Welcome, gathered nations of Atlantian Oceania, to the thirty-third AOCAF Cup! Without a doubt the best regional football tournament in the multiverse (certainly far better than that rubbish Copa Rushmori), the AOCAF features some of the most historic footballing powers the globe has witnessed. Look no further than the region's flagship juggernaut Starblaydia, beloved and hated across the world for their dominance. (Although some say their glory days have well and truly faded away. They said it, not us.) Or perhaps Pacitalia are more your cup of tea? Having won three consecutive tournaments in a row does a real number on your confidence. Wait, I mean the opposite of that. Anyway, if you like torturous fandom, give Krytenia a whirl. Despite having one of the finest reputations, both in terms of football and international diplomacy, the Aces have made a rich tradition out of never winning anything.
Oh yeah, and Vilita's back. So they'll probably win it, right?
Or maybe you support any of the other esteemed nations that will be on show in this tournament? That's fine too; all will travel to the shores of the Federation to contest for the trophy.
So what is this unpronounceable country known as Kagdazka and Pazhujebu? Well, hopefully you've caught at least a couple news clippings about the country in passing, at the very least. But just in case you haven't, here's a brief run-down. (And by brief we mean not brief.)
Kagdazka is a cold territory in the northern part of the continent known as Calania. The country's terrain is a mix of mountains, taiga, and tundra. In the southwest, where a large percentage of the population live, it is considerably warmer during summertime than in other parts of the country. Kagdazka is nearly landlocked, but for a tiny corridor that runs along both sides of the Dyurtyuli River, which empties out into the sea at the port of Oktyabrsk. For years, Kagdazka was ruled by a pro-capitalist dictatorship to its east, and these corporatists brutally discriminated against the ethnic Russian Kagdaz minority, who for cryptic reasons have always identified themselves with the color wisteria. So terrible was the oppression from the east that all wisteria items, whether they were flags, bedsheets, microwaves, bicycles, or even flowers, were confiscated and destroyed on sight. Consequently, the name of this imperialist former ruler is not to be spoken by anyone in the country under penalty of death (don't worry, it's not Starblaydia).
Pazhujebu, formerly known as the Pazhujeb Islands, is an island territory in the far southeast of the Secocia Sea. It is 600 miles away from its nearest neighbor, Pacitalia. The nation is notable for having been closed off to the outside world from 269 to 1926 AD. The islands had never been occupied by any except the Pazhujebis and had never been noticed by cartographers until it was accidentally run across in the 20th century. The country's population are found to have been mostly genetically descended from Indian peoples. There are various explanations for this phenomenon; but the Pazhujebi story is that they were violently expelled from Rome by Claudius II. Pazhujebis are known for being frustrating at the best of times, and militant at the worst. They are vehemently protective of their independence, and have in the main refused to adapt to modern society or technology (though hefty exceptions have been made for the arms manufacturing industry and for the national monorail service).
Anyway, if there's one thing you got out of that, just understand that Kagdazka and Pazhujebu are joined only politically (and even then quite tenuously). Socially and geographically, they are highly separate. Residents of the two nations have accepted the union with the other, but generally prefer to fraternize with their own kind, thus preserving their cultures.
Despite both having regional languages (Russian and Pazhujebi respectively), Kagdaz and Pazhujebi people alike often speak good English. As part of a program established by the now deposed feminist dictatorship, citizens were required to learn English so as to create single de facto official language for the country.
Cars are banned in the Federation. Neither fans nor players should expect to be able to get around via that mode of travel. However, in Kagdazka, travelling via sleg dog is very popular, in Pazhujebu, private yacht services can take you from place to place, and in both countries, a privately-owned but nationally-operated monorail service can take you just about anywhere. There are three airports in the nation (one in Kagdazka, in Gelendzhik, and two in Pazhujebu, in Pkethat Šede and Urajbina, but visitors should avoid using air travel like the plague. See why here. Yeah, now that I've linked it, I realize that you have to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the section in order to read the relevant part.
Oh well, here's to assuming most people skipped all that crap anyway.
