World Cup 54: RP thread

[Capivara Group]

Notiças da Çelessãu Capivara Seu Creysson
News of the football team of Capivara Seu Creysson

Como oceis já sabio, u nossio timio vai jogá em cásia nu primero joguio! Nu istadiu Capivara Seu Creysson, noça Çelessãu peguia u timio di Redi... res... R-E-D-H-I-S-T-A-M-E-S! Qui nomio compricádio! Mai vamo vê como fico u guprio, i quau vai se us time qui nóis vai pegá!
In order to have known already, our teams match first with home! At the hippodrome of Capivara Seu Creysson, as for our teams in Redi… res… Redhistames! How complicated name? How there was draw in any case, whether to be our enemies, you look at us, permit!

18.76 Tarrentum
0.00 Capivara Group
7.36 Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
13.21 Silver Beach
1.13 Redhistames

Vixe, só Tarrentum a gente nóis conseguio falá aí! E dois timio fórtio logo de cara? Tá tirano uma ca minha, né?
Cripes, It is the only team where, as for Tarrentum pronouncing name, we are good! And the top team 2 directly? Am I teased?

---

Dude, you need to work on that translator.

[Bears Armed]

"So, now that this Publishers' Cup game has been scheduled we're essentially talking about three Pre-Qualifers friendlies... as usual."

"Yes. It's a pity about our oldest rivals Peisandros vanishing, but we seem to have enough newer rivalries to go around anyhows..."

"Same line-up for each of those matches, bearing in mind that none of them are going to be at NorthPort, I presume?"

"No, Marra's said that although she'll deploy the 'usual' 'Mainland'line-up against both Sorthern Northlands and The Babbage Islands she's going to give some of the squad's other members some playing time instead in the game against Valladares: All of the usual line-up's substitutes will get to be starters, displacing the players who'd normally begin play in the relevant positions, and then she'll use some of the reserves as subs instead... but she hasn't finalised those latter choices yet, because she's still waiting for the Under-TwoEightsAndFive's to get back home from Starblaydia first. Hr'rmm, have you heard any news from the Di Bradini Cup during the last couple of weeks?"

"No. You haven't?"

"No."

"Oh. Hr'rmm...
"So, anyhows, The Babbage Islands: Arna-Maggra o Wirrenne plays over there, hrright?"

"For true; and although she won't be playing in our squad for that match Marra is taking her along to advise on what the local players are like... just as Emma o RedSun wil be providing information for the match against Sorthern Northlands, of course."

[Strapszor]

The Strapszor F.C. Press Conference

12.54, Startar Hall.
Team Manager, Dr. Thompson: Rumors have spread that substitute defender Ömer Boekhout was injured in his game against Worhop Utd. last Thursday, we are unsure where these rumors sprung from but I can assure you they are NOT true. However in last night's training session, our reserve midfielder, Çağlar Goede did hurt his leg, we have a scan booked for him tomorrow but it is unlikely that he will be able to play in the World Cup Qualifiers. Sone of the other players are playing beyond how we first thought in training and our planned first team has changed, Dion Wigmans is to be dropped for Dimitris Heijkamp, and Sky Tolner will be replaced with Aldo van der Toorn. I will take 1 question from each newspaper.
Guardian: Who will replace Goede?
Dr. Thompson: Goede will not be replaced.
Checker: Why are you making the changes?
Because players are playing better than expected.
Random Weekly: What are your thoughts on the polar bears?
Dr. Thompson: I think they're idiots, living in the bloody cold all the time, almost as bad as England.
Freezer: How strong do you think your team is?
Dr. Thompson: All I can say is I would be happy to qualify.
That concludes the press conference, thank you all for coming, there's likely to be another soon on the fitness of Goede.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

The Holy Empire Football Association was in chaos; or rather, more chaos than it usually was.

The rather unsuccessful squad they'd used for the last two World Cups had vanished into three separate time streams and realities, the assistant coach - and second most important legend in World Cup history, Simeone Di Bradini - had vanished into Starblaydia's medieval past alongside the squad's kit man, and with the first World Cup qualification match just days away, no attempt had been made to either find a new squad or extract the assistant.

"What do you mean Simeone's supposed to be there?" shouted the man considered by Holy Empire football fans to be the single most important legend in World Cup history - better known to mundies as Juan Tzimisces.

"Well, it's like this, Mr. Tzimisces... His presence in a past time stream has created a temporal paradox loop. We're still analysing the documentation - largely because the documentation is coming into existence as the paradox unfolds - but it looks like Mr. Di Bradini is so caught up in Starblaydia's history that to remove him before events fully play out would have untold consequences, right up to and including causing Starblaydia to cease to exist after the late medieval state collapses into civil war."

"And if he stays?"

"The mainstream World Cup reality that we usually engage with unfolds normally."

"Right down to Starblaydia winning five World Cup titles?"

"Yes, Mr. Tzimisces - we think so."

"You know, there are quite a few nations out there who might actually want us to extract Simeone..."

"It's not just the implications for the World Cup and Starblaydi history, sir; given Mr. Di Bradini was thrown back via the malfunctioning pantochronometer, we're concerned that extracting him might cause a reality cascade through his primary timestream."

"Ah. And even though we're outside the bubble...."

"Precisely, sir; we'd have no control over the consequences. It would likely temporarily overwhelm SBIS's ability to cope."

Tzimisces sighed. Mundy coaches always had it so simple in comparison. "And what are you doing to get me a team for the World Cup?"

"That one's easy, sir. We're entering the dreams of every resident of every nation participating in the World Cup, and asking them for advice."

"You're asking mundies for advice?" Tzimisces shuddered; he suddenly realised that the Siege of the Black Gate was probably going to look easy compared to this World Cup.




OOC - The Holy Empire Football Association is still looking for squad concepts for World Cup 54, as previously announced in the WCDT and WC54 roster threads:

The Holy Empire Football Association is holding a "choose the squad" competition for WC54.

With the WC48 winners sliding down through the rankings, the previous squad vanishing into three separate realities/timestreams, and the assistant coach temporarily marooned in Starblaydia's medieval past, HEFA needs help.

All participants in WC54 - not just the nations in the same qualifying group - are be invited to come up with ideas for the Holy Empire's WC54 squad. Every idea received before and during qualification will be worked into AIF RP (though if I receive more ideas than there are matches, I'll work on a first come / first served basis, with the remaining ideas mentioned in RP, but not necessarily as the matchday squad). I will also list squad ideas in this post [in the roster thread] as they come in.

The best / most workable squad idea - on the purely subjective basis of the one I like the best - will then (assuming the Empire qualifies) be the Holy Empire's World Cup Finals squad.

Creativity is encouraged.

I will announce each squad in an RP after the previous matchday, so teams in the same group as the Holy Empire will want to watch the RP thread.

To keep things simple for our hosts, each matchday squad will always play a 5-3-2 attacking formation (overlapping wingbacks form 3-5-2 on the counterattack) using a +3 style modifier.

The immortal (in more ways than one) World Cup Hall of Fame legend Juan Tzimisces remains the coach. The famous gold and red kit (image to be posted later when I'm no longer travelling) also remains.

[Swartaz]

OOC: Kalvar a former country to the north of Swartaz that we annexed a few years ago. A party called the KIP (Kalvarian independance party), formed soon after, and they carried out many high profile terror attacks. But in the last couple of years, have been slipping from public view due to inactivity, and the new leader, Mikael Gustav, is trying to find a way to push them back into the limelight.

---

Mikael was getting tired. His cause had stagnated over the last few years. The Kalvarian independance party wasn't in the media limelight anymore. Terrorist attacks were become a increasingly infrequent occourance. He needed a way to push his cause right to the front of Swartazian internal problems.

The next day, Mikael sat down and watched a Kulverintian documentary. He saw a report of capitalists being hurled off to jail. The he had a thought. He knew he had to get someone's military support to attempt to rock the government, and it was a well known fact that capitalist rebel groups in Kulverint possesed a impressive arsenal of weapons. The two groups had the same cause, to bring the government of their respective countries to their knees, and occupy the land they desire. Of course, in the Kulverintian's case, it is to set up a new regime in the whole of Kulverint. For the Kalvarians, it was to retake their sacred homeland, the one that they had kept their ancient Norse traditions in for hundreds of years, and is now being occupied by foreign infidels.

He immediately called a meeting of the KIP (Kalvar independance party). He explained his plan in detail to his main general's, who were instantly game. The congregation were also in support, and the task was know to find the right man to hold talks with the Kulverintian capitalist's. They will be hard to find and track, deep in the Kulverintian mountains, so Mikael decided he would try and get a Kulverintian to aid his messanger/diplomat to a capitalist base. But the task of finding a Kulverintian willing to help track down Kulverintian capitalist's would be very difficult, due to the anti-capitalist propaganda fed to them from birth, plus the fact that Kulverintians are not allowed out of the country. Nevertheless, he was determined to find his man.

[Qlumez]

- excerpt from a foreign sports newspaper, roughly translated -

QLUMEZ TO PLAY KERICIA IN PRE-QUALIFYING FRIENDLY
The Sky-Blues are already at Kericia City for the upcoming match against the Kericia national team, to be played at Estadio Zapata. Coach Buli Bacajam hasn't announced yet the playing squad, but the training sessions have been with the following starters:
Vibam, Nweuvi, Supes, Suceaz, Berwaz, Zorum, Lubelam, Vucmi, Licuzsecwi, Duni, Cahbul.

