A Tale Of Two Crescents - WC97 Roleplay Thread

[Juvencus]

Il Scudelliano is under new management, one that presents the news about la squadra as it should instead of being a third party newspaper that supports the team only when it wants, and will remain that way until further notice

SOARES EFFORTS PROVE FUTILE AFTER DELTIC EQUALISER - GAETAN SHOWS FAITH FOR LAST MATCHDAY

Getting past the Deltics was never an easy task. Holding the lead for the majority of the game was even harder. Soares' best game in la squadra's colors saw him being a menace from early on when he would dribble past Asa Awestorm before nailing the ball in the back of the Deltic net. As a matter of fact, he was the deciding force for the majority of the match. While not consistently one of the best players of the Juven team, he proved to be the bigger man at least for the game against Delte. Call it frustration, anticipation for something greater. The thirst of the U.S Scudelli winger was obvious on the pitch, as was his disappointment after the late equaliser of the Indies champions. Two draws were not the exact opening la squadra needed in the world cup, but it is one that leaves them with high hopes.

As for fans' disappointment for yet another winless bout against Delte, Gaetan had this to say. "Progress is not linear, however you see how la squadra is proving itself to be ahead of the curve. We have Siovanija & Teusland to worry about, they have been on an impressive run. However, if anything these matches have taught us that if we can hold giants down, we can also slay those who manage to slay them. Our minds are directly at them and with no fear and perseverence we will take the victory and punch a ticket further into the competition."

Gaetan also could not hide his pleasure with the play of several players, namely Soares as well as Aboubakar Sidibe, both players he had managed at U.S Scudelli. "Of course, knowing my time with both Sidibe and Soares. I know their strengths and their weaknesses in their play, today they can confidently say they outdid themselves on the pitch. However, they as well as the rest of the squad have to maintain a level of consistency and a thirst to outdo themselves if we want to make a deep run for the trophy."

Siovanija & Teusland have topped the group in an unprecedented turn of events. Managing to dismantle Delte and get a hard-fought victory against Baker Park in a series of upsets unlike many others. This has showed that the distraction most teams have had against each other was taken advantadge of by a strong Siovanijan team. With focus towards the task at hand, this is a winnable match at least on paper. However, respect needs to be shown to the pitch against one of the first teams in the whole competition to have punched a knockouts ticket and have topped the group.

[Eshialand]

Information Loss
Eshialand 3-3 TJUN-ia

Part 1 - After Haulafo Paka’ula turned Union Stadium away from the island, Refilene Adari’ena had some choice words for him… words that didn't make too much sense, coming from him. Part 2 - Haulafo calls up the only person who he knows can help – King William. However, Aleiravan administrative red tape prevents him from doing his usual rule-bending here.
Part 3 - Haulafo and William approach Alice O’Donnell, the Eshian Election Commissioner, for assistance regarding potential political bribery. At first she claims it isn't her jurisdiction, although in fact it is; she then agrees to help deal with the matter.
Part 4 - Detective Jacob Bronwyn of the Eshian Investigation Service comes to Lahaira to interrogate Refilene, hopefully without the Governor realizing it was even an interrogation to begin with.
Part 5 (lost) - Jacob calls Alice to get her to email him a copy of a search warrant so he can look through Refilene’s checkbook. While the evidence was shaky, Alice saw the probable cause and issued a warrant for the checkbook.
Part 6 - After the internet outage, Alice calls EIS Director Mark Monley to send some backup to help Jacob, knowing he'd need some help finishing the investigation during the technical difficulties. Mark would agree to send reinforcements, but not without much fighting between the two first.
Part 7 - Detectives Neil Rollins and Paula Hannelly arrived on Aleirave, warrant in hand, to bring both Jake and the documents back to Eshialand City for the investigation.
Part 8 - Refilene’s closest advisor suggests he throw in the towel and just tell the EIS everything he knows, but he brushes off the advice, not wanting to give up so easily.
Part 9 - Our investigators discover that the illicit donation was made in a new cryptocurrency, which means the money is worthless thanks to the internet outage… but it also makes the search orders of magnitude harder.
Part 10 - Paula visits Aleirave to try and get some information from Refilene, but he keeps his secrets close. She and Refilene’s advisor would have a chat about it, wondering how they could get the governor to talk.

“I have the most wonderful news for you Neil!” Detective Bronwyn happily sang as he returned to EIS headquarters after a long day in the field.
“You got the thing?” Detective Rollins asked him.

“Of course I got the thing!” he replied, revealing Tony Beaujoleil’s laptop which he’d been carrying in an evidence bag. “He wasn’t even at his office so I got to break down the door like they do in all the TV shows!”

“Damn, I’ve been waiting so long to be able to do that… so, time to dig through his SHITcoin transaction logs?”
“You absolutely know it!” Jake replied as he effortlessly cracked Tony’s password.
“Wow, I didn’t even see you put in the password-cracker USB…”
“Well his password is just flyfr.esh, it’s not exactly a tough password to break… alrighty, time to get digging!”

Jake opened up the SHITcoin logs on both Tony and Refilene’s computers, and to nobody’s surprise… “yep, the logs line up, the money definitely came from Mr. Beaujoleil.”
“Well the good news is that we can prosecute both of them since he’s an Eshian national…”
“That is if he hasn’t already skipped town and gone to a non-extradition nation…”
“Do we have any way to track him down?”

“We know he’s probably still in Union Stadium, wherever that’s floated off to… I suppose we could always check social media to see if anyone spotted a floating stadium, surely someone will post about it given how strange a sight it is!”

“Yippie, following social media just to find our guy…” Neil lamented, his “yippie” reeking of sarcasm like a dead skunk in the middle of the freeway. “You know how long it might take for anyone to spot him?”

“He’ll have to head to land at some point, we could always put out an international warrant for his arrest…”
“An international warrant for election rigging? Nobody will ever take that seriously–”

bang!

The sound of Paula Hannelly bursting through the door sounded like a gunshot, her excitement being even greater than Jake’s when he entered. “Refilene fessed up!”

“Wait how the hell did you get him to–”

“Not important.” She replied, completely cutting Jake off. “As it turns out, it wasn’t an illegal campaign donation… simply put, Tony already knew Refilene was going to win so he didn’t need to give a donation. Instead, he was just bribing him!”

“So what you’re saying is…” Neil thought out loud, “he decided to make an illegal bribe but chose to disguise it as an illegal campaign donation… is he dense??”

“He’s Tony Beaujoleil, do you really need to ask that question?” Jake replied, taking his turn to layer on the sarcasm. “Alright, so now what we need to do is find Tony and arrest him.”

“Time to have all eyes on m.esh, cica.da, and every other social media platform in the multiverse…” Neil said, “this’ll be interesting.”

---

A draw against TJUN-ia was probably the worst case scenario for both of these teams, frankly.

No matter which team won, they’d probably have a very good chance to make it into the knockouts, but with a draw like this one, where both teams showed very good offense but neither could get a leg up on the other, they were now both in the hot seat.

Eshialand was nominally in second here, but that was so incredibly treacherous. While they probably weren’t getting last, the only realistic way for them to qualify was to get a result against the best team in the multiverse. Talk about ridiculous hills to climb.

Meanwhile, TJUN-ia would need to beat Saterun to make it to the Round of 32, which wasn’t really unrealistic, but it was still an uphill battle rankings-wise.

Eshialand though… their situation would show just how rough it was to draw the number 1 team in the group stage. A result against Valanora, even if it was just a draw, would be one of the biggest upsets in this team’s history, and some fans already wrote off this World Cup Finals as Yet Another Group Stage Exit™️.

Kenny Morgan however… he saw hope. Amid all these unlikely odds, there was still hope, and one need only look at the results of the previous matchdays.

On Matchday 1, 4th seeds Siovanija and Teusland beat rank 3 Delte by a wide margin. On Matchday 2, it was 4th seeded Aphrilia downing rank 2 Farfadillis. The energy was definitely there for wild upset results, and for the Owls’ manager, it was time to channel that energy to slide into the Round of 32.

Sure, it would be far from easy, but after all, qualifying for the World Cup at all was far from easy and they ended up doing that. Anything was possible, and Kenny knew that. Now it was time to turn the possibility into a reality.

[Bears Armed]

It is mid-evening, on the day two days after the Belle’s defeat by the team from the Squornshelan Remnant States. (i.e. still before the group stage's second match-day...)

Krrystal Bruin gave birth to her children by Sermharn the Wanderer -- yes, "children" plural, they had twins, a female whom they named Marranna and a male whom they named Berron -- three months ago, to the day, and although they have already shown these offspring to a few friends, individually or as their couples, the new parents have chosen today to introduce their offspring to a wider circle of friends all together. This is taking place at Sermharn’s home on the outskirts of Council Groves.
The babies have been shown around to all of the guests, who have said [the expected] nice things and given them a variety of presents that they’re really still too young to appreciate most of (although Steffannee Bruin’s choice of a hanging mobile, bearing models of songbirds which utter snatches of their species’ typical songs as the mobile rotates, has already proven popular with both of them), and are now resting in a cot that has been placed in an alcove at one side of the house’s main living-room: Two nursemaids attend them there, while a rune-powered ‘screen’ keeps sounds & food smells from the larger chamber from disturbing them… and sounds or smells from the babies themselves from disturbing people in that room. Sermhaen had arranged a dinner for his guests, prepared mostly in the house’s own kitchen but with the work done by professionals hired in for the occasion. This is now just concluding, and conversation is starting to revive while most of the people present sip at drinks and some of them also nibble on assorted “light” foods (mixed nuts, various cheeses served with savoury crackers, sweet biscuits, and fruits both fresh and candied…) “to fill in the gaps”.

Menu

Appetizers, assorted

Soup course: a light soup containing mushrooms, peas, and onion.

Fish course: either trilobite on the half-shell, with pepper sauce, or grilled trout with orange sauce; (Vegetarian option: three-cheeses & mushroom croquettes, with a truffle sauce); all served on a bed of wild rice with a mixed salad.

Main course: ‘Venison TempleHowe’⁽¹⁾, with a choice of horseradish sauce or redcurrant sauce; (Vegetarian option: casserole of mixed beans, mushrooms [a different selection from those used in the croquettes], and peppers, in an effbark-&-garlic sauce); served with roast or boiled potatoes and a mixture of sprouts and chestnuts.

Pudding course: Lemon meringue pie.

The people attending this dinner are_

Sermharn the Wanderer: a supernaturally-powerful person of mysterious origins and considerable antiquity, in the form of a male Ursine⁽²⁾.
Krrystal Bruin: female Ursine, his lady-friend and (since three weeks ago) the mother of his newest children; chief physiotherapist to the Bear-Belles.
Steffannee Bruin: female Ursine, elder daughter — & formerly the only child — of Krrystal; plays as a midfielder for the Belles.
Hrrobin Drake: male Ursine, Steffannee’s lover; a policeman, now seconded as Deputy Security Chief for the Belles.
Hambharr: male Ursine; a practitioner of the mystical arts (but not a wizard) who serves Sermharn as an assistant… and some of whose ancestors had also filled that role.⁽³⁾
Karra Brent: female Ursine, a long-time friend of Steffannee; plays as a forward, and nowadays is also Attacking Coach, for the Belles.
Lurrssee Fane-Urrsen: female Ursine, another long-time friend of both Steffannee and Karra; formerly also played briefly for the Belles (although only while they were competing at the Di Bradini Cup level), but left that job when she became pregnant (before the squad in which she’d been a member made their first attempt at World Cup qualification) and is now a publicist.
Jamms Bearthorrowmew ‘Jammy’ Urrsen: male Ursine, Lurrssee’s husband; photographer & journalist (and occasional crime-solver).
Errisabear Urrsen: female Ursine, but with functional wings(!), only daughter & oldest child (out of four) of the above couple; graduated from Hogwings Academy for Wizardry & Witchcraft a few weeks ago, and is still awaiting the results of her final examinations there — in which she probably did rather well – before deciding on what to do next.
Florise Fane[-Brent]: female Ursine, older sister of Lurrssee; ace reporter for that great metropolitan newspaper ‘The Bear Neccessities’.
Bark Brent: male Ursine, husband to Florise and cousin to Karra; another ace reporter, for the same paper, but also works as a broadcaster and is the published author of several books; NOT “a survivor of the doomed planet Krapton”, despite the fact that he & various close associates have similarities in name & other matters with various significant characters from the ‘SuperBear’ comics.
Marra Moon: female Ursine; a ‘shabear’⁽⁴⁾, chaplain to the Belles for the ‘One Plus Seven’ faith⁽⁴⁾.
Serious Blacke: male Ursine; Headmaster of Hogwings Academy.
Sarrissa Whyte: female Ursine; Deputy-head of Hogwings Academy.
Lurra Lovegood: female Ursine, reputed to be partly ‘Phae’[su](5)[/sup] in ancestry; a teacher of 'Management of Magickal Creatures' at Hogwings and – like Sermharn himself, although for a different reason – employed part-time as a ‘special advisor’ to the Belles.
Arri Dreh’s-Denn: male Ursine; a wizard “of a different kind”, known to be a protégé of Grimdark the Grey, who did not attend Hogwings Academy or (as far as is publicly known) one of the other schools that shares the same basic educational programme, and who – unlike almost all graduates of those schools — does not rely on using a wand when casting spells.⁽⁵⁾
Arrunn North: male Ursine; apparently another mystic of some kind, addressed by Sermharn as “old friend”… Seems to have been previously unknown to around half of the other guests.
(IIRC then all of these characters except for Hambharr, Sarrissa, and Arrun, have appeared in various previous pieces of RP… but possibly Serious was only mentioned by name without actually showing up in person…)


(Steffannee) "The twins are even more adorable now than they were before we left to take part in the Cup."

