World Cup 68 RP Thread

[New Sideburn]

Jess Mortlock stepped out to face the cameras.
"Yeah, alright!" Auburn Bywater shouted into the throng of journalists. "Step back! She'll answer your questions - one at a time, you get me?"
"Ms. Mortlock," said a Republican journalist, "SJG coach Inzer Emanuel stated he felt the game was a close one - what are your thoughts?"
"I feel the scoreline fairly reflected both teams' performances. We dominated large stretches of the game but were profligate in front of goal. Similarly, their penalty was pretty average. It could easily have been 3-2 or 4-2, the chances both teams had."
"Bit of a milestone today," said a familiar voice - Paige Galleon, field reporter for the Brinemouth Herald. "That was the hundredth win in the WCC era of New Sideburn! What are your thoughts?"
Mortlock smiled a little. "Me, I'm just happy to see it come in the World Cup. It's fitting."
"Tosca Marlowe," pointed out an Apoxian, "has now been involved in two controversial incidents involving penalties, giving this one away-"
"I feel a single late challenge doesn't cancel out the fact that Tosca had an excellent game up to that point. She's a strong-willed lass and she'll come back tougher," said Mortlock firmly.
"The other," continued the Apoxian insistently, "being the words Marlowe told Koby Theodore in the previous game."
"I don't know what she said and neither do you."
"That's, uh, not true, Ms. Mortlock. Lip-readers generally concur that she said-"
"Next question," barked Auburn. "Oi, you, the Audioslav, you're up."
Sensing his cue not to talk about Tosca Marlowe on pain of death, the Audioslav decided to be curious about something else. "Next match sees you against Cassadaigua, needing a point to go through - very much in your own hands, but Cassadaigua have been defeated in both matches."
"Which surprises me," said Mortlock firmly, "as I've always felt Cassadaigua was one of the stronger sides in the group. I have faith in my lads to carry home the win, though - it won't be easy, but we're not going to lose."
"Are you planning on any tactical changes?"
"Nothing new, but I'm weighing up my options. I do intend to make some changes, but I'm not one to change a winning formula. That's all?"
"Yes," said Auburn brusquely, still glaring at the Apoxian.
"Alright. Thanks for your questions - I'll see you after the next match."
Mortlock waved, and walked through the nearest doorway. Auburn followed along, closing the door behind her so her manager could seethe in peace.
"So what?" muttered the Cormorants manager. "So Tosca tells a literal rapist to watch himself - so what?"
"You've heard of a hostile home crowd? We're in a hostile country right now," said Auburn firmly. "I don't want us to get shanked. Do you want Tosca's blood on your hands, because I don't! I really, really don't!"
"I'd settle f'r that journalist's blood-"
"Look, Jess," said the whip, "I spoke to Tosca. It ... really doesn't bother her, and maybe it was why Theodore missed the penalty. But ... I mean, you know her, right?"
"... Professionally." Mortlock sighed. "Not really... personally. 'S maybe one of my failings as a manager."
"They respect you, Jess," said Auburn, putting an arm around her manager's shoulder. "That's the important part. They'd follow you to the ends of the earth... or to the World Cup final, if we went that far."
"... Do you think we will?"
"Well. I'd put it this way. It's something we're thinking of. Now you tell me that's not something special."

[Paradystopia]

The whistle blew to a collective sigh of Paradystopi fans. The cost many of them had paid in ticket prices and air fare wasn't really producing much of a return. On the one hand, their defense had been solid. Like the previous match against Glaser, the Barunian Suns had been unable to penetrate the stoic wall of Paradystopi backs. On the other hand, their strikers had yet to grace the scoresheets. The fans left the stadium knowing that the monolith also known as Eura awaited them and they needed a win to really secure a spot in the knockouts. A draw left too many other possibilities which hinged upon the Barunia vs. Glaser result.
This was the World Cup finals, no-one said it would be easy ...
One fan sat for a few moments in solitude as he thought over possible outcomes. Like most of the Paradystopi, he dared to dream of a success against Eura. It was fair to say that the former World Champions were hardly having their most successful tournament and all Paradystopia needed to do was shut down the match and hope Benjamin or Tarcka could bag that single lucky goal.
There was a beep from his rucksack and with a cursory glance to see if anyone was looking, he retrieved a small cream-coloured pager from it's depths.

Oomycete: Confirmed out-break. Co-ordinates follow.

Will evil never rest?
As was his modus operandi, he’d noted the locations of all the public toilets on this side of the stadium, should such an occurrence raise its ugly head. Grasping his bag, he took flight for the nearest one noting the location of the oomycete sighting on his pager as he walked briskly amongst the throngs of various Paradystopi fans.
It wasn’t the easiest location to pass through inconspicuously, especially for the 6’4” and exceptionally muscular individual. Trying to scythe through a mass of mostly drunk football fans quickly without sending a group of them flying to the floor with an inadvertent movement of one of his gigantic biceps was no easy task. Attempt to do so stealthily is nigh-on impossible. Eventually he reached the door and squeezed himself through albeit slightly sideways to accommodate his wide, heavy shoulders.
Two men anxiously looked up from four neat lines of some white powder by the side of the sink and there was an uneasy silence. The apparent intruder gauged quickly what the two men needed to know.

“’Sokay, I’m Paradystopi”
“Thank fuck for that. Last thing we need is another run in with the staff here. You want some?”
“I’m good thanks.”
“Suit yourself dude.”

Squeezing himself into one of the toilet cubicles, the muscular man swiftly began tearing off his clothes revealing the green latex bodysuit beneath. He liked to think that no-one suspected that he; Yvorr Hren, the mild-mannered office assistant at the Paradystopi department of agricultural standards was none other than the incognito alter-ego of Señor Rábano Picante. In truth, no-one really cared and fewer people still actually realised that Señor Rábano Picante was an actual superhero, not just the crazy musings of some weirdos in a reconverted warehouse in Audioslavia.
In fairness, things had been pretty quiet for the horseradish-based superhero before the oomycete reared its ugly head. Saving a field of turnips from a rogue locust swarm two years ago, diverting a flooded river from ruining a farmer’s market and halting some legislation in Buyan which was on the verge of classing the noble parsnip as a ‘white carrot’. Do some people have no shame? Anyway, since this new foe had appeared Señor Rábano Picante found his schedule becoming fuller and fuller.
The two drug-users were just finishing as Señor Rábano Picante exited the cubicle. After another anxious silence, one turned to the other.

“Maaan … I told you this was some killer shit!”

The Superhero smiled, his secret identity was safe. With his typical cry of ‘Armoracia!’ he burst out into the dwindling crowd and off to investigate the recent outbreak. Given his costume, most people merely assumed he was an enthusiastic, if lost Astograthian supporter who bought tickets to the finals prior to the end of the playoffs.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

Dear Mr. Ryan,

We would like to take this opportunity to return Jeremy Jaffacake to you - more or less unharmed.

We found him quantumly entangled between dimensions in v-space in the immediate vicinity of the stadium where last night's Audioslavia-Holy Empire match was held. Why he was clad in a nothing but a claret and green helmet and an oversized lime-green t-shirt saying "WIN IT FOR NIGEL!", why his naked buttocks were smeared in goose fat, or why indeed he had a bandage over a brand-new tattoo on his left ankle reading "Krytenia's bitch" escapes us, but we would simply note that v-space can be dangerous for the uninitiated. Please tell us that you didn't send him laterally (<-- that way) within 'did'. If so, this was exceptionally foolhardy on your part, and we can take no responsibility for Mr. Jaffacake's present condition.

So far Mr. Jaffacake has been unable to string a coherent sentence together since his rescue, although his pronouncement "DEVIL BUNNIES! I SNORT THE NOSE LUCIFER! BANANA, BANANA!" perhaps means more to you than it does to us. But if he continues to purr like an excited kitten every time he sees a picture of Juan Tzimisces, we shall - regrettably - be forced to take out a restraining order stopping him from coming within 20 metres of Mr. Tzimisces, who has announced that he finds this behaviour "profoundly disturbing".

It strikes us that Mr. Jaffacake's present condition could possibly result from an attempt to influence the result of last night's match by tactically exploiting space in dimensions beyond the third. If so, the results seem to have been problematic given both the state of Mr. Jaffacake and the result of that match. I have taken the liberty of enclosing a pamphlet titled "basic higher dimension safety for mundies" that may be of some assistance should you decide to take a similar course of action in the future.

Sincerely Yours,

Nicephorus Lecapno
Ordinary Reality Medical Division
State Bureau for Imperial Security

[Blouman Empire]

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Tensions Rise After Draw

Valladares and the Blouman Empire held each other off to record a 0-0 draw at RepublicSoft Stadium in the second group stage match of the 68th World Cup. The Empire had faced Valladares twice before yesterday's match the first in World Cup 65 where Valladares won with a convincing 2-0. The two sides faced each other again in the 67th World Cup but this time could only manage to score one against a stronger Blouman outfit but it was enough to secure the three points. The third time out was not the charm for the Eagles to finally get a win but were able to hold their own with the 0-0 draw.

The game started off scrappy as both teams struggled to maintain possession hampering their ability to set up an form of attack. Frank Rozenthal decided to have a pot shot from 40 yards out but the ball went harmlessly into the stands. The first real threat came when Blaine Cooperson and Michael Walkers were able to pair up and would've taken the lead were it not the quick reflexes of Valladares keeper Luis Fuentes stopping the volley of Cooperson. After that, it was virtually all Valladares ball with Pedrinho firing their first opportunity just wide after a corner ball landed at his feet. Juan Pablo Reyes then sent through Yoan Gignac but Milton Tuneson raced out to block the ball at the Valladares striker's feet. Rubén Morantes and Reyes had their attempts but were about as miserable as the clouds overhead that threatened with rain. Valladares could've gone ahead had Pedrinho managed to dip his chip sooner and Cognac's header was cleared off the line.

After the break it was the Empire's turn to pile forward and finally start pressing dangerously into their attacking third. There was uproar at the hour mark from both the Blouman players and fans as they appealed to be granted a penalty after Freddy Edwards sent Cooperson to the ground in the area but the referee thought otherwise. The Empire had their first shot on goal in the 67th minute with a solid strike from Kane Harrison but Fuentes was untroubled as the ball slammed straight into his arms. Moments later Steven Mallard should've taken the lead when he made contact just six yards out after a low cross from Percy Baser but he scuffed the shot sending the ball over the crossbar. Valladares were able to set up a few more attacks but were not the dominant team they had been in the first half and their attempts were few and far between. The chances continued to come for the Empire but they were unable to convert as tempers started to fray. After a missed shot from Harrison both Cooperson and Walkers gestured widely to show that they were in open positions in front of goals. In the 80th minute Harrison again ignored the flaying arms of Cooperson as he took on three defenders and lost the ball. In the dying seconds of stoppage time Cooperson struck the ball from deep in the box looking to find the gap between the keeper and the near post, missing both and hitting the side of the net. This time it was Harrison's turn to wave his arms and shout. The final whistle blew only seconds later giving the Empire their first point of the World Cup keeping them in contention for a Round of 16 berth.

While the action on the field showed how dull football can sometimes be it was the reactions in the change rooms after the final whistle that has attracted the attention of the footballing media. It has been reported that a number of players had an altercation over a number of squandered chances with accusations of selfishness and inflated egos flying across the room. While players and officials have closed ranks there was no denying the fat lip sported by Blouman forward Kane Harrison. Sources from within the change rooms said that tensions flared between both Cooperson and Harrison with both blaming each other for the draw with other players being drawn into the argument. It is understood one player was labelled a ball-hog while another has been called an egotistical narcissist while details are still unknown at some point a boot was hurled at Harrison’s face leaving him with a cut, swollen lip. When asked about the matter manager Henry Emergaton refused to answer any questions simply stating “I wish to only talk about the upcoming game and the World Cup I will not be drawn into media speculation”. While the team is remaining tight lipped about the ordeal there is no doubt that morale and camaraderie within the team has dropped threatening the team’s performance in the next game and for the rest of the World Cup.

The team will next be facing off against The Royal Barangay whom managed to defeat Felix 3-0. The win still keeps all positions still open with all teams with a chance to win. While it is not entirely down to the Eagles a win will see them in a good position to snatch second spot with the hope that the right result goes their way between Valladares and Felix. Captain Hamish Alpin was still confident that the team could still make it through to the World Cup “Today’s game against Valladares showed we can hold it off with the best, and I believe that we can put ourselves in the best possible position to continue in the world cup”.

