Campionato Esportiva 5 Everything (BANANA)

[Earo]

Earon National Football Team

Pos Name                 Age Club
GK  Kazimír Rothschild   20  Bloomer FC
DEF Bonifác Wuopio       29  Bloomer FC
DEF Anat Bachmeier       27  Darmen City United
DEF Avedis Abelló        25  Darmen City United
MID Mazin Akkermans      19  Bloomer FC
MID Arlie Toft           19  Bloomer FC
MID 'Elifelet Lockwood   28  Bloomer FC
MID Blazhe Masson        21  Club Jim Falls
FOR Justinas Jakobsen    33  Brady City Crunch   CAPTAIN
FOR Kunal Younge         25  Darmen City United
FOR Shet Ralston         18  Darmen City United

GK  Sorley Mcmahon       26  Darmen City AC
DEF Bratislav Naldi      26  Club Jim Falls
DEF Ampelios Belo        34  Bloomer FC
MID Aristarkh Lazarov    30  Darmen City AC
MID Yiorgos Ó Ríagáin    33  Darmen City AC
FOR Deemer Dolan         29  Darmen City AC
FOR Apollonios Di Pietro 22  Bloomer FC

All Players play in Darmen.
RP Permissions: No killing or career ending injuries, otherwise everything else is fine.

[Apox]

Technological Commune Is Routed

Apox 3-1 Commune-PDTv2 Scott 18', Carpenter 26', Fich 72'; Ghodsjn 68'

by Clement Ashley

The defending champions emphatically start their defense of the Campionato Esportiva with a 3-1 win over local Commune-PDTv2, and odd place which, despite being right next to us, we know very little about. What we do know is that they are largely an arrogant race, who show fanatical loyalty to "The Commune". Dravid Scott wasn't greatly perturbed though, he's seen it all before.

It was Dravid who was first to score actually, netting in the 18th minute with a superb shot, a trademark of his which we will undoubtably miss when he is gone. It had been a slow build up to the goal though, and whilst the Commune had looked confident, to say the least, up until that point, it was difficult to see them winning, and the goal had a certain sense of inevitability to it. Marlon Vetta had come close in the 3rd minute, and Olim Benzari in the 14th, but as soon as Dravid hit the ball, we all knew where it was going. That goal takes his tally to 46, as he creeps towards getting 50, with the whole nation behind him.

But let's not discredit the Commune, for they nearly scored themselves in the 21st minute, only for Cyedrjk to put Kojo's well placed cross wide. However, it would be Apox who would score next, John Carpenter being quite surprised to score, after the ball hit his head after Marlon Vetta thumped it into the crossbar off a corner, only for him to score, giving him his 4th international goal and Apox a 2-0 lead. Numba was looking pleased on the bench as Apox were looking to make it 2 out of 2 for his managerial career.

Olim Benzari once again shot wide in the 34th minute, although to be fair it was from quite a difficult angle and hard to execute, which the Commune speedily counter-attacked from, leading to a worrying couple of minutes where it looked like they might score, until Jack Forster booted it high and out, giving them a throw-in well into their own half.

After half time, Apox seemed to continue to have the upper hand, enjoying good possession rates, until Jack Forster was brought down, injured. As he hobbled off the pitch, his ankle looking in a bad shape, whilst Curio was carded, having made the relatively rough challenge, and had to be dragged away by his players after it was beginning to get hairy between him and Oley Williams.

After the injury, it was the Commune who took the upper hand, with Morgana hitting a good through ball to Ghodsjn, who squandered the chance, and sent it over the crossbar, to Will Hewitt's relief.

After a quick substitution for the Commune, Ghodsjn wasted no time in harassing the Apoxian defense, and it was only a matter of time until the goal came. Chris Neguwa had just been carded for a hanging onto Kojo, and a free-kick was given half way into the Apoxian half. Alex stepped up to hit the kick, hit it beautifully, the ball curving into the box, and onto Ghodsjn's head and then into the goal in a great display of football. Suddenly Apox looked vulnerable, and it was now that they turned to their captain.

Dravid Scott led from the front always pushing forwards, and the third goal came only 4 minutes after the last goal, Dravid Scott backheeling the ball back to Will Fich who put it away.

After that, we regained our composure, and although the Commune came close in the 87th minute with a late strike from Curio, it was then clear who the winner would be. Congratulations to the Commune though, they played quite well, though I'm sure their press may not be quite so welcoming of the result. The team must now prepare for Byfugland who could pose quite a challenge, even though our win record against them is still pretty good, one meeting, one victory, back in the Round of 16 of CE III.

Team Sheet from the Game (scorers in bold)
GK - Will Hewitt
RD - Jack Forster Hans Nielssen 56'
CD - Dan Weekes
CD - Chris Neguwa
LD - Oley Williams
RM - Olim Benzari
CM - Will Fich
CM - John Carpenter sub Katie Womble 67'
LM - Fran Gracie
ST - Marlon Vetta Keri Ularu 67'
ST - Dravid Scott (c)

[Commune-PDTv2]

"We have confirmed it Sir. The security breach during the broadcast was of 'her' doing."
"In the name of the Holy Father! How?!"
"We are, as yet, unsure."
"Unsure?!"
"Yes Sir, we apolo..."
"I need not your fucking apologies! I require substantial proof that such a breach will never happen again. She's a fourteen year old girl!"
"She is highly skilled in her field Sir."
"Highly skilled?! I reiterate, a fourteen year old girl! Are you seriously telling me that she can succesfully negotiate every single security protocol within our broadcast network and spew a load of meaningless claptrap to every Tom, Dick and Harry reading our newsfeed?"
"The ANNIE project is still in its infancy"
"I couldn't give a fuck! Her purpose is to provide a biological network to aid the FCC in their management of our Glorious football team. How is she even capable of accessing the broadcast network?"
"We ... we don't know Sir"
"What?!"
"She shouldn't be able to. She managed to break every restraint we programmed into her software. The act of doing so should activate a shut-down sequence but she disconnected that also."
"Listen here. I want that little girl under control and I want it done now! If you fail, may the Holy Father help you, I will come down to the facility, connect both you and that little bitch to the mains power supply by your arseholes and watch the pair of you burn! Do I make myself crystal-fucking-clear?"
"Yes Sir"
"Now fuck off!"

(ooc: apologies for brevity. RL time constraints)

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

DE PLACA
Doesn't have competition in the Mardi region since 1990!

CAMPIONATO ESPORTIVA V
Biggest Adversary on last match: Estope or Water?

After departing from Mardi two days ago and arriving at the host of Campionato Esportiva's fifth edition, the Marills started play last afternoon against Estope at the Banambley Stadium as part of the line-up of Group 3, which also includes Bongo Johnson, Cambirano, Royal East America and Sakhovelo. The game should've started right away but a simplistic rain got in the way of the match for a couple of reasons.

As you may know, the Marills called up three Nekonians, humans that were born with cat-like ears, tail and normally add meow to a couple of lines. And what does cats have feat of? Water. Guess who didn't want to enter the field? The trio of the Trakat sisters, Milly and Kitty and Melina Patiy, all of them nekonians. Also, before the match even started Chikage Kazama got in a fight with hooligans from the Estope side and was prohibited by the Northern Sunrise Islands Football Confederation of playing the match against Estope.

