The Infinites: And Beyond! (Comedy, Supers, Space, OPEN) -IC

by **The Cyberiad Council** » Tue Oct 10, 2017 12:17 pm

Barapam wrote:"Should you shut the @&$#* up before you get us both killed?"

Auger replied in a tense tone in an attempt to burry his anxiety of being removed from Terra Firma.

"Ma'am, I believe I'm entitled to a minor outburst; I just came to my senses inside of a spaceship filled with our enemies, and..." Auger managed to look down, noting the kilt, "...and I'm in an infernal dress. I think that's enough for a man to panic 'bout temporarily. Don't much like being bossed 'round by a commie netiher."

by **Zjaum** » Tue Oct 10, 2017 12:32 pm

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Henry stopped at Calculator's request, not at the politeness of the Captain's request, but more out of curiosity of the now-three recruits that had joined in along with them, heroes that clearly had gone unnoticed. Upon hearing the Cowboy's scream, Henry protested just as loudly. "Hey! How come he gets to scream and I don't? Shut him up, or let me scream too!" Henry was sure that at least Doc Burock would side with him over the legality of it all. "Doc, you agree with me on this one, right?"

"Mr Big? B, as in Brezhnev?" asked the Soviet cosmonaut. "B, as in Belarus!" replied Henry. "Or the Baltic States, from when..." Henry paused. For all his lack of self-awareness, even he realized that he probably shouldn't be the one to break the news to her. "...things... happened..."

While both people were screaming, there was a loud sound like a trumpet, playing a perfect C#. The sound then made a perfect Java. Henry was mildly perplexed but soon realized the situation, particularly from the smell. "Aubree!" Aubree quietly apologized and resumed huddling in a fetal position, hoping that the whole affair would pass away.

He pondered different applicable finger rockets for the group. The plant lady probably wouldn't suffer damage from the water rocket... maybe the acid one? He'll have to experiment... Eh, he was cooped up in here anyways. He squirmed around in the closet and shot a flour finger rocket into the air, hitting the ceiling and covering the entire group in a cake of flour. He then, just for kicks, shot a water rocket into the air, doing the same squirming maneuvers (more efficiently this time), turning the flour into a paste. Try getting out of this one, heroes!

by **The Irish County of the Beare-Mor** » Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:31 pm

Mikael sighed. Of course they would end up in the wall. He shook his head, and looked around, well, tried to. He couldn't move too much as they were all stuck in the closet. So he did as most mild mannered news reporter did, even if he wasn't a mild mannered news reporter. He took his cannon apart and put the pieces in his pocket. (Don't ask how, just don't, unless you want a long explanation about physics) So, after that, after he took apart the cannon, he decided to, as usual, stay silent. One of the kittens that were shot out unexpectedly when they al; went into the wall padded softly towards Mikael, and mewed silently. Mikael slightly smiled, and petted the kitten, it's white fur soft to the touch.

Now what will we do now.... he thought to himself.

by **Talchyon** » Tue Oct 10, 2017 10:01 pm

[b]Imitating sardines in a can, only in a secret compartment built into the wall of the ship
Captain Calculator

Calculator looked at their new arrival. Of course. Irina would have no idea who Mr. Big was. (OOC - And half of our readers probably don't either, but, oh well) As she came up with ideas as to the identity of Mr. Big - and getting all of them wrong, Calculator just shook his head - as much as he could move his head being crammed in. "No, you got it all wrong. I think Mr. Big's real name was Archibald. Don't think he had a last name. But that's ancient history now."

Calculator was feeling just as crammed as everyone else. Which made it not so good when the sound of a trumpet playing a C#, then the sound of coffee percolating, and then a peculiar smell wafted into the room. Calculator would have held his nose, but his hands were kind of stuck at his sides and he was unable to reach his face.

Just then, the quiet villain named Ivy asked how they were going to get out. Captain Calculator had wondered that exact same thing. "I was wondering that exact same thing," he said. "I thought I could try to shoot some calculators at... well... something door related. But I can't even move my arms. And my fingers are falling asleep."

As he was saying this, something small and leafy rubbed past his leg, and Calculator's eyes got big. "Ok, I don't know who did that, but please! I'm a married man! My wife would kill me if she found out that one of you was trying to play footsie with me! And besides, I love her too, and playing footsie really doesn't do anything for me anyway..."

Calculator had just gotten done explaining how he didn't want to invite any advances because he was a married man, when all of a sudden, something else rubbed past his leg. Small and furry. Calculator's eyes got bigger. "People! Please! I just said not to play footsie with me. I'm not interested in any of you in that way. I'm already claimed. My wife? Remember? The woman who lets me drive our family station wagon and lets me call it the Infinitemobile? Stop rubbing against my leg!"

And then, an argument. Of course, there had to be an argument. It was between Irina and Auger the cowboy, who of course had been here the whole time from the very beginning and had of course just been really quiet. And of course, that cowboy Auger who had been here the whole time knew everything about the ship they were on, well, as much as all the rest of them who had taken the tour, and of course since he had been here from the beginning, should already know who in the blue blazes put him on this spaceship. It was Spasticus. Auger had been here the whole time, after all.

Irina tried to quiet him down, but no one could silence the projecting voice from the Westerner.

"Look, guys! I don't know if there are cows in space. I mean, it's kind of my first time, too. The only one of us who has had any experience in going into outer space and taking on aliens is Glitch, and who knows where Glitch is. He just vanished.

"As for going out guns a-blazing, I mean, well, we could if we all had guns. I shoot calculators. And I'm ok with that. Some of us might not want to take on the intergalactic police armed with death rays, but I'm sure if you wanted to, you could lead the way. We'd be right behind you. (Maybe 3 miles right behind, but who's counting?)"

And then, as if there wasn't enough going on, now everyone was covered in a sticky, white dough made from Blimp Man's finger rockets. And all but Irina wearing kilts, too. My, what a sense of style the Infinites have. Just like normal.

Doc Bur-Ock

The master of bureaucratic procedure and following proper formalities hated being scrunched in their with all the Infinites. It was bad enough being on a spaceship who knows how many light years away from Earth they were by now, stuck with them. But to be scrunched up in a small compartment with his mortal enemy, Captain Calculator, and his know-nothing lucky allies the Infinites, made Doc Bur-Ock seethe with anger. Surely there had to be a law against this. And if there wasn't, Doc Bur-Ock could sure make up a bureaucratic form that could act as an enacted law, that would be against this.