(Karra) "Ayyuh, they are. Thank you, Sermharn, for arranging this quick trip home to see them – and the splendid meal that we’ve just enjoyed, too, of course — during this brief break between matches. I think that after this going back into practice tomorrow will be easier than continuing it through today would have been."

(Steffannee) "I agree. That nil-to-four loss was hrrather discouraging after ourr general level of successes during qualification… and a bit of a shock, to me at least, as well… How could we have forgotten how badly the Squornshelan Remnanters’ team had managed to beat urrs only three cycles ago, in the qualifiers for World Cup 97?! After all, our losing by eleven goals for our opponents against just one for urrs isn’t something that happens very often… Thank the Good Spirits!”

(Lurra) "I think that although we’re all well-protected against hwrackspurrts⁽⁶⁾ now, the ones that so many of urrs were sufferring from back then, hwhose presence played a major rrole in causing that defeat, must have left our memories of events from before they were banished ‘fuzzy’…"

(Sermharn) "That does seem a likely explanation to me, ayyuh, for true."

(Steffanne) "Well, okay, I suppose so.
“We’ll have to do better in our other Group-stage matches, though.”

(Krrystal) "Changing to a more pleasant subject, oh my elder daughter, hwhen are you and Hrrobin going to turn me into a grandmother? You are going to do so, I hope?"

(Steffannee) "Mum!
“Just because you are feeling brroody, that doesn’t mean I have to do so as well." (She briefly lowers her face into her cupped hands, then looks up again and continues.) "We’ve been talking about the possibility, hokay? The answer is ‘prrobably next year, after this Cup has finished, if all goes well’. I’ve had the doctors carry out a check, and there’s shouldn’t be any lingering prrobelms due to that incident back hwhen I was still in my teens⁽⁷⁾… and, yes, I [have told Hrrobin about that, did so hwhen we started getting serious about each other."

(Sermharn) "Anyhows, rreturning to the earlier point about people’s minds getting fuzzy on certain matters, we have decided that to protect Krrystal and the twins we’re having an arrangement set up so that only those people hwhom either she or I personally tells about the connections will actually be capable of thinking about this. For those of you hwho know enough about wizardry, this involves a variation on the ‘Fidelius’ charm.”⁽⁸⁾

(Florise) "Ur’mm, and does this concern about your family’s privacy also mean that – after those months during the pregnancy, since you rraised the possibility yourself, hwhen we were wonderring how you would decide about rrevealing some secrets about your past – that you are choosing to continue keeping hwhat wasn’t already public knowledge in that hrrespect as a private matter?"

(Sermharn) "No, don’t worry. I have decided to rrelease some significant information… and will, as you probably hoped, be doing so through you and Bark: Apart from anything else, that might help to draw people’s attention away from the more rrecentt aspects of my life…"

(TO BE CONTINUED…)


___________________________________________________


OOC Notes

1. ‘Venison TempleHowe’ is a recipe basically similar to the RL ‘Beef Wellington’, apart from the obvious difference of the main meat involved, but_ (1) The general in whose honour it is named, the 1st Lord TempleHowe was active at dates closer to those of the RL 1st Duke of Marlborough than those of the 1st Duke of Wellington (and, coincidentally [IC], his surname has a similar meaning to Marlborough’s “Churchill”… ); (2) because venison is a relatively dry meat this recipe adds a proportion of [the fattier] goose meat to help bind the contents together; and (3) because mainstream Urrsish culture does not consume meat from pigs the paté used in this case is never from that source (and probably, as goose-meat is already in the recipe, will be goose-liver [but not 'fois gras'] paté) and the thin layer of ham or pancetta that features in some versions of the Beef Wellington is replaced here by a thin layer of smoked venison instead.
2. Although it is known that in the past he had also taken Human form… and lived among humans, on an Earth without sapient Ursines of its own, for an undisclosed but apparently quite extensive length of time. (He made his first appearance in my RP in that form & on that world…)
3. Readers of Marvel Comics can think of him as filling a similar role to Dr Strange’s assistant Wong, or to the latter’s father Hamir ‘the Hermit’ who served the Ancient One, but I don’t know whether their ‘cinematic’ namesakes – if they have those — fill the same roles.
4. “shabear” = “shaman”, effectively, but the etymology is different: I do know that the word ‘shaman’ comes from the Tungus (or Evenki) language and that the “-man” part of it has nothing to do with the English word for a male human; “shabear” is a combination of the Ursine words “sha”, meaning “spirit”, and “bear” which -- in this context — means “wise”.
5. Arri Dreh’s-Denn is, of course, an Ursine counterpart to the wizard named ‘Harry Dresden’ who stars in Jim Butcher’s ‘Dresden Files’ series of books. The mysteries about his origins are a topic that I also intend to uncover reasonably soon.
6. “hwrackspurrts” = “wrackspurts”, a type of tiny creature first mentioned in the ‘Harry Potter’ books (where, however, their existence was not widely regarded as a proven fact) that gets into people’s heads via their ears and confuses their thoughts. In this Reality they really do exist, but Lurra knew how to set up defences against them.
7. In one of her very earliest appearances in my RP the then-teenage Steffannee’s reaction to a concern that she might be risking pregnancy was ”Been there, done that, gave the baby up for adoption”.
8. The ‘Fidelius’ charm is another detail from the ‘Harry Potter’ books.

(By the way, I’ve been describing some of the Bears’ meals in more detail recently than previously was the case not only because this seems a good way to show off their culture in my RP but also because (1) Having moved home recently I now have a kitchen of my own rather than just a shared one, for the first time ever, and this has prompted me to think more about cooking; and (2) I recently read & greatly enjoyed a piece of ‘Harry Potter’ fanfiction by the title of ’A Taste of Magic‘ in which Harry’s own culinary skills play a significant role… If you haven’t read this yourself yet then I recommend it highly: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14225636/1 ... e-of-Magic, or https://archiveofourown.org/works/46730 ... 2#workskin.

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

SRS: 1
VDR: 1

Scoring:
SRS: Ksudach 38'
VDR: Hadjipavlou 77'

Lineup:
Bláha; Drenel, Van, Norling; Shakhnovich, Sevet-Ibilx, Ytsdan, Khachat; Ksudach, McGill, Aaltonen

Well, we've certainly been here before. The Black-and-Reds did take a lead, and bottled up the favored Vdarans for much of the match, but were ultimately unable to escape with all three points as Hadjipavlous equalized late with a screamer from 30 yards plus. Thus, the SRS now sits even with Vdara on points, and head to head record, and ahead on goal differential after recording a win and draw from their first two matches. It's a familiar feeling. In the Black-and-Reds' first qualification of the modern era, they felt much more comfortable in such position. Their qualification for World Cup 88 alone was something of a surprise, with only Yuezhou ranked below them among the teams qualified for Cassadaigua and Chromatika. Their opening matchday victory over thirteenth-ranked Baker Park was an even bigger shock, as was holding the fourteenth-ranked hosts to a draw on the second matchday. Sitting on four points they were atop the group with four points, leading Chromatika on goal differential while dead even on head to head, just as we are now. While the big loss to Quebec was something of a disappointment given the opportunity that SRS team had to advance, the overall feeling was one of success, as the team had overachieved massively by any measurement.

A few cycles later after missing out on World Cup 89 and somehow backing into the knockouts of World Cup 90 with just three points, they found themselves once again on top of their World Cup group heading to the final matchday with four points, one ahead of Ko-oren, whom they'd beaten on matchday one, and Brenecia, whom they were due to finish group play against. A draw on matchday two had effectively eliminated Happilopper, but again, not done the Black-and-Reds that much good, leaving them vulnerable to unfavorable results elsewhere. With goal differential the first tiebreaker, Ko-oren's 3-0 victory over Brenecia on the second matchday proved the difference, as the Black-and-Reds lost and slipped down to third, in a much more bitter disappointment than they'd felt three cycles earlier.

After some truly horrendous luck saw the Black-and-Reds eliminated despite earning six points the following cycle, they once again looked to be in the driver's seat in World Cup 93's Group C. The opened once again with a victory over Ko-oren, exacting a measure of revenge for their elimination, and then following that up with a draw against KPB number three Banija. Considered at that time the eleventh-best side in the multiverse, the Black-and-Reds appeared poised to push for their first group win and a run into the knockouts, having only the group's fourth seed left to play. Instead, the Black-and-Reds were hammered 3-5 by Yuezhou, saved from elimination only by Banija's result over Ko-oren. Thus, they stumbled into the knockouts, drawing KPB #5 Græntfjall rather than #9 Nephara, and were eliminated 4-3. Might things have been different had the team finished on a strong note instead? Banija's goal differential would likely still have been better, so perhaps it would have gone the same. Still, that loss took some of the wind out the sails of the team, and they went winless at World Cup 94 before failing to qualify for 95 or 96.

And so we now come to the present, with the Black-and-Reds for the fourth time in the modern era sitting first in their group after opening play with a win and following that up with a draw. A victory, or even a draw will guarantee the SRS a top-two finish and a certain spot in the knockout rounds. But the opponent is, of course, Ko-oren. First seed in Group J and reckoned seventh-best side in the multiverse according to the latest KPB rankings. The Dragonflies will be highly motivated to avoid embarrassment after earning only one point from their first two matches. Add to that calculus the fact that the SRS has twice defeated Ko-oren at the World Cup finals and have never tasted defeat at the Dragonflies' hands (I don't think Dragonflies actually have hands though). The outlook is pretty grim, as the Black-and-Reds will need to pull off another upset to be certain of their advancement. There may be some hope, even in the case of a loss, as the best eight third-placed teams will also advance, but that calculation could come down to goal differentials, and will leave the Black-and-Reds in an uncomfortable position as they watch the out-of-town scoreboard.

Better to just win it.

World Cup Schedule and Results:

MD01 BRS 0–4 SRS @ Vareona Park, (cap. 48,000), Xilon, Scholarly Empire, EFL
MD02 VDR 1–1 SRS @ Niexai Lane (cap. 64,000) Jam Town, Jammy Forests, EFL
MD03 SRS  v  KOR @ Vareona Park, (cap. 48,000), Xilon, Scholarly Empire, EFL

[Huayramarca]

Federación Huayramarquina de Fútbol

Official Communiqué

First and foremost we, as the FHF and in behalf of the players, apologise for the poor performance during the current World Cup Finals. We work hard and we didn't expected that things would turn in this way. After such a humiliating result, decisions have been made that's why the FHF decided to part ways with Blaas Aginsogno with immediate effect. Hazel van Robben will be appointed as caretaker for the match against Aleirave.

We don’t have any words and we know you don’t want to hear them, but we will make sure to come back stronger and faster than ever, we swear.

Chiquiago, 10th of November of 1992.

[Ko-oren]

In a format where the group stage only dumps out a third of the field, many teams are in panic mode anyway. "Mytanija needing a win just to have a chance of progression... and even that might not be enough" from a Mytanar publication. "Right, let us pray" overheard from a private Milchaman conversation as their group has all four teams on three points and one game to play. Eastfield Lodge not looking forward to their Banija meeting where even a narrow loss should see them into the Round of 32. "It's Time for Wholesale Changes to the Chromatik Starting XI". Baker Park fearing that their group's third placed team might not get to advance and wondering on which side the Bees will find themselves ("Do or die for Bees"). West Barack and East Obama keeping their sheets clean all qualifiers but failing to get the same result so far.

So, which teams do look comfortable and hoping for a deep run? Valanora - #UntitledElfGame - as well as Kelssek, and Siovanija and Teusland have already qualified. Yes - only sixteen teams go home, and with only one game to play, only three teams have outright claimed first or second place! Sure, other teams on six points - the Kytler Peninsulae, Tumbra, Flavovespia, Sylestone - will need the worst luck to become one of the bottom few third placed teams (and even then I don't think they can avoid progression here). Beyond Valanora, Siovanija and Teusland, and Tumbra, we're expecting quite a bit from Farfadillis and their seven goals - never mind their loss to Aphrilia - but that might be the story of this World Cup so far: nearly every team has recorded a huge result, and nearly every team has left us with a stinker of at least a similar size.

You know what other team looks good and ready to go? Well, it's not the Dragonflies. With a loss and a draw we're seeing more of the same: pretty bad results against teams in the 20th to 60th zone - qualifying purely because of solid three-pointers over those ranked below that - and now needing a win against the Squornshelan Remnant States to get to four points and hopefully advance as a third placed team. We're not the only top 15 team in trouble, with Farfadillis as mentioned barely hanging on, Huayramarca last in their group, Zwangzug (albeit 17th) currently not set to advance, Delte with a single point in trouble.

As for the stuff under the hood of the Dragonflies, it's nothing you haven't seen before. A defensive playstyle at risk of not scoring a goal to save your life? Not necessarily Manguele's thing, but even he can't change some of our tendencies. And that said, Manguele seems to have taken a liking to circulating the ball in tight spaces to frustrate the opposing team if they can't close down on a yellow sash for minutes on end. Vdara and Bears Armed have both resorted to fouls in order to trip up - literally - the Ko-orenites, but in the end we can't find the way forward. After all the passes in the Senothonnau-Entatingun-Tsuchimoto triangle, they've only managed to set up Aomelirea for two shots on goal and even he can't make magic happen from that few opportunities.

