- Mechanistic Results Regurgitation: Good g*d man, put down the box score and step away slowly
Skylight Arena, Daehakro
EURA 51 – 101 HANNASEA
(12–29, 19–21, 9–23, 11–28)
Pts: Bennett 11 Pts: Powell 22
Rbds: Andersen 6 Rbds: Glover 7
Asts: Vickers 5 Asts: Cunningham 7
Hannasea wrapped up a double set of qualifications to the round of 16 in basketball as both the Sardines and mini-Sardines won their final games to complete their respective group stages with perfect records. The mini-Sardines now face Pemecutan, while the Sardines themselves have a date with destiny in the form of a game against historic IBC superpower Vangaziland. The Vangaziland and Hannasean IBC dynasties have not overlapped, but before the Sardines’ rise to prominence, Vangaziland themselves once reached three IBC finals in a row, just as the Sardines did. The Olympic clash thus represents something of a battle of the eras, with the newcomer Sardines looking to prove themselves against the historic titans. They can enter the game with confidence from a blowout win over Eura, winning by 50 points. Tom Powell, who has had a quiet Olympic tournament to date after being used sparingly as one of the few players to have also played throughout the IBC campaign, had 22 points, 5 rebounds, 6 assists, 2 steals and 2 blocks – despite sitting out the entire fourth quarter. Késhaun Cunningham had 14 points and 7 assists and Jawntré Glover 11 points and 7 rebounds; both also sat out the entire 4th, while Jacaubré Howard scored 8 of his 12 points in the 4th as the bench kept the engine running against Eura, better known for their exploits on the football and cricket fields, who just had one of those off days. Things were far closer at Homebush Green, where the mini-Sardines survived a late comeback by Chromatika to close out 19–18 winners. Sam Taylor was dominant in the paint, scoring 9 of 13 field goals with 3 blocked shots and recording his second double-5 of the tournament, and though the mini-Sardines’ two-point shooting continued to be inconsistent, they benefitted from loose ball control by the mini-Penguins, who coughed up 11 turnovers. They will play Pemecutan, whom the 5-man team beat earlier in the tournament.
Generic Athlete Profile Bandwagon: Kassandra Mercer
Two decades after making their Olympic debut, Hannasea have finally won their first ever Olympic medal in taekwondo. Tansy Marchand, flag bearer for the Hannasean Federation at the 11th Summer Olympics in Aeropag and fellow 49 kg, was on hand to witness Kassandra Mercer finally break the duck in the popular sport as she defeated Min Mi Ryung of Togonistan to claim bronze, having lost her semifinal to eventual champion Aspira Sankt of Kriegiersien. “I’m so pleased for Kass and it’s great that we’ve finally picked up a taekwondo medal,” said Marchand. The Hannasean Federation has previously won medals in boxing, wrestling, and judo, but taekwondo, the most popular martial art in the country, has remained an elusive target until now. Mercer began the sport as a way of channelling her self-confessed “hyper” nature as a child. “I was always running around and getting in trouble, but my stepdad signed me up to classes and I just loved it,” she said. “I was really good at kicking, and my hateball coaches didn’t have much use for that, Hannaseans are sort of discouraged from kicking on the soccer field, but my taekwondo instructors really encouraged me.” Mercer paid tribute to the “trailblazer” Marchand. “I think she was the one who really proved that getting kicked in the face was a viable career option.”
Article Where The Whole Joke Is One Line And That’s It: Dean and Owen refuse to go home despite winning gold
Anna Owen and Lyra Dean have claimed Hannasea’s first ever sailing medal, winning gold in the women’s two-person dinghy, yet appear not to be done with sailing at Prescott. “As for me, I am tormented with an everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts,” said Dean, staring determinedly out over the calm waters while her teammate steadily sharpened a harpoon. “I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I’ll go to it laughing.” Owen and Dean have been utterly dominant in the two-woman dinghy, and had essentially wrapped up the gold medal prior to the formal medal race, in which they finished third having ventured off course, a decision Dean defended, saying of their destination: “It is not down on any map; true places never are.” As they were presented with their medals, rather than cheer and wave, the two struck a thoughtful tone on the podium. “There is, one knows not what sweet mystery about this sea, whose gently awful stirrings seem to speak of some hidden soul beneath…” said Dean, squinting cryptically at the horizon and gently rubbing her wooden leg, while Owen barely looked up to accept her medal from logging supplies of lamp oil. Asked about their plans following the Olympics, Dean said: “All mortal greatness is but disease.” The two were last seen sailing off again, the great floodgates of the wonder-world swung open.