World Cup 54: RP thread

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

IT'S....

THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With World Cup Hall of Fame Legends Basil and Theo.


"Hi, I'm Basil"

"And I'm Theo! And welcome to tonight's ever-so-exciting qualification match between the Holy Empire and Jalanat. The whole stadium is waiting to see who's going to take the field tonight for the Empire following the Holy Empire Football Association's bizarre decision to let dreaming mundies choose the squad."

"That's right, Theo, and despite ongoing protests from coach Juan Tzimisces, it looks like he's been overruled at the very highest level - the Basileus himself has decided to allow this to go forward in the interest of 'improved relations with Ordinary Reality.'"

"His Majesty has spoken, as they say. And I understand that tonight's squad was provided by a Samba-Reggae drummer in Cafundeu... I've just been handed a team sheet, and the squad is....

GK:
Free jazz trombonist

DEF:
Reggae bassist
Classical period instrument cellist
Rock flautist

MID:
Folk mandolinist
Tuvan throat singer
Tibetan Nangma Dranyen-Piwang Bompist
Scandinavian white supremacist death metal guitarist
Sephardic shofar player

FOR:
Ska punk keyboardist
Blues drummer

<90 minutes later>

"...the final whistle blows. And what did you think of that performance, Basil?"

"Shocking, Theo - absolutely shocking. I'm appalled."

"1-0 not good enough for you, then?"

"Oh, no, it was a fine goal by the ska punk keyboardist - direct, to the point, and no fussing around with much in the way of ornamentation. It's the rest of the squad that terrifies me. Who, I ask you, places a Sephardic shofar player on the wing next to a death metal guitarist? One spent the entire match attempting to send the other off to a death camp, and the other kept trying to assign his so-called team mate to Gehenna. And don't get me started on the defence..."

"Why not, Basil?"

"Our left back was too stoned to do anything other than 'find de riddim', while a free jazz background may be fine if you're improvising with Ornette Coleman, but is hardly suitable for a goalkeeper - he must have wandered off as far as the halfway line at least five or six times."

"He did get the assist on the goal."

"So he's a fine supporting soloist? So what. If it hadn't been for the cellist, throat singer, and Dranyen-Piwang Bompa player, we would have been lost - they were the real backbone of the squad out there tonight, and the Jalanat players couldn't cope with their classical simplicity."

"And what do you think we'll be watching next, Basil?"

"Whatever it is, any squad has to be better than this mötley crüe"


----------------------------------------------------

OOC - the next Holy Empire squad will be..... a team of sentient footballs.

Keep the ideas coming, and thanks to those of you who've sent squads in so far.

[Pretty Awesome Persons]

PAP Sports Show!
"Hosted by, me Paul Torres!"
"And me, Mark Morataya!"

*overused epic sounding instrumental music*
*robotic female voice* Today in the PAP Sorts show, Mangolana versus Pretty Awesome Persons

Paul: I'd like to start with this: Why u mad Mangolana? Huh? Why u mad? 'Cause we stylin' on you?

Mark: Come at us, brah. We're ranked 69th in the world, and although we're not the best, the best team won.
Paul: We had the best players, so we deserved to win. We won, fair and square. Thanks to a fairly awarded penalty, we won 1-0.

Mark: Here's WHY we won. First of all, Fransisco Gonzalez did not slip on the grass. It wasn't even raining. John Davenport was clearly pulling on Fransisco Gonzalez's shirt and at times grabbed his FACE. Blame the ref all you want, but it was a foul because his shirt (and face) was being pulled.

Paul: Secondly, Franklim Ordonez was "ripped" down by his hair from behind. You mean his shirt right? Rafael Herrera grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled then let go, but then Ordonez dived. It looked like he grabbed his hair, but he didn't. Herrera was given a yellow card for that.

Mark: Lastly, the "goal" was offside. I don't know how you could refute that.

Paul: Don't blame the ref, he's human, not perfect.

Mark: And through isn't spelled t-h-r-u, it's spelled t-h-r-o-u-g-h.
OOC: I'm trolling here, I'm just criticizing.

PAP Sports
Good, strong start for PAP in the qualifiers.
PAP 4 (Gonzalez '27, '45+2; Mendoza '57; Zizi '71)
Wewtlandem 2 ('39; '54)

PAP Destroyed Wewtlandem 4-2 today, putting PAP in 3rd place, it looks like the top 3 are tied for 1st. Gonzalez started it off with an easy goal in the penalty box. Wewtlandem then responded 12 minutes later, with a good header in the box. Gonzalez responded near the end of the first half with 23 yard goal, making it 2-1. Later, in the 54th minute, Wewtlandem tied after an extremely accurate shot went in the top right corner, making it impossible for Roderick to get it. 3 minutes later, Hugo Mendoza broke the tie after doing some excellent step overs, confusing the defense. Zizi secured the game 4-2 after he executed a good chip shot over the keeper.
Fransisco Gonzalez says he's glad to be back and hopefully they'll qualify this time.
Louis Zizi started his campaign great today, scoring a goal
Steven Sanchez said, "Today's game was a good one. Not only will it shows us what we are doing well, but it shows what we're doing poorly in. For example, we could work on goalkeeping a little bit. Wewtlandem is a new team and the fact that we allowed 2 goals, shows we need work. Maybe strengthening the defense would also be something to look at. I'm just happy we won."
Hugo Mendoza left without a word.

Schedule:

Pre-qual friendlies
MD1 : PAP 4-2 Wewtlandem (WIN)
MD2 : PAP vs Mytannion
MD3 : North Alexandera vs PAP
MD4 : PAP vs Landau Institute
MD5 : PAP vs Mongea
Mid-zonal friendlies
MD6 : Wewtlandem vs PAP
MD7 : Mytannion vs PAP
MD8 : PAP vs North Alexandera
MD9 : Landau Insitute vs PAP
MD10 : Mongea vs PAP
Pre-interzonal friendlies

Prediction vs Mytannion: 2-1 WIN

Roster vs Mytannion:
Starting XI

[Khytenna]

Result: Khytenna win their first ever opening game!
Khytenna: 2
Bohannan 11th
Pellett 56th


Iglesian Archipelago: 1
Gatton (og) 23rd

Reporter John Dark

Khytenna made the best possible start in their world cup campaign, as the team beat Iglesian Archipelago 2-1 at home, ending opening game losing streak that they have had for the past 3 world cups!

Khytenna’s home crowd was very vocal and geared up for what would be a entertaining game. Khytenna started the game in attack mode, with an early shot from Thorne in the 5th minute, the shot went to the keepers’ hands, but it was a powerful and curling shot. Khytenna had another chance at goal thanks to firestone opening up the defence with a run, his pass went to Pellett who’s shot was stopped by the keeper, Lini had his head in his hands, a good chance gone begging! Khytenna eventually got the goal they wanted thanks to defender Bohannon who was in the right place at the right time. Left corner was taken by Pittenger in the 11th minute, the cross went to Pellett who made a fantastic header at goal, but was cleared by the keeper, Carmichael made a long shot as the ball fell to his feet, it of the cross bar and bounced violently down, but on the wrong side of the line, Bohannan was there to simply tap the ball into the net for Khytenna’s first, 1-0 with the crowd going wild! Khytenna was desperate to get another goal, they surged into attack, 5 minutes later, a through ball by Carmichael found Firestone who hit the crossbar and was denied a goal. Tragedy struck big time for khyenna, as a shot by a forward ended up being put into the goal by the keeper, Gatton fumbled the ball the managed to bounce of his knee into the goal, Gatton’s face was red with embarrassment Iglesian Archipelago was celibrating like crazy whilst khytenna had heads in hands. Thorne had the last shot of half, his free kick shot just went wide, a very close shot, but the first half ended 1-1.

