THE WORLD CUP SHOW
With World Cup Hall of Fame Legends Basil and Theo.
"Hi, I'm Basil"
"And I'm Theo! And welcome to tonight's ever-so-exciting qualification match between the Holy Empire and Jalanat. The whole stadium is waiting to see who's going to take the field tonight for the Empire following the Holy Empire Football Association's bizarre decision to let dreaming mundies choose the squad."
"That's right, Theo, and despite ongoing protests from coach Juan Tzimisces, it looks like he's been overruled at the very highest level - the Basileus himself has decided to allow this to go forward in the interest of 'improved relations with Ordinary Reality.'"
"His Majesty has spoken, as they say. And I understand that tonight's squad was provided by a Samba-Reggae drummer in Cafundeu... I've just been handed a team sheet, and the squad is....
GK:
Free jazz trombonist
DEF:
Reggae bassist
Classical period instrument cellist
Rock flautist
MID:
Folk mandolinist
Tuvan throat singer
Tibetan Nangma Dranyen-Piwang Bompist
Scandinavian white supremacist death metal guitarist
Sephardic shofar player
FOR:
Ska punk keyboardist
Blues drummer
<90 minutes later>
"...the final whistle blows. And what did you think of that performance, Basil?"
"Shocking, Theo - absolutely shocking. I'm appalled."
"1-0 not good enough for you, then?"
"Oh, no, it was a fine goal by the ska punk keyboardist - direct, to the point, and no fussing around with much in the way of ornamentation. It's the rest of the squad that terrifies me. Who, I ask you, places a Sephardic shofar player on the wing next to a death metal guitarist? One spent the entire match attempting to send the other off to a death camp, and the other kept trying to assign his so-called team mate to Gehenna. And don't get me started on the defence..."
"Why not, Basil?"
"Our left back was too stoned to do anything other than 'find de riddim', while a free jazz background may be fine if you're improvising with Ornette Coleman, but is hardly suitable for a goalkeeper - he must have wandered off as far as the halfway line at least five or six times."
"He did get the assist on the goal."
"So he's a fine supporting soloist? So what. If it hadn't been for the cellist, throat singer, and Dranyen-Piwang Bompa player, we would have been lost - they were the real backbone of the squad out there tonight, and the Jalanat players couldn't cope with their classical simplicity."
"And what do you think we'll be watching next, Basil?"
"Whatever it is, any squad has to be better than this mötley crüe"
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OOC - the next Holy Empire squad will be..... a team of sentient footballs.
Keep the ideas coming, and thanks to those of you who've sent squads in so far.