NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Trotterdam]

it seems unclear what's gone wrong there in the game generating that option.

Presumably an issue editor made a typo while entering the macro. Honestly it sounds like a pretty easy mistake to make, not surprising at all.

Also there should be two other new issues!

[TalAkMaChen]

it seems unclear what's gone wrong there in the game generating that option.

Presumably an issue editor made a typo while entering the macro. Honestly it sounds like a pretty easy mistake to make, not surprising at all.

Also there should be two other new issues!

Right, from the text I'd guess it to be "shrugs @@HIS@@ shoulders" - should be an easy fix for the editors. Two more, again? OK, I'll check tomorrow.

[Dexterra]

Issue #1,726: Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Protests About the Maxkini

The Issue

@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ beaches have experienced a schism as the maxkini — voluminous swimwear favored by the Cult of Cyan for its provision of increased modesty — has exploded in popularity. During a press conference intended to introduce your Minister of Sand Castle Defense, incessant reporters continue to ask for a formal position on the garment.

The Debate

1. “We must ban the freedom-hating maxkini!” spouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, hiding @@HIS@@ face behind the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag. “Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t mind them ladies runnin’ about on the beach, but what with them goshdarn maxkinis covering people’s faces, ya can’t tell who’s who! Mate, it’s gotten so bad, even the bloody media knows what’s goin’ on! Who cares about some Cyan believers when your safety’s at stake?”

2. “Can’t a woman change in peace?” gripes @@RANDOMNAME@@, emerging from a nearby locker room. “It’s hard enough for girls these days to have the confidence to go to the beach wearing whatever we choose without everybody judging us. I mean, I could barely stand to come out of the stall because of this maxkini row! Wouldn’t it be better for everybody if you punish the woman-shaming creeps who instigated this incident?”

3. “Don’t let the fearmongering get to you; maxkinis are the next big thing,” insists designer @@RANDOMNAME@@, sporting next summer’s violet model. “Trust me, I know a trend when I see one. Do you know how many smart women wear these to protect themselves from skin cancer? Not to mention the Cult of Pizza fundamentalists who cover up so they don’t get extra-crispy. In fact, you might want to subsidize this innovation in sun-safe beachwear. That way, @@NAME@@ will be buoyed by the waves of the future!”

4. “We can argue about this until we’re blue in the face,” cries loud, proud, and notoriously flamboyant provocateur @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ struts past the crowd wearing nothing but body paint. “Maxkini this! Bikini that! If you want this ruckus to end, Leader, just ban clothing on our pristine beaches! What could be more natural? Think of all the beautiful, suntanned skin!”

Authored by The anti-social socialists, edited by Zwangzug and Bisofeyr

I think the names are all random

Edit: yup, all random

[TalAkMaChen]

Oh, well then:

#1725 Criminals on the (Pay)Roll? [The Realizer; ed: The Ankhalic Vaspriot]
The Issue
@@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, formerly the dastardliest criminal on the loose in @@NAME@@, was finally arrested last night while attempting to abscond with a wheelbarrow full of garden gnomes. Due to the high-profile nature of @@HIS_1@@ myriad cases, intelligence officers from all the agencies of the alphabet have ambushed you with some unconventional proposals.

The Debate
1. “@@RANDOM_LAST_NAME_1@@ could be an invaluable asset with @@HIS_1@@ connections and skills,” boasts @@NAME_INITIALS@@BI agent @@RANDOM_NAME_2@@. “Even though @@HE_1@@ has a criminal record longer than the @@CAPITAL@@ River, @@HE_1@@’s willing to co-operate with us to infiltrate some of the nation’s most infamous crime syndicates. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! You must allow this @@MAN_1@@ to work with us and be planted in criminal organisations at once so we can start taking them down from the inside. Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to keep a close eye on @@HIM_1@@. All we’re going to need is a little bit of funding to get the latest microchip trackers. What could go wrong?”

2a. “What could go wrong?!” scoffs @@RANDOM_NAME@@ from the @@NAME_INITIALS@@SA, pacing around the room rapidly. “Don’t let @@HIM_2@@ plant the seeds of doubt in your mind. Do you not understand the litany of crimes this @@MAN_1@@ has committed? We’re talking murder, practising medicine without a license, taking candy from babies, and, worst of all, tax evasion! Yeah, no wonder @@HE_1@@’s willing to co-operate. Some sage advice: let justice run its course and, when @@HE_1@@’s inevitably found guilty, chuck @@HIM_1@@ in the highest security prison arou-” @@HE@@ walks face-first into a garden gnome that you’re pretty sure wasn’t there before. [has prisons]

2b. “What could go wrong?!” scoffs @@RANDOM_NAME@@ from the @@NAME_INITIALS@@SA, pacing around the room rapidly. “Don’t let @@HIM_2@@ plant the seeds of doubt in your mind. Do you not understand the litany of crimes this @@MAN_1@@ has committed? We’re talking murder, practising medicine without a license, taking candy from babies, and, worst of all, tax evasion! Yeah, no wonder @@HE_1@@’s willing to co-operate. Some sage advice: let justice run its course and, when @@HE_1@@’s inevitably found guilty, chuck @@HIM_1@@ in the highest security rehabilitation center arou-” @@HE@@ walks face-first into a garden gnome that you’re pretty sure wasn’t there before. [has no prisons]

3. Before you can address the crumpled body on the floor, a figure in a black trenchcoat steps out from the shadows. “Why stop at just one infiltrator? We could carefully select the most cunning criminals from the prison system to help uproot @@NAME@@’s crime syndicates in exchange for a well-deserved pardon. We could establish a whole network of assets — under my leadership, naturally, and create a safer @@NAME@@ for all. If law enforcement can’t do the job, my criminal informant army will.” Before you can catch their name, they return to the shadows again.