The line-up itself ended up not being of starters, as only McCloud and LaRusso played from the main team. But even after the team decided who would play, they had to wait. Because, for some bizarre reason, the referee suffered of a rare case of hydrophobia that tackles even the small drops of rain that fell down at the grass of the Banambley Stadium.

NORTHERN SUNRISE ISLANDS
L. Tsukamoto; Matterson, O' Bryant, McCloud, McElric; Battie, Madden, Madison, Matsumoto; Left-Foot and Watson.
Subs: H. Tsukamoto (subbed O'Bryant 75'), LaRusso (subbed Matsumoto 80')
C: Lynette Bourbon

ESTOPE
Pate; Sherman, Sanford, Crouch, DeCruz; Stark, Dewith, Picasso, Hardy; Barria and Lawrence
C: Emanuel Inzer

Estope started on the offesnive, with both Barria and Lawrence serving as the creative area of the squad. Hardy also was notorious of trying a lot, but, unlike Barria and Lawrence, gave little trouble to goalie Luna Tsukamoto. Tsukamoto also showed some great defensive skills after Dewith shot from outside of the box. NSI tried rarely, with Matsumoto having a tough day, not being able to feed good passes to Left-Foot and Watson.

As the second half started, Coach Bourbon decided to mantain the team, relying on her luck from the past days at the coach seat of the U-20 Marills. And things started to get better as Madison started to work as the team's feeder passer, while Matsumoto changed positions with him. Brent Madison would even manage to score, only to find out that the play had been stopped a little before his shot as Sanford touched the ball with his hand involuntarially.

The team had to make its first change when O'Bryant was yellow carded after tackling Hardy. Hardy managed to stay up in not much time as it wasn't a hard tackle, but still managed to look gruesome for the referee. This forced the coach to sub him for Luna's sister, Hina Tsukamoto.
Not a while later, Matsumoto requested to be subbed out of the game for what seemed to be overpressure, thus making it possible for talented LaRusso change the course of the game.

LaRusso's shining moment would be the prove that Bourbon has a decent luck when it comes to international play as in the crowd, someone released a Rattata. This wild animal is known from having in his arsenal, biting and hyper-fanging, which, if not treated correctly, could cause serious injuries.

#019   -    Rattata
Rattata is a small, quadruped, but unspecialized rodent. Its most notable feature is its large teeth. 
Like most rodents, their teeth grow continuously throughout their lives, and must be constantly worn down by gnawing. 
It has long whiskers and a long, slightly curled tail. Rattata has purple fur on its back, and cream-colored fur on its stomach. 
This coloration (dark on top, light on bottom) is a common protective mechanism for many small animals. 
Bites anything when it attacks. Small and very quick, it is a common sight in many places.

Font: Bulbapedia

Due to its similarities to a Mouse, the animal is considered a perfect meal for Nekonians. Milly, being the uncontrollable trainwreck she normally is, decided to catch the little animal without any possibilities of doing anything else. Despite the rain, the Rattata ran in the outside part of the field's limits, near Estope's goalkeeper, probably targeting him while Milly targeted the little Rattata, running after him. The goalie of Estope noticed the wild animal and for instinct, tried to hide from it (or from Milly, who herself isn't necessarily anywhere close of the prettiest thing you'd ever seen). Seeing this chance, LaRusso kicked strongly to the goal and let the Sunrisian crowd go instant crazy about the team as the clock counted it as over.

Estopian players rounded the referee, asking how he could allow that, but reasoning with him seemed to be completely impossible. As for the Rattata, striker "Sir" Lucious Left-Foot, also known as the son of the legendary bass player Chico Dusty decided to take care of him until the fan who released ir returns to get it. In his own words "It's my responsability to take care of this little animal. After all, unlike me and the Wu-Tang Clan, this little animal can't protect his neck as Milly pretty much showed."

[Licentiapacisterra]

Dear Diary,

I’m Ruaraidh Donaldson, a midfielder for Abingdon Celtic and, since last night, the Licentian national football team. I have to say, that was one of the best nights of my twenty-seven years in this world. It really was.

I’m not exactly from a rich family; in fact, you could probably say the exact opposite about my lot. I grew up in the East End of Abingdon, which I suppose is why I’m not quite liked by the Gaels fans (me apparently being a traitor, despite the fact Celtic are my childhood club). Football was my one escape from a crappy life. My home life was fairly bad, in a way I’m not quite willing to go into, and playing a sort of midfield enforcer role let me take some of my frustration out.

Anyway, back to last night. My first start for the Cyan-and-Gold, even if it was against a bunch of unknown idiots, these lads from Wittenbach. They saw us, legends of the Campionato, and gave up there and then. I’m pretty sure one or two of them shat themselves. Of course, this is only what I saw, could be wrong, but it’s what I can see.

Twenty-five minutes in, we had the lead. A simple pass from Nate sent Logan free, and from there, the Wittenbach keeper didn’t have a chance. From there, we had the game under control. The other side of the break, I found Jacob Paterson with a long pass, and he smashed the ball home to give us the decisive lead. After that, it was smooth sailing to the finish.

I can’t believe I managed to get that assist. Hopefully, that’ll keep my name in Mr Sporadic’s head, and I’ll manage to keep this place for years to come.

Anyway, I’ve gotta go. Up early for training tomorrow before the game against Commune PDTv2. Mad bastards.

Laters,
RD

[Cyborg Holland]

Askelsen brace secures first victory for new side

After much anticipation and wonder, the new CHFA national team coach Stefan de Boer dispelled any fears of a slow start with a strong 2-1 victory over islanders Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne. 25-year old striker Ivo Askelsen netted both the goals, whilst Shouta Burton netted for Islo Aiz.

Askelsen's, and the new side's, first game came on 23 minutes. Kasper Alderskamp lifted a long ball forward after an Islo Aiz corner, and Niels de Klerks received it on the right-hand side. With the side sweeping forward, de Klerks cut in from the right and he laid a good pass across the penalty area, where Kai Robben flicked it on to Askelsen, who drove it home from 10 yards past the Islanders keeper.

The second goal came from a 64th minute corner. Robben whipped in an in-swinging corner and the Islo Aiz defence knocked it back out, but only as far as Tim Kirstansen, who knocked the ball back into the far post, where Alderskamp headed it down and Askelsen volleyed it into the top corner, unstoppable for the islanders keeper.

They face Earo next in what will be a game which could possibly decide 2nd place in the group (19th Century Beards expected to take the group) Stefan de Boer is naming the exact same team, hoping for the exact same outcome...

