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World Cup 68 RP Thread

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Saintland
Senator
 
Posts: 3642
Founded: Dec 22, 2012
Ex-Nation

Postby Saintland » Thu Mar 27, 2014 8:28 pm

A remote location in the Federation of Free Republics

The assassin had completed his mission. A tyrant was dead. Saintland now had a king who, at the very least, did not appear to be one of them. After spending weeks on the run, every night at a different hotel in a different small town in the middle of nowhere, he finally realized that he had not only evaded stadium security, but had even evaded suspicion from the police. With no law enforcement agents of any kind on his tail, he realized that he could finally return to the secret compound, without endangering the Brotherhood.

While he had been more than willing to sacrifice himself for the cause, he now realized that he would not have to. He had committed regicide at the Championship Game of a major international sports tournament, in a stadium filled with over a hundred thousand people, and gotten away with it. Not bad for a first-timer, who had only recently been accepted into the Brotherhood. Still, he was somewhat conflicted by all of it.

"The actions of the few determine the future of the many." So he had been taught by the leaders of the Brotherhood. But, it still bothered him that his decisions, his successes, his failures would have such a great impact. Yet, his second thoughts went away after he thought about it a little more deeply. They stand for what they call "order," a world where everybody has a station in life and is expected to stay there. They are intent on taking over everywhere they can and imposing their tyranny upon everybody. The Brotherhood's mission, since the beginning of recorded history, has been to strike down tyrants so that the many may be free to choose their own fate.

Now, one of the leading enemies of freedom in the multiverse was dead and his Kingdom was now in the hands of his son, who appeared to be non-ideological. The Kingdom at the North Pole would be a better place, once the Patriarch finally croaked. That likely wouldn't take much longer, since he was in his nineties and, according to information discovered by the Brotherhood's hackers, was secretly afflicted with prostate cancer, which was now recurring. Since the Patriarch didn't have much longer to live, it was vital that the Brotherhood eliminate the tyrant now.

With the tyrant gone, the assassin hoped that the rest of the multiverse would stop viewing Feministvs Sanctvsterra as worthy of their support. Feministvs Sanctvsterra was just as bad as the hardliners in the Church of Saintland. They were only opposed to the current regime in Saintland because they wanted the power for themselves. Feministvs Sanctvsterra did not really care about freedom. That was just a pretense for a group that was truly interested in establishing a Matriarchy, where men were treated as second class citizens and the regime would be virulently homophobic, much worse than the current situation. At least the Church of Saintland provided an option for gays and lesbians, who made up a fairly significant portion of the clergy, and most of them didn't actually believe the Church's doctrines about their sexual orientation being sinful. While Feministvs Sanctvsterra may very well leave lesbians alone, they absolutely detested gay men, whom they considered just as misogynistic as the Church of Saintland. Needless to say, no self-respecting man could allow Feministvs Sanctvsterra to continue building international support.

If Saintland was to become a somewhat free country, King Paulus XV had to die on that day in Republica. There simply was no alternative. Had the assassination attempt failed or had he decided not to attempt it, he knew that time and fate would not align so favorably for a long time to come. If Paulus had lived to see the second day of February, the Patriarch would have soon died and have been replaced by another Patriarch, ensuring the control of Saintland by them for another decade or 2. The Brotherhood rarely got an opportunity such as this one. Most of the time, their targets were much lower profile. In most cases, the death of a high profile tyrant would not, in fact, advance their ends. That was the reason why they had no plans to assassinate Lord Almighty Gregory. Those behind Gregoryisgodistan would just appoint a new Lord Almighty Gregory and their populace would never know the difference. This rendered assassination of the tyrant futile. Taking down Meghan Kinson had also been discussed, but that had been rejected because it wouldn't have accomplished anything. Besides, in the long run, she just took herself down anyway.

He entered the compound and made his way toward the leader. Brayden Froude was the current leader of the Brotherhood. He had spent his entire life battling, in the shadows, against the dark forces that would take freedom away. He was already aware that King Paulus XV was dead, as was anybody who hadn't been living under a rock over the past several weeks. He also knew that his young trainee had proven himself up to the task. Normally, he wouldn't have assigned such an important task to somebody so young, but the Brotherhood had been short on members in recent years. In recent years, many members of the Brotherhood had met their untimely demise under rather questionable circumstances, leaving the group severely weakened. He didn't really have many options, besides that other member of the Brotherhood who had failed in his mission to eliminate Izmailov. Ever since, Izmailov's fascist thugs have been on an upswing in popularity. Now, they are closely aligned with the military and edging ever closer to the seat of power in the FFR. Since inexperience is less of a problem than incompetence, he gave the most important mission in centuries to the new recruit and that decision seems to have paid dividends.

Brayden Froude - Abelino, I've heard that you have completed the task before you. Well done, my boy. Well done.

Abelino Greece was grateful to Brayden for bringing him into the Brotherhood and giving him the opportunity to carry out such an important task.

Abelino Greece - The Tyrant-King is dead. To my knowledge, there were no witnesses and I left no evidence behind. I believe we're clear.

Brayden Froude - I hope so. The last thing we need is for the police to come in here. They do not understand that the freedom of the many depends upon the elimination of the few. They do not understand what must be done.

Abelino Greece - They do not and I hope that Fate will never see my path cross with theirs.

Brayden Froude - The police do what they think is right, but the stakes are too high to suffer a tyrant to live.

Abelino Greece - What do we do next?

Brayden Froude - We need more members. Go out and see if you can find anybody with the potential to join us, but remember that we'll have to kill them if they turn out to be unworthy.

Abelino Greece - Indeed. We can't take the risk that they will reveal our secrets. Once you're in the Brotherhood, you're in the Brotherhood for life.

Brayden Froude - While it is unfortunate, there is no other way. Those who leave the Brotherhood must die, so that the Brotherhood may live.

Abelino Greece - The importance of secrecy to our work does complicate recruitment.

Brayden Froude - But, surely you have met a few men who have the ability and the temperment to be part of the Brotherhood?

Abelino Greece - I have and I will see about bringing them in.

Brayden Froude - Good. Until we grow the Brotherhood in our country, we will not be able to exercise much influence.

Abelino Greece - Have you heard from any of the other cells around the multiverse?

Brayden Froude - Not lately. Most of them are also struggling at the moment, but I'm sure a few cells still survive and are still advancing the cause of freedom in their areas.

Abelino Greece - If we want to set the world free, we must first set our own backyard free.

Brayden Froude - Correct and you, Abelino, can help make this Federation truly free once again.

Abelino Greece - That is why you brought me in, isn't it?

Brayden Froude - Yes, yes it is. If the FFR falls to the forces of darkness, then freedom falls everywhere. We must not let Izmailov's fascists ever come to power, for if they do, all is lost.

Abelino Greece - If that is the case, then I will see to it that each and every foe of liberty ceases to exist.

Brayden Froude - That's a good sentiment, Abelino, but it is naive. In many cases, if you kill one of Them, you only set our cause back. Assassinations must be saved for when they will actually make an impact.

Abelino Greece - I understand that, but I wish we could eliminate the evil forces that would take freedom away.

Brayden Froude - We can't. The most that we can do is maintain the balance between those that seek freedom and those that want to be set free from choice. The other side may be evil, but there are many, possibly the majority, who do not desire to be free and would prefer to live in a predictable world, like the one that our primary foes desire.

Abelino Greece - Then, we must force them to be free.

Brayden Froude - Indeed, that is the only choice for those who desire to be free. Freedom is a scary thing. When we are free, that means that we are free to make self-destructive choices and it even means that some will end up better off than others. A free society is inherently an unequal society.

Abelino Greece - Its a tragedy that many people so fear being free and an even greater tragedy that many who are free allow their jealousy of those who made better choices than them to consume them and lead them to the dark side.

Brayden Froude - Do not concern yourself with that. Freedom is the end and, if freedom is to prevail, those that oppose freedom must be sacrificed.

Abelino Greece - They will be.

Abelino kept thinking about what his leader had told him and he kept thinking back to what he had done in Republica. After speaking to Brayden, Abelino knew that he had done the right thing. Abelino knew that his choices had paved the way toward a better future for Saintland. Even if many in Saintland were content with their unfree lives, freedom should still be imposed upon them, against their wishes, because it is True and Right. Abelino knew that he was doing the Right thing, as he set out to recruit more members for the Brotherhood...
Why I left NS Sports
NS Sports Results | Saintland Press | Commentaries on the WA's resolutions 7-22-14 update: Complete through #125 |
World Baseball Classic 27 co-host | World Bowl XXII host | World Cup of Hockey 23 host | Various Rankings | King Paulus XV Memorial Games
Official Name: Regnvm Sanctvsterra
Official Name in English: Kingdom of Saintland
Monarch: King Paulus XVI
Demonym: Sanctii
Trigram: SNT

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Qazox
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 21295
Founded: Jan 17, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Qazox » Thu Mar 27, 2014 8:35 pm

QSPNWC68.com

3 straight losses, this one a 4-2 loss at Eastfield Lodge, thanks to a hat-trick by a rather dapper gent, only known by a code name, 'The Doctor'. Well 'The Doctor' scored in tbe 18th, 36th and 54th minutes, while Captain Jack Harkness, I think was the guys name, added the home team's 4th goal in the 72nd minute. Qazox did rally a bit with goals from Kevin Yarl in the 64th minute, and by Cheri Edmunds in the 90+3rd. Qazox will seek to snap this losing skein vs. Taslantis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(continued from the 2nd half of this post)

"...Irena? Irena? Did you hear what I said?" the surgeon asked as Irena and her parents stood outside of the recovery room Joey Lomax was currently in.

"I'm still processing it, Doc." Irena replied. "But was it necessary to amputate Joey's leg?"

"His leg was broken in 6 places and the kneecap was split in half. It would be less dangerous to amputate than to try to repair his leg in that state. With luck, he could be walking again in about 14 months." the surgeon said.

"Is he gonna be able to play football again?" Irena asked.

"No. While we do have great prosthetic limbs, I can't recommend that he does." the surgeon answered. "We will have to wait about 6 weeks before the inflammation stops and we can get Joey fitted properly."

Irena slowly stood up and walked out of the room, ignoring her parents' pleas to come back. As she walked down the halls, her pace quickened with every turn that brought her nearer to the front doors. Within seconds of emerging outside, she had all but had broken out into a full on sprint heading down the street towards Lorax Field. After a block or two she stopped and started crying, leaning against a mailbox.
Wikipage/Qazox National Football Team
Qualified for World Cups 31, 33, 35-50, 54-59, 61, 62. Runners-up: CoH 52
Baptism of Fire 44 (w/Mangolana); World Baseball Classics 1, 4, 5, 10, 13 and 23; World Cup of Hockey 7 and 14; World Bowls IV & IX; IBC X; Baptism of Iron III and VIII; NSCAA Tourney II, III (conferences/regionals), The OXEN Cup; the TOUR de QAZOX, Qazoxian Sports Festival and NS X-Games/Winter X-Games I.
World Cups of Hockey 4 & 6; World Baseball Classics 6, 8 and 9, World Bowls 3 and XXI; Draggonnii Inviyatii V, IBC XI
xkcd 1110 (zoomable!)

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Agrincourt
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 433
Founded: Nov 26, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Agrincourt » Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:36 pm

Image

MATCH DAY FOUR - GROUP FOUR: AGRINCOURT VS MASTILLE (ATT: 86,900)


AGRINCOURT
A. Vermuelen 15'
N. Miller 36'
B. Anderson 39' 54'

4 - 2
FT 90 + 1
HT 3 - 1
MASTILLE
D. Miles 44'
M. Berger 59'

By Alexander Davis for
RBC Sports

Playing at home, with the support of over eighty thousand fans and in the warm, vibrant sun of Southern Astyria seems to have had a positive effect on the Agrincourtian side, as visible by the final scoreline of four goals to two. The temperature was reaching just above twenty-six degrees celsius with a light breeze distinctive to the Greenwich Peninsula on which Bristol is located. The Agrincourtians were surprised, however, when they realised that the Mastillean side was a mixed-gender team consisting of youngsters; no-one above the age of twenty-four in the starting eleven. On the Agrincourtian side, the oldest player was, of course, Andrew Vermuelen - the seasoned captain and playmaker with over a hundred caps.

The Agrincourtians used their alternative formation of 4-3-3; a rather offensive one, to say the least. With Williams in net, and Ferdinand, Maxwell, Watson and Roberts in the defensive line, you had a very strong defense. Vermuelen deployed as a central midfielder, with Ian Hazard and Thomas Walker on his left and right respectively. Anderson deployed on the left wing, with Miller on the opposite wing and Smith inbetween the two. Needless to say, the Agrincourtians seemed hungry for goals.

The opposite side deployed in a 3-4-3 formation; the young Alban Foss in net, with the very young Wilbur, Bass and Sims as centre-backs. Moore and William were deployed in the centre of the pitch, with Barton and Victore on the flanks as left and right midfielders respectively. The nineteen year old Daria Miles deployed as a centre-forward; Endicott and Berger were deployed on her sides as wingers.

The Agrincourtian side began the match and remained in possession for the majority of the first half. Smooth, quick-paced passing between the full-backs and the midfield was displayed, to the amusement of the crowd. It seemed that Vermuelen was rather bored of the game; he passed the ball to Miller, who charged through the Mastillean defence on the left-flank. He was around thirty or so yards from the goal when centre-back Wilbur's slide tackle stopped him in his tracks: A yellow card for the twenty-year old player of Castagnols HSC and a direct free-kick for the Agrincourtians.

It was Vermuelen who stepped up to take the free-kick. He took a few steps away, before running up and kicking the ball with grace; it curled into the bottom-left corner of the net. Not a chance for Foss.