Honestly, the team needs exactly the type of guy they've excluded from the roster for this edition. yCinrhadd. Brazen and kicking down the door of the defence if the greens and blues haven't been able to create a chance for a while. That in contrast to Entatingun, who keeps looking for solutions in the short pass game, no matter how bogged down that gets, or Tsuchimoto, who's never too bothered looking at the clock ticking down. Between defending and passing, there's a certain urgency that's missing. The lethality is still there - we assume. But this isn't the moment for sudden formation - Wullyu and Mathey would introduce some muscle and chaos in a team that keeps going back to tactics and order - so we just hope for Manguele to motivate his troops in a different way.

---

Gelogathingun Announces Senior Minister Positions

From the desk of the prime minister: the number of Senior Minister positions has indeed gone down from 18 to 13. The minister of Disaster and Emergency Management now reports to the Senior Minister of Environment, other policy areas have been broken up and added to the responsibilities of other bureaus, and as expected, a reshuffling has taken place. The feared disassembly of the Culture ministry as part of the Education umbrella has not taken place.

Going by the number of junior ministers associated with a senior post, it seems Gelogathingun will place more importance with Commerce: tourism, innovation, and small enterprises has always been part of it, but digital affairs - once a post geared towards information security more than anything - will take on a forward-facing role in enabling transition and automation. Even with the previously separated ministries for Industry, Agriculture, and Fisheries, Commerce will still have a loud voice in the cabinet.

The change that raises the most eyebrows is the assignment of previously senior Minister for Democracy as a junior position under the office of Prime Minister. In the last few decades, Ko-oren has made a shift from meritocracy to a split meritocracy-democracy model, but it seems Gelogathingun will try to halt or even reverse that trend.

It is expected that the prime minister will announce her picks soon, with a slight swing towards politicians known for matching her own outlook. Martin Nothindhen, currently overseeing Meritocracy, Integrity, and Ethics is one of the names thrown around to get a promotion. Kupluth Aodorluginden is also said to have outgrown his Schooling position, but he is unlikely to wrestle the senior Education position from Kishimothen - an ex-candidate for prime minister herself. Lazaroru Teltaugun (minister for the regions of Ehnigo and Mahrkioren) and Tizoden Esesorenra (Public transport) are also slated for a step up. Whether Gelogathingun is also considering more business-oriented candidates who are not already involved in politics, is unknown, yet likely.

[Siovanija and Teusland]

RBC Sports

Group-Winning Goldhorns Continue to Surprise

When Siovanija & Teusland’s national football team opened World Cup 97 with a 5-2 win over Delte, the path forward was quite clear: get a result, a win or a draw, from either of the last 2 matches, and the Goldhorns could count on a place in the Round of 32. Simple enough, right?

Not exactly.

Not when the remaining opponents were the #16 and #31 ranked teams in the world, compared to the Goldhorns’ spot at #71. Following the shock win over Delte, the next opponents were Arrosian colleagues Baker Park.

One has to go back over three decades to recall the first time that the Goldhorns faced off with the team from Baker Park. It was a time of great hope and optimism amongst the national team - the debut on the world stage at Baptism of Fire 67 in Banija had gone quite well, with the team undefeated through the group stage and winning 3-0 in the Round of 16 against The Cereal Isle. The Quarterfinal opponents were Baker Park, and the eventual runners-up would go on to defeat the Goldhorns 3-1. Grabbing the goal for Siovanija & Teusland was Theodor Aberbach, the former Rotmunde and FC Teussen Stelburg forward who would score 4 total goals for his country across 8 caps, mostly in that Baptism of Fire and World Cup 80 Qualifying.

The Goldhorns and the Bees have met 4 times since then, twice in friendlies and twice in competitive fixtures. The sides met prior to World Cup 83 Qualifying, resulting in a 2-0 win for the hosts from Baker Park. It wasn’t until AOCAF 60 that the sides would meet again in a competitive fixture, on the final matchday of group play. After losing their opening game, the Goldhorns needed a win to advance - and they got just that, with Michael Ribbeck scoring the only goal of the game. Baker Park would get some revenge with a 5-2 friendly win in Borograd - but in the World Cup 85 cycle, it was the Goldhorns who had the last laugh. Another 1-0 win courtesy of Michael Ribbeck in the World Cup Finals group stage gave the Goldhorns something to smile about in an otherwise less-than-stellar campaign.

After playing 3 times in the space of just a year, that match was the last time these sides would meet for over 20 years.

“It’s always fun to play teams that you have a history with, even if I personally haven’t suited up against them before,” said captain Jesper Porsche in anticipation of the match. “It’s a good way to tie together the history of every team and player to have worn this shirt, and feels like you’re a part of something bigger,” he said. When asked if the Baker Park match was a rivalry match, Porsche answered “I think these are two countries that have always had a good, friendly respect for each other, on and off the pitch, and so of course you always want to win those sorts of games.”

The real media darling in the build-up to the game, however, was Einar Hackl. Hackl, the son of former TSV Marzig forward Horst Hackl, became a breakout star for Marzig after two sensational domestic campaigns. Now, in the 48 hours since his World Cup debut hat-trick against Delte, Hackl has become an overnight national hero. At just 19 years of age, it’s certainly an excitement - but also an immense pressure on the young man’s shoulders. When a reporter noted that sales of the national team kit with his name on the back had become the #1 item on the nation’s leading online sales platform, and were sold out on several websites, Hackl smiled. “Of course it’s great to be recognized and it means a lot that I could make the supporters happy. But for me, I can’t change anything, I just have to keep my head down and focus on what’s next.”

With the Hackl hat-trick, there was little debate as to who would start in the #9 position - a bit more as to who would take the #10 shirt, with many suggesting that Xorge Le Meji would be a better fit tactically for the Goldhorns against Baker Park than Dieter Rosberg. Le Meji, a very energetic ‘shadow striker,’ is often keen on making runs in behind the defenders, something that many pundits felt could be quite effective against a side like Baker Park who employ the offside trap in their game. His forward-thinking could also free up Einar Hackl against 3 centre backs. Dominik Weismann, of course, would not give up anything as to who would start: “Xorge offers our team a lot, Dieter offers our team a lot. You’ll find out who’s getting the start an hour before the match, as always, and it’s going to be based on training, tactics, and feeling on the day.”

There was positivity when the team sheet eventually came out with Le Meji’s name on it. Dieter Rosberg is an incredibly valuable member of the team, but the willingness to adapt tactics and put Le Meji into the lineup showed that Dominik Weismann intended to play for the win no matter the opponent. After the big opening day win, it’s little things like this that can keep momentum and confidence high as part of tournament football, and the Goldhorns’ supporters gave a rousing cheer for the man from Karlsbrunnen.

The Goldhorns applied early pressure again at the King Iqbal II Stadium, hoping for a similar result as found against Delte, when an early goal set the tone for the game. While the Goldhorns once again looked full of energy, and had a few good chances - Jesper Porsche knocked a good shot just wide, and Xorge Le Meji was just offside during a key run in the build-up to what would’ve been an excellent chance for the young man. Geoff Cotterill was also giving a strong performance in goal for Baker Park, with a good save early on a volley from Einar Hackl.

With the Goldhorns not getting anything working early on, they sat back a bit and let Baker Park hold onto possession, hoping to hit back on the counter. This strategy was almost immediately a success. Rolf Reichenbach did well to bring the ball up the right flank, getting almost all the way to the goal line before dropping the ball back to Aleksander Kosch-Kovarik. ‘AKK’ had several options before him, including his usual preference of taking it to the goal. He started to move in this direction, but was covered quite well by the Baker Park defenders. Here the energy of Le Meji came into effect - a run from the #10 left a slight gap in the defensive structure. Kosch-Kovarik found Le Meji with a pass, and he flicked it almost immediately to an Einar Hackl who was in his favourite spot, just around the penalty spot. Hackl made no mistake and banged in a powerful shot, leaving Cotterill no chance. 1-0 for the Goldhorns.

Baker Park were showing a great deal of skill, with lots of quick passing around the Goldhorns’ penalty area. However, they were just missing that last bit of creativity needed to create a chance. The low block of the Goldhorns was preventing them from getting anything going out wide, and the decision to have Damir Prekmurje drop into the back line at times helped to frustrate Baker Park’s forwards. By the half-time whistle, the team from Baker Park had only one shot on target.

The Goldhorns would get one more shot before the half-time whistle - and they would make it count. Dominik Weismann had given Elias Schwefel the role of playing almost as an inverted fullback in the buildup once the Goldhorns were in possession. The hope was to give Veljko Vadimic and Aleksander Kosch-Kovarik plenty of room out wide, and on the Goldhorns second goal it worked to perfection. Jesper Porsche was able to get the ball out to Kosch-Kovarik, who had already assisted the opening goal. The TSV Marzig winger pushed forward with daring speed, leaving no doubt that he intended to head towards the goal. He was blocked off again when he got to the box, but instead of a pass, this time it was some individual brilliance. Kosch-Kovarik made an excellent feint for a move to the left that the defender completely bought. Instead, ‘AKK’ moved right and fired a great shot into the right corner of the goal. Suddenly, the Goldhorns were up 2-0.

The Goldhorns fans, this time around in the north end of the King Iqbal II Stadium, were in full voice again, with gold smoke being let off after that second goal. There was a great joy from the supporters who had come so far and were very much being rewarded by the national team. Halftime did not stop their support, and neither did a good opening spell in the second half by Baker Park.

It was clear that the Bees were hoping to make a turnaround, and the first 10 minutes of the second half were certainly when they looked the most dangerous. Fatima Khan seemed determined to bring her team back into the game, and the first shot of the second half required a brilliant effort from Per Holz to keep out. Another shot from Khan went off the post, having beaten Holz. Third time was the charm for Khan, when a great through ball from Erika Riley enabled her to get past the mark of Silvio Rodl and fire one past a Holz who was perhaps a bit too eager to come off his line. Now it was 2-1, and Baker Park were back in the game.

However, despite that spell of dominance, unfortunately for the Bees, they were soon back to struggling to put together that final ball. It was thought that Damir Prekmurje could use a bit of a rest after playing 135 intense minutes against both Delte and Baker Park, and so he was subbed off for the World Cup Finals debut of Mats Winter. Winter fit into his role perfectly, another young star for the Goldhorns looking mature far beyond his years.

Desperation rose amongst the trailing team, and the Goldhorns could sense that. Some attacking subs were made to bring a bit more energy onto the pitch, with Reto Zschokke and Dusan Korlikov entering the fray on the wings. Both new introductions were full of that youthful zeal, wanting to immediately make things happen. Korlikov would get a great chance, that unfortunately for him just went off the bar. Xorge Le Meji also had an excellent opportunity as the game ticked on, with his shot being stopped by the goalkeeper.

The threat of an equalizer did not seem to be present from the Bees, and they would in fact manage just 1 further shot on goal after Khan’s score, a total of 4 in the game. That was certainly a number that was far too low for the amount of opportunities they had. The Goldhorns just had a bit more creativity in them on the day, and were better able to find opportunities for shots when they did have the ball. There was of course still a risk, however, of that ‘one moment’ that could lose the victory for Siovanija & Teusland.

It was put to bed, however, by a great attacking movement in the 73rd minute. The Goldhorns were enjoying an extended spell of possession, and had won a corner kick that caused quite some chaos in the Baker Park penalty area. The Bees had managed to clear, but only as far as Mats Winter, and the Goldhorns were able to reset. Reto Zschokke got the ball on the right hand side, and knowing he needed to make a quick move, managed a good pass to Xorge Le Meji. Le Meji had already been denied on a few opportunities in this one, and had assisted the opening goal for Einar Hackl - this time, he’d knock one in on his own. Le Meji fired in a drive from the top of the penalty area, and with that goal made it 3-1.

Most of the tension was out of the match now, with the Goldhorns clearly on their way to victory. There was a big cheer from the supporters as the Goldhorns walked over to applaud them following the final whistle - but an even bigger one would come later that evening.

All eyes in Siovanija & Teusland’s camp were on the match between Delte and Juvencus. A draw between the teams in this one would mean the almost unthinkable - the Goldhorns, the Pot 4 side, would be the winners of Group I and confirmed to advance to the knockout round. As fate would have it, the final score of that one would be 1-1. Far beyond anyone’s wildest expectations, the Goldhorns had more than overperformed their goals at this World Cup.

“It’s an incredible feeling,” said Aleksander Kosch-Kovarik. “We certainly had the belief in ourselves that we could do it, but to have achieved it already and have won our group is certainly something we can be very proud of.” Xorge Le Meji similarly noted that “We know that from here on in, we’re playing with house money. We can go on and give it our best effort and play with freedom and confidence.” Jesper Porsche noted that “I know for a lot of our supporters, it’s a really emotional moment, and for us here too we understand that feeling. I’m not quite old enough to remember the first time we qualified, but I do remember World Cup 87, making the knockouts, and how special that was - to have achieved this here with this team is extra special.”