So when Blimp Man started yelling, and happening to be right next to Doc Bur-Ock, the Villain of administration and paper pushing got even more mad. "Blimp Man, I'm only going to say this once. It would be illegal if each of you had filled out the correct paperwork, entering into a legal contract with the other that specifically laid out the terms and conditions of any actions that you were supposed to take, or could take. And then, if you had filled that paperwork out in triplicate and filed it with the specific administrators responsible for such things. But let me guess. You forgot to sign the paperwork. You probably didn't even realize that paperwork was required for such a thing. And that's because I'm the only one that considers what forms and papers have to be signed before we do anything. That's why I'm the leader of the villains, the group formerly known as the Super Villains Society of Orient, Minnesota, that we still haven't followed the proper procedures to change effectively. So anyway, since you didn't sign the paperwork, then no, it's still legal. Annoying, but legal." Then he frowned and tried to feel somewhat not ill at ease with Blimp Man pressed up so close to his ear.

Intergal

The ship had been searched. Half the crew was dead. The other half were marked. They'd be left on the ship as a skeleton crew. The Intergal soldiers found no stolen contraband and nothing else of interest other than the aliens, whom they captured and marched out of the ship with Spasticus. That made them a little grumpy, but there was nothing they could do about it. So, their faces hidden by their black visors on their facemasks, the bodily armored police thugs left the ship and took off back to their own.

When all was clear, a little indeterminate amount of time later, the Hispanic-voiced computer announced, "Hey, amigos! Thee coahst ees clleee-er. You can get out now." The door to the secret compartment opened, and out piled a large amount of individuals wearing kilts covered in sticky dough, with one Russian cosmonaut with them not wearing a kilt but still covered in dough, one lizard, one kitten, and one plant. They were free.

The computer spoke again. "Hey, amigos. I got sohme impohrtant tings to tayll you. You'all want to know dese tings. But first, mi amigos, Intergal is gone. Vamos. Not heeere, chicos. But yore other maymber, the wann who waynt meeseeeng? I can show you whayre hee ees, mahn." And with that, the computer told them what had happened to Glitch, and where he ended up...

Glitch

So like, dude. There are sometimes that life calls you to go on the path less traveled an' all. An' like, sometimes that path less traveled gives you like really itchy legs 'cause like all the weeds are like rubbing up against them an' all? Dude. That reminded me of like one time I went off with my friend, Rider. And Rider was like my neighbor's cousin twice removed from civilization, an' all? So like, Rider and I went on a mission to find out like what would happen if we gargled swamp water. 'Cause it's like an age old question, yuh know? Dude. So we went to a swamp, and while we were trying to figure out who would have to be first to get to try to gargle the salty swampy liquid, then like, dude. There was like a glowing sheet of something long dead, like floating up out of the water. And I'm positive it was like, that, and not like, like, gas. Dude. And I was like, "Whoa! It's like, a ghost!" Rider, on the other hand, didn't agree. "Dude, that's just your maginator. Like, it can't be a ghost 'cause like ghosts don't exist." But I said, "No way." And he said, "Yeah, way." So since we were at the point of exhausting our prime arguments, we just went closer and looked at it. And sure enough, the phantom that I thought was there, wasn't there. It was just a sheet, that someone poured glow in the dark paint on. And I felt embarrassed.

But I digress.

So like, I was getting really bored on the tour, yuh know? Even when we were going like super fast and I could hardly tell what room was where, and where they kept like the vending machines. And then, when we stopped at the room that had like the big warning signs saying, "Don't come in here or you'll regret it," well, dude, I felt like that room was calling my name. Like, I was supposed to go in and just bend the rules this one time so I could get a peek. And so, I like hung out at the back of the group as they were getting ready to leave. And like, I pretended like I had to tie my shoe, even though they were like all tied, an' all. And then, just to see what would happen if I tried to open the door that had all those gnarly like tech thingies on the wall near like where the door was, I tried it. And like, dude! It opened just like that! I think I must have caused like the security to go on the fritz or something, because I wasn't expecting it to just pop open. Unless, they like left it unlocked which would be really stupid, but getting to know this Spasticus guy, yuh can't rule out that as a possibility. Yuh know? So like, there I was, the door was open, and I just wanted to go on the path less traveled - only this time, without tall weeds or swamp gas.

And inside the room? Dude! Like, there was a piece of wood. Like, it was in like some special kind of glass or plastic or something container, and it was as if someone had cut down part of a tree. The sign beneath it read, "Captain's Log." So I thought, ok, that's pretty boring. Surely they didn't need to lock that up.

There was also a vat filled with what looked like Terry's peanuts, lying down individually. Some kind of weird noise, like my grandpa's CPAP machine, was breathing in and out, and it was like creepy. And I had no idea why the peanuts were there.

There was also various, I guess they were drawers like on a cabinet you could put stuff in, only there was no cabinet and they were all like in the walls. I tried to open one, and was surprised to see glowing rocks. Knowing what I know about glowing rocks from like the day that we left Earth, I knew yuh don't want to be around them too long. So I closed the drawer.

And finally, there was a computer screen that had a file up that someone had left going. It was really weird, like it was trying to give a detailed blueprints of some kind of stadium or something. Only, I don't read blueprint, yuh know. There were also a few other programs that were open that also could be clicked on. So, like I tried one, just because. And that's when a video popped up, and like, that Dr. Gil Denstern guy who had gotten killed on Earth? Dude! The guy was talking! Giving some kind of detailed analysis of the radioactive material that Spasticus had stolen.

Dude, I don't know what I stumbled into. But if this were a comic book about me, I'd think this was really important to the plot. Yuh know?

by **Zanera** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:36 pm

Pill-OW!
Problematic Space Ride to Placetown: I Need a New Hobby

It was a small closet once all the heroes/villains packed into it. It also got warm, and it was mostly quiet. So Pill-OW! had got another pillow and rested his head against a wall standing up, propped up by everyone else. When everyone began leaving the closet, Pill-OW! fell onto his face. Ready as always, he groggily took a kung fu stance and readied himself to block incoming laser fire with his hands like a space ninja dude. Except Intergal had left, half the ship's people were either gone or branded like space cows. Or other applicable similes. Pill-OW! was still a little tired, but the computer was about to tell everyone where...let's see...one, two, Teatotaler, Steve...oh, it was Glitch that was missing. "Well, can't stop Glitch from coloring outside the lines, outside the book, and inside War and Peace," said Pill-OW!, before his stomach grumbled," I think we should keep Glitch away from the rock monster's cage until I get a sandwich."

by **Barapam** » Fri Oct 13, 2017 12:00 pm

The name Archibald didn't say Irina anything, so she assumed everything was fine in the Soviet Union, and dropped the subject. It was somewhat odd that Blimp Man tried to lecture her about the geography of her own homeland, and she was definitely aware, but not proud, of the miliary action the Warzaw Pact recently had taken against Czechoslovakia... why did he think she wouldn't be? She raised her eyebrows and gave him a quizzical look. Maybe she would have asked him about what he meant, unless the cowboy had interjected. Irina just gave him an angry stare, since she couldn't come up with any comeback that wouldn't sound childish. She wouldn't give him that pleasure.

