Interactions in WAHQ [CLOSED RP]

[Potted Plants United]

THIS IS A CLOSED RP. DO NOT POST HERE UNLESS YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT.

What went on before

OOC: These posts are from the GA forum, detailing the events that led to the creation of this RP thread. They are put here as background information and to remind us what happened previously.

Since PPU took over what used to be Araraukar's office, and Araraukar not being WA nation wouldn't have an office on one of the nice floors, I'm putting PPU's office on floor 28. Well, I say office, but I guess it could count for "capital city" too.

The room was large, consisting not only of an office, but also what would normally be the living quarters for an ambassador and their aides. The walls between the original rooms have been knocked out of the way, so the ceiling was supported by pillars only. There was no feeling of space, though, because most of the airspace was crowded by strategically placed leaves, forming tiers of canopy to bask in the rays of the UV lamps colonizing the ceiling. The floor was covered with plantpots of various sizes, except for an area immediately in from the door.

Johan Milkus stepped in with a breathing mask on. The air inside contained too much carbon dioxide to be healthy for him. The oxygen produced by the plants in the office was used to pay for the electricity needed for the UV lamps, so the atmosphere was kept ideal for the plants, not animals like humans. The lighting was dim in visual wavelengths, because the windows of the rooms were absolutely plastered with leaves.

The largest plant in the room, the one whose leaves covered the windows, grew in a trough, and its vines and mooring roots extended well into the room. It was the plant, Johan knew, that had bootstrapped the plants' collective consciousness into sapiency. And the final catalyst for that had been when the plant ate one of his predecessors, back when he had been an aide to the Araraukarian ambassador.

The air in the room was so moist that he broke out with sweat within a minute. The companion vine that grew on him moved a little, as its rootlets collected the moisture. He had already grown so used to the slight tickling that he barely noticed it.

Within the area near the door, there was a table with chairs around it, and a commucations monitor on the table. Johan sat on a chair.

"We wish to invite others." The words appeared on the screen, glowing green. The plants tended to get to the point quickly, unless dealing with foreign delegacies.

"Which others?" he asked aloud, knowing full well that there were plants in the room that could see and hear as well as him, thus making the hivemind aware of what he had said.

"The suspicious ones. Not Leverett."

That made Johan smile a little. The Araraukarian ambassador's antipathy towards the Potted Plants United hivemind was well-known by now. And unlikely to change as long as she lived.

"Do you want me to go meet them in person?"

"Yes. Start with Abacathea. We will purge the air for their visit. Go."

As soon as he had left, his phone beeped a message from his companion plant.

Message to send to Abacathean ambassador's office:

You are cordially invited to visit the headquarters of Potted Plants United, on floor 28. We are sending our human liaison officer Johan Milkus to talk about the details of your visit with you. We wish to form an alliance - even an informal one - with Abacathea.

Yours, the collective consciousness of Potted Plants United

Send [Yes|No]

Johan clicked 'yes' and then headed for the Strangers' Bar. It was very likely that he might find the Abacathean ambassador there.

However, before the Abacathean visit came to be, due to recent events in the Strangers' Bar, the following unfolded:

Assoicate Ambassador Barber, after having informed the Military Attaché about the looming threat of a Kennyite Death Star attack, re-enter the bar, when he hears Janis scream.

YOU MEAN THAT PRICKLY THING IS VENOMOUS?!"

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, that sounds about right." , he mutters to himself. He pulls a smartphone out of his pocket and dials a number. "Josh? It's Julian! I think, it's time to open relation with these plants. You know, before they poison Max' scotch.... Yes... Yes, Minister... Of course... Well, I'll try my best... Okay... See you, Josh." He orders another glass of mineral water and pours it over the cactus.

Then this exchange took place:

Mrs. Finch picks up the telephone and dials a number.
"Oh my. An answering machine." she waits silently until the machine allows her to have a message recorded. Yes, hello. Is this the office of PPU? Gladys Finch here, Executive Secretary of the Louisistanian delegation. On behalf of Special Ambassador Schneider and Associate Ambassador Barber, I would like to arrange a meeting. Please call me back at your convenience to arrange the details. Thank you. Our phone extension is -1337."