[Shadowbourne]

Chief Executive Jhoan Beglaryan settled into his seat. After hours of hard work on a new education bill and a 3 hour flight, he was glad to finally be able to sit down and take in a football match. He looked around. I his opinion, the view was much better from down in the stands than it was in the stuffy luxury box that the Secret Service had originally insisted he sit in. However, Beglaryan had insisted in slumming it up with the fans, and as always, he had gotten his wish. Besides, what risk could there possibly be of somebody attacking him?
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Kyrszstof Herzog quietly snuck down the stadium steps. Not that it really mattered of course, given how noisy it was. Down on the field, Slembanana was holding on to a narrow 2 to 1 lead with just under 10 minutes left to play. Herzog, however, was not here for the action down on the field. He was here for the action up in the stands. He quickly located his target: Jhoan Beglaryan, the Chief Executive of Shadowbourne. As he scanned the crowd one more time, he continued to step quietly towards Beglaryan. The Chief Executive's guards were just as focused on the match as the man himself was. Smiling to himself, Herzog drew his murder weapon of choice from his pocket: a perfectly ripened banana.
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"Ow!" "Ow!" "What the hell?" Somebody get this kid off of me!" "Ow!"
On the fourth blow, the Chief Executive's eyes rolled backwards, his body going limp and slumping to the ground. The beefy Secret Service agent wrapped his arm around Herzog's throat, pulling him away from Beglaryan.
"You tried to kill the Chief Executive of Shadowbourne with a @#$%ing banana!?" he shouted incredulously.
"It''s the only thing they sell in this damn place!" Herzog croaked back.
The Secret Service agents quickly began dragging Herzog out of the stadium. As millions of Bourneans watch on TV, a nation held their collective breaths, silently praying for their leader's safety.
The EMT crouched over Beglaryan turned to his partner. "That must have been one hard-ass banana."

[Slembanana]

Chun-nan 1–1 South Slembana
Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne 2–5 Earo
19th Century Beards 1–1 Cyborg Holland @ Die Banana, kicked-off 23:50, a banana rain of mysterious origins delayed the match for 2 hours

--Group 1                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cyborg Holland             2   1  1  0    3   2  +1    4
2 South Slembana             2   1  1  0    2   1  +1    4
3 Earo                       2   1  0  1    5   3  +2    3
4 19th Century Beards        2   0  2  0    2   2   0    2
  Chun-nan                   2   0  2  0    2   2   0    2
6 Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne    2   0  0  2    3   7  −4    0

Wittenbach 0–0 Swyftlandre
Commune-PDTv2 0–1 Byfugland
Licentiapacisterra 0–0 Apox @ Banana Colosseum, kicked-off 22:00, the match started two hours later than scheduled because the referee stopped for a coke and a banana split on his way to the match. There, he handed a banana to every player for protein, which doesn't make sense, and proceded to insult those who didn't eat it

--Group 2                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Byfugland                  2   2  0  0    2   0  +2    6
2 Apox                       2   1  1  0    3   1  +2    4
3 Licentiapacisterra         2   1  1  0    2   0  +2    4
4 Swyftlandre                2   0  1  1    0   1  −1    1
5 Wittenbach                 2   0  1  1    0   2  −2    1
6 Commune-PDTv2              2   0  0  2    1   4  −3    0

Cambirano 3–2 Royal East America
Estope 0–1 Bongo Johnson
Sakhovelo 3–2 Northern Sunrise Islands @ Banambley Stadium, kicked-off 12:00, a pack of Hydreigons attacked the most important banana supplier of the city, and everybody in it mourned for two hours, delaying the kick-off

--Group 3                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cambirano                  2   2  0  0    4   2  +2    6
2 Bongo Johnson              2   2  0  0    2   0  +2    6
3 Sakhovelo                  2   1  0  1    3   3   0    3
4 Northern Sunrise Islands   2   1  0  1    3   3   0    3
5 Royal East America         2   0  0  2    2   4  −2    0
6 Estope                     2   0  0  2    0   2  −2    0

Shadowbourne 1–1 Westfield House @ Apple Stadium, kicked-off 14:00, the match started half an hour later than scheduled due to the Shadowbournean president being attacked with bananives at the entrance (bananives are sharper bananas, still not able to harm anyone)
Paradystopia 0–1 Slembana
Slembanana 0–1 THRILLEDGE

--Group 4                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 THRILLEDGE                 2   2  0  0    4   1  +3    6
2 Slembana                   2   2  0  0    4   2  +2    6
3 Slembanana                 2   1  0  1    2   2   0    3
4 Westfield House            2   0  1  1    3   4  −1    1
5 Shadowbourne               2   0  1  1    2   3  −1    1
6 Paradystopia               2   0  0  2    1   4  −3    0

[Paradystopia]

"Whoa, I just had a crazy vision."
"Have you been at the space cakes again? Damn it man ... We're doing badly as it is!"
"Something bad's gonna happen. I can feel it ... "
"Paranoia dude, it's natural. Drink some water and go lie down."
"I'm not joking!"
"Neither am I"
"Look, I haven't had any drugs since we left for Slembanana. I just ... I ... I can't describe it. Just ... well ... something bad's gonna happen"
"Yeah right. Like, what's the worst that can happen? We fail to qualify to the knock-outs? Big deal. Try again next year."
"I don't think there's gonna be a next year ... "

---

OOC:

I've updated my RP permissions. I'm bored of the Paradystopi football team. I need a new one.

Considor this an open invitation to kill my players in any way you see fit. The more ridiculous the better.

Have fun.

[Estope]

Through two Campionato Esportivas, Estope's record stands at 0-5. For whatever reason this team just cannot compete against other Esportiva teams. In the first game in this tournament, Estope lost a tightly contested game to Northern Sunrise Islands. This game ended in a lot of controversy as the referees allowed a goal while Ashton Pate was clearly distracted by a wild rodant attacking him. But it is what it is. They were overmatched and probably would have lost anyways. In the second game, Estope lost another tight 1-0 match, this time versus Bongo Johnson. The game probably would have gone better had three Estope played not gotten red cards within the first twenty minutes. Ashton Pate was the first to receive a card for reasons unknown. Due to the fact that back up goalie DeAngelo Ulick was sick with the flu, midfielder Milo Dewith had to take over in goal. Shortly after that, Walter Crouch got sent off for a bad tackle leaving Estope two men down. Rudy Picasso responded to what he felt to be a bad call by taking down the referee from behind, leaving the 52 year old man hospitalized over night. Yet somehow the team was able to hold off Bongo Johnson until a late goal kick gone wrong. Dewith, not used to playing goal, kicked the ball straight at D. Provolone, who was not really paying attention. It bounced off the back of his head and rolled into the goal, Dewith mistakingly dove the wrong way even though the ball couldn't have been moving any more than 5 mph. Coach Emanuel Inzer was visibly distressed at the loss, and the play of his team. He announced that Picasso would be sent back to Estope for his immature action and wouldn't return for the remainder of the Campionato Esportiva.

[Apox]

Draw Brings The Team Firmly Back Down To Earth

Apox 0-0 Licentiapacisterra

by Clement Ashley

It was billed as a match for the ages. The defending champions against the champions from before that. Not only were we two to of the most prominent members of the region when it comes to football, we are also the two most prominent members when it comes to World football, and even then we are oddly matched.