Meanwhile, Captain Calculator's faithfullness to his wife was sure admirable, but given how crammed they were it was unavoidable that someone would touch him, or anyone else for that matter, by mistake, so in all honesty, he could cut back on the whining, in irina's opinion.

Since someone was standing right in front of her, she couldn't see exactly what was going on, but someone farted loudly, and it smelled horrible. Then, she suddenly somehow felt herself covered in pink cake frosting! That was just as horrible, even if the smell was a bit better... Luckily, the doors opened, and they could finally all get out, and even more luckily, without Intergal or incompetent spaceship captins around to welcome them. It seemed the computer was trying to tell them something important, but Irina wasn't listening. Instead, she went to look for something to wash and wipe the cake frosting off herself with.

"God, when I get back to Earth I'm really going to need a doctor who can check my mental health... The Cosmonaut training certainly didn't prepare me for this kind of ridiculousness! It's on a level beyond infinity!" the lovely Moscow chick thought as she began to wander about the ship in search for a towel and a sink, or whatever the alien equivalent was.

by **The Last Abode of Pando** » Sat Oct 14, 2017 7:33 pm

While the heroes and villains were running quickly around with Spasticus the Snarler, trying to find shelter, and Glitch was pretending to tie his already-tied shoes, the large group found a closet. Everyone was shut into the aforementioned closet. Blank State must have done something, because as soon as the villains and Infinites were shut in the room, Steve, Joshua James, Florida Man, Florida Man's iguana, and Ed and Aesculapius all started staring at the wall, confused as to what they were doing. Isn't that convenient?

Ed and Aesculapius
*Breathing noises* *More breathing noises* *Even more breathing noises* "Wait, what? What happened? This is a really big secret compartment."

"Ed, you Dum-Dum. This is obviously a surprisingly large secluded alclove."

When the computer-thing started speaking to the crowd, everything seemed to be all find and dandy, except for, well, the bad impersonation of a Mexican accent by the digital mind. Because Ed (and Aesculapius [how could they have not]) took one and a half years of Spanish in high school, he suddenly remembered two things that his teacher, Sra. Kamakanamakamaemaikalani ibn abd al-Wahhab ibn Saleh ibn Tariq al-Fulan Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvorangreifendurchihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolfhunderttausendjahresvorandieerscheinenvonderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgenachtmittungsteinundsiebeniridiumelektrischmotorsgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchennachbarschaftdersternwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneuerassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvorandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum, had said in sophomore Spanish, and they were what 'vamos' meant, and what woud the computer was actually looking for. That word was 'salieron'. He then told the computer that instead of 'vamos,' it should have used 'salieron', because that's what Sra. Kamakanamakamaemaikalani abd ibn Saleh ibn Tariq al-Fulan Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvorangreifendurchihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolfhunderttausendjahresvorandieerscheinenvonderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgenachtmittungsteinundsiebeniridiumelektrischmotorsgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchennachbarschaftdersternwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneuerassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvorandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum told me.

Joshua James
After recovering from his temporary Alzheimer's, Joshua James decided to ask the computer, "Who is this Glitch? Should I know him? Is that an alien? Also, what is this white goo?"

Florida Man
David Adams

Since good ol' Dave had been working on the Squelch for the past year, entirely of his own free will, he was not enslaved, entrapped, or forced to work in any way, shape, or form, but yet he loved working here without pay, Florida Man knew what all of the rooms looked like, well, as far as the rooms he had explored so far were concerned, so when he heard the twins talking about this being a large closet, he inwardly chortled at their reactions to what was almost certainly not a closet, but didn't say anything, because ~~Southern accents are hard to write down in letter form~~ he was tired of talking with only his kilted toilet iguana attempting to respond.

Steve

Once the door had been opened with the sweet sound of an Arctic tern, Steve was hovering in the larger room, seeing as it was made of light. It, being made of light, was not covered in white goo like the rest of them, but Steve's kilt was, because somehow Steves can wear clothing. In a way, Steve was also outside of the bridge, because light is a wave, and waves travel all over the fields of electrons, gravitons, and Higgs-Bosons that make up the universe.

by **The Cyberiad Council** » Sun Oct 15, 2017 1:59 pm

Auger

"Whew. Thank the maker we're out of there." He proceeded to tear off the kilt and wipe as much of the confection off of him as he could. "I have half a mind to show you some hurt for that stunt you pulled back there Blimpy." He shot Blimp man an angry stare but perked up when the computer started to talk.

"Thank ya kindly amigo. Now, are we leave these low down varmints, and go get our man,? Or are we gonna rough 'em up, Captain?"

by **Dragonarya** » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:18 pm

Ivy

"Thank God!" Ivy cried as the wall opened. She dashed for the door, sliding in between people to do so. She nearly stepped on Plant in her rush, earning herself a loud series of cusses in her head before she scooped him up in her hands. He wrapped his roots through her fingers so he didn't fall off as she sprinted for the door.

She couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief as she reached the "open air" of the literal bridge. She stood there for a few seconds, breathing deeply, before hearing Plant clear his throat in her head.

Ahem, he said. My kilt. You're turning it up. Blushing, Ivy fanned it back down over the Plant. She didn't know why she was blushing, since her flowered companion was usually nude anyway, but it was still weird when a plant told you to fix his kilt.

Much better, he commented, tilting his bloom down to look at his clothing. It isn't even that bad. See, it's even green! Lantern flies, though, what's this powder?!

Ivy rolled her eyes, half at his cussing with bug names, and half at his oblivion to the identity of the flour covering them both. It's flour mixed with water, while some call it roux or custard, or if you want to get technical, we're covered in oobleck. I'm sure flour has similar properties to cornstarch... right? Oh, what am I saying... she shook her head. Science wasn't her strong suit.

by **NightWing** » Mon Oct 16, 2017 12:53 pm

Pandemonium
The Bridge

Pandemonium had ran out of the closet as soon as possible - which was pretty quick, since she was right next to the door. She nearly bumped into a girl with green hair as she made her way to the Bridge.

"Well," she said, scratching her tattoo like she always did when she wasn't sure what else to do. "Now that we're out..." she sighed and did a 360. "Hmm." Brainstorming time, perhaps. She was a little hesitant about entering any room in this place after seeing stuff like the Rock Monster, but did they have a choice? Besides, she could always conjure up some randomness if things got trippy.

"Here we go," she muttered as she walked further along the Bridge.

by **The Irish County of the Beare-Mor** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:03 am

Mikael walked out of the closet they were all stuck in. He was holding a kitten in the crook of his right arm, and holding his Kitten Cannon, by its handle, in his left. Gently petting the kitten, he walked further out the closet, behind a few of the other infinites.

Some sort of computer voice was speaking, and Mikael sort of understood what it was saying, ish. Well, he heard a few words like, `Glitch`, and `vamos`, and `amigos`, and some stressed out English words.