The Liaison Officer Johan Milkus was just wiping the antibiotic fluid off of his right hand, when his communicator beeped. "What now?" he sighed, half-dreading to check the message. Fortunately it wasn't another urgent distress call from the Bar's cactus.

Sender: Hivemind
Subject: Phonecall
Message: Answering machine. Ask if want direct contact or text.

So after listening the answering machine message, he rang up the Louisistan office to explain that at PPU's actual office, there normally weren't any plants capable of holding a spoken conversation, thus the answering machine, but if the ambassadors insisted, a speaker plant could be brought in. Or the conversation could be done on a computer screen in text on the plants' side. They could hear very well.

The air would be moist. There would be dry places to sit, and the air would be purged of extra carbon dioxide so breather masks weren't needed. Beverages and edibles could be had. No firemaking equipment, even matches, were allowed inside. It would be unwise to make threatening moves towards the larger plants, as some of them were carnivorous and able to defend themselves. A symbolic gift of nutrients or water would be appreciated.

And yes, he could be present if the ambassadors so wished, but he had no more instant connection to the hivemind than anyone else whose phone number they knew and could send text messages to. Emails worked too. Any other questions or requests?

From: barber@louis.ga.wahq.wa
To: milkus@ppu.ga.wahq.wa
Subject: Meeting

---

Dear Mr. Milkus,

thank you for getting back to us. We would prefer a meeting including a speaker plant. Your presence is requested, so as to iron out any inter-species-misunderstandings which might arise. The conditions you described are acceptable for us, as long as we have the hivemind's word that we will not be harmed while we abide by your rules.

Please tell us when we can stop by your office.

Yours sincerely,
Julian Barber, Associate Ambassador

From: hivemind@ppu.ga.wahq.wa
To: barber@louis.ga.wahq.wa
Subject: Meeting

---

We have but two laws of our own. One: Do not harm sapients. Two: Harming sapients is only allowed if they are trying to kill one of our core selves.

Your ambassadors are sapient. Unless they initiate violence, they are safer visiting us than visiting the Strangers' Bar.

Purging the suite's atmosphere of carbon dioxide will take us several hours, and cause a significant drop in our oxygen output into the building's ventilation. We will need some time to prepare. Earliest two days from now, at noon.

Johan Milkus and a speaker plant will be waiting for you outside the door in the hallway.

I bid you warmly welcome.

Yours, Potted Plants United

OOC: This should be the first time the hivemind has messaged someone as a single super-personality, using the pronoun "I". The speaker plants always use "us", because they are just parts of the whole.

And now... on with the story!

[Potted Plants United]

Liaison Officer Johan Milkus stood outside the entry to what had once been the ambassadorial office and living quarters of the Araraukarian ambassador, but which had since then become the office - and indeed capital city - of Potted Plants United, PPU for short. He himself was still a citizen of his land of origin, but these days spent all his time at the WA Headquarters, dealing with the interactions and misunderstandings between the plant hivemind other sapients.

A speaker plant "stood" next to him, silent and unmoving in its plantpot with wheels. It could as well have been a regular plant, if he didn't know that it was capable of speaking and moving. The speaker plants originated from the huge pitcher plant that had bootstrapped the hivemind into sapiency by half-accidentally eating one of the Araraukarian ambassador's aides. Of course there had been seriously extensive genetic meddling involved, to create a plant capable of moving its prehensile vines at will, and using what would have been the pitcher trap in its distant ancestors as a lung to produce sounds.

It wasn't just the speaker plant of the hivemind that was on this side of the door, either; Johan could feel his companion vine shifting position under his clothes. The vine spent its days on his skin, absorbing moisture from his sweat, and nutrients from a special belt around Johan's waist. It was one of PPU's newest inventions, a combination of a freely-moving creeper vine and one capable of interfacing with a computer. It was a way for Johan to stay connected to the hivemind, as well as to receive immediate communications in the form of text messages and emails on his communicator. Of course the hivemind could have used the plants in its main office to send the messages, but it knew that humans felt it easier to deal with single plants, and so all but the most critical messages showed up as sent by the vine.