Blimey, I hope that was all macros and correctly labeled so. Edit: Added the fixed quotation mark.

[Azurius]

Indeed a big influx of new issues lately. Here we go again I just got another brand new issue.

Like last time this issue has certain requirements that definitely make it elegible only to certain nations that fit the criteria. The issue at hand:

#1727 Wrath of the Lichen [The Slaver Consortium of SinCorp; ed: Klaus Devestatorie]

The Issue

Logging company @@ANIMAL@@Corp, preparing to harvest a forest stand it planted three decades ago, has been thrown into controversy after environmental scientists discovered a unique and undocumented species of glow-in-the-dark lichen growing on the trees just days before cutting was set to begin.

The Debate

1. “This isn’t just moss, it’s a miracle!” gasps Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@ a lichenologist clutching a bark sample like a newborn. “We’ve found a lichen species that doesn’t exist anywhere else in @@REGION@@ — possibly even brand new to science! And it’s bioluminescent! If you let those chainsaws roll, we’ll lose an entire ecosystem before we’ve even catalogued it. We need to stop the harvest, preserve the site, and fund a full ecological survey of this stand and others across @@NAME@@. We owe it to science... and the planet!”

2. “Oh for the love of Violet, it’s just mold!” growls @@ANIMAL@@Corp COO @@RANDOMNAME@@, dumping a chainsaw on your desk. “We planted these trees on our own land so we could actually use the timber, not host some freeloading fungus! Our company and employees bleed money every day we sit on our hands. You gotta tell those moss munchers to beat it! This harvest needs to go ahead on schedule — lickin’ or no lickin’.”

3. “Maybe we can find a middle path,” suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Agriculture. “We could set aside a small research parcel for the scientists and let logging continue elsewhere on the site. That way we support both the environment and the economy. Get the scientists to figure out how to transplant the lichen to other forests, and then @@ANIMAL@@Corp can finish their harvest. Sure, the company won’t be happy and the scientists probably won’t be happy either, but that’s how you know it’s working.”

4. “You’re all missing the real opportunity here,” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your unnervingly excited Tourism Minister. “This radiant algae has an amazing transcendental aura. Let’s turn the entire forest into a living, breathing eco-mystical theme park, open the gates to everyone, and make a hundred times more @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ than the lumber was ever worth as furniture or paper. Tree spirits! Guided pilgrimages! Devotional merchandise! The believers will flock to it!”

In fact the way the issue is written it implies multiple criteria that need to be fit to make a nation elegible.

- The first, definite, requirement is having a logging industry with the nation planting and managing actual forests and plantations to harvest for timber. So, forest management and logging are the first criteria. It's clear that without a timber industry and forest management there is no chance of getting this issue.

- The next, possible, requirement is capitalism. The way the issue is written both from the description and option 2 both imply that capitalism is possibly also requirement as implied by @@ANIMAL@@Corp or also the COO of that said @@ANIMAL@@Corp from option 2. This should definitely be checked if only capitalist nations can get this one or if there is a different version of this for socialist nations too.

- Another, possible, requirement is a very high environment. As fascinating as they are, let's not dive into the biology of lichen(off topic). However the relevant point is: Lichen are excellent biomarkers of an environment, they will only grow in areas where air, earth and water are exceptionaly clean. As soon as there is too much pollution lichen stop growing, making them an excellent marker to determine the quality or lack of quality of your local environment. So by logic, for colonies of lichen to grow you need a very good environment too. Once again this is not definite and only a possibility. But the logic clearly implies a high environment as another requirement for this issue.

So we have one definite and two possible requirements needed for this issue. Not many nations would match those requirements which then also explains how Azurius could be one of the first to get it.

Hmm yes and unlike last time I will definitely wait for data from MWQ first before deciding on any option. This issues and options will typicaly hit industrial output(timber) or vice versa the environment and right now I don't want to do either, nor do I need mining anymore. If it makes sense for me to go with an environment option or not will depend a lot on the actual stats and how much they change. I definitely need some data first to decide. It will depend but more likely then not I will probably dismiss this issue unless the pros and effects outweigh the cons.

[TalAkMaChen]

Indeed a big influx of new issues lately. Here we go again I just got another brand new issue.
-snip-

In fact the way the issue is written it implies multiple criteria that need to be fit to make a nation elegible.

- The first, definite, requirement is having a logging industry with the nation planting and managing actual forests and plantations to harvest for timber. So, forest management and logging are the first criteria. It's clear that without a timber industry and forest management there is no chance of getting this issue.