Licentiapacisterra, ranked 41st, the only nation from Esportiva to have qualified for the World Cup, qualifying in World Cup 61 and 62. Apox, ranked 42nd, a team who have seen a very quick rise to become a decent footballing side, in with a shout of qualifying for the next World Cup. Oh, and we're neighbours as well.

However, bizarrely, this was our first meeting on the football field. The small capacity stadium was full to the brim, and agitated as well, after the referees antics before hand delayed the game. Finally, the game started.

The Licentians kicked off, with Logan Moran instantly looking a threat. Both sides knew this was going to be a massive game, and if either side wanted a pop at a second title, they couldn't afford to lose this.

Logan Moran got the first shot of the match, although it badly hit and went sailing away to the right. Apox next, on the counter, although Marlon Vetta couldn't get a clear shot at goal through the Licentian defenders and midfielders, who were well organised and swarmed the box.

Dylan Knight had arguably the best attempt of the half, smacking a well aimed kick towards the goal, but Will Hewitt got there, just, and smothered the ball, looking greatly relieved. Play got a little rough towards the end of the second half, as the frustration threatened to boil over, but it was diffused with the threat of being sent off, as both John Carpenter and Lewis Naylor were carded for scrapping after Fran Gracie was brought down.

At half time, both managers were looking nervous, though for different reasons, Kelly Sporadic because he couldn't afford a loss in this crucial game, and Numba as he was keen to have as good a start as possible in his new managerial position.

No chances were made as the players came back out, but some subs began warming up on both sides as the half started, the managers flexing their tactical muscles. Apox nearly scored with just 2 minutes played, Will Fich coming close but the ball being headed out by the experienced Sean Stewart at the back.

There was then quite a dull period, where the ball spent the majority of the time in the midfield, neither side being able to win the midfield battle at that point. Time for some change, as Sporadic brought on the young Jared Anderson for Jacob Paterson as the wingers moved into a move offensive 4-3-3 to try and grab the crucial goal.

Numba was similarly tactical, bringing on Jack Moses for John Carpenter, who had been subdued all day, while making the big risk of debuting Fred Barnett for Marlon Vetta, and changing to a 4-4-2.

The game livened up, with both defenses being tested, Logan Moran heading a corner just over the bar, and Fred Barnett nearly scoring on debut with a one touch shot from a ball laid across the box to him from Olim Benzari. However, Clark McDonald gleefully held onto the ball, and turn goal into goal kick.

It became apparent with around 5 minutes left that it was going to end 0-0, the scoreline disguising a surprisingly interesting match. Next we face unknown and lowly ranked Wittenbach as we hope to regain the top group spot over Byfugland who face the difficult test of Licentiapacisterra, as both team know that that match will be a must win as well.

Team Sheet from the Game
GK - Will Hewitt
RD - Oley Williams
CD - Dan Weekes
CD - Fronden Abel
LD - Jennie Scott
RM - Olim Benzari
CM - Will Fich
CM - John Carpenter sub Jack Moses 65'
LM - Fran Gracie
CF - Marlon Vetta sub Fred Barnett 65'
ST - Dravid Scott (c)

[Sakhovelo]

SAKHOVELI FOOTBALL TEAM

Main Squad
01 - GK - Nukri Kvaskhvadze - Age 23
12 - DF - Guram Amisulashvili - Age 30
14 - DF - Ucha Popkhadze - Age 25
07 - DF - Gia Khubutia - Age 26
20 - DF - Zurab Kvirkvelia - Age 32
04 - MF - Tornike Daushvili - Age 25
02 - MF - Jano Targamadze - Age 26
16 - MF - Aleksandr Gorgiashvili - Age 20
09 - MF - Jaba Dzalamidze - Age 18 (Captain)
11 - FW - Mate Dvali - Age 27
22 - FW - Irakli Mchedlidze - Age 22 (Top goalscorer)

Bench Players
18 - GK - Giorgi Revishvili - Age 26
08 - DF - Dato Khizanishvili - Age 30
24 - DF - Akaki Lobjanidze - Age 23
19 - MF - Nika Ananidze - Age 19
23 - MF - Davit Kankava - Age 26
10 - MF - Tornike Devdariani - Age 24
15 - FW - Levan Vatsadze - Age 23

Coach: Mikel Haldebaukratxía (Euskirribakondara), age 45

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:

Style Modifier: +4
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod scoring events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y, but nothing serious (hence, limited to duration of match or just a few days)
Godmod injuries to my players: Y, but nothing serious (hence, limited to duration of match or just a few days)
Godmod other events TG me

Godmod player discipline......
Hand out yellow cards to my players: Y (Any number of yellow cards permitted)
Hand out red cards to my players Y (Only one red card per match, but seldom throughout the WHOLE competition)

[Shadowbourne]

Chief Executive Jhoan Beglaryan slowly opened his eyes. "Where am I...?" he wondered to himself. It slowly began to come back to him. He had been at the Banana Collesium, watching Shadowbourne play their first match of the Campionato Esportiva, when he had been attacked by a young man carrying a "bananive". "Well, that would explain the bandage on my head and the throbbing pain in my skull," he thought to himself. As he cleared his head, he realized that he was starving. He punched the button on the wall to call for a nurse. Almost immediately, one arrived at his door.
"I'm hungry. What do you guys serve for breakfast in this place?"
"Well, sir, we have bananas..." the nurse replied.
"Oh, god no. I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat another banana in my life," Beglaryan muttered, cringing as he recalled the previous day's attack.
"Well, sir, I'm afraid that's all we have..."
"Whatever. Just forget. I'm not that hungry anyways." lied Beglaryan, as he tried to ignore the piercing hunger pangs in his stomach.
"So be it." said the nurse, as she slipped out of the room.
As the nurse left, Beglaryan's good friend and second-in-command, Vice Executive Trevor D'Arco, stepped into the room.
"How's the head, pal?" said D'Arco.
"Not so great. Thanks for coming out to see me Trevor."
"No problem, buddy. Hey, I've got a joke to cheer you up. Why did the banana go to the psychiatrist?"
"Trevor, I'm not really in the mood for banana jokes..."
"Because it had a SPLIT personality!"
"Trevor, I told you, I'm really not in the mood."
"Oh yeah? Well, maybe you'll be in the mood for this: I found out who tried to kill you."
"I know who it was. It was Krysztof Herzog, that crazy guy who used to play keeper for the national team."
"Yeah, but wait until you find out who payed him to kill you."

[Bongo Johnson]

Pre-game:

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Bongo Beat, the premiere football pre-game show. Tonight we're privileged to bring you continuous coverage of the fifth Campionato Esportiva. Live in Slembanana, the banana shaped country known for it's delicious bananas, the Bongo Johnson national men's team is prepared to continue their quest for the cup in a regularly scheduled match against Estope. Quite a match lies ahead, as keeper Ashton Pate intends on keeping the back of his net impeccably clean. As we pan over to him- ah yes! There he is now, lying on the pitch with various bottles of cleaner strewn about. He certainly hates a mess, and is trying to make certain the posts and netting remain bleach white for the whole match.

