NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Drachmaland]

The handing over of the original posts of this thread to Christian Democrats has the amusing consequence that posts made on April 30, 2009 are attributed to a nation founded on July 29, 2009.

*Drachmaland joins the toast for Christian Democrat's librarianship*

[Christian Democrats]

The handing over of the original posts of this thread to Christian Democrats has the amusing consequence that posts made on April 30, 2009 are attributed to a nation founded on July 29, 2009.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Yay!

The @@ANIMAL@@ Republic Shall Rise Again? [Omigodtheykilledkenny; ed. Gnejs]

The Issue

A coalition of civil rights activists and minority interest groups from all across Northern @@NAME@@ have renewed their calls for the regional government to stop displaying the flag of the now-defunct @@ANIMAL@@ Republic, a short-lived former breakaway nation known for its backward racial policies. The issue has divided the area for years, and with tensions running extra high, you have been asked to help settle the dispute once and for all.

The Debate

1. "It's unconscionable that politicians still defend flying such a repulsive racist symbol on government property!" declares Finlay Worship, a civil rights activist sporting colorful Tasmanian tribal attire - despite recent public revelations that she in fact has no Tasmanian ancestry whatsoever. "That flag has only ever been used to heighten racial divisions in this country; we must ban the display of the @@ANIMAL@@ Republic flag in any official capacity!"

2. "Bah!" scoffs Georgina Rifkin, a local politician and passionate reenactor, while waving a miniature @@ANIMAL@@ Republic flag. "This flag never hurt anyone! If you ask me, it's political correctness that's the real problem. Stores are pulling the flag off their shelves, and TV stations are refusing to run old shows and movies that feature it, for god's sake! The government should be pushing back against all this nonsense and start teaching Kennyite schoolchildren all the good things about that chapter of our history: the cultural pride felt by its citizens, the bravery and patriotism of its leaders! Those are values that never go out of style."

3. "I agree that the flag is harmful and should not be used, in any capacity," predictably declares Jennifer Cohen, president of the advocacy group 'Peaceful Resistance against Injurious Speech and Slanderous Yabber'. "But why stop there? What about ugly racial and ethnic slurs? Words hurt people a lot more than some silly relic, you know. Words like, 'hoopster'...'ringnose'...'Biggie Snarls'...oh sorry, is repeating all these epithets making people uncomfortable? Er, anyway, we can't tolerate the use of such awful language, and we should start fining people for hate speech, like they already do in many progressive countries."

4. "If y'all were to ask me, I'd say we were better off during the @@ANIMAL@@ Republic", says Declan Taffs, a local yokel of indeterminate age. "Back then us normal folks could go about using our own schools and buses without having to mix and mingle with those weird whatchamacallem's. @@LEADER@@, I'll be both frank and earnest, I don't give a hoot what flag y'all run up those poles of yours; just give me back my damned water fountain privileges!"

Thanks, Gnejs! Thanks, Issue Editing Team! Thanks, uh, Rachel Dolezal!

[Drachmaland]

Issue #463: Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up The Wall

The Issue
The development of self-driving cars has led to debate about what they should be programmed to do in the event of an emergency.

The Debate

1. "It's pretty simple, really," opines freshman college student @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ on her popular weekly podcast, 'Overthinking It.' "The car should be programmed to minimize injuries. For example, if it's tooling along a freeway and a schoolbus overturns ahead, the car should prioritize saving the greater number of lives, by slamming itself into the nearest wall."
2. "I must say, that could be a hard sell to the public, cars that may decide to murder their drivers," says @@NAMEINITIALS@@-Motors Head of Marketing @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I haven't done a focus group. But that's my feeling. Look, it's perfectly legal today for a human driver to mow down as many schoolchildren as necessary to save his or her own life. Likewise, self-driving cars must prioritize saving the driver's life above all else. Otherwise, why would anyone buy one?"
3. "This whole debate is ridiculous," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a software engineer who is fixing the fonts on your computer. "To be honest, these schoolbus scenarios sound like something dreamed up by a Philosophy 101 professor, not something that will actually happen in real life. It's not the place of software to weigh the value of human life! Just program them to follow the road rules at all times!"
4. "Oh my God, I HATE those!" says impatient motorist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They've been testing them near where I work. They drive like my grandmother, and she's in a coma. The other day I was late to work because the so-called Smart Car ahead was waiting for a squirrel to cross the road. A squirrel! I had to swing into oncoming traffic to get around it. And I had to hose the squirrel off my car afterward. Ban self-driving cars!"

