Cup of Harmony 57: Everything Thread

[Qazox]

For the first time in almost 140 years Qazox will be making a 3rd consecutive appearance in the Cup of Harmony. World Cup 30. Yes it was that long ago, 140 years when Qazox played in a 4th straight CoH. Looking at the list of the other 39 teams, 35 weren't in existence as nations back then, 3 others (taeshan, Jeruselem and Milchama) were fellow competitors and 1, Lemmitania was in limbo I think. Out two co-hosts weren't even full fledged colonies yet when we last played in a 3rd consecutive losers tourney.

Don't take that the wrong way folks. The Cup of Harmony, by definition is a tourney for losers, but it is an important step for any nation. Qazox, as a team stuck in a rebuilding mode, a CoH gives a team a chance to get experience to younger players. Butin Qazox' case, this will be a last sendoff before you wave goodbye to the 2nd worst coach and the biggest bust of a team in the 152 year history of Qazoxian football. So will this team go out in a blaze of glory, or just go away?

[Equestrian States]

Group Draw - Results

Host Notes
Groups A-D will be held in the Equestrian States while Groups E-H will be held in Cassadaigua. The pots used for the draw can be found in my earlier post. Please refer to the first few posts of the thread for host nation info on the Equestrian States and Cassadaigua (which will be up shortly, if it isn't already).

Group A
The first listed match for any given matchday will be played at the Equestria Dome in Canterlot, and the second at Star Stadium (also in Canterlot).

#95 - Falconwhereveryouare (9.98 pts.)
#47 - New Sideburn (16.27 pts.)
#81 - Filopines (11.71 pts.)
#18 - Jeru FC (28.90 pts.)
#128 - Free Republics (6.22 pts.)

Group B
The first listed match for any given matchday will be played at Diamond Park in Stalliongrad, and the second at the Maple Bowl in Trottawa.

#33 - Jeruselem (22.25 pts.)
#102 - Kalumba (9.44 pts.)
#67 - Eastfield Lodge (13.26 pts.)
#137 - Sangti (5.67 pts.)
#48 - Karditan (16.10 pts.)

Group C
The first listed match for any given matchday will be played at Elements Stadium in Ponyville, and the second at Wild Grounds in Everfree.

#85 - Kandorith (11.11 pts.)
#57 - Paradystopia (14.36 pts.)
#112 - HorusLand (7.44 pts.)
#148 - Beaverriver (5.22 pts.)
#27 - Milchama (25.12 pts.)

Group D
The first listed match for any given matchday will be played at HarmonyLink Field in Seaddle, and the second at Pony Lands Park in Manechester.

#41 - Kinitaria (18.95 pts.)
#107 - The Sova Empire (8.58 pts.)
#92 - Zwangzug (10.11 pts.)
#34 - Mapletish (21.25 pts.)
#117 - Sondstead (7.11 pts.)

Group E
All matches for all matchdays will be played at Concord Heights Stadium in Concord Heights.

#96 - Felix (9.78 pts.)
#131 - Brenecia (6.00 pts.)
#74 - Barunia (12.33 pts.)
#51 - Cassadaigua (15.44 pts.)
#55 - The Inevitable Syndicate (15.11 pts.)

Group F
All matches for all matchdays will be played at Grande Mountain Stadium in Grande Mountain.

#90 - Super-Llamaland (10.66 pts.)
#120 - Punum (7.00 pts.)
#54 - Saintland (15.14 pts.)
#94 - The Royal Kingdom of Quebec (10.06 pts.)
#37 - Svengarda (19.75 pts.)

Group G
All matches for all matchdays will be played at Brattleboro Stadium in Brattleboro.

#43 - Qazox (17.50 pts.)
#160 - Neu Engollon (4.78 pts.)
#9 - Taeshan (36.05 pts.)
#117 - Neo Lemmitania (7.11 pts.)
#58 - Northern Sunrise Islands (14.35 pts.)