[Audioslavia]

Dear Mr. Lecapno,

I would like to thank you for returning Mr. Jaffacake to us in a safe and timely manner. We received the container in good condition, and are thankful that you remembered to poke holes in the lid for him to breathe. Mr. Jaffacake does, however, appear to have attained the ability to function without using his lungs. A cursory x-ray has revealed that one lung still remains, and performs its duties in the traditional manner, but that another lung has been replaced with a series of ceramic chambers and pre-microchip-era computational tubes. We have deduced that the purpose of this bizarre contraption is to feed oxygen into Jeremy's circulatory system, much the same way as a common-or-garden lung, but quite why the system attains this oxygen from the trace amount found in hyperdimensional space-jelly (a new discovery for Audioslavian science, we believe, and possibly a proof to a hitherto long-discredited theory of sandwich-space-time previously mooted by a Professor Shakerssen) is beyond us. That is before we even consider the ramifications of the system's 'waste produce', which appears to be one cashew-nut per hour.

As for the question of whether Mr. Jaffacake was sent <-- that way in 'did': He actually wasn't. Due to a calculation error we believe we may have in fact sent him into q-space in the opposite direction to occidentally didwards, which is either orientally didntwards or accidentally dontwards depending on which model of space-time-jelly one subscribes to.

Thank you very much for the pamphlet, which is very informative. So informative, in fact, that we have alas decided to abandon further experiments with non-mundie dimensional space-time-jelly-sandwich in favour of a more rigid 4-5-1 system.

I hope this letter finds you well. The instructions in the pamphlet for how to send mail to the Dreamed Realm are rather opaque, but as I understand it I am to post the letter via the imagination of a rather tired twenty-something character on popular internet game 'RL States', who shall send it to you via the in-game game-within-a-game-within-a-game forum. I trust this is correct.

Yours Sincerely,

John Ryan
National Team Manager
Football Federation of Audioslavia

---

LLAMAS Cravat
Big name tie.

Audioslavia and Super-Llamaland will lock horns/quiffs on matchday three to decide which of the two sides will be progressing to a second-round tie with the winners of group A. For Audioslavia, defeat is unthinkable. The Bulls are the runaway favourites for the tie and, as the world number three, are expected to make the semi-finals of the tournament at least.

With the Bulls a full thirty-seven places ahead of the Llamas in the rankings, a final-day upset would seem unthinkable, but to ignore the threat of our opponents is to not only underestimate a llama team that won out over the dangerous Northern Sunrise Islands side on matchday two, but also to fail to learn a lesson from history.

Audioslavia have messed up countless of matchday-three crunch matches in the past, and plenty from a position of supposed power.

One name that rings through the ages is that of Oaker, a team utterly unremarkable but for the fact that every single one of their team bore the name 'Oaker' as their surname. The side had already accounted for an early Audioslavian exit from a World Cup with one MD3 defeat well before the third matchday of World Cup 22 rolled around, and Oaker met Audioslavia in a very 'special' (in most of the negative definitions of the word) match.

To this day, the Bulls are the only team in world football to hold the dubious honour of being eliminated from the group stage of a World Cup on penalty kicks.

Both Audioslavia and Oaker found themselves, in the final game of the group stage of World Cup 22, in the bizarre situation of a penalty shoot-out during league play after managing to attain the same amount of points, goals for and goals against after the first two games - Audioslavia with a 2-1 defeat to Crystilakere before a 3-0 win over Wella, with Oaker managing 1-2 and 4-0 scorelines respectively. The Crystils were through by the final day. and the showdown in Liventia would decide which of the two sides would join them. A Flash Oaker goal put the tie in Oaker's hands, a Ceulemans reply levelled, and the full-time whistle blew to general confusion before, initially, Audioslavia were announced as the qualifiers of the two, by means unknown, and that seemed to be that until the international community quite rightly made their voices heard. A rematch was demanded, and refused by the international community, who instead settled on the idea of a penalty shoot-out between the two sides. High noon. The next day.

There, in front of a stadium empty but for some television cameras, NSWC representatives and some footballers in gear that hadn't been properly cleaned since the day before, the two sides took eight shots apiece. Audioslavia managed to score only five, Oaker managed one better, and that was that. Audioslavia, no strangers to breaking the wrong kind of World Cup records, had done it again.

There is no question that John Ryan is not looking beyond the immediate threat of the Llamas (or 'Tigers' as their national team is unexpectedly nicknamed). In the press conference before the game, the manager noted that, after the disappointing defeat to The Holy Empire - the Bulls' first against Empirean opposition - that a win over Super Llamaland was the "only priority", let alone top priority. While some senior players were made to sit out the opening game through injury or a perceived lack of fitness compared to their less gifted understudies, this crunch match should see the return to the first team of Hudson-Blake and McEighan, and possibly with young winger Rijshaart making way for the more experienced Paco Robles.

John Ryan will be going all out to combat the threat posed by the Super-Llamaland team. Only if the side manage to progress will any perceived route through to the final be judged.

The fans, of course, have a different outlook. For months now, there has been just one word on the lips of every national team fanatic. Haevn.

Haevn is the Polarian word for revenge. One needn't be a historian or even a football fan to understand why an Audioslavian would seek vengeance against their Polarian bretheren. While diplomatic relations between the two nations remain amicable, the footballing rivalry has become more and more heated with each passing cycle.

World Cup 66 saw the Polarians beat Audioslavia in Cathair in the semi-final. World Cup 67 saw the two sides contest the final itself, with the Polarians coming out on top. They were two of the biggest games in Audioslavia's footballing history (the latter being simply 'the biggest' game in that of Polar Islandstates), and that the Bulls lost both has been a sour point for Audioslavians. Ask an Audioslavian if he wants to win the world cup, and he furrows his brow and says 'well, yeah, obviously'. Ask him if he wants to see an Audioslavia victory over Polar Islandstates along the way, and he narrows his eyes and, though he'll answer affirmatively, will do so in between various expletives and boreaphobic invective.

That the fans have chosen Haevn as its motto, rather something Audioslavian like Mendeku or Venganza or even just plain old Wi' guntae chib youse c***s kenwarraminlyk?, may seem peculiar, but the fact that the motto has been daubed all over toilets, train stations and street signs in and around Polar Islandstates itself, along with images of decapitated seagulls (they're probably meant to be terns, admittedly), burnt Valhallan flags and, of course, crudely drawn genetalia, shows the purpose. For Audioslavians, this is personal.

The Polarians, it seems, are taking the graffiti campaign in good spirits, and have taken to posting limericks and haikus on twitter that deal with the subject matter of Audioslavian men, the comparatively meager size of their genitalia when compared to their Valhallan counterparts and the perceived promiscuity of their mothers. There was only one occasion where the Polarians were concerned enough to bring the police in on the matter of graffiti, and that was when a depiction of Timo Skye on a cross, with a crown of thorns around his cock, was found on a wall near the former Polar Islandstates striker's home. The matter was quietly swept under the carpet when it was revealed that the painting was in fact drawn by Skye himself, who plans to sell the mural - and the tiny ring of thorns he based the drawing off of - at a posh auction in the near future.

[Osarius]

Jermain Lewis: "They mugged us"

Osarius manager Jermain Lewis couldn't hide his displeasure following his side's shock 1-0 defeat against German American States. "They mugged us," he said, "they played a smart game, and we let them punish us. "One mistake is all it took." Lewis continued, referring to Damian Fonseca's decision to push forward for the late corner that ultimately led to the winning goal. "Damian pushed up, and I can't really fault him. He was moving into a dangerous area they'd failed to cover a few times already. Unfortunately, they saw it and left an extra man outside the box for the counter. Arturo was on his own, there wasn't much he could have done."

The result will be particularly frustrating to Lewis, as the Firebirds had appeared to be the dominant side throughout the game. Match statistics show that the Eagles enjoyed just 40% of possession, much of that in their own half. Osarius captain Sergio Estevez shed some light on why his team were unable to make their ownership of the ball count, though.

"We had a lot of the ball, but not much in the final third. They were sitting back to let us have the ball a lot, but when we are getting close, they apply the pressure really well." The central midfielder explained. "I'm not sure we got the ball to Ezio in the dangerous areas all game, so I think you have to give them credit for a good performance."

OSN's Oracle team have re-projected Osarius' chances of progression following the shock defeat, and they now sit at a precarious 53%, assuming they don't lose the three-way tie-breaker.

"It's incredible how much the balance can shift, and there are too many possibilties within the potential three-way tie to accurately predict all scenarios, but we've estimated that the team have a slightly better than fifty-fifty chance of progression. It's a big difference from the ninety-odd percent chance we'd calculated just a few days ago, but this is why we love the sport, isn't it?"

- Marcus Resheph, Head of Data at OSN Oracle Division

Lewis is unlikely to make any major changes to the squad ahead of the Legalese clash, but expect to see a more controlled performance from the Firebirds. Using the same reckless offensive style they did against Buyan will likely end in tears, while even a controlled overload could be problematic.

Legalese are a relatively familiar foe, and the diligence of Cyrus Damhan might be a good reason for Lewis to call on Roque Acosta -- a similarly hard-working midfielder -- to share the load with captain Estevez. The problem with this approach is that it could open Osarius up to the heavily offensive Legalite approach.

Grasshoppers Turic manager Roberto Cormega suggests that Lewis might sacrifice the playmaking talents of Toby Drummond, so he can maintain a deeper-lying, counter-stopping presence in Angelica Capiello. "I know Jermain will avoid naming an actual defensive midfielder like Armstrong if he can, but Angelica has the ability to create from deep if she's protected enough." Cormega went on to explain how this midfield overload, though uncharacteristic for the 4-3-3 generation of Osarian football, could yet work in their favour.

"It makes sense to take Drummond out of the picture, since he'll likely be man-marked by Cloman anyway. If Damhan is concerned by the runs of either Estevez or Acosta, or even both, Cloman won't be pushing forward either.

If Cloman and Damhan are under pressure, this frees Angelica up to create from deep, looking for Kane, Doherty and Grassi. The only other way they can stop her is to have either Boyle or Oxboro drop onto her. This would just weaken their attack and leave Riviello free to play those passes instead. It will all come down to whether or not Lewis' decisions will pay off and unsettle the Legalite midfield sufficiently."

- Roberto Cormega, academydropout.osr

It is also worth noting that Legalese are still not guaranteed to progress. As a host nation, they will be expected to progress from the group stage, so the pressure is on them to perform too.

There is something cruelly dramatic to the notion that the Firebirds will be playing a vital game in The Park of the Phoenix, with the majority of the crowd against them. "We've faced worse odds and come out on top." Jermain Lewis said, nonchalantly. Despite his Hall of Famer status, the gaffer will certainly be hoping he doesn't have to face the indignity of an early flight home. Particularly considering the Firebirds were favourites to win their group outright.

[Sangti]

WORLD CUP 68
Unchartered territory: Agilang Dilaw rip Pheonixes apart to jump into provisional Ro16 place
by Edric Conciso

NEW CITY, ORLANDIANA, FREE REPUBLICS - Just when every Barangayan thought that the team would be gone from contention for the World Cup, they were amazed to see their Agilang Dilaw turn from zeroes to heroes for one particular day.

Facing Felix of all teams, in the nation that practically almost all of Esportiva despises, the national team stepped into the RT&T pitch in Orlandiana, knowing that a defeat would signal the end of the team's hopes for a spot in the round of 16. What transpired ninety minutes later put the Agilang Dilaw into their breakthrough win of their World Cup campaign and put their Esportivan rivals into a brink of elimination. The 3-0 win was the best win of the Barangayans in a competitive match against Felix, after two close matches that ended in a win and a draw for the former. Daren Corsiga opened the scoring in the fifteenth minute, while Robin Linsangan scored a absolute screamer in the forty-seventh minute. The Tiknonsens Palace striker completed his brace in the eightieth minute to propel them into second place in Group F, one point behind Valladares, who drew with Blouman Empire in a goalless match.

For Felix though, props to them for giving Marty Balido a hard time keeping his first clean sheet since their 4-0 demolition of New Mumford. Mikel Araboa had the most chances for the Phoenixes, shooting here and there. The closest he had to a goal was when his ninth minute blistering shot grazed the side netting. The substitution that brought in Andre Bonheur for Kunibert Mathias proves Felix's intentions to close the two goal gap in the second half, but that proved to be their downfall later on as Linsangan capitalised on it in the latter stages of the game to provide Corsiga with his second goal.