"Hey....er...hey guys!" Mikael called out, "Maybe we should go where the computer thingy told us too, eh?"

by **Talchyon** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:58 pm

Outside of the crammed quarters - still in space
Captain Calculator

It was a relief. Not only were they out of the crammed secret compartment on the bridge of the Squelch, but now the computer with the bad Spanish accent had located Glitch! Which was good. Even if the old Florida Man no longer seemed to know just who the heck Glitch was. He would know soon enough. Guy like Glitch, you meet him and you never forget him. Which isn't always a good thing. A lot of times, people try to get Glitch out of their memory, because there are so many more important things they would like to remember better, and the memory of Glitch talking about one of his not-so-interesting adventures with his neighbor's cousin's dentist or whoever is taking up too much brain cell storage space. But they can't forget the guy. That much is clear. Something - or someone - must have really messed with the old Florida Man's memory. Either that, or he was just a putz.

People were annoyed with Blimp Man for getting all that water-and-flour dough mixture on them. Calculator tried to scrape as much of it off as he could, and he noticed that most of the rest were doing the same thing. It wasn't perfect, but it would work. Unless they met some blind baker who thought they were his next pastry creation. If that happened... well... maybe they'd just have to find some eyeglasses for him...

Looking at Blimp Man, with a mild annoyance usually reserved for people who file their taxes late, Calculator just sighed. Then said, "As much as we might want to fight Blimp Man over this, look, we need to regroup and find out what's going on. I mean, one minute, those Intergal officers are tearing up this ship and doing who knows what else kind of damage, and the next - well, actually not a minute, several minutes, I kind of lost track of time in there - but whenever, now they're gone. And our host who was bringing us to that intergalactic arena so we could save our entire planet from being enslaved for thousands of years? He's gone too. And something tells me we're going to need him.

"So first things first. Let's go find Glitch. Just like my friend Mikhael suggested." Nodding at the Tinkerer whose lethal Kitten Cannon^TM was looking mighty impressive as ever.

The computer with the inaccurate knowledge of Spanish and the - noticeable - accent, showed them exactly where to find Glitch. Of course, only because Calculator asked for a map since he couldn't understand half of what the computer was saying.

The walk down from the bridge was uneventful, other than seeing the sickening piles of former crewmen turned into powder. Calculator's stomach did a full Olympic reverse inward back flip into a half pike twist at the sight. Fortunately, he hadn't had anything to eat yet, so it was unlikely that he was going to be sick.

The map led them to the spot. The room that had warned everyone to not go inside, was open. Somehow. The automatic electronic locks with the retinal scan and bio-sensors had been fooled. By Glitch. And there he was. Inside the strange room. There was what looked like a log inside a framed and glass-encased cabinet of some kind. With a sign on it that read, "Captain's Log." There was a strange thing that looked kind of like an incubator, with thick protective glass shielding people outside from who knows what kind of harmful rays that shot out on the inside. There was a number panel and a hand scanner on this. Inside the incubator, were Terry's peanuts, each separated one from the other. There were various metallic drawers built into the walls, making the place look like a morgue. Finally, a computer screen - not attached to any desktop or laptop or anything else - that was currently getting done with a video of some kind. And there, seated watching the video, was Glitch.

And he said, "Dudes. I don't know what this Spasticus guy was doing here. But this is some weird stuff here. And you haven't seen all."

by **Barapam** » Sun Oct 22, 2017 4:11 am

After the brief amnesia that must've been induced by the sheer shock of the weird events coming in a rapid cavalcade (because how else could Irina forget that she had been on the ship for quite some time already, and knew exactly where to go to freshen herself up?), the space babe walked into the hallway to her personal quarters, took off her cake-covered work clothes, and went to the bathroom for a quick shower to get the frosting on her skin away. She had to admit, it was a remarkably comfortable prison for a slave, and if it wasn't for the fact that she had been used as forced labour, she might have appreciated it more. If it hadn't been for that first misunderstanding caused by the language barrier, maybe she would've enjoyed her stay here just as much as... what's his name again, Florida Man?

Whistling, she wrapped a towel around herself and got out to check the wardrobe. Of course, there was only Gruntellan fetish wear. Irina smiled, because whoever these Gruntellans were, they had good taste. All the clothes looked like normal Earthling clothes, and Irina picked the one she liked best: A short, short-sleeved dress, the kind that was popular during the era she had left Earth. It was red and checked, so even she wasn't wearing a kilt, everyone would be able to see that she was an official member of the Infinites now. She also found yellow stockings, matching shoes, and a red ribbon for her hair. Afterr having changed to her new outfit, she was ready to join the others again.

Irina found them by the secret door, the one that should have been closed at all times. Except it wasn't. It was wide open, and everyone was trying to get in at the same time. The Soviet girl pushed herself through, and found herself looking at Glitch. Yep, she recognized him. Captain Calculator had been right, Glitch was the kind of guy you knew immediately when you saw him.

"What's weird about a log?" she replied his dramatic statement, while pointing at said log. "We have plenty of those in Russia. We build houses out of them, among other things. You don't do that in America?" It was an honest question, and Irina was genuinally curious for the answer.

by **Whalestron** » Sun Oct 22, 2017 5:10 pm

Nikolai the Bear

The ever-grumpy bear folded his arms, staring in disgust at Glitch. For whatever reason, he'd decided to remain with this stupid group of 'heroes.' How else was he to keep an eye on that poor girl? He forgot Irina's name, so he decided to call her Smazka, probably because that was the first word to come to mind when he thought about the bodies they'd passed. "What eez the stupid thing you are holding?" He inquired, rudely. Feeling this wasn't sufficient enough, Nikolai added a quick "stupid," at the end, smiling as he felt this added to the effect.

by **Dragonarya** » Sun Oct 22, 2017 5:17 pm

Ivy

Ivy slid into view of the room, Plant now on her shoulder. She entered, seeming a little too close to everything except the drawers, which she thought were a little creepy. She stopped by the Captain's Log.

"Seriously?" She asked, tapping the glass. "Who needs protection on wood?"

We're alive too, you know, Plant reminded her. Unless of course they've killed that log, in which case I think I'm going to be sick. To add onto that effect, he turned away, shielding his view from the possibly dead former plant.

Of course, that gave Ivy an idea - a stupid one, but an idea nonetheless. She leaned down and tapped the glass a few times. Hello? she asked, trying to contact the log. You alive? Can you help us?

by **Zjaum** » Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:10 pm

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Everyone, including Aubree, seemed to be in a big rush to get out of the closet. He didn't blame them at first; it was a really crowded closet. As people left, though, the closet seemed to look a lot comfier. It was a pretty nice closet, and he took a moment admiring the, albeit flour-encrusted, handiwork. It was a good, solid, closet. All things had to come to an end, though, and he shuffled out like the rest of everyone, missing a whole update (and a bunch of posts saying "X walked out of the closet") in the meantime!