Oddly enough, there are no author or editor names mentioned.

For the @@NAMEINITIALS@@-Motors I've put in option 463.2, it was A-Motors in my case (nation's initial is A) and I thought it was a variable — but I could be wrong.
In any case, all of you who know better than me about variables, please go through my post and let me know if there are any mistakes from my part.

[Sanctaria]

Oddly enough, there are no author or editor names mentioned.

Not that odd, there are 31 other issues in the game with no author or editor assigned.

[Luna Amore]

Oddly enough, there are no author or editor names mentioned.

Not that odd, there are 31 other issues in the game with no author or editor assigned.

I'd say HINT HINT. But I already said it somewhere in another thread.

Max wrote/edited it.

[Sanctaria]

Not that odd, there are 31 other issues in the game with no author or editor assigned.

I'd say HINT HINT. But I already said it somewhere in another thread.

Max wrote/edited it.

You're such a buzz kill Luna

[Luna Amore]

I'd say HINT HINT. But I already said it somewhere in another thread.

Max wrote/edited it.

You're such a buzz kill Luna

I prefer thief of joy.

[Drachmaland]

Oddly enough, there are no author or editor names mentioned.

Not that odd, there are 31 other issues in the game with no author or editor assigned.

Not that odd if we were at 2002 or 2003 today.

[Kaboomlandia]

What's #460 supposed to be? Does it even exist yet?

[Luna Amore]

What's #460 supposed to be? Does it even exist yet?

It exists, bit rarer. Only 25 nations have received it this week.

[Drachmaland]

Issue 466: @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever

The Issue
After a printing error on the official @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ map left off the tiny @@ANIMAL@@ Peninsula, its sole inhabitant, Mike Ronation, declared independence from @@NAME@@. Following his arrest of a mailman who failed to enter the "proper customs", a group of concerned citizens have asked you to address the threat posed by Mr. Ronation. His protest has already spawned several secessionist movements almost overnight.

The Debate

1. "Traitor!" roars @@RANDOMNAME@@, a controversial nationalist politician, before screaming a tirade of obscenities. "This is absolutely ludicrous. We have to send a message to people like this Ronation scumbag! You do not secede from @@NAME@@. It's that simple. For the good of our glorious @@TYPE@@, we must invade and bomb Ronation's home. In fact, once this is all over, we should have our military patrol the streets of this great country to send a message to other terrorists who are thinking of doing the same thing. Sure, some people might call this an invasion of freedom of speech, but for the sake of national unity, we must clampdown on the other ingrates following in his footsteps."
2. "That won't be good for PR," chimes in your spokesperson, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while drafting your latest speech. "Considering how Mr. Ronation is no longer a part of @@NAME@@, he should no longer be entitled to our services. The more humane thing to do would be to ignore him, save for cutting off all essential services like water, electricity, and telecoms. We won't need to wait long before Mr. Ronation begs us to take him back. We can of course tax the Violet out of him when he returns. That will be much more effective - and cheaper - than sending in the troops. Then the groups he inspired will surely fall back in line!"
3. "Making him needlessly suffer seems a tad bit extreme," suggests Mike's concerned grandmother @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@. "Sure, I'm a little upset that Mike doesn't want to be part of our wonderful country and that he tried to snap that mailman's neck, but you have to look at it from both perspectives. If the government wants to win back Mike and the secessionists he instigated, they could start by allowing greater autonomy to regions that want it. I'm sure that Mikey will gladly return to us if you show a little love and understanding."
4. "The government can suck up to Mike as much as it wants, but it won't change a thing," rebuffs Jacques Strap, leader of a secessionist movement inspired by Mike Ronation's protest. "There is no excuse for the government to be treating Mike as a criminal when he has done nothing wrong. The government needs to leave him alone. In fact, the government should allow anyone to separate from @@NAME@@, so we can finally be free from the oppressive force of big government."

