Chapter 2 - Ledang
Chapter 3 - Temasik
Chapter 4 - Pekan
Nobody expected anything from us before the qualifiers. Qualifying to the World Cup felt impossible from the start. But humans are a fickle species. After beating the Holy Empire, people started expecting more.
The defeat at Tikariot calmed the nation down for a while. But then we bounced back with a back to back win. First at home against Myrtle Beach and then away at Gyaromia. Suddenly, people started to believe again.
Then came Kanzlia, back-to-back Esportivan champions. We lost 1-0 at home. We actually did quite well in the match. That was the frustrating part. We managed to create chances but it was Kanzlia who grabbed the only goal of the match.
The whole nation were still telling themselves everything was fine. That we still had enough matches left and qualification was still possible.
Then we lost again. 3-1 away to Shin-Zetsubo. That was when things changed. For the first time since the national team was formed, we were criticized by our own fans. Even the newspapers started questioning Coach Tan Chong Wei. Some even blamed me because I stopped scoring.
Even the atmosphere among the national team players changed.
“You know what the problem is?” said Faiz during one training session after kicking the ball away angrily. “Everybody suddenly scared to make mistakes.”
None of us said anything to him because deep down, we knew he was right. We started playing more carefully after the defeat to Kanzlia. You could feel it on the pitch.
That actually worried me more than the defeat themselves.
It was raining when we reached Kenyir that evening. We checked in at a hotel near the beach before going out again after maghrib because Astillah wanted coffee.
“You always want coffee,” I told her.
“And you always complain before buying it anyway.”
That was true.
The cafe was small and mostly empty except a few university students. Aidil and Amir ordered waffles while Astilah sat across me scrolling through old photos on her phone.
Then she turned the phone towards me.
It was an old picture from years ago. Me sitting inside a Klang team bus with Fahmi and Rahim. All 3 of us still looked young.
“You still have this?” I asked.
“Of course.”
I stared long at the photo. Everything was a lot more simple back then. Football was just football. Not expectation or responsibility. Just football.
“You looked happier,” Astilah said.
I looked up at her.
“I was nineteen.”
“That’s not an answer.”
Maybe she was right.
Outside, the rain started falling again over Kuala Kenyir.
The first time Astilah spoke to me was actually because of Shukri.
We were still in Pekan after the nightclub that night. Most of the senior players looked terrible the next morning except somehow Shukri who looked completely normal.
We were having breakfast at the hotel when Astilah walked in with two of her friends.
Rahim saw him first and immediately looked at me.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he said to me.
Then Shukri suddenly stood up and waved towards Astilah. That surprised me.
“You know her?” I asked.
Shukri looked confused.
“Of course,” he said.
Astilah then walked over to our table before greeting Shukri first.
Only then did she looked at me.
“You looked uncomfortable last night,” she said.
Rahim started laughing immediately.
“I don’t really go to places like that,” I admitted.
Astilah just smiled at that before sitting with us at the table. Before leaving, she looked at me again.
“You have a phone?” she said.
That question completely caught me off guard. Rahim nearly choked on his roti canai beside me.
“Of course he has a phone,” he said before I could answer.
Astilah ignored him and held out her hand towards me.
I gave her my phone. She typed her number into it before returning it back.
“That way you won’t look uncomfortable next time,” she said.
After she left, the entire table exploded. Even Shukri was laughing.
I stared at Astilah’s number for a while on the bus ride home to Klang later that evening before sending a selfie with Rahim and Fahmi.
“Azman here,” that was my first ever message to Astilah.














and 



