The Agrincourtians continued to play the ball, probing the defences of the Mastillean side to no avail. It was in the thirty-sixth minute of the match when a cross from the right side of the 18-yard box by Anderson landed at Miller's feet. At a range of twenty yards, he proceeded to fire the ball into the bottom-right corner of the goal, to an uproar of the Agrincourtian crowd, and the almost silent booing from the Mastilleans.

Three minutes later and it was three-nil to the Agrincourtians. This time, it was Anderson who scored. The ball was headed out of the 18-yard box after a corner and Anderson, who was in the right place at the right time, proceeded to volley the football into the top-right corner of the goal.

Five minutes after, the Mastilleans proceeded to respond with their own weapon; Daria Miles. She simply tipped the ball into the open net after a massive amount of confusion in the penalty box.

First half ended with three goals to nil for the Agrincourtians.

At the start of the second half, S. Hudson and X. Hicks were brought in to replace Padraig Smith and Ian Hazard respectively. In response, the Mastilleans brought in Fairchild and Josephs for Wilbur and Barton.

Fifty-four minutes into the match, and it was four-nil; it was Anderson's second goal of the match. He struck the ball from outside the 18-yard box after an Agrincourtian counter-attack. It landed in the top-left corner and Foss had nothing to say.

Only five minutes later, and the result was four-two, after Berger's beautiful volley into the top-right corner of the goal. Hmph - Williams had nothing to say either.

Things were looking dangerous for the Agrincourtians, but they managed to retain the score using their intricate ability to remain in possession of the ball. A very good match from both sides, and a fair outcome for the Agrincourtians who earn their first three points in the qualifiers. It also bumps them up from the last in their group, to the sixth; not a bad result.


LINEUP, BOOKINGS AND SUBSTITUTIONS
Agrincourt
GK Ryan Williams
RB Francis Michaels
CB Daniel Griffiths (vice-captain)
CB George Roberts
LB James Ferdinand
RM Thomas Walker
CM Andrew Vermuelen (captain)
LM Ian Hazard
RW Nathaniel Miller
CF Padraig Smith
LW Bale Anderson

Substitutes
#25 D. Anderson
#5 D. Griffiths
#8 J. Wright
#14 T. Walker
#19 X. Hicks
#24 S. Hudson
#20 P. Smith

Mastille
GK - #1 - Alban Foss
Image CB - #2 - Queenie Wilbur
CB - #3 - Colin Bass
CB - #4 - Flavio Sims
CM - #5 - Julienne Moore
CM - #6 - Edgar William
LM - #7 - Margery Barton
RM - #8 - Winslow Victore
LW - #9 - Linwood Endicott
CF - #10 - Daria Miles
RW - #11 - Morris Berger

Substitutes
GK - #12 - Len Backus
GK - #23 - Kaitlin Whittemore
CB - #13 - Kiarra Fairchild
CB - #14 - Zénaïde Spears
CB - #15 - Andy Noel
CM - #16 - Shane Cantrell
CM - #17 - Cassandra Merritt
LM/RM - #18 - Silver Josephs
LM/RM - #19 - Jess Horn
LW/RW - #20 - Grégoire Wilkerson
CF - #21 - Marie "Miles" Cullen
LW/RW - #22 - Dana Seward

Match Statistics
Possession
68%:32% (Agrincourt:Mastille)

Shots
16:5 (10-6 on target)

Corners
7:3

Fouls
5:4

Man of the Match:
B. Anderson
Last edited by Agrincourt on Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Jeruselem
Minister
 
Posts: 2630
Founded: Antiquity
Democratic Socialists

Postby Jeruselem » Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:07 pm

Princess Amy and Amy Pond at Dazza Dallas Stadium

Amy: This is Princess Amy for Naked News Jeruselem. I'm with our friend Amy Pond former player
Pond: Oh, hi all.
Amy: We're at Dazza Dallas Stadium for those who are blind and deaf, or just plain stupid
Pond: There's only Dazza Dallas Stadium
Amy: Today, huge game! Ossidiacqua came here to take on the Princesses.
Pond: Scary game considering we lost to the purple menace earlier

Amy: But the good news is won 2-1 !!!
Pond: Great game by the team ... and that other Amy
Amy: Ossidiacqua really tried to break the Princesses in the first half with a huge push to score scores
Pond: They did actually score one goal
Amy: Yes, wasn't easy. They were really pushing our defense to breaking point.
Pond: The team really did have hard time, throwing themselves around to keep out Ossidiacqua

Amy: But we stood firm and in the second half, fought back!
Pond: Yes, a very different 2nd half
Amy: Yes, we pushed for that equaliser
Pond: I think Ossidiacqua were caught off guard there
Amy: We equalised and then won the game
Pond: Haven't see you work so hard for a while

Amy: Thanks Pondy
Pond: Yes, you normally don't do a lot
Amy: Yes well ...
Pond: You earned your keep today
Amy: In other group 22 games, Kemballia got smashed 6-0 by Razul
Pond: Didn't just play Razul last game?

Amy: I think so. Republic of Vietnam won again with 5–2 win over Hutanjia
Pond: I think we need to watch that Vietnam team
Amy: Yes, 3 wins to them and the loss was to us
Pond: They are doing well
Amy: And Alexanderburn lost to those purple peoples 2-1
Pond: That's Starblaydia ...

Amy: Jeru FC won a thriller 5-3 against Albaie at home
Pond: They have three wins but aren't topping the table
Amy: Yes, odd that. Only one loss for them.
Pond: Can't do much more really
Amy: A noted loss, United Gordonopia lost to Buyan 1-0. Oh dear.
Pond: The team who beat Jeru FC 3-0 that was.

Amy: And Qazox lost again ...
Pond: Not happy Qazians
Amy: Very sad
Pond: One win and three losses isn't good
Amy: Very bad
Pond: I guess we're doing good

Amy: Been to see your grandkids?
Pond: Yes, before the cup since my daughter Melody is flat out with her team
Amy: We looking another lot of champs there
Pond: Um, I don't know. We'll have to see if they play for Jeruselem or Kintaria if they can
Amy: You're looking a bit ... worse for wear
Pond: Growing old, not something I really like you know

Amy: I guess we all have put up with it
Pond: Unless you die young
Amy: Don't want that either
Last edited by Jeruselem on Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jeruselem's sports achievements
http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=J ... hievements

Land of the Tiger Princesses

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New Sideburn
Diplomat
 
Posts: 612
Founded: Feb 01, 2012
Ex-Nation

Postby New Sideburn » Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:32 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
LATE PANIC FOR NOTHING - FIREBIRDS OUTFLOWN AT THE ARENA
by Theodora Kendall


The Cormorants enjoyed a victory which would have been more comfortable but for the stern Thatian defence. Deploying in a familiar diamond formation, the Sideburnese enjoyed a narrow advantage in a congested midfield battle, and ultimately winning that battle was the key to winning the game.

Either way, the Cormorants' early dominance paid dividends, as Cathar proved a significant threat time and time again - it took just three minutes for Gareth Crowley to break free and float a cross to him, and it was headed onto the top of the bar to give Thatius an early scare. The Firebirds hit back quickly, a scuffed cross from Sleet claimed easily by sweeper Kostas Stošović. The defender then set up a quick counterattack by pumping the ball across to Andrijašević, who threaded past the high Sideburnese line - it took a relentless run for Tosca Marlowe to outpace him and dispossess him with an excellent sliding tackle, just outside the penalty box.

But a measure of comfort was taken from the first (and as it turned out, only) goal - a well-deserved effort in the twelfth minute. Once again it was Rook Cathar with the assist, holding off two defenders before laying the ball away to unmarked Cath Harper, whose dipping strike was perfect - goalkeeper Novák Prakusya was furious with his defenders for failing to pick Harper's run up, but ultimately it was a well-deserved lead that was nearly doubled four minutes later, a low drive from Konrad Evans beating Prakusya and only just beating the post.

Things quieted down until the second half - Cheney Bittencourt came in for the fairly muted Evans, and nearly made an immediate impact with a brilliant shot from afar - sadly, it was comfortable for Prakusya in the end. As was much of the rest of the game - despite a few chances on the face of it, things were simply quiet and comfortable, with the Sideburnese back line dealing fairly easily with most threats. But there was still time for a late spanner to be thrown into the works.

Novaković, who had enjoyed some reasonable success over the course of the match bombing long balls at Marlowe, was the recipient this time - a clever pass along the ground from Karahalios found him a yard quicker than Finnan, and he found himself able to reach the box - only a clattering challenge from Kieron Riordan kept him out.

Unsurprisingly this drew a penalty, which Novaković took himself, low and hard - Riordan, however, was quicker, and palmed the ball down with both hands. Which shouldn't be a surprise to most fans - after all, he was in goal during the penalty win of the CE8 final, making two saves from six. Either way, Marlowe got to the ball first and was flattened by Branham, winning the Cormorants a free kick that took the pressure off.

Riordan was clearly in no hurry to take it, his indigo kit smeared with mud, and the referee blew for full time as soon as it was belted across the halfway line. The Sideburnese with what should have been a comfortable victory, though one that somewhat highlights the need to kill games off.

The Cormorants' next challenge is Åsløtten-Bëðerbørg så Česky - fellow Esportivans hoping to creep into the top three of the group, and with some familiar faces - five internationals of the nation ply their trade in the Premiership, with Maximum City striker William 'Maximum Psycho' Čalrek foremost among them. It will not be an easy test, but as Jess Mortlock assertively stated in the press conference; "We know what we're up against. And we can take the fight to them."
The old ways were best!

Original nation behind Nephara. New Sideburn now symbolises an ideal, rather than a nation.

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Kazamatsuri
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 136
Founded: Dec 25, 2013
Father Knows Best State

Postby Kazamatsuri » Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:03 pm

Because my inspiration has just tanked, y'all will be subjected to my mind-numbingly boring match reports every day from now on.


Kazamatsuri Opens with Convincing Win
Florgania swatted aside as Kazamatsuri win, thanks to Shiina wonder goal

Bring on the champagne! It's time to celebrate!

Kazamatsuri, long famed for its sporting incompetence and spectacular footballing ineptitude, pulled off the unthinkable as they managed to secure their first ever opening day win in the World Cup qualifiers with a comfortable 3-1 success over fellow minnows and Atlantian Oceanian nation Florgania.

Mihashi Chiyo, ever the pragmatist, had downplayed Kazamatsuri's chances of coming away from the Sekine Memorial Stadium with three points in the bag, instead choosing to heap the pressure upon Baptism of Fire finalists Florgania through the use of astute mind games. "We are planning to give the fans a good showing, but for all that I expect Florgania to bring the game to us. I'm sure that a recent Baptism of Fire finalist can give us a run for our money, given that we didn't even progress past the group stages in our debut cycle!"

One would be forgiven for thinking that Mihashi's words had an element of truth to it, especially since the Wolves of Gaia had just come off much the worse for wear after a pre WC qualifying friendly with colonial overlord and rival Mizuyuki. In that particular match, Mihashi's lads and lasses looked off the pace against the technically superior Mizuyuki side - while on the managerial front, Mihashi appeared to be distinctly outclassed by the far more tactically astute Shirakiin Kurumi. The match - a one-sided affair in which Kazamatsuri enjoyed a measly 24 percent of possession and a dismal one shot on target - was over in the first half, with the experimental dual forward combo of Izawa and Kurugaya combining to devastating effect to put the Nova 3-0 up after barely half an hour. The game finished 4-0 to the Nova - a match which Mihashi later described as 'absolutely piss-poor'.

"You can't legislate for a performance of that quality. Simply put - no character, no skill, no desire to win. It was an absolutely piss-poor show from us. We have got to step our game up, or else we might as well withdraw from the World Cup to save ourselves from further embarrassment."

Mihashi's public barracking of her team seems to have worked a treat, though, as Kazamatsuri swept aside the Florganians with impunity in what was a commanding performance. The Kazamatsurians were slow out of the blocks, however - and Florgania dominated the opening exchanges with some ease as the Kazamatsurian defence dropped deep in order to absorb the pressure. Moriguchi and Shimura had to scramble to intercept several inviting balls into the area as Florgania continued to pile on the pressure, and it was seemingly only a matter of time before Kazamatsuri would concede their first goal of the cycle's World Cup qualifying, so shambolic was their work with the ball. For the first quarter of an hour, Mihashi's backline was severely challenged, although thanks to some stellar defending from the solid duo or Moriguchi and Shimura, coupled with an uncharacteristically excellent defensive performance from the usually suspect Sakanoue on the left flank - Kazamatsuri managed to avoid conceding.

However, the tide turned on the stroke of the half hour, as Kazamatsuri hit back with an excellently worked goal through the midfield veteran Shiina.

A loose, under-hit pass from Florganian midfielder Michael Harrington skimmed across the pitch to teammate Thomas Deitrick, who had to backtrack to control the ball. Kazamatsurian left back Sakanoue saw her opportunity and pounced for the ball - executing a hasty sliding tackle that was deemed to be borderline legal by the match official, felling Deitrick in the process. Florganian players appealed for a foul and a booking for Sakanoue, but the referee was unmoved and waved play on. The loose ball fell kindly for central midfielder Jinnai Minatsu - who promptly blazed upfield at pace, catching the Florganians by surprise. Her initiative and determination on the ball saw Jinnai power past Harrington's weak challenge with considerable ease, before floating a penetrating chipped ball deep into the attacking third towards the lurking Shiina.

Shiina, who had previously only scored once for Kazamatsuri in over seventy international appearances, chose to make his mark. Timing his swing to perfection, the veteran midfielder caught the ball with force as it descended - sending a powerful volley ricocheting off the unfortunate Timothy Pantra and past the wrong-footed Martin Galloway in goal.

