FLAGS 3: Everything Thread (Anaia)

[Anaia Region]

Welcome to the Third Festival of Local Anaian Games & Sports!

Hello and welcome to the everything thread for the third fantastic edition of the Festival of Local Anaian Games and Sports, an olympics for the type of people that would feel right at home taking part in every single event at a country fair, from pig wrestling to the hot dog eating competition.

Approximately three OOC and various IC years ago (a statement that is even more various since the invention of Rosmarian Time), Anaia was born through a variety of bizarre and equally valid events that culminated in the Declaration of Foxchester. To celebrate the fact that that has happened and hasn't shown any signs of slowing down just yet, nations from across the Anaia region will be sending their most clever, most creative, most classy, and most confident citizens to compete in a unique gauntlet of sports, games, and cultural curiosities.

In order to get a piece of the action, simply be in the Anaia region, and sign up below with your nation’s name and three (3) brave competitors, with perhaps a short bio on each of them to get the creative juices flowing. These competitors will compete in all of the events that this edition of the FLAGS has to offer, and will showcase their ability to be jacks-of-all trades and compete for the chance to win the coveted ANAIAN UNITY CROWN, a crown that some people in the more backwards parts of the region are convinced has magical powers. Last time around, the crown went to Cobrio, after a strong performance from the Cobre delegation. We hope they're looking after the crown well, and hopefully haven't made it the centrepiece of a cultural ritual, as several other nations will be looking to win the crown for themselves this time around.

FLAGS events and their details will be submitted by users, alongside details of how exactly to scorinate them (be as precise as possible please, or better yet, provide software!), but will be scorinated by an as yet to be determined FLAGS Council (of keen volunteers). They will be responsible for collapsing all of the entries down into a smaller number of scorination windows, and ensuring that events are scorinated on time. To register your interest to be on the council, please send a telegram to Mertagne, who is co-ordinating efforts this time around.

Signups for events will be open for two weeks after this post has been made, and sign ups for competitors may remain open for additional time after that. A schedule will be made available in this OP once it has been finalised.

Best of luck in the games, feats, and challenges to come. Let's continue to see the best of what Anaia has to offer!

Signups:
Audioslavia
Ko-oren
Osarius
Cobrio
The Plough Islands
Legalese

Events:
Coo Runnings by Audioslavia
Ko-orienteering by Ko-oren
Neorudo-Dannin Balloon Race by Mertagne
The Anaian Pentathlon by Osarius
Inshore Yacht Racing by The Plough Islands
Axe and Shovel Throwing by Legalese

[Audioslavia]

Event:
Coo Runnings

Izotzazubia has the highest average elevation of all major cities in the nation's mountainous Herradura region, a vast sierra of snowcapped mountains with high valleys housing a simply unrealistic amount of major cities.

The especially high altitude and surrounding peaks of Izotzazubia make for frigid weather in the winter, which often leads to cars refusing to start. Cue the infamous 'Zozi Roll', a ridiculous technique based on the belief that you can start your engine more easily if you just release the handbrake and let the car skid downhill across the icy cobbles while you frantically ker-choo-choo-choo the engine. It's a terrible idea that doesn't work, but try telling that to a local and you'll get an accusation of cultural insensitivity thrown at you in between the left jab and right uppercut. There's only one Zozian who might agree with you.

Txordan Bogdan used to call himself a simple farm-hand, which is exactly the sort of thing a simple farm-hand would never say and entirely the sort of thing a moderately successful cattle slaughterhouse magnate would call himself in order to present himself as 'one of you' during a future career in populist politics. One particularly frosty morning many moons ago - the sort of frosty morning that only serves to harden the mounds of yellow snow that have already been shovelled from a town's roads onto a town's stone walls - Txo Bogdan decided to Zozi Roll his car down the winding cobbled road into town in order to complete a number of errands. The plan had been to first take breakfast at the Shilton Hotel, home of an expensive restaurant that catered not only to rich people with terrible taste but also to longstanding yet surprisingly racist curly-haired goalkeepers, before heading to deliver a number of large bloodstained aprons to his Apron Cleaning Guy, and finally going to the locksmith to get a replacement key for his Bullgate. A Bullgate is exactly what you think it is. It's a gate that separates a number of angry bulls from the surrounding neighbourhood. Txordan had figured that his herd of bulls wouldn't know that the gate was unlocked, and that they could all just barge it open and sprint down the street as violently as possible whenever they felt like it. He figured the bulls, who had never tested the gate's integrity before, wouldn't try to test it this morning. And especially not while he was trying to start his car.