Group H
All matches for all matchdays will be played at Winchester Field in Winchester.

#117 - Aels (7.11 pts.)
#131 - Kinzar (6.00 pts.)
#46 - Maklohi Vai (16.31 pts.)
#26 - West Angola (26.04 pts.)
#71 - Sandwich Territories (12.68 pts.)

Schedule
Sunday, July 14: Match Day 1 - 2v5, 3v4, 1 bye
Monday, July 15: Match Day 2 - 5v3, 1v2, 4 bye
Tuesday, July 16: Match Day 3 - 3v1, 4v5, 2 bye
Wednesday, July 17: Match Day 4 - 1v4, 2v3, 5 bye
Thursday, July 18: Match Day 5 - 4v2, 5v1, 3 bye
Friday, July 19: Round of 16 - A1vB2, C1vD2, D1vC2, B1vA2, E1vF2, G1vH2, H1vG2, F1vE2
Saturday, July 20: Quarterfinals - R1vR2, R3vR4, R5vR6, R7vR8
Sunday, July 21: Semifinals - QF1vQF2, QF3vQF4
Monday, July 22: 3rd Place Playoff - SF1 Loser vs. SF2 Loser
Tuesday, July 23: Final - SF1 Winner vs. SF2 Winner

[Taeshan]

"Well this looks fun."

"How so?"

"Well the groups have been announced for the Cup of Harmony."

"Oh cool, who do we get?"

"Neu Engollon, Neo Lemmitania, Qazox, and Northern Sunrise Islands."

"Well that might make two fun matches and two blow outs."

"Yeah, the only one of them we have played before is of course Qazox, but even as a former region mate we barely played them."

"Yeah, if we dont win this group, and wreck this group we have some serious issues."

"Yeah i know they have announced Alexandre will coach at least through qualifying, but two tournaments before that and he might show us nothing good."

"Yeah, but the Copa will not be really fun, the second team will play in it. We probably will end up playing Sargossa and lose."

"Yeah lol."

"Great, well we should win."

"Will it to be."

"Hopefully."

[Cassadaigua]

Saintland to Grande Mountain Highlights Cup of Harmony Draw,
by Rachel Sharper, Concord Heights Times

The group draw for the 57th Cup of Harmony was held this evening, and many Cassadagan travel plans begin to get made as fans try to determine what games they want to go see. Most will want to go to Concord Heights, to see the Dagans take on teams from Barunia, Brenecia, Felix, and The Inevitable Syndicate. While those nations have good teams, none have really established a history playing Cassadagan teams. Yet. The Inevitable Syndicate is the biggest threat in the group, and they had a similar path as we did in order to get here: In contention at halfway before having too many draws in the second half that allowed the top two teams in their group to create just enough distance between them. Group E games are held in Concord Heights, and tickets are sure to go fast.

If you don’t want to compete to get those tough tickets for Group E games, there’s a few other familiar nations toiling about in Groups G and H. All games in Group G will be played in Brattleboro, and this looks to be an especially tough group with the likes of Taeshan (the top ranked team in the entire Cup of Harmony) and Qazox involved, plus a team from Neo Lemmitania that was very impressive against good opposition in their first attempt to qualify for a World Cup. Group H sees all games played in Winchester, and is highlighted by West Angola, a nation Cassadaigua has played in qualifying before. Maklohi Vai and Kinzar are nations that some fans will remember from the World Baseball Classic that was just completed; while Aels and Sandwich Territories have good up and coming programs.

But we know you’re looking at Group F, and rushing to your nearest Farmer’s Market to buy some fresh produce. Before you do, we must remind you once again that Queen Cassie strongly discourages the practice of throwing any apples onto the field. The entire world will be watching the Cup of Harmony, and wouldn’t it be best if they did not see this annoying new tradition that is sweeping the nation? Like all other times, this plea is likely to go unheard and apples are sure to fly at Saintland. The other nations in this group have some potential and might like the fact that they will benefit from what should be a very vocal anti-Saintland crowd, and should do whatever they can to get and keep public sentiment of the neutral fan in their favor.