Johan briefly wondered if he should warn the Louisistanian ambassadors that he had such a plant on him, but then decided that if it wasn't absolutely necessary, it would probably be a good idea for the vine to remain unseen under his clothes. Now there was nothing to do but wait for the visiting ambassadors. He wished he had the plants' patience in staying in one spot.

[Louisistan]

In the Office of the Louisistanian Deputy Ambassador. Associate Ambassador Julian Barber was reading the briefing book on PPU when Special Ambassador Max Schneider entered the room.

"Hey Max, are we sure this briefing book is accurate?"
"Well, it's the best information we have, why?"
"For example the office number there. My office guide says that that is actually the office of Araraukar."
"Well it was Araraukar's office. You know, before the ... incident."
"Oh, right. The incident."
"Anyway, let's go Julian! It's time."

The two men stepped out into the foyer of the Louisistanian office suite. After they had informed their secretary, Mrs. Finch that they were about to meet with PPU, they went out into the corridor and took the elevator up to the 28th floor. When they stepped out into the hallway they passed something which looked like a little red post office box.

Just when they were about to turn the corner to the PPU office, Julian stopped Max.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?"
"Hey, it was your idea!"
"Yeah. But... that was before I learned about.. you know... the incident."
"You said they assured us, we wouldn't be harmed. Besides, you told the Foreign Minister, so basically we don't have a choice any more."
"Okay. You're right. Let's go."

The two men turned around the corner and approached Johan Milkus and the speaker plant. Julian shook the Liaison Officer's hand.
"You must be Mr. Milkus. I'm Associate Ambassador Julian Barber, this is Special Ambassador Max Schneider."
He turned around to face the speaker plant. In that moment he realized the plant had no hand to shake and he remembered that some of those plants were poisonous, so he simply pulled his hand back awkwardly as he looked at the plant and stuttered.
"Uh... Umm... Greetings... Speaker... plant."

"Smooth, Julian!", Max thought. Maybe it hadn't been the greatest idea to let the rookie have the lead on this mission.

[Potted Plants United]

The speaker plant revealed the conical leaf arrangement that allowed it to speak.

"You do not need to sound so flustered, ambassador," it said. "We are sure you do not meet non-humanoid hiveminds often. But, as it is human custom, we can "shake hands", if you would like."

The plant extended one of the vines with which it usually moved the wheels of its plantpot. The tip was very thin and obviously prehensile.

"You just grasp the vine at the point it thickens," Johan said, demonstrating. The thin part of the vine briefly wrapped around his hand and then withdrew. "It's perfectly harmless and safe," he added with a smile.

[Louisistan]

Julian cleared his throat.

"Yes, it is indeed not an everyday experience."

He shook the leaf of the speaker plant as Johan had demonstrated.

"We're very glad you agreed to this meeting."

[Potted Plants United]

"Human pleasantries continue to baffle them a bit," Johan said with a chuckle. "Even if they try their best to remember that we can't read each other's thoughts. Now, shall we?"

The door to the office was a regular steel-grey one, with the green letters PPU written in a large, stylized font that looked like a vine had grown in a peculiar pattern, forming the letters by accident. Despite the horticultural look of the font, the letters were merely painted on the surface.

Without any apparent signal the door opened by sliding sideways into the wall. There was another, much more utilitarian-looking door behind it. It had the look of being part of an airlock, and there was a sigh of air pressure equalizing, when it opened inwards.

Warm, humid air wafted from inside, bringing with itself the gentle smell of moist, rich soil and something else; if smells could've been assigned colours, this one would certainly have been green.

[Louisistan]

The Louisistanian Ambassadors entered the airlock. After they adapted to the moister climate they stepped into the actual office of PPU. The first thought that entered Max' mind was "Christ! Mother was right, it really is a jungle out there. Or rather in here."

The room was mostly filled with plant life of just about any kind and size. Some of the larger plants looked quite intimidating and Julian remembered that he wasn't supposed to make any "threatening" moves towards them, although he wasn't quite sure, what was perceived as threatening by a plant hivemind, so he stopped rather abruptly.

Julian looked around and saw that three chairs had been provided. Since the plants had their difficulty with human protocol he assumed they would take no offence if he and Max were to sit down before them. He signalled Max to sit down next to him.

