by Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:07 pm
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".
Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.
by Nationstatelandsville » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:15 pm
Nightkill the Emperor wrote:The plane descended slowly in the City of Sin's airport.
In this plane were some passengers. These passengers had severely fucked up the city of San Francisco, by starting vampiric wars, creating owl armies, convincing a dragon to commit suicide, and having Vernon, a creature banned in some countries. As the plane descended in Vegas, a man looking suspiciously like Nicholas Cage walked out to greet the passengers.
"So you fucked up San Francisco." was Carry's greeting as the group walked out of the plane toward him. "How nice." the vampire said. "Seems like a typical G story." the vampire pulled out a cigar, lit it, and placed it in his mouth. "Now, did you bring my fucking Viper?" he addressed them. "I assume so, since otherwise you wouldn't be allowed here. G would have kept you in San Francisco."
by Norvenia » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:20 pm
by New East Ireland » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:26 pm
by Metanih » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:35 pm
by Zarkenis Ultima » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:51 pm
by Ameriganastan » Sun Nov 27, 2011 7:56 pm
Edward Richtofen wrote:Ameri's so tough that he criticized an Insane Asylum and was promptly let out
Sinovet wrote:Ameri's like Honey badger. He don't give a fuck.
Krazakistan wrote: He is a force of negativity for the sake of negativity
Onocarcass wrote:Trying to change Ameri, is like trying to drag a 2 ton block of lead with your d**k.
Immoren wrote:When Ameri says something is shit it's good and when Ameri says some thing is good it's great. *nods*
by Al-Harakut al-Islami » Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:44 pm
Metanih wrote:Damn plane ride. Nobody to eat, except the pilot, and the co-pilot was too incompetent to leave alone. The main pilot seemed to have some pedo-gay thing going for the co-pilot kid, so he wasn't an option, and there is that fucking priest. Worst. Plane Ride. EVER! The beast ranted, but Hailey was used to it. He had been ranting for hours, ever since boarding. She had fed on a couple humans, leaving them alive and slightly pale, before leaving, and by a couple, Hailey meant somewhere around six.
It didn't satisfy the beast though, and Hailey was in a horrible mood because of it. "Gabe, just give him the fucking Viper." She said in a subtly angry tone.
Nationstatelandsville wrote:
Can you imagine how awkward that would be?
"Mom, Dad... I'm an owl."
"Wha... what?!"
"I know, I know. I..."
"Can you stop being an owl?"
"Mom, it's not a choice."
"NO SON OF MINE CAN BE AN OWL!"
"Dad! It's not even physically possible! Christ, how can you be racist against something you didn't know existed until 5 seconds ago?!"
"Do you have an owlfriend?"
"Yes Mom. His name is Damien."
by Hardened Pyrokinetics » Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:52 pm
Pope Joan wrote:I had a client who stole the magnetic flashing light from the top of a police car.
It was parked in front of his house because they were asking his parents about his theft of 100 pounds of copper wire from the high school.
Galloism wrote:I bet it takes a lot of weed to get stoned to death.
New Manvir wrote:Canada: We have flying bears.
greed and death wrote:It is a sad day when we criticize the President for honoring a solider who gave everything for his nation.
by Metanih » Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:56 pm
by Ameriganastan » Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:29 pm
Hardened Pyrokinetics wrote:Then suddenly, from behind the group in Carry's home, came the sound of three guns cocking. There stood a very drunk and disheveled-looking Mark, and beside him those two PMC dudes from earlier that everyone forgot about. They had their primary weapons out and aimed at the group. "Weapons on the floor. Now." Mark slurred out. "Nice & easy. Any unauthorized movement, and I ventilate all of you."
Edward Richtofen wrote:Ameri's so tough that he criticized an Insane Asylum and was promptly let out
Sinovet wrote:Ameri's like Honey badger. He don't give a fuck.
Krazakistan wrote: He is a force of negativity for the sake of negativity
Onocarcass wrote:Trying to change Ameri, is like trying to drag a 2 ton block of lead with your d**k.
Immoren wrote:When Ameri says something is shit it's good and when Ameri says some thing is good it's great. *nods*
by Nationstatelandsville » Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:10 am
Hardened Pyrokinetics wrote:Then suddenly, from behind the group in Carry's home, came the sound of three guns cocking. There stood a very drunk and disheveled-looking Mark, and beside him those two PMC dudes from earlier that everyone forgot about. They had their primary weapons out and aimed at the group. "Weapons on the floor. Now." Mark slurred out. "Nice & easy. Any unauthorized movement, and I ventilate all of you."
by Astrolinium » Mon Nov 28, 2011 1:50 pm
by Rupudska » Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:05 pm
Hladgos wrote:Scantly clad women, more like tanks
seem to be blowing up everyones banks
with airstrikes from girls with wings to their knees
which show a bit more than just their panties
by Nightkill the Emperor » Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:39 pm
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".
Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.
by New East Ireland » Mon Nov 28, 2011 3:35 pm
by Nationstatelandsville » Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:19 pm
by Astrolinium » Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:40 pm
by Nationstatelandsville » Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:48 pm
Astrolinium wrote:'Oh, lovely,' thought Peter. 'A cop. Let's see, which story shall I use? Oh, I think Alexander will do nicely.' He smiled weakly, and said, "I tried, but, well... napkins weren't very effective, and I can't remember the way to the hotel my mom and I are staying at so I can get a fresh change of clothes. And the name isn't Vomity. I'm Alexander Dauphin." He hadn't used the Alexander Dauphin story in a while, and certainly not in a city like Vegas. 'Ooh, this could be fun,' he thought. There were oodles of details involving casinos and showgirls he could add to the tale to keep it fresh. He'd play the inspector like a first violin, he figured. He'd go through with the usual routine - get the man's trust, kill him at a meal, rob him (maybe get a change of clothes, too. He hadn't had new clothes since March, and these ones stunk even without the vomit), and then use the money to move on to another city. Someday, he'd have enough, and then he could pay his way back to his family. That was important. He had to pay his own way back. The voice had said so. His eyes twinkled as he thought of getting one step closer to home.
by Astrolinium » Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:02 pm
Nationstatelandsville wrote:Astrolinium wrote:'Oh, lovely,' thought Peter. 'A cop. Let's see, which story shall I use? Oh, I think Alexander will do nicely.' He smiled weakly, and said, "I tried, but, well... napkins weren't very effective, and I can't remember the way to the hotel my mom and I are staying at so I can get a fresh change of clothes. And the name isn't Vomity. I'm Alexander Dauphin." He hadn't used the Alexander Dauphin story in a while, and certainly not in a city like Vegas. 'Ooh, this could be fun,' he thought. There were oodles of details involving casinos and showgirls he could add to the tale to keep it fresh. He'd play the inspector like a first violin, he figured. He'd go through with the usual routine - get the man's trust, kill him at a meal, rob him (maybe get a change of clothes, too. He hadn't had new clothes since March, and these ones stunk even without the vomit), and then use the money to move on to another city. Someday, he'd have enough, and then he could pay his way back to his family. That was important. He had to pay his own way back. The voice had said so. His eyes twinkled as he thought of getting one step closer to home.
Vernon eyed this child suspiciously. He'd obviously been living on his own for quite a bit, he was disheveled, covered in vomit, and willfully eating at an airport A&W after all. No one would ever look like that if they could avoid, unless he was some kind of neo-hipster. But no one, not even neo-hipster teenage douchebags, would ever, ever, ever eat an A&W if it could be helped, let alone one in a crowded airport. He obviously wasn't flying, which brought Vernon back to his attention-seeking neo-hipster theory, but he lacked a mustache, so that disqualified him from neo-hipsterdom. No, he was obviously a homeless child. A poor lad. A liar.
"Well then 'Alexander'," Vernon said, "why don't we come out and tell our respective truths, eh? I'll tell you who I am if you tell me who you are. Don't even try lying to me, Vomity."
by Nationstatelandsville » Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:17 pm
Astrolinium wrote:Nationstatelandsville wrote:
Vernon eyed this child suspiciously. He'd obviously been living on his own for quite a bit, he was disheveled, covered in vomit, and willfully eating at an airport A&W after all. No one would ever look like that if they could avoid, unless he was some kind of neo-hipster. But no one, not even neo-hipster teenage douchebags, would ever, ever, ever eat an A&W if it could be helped, let alone one in a crowded airport. He obviously wasn't flying, which brought Vernon back to his attention-seeking neo-hipster theory, but he lacked a mustache, so that disqualified him from neo-hipsterdom. No, he was obviously a homeless child. A poor lad. A liar.
"Well then 'Alexander'," Vernon said, "why don't we come out and tell our respective truths, eh? I'll tell you who I am if you tell me who you are. Don't even try lying to me, Vomity."
So he'd seen through Alexander. That was simple. He'd switch it up to another of his identities. But not right away - oh, no, he'd learned where that mistake led when he was in St. Louis. He sighed, and squared his jaw defiantly. Then again, in Kansas City, he'd been able to pull off a save. Maybe he could do it again here. "I am Alexander Dauphin. Here, do you want proof?" He stood up, and dug around in his back pocket, producing a beat up wallet. From inside, he pulled a cracked, plastic YMCA membership card, complete with a blurry green photo of him from when he'd been in Omaha in February. It clearly marked him as Alexander Dauphin. And as far as the YMCA in Omaha knew, that's who he was. "See? I'm Alexander Dauphin, from Omaha, Nebraska. My mom and I are on vacation here, we're staying in a Motel 6, except I can't remember which one."