Lineup vs Felix: Balido; Bautista, Ang, Docdoc, Pablo (Bayona 87'); Sanchez, Mateo, Linsangan, Amio (K. Khan 78'); Magcaleng (Escuro 76'), Corsiga

The result put not only Felix in trouble - but potentially the progression percentage of Esportiva in this World Cup. Should Felix won, there could have a surefire Esportivan representative in the final 16, and a match against Valladares in Free Republics with their World Cup contention on the line is the last thing the Felixians would have in mind. This puts us into the biggest match in the lives of those Agilang Dilaw.

The Blouman Empire will be the Barangayans' opponents in Matchday 3, a match that could put the winner into the Round of 16, depending on what happens on the other match. The Atlantian Oceania side, who made their maiden finals appearance at WC64, has been at the main attraction ever since that period - but their only progression into the Round of 16 was in the 65th edition, where they qualified to the Round of 16 in a group including Andossa se Mitrin Vega, Darmen and United Gordonopia, only to be eliminated early by Polar Islandstates, 2-0. They qualified to the World Cup finals after a second playoff win over Sicoutimont, having won Group 24 of the qualifiers but lost to Felix in the first playoff.

The Bloumans have yet to win a match in the finals this edition, and rumors have spread that the atmosphere in their locker room after their draw with the Valladars went sour when an altercation allegedly occurred between their top players. However, they are still a formidable opponent, and the match against them should be approached with great caution. They have players such as Blaine Cooperson and Kane Harrison that can turn things around in a pitch and cause opposing defense problems.

Whichever team wins the match in the PetroDome in Petrograd will have a chance to qualify for the Round of 16, provided that Valladares does not lose to Felix. However a Felix win could see the Valladars eliminated from contention should TRB win or Blouman Empire win by a margin that will overhaul then GD advantage Valladares has. Bottomline is - anyone could advance in Group F of the World Cup.

[Glaser]

Come on Glaser / Wedisel Travot

Okay, this is it. It's coming fast. The last fixture of the group stage. Group C actually is interesting and nobody knows how it can end. One of the most weird groups of this world cup. Barunia, who aren't the best ranked in this group but do have a formidable team are placed first with a win over Eura (which Glaser already performed) and a tie with Paradystopia.
Oh, Paradystopia. This team drawed twice without scoring- and without conceding either. A feat which Glaser did as well! What does the lack of goals in this group say about football nowadays?

Anyways, we should be more proud than the Paradystopians- why? Well, we did get into an elite competition made up of 32 of the best teams in the world: as the 129 best team in the world. Yep. Although our rank now just jumped higher (Our research team concluded that we are the best ranked team that participated in BoF 54) we still are ranked way down than all the other teams, such as Eura.

This team is quite disappointing: having only tied with us, and conceding a loss to Barunia, they need to win a defensive Paradystopia and hope Barunia demolishes us. Can that happen?

Lately, we relied on 11 players in every football match we played until now. Is it enough for this crucial fixture? Can we draw Barunia (or even win) and luckily go into the knockout rounds? Our research team in Exchange Betting Journal thinks not. A very smart-looking chart got to the conclusion that we need one more player to historically go up to the next round. Who is that player? Let's find out.

The Gate 5 Dragons: a fan organization made to up the Red Dragon's performances in competitions- and surely it worked. Now, to win this game they will have to shout like they've never shouted before; jump like they've never jumped before; and stock some firecrackers in their pants. To help an average hooligan do all this, we have gathered a collection of the Dragons of Gate five's best football songs.

Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5

Oy!
Oy!
Can't you see us coming,
Running down your streets,
Waving our flags,
We can show you Glaser's feats,
Beating the monks,
And Eura too,
Now, Barunia,
We're coming for you!

Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5

Even if we are behind,
We immortalized our name in time,
We have topped our group,
Beaten who beat you,
Now it's time to say goodbye,
Now it's time to say goodbye,
Now it's time to say,
Now it's time to say!
Now it's time to say goodbye.

Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5

The red dragon flies high,
And it will never die,
Wave the colours yellow and green,
Come on Mur, make us feel mean,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them!
Come on lads do it again,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them!

Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5

Oooooooooo,
Ah!
Oooooooooo,
Ah!
Neither Rushmore, not even Es-por-ti-va!
Don't even think about Atlantian Oceania!
Strong and proud,
Here she comes,
Unitarian Union,
You're my love!

[Eura]

‘I can’t do anything, it’s your sovereign territory.’ The Commander was trying to explain his situation but the Euran was losing patience fast. ‘Commander, your men just busted in a wall to get six of your people out. We can come out the same way if you just try and form a proper cordon!’
‘I have barely a few dozen men and two vehicles, what the hell can I do? I’m not getting reinforcements for a while.’
‘Listen up, you jumped up Valladar prick! This is a serious situation here, and you had better realise that I’m not going to put up with any more delays on a potential evacuation. ’ It had become apparent to the Commander that this Euran was not intimidated by him whatsoever; clearly the brief about the possibility of the Euran’s having a special forces team in the embassy might have been quite accurate. ‘I’ve done everything I can. Just hold out for a while.’
‘Oh, fuck you. Let me tell you something mate, if your civilians get within the building, I will have to assume they have hostile intentions. And then I won’t be held responsible for what I have to do.’

The line went dead, and at the other end the balaclava-clad Euran special forces group of two dozen in the embassy were less than pleased. The protestors outside had started small fires on the periphery of the building with Molotov cocktails and a handful were now clambering over the walls. They set up accordingly; a six man team split into pairs to man firing points in upper floor windows overlooking two key points – the main gate and the supply gate at the back – and a pair on the roof as spotters with radio kit. Another six men waited on the inside of the main entrance to the building, loaded with light machine guns and other assorted weapons and facing the door from barricades, while also being armed with riot gear and CS gas. Another six would be a reserve rapid reaction group aiming to tackle any breaches and delay invasion. The final six were already at work with building security destroying anything that contained valuable data; hard drives, portable CD’s and confidential papers. Only a handful of items were to be saved and handed over to the ambassador in the safe room.

It was becoming more and more apparent that an evacuation was not likely to happen right away. On the third floor, most of the embassy staff were gathered in one office room. They could smell smoke, and a few sprinklers had came on. Building security were with them and trying to reassure them, but they clearly were not calm. Some of them had grabbed kitchen knives from the galley to defend themselves. A few staff had been given fire axes and fire extinguishers and been organised into a fire picket, running around the building tackling small fires from the firebombs. But one fire, on the fifth floor (the penultimate before the roof) was beginning to get out of control. They were running out of time and everyone knew it.

In one of the manned windows overlooking the main gate, two special forces personnel were looking out at the crowd which was now massed right up against the barriers. Apparently they were nowhere near getting through at the back, but the front of the building would surely be assaulted soon. The two men hadn’t been at too much risk so far; a few stones had been hurled at them and little else, and one brick. Finally about four protestors made it over, young men and perhaps one teenager with their faces cloaked scrambling over. The Valladar troops who were outside the compound, that still hadn’t done anything other than make a small hole to get those six people out, fired a few warning shots and yelled at the men to stop. A fire engine had turned up now at least to deal with the growing second floor fire, but the mob couldn’t be persuaded to move.

The four men charged up to the front door only to find it barricaded by several desks. They were soon gathered by more people, pushing and shoving against the door and increasing the opening gap. The two men in the window decided enough was enough, and got on their secure radio channel right away. ‘Sir?’
‘What is it Jones?’
‘They’re going to break through any moment now sir, go for CS.’ A sigh came back over the radio amongst an otherwise silent break in conversation.
‘Alright then. You two get your masks on as you’re above the door.’ Moments later small metal canisters shot out of two windows right above the main entrance and flooded the compound with CS gas. Many of the protestors tried to run, scrambling over each other to escape while coughing and spluttering to the floor. The Valladar troops put on their own gas masks and realised the situation was now out of control. The Commander realised he might have to take the advice he had received literally; save the building, let the Euran’s save themselves. He and his men and the two vehicles moved around the crowd to the gathering fire engines to create a gap in the mob for them to at least put out the fire. Meanwhile the Commander stayed on his speakerphone, making token efforts to make the crowd disperse.

It was at this point that a crackle of gunfire broke a bizarre silence following the eventual dispersion of the gas cloud. Puffs of dust and debris appeared on the side of the building; someone had fired an automatic weapon in the direction of the two men in the window overlooking the main gate. Neither were hit, but this was the last straw. The snipers on the roof started searching for the gunman. ‘Hold on, there he is!’ cried the spotter as he spotted a hooded figure trying to hide an assault rifle he had blatantly just fired behind the person in front of him. The nervous looks of those around him were a dead giveaway. ‘Sir, we see the shooter who just fired. What do we do?’ A moment later, the order came.
‘Drop the cunt.’
The sniper aimed down the scope at the man with the rifle, and pulled the trigger. Moments later the bullet hit, but not where he had intended. It struck the shoulder of a woman a few feet in front of him holding a sign, sending her sprawling to the floor and sending the middle of the crowd into a frenzied panic. The sniper shook it off and took aim again, firing two shots this time. Both hit their target, the right one, tearing apart the torso of the shooter and sending him to the floor.

However, the damage had been done. The crowd were boiling with rage as the injured woman was carried away. Someone had got access to the primary controls of the main gate inside the compound and it had now slid open as people poured in. More gas had been deployed but it would only slow people down. An order came through on the radio that no-one wanted to hear. ‘All SF reserve boys, to the main entrance now. Window and roof guys, watch for climbers and people entering ground floor windows. Building security, do the same on the middle levels. Main door boys? Go for non-lethal first, hit the legs.’ Down in the lobby, people had broken in but were cautiously strolling in to the lobby and remaining ducked, or hiding themselves behind obstacles, rather than storming the place. A Euran special forces man clad in intimidating black gear and holding a rather scary looking rifle barked down a loudspeaker at them in Spanish.

‘Civilians! Leave the building now, or you will be repelled by force!’
Most seemed to hesitate and freeze, maybe back off a bit. A few didn’t, they ran out, one of them holding a baseball bat and another a knife. A burst of gunfire cut them down at their knees, non lethal wounds but nevertheless they had been shot. One more came though, and he wasn’t shot at. A tall and impressive figure broke from the crowd with a machete in one hand, and a Valladar flag draped around his neck. The man with the loudspeaker reiterated his threat, but this machete wielding rioter kept walking forward confidently. ‘I’ll say it one last time, get the fuck out of here!’
‘I’m not going anywhere! Bring it, you fucking Endemian slime!’ The special forces chief dropped his loudspeaker and marched down the steps, past the well protected barricades a handful of his men were behind with various weapons. Most were on the upper balcony overlooking the whole lobby, but someone had to be at the bottom to be sure no-one could slip by. The chief walked right up to the man and stared at him from only a few feet away as everyone else stood still and held their breath, like time had stood still.

‘I’m not kidding. Get to fuck pal.’
‘I’m not going anywhere. We came to protest and you shot one of us.’
‘Protest? That’s why you’ve got guns and machetes, then? I didn’t even know gun ownership was legal here, assuming it is and you got that legally.’ The Valladar scoffed and spat on the boots of the chief. Big mistake. ‘We want to talk to the ambassador.’
‘You can talk to the hand, dickhead.’ The chief raised his loudspeaker and screamed at the Valladar. ‘Get the fuck out, or I will take Mike’s general purpose machine gun over there and aim it at you, and use it, with some general fucking purpose!’ The Valladar still didn’t move. ‘Like I said…this is our land. Not yours. And we’ve got the families of the real victims out there. I want to talk to the ambassador.’
‘That isn’t an option.’
‘What options have you got? What are you going to do, shoot me?’ The chief didn’t respond for a moment, before breaking out laughing. ‘Now that you mention it…’ Before the Valladar could respond the chief whipped out a handgun and double tapped the rioter twice in the chest, before turning away and walking up the stairs. The Valladar dropped to his knees and slumped over, blood gathering around him. As the chief got to the top of the stairs, he realised that this might be about to get bloody. He decided to give one final order before chucking himself into cover behind a desk. ‘If anyone goes beyond the body of that man, they will be shot. We have enough ammunition for all of you.’

‘I suggest you calm down and piss off so we don’t have to use any.’