The second half started okay for Khytenna, both teams at this point where battling it out for the lead and both teams new that they could be the ones winning, they just needed the break, Khytenna got that break, thanks to quick one touch football. Vancil made a super long ranger pass to Thorne who was on the other side of the pitch, he chested the ball and found Carmichael, he then passed it quick to firestone and signalled for a one –two pass back, but Firestone chipped the ball over the defence to a advancing Pellett, he made a low shot at goal and beat the diving keeper, he knew it was a goal the moment it left his foot! 2-1 the score now and the crowd was going wild! Khytenna defended the game well from that point on, but khytenna’s lead was threatened by a last minute penalty, Vancil brought down a striker in the box, he didn’t get a card at all, but the penalty was bad enought, the play shot for the bottom left corner, But Gatton made a super save, redeeming himself by his first half mistake, and practically saving the game for khytenna.

The game ended 2-1, and the Home crowd went ballistic! Coach Proctor said that “this was a good Win for us, we beat a team ranked 19 points ahead of us today, and that is a good achievement, we are not going to let that get to us though. We are going to take the game to Valladares, and we will play our best! I know that this team has the ability to beat any team in the world!”

Khytenna, will play with an unchanged squad against Valladares who sit top of the group.

The team is Below:

GK 1. Tim Gatton (age:28 Team: Central FC)
RB 3. james Ursua (23 Blue bay)
LB 2. Shad Vancil (23 Keltyme Foresters)
DC 15. Oliver Testerman ( 22 Atlético Central, Cafundeu)
DC 17. Nelson Bohannan(26 Alterdamm Merchants, Gray harbour)
RM RM 7. Casey Thorne(captain) (24 Xephic Reds)
LM 16. jamie Pittenger (20 Blue bay)
CM 8. Kurk Rusek (24 King’s District)
CAM 4. John Carmichael (21 Central FC) (21 Percepi Sharks)
FW 10. Lini Pellett (20 AC New Haven, Silver beach)
FW 9. Fergal Firestone (20 blue bay)

                         Gatton
Ursua          Testerman            Bohannan           Vancil

Thorne                   Rusek                Pittenger
                            
                       Carmichael
                    
                 Pellett        Firestone

[British Ecuador]

Welcome to YourView! British Ecuador's Number 1 Radio Phone-In Show!

'Hi I'm Russell Stewart.'

'And I'm Pim Benjamin.'

'This is YourView!'

'Our guest on the show today is Reverend Riley Washington, who is captaining the Unified team that British Ecuador, Megadia and Future Events have entered called the BEMFE.'

'So Pim, I believe you have secured a Player/Assistant Manager role at a club in Erathore recently.'

'Yes I have, and so has Riley over here in the corner.'

'Congratulations to both of you, but it's time to hear the public's view on the recent 2-0 win against Ninthinia.'

'Okay. We have our first caller on the line. So Gregory, what is your views on the win?'

'Well, where do I start Russell? I was very shocked to know that we were entering a unified team, so now some of the players we were booing in the Baptism of Fire 41 we are now having to cheer on.'

'Yes, football is a wierd game. Do you like the kit for the unified team that Riley is proudly sporting in the studio?'
http://1.2.3.9/bmi/i989.photobucket.com/albums/af14/ASMVandDandS/megadiakits-1.png

'I was annoyed to know that the kit had Megadia on the front, but I love the design.'

'Thanks for your views Greg. It's now time for a short ad break.'

[Kazzoria]

Nethertopia 3-2 Kazzoria

3-2 wasn't too bad for a game against Nethertopia. In fact it wasn't even slightly disappointing. It was dot on what was expected of the game, but of course the government wouldn't see it that way. They never did. Matthias would have left his job ages ago if it wasn't against the law for him to quit. He just hoped that they would be accepting of the defeat. He had, quite on purpose, left his phone off all day. He decided to turn it off, but even so he did it tentatively. He dropped it as it started to buzz like an angry hornet. It finally went silent ,so he picked it up. He had a message from his son "Sorry about the defeat dad, good game to watch for the neutrals though." The next message was from his best friend Phil "You lost ." Then finally the last was from the minister of sport. It read: "That was a poor performance and we were disappointed with you. If this poor form continues you will be put into room 101 for rehabilitation into your job." He closed his phone. They must win the next game, his life depended on it.

It was a long haul to get into the desert. As it turned out the government had set up blockades on every road in the country. You would have to show identification and you would be searched. A lot of people had been shot because they were totally unaware of the laws. There were blockades on the little roads as well so they had to do a cross-country. The old Jeep's suspension seemed to be made of wood, so every dip, pothole or rock shook the car to the core. It took three hours and they still had to make it past a blockade on a tiny little desert road that they thought might have been overlooked. They had to kill everyone there which wasn't very pleasant, but they were government scum at the blockade. It they end they managed to find the tribe and settled down for their first night with the tribe.

King Lucas knew that the blockades had failed. Not only had the Blue Panthers avoided the blockades, they had managed to get past one as well. But that didn't matter, a member of the tribe who was really a spy had found out that the Blue Panthers were going to live with some other tribe. They were quite possibly in disguise, so they would just have to be methodical and efficient. To kill the Blue Panthers they would have to destroy everyone in every tribe in alphabetical order. It didn't matter who died, all that matter was that these dissenters were destroyed before they could spread their message of freedom and liberty. They must be stopped at all costs. And dealt with.

[Qlumez]

-excerpt from a foreign newspaper-

It couldn't be better
Qlumez routs Sam The Reaper in their WC54 qualifying debut

The colorful Qlumezian crowd went home happy after seeing their team run circles around Sam The Reaper for 90 minutes. Cahbul scored a hat-trick, the first goal coming at 37 minutes, when he caught a misfired shot by Liqecwi and rebounded it to the net. At the 73 minute mark, he did a series of one-twos with Vucmi and Liqecwi, rounded out a defender and fired home. A mere three minutes later, a badly executed offside line left him to beat the goalkeeper and run inside the net.

The two other goals were scored by Duni, in a speedy cut between three defenders, and Licuzsecwi, who entered late in the game and volleyed a cross from a Berwaz free kick.

The victory puts them on top of the group for the moment.

(Aaaaaargh my slow internet made me lose my entire post -_- and I had to try over ten times just to post this)

[Loonaterian]

Loonaterian lost their opening game against Sorthern Northland. Defeat could have been expected and the fact that Loonaterian came so close to victory was the real achievement of this match. The game at The Citadel was hotly anticipated and closely fought. Here are the events of the match:

Early on in the game Loonaterian applied the pressure on Sorthern Northland. Jani'é Boréca had a crack at goal in the 7' minute, but Yasser El-Borolossy was on top form all game and pulled out an incredible save. The rest of the first half was a little boring. The defense was to tight for any real breakthroughs and even when someone did have a reasonable crack at goal the goalkeepers were on hand to push it wide. At half time the score was still 0-0.

The second half proved to be a little more exciting. Early on Eulàlia Marxuach broke free of the Loonaterese defense. He hammered it towards goal, but the shot rebounded of Korali Kromina and out wide. Fortunately for Sorthern Northland, Dermot Wolfetone was on hand to finish. 0-1. The rest of the game was boring as well and so it finished Loonaterian 0 Sorthern Northland 1. Levi Kotuu made this statement about the match:

It is a shame we lost this match, but not the end of the world. We knew there was a good chance we would lose this match, but we would've liked to have won

[Western cuba]

Petrov leads Reds to a Draw

The First Reds game was played the 54th edition of the World Cup today. With an interesting game happening. The Western Cubans were home but they were playing in Tristinian Stadium in Corcorran, Delaclava. Which has a capacity of 65,000 thousand, because of war in Western Cuba. However this mattered little to the Western Cuba fans. With millions of souls watching the game, and 3/4 of the stadium being filled with Western Cuban Red.