He paused and cocked his head slightly. He picked out something very interesting in what 'Inspector Durwood' had said, which might very well mean a change of plans. "Which brings us to you, Inspector Dirtwood, if that's your real name."
by Astrolinium » Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:41 pm
Nationstatelandsville wrote:Astrolinium wrote:
So he'd seen through Alexander. That was simple. He'd switch it up to another of his identities. But not right away - oh, no, he'd learned where that mistake led when he was in St. Louis. He sighed, and squared his jaw defiantly. Then again, in Kansas City, he'd been able to pull off a save. Maybe he could do it again here. "I am Alexander Dauphin. Here, do you want proof?" He stood up, and dug around in his back pocket, producing a beat up wallet. From inside, he pulled a cracked, plastic YMCA membership card, complete with a blurry green photo of him from when he'd been in Omaha in February. It clearly marked him as Alexander Dauphin. And as far as the YMCA in Omaha knew, that's who he was. "See? I'm Alexander Dauphin, from Omaha, Nebraska. My mom and I are on vacation here, we're staying in a Motel 6, except I can't remember which one."
He paused and cocked his head slightly. He picked out something very interesting in what 'Inspector Durwood' had said, which might very well mean a change of plans. "Which brings us to you, Inspector Dirtwood, if that's your real name."
"Ha!" Vernon laughed, "You act as though no one's ever tried to fool me before. That YMCA card may be real, but Alexander Dauphin is certainly not. You think no one's ever produced 'identification' before? I've been a cop for forty five years and something much more important for about a week now. I know what I'm doing, mainly because I've done most of that myself. Now, listen here, I remain Inspector Durwood as long as you remain Alexander Dauphin or any other alias you may pull out of your ass. I want your real name, nothing more, just so I know what to address you as. I have feeling that you and I will be spending a lot of time together in the coming days. Christmas for you and I will be a very, very bad time."
Vernon decided to take a shot in the dark and try to hit a nerve of 'Alexander"'s. Something that would make him falter.
"Wouldn't you like to know where your mother is?" he asked.
by Esternial » Tue Nov 29, 2011 7:38 am
by Nationstatelandsville » Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:11 pm
Astrolinium wrote:Nationstatelandsville wrote:
"Ha!" Vernon laughed, "You act as though no one's ever tried to fool me before. That YMCA card may be real, but Alexander Dauphin is certainly not. You think no one's ever produced 'identification' before? I've been a cop for forty five years and something much more important for about a week now. I know what I'm doing, mainly because I've done most of that myself. Now, listen here, I remain Inspector Durwood as long as you remain Alexander Dauphin or any other alias you may pull out of your ass. I want your real name, nothing more, just so I know what to address you as. I have feeling that you and I will be spending a lot of time together in the coming days. Christmas for you and I will be a very, very bad time."
Vernon decided to take a shot in the dark and try to hit a nerve of 'Alexander"'s. Something that would make him falter.
"Wouldn't you like to know where your mother is?" he asked.
Under other circumstances, that might have sent a kid like Peter for a loop. No such luck. "I know exactly where she is," he said, and that was truth. She was currently living back in Astrolinium, a small island nation off the coast of Italy that Nightkill is free to bring up if the mods ever try and move this to F7. That's where she was, last he heard, and that's where he was trying to go back to. But he had to pay his own way back, and he only had one great skill set: killing and robbing people, and then pawning their stuff off.
A thought crossed his mind briefly, and he couldn't help but smile. 'Oh, hey,' he thought. 'I'm in Vegas. I could theoretically go to the shop from Pawn Stars after I do the job.' He quickly realized the smile had probably been a mistake. It would look too suspicious. So he decided to run his mouth some more. He said, "Alright, I'll admit I'm not Alexander Dauphin. But I'm not going to tell you my real name, because you won't believe the name I give you regardless of whether or not it's true."
by Astrolinium » Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:35 pm
Nationstatelandsville wrote:Astrolinium wrote:
Under other circumstances, that might have sent a kid like Peter for a loop. No such luck. "I know exactly where she is," he said, and that was truth. She was currently living back in Astrolinium, a small island nation off the coast of Italy that Nightkill is free to bring up if the mods ever try and move this to F7. That's where she was, last he heard, and that's where he was trying to go back to. But he had to pay his own way back, and he only had one great skill set: killing and robbing people, and then pawning their stuff off.
A thought crossed his mind briefly, and he couldn't help but smile. 'Oh, hey,' he thought. 'I'm in Vegas. I could theoretically go to the shop from Pawn Stars after I do the job.' He quickly realized the smile had probably been a mistake. It would look too suspicious. So he decided to run his mouth some more. He said, "Alright, I'll admit I'm not Alexander Dauphin. But I'm not going to tell you my real name, because you won't believe the name I give you regardless of whether or not it's true."
"Oh really?" Vernon laughed, the lights of bemusement eclipsing the moon of sorrow upon the reflecting pool for the first time since his plane had landed, "try me. I've seen a lot. Heard a lot... been a lot. Loads. Lots. Loads of lots. Lots of loads. That last one sounded a bit off, so ignore it. Lots of lots. Lots and lots and lots of lots. An eensy weensy, tiny little bit of a thing like a name shouldn't really surprise me anymore. Unless it's a name like Thaddeus or Courtney or Jo. Those names don't make any sense to me. What kind of sadist would name their kid one of those names?
...OH! THAT'S HER NAME! JO! Anyhow, I can call you Vomity if you please. Hop along, Vomity, we have friends to meet!"
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