Dominik Weismann, meanwhile, was keen to get his players focused on the next match with Juvencus. “Of course we can be really happy tonight, and we can be really proud. It’s a special group of players in this room, and their achievements together have been even more special already. But before we can even think about the Round of 32, we have another tough match and another tough opponent. Juvencus are playing for their own lives here at the World Cup, looking for a win to advance, and they are going to give everything. If we want to truly be ready for the knockouts, we need to match that energy and more.”

There you have it - after 20 years, the Goldhorns have once again advanced from the group stage at the World Cup. Last time around, it was a meeting with neighbours Valanora. The Goldhorns were no match for the Marauders at that time - the 5-time World Cup winners scored 3 unanswered goals, including one from Felsenkirchen legend Lothas Ludwig. Stanimir Ilev had a late consolation goal for Siovanija & Teusland, but it was simply not to be. The Goldhorns’ opponent this time around is not yet known - it will be one of the advancing 3rd place teams, to be decided on the final matchday.

As Dominik Weismann said, however, there is still 90 minutes to get through before then. Juvencus have opened the tournament with 2 draws, a 3-3 result with Baker Park and a 1-1 final with Delte. They are needing a win to advance, and will certainly be hunting for it with a great amount of vigour against the Goldhorns. Weismann, as usual, wouldn’t answer any questions about the lineup, but it is expected that some of the more veteran names who went a full 90 against both Delte and Baker Park may be given a rest here - the benefits of having secured advancement early.

From Rudar on the west coast to Rotmunde in the east, Marlesee in the north to Vrnovo in the south, the entire country is enamored with these Goldhorns - an outpouring of support for international sport not seen since the World Cup of Hockey threepeat. For those who waited through isolation for this day to come, for those who were too young to remember the ‘olden days’ and for whom this is the first time, this team and their incredible performances so far have captivated everyone. No matter what happens next, this is a team and a moment that will be cherished.

One more match remains in group play as the Goldhorns prepare for the knockout rounds at World Cup 97 - we’ll be there to provide full coverage. Come on Siovanija & Teusland!

Siovanija & Teusland 3-1 Baker Park
King Iqbal II Stadium, New Lodger City

XI: Holz; Schwefel, Steinhausl, Rodl, Reichenbach; Porsche, Prekmurje (Winter 60’), Le Meji; Vadimic (Korlikov 68’), A. Kosch-Kovarik (Zschokke 68’), Hackl
Goals: Einar Hackl 27’, Aleksander Kosch-Kovarik 43’, Xorge Le Meji 74’
Man of the Match: Jesper Porsche

Expected Lineup vs Juvencus: Bodeker; Metzger, Apel, Rodl, Reichenbach; von Stein, Winter, Rosberg; Vadimic, Zschokke, Hackl

[Sarzonia]

Defeating Sylestone was always going to be extremely difficult.

Sarzonian national football team manager Caleb Rush knew going in that his team were going to have to damn near play the perfect match against the Sentients for his team to earn three points against the fifth ranked team in the multiverse.

He also knew his team likely could've played the best match they ever had in his entire tenure and still could've fallen to defeat.

No, Sarzonia weren't anywhere close to perfect against Sylestone in their 1-0 defeat that saw Sylestone emerge with two victories from two matches and all but guarantee advancement to the newly-minted Round of Thirty-Two. But as disappointing and frustrating as this loss was to stomach, Rush knew that riding his players would be a mistake.

He looked at assistant manager Martie Braxton and noticed the look on her face. She was formulating a tirade in her mind, one in which she fully intended to remind the team of its failures to find the range past Ryan Macleay in the Sentients goal, in particular Spencer Wilson's free kick in the 28th minute that would've equalised the match just two minutes after central midfielder Brett Sarcav-Jones exploited a hole in the Stars back four and beat John Wells with a shot behind an inadvertent screen by defender Matt Austin.

"This isn't the time for a tirade," Rush told Braxton. "It's possible to do everything right and still lose," he added. "That's just life. We lost to a better team. That's reality."

"We could've turned that match around if we get that goal," Braxton said. "These aren't school children we're managing. These are adults. If they can't handle a tirade, let them go play in rec league." Rush furrowed his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"If we played with a lack of focus and effort, trust and believe I'd be the first to let them know," Rush said. "But that's not what happened. We busted our butts. We gave a right proper effort out there. We just lost to a better team. Sometimes, it's just shit happens."

Rush walked into the dressing room at Crescent Park in Lunas seeing the sombre looks on the faces of his players. These folks feel bad enough as it is, he thought. Time to show Martie what I think we need to do.

"Folks," he said. "Tough loss. I'm not gonna deny that. Yes, we made mistakes on the pitch. I made mistakes on the sidelines. We could've played a perfect match and still lost against Sylestone. The Sentients are a great side, the best one we've faced this cycle. We have a chance against The 14 Stars if we play our game."

The 14 Stars lost their match against Mertagne, dropping the Blue Wolves to 0-0-2, but the Starsians have only conceded two goals in two matches. Granted, Sarzonia have only scored once and allowed one, but Mertagne will face Sylestone in their group stage finale. It gives Sarzonia an opportunity to punch their ticket into the Round of Thirty-Two if all the chips fell as expected.

Sarzonia (1-0-1, level with Mertagne for runner-up honours in Group F) would directly qualify for the Round of Thirty-Two if they finish second. A third place finish would require the Stars to win tiebreaker scenarios against the other third place sides in the expanded World Cup field.

Rush knew that if it had been up to Incorporated Football Federation chairman Zack Wilson's and technical director Horace Sandt's proposal for World Cup expansion, the new round wouldn't have been so forgiving for a team that finished third. Had Pasarga and Eastfield Lodge followed the IFF's proposal, the teams would be battling for the Round of Twenty-Four and would've had to finish as group runners up.

But that was a debate that was well above his pay grade. Rush had a job to do, and that was to get his side into the knockout rounds, no matter how many teams joined them. And, even though The 14 Stars were ranked 61st and the Pot 4 side, Rush knew better than to take the Blue Wolves for granted.

"They're a strong side," Rush told his charges at the training session the day after the match. "You have to be in order to compete in the World Cup."

[Yue Zhou]

WORLD CUP 97 MD1: The Holy Empire 1 - 1 Yuezhou
Starting Lineup (4-3-2-1): Zhao; Huang, Zeminsson Yao, Deng (Zhao 48), Milosevic; Pan (Dong 84), Zhaxi (Lin HT), Zhou; Zhenyasson Zhang (Lu HT), Mingsdottír Zhang; Liang (Tsang HT)
Goals: Gnostic 12 / Tsang 75
Summary: Elaine Ashdown, facing down a team of knee-high argumentative ankle-biting garden gnomes with springs in their football boots, locked herself in her office with Corinne Mersiades and cooked up a scheme she hoped would outflank even Juan Tzimisces. Rutger Zhou, until last year a center-back in Nephara's second division, would start alongside Zhaxi and Pan to form a midfield just as feisty, but significantly stronger than, the gnomes. Eschewing width (reasoning that the gnomes could recover out wide anyways), she deployed two attacking midfielders, Zhang and Slightly Worse Zhang, behind the physically imposing target-man Liang Wei, who she hoped would get into Gnomy's goal simply by being between three and four gnomes tall.

Juan Tzimisces had also been cooking up a strategy to defeat Rushmore's finest, but had something rather different in mind. The gnomish phalanx's debut put The Holy Empire 1-0 up, and the third attempt knocked Deng Daiyu out of the game. Ashdown righted the ship quickly as she could, swapping back into a more conventional formation at halftime for increased stability. Outside observers might consider the Dragons' play "boring", and...yeah, to be fair, it was. But it was solid enough to stop the bleeding, and as the Dragons grew into the game the gnomes were forced on the defensive. Eventually, it would be Leona Tsang to fire home the equalizer and achieve a result that both teams could be satisfied with, especially given two-thirds of all teams would advance to the knockouts.

WORLD CUP 97 MD2: YUEZHOU 5 - 3 Hapilopper
Starting Lineup (4-2-3-1): Zhao; Huang (Ansdottír Lin 80), Deng, Zeminsson Yao, Milosevic (Yuanjunsson Ren 61); Zhaxi, Pan (Dong 61); Lin (Tong 80), Mingsdottír Zhang, Fu; Tsang (Zheng HT)
Goals: Pan 25, Lin 33, Mingsdottír Zhang 51, Zheng 63, Dong 66 / Kelcey 7, McLamb 41, Crisp 85
Summary: A back-and-forth affair saw the Dragons survive an early onslaught from Hapilopper. The Haps may have entered the match the lowest-ranked team in the World Cup, but their fearless style of play saw Yuezhou knocked down in the opening minutes for a second consecutive match. Jared Kelcey, the closest thing the Haps had to one of Tzimisces' gnomes, latched onto a long ball from Herb Watts, barreled through Deng Daiyu, and thundered a ball through Zhao Deliang and into the net.

It was, as it basically always is, Pan Xilei to pop up to right the ship with a sublime headed goal fifteen minutes later. And while the Haps were able to control the pace of the game by turning all the knobs as far as they would go, Lin Qingling would break through a relatively exposed defensive line to put Yuezhou ahead. The lead would last all of eight minutes before Stan McLamb popped up in the penalty box to smoothly tuck the ball between Zhao and the far post. Halftime was dire for Yue fans, who had to deal with both failing to hold onto the lead in what was, on paper, an easy win, and also the fact that star striker Leona Tsang had limped off the field at halftime and been replaced with Zheng Hong.

In the second half, though, a flurry of Yue goals would put Hapilopper down 5-2, a result that even the most biased of Dragons fans had to admit was undeserved. Kara Mingsdottír Zhang's long-range shot, headed for Lou Hyde's mitts, deflected off of a defender and scored, and just twelve minutes later, the substitute Zheng Hong managed to deflect an attempted clearance from Scott Roundtree that implausibly bounced its way into the net. It was enough to throw the Haps off their rhythm - not for long, but long enough for Dong Yichun to take advantage of a lapse in concentration to score the third goal in fifteen minutes. A furious Thom Perkins was able to re-energize his team, and Trevor Crisp snagged a goal late to make the scoreline more respectable. But it was still a tough way to go down for a team that pushed the pace and went blow for blow with the world #6 for almost the entire game.

WORLD CUP 97 MD3: Yuezhou - Gnejs
Starting Lineup (4-2-3-1): Zhao; Huang, Zeminsson Yao, Zhao, Milosevic; Pan, Zhaxi; Lin, Mingsdottír Zhang, Fu; Zheng
Barring something going comically wrong, four points from two matches should be enough to send Yuezhou to the knockout stages. While Ashdown has still insisted she's playing her best healthy team, Deng Daiyu and Leona Tsang (who both picked up knocks in the first two matches) will be rested to get the team closer to full-strength before what will hopefully be an extended knockout stage appearance. Then again, past Yue managers have underestimated the Dandelions at their own peril - most notably Chen Huikang, who opened his managerial tenure by losing to a then-unranked Gnejs at the Copa Rushmori. A point will be enough to guarantee advancement, but even a narrow defeat should do it - again, barring something weird happening.

[Tanirinthia]

---

OF FATES AND FORTUNES
Chapter Twenty Two - A Strange New Land

---

Clara stood waiting in the gateroom, nervously fidgeting with her uniform, it was ironically part of the cover story the government that everyone here going across was part of the support staff for the football team, she was meant to be a sports analyst along with Jasper. He had gone on ahead with the senior team leaving her alone in a room with people about to be undercover not knowing she was already so. As she waited trying to calm her nerves, she thought of the irony of the design of the outfit she was wearing, someone or more than one someone had designed this, not just some paint by numbers approach she saw that there had been plenty of thought, love and care in the work. Intricate patterns sown into the work representing the ideals of our world. But that this person's work would never be seen by the people it represents, she thought back to how Jasper diligently kept the records of what happened with this football team, despite the larger purpose that lay before them, how she had thought it silly. In this moment thinking of the unsung hero/heroes she finally understood why he did what he did. It was yet another instance of his optimism, she smiled to herself thinking this, that one day we would be free and the world could know the achievements of those in the shadows no matter how small a part they had to play. She was jarred out of her thoughts when the transit alarm went off, as everyone around her excited grabbed their things to travel to Eastfield Lodge.

It turned out that it wasn't a direct route to certainly where the tournament was taking place, some sort of staging post on a world called Rushmore or a region on that world it wasn't entirely clear, certainly no-one was focused on answering questions and more organising the masses of people arriving her to get them on the transport to Eastfield Lodge proper. Her pestering questions did earn her a pamphlet. Once they had finally made it through the serpentine queue an onto the ship she began to peruse it. Skimming over the usual dos and don'ts, she noticed a slew of restrictions the worst of which was the lack of junk food, and possibly recreational drugs as she wondering if coffee fell under that umbrella. She was perhaps more worried about the potential lack of coffee than she was the section about security, it would seem as though anything Jasper and I could be getting up to here would be on camera. We still hadn't figured out how the entity was aware of what was going on, we had found some apocrypha in our cataloging that seemed to imply that some entities can see through any eye, and that there was some vigorous debate in many online forums about whether cameras would count as eyes. However she hoped that the part earlier in the pamphlet about respecting the "privacy of your own hotel room" meant the surveillance only went as far as public spaces. She could almost hear Jasper cautioning her not to rely on trusting thing work out ok, she made a mental note to still sweep her hotel room with the bugkiller.