[Sorthern Northland]

Beningrad Morning Star

Meback under pressure, but will be given time

Ahead of the start of World Cup 54 qualifying SNFA chairman Fionntan Ó hEadroman has sought to confirm the status of Caio Meback as manager of the Sorthern Northland national football team. Meback's position has been called into question since a disastrous performance at the finals of World Cup 53 which saw Sorthern Northland knocked out in the group stage having gained just a point.

Ó hEadroman while speaking ahead of Sorthern Northland's opening qualifier against Loonaterian has however moved to absolve Meback at least partially of blame for the lacklustre showing during the last World Cup.

“There is no doubt that we performed at an unacceptable level at the previous World Cup and it has rightly led to questions over Caio Meback's future as manager of the Sorthern team. However we've discussed whether or not to keep him on as our manager and having come to the conclusion that whilst some of the responsibility for that has to fall on him, the SNFA ourselves and the players didn't give him the necessary support and performances needed for success. With this in mind we are happy to remain in his position. There is no doubt that overall that he achieved great things for Sorthern Northland and he deserves the chance to show to can do so again.”

Despite Meback's future seemingly being secured by the comments, Ó hEadroman did go on to warn that the World Cup 53 results would mean there would be extra pressure for success in the near future.

“That isn't to say however that there is no pressure on Caio to perform well. Whilst the opening stage of qualifying should not pose too many problems, we will want to see improved performances during qualification, particularly if and when we play against tougher teams in the second phase. As long as he gets us to the World Cup he will have a chance to prove he is right for us, and we for him, and then after that we'll assess it.”

Meback himself has also been keen to express a desire for improvement commenting that Group 6 in which Sorthern Northland has been drawn into alongside Loonaerian, Cursores, Los Estados, Octinstine and Rustika represents a good chance for the Sorthern team to “get back to playing good football and being the Sorthern side that has come to be known, respected and feared”.

[The Andromeda Islands]

Andromeda News Service
The Sports Hour
Bank of Andromeda Stadium – Home sideline
December 10, 2012

Keith Olds (Olds) – Interviewer
Rebecca Nichols (Nichols) - Defender
Asha Maharashtra (Asha) – Defender
Catherine Zeta Watson – (Watson) – Midfield

Keith Olds stands next to three young ladies wearing their team jerseys. The Bank of Andromeda Field is in the background. Nichols is a blonde. Asha appears to be of Indian descent and Watson is ‘pure Andromedan,’ which means that her ancestry is hard to determine at first glance.

Olds: We’re here at the Bank of Andromeda Stadium, home of the AFA Champion Joppa Jaguars and host of the first World Cup Qualifying Game on January 8th. With us today are the three members of the National Team, Rebecca Nichols, Asha Maharashtra and Catherine Zeta Watson. Thanks for joining us today.

Nichols: Thanks, Keith.

Asha: Good to be here, Keith.

Olds: Miss Nichols, former Assistant Coach Michelle Lee, criticized some of Coach Lazzaro’s picks for the National Team. All of you here were singled out, along with Kim Eun Ji. What are your feelings about such criticisms?

Nichols: Well Keith, Coach Lazzaro would have gotten some criticism no matter what her picks were. Considering the turnaround Busan made and the success of Angeles City, there’s no reason for Kim Eun Ji or Asha not to be here.

Olds: And yourself?

Nichols: I can’t speak for Coach Lazzaro, but I’m just happy to be a part of the National Team again.

Watson: Becky’s pretty good, Keith.

There’s a deafening silence for a few second as everyone waits for Watson to elaborate.

Asha: Madeleine Mann left huge shoes to fill when she retired two years ago. The fact that St. Paul has remained a contender the last two years is testament to Becky Nichols’ ability as a player.

Olds turns to Asha

Olds: Your selection has drawn a great deal of criticism as well. In addition to playing for the Angeles City Sun Spots, you’re also the reigning Miss Andromeda.

Asha: I understand that it’s an odd combination, Keith. But what better way for me to represent the Allied States than to show that women can be both elegant and competitive? The Women of Andromeda are as beautiful as any in the world, but we’re also not afraid to mix it up. I’ve broken more than a few nails on the pitch, Keith.

Olds, Asha and the other ladies laugh.

Olds: The draw for World Cup Qualifying just came out yesterday. What do you think of your chances of making the World Cup?

Watson: We gotta real good chance, Keith.

There is another pregnant pause.

Nichols: Coach Lazzaro has a six match winning streak in International competition going into Qualifying. I’m not sure that we’ll win the World Cup, but we’ll definitely make an impact.

Asha: I definitely think that we have a good chance. Our first matches will be here in Bank of Andromeda Stadium, so we’ll have the home field advantage.

Olds turns to Watson.

Olds: And what do you think, Miss Watson.

Watson: I don’t think, Keith. I just play.

Olds and the ladies laugh.

Olds: And we hope the play of the Andromeda Eagles leads to a World Cup Bid. For the Andromeda News Service, I’m Keith Olds. Back to you Craig!
___________________________________________________________

Andromeda Eagles World Cup Qualifying Schedule

Game 1 – January 8 vs Carpathia and Ruthenia
Game 2 – February 5 vs Meguroko
Game 3 – March 5 at Antoletia
Game 4 – April 2 vs West Zirconia
Game 5 – April 30 vs Spudulicks
Game 6 – May 38 at Carpathia and Ruthenia
Game 7 – June 25 at Meguroko
Game 8 – July 23 vs Antoletia
Game 9 – August 20 at West Zirconia
Game 10 – September 17 at Spudulicks

(OOC: The dates here are for Andromeda Islands role play purposes and should not be confused with actual dates set by Tournament Organizers.)

[Consortina]

Who are we up against?

Saturday the groups for World Cup 54 were drawn and for the Consortinean team it looked on the surface for the first good news of the day. Earlier that day, the Female Soccer Players Deployment had launched yet another public letter, demanding a mixed squad with a minimal female quota. Then, news leaked of Crime and Criminality being removed from the World Cup for featuring foreign players in their squad (Consortinas loss in the BoF and subsequent lost TV earnings are unaffected by this decision, though). And to top it off, the presentation of the new roster didn’t happen without a hitch as the audience was expecting a nomination of Lommevalen and made their dissent audible.
At least with the groups drawn, Wildgrimson and his staff have something to focus on for the next few days. In Zone 4, we will compete for the two spots that grant qualification for the group stage. So far, none of the opponents looks unbeatable although there will certainly be tough matches all over.

So, who are our opponents?

Matchday 1 and 6: Haginonia
The large Brugarian nation is home to a significant number of Consortinean expatriates but its sport teams have brought the country not much honor so far. In World Cup 52 and 53, their team failed to reach the group stage and from the impressions we got, this time they will have a tough time, too. Still, their experience makes them the favorites against our squad.

Matchday 2 and 7: CR Oscilloscopes
CR Oscilloscopes as a nation has always been the center of controversy. On one hand, their bill of civil rights is exemplary and has been one of the models for the Consortinean constitution. On the other hand, the political stability of the country is a bit shaky as various more or less extremist groups make their bids for power. Amidst these struggles, it is a small surprise to see a government-sponsored soccer team. They are new players in global sports and they might be the wild card in this group.

Matchday 3 and 8: Swilatia
If CR Oscilloscopes is a politically unstable melting pot, this might be even more the case for Swilatia. The largest nation of Swilantis is always good for a news story of a fringe group who tries to call the shots in the gargantuan nation. That said, national institution run smoothly in this mess and the Swilatian team has been a regular for many World Cups. So far, however, they have failed to make it to the group stage even once. This time, however, they attack with a revamped team that might be the favorite in this group.

Matchday 4 and 9: Tretskivucia
The other favorite for taking one of the precious qualifying spots, Tretskivucia has a reputation of creating strong sports teams in their state-sponsored academies. Their attention is focused on the Hockey and Soccer teams but sport is held in high regards generally in the socialist nation. In our zone, they are the only ones who ever qualified for a group stage. However, there qualification last World Cup has not brought them past group level…yet.

Matchday 5 and 10: Carasatoga
A small nation who has not made much of a name for itself in terms of world politics or great sport teams. However, social science scholars know them as a proud member of the Global Rights Alliance and their model case of implementing social welfare structures in a young country. World Cup 54 is the Carasatogan team’s first big event and so far it is not quite clear how much effort – and money – has been put into the team. By the time of our first match against them, we should know more.

[Newmanistan]

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE EMPEROR

Pocono City- Being a reporter that is fortunate enough to cover the national sports teams, you are able to go to many different cities, countries, and regions of our huge world that you never would have seen yourself going to otherwise. It is a very rewarding experience for sure, and I will look forward to going to places such as the Whirl Islands and Hemas this time. I’ve already been to Queer Poco el Mono Ara and Hossaim, so no, I am not slighting them. Though one thing I would never have dreamt of is being in the Private Quarters of His Highness, Emperor Michael IV, here in the Royal Palace. But here I (Shannon Spencer) am, just myself and the Emperor, and of course, a couple bodyguards and a camera crew, here to talk about World Cup 54.

(Off camera)

SS: Great job with my makeup today, I’m sure you picked up your game because of where we are.

Makeup artist: Uh, sure.

SS: Before I start, may I just touch your crown? That would be so cool.

EM: (laughs) Sure. (She does and gets all giddy as the Emperor then motions to the makeup artist to brush off any possible smear on that spot).