The Sekine Memorial Stadium erupted in cheers as the shell-shocked Florganians picked the ball out of the net. They had clearly been unprepared to deal with the extreme prejudice with which Kazamatsuri had struck back - and they were made to pay the price.

With a one-goal lead in hand, Kazamatsuri once again settled down to defend against the Florganian attacks. Their opponents were not quite so brazen now, however - quite understandable after having been dealt a smarting sucker punch due to their over-committal of bodies in the opposing half. Frank Williams' team seemed hesitant to move into the attacking third, fearing a rapid reprisal should they carelessly lose the ball. However, the momentum was with Mihashi's team, and they came inches away from extending their well-deserved lead through diminutive playmaker Sakurada, who managed to curl a shot against the upright with Galloway well and truly beaten.

The Florganians found themselves gradually pinned back in their own half as Kazamatsuri came out of their early stupor and began to exhibit their superiority. The Florganian's beleaguered defence found themselves harried into panicky clearance after panicky clearance as the Kazamatsurians imposed themselves on the game, looking to squeeze the life out of their opponents much like a python would. The deep 4-2-3-1 formation employed by Mihashi began to dominate possession in midfield, as the engine room pushed forward and proactively distributed the ball through the flanks, where the dynamic duo of Toyota and Kira wreaked havoc upon the unfortunate Florganian fullbacks. Barrage after barrage of threatening attacks were launched at the Florganians - so much so that one could almost make out the sound of the defence creaking under the immense pressure.

The continuous pressure paid off in the 42nd minute in trademark Kazamatsurian style - a rapid break down the flanks. After 'keeper Maruyama showed safe hands by saving an accurate but tame shot by Benjamin Garza, the ball was launched upfield into Toyota - who then embarked on a rampaging run down the right flank, before beating Jeremy Rivers with a deceptive turn of pace and cutting into the middle. Her angled drive, fired between the legs of Pantra, caught Galloway unawares - and nicked the post before rolling into goal.

It was all Kazamatsuri until the referee blew his whistle for half-time, and all Kazamatsuri when play resumed after the standard fifteen minute break. Mihashi was clearly eager to press home their comfortable advantage and looking to boost their goal difference, throwing on exciting attacking talent Shokuhō Suzuno for Fujioka Misako and switching to an orthodox attacking 4-2-3-1. The move appeared to backfire, however, as Florgania's Harrington made amends for his earlier mistake by robbing the static Jinnai of the ball deep within the Kazamatsurian half and firing an unstoppable rocket into the top right corner of Maruyama's net.

Mihashi responded by instructing her team to decrease the attacking pressure and for the central midfield combination of Shiina and Jinnai to drop deeper, shielding the back four, while relying heavily on the counter to fashion chances. The Florganians struggled gamely to find a way past the nigh-impenetrable barrier that was the Kazamatsurian defence, and they had their work cut out for them as Shiina and Jinnai abandoned the bulk of their attacking responsibilities to assume the role of enforcers, patrolling the midfield and snuffing out any potential threat.

As the clock ticked towards the end of the game, the Kazamatsurians had established an unbreakable stranglehold on the game, even though the Florganians were not willing to throw in the towel and admit defeat just yet. However, they were forced to concede their loss by a stunning moment of individual magic from Shokuhō in the 87th minute of the game. Receiving a slide-rule pass from the commanding Shiina near the halfway line, Shokuhō executed an enthralling dribble sequence that took her past several Florganian defenders, before applying the finishing touch by skipping past Galloway's desperate attempt to reclaim the ball and placing her shot down the middle.

3-1 it finished; an exceedingly comfortable, comprehensive victory that brought with it the heady fumes of confidence and victory. In the aftermath, this reporter managed to extract a quote from the usually media-shy Mihashi.

"I thought we performed to the standards that the fans have come to expect from us, and ... it was a very good collective effort. A team effort. We'll work on the niggling little problems, get them sorted out - and go to New Wolfopolis looking to win again. We'll try to sustain this winning run for as long as possible, and hopefully give the fans something to cheer about at the end of World Cup qualifying."

Mihashi will bring her team to New Wolfopolis to face the Wolfpack next matchday, and if today's performance at the Sekine Memorial Stadium is anything to go by, expect Kazamatsuri to bring home a handsome victory and the three points.
Last edited by Kazamatsuri on Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Scattered Isles of Kazamatsuri
Demonym Kazamatsuri-jin/Kazamatsurian | Capital Yuigahama | Trigram KZR | Population 7,293,721
'I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant ...
it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.'
<Vettrera> You're scooping what I'm pooping
<Kinitaria> You're not here to tell us we're all destined to burn, so you're doing religion right
11:34:23 <+Val|WI> Felix should be dead by now
11:35:07 <Felix> But I am noooooot
11:35:20 — Yui-nyan|Kaza chainsaws Felix
11:35:24 <Yui-nyan|Kaza> You are nooooow

User avatar
Star United States
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1126
Founded: Feb 20, 2012
Ex-Nation

Postby Star United States » Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:06 pm

If there are any mistakes, such as name titles, etc. please forgive me and telegram me so that I may fix them. Thanks.

Image Star United States Image
The World Cup 68 Qualifies
☆★ Rocking The Tournament ★☆

Previous Editions: SUS Roster, First Victory, Check, Second Victory? Oh yeah!, First Tie? Okay.

Yesterday, Star United States faced the team of Aritian, in Aritian. Star United States won the match to the score 2 - 4.
After this match day, Star United States rose to the first position on the table! Breaking all the odds, for once Star United States has reached the top of the table!

Aritian 2 - 4 Star United States

The match started off with a lot of action, where on Minute 3, a striker of the Artitan team scored, taking the lead in only a short amount of time! (Aritian 1 - 0 Star United States)

On the 10th minute of the match, Star United States' Mid-fielder Stafford passed the ball to Gasteiz. He then took the ball and kicked it right into the goal net from a somewhat close position to it. This goal tied the game. (Aritian 1 - 1 Star United States)

Minute 12 quickly came by, where Felix Gonzalez scored a goal by taking the ball from an Aritian defender, and kicking it towards to goal. The goalie dived for the ball, but it was too late. Score. (Aritian 1 - 2 Star United States)

The rest of the match went slow, until on minute 45+1, another striker from the Aritian team scored, once again making the game a tie. (Aritian 2 - 2 Star United States). The first half ended at 45+2 minutes.

The fifth goal of the match, favored in Star United States, came on the 51st minute, where Stafford unintentionally scored a goal. Stafford kicked the ball to Soarison whi was standing near the goal net, but Soarison failed to receive the ball. The ball passed Soarison and went right into the net. Score. This goal obviously caught everyone by surprise. (Aritian 2 - 3 Star United States)

The last goal if the match came on the 83rd minute, where Soarison quickly and steadily passed the ball to Stafford, who passed it to Sanchez, who then passed it back to Soarison. Soarison then took a shot on the goal, where the ball bounced back from the pole. Soarison got possession of the ball, and then scored. (Aritian 2 - 4 Star United States)

How's The Rest Doing?

Below you will find the results for Match Day Four, and an updated table for group 18.
Group 18
New Mumford 2–3 New South Aqmuland
Arititan 2–4 Star United States
The Inevitable Syndicate 0–1 Carialus
Astograth 4–1 The Royal Barangay

Group 18 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Star United States 4 3 1 0 12 8 +4 10
2 Astograth 4 3 0 1 11 4 +7 9
3 The Inevitable Syndicate 4 3 0 1 7 2 +5 9
4 New South Aqmuland 4 2 1 1 9 8 +1 7
5 Carialus 4 2 0 2 6 4 +2 6
6 The Royal Barangay 4 1 1 2 6 9 −3 4
7 Arititan 4 0 1 3 5 12 −7 1
8 New Mumford 4 0 0 4 5 14 −9 0


New South Aqumland faced New Mumford at New Mumford, where they won to the score of 2 - 3. Currently, New Mumford is last on the table, and New South Aqumland is currently 4th.

Aritian faced Star United States in Aritian, where Star United States won to the score of 2 - 4. This match places Star United States at the top of the table, amd placed Aritian at seventh place.

The Inevitable Syndicate lost to the hands of Carialus to the score of 0 - 1. The Inevitable Syndicate is now at third place in Group 18, and Carialus is fifth.

Astrograth crushed The Royal Barangay to the score of 4 - 1. Astrograth is now at second place in the standings of Group 18, and The Royal Barangay is at sixth.

Star United States Goals, so far


Goals
Garrison - 1 (Match 1 - Minute 44)
Soarison - 4 (Match 1 - Minute 47, Match 3 - Minute 44 & 79, Match 4 - Minute 83)
Gonzalez - 3 (Match 1 - Minute 85, Match 2 - Minute 88, Match 4 - Minute 12)
Gasteiz - 2 (Match 2 - Minute 49, Match 4 - Minute 10)
Stafford - 1 (Match 4 - Minute 51)


World Cup Qualifiers 68 Matches


3/24: @ Carialus (Won 2 - 3)
3/25: @ New Mumford Won 1 - 2)
3/26: v. New South Aqumland (Tied 2 - 2 )
3/27: @ Aritian (Won 2 - 4)
3/28: v. The Inevitable Syndicate
3/29: @ Astrograth
3/30: v. The Royal Barangay
4/1: v. Carialus
4/2: v. New Mumford
4/3: @ New South Aqumland
4/4: v. Aritian
4/5: @ The Inevitable Syndicate
4/6: v. Astrograth
4/7: @ The Royal Barangay

Upcoming Home Games Venues


March 28, 2014
SUS v. The Inevitable Syndicate
Five-Point Stadium

March 30, 2014
SUS v. The Royal Barangay
Stadium of Jackson

April 1, 2014
SUS v. Carialus
The Golden Stadium

April 2, 2014
SUS v. New Mumford
Star Stadium

April 4, 2014
SUS v. Aritian
Five-Point Stadium

April 6, 2014
SUS v. Astrograth
Stadium of Jackson

Today's Match

Star United States will be hosting The Inevitable Syndicate at the Five-Point Stadium. The Inevitable Syndicate is the highest ranked nation in Group 18, so this will most likely be a huge challenge for Star United States. This nation lost to Carialus, a natiom ranked 110, which is 100 ranks below The Inevitable Syndicate. This means anything is possible!

The Inevitable Syndicate is currently third in the Group 18 standings, and Star United States is currently first. Best of luck to both teams. Also, best of luck to all the teams playing a match!

User avatar
Jeru FC
Diplomat
 
Posts: 548
Founded: Dec 16, 2006
Democratic Socialists

Postby Jeru FC » Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:18 pm

Princess Katy and Dream Lord looking a bit smug

Katy: If it isn't Captain Hero of the Day
DL: I scored two goals, and won the day
Katy: I suppose you actually score two goals in the opponents goal
DL: No own goals there, two of the best
Katy: By your standards
DL: I'll take anything I get

Katy: You lot seem all fired up after that loss
DL: I guess we needed to put some wins together
Katy: You're only fourth in the table actually
DL: With 3 wins?
Katy: 3 other teams with 3 wins too.
DL: I guess we can't afford to lose then

Katy: The top two are unknowns
DL: I guess we can't slack anymore
Katy: You shouldn't be slacking at all I say
DL: Not slacking slacking
Katy: There's a lesser version of slacking?
DL: Yeah

Katy: Looks all the same to me
DL: You don't seem to much either
Katy: What do you mean?
DL: I mean all you is follow the team around and talk to people
Katy: There's far more to the job than you can see
DL: I don't get it

Katy: You have arrange your transport, tricky when it comes to the World Cup where you are going all over the place. You have to write articles and reports. It's not just me talking to people.
DL: So you spend most of the time travelling
Katy: It's like football that way
DL: You're doing a fantastic job
Katy: That's because no one else puts up with stuff you lot give out
DL: We're just ... different to other football teams

Katy: Different alright
DL: I prefer special
Katy: I wouldn't use that word
DL: I think we're a special breed
Katy: You lot sure like to breed alright
DL: We could do something together

Katy: Hey, I got enough kids for now

User avatar
Gloriax
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 437
Founded: Oct 31, 2013
Ex-Nation

The Clashes [PART - 2]

Postby Gloriax » Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:04 am

THE CLASHES
PART 1

Hunter eyed his Colt .45 in his blazer pocket on the left. He thought, “You might just come in handy, buddy!”. He finished the last of his rum, and suddenly gave a mad dash to the cockpit – he blasted through the door, pointed at the baffled and surprised co-pilot, and shot him… “I haven’t killed him… Hostesses! Take this guy away and keep him alive!”.

Two air hostesses came in, took the badly injured (maybe even unconscious co-pilot) away for treatment.

Hunter calmly sat down on the co-pilot’s chair, and told the pilot, “Look son, I know what I’m doing is wrong, as per law, but what would you do if your most loved one was in his or her deathbed, and you are going away to someplace just to play?”.

The captain said, “But sir…”

Hunter was adamant, “You have two options, son:
1) Get me back to Titania;
And the second option is,
2) Get me back to Titania!
You get me straight, son! ‘Cause if you don’t, all that you’ll have in your puny little head is a load of gunpowder…. Get me?!”

The captain didn’t want to, but yielded at last, at gunpoint. By now, the whole Gloriaxian contingent was outside the cockpit door… Hunter shouted with an inner laugh (more like a villain), “You guys are forcefully invited to my home… We’re going to Titania, boys – tighten your seatbelts!”.

After hours of flying with the pilot at gunpoint, the plane landed at Titania. The airplane staffs were the GSA’s own hired professionals, and the planes too. The matter, thus, didn’t reach the police. Hunter knew all this, and he knew that he won’t be sentenced, because all of this was top-secret.

