so young.

"Who found her?"

"A jogger, an hour ago give or take. He's been taking in for questioning."

"Do you have a time of death?"

"It's guesswork until I get her back to the lab but i'd estimate she's been dead for six hours, maybe seven. The red marks around the throat suggest strangulation but there's no signs of struggle anywhere within the immediate area. This body was dumped."

"What's that on her hand, a birth mark?"

The doctor regarded the purple blemish on the back of the figures right hand. "It's no birthmark, i'm sure of that. Should the damn transport ever get here we'll head back to the lab and find out."

"Were you two never young?" Reyes and the doctor both turned to stare at Sergeant Moreno. "That's a club stamp. When I was with the SCPD we saw that one a lot. Our vic had a night out at the Barracuda."

[Aguazul]

The further adventures of the Megaphone Guy:

Lineups set: Valcárcel and Lissón up front. Going for the Cabañas effect I see. I still have several bets going about when or if Lissón ever gets the week off; some people think he has to be benched to avoid the Saavedra problem, other people know that our captains usually play a lot. Nothing too big today. Can't exactly tell who's starting for the visitors, guessing it's about the same as the first leg though. They look rather dispirited.
11 minutes: Goal Lissón. That was fast. Minus five pesos.
28 minutes: Goal Pulido. Nice. I met him once, wouldn't bet with me though.
37 minutes: Goal Morayta. Again, this is going faster than I expected. Time to start leading some chants.
40 minutes: Get on a boat!/Get on a boat!/We'll take good hard looks as you do you best to float!
Halftime: No score for the visitors, three pesos to me. That was a safe bet.
Still halftime: Visitors coming on with more defenders and will try to keep things from deteriorating. Minus ten, I didn't think the coach was paying enough attention to do anything too tactical.
47 minutes: Then again, is Mejia paying attention to anything besides his pipe?
53 minutes: Goal Cortez, that's what happens when you leave us the whole midfield to deal with.
56 minutes: Can we play here every week? Please let's not, it'll go to the local fans' heads. It always does.
57 minutes: Of course it'd annoy Cobo. That could be a plus.
65 minutes: Goal Lissón. Dude's earning a rest at this rate.
66 minutes: Bustin' five goals, win whipping, let's emote/You can't stop us, silly losers, get back on a boat.
80 minutes: Mm, Mejia's dropped his clipboard, that's something else to pay attention to. At this rate he doesn't much need to bother with lineups or anything.
83 minutes: Goal Minguet against the run of, for lack of a better word, play. Mostly apathetic passes at this point. Minus ten pesos, I thought we'd take the steam off after Kelssek.
87 minutes: Drunk fan below me thought Kelssek were second seeds. How about no. Five pesos to me.
90 minutes: Not much stoppage time, the referee is ready to be done too.
Full time: I'm out seven pesos. Darn. Not the best day for me, but the locals are pleased, so there is that.

[Stachland]

Stachland Reds

Stachland Reclaims Second Place in Group Four
by Witold Elliott

With a one-nil away victory against PuertoRico, and a surprising 2-0 away victory for Euskirribakondara on Khytenna's home pitch, the Reds have reclaimed possession of second place in the group, trailing Bergnovinaia by six points and leading the Khytennans by two.

It is possible that, if the other two leading teams were to stumble, for the Reds to assume first place in the group and the automatic qualifying spot for the World Cup finals proper, though this is admittedly unlikely based upon the Bergnovinaians' performance so far. Stachland's next fixture is against the upset-minded Euskirribakondara squad, occurring in that nation. The Euskirribakondarans played an excellent game in Chevronia last month, forcing the Reds into a scoreless draw. The Reds will look for at least one point out of this match, if not a full three.

"We're improving," said coach Rom Meyler, quite simply. "We had a great start, and then we collapsed towards the end of the first half of qualifying and the beginning of the second half. But now we'll be picking up again."

Coach Meyler's confidence is echoed by the players, who have little experience playing as one of the favorites, but are nevertheless intent on giving an excellent performance as World Cup 58 qualifying winds down.