He was a little behind the rest of the group, and just saw Aubree walk out before he was left in the room, just him and the computer. He looked around before approaching the computer secretively. He quietly whispered, "Hey, I want to play a game."
"Shall we play a gayme?"
"Love to. How about Global Thermonuclear War?"
"Wouldn't yew preeferr a niyce game of chess?"
"Later. Let's play Global Thermonuclear War."
Immediately the screen turned red, and a picture of a planet showed up as well as a number of missile locations. Henry's eyes grew wide. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!... I was just kidding!" He thought for a moment. "You know, I think I will take you up on that game of chess, though. I'll be leaving, but just record me and my moves while I walk around the ship."
"All riyght."

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

"Pawn E dos to E cuatro."
Aubree looked above her, as if the overhead speaker was directly above her. To the contrary, the overhead speaker was above her and slightly to the right as she approached Glitch. She gasped. "My gosh... they've turned Glitch into a couch potato!"
"Pawn D dos to D cuatro."
She took Glitch by the shoulders and shook him, hoping that her superpower's passive quality would make the great OP in the sky let this one slide. "Snap out of it, Glitch! There's so much to be athletic for! Don't let your dreams be dreams!"
"Kniyght B uno to C tres."
"Pawn takes, E four!" announced Henry as he approached the rest of the group. He then noticed Aubree shaking Glitch. "Aubree, would you like to talk about this?"
"Yes!" Aubree exclaimed. "Glitch needs an intervention!" She paused. "Well, we can always send him to the next AA meeting when we get back home... if we get back home... are we going home anytime soon? He was never any clear about that." She let Glitch go. "So, what do we do with this TV? Is there a remote? Do they even get a signal out here, or is it just DVDs?"
She remembered that Irina hadn't seen Earth in a while. "See, DVDs are these little American disks that we use to watch films. They're just like..." (Was she ever around for VHS? Eh, probably not...) "...They're just like Betamax!"

by **Talchyon** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:30 am

The secret room
Coathangerman

At the sight of Irina coming in dressed in her (ahem) obviously outdated clothing, Coathangerman snickered. She probably found some nice second- or third- or more likely for this outfit, twenty-fifth-hand store. And then got their clothes they were either throwing away or sending to Nicaragua as an act of (ahem) charity. "Nice duds," he said. "Let me guess. You were watching some movie like Breakfast at Tiffany's, and got envious. Or rather, since you're Russian, maybe the movie was called Breakfast at Svetlana's..." He then continued to quietly snicker, and didn't care if she got miffed.

All the meanwhile, he was keeping his eye on Commie Bear, the one called Nikolai. You can never be too careful around a teddy bear that can get armed in a moment's notice...

Captain's Log

The slumbering piece of wood was indeed snoring... or rather, sawing logs. Whatever your preference. But at the tap on the glass and Ivy's inquisitive question, the sleeping lumber (or is that lumbering sleeper?) woke up.

"What?! What?! I was just in the middle of some RRM sleep (rapid ring movement)! I was having a great dream. The kind where you rescue the damsel in distress, slay the dragon, and don't burn up when he blows fire at you. Or maybe it was that I slayed the damsel in distress and rescued the dragon. I don't remember. It's all kind of hazy right now.

"And you. You're the first person to talk to me in a very long time. Name's Woody. I'm a special kind of log. Not too many of us in the galaxy. I'm from an Alucinarian forest. You can only find us on a few remote worlds. But I'm going to be big one day. I'm going to change people's minds. Probably so they see us pieces of wood as more than just inert pieces of wood.

"And what's your name? And the little green one beside you - the one that looks like he's going to be sick and toss up some chloroforms. Who's he?"

Glitch

So like, the whole supporting cast of my ascent into superhero famedom had arrived, and like, Corporal Cosine-in-ator-guy (the dude who normally drives us in his family station wagon) was looking, like, really annoyed with me. But he won't be annoyed when I tell him what I found.

But like, before I was able to, like, the babe who's almost a shiny Amazon princess but has like epic bladder control problems started freaking out. Dude. She thought I was doing some kind of illegal substances up here all by myself. And so I said, "No way, babe. I haven't done anything illegal substance wise up here." (And of course, it was totally true because like there aren't any laws in space, and so nothing is technically illegal... But I digress...) "So like, you can chillax out and just let it play the course. I'm going to be fine. Eventually."

And that reminded me of the time once when I wasn't going to be fine. The time when I...

Just then, Captain Calculator interjected. "Glitch, we don't have time for you to slip into your non-sequitors right now. You'll have to save your recollection of past events for another time, and tell us how you got here and what you found."

Annoyed, I looked at him and just shook my head. Dude didn't get it. If I was to tell him how I got here in this secret room and what I found, it would have to be a recollection of a past event. Huffing, but not puffing (right now anyway), I said, "Dude. Don't interrupt my creative juices. I hate it when people interrupt my creative juices.

"So like, you want to know how I came here but not for me to live through past recollections. It's kind of backwards, don'tcha think? I have to have some kind of recollection of a past event to tell you how I got in here, because like, dude, that happened in the past. It's passed the past, now it's presently the present. Though this present is like the past's future. Unless like, you're wanting me to use the perfect tense and then like the activity that began in the past is still continuing to this moment. Ok. Dude. Now you're making me go all parsing proper English. Dude.

"Here's the lowdown. When that Spastic guy was leading us on the tour, I stopped and had to use the little men's room. Only I don't think I found it, but when you gotta go, you gotta go. Feel kind of sorry for whoever's room it was that I stumbled into and just had to relieve myself. Yuh know? An' I thought like Princess Shiny here had bladder control issues. But like dude. So like, after I got out, I couldn't find anyone. And then I remembered we were just at this secret room, that said we would be like wiped out if we came in here? An' I was just going to try the door, because like, I wanted to see what all the doodad gizmos on the side would do if you weren't s'posed to come in? But dude! When I got here, the thing was fritzing out and was not workin' an' all. So I just popped in. And like, tried to get some peanuts because even though I ate that cookie alien, I had still had the munchies. But they were like all sealed up and tight and there was no way to get them out. So then, I just found the screen, an' all, and thought, Dude. I'll watch some kind of flick while I wait. But all I could get was this..."

And then, Glitch clicked the mouse next to the screen. It was a recording made by the now-dead researcher, Dr. Gil Denstern. The same Dr. Gil Denstern who had been accidentally killed when Spasticus' spaceship messed up it's parking. The same Dr. Gil Denstern who had been one of the two top leading researchers on Earth about radiation, and who had been tasked to investigate the radioactive elements found under Orient, Minnesota! The same Dr. Gil Denstern who was giving a lecture on radiation roughly a short half-block away when the Infinites first saw the villains and attempted to thwart their robbery of the same radioactive elements! Talk about coincidence.

The recorded image of Dr. Gil Denstern began to speak. It was a video of research notes, and thus, not very exciting for someone wanting to watch a movie. But probably plot-relevant.