The Western Cuban's played there first game against Strapszor. The Reds fought hard and Petrov coached a brillant game however the Western Cuban's couldn't score a goal. However though Goalkeeper Osip Motorina keep the game for the Reds and they managed to tie against Strapszor 0-0. However though it still matters as a point has been scored on the scoring system and this point can possibly be the reason Western Cuba makes the World Cup.

[Legalese]

Drawing Blanks
Logan’s Run begins with an unexpected –but celebrated - outcome.

It has been nearly a century since the last time the Legalese National Team took to the pitch, as far as anyone knows, and after 90 minutes, the national side left the pitch with as many goals to their name as the national program has scored in that period – none – as they drew Nova Mercia, 0-0 in Francopolis. Yet, from the celebrations surrounding the city, one would think that the Legal Eagles scored an upset for the ages.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said John Sparks, the Midfielder from L-League side Real Tiberius. “I couldn’t hear myself think, with so many fans there. There had to be like five times the crowd we see at Real [who play in a 32,000-seat facility].”

The official attendance for the night was 91,254 – the seating capacity of Federation Grounds – though reports indicate a possible oversell on the standing room only seats; if included, there were possibly as many as nearly 100,000 fans in attendance, a likely fire code violation.

As for the actual match, there is not much to report. Conor Logan went with a 4-5-1, playing Bears keeper Cameron Carpenter in goal. 20-year old Glen Flores from Bob’s Towing anchored the defense, while Mark Young, the 25-year old team captain and oldest player, headlined the midfield. The remaining squad was all under 20, with Joseph Frazier, the lone striker, becoming Legalese’s youngest-ever cap-winner, at 16 years and 30 legal days of age as of kickoff. The midfield controlled the tenor of the match, helping Legalese achieve 55% possession. Unfortunately, most of the possession was at midfield, as Frazier only took four shots, three of them on goal.

When questioned about his choice of tactics, Logan remained steadfast.

“We honestly didn’t know what to expect [against Nova Mercia], especially since we’ve heard not a word from them. When you don’t know what to prepare for, you have to play to your strengths, and for us, that was winning as many balls as possible, controlling the tempo, and playing our game. We did that exactly as expected tonight, and I’m happy with our result.”

Logan did concede that some changes may need to be made to improve the attack.

“We can’t win if we don’t score, and we can’t score if we don’t get more chances. Joe [Frazier] had a few good opportunities, and should have had a goal, if not for some bad luck. We just need to get the ball forward a bit more against Itheus.”

Legalese’s next challenge will be Zone 2’s current 2nd-place side, Itheus, who pulled off a 1-0 victory over Azulcena. A change in venue for the national side will also come with it, as the home pitch for the National Team will cross the Nemyan Strait to the Island, to be hosted at Unreal Park in Cherryville.

[Eastfield Lodge]

The Sporting Gazette

4 games, 4 wins, and a good start to this cycle.

Yes, the Eastfield Lodge team has got four wins on the trot, having played four games in a week (2 games each on two days). The games in question were the MSMT First Round match against Valladares, the first Publishers Cup match against Erathore, the rival friendly against Kazzoria on home turf, and the first qualifying match against Greater Cotswalds.
We ran out 4-0 winners against Valladares, much to our surprise, with both Ahmad brother each slotting in two goals past the unfortunate Fuentes. Sameer Ahmad opened the scoring after 6 minutes, picking up a bad pass from Calheira and slotting the ball into the far corner. 25 minutes later, Shabeen Ahmad from the spot scored after Correa was wrongly deemed to have handled the ball inside the box, gaining him a yellow card. Shabeen then doubled his tally for the match 12 minutes after the break with a brilliant run through the defence and a chip Fuentes just couldn't reach. Sameer then completed the rout after heading in Ben Madison's cross. The team next face Sarzonia, in Sarzonia.
Onto the Publishers Cup match against Erathore, and this was a much closer affair, with the final result being 2-1 to us. Shabeen opened the scoring with a brilliantly taken half-volley from O'Henly's cross after 11 minutes. 33 minutes later, Sameer Ahmad broke clear of his marker and neatly slotted the ball just inside the far post. 4 minutes before stoppage time, RGS Athletic's new signing, Alexio del Nieran, is brilliantly put through by Malvolio and beats Aidan Jagger with ease. Deep into stoppage time, Malvolio seemingly scored a goal of his own, but the Erathore celebrations were cut short by the assistant linesman's flag being raised, and it was the right decision. The next game is against ASMV.
Kazzoria were pitted against the might of the Whoniverse in the re-enactment of this rivalry, but spectacularly lost 4-1, with The Doctor getting a well-deserved (despite what the biased Kazzorians might have to say about it). The other goal came from Plastic Rory, and the Kazzorian goal was courtesy of Danny Veille.
Onto the start of the qualifiers, and the Eastfield Lodge team certainly got the start they wanted, beating Greater Cotswalds 2-0. Both goals courtesy of Shabeen Ahmad III (34' and 76'). This leaves us at the top of the group on goal difference, and a trip to Jimmy Wales follows.

---

Team to play Jimmy Wales away: Starting XI

Goal Tally WC54Q:
Shabeen Ahmad III: 5
Sameer Ahmad: 3
The Doctor: 3
Rory the Plastic Centurion: 1

[Swartaz]

The Insight

So, the World Cup begins again. And with it, the expectation and dreams of a nation on your shoulders. Many teams will slip and drop them, shattering the fans and the players for weeks to come. Others go far with their's, right to the finals, to shatter their's on the big stage. Only one will go right through with there's without a crack. Of course, we do not expect to keep our's preserved, but hopefully we can get to the finals on the eight time of asking and try our best.

But to become on of the best, you have to beat the best. This was our biggest challenge of the zonal phase: Kelssek. With almost double the ranking points and a history of good World Cup performance, we went into this one hopeful at best. But with the pressure of our fans on us, we had to go into it with the confidence we could pull off a great upset.

We stepped out to an eletric atmosphere, and we decided we would try and put on a show for the faithful that had turned out. We pushed the ball into the box time and again in the first few minutes, trying to force the issue, but to no avail. Our attacking mentallity of course leaves us open to the odd counter, and Kelssek used this to full advantage about 10 minutes in when Leigh McElwood stormed down the wing and buried it into the top corner in a sublime effort.

We could tell the fans were already beginning to get irritated, so we intensified our quest to find an equalizer. Gösta made a penetrating run to the box, and was brought down just outside it by a horrendous tackle by Benoît Gagnon, for which he saw an instant red. Up stepped our 'wonderkid', Olec Dasra, to slot home a well crafted penalty to level proceeding's just before the break.

In the second half, the defence just fell to pieces. Chaos ruled in our area and Laurent Pontoise made use of it, with a quick double pushing the game out of our reach. The Kelssek defenders continued their policy of tough tackling, and when Gösta was brought down with a horrible shudder for a second time, things boiled over and a brawl broke out near the corner flag. Several of our fans then charged onto the pitch to join in, and Hugo Lukas was red carded for his part, meaning he'll miss the next three games.

As long as we get a good win next time out, hopefully our fans expectations and dreams will be preserved for a little while longer that we hope?

[Tretskivucia]

Tretskivucia kicks off the Cup with a Dull Draw
Boris very disappointed

The World Cup 54 for Tretskivucia started today with a match against the other group favourites, Swilitia. The game, as Boris, the bear coach, put it was "grrrrarggh", which we believe means "dull" in Tretskivucian Bear Language. About the most exciting part of the match was when our goalkeeper, Georgi Sjedev, gave up and went to the cafe down the road with the Swilitian goalkeeper, the 2 goalies are now best of friends. Boris was also very bored, it was easily visible in his diet, he only ate 2 cows after the match and he also only attacked one spectator, a great record for Boris but a sign his scare methods of coaching are failing.