So anyway, this is what is known as the OP. I will update it almost-constantly with stadium information, draws, and links to roster posts. You may reply in various forms, either to post a roster or an RP. I will be doing the same, along with scores, asinine observations on postmodernism, and dietary advice.
Oh yeah, here's the bid post.
ARTICLE 1.
Twenty-one nations will take part in AOCAF 33. They will be split into three seven-team groups. Unfortunately, because we can't simply split the groups between the two countries of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, everybody's going to have to do a bit of travelling. Luckily, nations short on cash will be put into contact with cockroach-football-simulation-pit technology which, should they choose to use, will allow them to field a team of superintelligent cockroaches on their behalf from miles away. (Don't worry, we'll explain. If you have the patience to listen, that is.)
The top two teams from each of the three groups, along with the two next-best teams from any position in any group, will progress to the quarterfinals. Winners in that round will move ahead to the semifinals, where teams will play for a berth in the final proper, to be held at Zhevassi ZL's sprawling, palatial wooden stadium, where 96,000 supporters can assemble. (Losers in the semifinals get to play in the Third-Place Playoff, which tournament organizers are considering holding the middle of the Kagdaz woods next to Baba Yaga's creepy hut, as described in this RP. Of course, the Verisimilitude Police might show up and make us hold it in a 'real' stadium.)
ARTICLE 2.
The draw will take place on 13 December 2011. I will do it on IRC, but I have no idea when yet, so if you really want to catch it you should probably just be on there all day. What I do know is what the pots will be, so I'll post them.
Pot A: Kagdazka and Pazhujebu (7), Pacitalia (1), Krytenia (2)
Pot B: Cafundéu (4), The Bear Islands (6), Starblaydia (8)
Pot C: Valanora (9), Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (10), Dorian and Sonya (13)
Pot D: Burchadinger (17), Ang Grung (21), New Montreal States (21)
Pot E: 95X (33), Cosumar (35), Cheergirls (NR)*
Pot F: Legalese (NR), Kos (NR), Inis Na Dun (NR), Vilita (NR), Savski Venac (NR), Port Hawthorne (NR)
* Seven teams were not ranked, and one of them needed to go into Pot E instead of Pot F. I used random.org to draw a name out of a hat. Also, yes, Pot F does have six teams in it rather than three. Since they're all unranked, there's no point in splitting them up.
The draw is now complete. Here are the groups.
GROUP 1
Cheergirls
Burchadinger
Starblaydia
Valanora
Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
Vilita
Legalese
GROUP 2
Savski Venac
Kos
Pacitalia
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
The Bear Islands
New Montreal States
Cosumar
GROUP 3
Inis Na Dun
Krytenia
Port Hawthorne
95X
Cafundéu
Dorian and Sonya
Ang Grung
ARTICLE 3.
Here is the schedule for any given group.
Matchday 1: 2 v 7, 3 v 6, 4 v 5
Matchday 2: 6 v 4, 7 v 3, 1 v 2
Matchday 3: 3 v 1, 4 v 7, 5 v 6
Matchday 4: 7 v 5, 1 v 4, 2 v 3
Matchday 5: 4 v 2, 5 v 1, 6 v 7
Matchday 6: 1 v 6, 2 v 5, 3 v 4
Matchday 7: 5 v 3, 6 v 2, 7 v 1
The four quarterfinals will be held at the following stadia: Emuzhezh Stidiyama, Oberlander'ajat Stidiyama, Yuzhniy Veter Stadion, and The Ice Cube.
The two semifinals will be held at the following stadia: Praça de Prata and FKM Arena.
The third-place playoff will be held in the middle of the Kagdaz forest somewhere perilously near to the hut of the cannibalistic witch Baba Yaga. Players in this match will be forced to dodge trees, brush, and a small stream littering the pitch.
The final will be held at the Graha'ajat Stidiyama.
ARTICLE 4.
Twelve stadia will be used for this tournament. Here is a list of all of them, with hopefully-up-to-date little snippets of detail included.
Kagdaz Stadia
Pazhujebi Stadia