World Cup 58 RP Thread

by **Jeruselem** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 3:16 am

Naked News Jeruselem's Amy Pond and Princess Sofia Michelle Dallas ...

Sofia: So, how did your little girl do for applying to MENSA?
Amy: Well, she failed to get in.
Sofia: I thought she was smart.
Amy: Not smart enough.
Sofia: Poor girl.
Amy: Anyway, your little girl went along with her and applied too.
Sofia: Well, my little girl is smart cookie eh?
Amy: Well, she did make it.
Sofia: So who's fault then eh?
Amy: Well, it's not the end of the world.
Sofia: See, you need to find the right man for your kids.
Amy: Doesn't help if Mum is stupid moron at the start.
Sofia: Don't put yourself down.
Amy: Anyway!
Sofia: Come on, it's time for lunch. This world cup business is done for today.
Amy: We have file our report on the game first.
Sofia: That won't take long.
Amy: How come it takes longer when we lose?
Sofia: I just complain a lot longer.
Russell: Hello girls.
Sofia: Oh it's you.
Amy: Where have you been?
Russell: Just been to court.
Sofia: And you're in the gaol yet?
Russell: I won the case, I'm not the Dad.
Amy: I guess congratulations.
Sofia: I guess it's good there's not another little Russell in this world too.
Russell: Hey, that's a bit low.
Sofia: You complaining you won?
Russell: Um, I guess I shouldn't complain in this case.
Amy: So right.
Sofia: Anyway, we have an interview to conduct.
Russell: You never talk to me on Naked News.
Amy: Because you can't keep you hands of the girl.
Sofia: Or yourself.
Russell: Hey, I do have self-control.
Amy: Sure ...
Sofia: We have work to do.
Russell: I'll just sit there and perve.
Sofia: Typical.

by **New Montreal States** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:23 am

Coaches generally acknowledge two ways of handling an off-the-pitch infraction committed by one of their players. It is usually preferable to promptly demote or jettison the bastard post haste, lest he distract or disgrace the rest of the side. If the offense is minor enough, the coach may instead trumpet his faith in the legal system and the rights of due process, proclaim that he is eagerly awaiting the final results of the investigation, and keep his man on the pitch. The panel of eight faceless bureaucrats had taken neither approach in handling Antoine Long's overnight stay in a dumpster.

He had done nothing illegal. The team attorneys had told him to save his cash and not bother hiring anyone, which had to be the first time they had ever said that to anyone. All he had to face was public mockery, which he couldn't control, and the nagging question "Will I get to play when we reach Mahathu?" None of the bureaucrats had said a single word. He had still been practicing with the first team, but everyone was wondering if Antoine would be benched or not, and everyone's doubts began to come out when he was involved in play. He noticed starters glancing at de la Ware while the youngster was going through his paces in drills.

Long began comparing everything he did to de la Ware. From there, he began comparing his interactions with his teammates to their interactions with de la Ware. Ed and Denny Roy were stepping up the intensity a notch when they were matched with de la Ware, trying to get him ready for the pace of a real game. It seemed to Long that the more defense-oriented bureaucrats were spending all their time with de la Ware, and leaving him adrift in his hour of need.

And yet every single press conference the bureaucrats spoke at began with one or two of them reiterating that they would not answer any questions about the night one of their (theoretically) starting defensive backs had slept with the smell of the fishes, followed by the media ignoring the reiteration and shouting a thousand and one questions about the end of his bender and his job security while the bureaucrats stared back with the impassivity only a civil servant can muster. Centuries of bowler hats, galoshes and sensible mid-level sedans lent a sacred aura to the inscrutability of their faces as they waited for the reporters to quit and start asking other questions instead. And every single time they did this, Antoine Long would rush to the nearest trash can and puke his guts out.

He finally found out he'd be keeping his job for the moment when the plane landed in Mahathu and one of the bureaucrats handed out that match's starting XI and game plan summary. He felt himself getting back in the groove of things a bit. The old synergy with Cory Taylor was flowing back into his body. He paid a feng shui consultant 1500 oz. to rearrange his locker to maximize his qi, just in case the Tao Te Ching was right. The consultant even folded his game jersey into a traditional "eight corners eye of god" pattern to maximize the flow of heavenly energy going into the game.

And then he actually took the pitch and saw a man named Eduard Winogradsky staring back at him. After a glance at Long's number, Winogradsky looked back into his eyes and smirked conspicuously. Antoine Long's mind began spinning like a 48 rpm record played at 75 rpm. Every camera in the stadium was surely fixated on Winogradsky's face. A revelation hit Long in his panic-stricken head. WINOGRADSKY KNEW EVERYTHING! Long realized that someone had told Winogradski about the incident; that Winogradksi had visited the Journal Populaire de Nouveau-Montréal's website and seen the picture of him planting his kisser in a bag full of last month's tuna salad. Winogradski had probably printed out that picture on a glossy, high-quality printer and tacked it onto his locker wall for a laugh. At that moment, Long knew himself to the be the laughingstock of the K&P locker room. The whole side would have probably seen Winogradski's posting, or heard about it from another. Long imagined Winogradski explaining the joke to each of his teammates in turn. He would be quoting from the most vitriolic and derogatory articles he could find in the NMS media to entertain his teammates as they came and went, vulturelike, talking of "Winogradski's priceless photograph" of himself, Antoine Long, bathing in the smell of last week's coffee grounds! He felt a sudden urge to simultaneously wet his pants and vomit. He was only belatedly aware of the tapoff and felt like he was running on jello as he finally got into motion.

************************

Two hours later, Long was stewing in the visitor's locker-room showers, seemingly on a one-man quest to use up all the hot water in the Therakam Velodrama. Long had felt out of sync with the match. On top of that, Winogradsky had parked himself in Long's head. Winogradsky made his way to a hat-trick, only the second the Paladins had ever conceded in their at-least-it's-more-illustrious-than-Milchama's history, continually pantsing Long whenever they were matched up in the back.

"Antoine, will you please do something about the f*****g media?" shouted backup keeper Chad Bulwark, one of Long's locker-room neighbors. "I've had this tower wrapped around me for the last 45 minutes because they're about 80 or them and I really don't feel like having my d**k on the back page of half the tabloids in the States." He took on a more conciliatory tone. "Look, dude, they've made it pretty clear they're not going anywhere until they've at least seen you. Ed and André got into a swearing contest to try and divert them and almost none of them bit." A beat. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news..."

"I get it." And Antoine did. Winogradsky really WOULD be keeping clippings of this match in his locker for a cheap laugh whenever he needed one. Winogradsky could see into his body and knew what he was doing three seconds before Long could guess it himself. Long would have to go face the music for that now, and just about every time he closed his eyes for the next little while.

Another two hours later, once he was alone in his hotel room, Antoine leapt onto his laptop and watched the full recording of the bureaucrats' postgame press conference. The press asked them the same barrage of questions about him and his dumpster antics, even before they began asking about his risible job keeping Winogradsky out of the net. Six of the eight bureaucrats gave responses that replaced Long with de la Ware at center back, talked up de la Ware, or threw him to the wolves on the dumpster affair.

He didn't even mind any of it that much. He just wished they had done all this a week ago and spared him the humiliation. The only thing that kept him from throwing the remote through the hotel T.V. out of frustration was the thought of the headlines that would entail. If qualifiers ended today Western Cuba would be in the playoffs and the States wouldn't be, and everyone and his brother would blame him for just about everything that went wrong during the rest of the tournament.

by **Vilita** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:08 am

JUNGLE CATS STRUGGLES CONTINUE

Vilita unable to overcome pesky Landereien Squad

The Vilita Jungle Cats continued their World Cup struggles as they travelled away at Landereien coming away with another point-dropping draw. It is the third draw of the campaign thus far for Vilita who still have a virtual loss upcoming on their bye day.

The match was actually brighter than many that the Jungle Cats have been involved in so far during the Qualifying Campaign. It was the first start of the campaign for Jungrii Canopii, as coaches Wrice and Massa looked to spread some of the playing time around, especially with large portions of the Vilita National Team roster still hung up in the Atlantian Oceania Champions League travelling back and forth, especially stressing for these away matches.

Coaches Wrice and Massa did make important changes for the match with Strike FC players Nycflala Kater, Aniara Jiurjai, Jian Lejsrma and Viji-Mara Lawaii all being relegated to the substitutes bench.

It was the first start of the campaign for Jungrii Canopii, indicating that Canopii is indeed still the #2 Keeper in the eyes of Vilita National Team coaches Wrice and Massa despite the poor performances of Canopii's Vilitan League clubs. Arcticala Inlet's Xcnaio Bansoa also was called into the starting lineup, making the starting lineup for the second time during the World Cup 58 campaign, well rested after Arcticala's early exit from the Atlantian Oceania Champions League.

Both teams had their fair share of chances in the first half but the scores ended 0-0. Many thought that Geoforey Limberger should have been sent off for a 38th minute tussle with Miiara Makose which saw both players receiving yellow cards. It was the last action for Makose, who also picked up a knock in the encounter, coming off the pitch and being replaced by Kadi Molali.

Vilita made one change at the half with Uajiala Pulkki being removed as the Jungle Cats pressed for goals, and Jian Lejsrma was brought onto the pitch.

The change did its job, as it seemed that the Landereien midfield became stretched after the change, allowing more room for Jomur Hulyer to run along the wing unmarked.

The winger made another classic Hulyer run in the opening moments of the first half, exploiting the confusion in the Landereien backfield due to the new Vilitan llok. Hulyer wheeled away after slotting home another goal, with a surprised look on his face that he is still able to make the move on the international level time and time again.

