The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

Good at listening, huh? Well. Umm. Thank you and your kind for all your help. And I am sorry for your loss in the attack on Bell's office. I shall plant a tree in Tollana in your nation's honor, should I make it back there. Whether this works or not.

Almost immediately she received a message back:

We still owe your people a shipment of seeds or saplings. Let us know what kind of a tree you would like to plant.

(Oh, thinks Kay, I had forgotten about that. She is about to type a reply to the text, but smiles and speaks instead.)

Hmmm. So far we've done okay with our initial plantings, except for tomatoes. We could really use some help there. I can have Wad Ahume forward you a soil analysis, he has a friend who is working on that. As for a tree. I don't know. Something tall and majestic seems not quite right, given the circumstances. Nor does something prickly and unapproachable like a cactus. No offense. You know, Polly used to tell me a story about sacred fig trees, bodhi trees I believe they were called, how important they were in certain Tau'ri cultures that embraced peace and harmony. I think that would be perfect. Are you familiar with those? Oh, that's probably a silly question.

[Some New Guy]

Steph looks at Agent Dressler, who hasn't said a thing in a number of minutes, and shakes her head sadly.

"Here I am talking about my problems, and you probably haven't slept in days! Nice little nap'll do ya good."

She sees Dressler's coat piled on the booth bench next to her, and drapes it over the agent's shoulders.

"Sleep tight."

ARI: Ah. Hang on a moment, be right back. (Ari approaches the figure under the coat and taps her lightly.) Excuse me, Agent Dressler?

ARI: Um. That sleeping "beauty" over there? It's not Dressler.

AHUME: What?

ARI: Well, if it is Dressler, she needs a bit of a shave.

Then the dot on the stool accelerates away to a corner of the bar and rests nearby Agent Dressler.

The sleeping form awakes with a start. "HEY What's the big idea? You. Oh." He looks around and, seeing no one, lays down to sleep again, pulling Dressler's coat over him.

[Potted Plants United]

Hmmm. So far we've done okay with our initial plantings, except for tomatoes. We could really use some help there. I can have Wad Ahume forward you a soil analysis, he has a friend who is working on that. As for a tree. I don't know. Something tall and majestic seems not quite right, given the circumstances. Nor does something prickly and unapproachable like a cactus. No offense. You know, Polly used to tell me a story about sacred fig trees, bodhi trees I believe they were called, how important they were in certain Tau'ri cultures that embraced peace and harmony. I think that would be perfect. Are you familiar with those? Oh, that's probably a silly question.

There was a pause of perhaps half a minute, and then a lengthy reply arrived:

Tomatoes are not a problem, we can also make them nitrogen-fixing and add production of certain vitamins in the berries, should you so wish. Additionally we can make them require no pollination, or include a starter hive of our own bee variety. Figs of the nature you are most likely familiar with would also require their specialized insect symbiots, but like with all our products, we can make them require no pollinators. Would you like one tree to be speed-grown to the point where it can start producing fruit?

---

Parsons: I had one of my aides file a formal protest against this reckless behaviour on the part of the PPU. We have lodged a note with our Ambassador there (OOC: Or, if we don't have diplomatic relations, then we've lodged a note the WA diplomatic office there).

The Government of Imperium Anglorum strongly protests to the Government of Potted Plants United in connection with the aggressive acts by their diplomats and warns it that should such provocations be repeated, this government will have to take retaliatory measures, the responsibility for whose consequences will rest with the governments of the states committing acts of aggression against other countries.

The importance of diplomatic immunity and the responsibility is required of such action are not lost upon this government. We will not condone a course of action that needs to the abridgement of such rights in the name of personal affairs and matters unconnected to the actions at hand. This government has no intention of starting any form of armed conflict, but cannot stand by whilst our allies have their privileges infringed by parties for personal matters unrelated to the defence of their realm.

It is the requirement of the current state of affairs that we lodge this protest in the name of the rights and privileges afforded to diplomats by popular sanction and the proper decorum required for the preservation of peace.

Janis looked like she was about to comment, when her cellphone started peeping. She read the message, glared at Parsons and then went to the entrance of the Bar, had an audible one-sided argument with someone just outside, and then returned carrying a plant pot in which seemed to grow a plant with only one huge leaf attached to its stem, with the leaf half-curled up.

She carried it as though it was a high explosive ordinance that would go off at the slightest bump, and very, very carefully set it down on the table before Parsons.

"Uh, I was given this to deliver to you to act as a communicator... the sender said to give it a few minutes to get its leaf sorted out, after being in storage for so long."

