The Order of the Grey Wardens

[Roavin]

First Warden Roavin at the office, trying to write a report

Finally, no longer just the "ceremonial" First Warden — now, Roavin is the actual First Warden! But as things usually go with new jobs, the honeymoon phase wears off quickly and, no matter how much you love it, you're faced with having to do menial crap. Like, writing reports. Ugh. With supreme drunken report-shitter Tim probably retiring again for some amount of time between an hour and five months, others need to step up and keep you freshly informed on just how fabulous we are. And so, it falls to the new First Warden to write his First Report. The resume in humor is ... meager at best. Besides a spontaneous voice chat episode of "Vaporwave and Dad Jokes", most material has been bad puns. Really, really bad puns. "Do you think Alistair was any good at basketball? Because it feels like every conversation with him is all about Duncan!". Yeah, that bad.

But - no matter, let's get to the fabulousness!

---

Major Update, February 22


Bored Wardens, watching the Activity feed

"Right, fendas can't pull numbers", Rom remarked sarcastically as he went back into Weisshaupt Fortress to catch some sleep halfway through. With most of the darkspawn warriors doing the wonderfully heroic deed of piling another darkspawn region to death, the Wardens and friends were bored. Really board, and desperately hoping something fun wood come around. Ha. ha. Anyway. The Renegade Wolves thought they could be cool and hold Council of the Phoenix, but much like the OG wolves from LWU two days ago, the replica wolves quickly realized that an onslaught of Warden swords will switfly steel that Delegacy away (Oh come on, that was a good one!). Afterwards, Wardens and friends supported The Arab League in case the North Pacific Army tried to hit that region again with a decent trigger this time. The night finished how it started - bored. So bored, we started making obscene statements at each other using sign language. I guess that's what happens when we're left to our own deaf vices. Bwaha.

Regions Liberated

Council of the Phoenix

Regions Supported

The Arab League

Wardens Present

First Warden Roavin
Chamberlain Vincent Drake
Commander Tim-Opolis
Constable Lenlyvit
Warden Rom
Warden Blight-Bane

Allies Present

RRA Frattastan
RIASF Dixadoing
RIASF Red Dusk II

---

Minor Update, February 22


Standard issue "Firehelm" — obviously, form over function.

Weekday minor updates are rarely very busy or well-frequented by gameplayers. Nonetheless, after supporting the liberated region from last update to clear out the last Darkspawn there, a few Darkspawn with flames on their helmets showed up. Unlike real firefighters, the happily helmed heads of Firehelm rather tried to rough up rather than help regions, and also unlike real firefighters, for the most part they weren't particularly timely with their triggers. To add to the conundrum, one of the Darkspawn went three failed raid attempts before realizing they had been using a nation that already updated - real firefighters know to always stock fresh hoses and fill their water tanks before going on the next call. While it wasn't the most exciting of chases, our small group of firefighters still had fun extinguishing the firehelmers quite a few times.

Regions Defended

The Overwatched States of The Kabar
The South
Elemental Chaos
The Crunchy Nut Feast
Conservative Islands Alliance

Regions Supported

Council of the Phoenix

Wardens Present

First Warden Roavin

Allies Present

RRA Frattastan
SPSF Parazzia
The Count V

[Sygian II]

Finally! A Roavin report! And not anything written by Tim while in a drunken stupor!

<3 you tho Tim.

[Tim-Opolis]

Finally! A Roavin report! And not anything written by Tim while in a drunken stupor!

<3 you tho Tim.

Most of my reports are written sober, for the record

[Cormactopia Prime]

That report was fantastically corny with the awful dad puns.

[Sygian II]

Finally! A Roavin report! And not anything written by Tim while in a drunken stupor!

<3 you tho Tim.

Most of my reports are written sober, for the record

Why am I surprised?

[Aimdar-Goomdar]

<3 you tho Tim.

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of love...

cringes

[Deladara]

<3 you tho Tim.

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of love...

cringes

LOVE IS IN THE AIR <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[Karafuto-cho]

<3 you tho Tim.

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of love...

cringes

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of jealousy

cringes

[Walrusvylon]

Hello, old friends! I had to give up defending for quite a while because I wanted to get involved in the roleplaying community. I shall return soon.

[Aimdar-Goomdar]

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of love...

cringes

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of jealousy

cringes

Don't. Just don't.

We do NOT want an NS lovefest.

[Karafuto-cho]

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of jealousy

cringes

Don't. Just don't.

We do NOT want an NS lovefest.

Navasse, I don't think you have to worry about anyone from GP loving you.

[Aimdar-Goomdar]

Don't. Just don't.

We do NOT want an NS lovefest.

Navasse, I don't think you have to worry about anyone from GP loving you.

Thankfully.

[Tim-Opolis]

<3 you tho Tim.

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of love...

cringes

Love is Love. You're just jealous that all the raiders swoon over Wardens.

[Cerian Quilor]

I'm only slightly disgusted by this open declaration of jealousy

cringes

Don't. Just don't.

We do NOT want an NS lovefest.

Why not?

[Aimdar-Goomdar]

Don't. Just don't.

We do NOT want an NS lovefest.

Why not?

Let's just say I dislike its many forms. It's just an evolutionary development to get animals and humans to reproduce, dammit!

THANKFULLY though, NationStates has NOTHING to do with relationships, and has only 1 day in its past. Good job to TGW for another successful operation, though.