"So", he said while looking at the speaker plant, "shall we get down to business?"

[Potted Plants United]

"Would you first care for some refreshments?" the speaker plant asked, rolling itself into the room after the humans. The doors closed after it, but as they did, a breeze sprung up from somewhere, easing the humidity in the room a little.

"Don't tell this to miss Leveret," Johan said, sitting in the last free chair, "but the plants have gotten quite good at making fruit wine by themselves. They also do fruit juices and water," he added, before turning to talk forward, into the jungle of vines and large leaves that covered the windows of the former offices. "I would like an apple juice to demonstrate it to these gentlemen."

A thin vine descended from the branches covering the roof, holding something metallic that Johan took from it.

"It's just a metallic straw, for ease of disinfecting," he explained. "The hivemind likes durable things that you can re-use, if fully biological ones don't work."

Then there was a shuffle of leaves further into the room, and a long, sturdy vine extended towards the men. There were... well, they were probably fruits of some sort, since they seemed to be growing from the vine, but they looked for all the world like pale green versions of the kind of plastic bags that medical staff used for storaging sterile fluids to give to a dehydrated patient.

Johan plucked a small one from the vine, and stuck the sharp end of the metallic straw through the membrane of the fruit, and then sucked some of the liquid out of it. Then he licked his lips and grinned at the other two men.

"It tastes just like freshy-squeezed apple juice, which is pretty good considering the bladder-growing plant has no apple tree in its ancestry, just the genes needed for the juice part of the fruit. If you'd like a different flavour or wine, just ask for it out loud."

[Louisistan]

"There is absolutely no way in hell I'm drinking something from a 'bladder plant'!, thought Julian, although he was wise enough not to say that out loud. "Thank you, but I think I'll pass for now." Max on the other hand, who had stayed away from the Stranger's Bar for three days in preparation of this meeting and who had (up until now) never attended any diplomatic meeting sober stated loud and clearly "I would like some Wine, please."

Again, a thin vine carrying a metallic straw descended, while another bladder plant extended its vine. Max hesitated for a moment but then plucked on of the fruits. "Drinking wine through a straw.", he thought, "haven't done that since the first year of university.". He took a sip and while it wasn't exactly the wine he was used to, it was rather tasty and the alcohol content was just about right to sit through a meeting with talking plants in pots. "This is very good, thank you!", said Max.

[Potted Plants United]

"We are glad you like it," the speaker plant said. "We are currently trying to find a way to create a non-self plant that could produce bladder wine, but the taste has always been off so far. It seems the process of producing wine without yeast is still so delicate to balance correctly that it requires our conscious attention."

"You sure you don't want anything?" Johan asked Julian, but a quick shake of head answered the question. "I'm sure you and miss Leveret could become fast friends," he added with a chuckle.

"Now with the pleasantries fulfilled," the speaker plant spoke up again, "let's talk. Why did you request this official meeting?"

[Louisistan]

"We requested this meeting for multiple reasons", Julian explained, "first of all of course, to gain more and better knowledge of your nation, since all we know comes from the appearances in the GA chamber and shrill shrieking women in the Stranger's Bar. There are many rumours about PPU flying around in these hallways and - if I may be so frank - we are here to assess which of those, if any, are true. We have also been instructed to discuss the possibility of opening official diplomatic relations between our nations. And lastly we wish to assess if there are common interests our nations share with respect to the General Assembly, so that maybe a strategic partnership concerning matters of the GA could be established.

Naturally the first point I just raised is the one point on which the others depend. Simply put: We wish to learn as much as possible about PPU and we also wish to discuss some of the more ... disconcerting rumours flying around. Such as the existence of sapient carnivore plants hungry for human flesh, the rumour that all PPU-plants are poisonous, and of course the alleged spy creeper vines in the air vents of the building."

"The orchid!", Max whispered.

"Oh, right! Earlier today a potted orchid was arrested in the office of the Louisistanian Lord Chancellor. Our Intelligence Agencies seem to think that it is a spy. You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you?"

[Potted Plants United]

"How do you even arrest-?" Johan Milkus started saying, but swallowed the rest of the question, when the room started to tremble with a low, ongoing rumbling noise.