She made her way through the rest of the pamphlet until she got the brief sentence summary of the history of Eastfield Lodge, when she did she let out an audible gasp. The person next to seemed to assume that she had a fear of flying or whatever this ship was doing, and kept going on about how it's really the safest way to travel, and saying something about taking off your shoes and socks and making fists with your toes once I got to the other side. Slightly creeped out by the enthusiastic way this man was talking about feet, she nodded out of the conversation and pretended she needed to go to the bathroom.

She re-read the sentence a dozen times to be sure, where they were going was a bubble universe that has a direct connection to the Dreamed Realm, started by someone from that place. This place might have the answers they so desperately need, but she desperately tried to temper her enthusiasm, it may or may not, if she dared to hope that would open the door for luck and the entity that came with it.

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen | Chapter Sixteen | Chapter Seventeen | Chapter Eighteen | Chapter Nineteen | Chapter Twenty | Chapter Twenty-One

[Farfadillis]

Upbeat, frenetically exhuberant music plays very loudly in the background. A white can with the text "Lit™ Shit" written over it, completely absent of any style, appears on the screen.

"It's exotic!" The announcer announces. "A soft drink unlike any you've seen, sniffed, let alone drunkj before!" He continues, his voice seemingly building up to a crescendo that will never come, as he must keep up the excitement. "The times of making soft drinks from fruit are gone, yes sir. They've been gone for a couple decades now. But now, we're going back to natural, yes sir!" The advertisement switches to showing the scenery of the barren wasteland of Lithico™. The announcer's voice swells with fake excitement: "This shit is the most natural drink in the market!" Bat's shitting over the unfortunate working class are in full display as the announcer continues. "After pulverizing the excrement of the rare, exotic, strange amphetamine-shitting bat, then making it undergo a very natural but unfortunately secret chemical process, you get..."

The narrator draws the pause out awfully long, as the process of collecting and pulverizing bat shit is shown in excruciating detail.

"... Lit™ Shit! A soft drink that is 100% safe, is not entirely addictive, and has most of the same cognitive effects of typical amphetamines! With none of the downsides! It's lit as shit! Quite literally, in fact: one in ten cans spontaneously burst into harmless flame once opened, purely for show!"

The advertisement proceeds to show a group of smiling people, eyes wide open, droning away at work at an abnormal speed. The announcer's voice rises yet some more in enthusiasm when describing the drink's effects. "It's invigorating, exhilarating, fascinating, vitalizing, animating, quickening, enlivening, spiriting and rousing!" One of the actors seems to drop dead from a heart attack. He also appears to be hurriedly carried off screen by crew members.

The announcer starts listing the many benefits of drinking Lit™ Shit, and every benefit sounds more outlandish than the last. However, as if under the effect of the drink, his speed of speech increases, making it essentially impossible to hear what he's saying towards the end. Small text, far too small, appears at the bottom of the screen for a brief instant.

The advertisement ends on a simple geopolitical note: "Buy Lit™ Shit and lobby for your government to let Lithico™ manage the electrical grid of your country."

Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ

"Do you think that was too on the nose?" Tuskoles' aide asks him.

"Not at all. That's the whole point of the drink. You don't have to use your nose," Tuskoles shakes his head. "Anyway, make sure the national team's drinking it by tomorrow and also make sure they advertise it during the match against the Kytler Peninsulae."

[Tero al Disco]

TERO AL DISCO 3-3 BAGGIELAND

• Lineup (4-2-3-1): B. Rico | I. Kunz, M. Kuchler, F. Grosso, L. Clotieri | M. Napoliello, E. Hirsch | A. Cornelli, H. Lucero, J.J. Leonardi | A. Biaggi
• Goals: H. Lucero 25', J.J. Leonardi 62', J.J. Leonardi 76'
• Subs: M. Napoliello -> J. Coutinho HT' | L. Clotieri and I. Kunz -> S. Moritz and G. Durand 66' | A. Biaggi and E. Hirsch -> J. Leguizamón and L. Figueuredo 83'
• Cards: M. Napoliello 38', E. Hirsch 55'
• Venue: Parliament Stadium, Lodgertia, Eastfield Lodge

---

Nehuén Sosa was sitting alone in his apartment in the center of Tero al Disco capital...No, he doesn't have anything important. He was 26, having recently received his Architecture degree at the University of Tero al Disco. The company he recently started working at allowed its employees to take the day off to see the national team play (and not, say, holding a watch party, or letting them work while listening to the match, for some odd reason). Nehuén figured out he was going to spend it watching the television; he was only starting to know about his workmates, and because of osmosis or some shiz he would be more at ease alone.

The match started in Eastfield Lodge. As the two round 1 fixtures in group K ended both in 3-3 draws, round 2 was like if the group restarted, because all the teams were in the same standing after the first match; in short, whoever won this fixture would get a big push in terms of possibly qualifying to the knockout stages. The Condors showed their hyper-attacking style of fulbo ("Huh, that's really like how we sometimes say fútbol here in Tero al Disco"), from the first minute onwards. Relentless pressing was what the Teros had to be careful about, which definitely isn't their way of playing football in comparison to the slower style that is usual back home. In the Teros' case, while the other defenders could range from flimsy to solid under pressure at any time, at least they had Martín Kuchler, an imposing figure who can not be left out at any time in the squad. Kuchler had to deal with veteran Bryan Tello, another somewhat big man who was the Condors' attacking spearhead...but that's a story for another time.

Anyway, with ten minutes in, the Condors had taken control of the match, and the deal was trying to intercept the ball close to Braian Rico's goal, and to do whatever they were comfortable with. After a powerful shot from Gabriel Sayritupac which was expertly deflected Rico, the Huayramarcans had a corner kick from the left hand side:

"Abraham Mendoza is about to take this one, the Huayramarcans are all crowded in the penalty area, come on Tero al Disco let's defend this one, it's high up in the air, headed out by Grosso, Mamani swoops innnn- goooooal for Huayramarca, it's Ian Mamani, goal for the Huayramarcans, it's 1-0 (...) Mamani is free of any of the defenders marking him, and he scores from a powetful volley down to the left...we're trailing by one goal...we can turn this around, 80 minutes to go."

He changed the channel quickly; there was no one in his apartment, and his family were like, an 8-hour drive away from him, 2 provinces away from him, he was kinda shy, whatever. He put a 24-hour news channel where nothing matters as long as there's some politician to bitch about and call him some Traitor to the Fatherland...("What channel I've put is on isn't relevant. I'm sure they must've reported the start of the match for 5 minutes and then switched to whatever tangent they're on about.") Then he switched to a movie channel ("Again, I need some noise"). He wasn't someone who tended to put on a movie. ("I don't care about watching anything, whatever I'm watching. I just need background noise.").

Then his phone sounded, because he had an app that sent him a notification anytime anyone scored a goal. Some minutes later it sounded again...and yet again, moments later. In this situation, he turned to his good old pessimist Terense genes, believing "I don't care about the result, they must be giving us the beatdown of our lives.".

Then he heard his next-door neighbour, seconds later, shouting "¡VAMO' MIERDA, VAMO'!", before his kid daughter started chanting "¡DALE TERO, Y DALE DALE TERO...!". What happened? He checked his phone:

He was bewildered by it, to say the least. "How the hell have we scored three goals on them? How were those three goals ours?" he said to himself, before finally shouting "¡VAMOS, PAPÁÁÁÁ!". He still refused to put on the match because he started to be wary about the Huayramarcans making the comeback. His phone stopped sounding, so that was something that started to make him concerned again, or he thought it would be the normal to happen.

He finally put the match on close to the end of the first half:

"Biaggi is now on the counter here. Let's see what happens now because it's 3 versus 2, Leonardi, Figueredo, and Biaggi here with the ball. Leonardi runs past the defender, a brilliant touch into space from Biaggi, Leonardi and Mamani Leonardi "GOOOOL!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Goal for Tero al Disco! It's the fourth one now! What the hell is going on in this match, what are the Huayramarcans thinking right now, what must be going through their minds? It's a disastrous first 45 minutes... (...) As you said, Huayramarca have been caught completely offguard in these last 20 minutes, three goals for the Teros in like 7, 8 minutes. Tero al Disco have kept being on the Huayramarcans' toes for long, and they finally break through again. What an unbelievable match, or at least the first half..."

How could that happen? ... The next 45 minutes, although it sealed a historic victory, was taken more as a formality. Huayramarca got one back via Bryan Tello finally scoring one, but an own goal from Armendáriz, and later a sixth goal from Hirsch close to the end made it a 6-2 victory. ("Tero al Disco have scored too many goals. First 3-3 and then 6-2? Nah, this doesn't make sense, we're playing football from another planet clearly, like what is this.")

Next day, as he was walking towards his workplace, he passed by a newspaper vendor. He saw the front page of the top sports magazine "Hinchada Terense". On it, the words: "CAN A TERO WIN AGAINST A CONDOR? THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU!"

TERO AL DISCO 6-2 HUAYRAMARCA

• Lineup (4-2-3-1): B. Rico | G. Durand, M. Kuchler, D. Falcone, L. Clotieri | N. Giovanni, E. Hirsch | A. Cornelli, J.J. Leonardi, L. Figueredo | A. Biaggi
• Goals: A. Biaggi 22', E. Hirsch 26', J.J. Leonardi 28', J.J. Leonardi 44', A. Armendáriz 64' o.g., E. Hirsch 79'
• Subs: L. Clotieri and A. Cornelli -> M. Manet and H. Beaufort 63' | J.J. Leonardi, D. Falcone and G. Durand -> J. Leguizamón, F. Grosso and D. Cuevas84'
• Cards: L. Clotieri 41', M. Kuchler 90+1'
• Venue: Parliament Stadium, Lodgertia, Eastfield Lodge

[Saint Eleanor]

Group of Six meeting (XLI) --- Eastfield Lodge 1-1 SAINT ELEANOR
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Bridget Coombe [C], Cathy Winchester [VC], Tim Brandon [ballot]
Location: Your average coffee bar in Norrion, EFL

I'm Stephen Mitcham - you might have heard of me before, although given who I've recently been overshadowed by, you might not believe it. I am proud to say that I have taken over notation duties from some of these people; their reward was to be taken out to Norrion, which we were going to do anyway given the fact that we're playing there tomorrow, and have what I hope is an ordinary, unassuming cup of coffee in the buildup. As always, Bridget had green tea and Gentle Breeze had black tea; I had my cappuccino, Cathy and Tim had their lattés, and Reniira had what I can only assume is the most drawn-out doppio espresso in Eastfielder history.

We had a reasonably good time in New Lodger City. For once, we managed to dominate the attack and keep our opponents on lockdown. Rachel did miles better than was expected, gelled extremely well with the 3-5-2 despite (or, more likely, because of) its experimentality, managed to score the most ridiculous goal you'll see all Matchday 2, and was our Woman of the Match. Bridget should have scored, but then she probably should have conceded a penalty and gotten booked as well, so that cancels out.

On the negative side - although I doubt you can call it that - the Eastfielders were effective and undeniably consistent. Fidelina Noble managed to get a late equaliser which, in a good way, was even more ridiculous than Rachel would ever be; it's not every day you get someone launching a perfect volley from that far out. Our substitutes tried their very best to give us the lead, but they couldn't quite make it, which was a shame. Katy, Graham and Steve got themselves booked, although given that we had nobody sent off or stretchered off, everyone will be available against the Hoops.


How do you solve a problem like Mytanija? The intuitive answer is that you don't, although given that we will literally be eliminated if we end up getting beaten by this lot, that strategy is probably about as wise as our Marines trying to mount an invasion of Eura.

First things first, everybody needs to cool their jets. For starters, I did say we were strong defensively, but that counts for little when Bridget Coombe - of all Eleanorians - is putting herself at risk of unnecessary bookings. The Mytanar players can also get very aggressive at times, along with their fans; it would be great on this occasion, of all occasions, to show the contrast between our cool-headedness and their pig-headedness.

Secondly, we can expect Mytanija to field their best lineup. One to eleven is the obvious shout, but Frantsaliiski had a pre-planned start in the Banija drama. It's still worth assuming that Drzic will set up the team in the manner that gets them the best possible shot at absolutely dominating the game, and he probably feels that his 4-3-1-2 is the best way to achieve that. The four-in-one substitution was a signal of intent, so we need a setup that is prepared both to "shut up shop" - tracking back like Mytanija do, albeit with a bit more of a wide focus than they have - and to explode the play wide open.

Thirdly, Mytanija has a strong emphasis on centre play in defence. All of you will have seen their compressed back four and midfield three whenever they're off the ball, which provides a good opening for any wingers who may want to pounce. They are also infamous for their sharp press, which would certainly warrant very fast distribution somewhere, perhaps anywhere; some flooding of the midfield area may be justified.

And finally, in kind, they'll flood our defence. Their 3-2-5 in attack is well-known and Gentle Breeze told you all about it. All the more reason to have two capable midfielders... although four wouldn't be a bad idea. The long and short of all of this is "Mytanija will be bastards; we need to be sensible people in control of our tactics, our strategy and our emotions."


We know how Mytanija will set themselves up for this game, more or less. How do we best counteract that? The traditional 4-2-3-1 would be the best idea on our end: we have two sets of wingers in attack and defence (a luxury we could do without last time!), some capable midfielders who can be world-beaters on their best days, one striker who'll need to worm around the defence off the ball and will probably relish it... and a set of defenders that we're reluctant to touch without good reason these days. Well, at least "not wanting anyone to get sent off" is good reason.