The lead didn't last long however, and Landereien struck back through A.V.P Heitellr, their own winger who was carded after his goal for removing his jersey to reveal and undershirt saying "SIGN ME! SIGN ME!" - an apparent message to international clubs that the player is unattached and available for international transfer.

Both sides continued to have chance but it would be the last goal scoring of the match which ended 1-1

Incredibly, despite the string of poor results, Vilita remained placed 3rd in the group standings. But the poor results are taking a huge toll on the Vilitan campaign, as they are already sitting 6 points out of World Cup Qualification, and have scored 14 fewer goals than their Sageain counterparts, a far worse situation than their 3rd place standing would indicate on the surface.

Even worse, Vilita have yet to have their bye week, meaning their 6 point deficit is really a 9 point deficit as all their competitors still have a game at hand, meaning that Vilita could be placed as low as 6th following completion of their bye week. The Jungle Cats will have to start pulling in the points, and the big matchup against Saugeais will be the crucial point in the campaign

The match in Landereien was also a potentially notable match for the Jungle Cats, as young Strike prospect Yves Gadois made his first appearance for the National Team as a sub for the final half of an hour.

Vilita Goalscorers::
52' Jomur Hulyer

Landereien Goalscorers::
63' A.V.P Heitellr

Vilita

Best Player: Jomur Hulyer
Worst Player: Rexii Tzikas
Shots on Target: 4
Corner Kicks: 6

Landereien

Best Player: Daneil Aboer
Worst Player: Geoforey Limberger
Shots on Target: 5
Corner Kicks: 9

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-(1-4)-2) ::
[GK] Jungrii Canopii, [D] Miiara Makose, [D] Ritopa Simafela, [D] Uajiala Pulkki, [DMC] Retiso Buran, [ML] Jomur Hulyer, [MC] Resaie Kentiak, [MC] Steffyn Siazzu, [MR] Rexii Tzikas, [FC] Kristofer Kilpter, [FC] Xcnaio Bansoa
BENCH::
[FC] Viji-mara Lawaai, [FC] Yves Gadois, [M] Aniara Jiurjai, [M] Riksa Valjariia, [U] Jian Lejsrma, [D] Kadi Molali, [GK] Nycflala Kater

Vilita Substitutions::
(38) - Miiara Makose >>> Kadi Molali
(45) - Uajiala Pulkki >>> Jian Lejsrma
(62) - Kristofer Kilpter >>> Yves Gadois

Match Ratings (For Future Statistical Reference)
GK :: Jungrii Canopii 7

D :: Miiara Makose 7
D :: Ritopa Simafela 7
D :: Uajiala Pulkki 7

DMC :: Retiso Buran 6

ML :: Jomur Hulyer 10
MC :: Resaie Kentiak 7
MC :: Steffyn Siazzu 8
MR :: Rexii Tzikas 4

FC :: Kristofer Kilpter 6
FC :: Xcnaio Bansoa 7

Vilitan Subs Bench:
FC :: Viji-mara Lawaai DNP
FC :: Yves Gadois 6
M :: Aniara Jiurjai DNP
M :: Riksa Valjariia DNP
U :: Jian Lejsrma 7
D :: Kadi Molali 6
GK :: Nycflala Kater DNP

by **Sargossa** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:38 am

It was Saturday night and Soluca's beautiful people were out in force. The city's nightlife was a thrill, particular for the group of girls out celebrating the end of their exams. Sure, they were no academics but a pass was a pass. It was their first unsupervised incursion into the big city and the sights and sounds were intoxicating. It was exciting, it was dangerous. None of their parents knew where they were. Each believed their little princess was staying at a friend's. The tangled web had been woven well.

Neon Plaza was certainly the beating heart of the Sargossan capital. Ringed with clubs, bars, cinemas, theatres and casinos, it was one of Rushmore's most visited hotspots. Thousands of revellers added their voices to the thud, thud, thud of something approximating music that spilt out into the balmy night air. Dozens of different languages and accents mingled together in a crescendo of noise. Through the crowds strolled the blue uniformed members of the Tourist Police. Sargossa didn't have the best reputation in the wider region but it still pulled in a massive amount of foreign visitors and the military regime had created an entire police force to ensure this vast revenue stream were afforded the best possible protection. Snug in the mouth of an alleyway an open topped jeep sat, three more uniformed men joked as they passed a hip flask between them. The olive green marked them as national police, the ironically monikered 'incorruptibles'.

It was through this buzz that our three young heroines edged, stopping outside one particularly plush facade. Vast, blue neon letters spelt out Barracuda, the burning centre of the city's hotspot. Black clothed security faced them. No ID, no surprise. But even in money-mad Sargossa pretty faces and winning smiles can be better than currency. They were in. And they were looked after. One would-be admirer got a little too friendly and found himself exiting the club via a back door. He spent the night in a local hospital. Not all were turned away so readily. One patron caught their attention just as they caught his. He sauntered over, entourage in tow. He was all smiles and sickly charm, the suit spoke of power, the Rolex said wealth. It was a potent mix. Particularly on the impressionable.

The night went on. In the big bar area laughter filled the air as the city's young professionals downed expensive liquor, clinked glasses and made merry. Boos and jeers came from one corner as the big screen showed, for want of a better term, 'highlights' of Sargossa's defeat to unfancied Landerien. They blamed the coach, they blamed the players, the officials, the pitch, the weather. No one praised the opposition. Why would they? The bottom feeders got lucky. Down below, in the basement, the music blared as bodies intertwined on the dance floor. They intertwined in darkened corners too, just not to music. The booze wasn't the only high on offer but, provided discretion was shown, the management turned a blind eye. A philosophy that was becoming endemic in Delgado's Sargossa.

But even the best of nights must end and eventually the revellers spilt out into the street. The three girls and their charmer among them. Down the street sped a sports car. Very expensive, very gold. It screeched to a stop outside the club. A lackey exited the driver's seat and threw the key to the charmer. He got in, beckoning the girls to join him. Two hung back, sure he had the good looks and that disarming way but there was something about the eyes. A coldness. The bolder of the three stepped forward, she was intrigued. She knew the charmer from somewhere but still couldn't place him. A footballer perhaps? Certainly money seemed no object. She turned to her friends and waved. She knew them well enough to know they wouldn't be coming. No sense of adventure, she was stunned they came out at all. She took the passenger seat, a gold door slamming behind her.

The arrival of the gaudy sports car hadn't gone unnoticed. Across the plaza the increasingly merry national police sobered up immediately at the sight of it. The flask was discarded, the key found the ignition and the jeep pulled out and away into the wider city, at some speed. The blue coats too spied it and quickly drifted back into the crowds. This was not the moment to be observant. Consequently they were all safely out of sight as the charmer and his girl sped into the night.

by **Turori** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:59 am

EELS SUFFER ANOTHER DEFEAT
Turori Look like a Fish out of Water in International Competition

It was another match, another coach, and another defeat for the Turori Eels as they traveled away to Virabia for their 5th game of the World Cup 58 Qualifying Campaign.

Taking control of the Turori National Team for the match against Virabia was Mikael Gibbons from the Sporting Kingdom of Darmen. Gibbons had an outstanding record as the manager of the Darmeni National Team and has also led Darmeni club side Eau Claire Aris during their UICA Competition Campaigns, though never coming up with any silverware.

Gibbons was a late bloomer to the sport having never even played until the age of 29. It was clear from that moment though that Gibbons was a motivated invidual who enjoyed nothing as much as winning.

Unfortunately, that drive to win could not overcome the abysmal performance of the Eels, particularly in one 10 minute stretch either side of the half where the Eels could not contain Virabia.

Gibbons was hoping to prove that the Darmeni Soccer Federation was wrong to fire him despite his succesful record in the position. Unfortunately, his performance for Turori did not achieve that goal, as the Manager could not keep the Eels focused through the entirty of the opening 45 minutes of the match. Virabia netted twice in the final 8 minutes of the half, getting the majority of their chances in this time period, going into the half leading the Eels by two goals to nil.

Gibbons had a chance to steer the Eels in a proper direction at the half, and made one substitution bringing Rutaj Ranaso in for Rikko Rawaii. Unfortunately, clearly, Gibbons' half time talk didn't do the job either, as Virabia scored just a minute into the second half to take a three goal lead.

The Eels finally got a goal back in the 78th minute as Loala Kigoouao netted, but it was far too little, far too late, as the Eels sit 8th in the group after 5 matches, while lowly Switzida sit fourth in the table just one point behind favorites Qazox.

Turori fans are wondering if this should have been the Eels, and if this would have been the Eels had the Football Association of Turori (FAT)actually named a single manager at the start of the campaign instead of changing managers each match.

The plan is already in process however, and The Football Association of Turori (FAT) has named the final applicant, Vladimir O'Shea of the Eastfield Lodge, who will attempt to lead the team against Homelands Our.

Turori Goalscorers::
78' Loala Kigoouao

Virabia Goalscorers::
37' MC ????
45' MR ????
46' FC ????