There has, however, been a stunning development out of Grande Mountain. Vice President of Student Affairs at Grande Mountain University Brianna Crawford has issued an invite to Sister Polus of Saintland to come to GMU. A transcript of her comments reads as follows:

“Sister Polus, you are a very outspoken and highly educated woman. At Progress High School, you have made great strides to get the student population to come together for one common vision. Though we disagree on that vision, it is not easy to get a bunch of people to agree on one thing. I admire what you have done, and would like for you to come here and discuss ideas on how we can obtain better gender equality in both of our nations. You have been outspoken about a couple of alumni of GMU, particularly Meghan Kinson and Ashley Stokes, as well having a misconception that the crime in which they were wrongly accused of is a crime that could never happen in the first place. Let’s meet face to face. You are hereby invited to come to Grande Mountain University and to meet me for an open dialogue. I will ensure you safety and well-being while here if you accept.”

[Saintland]

Cup of Disharmony 57: Preview

(SP) Once again, the Kingdom of Saintland's National Soccer Team is stuck in the Cup of Harmony, although this time around, that is a misnomer. With the Saintland National Team being drawn to compete in Cassadaigua, this event is now widely being referred to as the Cup of Disharmony. Following 2 disastrous playoff defeats against the Licentian Islands and amid a massive scandal that has shaken our Kingdom to its very foundations, the National Soccer Team will soon embark with a much larger security force to Cassadaigua, a nation where women are allowed to "rape" men and get away with it. "Just a few days ago, I was certain that we were headed to the region of Rushmore, but not to compete in the Cup of Disharmony. I was certain that we were headed to the World Cup. All signs pointed to that, but one of us had turned away from the path of righteousness and God exacted his Judgment upon us. We were eliminated by the Licentian Islands, an especially wicked nation that does not even pretend to be righteous. We were eliminated with 2 humiliating defeats in a row. I look at our group and I see nothing to fear, but only God knows for sure. Sister Polus graciously gave up a few hours of her precious time reforming those foreign resident delinquents at Progress High School to speak to us. We have taken her advice and we can only pray that God has forgiven us for our sins. We can only pray that God will be with us, in that God-forsaken land where they throw apples to celebrate original sin. We need God to forgive our sins and heal our land, but He will only do that if it is His Will." - Prince Andreas

At the Cup of Disharmony this time, there are 8 groups of 5. Our Kingdom's National Team was drawn into Group F. This time around, the 54th ranked Sanctii were a 2nd seed. The top-seeded team in Group F is 37th ranked Svengarda. Svengarda is the weakest top seed that has actually earned their seed on merit. Cassadaigua was also given a top seed, despite being ranked lower than Kinitaria, Qazox, Maklohi Vai, New Sideburn and Karditan. If the KPB rankings were actually based on performance and not somebody's opinion, they'd also be ranked below the Sanctii, as our Kingdom's National Team has accomplished more than Cassadaigua or New Sideburn in the last 2 World Cup cycles. The 3rd seed in the group is Super-Llamaland, the 90th ranked team in the world. Super-Llamaland is the second-worst 3rd seed. Only Zwangzug is lower in the KPB rankings. The 4th seed in Group F is The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, who are ranked 94th in the world. Quebec are the highest ranked 4th seed in the Cup of Harmony. The lowest seed in the group is 120th ranked Punum, who are one of the stronger 5th seeds.