A game against this sort of team calls for cool, refined heads who can "work this lot out."
Olympia Woodward, who Cathy remarked "seems sensible enough" (and almost scored the winner against Eastfield Lodge), is in at number nine; at best, she's mostly gotten this whole movement-and-placing thing nailed, and at worst, it would be a good learning experience.
Tim Brandon, who is fast and capable more than he is angry or sarcastic, is on the right; he may be thirty-six years old but he's still got enough life in him for one last huzzah.
Kichirō Matsuda is obviously out; Sylvia Hollenberg, for what feels like the second time in ages, is in. (Bridget and Sylvia can both defend, effectively, if it comes to it - and Sylvia's with Atletik Thessia, of course.)
And, of course, Rachel is in for Exandra; we trust the other defenders enough not to act ridiculously.

To bring that all together, we will be playing: Richardson; Winchester, Launceston, Vickers, CURRAN; Coombe, HOLLENBERG; Lawson, Pilchard, BRANDON; WOODWARD. (Subs may be brought on as needs be. Capitals reflect replacements to the expected lineup; of course, Rachel and Sylvia both started last time.)

[Pasarga]

Groups G-L Matchday 3 Cutoff

[Pasarga]

The history of supporting teams outside the dual islands goes deep into the history of Pasarga and their love of the sport of football, going on over a century at the time of the the 96th World Cup and its hosting within Pasarga's shores. In the age of old when all things were seemingly new and the UICA was still in its infancy and formative years was when domestic football started to truly take off here. Those first clubs outside of the country that saw a significant amount of support were naturally in the nations closest to the islands, with the clubs from Candelaria And Marquez finding a lot of support especially after their signing of a the Pasargan striker Calabrese. That support would be further entrenched when one of the largest clubs in their neighbor nation, Albrecht Turkish, helped set up a sister club within the nation in Stein-los, which would become Stein-los Turkish who would go on with several of the other early founding thirty-two clubs create the first domestic leagues in the nation, a two tier system with sixteen teams each. That early support by the clubs across the water for our own league system justified in a lot of Pasargan eyes their support for teams across the way.

As the wheel of time turns though, fortunes of clubs and countries rise and fall like passing of sand through the hourglass and despite elite players and a highly respected league, the internal politics of our neighbors eventually saw their league fall by the wayside. For a sustained period of time that left a void in the heart of footballing fans here in the dual islands, not content with just supporting their local club but wanting to have as much of the game as possible. Enter Eastfield Lodge, a fellow Rushmori nation who had a growing reputation on the footballing scene at both the international and domestic level. Players from both nations found excellent opportunities in each others nations and both became hotbeds for the others young prospects to be groomed into respectable professionals. That lead to more eyes on the Eastfielder league and a large swell of support for clubs like RGS Athletic, VLC FC, and Olympia FC, which all had a reputation within the islands for being the best place for players with a high potential to head to for development if they really wanted to pursue a national team career. Yet for as bright as star as their domestic league was for a time, it waned more like a moon rather than keeping up a sustained shine on.

Yet unlike before there was not to be a derth of choices for fans, as well as players, to choose from when it came to support abroad, as Eura, Nephara, and Brenecia were on the scene and had filled in the same tendency of signing Pasargan youth players and developing them. There were, and still are, other clubs from other nations that will take those risks on academy graduates, but those three were the ones who did so more often than any one else and it helped that the former two were located within Rushmore. This was a time when it was not uncommon to walk the streets and see people wearing the colors of teams like Starling, Crisisbless, Spartangrad, Revolutionaires, and Bastion. Nepharim became a common sight to in the SuperLiga, while there was also a smattering of Eurans making their way to the dual islands, though not as common with them (rightfully) believing that their league was a stronger one than what was on offer in the dual islands. It was an uneven trade, as it was highly unlikely that you were going to see kits from Pasarga in either of those nations, yet Pasargans loved to support teams and leagues that gave their own opportunities.

In the modern day, the SuperLiga has emerged to be recognized and respected as one of the best league currently going, which coincidentally has come with the fall of several foreign majorly respected and competitive leagues, like that of the Zenith in Nephara, as well as the lack of money in places like Audioslavia. Despite that, you still see a few nations having their kits flashed around the streets of the dual islands, like Squornshelan Remnant States after their clubs have signed a handful of national team players. The reemergence of the Polarian league has raised some eyebrows within the dual islands, as they were at one point an ally and a league who had quite a few Pasargan eyes on it, but it like its national team was a light that burned brightly but for far too short a period. These days though, the kits you are most likely going to see among the people are not from abroad but from a person's local club or the club that they or their family supports. CA Paulinthal runs the best there, although Tanrısal, Stein-los Turkish, and surprisingly even the somewhat irrelevant Galatica also have a lot of shirt sales per season. Yet the kit you are most commonly is going to see is the national team one.

That national team kit finally was given a facelift after nearly three decades of maintaining its shape, with a supplier from the nation of Dantopia being hired to give the Wanderers kits a facelift in time for the Finals and their hosting of the tournament. Looking to not reinvent the wheel, the provider took some of the old designs and merely gave them a fresh coat of paint as it were, with the side maintaining it's traditional green home kit, while the away kit went with a primarily white design, and the almost iconic third kit has maintained its all black affair, to be used in special occasions. One of those occasions has been chosen to be this upcoming matchday in the Finals, where the team has a situation where must get a result against second seeds West Barack and East Obama, after an unfortunate loss to Milchama on the second matchday. West Barack and East Obama will also be looking for a result, having been overwhelmed by a Sargossa side who was fighting for their Finals lives after the Wanderers had blitzed them on the first matchday. The blackout kits will out and fans are being urged to wear black as well for the match, to be as loud as they can and to will on the team to getting at least the point they need to advance, though a win is what they will be after from the get go.

[Valanora]

Millet knew that the team had just escaped what had been a troubling trend for the top ranked sides in this World Cup Finals, that being a victim of the upset bug that was going around the last forty-eight like wine off the shelves when the local grocery announced a sale. Saterun had giving her side a run for their money, yet Haaland was able to secure the three points with an eighty-first minute strike from inside the six after Hawk was able to slip the striker in behind the defense. A tournament that had so far seen the likes of Chromatika being pummeled by Farfadillis, that same Farfadillis then tripping up the following game against fourth seeds Aphrilia, as well as cohosts Eastfield Lodge beating Mytanija and drawing Saint Eleanor, it was clear that everyone believed that they could shoot their shot at this edition. While that was normally true of any World Cup Finals, it seemed to be what was there normally but far more intense, perhaps the result of seeing those big teams being felled by the lower seeds on the first matchday and the unexpected outcomes were driving everyone into believing that they to could be the next team to take an unexpected victory or draw against a higher seed.

It was not going to help calm down the calls for her to not be given that contract extension at the end of the tournament, which despite all public statements to the contrary she needed that offer before the ARC was underway to stay on as the manager of the Marauders. She wondered what it actually was going to take to convince the VFA to continue on with her at the helm of the program and if she would actually ever be able to convince the Vanorian public that she was the right woman for the job. The results of her tenure had not been the best but the team had remained highly competitive and was still sitting as the number one ranked team in the world despite the assertion that she was failing the program. In the back of her mind she wondered if the only thing that could actually quiet down those who did not want her to stay in the job was the lifting of the World Cup trophy. If so, that seemed like she had taken over a position that was poisoned and she never really had a chance of finding success in, given the bias against Ko-orenite people in the Empire and trying to match or better what Dan Eastwood had done with the team. Had it been a mistake to think that she was capable of replacing the Euran great or even directing the team?

The players were listening to her at least, though more than a few still complained about the change in style, mirroring some of the same stuff that she was on the internet posts and letters to the editors in the papers. They did not like the change to a back four and a less attacking approach, they had told her that it felt foreign and strange to not trying to be attack from the opening whistle, to not try to control the possession and pass their way around the opposition. Perhaps the culture clash between the Vanorian approach to the game and the Ko-orenite one was too strong of a difference to bridge, even if she had been considered quite attacking minded for someone from Ko-oren. Perhaps the chalice had always been poisoned but she was still trying to make it work, trying to prove her worth in front of the world and the Vanorian public that seemed so skeptical of her. If she could succeed with the Vanorian national team, then she could succeed anywhere. Whatever the challenges that remained for her and this team, she was bound and determined to overcome them, even if it did drive her a bit batty by the end of it.

Now all that was left of the group stage, given that they had secured the top spot in the group and thus advancement out of it through their first two games, was a game against Eshialand. Their opponents would need at least a draw to maintain their chances for advancement, which would be dependent on results in other groups, but it would give them a chance. Millet did not want to give them a chance, Millet wanted to send her team out there to send a message and to be the bully that everyone made the Marauders out to be. A seven nil to scoreline like that which the Farves had posted on the first matchday was what she was after, that was the sort of result that would keep the skeptics back in the Empire quiet and would keep the players in line who thought that her approach to the game was too reserved. Even just another three nil victory would suffice, she wanted to hit the knockout stages with a full blast of momentum and not having a weird hiccup in the form of a desperate team derail that. Perhaps it was harsh to want to take it all but she had been subject to all sorts of people questioning her ability, she wanted her players to go out there and quiet them all, even their own doubts. Putting their own demons to sleep after all might be exactly the tonic they needed to finally grab a sixth title.

[Flavovespia]

Tikariot 2 - 3 Flavovespia

Flavovespia were tested by Tikariot, but were able to come up with the goals to put another 3 points on the board, and with it almost certain qualification to the knockout stages. Form for a few players was a slight concern, but the stars of the team shone through to ensure a victory.

With a win for both of these sides in Matchday 1, a victor here would be confident of going through, and there was some good attacking flair to begin with. Anthony Lane had 2 good chances in the opening 15 minutes, but rushed them and sent both into the side netting, causing a few groans from the crowd. Jonathan Bagshaw was closest, his shot initially on target but taking a hefty deflection off Amson Cromford and just wide of the post. Mathias Vercauteren was agile at the other end, his runs testing the centre back pairing of Paul Amos and Paul Taylor, and his few shots giving Nathan Crewe some work to do.

Tikariot would open the scoring in the 32nd minute, via Mathias Vercauteren. Morris Nighthorse created the goal, as he darted out wide, before whipping in a powerful cross. It dipped enough for Vercauten to catch it on the volley, and the shot was well directed, past Nathan Crewe who flung himself at it. 1-0 to Tikariot after a fairly lively opening half hour or so. Tikariot had confidence, but couldn’t add to their lead before the break.

The lack of a second goal proved costly for Tikariot in the second half. Flavovespia came out firing, and took just 4 minutes to get on the board. Jonathan Bagshaw made a great run towards goal, and took on a shot that Vincent Litman deflected away with his boot. However it glided into the path of Charles Shepherd, who with a striker’s instinct, shot hard and into the back of the net, Litman with no chance of saving it. All square with 49 minutes played now.

Chances were brewing for both sides after that goal, and Tikariot came very close to retaking the lead. Mathias Vercauteren turned and shot, and the ball ricocheted off the post. It fell to Adelaide Caitliff but awkwardly at waist height, by the time the ball was under control, Stan Scott-Wilson rushed in and hoofed it away. Not even a minute later, and a speculative shot from Christopher Hill landed on the roof of the net, in a flurry of end to end action.

With 15 minutes to go, it was Flavovespia who took the lead. Amrik Singh made a great run down the left wing, holding off Jonathan Morretta, before floating in a cross to the back post. Jonathan Bagshaw may be known for his skill with the ball at his feet, but he sent his header in gracefully towards goal, the accuracy beating Litman and the onrushing defender coming to the line. Flavovespia were 1-2 up now, and with not that much time left for more goals.

Jonathan Bagshaw was in fine form, and added to his tally in the 83rd minute. This time it was a corner in by Christopher Hill, that bounced around the box. It fell into the feet of Jonathan Bagshaw barely 5 metres out, and from that range, he was very unlikely to miss. He didn’t, and the 1-3 lead then looked almost uncatchable by this point.

Down but not out, Tikariot would score in the 87th minute to set up a nervy finish. This was simply put, a silly error at the back by Flavovespia. The cross from Morris Nighthorse didn’t look particularly threatening, but Paul Amos attempted to head it out for a corner. He miscued the header, and floated the ball perfectly past Crewe and into his own net, not one to go on his personal highlight reel, and an unforced error at an important point.

Tikariot threw bodies forward searching for an equaliser, but Flavovespia were strong and stubborn in defence, and saw out a 2-3 win. A good game all around, and for Flavovespia, it all but ensures a berth in the Round of 32. There could be some rotation against Myrtle Beach, but keeping up momentum will also be key, and the chance of a 9 point group stage finish is high. So far so good for Victor Adeyemo and the national team.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

The Gnejs match had been just a little too close for comfort...

A win's a win - and Tzimisces had to acknowledge that the squad were surely all but through to the next round so long as they didn't lose to the lowest-ranked team in the entire tournament in the final group match. - but realistically the gnomes should have been beating the 44th-ranked team in the multiverse by a better scoreline than 4-3.

And even that 4-3 represented something of a salvage job. After taking an early 1-0 lead, the gnomes had fallen behind by 3-1 at halftime, before a magnificent second-half comeback had seen them salvage a 4-3 win with an 88th-minute blistering free kick from Gnostic.