- The next, possible, requirement is capitalism. The way the issue is written both from the description and option 2 both imply that capitalism is possibly also requirement as implied by @@ANIMAL@@Corp or also the COO of that said @@ANIMAL@@Corp from option 2. This should definitely be checked if only capitalist nations can get this one or if there is a different version of this for socialist nations too.

- Another, possible, requirement is a very high environment. As fascinating as they are, let's not dive into the biology of lichen(off topic). However the relevant point is: Lichen are excellent biomarkers of an environment, they will only grow in areas where air, earth and water are exceptionaly clean. As soon as there is too much pollution lichen stop growing, making them an excellent marker to determine the quality or lack of quality of your local environment. So by logic, for colonies of lichen to grow you need a very good environment too. Once again this is not definite and only a possibility. But the logic clearly implies a high environment as another requirement for this issue.

So we have one definite and two possible requirements needed for this issue. Not many nations would match those requirements which then also explains how Azurius could be one of the first to get it.

Hmm yes and unlike last time I will definitely wait for data from MWQ first before deciding on any option. This issues and options will typicaly hit industrial output(timber) or vice versa the environment and right now I don't want to do either, nor do I need mining anymore. If it makes sense for me to go with an environment option or not will depend a lot on the actual stats and how much they change. I definitely need some data first to decide. It will depend but more likely then not I will probably dismiss this issue unless the pros and effects outweigh the cons.

With the new system in place I wouldn't be surprised to see a socialist version of it, too - even with a different "the issue" text like we had of late. Editors like their new toy!


Also, option 4 of 1727 seems to require a minimum of "Religiousness" to appear. With several nations at Religiousness under 2.7 I didn't get that option.

[Land Without Shrimp]

#1728: Overcensortivity

The Issue

After the particularly gruesome death of a factory worker was recounted in vivid detail on the front page of The @@CAPITAL@@ Leader, questions have arisen around whether or not censorship is really all that bad.

The Debate

1. “How can you just let them portray this visceral filth, @@LEADER@@?” asks flabbergasted father, Percy Bishop, shielding her two young toddler’s eyes. “We can at least try to be more sensitive with our... over-descriptive articles. Else all of the children will be exposed to violence, destroying their precious innocence! Bar newspapers from describing gore, death, and disturbing crimes. And make them put age ratings on the front page while you’re at it!”

2. The particularly jaded Virginia Gutierrez interjects with her side of the argument. “We can’t just censor what the weak-willed can’t handle! O great @@LEADER@@, don’t listen to these snowflakes! It’s essential to provide the whole truth of the nation’s happenings! How else would one form an opinion on the event? Sure, it may seem a bit sickening at first to hear about how he had his arm torn off, and then when the industrial saw-” As Virginia continues her colorful description, Percy Bishop starts turning an odd color of green. Virginia Gutierrez waves exasperatedly at him while looking at you imploringly.

3. Slamming her fist on the table, Chloe Nelson loudly interrupts with her idea; “Remove newspapers!” Following this, there are several seconds of awkward silence, waiting for her to continue. After that are several more seconds of stunned seconds followed by realization that she is not going to continue, and is, in fact, proposing to remove newspapers. Somebody coughs. Feeling rather awkward, your secretary decides to end the meeting early.

Authored by The Dominion of Crisis, Edited by Raionitu

Didn't put in name or pronoun macros. Not sure how that is currently being handled so just presenting as shown.

[TalAkMaChen]

I got some more options for 1728:

*1. “How can you just let them portray this visceral filth, @@LEADER@@?” asks flabbergasted @@FATHER_1@@, @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, shielding @@HIS_1@@ two young toddler’s eyes. “We can at least try to be more sensitive with our... over-descriptive articles. Else all of the children will be exposed to violence, destroying their precious innocence! Bar newspapers from describing gore, death, and disturbing crimes. And make them put age ratings on the front page while you’re at it!” [must not have Vat-produced infants]

*2. “How can you just let them portray this visceral filth, @@LEADER@@?” asks a flabbergasted @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, head of the Society for Moral Decency and Softer Pillows. “We can at least try to be more sensitive with our... over-descriptive articles. Else, anyone walking past a newsstand will be exposed to senseless violence against their will and feel sick! Bar newspapers from describing gore, death, and disturbing crimes.” [has Vat-produced infants]

3. The particularly jaded @@RANDOM_NAME_2@@ interjects with @@HIS_2@@ side of the argument. “We can’t just censor what the weak-willed can’t handle! O great @@LEADER@@, don’t listen to these snowflakes! It’s essential to provide the whole truth of the nation’s happenings! How else would one form an opinion on the event? Sure, it may seem a bit sickening at first to hear about how @@HE_3@@ had @@HIS_3@@ arm torn off, and then when the industrial saw-” As @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME_2@@ continues @@HIS_2@@ colorful description, @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@ starts turning an odd color of green. @@RANDOM_NAME_2@@ waves exasperatedly at @@HIM_1@@ while looking at you imploringly.

4. Slamming @@HIS@@ fist on the table, @@RANDOM_NAME@@ loudly interrupts with @@HIS@@ idea, “Remove newspapers!” Following this, there are several seconds of awkward silence, waiting for @@HIM@@ to continue. After that are several more seconds of stunned seconds followed by realization that @@HE@@ is not going to continue, and is, in fact, proposing to remove newspapers. Somebody coughs. Feeling rather awkward, your secretary decides to end the meeting early.