---------------

'Danger, incoming tone. Danger.'
‘Turling fucking give it up, were going to die!’
‘I can’t…arrrgh!’ Turling screamed from the back seat as he struggled to wrap a wire around the throat of his pilot. The mountains were so close you could touch them, yet remarkably they’d been flying for nearly twenty minutes without crashing. Now though they had been getting messages for several minutes that Greenway couldn’t respond to because her weapons officer had decided she was a traitor. But they were both out of breath, the erratic flying style was making them very ill and they were both acutely aware they were being locked on to. So Turling let go. He sat back in his seat. ‘What is it?’
‘Somebody is on us, they keep getting bad tone.’ Greenway bled speed as soon as Turling gave up his control element while she got her breath back and gained some altitude. She immediately realised the problem; they had flown over the target area at low altitude and high speed and now Valladar fighters and SAM’s were targeting them after they hadn’t responded to the warnings.

‘Turls, you mad idiot, they’re going to shoot us down!’
‘Well…I…I don’t…’
‘You think I’m a traitor when you’re the one getting us taken out? Arsehole! You are a massive arsehole!’
‘Can you stop berating me and look outside?’ Greenway looked over her shoulder to see two massive problems on either side of her rear. Two Valladar interceptors at close range were following, and locking on. ‘I’ll send them an IFF tone and slow down, Turls try to give them visual contact.’
‘But they’re the ene-‘
‘We are not at war, don’t you realise that you idiot? NOW SIGNAL!’ Turling didn’t know what to think any more after his twenty minutes of madness, so he turned around and tried to gesticulate towards the Valladar pilots. But they were too far away for hand signal contact, and it seemed like they had already made up their mines when a missile streaked away from the wing of one of them.

‘Shit shit, is it red capped?’
‘Red capped? Fuck, er, yes!’
‘Heat guided, dumping flares!’ Greenway banked hard to the right and swooped away as the Blackjack’s wings extended out into a normal low flight, manuverable configuration as the flares brushed off the heat seeking missile, which flew off harmlessly. However both pilots knew that they had to get out of here fast to avoid a shoot down, and the Blackjack’s powerful engines would be glaring targets for further heat seekers. Valladar interceptors had been using heatseekers rather than IR guided missiles for a while ever since the Blackjack came into service. Its big weaknesses were simple; big heat profile, and questionable manoeuvrability. However, Greenway didn’t plan to let the Valladar’s expose those weaknesses. She would instead exploit the strength of this aircraft. Simple, terrifying, and yet quite magnificent power. The jet bomber broke into a rapid climb, swung its wings back, and let purple afterburner burn as it streaked upwards.

The Valladar jets and SAM’s stations on the ground followed, the jets trying to keep up and the SAM’s trying to get locked on. Greenway wouldn’t let them; the aircraft smashed Mach 1 with terrifying ease, and then Mach 2 quickly afterwards. Turling was being pushed back against his seat by the G-forces involved but he could just about see a few white streaks in the sky as missiles tracked them upwards. For several minutes, they didn’t slow down, continuously flying around practically in a circle as they tried to lose the missiles at high altitude. They were playing chicken with the Valladar military. But the fun couldn’t last. ‘Colonel, fuel.’
‘Fuel?’
‘Yeah, were past the point of no return.’ This news was somewhat surprisingly the least of Greenway’s worries. She’d flown one of these things on fumes before, she could do it again. But they had to fly east now and that meant making a break for it without taking evasive action if they were fired upon again. The interceptors had fled after running out of missiles but the SAM’s might return at any moment.

Just as Greenway banked to her left and her compass needle pointed east, there was another lock warning. She screamed in frustration and rolled the aircraft before diving momentarily and dropping her last flares, which was enough once again. If there was a record for how many surface to air missiles a Blackjack had outrun in one flight, it had probably been broken. Rumours at Blackhall had suggested the Valladar’s had thought the Blackjack was now outdated a few years ago; a fearsome but ageing relic of the Euran-Sameban War that only remained for the usual Euran dickwaving. Greenway liked to think they had proven that analysis wrong. Before that satisfaction could register, her heart dropped as she began to come out of the dive. She could see a missile with her own two eyes heading right for them, and they were going too fast towards it to get away.

She hadn’t even thought about deactivating the missiles yet. ‘Turls, watch the canopy.’
‘W-‘ He never finished his sentence. The missile tore through the left wing as it distributed a spray of shrapnel from its main body, shredding the control surfaces and disabloing the left engine. The aircraft continued downwards with minimal interruption, but it wouldn’t be coming out of this descent. Both crew had survived the impact and they ejected straight away, plummeting towards the ground before opening their green chutes as they were about to hit the ground. Greenway couldn’t slow down completely, but it would be enough to cushion her. As she hit the snow she landed on her feet like a paratrooper storming into battle, drawing a pistol and cutting her parachute away. But as she stood in the snow in the middle of the Ituyan, she realised she was completely alone. Turling was nowhere to be seen. The Valladar’s must be nearby, but they were not here yet.

The only sign that anything had happened was the plume of smoke coming from the mountain opposite. The jet had been completely destroyed. And yet Greenway felt satisfied; why? Because in the worst case scenario, the nukes would’ve gone off and she’d have started a war, dead or alive.

[Legalese]

He was underwater. Drowning, fading, falling. All he could see was clouded; all the oxygen he could breathe remained firmly held from him by the pair of hydrogen molecules that conspired to make his life - what was left of it, anyways - even more difficult, as he fell futher.

For a moment, Rob wished he actually did turn into a fish. Being battered, fried, and served with a generous helping of fried potatoes would've been a pleasure, in comparison.

Alas, that was not to be, he reflected. Some dreams are just that, after all.

The Federation President looked into a mirror, something he'd always generally tried to avoid. At least, looking at him some two years earlier, when his main task was securing the rights to host World Cup 68, he would've seen only tiny slivers of silver hiding in the mass of brown that, while close-cut, remained the color it had been for the majority of his four-plus decades. Now, what hair chose to remain had been assimilated by the offending portion, ravaging his skull.

Indeed, the cost of hosting was much higher than he figured. "It'll be fun!" he'd said, back when the government offered their support. "We'll bring history into the mix, and try some new things, and give everyone a good time."

And then, it all started. The applications for the seeding committee; the whispers of impropriety in the action, ignoring that he personally selected the officiating pool, and had them double and triple-checked for propriety; the confusion over the format, even though everyone should've known exactly what to expect. In some ways, the fish dreams were actually a nice break from it all, even though those were disturbing at times as well.

It's no wonder nobody else wanted this.

He sighed and slumped back into the couch. And then there's the Free Republicans...

Mechanically, he had nothing to complain about. Competition in the Free Republics was going smoothly, and they contributed everything to the table that he'd expected and more. In terms of planning, preparation, and execution, the Republican National Soccer Team Corporation or Whatever was, by and large, a useful ally and a good partner in the hosting effort.

He sighed. Must be nice to not give a damn about what the community thinks.

In the balance, he knew it didn't matter all that much. The People and Government of Legalese would indure in the international community regardless of the feelings of those visiting about World Cup 68. And deep down, he knew that so long as a major scandal didn't derail the cup, the only reaction at home that mattered was out of his hands.

He flipped on the TV.

"You all know what's at stake tonight, unless you've been living under a rock for the past few days," the voice from the TV said. "Despite a strong start with six points, the Legalites are not locked into the Round of Sixteen. To make that historic leap, they need a favorable result tonight in Tiberia, they're watching from the stands for the duration."

"Yeah, it was tough draw for the hosts here," another voice chimed in. "While they got the better end of the draw in some of the pots, the combination of both getting Osarius, who we've seen put paid to our hopes a number of times before, and not having them come up until the last day, is just a brutal situation. The home crowd will be with the Legalites, we know - especially since they've done so well in The Park of the Phoenix - but it's going to take a strong outing, or a little luck to come their way in the form of the German-American States not being able to beat Buyan for this to be a successful result."

"Yes, that's right, folks," replied the original voice. "Both matches are taking place side-by-side here in Tiberia. Just about ten blocks separate the two sites, so it's fair to say that neither arena will need to see the scoreboard to know what's going on nearby."

Rob flipped off the TV. "So, I guess that does it for us." He said to nobody in particular, as he poured a needed drink. "All this work, all this effort, and it's the other guys who decide what it amounts to. Great."

[Pasarga]

"I can not for the life of me believe we just lost to Jeruselem, a bunch of whores and tarts. That is just sickening, totally disgusting, and entirely incomprehensible, especially the way their media and royal family so disgustingly exploits the female frame. It is a sad state of affairs when a nation and players like that can be successful in their pursuits and we are defeated by them." The Queen said with a look of disgust on her face, one that seemed far too common over the last few months.

"It is just football, even if the morality of the opposition is completely and utterly in the gutter, it is still just football. We have more pressing concerns to deal with, like the Polarians starting to settle down in the north of Paulinthal to begin their construction, as well as what to do about Astograth." Her minister of the interior tried to say, yet the stare of death that he got from the Queen seemed to suggest that he had mispoken, once more with this ruler. The Queen he knew thought of him a relic of her uncle's reign, yet he thought his advice and counsel was prudent.

"Yes, it is just sport, but it is a sort of war you see, a way to exert your morality, your way of thinking overs, by showing yours in the superior path. That we lost to deviants and misogynists like that is a poor reflection upon who we are as a nation and the strength that we can exert over others." Perhaps it was a bit of an exaggeration, but sporting competitions had turned into faux wars over the past decades, a good place to settle differences of opinion and thought without resorting to armed conflict.

Jeruselem, a name that lived in infamy for Pasarga as well as many other nations who were more progressive and equal. Their way of life, the way their media, the way their fans acted, the way their players conducted themselves did nothing but portray the words that the Queen had spoken. No one did anything though, no one ever did anything but be passive, that was a load of rubbish as far as the Queen was concerned.

"You see, how can we even consider actions with the Vahallans, the Astograth people, or Sargossa if we can not even show moral superiority over the likes of Jeruselem in a football match. Not to mention that our players are better in skill, in training, and in preparation. Yet they lacked for something in that match and were punished for it, as we too will be if we can not keep ourselves strong, keep ourselves focused. That is why the Polarians are here, that is why they are helping us get strong, for you must not only exert strength and power, but actually have it to have any true influence."

The minister sighed, this was not Pasarga's way, they did not get involved in military conflicts, a military of their own would make them targets. It was their neutrality, their lack of being a real threat that had the likes of the Vahallans, Eura, and even Valladares from looking their way, not to mention the islands themselves were mostly isolated from the rest of the region. Only Nethertopia, Logria, and the big Canderlians and Marquez chain were close. He had a bad feeling about these maneuvers... maybe this was how the Wanderers fans felt about that defeat and heading into their last group game... yet he was not a sport person, perhaps he would never really understand.

[Super-Llamaland]

ERROR 404: wikihow.com/how-to-beat-audioslavia could not be found.

The Llama Gazette: One time this doesn't work...

Tigers v. Bulls: Here We Go Again

(By: Randy Morrisey, Top Contributor)

Welp, looks like we're in this position again. Now, you may be wondering how that's possible when Super-Llamaland has a total of ONE World Cup Qualification (this one), but yes, it's possible. You're probably narrowing down to only soccer/football. But wait! We haven't played Audioslavia at all! You cry. Well, that's true. But we've been in this situation quite a few times.

World Baseball Classics 25 through 29 (excluding 27), for a start. Our Tigers won a key game versus Skeckoa in the Equestrian States but lost on a stupid tiebreaker that never should've been here (I refer to, of course, H2H RD). In WBC 26, we clutch-ily defeated Allinlia to advance. At 28, we barely scratched by on the final day of qualifying despite a loss. And at 29, we sealed our group lead with a win against Yttribia, admittedly not a baseball powerhouse, and then marched to the finals for a second straight classic.

Back to soccer now. I mean, Audioslavia.

World number-three.

Two-time champion.

Defending runners-up (possibly not something you'd want to be, but the Tigers would be fine with that right now).

More importantly, a team thirty-seven ranking spots and quite a bit of experience/prestige above the Tigers. So, what do we have on our side?

Well...

Surprise

They may be aware we're there, but ne'er will they dare to care we'll scare and escape by a hair. While Audioslavia is on-guard, it's more of a "we are not messing this up" than "uh oh, Super-Llamaland's a good team". Which, if you compare to Audioslavia, we aren't. But we topped a group lead by the powerhouses Osarius, marched through the falling but still lethal Taeshan, and edging the dangerous Vaporeons 2-1. We can do this!