Cameraman: On in 3, 2, 1.....

(On Camera)

SS: Good evening Newmanistan, and welcome to a most special place in Pocono City. I am joined by the biggest Rockets fan of them all, Emperor Michael IV, and this is truly a moment in which I will cherish always. Thank you, your highness, for taking this time.

EM: It is my pleasure, this is a big event for the Empire and it deserves me taking the time for it.

SS: Newmanistan took two Cups off because of the rumors that your predecessor and late sister Empress Jessica, and the Spirits of Tundra Falls were pissed off at you for continuing to display the Bird on Skates as a Trophy as disrespecting the Kingdom of Dancougar after the terrible manner in which that nation ceased to exist. It was rumored that as a means of apology you had to pull the teams out of international competition, but were given a pass for the World Baseball Classic. So, what’s different now? Why is it ok to return?

EM: My sister always told me to do what I thought was right. I feel that our people suffered enough with the length of time that were out of the World Cup, and the World Bowl as well. If I needed to be punished, it had to be me, not our people.

SS: Have you asked your sister for her blessing to return the Empire to the competition?

EM: Again, she wants me to do what I thought was right. I was in my earlier days on the throne then, and I should have been more respectful about the Bird on Skates Trophy after the Dancougar tragedy. I realize that now. I know that I have her blessing, I just know it.

SS: After Secristan ceased to exist, you moved in to take over 70% of the land, agreeing to allow Cassadaigua to move westward for the other 30%. It was a success. What do you think the Empress is thinking about this?

EM: I’m sure she would agree. We couldn’t just allow Secristan to burn to the ground and we moved in to help out their people. It wasn’t about taking over Amherst to gain complete control of the Penthoria River, but it was about helping their people. Gaining complete control of the Penthoria is a benefit, or perhaps, a reward.

SS: Some will say it was about the Penthoria, though.

EM: I know, sadly enough. But anyone thinking about it with common sense knows that it was not our intention based on what we agreed to give to Queen Cassie. They got Lakeland, for Pete’s sake. Don’t you think we would have wanted that city for its strategic location for trade to the Eastern nations of One Big Island? We also allowed them to increase their coastline on the Gulf in a greater fashion then we originally proposed. It’s not a 50-50 split because we did the original military and now humanitarian efforts, and the Queen did not object to that. They deserved to move westward, and we acknowledged that. We’re helping the former Secristani people and I know that the Cassadagans are as well. We’ve always gotten along with them, and you know that I believe in fate. I believe that this World Cup being hosted in Cassadaigua and our former World Cup 49 co-hosts The Babbage Islands is indeed fate, and perhaps the ultimate blessing of both the Empress and the Spirits for us to return to World Cup play.

SS: Unfortunately, it is unlikely that Newmanistan will make it there, though?

EM: Well, it is. But never say never. We’re talking about a nation that was down three-games-to-none in the best of seven championship series against Tarrentum in World Baseball Classic 17 and rallied to win the series. The motto is “”Making the Impossible, Possible”. It is a tough adjustment, but I don’t want to just discount our chances.

SS: Renowed statistician Margaret Johnson though quoted Newmanistan’s chances of advancing, “They better bow down and kiss my ass over and over again if they want any chance of getting there. Rubber chicken sacrifices are not sufficient.”

EM: Yeah, I know. Nor will painting the country Black and Gold, or allowing The Babbage Islands to run one of the cities in the former Secristan. You don’t mess with Margaret. She has that aura about her. But we need her, and we need her bad! It’s happened though.

SS: Getting serious again, you mention that there is a reason there are no ties to previous rosters, and that could be understand. Jeremy McAllister, Jr could have been seen as a possible coach, so I imagine he was not too happy about the news.

EM: Certainly he is not happy, but this return is about us moving on. As I said before, I have to go with my gut about what I feel is right and moving on is what is right. J-Mac and company are important people in our nation’s history, but the new Rockets teams in the World Cup are going to allow new people to establish themselves and become important as well.

SS: Why is it, in your estimation, that Newmanistan can’t just pick up where they left off? All of the sudden we have to stink and work our way up again?

EM: You’ll have to ask Margaret that. What it is, is a transition. I think we’ll play well, and the team will show flashes of what made Newmanistan once a top-25 ranked team in the world. But at the same time, we will show that inexperience. Transitions like this are not easy. I made mistakes in my first few years as Emperor, and as good as we know our national team is, they may make some mistakes, and we will have to be understanding of them. But as I have said, we have that ability in us. And I’m sure Queer Poco el Mono Ara staff aren’t looking at us as the 204th ranked team, but as the Newmanistan that was once a top-25. I’m sure the Whirl Islands is thinking “Dammit, why do THEY have to be third seed in our zone?!” We still have that aura.

SS: One thing to note, too, is that we will be hosting an interzonal. What went into that?

EM: Well, our relationship with the governing bodies of both of the hosts obviously helped when we submitted our application. And I think that they both know that a Newmanistan that returns to World Cup prominence will only benefit them as a fellow nation of One Big Island. I think too, they wanted to have one interzonal here within the region, so there were a number of factors that worked well for us. I think that the Rockets will indeed make the interzonal, but if not our fans can count on watching teams of a high level play on our soil once again. There’s some good nations potentially waiting in the wings.

SS: It all starts with a friendly against The Babbage Islands and it is built up as the Empire’s “We’re back!” game. It will be held in Tundra Falls, and it should be exciting.

EM: It’s definitely a game intended to celebrate our return, and I thank The Babbage Islands for accepting the offer. They were the natural first choice, given we once hosted a World Cup together, as you know. It’s obviously a great test for us, they have become a powerhouse. I don’t know if we’ll feel the full force of their starting lineup or not, but I know that we will use our full starting lineup. For us, we gotta get these guys working as a unit against a nation of their caliber. I hope it is a good game and it’s a great way to kick this off.

SS: Well then, I guess that just about covers everything. I’d like to thank the Emperor for his time, and inviting us to this special room in the Palace.

EM: It was my pleasure. I hope that all of our wonderful people enjoy the World Cup, and the return of the Rockets at this level of competition. If our fans know one thing, it’s that qualifying for the World Cup is difficult so I know the expectations will be reasonable. Remember, as Tarrentum learned on the baseball diamond, we are the nation that makes the impossible, possible, so believe in us, tonight, and every night.

[Akbarabad]

Tiger Eaters aim to remove the disappointment of previous qualification failure.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): Akbarabad is back for yet another World Cup attempt after their first qualifying failure since World Cup 47. Despite tremendous criticism from the general public, the AFF has gone withe same squad that failed lat time around instead of giving a go to any new players. While people feel that the team should have automatically received Yafor 2's place after they dropped out, it still doesn't change the fact that we played pretty terribly to begin with. On top of that, we failed to win the Cup of Harmony despite being overwhelming favourites. Public dissatisfaction is only likely to be kept at bay by performance. Another unconvincing qualification display, and the pressure for wholesale changes will be intolerable.

There is not much to be said for the first Interzonal phase. The Tiger Eaters would be disappointed to drop any points whatsoever at this stage with Eastfield Lodge being the only halfway decent competition. The group calculation for the second stage will be more crucial with only 30 out of 60 teams qualifying. The second stage would probably be more challenging than normal qualification efforts due to the elimination of the cannon fodder in the first stage. If there is one thing that we didn't the first cup after a failed qualification attempt, is to face a qualification process much tougher than usual.

[The Babbage Islands]

And the first scorination of the World Cup 54 cycle is up!

Publishers Cup round one

Note that the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy first round was delayed due to a state of emergency in Sarzonia. That scorination will show up about 24 hours from now, just before the MD1 zonals.

Cassadaigua will normally scorinate a couple of hours after me, so keep watching for those friendlies

[Cassadaigua]

Time to cutoff those pre-qualifying friendlies!

Results are in

[Cassadaigua]

Steffie’s Space

World Cup 54 qualifying is about to get underway, and while normally this would mean that we are getting ready to play, it’s not the case this year. This is truly a special year, and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for us as players to be able to play in the World Cup at home, in Cassadaigua. When I was just a kid I remember past bloggers begging CASE or the Queen in general to bid to host one of these sporting events, but it never happened. It just never seemed as though it would ever be something that’d happen. There have, after all, been many successful nations that have never hosted a World Cup and never even placed a bid to host one, and it doesn’t have any impact on them out on the field. The turning point may have been World Cup 50, where we of course won that title. Or maybe it was 49, seeing it on One Big Island. Well, I guess the turning point was a matter of confidence; confidence that we could do this, something that started in an edition of the World Lacrosse Championships. Confidence is key in so many different aspects of life, and for CASE, when they got that, they teamed up with The Babbage Islands. It’s not of course, the first marriage between the countries, as Chip Woods and Kirsten Hopkins can attest too, and it might not be the last.

The qualifying process is tough this year, as a two-stage competition has been introduced. Some love it, some don’t, but when a vote was held between it and a rival bid, more people chose to do something a little different this year and do the two-tier setting then a more traditional effort. It would have been exciting to play in, but it is a lot less stressful to just watch the rest of the world go at it while our ticket to the Big Dance is already punched. In the meantime, we’ll have a few games to make sure we are in good form, and they are all against strong teams. It started with the 2-0 win against Delaclava last night, and will continue in the Pink Cup against powerhouses Bears Armed and Jeruselem plus the new “pink” defending champion, Dorian and Sonya. We don’t know how much those teams will go for it, but for us, they will be seen as important matches to make sure we are ready to play in front of you. For now, enjoy the qualifying, and see what kind of stories play out.