It is time, now, for me to make a tough prediction: Reds fans should be prepared for a second- or third-place finish once qualifying concludes, and either entry to the World Cup via a playoff match or a relegation to the Cup of Harmony. There are still plenty of chances to earn glory this year, and the team, I am assured, is ready to give their all to return to the World Cup!

[Pasarga]

"I don't freaking believe it, we're in first!"

"Yeah... strange happenings these last few matches, but don't forget, we still have to play the elves and pretty awesome persons, so don't get too excited."

"Oh I know, but, we're in first for crying out loud! Just a few weeks ago we were stumbling about in third and now we're leading the group, a difficult group at that."

"Sometimes hard work and dedication pays off, but there is still plenty of time for it all to slip away."

"And we do still have our bye left."

"Indeed, giving our competitors that day to make up points against us."

"Think we can do it, being this close at this late of a stage?"

"I... think we can honestly. We've practiced hard and we have struggled through tough qualifications time and time again. I think we have the edge to do it."

"Really? You are going to be an optimist?"

"Well, every now and then you have to have a little bit of hope now don't you? And besides, all that can happen is we fail and then we will try try again."

"Wow, I need to mark down this day in my calender."

"Haha."

[The Babbage Islands]

As the newly-reorganised first division reaches the end of the moratorium on transfers, club managements both in and out of The Babbage Islands are jockeying for position to bid up several talented players.

Top of the list are two starters for the current Bumblebees, Saturnino Valle Barajas and Kaitlyn Miller. Saturnino is closing in on 30 caps at centre-back, and with Lehi FC on the outside looking in post-realignment he will certainly be shopping his services to not only return to the first division but with a top-rank side to boot. His teammates regard him so highly that when Nancy Svoboda served as player-manager for the first half of qualifying they unanimously elected the 24-year-old as captain. A player in the Jerry Kirkpatrick no-nonsense mode, Saturnino dares opponents to make a run at him and doesn't hesitate to enforce against players who push the envelope.

Twenty-year-old Kaitlyn Miller, on the other hand, looks for all the world like a perky blonde teenager. She capped for the women's Olympic team at 15 and played third-string keeper for Michelle Germaine's final World Cup team at 17. Today she's the starting keeper for both the Bumblebees and UMFK with a brilliant career lying ahead. (And did you see her goal against Lizland off a direct free kick? UMFK use that set piece domestically, and Kaitlyn became the first Bumblebee keeper to score a goal from play since Averill Robinson over 25 years ago.) Her Kopavogur-based club is torn over keeping her to build or selling her to build. Either way they win, and Miss Miller's financial adviser should be kept busy as well.

Another current Bumblebee that should draw some bidding is Aubrey Dew, the six-seven Zarahemla All-Sport striker. She's playing out of position at attacking midfield for Manning Pelham, just as she did for Nancy Svoboda, as back-up to her club teammate Claire van de Graaf. Aubrey's adjusting well, expanding her utility beyond point woman for All-Sport and getting more caps than she would as the second "striker" in a 4-6-0 scheme. And she's 23, another star in the making with many years ahead. Suitors take note: Zarahemla will spend freely to keep her, so bring your cheque book!

Finally, former Bumblebee striker Tom Hovi insists he's injury-free for the first time in a while, and it's well-known that his Pazhujebu club Zhevassi are undergoing hard times. It will be interesting to see if Manning Pelham gives him a call-up for some late qualifiers and maybe even the Cup proper. Certainly a healthy Hovi could strengthen a half-dozen FĈB clubs and countless others away from home; at the peak of his powers he was fully a match for the great Glen Svoboda.

Some lesser lights on the block should include Baden 98 midfielder Matthew Bradford, Cardston FC winger Xia Langmu, and Lehi FC winger Sean White. All these guys are reserves on the national team whose clubs got closed out of FĈB, making them first-division talents stuck in a second-tier league until they're sold either locally or overseas.

Smile!