Offense

Right. Audioslavia is a fairly defensive team. However, our tactics might be enough to get by their 4-1-4-1 formation and run up a few goals. With domineering shooters like Crosby and Masters, dangerous playmakers like Wiggins, and a sturdy bench highlighted by Duncan, Cartwright, Platona, and Alcanatra, we can combine surprise with offense and run up a goal or two in the first half. Our defense is merely okay for a team of our caliber, though, and if they can get through our wave-like playmaking, this might be a blowout.

Margaret

We created the IBS, Margaret's personal sandbox mode. We began RubberChick Inc., selling premium Rubber Chickens to appease Margaret. Who knows? Maybe this will all pay off.


Tigers 2 - 1 Vaporeons

Goals: Alcouin 36', Crosby 50', Cartwright 67'


A fine match for the Tigers as they knocked out their Sunrisian opponents from World Cup contention. While the Vaporeons stunned the Tigers with about twenty minutes of near-continuous domination, the Tigers, lead by amazing efforts from Derrick Nelson, the young defensive stalwart, and a nice block or three from goalie Henry McNeal, managed to keep it at nil-nil until Alcouin shot by Nelson and put one in the corner of the net.

But the Tigers came back roaring in the second half, as Jake Wiggins quickly forced a corner kick on a pass. As the kick came in, Bobby Crosby defied normal Llamanean play to use his head to pop it by Melody Sioux. As they kept going, with failed opportunities on both sides, it was super-sub Alex Cartwright who would destroy the defensive order of the Vaporeons with a bit of dribbling, fake out Sioux to give himself a clear, thirty-foot path to the goal, and...shoot off the crossbar, whereupon it unexpectedly smashed off his head and back in. Thus the Tigers, on a great stroke of luck, won the game to keep their hopes alive.

[Free Republics]

Your Cutoff for Matchday 3 of the World Cup Finals (in Legalese), the final cutoff of the Group Stage, is brought to you by the Party for National Greatness. Make Republica Great again. Vote for the Party for National Greatness in the upcoming Assembly elections! The Campaign for a Great Assembly is responsible for the content of this advertising.

[Valanora]

Valanora Times
Rivalry Renewed?

Turori, the Eels as is their moniker, were once a thorn in the side of the Marauders, a rival who seemed to thwart them at every turn. It was an obstacle that seemed intent on keeping the Marauders down, among the good but not great sides that took part in the World Cup. This was many decades ago, to a point in time where most do not even remember how small and insignificant the Marauders were in the international community, a special little team made up Elves and that was all. Even the likes of Az-cz had been to the Finals and the Final before the Marauders had, with the Eels having stamped out qualification dreams, stamped out runs in the Cup of Harmony, and stamped out a run in the Finals themselves. Yet it was that engagement in the Quarterfinals of a long forgotten cycle, where the Eels looked to once more keep the Marauders from blossoming, that it all changed, for the both sides.

The Marauders would record their first victory over the Eels then in route to their first appearance in the semifinals and third place playoff. It was Valanora's star that rose and Turori began to fade into oblivion, a slow but steady death. What happened afterwards is known to all who are students of the game, titles, success, records smashed and what have you, all leading up back to this point. Where Turori once again is on the rise, their combined teams with Vilita proving to be very difficult to handle in the AOCAF tournaments, while the Eels are once more throwing their weight around in the World Cup itself, as evidenced by the two sides vying off against each other in last cycles Round of Sixteen, where the Marauders exercised some past demons and took the victory.

Now, as they prepare to meet once more in the Finals, they are locked into a precarious position each. They both need a result out of the match to ensure their progression, yet it is the Eels who have the upper hand in this match up, needing but a single point from the match in order to advance out of what has been a very turbulent group. It has not been easy for either of the teams to get a firm footing here, though the Eels had managed to limit their upset in the first two matches to just a draw against Neu side, while we Marauders were unfortunate and unlucky in losing to Saintland, a loss that makes this match a must win for the side. Due to the tiebreakers in this World Cup, even if the other match in the group did manage to go the Marauders way, they would still be eliminated with the draw, and thus have to take the fight to Turori.

Yet with as poor as the offense has been for the side these past two years, it is looking like a task that is high on the end of improbability. Turori can simple sit back and absorb the pressure, can play for that nil to nil draw that will suit their needs just fine. For some, it would even be seen as a favor, parking the bus and sending the World's number two out of the tournament prematurely, the likes of which could be seen a few years back in the RLstates episode where Algeria tried to do the same to America, and would have succeeded if not for some late heroics by their goalkeeper and star player. Will the same sort of heroics be needed for the Marauders, will Hawk or Fresco have to turn into the role of that pivotal hero who saves the day?

A moment of brilliance, it amazes that those little bit of amazing moments by a player who sees a brief opening or who just refuses to be defeated as so often the difference in the matches here in the Final. The Marauders have more than enough talented players who could have that moment, the captain chief among them with his insatiable appetite for perfection and success. Will it be enough, can it be focused and facilitated when called upon, especially against a foe with such a history with a side and for a time in history, knew just what tactics to employ to frustrate and overcome the side? It's such an easy proposition to for the Eels and a more than stern, more than heavy challenge for this side who has failed to live up to expectations.

Yet it is the will of a champion to find a way, to win matches even when they are not at their best, it shows the desire and hunger, the resolve to win. Perhaps it does not happen tomorrow night, when the two giants of Atlantian Oceania face off, and the Marauders fail to advance out of the group stage for the first time ever. it would be a heavy blow for the side, for the manager, for all of the nation who is so wrapped up in the success and glory of the national team. Yet if last cycle taught us anything, it is that these players, especially lead by their core group of leaders, are resilient and should never be doubted, regardless of the odds that are stacked against them. They had adversity during the last cycle and still made the semifinals, these are not players to be doubted until that last whistle is blown. That resolve could be the tipping point, even if Turori adopt an unfamiliar defensive posture, and be the key to reclaiming that hope for glory and an enduring legacy that would be shown as a refusal to die. It is not advancement that is on the line, it is the legacy and the chance to avoid negative history and go for splendid history.

[Polar Islandstates]

Okay, now, see that's much more like it. A Rushmori derby, and a high stakes Rushmori derby in particular, is always going to throw up an engaging ninety minutes, and the match against Mytannion was no exception. The tension was palpable, and the noise in the arena electrifying as both sets of fans did their best to ramp up the atmosphere pre-game. And whether it was the fact that the Mytanars are current holders of the Copa Rushmori (a tournament I sense the Twitchers feel we should always be winning), the fact that we knew the winner of the match would get a place in the next round, the fact that our rivalry with them goes back to one of our first ever international matches, the pre-game tributes to Ismet van Huijgevoort, or the fact that the Mytanar supporters are one of the few travelling supports capable of beating the Twitchers in terms of noise - the Terns raised their game from the snoozefest of the first match against United Gordonopia.

And thank Thor for that.

Many of these players know each other from numerous clashes either in the Mytanar league or our own, in the CdC or in UICA competition, and the tackles were leaving nothing to the imagination as a result. There was a real urgency to the play from both sides, and it made for an engaging contest. Despite the hard tackles there appeared to be nothing approaching malice in the comings together, each player showing only cold determination in their eyes that gave a real sense of immediacy to the tie. With Astograth there's the sense that no matter how big the contest on the pitch is, there'll always be the chance to play them again next cycle. We never have to wait too long until the chance to beat them comes rolling around again. With Mytannion however there is no rolling series of 'friendlies', and you could tell that each and every person on that pitch wanted to win this match right here, right now. Because who knew when the next time our teams would be drawn against each other would be?

It certainly kept us entertained in the stands, anyway. Haugen was tussling with Nordenberg, Salo was threatening to flatten Kohlemainen, Berozhserkovsky was all over Wolff, and Adkvissen and Kungas-Vaga picked up their feud where they'd left off after the last Divisjon One season. It was brilliant. But in amongst the tussling and the full-blooded shoulder barges, a football match was threatening to break out, and when Wolff stung the palms of Wallinaar it served as a little reminder to the players that the aim of the game was to score goals, not personal battles. Kaitanen also fired in a shot that whistled over the bar after Salo gave him just a little bit too much space in the box.

In the midst of all the excitement though, young Thorkil Bechinie von Lazan came on for Mytannion as a substitute, skinned Bjerregaard like he was much more than a few years his senior, and buried it past Kirilaunen when the whole stadium thought he was going to cross it.

Bugger.

In a weird way though, we didn't feel too bad about it in the stands. We weren't getting pasted, it was an engaging match that we were fully competitive in, and most of all we were looking infinitely more like scoring than we had been against United Gordonopia. We were also enjoying the back-and-forth with the Mytanars in the stands - a few scuffles outside the stadium aside, things inside had been tremendously good natured.

Still, that's not to say that we weren't excited when the Terns came out with their ears ringing to the echoes of yet another Pekarik team-talk and playing much better than they had been. Far from it in fact; we loved it and sang all the louder.

Torsten Wolff has seen his international notoriety take off since being promoted to the starting eleven of the Terns, which is perhaps a fact that isn't all that surprising, but the fact that it has been accompanied and indeed propelled by a sudden and explosive upturn in form and presence is testament to the player's hard work on the training pitch. As Kolehmainen's age means his play is naturally retreating a little further away from the 'breaking offside traps' kind of play, Wolff's development into a poacher of rare talent has seen them quickly forge a working relationship on the pitch that means a few mean spirited SK fans were last night heard asking "Felix who?"

Both were involved for the equaliser, with Kolehmainen winning the free kick out wide that saw Bjerregaard's drilled shot pushed around the post. From there, a whipped delivery from Villeneuve was nodded on by Nordenberg and the finish applied by Wolff for his first goal of the tournament. He looked delighted, and so he should have been. It's his job to react in the box quicker than anyone else, and when he manages it, goals happen.

There were chances at either end after that, but when the winner came it came in a delightfully counter-attacking manner. von Lazan approached down our right hand side and looked to do to Bjerregaard exactly what he'd done in the first half on his way to scoring, but an unfortunate slip saw Bjerregaard take his chance to acquire redemption, and he didn't need asking twice. Running half the length of the pitch he easily out-paced the Mytanar centre-backs, and then chipped the ball over the advancing Wallinaar in a manner that made it look nonchalently easy when in reality it was anything but.

A winning goal against Mytannion? No wonder he celebrated in front of the crowd. After being at fault for the first goal it did us all good to see the young right-back earn his stripes by scoring at the other end. If he can keep his head and add the mental toughness to his game that the sport requires, he'll be an all-time great, I know he will.

The contest was far from over, of course, but as a truly competitive game of football it was on its way out. Starving the Mytanars of the ball with short, sharp, accurate passing we kept the pace of the game high in our own half and despite our own relative lack of penetration beyond this point of the match it's hard to say we didn't deserve the victory. Keep them chasing the ball, and wear the opponents down as our natural stamina means we outlast them as the game slows down. It's page one of the Valhallan tactics book.

So, a much needed three points then, and a three points that ensured our 100% record of progressing from World Cup group stages remains intact. Rasmussen joked about being relieved in the press conference afterwards, but the reality is of course that at this point in time; with this squad, and a ranking as big as this, and as reigning champions; failing to make it out of the group stages would be a very big deal indeed.

Who's next then? None other than Darmen. We know Darmen, and they know us. The ageless combination of Tor Tong Lee and Faulkner were the last team to beat us, in fact; a 1-0 victory in the Copa Rushmori that was the last goal we'd concede before notching up a stunning twelve clean sheets in a row. Sure, they're out already, but that doesn't mean they're toothless. Far from it. In fact, with nothing to lose now they'll be fearless in coming at us. One last go at the reigning champions before getting the plan home - why in the name of Thor wouldn't you go for it? We'll have to prepare for that attack, and I expect Rasmussen is already doing counter-attacking drills at the training ground even as I type. Darmen share a 4-0-4 head to head record with ourselves, too, meaning another win would see them become one of the few teams against whom we don't have a winning record. You know, just in case we needed anymore motivation to avoid defeat. Besides which, another three points to add to the ranking score wouldn't hurt, would it?

Despite this, I should expect to see a few rotations of players occur. Valhallan stamina or no Valhallan stamina, that extra match with your feet up can make all the difference in the final inches when it counts in the knockout stages, and I wouldn't be surprised at all to see a handful of players in the line-up who haven't been starting recently. Not that we think Darmen will be a pushover, far from it, but just that sometimes you need to give your stars a little break.