Every plant in the room seemed to come alive and move at the same time, except for the speaker plant they had been conversing with. The thick vines covering the ceiling, as well as the rootlets crisscrossing the floor started shifting, only barely keeping from sweeping any of the men off their chairs. Every leaf and branch was alive with movement, and there were alarming creaking sounds that indicated the structural integrity of the ceiling or floor might be at risk.

The leaves that normally plastered the windows of the office space were now peeling back from it with sounds that were reminiscent of an self-adhesive bandaid being pulled off a human skin, and as the tremors increased, all the movement in the room started to concentrate on the giant plant inhabiting the wall-length trough, as it obviously pulled itself together and turned its full attention towards the three men.

Several of the leaves now turned their way were covered with what could only be called compound eyes, as though they were a cross between insect and plant. And as the leaves covering the main body of the plant pulled aside, they could see that it was - or once had been - a pitcher plant, a huge one, certainly one big enough of swallowing a grown man in one piece. But now its pitcher was obviously air-filled, like the smaller version on the speaker plants, and as the leafy lid on it opened, a buzzing swarm of insects, bees of some sort, exploded out of it.

But then what had already seemed like a single-room apocalypse, calmed down as quickly a it had started. The bees dispersed into the branches of the other plants in the room, and then everything was silent and still, except for what could only be called breathing movements of the large plant's pitcher.

Because practically everyone was familiar with the speaker plants by now, the fact that the giant plant spoke next, wasn't that big a surprise, but the voice with which it did so, was, as it sounded more human - a deeper, more resonating voice than any human thorax could have produced, but undeniably human, and also undeniably female.

"I mean you no harm."

The words were spoken slowly and deliberately, and it was impossible to pinpoit exactly where the voice came from. It was as though all the leaves in their new positions were bouncing the sound waves on, making them resonate so that it sounded like the whole room said the words at once. True surround sound.

"I have taken over this plant to speak with you personally," the voice said. "I am the Hivemind of Potted Plants United."

OOC: I had the Mean Green Mama From Outer Space song going in my head when writing this, but the PPU plant doesn't look like it (no actual mouth), nor is it it intentionally menacing or, you know, looking to kill and eat the guys... but the helplessness factor during the transformation is spot on right.

[Louisistan]

Julian watched horrified as the room transformed. While he was able to remain seated despite the urge to run out of the room screaming, his face fooled nobody. This was the look of horror. When the voice of the hivemind finally spoke, he said ... nothing.

Max on the other hand had already finished about two thirds of the wine bladder and had thus reached the level of intoxication which made him extremely calm (this state of inebriation was actually why he was considered a star diplomat in Louisistan, because virtually nothing could shock him in this state). Realising that his colleague was not about to open his mouth he took matters into his own hand and simply answered:


"Hi. I'm Max. This is really good wine."

[Potted Plants United]

"I am glad to hear that, Max," the hivemind said. "I had hoped your companion had sedated himself with alcohol as well, but I am sure you will be able to administer councelling for him later on."

"I think I now know what creeped out Janis..." Johan mumbled, not taking his eyes off of the giant plant. He seemed only slightly less disturbed by the sight than Julian did.

"I carry no ill will towards the Araraukarian ambassador. After all, she did take care of this plant when it was in its infancy. In fact, this is the plant that ended up eating and digesting the ambassadorial aide. It did not mean any harm to humans, but it had grown past the point where flies were adequate food. Had it had the means to communicate, it would have requested more substantial meals. As it was, its need for nutrients grew so bad that eventually it did what it had to, to stay alive."

That brought Johan out of his stupefication. "Wait, you mean to say that all the plant needed was more nutrients? And that the whole eating people thing was an accident?"

"It was an unfortunate event," the hivemind said, neatly sidestepping the rest of the question, "but as it turned out, it was also a very fortunate event, as digesting the woman either gave the plant the nutrients needed for the last growth spurt, or else somehow gave it the blueprint for sapiency, because that is the event to which I can backtrack my personal existence.

I am the collective consciousness of all the sapient plants that are a part of the whole, but this network existed in some pre-sapient form before I came to be. I continue to investigate this and do experiment with saplings to see if the process can be reproduced. However, I can assure Julian that there will be no eating more humans alive as long as I exist."