In World Cup Qualifying, Svengarda finished with the best record out of any team in Group F. They finished with 13 wins, a draw and 4 defeats for 40 points. That was only good enough to finish in a tie for second in Group 16. Gyatso-Kai won the group with 14 wins and 4 draws. Paradystopia also won 13, drew once and lost 4 times and the tiebreaker for the playoff berth did not go Svengarda's way. They did have some very embarrassing results in qualifying, including a 1 to nil home defeat against An Enigmatic Nation and a scoreless draw against The United Kingdom of Zackalantis. An Enigmatic Nation finished their qualifying campaign with 1 victory and 17 defeats. Zackalantis finished with 8 wins, 3 defeats and 7 losses and are now ranked 113rd in the world. However, the World Changers Regional Scouting Bureau says that Group 15 was one of the weakest groups in qualifying and Zackalantis was apparently good enough to beat some truly awful competition. However, if that is the case, that means that the defeat to An Enigmatic Nation was even more embarrassing for Svengarda than it appears to be.

Super-Llamaland finished with a record of 9 wins, 4 draws and 5 defeats in Group 1, good for 31 points and a distant 3rd place. Super-Llamaland finished their qualifying campaign with an embarrassing 3 to 2 defeat against Friday Freshman. Friday Freshman finished qualifying with just 2 victories and 16 defeats. They also had a 2 goals to 1 defeat against Kalusia, a team that finished with 6 wins, 6 draws and 6 defeats. Super-Llamaland also had embarrassing draws against Oralana and the Fief of Sir Kunne. To their credit, the Llamas did manage to defeat an under-performing Armed Bears side twice. Super-Llamaland also managed to pick up a draw against group winner Sargossa. Sargossa finished with 14 wins, 2 draws and 2 defeats. Taeshan finished with 12 wins, 4 draws and 2 defeats to earn a playoff berth. Like Svengarda, Super-Llamaland is returning to the Cup of Disharmony, following poor performances in past Cups of Harmony. However, they do not appear to be a serious threat to the Sanctii, on paper.

The Royal Kingdom of Quebec is well-known to fans in the Kingdom of Saintland, as they finished 4th in Group 16. Despite being defeated by the Sovan Antithesis and being unable to beat Sondstead, the Quebecois got off to a strong start in the Cup of Harmony. At one point, they drew Wight and then upset both Karditan and Jedi8246 back-to-back. However, the Sanctii beat them 2 goals to 1 at Royal Stadium and the Quebecois soon felt the effects of gravity. The defeat against the Sanctii sent them reeling, as they would draw Narsora 1 goal to 1. However, Quebec would hang around until Jedi8246 defeated them on the 16th day of qualifying, all but ending their hopes. The Sanctii ended what remaining hopes they had, with a thrilling 5 goals to 3 victory that was marred by some Feministvs Sanctvsterra members chanting "Ave Satanas" at the top of their lungs. Before they could jump the rail and disrupt the match, Quebecois soldiers shot them with tranquilizer darts. They were eventually deported back to Saintland, but not before their escape plan was carried out. Members of the terrorist organization hacked into computers all throughout the city where the match was being held, sending the local police and fire departments all over the city on false alarms. They would be captured and face the death penalty from Quebecois authorities as the King's Government raised no objections to their excessive punishment. Quebec would finish with 8 victories, 5 draws and 5 defeats for a total of 29 points. Wight would win Group 16 with 13 wins and 5 draws. The Sanctii would finish second with 11 wins, 4 draws and 3 defeats. Jedi8246 finished in third place, winning 11, drawing 2 and being defeated 5 times. Quebec will be making their Cup of Harmony debut. The Quebecois participated in their 5th World Cup qualifying campaign, having entered in World Cup 59, failed to enter either 60 or 61 and returned in World Cup 62. However, they have never qualified for a World Cup final, nor have they ever participated in a Baptism of Fire or a Cup of Harmony. That will change when the Sanctii face them on the opening day of the Cup of Disharmony.