The plant in question took a while to unfurl its large leaf, which then slowly bleached of colour, except for the edges, which remained green. Then text in dark green appeared against the light background, as though the letters were coming into focus, or growing onto the inside of the surface.

We regretfully must disagree with you, ambassador. There is no resolution forbidding physical assault, even GAR22 merely bans physical harm, and this is already banned by our own rules - you would call these rules "laws". We took great care to not harm mister Donnaugh, and partially acted to protect him from impending harm by ambassador Leveret.

OOC: The text is in some language your ambassador can understand - most likely in your own, since the hivemind could've run it through the universal translator.

Diplomat Protection Act

RECOGNIZING that diplomatic immunity must be agreed upon by the nation the diplomat represents and the nation the diplomat serves in

---

REQUIRES that all diplomats sent to the World Assembly shall be automatically granted diplomatic immunity

---

REQUIRES that all diplomats to other nations shall be free from physical harm, execution, sexual assault, enslavement, or use for medical experiments not necessary for medical treatment of the diplomat by the nation in which they are serving

[Wallenburg]

The sleeping form awakes with a start. "HEY What's the big idea? You. Oh." He looks around and, seeing no one, lays down to sleep again, pulling Dressler's coat over him.

The dot oscillates slightly, then slowly moves away, over toward a random table far away from anyone else.

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

There was a pause of perhaps half a minute, and then a lengthy reply arrived:

Tomatoes are not a problem, we can also make them nitrogen-fixing and add production of certain vitamins in the berries, should you so wish. Additionally we can make them require no pollination, or include a starter hive of our own bee variety. Figs of the nature you are most likely familiar with would also require their specialized insect symbiots, but like with all our products, we can make them require no pollinators. Would you like one tree to be speed-grown to the point where it can start producing fruit?

Um. That sounds okay. I do trust your judgement better than my own. If I knew anything about plants and crops, I would be back with the Tollans, planting crops. Thank you.

(She checks the clock on her tablet. Still some time left. Is there anything I haven't thought of yet? I wonder what kind of condition Bell is in. Perhaps I should bring him some water or.... A dark thought enters her head. Huh. Just in case that pyro is torturing him in any way, it might be a good idea....)

Neville. Can I get one of those drinks that Bell loves so much? You know which one I'm talking about.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

"Ambassador Number Fifty-Three, would you be able to let me tag along? I seem to have left my ride in the parking lot."

Herby opens his passenger-side door.

Ambassador Zaka eh Zaka eh Ambassador Steph! Hop in! I'll drive! Heh heh I always wanted to say that.

The bee on the sapient car's hood, on the other hand, clearly would have liked to fly off, but cat saliva can be an excellent glue for delicate insect wings, so instead it waved its antennae furiously and then turned towards the Bar entrance like the needle of a compass.

OH! OH! That way, let's go!

Herby and Steph drive off.

The car begins to move before Steph can even get the door shut, and she makes a small grunt as her head goes back against the headrest. She looks over to the instrument gauges as she gets her seatbelt on.

"Hey, that's a pretty nice ride. New tranny's worth it, huh? So I just gotta recap for a second: I am right now sitting inside a sweetheart of a talking VW Beetle, which is following a specially bred bee - uh, you gonna be able to see him if he takes off? - following this bee, which is gonna lead us to a mutual friend who's been kidnapped by the possibly genocidal weapons smugglers who also framed him for theft and embezzlement maybe, and who's also the love-target of another ambassador, and we're all just kind of justice leaguing it up in here."

She pauses.

"It'll be a miracle if I come outta this with no worse than a censure. Too late to change my story to 'Well, we were shooting this movie, see, and...' But ain't no help for it. Brace for thrust!!"

[Tinfect]

Neville. Can I get one of those drinks that Bell loves so much? You know which one I'm talking about.

Markhov, who, if asked, would not admit to having fallen asleep reading a newspaper copy of the Imperial Central News Network Broadcast, wakes with a start, and spends several seconds wondering about a number of things. First of all, where he is, and what time is it. Second, why a vaguely familiar voice just said something objectionable.
Then it hit him like a Planetcracker, as his subsystems reactivated.
He then quickly made his way over to the former Wad Arya,

"Am- Ms. Haces, I must object. If my memory is correct, you are with a child? As such, it would be... inadvisable to drink anything the Ambassador Bell would prefer."

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

"Am- Ms. Haces, I must object. If my memory is correct, you are with a child? As such, it would be... inadvisable to drink anything the Ambassador Bell would prefer."

(Kay smiles.)

Thanks for looking out for me, Ambassador, but it isn't for me. It's for Bell. And, sir, it's just Kay. The Tollan people use singular names, and I'm a Tollan now.