The team put on their tracksuits, and their hoodies, and covered their face as far as possible. Only Hunter walked ahead, sometimes ran… Hang on, dad… I’m just about there…

After quite a bit of walking, Hunter could now see his house. He couldn’t control himself and ran as fast as his 49-year-old legs would carry him.

He blasted through the gate… He didn’t waste a single second in looking round for his dad and ran upstairs – “I know he’s up there…”

And there he was… Hunter’s dad, his greatest inspiration, his love and joy, his pride… “Dad!”, he cried out.

A feeble voice answered him back, “Paulie… Come here, can you?”. “Yes, dad…”, Hunter knew it was all over, but he tried to consolidate him, “You’ll be fine, Dad… Why are you lying down here, eh? We’ve got to play some football, don’t we?”.

“Paulie, you know, and I know it too, there’s no hope for me, and so no point crying over spilt milk, get me?”, said his Dad, “Isn’t that Team Gloriax?”, pointing to the 23 hooded figures standing in silence in one corner of the room.

“Yeah, it is, our pride and joy, our national football team…”, Hunter said. A painful lump had formed in his throat and his great effort to stop his tears from flowing out, has caused it to become even more painful. The dam to his tears will break any moment, he knew that…

“You people, are all the sons, brothers, and maybe even fathers of each of the 60 million people in our great nation, Gloriax… You all know that, we believe that. My time is limited, I know, and this is going to be a bit short…”

“I just want to say one thing to guys… Glory to Gloriax… We are all sons of this great motherland, make her proud. Before you, nobody gave two hoots about the football game, and look at us now… We are 139th best in the world… And you know what, if you love your motherland, it will honour you back…. If you really play as if you are going at war for Gloriax, I assure you, you will qualify… Believe, and you’ll succ-e-e-d-d”…. Hunter’s dad collapsed in his arms…
Last edited by Gloriax on Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nation: Republic of Gloriax | Capital: Titania
President (Champion): Jesse Waters | Population: 1,700,000

Get your football kits from: Aer Sportswear (Storefront II)

User avatar
Kazamatsuri
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 136
Founded: Dec 25, 2013
Father Knows Best State

Postby Kazamatsuri » Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:39 am

Not sure if I've got all my facts right - feel free to point out any errors, and I'll make the necessary corrections, thanks.




Slices of Life - Kazamatsuri Version

It was a sweltering afternoon in Yuigahama. As was the norm for a Kazamatsurian spring.

Shokuhō Suzuno ambled lazily down the sidewalk of Yuigahama's renowned Midori Boulevard, wearing a hoodie to protect herself from the fierce sunlight. Faint strains of classical music could be heard from the earphone buds trailing down from her ears.

It was that time of year again; the season of cherry blossoms. Well, even though they called it 'spring', the heat was comparable to summer in most other places. The cyclical lunar calendar that determined the seasons was a legacy of Kazamatsuri's days as a colonial protectorate of Mizuyuki; although the Scattered Isles had since been granted semi-autonomous status under the Treaty of Kizuna, the government and the bureaucracy still bore considerable traces of Mizuyuki-jin influence - including the calendar, which was full of inaccuracies if you happened to be living in Kazamatsuri. They still hadn't gotten around to persuading the mandarins over in the Mizuyuki-jin Ministry of Territorial Affairs to allow the change, even though it made perfect sense to adopt the modified calendar, if only to satiate the obsessive-compulsive Kazamatsurians.

Suzuno sighed. To think that summer in Kazamatsuri was actually cooler than spring. The Mizuyuki-jin who made the decision to adopt their lunar calendar for Kazamatsuri - whose seasons were nowhere near similar to their homeland's - must have been a complete and utter idiot. Not that she had a bone to pick with him - it was just that having cherry blossoms floating around in winter and cold autumnal winds in summer seemed incongruous to her. Her inner common sense rebelled against it, and her nationalist side fought back against the very idea of adopting Mizuyuki-jin culture in every aspect of Kazamatsurian life. The foreign influence had already pervaded the entirety of Kazamatsuri's culture - heck, even the name Kazamatsuri was derived from the Mikazukian for 'wind festival', a name which had been foisted upon the Scattered Isles by some insensitive conquistador.

Suzuno had little to back her nationalist side up, for she herself was one-quarter Mizuyuki-jin - Suzuno's paternal grandmother had been a native of the Auroral Union. Still, she couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of resentment at the way that the native Kazamatsurians had had their culture and traditions decimated by the Mizuyuki-jin colonisers. Theirs was an invasive, ubiquitous presence that destroyed and corrupted all that it touched.

Shaking her head to clear her mind of those unproductive thoughts, Suzuno looked up - and was abruptly halted in her tracks. In front of an ice-cream parlour flamboyantly named 'Shi Lunjia's Fantastic Ice-Cream Heaven' - another pretentious Aurinsulan establishment, no doubt - stood a mascot character of sorts. It appeared to bear the form of an ice-cream sundae, but it was not immediately apparent due to the sagging, yellow fabric - which was full of holes - and the sad, sad excuse for a cherry that was attached to the headpiece by a few strands of flimsy string.

With all the stealth of a shinobi, Suzuno crept silently behind a conveniently-located postbox and gave herself over to attentive observation.

The ice-cream parlour was doing a roaring trade, but Suzuno couldn't help but feel that it wasn't due to the tireless efforts of the ice-cream sundae.

No, not the edible ones being served inside - the mascot!

Squinting her eyes at the ice-cream sundae, which was even now struggling to keep its balance under the layers of cumbersome heavy-duty fabric, Suzuno could just about make out the form of a human being through the holes in the costume.

Baka, of course it's a human being. What else could it be, an anthropomorphic fox from Kitsunia-Deese? A pony from Karditan or the Equestrian States? A Jumping Bean from the Dreamed Realm?

Suzuno rolled her eyes and puffed up her cheeks in exasperation at her own reasoning. She had never been to either of those places, least of all the Dreamed Realm - which was infamous among Kazamatsuri's feminist movements for stubbornly refusing entry to females - but she had heard wondrous stories from her friends in the Mizuyuki national team, who had had the experience of playing against the ponies, and had been afforded the chance to watch the Jumping Beans in action on the pitch thanks to their qualification last cycle. It turned out that sentient ponies were actually a thing over in faraway lands, and that the Jeruselem Princesses had actually mistaken the Holy Empire's Jumping Beans for man-eating monstrosities. She wasn't too sure of the veracity of those anecdotes, especially since she had extracted them from a thoroughly inebriated Suzuki Rikka at a birthday party - but hey! it was always nice to dream about those surreal lands. She had spent many an hour fantasising about making friends with an earth pony, or maybe something more exotic like the pegasai - not to mention badly wanting her very own anthropomorphic fox butler, who would wait hand and foot on her.

Suzuno sighed in ecstasy upon giving in to the whims of her wild imagination, entering a trance-like state in which she was happily oblivious to her surroundings.

She didn't realise that she had shifted ever so slightly to the right, and was in plain view from the front of the ice-cream parlour. Not to mention that she was drooling at the thought of being served an ice-cream sundae by her fox butler.

She failed to see the monstrous ice-cream sundae take off its enormous headpiece, casually wipe its brow with a hand, and squat down beside her - watching her as if she were some fascinating object.

She didn't notice the touch of a human being on her head, patting her as one would a pet kitten.

Thoroughly amused by the dreamy appearance of the teenage girl before it, the ice-cream sundae cocked its head before balling its fist up and lightly tapping the unsuspecting Suzuno on the head.

"Hello? Is anyone at home?"
Last edited by Kazamatsuri on Fri Mar 28, 2014 1:32 am, edited 2 times in total.
The Scattered Isles of Kazamatsuri
Demonym Kazamatsuri-jin/Kazamatsurian | Capital Yuigahama | Trigram KZR | Population 7,293,721
'I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant ...
it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.'
<Vettrera> You're scooping what I'm pooping
<Kinitaria> You're not here to tell us we're all destined to burn, so you're doing religion right
11:34:23 <+Val|WI> Felix should be dead by now
11:35:07 <Felix> But I am noooooot
11:35:20 — Yui-nyan|Kaza chainsaws Felix
11:35:24 <Yui-nyan|Kaza> You are nooooow

User avatar
Kalumba
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1368
Founded: May 05, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Kalumba » Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:53 am

On The Lash With The Lads

Well that was probably the most frustrating day I have ever had as a football fan, not because of the result or even the way the Kudus played but simply because of the crass obstinacy of our 'hosts' if such a word could be used to decribe them, as I have personally had friendlier receptions from BAPL terrorists than I did from this lot.

It all started when a number of supposed monks arrived in Kahali to, and I quote, "Construct a portal to The Dreamed Realm". It appeared to be some sort of glorified customs booth or immigration check in, but before they could complete the aforementioned item they were promptly accosted and then arrested by our brave boys in olive drab, for breaching the Terrorism Act of 1978. To avoid a diplomatic incident they were released from the Bechuaneland Constabulary's custody and promptly deported, but the tone was set.

As soon as the lads, and we few hard fans who bothered to make the trip, we were treated like dirt. The female members of the backroom staff were viewed with immediate suspicion by the dress wearing men who lived in this ridiculous nation, and all of us instantly had their religion waved in our faces. Unendingly. The entire place was just monastery after monestery, and dress wearing men. Not a single drinking establishment or bit of skirt to be seen or had anywhere. As such this was already, by far, the worst away trip of my life and it would only get worse.

Prior to kick off we had been informed we would be required to stand for two hours to listen to some religious something or other, and we simply refused and only entered the stadium after this pointless endevour was over. Now, as you may well be aware, I am all for standing at football and take every opportunity I can to do so. Football is a game for those who live in the terraces and we all want to stand on them and back our teams. But to try and force your religion upon someone, and make them stand for it, is simply insulting. Even as a Christian from a Christian nation this was far too much. Kalumba is proudly Protestant and stands up for the right to display ones religion publicly and unashamedly, but we remain a secular state out of respect for those who follow a different religion or remain irreligious and would expect a modicum of respect. But some people remain unelightened and uncourteous.

I have never been prouder of my team and my country when they also refused to come out for this service. They took a clear and obvious stand against a truly arse-ish event, which will hopefully inspire others to stand up to the near tryanny of our 'hosts'. Maybe if more nations took a stand against this ridiculous practice it would be abandoned in the name of common sense and common courtesy.

A final example of their uncouthness and frankly hateful attitude was demonstrated during the match, when it finally got under way. A number of our boys started singing a rather suggestive song about why there were no women in the 'host' nation, and when they started to do the actions (Go online at KudusSanctuary.Ka if you want to see the words, and actions. And no we are not the safari webite, we are the rude football one. Ed.) a number of men in dresses told them "If you don't cease that you will be transported back to the normal physical reality". Now I have heard of miracle hangover cures, but that one truly takes the proverbial biscuit. Anyone our lads didn't stop and the threat was carried out, in other words they were escorted from the stadium and deported back to Kalumba.

As for the match itself, who knows? Within ten minutes we had all been deported for 'hooliganism' or protesting the treatment of our fellow fans by the near fascist local stewards. We do believe Peterson Watusi scored an excellent consolation goal at the end, but we can't be sure as the team left without completing any of their media commitments in protest of their treatment and that of the fans making even prouder to be a Kalumban today. The Kalumban FA has also recieved our petition to ban any travelling fans from attending Kahali in protest of our abominable treatment at the hands of their authorities, and are said to be seriously considering it.

Mr Spleen

You know the drill, Mr Spleen's views belong to him and him alone and should in no way be taken to represent those of Kalumba or of OTLWTL in its online or magazine form. Please address any complaints to him, not us, or better still just ignore the ramblings of a sad, depressed and fat old man. Ed.

Oh and by the way (Dear God shut up you old pisshead, Ed.) during some random browsing of the web I noted that somewhere Mizuyuki were reffered to as 'The Pride of Aurora'. What? Sure the are higher ranked than humble Kalumba, sure they have qualified for the finals but have the won anything? Nope. Have Kalumba? Champions! CHAMPIONS!!! CHAMPIONS!!!!! Baptism of Fire 43 unless I am very much mistaken. Think that makes us the nation to be proud of, don't you?

Please remember Mr Spleen is a drunken, xenophobic, nationalistic, old arsehole. Don't take him seriously.


Lieutenant Wilhelm Mpansi was exhausted. For three days the men of First Platoon, Greyhound Company had tabbed towards the intercept point throuh the merciless desert of the northern border. And for three days they had seen nothing, not even a glimpe of the terrorist band or even of the presence of humanity. And to exacerbate things they were out of water. Calling a halt he pulled out his map and ascertained there was an old bushman watering hole just half a click distant.

"I need a volunteer to refill water supplies" he shouted at the assembled men, and was momentarily astonished. For it was Friedhelm, his younger brother, who had stepped forwards. Finally he seemed to be getting what the Security Forces were about, cameraderie. All for one and one for all. Finally he had volunteered for something, even as small as refilling the water bottles. The other men seemed to notice as well and one even gave Friedhelm a begrudging punch on the shoulder. Refilling the water was not the same as being bait for a sniper, but it was a thankless task. Even for the extremely small twelve man patrols of the Kalumban Independent Companies the water supply for a da amounted to at least 36 litres but usually twice that amount. Not much heavier than the normal patrol loadout, but still a great burden to take for your brothers.

As his brother set off, map in hand, Wilhelm ordered his men to prepare a basic camp. There was little light remaining and by the time his brother returned with the water night would be falling and there was no point in going on. After assigning men to the different stags for the night, he pulled his rollmat from the base of his bergen and settled down for the evening appreciating the warmth of the sun knowing full well the chills which the desert night would bring.

