911 what's your not emergency?

[Arzastan]

We just like you, you know?
911, I have to write an essay!

[Aiporhtse]

You have the wrong number. Contact ChatGPT.

911, I forgot to wear clothes to school today!!

[Mikustania]

Well, you can teach them anatomy then.

911, the birds are SCREAMING outside, SCREAMING!!

[Lehpuhrta]

*transfers call to local double-glazing company*

---

I'faith! I do find myself trapp'd within a Shakespearian play!

[Vive Salem]

Tell Shakespeare to invent a time machine.


911!I keep hearing this song everywhere!(it's What you won't do for love BTW)

[TG Oceanic Territory]

Cut off your ears.

911 my brother is now a birthday lemon

[The Dark Aether]

Uh how am I supposed to help

911 I AM LATE TO SCHOOL

[Matamorosia]

Send your location, we will send a military team to apprehend you.

Glory to Arstotska.

911…. Uh.. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

[The Boggest Place on Earth]

sir or ma'am, i'm gonna have to ask you to hold as i'm currently on my brunch break.

911, how do i dispose of the bodies?

[Hieggary]

Eat them. They taste pretty good!

*In a very casual tone* 911, I'm being brutally mangled by a rabid babboon.

[Matamorosia]

Sir, this is a Wendy’s, not the authorities.

911, Hello can I get an upcharge also my trash bin is on fire because the bodies I killed and burned.

[Vive Salem]

Don't call 911,call the swat.

911!I forgor.

[Aetherlina]

Skull Emoji

911, i rembr!

[Glorious Freedonia]

Hi Forgor, I 911 Dispatchee.

911, please help me! Habaneros do not have the same scoville heat units! Sometimes I eat one and the pain is pretty bad. Other times they are too mild. Oh what should I do? What should I do?

EDIT: I got the ninjad. I was responding to Vive's post.

[Roman Khilafa Al Cordoba]

It is too late to save you. You have fallen into the event horizon of madness.


999, my kettle has wires for limbs and is belly dancing!

[Bagong Timog Mindanao]

Call the paranormal experts for that one.

911, my TV keeps showing me capybara documentaries 24/7. Dont know what to do?

[Lehpuhrta]

Cancel your subscription to Capybabestation.

---

Dear Lord - our bullets have no effect!

[-Britain-]

Try filling the chambers of the gun with bullets.


911, I ordered a Big Mac, and Deliveroo have sent me the burger but no bun.

[Glorious Freedonia]

Try filling the chambers of the gun with bullets.


911, I ordered a Big Mac, and Deliveroo have sent me the burger but no bun.

I am not sure what you should do, but I am pretty sure that neither Sir Mix A Lot will not be interested in taking that burger from you.

911, I like Frank Zappa music, but my Mother does not approve.

[-Britain-]

Sorry, no white ambulances are available to send you to a padded cell where only you can hear Frank Zappa sing.

911, I have a fly in my apartment that I can't swat.

[Rhanukhan]

No problem - we'll send in a SWAT team immediately.

(Overkill - what's that?)

---

Help! My house is rapidly filling with expanding foam!

[Hieggary]

Face the foam! Go forth and conquer, my king!

911, do you know the muffin man?

[-Britain-]

Don't you know the bird? That's what I'm giving you.

911, I slept in and now I've missed my bus

[Glorious Freedonia]

Don't you know the bird? That's what I'm giving you.

911, I slept in and now I've missed my bus

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe the bus misses you too. You should let the bus know that you miss it. Maybe then the bus will let you know that it misses you too and you can deepen your friendship by acknowledging your feelings of sadness when you are apart.
and commit to being together more often.

911, the wind doth blow and it makes me feel so very cold.

[Adharcaili]

Well, Shakespeare, doth blow the damned wind yourself, and it will feel very cold.

911, I need a dochtúir!