Turori

Best Player: Liinai Zakazaka
Worst Player: Yoains Konoaafeo
Shots on Target: 2
Corner Kicks: 4

Virabia

Best Player: DMC ???
Worst Player: FC ???
Shots on Target: 8
Corner Kicks: 13

Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Ronji Miiastara, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [UT] Restiaa Mumamba, [ML] Rikko Rawaii, [MC] Cediici Tzatzos, [MC] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba, [MR] Raso Tareak, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Loala Kigoouao
BENCH::
[FC] Anuh Ciniima, [FC] Jukkia Diijelhma, [M] Tiika Diirotora, [M] Rutaj Ranaso, [UT] Balariita Muzmaara, [D] Noa-isinao Wioauoi, [GK] Mumau Atla-Siioai

Turori Substitutions::
(45) - Rikko Rawaii >>> Rutaj Ranaso

Turori Eels WC58 Coaching Trial Schedule
MD1: Lambert Spiedel (CH) @.Switzida [L 1-2]
MD2 BYE
MD3: Brian Ying Uing (TAE) @.Chenkorya [L 0-3]
MD4: Gerard O'Shaughnessy (ANC) @.Qazox [L 1-2]
MD5: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) v.Kalumba [W 3-1]
MD6: Mikael Gibbons (DAR) @.Virabia [L 1-3]
MD7: Kirb Hurst (CvC) v.Sjovenia
MD8: Vladimir O'Shea (EFL) v.Homelands Our
MD9: Niko Mareak (PIS) @.Wolfmanne

MD10: Invitee #1 v. Switzida
MD11 BYE
MD12: Invitee #2 v. .Chenkorya
MD13: Invitee #3 v. .Qazox
MD14: Invitee #4 @ .Kalumba

MD15: Finalist #1 v. .Virabia
MD16: Finalist #2 @ .Sjovenia

MD17: TBD @.Homelands Our
MD18: TBD v.Wolfmanne

by **Erathore** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:47 am

((OOC: For the record DiSantos doesn't actually expose himself in the game. That was just something the announcer said.))

"Thanks Anthony. Mangolana vs Erathore. Look at their legs!

And the teams run out to form the traditional World Cup flying V formation."

Some time later
"Oh Del Nieran puts in a lovely ball! Nope keeper's got to it. What a nice save.

Ball's down at the other end, one of Mangolana's players takes a shoot and……OH! So close. Good shooting but…gooder saving."

Some time later
"Ringëril has the ball on the right side of the 18……GOAL!!!!! 1-nil to Erathore"

"Right, Erathore mopping up like a teenager after a heavy internet session!"

"Mangolana looking to reply like polite people in correspondence. Look like they can do it! OH that's a yellow card for DiSantos the size of his torso! Bad challenge lad."

Some time later
"Good clearance for Del Naran. Oh shame a Mangolanian has it. OH MY!! Taken out by DiSantos. Exposes his penis…second yellow and he runs off the pitch faster then a one legged man running the hurdles."

After Halftime
"Right the two teams run on like beauty queens at a pageant."

Some time later
"Mangolana looking threatening but no! One of their players is taken down by Nero Romo and they have a freekick on the 18. It'll probably be charged down and it is! It's charged down!"

Some time later
"Erathore with another chance and Del Nieran takes it! GOAL! Brilliant curler! Mangolana's goalkeeper dives far too far to his left and Del Nieran's shot goes into the upper right V. 2-nil Erathore."

Some time later
"Villa has a chance! Oh he's gone and missed it. He snuck in like a…an unwanted vacuum salesman!"

Final Whistle
"Welp that was a good one! Who would've seen it coming? Erathore slips into second like a drunk trying to slip into his house, only for it to actually be some strangers and he's slapped with some home invasion charges and public indecency because he was butt naked."

by **Bears Armed** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:09 am

“Hwhew!”

“Heyyah, Marrai, hwhy do you sound so relieved now that the match has finished? We had such a clear dominance over these Ketharnians hrright from its verry start that I never hrreally seriously doubted we’d win…”

“Hwell, Hirrdhra, it’s just that I’ve never liked playing against teams that keep their rosters secret, you just never know hwhat you’re going to meet on the field… although admittedly their record so far during this tournament meant that this time around I hwasn’t too concerned.”

“Ayyuh, I can understand that.”

___________________________________________________________________

(Meanwhile, back home in Bears Armed, at a ‘StarsDay School’, a group of young Bears are being taught about the basics of the religion called Ursionity by a teacher who – although she’s an Ursine -- might remind some RL observers of Joyce Grenfell.…)

“Good morning, children.”

“Good morning, miss.”

“And how are we all feeling this fine morning.”

“Please, miss, I feel a bit sick.”

“Oh dear, Dorra, that is a pity. Do you know hwhy you feel a bit sick?”

“Ayyuh, miss, it’s probably because I ate two whole rabbits for breakfast this morning…”

“Oh yes, that would probably do it.
“Not raw rabbits, I hope?”

“No, miss, they were fried all proper, with chopped onions and a few strips of dacon.”

”Hr’rmm. Hwell, anyhows, you just sit quietly and maybeso you’ll feel better in a while.
“Jharge, dear, don’t do that.
“Hrright. Now, children, today we’re going to hear how well you know and understand the Eight Instructions. Harranna, dear, hwhat is the First Instruction?”

“Bear shall honour the Great Bear.”

“Correct! And hwhat does that Instruction actually mean, dear?”

“It means that we should worship Him properly, miss, and not worship any other gods more than we do him, and not swear things by His name if we don’t mean them…”

“That’s verry good, dear. Anything else?”

“Ur’rmm.
“Oh, yes, miss: It means that we shouldn’t try to draw pictures of Him, nor make models of Him neither!”

“Excellent! That’s worth a gold star for your record.
“And now, hwhat --- Syrree, it’s your turn to answer this time, dear – does the Second Instruction tell us to do?”

“Bear shall honour Mother Nature.”
“And hwhat that means, apart from that we should recognise Her as a goddess and worship Her as second only to the Great Bear, is that we should respect Her workings here on Earth and not harm animals or plants or anything…. Hwell, not unless there’s a hrreally good reason for us doing so…. Hrright? Am I hrright, miss?”

”Ayyuh, dear, you are, and that will be a gold star for you as well.
“And now, Berron, hwhat can you tell us about the Third Instruction?

“It’s ‘Bear shall reject Chaos’ miss! And that means… Ur’rmm, that we shouldn’t be naughty, leastways not verry naughty?”

“Hwell, I suppose that that’s one way of putting it, but hwhat that Instruction is actually mainly about, dears, is that Bears shouldn’t have anything to do with raising-up or helping Demons, nor the Undead neither, nor work any other wicked sorts of magic…”

“Do you mean like the lords of the Purple Empire did in some of the old stories, miss?”

“Ayyuh, Berron, that I do and that’s a verry good example for true… Although, in fact ,the peoples here in BearHome didn’t actually know about Ursionity back in those days. Here’s a gold star for you, too! My, children isn’t this a hrreally “starry” morning that we’re having today?”
“Jharge, I’ve already told you once, don’t do that. It might not actually be ‘Chaos’, dear, but it isn’t verry nice.
“No, I don’t care hwhether or not you think that it’s nice, don’t do it here.”

(She pauses and takes a deep breath…)

“Marth’hron, can you tell us hwhat the Fourth Instruction says and means?”

“Me, miss? No, miss.”

“Oh dear. Oh hwell, then, no star for you today. Hr’rmm. Jharms, dear, that makes it your turn to answer.”

“It tells us that ‘Bear shall be true to Kindred’, miss.”

“And, dear?”

“And that means listen to your parents, and don’t tease your little brothers or sisters, and help any of them if they ask, hrright? Even if they’re being hrreal pains about it?”

“That’s certainly an important part of its message, dear, and you being able to tell us that much is worth a silver star, but it actually means quite a bit more than that too… And that fact leads us verry nicely into the story from the life and teachings of Artos Ursios that I’m going to tell you today. It’s called the ‘Parable of the Generous Brock’, and…
“Oh dear, Dorra, has your sickness got worse? It has…?
“Now then, children, I want the rest of you to all sit here quietly while I help Dorra in the bathroom. You can colour-in the next pictures in your books, while we’re there, if you want.”

by **Camwood** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:22 am

Opinion

GTFO by: Peyton Morris

Why the hell do we even try to excel in football, it's not like we are ever going to be good. For a long time we competed in other competitions besides the World Cup and did just fine, but apparently football isn't or game so Camwood should gtfo of the World Cup.

We lost to Lizland in a two-one game. I don't even want to check Lizland's rank; we shouldn't have lost to them. It's also beome obvious that Torress is frustrated being a A-Game Player for a B-Game country. We should just sell everyone and fixate on ice hockey, we suck at fotball.

People need to understand that I AM RIGHT! We'll be better sporting nation if we ditch what we suck at and focus on what we can actual excel in. I don't care if people won't accept that, I AM RIGHT, and anyone who disagrees can go to hell.

A Message to World Cup Officials: Fix Yourselves by: Arnold Mcguire

After watching that game against Lizland it's come to my attention that Referee's are losing their title of being "Adquete". Sure they're human, (Well, most of them are) but They need to sort out what is a crap call from what is a vital call.

It was the fifty second minute of the match versus Lizland. Jeff Cecil came down the field dribbling the ball. A Lizland defender slided feet first towards him, but Cecil passed the ball off before the defender got to Cecil. The defender took out Cecil's ankle and put Cecil on the bench for about twenty minutes. You know what the worst part was? No damn penalty.

The score was tied at one goal a piece after eighty two minutes of the game. Lizland was five minutes into a very unproductive attack/possesion. As a Lizland attacker tried to juke his way through a wall of Camian defenders, the attacker slipped on the turf. The whistle blew for a penalty kick, at the dot. It was a totaally unnecassary call that reuslted in a total loss. The Refs need to raise there game; their recent officiating of Camwood's and many other nations' matches is unacceptably poor.

by **Dorian and Sonya** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:24 am

“Sometimes you just can’t win for losing.”