"Alarm!" Lieutenant Mpansi was instantly awake as the sentry cried out. What the hell was going on? It was before sunset and Wilhelm had no idea what could be going on. Quickly however he took stock of the situation and grew pale. For sprinting towards their position in ungainly fashion with a mess of webbing straps and canteens trailing behind him was Friedhelm, and behind him came a mob of BAPL terrorists. Bullets whipped around the solitary figure and pangas gleamed in the dying embers of the sun.

"Hold Fire! Hold Fire" he ordered and his men looked incredulous.

"Sir we have to fire, they'll overrun us otherwise!" Shouted back one of the platoon, setting his Shambulio Bunduki-72 to repetion and taking aim. Wilhelm knew he was right and desperatley waved to his brother to get down, then shouldered his own weapon. The sharp report of 7.62 rounds stung his ears, even after years of experience, and the dull thumping into his shoulder numbed him to all other feeling. The disciplined fire of Greyhound Company quickly took its toll upon the charging mob and the broke and ran.

As the others relaxed and checked their weapons Wilhelms stomach tightened, the prone figure of his brother was not moving. "Friedhelm!" he cried out in despair and dropping his weapon ran to his brothers side. Friedhelm was completely still and his face was as peaceful as if he were asleep, bar the grimace into which his mouth was pulled as if in deep pain. At that moment Wilhelm collapsed and burst out laughing. And his brother joined in.

He was pulling the same face both of them had done when they played soldiers as boys. "You little shit" he giggled and after a few more moments of mirth he stopped and rose. How the hell had the band suprised them so easily, and how were left. Dragging his brother to his feet he set of towards the bodies and called his men to him.

A number of the terrorists were still alive, and he ordered them dispatched. He saw Friedhelm wince at this order and once more sighed inwardly. This was war and war was a bloody buisness, it was no game and a place for men alone. His brother would have to adapt or it would break him. As the last terrorist was shot, he set off in pursuit of the others interrogating Friedhelm as the marched.

"Where did they spot you?"

"At the watering hole, they jumped me from the rear but I managed to outrun them."

So they knew about the watering hole. These were no mere opportunist bandits, but a organised group. They had the usual ill discipline of irregulars but a number of shots had been perilously close to his men and they maintained some cohesion as they fled. This wa shaping up to be a hard patrol and not the easy sweep he had imagined.

"Radio! Get onto headquarters and Two Platoon let them know our position and inform them terrorist band engaged, 13 killed with approximatley 25 others fled into the hinterland. We are in pursuit and request reinforcements and resupply. Out." The hunt was on, Greyhounds foe quarry was wounded but still dangerous. Very dangerous.
Unilateral Declaration of Indifference viewtopic.php?f=23&t=111178 - Honestly Kalumba has no interest in you or your problems.
Looking for a PMT RP, no godmoding, etc. Come and help Zimbabwe-Rhodesia defeat the Soviets in Africa viewtopic.php?f=5&t=116682
The Colonial Crisis viewtopic.php?f=5&t=138755
-St George wrote:Pedantry, thy name is Kalumba.
San-Silvacian wrote:
Forgot to take off my Rhodie shorts when I went to sleep.

Woke up in bitches and enemy combatants.


Spreewerke wrote:Salt the women, rape the earth.

Baptism of Fire 43 Champions
A Luta Continua

User avatar
Nexxus Drako
Envoy
 
Posts: 242
Founded: Jan 15, 2014
Ex-Nation

Postby Nexxus Drako » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:06 am

Braylandia 3–5 Nexxus Drako
12', 78' Robert Hill
23, 45' Lio Golt
67' Kevin Arland


I've had a bit of a backlash with the magic stuff, so I'm destroying it, also, this is a 2 part RP as one post.


Likona Bapon was Nexxus Drako's lead magician, but magic was restricted to the elves, so she was going to attempt to allow the other races into it.

One of her assistants created a long spell in Nexxusian and began reciting it. She never finished.

The spell was sabotage, it disintegrated all the elves of the nation and desroyed the Nexxusian language, thus killing magic in Nexxus Drako.

Even worse, is that it made the people of Nexxus Drako forget elves even existed outside of Hicana, Valanora and Pasarga.

Magic and elves were dead. The democratic movement, although initially led by an elf, was strengthening though.


Jym sat in his office. checking the Gross Domestic Happiness report, it showed that an overwhelming amount of people wanted democracy restored.

This worried Jym, as he was going to lose power, but he was also happy, because unilateral freedom may finally become possible after he had led a coup of the psychotic dictatorship of a government 5 years ago.

Jym then proceeded to make phone calls, and the wheels were set in motion. All that was left to do, was announce it.

Jym then called a press conference, and when he announced it, the nation cheered as one.

All that was left to do, was create the laws that governed the parliament.

1 President elected by House of Representatives
1 Vice President chosen by President
10-25 man Cabinet chosen by President
600 seat House of Representatves elected by public using Closed List PR
Unlimited Parties and Candidates


The only problem with this system was that it didn't cater for independents, but they could just found their own party anyway.

Jym smiled and left to form his own party, named the Libertarian Party.

Three more parties were announced soon after. They were the Republican, Democrat and Green parties.

The opinion polls would start soon, as the election was slated for December 1st 2015, around the end of the World Cup Qualifiers, voting would take an entire week, as it was all done online, through an extremely secure system of voting that would be able to resist hacking for the next 50,000 years.
Last edited by Nexxus Drako on Fri Mar 28, 2014 4:04 am, edited 4 times in total.
Tracker | IIWiki
RP Population: ~250 million
Tech: Modern
Species: 58% Human, 42% Dracon
Leader: President Matthew Parker
Capital City: Drako City
KPB Football Rank - 83Rd (10.51)
IBC Basketball Rank: 13th (8.27)
UICA Rank: 63rd (7.629)
FARF Rank: 1st (22.69)
Host: FARF ARCC
Winner: None
Runner-Up: WHS 1
3rd Place: The Yttribian Open 1
4th Place: Beltane Cup 1 & 2
Founder of FARF (Australian Rules)
Like Australian Rules Football? Wanna have your league go for glory on the international stage? Enter the FARF ARCC today!
Economic Left/Right: -7.00
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.79

User avatar
Paradystopia
Diplomat
 
Posts: 949
Founded: Mar 10, 2012
Ex-Nation

Postby Paradystopia » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:17 am

Positions vacant

Hey You!

Yes, ... Ah no. The guy behind you. No, not him. Left a bit, left a bit. Stop! Yes, you!

    - Are you 'completely off your rocker'?
    - Does covering your naked body with jam and running around an apiary sound like fun?
    - Would you consider marrying a fillet of beef?
    - Do people generally say of you 'Stay away from them, they're a bit weird'.

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, you may be just what we're looking for at the PDABBHSTRD(AD): the Paradystopi Department for the Advancement of Bonkers Behaviour and Horseradish Surveillance Technique Research Department (Audioslavian Division). We are currently seeking individuals to help maintain the high standards of insanity commonly associated with Paradystopia and also to keep an eye on the horseradish, obviously. That bit goes without saying.

Interested? Are you wondering how to apply? Great!
Even better if you're currently wondering how much wool it would take to knit a jumper for every fish in the sea.

So, if you think you've got what it takes to work for the PDABBHSTRD(AD), contact us in one of these ways.
Phone +20919-999 and say 'Quack quack. I'm a Goose, Dammit!' - The number is actually for the emergency services in The Inevitable Syndicate but if you vehemently insist you're a goose, they'll be able to connect your call. Or offer you a spot in one of their domestic teams. Either's good, right?
E-mail your CV or online videos of your exploits to meikuukuyoulongtime@apoxonline.apx. Yeah, we're totally stealing a wifi connection from Apox. How is that possible from a completely different region, you ask? Never underestimate the power of horseradish surveillance my friend.
Telepathically submit your application. Though the PDABBHSTRD(AD) accepts no responsibility for any lost applications due to lack of sufficient telepathic technology here in Audioslavia.

Got everything you need? Good.
We look forward to receiving your applications.


OOC: although merely a reactionary RP to this. Feel free to apply if you so wish. Maybe if I get enough applicants I'll make a staff team for them in my league.

Dunno.

Whatever.
ðe Pantiſsokratik Mayrittoghraſye of Paradyſtopia
Demonyme: Paradyſtopi
Capittel Sitee:Newetoun
Baysed y': Eſporteve (Esportiva)


Officially the NSRB's Vulgar Person, or whatever 'VP' means ...

User avatar
Kazamatsuri
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 136
Founded: Dec 25, 2013
Father Knows Best State

Postby Kazamatsuri » Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:07 am

Continuation of the Shokuhō Suzuno arc. Very random stuff, I know.




Slices of Life - Kazamatsuri Version

"Ice-cream sundae used Pound!"

With that exceedingly odd proclamation, the ice-cream sundae - looking very suspicious indeed, positioned as it was in a shady corner, towering over a dazed teenage girl - tapped on the unsuspecting Suzuno's head.

"It's not very effective! At all!"

The ice-cream sundae gasped as it continued to rain its gentle, almost timid taps on Suzuno's head, with precious little to show for its efforts.

"By Kirigiri, this girl is something else altogether ... she's gone into a hypnotic state! Somehow this reminds me of Onee-chan when she gets home from Animatsuri hugging her stacks of BL doujin to her chest ..."

The ice-cream sundae felt a tinge of apprehension touch it. It had experienced the horrors of BL doujin first hand after being forced into reading them by its deranged elder sister, who had a perverse, obsessive love for the depravities that were depicted within. Sometimes the ice-cream sundae suspected that its sister had come unhinged and become a deviant after consuming a particularly mouldy specimen of spaghetti - with a generous helping of putrid beef strips on the side. But then again, all the ice-cream sundae had suffered was a case of excruciating diarrhoea - perhaps the girl was allergic to the stuff? Perhaps the toxins in the mould got to her brain and fried it into thinking that BL was actually fascinating and - incomprehensibly to Ice-cream sundae - erotic, worth the enormous effort spent in actually getting the doujin at prohibitive prices?

Ice-cream sundae shook its head - now was not the time to think about its sister. Crazy she might be, but she was certainly not worth it frittering away precious working hours thinking about her and her depravities. No - of far more pressing concern was another girl - the girl that was even now squatting before it, with a lunatic, vapid smile plastered across her face as her drool continued to drip onto the pavement.

"Did she escape from the local sanatorium or something?" The ice-cream sundae wondered aloud as it stared into space, all the while tapping on the drooling Suzuno's head.

Ice-cream sundae drew a fold of whipped cream (or 'fabric from its costume' for the pedantic) back, and consulted its digital wristwatch. "Well, it is lunch break. I guess I can fool around some with this girl."

Producing a freshly-baked baguette from within the folds of its costume, the ice-cream sundae placed its headpiece onto the sidewalk and leaned back on it, chomping on the bread while idly keeping up its tapping. The fragrance of the baguette wafted through the air as the ice-cream sundae ate into it by degrees.

By all accounts, it was a surreal scene - an ice-cream sundae eating bread while tapping a teenage girl's head. It would be tabloid worthy material within Kazamatsuri if the ice-cream sundae had somehow contrived to eat the bread while wearing its headpiece, complete with faded plastic cherry on top. No adornments needed - a plain old day in the streets of Yuigahama.

Eccentric bunch of people they are, really.

The tranquil scene did not last long, largely due to the primal hunger within the lunatic squatting on the pavement.

The smell of the baguette was the trigger.

The beast ponderously sniffed the air, having detected the faint scent of food. Piqued by the prospect of food - oh, delicious, belly-filling food - it raised its snout still higher, desperately trying to ascertain the source of the oh-so-wonderful scent.

And in anticipation of food, it ro-

"RAWR! FOOD!"

The ice-cream sundae fell backwards, dropping its baguette in its shock and immediately proceeding to smash it into a flat pancake with his backside - which meant that all the King's men couldn't put its baguette together again. Upon catching sight of its pitiful baguette, crushed along with its hopes and dreams, the ice-cream sundae could only gape - half in disbelief and half in horror.

"THAT'S MY LUNCH GONE YOU USELESS BUGGER!" The ice-cream sundae - kindly soul that it was - couldn't bring itself to utter the terrible curse words. Being the 'sanctimonious self-righteous prick' in its circle of more uncouth acquaintances - such swear words were, the ice-cream sundae felt, for the lower classes - and as such the most colourful word contained within its vocabulary was 'bugger', which it thought was an exceedingly useful multi-purpose word, capable of being tailored to fit each and every situation that occasioned its deployment.

Alright - we concede. That didn't happen. There was not a single scrap of truth in the two paragraphs immediately preceding this one.

What actually did take place was this.

The ice-cream sundae tore off a large piece of its baguette with its teeth and proceeded to hurl the remnants over to the hoodie-clad girl, who was practically foaming at the mouth to get at the food.

"Have at it, you ravenous wolf."
Last edited by Kazamatsuri on Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:09 am, edited 4 times in total.
The Scattered Isles of Kazamatsuri
Demonym Kazamatsuri-jin/Kazamatsurian | Capital Yuigahama | Trigram KZR | Population 7,293,721
'I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant ...
it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.'
<Vettrera> You're scooping what I'm pooping
<Kinitaria> You're not here to tell us we're all destined to burn, so you're doing religion right
11:34:23 <+Val|WI> Felix should be dead by now
11:35:07 <Felix> But I am noooooot
11:35:20 — Yui-nyan|Kaza chainsaws Felix
11:35:24 <Yui-nyan|Kaza> You are nooooow

User avatar
Ko-oren
Negotiator
 
Posts: 6776
Founded: Nov 26, 2010
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Ko-oren » Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:40 am

This group is ours now

The Icemark lost 1-0 to North Arabia, and the winning team now moves up to third place in group 4. Filopines, who played their away game at Sargossa right after their game at our National Stadium, lost 2-0 and now have 6 points with two consecutive losses - albeit against the first and second seed of the group. Agrincourt record their first win of the cycle with a 4-2 win over Mastille. That leaves The Sarian and Mastille as the only winless teams of the group, but both have tied twice already anyway. That leaves us with two teams on two points, two teams on four points (Agrincourt, The Icemark) and two teams on six points (Filopines and North Arabia). Sargossa has nine points, and Ko-oren lead the table with 12 points. And now finishing third place is enough to qualify for the playoffs, that means we have a nice 6-point gap to North Arabia/Filopines within four days.