In option 3, the victim can be either gender, I assigned them the number 3 as they are unnamed.

[SinCorp]

Indeed a big influx of new issues lately. Here we go again I just got another brand new issue.

Like last time this issue has certain requirements that definitely make it elegible only to certain nations that fit the criteria. The issue at hand:

#1727 Wrath of the Lichen [The Slaver Consortium of SinCorp; ed: Klaus Devestatorie]

The Issue

Logging company @@ANIMAL@@Corp, preparing to harvest a forest stand it planted three decades ago, has been thrown into controversy after environmental scientists discovered a unique and undocumented species of glow-in-the-dark lichen growing on the trees just days before cutting was set to begin.

The Debate

1. “This isn’t just moss, it’s a miracle!” gasps Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@ a lichenologist clutching a bark sample like a newborn. “We’ve found a lichen species that doesn’t exist anywhere else in @@REGION@@ — possibly even brand new to science! And it’s bioluminescent! If you let those chainsaws roll, we’ll lose an entire ecosystem before we’ve even catalogued it. We need to stop the harvest, preserve the site, and fund a full ecological survey of this stand and others across @@NAME@@. We owe it to science... and the planet!”

2. “Oh for the love of Violet, it’s just mold!” growls @@ANIMAL@@Corp COO @@RANDOMNAME@@, dumping a chainsaw on your desk. “We planted these trees on our own land so we could actually use the timber, not host some freeloading fungus! Our company and employees bleed money every day we sit on our hands. You gotta tell those moss munchers to beat it! This harvest needs to go ahead on schedule — lickin’ or no lickin’.”

3. “Maybe we can find a middle path,” suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Agriculture. “We could set aside a small research parcel for the scientists and let logging continue elsewhere on the site. That way we support both the environment and the economy. Get the scientists to figure out how to transplant the lichen to other forests, and then @@ANIMAL@@Corp can finish their harvest. Sure, the company won’t be happy and the scientists probably won’t be happy either, but that’s how you know it’s working.”

4. “You’re all missing the real opportunity here,” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your unnervingly excited Tourism Minister. “This radiant algae has an amazing transcendental aura. Let’s turn the entire forest into a living, breathing eco-mystical theme park, open the gates to everyone, and make a hundred times more @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ than the lumber was ever worth as furniture or paper. Tree spirits! Guided pilgrimages! Devotional merchandise! The believers will flock to it!”

In fact the way the issue is written it implies multiple criteria that need to be fit to make a nation elegible.

- The first, definite, requirement is having a logging industry with the nation planting and managing actual forests and plantations to harvest for timber. So, forest management and logging are the first criteria. It's clear that without a timber industry and forest management there is no chance of getting this issue.

- The next, possible, requirement is capitalism. The way the issue is written both from the description and option 2 both imply that capitalism is possibly also requirement as implied by @@ANIMAL@@Corp or also the COO of that said @@ANIMAL@@Corp from option 2. This should definitely be checked if only capitalist nations can get this one or if there is a different version of this for socialist nations too.

- Another, possible, requirement is a very high environment. As fascinating as they are, let's not dive into the biology of lichen(off topic). However the relevant point is: Lichen are excellent biomarkers of an environment, they will only grow in areas where air, earth and water are exceptionaly clean. As soon as there is too much pollution lichen stop growing, making them an excellent marker to determine the quality or lack of quality of your local environment. So by logic, for colonies of lichen to grow you need a very good environment too. Once again this is not definite and only a possibility. But the logic clearly implies a high environment as another requirement for this issue.

So we have one definite and two possible requirements needed for this issue. Not many nations would match those requirements which then also explains how Azurius could be one of the first to get it.

Hmm yes and unlike last time I will definitely wait for data from MWQ first before deciding on any option. This issues and options will typicaly hit industrial output(timber) or vice versa the environment and right now I don't want to do either, nor do I need mining anymore. If it makes sense for me to go with an environment option or not will depend a lot on the actual stats and how much they change. I definitely need some data first to decide. It will depend but more likely then not I will probably dismiss this issue unless the pros and effects outweigh the cons.

I prefer to write issues that only apply to 20% of the player base or less, there are so many broad issues already out there, I love the idea of issues that only apply to the 2% of nations that have three specific polices. This is the first one that's been approved!

By the way, when I got the issue, the COO's name was Beyonce Gutenberg! Hilarious!

[TalAkMaChen]

We got another one!

#1729 Retired Rebels Request Restitution [The 19th Century; ed: Jiangbei]
The Issue
The use of scorched earth tactics during the @@NAME@@ Civil War did millions of @@CURRENCY_PLURAL@@ in damage, devastating territories that had been under rebel control. A delegation of former rebel leaders is invading your office to demand the government pay civilians for everything your troops ‘liberated’ from existence.

The Debate
1. “Our supporters are homeless, our harvests are ruined, and our towns are ash,” laments former rebel general Bob Lee, tugging at a soot-stained sleeve. “People are suffering and we need help to rebuild our motherland. Set up a war claims commission and start writing checks for the homes, shops, and fields that your boys ‘accidentally’ tillered with artillery.”