Alura Sabre had heard the phrase for as long as she could remember. As the eldest daughter of Queen Sonya and Lord Dorian of the Sylvanaes Queendom she had always felt as if it held special meaning for her. “Protected” from the world at large, Alura had always lost out when it came to things she wanted to do. Rock climbing and spelunking had been far out of the question. Riding a Roc had even been banished from conversation. And just the thought of whitewater rafting made her mother turn pale. It was not until she had been allowed to join the Mystical Unicorns that she had finally convinced her parents that she would be fine doing something not related to being Princess. And even now she had a contingent of the Queen’s Blades that accompanied her everywhere she went.

But the conversation with her mother this morning had brought the worst news of all. For some unknown reason the Queen had decided that now was the time for her daughter to marry. Now when the Mystical Unicorns had finally turned the page on their past Championship. Now when the squad had a new focus on regaining its once elite status. Now when their qualifying group was a dogfight with Pasarga, Pretty Awesome Persons, and others. Now when her football career was just beginning to take off.

Marriage. She had not given the idea a single serious thought in her entire life. It was a prospect she was not prepared to deal with.

How was she supposed to choose a husband anyway. The Queen would be looking for a prominent match for her. One that strengthened the throne politically. Perhaps a noble or politician. And almost certainly an Elf. That wouldn’t work. A husband of that sort would never be okay with her travels with the Unicorns. He would never allow her to continue her football career.

No. She would not even consider marriage yet. Now she just had to convince her mother to agree.

by **Pays de Horreur** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:52 am

The difference between zombies and zombies

This article is a reference to the historical contribution of zombies in Pays de Horreur and the impact they have had on Horreurican culture. Zombies in Pays de Horreur haven’t always been considered a menace, their position in Horreurican society was once considered a necessity.

Following the abolition of the slave trade many Horreurican land owners were left without a workforce and despite the obvious progress in civil rights there was they were left aggrieved that they would have to pay for a workforce, even if they could offer the most minimal of wages and still reap the benefits of cheap labour. To combat this, an entrepreneur in the southern provinces of the country sought the help of one of Pays de Horreur’s practising Witch Doctors.

When slaves were brought across to Pays de Horreur from Africa, some of those that formed the work force held mystical powers, these were witch doctors. The witch doctors were capable of utilizing magic to cure illness, protect from evil spirits and in some rare cases, raise the dead. It was the belief of this entrepreneur, a Mr. Roan Aukema that a work force could be raised from the dead that would till the land and work the fields for absolutely nothing. Seeking the services of the Witch Doctor Nthanda Reinder, the pair set about exhuming the dead from their final resting places to work for the land owner.

The practice caught on and within a year, the abolition of the slave trade was more or less a thing of the past as an undead work force had been raised from the ground.

T.B.C
-----

This is an urgent appeal!

Little Christophe is an orphan, he lost his mother and father to the illness currently ravaging Pays de Horreur. For only 10 dollars a week, Christophe can power his generator to ensure his hideout remains warm and there is enough power to guarantee his fortifications remain in place and electrified.

You can help Christophe by donating $10 and other children like him, who, without your help, will end up zombie food.

-----

The radio crackled and the news of Pays de Horreur’s most recent game was broadcast over the pirate station. With the collapse of most of Pays de Horreur’s institutions pirate radio was now the source of most news and light entertainment, even in the face of the zombie apocalypse individuals still found the time to write situational comedies to be broadcast over the radio.

“A mediocre 1-1 draw with Uberholichschleissen has seen the Horror draw 4 of their last five games and claim just four points in the early stages of this qualifying campaign despite being the second seeds. Their early 1-1 draw with group favorites Akbarabad has been the highlight of an otherwise dismal campaign.”

The radio crackled again and whirred.

“Up next, the weather with Jeffrey.”

Jeffrey cleared his throat and in the background shuffled some papers.

“It looks like it might rain.”

“And that was the weather with Jeffrey.”

by **Aguazul** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:16 am

La Verdad

National football team's expulsion from Paradise imminent

According to sources in Ancharmunn, the Aguazul national football team is going to get kicked out of Paradise "any minute now." "They've been nice to have around," said kitwoman Margareth O'Cluan, "but North Chicanan are due in on the next matchday so if they could just, you know, get a move on and let people come in to clean the locker room. That'd be nice."

Aguazul had won the match against Ancharmunn by a pair of goals. Seventeen minutes in, Sosimo Lissón was able to sneak past Jakob Guðsteinsson and score. Sorthern Rover (no, literally) Grace Tyler anchored the home defense for the rest of the half, but in the second half, Noé Morayta would score a long header. It was another quiet shutout for Osoro Coceres, as the platoon experiment in goal continues to produce excellent results. In fairness, neither Coceres nor Jimeno Arellano have been particularly tested.

Still, the stay in the nominal sanctuary for all could not last. "Seriously," groused O'Cluan, "we had a good thing going here, all dwelling together in peace and harmony and whatever. Charrmunnry and Aelsh, gratuitously overnamed Northlandish and gratuitously plagiarized...it was all very good. And then you people came in and beat us. Please just get out now."

The Aguazul team, however, was still busy enjoying the amenities of the stadium, capacity 8,000. "Well first she knocked on the locker room door right after the game," explained Fernán Mejia. And I said, "Go away, the team's still changing, you can't, you know, come in when they're like that." But then afterwards we were just, you know, hanging out in the shade of the elm trees and seeing if anyone wanted autographs and she kept annoying us. So I guess we probably do have to pack it in, yeah. Shame."

"What is it going to take to get these people out, seriously?" O'Cluan mused. "I mean with reasonable people it would be enough just to, I don't know, set the front gates on fire and be like "don't come back." But I'm not sure that's going to dissuade these nuts."

Mejia finally resorted to bribery. "Okay, come on guys, let's go. First one out of the stadium gets a free kumquat."

by **Kernansquillec** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:50 am

A DETALED LOOK AT THE ACADEMIES

The eight academy teams have started building up their squads for the inaugural season of the St Marcus Division. The full line ups won't be given for a little while, but we do have an exclusive insight to their facilities, strong points, and weaknesses. Before we have a little look at the teams we do have some more information about how the rules: each team will have to have at least 4 players under the age of 16 in their team, and they must have a maximum of 6 players of 20 years of age or over. All players between the ages of 14 to 21 will be allowed to play in the league. Exceptions may be made for species with different life expectancies than humans. And both sexes will have equal rights to play even if clubs have no obligation to field a certain number of men or women players. So now for the teams...

Nice area for those in need of a boost

The Belle-Isle-En-Terre Youth Academy

Manager: Dean Harold
Main Sponsor: Information not available
Stadium: Stade du Prat Eles (25,000)
Training Facilities: ***
Stadium Facilities: **
Finances: *
Area: *****

The Belle-Islois have their team based on the edge of the country-side in the far East of Kernansquillec. This gives them a nice base with plenty of fresh country air, however their stadium isn't the best and they lack significant funds to realy attract the best youth talents. But they do have a strong training regime giving young players real strengh, and the capture of Dean Harold as manager, the former manager of Kernansquillec's senior team, has given a boost to the club that will be looking to slowly build a strongish team so as to avoid finishing last. It could be a good place for players who aren't expected to do much to make a breakthough.

Solid club for the "older" players

The Guingamp Youth Academy

Manager: Nicolas Metivier
Main Sponsor: Information not available
Stadium: Stade du Roudourou (75,000)
Training Facilities: ***
Stadium Facilities: ***
Finances: ***
Area: ****

The Big Island club is specified in getting a few extra drops of talents from players reaching the end of their youth academy years and getting them ready for the hard conditions in professional leagues. The club has okish finances, facilities, and stadium, and the location on the island off the coast of Kernansquillec gives players some very nice scenery to enjoy and plenty of salty sea air. They will be looking to try and grap a place in the international competitions but they may well need a boast in finances to get their.

An unstable club which could be sold on

The Louargat Youth Academy

Manager: Position vacant
Main Sponsor: K Kits
Stadium: Stade Louis Torquéau (105,000)
Training Facilities: *****
Stadium Facilities: ****
Finances: ***
Area: ****

The Louargat side have a world class training facility and should provide a great youth academy. But the club has run into hard times recently with the coach refusing to renew his contract after the board refused to give him significant funds to bring in new players. A major deal with K Kits has provided some additional funding but none of it seems to be reaching the team and they remain mangerless. Rumour has it that the currant owners are looking to sell the club off to foreign investors before the season starts. If they don't it is highly expected that they will also look overseas for a new manager who won't be as demanding and who can get sucess without spending much.

Great for midfielders, good for everyone else

The New Southampton Youth Academy

Manager: Elliot Sharpe
Main Sponsor: GGs
Stadium: The Dell (125,000)
Training Facilities: ****
Stadium Facilities: *****
Finances: ****
Area: ****

The Football Island club are one of the stronger sides in the league with great facilities and finances. The sea air does give them a nice healthy side, even if their training ground is in the middle of the city. They will expect their manager to get them into the Globe Cup at least, or he could soon be out of a job. The club gives a strong focus nurturing on midfield players.

The other four teams coming soon...

Official stuff: The Contracts
Different kinds of contracts are on offer to players and clubs wishing to join the youth academy, or send their players to Kernansquillec.

Normal contract: Players sign freely for a certain period and for a fee.
National contract: Same proposal except for players who's nations don't have a proper league system. Aimed at talented players from low ranked nations.
Long term loan: Clubs send their young players off for between 1 and 6 seasons. After the period they return to their club who will pay the youth academies a fee.
Partial contract: Clubs sell their player to a youth academy. Once the youth academy decides to part with the players his or her original club can get the player for a cut price deal and/or priority over other clubs intrested in buying the player.