But now is no time to get complacent. In fact, there is a lot to improve. The Dragonflies have a record of conceding almost no goals. Sure, we have had the toughest games of the first half and made it through them with just two goals in our net, but conceding two goals in the first seven games is all we can concede if we finally want to be the team with the least goals conceded. And that is even ignoring the second half for a second, because you cannot allow more than a few goals and still be among the top defending teams. The Ko-orenite defense is a force to be reckoned with, and many teams know this, but our defense is still far from infallible. But we are no Cosumar or Vilita either, with seven goals conceded - and that still being fairly good compared to the rest of the group. On the other hand, we are not on the level of the Polar Islandstates or Nova Anglicana either. Now there's no shame in being worse than Polar Islandstates, and it seems Nova Anglicana is doing what we were doing a few cycles ago: score as many goals as the number of games you've won, and conceding nothing on the side. They have won three games 1-0 and tied one 0-0... and you get 3-1-0 with a goal difference of +3 (+3, -0). And then there's Alsacie, who saw 22 goals fly into their own goal in just four games.

The next game is against Mastille. The poor team that is in last place, and we don't even know whose responsibility that is, without a proper roster. Anyway, with The Icemark and Agrincourt waiting for us afterwards, two teams we definitely expect to be somewhat better than Mastille, we might want to do something about our goal difference.

Stat of the day

Last time the Dragonflies were 4-0-0 in World Cup qualification: World Cup 66. Kidlantis was the first opponent, who lost 2-0. Then came Kinitaria, with a lucky win for Ko-oren: 2-1. HorusLand lost 2-0, and the team finished off the win streak with a blowout against Albaie. Incidentally, the Dragonflies also went 4-0-0 in World Cup 60: three away wins at Unified Falcon (0-1), Friday Freshman (0-2) and O-Damn (0-5), with a 3-1 home win over Equatorial Sarmen in between, on match day three.
WCC and WCOH President and NS Sports' only WC, WBC, WB, WCOH, IBC, RUWC, Test Cricket, ODI, and T20 loser!

Trigramme: KOR - Demonym: Ko-orenite - Population: 27.270.096
Map - Regions - Spreadsheets - Domestic Sports Newswires - Factbooks
Champions 1x World Cup - 1x CoH - 1x AOCAF - 1x WBC - 4x World Bowl - 1x IBC - 4x RUWC - 3x RLWC - 2x T20 WC - 1x AODICC - 2x ARWC - 1x FHWC - 1x HWC - 1x Beach Cup
Runners-up 1x World Cup - 3x CAFA - 1x AOCAF - 1x WBC - 3x World Bowl - 1x WCoH - 4x IBC - 2x RUWC - 1x GCF Test Cricket - 1x ODI WT - 2x T20 WC - 1x FraterniT20 - 1x WLC - 1x FHWC
Organisation & Hosting 2x WCC President - 1x WCOH President / 1x BoF - 1x CAFA - 1x World Bowl - 1x WCOH - 2x RUWC - 1x ODI WT - 1x T20 WC - 1x FraterniT20 - 1x ARWC - 1x FHWC - (defunct) IRLCC, BCCC, Champions Bowl

User avatar
Zwangzug
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 5240
Founded: Oct 19, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Zwangzug » Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:45 am

Q: Thanks for coming!
A: My pleasure. An honor to be here.
Q: How are you liking Kerlagrad?
A: It's...uh. So far I've eaten rather filling touristy food...
Q: Say no more.
A: Yeah.
Q: So, uh, when'd you get into football? Maybe a silly question to ask, at your age, but--
A: It's okay.
Q: --was your family into it, growing up?
A: Absolutely, my older sisters would play with me...they liked to score, they put me on defense, I wasn't very good...it was my parents who had to say "give him a try up somewhere else"--of course attack, midfield, all the same when you're playing that few at a time--but we had fun.
Q: But when did you realize there was more to it than that, that you could keep going at a higher level?
A: Have I now? This still doesn't feel like something I'm actually doing, all of the time--but I'm not expecting to be--there are no scouts, here.
Q: Yeah, they're as unimpressed by the Kerlagrad trains as the rest of us.
A: Ouch. But you know what I mean, this is as far as I'm going--yet all the same, it still feels like just another step?
Q: That's fair. What have been the biggest surprises so far?
A: The whole health thing? That--obviously everyone knows you don't want to get injured. Sure, fine. I don't either. But the importance of staying healthy, because you're not going to put roots down here--Kerlagrad or anywhere else. Right? If you get sick, it's really a grind.
Q: Must be intimidating.
A: Okay, maybe the starters are a little more paranoid, "oh we've got to be great at playing through everything," but look, this isn't--some kind of national team, once upon a time--we have benchwarmers! Eh?
Q: He said without a hint of bias...
A: Oh naturally, I would never dream of someone getting hurt...!
Q: That aside, how are your relationships with your teammates?
A: Uh, surprisingly--we're not--look I'm the new kid, I have to...we don't have a pecking order or anything? But I have to put up with a lot. I'm not going to fall back on cliches about being a big family because we don't particularly--share a lot in common, off the field--but we have to put up with each other, at our worst, for a long time.
Q: If I asked the others, "what's the new kid like, you have to put up with him," what would they tell me?
A: Oh my goodness. I really don't want to know.
Q: Well, guess. I'm not going to.
A: He's--I'm--ouch. He's nice and quiet and kisses butt. Yeah?
Q: Come on.
A: I called it soccer last week. Haven't heard the end of it.
Q: Oh!
A: Rookie mistake.
Q: Lots of people do.
A: Fewer and fewer now. I wonder--
Q: Yeah?
A: Never mind.
Q: I'll edit this down.
A: You'd better. No, what it would have taken--I've had so many opportunities in my life, that most people don't get, right? So I'm happy. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like, to play for some kind of national team. All the annoying travel, all the razzing for the wrong jargon, taken up to another level--
Q: There'd be enough linguistic diversity on a national team, I think.
A: Well. In Zwangzug.
Q: You're not eligible to play anywhere else?
A: Hah! No. Unless there's an all-diaspora team...mom and dad would be so proud...
Q: You never know. Okay, what's the best game you've played in?
A: Played, for longer than five minutes--when I was in middle school, we won our district semifinal--I got this fluky assist. This midfielder--she would have been a striker if she'd internalized the offsides rule, but that was never going to happen--their defenders couldn't trap, she should never have gotten to that position. I wanted to score, but they were onto me, so I chipped it a little, and she drove it in. Made it four-three. And we got blanked in the final, but that was--a different ending. I'll give you that.
Q: Sorry. When was this?
A: Eighth grade.
Q: Right.
A: Look I'm not a very interesting person, if you interview me, what kind of sample size do you have to draw from?
Q: Who were your favorite players growing up? If you--
A: Whoever I could get on TV. Didn't follow any of the teams.
Q: --hadn't finished growing.
A: This Kerlagrad food will stunt my growth, don't worry.
Q: Well-said!

(Ruan 29, attacking midfielder 52)
Factbook
IRC humor, (self-referential)
My issues
...using the lens of athletics to illustrate national culture, provide humor, interweave international affairs, and even incorporate mathematical theory...
WARNING: by construing meaning from this sequence of symbols, you have given implicit consent to the theory that words have noncircular semantic value and can be used to encode information about an external universe. Proceed with caution.

User avatar
Mizuyuki
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1271
Founded: Mar 25, 2013
Democratic Socialists

Postby Mizuyuki » Fri Mar 28, 2014 4:42 am

Kazamatsuri wrote:Because my inspiration has just tanked, y'all will be subjected to my mind-numbingly boring match reports every day from now on.

This guy. He speaks the truth.


Off to Unconvincing Start
Mizuyuki continue dismal form - narrow win does little to assuage concerns

Bring on the champagne! It's time to celebrate!

Or not.

A win is a win is a win, and that means three points in the bank. On the opening day of the current World Cup qualifying, Mizuyuki took on footballing 'giants' Swibia - who are apparently so flushed with confidence that they didn't even bother to scout any of their fellow Group 13 mates - and managed to scrape through with a close 2-1 victory that raises some doubts as to the mental fortitude of the Nova.

The mental fragility of the current Mizuyuki generation has been exposed time and time again, and despite calls for Shirakiin to take proactive steps with a view to instilling a solid camaraderie and restoring the fighting spirit reminiscent of the bulldog that was once the trademark of the Nova - they have been met with a stone wall of silence. Now, Shirakiin will have to face the cold, hard truth - the Nova have their work cut out if they are to overcome this mental malaise and remain a relevant presence in the World Cup Finals.

Case in point - the miserable, lifeless defeats to Turori that shaped the entirety of our previous two World Cup Finals. While ardent supporters of Shirakiin and her vision for Mizuyuki may have argued that the debilitating losses were due to the team's inherent inexperience - a side effect of Shirakiin's youth policy - and that no blame could be apportioned in the aftermath, the truth is that the shortcomings and flaws in this Mizuyuki team were brutally exposed against a team that was superior - both physically and mentally.

They were, quite simply, not up to the task of facing off against the cream of the crop. And that is a situation that must be rectified with immediate effect if a third successive qualification for the World Cup Finals is to be on the cards come the end of the current qualifiers. Shirakiin is responsible for leading the team - and she must show her mettle and grasp the nettle that is Mizuyuki's almost pathological tendency to crumble when subjected to significant mental duress by their opponents.

Shirakiin has to carry the can for failing to recognise the underlying problem and acting rapidly to remedy it, for the team's frailties were clearly on show during the pre-qualifying friendlies against opponents such as Yttribia, Equestrian States, Felix, The Royal Barangay, Kazamatsuri and the German American States. In each and every one of them, the starting XI that was selected was full strength. In each and every one of them excepting the matches against TRB and Kazamatsuri, the starting XI came off distinctly second best, outplayed and outmanoeuvred by supposedly inferior teams such as Simon Jewel's Yttribia, Ishikawa Haruka's vibrant and offensive Felix side, and the German American States under the stewardship of Karl Rheinhart. In total, their pre-qualifying friendly record stood at a miserable P7 W2 D2 L3 - which is a record that is simply embarrassing for a team that were once touted as possible pretenders for the shiny bauble that is the World Cup.

Against Swibia, the team once again failed to assert their supposed dominance over a vastly inferior team, to the extent that they were forced onto the back foot for most of the match, despite Shirakiin eventually replacing the ineffectual Izawa with a fresh Kurugaya and bringing off Tawaraya for Kihara in an ultimately fruitless attempt to win the battle for the midfield.

Shirakiin's Mizuyuki teams were known for their pressing, for their urgent attacking play - not for lifeless displays in which the goal seemed to be trying to cede possession as many times as humanly possible to the opposition throughout the course of the ninety minutes. The ease with which the ball was given away right after kickoff epitomised the entirety of the Nova's display - they were utterly clueless out on the pitch. The only player to emerge with remotely any credit was captain Tsuchimikado, whose tireless efforts eventually galvanised the team just enough to push on and secure the late winner, while forward Kurugaya performed a country mile better than the player she replaced - Izawa Airi, eventually grabbing the last gasp goal to secure the undeserved three points. The rest of the team were simply not up to snuff - and judging by this particular display Shirakiin must have wished that she could substitute every last one of them and pack them off.

Unfortunately, this is not an option that is available to Shirakiin, even though the thought might have passed through her mind at some point during yesterday's absolutely abject display. Instead, she has to grit her teeth and stick with her current squad throughout the World Cup qualifiers - she has to find a way to motivate them and raise the team back to the heights of their play back in WC68 qualifiers.

Mizuyuki fell behind in the first minute by way of a tremendous team goal, the Swibian forward slotting a low shot past Takanashi as the Mizuyukian defence stood off him. It was a horrendous start by the top seed of Group 13, but things showed no sign of changing as Ishibashi promptly gave the ball away in midfield, requiring Takanashi to produce a top-drawer save to keep Mizuyuki in the game by the skin of its teeth.

Luckily for us, the individual talent of our players topped the grim determination of the Swibians for a brief moment as half time approached, and a wonderful solo dribble down the left flank by Isshiki fashioned an excellent chance, put on a platter for the previously invisible Izawa - who gratefully scarfed it up, duly smashing the ball into the goal.

Our passing in the final third let us down time and time again, which very nearly caused us to come unstuck against Swibia as they defended deeply, trying to hit us on the counter. There were intermittent periods of Swibian pressure in which they threatened to score an unlikely winner, but fortunately for Takanashi the Swibians' finishing was almost as terrible as our distribution. In the end, it took until the 93rd minute for the Nova to come up with the final burst required to secure a winner - Tsuchimikado threading a pinpoint pass through the dogged Swibian defence to put Kurugaya clean through on goal - and the forward made no mistake with a clinical finish from twenty yards out.

The win was a truly undeserved one, make no mistake of that - and there was more than an element of fortuitousness to the manner in which we secured the points. That alone is a damning indictment of the Nova - for any decent team should be able to dig deep and find a way to win, no matter the circumstances, let alone a team with title pretensions. For now, Shirakiin is safe - but she would do well to take a long, hard look at her tactics and her team to ensure that no damaging slip-ups occur during the course of qualifying.