Either way, there is next to no point trying to match results from the other group. Saintland, Valanora, Turori, and Neu Engellon are all involved in a four-way tussle for both spots in the next round as everything will be decided on the final matchday. With things so close, it would be foolish to try and 'aim' for a weaker opponent, but expect to see some rotation all the same. Meanwhile, in the other game in our group you can see United Gordonopia and Mytannion face each other in a straight fight for the second qualification spot behind us. It looks like it'll be another engaging tactical clash so it should be a good watch if for some reason the idea of watching the Terns in a dead rubber doesn't interest you.


It can hardly have escaped your notice too, dear reader, that the Audioslavians are gunning for us this year. Like, really gunning for us. Perhaps not helped by a bug in my RSS feed meaning their preview where they talked about us as one of the favourites didn't arrive in my inbox - right before I whinged pretty publicly about them not considering us a favourite. So. Sorry about that. But even so, they seem pretty worked up about the whole thing to a point whereby I'm not even sure which would be the greater prize for them anymore - beating us, or winning the World Cup. Was that night in Cathair really all that big of a deal?

Of course, to do either this year the Bulls would have to do both as we are in separate halves of the draw, but I'm not sure they're thinking about that particular point all that much - choosing instead to try and sass us in our own language. A nice, if slightly bizarre, touch from them, I'll admit, but it's hard to feel too threatened by a nation who somehow manage to send their journalists into other dimensions. Also, don't point out to them that a final between Audioslavia and the Terns wouldn't be world number one versus world number two anymore. They don't like being reminded that Valanora have snuck above them into second place, apparently.

Though, speaking honestly, the idea that Polar Islandstates and Valanora - numbers one and two in the world - could yet face each other as early as the Round of Sixteen seems a shame when last cycle we faced number two Audioslavia in the final itself. It feels like it would almost be something of an anticlimactically early point for such a mammoth clash. Ah well. We'll just have to see what happens in the other group, I suppose.

For now, enjoy the football, and enjoy the show against Darmen. This tournament is shaping up to be a good one.

Eff

xx

[Valladares]

"Sir, the protestors have already entered the building. What are we going to do now?"

"I'm evaluating our options. The MePol have already shown how incompetent they are, so we're alone on this. However, there's this dilemma about going beyond this wall and break the law or staying with folded arms and see catastrophe ensue..."

The Commander was already desperate. Despite having received the endorsement from both the Minister of Defense and the embassy's safety chief, he was still reluctant to do something due to the delay of the reinforcements. However, his subordinates were willing to move and prevent a bloodshed inside the Euran embassy grounds.

"They are accepting the help! Now's the moment to act before these bunch of vandals cause a war unknowingly! We're not getting reinforcements for the time being, then let's move! How will some knives be stronger than guns?"

This encouraging comment finally made the Commander change his mind, and then he ordered his troops to enter the building and try to neutralize the protesters, while he tried to call the Eurans back in order to co-ordinate an evacuation. Time was already running out and he was already sure his superiors would not condone any mistake now, even though his job at the command of the I Army Division had already been stripped by someone at a crisis room.

"So you are finally moving, eh? The situation here is extremely complicated, there's a fire in the fifth floor, your citizens have already invaded the building, gunfire has already been shot to repel them, and the embassy staff is enclosed in an office in the third floor! You have to do something now!"

"My men are already entering the building to provide support to your forces. Attempting an evacuation through the main entrance is way too dangerous at this time, so this is what we're going to do: while our main group of soldiers will be helping your security staff get rid of the bigger group of troublemakers at the building's main entrance and hall, there'll be another group of us clearing the rear in order to attempt the evacuation through there. Your task now will be working out the safest way for the embassy staff to reach the rear. We will be waiting there for them to drive them to a safe place."

The communication was now cut, and the Commander now addressed his troops, who were now ready to assault the building.

"You know what to do, lives are at stake so let's get moving! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

The troops were now divided in two groups, one of them proceeded to enter the building through the main entrance and face the mob, the Commander and the rest of the troops headed to the rear to co-ordinate the evacuation of the Euran ambassador and the rest of her staff. He already knew there was one thing for certain: this was far from ending...

[Jeruselem]

A disappointed Princess Amy and her mother Princess Melody

Amy: We stuff up Mum, it's my fault
Melody: No no, nothing to do with you at all
Amy: What do you mean
Melody: We had a few players on yellows but unfortunately we had someone sent off early
Amy: That kind of messed up everything.
Melody: You can't win with 10 players against Vilita

Amy: We could have gone through if Pasarga had lost or even drawn
Melody: Well, a 4-3 win is a close game for them
Amy: You retiring?
Melody: Highly depends who applies for the job
Amy: Well, don't let that Abdul fella take it
Melody: I heard he doesn't deal with women terribly well

Amy: We can't have people like him running our football team
Melody: Don't worry, I'm sure there's plenty of alternative coaches out there
Amy: Good. What you gonna do if you retire?
Melody: Not totally sure. I'm sure not going sit around at home all day
Amy: I hear Jeru FC might need a new coach, Andre is getting a bit old for all that now
Melody: I'm not doing that gig again

Amy: We almost did it, it was almost there
Melody: I think we can do better next cup
Amy: Jeru FC are still in the CoH, I guess
Melody: Reckon the boys have maybe one more cup in them
Amy: Not much more
Melody: I guess it's time to get home and start interviewing people

Amy: I reckon we could have beaten Paradystopia or Barunia if we had progressed
Melody: Me too
Amy: Don't quit Mum
Melody: I'm not going in a hurry.
Amy: I hope we get a kick in our rankings
Melody: And hope Jeru FC win the CoH

[Turori]

Electric Eels Fans Rock the Green

Fans of the Turori Eels have descended on the Milne Stadium in Samstown, Nessex ahead of their World Cup 68 finals matchday 3 showdown with the Marauders of Valanora in a sea of Lime Green, as the the traditional Eelskin brown uniforms have been ditched by many Eels fans in favor of cheaply printed novelty T-Shirts.

Many of the shirts, likely printed in the basement of some shady multi-family home somewhere in the Free Republics, are an attention grabbing neon green color with a cartoonish representation of an Eel deemed to be the now famous Dreamed Creature "Nigel" who purportedly is the one responsible for pulling all the puppet strings in the Island Emirates.

The most popular of the shirts may have been illegally imported into the Free Republics from an unknown source, is shown to the right.

While the fans have quickly abandoned their Brown & Blue for the fantastical knock-off lime green combination, the Football Association of Turori has already confirmed that the Eels will be wearing their traditional Kirola-designed Eelskin Brown primary kits for the Matchday 3 clash with the Vanorians. There had been rumors that the Island Emirate was secretly working with kit provided Kirola Sportswear to produce a special edition Lime-Green kit for use in the finals. However, Kirola Sportswear has affirmed their 'closed for business' sign will remain up through the remainder of the World Cup Finals and no special accommodations would be made for any nation, especially the Eels of Turori.

There was an unsubstantiated report out of the Island Emirate that a representative of the Football Association of Turori had a cousin who worked in Tropicorp, the quasi governmental entity that has supported The Colonial Lands of Vilita & Turori recently from a sporting perspective by providing uniforms and equipment for the Winter Olympics held in Saugeais, a games that saw an all-time best performance by Vilita & Turori, finishing atop the total medal count table.

Tropicorp and Football Association of Turori officials have been silent about the possibility that they are working together to create a special edition "Nigel Themed" kit for the Eels - likely to mean that the story is too ridiculous to be worth denying. Nevertheless, the football association has more important things to worry about, needing to take at least a point from one of the World Cup favorites in order to ensure advancement to the Round of 16.

[Polar Islandstates]

Community Park, Comunas. Sunshine Mvula was doing his best to blend in curing the last few minutes of the thrilling match between The Licentian Isles and Pasarga. Unfortunately, when you're the only Djocorangan scout working for Northbrook Diamonds, or in Divisjon One for that matter, that was easier said than done. International tournaments offer more chance to do that than usual however, and Sunshine was taking advantage of that fact to get his passport stamped and head off to Legalese to watch a very special looking striker on the Pasargan roster.

The game had been a good one, and he'd been very satisfied with what he'd seen. The player in question had shown a lot of quality, and a glowing report was going to be on its way to Northbrook very soon. They'd spent big last season on a number of players, and this season, just a single marquee signing was all they'd need. Spend it all on one player, the missing piece of the puzzle. That was how it was done. And finding that piece was Sunshine's brief at the tournament. Pasarga were heading through, and he made a note of their next match details on his way out of the stadium. He's be watching next time.

~

Meanwhile, high above the stadium and extraordinarily lost, a pair of Polarian pranksters are circling in a light aircraft, looking for the best place to release their cargo.

"Look, just do it already!"

"I'm not sure this is the right stadium, Sven."

"It must be! Look, those guys down there are waving green flags and red flags. Must be Audioslavian."

"But aren't they playing in Tiberia today? I'm pretty sure this isn't Tiberia."

"Well, whatever, we haven't got all day with this. Let's just take a chance and drop the things. We've got to get back to the airport quick if we want to get back to Free Republics in time for the Terns to play Darmen."

"I can't believe you bought us tickets to Legalese just to help you prank the Audioslavians. This is such a stupid idea."

"Pranking the Audioslavians is never a stupid idea, Mark."

"But where on earth did you even find a charter plane from in Legalese? Or the money to hire one? Or a graphic designer at that time of night? And since when do you have a pilot's license that's valid internationally?!"

"Questions, questions. Just release the damn things. I can't wait to see their little Audioslavian faces..."

"Okay, Sven. If you're sure..."

Mark shrugged, and pulled the lever. Forty-thousand leaflets flew out of the open hatch doors of the aircraft and fluttered down gracefully through the air, coming to rest all over a baffled stadium full of some now entirely confused fans from the wrong nationalities altogether.

~

Sunshine Mvula plucked one from the air and looked at the face of the man he'd scouted for Northbrook back when he was still playing youth football in an age bracket two years too old for him. He looked up at the aircraft as it buzzed slowly overhead and arched an eyebrow.

"Just when you thought the World Cup couldn't surprise you anymore..."

[Legalese]

The group stage is over, and half will return home - or at least go elsewhere. Who will receive divine intervention and stick around for a bit?

MD3 in FR is now cut off.

[New Sideburn]

Jess Leinster's career had just sort of happened.
Born in Iron (literally the city called Iron, not a metaphor), she'd been rejected from the strongest local side, Iron City, who felt she didn't have 'what it took'. The fact that it had never been explained to her had always bothered her. Undeterred, she switched to Iron United instead, who not only appreciated her ability but given her a prominent role in the team from the age of seventeen. She'd cut her teeth there, in the Second and then First Divisions as the team struggled, but she always flourished.
In 333, she was the last transfer the Chariots made in the window. Close to an afterthought, but that didn't bother her - the transfer was made six weeks before her 21st birthday.
The same week as that 21st birthday, Beyla Jofridsdottir was dropped, and Leinster started her first match for Violence. She'd never relinquished her starting place since.
And here she was. In a green shirt, waiting in the tunnel, standing behind Karl Finnan. Starting a game for the Cormorants in the World Cup.
Never felt comfortable in the tunnel, had Jess. She was more than a little claustrophobic, a fact the rest of the team had found out when they said their hotel floor was only accessible by lift and she screamed. But more importantly, this was the part where you stood surrounded and the pressure hit you. Sank onto you.
She glanced across to the Dagans. Nine years ago, coming into the Baptism of Fire, the Sideburnese were dwarfed in comparison to the Fillies, who were... legends, twice world champions, with a massive amount of tradition behind them. Now they were roughly even in rank, but the Dagans were suffering. Two shock defeats to the Free Republics and to San Jose, both matches they'd been expected to win more or less comfortably, meant they were out of the tournament. They needed to take something from the tournament... a win against New Sideburn, who had beaten Farfadillis and the Inevitable Syndicate, would at least mean something. The Cormorants needed a point to make it out of the group.
Leinster shivered despite the heat. Couldn't let the pressure get to her.
The captains, Stokes and Hinson, walked out into the sun. Leinster crossed herself and followed.

Jess Mortlock crossed her arms pensively. The teams had been even over the course of the first thirty-five minutes. It hadn't been a boring game, both keepers tested a couple of times (Maddie Kirwin forced an excellent save from Riordan at close range - the Dwile goalkeeper had been utterly pivotal throughout the Cup), but in general it gave off the feeling that the real excitement was yet to start.
It started when Michael Brandon picked Edwards' pocket in midfield and stepped forward into acres of space. He glanced forward, saw few prospects he liked, but Crowe ran past her woman and was a far better target. Brandon knocked it on, the Mardi midfielder took control and only started to run further. She flicked it a long way to Rook Cathar, on the edge of the box, who held off both Young and Cipriani with his back to goal. He turned, he saw Catheline Harper calling for the ball, and he laid it across.
The shot was low and strong. Phillips got fingertips to it. That wasn't enough.