[Silver Beach]

Dull Draw for Silver Beach

On the first match of World Cup Qualifiying, Silver Beach blew a 1-0 lead in Kagdazka and Pazhujebu in the 81st minute, as they played out to a 1-1 on the road in the first match of World Cup 54 qualifiying.

In the first half, Silver Beach clearly showed its superiority over Kagdazka and Paxhujebu. Silver Beach seemed to do what many expected, was use its speed on the side to cross the ball to its bigger players in the middle. Sean Johnson got a few crosses in there, and Alejandro Romano got a head on the ball more than once. Silver Beach was strong throughout the entire first half, and had many opportunities to score. In the 32nd minute though, Jacob Jenkins scored on a corner kick to silence the crowd, and give Silver Beach a 1-0 lead over Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, which they took into the half.

In the second half, Silver Beach started to slow down. After some lazy passing to begin the half, the goalkeeper had to make an array of saves to his left to make sure Silver Beach kept the lead. From about the 60th minute forward though, Kagdazka and Pazhajebu dominated in all aspects and phases of the game. Kagdazka and Pazhujebu kept on firing up the crowd, while at the same time getting off some tough and important shots against the bendy Silver Beach defense. But when Kagdazka and Pazhujebu scored in the 81st minute, the sea of dark purple just went crazy, as the little white and light blue section was almost silenced. They had scored on a bender 22 yards away from Lazar Nikolic, and just went absolutely nuts. As the final three whistles blew, Silver Beach walked off the field, as they finished the match tied 1-1. They could have done better, but they also could have done a lot worse. They got lucky today.

As they get a bye in the next week of play, they will go to Tarrentum in two weeks. Things are hoping to get better for the squad, as they are looking to improve on this draw. That will be a tough task though, as Tarrentum had a bye today, but is considered the strongest team in the group. It may be seen as a must win so Silver Beach can get one of the top two spots.

As we sign out, see you next week for a full out preview of Silver Beach at Tarrentum live! on SBBC at 9:00 PM SBST(6:00 PM TSMST)

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Dr. Zotkin: We're back for part two of my interview with Baba Yaga. I'm here in her chicken-legged hut, enjoying a tea with the Federation's national team manager. Shall we continue with our discussion of your squad selection, Babushka?

Baba Yaga: Yes, lets.

Lovely. I'd like to go now to Lazar Nikolic, who just recently scored the equalizer that saved a point for his team against Silver Beach. A Kagdaz right winger who has been part of the national team set up for quite a few years now, he's gone from a brash and hot-tempered youth to a natural leader for his club Gimnasia and a potential candidate for the captaincy of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu's team. But you have taken a unique approach with this team; Nikolic will be away from his native right side for the foreseeable future, he'll be on the left wing. First, why have you been so loyal to Nikolic all this time, and second, why are you so sure that you will be able to effectively move him to the left?

Ah... Lazar.

Once upon a time, in a land called Vaia far, far away, there was an ambitious king. This king knew that his country was great, that its society was just, and that his people were happy, but there was one great accomplishment that had never been hurdled: the crossing of the great Vaian Sea, the western shores of which his nation rested upon. And so the king set about at last assembling a ship and a crew to depart on the journey immediately. But he was dismayed as he began the process; it seemed no captain in his navy was courageous enough to assume the responsibility.

"Captain Einae, will you take charge of the mission?"

"I dare not, your majesty."

"Captain Atoua, will you?"

"Neither do I dare, your majesty."

"And what of you, Captain Ouaru? Are you too frightened as wel?"

"I'm sorry, your majesty."

And so the king, resolute in his determination that the dangerous Vaian Sea to the east should be traversed, began to explore more experimental options for who should captain the mission. Eventually, in his search, he came upon a legend of history, one who struck fear into the hearts of his people, but one who he knew could use her powers to finish the job: myself.

He invited me to appear before him. "Old hag," he said to me with contempt, "you are a veteran of history itself, and for that I must respect you. I must ask of you a favor. For my country to be great in the eyes of history, I must cross the Vaian Sea, which lends its name to my nation. Will you help me? Will you captain a ship bound for the opposite shore?"

I agreed. This would be yet another feather in my cap, yet another great adventure to boast of. And so the king presented me with the finest vessel in his navy and outfitted it with his best crewsmen, and a month later, we set forth.

But after a week of journeying, the tolls of the voyage began to take hold. Our foodstuffs were not satisfactory and began to rot, sharks followed the ship day and night, and soon a great storm rose out of the sea, and even I could not dampen its horrible gale. The storm lasted for several days, only worsening with every passing day. Finally, on the fifth day of the storm, when the tempest was at its worst, a huge wave rocked the boat nearly entirely onto its side. We managed to set the ship back upright, but two crew members fell overboard. One was our ship's medical officer, the other our youngest crew member. A flurry of sharks set upon both of them immediately. The medical officer was lost before we could pull him back aboard, and though we managed to throw the boy a rope, he was badly injured from the bites of the marine monsters.

The next morning, the sky was clear and the storm had passed. But the boy was dying, his wounds infected and his blood poisoned with the awful elixers of the sea. Without the medical officer, we seemed to have to way to help the boy. The crew was distraught. "Captain Baba Yaga!" they cried. "This boy is dying!"

And so I assembled them before me. "My brothers," I spoke, "we have two fallen comrades. One has passed on and the other is about to lest we find some way to help him. But our medical officer was the one lost forever. How shall we help this young boy? One of our number must draw upon his learnings in a second discipline. Who shall it be?"

For a moment, no one stepped forward. At last, a voice spoke out: it was the cook.

"I am no doctor. But I believe I can help the boy!"

"Good, then set to your work," I said.

And the cook did, preparing an odd potion which he believed would save the young crew member's life. But when the boy drank the tonic, his skin bristled and he let out a bloodcurdling scream! Before we knew it, the boy was dead. I urged forgiveness, for the cook had done his best. But the inconsolable crew, under the spell of drink and stress, became enraged at the cook and tossed him overboard without a moment's notice!

The next day, I awoke to find the crew distraught again. "Captain Baba Yaga!" they cried. "Most of the food in the pantry is rotten! What shall we do?! Are we to die of hunger?"

And so I assembled them before me. "My brothers," I spoke, "we have a crisis. Our food is rotten and we have nothing to eat! If we had our cook aboard we might have been able to improvise a solution to this problem, but yesterday in your anger you threw him to his grave! How shall we find food? One of our number must draw upon his learnings in a second discipline. Who shall it be?"

For a moment, no one stepped forward. At last, a voice spoke out: it was the navigator.

"I am no cook. But I believe I can prepare a meal for the crew!"

"Good, then set to your work," I said.

And the navigator did, selecting a variety of fish caught from the sea, mixed with what foodstuffs he could find that were not rotten. But when the crew, forks and knives in hand, attempted to consume their supper, they found that it was inedible! Gloopy and rancid-smelling, the dish caused most of the crew to vomit upon first taste! I urged forgiveness, for the navigator had done his best. But the inconsolable crew, under the spell of drink and stress, became enraged at the navigator and tossed him overboard without a moment's notice!

The next day, I awoke to find the crew distraught yet again. "Captain Baba Yaga!" they cried. "We were blown off course by the storm and do not know where we are going! We shall we do?! Are we to be lost at sea?"