He was gloriously wrong.

The famed local douche continued frantically trying to start his increasingly battered car all the way down the winding hills, as it careened to and fro between the storey-high frozen snowdrifts and unforgiving stone walls of the winding hillside streets picking up speed all the while. Behind him, a herd of stampeding bulls chased him. It was like they knew. From time to time, an occasional fridge-sized head would bump his car into a spin, barely affecting its trajectory as the tyres entirely failed to find purchase on the frozen cobbled streets, serving only to make Txo lose his lunch. All he could do was saw uselessly at his steering wheel and pray the car stayed straight and avoided anything that might stop it, as the furious stampede hurtled (or 'furious herd stampeded', you can have it both ways) downhill behind him. With his speed maintained by the various snowdrifts, the sound of thundering hooves began to quieten, which Txo assumed must have been because he was getting away from the bulls.

Wreung.

As we've said. Txo was a cattle farmer. Cattle farming involves aprons and blood and, in this case, bloodied aprons. Bloodied aprons that had frozen solid in the sheer cold. Frozen bloodied aprons that were now falling out of the open boot and hitting the ground like tea-trays, sliding downhill after Txo. Soon enough, the Bulls realised that it was easier, faster and less tiring to simply jump onto one and surf their way down, gaining on the bad man in his big car all the while. It wasn't long before they were starting to run into the back of Txo once again with some bulls even overtaking him.

Eyewitness accounts tell of one bull doing a kick-flip. This is disputed.

Finally, the aprons, bulls, car and txo cascaded down into the town square. The herd, not necessarily preoccupied with murdering Txo any more, seemed placated by their morning luge. Txo's car hit a corner of a monument to a local communist, flipped onto its top and rocked gently in the morning breeze like an orca asking for a tummy-rub. A bruised and battered Txo lay helplessly on the ceiling of his car. He did not know it, but he had invented a sport.

Txobogdanning is a sport wherein competitors use either frozen-apron-like tea trays (these days with long skates on each side) or large car-like monocoques on skates to travel downhill at great speed. This is usually done through specially designed courses that look like a long tube with high, curved walls on the corners, but once a year this is done over the treacherous cobbled hills of Izotzazubia in the infamous Bull Luge, now known exclusively as Coo Runnings. The course is the very same navigated by Txo Bogdan all those years ago.

Each team will pilot a three-person 'Bob'. The 'bob' is not one of those sleek, immaculately designed aerodynamic carbon-fibre bobsleighs you might have seen in the olympics, but instead is basically this Morris Traveller but with its roof-rack on the bottom instead of the wheels. The three-person team will race together from Bogdan's Beef Byproducts Ltd at the top of the hill to the Red Monument in the old town square. All teams will push off from the start at exactly 7 o'clock in the morning. Twenty seconds later, a herd of angry bulls will be let loose behind you with the aim of upending your bob and/or angrily bunting you over a fence. The record for the journey from top to bottom is a speedy three minutes nineteen seconds, but don't worry about all that. Sure, you get a gold for finishing first, silver for second etcetera, but just surviving Coo Runnings is cause for celebration. And lots of rum.

Scorinator: =if(rand(*2)>1,1,0). If '1', a random time is given between 4 and 8 minutes.

---

Audioslavia's Competitors:
Papegaaiduiker - An Audioslavian of Daineri descent, Papegaaiduiker is fourth in line for the throne of Audioslavia. What is the throne of Audioslavia? Stay tuned and you might find out. It basically means Papegaaiduiker has a heap of military training, a small emergency stash of clothes in Koroa City and is never separated from his phone.
Diane Ewell - Campaigner for Two-Years-Per-Cycle in the recent referendum. Diane has no sporting ability but claims to be able to tell a liar from 20 paces (she can't) and lists as her special talent the ability to identify the origin of a red wine by how it smells when mixed with carpet-cleaner and sofa.
Jeremy Jaffacake - By popular demand. With emphasis on the word 'demand'. Will find ingenus ways to cheat that are so clever that they don't work.