[Tim-Opolis]

THANKFULLY though, NationStates has NOTHING to do with relationships, and has only 1 day in its past. Good job to TGW for another successful operation, though.

You'd be surprised. There's many a couple that met, dated, and even married through NS. Hell, Gameplay's very own Sedgistan and Crazy Girl are among them!

Also, yeah we Wardens are pretty dope dude.

[Ever-Wandering Souls]

I'm waiting for the helluva gloat post that's on it's way.

[LollerLand]

Its good to see some defender activity!

[Vincent Drake]

Majah Update, February 22/23



WHAT IS LOVE?

BABY DON'T RAID ME
BABY DON'T RAID ME, NO MOWAH

I don't know why youwah not theyah
I give you my endo, but you don't cayah
Fending is right!
And raiding is wrong!
Gimme a GOOOOOO...

What is love?

Baby don't raid me
Baby don't raid me, no mowah

Even though the Pats' epic, gut-wrenching, amazing, historic, GOAT comeback victory was weeks in the books, Wahden Drake was still curled up in a bottle of champaigne. He emerged back into the world, slowly stood up, and rubbed his eyes. The bah was full, except his cornah, which people had been avoiding. *Sniff....sniff...emmm DAHKSPAWN! The unmistakable scent emenated from down the bah, wheyah some hotshot Fiyahelm kid was trying to show off to the bahtendah. The kid ended up leaking details of his own operation (like wut ah you srs right in front of a fendah commandah like dayum dude that's so edgy!) while Drake chuckled to himself, thrust his sowahd into the bottom of a whiskey bottle, and downed the whole sloppy mess (including the glass bits, keeps ya shahp on the battlefield ya know?).



Aftah getting all nice and sticky Drake relocated from the jigglypuff bah to spirah deinz to do some good 'ole fending. Aftah eating raidah babies Drake called up an Ubah (Don't drink and drive, kids), and 16 dollahs latah, stumbled into Waisshapt? Wesshsupt? How TF do you spe...Weisshaupt Foahtress. Nobody expected Wahden Drake as he showed up 20 minutes early to an update. Drake mocked Lenlyvits slow internet and waited to see what he had spotted thus far. A decent size patrol was ready to go, like HELL YEYAH. Drake made defending great again as he led a chahge out from the gate and into the widah world.

Ten defendahs took the field, with no taggahs in sight. OH COME ON! Howeveh, Fiyahelm was spotted forming up. The patrol waited, and shadowed, and stahked, and waited some mowah, but the damn raidahs just wouldn't jump. The patrol hopped off to run othah missions, and still the raidahs wouldn't jump. Aftah a good houwah, it was time to storm Libehty Alliance, the leaked op. The raidah point fled town well ahead of the insurmountable fendah forces. HUZZAH HUZZAH HUZZAH!

The defendahs then jumped into an unmahked, black SUV, and rolled out. Locked and loaded, they slowly approached a hostile hood in Lerignon. PEW PEW PEW, Brihimia was taken out, with no civvies down and no damage done to the region. Srsly raidahs go out and tag so we nevah get this bowad again. Plz?



The final tahget was the Fiyahelm main pack, which finally jumped into Tezde. Aftah initial confusion about whethah to defend a raidah region, and whethah to support a potentially raidah native delegate, the defendah forces gave chase anyway, and stomped Fiyahelm in a glorious battle during the several minutes before it was to update. Fiyahelm's puny forces retreated with theyah tails between theyah legs as the defendahs celebrated yet anothah curb stomping of yet another majah raidah organization that ventured out too fahr from its safe space piled occupation.

Regions Defended

KC Philosophy
Liberty Alliance
Tezde (Ewwwwww)

Region Drive-Bys

Lerignon

Regions Supported

Council of the Phoenix

Wardens Present

First Warden Roavin
High Constable Deadeye Jack
Chamberlain Vincent Drake
Constable Lenlyvit
Warden Blight-Bane

Allies Present

SPSF United States of Vietnam
RRA Frattastan
RRA Ryno
RIASF Dixadoing
RIASF Red Dusk II

[Tim-Opolis]

I like this system of different report authors. It makes for fun reading (and means I don't have to do as much)

[Cormactopia Prime]

WHAT IS LOVE?

BABY DON'T RAID ME
BABY DON'T RAID ME, NO MOWAH

I don't know why youwah not theyah
I give you my endo, but you don't cayah
Fending is right!
And raiding is wrong!
Gimme a GOOOOOO...

What is love?

Baby don't raid me
Baby don't raid me, no mowah

It's decided: Drake writes all the reports from now on.

[Revall]

Hello, old friends! I had to give up defending for quite a while because I wanted to get involved in the roleplaying community. I shall return soon.

Hi! I noticed you even if the fendas didn't

TGW still churning out great reports.

[LollerLand]

That's one hell of a report!

[Tim-Opolis]

Hello, old friends! I had to give up defending for quite a while because I wanted to get involved in the roleplaying community. I shall return soon.

Hey Walrusvylon! Totally missed your post due to all of La Navasse's rambling, so fortunately Revall did a favor and quoted it. We definitely miss you, and hope you're having a great time RPing! Looking forward to seeing you back with us, maybe we'll even finally get some RP's off of the ground in TGW with your help!

[Ever-Wandering Souls]

I meh about the report. You rubbed jumping four and a half minutes early in surprisingly little, and some of other events were yet again unclear to the reader insofar as what exactly occurred.