[Tynelia]

“Hello everyone i’m Mal Waltman along with Sally Long for ‘Scoreology Today’ a look at all things sporting to see who the Lord of Scores found most worthy on this particular day. Of course the big news is Tynelia’s return to the World Cup as our third attempt at qualification begins since our return to sports after a near miss in winning the Cup of Harmony falling in extra time of the championship match.”

“That’s right Mal and with the new innovative and some say blasphemous adjustments to the qualifiers this time around this looks to be one of the more interesting World Cups to watch.”

“That’s right Sally, with a special two tiered qualification run to get into the world cup a bad run early on doesn’t give anyone much chance to recover as groups of five and six battle for their initial group’s top two slots.”

“In what may actually prove to be a benefit to the team our 48th ranked Tynelian squad finds itself in one of the six groups which means more lower ranked teams to face than the five groups.”

“And that’s a good thing since Tynelia finds itself grouped with the #1 team in the world Valanora who were squashing teams even back in our first run. Clearly they are the favourites of the group and no one would be surprised to see them make a clean sweep of the group.”

“Which means we’re fighting for second here Mal. Fortunately for us only Greater Tyrol ranked 149th is the only other team in our group with previous Cup experience while the last three are fresh off the BoF at best. Holding onto that second qualifying spot would appear on paper to be easy enough. “

“But that’s why they play the games Sally. Then after that the survivors must face each other in a mini-tourney of its own in groups of five where only the top two move on after only four neutral field matches. Only then will the survivors make it to the World Cup itself. And this Cup could be a pivotal one in Coach Alan Malloy’s tenure here as the team coach. Under heavy fire from newspapers such as the Pessimistic Times during the Cup of Harmony, Coach Malloy, it is believed, must make the Cup proper if he is to have any chance of being asked to return for the Cup of Harmony.”

“Coach Malloy has been criticised for his lack of aggressive tactics to the point of being called an ‘Anti-Scoreolgist’ because of his belief that to deny the opponents the Lord of Scores’ blessings is just as worthy as lighting up the scoreboard with them as it makes each blessing more special this way. He claimed to have loosened things up for the Cup of Harmony but Tynelia could seldom score more than once all Cup long. A string of upsets along the way allowed the team to sneak past lower ranked squads before they were upset themselves in the finals.”

“And once more Coach Malloy has claimed to have opened up the offense for this Cup but that will only be seen in the days to come. The heir apparent Laurie Masterson has been quoted as preferring a more open style but supports Coach Malloy fully given the team’s earlier inexperience on the international stage and that rushing things would have only made things worse. This has turned her off as a successor to some but none of these people can agree on another possible successor which keeps her name in the forefront.”

“I guess we’ll see how this all works out then Mal. It would be very disappointing if the team doesn’t make it through the first stage at least. We’re a solid second seed with an experienced roster so things should work out for us i think.”

“Well we’ll just have to wait and see. The World Cup returns to tynelia- tomorrow! And ‘Scoreology Today’ will be with you the whole way.”

[Delaclava]

DNBSports.com

What you need to know about what's happened since WC53 and what's coming in WC54

1. Garren Prescott is here to stay despite an underwhelming group stage. The manager for First City, whom he led to a second-place finish and another TQCC, refreshed a stumbling squad and powered them through qualifiers, but the Phoenixes looked weak in the group stage, tying Nethertopia 2-2, losing 2-0 to a Kelssek squad that had succumbed to Delaclava twice in qualifiers, and 1-0 to an upstart Tarrentum team. There was concern that Prescott would not be sticking around for long, but just two days after Delaclava was eliminated, Delaclava Football Association President Christian Caling announced, "Mr. Prescott did a wonderful job in the qualifiers and knows what it takes to manage at the elite level. Those three games were not a good indicator of his abilities or the players' abilities, and there's no reason to seek other options."

2. Delaclava has only played two games since their elimination from the World Cup. The traditional Cyanea Cup was not played after the 53rd World Cup due to an organizational snafu, and the game was never rescheduled. Since then, Delaclava has not played in any tournaments, and got their first action since Tarrentum against Cosumar and Cassadaigua. 20th-ranked Delaclava looked flat in both friendlies, tying 45th-ranked Cosumar 0-0 and going down to 5th-ranked Cassadaigua 2-0. That's possibly a source of concern, but Caling and the rest of the DOC were mum on the subject.

3. For the first time in World Cup history, there will be a two-stage qualification. When The Babbage Islands, hosts of World Cup 49 with Newmanistan, and Cassadaigua announced their bid to host the 54th World Cup, they unveiled a two-stage qualification plan. There are 30 zones with either six or five teams, and two teams from each advance, and 10 interzonals - one of which, incidentally, is being hosted in Delaclava - with six teams each, from which three teams qualify to the World Cup. What does this mean for the Phoenixes? Well, easier qualification, perhaps? Not a particularly strong group and fairly lax standards for advancing through the various stages.

4. ...speaking of which, the group draw is out. Delaclava is drawn in Zone 23 with D Land and Isles, Milchama, Telamar, Erathore, and Everdilsike. Obviously, Delaclava is the top seed, and unlike some other groups, this zone has a weak 2 seed and no strong upstarts - Erathore does have good ball movement and a fairly good squad but hasn't done as well as they would have hoped in minor tournaments. Delaclava has had experience with Milchama before, finishing ahead of them in World Cup 51 qualifying. However, Delaclava is now on a 382-minute goalless streak, the last coming from Zhenya Filatov in the 68th minute of the World Cup opener against Nethertopia, so who knows how long it'll take for the Phoenixes to find their scoring touch.

5. Interzonals shouldn't be that tough either. If Delaclava wins Zone 23, they will face the winners of Zones 22 and 24 and the runner-ups from Zones 25-27. From Zone 22, Delaclava's most likely looking at 23rd-ranked West Zirconia, although the 2nd seed in that group, Carpathia and Ruthenia, has potential to steal the top spot; in Zone 24, 16th-ranked Pays de Horreur should be the uncontested winner. As for runner-ups, Mantwenic is the probable qualifier from Zone 25, but if things go crazy then 13th-ranked Sarzonia will slide to second, or Realm of Light could mix things up and grab a spot; from Zone 26, Queer Poco el Mono Ara, Whirl Islands, and Newmanistan are all options; from Zone 27, Unitopolis and Lycrabon should duel for second while Jeru FC sails through with the zonal win. If Delaclava someone slides to the runner-up spot, they'll face the winners of Zones 19-21 and the runner-ups of Zones 22 and 24. 15th-ranked Krytenia looks good from Zone 19, top-ranked Valanora will certainly sweep Zone 20, and 17th-ranked The Archregimancy is the probable winner of Zone 21. Zone 22's runner-up will be the loser of the battle between West Zirconia and Carpathia and Ruthenia, and Zone 24's runner-up is a toss-up between The Ottish Empire and Teinohikira. So, if Delaclava wins the group, they look really good for top 3 in the Interzonal; if they're the runner-up, then the road will be tougher, but Delaclava's shown that they can beat the top teams and may do so, especially considering Delaclava only gets one shot at each team in the Interzonals and will get through if they make it good. (If that all confused you, just wait it out until Delaclava wins Zone 23 and then it'll be much clearer.)

6. If the DFA wanted Michelle Germaine back, they won't be getting her back for a long time. After The Babbage Islands' manager Ganz Ijak retired, the Bumblebees promoted the Catherina FC manager to the top spot over Cassadaigua's Allison Salamaida - and let's face it, managing the 3rd-best team in the world is a much better gig than the DFA could ever offer. Even if the Bumblebees had selected Salamaida, Belgium FC, the Babbage club ranked 36th in the world, had promised that the assistant who didn't land the job at the national team would be hired as their manager, and that would be a much better deal for Germaine than managing Delaclava. For those who still have any doubts about this, Germaine sealed her fate with the DFA and with her new team in a press conference the day after her appointment, switching the Bumblebees from a 4-6-0 to a 4-3-3 - a Babbage press release quoted her as saying, "I learned from Ganz Ijak even before I was an assistant to him. Don't be afraid to match the system to the player pool. When we played the 4-6-0 here we had extraordinary midfielders who fit perfectly in that style. This group is very strong at forward and on the back line. The 4-3-3 will showcase this." If anything, this means she's got big plans for this team. And it's about time she got recognition for her skill as a player and manager, when many seemed only to know her as the woman who managed to play with just one leg.

7. Although nearly every single poll suggested he would, Alessandro Campeon Berrera did not earn the Delaclav spot into the World Cup Hall of Fame. As polling went on, Berrera's percentage stayed steady between 40 and 45 percent, but Graham Torres' number started going up and up from 20% at the first checkpoint. At the conclusion of the World Cup final, Torres had taken the lead for the first time, 44.3% to 44.1%, but it was enough to give Torres the Hall of Fame spot. Torres said afterward, "I'm happy that my country has recognized me in this way. I'm disappointed for Alessandro though. He's been the single most pivotal figure in Delaclav football, if not sports history and he deserved it." Berrera didn't seem too fussed about it though. When asked about the results in a press conference, he answered, "I'm glad, to be honest. It would have been a great honor, but there's plenty that I haven't accomplished yet, and I don't want the honor until I've accomplished those things." The other 11.7% of votes were garnered by Michelle Germaine, Simon De Braden, Geraldo Ayala, Stanley Ichtyelkov, Calvin Pope, Anatoliy Titov, Nolan Wright, Kyle Tran, Mose Fuentes, and Christian Caling.