Issue by: The Sister Republics of Wallenburg
Editor: Nation of Quebec

Obviously the name Mike Ronation (cf. micronation) is not random.

[Trotterdam]

Lots of issues getting added suddenly!

For the @@NAMEINITIALS@@-Motors I've put in option 463.2, it was A-Motors in my case (nation's initial is A) and I thought it was a variable — but I could be wrong.

It could also be @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@. They're the same for the overwhelming majority of nations.

What's #460 supposed to be? Does it even exist yet?

I told you what it is earlier

It's a followup to #454 option 4 (banning agriculture). It's a chain issue, so if you choose that option you'll get it immediately.

Obviously the name Mike Ronation (cf. micronation) is not random.

It's from here. It was originally going to be "Max Barry", and then the more-amusing "Mike Rowe" (as in "Mike Rowe Nation" = "the nation of Mike Rowe"), but was then changed to avoid offending the real-life Mike Rowe.

Also, yay, the option I suggested made it in, even though the original writer didn't like it! I guess I have Nation of Quebec to thank for that?

The kittens didn't, however.

[Christian Democrats]

I've updated the issues. We're looking for #451, #460, and #465.

<snip>

Kenny, you missed a number of macros.

[Gnejs]

Thanks, Gnejs! Thanks, Issue Editing Team! Thanks, uh, Rachel Dolezal!

Thank you, it was a good draft

[Wallenburg]

Obviously the name Mike Ronation (cf. micronation) is not random.

It's from here. It was originally going to be "Max Barry", and then the more-amusing "Mike Rowe" (as in "Mike Rowe Nation" = "the nation of Mike Rowe"), but was then changed to avoid offending the real-life Mike Rowe.

Also, yay, the option I suggested made it in, even though the original writer didn't like it! I guess I have Nation of Quebec to thank for that?

The kittens didn't, however.

Well, as I said, I didn't want to have an all-around good option, and when the issues team gave me my issue, I immediately chose option 2. I'm glad to see that the editor liked your suggestion though.

Also, thank you, Nation of Quebec. You did some outstanding work with my rough draft. And now I have a nice, shiny badge!

[Drachmaland]

Well, as I said, I didn't want to have an all-around good option, and when the issues team gave me my issue, I immediately chose option 2.

Yeah, I noticed the worded effect: "political dissidents are cut off from essential services".

[Sedgistan]

Also, yay, the option I suggested made it in, even though the original writer didn't like it! I guess I have Nation of Quebec to thank for that?

I actually suggested it, and hadn't seen your post at that point. It was definitely a good idea though!

[Frenequesta]

We have a new issue!

#463, "Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up The Wall"

The Issue

The development of self-driving cars has led to debate about what they should be programmed to do in the event of an emergency.

The Debate

1."It's pretty simple, really," opines freshman college student Efthamia McGuffin on her popular weekly podcast, 'Overthinking It.' "The car should be programmed to minimize injuries. For example, if it's tooling along a freeway and a schoolbus overturns ahead, the car should prioritize saving the greater number of lives, by slamming itself into the nearest wall."

2. "I must say, that could be a hard sell to the public, cars that may decide to murder their drivers," says F-Motors Head of Marketing Calvin Hendrikson. "I haven't done a focus group. But that's my feeling. Look, it's perfectly legal today for a human driver to mow down as many schoolchildren as necessary to save his or her own life. Likewise, self-driving cars must prioritize saving the driver's life above all else. Otherwise, why would anyone buy one?"