[Ko-oren]

Look, we really wanted to come up with another weird reason to traverse the Ko-orenite archipelago. Last time we had an excuse to send you on a trail to find the Anaian Crown, but that's been found and has been shipped off to another country, and to be frank, we're all out of ideas. So, in another display of rare nationalistic pride - mostly directed at the land itself rather than what the people living on it have done to it in ensuing millennia - we're sending you on another route through the wilderness.

Ko-orienteering

This time around, we're doing a little bit of everything. We have two trails for you, and at the end we're adding together each athlete's times for a final overall score. Yes, the first stage (being nearly twice as long) is way more important for the final score.

For each stage, athletes are given a map, a compass, and an electronic waypoint recording device.

Stage 1: The Great Outdoors
This stage will take approximately 90 minutes to complete - unless you get horribly lost, or lucky - where contestants will get a map with a number of waypoints which must be visited in order. The hilly forests west of Edihlbahl are the prime location for this - watch out for the uneven terrain and hundreds of streams and brooks. At least it's rarely too warm or too cold to function - if it's not raining, we think this'll be a nice day out for all.

Stage 2: The City
This stage will take approximately 50 minutes to complete, and in this one contestants are given a map with waypoints and they're all responsible of plotting out their preferred way of hitting each waypoint en route to the finish line. The order doesn't matter, which is liberating to some and choice overload for others. This one takes place in Amahne's entertainment district: wide boulevards, theatres and (TV) studios - it may all feel a little corporate here and there but we swear it's culturally relevant.

---

Competitors
Nitsei Tseimuzen (m, 42), Ko-oren's youngest member of parliament. Comes from Arakurathi, on Sohlatal, one of the eastern islands, and represents the Regional Party, who fight for opportunities, plenty of employment options, etcetera, in the periphery - Sohlatal definitely counts as that. Tseimuzen has rolled into parliament straight out of a 'career' of student bodies, various local committees, and applied to multiple political parties before the Regionals accepted him on the ballot. Nobody's quite sure what his personal platform is.

Lakhuk Ardehnira (m, 20), a promising university athlete, excelling in the discipline of whatever activity is happening on campus that week. Ultimate frisbee, snowball fights, anything to avoid actual studying. We asked him what his major was and he seemed as surprised as we were.

Maxie Ulhahlhohdhen (f, 26), mathlete, military nerd (and very happy Ko-oren has a navy now), and here for digital clout. Plans to livestream every event. Has definitely leaked military info on the War Thunder forums before.

[Mertagne]

MERTAGNE AT THE FLAGS 3
CONTESTANTS

Mertagne is back for the FLAGS, as three intrepid and brave citizens have, through one way or another (it's through winning a game show, it's a useful prize that doesn't involve handing over any real cash), found themselves representing the nation on the regional stage in an attempt to go after the coveted Anaian Unity Crown.

Ruth POSONBY
Nickname: "Ruthless" Ruth ⚑ Profession: Comedian ⚑ Hometown: Blackave, Harrdian ⚑ Traits: Fiery, Crass, Nimble
Ruth earned her FLAGS place by winning an episode of popular comedy panel game show, Outfox the Foreman!

Nick LANNHAM
Nickname: "Labyrinth" Lannham ⚑ Profession: Chef ⚑ Hometown: Vandein, Sparth ⚑ Traits: Untidy, Energizing, Tall
Nick won his FLAGS place by winning this year's series of obstacle course challenge game show Galahad’s Crash Course!

Shaad CHAUDRY
Nickname: The Sultan of Swag ⚑ Profession: Graphic Designer ⚑ Hometown: Keers, Plitterland ⚑ Traits: Patient, Wise, Strong
Shaad earned his FLAGS place by winning the latest series of quiz show HighQ!

---

EVENT
Neorudo-Dannin Balloon Race

Mertagne's annual Neorduo-Dannin Balloon Race, typically held in the late summer, will see additional contestants this year - the competitors of the FLAGS. This event, which takes place over several stages, will see competitors take place in their teams of three in the first stage of the racing competition, which sets off from Neorudo and takes the competitors to Kurtz. Entrants will be accompanied by an experienced balloonist to help them pilot the hot-air balloon. In order to drive social engagement with the FLAGS this year, each balloon will be fitted with a small engine and propeller, the usage of which can only be granted by fans, who can vote for their favourite balloon to receive a speed boost at opportune times. It is expected that the competitors will livestream or otherwise broadcast their event from the balloons, which are fitted with satellite internet transceivers courtesy of service provider retiarii. Each balloon will have a design that will be randomly determined by the local Neorudo creatives and corporate sponsors.