So now you're all caught up on what's happened. There's no excuse to not watch Delaclava's qualifying opener against Milchama now, it'll be exciting! If that game turns into a blowout, there will be other exciting games as well - Cafundeu vs. Qazox, Tynelia vs. Valanora, and others! You can find the the full schedule here.

Go Phoenixes!

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

Sloan browsed over the group draw. They’d gotten lucky and were in one of the 5 team groups. After the Cup of Harmony debacle anything but all out victory would be consider a disappointment. The disappointing performance saw the Whites, ranked 20th at the beginning of the competition slip 12 places in the World rankings to rest at 32nd.

He never allowed the idea that the team’s shoddy performance was due to his managerial failings, it was essentially the same team that Joe Hamburgstein had failed to take to the World Cup. It must’ve been the players; Queer Poco had qualified for the two previous World Cups but the 23 men out there for World Cup 53 couldn’t manage it.

As a league manager he had led Pythons to 5 league titles and a league cup with his capacity for spotting young talent and forging the team into a cohesive it was expected he’d take the Pocoan national team forward, not see them crumble in Sarzonia. This was a second opportunity to bring some glory to Queer Poco el Mono Ara, but standing in his way were four nations, all of whom could be defeated, but would still require beating. Newmanistan, Whirl Islands, Hemas, Hossaim were all significantly lower ranked than The Whites to pose minimal threat but Sloan knew all to well that once you underestimate your opposition they would strike. After completing a hat trick of league titles with Pythons he had to wait another three seasons before they could overcome the mega rich Royal Khaldoon and reclaim the championship. The years of frustration had taken their toll on the ageing coach and when his side finally recovered the title he was visibly relieved and clearly tired.

He’d seen some of the biggest names in Pocoan football come through the doors at Pythons and leave before they could reclaim the title. He’d rebuilt, reassessed and put his all into turning Pythons into the biggest club in Queer Poco el Mono Ara only to be stopped in his quest by a heart attack. Now he was back. Feeling fitter than before and ready to guide his country into the next generation of their footballing history.

-----

The nagging question of whether The Whites are spreading themselves too thinly may have been answered last night in Ambrose as the edged out Pays de Horreur in the first game of the tri-nations challenge, also featuring Palacios and Rodallega.

Manager Mark Sloan opted for a strong starting XI in this first of two pre-qualifying friendly games against tough opposition and it paid off with the Whites leading from the off through Gilbert Batistuta who scored in the 18th minute after receiving a long ball from Hugo Anderson.

Pays de Horreur hit back through Simian di Bradini but were swiftly dealt another blow through young attacker Vijay Kandakram. The Whites made it 3-1 mid-way through the second half via a Hugo Anderson free kick and dominated until late on when di Bradini grabbed a second.

The win comes as their first since the disastrous Cup of Harmony and starts them off on a long road of four competitions. The Whites are currently competing on four fronts, back in Rushmore for the Copa Rushmori, qualifying for the World Cup, the Tri-Nation Challenge and defending their Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy.

Manager Mark Sloan commented after the game “The win has outlined our desire to do well in all competitions. Pays de Horreur are ranked in the top 20 of the World and we pulled out a big win here today and intend to use this as a catalyst to push on toward the World cup.”

[Toiletdonia]

Matthias wasn't worried at all. In fact, all he wanted now was some revenge. It was that cocky side, Orlkjestad, they seemed very certain that they would be able to destroy Kazzoria. They seemed to think that only Nethertopia was an obstacle and that they would walk past us with no problems. Well they were wrong, this was a nation full of pride. We were going to destroy them on the pitch and he needed it that way. So that's how the players found themselves given a lecture on how "Kazzoria must get through to the net round or else." and how "Orlkjestad are a cocky bunch of losers who we shall beat twice for the pride of our nation! So with that they walked slightly stunned onto the pitch against Eastfield Lodge.

Well it didn't work, evidently. We may have beaten them before with three goals, but revenge is always something present between us and other nations. It started okay in the first half, they went one-nil up but Danny Veille nailed the equalizer. This goal gave Kazzoria confidence and we had several decent attempts on goal before they end of the half. In fact, Ethan Trent the sub was on fire. He came close to scoring several times and could still find himself in the first team if push turns to shove. It turns out he probably will after Bob Lee ended up coming off the pitch injured. In the end Eastfield Lodge's mysterious "The Doctor" scored an undeserving hat-trick to win the game for the Lodge. It is a sad day for Kazzoria but there is hope for a recovery from that.

In a hide out in down town Indiargash they hid. They had been here for a few weeks now, with the man who had been paid to kill them. But now he seemed nice enough and it was "just business." Now they were all on the run from the government and needed to find somewhere to stay. They were just sitting around in the slum when Finn's mobile began to ring. He picked it up. It was one of the desert tribe elders. As it turned out it was a time of anarchy for the tribes looking for a leader, but nonetheless they still were offering to have the Blue Panther gang stay. They would then be able to go around resisting government control from a steady and safe base. Hopefully they could start to bring Kazzoria down, but from the inside.

(OOC: I can't get this to post through my Kazzoria account for some reason. (Stupid numerous puppet.) So please could this count as a Kazzoria RP instead of a random RP from some nation that no longer technically exists?)

[Cotdelapoms]

Apples Win Wild Send-Off Against Local Rivals

Despite their excellent relationship as allies, Cotdelapoms and Mytannion have developed quite a rivalry as sporting nations. It reached a peak in this country when the unfashionable Mytanars defeated our blustery Appleseeds at the World Junior Hockey Championships, an infamous matchup that demonstrated the hubris sometimes involved with our nation that comes with so infrequently being the best and not necessarily knowing what to do with it. Mytanar clubs also routine defeat our own when it comes to sports of lacrosse and rugby union, as we have joint leagues in both which Cotdelapomais sides tend to struggle in. A Mytanar side even won the St-Fortunat Interligue preseason football tournament, although they never had to come up against the Cotdelapomais entrant in that particular tournament, Sainte-Catherine. Indeed, it seems Mytannion keeps having our number when it comes to sport, which made the send-off friendly between the two nations so wildly anticipated.

The ravenous and rowdy fans at the Uverbank Stadium have a reputation for hooligan behaviour, and whilst the two nations' working relationship made the Mytanar FA suggest they tone it down, the fans are aware that the two nations are becoming fast sporting rivals, and lept at the first scent of blood. This came when Radoslaw Famoc broke free in the 11th minute, but a diving Yannick Latendresse was able to prevent the home side from taking the lead. The Apples were on their hind legs for the next few minutes as Latendresse had to also deflect away a header from Laze v Tuhinju and be spared when a Jukka Ritaile blast went well above the net and into the crowd, relieving the pressure.

The Trothwands Evolution goalkeeper was selected for this match due to his performance in Osarius, another nation with very aggressive fans, and he held up to his end of the bargain, never being shaken by the flares and coins thrown his way by the hooligan support. Latendresse was crucial in the first half, as the attack was slow, never entirely getting on the same page. The Apples' only real chance came on 38 minutes when a free kick from Jonathan Watson was flicked on by René Boisbriand, but the Mytanar keeper Juri Juric had no trouble controlling it.

At the half, Sacha Chrétien must have woken his team up somehow, as they came out firing, scoring just three minutes into the second half. Jesper Jensen did his usual work on the left side and crossed it into P-O Johansson-Bakvis, who dribbled through the two men on him and then slipped it under a diving Juric, which angered the crowd. Flares rained down onto the field, and the Apples' strategy changed to a largely possession based one, helped along by the confident substitution bringing on Iestyn Rhys-Lloyd, who completely changed the tone of the match from frenetic to mild.

The Mytanars had trouble getting good chances from this point forward, rarely getting control of the ball, and getting frustrated throwing numbers at the Apples, who almost never looked a threat, choosing instead to pass between themselves laterally and behind, occasionally hoofing it forward. The sole Mytannion effort in the late second half that gave the fans cause for hope was a blazing Miroslav Filo dribble that eventually got stopped by a precise Jonathan Barrie tackle. When the full time whistle was blown, the Apples had come away from a hostile situation with a victory and seemed about ready to get the hell out and head to Mossulia for their first qualification match. There was a small pitch invasion attempt from angry local fans, but they did not get very far for the police that surrounded the pitch did their jobs admirably.

Whilst it was only a minor payback for the hockey incident in Île d'Elisabeth, it was nice to finally get one over on Mytannion. Here's to a long and fruitful rivalry in the future...

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

For many a century, children have stared at the taiga pine forests of Kagdazka in terror. Of course, there is a plethora of wild animals that they ought to be careful of, so their fear is perhaps not wasted. But animals are not the source of their angst. We have told stories of many things in our history, but no legend persists in our memories more than that of Baba Yaga and her black geese.

If one walks far enough into the deep pine forest, legend says they will eventually begin to see massive flocks of black geese above them in the sky. So many geese will appear that they begin to blot out the sun. If this paranormal experience is not enough to persuade our imaginary hero to turn around, then much more terrible sights await them. For in the middle of the forest, Baba Yaga's hut awaits.