Lastly, there is Punum. Punum entered the Baptism of Fire in this cycle, finishing in 28th place in the Casaran stage with a record of 2 wins, 1 draw and 2 defeats. Punum lost their BoF opener to Neo Lemmitania by a score of 3 goals to nil. They would later lose 2 goals to nil to Tasrailia and draw Fristat and Marianopolis 1-1. In World Cup qualifying, Punum performed slightly better, finishing with 8 wins, 4 draws and 6 defeats. That was good enough for 6th place in Group 12. After starting slow, with 2 defeats and 2 draws in their first 4 matches, Punum went on a 5-match winning streak going into the mid-qualifying break. However, they would lose to Cosumar for a second consecutive time to end that winning streak. During the second half of qualifying, they had an embarrassing draw against Tyrrin and a 3 goals to 2 defeat against the Fair Republic. Tyrrin finished with 5 wins, 4 draws and 9 defeats. The Fair Republic won just 3 matches, drawing 2 and losing 13. Mangolana would overcome their 6th seed to win Group 12 with 11 wins, 5 draws and 2 defeats and become the lowest ranked team, by far, currently competing in either Pasarga or Saugeais. Cosumar finished with 9 wins, 7 draws and 2 defeats and placed second, but were deemed ineligible to advance. Instead, 3rd placed Ossidiacqua advanced with 9 wins, 6 draws and 3 defeats. Milchama, the group's top seed, finished in 4th place with 9 wins, 5 draws and 4 defeats. Kandorith finished 5th with 7 wins, 8 draws and 3 defeats, just a point ahead of Punum. According to the World Changers Scouting Bureau, Group 12 was an atrocious group, easily the worst group out of all 20 qualifying groups.

Meanwhile, the Sanctii started out in Group 16 expecting to battle Karditan for a spot in the playoffs and hoping to challenge Wight for the group lead. Instead, the Sanctii ran into several problems, as Sangti proved to be a thorn in their side. The Sangtians were able to steal 2 draws from our Kingdom's National Team. Although Karditan under-performed against everybody else, they still managed to show up whenever they were facing the Kingdom of Saintland. Wight proved to be just as good as expected. Against both Wight and Karditan, the Sanctii would suffer a defeat and salvage a draw in qualifying. Meanwhile, Jedi8246 and the Royal Kingdom of Quebec put up unexpectedly strong runs. The Jedis were able to pick up an upset over the Sanctii, but the Sanctii defeated the Quebecois in 2 critical matches and ended up securing a playoff berth, in a tough group that is sending 5 teams to the Cup of Disharmony. In the playoffs, they would be defeated twice by the Licentian Islands, as the hosts of the previous Cup of Harmony advanced to the World Cup. In their first match, the Licentians played Audioslavia to a scoreless draw in a shocking result.

On paper, this looks like a relatively easy group for the Sanctii. They had more success in past Cups of Harmony than their 4 upcoming opponents have had, combined. Svengarda had 2 points and 3 points in their previous Cup of Harmony appearances. Super-Llamaland has just a single point in Cups of Harmony. As both Svengarda and Super-Llamaland debuted in the 49th BoF prior to World Cup 62, the Royal Kingdom of Quebec is the only nation in this group that competed in a World Cup prior to the 62nd World Cup. Svengarda did qualify for the World Cup 64 finals, but the BoF 49 winners finished with just a single point in their only World Cup final. However, soccer matches are not played on paper. They are played on the pitch, so anything could happen in this group.

The Sanctii will open the Cup of Disharmony against the Royal Kingdom of Quebec, hoping to beat them for the 3rd consecutive time in this World Cup cycle. Their second match will be against Svengarda. Third, they will face Super-Llamaland. Finally, they will take on Punum on the 4th match day. Then, they will have a bye on the final day of the Group Stage. The teams from Group F are paired in the Round of 16 with the teams from Group E, so if the Sanctii advance they would face one of five potential opponents. Cassadaigua is one of those five and the Sanctii would definitely look forward to another opportunity to eliminate one of the Dagan national teams on their home turf and prove that women do not belong on the pitch. The Sanctii may also end up facing Brenecia, a former colony of New Sideburn. Group E is rounded out by Felix, Barunia and the Inevitable Syndicate. All 5 are potentially tough opponents. Should the Sanctii advance to the quarters, they would face a team from either Group G or Group H and they will be hoping to avoid a quarterfinal match against Taeshan, a team ranked in the top 10 that is likely only in the Cup of Disharmony because they had the misfortune of drawing the Archregimancy in the playoffs.