"...This is Dr. Gil Denstern, Radiation Research Team at Orient, Minnesota. The date is June 14, 2017. Dr. Rose N. Crantz and I have been assigned to analyze the radioactive Uranium and Technetium found beneath the town. After some initial tests, it was proven that these elements are indeed Uranium and Technetium. Both elements are highly radioactive and dangerous. We use protective suits when handling them. The size of the Technetium lode is staggering. Never before on earth has such a large quantity of this rare element been found. While all the innate traits of Technetium have yet to be discovered, Dr. Crantz and I have made some pleasant discoveries. And I don't know how it works yet. But the strange thing is that this Technetium somehow is able to adapt itself to existing technology, and reconfigure the programming. In layman's terms, it's like the Technetium talks to the tech. At least, if not actual speaking, the radioactive Technetium makes the existing technology more pliable and able to have its programming readjusted. It has made a simple change in our wristwatches. Instead of counting time as they normally would, they began counting backward. Didn't matter if it was analog or digital. Somehow, the programming and even the mechanical gears of my analog watch were reversed. That was simply by being in very close proximity - about a foot or so away.

"Because of this strange effect on technology, Dr. Crantz has been busy making a special kind of harness for this Technetium. The harness will protect the operator and whatever tech he is wearing, while at the same time, allowing the operator to guide the Technetium into making whatever changes on other tech he wants to. Think of it as a way to safely alter the programming of any kind of technology. While we have noticed this primarily with our wristwatches, there doesn't seem to be any kind of technology that would be unaffected.

"Here are some blueprints for this harness that Dr. Crantz drew up." The video then focused on blueprints. But it was evident that someone had tampered with them. Instead of a simple robotic harness that would simply be used to help with the plans the scientists had come up with, the numbers had been amplified, and a small human sized shape next to the robotic harness was given for a more disturbing scale. In short, the newly adapted harness was going to be big. And it seemed that weapons had been added onto tech armor as well.

Glitch said, "Yeah. It was really weird. Even for me. And not like a normal flick. More like a documentary. Dude. I hate documentaries. They're really boring."

by **Zanera** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 2:15 pm

Pill-OW!
In the Glitch Room of Logs

It all clicked. There was still some confusing things, but it was all relatively clear to the Hero of Soft Justice. Movie reels slid on a belt across the cogs of his brain. The universe poured its knowledge onto his water wheel. The hamster farts permeated his psyche and temporarily altered it for the better. There was no other truth in the galaxy that was more obvious than this one.

Or he was wrong. His gut instinct could be wrong...but he had plenty of gut. And it would know what was happening.

"Dr. Denstern wanted to make a gigantic robot to fight monsters with!"

by **Barapam** » Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:06 pm

"Betamax? Haven't heard of that. Is that an American brand of film reels?" Irina Borisova asked Goldilocks. Betamax... that was a silly name. It would likely never catch on. DVD sounded a lot hotter. But what really surprised her was her so casually mentioning remote controlled televisions! So there were still some fields where the Soviet Union still hadn't caught up with the West... She decided to ask.

"Remotes... for the TV? Is that common in the US?" She raised an eyebrow. And apparantly, she wasn't the only one with TV on her mind. Coathangerman's cocky comments towards her choice of clothes a couple of seconds later were countered by cold eyes from the communist cosmonaut. "Breakfast at Svetlana's isn't even a thing... and no, I haven't seen Breakfast at Tiffany's. Besides, what kind of fashion-less decade are your clothes from?"

While waiting for an answer, the screen distracted her again. She pretty much agreed with Pill-OW!'s explanation, but still offered an alternative viewpoint. "Okay, yes, that seems likely. I don't know who that doctor is, but it strikes me that a robot like that potentially could be used as a fighting vehicle when taking over resource-rich planets populated by blue aliens, don't you think?"

by **NightWing** » Tue Oct 31, 2017 3:50 am

Pandemonium
The Room She's Not Supposed to Be In

Pandemonium shifted uncomfortably on her feet. Something wasn't right about... well, a lot of things, but she'd address the Russian first. "Yes, TVs are common," she said. "As are remotes. So maybe we're just more scientifically advanced than you." She grinned. "As for the terrible clothes? Welcome to the Infinite fashion. Shows you why I didn't join them." She gave the Infinites in the room a sideways glare before turning to the TV.

"But why to fight monsters?" She asked quizzically. "What would Dr. Denstern want to do with those? And how do we even know he was the one who did it?" She walked over to the screen and pointed at the man-to-machine size comparison. "Seems rather unlikely they would try to create something that huge, supposedly to collect radioactive substances, then decide, 'Let's lug it into space and kick some galactic butt!' Just saying."

by **Talchyon** » Wed Nov 01, 2017 6:25 am

The ultra-secret room now not so terribly secret
Coathangerman

Coathangerman just grinned at the verbal tet-a-tet with Irina. So she could dish it back, huh? This could make for some fun interactions. Like the remote control thing. "Yeah, don't worry about Betamax. It's just some guy's nickname. I think he was into ancient Greek," Coathangerman said with a snicker on his face. He was a little annoyed that Pandemonium chose to answer Irina with actual fact and not humorous trying-to-pull-one-over-on-her words. "Ignore that. The only remote controls the West has are surgically implanted into people's brains, so they can just turn the channel by a mere thought." With a bigger grin, he thought, "Chew on that."

Then Irina again. "What kind of fashion-less decade are your clothes from?" His face immediately soured. Ok, so Coathangerman was never going to grace the cover of GQ. He had always been accused of having no fashion, in or out of costume. So what if he sometimes wore super extra large 22XL shirts just for the fun of it? So what if the majority of his clothes were handmade from a sadistic aunt who seemed to want to embarrass him at every opportunity, who made outfits out of cheesecloth and made them look like a mix of 70's dance party with German Bavarian traditional (complete with lederhosen)? So what if he had (count 'em) 51 coathangers in various positions around his otherwise non-descript costume?

So he decided to change the subject.

"Look, I agree with Pandemonium. I don't think Dr. Denstern was planning on using this robot suit to fight monsters or little blue men. He was an academic, only concerned with studying things. This suit must have allowed a better access to the radiation and was resistant to being technologically hacked or altered. Someone else must have altered it. And I think I know just who. Spasticus the Snarler. I mean, think. Guy kills Drs. Crantz and Denstern and makes it look like an accident. Then this video and these plans are found in the secret room on his ship where no one enters (except Glitch, because he's Glitch). And we know Spasticus the Snarler is a wanted criminal. My money is on him for making this some gigantic war machine."

At which the Teetotaler just sighed. "My dear chap, that simply won't do. Spasticus the Snarler is not an evil genius of any form. He doesn't have the mental capacity to do advanced robotics. Nor, if I might say so, the needed delicate touch required to plug the right wire into the right spot. As my dear mum would say, he's a few cards short of a full deck. I don't even know if he broke any laws. I say, it could be a ruse. These Intergal thugs with their vaporizing death rays could have planted this information here just to make a patsy out of Spasticus."