[Tinfect]

Thanks for looking out for me, Ambassador, but it isn't for me. It's for Bell. And, sir, it's just Kay. The Tollan people use singular names, and I'm a Tollan now.

"Ah, apologies... Kay. Then, I am to assume he has been reinstated as the delegation of the Confederate Dominion?"

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

Thanks for looking out for me, Ambassador, but it isn't for me. It's for Bell. And, sir, it's just Kay. The Tollan people use singular names, and I'm a Tollan now.

"Ah, apologies... Kay. Then, I am to assume he has been reinstated as the delegation of the Confederate Dominion?"

Um. No. Not yet. We shall see.

[Wrapper]

(Ahume's tablet pings -- a message from his Tollan friend, Monte, copied to Arya and Ari as well: LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING HOME. NOT NECESSARILY BAD NEWS. SEE YOU SOON. Just as Ari said, they aren't testifying. He looks across the bar to Arya for a reaction. She reads her tablet, pauses, and contemplatively taps her fingers. Ahume ponders: No doubt Donnaugh's sources are relaying him the same message. He sends her a private message: PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE? She looks down, then looks around and makes eye contact with him, and forlornly nods. No, not necessarily bad news for Bell, but for Arya....)

[Separatist Peoples]

Donnaugh walks in to the bar, for the first time in civilian clothing. His well made, but otherwise nondescript, suit practically allowed him to blend in with the rest of the representatives present. He made a meandering loop towards a side table, where he sat very deliberately facing the doorway. He cleared his throat a bit and checked his watch pointedly.

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

Donnaugh walks in to the bar, for the first time in civilian clothing. His well made, but otherwise nondescript, suit practically allowed him to blend in with the rest of the representatives present. He made a meandering loop towards a side table, where he sat very deliberately facing the doorway. He cleared his throat a bit and checked his watch pointedly.

(Kay watches Donnaugh walk in and take a seat at a side table. Hmmm. Of course, he's going to make me come to him. Fine. She walks over, carrying Bell's drink, and stands, a faint smile on her face.)

Commander. May I join you? Or are you expecting... (she looks toward the doorway) ...someone else?

[Separatist Peoples]

(Kay watches Donnaugh walk in and take a seat at a side table. Hmmm. Of course, he's going to make me come to him. Fine. She walks over, carrying Bell's drink, and stands, a faint smile on her face.)

Commander. May I join you? Or are you expecting... (she looks toward the doorway) ...someone else?

"Ms. Haces. Please, sit. I'm expecting nobody but you, but that so rarely ends up being the case in these sorts of transactions."

In one of the windows beyond Donnaugh's field of vision, a stiff, artificial breeze kicks up the trees into a short frenzy. He coughs politely, gesturing to the chair across from him. "I believe you owe me something?"

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

"Ms. Haces. Please, sit. I'm expecting nobody but you, but that so rarely ends up being the case in these sorts of transactions."

In one of the windows beyond Donnaugh's field of vision, a stiff, artificial breeze kicks up the trees into a short frenzy. He coughs politely, gesturing to the chair across from him. "I believe you owe me something?"

I told you Commander, it's just Kay. So you want to skip the small talk and jump right into our transaction, hmmm? Very well.

(She places Bell's drink on the table, walks over to Wad Ahume's booth, and is about to pick up the smaller suitcase -- the one with only one million greenbacks. Ahume stops her, takes it away from her, and points to the larger one. She nods, and as she is about to pick it up, her tablet pings twice. She pulls it from under her robe, reads it for a moment, and opens her eyes wide. What the fuck...? She looks back at Donnaugh, who appears to still be preoccupied with watching the doorway. She walks away from both suitcases and approaches the bar.)

Ummm. Neville? I understand you have a package for me.

[Herby]

Herby reenters the bar, Steph riding shotgun.

Unbelievable. If I'd known this place had a laundry room I'd've ditched Wad Pre-vert's undies a long time wait wait wait ehhhhhhh wait. Eh. Yo. How ya doin' Ambassador Donut. Sorry eh we're just gettin' a drink, it's ehhhhh been ehhhh yeah. 'Scuse us.

[Wrapper]

(Ahume watches Kay head to the bar and thinks, what the hell is she doing now? His tablet pings, and he brings up a message from Ari.)

FIRST STOP, OLD CDSP OFFICE. AKA THE MEN'S ROOM. I THINK I KNOW WHY CHUCKIE EATS SO MUCH. TELL ALBERT NOT TO BOTHER TRACKING ANYMORE, UNLESS HE WANTS A TOUR OF THE SEWERS. ON THE MOVE AGAIN.