3. "This whole debate is ridiculous," says Maria Lopez, a software engineer who is fixing the fonts on your computer. "To be honest, these schoolbus scenarios sound like something dreamed up by a Philosophy 101 professor, not something that will actually happen in real life. It's not the place of software to weigh the value of human life! Just program them to follow the road rules at all times!"

4. "Oh my God, I HATE those!" says impatient motorist Cooper Parke. "They've been testing them near where I work. They drive like my grandmother, and she's in a coma. The other day I was late to work because the so-called Smart Car ahead was waiting for a squirrel to cross the road. A squirrel! I had to swing into oncoming traffic to get around it. And I had to hose the squirrel off my car afterward. Ban self-driving cars!"
--
Another classic case of where the simplest and most sensible solution (requiring smart-cars to have manual drive options and retain ordinary principles of negligence) is curiously missing. Good work. (Also, can't seem to find the author or editor...)

[Drachmaland]

Frenequesta, this new issue (i.e. #463) has already been cataloged some days ago.

Now, this is an issue we've actually been looking for:

Issue #460: Salt Of The Earth
The Issue
Without farms, the nation's "hunt 'n gather" approach to food supply has proven disastrous. @@NAME@@ has become painfully reliant on increasingly expensive food imports to sustain its famine-wracked population. Many are now desperately begging you to bring back farming.

The Debate
1. "Please, stop the madness!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famished ex-farmer picking through what's left of the ridiculously overpriced Marche Noirian rice in the local market. "The prices are murder! Even with foraging the local parks for berries, I'm using my entire salary just to make sure my kids don't die of starvation. Everybody agrees that the ban on farming was a horrible, horrible idea. However, there just might be time to sow the fields and recover most of the harvest before the weather turns. Act immediately, and I'm sure we can bring @@NAME@@ back from the brink."
2. "I'll concede that a return to the hunter-gatherer society sounded better on paper," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a former survivalist-enthusiast who turned out to be a terrible hunter. "We have to bring back agriculture - I see that - but we can't just let people go around setting up farms wherever they like and dig their way through the countryside. Please consider all the good that has come from this: see those roaming @@ANIMAL@@s on the fields, smell that fresh country air! Let's set up a limited number of government farms at select places. Then we should be able to feed the populace without the expensive imports, more or less, while embracing the primitivism that makes @@NAME@@ so great."
3. "The food imports are not a problem," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, a wealthy gourmand, while drinking the tears of a thousand infants from a gilded skull. "@@NAME@@'s old palate was so incredibly mundane, and these exotic imports are just bursting with flavor. I've always said there's a certain 'je ne sais quoi' to a Maxtopian carrot. The only real problem is all the provincials who spit upon our newfound cosmopolitan cuisine. In the name of progress, detain all the yokels that care more about food prices than culture."

Issue by: The Prosaic Union of Gnejs
Editor: Lenyo

[Drachmaland]

For the @@NAMEINITIALS@@-Motors I've put in option 463.2, it was A-Motors in my case (nation's initial is A) and I thought it was a variable — but I could be wrong.

It could also be @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@. They're the same for the overwhelming majority of nations.

I believe I have positive proof it is @@NAMEINITIALS@@ and not @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@:
Issue #463 was received by a TWP nation that has different variables for those two, and the company name was based on the former.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Been sitting on issue 465 for a few days to play games with my fellow DENizens. Here you go.


Lottocracy Causing Lots Of Trouble

The Issue

To call the Annihilators of Chan Islandian Parliament unusual would be an understatement. The nation's randomly selected legislators are from all walks of life, but they lack the attention one would expect from career politicians.

The Debate

"This is insane," raves Kathleen Brown, a popular TV personality, on her nightly political diatribe. "We have legislators who don't show up because they 'just aren't feeling it today.' Others are only interested in their pet causes, and they can't be bothered with essential bills like the annual budget. And the vast majority of our MPs have only a cursory knowledge of civics; they're baffled by fiscal and monetary policy. This incompetent government is going to grind our nation to the ground if we keep choosing representatives via lottery. Annihilators of Chan Island needs actual voting and elections, so we can have a modicum of meritocracy. And just as a warning, I'll be running for Parliament myself."