While the Infinites and villains together were mulling over this possibility, the ship's computer spoke back up.

"Hola mis amigos y mis amigas. Thees ees a spayshial aaaynouncement. Thayre ees a veedeeo you are to see. Spaysticoos programmed theees eeento my maymory bank. Eeen case of daynger or sometheeng. I don't know, hermanos. I ahm just the mayssenger."

The Teetotaler translated, "I say, I think the computer wants to show us a video." And at that, the video screen that had been paused on the gigantic robotic suit began to play a new reel. It was a recording of Spasticus, looking around nervously, in front of a blank and generic background.

"Ahem. Ahem. Cough cough cough. I think I just had some phlegm. Gross. Oops. Hey. Am I being recorded? I am? Oh. Right. Forget about all that. Champions of Earth. If you are seeing this video, then something awfully dangerous and wrong has happened. Either I've been captured, or imprisoned, or just got lost. But what's that? Oh yeah. Plan 427. In the case of something awful or dangerous, or awfully dangerous, or just plain wrong happening to me, either I or the ship activated Plan 427. Basically, what Plan 427 means is that if I was carrying any kind of (ahem) 'special cargo' that was some people thought was just 'slightly illegal,' the ship would shuttle it in an advanced delivery system to a nearby planet. Basically, it's a life-saving device. Or just a really big nuisance. Or both. But either way, the fact that you are seeing this particular video means I had something on board that not every government thought I should have, or that someone planted this on me to try to frame me, or I was going to make a few spacebucks off it, or whatever. But now, this 'special cargo' (let's just call it 'special cargo.' It sounds more pleasant than 'illegal contraband.') has been dropped to a nearby planet. And since I can't do anything in my current situation, and because the ship is a moron, and so is the rest of the crew, it's up to you. I need you Champions of Earth to go to this nearby planet and rescue it. Get it. Buy it. Steal it. Graeco-Roman Wrestle your way to win it. I don't care how you have to do it. Just GET THAT 'SPECIAL CARGO'. And rescue me! Or you won't make it to that intergalactic arena and your planet will be enslaved for thousands of years. Spasticus out. Oh gross. I still have some of that phlegm taste in my mouth." And the video ended, leaving a blank screen.

At this, a stunned Captain Calculator said, "I guess we have to go planetside, then. Let's get whatever we need to get in order, and then meet at the ship's launch hangar in ten minutes."

And an equally stunned Jerry, the leader of the Orient, Minnesota Alcoholics Anonymous group that meets on Thursday nights in the room opposite of the Infinites, the same Jerry who had also been brought to the ship but had been really quiet throughout this whole ordeal, finally spoke up. "I'll see what I can find out from the computer about this planet, and what you might expect. But I think I'll stay here on this ship. You guys can go check it out yourselves. Besides, it might help to have someone up here in case you need. And that someone is me." He was having trouble deciding if this was a hallucination, a dream, or just had accidentally breathed in too much fumes from somewhere. He was going with hallucination, and just trying to play along.

Calculator nodded. "That's fine. Then it's settled. Jerry will stay here and manage things ship-side. The rest of us will try to get this cargo and then somehow rescue Spasticus. Meet back here in ten minutes. Glitch, stay with me in case your ability messes up your watch and it makes you late." With a sheepish grin, Glitch went along with the plan.

The END of CHAPTER ONE

Stay Tuned for CHAPTER TWO: A WHOLE NEW ALIEN WORLD

by **Dragonarya** » Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:16 pm

Ivy

Ivy smiled as the Captain's Log - no, Woody - spoke to her. My name is Kayla, she said. But most call me Ivy. As for my friend... to be honest, either he has no name, or he hasn't felt like he needed to tell me. She shrugged, although she wasn't entirely sure Woody could see her.

Call me Stem, the Plant said to Woody. Ivy turned to him and looked like she wanted to ask, but he simply tilted his bud. Until I find something better.

When the computer spoke, Ivy straightened. "Another planet?" She asked skeptically. "Which planet is closest? Does anyone have a galactic map of some sort?" She walked up beside Pandemonium and tapped the screen once, wondering if it was a touch screen that could access the internet. Yeah, right. Wishful thinking. She turned a little to look at everyone else, and was about to say something heroic (for a villain) and valiant, but Plant interrupted her.

We have to take Woody! he said, shaking her shoulder as much as he could. We can't leave him behind! It's wrong!

Ivy looked down at him. Well, Stem, I'm not sure I can carry him. I'm not that strong.

He paused. Plant, he said. Stem is just for us plants. At this, Ivy rolled her eyes.

by **Talchyon** » Sun Nov 05, 2017 12:54 pm

CHAPTER TWO: A WHOLE NEW ALIEN WORLD

Woody, the Captain's Log

He paused. Plant, he said. Stem is just for us plants. At this, Ivy rolled her eyes.

Woody just smiled. Well, if logs in some kind of alien-ship-cabinets with-something-that-looked-like-glass-on-the-sides-so-you-could-see-through-but-really-wasn't-glass-it-was-a-lot-stronger could smile. It pleased him that he had made some new friends. Ivy and Stem. Stem, because he was a plant. Others could just call Stem Plant. Or not speak to it at all. That was usually the reaction that plants got from people.

"No worries. You guys go on down to whatever planet you're going to. My time to shine isn't here yet. I'll be safe here in space while you go with these other people. But one day, I'll come out and change the world. One day, I'll change the minds of so many people. It just isn't my time yet.

"And no offense, but I'm kind of tired. I should probably catch some z's." For obvious reasons, Woody had problems with it whenever people used the expression, "saw some logs." And with that, Woody went to rest.

Ten Minutes Later
The Squelch's Hangar Bay Number 2 Something
Jerry

During the time off when the heroes and villains were doing who knows what (Maybe flossing energetically? Or flossing athletically? Or they went to shun shunning? Who knows. Maybe they were finally getting out of those kilts that had surprisingly appeared on them.), Jerry was spending some time trying to figure out about the alien planet the illegal contraband cargo had been dropped to. Also, more about what this illegal contraband cargo was. He figured, that if this was a hallucination that he was in space on some gigantic rickshaw ship, nothing would hurt if he went along with it. So in order to play along, Jerry figured, "What the hey." Plus, staying on the ship meant that he could have some time to himself and wouldn't have to hang around the town weirdos in the Orient, Minnesota Spandex Club. Or Spandex Clubs. Now it seemed like there were two groups, one with people he knew, and another with people who seemed to meet in some guy's mom's basement.

Working with the Squelch's computer with a pronounced Hispanic accent, however, was not easy. Having never seen a computer like this, Jerry was trying to figure out some of the computer operations basics. But there was a little he had learned. And now, he was here to tell everyone about it.