How to scorinate: xkoranate, Men's marathon. A hot-air balloon goes at a maximum of about 15kph and Neorudo is about 35km away from Kurtz as the crow bird flies. Those that DNF are guided safely to the ground at the advice of the experienced balloonist.

[Osarius]

I won't be around to take part (as either Osarius or Cobrio) ... butI do have an event for you all: The Anaian Pentathlon

Underwater Basket Weaving, Crossbar Challenge, Fox Petting, Backwards 100 metre Sprint, and Dice Rolling.

The linked document also contains a link to a zip folder containing the XML sport files for xkoranate. Should output points as part of the results for each event too.

EDIT: change of plans. have an entry.

Toussaint "Touey" Lupin returns yet again. Everyone's favourite distinctly mediocre, self-aware, ultra-privileged rich kid has once again volunteered himself. Turns out there are a couple of things Touey is actually good at, though. He's a remarkably popular DJ, for example -- you'll remember I told you he's the flaming skull guy, right? shhhh! that's still a "secret" -- but also, Touey is just a pretty damn good leader. His skill is in connecting with people, and given the nature of the Festival, he just feels like this is where he belongs.

Phoenixperson, Osarius' "pre-eminent superhero" also returns! So, quick catch-up. Turns out, Phoenixperson and Touey have actually become pretty good friends. It's a long story, but the quick explanation is flames. Flaming skull, flaming bird, common ground, yadda yadda yadda. Phoenixperson takes their knowledge of Touey's secret alter ego very seriously, but is prone to making comments that do more than hint at things. Like yesterday, when they noted Touey was tired, and remarked that it was "probably because [he] was protecting the world from musical crimes all night again". Yeahhhh Phoenixperson is still very strange. Touey insists there's more to them than meets the eye, though.

Valentina Martoni rounds out the team. She's a languages tutor from Firewood, by trade and "can neck a yard of ale in seven seconds". We did not ask for proof of this. Valentina's place in the Osarian delegation came via random selection from eligible and willing citizens, and she's quite openly stated her excitement at visiting Koroa City. "I heard you can do anything there," she said. Frustratingly for Touey, he and Valentina know each other from their university days, and uh... they're not exactly on great terms. Or as Valentina puts it "Touey is a rich prick". Feels harsh, but who are we to judge?

[Cobrio]

No event from the Cobre delegation this time but have some entrants:

Odell McIntosh-Ekezie is a name you might recognise if you're a football fan... He uh... He used to manage the Osarian national team. He didn't have a double-barrelled name back then, though. He was also born in Osarius. And has an Osarian passport. So why is he representing Cobrio? Well... He moved to Odikolo, into his Aunt's house (side note: his aunt entered as one of the Cobre delegates last time around; you remember her, the wizened old lady who seemed remarkably athletically capable? Yeahhh... Odell's great-aunt). After a period of soul-searching, Odell moved back to his mother's home country, acquired Cobre citizenship (via blood right), and has been embarking on training to become a full-fledged djeli -- which he believes to be his birthright. Apparently, learning about the various cultures of Anaia during the FLAGS is going to help him achieve that aim.

Ziyanda Okafor is a talented chef, with her own TV show. "Auntie Zizi" as she is affectionately known, has dedicated much of her fifty-four years of life to studying the various plants of not only Cobrio, but every nation she has been able to travel to, in her quest to understand culture through food. Her husband, Emeka, suggested she put herself forward for the FLAGS as a way to gain exposure to many cultures at once. He did not, however, explain that many of the events would require her to undertake athletic activity. Something she is very much neither fond of, nor suited to.

Emeka Okafor is Ziyanda's husband. He was nominated by the public vote after the "nibblings" (the name Ziyanda's fans give themselves) campaigned for him. He felt honoured by their support, completely oblivious to the fact it was meant as a punishment for taking Auntie away from them for a while, and putting her through what is likely to be a difficult ordeal. It should be noted that despite Emeka once being a fairly talented amateur boxer in his youth, he is now even less suited to athletic activity than his wife. Decades of eating Ziyanda's cooking will do that to a man, eh?