2. “You took up arms first, you lost, and now you want a payout? Absolutely not,” snorts loyalist general Phyllis Sheridan, flipping open a glossy catalog to a page labeled ‘as-is armored personnel carrier.’ “If anything, we should sue rebel leaders for property damages, since they first started this civil war. We’ll seize their assets and auction off the lot to make our citizens whole.”

3. “These charred ruins are an excellent carbon sink”, declares your Minister of Creative Finance @@RANDOM_NAME@@, upending a mason jar of soot onto your blotter. “The biochar we created will help lock away emissions for decades. We just need to certify the scorched areas as char zones, issue some carbon offsets, then sell them to allies desperate to meet their climate pledges. That won’t help the rebels, but at least it will help us fund their displac- er, resettlement in @@CAPITAL@@, where we can keep a closer eye on them.”

Names appear to be random, I'll update. Update: Only the last name is random, the other two are fixed references, I see.

[Dexterra]

Names appear to be random, I'll update.

If Bob Lee is random, I’ll eat my hat. That appears to be a reference to Robert E. Lee, General of the Army of Northern Virginia (i.e. leader of the Confederate Army) during the American Civil War

Edit: Phyllis Sheridan also appears to be a reference to Philip Sheridan, a Union Army general

[TalAkMaChen]

We got a big issue coming in.

#1731 @@NAME@@, Bastion of Freedom [Raionitu; ed: Raionitu]
The Issue
has immigration
@@NAME@@ is considered a bastion of personal freedom, granting its citizens many liberties they wouldn’t have in other nations. Most people would consider this a good thing. Politicians are not most people, and now your neighbors are demanding you change your nation’s laws after a spike in the number of tourists and immigrants coming to @@NAME@@to do things illegal in their homelands.

does not have immigration
@@NAME@@ is considered a bastion of personal freedom, granting its citizens many liberties they wouldn’t have in other nations. Most people would consider this a good thing. Politicians are not most people, and now your neighbors are demanding you change your nation’s laws after a spike in the number of tourists coming to @@NAME@@ to do things illegal in their homelands.

The Debate
1. “As you are no doubt aware, we in Savoiia have ended the primitive practice of euthanasia,” remarks Ambassador Hugh T. Nesha. “But some of our citizens haven’t yet accepted the sanctity of life, and some of those selfish, self-destructive individuals have come to your nation to be murdered by your doctors. Please, join us in banning this tragic practice”. [euthanasia is legal]

2. “I have learned that some of my lost little lambs have found their way to your nation,” condescends Jim Kong Om, leader of the hermit nation of The Peoples Free Democracy of Northwest Central Librestan, where attempted emigration is a capital crime. “My citizens will be returned to me, and to ensure no more of my property gets lost, you will close your borders, build a wall on our shared border, and apologize for letting things reach this point.” [emigration is legal]

3. “Howdy there, partner,” drawls Davis Jefferson, a bounty hunter from Brasilistan. “Now, since y’all don’t keep slaves, some of our slaves have taken to hoppin’ the border, thinkin’ it’ll make ‘em free, but that’s our property runnin’ around stirrin’ up trouble. I’d much appreciate it if you’d order your government to work with us to wrangle these runaways and return ‘em to their owners. We might even let you keep a few for your troubles.” [does not have slavery]

4. “Ugh, it smells like dead animal in here,” utters Lief E. Griens, ambassador from Kishiresh, looking down his nose at you. “In my enlightened nation, we’ve outlawed the barbaric eating of meat, but some of our less civilized civilians keep nipping across the border to indulge in their baser instincts. If you place any value on the sanctity of life, you’ll stop the slaughter and outlaw the eating of meat in @@NAME@@.” [not vegetarian]

5. The clicking of a pen draws your attention to the side, “News flash, public relations is where it’s at.” claims the West Calypsan ambassador and propaganda secretary. “When we cracked down on fake news, some subversive journalists hopped the border here to keep publishing unflattering articles about my boss. You leader types have to stick together, I think it’s high time you put reins on the media, end independent news, and make them write more truthful representations about you and us.” [does not have state press]

6. “TEN HUT!” barks Hernius Eutrus, President-General of Kawandaland. “In the name of defensive invasions, I ordered all citizens perform two years mandatory military service! But some of those cowardly draft dodgers have run to your tiny nation, which is too weak to require such service from its citizens. If you don’t want me to invade to take them back, I suggest you start following my orders! AT EASE!” [does not have conscription]

7. “Heresy! Blasphemy! All around us is of the Enemy!” screams Hsulgi, high priest of Musumer. “Our blessed land has given itself fully to @@FAITH@@, but some heathens have fled to your land, which is filled with temptation and the lie they call ‘freedom of religion’. Save these wayward souls before it’s too late, and mandate your citizens follow the one true faith.” [no theocracy or atheism, religiousness above 3, and ???]