Accept

"Our system of allotment works just fine as is," says Bill Licorish, a senile MP while ironing his togas for the third time in a row. "Career politicians only run for office because they want to increase their own prestige and power at the expense of everyone else. Randomly selected citizens, on the other hand, actually represent the will of the people. The lots don't discriminate on beliefs or lifestyle or looks or experience when they choose representatives. Sortition is the embodiment of equality; hence we should expand the lottocracy to randomly select all government officials without exception. Now where did I put the ceremonial sorting hat for the next inauguration? I must have lost it at... uhm... where did I go today?"

Accept

Stephanie Longbottom, a history professor who also won a seat in Parliament, has another proposal. "We should preserve our tradition of sortition, but Annihilators of Chan Island needs a balance between political principles and political reality. We need a formalized method to get rid of the incompetents by means of a vote of no confidence. If a majority of MPs want the habitually absent or the irredeemably stupid removed from the legislature, expressed via motion, then a vote of no confidence can be executed. Then when we have a dependable quorum, I can finally get my Acropolis Restoration Project bill passed."

Accept

The Government Position

The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: The Destructive DEN Army of Annihilators of Chan Island
Editor: Lenyo

[Phydios]

#467 spotted! I think I got all the macros.

Saving Your Own Foreskin

The Issue
The pride of @@NAME@@'s national swimming team, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, recently acknowledged that his parents had him circumcised when he was younger for "aerodynamic purposes". This has caused considerable debate throughout the @@TYPE@@, and people have taken to ambushing you while you're out for your evening meal.

The Debate

"This is sick and wrong!" vents trilby-clad protester @@RANDOMNAME@@, flinging a copy of a news article strategically between you and your meal. "How can people think that mutilating diaper parts is okay? Religions and cults be damned. As you can read in this editoral, the paper's resident doctor proves beyond doubt that non-necessary circumcision has a host of negative effects. It doesn't matter that they're a doctor of journalism and not urology; it's basically the same thing. Bar emergency medical reasons, you must make circumcision illegal in all circumstances."

Accept

"Oy veh! Don't get between me, my kid, and our religion!" blusters restaurateur @@RANDOMNAME@@, admonishing the trilby-clad protester and knocking over your glass of water in the process. "This kibitzer has nothing but disdain for our way of life - or the right to privacy! There are many opinion pieces and medical papers on circumcision telling of positive effects and, for me personally, my religion demands it! Look, you're a mensch, so I know you'll allow circumcision to continue; and, more importantly, allow parents to decide on circumcision if the bubalas are too young."

Accept

"Hey now, there is room for compromise," interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a cosmetic surgeon at a nearby table, as she pockets a butter knife to add to her collection. "You see, we could ban all elective surgical procedures until a certain age, and then let the patients themselves make informed decisions on whether they want these procedures or not. It will take some extra funding to actually teach kids about different surgeries, to be sure, but that should have no negative effects on the population. I hope. Nonetheless, you can't put a price on informed decisions!"

Accept

"You people are all rather annoying," sighs @@RANDOMNAME@@, your friend and dinner guest who has had to sit through the preceding debate while trying, at the same time, to eat currywurst. "@@LEADER@@, do me a favor and teach these disrespectful intruders a lesson in etiquette. Make all body modification illegal. Yes, illegal - under all circumstances, medical need or no. That will show these three a lesson for daring to interrupt our lovely evening. On the bright side, it should also disrupt that awful 'body-mod' scene that is simply ... distasteful."

Issue by: The United States of Americanada
Editor: Sanctaria

[Christian Democrats]

Cool, #465 is based on one of my issues (#360: Electile Dysfunction)!

Everything has been updated through Issue #467 with the exception of the elusive #451.

[Sanctaria]

the elusive #451.

So elusive it's not been written yet