And so I assembled them before me. "My brothers," I spoke, "we have a crisis. We have been blown off course and our charts are useless! If we had our navigator aboard we might have been able to improvise a solution to this problem, but yesterday in your anger you threw him to his grave! How shall we make it to land? One of our number must draw upon his learnings in a second discipline. Who shall it be?"

For a moment, no one stepped forward. At last, a voice spoke out: it was a wizened old janitor who no one ever spoke to. He worked below deck all day and all night cleaning barnacles from the hull.

"I am no navigator. But I believe I can set a course for land!"

"Good, then set to your work," I said.

But instead of poring over maps and toying with compasses, he merely sat in a chair on the bow all day, smelling the air with a relieved and pleasant look upon his face. The crew grew agitated with his behavior, but I urged them to withhold judgement on the man until he decided upon a course of action. At last, in the midst of the evening as the sun was dipping low in the sky above our stern, the old janitor stood up and spoke.

"My brothers," he said to the crew, "and my sister," he said to me, "we shall set sail in that direction."

He was pointing toward the sun.

"But that's back toward where we came from, you old fool!" one belligerent crew member shouted.

"Yes, we're on a mission to cross the sea, not turn around halfway, don't you know that?" cried another.

"Throw him overboard too!" yelled a third vehemently.

"Do what you like to me," the old janitor. "But you must remember, you asked me to set a course for land. I have done so. If you all are willing to swallow your pride you will realize that going home is the only way to for us to survive."

And so the crew agreed to return home. Though the king was angry when we told him we had failed to cross the Vaian Sea, the crew and I were relieved to simply have survived. I returned to Kagdazka happy.

Huh. Well, all right, that concludes part two of my interview with Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team manager Baba Yaga. Up next, part three.

[Mangolana]

Mangolana Gazzette Special
Mangolana Starts World Cup 54 Qualifing off with a win

Mangolana Started off their World cup 54 qualifing Campaign with a 3-1 win over Powerful britannia. The Scoring started early for Mangolana when right back Frankie Donaldson got his head on a corner cross from midfielder Jonathan Kamary at the 2:32 mark. The header was all but a rocket went in the left top corner of the net past the Powerful Britannia golie.

Britannia would score quickly though after with a quick strike at 11:45 of the match after the britannia striker broke through to put one in the upper right corner of the net, just beyond goltender Robby Mathewson's finger tips to tie the game up at 1-1.

The game would be mostly quiet for the rest of the first half an begining of the second with relitivly few attacks occuring, until Striker Franklim Ordonez broke through and tapped one in at the 65:43 min. The goal resulted from a breakdown in the Britsnnia defense witch allowed Fraklim to break through and put it in.

Then the Nail in the coffin came for Britannia at 81:21 when substitute forward Eric Donald put a header in off a cross from team captain Robert Jimenez. After this point Britannia just seamed to give up and played, as it seemed to just finish the game and go home. Now I don't know if that is the case but in this writers opinion, they just seamed to give up.

In a Preview for Mangolana's next match, odds makers have listed Mangolana as a surprisingly, favorite, They have predicted a score of 3-2, with Mangolana beating Jacouba. Usally I hope that these odd makers are wrong but for this match I hope that they are right and Mangolana can start off World Cup Qualifications with 2 wins to put Mangolana at the top of their group. Once again to close out this article, we hope evrybody will join us in a group yell, 1...2....3! Go Mangolana!!!

[The Andromeda Islands]

Andromeda News Service
World Cup Qualifying
Bank of Andromeda Stadium - Joppa
January 9, 2013

The Andromeda Eagles hosted their first match against International competition on home soil yesterday against the nation of Carpathia and Ruthenia at the Bank of Andromeda Stadium in Joppa.

The Eagles looked as if they hadn’t played in an International match since winning the Baptism of Fire two years ago. It had been almost precisely two years since their stunning victory in the 41st Baptism of Fire.

The opposition scored early against the Eagles. Goalkeeper Tatiana Parker had stopped several shots on goal in the early moments, but one finally fell through in the 21st minute.

“We were out of sorts,” Parker said about her team in the initial moments of the match. “And we choked.”

The light rain that covered the field in the Bank of Andromeda Stadium didn’t help matters much.

“We don’t usually have matches this early in the year,” Catherine Wynn said. “The AFA season starts in March once the rainy season has passed.”

Coach Diana Lazzaro decided to let the reserves play in the second half, despite being down 1-0.

“The rain was coming down pretty good at halftime,” Lazzaro said. “I was at a loss, so I put the second team in to see what they could do.”

The defensive team of goalkeeper Adriana Korsakova and defenders, Kim Eun Ji, Magdalena Dole and Asha Maharashtra pitched a shutout in the second half. Much of their success was due to the opposition shifting into a defensive mode.

“When they had the ball, they spent much of their time playing the four corners,” Asha said. “They passed the ball between each other and waited for the clock to run out. With the weather we had, it was a masterful strategy.”

The strategy almost backfired as midfielder Catherine Zeta Watson intercepted an errant pass in the 88th minute. This led to a late game rally that set up a potential game tying goal by forward Vanessa Ortiz. She kicked the ball…

… and it was stopped by the opposition goalkeeper. As the goalkeeper raised his arms to throw the ball back into play, the final horn sounded, signalling the end of injury time.

Coach Diana Lazzaro’s six game winning streak ended last night in her home stadium. The 2013 edition of the Andromeda Eagles is very different from the group of girls that raised the Baptism of Fire Trophy two years ago.

We’ll see if the Eagles rebound on February 5 against Meguroko. That game will also be played in the Bank of Andromeda Stadium in Joppa.

________________________________________
PLAYER PROFILE

#24 VANESSA ORTIZ
Forward

Date of Birth: December 14, 1988 in Joppa
Team: Valois Lady Monarchs
Education: BA, International Relations; University of Joppa, 2009
Height: 1.64 m
Experience: 41st Baptism of Fire (2011)
2012 AFA Goals: 7 in 20 games

Vanessa Ortiz was the Leading Scorer for the Valois Lady Monarchs in 2012. She led them to three straight AFA Women’s Division Quarterfinals.

Ortiz has finished among the Top 10 in goals scored each of the past three years.

Fluent in several languages, Ortiz is also the unofficial spokesperson and interpreter for the National Team.
___________________________________________________________

STARTERS FOR GAME 2
F 10 Brittania Thomas, 23 Joppa
F 11 Tia Patton, 26 Joppa
F 20 Kim Kyung Jin, 26 Joppa
F 21 Genevieve Johnson, 23 Andromeda City
M 30 Elizabeth Gordon, 26 Andromeda City
M 31 Bianca Knox, 23 Todd’s Cove
M 32 Lucy Kwan, 24 Angeles City
B 40 Rebecca Nichols, 28 St. Paul
B 41 Catherine Wynn, 24 Joppa
B 42 Lauren Rhodes, 32 Valois
G 50 Tatiana Parker, 23 Andromeda City

[Dorian and Sonya]

OOC - I normally dont RP "down" to anyone, esp a new nation. Shoulda posted a roster.

Mystical Unicorns Trash Chebsville 3:0
Monks Begins "Trash Talk" Already

My Queen,

It seems that I have once again been selected to follow the Mystical Unicorns on their quest to once again conquer the World Cup competition and once again lift the trophy for the glory of the Sylvanaes peoples. It is an honor that I am extremely grateful for.

Our first match was today, and the girls were absolutely splendid in an easy 3-0 stroll over newcomers Chebsville who never really seemed to be competitive at all. This was not an unexpected result as we still have not managed to find even an official roster concerning the squad which, to say things as fairly as possible, completely stunk.

J’hys Ickaeth started the route by simply outrunning three defenders down the right side and coming clean with only the keeper to beat. A keeper that at that point more resembled a deer caught in headlights. J’hys actually decided to take it easy on the poor guy, but her shot glanced off his elbow and into the net despite any real attempt to score or velocity on the ball. That was the 19th minute.