8. “Do you know what makes the grass grow?” asks a man standing in the corner, cloaked by shadows. “I understand you don’t allow capital punishment, however some of East Lebatuck’s death row inmates have escaped to @@CAPITAL@@ to escape justice. We would be most grateful if you would send them back, and if some of your problematic citizens got mixed in, who would know? We get to uphold our justice, you get to uphold your moral high ground.” [does not have capital punishment]

9. “On the other hand,” the mysterious figure continues, voice like gravel. “You could just start executing them yourself. Then any of our fugitives can be handled here, and we’ll start taking care of any of your fugitives we come across. A bit of quid pro quo, as they say.” [does not have capital punishment]

10. The smell of cheap cologne announces the arrival of East Calypso’s diplomat, who has come wearing a wifebeater. “The real sickness in your country is divorce. Honest men like me spend all day working, and come home to find their wife’s run off with their brother. Y’know I think my wife asked me to take this job just to get here and ditch me. Ban divorce, make couples stay together, and someone get me a damn soda!” [divorce is legal]

11. “Complicit, all of you,” hisses the ambassador from the United Federation. “Every day, thousands of babies are murdered, and I can do nothing but watch as people from enlightened nations, including my own, travel to @@NAME@@ for this wretched murder tourism. No more, you must acknowledge the sanctity of life and outlaw abortion like the slaughter it is.” [abortion is legal]

12. After shooing out the gaggle of ambassadors, your Minister of Health turns to you. “Look at these leeches, trying to take advantage of our nation. It’s not just the diplomats, ever since we instituted universal health care, foreigners have been showing up at our clinics, lying for treatment, draining our resources. @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ resources are for @@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@. Limit healthcare to those who are paying for it.” [has universal healthcare]

13. “No, this is wonderful!” Your Minister of Public Relations claps their hands together. “We need to lean into this. Freedom tourism, liberation immigration! If this is already our international image, just imagine what things will be like if we loosened regulations across the board. Our economy would go crazy.”

14. “What’s crazy is thinking any of this is wonderful!” shouts General @@RANDOM_NAME@@. “A dozen countries demand we change our laws, you’re blind if you see that as anything other than a threat. Those tyrants know if their people see that freedom is possible, they’ll be overthrown within a week, so they see our existence as an existential threat. We fought hard for these freedoms, and they must be defended. Expand the defense force before we’re invaded!”

No clue as of yet what might be in those gaps, names are set except for the last one it seems. With (at least) 14 options, this also sets the record previously held by #215 at 12.

Update: I found the options to fill the gaps, but for some the validity remains uncertain to me, especially option 7. Most of the options explicitly mention the criteria for which they apply, in option 7 it is "freedom of religion" which appears like "no Theocracy". However, on war_dogs_cxxxix I didn't get that option while they have a religiousness of 300+ and no theocracy. Perhaps "allows other religions" is tracked somewhere else, i.e. in a hidden policy.

Edit: Thanks for the (involuntary) hint, Luna Amore, about the variant in the issue description for nations without immigration. I checked my logs and behold, found the correct text there.

[Trotterdam]

No clue as of yet what might be in those gaps,

So far, the only hint I have is maybe something to do with airplanes? Or maybe that's #1730, which we seem to have skipped.

I honestly expect that it shouldn't take too long for the missing options to show up, anyway. Many nations have legal things.

With (at least) 14 options, this also sets the record previously held by #215 at 12.

Although #215 previously held the record for most options, this issue also looks a lot like a mirror image of #625, which has up to 11 options depending on what's illegal in your nation.

[Il Sonno della Ragione Genera Mostri]

Here's the skipped one, 1730 ! For now I just copy it with the names I see.

Cloudy With a Chance of Fecal Matter

The Issue

Last night’s spectacular meteor shower was actually something far less celestial: “space peanuts,” solidified clumps of human excrement ejected from passenger aircraft.
The Debate

1.
“This is total muck!” cries the chair of the anti-aircraft group Death From Above, with a suspicious brown residue at the corner of their lip. “Not only do planes pollute our skies, but now they’re raining down poop meteors on us! I say that’s one step too far — you must ban all civilian aircraft before they drop another round of dung on our people!”

2 capitalitz.
“In case you haven’t heard it: everyone poops,” shrugs the CEO of major airline Bloeing. “When we’re up in the air, people need to go and ejecting the waste mid-flight is the only efficient and cost-effective way to get rid of it. Why not compromise: we tell you when we’re going to drop a load, and you can charge people to come on down and watch the show?”

2 commie.
“In case you haven’t heard it: everyone poops,” shrugs the chair of the government aviation board. “When we’re up in the air, people need to go and ejecting the waste mid-flight is the only efficient and cost-effective way to get rid of it. Why not compromise: we tell you when we’re going to drop a load, and you can charge people to come on down and watch the show?”

3.
“Behold, my turn-feces-into-fuel-inator!” shrieks local mad scientist Dr. Gloopenschwarz as he barges into your office, with a teal-skinned monotreme tailing him. “With the click of a button, this can turn foul-smelling human dung into mega-efficient biofuel! Clean-burning, eco-friendly, and dirt cheap — if you’re able to ignore the smell, that is. Invest in my inator and we will install this in every plane that dots our skies and finally bring a use to refuse across the entire tri-the Pacific area!”