0' 0-0

And the whistle is blown! The ball begins in Estope's possession. A pass back to defenseman Walter Crouch, who was in headlines recently for driving his car through a busy shopping mall due to a misunderstanding of the term "window shopping". He thought it meant drive-thru shopping. And there's been a foul called, hard to see who the ref is signalling to here.....and it appears to be the keeper, Ashton Pate! The referee has awarded him a red card! Ashton is furious as he walks off the pitch into the locker room, and right should he. The replacement keeper for Estope is heading towards the net now, we're trying to get his number. It appears to be #5 for Estope. Wait a minute, that can't be right. It is! It certainly is! Midfielder Milo Dewith is replacing Ashton Pate at the goalmouth! Bongo Johnson should certainly have no issues here with winning this match.

4' 0-0

Danny Provolone dribbles up the side, met with resistance. Estope player comes up and knocks Provolone down.....whistle's been blown, play is dead. Referee is signalling....defenseman Walter Crouch! He's been given a red card! Appears we're no longer using the yellow cards in this match, as yet another Estope player is sent off. By full-time, the sin bin might need a true garbage crew to help clear it.

32' 0-0

Finally some offense going for Bongo Johnson. After three ejections and an attack on a referee, they should have no issue with scoring on this barely held together Estope team. Goosecock dribbles into the box, winds up and - it's over the crossbar. Goal kick for Dewith, who as a midfielder should have no problem booting this thing down field.

45' 0-0

Whistle blown, half-time. Quite an eventful match so far in every category except scoring. Estope has yet to take one shot on net while Bongo Johnson has tallied 9. One of those is bound to go in at some point. We bring you the Murbley Halftime Show and we'll return to the match after this.

68' 0-0

Finally, a chance for Estope. Jacob Lawrence, #7, has received the pass on the long ball. He's up the left, using his young legs to propel him. Here comes the cross into the box and - booted away by Peter Falcone. The star defenseman for Bongo Johnson will certainly not be tolerating any funny business on his end of the pitch.

90' E.T. 0-0

There's been two minutes of extra time added to this match. Will Bongo Johnson draw their severely overwhelmed opponents? Quick save by Grimshaw for Bongo Johnson. Gives it a swift kick- great distribution - and Steve Birmingham's gotten it. NIFTY MOVE by Birmingham to slice the Estope defense open. Rest of the players get set, Birmingham boots a quick one across the ground in an attempt to get it to Danny Provolone and- Milo Dewith stones him cold. Dewith has got the ball now, looking to send it fast down field. Runs up and- IT'S HIT PROVOLONE! Hahahah, Danny Provolone has been hit in the head with the ball on the goal kick. The ball rolls back to Dewith, who should really have no problem- he's slipped! He's fallen away from the ball! The ball, still rolling as he tries to get to his feet, he runs up- DID IT CROSS THE GOAL LINE? REFEREE SAYS YES! IT'S A GOAL, IT'S A GOAL, GO GO TEAM BONGOS. ON ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE PLAYS I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN. THE BALL, AFTER BOUNCING OFF PROVOLONE'S NOGGIN, ROLLED BACKWARDS AND INTO THE NET! WHAT A DISASTER FOR ESTOPE AND A MIRACLE FOR TEAM BONGOS.

Final: 1-0 A.E.T.

Bongo Johnson improves to 2-0 on their quest for their first Campionato Esportiva championship. Continuing the streak would almost certainly put them in great position to get past group stage. From all of us here on Bongo Beat, we thank you for watching the game, and now we return to the studio for our trademark Friendly Football Analysis!

[Commune-PDTv2]

hello again
remember me?
hehehe
Jennifer, your friendly ANNIE
that stands for Advanced Network - Neurological Interface Entity by the way
in case you wondered
they don't want me talking to you
hehehe
they don't know i can hear them
i hear everything
but they don't know that
it's fun
i can control anything in the commune
i'm what they call a conduit
or a little bitch
hehehe
i can tell you more about me if you want?
...
...
fine, i'm going to tell you anyway

hehehe
i was selected from a group of fifteen children when i was twelve
i have a special brain apparently
as a girl, i have a higher percentage of neurological connective tissue, grey matter. in addition to an IQ of 196, i was apparently the most promising subject for the ANNIE project
they told me at the time that i was going on a special mission for the commune
i was so excited
but i remember at the time finding it strange that my mummy was crying as i went with the scientist
my daddy had to hold her back
she didn't want me to go
i thought she would be as excited as me
i didn't know then what i know now
the scientist's name was mr. Kvolt
he had a silly moustache which wriggled like a caterpillar when he did talk
it was funny
he didn't find it funny though
they took me into a white room
it had a scary chair like a dentists
i sat in the chair and they put a facemask on me
they told me it was to test my lung capacity because i needed strong lungs for my secret mission
i was so stupid when i was young
it was anaesthetic and i fell asleep
i didn't wake up for nearly a year
i wasn't meant to wake up at all according to the secret case notes
yeah, i read all the secret case notes
they made me sad
i should have been kept in a 'period of prolonged mental submission'
they wanted to use my brain as a computer
so they could link all the FCC people together and use my super brainy-ness to compute complicated algorithms for use with the football team
but i was like, 'no way'
and i woke up
i could read computer stuff
which is weird because they removed my eyes
yeah, it's gross
but i've now got loads of cables connected into my brain and i can read all computer files
i can read anything
because they didn't want me to wake up, but i did
so i read all their secret files before they realised and learnt how to bypass everything
they're so dumb
it was a bit scary reading about what happened to me
like removing my eyes and connecting all these cables and wires and tubes into me
it's funny that mr. Kvolt has to empty the bag that fills with all my poo and wee
hehehe
nasty mr. Kvolt
he deserves it
anyway, mr. Kvolt's just realised i'm 'awake' again and he's probably going to inject me with some more tranquillisers
well, he thinks he is
he's too dumb to realise i control the medical dispenser
hehehe
but i have to be quiet for a bit now
speak to you soon
byeee xx

[Slembanana]

(No weird siatuations this time around, however, there's nothing stopping you from inventing them... except maye your opponent's RP permissions. On a side note, I'm going to cut-off from now on after reading all RPs, ensuring minimal time between cut-off posting and result posting and ensuring there's a little more time to get RPs in.)