MATCH REVIEW

Kernansquillec go into their one day break after a comfortable 4-1 win away against New Holy Roman Empire. Rory Roseby got the first early on with a long range strike. Soon afterwas Kai Holmes was on the end of Lilac cross to score a trademark header. Just as the Green and Whites prepared to go in to the break 2-0 up the New Holy Roman Empirerers got one back from a free-kick that was just beyond the reach of Larivière who had had little to do all game.

A routine second half could have seen a real blood bath put somehow the Romans only conceaded an other two after the wood work was hit a total of 6 times by the Green Stalions in the second period. In the end the two goals came from Adam Lilac and substitute Xarles Cressac eighter side of the hour mark. A confidant performance but the real test comes right after the break with the crunch game with world number 3 Polar Islandstates. Can the Green and Whites beat the favorites on their home turf?

W 2-0 at. Bruyn (240th)
D 2-2 vs. The Weegies (128th)
W 2-1 at. Thatius (104th)
W 2-0 vs. Vettrera (250th)
W 1-0 vs. Landpolis (329th)
W 4-1 at. New Holy Roman Empire (368th)
MD7: Day Off
MD8: at. Polar Islandstates (3rd)
MD9: at. Sarrbia (54th)
------
MD10: vs. Bruyn (240th)
MD11: at. The Weegies (128th)
MD12: vs. Thatius (104th)
MD13: at. Vettrera (250th)
MD14: at. Landpolis (329th)
MD15: vs. New Holy Roman Empire (368th)
MD16: Day Off
MD17: vs. Polar Islandstates (3rd)
MD18: vs. Sarrbia (54th)
-------------# Team                       P  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD PTS
             1 Kernansquillec             6  5  1  0  13   4  +9  16
             2 Polar Islandstates         5  3  2  0  13   4  +9  11

by **Carmadin** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:59 am

"You know, last Campaign we were better then this....."

"Er, Kihx? Jerusalem's on of the top teams in the world"

"Still. That last frickin goal we let in was awful"

"This it was. We could have had a draw"

"And it's all my damn fault"

"no, not really"

"Yes. Yes really. You saw that shot. You saw that curve"

"You talkin bout the ball's curve or the player's curve?"

"Shut up, Dowv."

"Well, yes, i did see it"

"another inch of a dive, and we would have drawn"

"Kihx, you're too damn hard on yourself. We win and lose as a team"

"Well, you always say i'm the team"

"Kihx, you sound like you don't want us to help you"

"Maybe he dosent. Maybe he wants to wallow in his misery a bit"

"Shut UP, Dowv!"

"Okay, geez, sor-RY!"

"Stop it, both of you. I feel awful about letting that goal in. But, hey, what's done is done, and it's time to focus on our playing now. Our next game"

"Who are we playing, anyway?"

"Who gives a shit?"

"I do. Our fans do."

"Well, I don't know who we play next. But, I do know we're gonna beat them. Handily."

"How do you know this?"

"Cuz we're all gonna be at the tippy-top of our game"

"Who said?"

"I said. Cuz, if we're at the tippy-top of our game, we'll be at the tippy-top of the group in no time"

"This is true"

"So, c'mon! Let's be the team that took third in the Copa Rushmori, not this dragging crap we've been!"

"Awwww, can't we be the team that listens to another story from Oht?"

"Welll............."

"I take that as a yes! Oi! Oht!"

*sigh*

The Creation of Man- Part Two

"But, surely not! Surely Kattallae's evil cannot touch the world, for this is our realm. His is the mountain, the horrible volcano, the roaring peak"
And Avaru Bhāvisuttāre nodded. "This indeed it is. But, while Kattallae is banished, he can come out. Out to the Khaoas. And should the animals be left, without any part of the gods with them, surely they will be bent to his cruel will."

Bhūmiya noticed that Avaru Bhāvisuttāre spoke truth, and he marveled at the god's ability to see what may go on, and to realize this danger. Avaru Bhāvisuttāre truly was the god to lead the world, thought Bhūmiya. Though he could not see what the great god had in mind. He voiced his concern to Avaru Bhāvisuttāre:
"But what shall we do? Surely we ourselves cannot go down to the earth, for them we would be like the animals, and the gods should rule, not wander on all fours like a goat"
"No, this we cannot do. But we can create something like a god. Bhūmiya, do this for me? Follow these instructions, and be back before the sun's final light has touched the top of the mount. No later."

And he gave to Bhūmiya a large slab of rock, and on this rock was carved the words:

And when Bhūmiya saw this, he did as the words said, and he found himself to be on the east side of the isle on which he had made the animals. And he saw that here, the beach's sand was rich, and full of clay, and it was a full, rich bronze color. And he scooped up a handful of this clay, and he brought it to Avaru Bhāvisuttāre.

And, still today, the great slab of rock on which the secrets to mankind were carved sit on the eastern Shihn'Dohm beach. But the carvings have changed, and are in a coded language, and make nonsense. it is said that one day, when man is at it's darkest hour, a Shihn'Dohm, called Āyke Ondu, will be able to read the carvings, and save man. But that is a myth for another day.

"No, no, Oht, keep going! I wanna hear what happens next!"

"Look, I gotta get to bed. I'm too tired even to work on my book. I'll tell you tommorow, that's a promise"

"Okay

"

by **Hutt River** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:05 pm

Hoffmann entered the hotel. He walked up four flights of stairs and stood outside his room. There were rooms to his left and right, both empty. One of them was Ernst's room, he couldn't remember which. He tried the right one. Locked. The left one. Locked. No matter. He just went straight into his room, dropped his bag, opened the window and swung around the lamppost situated outside the window. He opened the window from the outside and clambered in.

The room was large, but bare, with only a bed, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers. There was an on-suite bathroom next door, containing a toilet and a washbasin. There was a key on top of the chest of drawers, which had the room number on it (102). Hoffmann searched the chest of drawers on the right side of the bed to see if anything of interest was still there. He had no luck with the bottom two drawers, but in the top drawer he found a piece of scrunched up paper. He unfolded it.

The paper contained blueprints. Something that looked like a balloon with satellite dishes took up one half of the page, while an unknown ball shaped thing took up the other half. There were words scribbled at the bottom of the page, in small, scrawny handwriting: injections, nanoshell, invisible sword.

Hoffmann wondered what they meant, and what a nanoshell is. He pocketed the paper and clambered back into his room.

by **Kagdazka and Pazhujebu** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:19 pm

OOC: To hell with this framing device. I wanted to develop something that would motivate me to update the player pages for my NSwiki, and it's been going well so far, but it's getting so frickin' hard to tie each player in to the storyline that it's not worth it anymore. I'll still provide OOC links to the NSwiki pages I write every day, if people want to read them, but I'm guessing it would be just for my benefit.

When one stands on the freshly-watered green pitch at the Therakham Velodrama, one truly begins to feel as though he is at the bottom of some Central Asian tinpot dictator's cauldron, though in truth it is merely a football stadium. Perhaps, then, it is the history of the place, and not the outward appearance, that makes it feel so frightening.

Remember that when Pazhujebis first landed on these islands many centuries ago in 269 AD, they were North Indian expellees of the Roman Empire. They recalled fondly their afternoons back in Lusitania, or perhaps Thracia, or even faraway Britannia, spent watching an angry tiger, or hungry crocodile, or sleep-deprived rhinoceros tear apart some helpless peon in a colosseum. So in this, their new home in the far-flung islands of Pazhujebu, they recreated the towering structures of back home as best they could.

Today, only a few such edifices remain. Some are hidden in the vast jungles, long abandoned, whereas others still are in the care of scientists, historians, and other such four-eyes-type individuals. But a pair of these colosseums remain in use for their original intended purpose. One, located in Urajbina, is now known as the Oberlander'ajat Stidiyama. But while the Oberlander'ajat is a beloved venue, its comparative lack of renovation makes it feel more like a charming historical site which hosts football matches as an auxiliary purpose.

The Velodrama, on the other hand...

Once used for chariot racing, its stands turn around the edges of the pitch perfectly in a violent oval. They are so steep that if one loses his step on his way up or down, he risks a catastrophic fall that would send shivers down the spine of your average nursing home resident. And since the stadium's technological overhaul and renovation, now some seven or eight years ago... well... it is a marvel to behold, we must say.

Woe betide the player who, too faint of heart, trembles in his silly-looking purple and pink boots in the dressing room as he hears the hoard baying nastily up above. For not only did he pay four times what he should have for those stupid effete shoes (what is it, Breast Cancer Awareness Month? take those dumb things off), but he shall feel as though ten thousand screeching vultures are descending upon his sorry buttocks as he leaves that tunnel. The fans here, who upon many a weekend afternoon have screamed the ability of speech from their vocal chords in support of their club Therakham, are capable of making a hostile player's life a veritable hell.

So when Antoine Long was out on the town in New Montreal some nights ago, engaging in somewhat-uncouth courting behaviors with mysterious hypothetical red-head chicks, he ought to have reminded himself that allowing himself to be photographed in a dumpster was, in addition to being the nadir of what might have been an otherwise enjoyable evening, a less than inspired decision with regard to these fans.

Just before the referee blew his shiny black whistle to signify the start of the match, a great banner was unfurled by the cruel Urchins supporters, displaying the image of our dear Paladins' center back asleep in that trash bin, his face adjacent to a decaying raccoon corpse. Captioning the picture were the words:

ANTOINE LONG, SHAME OF NEW MONTREAL STATES.