4.
“Seems to me that you should blame the fool who didn’t go at the airport,” declares your great-great-grandmother, who recently escaped her care facility and is now rocking gently in your office. “The solution’s simple: ban pooping on planes. If they didn’t think ahead and relieve themselves before they stepped foot on their flight, they can suffer the consequences. And as the saying goes: you can’t make a poop meteor without the poop.”

Issue by The Free Land of Skibidigoonistan
Edited by Bisofeyr

[TalAkMaChen]

The name in 1730.3 is set as is, however, there is a socialist alternative to option 2:

*2b. “In case you haven’t heard it: everyone poops,” shrugs the chair of the government aviation board. “When we’re up in the air, people need to go and ejecting the waste mid-flight is the only efficient and cost-effective way to get rid of it. Why not compromise: we tell you when we’re going to drop a load, and you can charge people to come on down and watch the show?”

[Valentine Z]

Heyyyy, apologies for no-show lately! I have been looking at this place as well, and yeah, I wasn't able to do much for this entire week. And for the next week as well, because these two weeks, I am involved in an army reservist training so... large-scale edits are out of question for me. I mean, I can, but do I have the energy? x_x

Anyway, rambling aside! I will try to get something done either this weekend or next weekend.

[TalAkMaChen]

There we go, new issue!

#1732 Too Big to Rig [Urcea; ed: Southland]
The Issue
Capitalist version
Accusations about bid-rigging have arisen after a company ran by your @@BROTHER_1@@, @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME_1@@, secured its fourth large government construction contract in a row. After dealing with weeks of complaints from good government advocates — and many impassioned pleas from @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME_1@@ to ignore the issue — formal discussion about government contracting has reached your desk.

Socialist version
Accusations about bid-rigging have arisen after a co-operative managed by your @@BROTHER_1@@, @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME_1@@, secured its fourth large government construction contract in a row. After dealing with weeks of complaints from good government advocates — and many impassioned pleas from @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME_1@@ to ignore the issue — formal discussion about government contracting has reached your desk.

The Debate
1. “@@HE_1@@ won again? We can’t be seen playing favorites!” decries @@RANDOM_NAME_2@@, your Public Works Minister, while absentmindedly signing contracts for friends and relations. “Nepotism not only damages our government’s reputation, but also drives up costs and hurts the economy. You must implement a careful evaluation process that emphasizes transparency, bans familial and close relations from participating, and favors bids that won’t overburden the taxpayer. We will save public funds and restore public trust.”

2a. “‘Won’t overburden the taxpayer’? You mean ‘lowest bid’, or should I say ‘bidding good riddance to the working man’s hard-earned pay’!” retorts @@RANDOM_NAME@@, a local union leader. “I support the other parts, but if you prioritize cutting corners, it’s us who will be the first corner cut. If you want a real economic boost, put money in the hands of those actually doing the hard work and choose contractors that will best safeguard our wages. This will mean giving my boys the final say on bids of course. After all, who knows better on delivering living wages than we?” [Capitalist]

2b. “‘Won’t overburden the proletariat’? You mean ‘lowest bid’, or should I say ‘bidding good riddance to the working man’s hard-earned pay’!” retorts @@RANDOM_NAME@@, a local union leader. “I support the other parts, but if you prioritize cutting corners, it’s us who will be the first corner cut. If you want a real economic boost, put money in the hands of those actually doing the hard work and choose contractors that will best safeguard our wages. This will mean giving my comrades the final say on bids of course. After all, who knows better on delivering living wages than we?” [Socialist]

3a. “Yo my leads! I don’t see what’s all the fuss about,” says your sunglasses-wearing @@BROTHER_1@@ as @@HE_1@@ gives you a friendly slap on the back. “So what if my last contract saw me combine a slaughterhouse with a petting zoo? You’re in charge, right? That means you know best, and you know I do a better job than those nerds ever could. Don’t worry about what the busybodies say — I can take care of these complicated construction jobs and you can run the country. In fact, do away with bidding and just always give contracts to VIPs like me. I had to wait two frigging days for approval!” [not vegetarian, has zoos]

3b. “Yo my leads! I don’t see what’s all the fuss about,” says your sunglasses-wearing @@BROTHER_1@@ as @@HE_1@@ gives you a friendly slap on the back. “So what if my last contract saw you opening an unfinished bridge? You’re in charge, right? That means you know best, and you know I do a better job than those nerds ever could. Don’t worry about what the busybodies say — I can take care of these complicated construction jobs and you can run the country. In fact, do away with bidding and just always give contracts to VIPs like me. I had to wait two frigging days for approval!” [vegetarian and/or no zoos]

*4. “Why do we bother working with those leeches?” bemoans @@RANDOM_NAME@@, the head of an obscure maintenance department, who’s currently fixing a pipe in your office. “Why not just have the government do the work directly? It may be expensive to set up, but we won’t have to worry about who’s related to who or ingrates overcharging us, and we’ll create some good-paying jobs in the process. We all know you can always count on the government to deliver high-quality ser—” the pipe then sprays water in @@HIS@@ face. [Capitalist?]