Two minutes later Airewen Rololond came clean in the middle to receive a nicely placed cross from Rayghaest. She had no sympathy for the keeper and leveled a shot at the guys head that nearly decapitated the poor guy. The easy second effort made the match 2-0 and from that point on the girls merely toyed with their opponents like a cat with a mouse.

The score could have easily reached double digits in the first half if the Unicorns had so desired, and at one point they spent nearly ten minutes exercising a complex passing drill without their opponents even managing one foot on the ball.

The biggest thing for the Unicorns is that three of the reserves, including Princess Alura, played the entirety of the second half, allowing them to gain some much needed experience. Alura played well and even scored a goal of her own in the 84th minute as the ran down an errant kick from the keeper and blasted her shot into the upper left corner.

All in all it was a match that went as expected, and the girls looked solid. Next up is a match against Balida who should be much more competitive.
There is another issue which I wish to bring up. The Archregimancy is up to their old tricks again. It seems they can not go an entire cup without taking their biased religion-based shots at someone. I quote…

“A reporter from the God-forsaken nation of Dorian and Sonya insolently pointed out that perhaps the Mangolanan reference to Fr. Isaac was not intended in a wholly complementary manner, noting that the obscure and unimportant heathen newspaper The Mangolana Times had accused Fr. Isaac of giving a controversial penalty to the winners after a player 'slipped on the grass' while ignoring a perfectly valid penalty for the losers after one of their players had been pulled down by his hair. The soulless heathen female elven journalist was ignored, as one might expect, but the MFA later released WCC-endorsed video footage of the incident.”

It seems we are once again “God-forsaken” and “Souless heathen elves”. Bah. These monks spent the last World Cup cycle feuding with clerics from ASMV as to who were the real heretics - An argument ASMV made with much more spirit and supported with more fact, in my opinion.

As this Fr. Nicholas the Scribe has made a direct attack to myself, I would like your permission to rebut his accusations openly in the media. Perhaps he is simply a mental case, but perhaps he truly believes the junk his mouth insists on spewing forth

Your humble servant,
Khyber

[Osarius]

After last week's mauling at Mount Crown Stadium at the hands of Albundania, the previous optimism surrounding the squad disappeared. Being absolutely dominated on their own turf by a top five ranked side in the world, and for some reason, Osarian fans were disappointed. Perhaps it was the familiarity of the opponent, or the close scores in previous encounters. More likely, though, was that their fury was down to the manner of their defeat.

To casual observers, the first half performance from the Firebirds probably looked like a completely different team to the one playing in the second half. Early on, the home side took the lead when Ashley Watson arrived at the back post to turn in the rebound from his older brother's cross shot. Things looked promising. Even after Albundania equalised through Kurt Winger (oh how we hate him) it looked as though Osarius were the stronger side. The notion was supported by Keon Tinto's cool finish putting them a goal ahead in the twentieth. Again, the world cup finalists pegged them back, though, and at half time, the game looked like it would be a real spectacle for the fans, a real treat.

Things did not go that way. It was a spectacle, and a treat. But only for the 6,000 travelling fans. The second half saw an inexplicable decline in quality. Benedict di Corradi's face on the touchline was one of confusion and fury. He could not understand how his highly athletic, aggressive team was being out-hustled, and beaten to every loose ball. He couldn't understand how his dominant defenders were facing trouble clearing their lines. Even his desperate substitutions and tactical tinkering could not fix the problem, and the Firebirds slumped to a 5-2 defeat eventually.

The hangover from that game didn't last. Osarius travelled to Meddicia knowing that anything but a win would see immense pressure placed not only on them, but on their coach. Rumours have stated that Benni Watson took it upon himself to rally the team before the match, calling a hotel room meeting, where he effectively said "we're not letting the boss down again". They didn't. It was a narrow, un-Osarian victory in many ways, but crucially, it was a victory. The captain's late penalty was the deciding factor, after Tinto was adjudged to have been fouled

Th e on-field events are not the important part of the story, though. It is the way in which the team responded to Benni Watson, and their reasons. An intriguing discussion broke out in the media following the match in Meddicia, which basically asked whether the players' reaction was a sign of respect for Watson, or whether they acted for di Corradi. It's hard to believe that di Corradi, who failed to rouse the players against Albundania - a team considered to be a rival in some ways - could possibly have been inspiration for a performance against a noticeably weaker side in a World Cup qualifier.

This campaign will be tougher than usual, and after falling pretty much at the last hurdle twice in a row now, the Firebirds will really need to be on their guard against potential banana skins both on and off the field. Looking at the zonal draw, and the interzonal draw, there are some very dangerous opponents over the horizon, should Osarius emerge from the first stage. With Medicia looking stronger than anticipated, and the threat of Bostopia looming large - some will remember the Bostopians ending Osarius' record winning streak in the World Cup 52 qualifying campaign - no slip ups can be allowed.

[Rejistania]

Nevetele is one of the places, you normally do not go to unless you have a very good reason for it. It is one of the havela'ny around Najajara kali. Kehit I Samatele hated the task he was given for the sheer reason that it brougt him here. The rain here and the unpaved dirt roads had already taken its toll on the shoes and trousers of his suit. The children who played on the street seemed to be attracted to him like flies to foul-smelling substances, asking for spare change and just being annoying with their loud voices and their nanjana dialects which to him sounded like a different language.

Eventually, Kehit reached the small street, if you could call it like that at all. Officially, it was supposed to be the Yjik Tadmi, but no one here bothered with names of that kind. He had to find out that the place inofficially was called Yjik Yjanu Sejil (Road which emits a bad smell). While he had to congratulate the havela'he'ny for the poetic name* it unfortunately was true. The road smelled really bad. There, he found the place, he was looking for. The house looked as bad as the other ones around, ika'het'ny at their best. He did not need to knock. As he approached this specific house, one of the children asked what he wanted there. When he said that he wanted to talk to Jhy Ka, this person ran into the house and only a quick while later, a somewhat tired looking rejistani invited Kehit in, apparently the father of Jhy. He smelled of alcohol and unspecified filth. Jhy was in the room of the house. He sat on the table and cut vegetables for his mother (or another female relative, maybe even a sister whose looks are just impaired by poverty) who was cooking ryxuryxu. "Jhy Ka Nevetele'tes su?" he asked after being introdued to him.

Jhy nodded, looking miserably. Apparently, to him a man in a suit could only mean trouble. Especially when he was using the name and origin. "Can you join us for a moment, Jhy?" Kehit asked.

When the slim man did so, Kehit gave him a letter. Jhy Ka Nevetele'tes was officially nominated for the national team.

* poetry in rejistanian does not work by rhyme but by alliteration of the stressed syllables.

[Cotdelapoms]

Apples Start Qualification Campaign With Road Win

The Apples were certainly excited to arrive in the slightly friendlier confines of Mossulia after the dangerous friendly victory over Mytannion. The team had planned only a brief stopover at home before they were to head off to Mossulia to get their qualification underway, but snow squalls at Bégin Airport delayed their travel by 24 hours. It has not been the easiest few days for our national football team, to say the least.

Once they arrived in Mossulia they were down a day and thus were unable to practise the day before the match, and it showed as they started out sluggish and uncharacteristically happy to simply boot the ball up the field with no regard for verve or style. Defensively the team was also sloppy, and the usually pitch-perfect communication broke down occasionally, leaving André Blanc-Senac all alone on a two-man Mossulian break that was prevented only when a shot went well wide of the net.