[Louisistan]

Max waved his hand in front of Julian's face.

"Yeah, I think it's gonna take him a little... Thank you for the history lesson, though. You certainly shed some light on the ... incident. And we're glad to hear there's no human-eating going on here any time soon. But that still leaves a lot of other things to be clarified, as my perplexed associate has already pointed out. By the way, where did those bees go?"

[Potted Plants United]

"One thing at a time, Max," the hivemind said, sounding amused, "your human sensibilities can't deal with all of the answers at once. To address your colleague's questions in order, the "history lesson" was the answer to the first one. As for being poisonous - eating the leaves or stem of one of my selves not grown for that purpose would likely make you sick, but would not kill you. Those selves who would be poisonous enough to kill humans, are not easily accessible to you, and other selves will intervene should you attempt to consume a part of one of these."

Johan leaned towards the other two men and said out of the corner of his mouth, "I wouldn't try to eat anything here that isn't offered for eating or drinking, if I was you."

"Though what my human says is true in this instance, what happened at the Strangers' Bar was partially falsified in an attempt to have Janis leave my cactus self be; its spines are not poisonous, even if you pricked yourself with it. Nor are any of the normal-form spines or thorns you may see on my selves. Again, those of my selves that might be dangerous, are not easily accessible to you. You are in no danger from my selves outside this room."

[Louisistan]

Max raised an eyebrow at what he considered to be a racial slur on behalf of the hivemind. What was 'human sensibilities' even supposed to mean? But he decided to let it go.

Julian suddenly came out of his stupor: "That's all good and well! But we have it on good authority that this building's air vents are crawling with creeper vines to spy on other delegation. Don't you think that such an activity is highly immoral?" "And don't forget the orchid", Max added. "What about that orchid?"

[Potted Plants United]

"I appreciate your sense of irony, Julian," the hivemind spoke, sounding amused. "Accusing us of spying while referring to information from a "good authority" - what else could that mean but your own intelligence gathering services? Although if that is the case, you might want to ask them why they are spending all their time in the Stranger's Bar. Johan, show them."

The Liaison Officer stood up and took off his jacket. Underneath he had a short-sleeved collar shirt. The companion vine was wrapped around his right arm. Exposed to more light than usually, the vine took advantage of the situation and unfurled small leaves along most of its stem. Normally the leaves were tucked in tightly to avoid wear and tear.

"This is my companion vine, a creeper vine that's less mobile on its own, because I'm walking around with it. It has its roots in this strange belt contraption around my waist, and interfaces with a small computer system. Other than that, it can move freely on my skin," Johan explained. "The one you've seen at the Bar can move entirely independently, but must return to a plantpot or other source of nutrient and moisture often. It will starve and wither otherwise."

"There is a third one," the hivemind added, "but that one is currently deployed in Araraukar."

"There is a full-grown replacement for each of these three in hibernation," Johan added, tickling the tip of his companion vine to let it know it should close its leaves soon, "but that's it. There are no hordes of creeper vines snooping around. Oh, and the bees aren't snooping around either, they're just bees. Stingless ones that are genetically pre-disposed to prefer the PPU plants' nectar and non-flower honeydew over everything else."

[Louisistan]

Julian and Max both looked at the companion vine with suspicion. However, both of them felt the hivemind had been honest. So far, there had been no reason to believe it had said anything but the truth. It had even gladly divulged that it had some sort of an operative in Araraukar. "So.", Max said slowly. "That leaves us with the orchid. What can you tell us about that?"

[Potted Plants United]

"None of the sapient plants that are a part of me, are of the orchid family, though given enough time and genetic tampering, we might be able to produce an offspring that looked like one. If you are referring to the orchid at the Strangers' Bar, the last time I saw it, the Discoverian ambassador had it. What has happened to it afterwards is beyond my knowledge. Without seeing the plant from up close, I can't even tell you if this is the same one or a new individual," the hivemind explained patiently.

[Potted Plants United]

OOC: On an undefined hiatus because Real Life is being a pain and eating up all the time my brain's awake enough to RP. Sorry. Will try to get back to this soon.