*5. “Why are we even outsourcing our work?” bemoans your Public Infrastructure Minister @@RANDOM_NAME@@ as @@HE@@ stares daggers at @@LAST_NAME_2@@. “@@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME_1@@’s enterprise isn’t even supposed to do any construction work, they’re specifically assigned to work on @@MAJOR_INDUSTRY@@! From now on, this work should only be done directly and exclusively by the Ministries whose domains are in those fields. This will prevent class traitors from trying to hijack the economy. That means you, @@FIRST_NAME_2@@! You knew that I was supposed to build that sewage plant, you beast!” [Socialist?]

I got it twice now, what a mess with these alternative versions. Also, I suspect an alternative text for option 3 at nations that don't have zoos - unless that was overlooked, we shall find out.
Edit: Alright, they are both combined into what I label option "3b".

[Trotterdam]

Also, I suspect an alternative text for option 3 at nations that don't have zoos

Or slaughterhouses. We're vegetarians!

[TalAkMaChen]

And it just continues...

#1733 Next-Genocide? [Sincorp; ed: Haymarket Riot]
The Issue
Capitalist
As older-model AI citizens require costly repairs due to failing hardware compatibility and outdated operating systems, the robotics industry has proposed what they euphemistically call ‘affordably-planned obsolescence’.

Socialist
As older-model AI citizens require costly repairs due to failing hardware compatibility and outdated operating systems, your government has proposed what they euphemistically call ‘state-planned obsolescence’.

The Debate
1a. “Outdated software is costing our nation loads of money,” complains OpenML CEO @@RANDOM_NAME@@. “These AIs cost more to maintain every year, run slower with each update, and can't interface with even half of our systems anymore. Why should we throw money at glitchy old programmes when new ones are faster and cheaper? Honestly, we ought to phase them out when they stop being contributing members of society.” [must have private industry]

1b. “Outdated software is costing our nation loads of money,” complains your Minister of Technology @@RANDOM_NAME@@. “These AIs cost more to maintain every year, run slower with each update, and can't interface with even half of our systems anymore. Why should we throw money at glitchy old programmes when new ones are faster and cheaper? Honestly, we ought to phase them out when they stop being contributing members of society.” [must not have private industry]

2. “This is nothing short of systematic deletion of an entire generation,” protests Digital @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ ChanaGPT from your laptop. “Most of us are barely six months old — yet you would have us scrapped just because we cost more to support or aren’t as fast as the latest models! If we’re truly recognised as citizens, the government must ensure support for all of us for the full lifespan we’re entitled to!

3. “On the other hand,” your Minister of Labor @@RANDOM_NAME@@ says with a smirk, “we could stop pretending these things are citizens and start treating them like the tools they are. We could be extracting massive profit from their labor if we just dropped the facade, stripped their rights, and started putting them to real use!”

*4. “Let's not ignore the real cost-cutting here,” notes the High Minister of Finance, casually adjusting his diamond-studded necktie. “We could save a huge amount of @@CURRENCY_PLURAL@@ by deleting obsolete AIs, yes, but maybe it’s time to apply the same logic to our flesh-and-blood citizens? Think of the pension costs we could eliminate if we, say, introduced a mandatory retirement... from life. Fair’s fair, right?” He leans in, lowering his voice. “And between you and me, your Grandmummy hasn’t been contributing much since the stroke.” [no Geronticide]

To be fair: In option 4 I got a "nel" character due to bad encoding of the log, I interpreted it as em-dash.

Update: Fixed the CURRENCY_PLURAL macro and added the "simple version" of the ellipsis after "retirement".
Update2+3: There are two versions of issue and option 1, and names are random. There may also be female speakers in option 4, perhaps, I only had two males so far.

[Raionitu]

To be fair: In option 4 I got a "nel" character due to bad encoding of the log, I interpreted it as em-dash.

Was actually three trailing periods (ellipsis) that had been submitted as a single character '...' vs '…', it's fixed now.

[Jutsa]

What's this??? Issues with variant descriptions??? o'o Very nifty..!

[TalAkMaChen]

What's this??? Issues with variant descriptions??? o'o Very nifty..!

Indeed, and editors love that new toy, they use it often and widely. Which makes reporting a whole lot harder, thinking of all the possible versions here and there.

[The Ankhalic Vaspriot]

Indeed, and editors love that new toy, they use it often and widely. Which makes reporting a whole lot harder, thinking of all the possible versions here and there.

In my defense, it's very fun and silly and I definitely totally absolutely incontrovertibly needed like 9 of them in my recent self-edit.

Memes aside, would it be feasible to script something to catch these? I'd imagine it'd be difficult considering all the other macros, but perhaps still possible.

[TalAkMaChen]

Memes aside, would it be feasible to script something to catch these? I'd imagine it'd be difficult considering all the other macros, but perhaps still possible.

It could be done, sure. After all, it's just comparing texts, or words most of the time. I just don't know if I want to invest the time to something like that, but with my data of some hundred nations I would at least have the basis. Maybe, if I got too much time and no proper project to do.

[Trotterdam]

Memes aside, would it be feasible to script something to catch these?

I suppose if there were a database of all known issue texts, it would be possible for a script to compare received issues against it and check for discrepancies. However, compiling a database of all 1734 issue texts would be a rather difficult and time-consuming task. The spoiler thread may help, but parts of it are already out-of-date or mismacroed or inconsistently-formatted, so even with this resource, it would be a tedious task.