Season Thirteen of the West Zirconian National League.
Unlucky for Banks this time round - or just for everyone else?
And for those who don't know what I'm talking about...
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Season Champions Runners-up Third Place
1 Banks Bradley Hornets St. Martin University*
2 Banks Markham St. Martin University*
3 Houghton Kestrels Civil Service Banks
4 Bradley Swifts Banks New Toronto
5 Banks St. Martin University* Markham
6 Stanley United Moorcroft Wanderers Houghton Kestrels
7 Banks Bradley Hornets St. Martin University*
8 Banks Bradley Hornets Markham
9 Banks Bradley Hornets Mort Park
10 Banks Markham Stanley United
11 Banks St. Martin University* Stanley United
12 Banks Stanley United Civil Service
* now playing as Etruria
So there you go. Now you know why no-one else likes them.
Especially not New Toronto fans, who did at least manage to score one goal to Banks' ten in their opening match. In fact Banks won their first twelve matches, scoring a total of 58 goals in the process. Another ten-goal game - this time a 10-3 win at Hyland Town - helped the Banks goal count. No doubt some at the bottom end of the table would love to score 58 goals all season, but that's another story.
In fact, it took 16 games for Banks to be defeated, 2-1 at Ashton Rovers. The league by this time became a race for second place, with Hyland Town, Mort Park, Bradley Hornets, Redwood Forest and Moorcroft Wanderers (the last two newly-promoted) in contention.
Interestingly, New Toronto avenged their 10-1 defeat with a 4-2 win over the perennial champions, but Banks were still eleven points clear of Mort Park in second. The top two then broke away, and Banks won by twenty points, Mort Park taking second by a further ten.
At the other end, founder members St. Andrew's came so close to relegation, but a good run at the end of season pulled them out of the mire, leaving city rivals East Snaith and Ashton Rovers. one of only three teams all season to beat Banks, to their Second Division fate.
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Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Banks 34 29 2 3 129 53 76 89
2 Mort Park 34 21 6 7 89 60 29 69
3 Bradley Hornets 34 16 11 7 76 50 26 59
4 Hyland Town 34 15 8 11 66 70 -4 53
5 Bradley Swifts 34 16 4 14 82 76 6 52
6 Markham 34 14 8 12 63 54 9 50
7 Houghton Kestrels 34 13 10 11 65 58 7 49
8 Stanley United 34 14 6 14 85 69 16 48
9 Redwood Forest 34 13 9 12 69 65 4 48
10 Civil Service 34 14 4 16 50 74 -24 46
11 Moorcroft Wanderers 34 13 6 15 66 71 -5 45
12 Taylor's Cross 34 12 4 18 60 70 -10 40
13 Combined Armed Forces 34 11 6 17 66 81 -15 39
14 New Toronto 34 10 8 16 74 92 -18 38
15 St. Andrew's 34 10 7 17 53 70 -17 37
16 Houghton Hawks 34 8 11 15 65 82 -17 35
17 East Snaith 34 9 7 18 54 83 -29 34
18 Ashton Rovers 34 6 7 21 53 87 -34 25
Second Division:
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Season Champions Runners-up Third Place
1 Not contested
2 Moorcroft University** Houghton Hawks Crompton Town
3 East Snaith Felton Athletic Hyland Town
4 Stanley United Crompton Town Stanley Athletic
5 Redwood Forest Moorcroft Wanderers Underwood Town
6 Combined Armed Forces West Coast Angels Kirkham Town
7 St. Martin Athletic Mort Park Houghton Hawks
8 Ashton Rovers Wolverton Town Anderton United
9 Sephton County Hyland Town Underwood Town
10 Houghton Hawks Currie Redwood Forest
11 East Snaith Ashton Rovers St. Martin Athletic
12 Moorcroft Wanderers Redwood Forest Etruria
** now playing as Mount Vernon
Hopefully the Second Division would be a little bit closer. Well, it couldn't be any less so, could it?
In contrast to Banks' 15-match unbeaten start, it took just seven games for the last unbeaten record, that of Moorcroft City, to fall with a 3-2 defeat at AFC Stanton. By half-way, no single team dominated, with Moorcroft City and Crompton Town tied in first place, only twelve points ahead of last-placed Stanley Athletic. (Take note, First Division.)
In the end, it was AFC Stanton who pulled ahead at the crucial moment, with Crompton Town returning to the First Division with them. Moorcroft City's famous habit of self-destruction took them from top to fifteenth in just half a season.
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Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 AFC Stanton 34 18 10 6 79 59 20 64
2 Crompton Town 34 17 7 10 70 55 15 58
3 St. Martin Athletic 34 14 9 11 82 75 7 51
4 Felton Athletic 34 14 8 12 64 59 5 50
5 Wolverton Town 34 14 8 12 58 58 0 50
6 Anderton United 34 12 13 9 65 58 7 49
7 West Coast Angels 34 13 9 12 70 61 9 48
8 Sephton County 34 12 12 10 66 63 3 48
9 Underwood Town 34 13 9 12 65 70 -5 48
10 Mount Vernon 34 13 8 13 79 73 6 47
11 Tîm Cymru 34 13 7 14 69 69 0 46
12 Etruria 34 12 9 13 52 51 1 45
13 Kirkham Town 34 12 8 14 69 65 4 44
14 Currie 34 11 9 14 58 69 -11 42
15 Moorcroft City 34 10 11 13 74 77 -3 41
16 Anderton Town 34 12 5 17 59 70 -11 41
17 Walton 34 10 6 18 61 81 -20 36
18 Stanley Athletic 34 9 6 19 48 75 -27 33