The ban on travel to Cassadaigua and the Equestrian States remains in effect. In spite of this ban, which is undoubtedly common knowledge in Cassadaigua, the Vice President of Grande Mountain University, the local university in the city where the Sanctii will be playing, actually had the audacity to invite Sister Maria Polus to that university. After doing some research, the SP has discovered that Grande Mountain University is the university where Meghan Kinson and Ashley Stokes "raped" some young man who later went on to commit suicide. Anybody in Cassadaigua reading the SP should be aware that the Saintland National Team has rented out an entire floor of a hotel in Grande Mountain, Cassadaigua. When they are not traveling to and from the pitch to participate in matches, the Sanctii will be locked safely in their hotel rooms and a security force from the Royal Army will be guarding every entrance to that floor of the hotel, ready to shoot anybody who attempts to come close to the Saintland National Team. There will be no Sanctii fans visiting Cassadaigua, just as there were no fans at the World Baseball Classic. Sister Polus will not be visiting Cassadaigua. That is something that we guarantee will never happen and it wouldn't happen, even if a guarantee of safe passage from a Dagan wasn't completely worthless. The Saintland National Soccer Team will be traveling to the Cup of Disharmony, will participate in their matches and will immediately return home after they either win the Cup of Disharmony or are eliminated from the Cup of Disharmony. Meanwhile, King Paulus XV will continue investigating the recent defections and continue to evaluate whether our Kingdom should continue to participate in international sports at all.

[New Sideburn]

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Cormorants In Strong Position To Progress
by Paige Galleon

The Cup of Harmony group draw was today, and it shows the Cormorants in a strong position. Not only are we a second seed out of five, but those below us are below by a significant margin. Jeru FC will be a hotly anticipated battle for first. Just the kind of challenge that the Cormorants thrive on.
Oh, and don't forget; we're still unbeaten in group stages.

FALCONWHEREVERYOUARE
The other mixed-sex team in the group, Falcon... land, plays with an enigmatic 3-4-3, though a tendency to cover its tracks leads to a not particularly offensive playstyle on the whole. The gaffer's an Audioslav, which... would technically make their first appearance against our lads. Their players ply their trade in a stunning array of talented clubs, yet they can't seem to get it together for their country... strange, but there it is. Clubs including our very own North Laithland, Teva FC, Iturributa Utd and Umber Lumber which is objectively the best club name ever.
LOOK OUT FOR: Midfielder Gaef Kirkland, who plays for North Laithland.
PREDICTION: 3-1 win.

FILOPINES
The Filopines press high up the pitch in a threatening 4-4-2, the midfielders forming a box in the centre of the pitch. This will leave them weak on the flanks, as I'm sure Rosewood and Wingett will demonstrate with relish. We can't just go in the same old central assault, though; they've got more than enough strength head-on to match us. It's a matter of taking advantage of their weak points, then taking them to pieces.
LOOK OUT FOR: Paul Rhett, who is 41 years old and already retired for his club. Remarkable for any player, but astounding for an outfielder.
PREDICTION: 4-0 win.

JERU FC
An enigma. Does anyone know their actual degree of independence from Jeruselem? I sure as hell don't.
Anyway, they're a very offensive 3-4-3, pressing high up the pitch. A very young squad, too... all of them eighteen, as a matter of fact. Normally you'd think we could just squash them with superior physicality and move on, but this is a Jeruselem (ambiguously) side and that isn't to be underestimated. They're bloody weird, though.
LOOK OUT FOR: I don't really trust any of 'em to be honest.
PREDICTION: 2-2 draw.