(Great, thinks Ari as he facepalms. Already, this entire plan has gone to shit.)

[Wallenburg]

Gerald stands up as he observes the tablet. Very good, very good indeed. Patience, young one. He turns to Wad Ahume. "All right then, Ambassador, Helen's plan is in motion, and I can do little now to aid her. Is there any way I could assist your own plans?"

[The Doomed Planet of Tollana]

(Kay walks from the bar to Donnaugh's table, carrying the duffle bag Neville has handed her. She passes Herby and nods, thinking, oh well, guess the bees were no help. Donnaugh must have ditched his clothes before visiting Bell. He passes by Gerald and Ahume, and nods, thinking, Ahume doesn't look too happy either; Chuckie must have failed too. Well. This had better work then. She sits across from Donnaugh again, trying desperately to keep a calm demeanor as she panics inside.)

Commander. Before we proceed, I'd like some assurances that my merchandise is undamaged.

[Herby]

Gerald stands up as he observes the tablet. Very good, very good indeed. Patience, young one. He turns to Wad Ahume. "All right then, Ambassador, Helen's plan is in motion, and I can do little now to aid her. Is there any way I could assist your own plans?"

Psst. Hey guys? Ehhhh what's in the duffle bag?

[Wallenburg]

Psst. Hey guys? Ehhhh what's in the duffle bag?

"I'm afraid I have no idea. Ahume?"

[Separatist Peoples]

(Kay walks from the bar to Donnaugh's table, carrying the duffle bag Neville has handed her. She passes Herby and nods, thinking, oh well, guess the bees were no help. Donnaugh must have ditched his clothes before visiting Bell. He passes by Gerald and Ahume, and nods, thinking, Ahume doesn't look too happy either; Chuckie must have failed too. Well. This had better work then. She sits across from Donnaugh again, trying desperately to keep a calm demeanor as she panics inside.)

Commander. Before we proceed, I'd like some assurances that my merchandise is undamaged.

Donnaugh cocked an eyebrow. "I'm surprised that his value to me alone isn't assurance enough. If I kill him, I lay the foundation for an investigation. If I let him get caught, the authorities will lock him up before he gets a chance to drop a single name."

He sighs. "I suppose I shouldn't expect the average person to understand my plans quite so well. One moment," he pulls out a phone and starts a call. Turning it to speakerphone, he places the device on the table.

"Sergeant? I need assurance that my nest egg is alive. Kindly oblige."

"Yessir."

A fleshy thud, like a boot striking flesh, and then a groan.

"Tell 'im yer name and today's date, asshole."

Bell's voice comes across, exhausted and weak, but identifiable. "Benjamin Bell. I have no fucking clue where or when I am, because you fucking ja-"

There's another thud and another groan.

"Thank you, Sergeant."

Donnaugh terminates the phone, but not before tinny, echoed bleat escapes. "See? He's alive. I can't guarantee his lack of harm. The former ambassador knows how to fight, and needed subdued, but we were careful not to leave more than bruises. That, I'm afraid, you'll have to take on my word."

His eyes narrow greedily at the duffle.

[Wallenburg]

Gerald's ear catches something on the tablet, and he plays back the audio from the tracker. Nodding, he speaks to Herby and Ahume. "We need to get to Chuckie. Immediately."

[Wrapper]

Psst. Hey guys? Ehhhh what's in the duffle bag?

"I'm afraid I have no idea. Ahume?"

(Ahume, dumbfounded, shakes his head.)

Donnaugh terminates the phone, but not before tinny, echoed bleat escapes.

Gerald's ear catches something on the tablet, and he plays back the audio from the tracker. Nodding, he speaks to Herby and Ahume. "We need to get to Chuckie. Immediately."

(His tablet pings. Another message from Ari.)

SUBBASEMENT LEVEL 2 PAST OUR OFFICE. PAST THE MAIN BOILER. FOLLOW THE BLEATS AND BANGS FROM THERE, CHUCKIE'S TRYING TO BASH DOWN ONE OF THE SUPPLY CLOSET DOORS. HOLY HANNAH I THINK I HEAR SGT BOOBALA.

(He puts the tablet in front of Herby's headlights and whispers.)

Slowly. Don't arouse suspicion.

[Wallenburg]

Slowly. Don't arouse suspicion.

Gerald nods, "We leave one-by-one, then. We don't look like we have a common destination. I'm going to order a whiskey and wait a minute. You do what you do. Good luck."

He walks to the counter and orders a drink, glancing over at Kay and Donnaugh.