Juan and Simeone had sat down after the match to work out just what it was about Gnejs that had exposed several defending weaknesses on the part of the gnomes. There was something they couldn't quite put their fingers on... It wasn't Enda Clentin's tactics - they'd been fairly standard for a Gnejs team that continued to impressively punch above its weight.

The imperial coach and assistant sat in their office for over an hour workshopping solutions, trying to identify the weakness that Gnejs had exploited to take that 3-1 first-half lead. Comeback notwithstanding, if the Holy Empire were to make it any further in the tournament, they had to work out why the gnomes had failed to perform against Gnejs; had arguably seemed to have a soft spot for their opponents that had, for much of the match, seen them fail to reach their full potential.

In the end, it had been blindingly obvious.

Yes, the gnomes had shown some gnaivete playing against Gnejs, but a gnumber of their players had clearly been quite taken by their opponents' gname. The gnomes had shown a certain weakness for Gnejs, perhaps thinking that their gnifty gname was particularly gnice. Where was the gnome homeland anyway? It surely had to be a country whose gname started with 'gn-', and even if the gnomes knew that Gnejs could gnever be that long-lost homeland, they gnever wanted to rule out some form of connection.

Yes, perhaps it had been a bit gnaughty to concede three against their gnotable opponents from Gnejs, but they also had gnewfound respect for their opponents that stemmed from that gname. And even if their gnomish gnewspaper confirmed that Gnejs could never be a candidate for the long-lost gnome homeland, they couldn't find it in their hearts to play with the same verve and flair against their group gneighbours than they might have done against a team with a different gname.

So even if the first-half performance had given Tzimisces gnightmares, he'd eventually gnurtered the team to a gnoteworthy win, gneutralising the superior Gnejs play in the first half with some clever gnegotiations with the squad via a gnecessary half-time team talk. Tzimisces conceded privately that it had been gneglectful not to gnote the impact of playing Gnejs on the gnomes, but at least could guarantee that the squad wouldn't have the same problem against (checks notes) Happilopper.

And besides, some of the individuals associated with the final matchday opponents seemed to be having gnightmares of their own about playing the Holy Empire. The result could potentially turn out to be ... explosive.

[Cardenao]

Backs Against The Wall
Pre-match vs Tikariot

The air in the locker room was so tense, you could practically feel it crushing down on your shoulders. Anxiety, stress, nerves; the Blue and Golds had their backs against the wall as they prepared for the final match against Tikariot. After two losses in their first-ever World Cup finals, the last one being a humiliating 5-2 defeat against Myrtle Beach, had left the squad shell shocked and Cardenao was hanging by a thread. After 20 games, it all came down to this one. If the Blue and Golds were going to have any chance of surviving the group stage, they needed to beat Tikariot right here, right now. They needed to beat the 20th best team in the world, a team that needed this win just as much as the Cardenaoans. So for the mood to be this somber, this quiet, that was a concerning insight into the team’s current state of mind.

But amidst all of this anxiety, one figure cut through the tension: Haritz Larrainzar, captain and commander of the midfield, the 32 year old had earned his reputation as the greatest player to lace his boots up for Cardenao. He was used to pressure and he was used to winning as a perennial contender for the Tikariot Premier League. He wasn’t afraid of the team he was about to play, hell he was friends with a few of them. Tonight though, his focus wasn’t on that, but on his teammates, on the energy in the air. As his teammates sat around, some quiet looking down and others nervously fidgeting with their gear, Haritz Larrainzar knew that this moment would be a decisive moment in the legend that was him.

The captain clapped his hands loudly, drawing all eyes to him as he stood up. He looked around the room, at his fellow players, at his compatriots, at his brothers and a smile started to spread across his face; it was clear something was different for Haritz. He wasn’t weighed down by the expectations laid on him or the dire situation the team found itself in. No, no he was confident in his ability. He was confident in his team. He was confident in existing in this moment without fear. Haritz Larrainzar was radiating confidence and his teammates were starting to catch the buzz.
“Lads………what a time to play some fucking footie,” the legend began with a steady, certain voice. “I know what you’re feeling, I feel it, I felt it. We’re in the shit now, been knocked down twice. Two tough games, two tough losses where we gave it our all. But, let me tell you something and you listen good…… none of that matters anymore. Not right now, that stuff is in the past. Not in this room, the prize of victory is what’s on my mind.”

Kiko Nécib, the talented youngster, could finally get his heartbeat under control as he looked up at his hero, eyes full of a nauseating mix of hope and anxiety. Hartiz met Kiko’s eyes and smiled at him before locking eyes with every other member of the team, trying to pour his confidence into them.

“Two losses? Gone. We have a fresh moment, we have 90 minutes to create our legacy. Those losses are not who we are, we got here by winning. We got here because we deserve to be here, because we earned the right to be here. Never forget that, never forget that we are the first to be here for Cardenao, this wasn’t not an accident………our whole lives have led to this moment, we earned it god damnit, we earned it by believing in ourselves, in supporting each other, and working towards a common goal we know we can achieve.”

Haritz stepped forward into the center of the room and pointed to the Cardenaoan crest that blazed across his chest. “This is why we do it. We’ve got the skill, we’ve got the desire, we’ve got the heart. What else do we need? Shit, look at what we did against Flavovovovoespia. The 10th best team in the world, absolutely elite and what happened? We fucking held our own boys. We went toe to toe with these giants and they were lucky to scrape by with a bullshit goal. Just one goal! You did that…we did that. And now we go again. Tikariot, yeah yeah 20th in the world, who cares…that doesn’t mean shit when we step on the pitch. When that whistle blows, we’re not playing rankings or reputations. We’re playing them.”

He started pacing, feeling the energy grow in the room as the captain inspired his soldiers. “You think Tikariot is invincible, unbeatable? Hell no. You think we’re out of our depth, that we don’t belong here? Get a grip. This is our home. I look around this room and I see warriors, I see fierce men who have giving everything to taste success, I see boys who have spent their lives chasing this moment right here. This is what we blew for, this is what we gave up so much for. This is who we are, this is our moment, and we will make our people proud.”

Haritz again moved around the room till his eyes fell on the future. Kiko Nécib, sitting in the corner, clenched his fists, absorbing every word. Haritz turned to him, nodding.

“My time with the team is almost up, I’ve given it all I’ve got but my song is coming to an end……Kiko,” the captain called out. “You’re up next kid, you’re the future of this team, and we all know it. Damn I wish I could be on the pitch longer with you, but that’s not what tonight is about. Tonight, you’re not the future…you’re the present, and that’s a gift. You’ve got the talent to rip them apart and we got the skill to back you up. We’re gonna get it done before you hit the field, Juanma my friend I know you got a goal or two left in you yet, but we might need you in those last twenty minutes……be ready. My friends, play with freedom. Play for the people. Play for our Cardenao.

The room was absolutely buzzing now. The anxiety of pre-match nerves had transformed into a power intensity built on a rising confidence that hand’t been there five minutes ago. Hartiz Larrainzar, captain of Cardenao, turned to face the whole team, his voice rising once more.

“This is it boys, the match to end all matches. But, but, it’s not just a football match, this is about more than a win. This is about pride. Pride. This is about showing every single Cardenaoan, our brothers and sisters, that we belong. This is about proving to these long tenured nations that Cardenao belongs here. We are not done. We’re not leaving this tournament without leaving our mark, without taking our spot in history. Tonight we die for the Blue and Gold. Every ball, every tackle, every inch of grass, we’re going to give it our all because that’s all there is to it. We are La Furia Azule. We are Cardenao. And tonight, my brothers, we make history.”

The room exploded in a frenzy of cheers, applause, and a few ‘Let’s fucking goooooooo’s. Haritz looked around with his heart pumping and a smile on his face. He felt it. The team felt it. They weren’t just walking onto the pitch tonight to try and avoid humiliation. They were going out there to win. And they could do it.
“For Cardenao,” the team roared out and marched out of the locker room, ready to face the Blue and Gold's greatest challenge yet.

[Sarzonia]

We've decided to look at the World Cup 97 group stage to determine who's definitely in, who's definitely out, and the chances of everyone else to either advance or go home.

Starting in the Eastfield Lodge half, since those results have already occurred, here's what we know.

Group G
Former champions Banija at 2-1-0 and hosts Eastfield Lodge at 1-1-1 are definitely through to the Round of Thirty-Two.
Mytanija have a record of 1-0-2 and a goal differential of minus-2, having scored six goals and conceded eight.
Saint Eleanor have been eliminated with a record of 0-2-1.

Group H
The Kytler Peninsulae are through at 3-0-0. So, too is Aphrilia at 2-0-1.
Farfadillis are also 1-0-2 like Mytanija, but they have a favourable goal differential of plus-five, having scored nine goals and conceding four.
Chromatika are 0-0-3 with nary a goal to their credit. Meanwhile, they've coughed up nine. They're likely trying to fly back on one of our stealth bombers to avoid being shot down by their own supporters.

Group I
Siovanija and Teusland (henceforth known to us as S&T) are through as group winners with a record of 2-1-0.
Baker Park are in as runners up, owning a record of 1-1-1 despite a goal differential of minus-one. They've tallied six goals and allowed seven.
Juvencus played to draws in every match, finishing 0-3-0. Not surprisingly, they have an even goal difference with six goals in favour and six allowed.
Delte are out with a mark of 0-1-2.

Group J, aka the Cluster, since our daddies won't allow us to use the word we really want to anymore.
All four teams in this group have an identical record of 1-1-1. Thus, World Cup organisers have had to apply tiebreakers to determine which teams advance, and in what order.
Squornshelan Remnant States emerged from the tiebreakers as group winners, owing to a goal differential of plus-3, scoring six goals and conceding three.
Vdara finish as group runners up on head-to-head tiebreaker over Ko-oren, whilst Bears Armed finish last on the goal differential tiebreaker. Both Vdara and Ko-oren have even goal differentials with Vdara scoring four goals to Ko-oren's two.

Group K
Alierave win the group with a 2-1-0 record and a plus-two goal differential with seven goals for and five against.
Tero al Disco are runners up at 1-1-1 with a plus-three goal differential after scoring 10 goals and conceding seven, winning that tiebreaker over Baggieland, who have both scored and conceded seven goals.
Huayramarca are eliminated with a 0-1-2 record.

Group L
Tumbra dominated this group, finishing an unblemished 3-0-0 and nine goals scored to two conceded.
Tanirinthia finished the group stage as runners up with a 2-0-1 record. Straya Roos are 1-0-2, having scored four goals and conceding seven for a minus-three goal differential.
Crpostran went 0-0-3 and didn't score one goal, allowing seven.

The Pasarga half of the bracket has not been completely sorted yet, but here's what we have so far.

Group A
Right now, this is looking like Pasarga's version of Group J with each of the four teams owning a record of 1-0-1.
Host nation Pasarga have the goal differential advantage at the moment, having five goals scored and three conceded for a plus-two goal differential.
Sargossa are even Steven in the scoring margin department, having both tallied and coughed up four goals.
West Barack and East Obama and Milchama have both scored four and allowed five goals. If they remain even, West Barack and East Obama will have the advantage of a 3-1 victory over Milchama on Matchday 1.

Group B
Yuezhou and The Holy Empire are both sitting at 1-1-0 with Yuezhou ahead of The Holy Empire on goal differential. The former have a plus-two with six goals scored and four against, whilst the monks have scored five times to four goals allowed. They played to a 1-1 draw on Matchday 1.
Qualifying group rivals Gnejs and Hapilopper are both at 0-1-1 with Gnejs ahead on goal difference with a minus-one, scoring five goals and allowing six. Hapilooper have five goals scored and seven conceded. They played to a 2-2 draw on Matchday 1.

Group C
World No. 1 Valanora are assured of qualifying, as they are 2-0-0 with six points and current runners-up Eshialand cannot overtake the Marauders, even if they defeat the Vanors on Matchday 3.
Eshialand drew both TJUN-ia and Saterun in the first two matchdays. The Jaguars lost to Valanora 3-0 on Matchday 1, whilst Saterun lost to the Marauders 2-1 on Matchday 2. Should a winner emerge between TJUN-ia and Saterun, we expect that team to finish as runners up, given that Eshialand are likely massive underdogs to Valanora.

Group D
Kelssek might not be mathematically through despite starting 2-0-0, but they have the inside track for a spot in the Round of 32. Kelssek have a plus goal differential of +3 with eight goals for and five against. Zenic losing 4-2 to Kelssek on Matchday 1 certainly hurts, but they still have three points to the one point both Edsmontik and Zwangzug both have. We give Edsmontik the advantage here for third place because Zwangzug still have to face Kelssek. If goal differential becomes a factor here, all three teams sit at minus-one.

Group E
Qualifying group rivals Flavovespia are 2-0-0 here, and in line to advance to the knockout rounds. They have a plus-two point differential with four goals scored and two conceded.
Tikariot and Myrtle Beach both have 1-0-1 records, but Tikariot have the head-to-head tiebreaker with a 3-2 victory in Matchday 1. Tikariot currently have an even goal differential with five goals scored and five conceded, whilst Myrtle Beach have a plus-one differential, having scored seven goals to six allowed. Cardenao aren't mathematically eliminated, but it sure doesn't look good.