[The Plough Islands]

COMPETITORS of the PLOUGH ISLANDS

The broad-strokes stereotype of the Commonwealth of the Plough Islands is one of a forgotten backwater; a naïve, paranoid, sheltered existence on mistbound rocks in the Celestial Ocean; of pine trees, propaganda, porridge, potatoes, and pale people in dark sweaters; of the misbegotten results of stranding eighteenth century settlers on a deserted island with nothing save for the Communist Manifesto and a complete back catalogue of the Wisden Cricketer's Almanack. These are not without some basis in reality; the autarky, cricket obsession, endless mists, evergreen forests broken up by oat and wheat fields, and elaborately detailed knitted sweaters are all real, as is the deep rooted and genuine affection for the Party of Socialists of the Plough Islands that has led the country as a Marxist-Leninist one-party state since independence from Britain in 1960.
However, as the third annual Festival of Anaian Games and Sports rolls around, there are always hints that there is more going on behind gentle, unassuming eyes and cashmere scarves than might be initially apparent. There has always been a paradox in a country that normally keeps a firm physical and mental distance from the wider multiverse being one of the most fervent supporters of the Anaian project, but the hundred and forty thousand people of the islands wear their isolationism lightly; for them, the lack of cultural exchange is a matter of geography, rather than politics - flights into Echodale Interdimensional Airport often take several days even in good weather - and the Anaian flag serves them best as a reliable and consistent way of determining actual and potential foe from trusted acquaintance, if not quite friend.
Cde Eugene Levenko, of the Ministry of Defence & Foreign Affairs in Sutton, who coordinated the entries for the country in previous years, has been posted abroad as the new People's Ambassador to the Federal Kingdom of Krytenia, and so overall responsibility for the Plough Islander mission has passed (over some initial protestations, when it was pointed out that the answer to "do I really look like an expert in organising delegations to multilateral events?" was "yes, you are, and you won a gold medal for dancing last year") to perennial competitor Lóreithel - the most loyal elven citizen of the Plough Islands, and also, by way of default, the least loyal elven citizen of the Plough Islands.
Once again, Lóreithel has selected two of his students as the other two competitors; last year, graphic designer Cassandra Farmer won third place in the Cobre "Panna K.O." competition, and went on to win both regional and academic championships in ice hockey, but despite her best efforts, classical clarinetist Heather Tremayne's main contributions were to come sixth from last in the Audioslavian "Coo Runnings" event, and spend most of the yacht race being violently seasick. This year, the music professor has chosen former Young Foxes batter Jeremy Weaver - the younger brother of Plough Islands cricketers Andrew and Shauna - and music student and "percussionist Flora Merchant; "percussion" in her case partially referring to solo works on tuned instruments with complex notation, but mostly to drumming in a succession of angry, fast, and spiky bands on evenings and weekends in Lainemouth.
Below can be found more biographical information on the Plough Islander entrants; this is presented partially in the form of names and vital statistics, and partially in the form of questions stolen from the venerable British institution of Smash Hits magazine. Please feel free to reach out if you need any more information!

Lóreithel ☭ not known ☭ Professor of Music, University of the Plough Islands
Where is your favourite place in the world? "I regret to say, not the Plough Islands. Although Lainemouth is where I would rather be than anywhere else at the moment."
Can you tell us a secret? "...no? Surely, if I were to tell you, it would hardly be much of a secret any more?"
Which animal would you most like to be? "Honestly, something unremarkable, like a tabby cat. Although, on reflection, people do bother cats a lot...maybe a seagull or an albatross?"
Have you ever wished you were two metres tall? [long pause] "...not at the moment. But, yes."
What have you got in your pockets? "Not much. My card from the University, seven shillings...eight shillings, and a book of matches."

Jeremy Kevin Castro Weaver ☭ 26 December 2005, Sutton ☭ Second-year biology student, University of the Plough Islands
Who were your heroes when you were growing up? "I was the youngest brother, so it was Shauna and Andrew by default, and they are brilliant cricketers who make what they do look so, so easy that I tried very hard to emulate that for a long time. It took me a difficult tour to the Sarian and Sylestone with the Young Foxes to convince me my future lay elsewhere."
Do you believe in spontaneous combustion? "I mean, there has to be an explanation for it, and I suspect it never is spontaneous - there is no scientific explanation for it happening entirely by itself, and people are good at seeing things and constructing a narrative after the fact. That might be boring but it is sadly true."
Were you ever in a school play? "Yes! I was Cicero in Julius Caesar in higher school, which essentially meant wearing a stringy fake beard and appearing partway through an act to dispense some sort of wisdom. In one rehearsal, I had an argument with the girl playing the wife of Brutus and she stole my beard. I honestly suspect nobody noticed."
How many hours' sleep do you need? "I can normally get by on four or five, and I used to on cricket tours, because there is so much to think about and talk about, and I was always a bit obsessive about trying to make the standard. You definitely feel the difference between four hours and eight or nine though."
What makes you jealous? "It..." [long pause] "It used to be that anything my siblings did, or said, I was mentally comparing that to how I would react and being harsh on myself for not doing it, quote, 'as good' as they did. It was a very angry and one-sided emotion, and am trying to be better at that now - with the emphasis on trying."