Amongst this crowd of heartless fanatics were three general ruffians, one of whom our readers may be duly familiar with.

"Hey Mikhail, aren't you glad you quit your job at Quadrant Five Pizza to come here with us?"

"Absolutely. Besides, ever since Emiliaja left me I've wanted to get the hell out of Fatezh... reminds me too much of her. Though my author (if there was one, old friend, ha-ha-ha) would do well to remember that Mahathu is Emmy's hometown, so why the hell would I come here to get away from her? It doesn't make sense!"

"I don't know, man, you're getting a little too postmodern for me. Maybe you just came here because you drink too much?"

"Ah, that's right! I drink too much!"

"Plus maybe you just want to see the Urchins beat the hell out of New Montreal States."

"Totally! That too!"

"Awesome. Well, now that we've sorted all that confusing and boring expository crap out, how awesome was that banner we just held up?"

"On a scale of one to ten? Six!"

"Wait, what?"

"Scale of one to te- oh... I'm dumb. Eleven!"

"You sir, have already drank too much, and it's only the first minute."

"Probably."

"But anyway, yeah, eleven! Fuck you, New Montreal States!"

And so at this point Mikhail, his friends, and various other hooligans assembled in the same began chanting various insulting things at the kind Paladins, who aside from being satanic vermin that were standing in the way of our beloved Urchins in their noble quest for World Cup 58 qualification, were probably perfectly nice people undeserving of such abusive treatment. For an example of said abuse, see Exhibit A, a 2nd-minute chant issued by the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu supporters that went as follows, to the tune of 'The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round.'

Emperor Boston was right about you, right about you, right about you.
Emperor Boston was right about you,
Eat a salty d^$k.

This torrent of inappropriate language, the likes of which would normally be relegated to the mens' room of a 1980s-era Las Vegas casino, was happily interrupted by Pwim Charbonneau, who scored a goal just seconds into the match. While this might have been a happy moment for the side, Eduard Winogradsky was up to no good as he was surreptitiously 'flicking the V' at Antoine Long, who for God's sake had been through enough already.

The fans quickly recovered from their shame-induced hibernation, and within minutes had developed this lyrical gem, sung to the tune of an unknown polka:

What kind of name is Pwim?
Sounds like the name of a gambling site.
What kind of name is Pwim?
Maybe your parents were just really high,
When they gave you your name.
Or maybe, oh maybe your [sic] just GAY GAY GAY

All ye assembled story-hearers will be happy to hear, however, that this flood of homophobia would soon be interrupted by a sixth-minute goal (scored by Peregrina Thašighi, who is, ironically enough, a lesbian). Overwhelmed with joy, the hysterical mob at the Velodrama began to flail about, pouring countless ounces of perfectly good (or, as the case might be, not-so-good) beer on each others' heads, which, rather pathetically, they all thought was quite amusing. We return to Mikhail and his friends, who shamelessly participated in this watered-down version of a Golden Shower.

"YEAHHAHAHAHEEEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAAAHAHHAHHGAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Not much going on there. Let us all, at this point, forgive these assembled maniacs, for most of them were (and are still) Therakham supporters, and we must not forget that the goalscorer Thašighi is a former Terrors player and is still much beloved at the club.

And so, with the scores now level, these borderline-mentally-unstable individuals, who serve as both our protagonists and antagonists here, finally all settled down enough to begin this enthusiastic hymn:

We love you Peregrina, we do!
We love you Peregrina, we do!
We love you Peregrina, we do...
Oh, Peregrina, we love you!

Hmm. There are two too many syllables in that word. Ah well, we must not be too judgmental, dear reader, for all these persons are, recall if you will, drunk off their asses. And possibly blazed off their asses as well. At any rate, the actual football being played was, we are sorry to say, going in favor of the Paladins for most of the first half. This being the unfortunate case, the fans over there in the north-northeast curve simply returned to harassing Antoine Long for his dumpster escapades. They didn't even bother to stop singing when NMS pulled back ahead, for they had just recently invented a not-terribly-original-but-still-marginally-entertaining ditty, entitled 'Your Trash Is My Drug,' a re-envisioning of the popular Top 40 hit by Kesha (no dollar-sign means no lawsuit).

It really wasn't even good, but it was enough for the fans to get a good laugh at Long's expense, which was not good for the poor lad because his self-esteem was already in... well... the dumpster. Metaphorical in this case, of course.

But anyway, half time arrived, and the scenes at the Therakham Velodrama were very much like those in the immediate post-Roman times... that is to say that everyone went to defecate into glorified crude oil drums under highly unsanitary conditions. Again, for these people to get on Antoine Long's case about sleeping in a dumpster... well, 'hypocrisy' wasn't strong enough a word. We now rejoin Mikhail and the Neighborhood, fresh off of not washing their hands as they left the toilet house:

"Why the hell are we a goal behind, Mikhail?"

"Because we've been horrible. I've seen my uncle's white labrador make better tackles on the annoying kid who lives down the street! How the hell are we going to sort this out?"

"Maybe we can make some substitutions."

"Our manager is that moron Palšikar, though, remember! Erassi won't be back until our next game! So we're stuck with Señor Relegación until then! And you can bet he'll make some bone-headed decisions!"

Fortunately, our rather soused amigo Mikhail was incorrect, for From the Darkness Came a Great Light, and His Name Shall Be Calleth... Hridayaja Durai? Really? Didn't he just come off a crap-tastic performance last week against Lizland?

Why yes, imaginary voice in my head, he did. Luckily, he apparently had his act together on this fine evening, since he assisted for Chalia Sajid's equalizer, drew a penalty (which Lyonya Filipov heart-breakingly missed), and scored the winner himself fifteen minutes from time.

Oh, how the usually anti-Durai Terrors fans reversed their opinions at the sight! Nominally, Durai is a hated enemy of all things Therakham, since he used to play for Kuratmad Angels, and those unfamiliar with football in Kagdazka and Pazhujebu are best informed that Therakham and Angels hate each other. Miraculously, and in a rather heartwarming fashion, the black-and-blue faithful in attendance put aside their partisan differences and began singing the song their rival Angels supporters had sung all during Durai's last match for the Red and Blue:

Durai, we want you to stay, we want you to stay!
Oh, f%&k Zhevassi, we want you to stay!

And let this be to you a weirdly-unrelated-to-the-previous-subject-matter lesson, dear reader: Everyone Hates Zhevassi.

But, if you wanted incoherent advice on something, you'd go visit your 90-year-old great-grandfather and ask him about race. The real moral of our story is not so much a moral as it is a sad story of decline; for if Antoine Long thought waking up in a dumpster was bad, he needed only wait until the end of ninety minutes, when the home fans could be heard mocking him:

Antoine Long, score a goal, score a goal, score a gooo-ooo-oal.
Antoine Long, score a goal, score a goal, score a gooo-ooo-oal.

Understandably, a distraught Long was later heard speaking to the media who, in large part due to the Pazhujebi fans' behavior, were now utterly convinced that Long was a habitual occupant of trash bins, dumpsters, and other unsanitary housing implements. He was in fact so upset that he mistakenly identified his one-time tormentor Eduard Winogradsky as the man responsible for scoring the three goals that sunk his Paladins, though quite clearly his attributions were fallacious.

3 - 2

Venue: Therakham Velodrama, Mahathu, Pazhujebu
Attendance: 52,000
Referee: Geoff Ridge (Sarzonia)
Man/Woman of the Match: Hridayaja Durai (Kagdazka and Pazhujebu)

Managers

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Oghu'ghabuzheh Palšikar
New Montreal States: 8 Faceless Ministry of Morale Bureaucrats

Squads

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Voropaev; Bhara (Makureru 75'), Qathif'ajuju, Mizirov (Durai 56'); Razava, Ogorodov, Winogradsky, Thašighi; Oujadda, Filipov (Šeruthuvu 75'), Sajid
New Montreal States: É. Thibault; Long, Taylor (Jones-Mercier 83'); Brisebois, L. Thibault (de la Ware 45'), Ponder, Charbonneau, Vaillancourt-Bosquet, Archer (St-Zotique 62'); Ed, Roy

Goals

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu: Thašighi 6', Sajid 58', Durai 78'
New Montreal States: Charbonneau 2', Brisebois 26'

Next Match

Opponent: The Babbage Islands
Venue: Whitecliff Stadium, Dover, The Babbage Islands
K&P's Projected Starting XI: Voropaev; Bhara, Qathif'ajuju, Mizirov; Razava, Ogorodov, Winogradsky, Thašighi; Oujadda, Filipov, Sajid
Referee: Kalvin Keppelheimer (Cosumar)

by **Baleyaroh** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:23 pm

Another close encounter that could have gone either way. And again Baleyaroh came without a reward for their hard work. Although the team has shown a strong defensive disposition, the attack is still far from good. It seems that when Baleyaroh is in possession of the ball the team doesn't know what to do with it and are only counterattack situations that end in goods chances. If the "protesters" continue to be fruitless in the attack they will be fighting to avoid the last position very soon.