[Jedi8246]

Theme
Fenris Sports Corner

"Good evening, I'm Logan Dale. The World Cup continues to prove troublesome for the Wyverns. Just a few games ago, the Wyverns looked unbeatable and sure to cinch the top spot. The past games have featured a falling apart of the team. After the 4-0 shutout by Kulverint, things became even worse. Jedi8246 suffered a 8-1 blowout by the Chetkosk team. This proved a major blow to the morale of the team as they headed into next week against ABK with yet another loss. Coach Hemlock managed to rally the team well enough for the last game to get a tie. However this string of losses has damaged our group postion. Now in third place, we sit one win behind ABK and multiple wins behind Kulverint. Coach Hemlock is not counting out a first place finish yet, but things look bleak.

Taking a look at things, Jedi8246 shouldn't lose anymore games. They play the lower ranked teams the rest of the four games left. Meaning the Wyverns can finish with a 10-2-4 record. Meaning the two teams left that prove a threat to Jedi8246 are ABK and Kulverint. Now unless Kulverint fall apart and lose the rest of their games, very unlikely, they will take first. Meaning Jedi8246 will have to compete with ABK to get out of the group. Let's take a look at their remaining schedule.

ABK Schedule
Match 14
ABK @ Vergenskia
Match 15
Puerto Candelaria @ ABK
Match 16
Bye
Match 17
Branta Island @ ABK
Match 18
Wight @ ABK


As you can see, ABK is playing relatively easy teams. Meaning they will probably get a 11-0-5 record. Coach Hemlock hopes that Wight can pull off a unexpected win allowing Jedi8246 to secure spot two and a qualifying stage spot. Ties are also welcome. Should the Wyverns lose again, we are pretty much done. Let's hope Jedi8246 keeps winning and that someone can tie or beat ABK or Kulverint. More news, after the break.

[Polar Islandstates]

Partly in response to this.

No! Not the one where the depressed black-and-purple colored ghost and his dog-jaguar-poltergeist crossbreed try to slingshot themselves across the ocean, either! (That last one is a big hit in Polar Islandstates, so I'm told. Nothing like smoking a little herb, cranking up Björn & the Gladiolis, and watching that ghost-and-jaguar-poltergeist-slingshot show on a Saturday morning. But I digress.)

But also partly because I felt like drawing a pretty picture instead of writing a lot tonight...

[West Zirconia]

West Zirconia's national football manager, Chris Irwin, has died following a heart attack suffered during the match against Michael VII. The 58-year old had been in hospital in Jagoza after undergoing surgery following the heart attack, when his condition rapidly deteriorated, and he died just before midnight (Meridian Time) last night.

Chris Irwin had moderate success as a player, making over 500 appearances for Banks, Bradley Swifts, Taylor's Cross, Currie and St. Martin Athletic, but it was as a manager where he had the most success, scoring no less than eight championships with Bradley Hornets and Banks, before being appointed as national team manager.

Ben Phillips, who has been appointed as caretaker manager for the rest of the World Cup campaign, paid tribute to a "true sportsman and a true gentleman, who had the respect of all the footballing community."

The national team will wear black armbands for their remaining World Cup matches, while the WZFA has asked the teams of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu and of Lizland, at whose forthcoming match West Zirconian referee Paul Wakelin will be officiating, to mark their respects according to local custom.

[Yesopalitha]

The Yesopalitha Flames defeated Bostopia 2-1 behind two goals from Hilary Vander Rox, punctuating the best win so far for the young team.

"We nailed it," stated Coach Hargrove.

They fell behind 1-0 after an early goal, but fought back.

The fans were enthusiastic and very supportive.

Marcus Aeroleus III sends his congrats as well.

The Flames are back to feeling relevant again, and they love the fact that they had a signature win for this season. They might not qualify, but they'll look back to this and smile.

Yesopalitha! Yesopalitha!

With two wins over Mangolana and Bostopia, who are both in the top 100, there may be hope for the Flames in the future. The fans sure hope so, and so do we at the Yesopalithan Sports Network.

[Ancharmunn]

The striker out of Ancharmunn went to Snub Nose to see our Maggie
The striker out of Ancharmunn went to Snub Nose to see our Maggie
The striker out of Ancharmunn went to Snub Nose to see our Maggie
And Maggie said to her aide . .