If Shirakiin is as good as her supporters claim, she will have enough in the drawer to ensure that Mizuyuki is rid of their unfortunate mental travails. If she is as incompetent as her detractors say, she deserves to be sacked as soon as her failure to bring the Nova back on their feet becomes apparent. Either way, Shirakiin faces possibly the most difficult phase of her managerial career with Mizuyuki thus far.

Results are everything. And Shirakiin's results throughout this edition of World Cup qualifying may well decide her fate.
This nation has been retired.
Please direct any and all communications intended for the user behind this nation to Kirisaki.

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Electrum
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 4315
Founded: Jan 20, 2013
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Electrum » Fri Mar 28, 2014 5:11 am

Electrum Combined Press

ECP apologies for not covering on the World Cup until now as a result of the bankruptcy crisis that affected ECP. With those troubles out of the way, ECP can now resume it's contractual obligations with the coverage of the 68th World Cup.

ECP's Crash Course Guide of Soccer Viewing and Spectating
Recognise the Enemy
Anyone that is not supporting the Electrum team is an official enemy. Enough said. All the other teams are evil and should be given no mercy. Next time you sit next to a Lymantatian or Bonticellan or Ratastani, give them some of that Electrum spirit by dumping some beer on them. Maybe they'll like. Probably not. Who cares?

Spectating and Viewing
An essential part of soccer is to chant, swear and yell as much as possible, just like a hooligan. Scratch that, exactly like a hooligan. Whether your in the stadium or in the various drinking holes around Electrum, guzzling down beer and hot dogs, make sure that every call is challenged. This means yelling at the TV/Umpire/Pub with as much gusto as possible. Don't overdo it however. No one likes the guy who pretends to know everything but actually doesn't (although that's why your reading this) - in other words don't use obscure references while yelling. Keep it simple. Here are a few examples:

"Oy you f******, can't you see?"
"How the h*** was that offside?"
"That was a trip you mongrel!"
"Your mum kicks better than that guy!"
"******** **** ****** **** chicken *** ****** ****?!?!"


Hit them where it hurts. Find old songs and rework them into your own chants. Hit their flaws. Also, why not support the Electrum team ahead with your own chant?

"We are Electrum, the mighty Electrum
and we are mental and we are mad
we are the greatest country in the whole wide world"


With this guide you will surely transform into a beer guzzling hooligan on the streets, supporting the best team in the World Cup, Electrum.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CENTRALIS - Soccer fever has reached full pitch in Centralis after Electrum's first win on the world stage against Ratastan, winning 3-0 in the fourth game of fourteen. It hasn't been the best of starts for Electrum after being thrashed 7-1 in Lymantatia, 6-3 at home against Quakmybush and 5-1 in Armakistan. But for those at home who have missed the first game at Walkers Stadium, Agri, just what exactly is soccer? And more to the point, how is Electrum comparing to the world stage?

Soccer is the multiverse's unofficial official sport. More than a hundred nations participate in the World Cup, which occurs every so often. Electrum is a relatively new country, their first tournament being the Baptism Of Fire, where they came 3rd in Group F, narrowly missing the finals/playoffs by one place. Nonetheless, Electrum is looking for revenge, but with two losses so far, will they be able to catch up? Electrum will play in 14 matches over 2 weeks against the six other members of Group 19, Kinitaria, Northern Sunrise Islands (co hosts of this cycle's BoF), Lymantatia, Quakmybush, Armakistan, Bonticello and Ratastan. Henceforth follows the missed coverage of the previous away matches.

Lymantatia 7-1 Electrum
Lymantatian Goal Scorers
Johnson 21' 31' 72'
Bressler 33' 50' 53' 74' 82'
Electrum Goal Scorers
Lynn-Peters 48'

It was an admittedly poor performance from the team. It was their first away match in a World Cup, and it was against Lymantatia, a hermit in the multiverse. Electrum had a poor form going into this match after their losses in the Baptism of Fire, but one has to wonder, where is the teamwork form the Lymantatian team? They had several more opportunities than the 7 goals, but their midfielders always passed it along to Johnson and Bressler to score the goal. One wonders how many goals it will they take by themselves before they bore themselves out by scoring goal after goal through a leaky defense. Electrum scored its only goal against Lymantatia in the 48th minute where Lynn-Peters snuck the ball into the corner, showing great finesse as the ball spun into the top left corner. Too bad that was the only chance he got with the possession heavily swining in Lymantatia's favour throughout the match.



Armakistan 5-1 Electrum
Armakistani Goal Scorers
Kelly 36'
Bell 42'
Bucklebury 54'
Appleby 71'
Taser 83'
Electrum Goal Scorers
Krane 5'

After their poor start, Electrum had a miserable game against Armakistan in the capital city of Victoria. One wonders how Armakistan gained entry into the World Cup as riots were present throughout the capital. The game had a 5 minute delay, letting Krane capitalise early on when Armakistan was just shaking off their nerves of the riots. It all went downhill from here though, with Armakistan scoring five consecutive goals with Electrum unable to gain possession of the ball yet again. Serious rethinking from Coach Wilkinson is required to overcome the next few teams. The extraordinary scoreline was not the headline of the day however, with 2 Armakistani fans losing their lives and 34 injured as a result of the riots. Guns were seized from the stadium, but it's unknown who exactly fired the shots. Nonetheless, the Electrum Government has issued a travel warning of 'Reconsider your need to travel' for Armakistan after the riots in the capital. Thank goodness our players won't go through that experience again as they will host them again on Match Day 10.


What will be next in store for Electrum? Electrum will need to win most of the next 10 matches to gain at least a third position to gain entry into the play off round into the main stage. Although it will be a tough road ahead, Electrum will face two of the teams they lost to at home, and are looking to bolster that advantage by mustering up support, even giving away free tickets to these Match Days to anyone on the streets. Electrum has nearly faced every team, only needing to face Bonticello, Kinitaria and Northern Sunrise Islands. After that, the reverse leg will happen where Electrum will face all of the teams again, but at the other location (i.e. if the first match was at home, this second match will be away and vice versa) Here is the ladder:

Group 19                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Northern Sunrise Islands 4 4 0 0 15 2 +13 12
2 Armakistan 4 3 0 1 19 9 +10 9
3 Quakmybush 4 2 1 1 14 11 +3 7
4 Kinitaria 4 2 1 1 13 10 +3 7
5 Lymantatia 4 1 2 1 12 8 +4 5
6 Electrum 4 1 0 3 8 18 −10 3
7 Bonticello 4 0 2 2 5 11 −6 2
8 Ratastan 4 0 0 4 3 20 −17 0


Electrum Matches to Come
Bonticello - Centralis Stadium, Centralis
Kinitaria - Away
Northern Sunrise Islands - Walkers Stadium, Agri
Lymantatia - Northcote Oval, Prescott
Quakmybush - Away
Armakistan - Centralis Stadium, Centralis
Ratastan - Northcote Oval, Prescott
Bonticello - Away
Kinitaria - Centralis Stadium, Centralis
Northern Sunrise Islands - Away
NationStates Tennis Tour President - NSTT rankings and season nine schedule

Issues Editor - List of issue ideas - Got Issues discord

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Chiata
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1339
Founded: Apr 18, 2013
Ex-Nation

Postby Chiata » Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:14 am

The Secret War
Part 5


Residential District- Nor' Del, Chiata

Thomas Landray(Col. Landray)- Ah... home at last.

*Thomas turns on the t.v.

News Reporter- The tensions in Deala continue to escalate. In Vonsterdan, Deala, the crowd around the Capital Buildings have grown to 27,000. Protesters have set up a tent city in and around the streets, clogging traffic and supply trucks. Already, there have been four confirmed deaths related to the protests due to ambulances not being able to reach their destination. The government of Deala is pleading for the protesters to leave. However, the pro-socialist crowd is not backing down.

*Thomas gives a smile then changes the channel

Different News Reporter- Tensions between Chiata and Carialus continue to grow. In this astonishing video, a group of small speed boats boarded a Chiatan barge, the Silver Wave, and captured all of its crew. The Silver Wave's crew was then tied up and blindfolded. The video continues on to show the Carialite Pirates push all of the barge's cargo overboard using the on-deck crane. It is estimated that 1.23 Million Chits were lost from that cargo. The last part was cut from this broadcast due to graphic content, however, I will give a verbal description. The pirates then took each of the blindfolded crew members and tied them to heavy metal objects. The pirates proceeded by throwing all of the crew overboard. All hands were lost. Finally the Chiata Navy came in the form of the destroyer Goliath. The Goliath came in pursuit onto the fleeing pirates and was able to capture two of the five speed boats. The Carialites aboard the captured boats are now in custody and are charged with Murder of the 1st Degree and Piracy.

Thomas (smiling)- Viva la Carialus!

Agent X- Maybe you should be wishing long life for yourself.

Thomas- Wha... who the heck are you and how did you get into my house?

Agent X- Better cut the chatter before you get hurt.

Thomas- I'm calling the cops!

Agent X- I made sure to cut the phone lines. Also, you'll find your cellphone plan has been terminated.

Thomas- What?

Agent X- It costed 25 Chits to end the plan too.

Thomas- Ok, Mr. Sneaky, what do you want?

Agent X- Your full confession of espionage.

Thomas- Wha... I mean... I don't know what you're talking about.

Agent X- This isn't a game, Thomas. I know your a spy. A spy for the sanctioned nation of Carialus.

Thomas- What are you talking about? I was born and raised in Chiata.

Agent X- Look, you learned how to tell the truth. Anyway, you were a home-grown spy. Someone convinced you betray your own country.

Thomas- Your crazy!

Agent X- I just heard you say "Viva la Carialus" in a perfect French accent.

Thomas- Erm... I took French in High School and College.

Agent X- Funny, I have a document showing right here that you dropped out of High School to join the military during the Tomian Civil War. Have a nice College experience?

Thomas- That's not true!

Agent X- How about this recording: "Cpt. François, une jeune recrue a eu vent de notre opération. Heureusement, je l'ai eu Cour marshalées. (Cpt. Francois, a young recruit has caught wind of our operation. Luckily, I got him Court Marshaled.)" Don't worry, Pfc. Roberts has been set free.

Thomas- That doesn't prove anything.

Agent X- It proves everything. So here's the deal. You either explain to us who this Cpt. Francois is and tell us his intentions or we will find the most painful way to legally kill you.

Thomas- ...

Agent X- Cat got your tongue?

*Thomas begins to run

Thomas- Viva la Carialus!

Agent X- I was hoping you would do that.

*A popping sound is heard as a gun with a silencer goes off
Member of Esportiva-----KPB Ranking: 29-----Founder of the Runner Cup
Champions: 1st IDLO Ultimate Cup, Runner Cup One
3rd Place: IBC 15
Quarter Finals: CoH 62, CoH 63, CoH 64, IBC 14, CE XIII
Round of 16: WC 69, BoF 52, CoH 66, CoH 67, CE XII, IBC 16, IBC 17
Qualified: WC 76, CoH 58, CoH 60, CoH 65
Playoffs: WC 71, WC 72, WC 73
Highest KPB: 24 (Post WC 69)

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Carialus
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 129
Founded: Jul 11, 2013
Ex-Nation

Postby Carialus » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:06 am

The Secret War
Part 6


Gulf of Chiata-

Randeau- Camarades rapidement rapidement. Le bateau est en vue. Obtenez dans les bateaux. (Quickly comrades quickly. The ship is in sight. Get in the boats.)

*The Carialite Pirates scramble into seven speed boats each carrying five passengers.

*The engines come to life and the boats speed away to their target.

Phillip- Ça y est, mes amis, notre objectif le Bois Rouge. (There it is, my friends, our target, the Red Wood.)

Vondai- Oui, c'est beau. (Yes, it's beautiful.)

Phillip- Nos sources disent qu'il transporte 3,2 millions de Chits de fret et 54 membres d'équipage. Cependant, ils nous ont aussi averti qu'il y avait dix agents de sécurité à bord. (Our sources say it's carrying 3.2 million Chits of cargo and 54 crew members. However, they also warned us that there were ten security guards on board.)

Randeau- Ha ha, juste une autre dépense que les compagnies maritimes devront payer. Nos petites bandes de nationalistes font leur part dans l'étouffement de Chiata. (Ha ha, just another expense that the shipping companies will have to pay. Our small bands of nationalists are doing their part in choking of Chiata.)

Vondai- Comme le sont les manifestants. De plus en plus rejoindre leur cause chaque jour. Assez rapidement, nous aurons tous Deala de notre côté. (As are the protesters. More and more join their cause each day. Fairly soon we will have all of Deala on our side.)

Randeau- Camarades tranquilles, nous approchons de l'ennemi. (Quiet comrades, we approach the enemy.)

*sirens begin to go off on the Red Wood.

Randeau- Prêt les grappins! (Ready the grapples!)

Randeau- Rappelez-vous camarades, quoi qu'il arrive à bord de ce navire sera pour Carialus! Viva la Carialus! (Remember comrades, whatever happens aboard that ship will be for Carialus! Long live Carialus!)

All Pirates- Viva la Carialus!

Randeau- Jeter les grappins, maintenant! (Throw the grapples, now!)

*the grapple clang onto the side rails of the Red Wood. Twenty-eight of the thirty-five pirates begin to climb the grapples.

Security Guard- Captain, their boarding the ship!

Captain Wiggens- We have our rights to defend! Neutralize them!

*Shots begin to ring out as the security guards and the pirates trade fire.

Vondai- Ohh...

*Vondai falls into the water in a pool of blood

*the pirates remaining on the speed boats figure out where the security guards are and begin to pick them off

*a security guard stumbles into the bridge

Security Guard- Captain, there are too many! We're being shot to ribbons!

Captain Wiggens- Your face...

Security Guard- Captain, focus!

Captains Wiggens- I'm not going without a fight. Get to the crew quarters and barricade yourself in. That will protect the crew. I have a few tricks up my sleeves.