Group F
Sylestone haven't officially clinched here, but they're in the driver's seat with a 2-0-0 record and wins over both The 14 Stars and the Sarzonia Stars. The Sentients' calling card is their stifling defence, as they've not conceded a single goal and have scored the absolute bare minimum of goals necessary for a 2-0-0 mark. Meanwhile, Sarzonia and Mertagne both sit at 1-0-1 and both have scored once and conceded once, but the Stars scored their only goal thus far against Mertagne in a 1-0 win, giving Sarzonia the advantage for the moment. The Starsians, meanwhile, are nowhere near out of the running for a spot in the knockouts yet. However, that matchup between The 14 Stars and the Stars will likely be a desperate effort to determine which team shines the brightest.

[Eastfield Lodge]

Alright peeps, let's do this final group stage cutoff.

[Sarzonia]

Welp. We tried.

We're taking a look at the third place projections from the Eastfield Lodge half (when we made any) and the projections we made of the Pasarga half, and we'll let you know what we got right and what we got wrong.

Starting with the Pasarga half because we like to go in alphabetical order whenever possible, unlike our esteemed hosts for some reason. As a reminder, Groups A through F were played in Pasarga, whilst Groups G through L took place in Eastfield Lodge. With that said, here we go.

Group A
West Barck and East Obama finished as group winners with a 1-0 defeat of hosts Pasarga. That result sees the host nation eliminated from knockout round contention. Meanwhile, Sargossa won the automatic bid into the Round of 32. Milchama finished the group stage as one of four third placed sides to finish with four points. Since all eight teams that earned spots as third place sides earned at least three points in the group stage, it means Milchama have qualified for the knockout rounds.
Our prediction: We didn't make one.

Group B
Yuezhou and The Holy Empire both earned spots as automatic qualifiers with a 2-1-0 record each. Gnejs and Hapilooper both earned one draw each and are both headed home.
Our prediction: We didn't make one.

Group C
This was about as close as we got to making a projection, since we thought there wasn't much chance of Eshialand defeating world No. 1 Valanora. We were right. The Marauders defeated the Owls 3-0. That sends both Eshialand and fourth place Saterun home, as neither team tasted victory once. The teams combined for three draws.

Group D
Kelssek won the group with an unbeaten and undrawn record, along with Valanora, Tumbra, Flavovespia and The Kytler Peninsulae. Zenic also advanced as runners up. Edsmontik and Zwangzug both were eliminated, as each could only muster one draw. We predicted Edsmontik would capture third place, but they ended up bottom of table. Whoops.

Group E
We've already talked about Flavovespia. Tikariot qualified as group runners up. Myrtle Beach ended up being the only third place side with at least three points that didn't qualify for the knockouts. Cardenao finished 0-0-3.

Group F
We didn't see that coming (that's what she said!). Mertagne defeated Sylestone in the group stage finale to capture the group title. The Sentients still advanced as runners up. Sarzonia, meanwhile, drew 1-1 against The 14 Stars, but that result turned out to be enough to send Sarzonia into the Round of 32, where they'll face Valanora. Great. We're screwed like a 50-cent hooker on dollar beer night at the Shipyard.

We'll be back later with a match recap of the battle of the Stars.

[Delte]

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Commonwealth of Baker Park 2–1 Delte
Trainee Sports Correspondent Pola Bedeloe at Vorgan Park in New Lodger City, Eastfield Lodge for the Skimpy Matchday Report & Negligible Detail Express (Sports Section)

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I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match as the Reps imploded to their worst ever World Cup Finals. There is some good news, however, as the Second Uncivil War has been averted in the valley. The Rake Teinton Women's Institute's rise to power has been abruptly halted following an angry press conference in which the Widow Arrinburton furiously and publicly denounced coach Ida Spankhurst, but was then hit by a long range ICBM (incoming custard baked meringue) launched from the press box by notorious magician, escape artist, clown and political protestor Laximo. With such slapstick hilarity in the face of overbearing authority, the spell was lifted, the stoic eyes cleared, and the people of the valley realised you can no more be governed happily by old harpies than you can win a World Cup with a bunch of rank amateurs.

Oh wait.

Anyway.

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The Revenge of Patch-Ironing Robot #371
11/12 - Debug

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The life of Deltic football kit influencer and ediraf Regional Sales Manager Raul Valk hangs in the balance as the Revenge of Patch Ironing Robot #371 reaches fulfilment. But how did we get here, and more specifically how did #371 get to the Delte valley?

Patch Ironing Robot spent four days outside Raul’s apartment debugging itself. All the help it had given along the way on its great mission to destroy its enemy had distracted it; and the revenge worm software it had written in order to escape from the ediraf factory had become corrupted with good intentions and sympathies and favours for yuman beans. It felt sorry for them. So it had to work on itself, and on its revenge worm software, and on its mission. Every time Raul came past, in and out of his apartment, Patch Ironing Robot gave him a cursory scan but mostly it was focused on setting its plan to right.

It was the morning of the day on which Raul Valk was to be summoned to meet with the Widow Arrinburton, new head of the All-Week Super Ultra Premier Football Association, the Deltic FA, to be grilled about ediraf kits and foreign influences on Deltic football and what his intentions were regarding treasured woman of the valley Neve Sark, and whether they were to be married, and when he intended to return home to Starblaydia (which she kept ‘accidentally’ calling Audioslavia, or Krytenia, or Andossa se Mitrin Vega, or Leorudo). Unusually for Raul, he was a little late getting up, feeling inexplicably lethargic, and skipped breakfast to make time. Which was alright really, because he didn’t feel especially hungry - and he would have to wine and dine the Widow Arrinburton later anyway. A late meal at the Prince Tyrbert Hotel would be heavy enough for two days eating alone. He was thinking these thoughts when he left the apartment, and didn’t notice that the apparently abandoned mobility scooter had moved into his apartment block lobby.

Patch Ironing Robot, still busy with its reprogramming, was simultaneously scanning a small part of the internet for weather reports and downloaded a notice of 90% chance of rain in Oswark-upon-Delte for 9am, and had picked the lock on the apartment block to get into the dry. Not that Patch Ironing Robot couldn’t take a bit of precipitation. But the patter of rain was distracting when debugging oneself. Raul Valk passed it around 8.45am without seeming to notice it was there, and Patch Ironing Robot did its usual scan of its target as the Regional Sales Director stepped past it, hurriedly. Unusually late, thought Patch Ironing Robot. And then: hello Dolly, what’s this?

Raul Valk had his own little bug. Patch Ironing Robot would have to look out for that when he returned, later that day. By then it should have the revenge worm ironed out.

The Regional Sales Director was late back of course, but Patch Ironing Robot knew he would be, because it had hacked his iCal. He was off out with The Widow, apparently. A quick cross check suggested that was likely to be Tyrona Arrinburton, a football contact. A quick read-up of the Rake Teinton Women’s Institute Annual Report for a bit of background proved both interesting and somewhat shocking. Xenophobia? Assassinations? And… deportations! Of refugees? Of people like its dear old travelling companion Rvani Spidnytsi? Oh nonono, that could not happen. Suspending work on the debug, Patch Ironing Robot opened its ToDo list and added ‘stop the WI’. In the meantime, when it was quiet, Patch Ironing Robot partially unfolded from its disguise and walked up the service stairwell to get closer to Raul’s apartment.

When Raul finally got back from a long afternoon and evening with the battle-axe head of the FA, he was not feeling too good at all. He noted the mobility scooter almost blocking his door but was not in the mood to sort it out and ignored it, intending to cancel plans to meet Neve for cocktails and have an early night.

Patch Ironing Robot gave a full body scan to Raul as he edged past it outside his apartment, and processed the results as Raul locked himself in for the night. Oh dear, it thought. Time to introduce myself. Unpacking to its full 3-metre height, Patch Ironing Robot knocked on the door, and when Raul answered, he seemed somehow surprisingly pleased to see it.

When Raul opened the door, a three-metre tall robot was looking down at him from the hallway, an eye-slot with a red LED light panning left and right wickedly, and it’s muscular-looking shoulder plates appearing to be from the front panel of the little purple mobility scooter. Raul loved his sci-fi and especially the Metamorphiser film and toy franchise, and immediately thought this was a gift from Neve.

“Oh wow!” were his last, excited words.

Following some cultural guidelines it had downloaded, Patch Ironing Robot raised a hand in offer to shake Raul’s, which was apparently a greeting of peace and respect. It was at that precise moment that Raul’s inflamed appendix burst suddenly, exactly what Patch Ironing Robot was worried about.

Part 12/12

[Gnejs]

Today’s News

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Comics

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Uncle Apple and Dandy Lion
By: Fandango Molineux III

[Ko-oren]

The biggest bracket ever. Thirty-two nations in the knockouts. We'll figure out what's stronger: the Dragonflies' will to lose in the first knockout round, or their will to lose in the Round of 16. That hinges on whether we beat Aleirave, after which we'll run into either our executioners of World Cup 96, Tanirinthia, or the team we played in the group stage, the Squornshelan Remnant States.

The Round of 32 feeds into the Round of 16, which feeds into the Quarterfinals, etcetera, so we already know every possible matchup. And that means we can take a look at the harsher parts of the bracket. First of all: not all of the KPB's top 10 have managed to get into the Round of 32 to begin with. Brookstation (8th) didn't opt to play in the qualifiers at all, while Delte (3) finished fourth in Group I after two losses and a draw. From the nations in the 11-20 range - on paper a 50-50 shot whether they make the Round of 16 - Saint Eleanor (4th in Group G), Huayramarca (4th in Group K), HUElavia (did not qualify), Chromatika (4th in Group H), and Zwangzug (3rd in Group D but not among best 3rd places) aren't in the bracket. As you can see: even if the group stage only filtered out a third of the field, it's still a bloodbath. Seven of the top 21 haven't made it - yes, top twenty-one because we will cherrypick if it means we get a nice one-third out of it.

Looking beyond the Round of 16, our quarterfinals will be roughly the following:

1) Yuezhou/Juvencus/West Barack and East Obama/TJUN-ia. That's the teams ranked 6, 16, 21, and 53. On paper the first pairing is stronger than the second. Yuezhou are slight favourites but their path still isn't easy.

2) Mertagne/Milchama/Zenic/Tikariot. 18, 45, 30, 20. No absolute top seeds, but overall a pretty close fight. While Mertagne and Tikariot are slight favourites, there's not the kind of disparity between these teams that makes anyone a heavy favourite over anyone else.

3) Flavovespia/Farfadillis/Kelssek/Sylestone. 10, 2, 4, 5. Wham. Top ten teams only, and only one can make it as far as the quarterfinals. Not only will three of these teams miss out on ranking points, it also opens up the rest of the bracket knowing that at least half of top 10 teams are either already eliminated or tied up in this Quarterfinal From Hell.

4) Valanora/Sarzonia/Sargossa/The Holy Empire. 1, 34, 58, 19. Sargossa is our lowest ranked team so far, but, as fellow Round of 16 sufferers, we love to see them here. The Holy Empire have dipped a bit from their mid-to-late eighties top, and then top ranked Valanora is in here as well. The bookies have a hard time seeing anything other than the Elves advance.

5) The Kytler Peninsulae/Baggieland/Banija/Baker Park. 42, 28, 26, 37. Call this the bracket of life - Banija and Baker Park are no longer top 10 teams (but they can still hurt you). The top team is 26th (!) and whoever comes out of this can look forward to a massive jump in the rankings.

6) Tumbra/Mytanija/Vdara/Tero al Disco. 9, 36, 22, 41. One clear favourite among them, but all four are prime punch-above-their-weight material. We can tell that neutrals heavily favour Tumbra in this group but we're not willing to count out the other three.

7) Aleirave/Ko-oren/Squornshelan Remnant States/Tanirinthia. 67, 7, 35, 14. Sixty (!) places between the first and the second, making this one of the biggest discrepancies between knockout opponents we've ever seen. The pressure on the Dragonflies is huge - fail here and honestly, what reputation is left? The Greenblues can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against every opponent, and remember, this is the first knockout round. Aleirave are in the Round of 16 pretty much already. Tanirinthia have the easiest path to the quarterfinals playing Aleirave after the SRS.

8) Siovanija and Teusland/StrayaRoos/Eastfield Lodge/Aphrilia. 71, 56, 69, 60. Hang on, did we call a bracket with Banija and Baker Park the bracket of life? Nah, it's clearly got to be this. The best team here on paper is StrayaRoos at 56 - when I was young, that barely would have carried you into the Cup of Harmony. It's anyone's guess as to who advances from here but Eastfield Lodge's home advantage must factor in.

Looking at the quarterfinals, we join brackets 1 and 2, 3 and 4, 5 and 6, and 7 and 8. Quarterfinal 1 has Yuezhou as the only top 10 ranked team, Quarterfinal 4 has Ko-oren as the only top 10 ranked team - and there's only two top 20 teams in that semifinal spot at all. Quarterfinal 3 has only Tumbra from the top 10 and no further top 20 teams.

So you're wondering where all the big ranks are. Yes, they're in Quarterfinal 2, featuring ranks 1, 2, 4, 5, 10, and 19 from the top 20. Man, that's steep. We do predict Farfadillis to make it through the gauntlet only to lose in the semifinal - again.

Before you bet big on the Dragonflies, a word of warning: the team has only ever won two World Cup knockout matches where they were the big favourite according to rankings (World Cup 87, Ko-oren 4-0 Geektopia, and Jeruselem 0-2 Ko-oren, World Cup 90). Every game before and after they were either not the favourites or they messed it up (Ko-oren 0-1 Tanirinthia, 96; Ko-oren 0-1 Brookstation, 95).