Who the flipping hell is Beynon?
Who the flipping hell is Beynon?
Who the flipping hell is Beynon?
In relation to me getting out of bed?

(OOC - With apologies to Half Man Half Biscuit's Vatican Broadside.)

[Equestrian States]

The Equestrian States' Team Captain: Fire Dash



OOC: Finally got it to work...

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

MATCHDAY 14
Sativaville 2-2 Mapletish
Bostopia 2-1 Baleyaroh
Cheergirls 0-1 Mangolana
West Angola 1-0 Yesopalitha
Ocaterra 2-2 Royalsoldiers
Kiaser Colonies 2-0 Cassadaigua
West Zirconia 2-0 Tretskivucia
Naboompu 3-2 Sheepish
Sarrbia 2-1 Vettrera
Landpolis 2-2 Kernansqillec
Bruyn 0-2 Polar Islandstates
New Holy Roman Empire 1-2 Thatius
Unibot 2-0 PuertoRico
Euskirribakondara 1-0 Stachland
Crotunda 1-4 Nifferite
Kandorith 0-2 Khytenna
Rouge Pioneers 2-4 Jeru FC
Kerblaekistan 0-0 Politik
Megadia 2-2 The Union of Myanmar
FSSO 2-1 Albertasby
Equestrian States 1-5 Pasarga
Pretty Awesome Persons 4-0 Altimarus
Westmeadow Tavern 1-0 The Araucania
Legalese 0-1 Lonaga
Qazox 1-4 Chenkorya
Wolfmanne 2-1 Homelands Our
Kalumba 2-0 Turori
Switzida 2-0 Sjovenia
Kelssek 1-6 Aguazul
Ancharmunn 1-1 Stvoto Latoli
Savski Venac 0-2 Ellison Island
North Chicanan 3-2 Rhodesia
New Montreal States 0-2 The Babbage Islands
Armed Bears 1-3 Western Cuba
Kagdazka and Pazhujebu 1-0 Lizland
West Guiana 1-0 Baltskandio
Saugeais 2-0 Tymason
Elmonia 1-2 Vilita
Nethertopia 0-1 Brightonburg
Landereien 2-2 Sargossa


Group 1 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Erathore 12 11 0 1 29 9 +20 33
2 Bostopia 13 9 2 2 43 14 +29 29
3 Mapletish 12 6 3 3 14 17 -3 21
4 Mangolana 12 4 6 2 16 12 +4 18
5 Cheergirls 12 4 1 7 7 15 -8 13
6 West Angola 13 3 4 6 10 22 -12 13
7 Yesopalitha 13 3 3 7 11 22 -11 12
8 Baleyaroh 13 1 5 7 6 16 -10 8
9 Sativaville 12 0 6 6 7 16 -9 6



Group 2 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Cassadaigua 13 10 1 2 39 10 +29 31
2 Tretskivucia 12 10 1 1 29 13 +16 31
3 Kiaser Colonies 13 10 0 3 25 13 +12 30
4 Naboompu 13 5 4 4 15 20 -5 19
5 Michael VII 12 3 4 5 15 17 -2 13
6 West Zirconia 12 3 3 6 17 22 -5 12
7 Royalsoldiers 12 3 2 7 14 25 -11 11
8 Sheepish 13 2 2 9 11 27 -16 8
9 Ocaterra 12 0 3 9 8 26 -18 3



Group 3 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Polar Islandstates 12 9 2 1 29 7 +22 29
2 Kernansqillec 13 8 4 1 22 10 +12 28
3 Sarrbia 12 5 3 4 21 14 +7 18
4 Bruyn 12 5 2 5 16 17 -1 17
5 Thatius 13 4 5 4 12 14 -2 17
6 Landpolis 13 4 3 6 10 15 -5 15
7 The Weegies 12 3 5 4 10 12 -2 14
8 Vettrera 12 2 2 8 10 24 -14 8
9 New Holy Roman Empire 13 2 2 9 9 26 -17 8