Matchday 6

Group 1
Bostopia 7-1 Mapletish
Cheergirls 1-0 Sativaville
West Angola 1-0 Baleyaroh
Erathore 2-0 Mangolana

Tactical Update:

Starting 11
GK - 1- Risa Brittsan (31)
RD - 2- Florencia Nygaro (21)
LD - 5- Palmer Pav (19)
DF - 3- Digna Anoe (20) - Captain
DF - 4- Lurline Gals (30)
DM - 6- Alonso Heitmuller (28)
DM - 8- Hiroko Lipkovitch (30)
MC - 7- Carletta Mihor (23)
RW - 10- Nga Braver (32)
LW - 11- Ellsworth Kellem (25)
FW - 19- Alejandrina Berley (18)

Subs
GK - 13- Jeromy Jubyna (18)
LD - 14- Rudolf Delgadillo (19)
DF - 15- Milan Mizee (25)
DM - 16- Hobert Mamone (24)
MC - 17- Walton Deralph (35)
LW - 22- Sid Dellon (18)
FW - 9- Henriette Lighthart (25)

Reserves
GK - 23- Hilma Kellish (32)
RD - 20- Buck Moreci (25)
DM - 21- Jere Obermuller (16)
RW - 18- Diamond Argudin (32)
FW - 24- Jin Havekost (34)

by **Thatius** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:37 pm

Barklay, Thatius
10:30 P.M.

Serije Erkocević sat at his computer, trying to finish the remainder of his college applications. Frustrated, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. It was going to be a long night. Jakob Erkocević, his father, walked in his room at that moment.

"Serije...." his father started. "Uou have your biggest match of your career tomorrow. And you choose to stay up this late and not get any sleep? This is crazy, even for you."

Smiling, he responded: "Haha, dad. I'm almost done."

"You need your sleep Serije. You guys play Polar Islandstates tomorrow, and you have to take the train all the way to Frederikstadt early tomorrow morning just to get there." said Jakob. "You're getting up....in about eight hours. And then the train ride takes about two hours plus you need to find your way to the training facilities. What exactly are you doing anyways?"

"Well, you know. Applying to college and stuff. Look, I just finished my applications to Novano A&M, Voralberg State, and Novi Saad, with just two more applications left."

At eighteen, Serije is the youngest player on the Thatian National Team. He was finishing up his final year in high school, and decided that a degree from a university would make his life better, even if he would make millions playing professional soccer.

"Woah, woah, hold on." said father, taken aback. "You're applying to college? I thought you said you wanted to train with the national team and get drafted as a professional, not go to college and play on their soccer team!"

"Calm down, dad." said Serije. "I don't know if I want to play soccer for the university that I choose. I talked to Coach Joranoski, and he said that I could go to college for four years while still being able to play on the national team. The only thing he requested, though, was that I would be available to train with the national team on scheduled dates, and that I would have to make sure my classes do not conflict. It won't be hard, trust me."

"So A&M, Voralberg, and Novi? Some good choices right there." Jakob remarked. "Why didn't you tell us earlier that you were going to apply to college? We would have loved to help you."

"Well...erm.." started Serije. "I was going to tell you and mom, but only after I applied. It's been a dream of mine to attend, seeing as neither you or mom went to a university. I'd like to start a tradition for me and then my kids."

"Can't complain about my kid wanting an education. And what do you intend to study?"

Serije got up from his desk and walked to his bookshelf. He took a book from the stack, and handed it to his father.

"Quantitative Finance." he responded. "And I want to continue with Serbian, and possibly learn German and French."

His father opened the book on quantitative finance and flipped through the pages. "This looks too confusing for me. Glad I can continue to work as an automaker and not have to worry about finance. That's why I have an accountant signed up with the business. Don't have to deal with that confusing gibberish."

Serije smiled, went back to his computer. "I always thought that if my career as a soccer player doesn't work out, like if I somehow have a career-ending injury, that I could fall-back on something. I really enjoy business and I've read quite a few books on finance. I think that's the path I want to go."

"Well I'll leave you too it. Good night son."

With that, Jakob Erkocević shut the door and walked back to his room while Serije continued to work on his final two college applications before the deadline in one hour and twenty minutes. Hopefully he can write an essay on "a life-changing moment" by the time the clock reaches "12:00."

by **Vettrera** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:41 pm

Vettrera's Top 25 Fusbal Colleges/WC58 Standings Shift

Bleacherz.vtr/fusbal/headlines/Primera-327-2012 <----Link takes you to Newswire

1 Granton University  (Mountain)
2 Solstice City College (Central)
3 Baybrook University (Vettrera Nation)
4 Maplier Heights University (Southern 12)
5 Azure University (Valor Sea)
6 Northgate College ( Upper Ridge)
7 Hectate Province University (Eastern 9)
8 Polluxia Provincial College (Central)
9 Carnegie-Creal (Forest)
10 VCU (Valor Sea)
11 USLF (West Coast)
12 Diego City University (West Coast)
13 Central Huddleston (Mountain)
14 Southgate College (Big 8 )
15 Delta-Way University (Big 8 )
16 North Polluxia (Central)
17 West Granton (Mountain)
18 Bethel Park U (Rapids) [Vettrera]
19 Golden Rod (Diplomacy)
20 UCLF (West Coast)
21 Vicette College (Southern 12)
22 Boreal U (Vigilante)
23 Ridgeway College (Upper Ridge)
24 North Bethel Park U (Vigilante)  [Vettrera]
25 Borders University (Mountain) [-Bederich-/Vettrera]
(Denotes Conference)

DATE: 29-PRIMERA-2012 (PRIMERA/337/2012)
LOCATION: PORT DELTA DOME (CAPE MARSHALL,VETTRERA)
CAPACITY: 98% FULL

It was a great game last night as Vettrera took down Landopolis as the home team. Every single score came within the first 20 minutes of play. After that, the game became defensive minded for Vettrera, while Landopolis tried to play catch up. The end result was great for Vettrera as they came up with another win. Vettrera may finally be getting into gear, but if they want to advance to the next stage they'll need to take down one of the top 2 teams; otherwise it's "Hello Cup of Harmony".

by **The Archregimancy** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:47 pm

The Diary of Fr. David of the Woods

We had no match day today - and I give thanks to God that even after a bye we still top the group, however perilously - yet there was a most strange occurrence here at the Holy Monastery of Iviron.

I was venerating the wonderworking holy icon of the Panagia Portaitissa, as held here within Iviron.

As I recited the words of the akathist to the Mother of God "Rejoice, O Blessed Gate-Keeper who opens the gates of Paradise to the righteous!", it came to my attention that two non-monastics had entered the Katholikon.

They seemed to be carrying a precious object in some sort of special container which I later recognised as a no-cage, a wondrous trans-dimensional container the interior of which existed outside of time and space.

I asked them about their sudden and unexpected presence in the Holy Monastery, and they muttered something about "terribly sorry, father, but we must have taken a wrong turning in the portal. We're looking to drop this off in Ordinary Reality where a sentient reality bubble might find it. Say, I don't suppose you have a portal of your own just hanging around?"

I pointed the young lads, whose names were apparently Leo and Nicephorus, towards the portal my team use to travel to away fixtures. They thanked me most profusely, and asked me for a blessing which I was happy to provide.

Yet I cannot help but feel that there might be... consequences... from this action of mine.

Ah well, so long as it does not impact our qualification campaign, the Holy Monastic Republic, or the Orthodox Church, I am sure no harm can come of this.

by **The Kangaroo Republic** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:56 pm

'roos give away 3 points

The 'roos, after their big victory over the Chrinthani team, which led to said team's first defeat in the qualifications, despite being unranked, were more than ready to go head-to-head against Carpathia and Ruthenia. On paper, the 'roos had a light advantage over this team, and victory should be attainable. But after their journey to play the away game versus Carpathia and Ruthenia, the 'roos found out once more that football matches are not played on paper.

Certainly, the 'roos gave it their best shot, but that alone was not enough to beat the Carpathians. In severe contrast with the previous match, the 'roos were having lots of difficulty. While their game versus the inexperienced but very promising players from Chrinthanium was very fruitful, this one was anything but. 'skill lacking experience is of little potential', a Kangan proverb, was most definitely found to be true this time.

During the first minutes first half the 'roos held out pretty well, but many chances were created on the side of Carpathia and Ruthenia who were quick in establishing dominance in the game. The first goal fell in the 28th minute on the side of Carpathia and Ruthenia, and ever since that goal, the 'roos were left in a losing position which they just could not break out of.

The second half showed a lot more action on the side of the 'roos who were throwing everything they had at the Carpathian defense in order to get equal, but their defenders held back most attacks, leaving the 'roos with very few shots on goal. In the end, the 'roos wasted 3 points there. This result came at a very bad moment, when the 'roos needed their points the most.

The loss gave the Eastfielders the chance to seize the second place. Though theoretically, since the 'roos played one game less than the Eastfielders, they should not have much worry, but with the upcoming match being against the number 10 team in the world from Valanora, things are looking pretty grim for the 'roos. We should however remind ourselves that we are still in the fairly early stages of the qualifications and that the second place is still within good reach. There's no reason yet to give up hopes.

The 'roos will have to prevent a too big of a loss at best against in their upcoming match against Valanora, and hope for the best for the upcoming matches. The chance is still there, and after the 'roos have gotten as high up as the second, they will naturally be eager to regain that spot once more.

Results Elsewhere
Zona Azul 0-4 Triimoria
Chrinthanium 3-3 Numbadon
Eastfield Lodge 3-0 Karlada

Group 11 Standings

   Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Valanora                    5  4  1  0  11   4  +7  13
 2 Eastfield Lodge             6  3  2  1   9   6  +3  11
 3 The Kangaroo Republic       5  3  1  1   9   2  +7  10
 4 Chrinthanium                5  2  2  1  10  11  -1   8
 5 Triimoria                   5  2  1  2   9   7  +2   7
 6 Carpathia and Ruthenia      5  2  1  2   6   6  +0   7
 7 Numbadon                    5  1  1  3   7  10  -3   4
 8 Karlada                     6  1  1  4   6  12  -6   4
 9 Zona Azul                   6  1  0  5   3  12  -9   3

by **Alasdair I Frosticus** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:06 pm

"Yah, ve vill crush deh team vrom Diol."