A small and unassuming abode it would be were it not for the fact that it stands upon two gigantic, perverse chicken legs which propel the hut about at the will of its owner. Baba Yaga herself, if our hero should be so unfortunate as to see her, emerges from the front door. Her clothes are tattered, her nose crooked, her hair cloud white and frizzy beyond repair, her face grotesquely wrinkled, her hands clenched, her nails dirty, her teeth of iron, and her expression furious.

She is rarely gracious to those who visit her. Those who appear without just cause are likely to be slain without a word if they are lucky; the unfortunate ones will be dragged kicking and screaming into her horrible hut and baked alive in her sickeningly huge oven.

Needless to say, all these travails can be avoided if one simply never ventures forth into the woods. But for those who must journey to meet the terrible witch, she is, on occasion, not the monster she appears at first glance to be.

Throughout history, there are some who have seen Baba Yaga's gentler and kinder side. Those who come before her in need, those who are good of spirit but not of luck, may be treated to the hag's lust not for flesh, but for justice. For these fortunate few, they see not her horrible hair or skin, but her sympathetic blue eyes. They hear not the gnashing of her terrible teeth, but her eerily youthful voice.

Much to our great pleasure, but also terror, the University's own faculty member, Dr. Vladimir Zotkin, was granted an interview with our feared antagonist, Baba Yaga. What subject matter could possibly lead us to risk the well-being of one of our number, you ask? Why, football!

There are many great legends that have been carved into the tablets of history regarding Baba Yaga, but not all are deep in antiquity. One or two of them have only just occurred. One of such is the story of Baba Yaga's appointment as the manager of the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team. Dr. Zotkin is one of the few people who has been granted a chance to discuss with Baba Yaga her footballing responsibilities.

The long trek through the woods was harrowing, but Dr. Zotkin has made it to the witch's hut and back. Here is the first in our series of publications discussing Dr. Zotkin's interview.

Dr. Zotkin: Here I am, shaking to my bones, in a hut in the deep of the Kagdaz forest. I know not where I am, which is just as well, for if I did I would surely aid in some fool's misadventures by providing him a map towards this terrible place. The gigantic oven of which I have been told a thousand times is real, just a few feet to my right. But also here in this structure are the makings of a home; a pantry, a sink, and indeed a cot (though its location is curious at best... atop the oven). It occurs to me now that though we have countless tales of woe told by those who survive encounters with Baba Yaga, we have none from the old hag herself. Babushka, perhaps, if you allow me, I can change that.

Baba Yaga: I should hope so, good sir. For if you do not I shall kill you and eat you!

Ah! Okay, no. Not necessary! We should get started on this interview, then, shouldn't we?

If you wish.

First of all, why were you appointed the national football team's manager?

You have asked a question, the answer to which I do not hold. And why should I? I did not appoint myself the manager. I have already grown tired of this 'interview.' Perhaps you were not the kindred spirit I had thought you were. Perhaps I will have dinner tonight after all!

Oh my God! NO! No, no, no! Okay, I have another question! Ignore that first one. You're right, you wouldn't have the answer to that. Perhaps over the course of this interview we can answer that question in a less direct way.

Perhaps. But your time is waning.

How about this... events have occurred that have indeed come about on the back of your decisions, chiefly, your player selections. Might I inquire instead as to some of the methods that you applied when selecting your team?

That is reasonable.

Good. Who better to start with, then, than Vasilisa the Beautiful? She has been a constant presence within your national teams. And her story is one that most Kagdaz people know, but for the Pazhujebis in the Federation, and indeed for foreigners, it is surely less familiar.

Of course. Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a girl who lived in a small village on the edge of the Kagdaz forest. She was strong, just, kind, and beautiful, as her dear father and mother reminded her every day. But one day, the girl's mother fell gravely ill. No medicine, it seemed, could improve the mother's condition, and upon one fateful evening the mother called the girl to her side.

"Dear daughter," she said in a whisper. "I do not have long left to live. But I do not want to leave you behind without my guidance. I have sewn you this doll. Take her and carry her with you wherever you go."

"But mother," responded the girl. "How could this doll ever replace you? Please, mother, don't die!"

"Even as I pass, I shall remain with you. Take this doll. When you are in need the most, she will be there to help you, just as I would. Goodbye." Then the mother died.

Years passed. The girl did as her mother bade her, and carried the doll everywhere with her. But though her mother had promised, it never seemed to help her in the difficult things in life. It seemed to be no more than an ordinary doll. The girl kept it, however, for nothing else but its sentimental value.

Then one day, her father remarried. The girl's new stepmother brought with her two stepsisters, one older and one younger. Though her father loved all of them very much, the girl was unhappy. Her new family members were unkind to her, all of them, and while they mostly behaved themselves while the father was present, when he was gone they would lie about the house doing nothing, shouting things at the girl, telling her to fetch them drinks or do chores. But out of love for her father, she never talked back to them.

Finally, on a day not long after the girl's sixteenth birthday, the father came with news. "Dear daughter," he said, "I have been assigned a business trip. I shall be gone for months. I want you to be a good girl and stay here with your stepmother and stepsisters."

"Father, I don't want to? Must I?"

"I cannot take you with me. Please, stay here and keep our house afloat."

So the girl stayed, and waved goodbye as her father left. But no sooner was the man out of sight, her stepmother turned on her, with the stepsisters gleefully watching on.

"Oh, dear. Before my beloved husband left, I forgot to ask him to fetch a light for our fire, and I haven't a match to spare! I can think of but one thing to do! One of us must go into the forest to fetch a lamp from Baba Yaga! But who should it be?"

The stepsisters giggled on.

"How about you, girl? Will you go?"

"But... Baba Yaga? She is an evil witch!"

"You must go! For the three of us all have appointments we cannot break! Go, dear girl! Find Baba Yaga's hut, and fetch us a lamp from Baba Yaga."

So the girl had no choice. Trembling, she gathered up her coat, inside of which was merely her mother's doll, and set forth into the pine woods. The sun was shining bright above the trees for a while, but soon the sky began to darken, not because of clouds, but because of the black geese that concealed everything. Exhausted and frightened, the girl collapsed down on a rock, sobbing. She pulled the doll from her coat and spoke to it.

"Oh, dear doll! Whatever shall I do! I am horribly lost, and even were I to find someone, it would certainly be the awful witch!"

"Be brave," a voice spoke back. The girl was startled. Where could it have come from?

"Be brave as your mother would want you to be. If you are courageous, you shall not die." It was the doll! The doll was speaking to her.

"Are you a magical doll?"

"I am merely a reminder that you remained loved by two parents who shall never give up on you. You must not, therefore, give up on yourself."

So the girl stood up and went further. Oddly, as she walked, she observed that she was not alone in the forest. There appeared to tracks in the light snow! So when she heard the galloping of horses hooves, she was curious... who could it be that was out here?

Riding out of a clearing in the distance up ahead, she could see three men on horseback heading towards her. One was dressed all in white, riding a white horse, one bore red robes atop a red horse, and one was clad in all black, riding a black horse. She waved to them, hoping they could help her. But they simply galloped past her without a word. Downtrodden and disappointed, the girl trooped onward towards the clearing.

When she arrived, she wished she had not. For there she was, standing face to face with a rickety old hut, dilapidated and menacing, standing on top of two monstrous chicken legs. The hut turned on its legs to face her and lowered itself to the ground. The girl turned to run.

"VASILISA!" I shouted at her. For I had come out the front door, my witch's broom in hand.

She stopped in her tracks, shaking. "How do you know my name?"

I didn't bother to answer. I know all things, for all reasons, but what is the joy in knowing all if others are enlightened, too. I am the keeper of eternal knowledge.

"YOU HAVE TRESPASSED," I shouted further, "AND YOU SHALL NOT LIVE!" And I was honest in my threat; I had planned to bake her in my oven and eat her... children are always the tastiest treat.

It seemed, for a moment, as though she was considering running once again. Many do when they see me. But that is never an obstacle for me; a mighty spell or two from my fingertip is enough to slay the fastest of sprinters. She surprised me, however, by turning around and walking towards me. I was, I admit, caught off guard.

"Why have you come, child?" I asked.

"My stepmother send me, ma'am. She bade me fetch a light for our fire, for we have none."

It was then I understood the goodness of Vasilisa's spirit. But even the kindest man or woman can be kind, some of them are still LAZY, and I hate that. So I decided that I would test her. "Child," I said, "I shall give you your light..."

"You will? Oh thank you, ma'am!"

"On several conditions! First, you shall call me Babushka. Those who fear me not refer to me by Babushka without exception. Can you do that?" I asked.

"Yes," she said to me, "yes, Babushka."

"Good. For if you ever fail to call me Babushka, I shall kill you and eat you!" Vasilisa shuddered, but remained steadfast. I stared up at the sky. It was just past midday. "I have an errand to run," for it was true, I did, "so I want you to go into the hut and prepare me my supper. You will find all you need in the kitchen or in the oven. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Babushka."

"Good. For if you fail to prepare supper to my liking, I shall kill you and eat you!"

With that, I left, climbing atop my broom and rushing up into the sky. My errand required me to sing at a charity auction in the faraway nation of Yeyesh Dahan Kal, where volcanoes rise from every part of the landscape and spout fire! Anyway, I sang at the auction (I did a cover of Somebody to Love, by Queen) and set back to Kagdazka. I made it back to the hut in the evening.