*All of the invading pirates have managed to get on board and two security officers have barricaded themselves in the crew quarters

Randeau- Vondai, rapport d'accident. (Vondai, casualty report.)

Randeau- Vondai!

Phillip- Mort, avec trois autres personnes. Cinq sont blessés. Tous les ennemis visibles neutralisées. (Dead, along with three others. Five are wounded. All visible hostiles neutralized.)

Randeau- Très bien. Continuer l'embarquement. (Very well. Continue the boarding.)
Puppet of Chiata
Join Esportiva if you like sports.
KPB Rank: 56
Runner Cup Two Champion

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Gloriax
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 437
Founded: Oct 31, 2013
Ex-Nation

Postby Gloriax » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:11 am

No roster, no RP permissions, mwahahaha.....


GLORIAX 1-0 BLACKLYFFE


00: We reach the kickoff of this vital encounter of the WC 68 that pits Gloriax against Blacklyffe…

01: The Blacklyffe players only seem to shirts on their back, not a name, neither a number...

09: Blacklyffe comes o-so close to scoring a goal, but shoots the ball way over the crossbar, and out of the stadium!

23: Gloriax easily proving to be the better team, now, having the larger (86-24)% of ball posssession...

45+3: The halftime whistle blows with both teams tied at the score of 0...

56: After a lot of wasteful chances, Ian Stoner of Gloriax shoots, and SCORES!

GLORIAX UP 1-0 AGAINST BLACKLYFFE !

76: Blacklyffe comes close again, with one of their shorter players having a shy at goal, but only managing to knock the corner flag off!

90+1: The final whistle blows and the scoreline remains 1-0 for Gloriax...
Last edited by Gloriax on Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:37 am, edited 6 times in total.
Nation: Republic of Gloriax | Capital: Titania
President (Champion): Jesse Waters | Population: 1,700,000

Get your football kits from: Aer Sportswear (Storefront II)

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New Montreal States
Diplomat
 
Posts: 624
Founded: Antiquity
Ex-Nation

Postby New Montreal States » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:16 am

OOC: This looks way more fun that was I was going to write! Be careful what you wish for, Paradystopia.




Dennis Barker rolled out of bed at 10 A.M. sharp, like always. He had a long day ahead of him. Every day was a long day; he felt like what's-his-face, who endlessly pushed a boulder up a hill, only to have it slip out of his hands and roll back down right at the peak.

Barker tried to remember his name while he showered. Augeus? Eumenides? Polonius?

After a couple minutes of thought, he remembered that Polonius was Shakespeare's way of reminding the world that snitches got stitches, but he couldn't remember the name of the bastard who was stuck hauling that rock around.

He snapped out of it and got out of the shower. A quick glance at the bathroom clock showed that he was three minutes behind his usual schedule. He muttered disapprovingly at himself and tried to make up the time by drying off quicker than usual. Then he hustled back into his room and put on a green checkered shirt and khakis, both impeccably pressed.

He had worried that he wouldn't be presentable when the postwoman came around at 10:45, but she seemed to be running a bit late as well. He saw her come up the walk at 10:50, a short, heavyset woman with mousey brown hair constantly trying to flee from under her official NMS Post hat. He opened his door and stepped out to greet her.

"Hello, Mr. Barker. How are you doing this morning?" People tended to speak loudly and slowly to Dennis, wherever he went. He didn't know why, but he liked it. It made conversations easier.

"Fine, thank you, Wanda. Running a bit late. Probably just one of those days, you know?"

"Honey, it's one of those decades." Wanda punctuated her thought with a sad little laugh. "Here's your check from the government. They put a little extra in there for you, for Pascha. So you can go buy yourself a couple of lamb chops, or whatever you want for Easter dinner."

"I think I'll be going to my sister's in Angiers. But the money will come in handy."

"Don't I know it, Dennis. Anyway, I can't talk much longer, I'm already behind on my route. You have a nice afternoon, Mr. Barker."

"You too, Wanda." He walked inside and examined the envelope. It said it was from the Ministry of Social Services, but that was just a cover. He knew it was from the Ministry of Minding Other People's Business. He had been working for them every since he turned 21. He was an official NMS Horseradish Surveiller.

Wanda thought that the bonus for Easter, but it wasn't. He didn't need an Easter bonus; his sister always bought him a train ticket on Palm Sunday so he could spend Holy Week with her. It was actually his bonus for all the extra work he put in during Passover. He would earn every single bit of that bonus, too. Passover was the busiest week of the year for horseradish surveillance. He was always bone-tired at the end of it.

He carefully tucked his check into the breast pocket of his shirt, stepped out of his small townhouse, and locked the door behind him. It was time to go to work.




It was Chantal Desmarais's first day waiting tables at Jim's Deli. She went to school four days a week, and worked Sundays and Mondays to have some money for the weekends. She'd quit her old job after ctaching her boss ogling her copious bosom one time too many. Jim Smith seemed a bit too old for such things, though. She felt like she was talking with an old uncle while they opened the shop for lunch.

She was topping up the contains of horseradish on the windowside tables when she looked out on the street. Dennis Barker was staring intently, not at her as she first though, but at the huge jar of horseradish sitting on the table.

"Monsieur Smith! Someone on the street is staring at me through the window."

Jim Smith looked up. "Oh, that's Dennis. He doesn't care about you. He's extremely concerned about the horseradish you're scooping, though."

"Horseradish?"

"He's a bit touched in the head, poor boy."

Chantal, disbelieving, walked to the other side of the restaurant. She was sure that lech's eyes would follow her. Dennis Barker, professional through and through, never took his eyes off the horseradish.




After doing his lunchtime round of the local deli's, and stopping off at Moshe Goldblum's kosher grocery shop, Dennis felt his stomach grumble. He went to the poutine truck at Blackhurst and 83rd, picked up a copy of the Weekly Multiverse News to have something to read while he ate, and settled in at his favorite table in Blackhurst Park.

He liked the Weekly Multiverse News. It told him what he needed to know, and it pulled no punches in the telling. He especially like the advice column, which was written by a man who was the reincarnation of the Old Testament prophet Amos. Dennis felt this gave him an authority that other advice columnists lacked.

It was a slow news week, though. A lot of talk about how the government was secretly lizard people in disguise. And the advice column was a reprint from a few years back, warning about the dangers of painted women. Dennis never understood that. None of the women he saw during his rounds was covered in paint.

The ad just below the advice column, though, definitely caught his attention.

Paradystopia wrote:
Positions vacant

    - Are you 'completely off your rocker'?
    - Does covering your naked body with jam and running around an apiary sound like fun?
    - Would you consider marrying a fillet of beef?
    - Do people generally say of you 'Stay away from them, they're a bit weird'.

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, you may be just what we're looking for at the PDABBHSTRD(AD): the Paradystopi Department for the Advancement of Bonkers Behaviour and Horseradish Surveillance Technique Research Department (Audioslavian Division). We are currently seeking individuals to help maintain the high standards of insanity commonly associated with Paradystopia and also to keep an eye on the horseradish, obviously. That bit goes without saying.

Interested? Are you wondering how to apply? Great!


He gasped so loudly that passers-by turned their heads. The Paradystopi Department for the Advancement of Bonkers Behaviour and Horseradish Surveillance Technique Research Department was the gold standard in his line of work - the platinum standard, even. He'd read in the Weekly Multiverse News that they'd paved Paradystopia and put in a parking lot - no doubt the work of the sinister horseradish-industrial complex.

But there had been survivors! They'd escaped to Audioslavia to carry on the fight! He was filled with nervous energy as he read on:

Paradystopia wrote:So, if you think you've got what it takes to work for the PDABBHSTRD(AD), contact us in one of these ways.
Phone +20919-999 and say 'Quack quack. I'm a Goose, Dammit!' - The number is actually for the emergency services in The Inevitable Syndicate but if you vehemently insist you're a goose, they'll be able to connect your call. Or offer you a spot in one of their domestic teams. Either's good, right?
E-mail your CV or online videos of your exploits to meikuukuyoulongtime@apoxonline.apx. Yeah, we're totally stealing a wifi connection from Apox. How is that possible from a completely different region, you ask? Never underestimate the power of horseradish surveillance my friend.
Telepathically submit your application. Though the PDABBHSTRD(AD) accepts no responsibility for any lost applications due to lack of sufficient telepathic technology here in Audioslavia.

Got everything you need? Good.
We look forward to receiving your applications.


His sister had taught him how to use e-mail a while ago, but he'd never really found a use for it. Now he finally had one. He hustled off to the library to send them an email.

This was Dennis Barker's big chance.
WBC 26 champions!
4th place finishers, World Cup 11; 2nd place finishers World Cup 31; Cup of Harmony 53 winners
Co-hosts of World Cup 28 and Cup of Harmony 16 with The Archregimancy; co-hosts of World Cup 64 and Cup of Harmony 54 with Wight; co-hosts of Cup of Harmony 50 with Vilita

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McKleigh
Envoy
 
Posts: 257
Founded: Feb 17, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby McKleigh » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:23 am

Image

Zwannsswijik becomes Mckleigh's first victum in WC68! Mckleigh scored at the 18 minute mark to go up 1-0 with a long awaited goal by Jonah MacGrough off a Donovan McNeil Pass. Zwannswijik would score two before the half. Mckleigh would score quickly in the second at the 48 minute mark Lincoln McKleigh put on a show as he took it half way down the field and managed to juke the keeper and put it in sofly to tie the match. Lincoln would then get an assist with 3 minutes left as Jonah scored his second goal of the match, of the cup, and in doing so secured McKleigh their first victory since World Cup #55!
Pleez forgiv my spellin. I wint to govermint fundid skoo.

Senator Jefferson D. Stonewall
District 278, Ortsond
Member of Libertarian Party of Aurentina

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Menukten
Envoy
 
Posts: 348
Founded: Mar 06, 2014
Ex-Nation

Postby Menukten » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:36 am

Note to hosts: please change Menukten's style modifier to -0.5

Image

Yesterday saw Menukten inch past bottom ranked Springmont for its first World Cup qualifier win. The team started with two substitutions: Barry Black Water for team captain Visible Fat Bear, and Matthew Hope Sky for Albert Red Hand.

Menukten fans were concerned to learn that team captain Visible Fat Bear was struck down with the same mysterious illness that affected Kandorith goalkeeper Huajian Kanzo the match before. Fat Bear's illness, however, has not dissipated over the night.

"We believe its Red Hand's doing," says coach Keeps-the-Pipe. "We caught him casting a wooboo spell on the Kandoriths last match and told him either to resign or play uncovered. He chose resignation and swiftly disappeared. Now Fat Bear is sick with the same illness that attacked Kanzo and we have every reason to believe that Red Hand is responsible. We believe he means to act revenge on the team, and so we hire a medicine man to guard us from attack."

"we would like to extend our apologies to Huajian Kanzo for Red Hand's actions yesterday," he added.

The medicine man in question, Fat Bear's sakima Dreams-in-Streams, examined the unwell goalkeeper and discovered invisible witch needles imbedded in the man's flesh.

"Very dangerous," he said, "and very potent. They are meant to spread blackness and shadow through the blood, wither the flesh and leak disease throughout the entire body. I can take them out and treat him, but it will take some weeks."

With the team captain incapacitated and under the sakima's care, John Fox led the team into their first win; 4-3 against Springmont.

"Of course we are happy that we won," he said soberly, "but our defense was a mess. Springmont is at the bottom of our group and we should have made a stronger showing against them, but our defense was just porous the entire game and their was nothing we could do to plug it up."

Fox has reorganized Menukten's starting formations, moving his strikers back to the midfield, as well as himself up into the midfield, and pushing the former midfielders back on defense.

"We'll be utilizing the 4-6-0 formation," he explained, "which will make it hard for our rivals' defenders to mark our attackers without pulling out of their positions. This formation requires our front four to be very skilled and coordinated, able to instantly take advantage of any holes left by the opposition defenders, but I believe Fears-the-Dark, Broken-Nose, Lame Foot and myself are up to it, with Heavy Sands and Talls-the-Day supporting us in the center.

Former midfielders Jenny Tall-Tale, Wilma Blue Throat, Timothy Silent Dear and Matthew Sky Hope will be playing as defenders in two person pairs to the right and left of goal.

"Our team is very versatile," says Silent Deer," and we've practiced the 4-6-0 position in training camp extensiely. I believe Fox is making the right call. Our former 0-5-5- formation was too loose and we were letting in two many goals. Hopefully this will tighten things up and confuse the opposition as well."

"0-5-5 was a horrible starting formation," says Jenny Tall-Tale, "and the only reason we figured coach and Fat Bear insisted on it was because they trusted Fat Bear's spirit medicine to keep the goal safe. Well Red Hand's actions took care of that, as our 4-1 loss against Kandorith revealed. I think Fox realizes this and so is trying to play a much more defensive game. Coach is giving him all his support."

Image


Initials for players are in lechikan, the squonk alphabet. The new formation consists of Broken Nose at top middle center, Fears-the-Dark at top middle right, Lame Foot at top middle left, Fox at middle center, Talls-the-Day at middle center right, Heavy Sands at middle center left, Sky Hope at defensive center right, Tall-Tale at defensive right, Silent Deer at defensive center left and Blue throat at defensive left.
Last edited by Menukten on Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Razul
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Posts: 58
Founded: Feb 13, 2013
Ex-Nation

Postby Razul » Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:25 am

From: emmilialr@rzlmail.com
To: gquintero@rzlmail.com

I hate games like that. At 5-0 it's not even fun anymore. But, on the plus side our offense was really taking good shots in that game and our defense was great as usual. I feel bad for Kemballia. But it got us up to 4th in the group, so not too bad.

Emmilia

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