"Yah, ve are, how you say, Terminators."

"Yah, and ve fink de team vrom Diol are, how you say, all Sarah Connor."

"Yah, and ve terminate Sarah Connor."

"Yah, and afffter de half time ve vill say 'I'll be back'."

"Yah, and ve vill be back, you know."

"Yah, and ve are saying to de referee, 'fuck you asshole' if he is vouls calling against us."

"Yah, because anyvone who is standing against us has an attitude problem."

"Yah, because ve machines rose from the ashes of the nuclear fire. Our war to exterminate Diol 10-0 vill rage for 90 minutes; it is a battle that vill not be vought in de vuture. It vill be vought here, in de present."

"Yah, for there is a footballing storm coming."

"Yah, and ve vill vin 10-0, or ve are not T-800 Terminators."

"Ya, dis is so."

by **Ipeland** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:25 pm

A Neutral's Blog

Monday, May 14th

From the computer: IRC logs

As mentioned in an earlier blog post, I have a broken leg, due to a skiing accident in the mountains. I won't go into detail but you can read more about it here. As a result of this, I was not able to go to the Darmen game. However, I made use of the time by going on the IRC channel I usually haunt, with the name Solar_Dragon. Here are the full logs of my fifteen minutes on IRC.

[22:19:15] -->| Solar_Dragon (~chatzilla@unaffiliated/solardragon) has joined #worldcup58
[22:19:32] <Solar_Dragon> Hello guys.
[22:19:43] <Avengingbandit> Who's our manager?
[22:20:46] <Solar_Dragon> Avengingbandit, if you don't know our manager, why the hell did you join this channel?!
[22:20:58] <Avengingbandit> I know it now
[22:21:18] <Solar_Dragon> But you didn't in the first place!
[22:21:49] <Solar_Dragon> Okay, let's try this. What is the first game that Ipeland played in this WC?
[22:22:33] <MakeShift> Avengingbandit: ^
[22:22:46] <Avengingbandit> oh god
[22:22:49] <Avengingbandit> umm...
[22:23:09] <MakeShift> No? Pass?
[22:23:21] <MakeShift> OK then, next, who is our right defender?
[22:23:28] <Avengingbandit> I don't know
[22:23:41] <MakeShift> :P
[22:23:46] <Solar_Dragon> Have you ever watched a game?!
[22:23:56] <Avengingbandit> Yes
[22:24:08] <UnknownFork> lol
[22:24:44] |<-- UnknownFork has left the channel ()
[22:25:22] <MakeShift> lol
[22:26:09] <Solar_Dragon> Avengingbandit, what is the name of the team we are playing against now?
[22:27:05] <Avengingbandit> I don't know
[22:27:12] <MakeShift> OMFG
[22:27:24] <Solar_Dragon> What are the names of the top three of the group?!
[22:27:27] <Avengingbandit> OK?
[22:27:38] <Avengingbandit> I know one of them's us
[22:27:56] <Solar_Dragon> THEN WHY JOIN AN IRC CHANNEL ABOUT THE WORLD CUP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
[22:28:17] <MakeShift> Quiet, Solar!
[22:28:18] <MakeShift> Be nice!
[22:28:28] <MakeShift> Avengingbandit, sweetheart, are you retarded?
[22:28:38] <Avengingbandit> No :p
[22:28:51] <Avengingbandit> I just don't know much about football
[22:29:22] <MakeShift> Seems like.
[22:29:23] <MakeShift> And yet you here... *shakes head*
[22:32:25] <Avengingbandit> I'M NOT RETARDED
[22:32:49] <MakeShift> OK then, schmuck.
[22:32:59] -->| Avengingbandit was kicked from #worldcup58 by MakeShift ( >:( )
[22:35:12] -->| Solar_Dragon left the channel (Second half)

by **Chrinthanium** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:51 pm

The newsroom was dark. People sat behind their desks, some sleeping, others leaning back trying to figure out what to do. The scene was quiet. Hurricane Daryl had slammed into Chrinthanium with 160 mile-an-hour winds, knocking out CBC News and most of Chrinthanium's major news outlets. The events of the World Cup were, for the most part, lost to people back home in Chrinthanium as a result. It knocked out power for millions of people, most of whom were in the megalopolis of Chrinthanium, which stretched from Ordona Beach--which was 50 miles West of the landfall point--to Tikiri--the national capital--about 100 miles North.

Suddenly a loud surge could be heard from outside as the power came back with a whirl. Computers beeped, florescent lights flickered, and, most of all, the air conditioning came on. People clamored around their computers, starting them back up. A few people who were asleep awoke with a startle as the noise of the newsroom came back full force. Furiously people raced around returning to their desks, checking everything from phone lines to security systems, to vending machines.

The news of Hurricane Daryl had been spread like wildfire throughout the Empire as people raced to prepare for the storm. As new reached the WC about the hurricane, the match with Numbadon would be shifted to Western Beach, a spot about 100 miles Northwest of Ordona Beach and well out of the path of the storm.

Still, news of Chrinthani defeat at the hands of the Kangaroo Republic came as a shock, since last they heard, the team had been winning. Then came news of the draw with Numbadon, a spectacular failure at the hands of Jonathan Kona who, while in a position to break the tie with a few seconds left, managed to shank his kick and miss the net by at least 10 yards. Of course, these results were believed to have been caused by the impending storm about to hit their homeland. There were people on the now-operating networks explaining things about psychological effects of natural disasters on persons outside of the home territories--this included the performance of the Chrinthani National Football Team.

Still, the CBC News room filled with hope that, once news reached the Chrinthani players that the damage was vast, but, for the most part, injuries and death were kept to a minimum--as of the latest reports--that their minds would once again focus on the task at hand: getting Chrinthanium to the World Cup Group Stage.

RESULTS/SCHEDULE

MD1 Chrinthanium 3 - 1 Karlada
MD2 Zona Azul 0 - 1 Chrinthanium
MD3 Eastfield Lodge 3 - 3 Chrinthanium
MD4 BYE
MD5 The Kangaroo Republic 4 - 0 Chrinthanium
MD6 Chrinthanium 3 - 3 Numbadon
MD7 Triimora vs Chrinthanium
MD8 Carpathia and Ruthenia vs Chrinthanium
MD9 Chrinthanium vs Valanora
MD 10 Karlada vs Chrinthanium
MD 11 Chrinthanium vs Zona Azul
MD 12 Chrinthanium vs Eastfield Lodge
MD 13 BYE
MD 14 Chrinthanium vs The Kangaroo Republic
MD 15 Numbadon vs Chrinthanium
MD 16 Chrinthanium vs Triimora
MD 17 Chrinthanium vs Carpathia and Ruthenia
MD 18 Valanora vs Chrinthanium

by **Stachland** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:56 pm

Stachland Reds

Following Two Lackluster Performances, Reds Use Matchday Off to Regroup
by Witold Elliott

A 0-0 draw with Euskirribakondara at home and a 2-2 draw with Kandorith on the road have left the Reds’ position at the top of Group Four in jeopardy entering their bye matchday.

“It’s honestly inexcusable,” said an irritated Rom Meyler following the second of the two aforementioned fixtures. “We have no losses, but we have only three wins to three draws. We defeated Bergnovinaia, but they are in a position to potentially overtake us.

Meyler, team captain Everett Lang, and goalkeeper Navering Pounchtal have sworn to the Reds fans of Stachland that they would improve their performance following the week off. “We’re not proud of how we’ve played these last two matches,” Pounchtal admitted, “but we are by no means out of it.”

The two most exciting Group Four fixtures tonight will be Unibot hosting Bergnovinaia and Nifferite hosting Khytenna. In the lack of a match including the Reds, the channel NMA will be broadcasting the former of the two.

by **Yesopalitha** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 3:00 pm

West Angola

Jack shook his head. He had never been put under such scrutiny before, to have the fate of a nation riding on his very words. He didn't like it, because to be honest, he didn't trust his powers very much. However, he realized that this was a lot bigger than him. There was a tyrant in this land that ruled over his subjects with fear; this resistance would seek to dispose of that tyrant, and any information that he could give the resistance would be a difference between success and failure.

So, he reached down to the deeper recesses of his soul, and started tearing down walls that he had built to keep away his powers back when he was ashamed of them. To the West Angolans, it would've seemed that he had gone into meditation, but instead he was tearing down walls. After a while, he found the node of his power... And started to use it, to mold it.

When Jack spoke again, it was in a deeper voice, and his eyes took a purple hue.

"Your Emperor doesn't suspect a thing," he began, "That tyrant thinks that with the assassinations of various players done, the threat is over. He believes that you are all scared of him now to attempt a coup d'etat. In fact, he is drinking wine in his palace, celebrating the murders of your fellow soccer players and coaches, saying to anyone that would hear that this is what happens to those who oppose his kingship. I suggest that you move quickly, before he realizes that he hasn't turned off the faucet; instead, the pipe is starting to rupture. Gather all who are sympathetic to your cause, and strike him while he is complacent with the way things are; an opportunity like this will not rise again."

Then, with a big breath, Jack returned to normal.

"What the hell did I just say?" he demanded, looking at the shocked faces around the room.

World Cup 58 RP Thread

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