Quite deliberately, I had left all of the foodstuffs in the same cabinet as my extensive collection of potions and poisons. It would have been horribly difficult to identify which items were acceptable to cook with. If I found that Vasilisa had prepared me a poisoned supper, I was ready to eat her at nary a moment's notice. But somehow she had done it! The food was perfectly acceptable. But I had another task for her.

"Girl," I said, "I have another errand to run this evening. So I want you to clean every corner of this hut. Scourge every bit of dust from this building! Can you do that?"

"Yes, Babushka," Vasilisa answered me.

"Good. For if you fail to clean it properly, I shall kill you and eat you!"

So once again, I left via my broomstick. Again, I was not lying... I needed to get my hair cut. But you would not believe the lengths you have to go to in order to find a barber who has the proper equipment to cut witches hair! I had to travel all the way to the nation of Wamimi, where the harsh sun scalds the desert sand that covers the landscape. This barber shop is good, they know what they're doing, but I have to say, they don't know how to select music, I mean, I had to listen to that obnoxious Taylor Swift song the entire time, you know, that one that goes "doo doo doo, doo doo, doo doo?"

Are you asking me?

Yes.

I don't know which song that is.

All right, whatever, I've sidetracked myself anyway. When I returned just after sunset, I expected to find Vasilisa's task incomplete, for there were parts in that hut that I haven't cleaned myself in a thousand years. If but one speck of dust was visible on any surface, I had my oven at the ready. But I could not find one! She had cleaned the whole hut somehow!

"Child, I am impressed. You have finished two tasks I had not anticipated you ever could. But you shall not escape until you complete one more mission. There in the corner you will find a large sack of beans. There are many hundreds of different types in hundreds of different colors. Sort all of them into different piles by the time I return from my final errand tomorrow morning. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Babushka."

"Good. For if you do not sort the beans properly, I shall kill you and eat you!" And so I lept onto my broom for a third time and hurtled off. As I looked back, I could see the girl sobbing, and I was pleased. She knew, as did I, that no amount of industry or diligence would solve this task; it was impossible. I was gleeful. My trip upon this evening was Siliborr, a nation held entirely within a massive ice fortress. Upon this occasion I needed to audition for a reality TV show featuring ancient fairy tale villains of various countries. I was pretty sure I killed the audition, but I had to stay in a drive-in motel until morning to find out the results. When I returned to the casting agency office to find out whether I had been cast or not, I discovered that I had not been cast, but rather a pleasant little leprechaun in my place! I was furious, and had to proceed with the task of disemboweling the staff members in the office. That took an hour or two. Once that ordeal was put into history, I began my journey home. Despite my disappointment at my reality TV show failure, I knew that dinner would be waiting for me, which brought joy to my heart.

But when I returned, there upon the ground in the clearing were thousands upon thousands of piles of beans! Every color of the rainbow could be seen across the snow in front of my home, and not a single pile contained a single bean out of place! And there stood Vasilisa, clutching a doll in her hands, looking resolute. I was furious!

"HOW?!" I cried in anger. My voice shook the trees all around. "HOW COULD YOU HAVE?! I GAVE YOU AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK AND, IMPOSSIBLY, YOU HAVE COMPLETED IT! HOW?!"

"I..." the girl stammered.

"GIRL, I CARE NOT THAT YOU HAVE FINISHED MY ASSIGNMENT! I SHALL EAT YOU ANYWAY!!!" And I advanced upon Vasilisa, my teeth bared.

"But, Babushka! You said that you would let me go if I completed the three tasks! And you said it yourself; I have! You promised me! For all your terribleness, your worst attribute is that you are a liar!"

I stopped dead in my tracks. She was right. I had given her my word, and though I am many things, I refuse to be dishonest. Somehow I summoned the urge to calm my primal rage.

"How did you do it, Vasilisa?"

"I asked my mother's doll for help, Babushka." She held up the small cloth object in her hands. I could see that the girl was telling the truth; it was indeed a mere doll, but it was made as the last act of a dying mother. Such powers can be bestowed upon such ordinary objects when such love is put into them.

"The horsemen," I muttered. "The doll summoned the three horsemen to help you, didn't it?"

"Yes, Babushka." With these words, Vasilisa pointed behind me. I turned around. Indeed, there on the edge of the clearing, three men atop horseback were watching us. One was dressed in white, one in red, one in black. They are an eternal part of nature, as am I... day, evening, and night. And in times of distress, they indeed can be called into action to aid those in need.

The horsemen are neither my friends nor my enemies. We respect each other, part of the balance of the universe. I nodded to them, and they turned upon their steeds and rushed off into the forest.

"And so I have been defeated by you child," I said, turning back to Vasilisa. "You have a strength I do not: courage."

A cool breeze brushed across my clearing. The sun was rising above the pine trees through a break in the great flock geese above. The girl and I were silent as we stared at one another.

"I fucked up an audition for a reality TV show last night. So I'm a little emotional right now. I apologize."

"Oh," Vasilisa responded, understandably confused.

"What was it that you came for in the first place?"

"A light, Babushka."

"Ah. Here," I said, pointing to the great fence that surrounds my hut. On top of every post, there is a human skull, an eery light blue light bursting forth from the eye sockets. "Take a fence post. It shall light up your home and its residents."

Vasilisa took a post as I had told her. She turned back to me. "Thank you, Babushka."

"Thank you, girl," I responded. "Fare thee well."

And so Vasilisa left me standing outside my hut. As I was told later, she ventured back through the forest with ease, thanks to the guiding light of the magical skull I had given her. She found her village and returned to her house. When she entered the door, she cried out, "Stepmother! Stepsisters! Here I have the light you bade me fetch!"

They were as surprised to see her as I would have been. But much greater was their surprise when they looked upon the skull atop the post Vasilisa carried still in her hands, for the light emanating from the eye sockets struck them dead on the spot! And so intended by my design, for those who do not fear me shall always benefit from my terrible goodness.

When Vasilisa's father returned, he was not saddened to discover that his wife and stepdaughters had died, for he had always known them to be wicked. He and Vasilisa were happily reunited and set about maintaining their household together.

And that's not the end of the tale.

How do you mean?

Well, you saw Vasilisa again.

Ah, yes. She returned years later, desperate to save her father from execution. Regrettably, she brought along two 'characters,' if I may call them that, who insisted upon creating some ludicrous mystery around me that needed to be solved. The Hardy Boys, I believe they call themselves. I killed and ate both of them, but indeed once more I did help Vasilisa. All I asked of her is that she assist in my endeavors to attain the position of national team manager, and she and I succeeded. As thanks, and out of recognition for the courage I knew she possessed, I offered her a spot on the roster.

And so that concludes the first portion of my interview with Baba Yaga and our discussions about her appointment as Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team manager.

- - - - -

(OOC: Did this story's metaphors seem antiquated, obscure, or irrelevant? Did its plot elements seem suspiciously similar to those of 'Cinderella?' Explanation: the story of Vasilisa and Baba Yaga is, as some of you many know, an actual old Russian fairy tale (from which 'Cinderella' was probably later developed). I have adapted the story slightly for RP purposes (obviously). To my knowledge, however, I have not directly plagiarized (verbatim, at least) any other authors telling of the tale. Future stories in this format will be, by contrast, completely original.)

[Loonaterian]

While the Loonaterese A-team was busy with the Publisher's Cup match against Civil Citizenry the B-team was forced to step in for the game against Sirain. As a result Loonaterian lost 2-0 at The Citadel. Sirain's scorers in that match were Cornelius Nikator scoring in the 42' minute and Konnor Stamatios scoring in the 67' minute.

But the A-team match against Civil Citizenry was a different story. The final score in an enthralling game was 6-0 to Loonaterian. Very early on in the game Loonaterian struck. In fact, it was in only the 5' minute when Jani'é Boréca scored the first of an incredible 4 goals. Just 10 minutes later Boréca scored again with an incredible goal. 2-0. In the 25' minute Boréca scored a 3rd goal. This goal was extra special as it took him to joint top in Loonaterian's all time top scorers list. Then in the 35' minute, Boréca scored an incredibly important goal in his career. It was his 183rd goal an a goal that took him to top in Loonaterian's all time top scorer's list. At half time the score was 4-0 to Loonaterian.

The second half started slowly. But by the 70' minute the game was back in full swing. In the 72' minute, Nävu Kanahun scored an inspirational goal for Loonaterian. Then in the 89' minute, Kanahun struck again. This was his 100th goal so therefore a very important goal for Loonaterian. Loonaterian is now in good stead for the World Cup.

Our manager, Levi Kotuu, made this statement today:

We are very happy with the Publisher's Cup result. I will continue to devote our A-team to the Publisher's Cup. The B-team will just have to step in for our other friendlies. Of course the A-team will play in the actual World Cup.

[Pays de Horreur]

Chapter 1. Demonology for Dummies

Dr. Sopp rubbed his hands together gleefully, for so long he had shied away from the world of villainy, but now he was rejuvenated and ready to finally unleash his revenge on the Pays de Horreur national football team.

The team had changed quite a bit since his last attempt to destroy them. The days of vampires and werewolves running around in Pays de Horreur shirts had been replaced with memories of violent criminals reaching the World Cup third place play off, that team had since been thrust into the annals of time and replaced with a team of scientifically engineered footballing monkeys and assorted lab assistants. The team was now amongst the top twenty in the world (reaching 10th at their zenith) and was dangerous opposition for many teams. This success had fuelled his hatred for them and furthered his desire to finally put an end to them, but for so long he had suffered from villainous burn-out. He’d worked so hard for so long he couldn’t take the high pressure world of being an evil genius and required a break.