"Here" was a hangar bay on the ship. It was one of the many hangars that the ship had, that other, smaller vessels still large enough to be their own ships but smaller than the Detroit-city-sized ship. Ships on ships. Ship-shaped ships on a non-ship-shaped-ship. Ship-shaped ships in shipshape on a non-ship-shaped-ship, presumably ship-shaped. But no chips. This hangar bay had a strange number. It was as if some engineer had gotten bored when the ship was being built, and just decided to call it "Hangar Bay 2 Something". And the name stuck.

There, in Hangar Bay 2 Something, was a transport vessel with a robotic driver. The robot was a short 3-foot tall device that couldn't talk, but seemed determined to outdo itself in service with each passing minute. It was saluting proudly at the first sign of visitors to the hangar, jumping to attention when summoned, and if robotic faces could look pleased to be helpful, it would be this little guy's. Jerry just ignored it.

"Ok guys. Here's what I've found out from the ship's computer that's kind of hard to understand. First, the computer is kind of hard to understand. But you knew that. Second, I haven't learned much because I only had ten minutes. And it's an alien computer. So, I don't know a lot about either this planet or what you're looking for. But here's something for starters...

"The planet has the dumbest name of a planet I've ever heard. It is literally called 'Planet McPlanetface.' I could not believe that aliens would be so dumb to name a planet that, but apparently there was this space internet contest to name various planets, and this one won. So 'Planet McPlanetface' it is. What I've been able to find out about Planet McPlanetface, is that there are aliens there. And I'm not meaning microbes or tiny amoebas, either. This is a planet that has cities, transport, stores - so there will be a lot to discover. Unfortunately, I also found out that they do have politics too, so, they can't be all that bright. And the only other thing I found about the planet was that the computer says to be careful that you don't run into billboards. Whatever that means.

"While you're on the planet, I'm going to be here and trying to find out more information from the computer. And not getting in any kind of danger. I'll see if I can find something that can help you guys find this whatever thingy it is you're supposed to find. We'll communicate by these communication devices." And Jerry passed out what looked like fidget spinners. "Don't ask me how they work. I'm just the messenger here.

"Also, you might be wondering how exactly you are supposed to go onto a strange alien planet and find some kind of cargo you don't even know what it is. And I couldn't find what exactly it was, either. That's something I'm going to look for while you're down there. But the computer did give me this to give you." Jerry held out what looked like a cell phone. "This is the tracking device for the cargo. It should point you in the right direction, and will let you know the closer you get to this... whatever it is. Again, I have no clue. I'm just trying to wade through the computers' accent and figure it out. I think I got it all? Whatever. If I find out anything else, I will contact you. And we can go from there.

"Now, I guess you're supposed to get going?" Jerry looked bored throughout this long speech, but at the mention that the heroes and villains might be leaving his company, he got a hopeful glint in his eye and the beginning of a smile. He left to a safe, protected space in the hangar while the little robot began opening a door on the ship and ushering them in. Getting everybody strapped in their proper places, he closed the door and sealed it. Getting to its place at the helm, the robot flipped switched, pulled levers, turned dials, pushed buttons, battoned down hatches, raised sails, crossed t's, dotted i's, and fired up the engines. In no time, the starcraft vessel had blasted into space, taking the heroes and villains planetside.

Little did they know what they were going to find there.

by **Zjaum** » Tue Nov 07, 2017 10:14 pm

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Aubree spent her ten minutes of recess with her eyes glued to the screen. As much as she berated Glitch for falling victim, she couldn't resist the malicious glow of the rectangular box herself. It was... entrancing. I didn't even matter that the screen was blank. Like a moth drawn to a flame, so was she drawn to its cold, electromagnetic-wave-emitting embrace. She didn't even notice her bladder welling up from the large ICEE she drank before attending the conference (yup, we're doing that again).

She was brought back to the world of the sane by Henry. He'd just finished his computer game (the computer won; in his defense, though, Glitch bugged the computer out into making an uncharacteristic move, spooking Henry out and forcing him to reconsider his life choices as well as his Russian heritage). "Aubree, snap out of it. We're going, okay?"

Aubree snapped out of it and turned to view her savior. Of course! Just like the countless other times, it was an old friend that brought her back into the light. Well, the true light. Also, it wasn't usually Henry; he was usually too busy scouting in the Jefferson Infinites. Grateful, however, she followed Henry out into the hangar, singing hymns of salvation as she left. The 1700s hymns, of course, the ones that you sing only if you're an Great-Awakening-Age hipster of sorts.

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

First, there was him losing to a computer. Like, how could he even know that the computer would sacrifice his pawn just to get a better position? And now there was Aubree's incessant humming. Of course he couldn't tell her to stop; otherwise he'd be at risk of committing blasphemy. Not that the songs were legitimate in his mind, of course; he was a staunch Russian Orthodox Christian, and the only proper worship songs were in Greek or Russian. He just didn't want to go to Heaven and have the Big Man say, "Surprise! I'm Dutch Reformed! And you shut somebody up when they were singing a perfectly good English tune! That's going to cost you a few points, and I'm going to have to demote you to C+ Heaven, for all the people who earned a spiritual C+." C+ Heaven sounded terrible.

The two eventually made it to the hangar, passed by the overenthusiastic robot (Henry insisted on calling it a "droid" because it sounded cooler) and took his proper seat. He called out to the robot. "Hey, there, could you impersonate the robot from Star Tours^TM?" (just in case Disney comes a knockin' on this RP).

Aubree took her seat. As the ship started rattling she hugged Henry tight. Henry was additionally annoyed. "Will you stop it with the- oh. Right. You have to do this, and I guess it's been about a day so far. Henry hugged her back. "I acknowledge you, too."

At this point Henry felt it was a good time for a sea chantey. But, seeing as he'd be the only one interested in a sea chantey, he thought something more remedial would have to do. "Hey everyone! Let's sing a song! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND..."

by **Zanera** » Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:33 pm

Pill-OW!
In the Cafeteria of the Rickshaw from Outer Space, But Not Inner Space

Pill-OW! eventually found the cafeteria again. It was half empty, and the other half was unconscious or something. He didn't know, he was starving to death and needed a sandwich. There were many smells wafting from the kitchen. Going behind the counter, he saw all manners of mush and degraded vegetables. He went past this area and went to the fine-dining area of the kitchen. His eyes swept across five aisles of alien delicacies and some of the best dishes from prominent alien civilizations. Then, he eyed the sandwich-making station and the next five minutes had little evidence of existing, besides Pill-OW! now holding the ultimate space sandwich in his hands. He ate slowly and enjoyed every bite, but not too slowly. When it was finally time to search an alien planet no human may have ever been on, he was ready to take a good nap.

The Infinites: And Beyond! (Comedy, Supers, Space, OPEN) -IC

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