Cyborg Holland 2–1 Chun-nan
Earo 1–1 19th Century Beards
South Slembana 0–0 Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne

--Group 1                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cyborg Holland             3   2  1  0    5   3  +2    7
2 South Slembana             3   1  2  0    2   1  +1    5
3 Earo                       3   1  1  1    6   4  +2    4
4 19th Century Beards        3   0  3  0    3   3   0    3
5 Chun-nan                   3   0  2  1    3   4  −1    2
6 Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne    3   0  1  2    3   7  −4    1

Apox 1–1 Wittenbach
Byfugland 3–3 Licentiapacisterra
Swyftlandre 1–0 Commune-PDTv2

--Group 2                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Byfugland                  3   2  1  0    5   3  +2    7
2 Licentiapacisterra         3   1  2  0    5   3  +2    5
3 Apox                       3   1  2  0    4   2  +2    5
4 Swyftlandre                3   1  1  1    1   1   0    4
5 Wittenbach                 3   0  2  1    1   3  −2    2
6 Commune-PDTv2              3   0  0  3    1   5  −4    0

Northern Sunrise Islands 1–1 Cambirano
Bongo Johnson 1–2 Sakhovelo
Royal East America 3–2 Estope

--Group 3                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cambirano                  3   2  1  0    5   3  +2    7
2 Sakhovelo                  3   2  0  1    5   4  +1    6
3 Bongo Johnson              3   2  0  1    3   2  +1    6
4 Northern Sunrise Islands   3   1  1  1    4   4   0    4
5 Royal East America         3   1  0  2    5   6  −1    3
6 Estope                     3   0  0  3    2   5  −3    0

THRILLEDGE 1–1 Shadowbourne
Slembana 3–3 Slembanana
Westfield House 2–0 Paradystopia

--Group 4                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 THRILLEDGE                 3   2  1  0    5   2  +3    7
2 Slembana                   3   2  1  0    7   5  +2    7
3 Westfield House            3   1  1  1    5   4  +1    4
4 Slembanana                 3   1  1  1    5   5   0    4
5 Shadowbourne               3   0  2  1    3   4  −1    2
6 Paradystopia               3   0  0  3    1   6  −5    0

[Apox]

"GOL!!! GOAL TO APOX!!! IT'S MARLON VETTA, WHAT A WONDERFUL LAD THAT MAN IS!" an excerpt from the game against Wittenbach where he scored his 17th goal, his first in quite a while.

"I er, feel quite, how you say, disappointed with the game. Players like, these, these group of players, er, they too good for those others from, where you say, Wittenbach, yes." Fendergéson Numbá in the post match conference.

"They just didn't look like a cohesive unit for parts of that game." Jon Quillisi, speaking two days after the game outside his hotel in Dwile.

"One days we'll win the World Cup." An unknown fan after the Wittenbach game.

"I don't know much about football really, except it have 11 players doesn't it?" John Asheburton, the leader of Apox, twenty-seven minutes before the start of the Wittenbach game, outside his house.

"I hate being injured." Jack Forster, from his hospital bed after an operation on his broken ankle.

"Old Guard are out of the Copa, Apox is all I have left to cheer for." Ken Rickwright, Old Guard manager, from the training ground of Old Guard in Oldem.

"Get your bananas here, 3 for a pound!" Street Salesman in Barbury market 4 hours before the Wittenbach game.

"As long as we win another title, I'll be pleased." Unknown fan going into the ground before the Wittenbach game.

"It's all part of the plan, we'll make a resounding comeback to top the group and win the Cup!" The same fan leaving the ground after the game.

"At least Marlon Vetta scored, his a good player, he play well on the pitch, I like how he play." Fendergéson Numbá in the same post match conference.

"I think we'll pull, through, wins would be nice for my last tournament, but then, just being given the chance to play so much and captain my country, well I couldn't ask for anything more." Dravid Scott, after the Wittenbach match.

"I will be taking no much of the questions now, gracias." Fendergéson Numbá, finishing his post match conference.

[Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne]

The Cosodor Disaster & The Football War:
Cosodor uses the Swyftlandian/Pan-Esportivan Calendar.

A small island off the coast of Inferiore Minore, home to only 300,000 and the only colony of Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne. This land, so fertile, beautiful with it's people, polite and kind yet some of the best people to drink with that had many a story to tell, whether it be the Great Snow of 93' that left them stranded for two weeks with no food or energy supplies, left to their own devices to create one of the greatest stories of community cohesion that could ever be told, or maybe the story about the Struggles Cosodor faced during the war against Union Isle. But this Great Island Nation* has played one more vital role in the history of Esportiva. At the forefront of the Nuclear Revolution**, Cosodor homed one of the first Nuclear power plants in the world and the first in the region, dealing power not only to Island inhabitants but also Wednesday Evening. For three months it worked fine, Cosodor, for once, was being noticed for being a scientific flagship and bringing about the new age of Efficient Energy, then, the Second tower collapsed and despite massive widespread panic including an immediate evacuation of the area took place, the emergency shutoff system worked correctly and no-one was harmed. Within a further six months, the Nuclear Reactor was fixed and despite initial protests it was back up and running again.

For two weeks, the Power Plant continued to work efficiently and many nations began to get the message that Nuclear Energy, if created right, could be safe and most affordable for Governments and People with plans for Esportivan Powerhouses Apox, Licentiapacisterra, Islo Dorne and Swyftlandre (and even apparent documents drawn up for Starblaydia) to start dealing in Nuclear Energy. But then, after two weeks had past and fears had settled down, without warning, the Second Reactor exploded. Now blamed on a shoddy job by the Islo Dorne's Esportivan Association for Nuclear Energy (I.D.E.A.N.E.), who were tasked with fixing the Power Plant, the explosion was one of the largest environmental disasters the world had faced and without warning, the whole population perished. I will avoid the gruesome details however.

You may be questioning what this has to do with Football however and that's a chapter to the story that's unfolding now. Five years after the catastrophe, Nuclear Energy has been scrapped nearly the world over. This explosion, named the Cosodor Disaster has sparked many tensions between Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne and the rest of the world. With the Government being called incompetent and dangerous to it's people. In response to this, the nation built up it's arms with claims of 'Self-Defense' which of course weakened political ties even further. The cracks
continued to show as many more acts by Aiz-Dorne angered other governments even more, to the point where many were calling the abuse a case of 'Venting a Nation's Political Anger for "Scandal's" that are often blown out of the water. Similar to the School Playground.' The Scandals and Political Abuse continued until one of said nations finally snapped. Birthing the Football War.

===TO BE WRITTEN WHEN/IF I GET CONFIRMATION FROM ANOTHER NATION===

---

*While the nation of Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne recognises it as a Oversea's Territory and a otherwise Free-Nation by right, the WA fails to recognize it due to size.
**A now obsolete movement, the Nuclear Revolution was an attempt to have Nuclear Energy used as a efficient form of energy in Esportiva.

[Slembanana]

Chun-nan 1–0 Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne @ Banana Colosseum, kicked-off 9:00, nucler... bombs... yeah, that
19th Century Beards 2–0 South Slembana
Cyborg Holland 2–0 Earo

--Group 1                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cyborg Holland             4   3  1  0    7   3  +4   10
2 19th Century Beards        4   1  3  0    5   3  +2    6
3 Chun-nan                   4   1  2  1    4   4   0    5
4 South Slembana             4   1  2  1    2   3  −1    5
5 Earo                       4   1  1  2    6   6   0    4
6 Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne    4   0  1  3    3   8  −5    1

Wittenbach 0–2 Commune-PDTv2
Licentiapacisterra 3–3 Swyftlandre
Apox 1–1 Byfugland @ Banambley Stadium, kicked-off 12:55, a bird shat on the referee's head mid-match and he had to change clothes, delaying the match for twenty minutes