A point would be enough. A win? Fucking outstanding. If San Jose got anything from the Republics it'd let them top the group. It was victory on James 'Snowy' Sleet's mind in the forty-fourth minute, as he'd been under no significant pressure since Harper had put the Cormorants ahead.
Maybe that was why his concentration lapsed, and he was caught well out of position by a forward pass from Runyon to Dolan.
Sleet turned as quickly as he could and dashed back towards the ball - Dolan treacherously matching him step for step. The two locked shoulders, but as both approached the ball, Sleet slid to try and hook the ball out for a throw-in. Dolan got the foot there first and moved it along - Sleet's slide clipped her ankle, she stumbled, but she kept running.
Dolan turned to fire an inswinging cross directly at the near post as Petersen ran onto it - Finnan met her in the air, and there was only ever one winner there. But Kirwin, who'd looked dangerous all game, ran onto the ball, slipped past Marlowe...
Riordan never had a chance, really. If Mortlock was the kind to write down her half-time notes, she'd have torn them to shreds.

The players walked back down the tunnel. They'd planned to do so with a lot more swagger and confidence than they'd done in the end. Late equalisers would do that.
"Look, lads," Mortlock said as they slunk back into the dressing room. "That was a lapse in concentration that was all that stopped us coming back here 1-0 up. No reason to feel hard done by or complacent, either - it capped off an even half. But I need to know heads won't start to drop out there, yeah? Get out there and kill the game off - that's all I want from you. No substitutions - 'cause right now I trust all of you, yeah even you Snowy, you didn't do a lot wrong apart from a bit of a lapse. So get out there and give me something more. Because together we're going to do this."
Simple words. Direct.
The sort someone could really act on.
So they did.

Cath Stokes was always one to lead by example.
The players knew that - so did the fans, so did everyone who saw her play. Stokes had always been a smart, industrious player, one who'd excelled beyond her strong but not world-class talent through her sheer determination. And wearing the armband had only made her more driven, more ruthless, more fearless.
"Oi, Jess!" she'd called out as Leinster took possession - the captain had ran forward for the overlap. Leinster knocked the ball past her marker, trusting herself to win out from pace, before sliding it forward for Stokes to latch onto. The Fillies moved in disciplined fashion to counter the surge of the Sideburnese line. But sometimes there was little even that could do to combat sheer brute force. Stokes, under pressure from Nicholson but four years younger, held her back well enough to take the ball under control, then twist to beat her. She looked up. No options. Ah, to hell with it.
She shifted into a better position, then put her left boot through the ball. It rippled the underside of the net, Phillips standing flat-footed, as Stokes wheeled away to join the green shirts in the stands.
"Don't get comfortable," Mortlock warned when the celebrations were done and the players started to trot back to their own half.

Logan Byron came on in the 75th minute - Michael Brandon, to the surprise of many, had come off for him. Brandon, one of the world class talents in the side, who so often quietly made things go smooth in the background, who offered so much deep in midfield. That was the Brandon who started the match. The Brandon clapping Byron's hand and immediately heading for the water had run himself into the ground for seventy-five minutes and picked up a caution to boot. Byron was fresh, capable, and still had a professional foul left in him if needed.
He used up that spotless record to casually trip Dillon three minutes after his arrival. The Cassadagan substitute could've found some dangerous space otherwise.
A few minutes later, Rook Cathar found his way to the end of a forward ball from Dale Brightley, turned and shot on his first touch - Phillips stretched and turned it around the post. A hard-earned corner. After some debate, Cath Harper moved to take it. Logan Byron saw both Stokes and Sleet back, and decided to move forward. At 5'7" he was hardly an aerial presence, but it couldn't hurt, right?
The cross swerved in. The players surged to meet it. The ball was a little erratic, curving inwards somewhat wildly.
Logan Byron, the stereotypical dour anchor man who'd gone the entire season for his club without scoring, slid down for it and stabbed out a leg at the far post. The ball came in off his shin. He'd gone a season without scoring, but here he was... netting the third goal in a World Cup match for his country.

Football, Byron later reflected over a cigarette and a pint, was a funny old game. Sometimes it was skill that made the difference. Sometimes it was sheer bloody-minded persistence.
And sometimes, you just had to get in the right place at the right time and throw out a boot.

[Free Republics]

Alex Tomlinson Memorial Stadium, Barkersville, Amolotopia

The match between San Jose Guayabal and the Federation of Free Republics was scheduled to start simultaneously with the match between New Sideburn and Cassadaigua. However, that was simply not acceptable to Rule Theriault. Therefore, the Republican National Team boss had concocted a secret scheme to delay the start of the match. As the match was scheduled to start, several Blueshirts in the stands used a cell-phone jamming device to prevent anybody from making a phone call or sending a text message. Conveniently, the Internet connection to the stadium also went out at that very moment. There was simply no way that anybody would be able to contact the officials at the IslandDome in Toakameau to let them know that the other match from Group E had been delayed. Republican National Soccer Team, LLC had even sent a few interns to the IslandDome to ensure that the other match started on time, and it did.

Now, it was time for an unexpected ceremony. The Tomlinson family was in the stadium for this match and each of them was announced, by name. Alex Tomlinson Junior delivered a speech that lasted several minutes dedicating the match to the memory of his father. Afterward, the cast from Republican Idol arrived at the stadium to sing the National Anthem, followed by a performance of God Bless the FFR. Finally, 30 minutes into the other match, the match between the Free Republics and San Jose Guayabal began and in a seeming coincidence, Internet and cell phone service to the stadium resumed.

At the 90 minute mark, the Free Republics led 3 goals to 2. By now, Rule Theriault was well aware that New Sideburn had defeated Cassadaigua by a score of 3 goals to 1. Meanwhile, Felix had topped Valladares to, surprisingly, win Group F. If the current scoreline held, the Free Republics would be facing Valladares, instead of the "Trolls" of Felix. This was unacceptable to Rule Theriault.

At the moment the official put up a 2 for 2 minutes of added time, Theriault took his left hand and put a thumb up, before turning it around to give a thumbs down. This was the signal that the Republican National Team needed. Jens Koch passed backward to Kieran Hancock. Hancock passed back to Miroslav Bozek and Bozek passed it back to Marius Christofferson, the keeper. Christofferson intentionally put the ball in his own net, tying the match at 3 goals apiece. After a final SJG "attack" that didn't even amount to a single shot, on goal or otherwise, the referee blew his whistle. The Free Republics were now on a collision path with Felix, once again...

---

Sporting World

The Felix Trolls are Going Back to Esportiva
by: Rule Theriault

I hate to say that I told you so, but I told you so. The best soccer team in the multiverse today is now in the Round of 16 and we're about to send the Felix Trolls back to Esportiva and that certainly can't happen soon enough. It is fitting, indeed, that we are going to beat the Trolls at Dixon Light Stadium in Petrograd. As Sporting World reported earlier today, Koby Theodore has now signed a multi-year endorsement deal with Dixon Light, the beer that has been helping guys get lucky for nearly 2 centuries.

Actually, I think the Felix Trolls may have a problem with that. Afterall, they live in a society where consensual sexual activity between a drunken guy and a drunken girl is actually considered rape. I cannot fathom why anybody would dare to claim that an act of passion between 2 consenting adults is actually rape, but then again I'm not exactly a card-carrying Progressive. Whatever the case, I think the Felix Trolls just need to get over it and recognize that people drink alcohol to let go of their inhibitions and have some fun and there's certainly nothing wrong with 2 teenagers or 20-somethings getting it on in the local bar, so long as they are over the local age of consent, of course.

Now, don't get me wrong. I respect people of faith as much as the next Patriotic Republican and it certainly takes alot of strength to be able to practice abstinence. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, either, and I don't want to disparage those who would rather keep themselves pure. My sole target here are those intolerant fanatics who can't stay out of the personal lives of others, such as the Felix Trolls and the Progressives within our own country. Speaking of the Progressives, the only half-decent Progressive was Danielsson and they ran him out of the party because he wasn't a puritanical kook who sees rapists under every bed and a bigot in every closet.

Now, let me take a moment and address a rather vicious lie about the Indispensable Nation spread by the press of San Jose Guayabal. We most certainly do not regard vandalism as a matter of free expression. To my knowledge, there are absolutely zero places in our great Federation where vandalism is legal and, if it is legal anywhere, then it ought to be made illegal, even if the Federation Government has to step in. Vandalism is a very serious crime. We are a nation that was founded upon the sanctity of private property and those who would destroy or even just damage the property of others belong behind bars. Should it be discovered that those Esportivan scum are behind acts of vandalism, I will recommend that my friends in the Universal Force for Good pay them a visit and civilize their backward nation.

Now that I've got that order of business out of the way, I will return to the Felix Trolls. As you know, we have defeated them on numerous occasions over the years. We first met them in the 27th Di Bradini Cup, where we beat them 3 goals to nil in our final group stage match before defeating them 3 goals to 1 after extra time in the semis. Our first WCC-sanctioned meeting against them was in the Greatest Cup of Harmony of all time (because the Indispensable Nation hosted it), at the MilaneseDome. We beat them 3 goals to 1 and didn't even need the benefit of extra time to do it on that occasion. We also faced them the last time we were in World Cup Qualifying and beat them by a score of a goal to nil, in their very own ****hole of a country and with a team that was at less than full strength before we played them to a 2-2 draw in the return match. As we've proven in the past, they simply can't beat us because we're better than them, we were always better than them and we will always be better than them.

Once we take care of the Felix Trolls, and rest assured that we will take care of the Felix Trolls, we will then have to face either Turori or Mytannion. Either one would give us a more difficult challenge than the Felix Trolls. Come on, everybody knows that. The only thing I'm worried about as we go into this match is which bar we're going to visit afterward to drink some nice, ice-cold Dixon Lights and celebrate sending the Felix Trolls back to the hole they crawled out of.

I want to end with a reminder to all of my readers that the day after our next match is election day. While you will not have the privilege of voting for a Consul candidate this year, you will still be able to vote for a party to represent you in the Assembly and, depending on which Republic you live in, some Republic-level as well. Every vote counts. I urge everybody who is eligible to go out to the polls. Every citizen of the greatest nation in the Multiverse should exercise their right to vote because we need a government that reflects the preferences of the people of our great nation. Only then will we be secure against the scum in Esportiva and elsewhere who would claim that our government lacks legitimacy. Vote and show those scum that you're proud to be a Republican and they can't take that away!

Rule Theriault is the manager for the FFR's National Soccer Team. Over the past few years, Theriault has taken a very young team and turned them into one of the best national teams in the world. Now, he has brought the World Cup to the FFR and the Republican National Team stands poised to make a deep run into the tournament, whether the rest of the multiverse likes it or not.

[Saintland]

With Alessandro Seius still out injured, the Saintland National Team had to rely on Lucius Duronius at goalkeeper against Neu Engollon. After a near-miracle comeback against Turori in a match where 5 different goalkeepers somehow saw action between the 2 sides, the Sanctii were in a tough spot against Neu Engollon. Seius had been diagnosed with a concussion and had been kept out of the following match as a precautionary measure. Neu Engollon was supposed to be the weakest team in the group, but they had put up a decent showing for themselves in their first 2 matches and now they had the advantage of going against a Saintland National Team that was not at full strength.

The match itself started in a rather disastrous fashion for the higher-ranked side. Neu Engollon pulled ahead early in this match, which started entirely on schedule, unlike the match taking place in Barkersville. However, the Sanctii came out flat, deflated from their defeat on the prior matchday. Neu Engollon took full advantage of this. Manion's cross set up a Siebech goal in the very first minute of the match. Shortly thereafter, a major error in judgment by Philippus Vagionius set up a Neu Engollon counter-attack. Somehow, Duronius managed to put the one-on-one shot from Langlois out for a corner and both sides moved into position. The corner found the head of Joachim Brenz, their captain. The header would bounce off of the left hand of Duronius and into the net. It wasn't even 5 minutes into the match, but Neu Engollon had managed to take a 2 goal advantage.