Flora Merchant ☭ 16 May 2005, Silverdale ☭ Third year music student, University of the Plough Islands
Were you ever beaten up at school? [laughs] "That depends on who you ask! I was picked on a lot when I was little but by higher school I found myself caring less. In fact, I was probably the one beating people some of the time - I ended up growing a little bit of an attitude!"
How often do you wash your hair? "Four or five times a week, normally. I have to spend what must be an hour every time doing my braid back up, otherwise it would be every day."
When was the last time you mended something? "Last week! Nobody tells you when you become a drummer just how much maintenance is required for everything...this time, one of the cymbal stands on my kit kept loosening and falling down, I had been tolerating it for weeks but I ran out of patience eventually. So I 'borrowed' the clip from a sheet music stand and it stays upright now!"
Do you go to pieces when you fall in love? [sigh] "Yes, unfortunately. I catch feelings really easily with people and it upsets my judgment really badly. I am single now, though, and trying to be a little more careful with people and trust my instincts more."
What colour is January? "Hmm...the colour the sky is when it goes dark early, and the moon is out, but the mist is so thick you cannot see it. It sort of averages out as a purple grey? Purple feels about right for January, it is definitely in the twilight of the year."

EVENTS of the PLOUGH ISLANDS

The Plough Islands have historically - at least, for the last two years of history - put on a yacht race as their event in the Festival, celebrating the tradition in the country of recreational sailing and the islands' long relationship with the sea. For the previous two Festivals, three-person crews have handled six-metre boats provided by the People's Sutton Yachting Association (known before 1976 as the Royal Plough Islands Yacht Club), over just enough distance that skill rather than luck is the primary determinant of results, but not so great a length that the Plough Islands Naval Force, playing the role of coastguard, are stretched beyond their limit in handling capsizes and casualties.
The 2022 race saw teams cross the eight kilometre strait between Avalon Island and the capital city of Sutton; the event, though, was marred by the exclusion of several competitors due to the Plough Islands' refusal to grant entry to travellers whose travel history contained nations deemed to be hostile, predominantly those associated with the now-former entity of Atlantean Oceania. Consequently, in 2023 the race shifted to a circumnavigation of the island city-state of Koroa City, a longer course but one with fewer restrictions on entry and, thanks to the proximity of the Plough Islands Consular Athletic Club to the edge of the ocean, one that the PSYA were still capable of monitoring effectively.
Partially for those reasons, the 2024 edition of the race will be held over the same course; attempts at finding new locations in Anaia to host the race have been scuppered by rising political tensions outside the Celestial Ocean. "There is really a surprising amount of danger in the waters of Anaia," explained Commodore Iain Malamud of the Plough Islands Naval Force, "be that biological, climactic, geopolitical, or otherwise. And, certainly from a resource perspective, it makes an awful lot of sense to repeat the same race, which was a highly successful race, that we ran in 2023." Like with last year, the start and finish point will be a temporary control tower erected by the PSYA on the boundary of the Consular Athletic Club, with teams racing through relatively calm inshore waters of a still indeterminate length. "We keep losing the tape measure whenever we try and mark it out." admits Cdre Malamud.
Scores will be generated using the "Fleet race" file, under "Sailing", of xkoranate v.0.3.3; boats will be allocated randomly to teams prior to the race start, with not all of them necessarily being equal, some of them being veterans of decades of racing while others will be brand new for this event. The long range weather forecast for Koroa City is a good one, with sunny days and plenty of breeze to fill the sails predicted, and hopefully all involved will enjoy the experience and celebrate another year of happiness and progress within the region of Anaia.