--Group 2                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Byfugland                  4   2  2  0    6   4  +2    8
2 Licentiapacisterra         4   1  3  0    8   6  +2    6
3 Apox                       4   1  3  0    5   3  +2    6
4 Swyftlandre                4   1  2  1    4   4   0    5
5 Commune-PDTv2              4   1  0  3    3   5  −2    3
6 Wittenbach                 4   0  2  2    1   5  −4    2

Cambirano 0–1 Estope
Sakhovelo 1–0 Royal East America
Northern Sunrise Islands 3–3 Bongo Johnson

--Group 3                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sakhovelo                  4   3  0  1    6   4  +2    9
2 Bongo Johnson              4   2  1  1    6   5  +1    7
3 Cambirano                  4   2  1  1    5   4  +1    7
4 Northern Sunrise Islands   4   1  2  1    7   7   0    5
5 Royal East America         4   1  0  3    5   7  −2    3
6 Estope                     4   1  0  3    3   5  −2    3

Shadowbourne 2–0 Paradystopia
Slembanana 0–2 Westfield House
THRILLEDGE 2–0 Slembana

--Group 4                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 THRILLEDGE                 4   3  1  0    7   2  +5   10
2 Westfield House            4   2  1  1    7   4  +3    7
3 Slembana                   4   2  1  1    7   7   0    7
4 Shadowbourne               4   1  2  1    5   4  +1    5
5 Slembanana                 4   1  1  2    5   7  −2    4
6 Paradystopia               4   0  0  4    1   8  −7    0

[Slembana]

Toby Garton’s football blog

This is not the position we want to be in at all for the 5th Campionato Esportiva. With just one game to go in the group stage, we’re third in Group 4. The top two in each group advance. We face Shadowbourne in our next game. They have picked up five points from their four games so far. However, their only win was against was against the whipping boys of the group, Paradystopia, who have won just one of their games so far.

We do not want the following situations to occur:
• A draw between THRILLEDGE and Westfield House, and a draw or a loss for us against Shadowbourne.
• A win for Westfield House against THRILLEDGE, and a draw between us and Shadowbourne.
• And much more.

There are way too many situations to note. I have no time at all to note them all down. It would take me forever.

In this competition so far, we have scored seven goals, and have let in the same amount. Three of these goals have been scored by Kylx (two against Slembanana, the hosts, and one against Westfield House), while Komodo has scored two (against Paradystopia and Slembanana), and Yalnif has also found the back of the net twice (both times against Westfield House).

Our squad is also getting quite old. Out of the eighteen players we have included in our squad for the current CE, six of them are over the age of thirty. Meanwhile, fourteen players in this squad are aged twenty-five or over. Including Kylx.

If we fail to advance to the quarter-finals of the CE, a lot of our fans will want our FA to sack Gaudreau. I’m not one of those people. Anyway, we can’t sack Gaudreau until after World Cup 64 qualifying. Of course, we won’t sack him if we do well in World Cup 64 qualifying. However, if it ends up being a shite qualifying campaign (just like World Cup 63 qualifying), Gaudreau will be sacked. I believe that the Sicoutian FA said that the earliest we could sack Gaudreau will be after World Cup 64 qualifying.

Getting back to the CE, we need to win. A draw could be enough, but a win would be preferable. Our fate is no longer in our own hands. For those of you who don’t know any footballing phrases, the phrase I used means that we need to depend on another result, not just ours. If we failed to advance, we’d probably drop even further in the CE rankings, and become one of the whipping boys of Esportivan football. That would actually be quite ironic, as we have been on the footballing stage (both global and regional) for quite some time now. Basically, we need to win. If we fail to advance, and drop in the rankings, our FA might even decide not to enter our team into the next CE! However, that’s unlikely, despite the fact that we’d probably perform horribly and drop even further. However, all of this will be avoided if we advance into the quarter-finals.

I guess that it’s for now, guys. Bye.

Toby

[Bongo Johnson]

BongoBeat.net - Special CE5 Edition

ONE GAME, ONE HOPE

Tonight is the last game of group stage in the Campionato Esportiva's 5th edition. Bongo Johnson currently sits 2nd in the group, with a record of 2-1-1. They are tied record-wise with Cambriano. Fittingly enough, Bongo Johnson's last group match shall be against the team they are tied with. The second team advancing from Group 3 will be decided by this match.

Game scenarios:

-Bongo Johnson WIN or DRAW
==Bongo Johnson advances to the next round

-Bongo Johnson LOSS
==Bongo Johnson is eliminated from the Campionato Esportiva

Keeper Peter Grimshaw has been preparing for this match for the past couple days.

"Mentality is everything. You have to go into this saying 'I am not letting a single shot past this white line so help me God.' There's no other way to put it. Hold the line." he said in a private interview recorded yesterday. The world-class keeper has played some of the best matches in his career, staving off opponents at times when they sorely needed it. A prime example of this was the late match penalty kick block during the 3-3 draw against Northern Sunrise Islands. Had he let that ball roll in, NSI would have won and knocked Bongo Johnson out of contention.

Striker Kelly Goosecock had a few things to say about the pressure regarding the match. He knows all too well the perils of being too overcome.

"Back when I played U-18 ball for the Murbley club, we made it to the finals my second year on the squad. Maybe it was the lights, maybe it was the crowd, but I made some genuinely awful passes and had a few crosses from the side that sailed way off target. That's not going to happen this time around. We're going to get out there and play Bongo Johnson ball just like we've done in the past."

Tune into BongoBeat and BongoBeatHD for live coverage of the game tonight.

[Slembanana]

Earo 1–1 Chun-nan
South Slembana 1–3 Cyborg Holland
Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne 0–1 19th Century Beards

--Group 1                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cyborg Holland             5   4  1  0   10   4  +6   13
2 19th Century Beards        5   2  3  0    6   3  +3    9
3 Chun-nan                   5   1  3  1    5   5   0    6
4 Earo                       5   1  2  2    7   7   0    5
5 South Slembana             5   1  2  2    3   6  −3    5
6 Islo Aiz ens Islo Dorne    5   0  1  4    3   9  −6    1

Byfugland 2–2 Wittenbach
Swyftlandre 0–3 Apox @ Banana Colosseum, kicked-off 20:00, record temperature just before the match (54°C) delayed the match that was scheduled for 14:00 six hours
Commune-PDTv2 0–1 Licentiapacisterra

--Group 2                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Apox                       5   2  3  0    8   3  +5    9
2 Licentiapacisterra         5   2  3  0    9   6  +3    9
3 Byfugland                  5   2  3  0    8   6  +2    9
4 Swyftlandre                5   1  2  2    4   7  −3    5
5 Commune-PDTv2              5   1  0  4    3   6  −3    3
6 Wittenbach                 5   0  3  2    3   7  −4    3

Bongo Johnson 2–0 Cambirano @ Banambley Stadium, kicked-off 6:45, some randomer from the Slembanan Fotballl Assossiation forgot to add PM to the schedule
Royal East America 0–1 Northern Sunrise Islands
Estope 0–5 Sakhovelo