Group 4 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Bergnovinaia 12 8 2 2 20 9 +11 26
2 Khytenna 13 6 3 4 19 11 +8 21
3 Stachland 13 5 5 3 15 8 +7 20
4 Euskirribakondara 13 5 5 3 17 12 +5 20
5 Unibot 12 3 6 3 14 14 +0 15
6 Nifferite 12 4 3 5 16 18 -2 15
7 Crotunda 12 3 3 6 14 18 -4 12
8 PuertoRico 12 2 4 6 6 18 -12 10
9 Kandorith 13 1 7 5 11 24 -13 10



Group 5 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Jeru FC 12 11 0 1 50 15 +35 33
2 Megadia 12 7 2 3 13 8 +5 23
3 FSSO 13 6 4 3 16 13 +3 22
4 Rouge Pioneers 12 6 2 4 16 14 +2 20
5 Osarius 12 5 4 3 18 10 +8 19
6 Kerblaekistan 13 5 3 5 9 12 -3 18
7 Politik 13 2 4 7 13 26 -13 10
8 Albertasby 13 1 4 8 9 31 -22 7
9 The Union of Myanmar 12 0 3 9 8 23 -15 3



Group 6 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Pretty Awesome Persons 13 9 2 2 31 11 +20 29
2 Pasarga 12 9 2 1 30 11 +19 29
3 Dorian and Sonya 12 7 4 1 25 10 +15 25
4 Lonaga 13 5 2 6 18 14 +4 17
5 Altimarus 13 4 4 5 15 24 -9 16
6 Westmeadow Tavern 12 3 3 6 7 18 -11 12
7 Equestrian States 12 3 2 7 14 23 -9 11
8 Legalese 13 1 6 6 11 20 -9 9
9 The Araucania 12 1 3 8 6 26 -20 6



Group 7 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Qazox 12 8 2 2 27 13 +14 26
2 Virabia 12 7 1 4 19 13 +6 22
3 Chenkorya 12 5 5 2 14 9 +5 20
4 Switzida 13 5 3 5 15 17 -2 18
5 Kalumba 12 4 4 4 13 15 -2 16
6 Homelands Our 13 4 3 6 13 14 -1 15
7 Wolfmanne 13 4 3 6 16 21 -5 15
8 Sjovenia 13 3 4 6 9 16 -7 13
9 Turori 12 3 1 8 13 21 -8 10



Group 8 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Aguazul 12 11 1 0 38 4 +34 34
2 North Chicanan 13 6 4 3 21 13 +8 22
3 Ellison Island 12 6 2 4 13 12 +1 20
4 Kelssek 12 6 2 4 16 19 -3 20
5 Ancharmunn 13 5 2 6 14 22 -8 17
6 Rhodesia 13 5 1 7 15 16 -1 16
7 Stvoto Latoli 13 3 4 6 9 20 -11 13
8 Hockey Canada 12 3 1 8 12 19 -7 10
9 Savski Venac 12 2 1 9 9 22 -13 7



Group 9 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 The Babbage Islands 12 10 2 0 35 5 +30 32
2 Kagdazka and Pazhujebu 12 7 3 2 20 10 +10 24
3 New Montreal States 12 7 2 3 16 9 +7 23
4 Western Cuba 13 6 3 4 23 19 +4 21
5 Lizland 12 4 3 5 13 19 -6 15
6 Camwood 12 4 0 8 15 28 -13 12
7 Armed Bears 13 2 5 6 12 19 -7 11
8 West Guiana 13 3 2 8 6 17 -11 11
9 Baltskandio 13 2 2 9 13 27 -14 8



Group 10 Standings

Team P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
1 Mytannion 12 11 1 0 31 6 +25 34
2 Saugeais 12 8 0 4 35 16 +19 24
3 Vilita 13 6 3 4 15 11 +4 21
4 Sargossa 13 6 2 5 27 21 +6 20
5 Brightonburg 12 5 2 5 13 26 -13 17
6 Landereien 13 3 6 4 23 25 -2 15
7 Nethertopia 12 3 5 4 13 15 -2 14
8 Tymason 12 2 2 8 11 27 -16 8
9 Elmonia 13 1 1 11 6 27 -21 4

[Taeshan]

X Island Inquirer

Purple Knights Tie

Football is just a game. We tied at it, thats the end of the fucking story.