[Legalese]

Event: Axe and Shovel Throwing

Throwing things for accuracy is a long-known activity, for sure. In the past few years, though, a specific sort of throwing has caught on in popularity: Axe and Shovel throwing. Competitors will, over the course of two days, throw three different types of sharpened objects at a wooden target:

Hatchet: A small axe weighting between 1.5 - 2.5 lbs., with a wooden handle measuring between 13 and 19 inches, and an axe head with a blade between 3-4 inches.
Felling Axe: A larger axe, weighting between 2.5 - 3.5 lbs, with a wooden handle measuring between 25 and 32 inches; the axe head with a blade measuring between 3.5 - 4.5 inches.
Shovel: A smaller implement than you might think, given it’s designed for easy carrying on one’s person; a shovel approved for competition weighs between 1.75 - 2.25 lbs, is 17-22 inches long, and has a broad head with a rounded point. Three of the five edges of the shovel can be sharpened -- the front two (which converge at the point), as well as a side edge of the thrower’s choice.

The competition will consist of two parts: Qualifying and Playoffs
Qualifying: Each thrower will line up at a wooden target. For their first four throws, they’ll attempt to hit the bullseye, worth five points; failing that, they can hit the inner ring (a circle around the bullseye) for three points, or the outer ring (the area around the inner ring) for one point. On the fifth throw, the thrower will attempt a Seven, by aiming at one of two small circles above and to the left and right of the outer ring; if the thrower hits the small square inside the center of the circle, they earn seven points; hitting anywhere else in the circle is worth five. After completing five throws, the thrower will move to a different target and throw another round of five throws. After four rounds using their hatchet, the thrower will continue throwing with their felling axe for two rounds, with the same rules applying. The thrower then closes with two final rounds, using their shovel as the throwing implement. Each round can score up to 27 points, with a perfect score for all eight rounds at 216.

Throwers will be ranked by total score. If there’s a tie for position, the tie will be sorted by the score from just the felling axe and shovel rounds; if that’s also a tie, then the shovel rounds will be used to break that tie. The top 32 throwers will advance to the playoffs.

Playoffs: The playoffs are a double-elimination affair. Each match will pit two throwers against each other in a best-of-five round competition. Each round will start with hatchets; throwers will throw five throws against their target. Unlike in qualifying, the fifth throw may be either aimed for the bullseye or the Seven circle; a thrower just has to say which before throwing. If a round ends in a tie, the throwers will switch to a felling axe (in rounds 1-4), and alternate throws on a single target. The first throw will be at the bullseye; if both hit the bullseye, the next throw will be at the Seven. The round ends after one thrower takes a lead (on the same number of throws). If a match goes to the fifth round and that ends in a tie, the tiebreaker will continue the same, with one tweak: throwers will use shovels instead.

How to score this: Using the Throwinator. Hatchet Qualifying and Playoff Rounds are scored by =round((rand()^0.35)*27); Felling Axe Qualifying Rounds are scored by =round((rand()^0.5)*27); and Shovel Qualifying Rounds are scored by =round((rand()^0.5)*27). For each round, any impossible scoring combinations (22,24, and 26) are increased by one (to 23,25, and 27, respectively). If a Hatchet Playoff Round is tied, an additional =rand() will be used to pick the round winner (players will have freedom to RP how the Tiebreaker went).


Legalese’s Competitors:
Colter Connelly, Kelly Grossweiler, and Ronan Mullins -- all appox. 35, Colter and Ronan identify as male, Kelly as female. The “Tree-o”, as they like to call themselves, served nearly two decades prior as forest service staff, camping in the Gavelton Forests to inspect trees, clear fire hazards, and appreciate the outdoors. Grossweiler stuck with it, and is now a Ranger assigned to the Gavelton Forests. Ronan returned to his childhood home of Stratstock, where he is an artist, and Colter, originally from Gluvir, a rural community in Plains County, now lives in Kirkwood, where he serves in a logistics and analysis role for the Government. They are, collectively, the founders of ASHOT -- the governing organization in Legalese for Axe and Shovel Throwing -- and sanction leagues and throwing houses that have popped up around the nation. How did they form it? That’s a story for another post.

[Anaia Region]

Signups updated to Legalese.

With Anaia Day approaching this week, it would be lovely to get this event kicked off sooner rather than later. As such, an event and signup deadline is being put in place - this will be Sunday 19th May 2024 at 19:00 UTC. Please get your signups for competitors and events in by this deadline.