Cotdelapoms' attack got stronger as time went on, however, and the notoriously strong second half side lived up to their reputation by scoring on 65 minutes on a peculiar play. A shot by P-O Johansson-Bakvis was deflected by a Mossulian defender directly into a rushing Jonathan Watson, who stopped the ball but was stunned by the play. Upon catching his bearings, he slipped the ball to his left, where it was recovered by Sacha St-Onge, who blasted it into the net- which was left wide open when the Goalkeeper rushed onto the momentarily confused Watson.

Unlike against Mytannion, Cotdelapoms continued to push the tempo and play along the ground after the goal, with Sacha Chrétien not making any particularly defensive substitutions. Mossulia was not particularly threatening from that point forward, and the Apples held on comfortably to their narrow 1-0 win.

Cotdelapoms will host unknown Lundlle, who pulled off a shock draw with favourites Andossa Se Mitrin Vega in their first matchup. The match will be at Montréal's Stade de la rue Acadia.

There's a lot of discussion in the tabloid papers that Dominion and national team striker Huw Rhys-Evans' partner is suggesting that he would like a move to a more glamourous city, and whilst Dominion are having a stronger than usual season, Rhys-Evans has not experienced much success at any level. His partner pop star Showcase Alain, is perhaps the most famous Cotdelapomais football "WAG", and as the biggest name openly gay footballer in the country, the two have been getting a lot of attention since their relationship was made public, becoming one of the nation's most famous celebrity couples. The media frenzy will likely be in full effect in discussing this as the national team circus will be headed to Montréal, the city with the most glamourous reputation in the country.

The media loves to make mountains out of molehills when it comes to sport, so Sacha Chrétien will have to keep his men away from it during the run up to this important qualification match. Rhys-Evans played 9 minutes in the Mossulia match, and is expected to be in the 16 for the Lundlle contest.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Slow Start As Sea Dragons Finish 1-1 With Lundle

Emyle: Ok. Why do we always let Mace choose the bar?

Ciara: Is that a bad thing?

Kymy: Poor Girl. She doesn’t know yet.

Ciara: Know what?

Emyle/Kymy: Karaoke!

Jonasei: Karaoke? We’re not singing.

Emyle: Mace is just about to start.

Kymy: Dear God, help us all!

Ciara: Is it really that bad?

Emyle/Kymy: Yes!

Announcer: Mace Kinozg’h everyone!!!

Jonasei: Go Mace!

Emyle: Now you will see why I asked.

Mace: Wake up in the mornin' feelin' like P- Diddy
Grab ma glasses I'm out the door I'm gonna hit the city
Before I leave brush ma teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cuz when I leave for the night I ain't comin back

Ciara: Oh my. Uhm

Mace: I'm talkin pedicure on our toes toes
Tryin on all our clothes clothes
Boys blowin' up our phones phones

Jonasei: He does the dance too? Now that’s just wrong.

Emyle: Tried to tell ya.

Mace: Drop top and playin' our favorite CD's
Goin up to the parties
Tryna get a little bit tipsy


Kymy: This is actually one of his better performances.

Ciara: Oh my.

Mace: Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Im'ma fight
Till we see the sunlight
TiK ToK, on the clock
But the party don't stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Jonasei: This is horrible. He does this often?

Emyle: After every match.

Mace: Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Im'ma fight
Till we see the sunlight
TiK ToK, on the clock
But the party don't stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Ciara: Why do we let him come with us then?

Kymy: We are a team. We cant leave him behind.

Jonasei: He should go with the other coaches.

Mace: Aint got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Aint got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Emyle: No. he likes being with us.

Kymy: Besides you get used to it.

Mace: I'm talkin' bout - everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryna touch my junk, junk

Ciara: Make him stop shaking his ass! Please!

Mace: Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now - we goin' til they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us - (down)-man

Kymy: Ok. You don’t get used to that.

Ciara: I’m gonna be sick.

Emyle: Consider it punishment for such a horrible match againt Lundle.

Mace: Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Ima fight
Till we see the sunlight
TiK ToK, on the clock
But the party don't stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Jonasei: but we got a draw against them.

Kymy: We shoulda beat them by 5 goals

Mace: Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Im'ma fight
Till we see the sunlight
TiK ToK, on the clock
But the party don't stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Emyle: Draws are not good enough at this level. We have to win the matches we are favored in.

Mace: You build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yeah, you got me


Ciara: Ok Ok. Can we make it stop yet?

Mace: You build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up


Kymy: Not yet. Still need to be punished more.

Mace: Now, the party don't start till I walk in

Emyle: That should about do it.

Kymy: uh. Yeah. Too much ass shaking for me

Mace: Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Im'ma fight
Till we see the sunlight
TiK ToK, on the clock
But the party don't stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Im'ma fight
Till we see the sunlight
TiK ToK, on the clock
But the party don't stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh


Ciara: Thank God its over!

Emyle: Now stand up and cheer - or he will start over!
All: WooHoo! Go Mace!

[Valladares]

Valladares Sports Network

WORLD CUP 54 QUALIFYING ROUND - Valladares destroy Arse of Asia in qualifiers opening

GONES TAKE THE LEAD

By: Alan Rosero,
Blogger from "The National Kickoff"

BEZIERES (VP) - Hello to all our readers! Well, this is just the first match of the Zonal Phase, however, Valladares are starting to show why they are the top seeds in Zone 15 after massacring Arse of Asia at the Stade Jules Picot in Bezieres. Four goals, including a hat-trick by Jefferson Ospina, were enough to give a harsh welcome to Arse of Asia to the World Cup qualifiers. I think José Marín's team did a great job in front of almost 38,000 people, didn't give any space to their rivals and started the competition in the best possible way.

The loss in the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy (I'm not going to talk about that...) was a wake-up slap for our guys, who were coming from a long vacations period and didn't perform as expected, however, every doubt was dissipated at the intimidating Jules Picot, with fast players and an effective style. In fact, the first half was totally dominated by the home players, with Yoan Gignac and Jefferson Ospina giving lots of headaches to the rival defense. Both players warned twice during the first 20 minutes, but the away goalkeeper managed to control the situation. However, in the 29th minute, the Clube Comercial player took advantage of a deconcentration of the away defenders and scored the first goal with a powerful shot. Ospina didn't have to work hard to score two more goals and ultimately, destroy the hopes of the Arse of Asia players before the halftime. At the end of the first half, we had the absolute certainty about who was going to win the match, as Jefferson Ospina had already sentenced their rivals with a goal each 15 minutes.

The second half was not as dynamic as the first half was, however, Jeff was in his night and just needed 15 minutes to score his fourth goal in this qualifying stage, and fourth in a night (the highest amount of goals he had ever scored in a match). Arse of Asia were totally demoralized, and the remaining minutes of the match were boring, with José Marín's team seeming to be happy with the result while the other team were powerless and unable to react during the whole match. Valladares had already done their work and Arse of Asia were off to a harsh opener and defeat in the capital city of the Foix state.

Jefferson Ospina ended with Arse of Asia's illusions and Valladares had a great start in this World Cup qualifying stage. Next, the team will travel to Slateport to face Khytenna, who are coming to this match with three points in their pocket and a victory over Iglesian Archipelago. Although Khytenna are a dangerous team, I hope Les Gones make sure Khytenna leave our nation with five goals in their luggage. The match at the Estadio de la Riviera will start tomorrow at 16:00 hours. See you there!