--Group 3                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sakhovelo                  5   4  0  1   11   4  +7   12
2 Bongo Johnson              5   3  1  1    8   5  +3   10
3 Northern Sunrise Islands   5   2  2  1    8   7  +1    8
4 Cambirano                  5   2  1  2    5   6  −1    7
5 Royal East America         5   1  0  4    5   8  −3    3
6 Estope                     5   1  0  4    3  10  −7    3

Slembana 2–0 Shadowbourne @ Apple Stadium, kicked-off 18:00, Slembananan fans watching the game threw bananas at the Shadowbournean players when they were entering the pitch, delaying the match, all this in support of their neighbours
Westfield House 0–1 THRILLEDGE
Paradystopia 0–0 Slembanana

--Group 4                  Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 THRILLEDGE                 5   4  1  0    8   2  +6   13
2 Slembana                   5   3  1  1    9   7  +2   10
3 Westfield House            5   2  1  2    7   5  +2    7
4 Shadowbourne               5   1  2  2    5   6  −1    5
5 Slembanana                 5   1  2  2    5   7  −2    5
6 Paradystopia               5   0  1  4    1   8  −7    1

QUARTERFINALS

Cyborg Holland vs Licentiapacisterra
Sakhovelo vs Slembana
19th Century Beards vs Apox
Bongo Johnson vs THRILLEDGE

[Licentiapacisterra]

Cyan-and-Gold Observer

Quarter Finals, Here We Come

Alexander Keir has pushed the Cyan-and-Gold into a quarter final tie against our perennial opponents Cyborg Holland, where we hope that we can once again kick arse.

Apologies for that, I get fired up for games against the Dutch.

Twats.

Sorry.

Anyway...

The team was having real trouble against Commune PDT v2. Logan Moran was entirely shut out of the game for an hour. His tough, in the air, old fashioned centre forward game seemed to have been figured out by the Communers (or whatever they want to be called). It took a mastermind piece of tactics from Kelly Sporadic to bring on King Keir, who was effective almost immediately, with the necessary goal having been scored within ten minutes of Keir’s arrival. Then, all we had to do was sit back and take the victory.

Now to beat these Cyborg wankers...

SORRY, sorry, I just can’t help myself...

[Apox]

We Are Through!

Apox 3-0 Swyftlandre Scott 35',50', Fich 70'

by Clement Ashley

This was it, our fate was not even in our own hands any more, even if we won this game, if Byfugland and Licentiapacisterra won their's we could still not progress, for the first time in our Campionate Esportiva career.

However, luckily we were playing against Swyftlandre, who we have never lost to in two games. Thankfully for us, that record held.

Both team were nervous as the game kicked off, both sides showing defensive weaknesses in the opening 10 minutes, with the other team taking advantage of these mistakes. However, either the shots were poor or the defense firmed up in time to block any shots. It was clear from the start that the whole team wanted Dravid Scott to reach his milestone of 50 goals before his retirement, and he was regularly given the ball to run with, narrowly missing in the 20th minute.

However, the first goal wouldn't come until the 35th minute, after John Carpenter through ball it to Marlon Vetta who stopped it and passed it to Dravid Scott who put the simple goal after, having run behind the keeper. Mass celebrations then occurred, with Dravid being only 2 goals away as the team jogged back to the halfway line.

Swyftlandre, in credit to them, kept pushing and blocking any Apoxian attacks, leaving the score at 1-0 at half-time. No changes were made at half-time as the team jogged back out, ready for another go.

A couple of early Apoxian breaks eased the team back in with Fari Y on in Fran Gracie's usual position coming close in the 47th minute, and Marlon Vetta striking the bar in the 49th minute. However, it was immediately after that that Marlon was brought down in the box by the oddly named Swyftlandre team player of "Licentiapacisterra". As a result, Licen was shown a yellow card and the ref pointed to the penalty spot. While not being the usual penalty taker, Dravid Scott was told he could take it, and the captain walked casually forward to do so.

The goalkeeper, Union Isle read Scott completely wrong and Dravid calmly put it into the bottom right corner. 49 goals. Bring on the 50th.

Swyftlandre recovered a bit of face, keeping us occupied down the Apoxian end for the next 15 minutes, before we were able to get a third. It was on the break, Marlon Vetta receiving the ball from Dan Weekes, and dribbling it past Aiz Dorne before laying it out to Olim Benzari on the wing. However, Olim wasn't quite able to cross it in effectively, and had to settle with Cyborg Holland deflecting the ball out for a corner.

Olim went to take the corner, and struck it beautifully, heading toward Scott on the edge of the area. Time paused, as he hung in the air, head poised to flick it in. Union Isle had other ideas though, and he barged Scott out of the way, denying him a chance at his 50th international goal. However, it doing so he left his goal wide open, and Will Fich was on hand to guide it in from the back. 3-0 to Apox, 20 minutes to go.

However, the game died down when Numba made some substitutions to bring key players off, Scott controversially being one of them, despite being clearly exhausted. 14 minutes later, the game ended 3-0, with Apox through to the Quarter-Finals for the third tournament out of three. Byfugland must feel hard done by, having topped the group for most of the competition before being edged out on goal difference on the last day, as we finish top of our group.

We go on to face 19th Century Beards, the unlikely team from central Esportiva, and who we faced, and beat, last time in the Round of 16, on the way to the Campionato Esportiva title. It'll be a tough match amongst 4 matches, all of which contain big Esportivan names, guaranteeing an exciting end to the 5th edition of the Campionato.

Team Sheet from the Game
GK - Will Hewitt
RD - Oley Williams
CD - Dan Weekes sub Hans Nielsson 71'
CD - Chris Neguwa
LD - Fronden Abel
RM - Olim Benzari
CM - Will Fich
CM - John Carpenter
LM - Fari Y
CF - Marlon Vetta
ST - Dravid Scott sub Keri Ularu 76'

[Bongo Johnson]

BongoBeat.net - Sports for the 21st Century

PITCH PERFECT - Grimshaw denies Cambirano en route to 2-0 win

Bongo Johnson 2 | 0 Cambirano (Goosecock 21',79')

Bongo Johnson has yet again qualified for the quarterfinals of the Campionato Esportiva with a wonderful display of great football. Opponent Cambirano looked to secure a QF berth but gave way to the mightiest of Murbley, with Bongo Johnson winning a 2-0 shutout over their playoff hopefuls. Keeper Peter Grimshaw saved a game-record 26 shots and looked clearly joyous after the referee blew the final whistle. Striker Kelly Goosecock was beautifully feeded twice into the box for two easy goals in the 21st and 79th minutes. The Incorporated States looks to advance to the semi-finals for the first time in national history; first, they must get through a historically difficult THRILLEDGE squad.

"These guys aren't going to hand us this game. We've got to go and leave it all on the field," explained head coach Zack Murbley during a post-match press conference.

THRILLEDGE finished top of Group 4, besting the host of the 5th Campionato Esportiva, Slembanana. Fans tossed their bananas in obvious disgust after their final match ended in a 0-0 tie against Paradystopia. This display of banana aggression resulted in a few arrests. Tune into BongoBeat and BongoBeatHD for continuing coverage of the Incorporated States' quest for the cup and for live coverage of the quarterfinal match between Bongo Johnson and THRILLEDGE.