After vacationing in Palacios and Rodallega he’d had time to clear his mind. His last attempts to destroy the Pays de Horreur national team (World Cup 50*) hadn’t gone swimmingly but being on a beach with lapping waves gently tickling his toes, the island sun browning his tired skin and the copious number of rum cocktails he sat and drank had done wonders for his creative juices.

During his time on the beach he’d been reading up on extra dimensional travel and invoking evil demons to do his bidding. Normally a man of science he had avoided delving into the “dark arts”. He considered them unnatural and terrifying, something that was beyond his control and out of his understanding. He didn’t want to rely on the unknown but in order to finally destroy the Pays de Horreur national team he had found a possible solution. The book “Demonography: Demons and invocation for Dummies” had been a lot of use and had given him the idea. To bring forth the particular demon he was considering all he required was a strand of hair from a virgin, a full newt as opposed to just an eye, four cloves of garlic, a pinch of salt and the ability to speak Sumerian. The Sumerian had posed a short term problem until he found a website that offered a course to teach yourself Sumerian using an instructional audio tape, which again had provided a problem, living in the modern age finding a cassette player had been a nuisance. One which he finally overcame at a carboot sale in Mount Deschamps. Rummaging around in a box of discarded electronic equipment he found a battered walkman. It took a little bartering but eventually he got it for a price he found acceptable, paying a whole dollar fifty.

The demon he had in mind was a ravenous pig beast that he would unleash upon the team’s hotel when they traveled overseas for an away match. The pig beast would devour all the food in the hotel’s kitchen ensuring the team went into their game hungry and underperformed.

He chortled to himself as he thought about those stupid little monkeys, including that damnable wretch Simian di Bradini, weak from hunger and being beaten by a team ranked outside the top 100. His laugh echoed around his hotel room as he packed his bags, he was on his way back to Pays de Horreur and was ready to unleash hell on the national team.

[Khytenna]

Result: Impressive Khytenna undone by Grays Harbours amazing striker


Khytenna: 1
Firestone 78th

Grays Habour: 2
Rodders 7th, 88th


Reporter John Dark


Chi Rodders was the Hero for Grays Harbor last night, as the travelling team got 2 amazing goal that made sure they took home the unlikely victory for Grays Harbor

Khytenna started the game on the back leg, thanks to some early pressure from the Harberian forwards, this forced a early corner for Gray Harbor and the first goal result from this, a good cross from the right Corner came from Vick Jennings, found Rodders in the middle of the box, he made a jump and got a great header on the ball, which he Aimed the ball to the top left corner of the goal, which was perfect, the diving Gatton could do nothing to stop the strike, giving the visitors the early lead at 1-0. Khytenna reacted well to the Goal, and went straight on to the Attack, making there experance and skill known, however the first real shot on goal for Khytenna came from the Inexperienced Blaylock , who got a break and a one on one with Keeper MacAlpen but at a difficult angle, Blaylock tryed to make a shot between the post and keeper, but MacAlpen made a shot to shot, what made it worse for Lyle is that Pellett was in the centre of the box completly unmarked by the defence, a amateur mistake cost Khytenna a goal. Pittenger made his presents made, after a stunning long ranged effort in the 34th minute rattled the cross bar, Deshazior was in the box and tryed to make a volley towards the goal on the reflection, but the ball came down at an awkward angle, and all Malik could do was sky the ball. Khytenna’s Pellett got in on some action as well, he made a side step tern at defender Ken Lincon, which got him past the defence, the shot he made, was pushed away by the keeper. The final shot of the first half came from Grays Harbor’s Ashtapura and shot from the left corner of the box sailed over to the top left corner of the goal, but Gatton made a stretch for the ball and got some fingers on it, pushing it away, a fantastic save, However Khytenna was still behind by a goal at the end of the first half.

Khytenna made some changes before the start of the second half, Gatton was replaced by Welte, Ringwood for Pittenger, Keogh –Green replaced Rusek, and both Forwards came of for Hytan and Firestone (who received a huge roar from the home crowd) . Khytenna started back on the Attack, passing the ball around more, playing fluid football. Ringwood got a decent shot on goal, where he found himself in the box, receiving a cross from Jolin, he got a decent head onto the ball, but the shot went in the arms of the keeper, Firestone was coursing trouble for the Harberian defence, setting up to major shots of the second half, one from Hytan, after Firestone made his way past two defenders and made a pass finding an open Hytan who skied the ball, the other was a quick one-two pass between him and K-G that opened the defence up, K-G’s shot was stopped by MacAlpen who was on serious form. But Khytenna broke the deadlock in the 78th minute, a tackle from K-G got the ball of Turner in the middle of the pitch, he made a long cross to Hytan who was unmarked and started a super counter attack, he rused in to the box and chiped the ball to an unmarked Firstone who drove the ball in a volley in the back of the net, an unstoppable shot by Firestone leved the scores and left the keeper standing, that was truly a class Goal. But Grays Harbor’s Rodders was not to be out done, he got the lead back for Gray Harbor , a corner from Grays Harbor saw a series of shots at goal, the first was a driving header from Osgood which was pushed out but Gatton, but then Ashtapura made powerfull kick towards the goal, but again Gatton got a touch on it and pushed it out, but this time the ball found Rodders, who volleyed the ball throw Gatton’s legs bouncing on the ground between them and back into the net, and fantastic shot gave back the lead to the travelling Harberian’s which also gave them a well deserved win.

The final score was 2-1, Khytenna look now to their next game against Iglesian Archipelago

RKN’s player of the match goes to MacAlpen; the keeper did great to get to those shots and stoped dead most chances for Khytenna to get a foot hold on to the game, his management of the defence in corners and free kicks was tactical and superb!

Proctor announced a team that will face Iglesian Archipelago, Bohannan makes it back on to the team, as well as Captain Thorne and Carmichael, the front two will be Firestone and Pellett.


The team is Below:

GK 1. Tim Gatton (age:28 Team: Central FC)
RB 3. james Ursua (23 Blue bay)
LB 2. Shad Vancil (23 Keltyme Foresters)
DC 15. Oliver Testerman ( 22 Atlético Central, Cafundeu)
DC 17. Nelson Bohannan(26 Alterdamm Merchants, Gray harbour)
RM RM 7. Casey Thorne(captain) (24 Xephic Reds)
LM 16. jamie Pittenger (20 Blue bay)
CM 8. Kurk Rusek (24 King’s District)
CAM 4. John Carmichael (21 Central FC) (21 Percepi Sharks)
FW 10. Lini Pellett (20 AC New Haven, Silver beach)
FW 9. Fergal Firestone (20 blue bay)

                         Gatton
Ursua          Testerman            Bohannan           Vancil

Thorne                   Rusek                Pittenger
                            
                       Carmichael
                    
                 Pellett        Firestone

[Qlumez]

Rlïceru si Tonaqiz
(The Football Chronicle)

Licuzsecwi has done it again.

Time and time again he is decried. The same people repeat the same old, same old. That he's all hype and doesn't live up to what's expected of him. That he's pussyfooted and weak. That he's all fancy tricks and no substance. And yet again, as once in a while, he shows why he was touted as the best player to come out of Qlumez in twenty years.

To understand Licuzsecwi, one has to look at his story. He was born into a family of legendary footballers. He plays football because he loves the game. And it shows. In a mediocre match, where the Qlumezian nationals were just testing the waters for the tournament, he made his section of the pitch his own little circus. He danced, and swayed, and the Kerician defenders struggled to keep up. He opened up avenues for his fellow players, cutting through people like a path sewing machine, ball seemingly glued to his foot. He sent a milimetric pass between the goalkeeper and another player for Cahbul's goal.

Of course, we didn't win the game. There's only so much one man can do for the team. Yet, in a match that otherwise was mired in mediocrity for our team, Licuzsecwi's personal show proved to everyone he's still our legendary boy wonder.

[Socialist States Owen]

FSSO squad travels to Cassadaigua

With the zonal qualifiers for the World Cup approaching, the FSSO landed at Cassadaigua's main airport to be greeted by a small group of raving fans and journalists. Several fans were ejected from the airport due to their boistorous nature, but the event was otherwise unmarred as the FSSO became the latest of the nearly 200 teams in the world cup to arrive. We asked the manager what his thoughts were at this time. "Well, we are a low ranking side and this is our first World Cup so we hope to make an impact but our hopes are not too high," He cheerfully told our reporter, "But of course we'll try our hardest and hopefully we can progress further than we are expected too." Our reporter asked what the news was on world class FSSO striker Lee Sharp. "Well Lee phoned me this morning to tell me he has overcome his cold, so he should be able to train with us this evening. Of course it remains to be seen whether he will be well enough for our first match, but I am sure he will be there.

Likely FSSO team for the first match:

Starting 11

1 - Daniel Belgrave
2 – Dennis Arnold
5 – Mike Humphrey
4 – Grant Davis
3 – Joe Arnie Pizza
7 – James Mcroft
6 – Steven Thompson ©
8 – Carlos Aduna
11 – Josh Stevenson
10 – Lee Sharp
9 – Sam Needle

Substitutes

27 – Jerry Watchman
22 – Ben Kean
13 – Julesk Paranaya
12 – Persa Ryans
15 – John Pallister
14 – Scott Daley
20 – Ben Quinn