PRE-QUAL: Valladares 5-0 Whirl Islands (Heritage Cup) - Venue: Frank Clair Stadium, Fauxham (Cap. 15,500)
PRE-QUAL: Valladares vs. Bears Armed - Venue: Dragon Stadium, Canalave (Cap. 35,000)
MSMT: Valladares 0-4 Eastfield Lodge - Venue: Mike Sarzo Stadium, Nicksia, Benatar, Sarzonia

MD1: Valladares 4-0 Arse of Asia - Venue: Stade Jules Picot, Bezieres (Cap. 38,000)
MD2: Valladares vs. Khytenna - Venue: Estadio de la Riviera, Slateport (Cap. 40,000)
MD3: Iglesian Archipelago vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD4: Valladares vs. Ibasira - Venue: Stade de la Frontière, Fontvielle (Cap. 36,500)
MD5: BYE

MID-ZONAL: Valladares vs. Cotdelapoms - Venue: White Meadow Arena, Carloburgo (Cap. 69,070)

MD6: Arse of Asia vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD7: Khytenna vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD8: Valladares vs. Iglesian Archipelago - Venue: Estádio Armando Bozzelli, Campo Grande (Cap. 50,000)
MD9: Ibasira vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD10: BYE

[Aguazul]

Until further notice, everything has been translated from Spanish.

"Oh, come on," said Ranemiro, "where's the button to put it in Spanish?"

"Over here, over here," hissed Joaquin, lunging to press it.

"Dorantes...to Sanchez...Rennidan still not conceding an inch...although, to be fair, they have conceded two goals and hopefully counting. Cleared by that center back..."

"Oh, what's this?" said an approaching Martín Hidalgo.

"The World Cup," said Ranemiro. "Matchday one."

"Yeah," echoed Joaquin, "we're watching the World Cup!" Ranemiro cut him off before he could further explain, how, like, they were doing it because they were really proud of their team, and their country, and everything, and certainly not propagating any sort of controversial message through their music or anything like that.

"That's...all right," Martín decided.

To a certain extent, he regretted having wandered over; it was difficult to tell them off for not working when he wasn't doing much productive. And yet...

"What are you supposed to be doing?"

"Honestly?" said Joaquin. "Making sure nobody from here goes and tries to blow up Aguazul. Given that there are no airports, nor docks, in sight, I think we're doing a good job."

Martín rolled his eyes. "Congratulations."

"Is there something you want us to do?" Ranemiro asked.

Martín paused. "Um.

For now? No. But be ready to move when I say so!"

"Yes, sir," said Ranemiro.

"¡Goal!" said Joaquin, a second before the announcer said a more elongated version of the same. Joaquin had preemptively matched his pitch. Even a drummer (well, percussionist; he hadn't sorted out the business of getting a drum yet) had a sense of unison. Sure enough, Vincente Aspe had rounded a dour right back before scoring off a Claudio Albornos pass which, in combination with previous goals from Cisneros and Dorantes, put Aguazul up by three.

Martín sighed. "All right."

But he had picked up a few tricks from his previous bosses. "Where'd that girl go? She left when she saw me, I think. What's she got to hide?"

"Oh, Lily? Nothing," said Joaquin. "She just doesn't like you."

"...Lily?"

"Yeah, most of our old fans are named Lily. Or answer to it, anyway."

"And this...Lily. When you say she doesn't like me, is that a short way of saying that she's planning to blow up the military base or something?"

"No! No," Ranemiro rushed to fill in. "She, she doesn't mind aguazuleños, she likes us."

"Then..."

"She," said Joaquin, "she just...resents you, I think. See, before we started singing about the benefits of the free market, such as how we can buy pot on it, we were singing about..."

"It wasn't singing, really," Ranemiro interrupted before Joaquin divulged what exactly they were singing about. "It was, more, random screaming."

"They're really into that here."

"I can imagine," Martín noted dryly.

"No no no no, not screams of innocent children being brutally bombed by Lilliputian terrorists, just...rocking out, is big. But...I mean, now we've diversified, we've really taken a step forward, even you really liked that one about economically stimulating transactions on sketchy street corners."

"Yes, your meter's come quite a long way."

"Right!" said Joaquin. "Anyway, she...she thinks you're a bandwagon hopper. And that's why she doesn't respect you."

Martín sighed. "Bandwagon hopper. Sure. I've been called worse. Just...stay on task. There are no military applications for punk rock."

Or so Martín thought.

[Sorthern Northland]

Beningrad Morning Star Online

Marxuach “confused” about gender

Despite playing a key role in Sorthern Northland's 1-0 World Cup qualifying victory against Loonaterian Eulàlia Marxuach could be set to sit out a number of matches amidst confusion as to her gender. In a extract detailing the build up to Dermot Wolfetone's winning goal, of which Marxuach played a crucial role in, Loonaterian media claimed that “Early on Eulàlia Marxuach broke free of the Loonaterese defense. He hammered it towards goal”.

Sorthern manager Caio Meback later claimed that Marxuach had read the report in question and that it had led her to begin to question her gender.

“She came across it whilst searching for reports of the match on the internet” Meback admitted, “I'm sure the he rather than she in the offending sentence was merely a typo, but she seems to have taken it literally.”

“She's been taking a philosophy class recently so she's really questioning gender following this. 'Am I woman, or am I necromancer?' is one of the things she's been saying since.”

“It's a strange one, she's never questioned it before, and she's always been proud to have been the first female human player to score a goal in a senior level competitive football match so for her to suddenly question it is strange.”

“She really is in a confused state and will probably be unavailable for a few matches, which isn't ideal because she's a top player.”

The absence of Marxuach will however give Antain Ó Faoláin and Bruno Bellemare a chance to prove themselves. Despite being aged twenty-seven and thirty-one respectively the recent call up of the pair is the first time that either has been involved with the national squad, for Meback though the decision to call them up remains the right one.

“Marxuach and Wolfetone are two quality forwards, but them aside we didn't really have anyone who posed a threat in the squad at the last World Cup. Ó Faoláin and Bellemare have been two of the best forwards in the Sorthern Football League lately as well.”

“For me the age isn't an issue, if anything it's an advantage. They both are aware that this could be their once chance to play in a World Cup and I think that will make them even more determined to prove themselves at this level.”

Meback, who was aged seventy-two at the time of his hiring to the role of Sorthern manager after World Cup 49, went on to joke “If age is really a big issue then I'll need to start thinking about my own retirement!”

Other football news

SNFA support for Monastic Football Association defence of donkeys
SFL referees vote to strike after manager abuses referees by calling him “a swan”
RUMOARMILL: Meback to entice long dead former striker out of retirement?

[Jeruselem]

Princess Helena Troi Dallas and Amy Pond watching the scoreless draw between Jesselton and Slazenagara

Helena: This is awful, what do you think Pondy?
Amy: Yes, no one looks like they will score a goal.
Helena: Good news for us, it's our opposition.
Amy: We're wasting our time here. We aren't learning anything about our opposition.
Helena: It's a pretty poor showing today.
Amy: It is their first game in this cup.
Helena: That's not excuse especially for Jesselton who have played in the cup before.
Amy: I think it's just game nerves.
Helena: I expect better than this. Some excitement, things happening. Not all round incompetence.
Amy: Maybe they don't play our brand of football.
Helena: I expect a team to make an effort, I don't know what's going on down there.
Amy: Well, a lot of the crowd don't seem to be too excited either.
Helena: I don't playing for a point in the first game useful. 3 points are there to grab, now.
Amy: We have to stay here and spy on our opponents.
Helena: We're not spying, we're doing research.
Amy: I'm bored.
Helena: Obviously today, that lot aren't on their best form. Jesselton should be kicking some ass.
Amy: They are just bit rusty.
Helena: We should have gone to watch the other game.
Amy: You mean Cakistan vs Crime and Criminality
Helena: Considering we've never seen them play before.
Amy: Too late now.
Helena: Well yes ...
Amy: I don't like it here, there's people looking at us.
Helena: We're pretty girls, deal with it. Soon, everyone will know who Amy Pond the football player is.
Amy: Yes I know.