For most of the first half, the Goats continued to dominate the match, but they were unable to score any additional goals. Instead, it looked like the score would be 2 goals to nil at halftime. That was still the score as the ref signaled for 4 minutes of added time. Then, Rottentuf conceded a free kick with a minor foul against Josephus Flaccus near the scoring area. Prince Andreas stepped up to take the free kick. The Prince of Saintland launched a perfectly placed free kick which, somehow, managed to get by Oskar Flegzut. Going into the half, the score was 2 goals to 1.

At halftime, Prince Andreas said absolutely nothing whatsoever about the current result between Turori and Valanora or either Group G result. Nothing good would come out of concerning oneself with whether they'd get to face Polar Islandstates, Mytannion or United Gordonopia. Assuming it was, in fact, God's Will for them to even make it to the Round of 16, Prince Andreas simply accepted that God would choose his team's opponent in that match, if they made it. Now, his task was to motivate his teammates.

Prince Andreas - As all of you know, we've fought for 5 World Cup cycles to make it to this point. 2 cycles ago, we were in this very same spot, just needing a victory to go through to the Round of 16. Even after the boycott, even after the long layoff, even after our supposed best defender went to Saugeais to skate around with women rather than prepare himself properly for this World Cup, we still made it to this point.

Georgius Catiotus was upset by that comment, but he couldn't do anything, not when he was still in the doghouse. He regretted his decision to go to Saugeais. While it was nice to be with his wife, he had thrown away his role as a starter for the National Soccer Team and for what? He didn't even win a medal. In fact, the Kingdom of Saintland didn't win a single medal at those stupid Olympics this year. He was seriously questioning whether they should even return to the Olympics in the future, let alone try to bring that circus into the Kingdom. As Georgius thought about such matters, the team captain, his boss at RCES, continued his speech. Finally, Catiotus began paying attention once again:

Prince Andreas - We are here by the Grace of God. Everything that happens, for good or otherwise, is all part of God's Plan. Just clear your head at the moment and let God guide you down the right path on the pitch. I'm not guaranteeing that we're going to win this game, but we need to get all of the hype and all of the spectacle out of our heads. We're here to represent our Kingdom, our Church and our God. No matter the outcome, remember what is truly important. We were pre-destined to be in this very spot at this very moment. What God has planned for us, we do not know, but know that we play not for ourselves, but rather for the glory of God, His True Church and His worldly Kingdom. That is why we are here and that is what keeps us confident when others would cower in fear and self-pity. Our Faith is our guide and it is our greatest strength. No matter the odds, with God on our side, we can overcome them, if it be His Will.

As the teams walked out of the tunnel and onto the pitch for the second half, it was already clear that the new half would be completely different from the one that had come before it. Indeed, several minutes into the half, Nicolaus Poenius raced down the sideline, taking full advantage of his speed to go on the attack. Poenius delivered a perfect ball to Herakles Karoki in the scoring area and Karoki found the back of the net to tie the match at 2 goals apiece. Suddenly, the Saintland National Team had all of the energy and momentum on their side.

For most of the second half, Oskar Flegzut would be under fire, while Duronius would be left with absolutely nothing to do. However, Flegzut managed to save shot after shot. On several occasions, the Sanctii would string together a series of corners, all of which would result in additional corners, which they would subsequently fail to capitalize on. This continued until the very end of the match. 89 minutes in, Stephanus Vagionius faked a shot and passed it to Josephus Flaccus, providing Flaccus with a wide-open look at the goal. He delivered the match winner, in his typical clutch fashion. A few minutes later, the referee blew the whistle.

There were no celebrations from any Sanctii players. Prince Andreas had specifically instructed his team not to celebrate anything. There simply was nothing to celebrate. Qualifying for the Round of 16 just meant that they were one of the 16 best teams in the World Cup. Then, Prince Andreas received a message on his SaintPhone. It was from his older brother, the King:

PIS, it is, then.

Even with the World Bowl scheduled to start on Monday, the King of Saintland had taken some time out from training camp to watch his younger brother play in the World Cup. His message was news to Prince Andreas, but apparently not to the Sanctii announce team. Over on Royal One, at that very moment, Abraham Volusenus was interviewing Prince Josephus, twin brother of the Sanctii soccer captain. All Prince Andreas could think about was that he would soon be staring down the defending World Cup champions, the #1 team in the multiverse, the overwhelming favorites to repeat as champions. Soon, he would be facing Polar Islandstates for the first time ever, a Polar Islandstates team that had defeated all 3 of their group stage opponents and had a record of 17 wins and 2 draws in this World Cup cycle. The same Polar Islandstates team that had won the Confederations Cup with 4 victories and a draw. In fact, Polar Islandstates had gone 29 consecutive WCC-sanctioned matches without a single defeat. Prince Andreas thought back to his words from less than an hour earlier:

We play not for ourselves, but rather for the glory of God, His True Church and His worldly Kingdom. That is why we are here and that is what keeps us confident when others would cower in fear and self-pity. Our Faith is our guide and it is our greatest strength. No matter the odds, with God on our side, we can overcome them, if it be His Will.

Now, against the most difficult opponent they had ever faced, the most dominant World Cup champion in recent memory, they would have to overcome some very steep odds, indeed...

[The Archregimancy]

Dear Mr. Football Association of Turori,

Me and the other girls in my school are big fans of Nigel.

He is our favouritest secret mundy nation ruling electric eel. He is much better than Gregory who is the eel ruling Gregoryisgodistan (well we have been told Gregory is a slippery character anyway).

Me and the girls have designed a new football kit for you. It is in lime green with electric blue finish which is what we think Nigel would like.

We are sorry that the picture is not very good but we don't know much about your mundy computers and stuff and we had to get help from our teacher. Maybe you can make it better?

We hope you like it. We hope Nigel likes it too!

It says "Win it for Nigel!" on the front, and we think you will like it.

Sophia Caletheto and the other girls of the New Nicaea Transtemporal Girl's School (1st year)

[Vilita]

Jungle Cats Oust Princesses

Vilita 3 - 1 Jeruselem

It was the conclusion of World Cup 14. Vilita, an up and coming national team destined for a flash-in-the-pan of future success, and Jeruselem, a national team destined for a long future of lukewarm performances, had both failed to qualify for the World Cup Finals.

As luck would have it, however, both would have their first major successes as a result.

For Jeruselem, success would come first, in the form of the Third Under-21 World Cup. The Jungle Cats were looking for their first major trophy - the young Vilitan side that had been embarrassed throughout qualifying for World Cup 13 was far stronger when matched up against other players their own age. All of a sudden, internationstatal giants like Rejistania, Tanah Burung, Kingsford and Liverpool England were no match for the Vilitan's who cruised through on the Boots of Banda to the Third Under-21 World Cup final.

It was there that the Jungle Cats - or Jungle Kitties as the moniker would have applied to them at the time - would encounter Jeruselem for the first time. They lost. It was a good matchup and a pair of early goals from Callum Banda made it appear that Vilita were on their way to an incredible immediate success that could catapult them to the top of the sporting world so soon after breaking into the scene for the first time.

However, in the second half, a third goal from Esemar Aliana wasn't enough as the Princesses escaped with the 4-3 victory and the title.

So when the two teams were drawn together in the group stage of the 14th Cup of Harmony, it was a chance for the Jungle Cats to get revenge. It took until the 4th game of the group - after 3 Jungle Cat victories had already secured progression to the knockout rounds, for the two teams to finally square off. The Jungle Cats were ready - or so they thought.

Shut out in a 1-0 match that didn't really mean all that much, the desire for revenge was still there. And the Jungle Cats would get another chance.

A marathon shootout with Melmond in the Cup of Harmony Semi-Finals wasn't decided until the Melmond player blasted the ball over the net in the 8th round to give Vilita the 6-5 victory and a place in the Cup of Harmony 14 final. Their opponent? Jeruselem. It was the second straight major competition final to be contested between the two rising forces in the international game. This time, the Jungle Cats would exact their revenge. After Callum Banda and Jonathon Stott opened the scoring; Santo Kecker scored the game winning goal and Banda added an insurance goal as Vilita lifted their first ever major international trophy by a 4-2 scoreline.

It looked to be the start of a great rivalry, one that would likely spill over quickly into the World Cup as the two nations seemed destined for more repeat meetings in competition finals.

But it would never happen. Both nations would seemingly enter into a lifelong spell of Mediocrity - the Jungle Cats being the exception - the flash-in the pan success achieved during World Cup 20 included a 1-0 victory over Jeruselem in the group stage.

47 Cups later, the two veteran World Cup participants continued chasing the dream. A 2-1 victory for the Jungle Cats in the World Cup 67 group stage saw the Jungle Cats through and the Princesses crashing out, tipping the all-time series between the two nations in favor of the Jungle Cats.

So when the two nations were once again drawn together in the World Cup 68 finals, Jeruselem were all the more motivated to get back in the win column against their ancient foes.

The urgency of victory in the Matchday 3 clash was high for both teams, however. With Jeruselem atop the Group D table on 4 points going into the final matchday, and the Jungle Cats just behind on 3 - both teams needed a result to ensure qualification. For Vilita, only a win would do. With Pasarga squaring off against the Esportivan side the Licentian Isles and expected to win, the only way Vilita could ensure their progressions would be to leapfrog Jeruselem in the table. For the Princesses, however, a draw, which would keep them ahead of Vilita, would be more than enough.

While Jeruselem were the lowest ranked side in the group, and Vilita the highest, of the 6 ranked teams in Pot 1 and the 8 in Pot 4, no two teams had a smaller rank gap than that between the 6th ranked Jungle Cats and the 32nd ranked princesses. Anything could happen on the day and both sides knew that.

Calaesa Mitaroka pulled out a shocker with his third goalkeeper in as many group stage games, giving Kalek Intafel the start for the Jungle Cats. Perhaps Mitaroka knows what he's doing after all as Intafel conceded only a single goal - a 61st minute close-range tap in for Vikki Tzatziki after the Jungle Cats had already gone up 2-0 in the first half through Perran Adlani and Lopaki Kilpter.

The ageless Jomur Hulyer, making what experts estimate was his 175th all-time international appearance, a modern-day Vilitan record, put the nail in the coffin with an expertly played corner kick in the 83rd minute, the ball curling straight off Hulyer's foot and into the far side past the keeper and into the net.

The prize for the Jungle Cats was a trip the the final 16 and a showdown against Paradystopia, bound to be filled with protestors who are concerned about their precious Horseradish crop. Mitaroka and the Jungle Cats staff will likely be keeping their players isolated from the media leading up to the match, ensuring no distraction ever reaches the starting 11.

	Jeruselem
:: Goalscorers :: :: 17' Perran Adlani :: 30' Lopaki Kilpter :: 83' Jomur Hulyer	:: Goalscorers :: :: 61' Vikki Tzatziki :: ::
:: Best Player: Lboaisa Akarelm :: Worst Player: Amarini Baracelv :: Shots on Target: 6 :: Corner Kicks: 10	:: Best Player: Joe Root :: Worst Player: Jenny Jenny :: Shots on Target: 3 :: Corner Kicks: 4

Vilita Jungle Cats ::
[GK] Kalek Intafel, [D.] Kadi Molali, [D.] Endur Rotropii, [D.] Amarini Baracelv, [ML] Kiroki Mitaroka, [MC] Jomur Hulyer, [MC] Lopaki Kilpter, [MR] Tripate Falcon, [FC] Lboaisa Akarelm, [FC] Sirkii Moliaudo, [FC] Perran Adlani
BENCH::
[FC] Nili Ylimaiina, [FC] Kaivel Illatara, [M] Steffyn Siazzu, [M] Vliela Lianksa, [U] Arocki Tadalek, [D] Miiara Makose, [GK] Jaqe Planst

(For Future Statistical Reference)
GK:: Kalek Intafel - [5]

D.:: Kadi Molali - [6]
D.:: Endur Rotropii - [9]
D.:: Amarini Baracelv - [6]
ML:: Kiroki Mitaroka - [7]
MC:: Jomur Hulyer - [7]
MC:: Lopaki Kilpter - [6]
MR:: Tripate Falcon - [9]
FC:: Lboaisa Akarelm - [9]
FC:: Sirkii Moliaudo - [6]
FC:: Perran Adlani - [7]

Vilitan Subs Bench:
FC:: Nili Ylimaiina - [DNP]
FC:: Kaivel Illatara - [DNP]
M:: Steffyn Siazzu - [DNP]
M:: Vliela Lianksa - [DNP]
U:: Arocki Tadalek - [DNP]
D:: Miiara Makose - [DNP]
GK:: Jaqe Planst - [DNP]