FREE REPUBLICS
A 3-1-2-1-3... which is probably exactly the same as a diamond-midfield 3-4-3. That's proven an oddly recurrent feature of this group. Anyway, they're very young and very aggressive. And yes, 'very young' means they range from 14 to 20. Apparently these guys were runners-up in the Di Bradini Cup, and they're out to prove that's no fluke. Okay, sure, so they're currently failing. One of their journalists thought Brenecia was a front for us to win the Baptism of Fire again, which was pretty hilarious. They're pretty lowly, and we should be able to steamroll them without much trouble.
LOOK OUT FOR: Kyle Bolton, who is nineteen years old and also the captain somehow. He's first among equals, which is a nice way of saying 'the kid's alright and the others are all really mediocre'.
PREDICTION: 4-1 win.

So join us next time where we'll try to answer the questions you've all been asking. Are we going to win? Is Escher Speare just pulling numbers out of her petite backside? Is Grant Beardsley really shit now? How badly are Brenecia going to fuck up? (We actually have an office pool going on how negative their goal difference is gonna be by the end.) All this and more will be answered in three days' time, after the first match! Stay tuned...

[Sangti]

Exorcising the Remnants of the Market Cup
Roman Barlaan and Edric Conciso

The groups for the 57th Edition of the Cup of Harmony have been drawn, and Sangti will go back to the Equestrian States which co-hosts with Cassadaigua, where they were placed with Jeruselem, Eastfield Lodge, Kalumba and Karditan.

Group B
#33 - Jeruselem (22.25 pts.)
#102 - Kalumba (9.44 pts.)
#67 - Eastfield Lodge (13.26 pts.)
#137 - Sangti (5.67 pts.)
#48 - Karditan (16.10 pts.)

(Images credited to hosts Equestrian States)

The matches will be played at the Diamond Park in Stalliongrad, and the Maple Bowl in Trottawa. It was a relief to the Agilang Dilaw squad not to have their matches in either the Thunder Palace at Oatlahoma City and most notably the Star Stadium in Canterlot. Why? The Market Cup woe. Fourteen players from the current Sangti squad also played at the Market Cup, most of the starters. They felt the pain when they entered the last matchday holding their destiny and then they stumped out by Gaveo and the German Spanish Empire. Hopefully neither one is in this tournament, let alone the groups.

Let us preview the matches of our beloved Agilang Dilaw in chronological order.

MD1: Eastfield Lodge vs Sangti (Maple Bowl, Trottawa)
Eastfield Lodge: Rank 67, 4th in Group 13 of WCQ (37 Pts, 11W 4D 3L)
Head to Head: N/A
Last meeting: N/A
Eastfield Lodge is Sangti's first opponent. With a similar attacking mindset but a different formation (4-5-1/2-5-3 hybrid), this is sure to be a goalfest between the Sangtians and the multi-atrributed species of Eastfield Lodge. Sangti might have a hard time against this side, so we are predicting a draw at most for Sangti.

MD2: No opponents. Sangti will take a break.

MD3: Sangti vs Karditan (Maple Bowl, Trottawa)
Karditan: Rank 48, 5th in Group 16 of WCQ (26 Pts, 7W 6D 5L)
Head to Head: Sangti 1 Draw 0 Karditan 1
Last meeting: Karditan 4-2 Sangti in Karditan
Jaime Faltado's first match in charge of Sangti was against this team, and the inherited strategy of Jerous Manalo didn't work out as he desired and as the first meeting between the two sides, where Sangti pulled off a 1-0 shocker in Ciudad Sangti. With a defensive formation, and Faltado's attacking formation, look for goals in this match. Sangti will look to avenge their 4-2 defeat which cost them a chance to go to 5th place in Group 16. Sangti has a chance in this match: they already beat Karditan, but for the purposes of safety, another draw can be in the bag.

MD4: Jeruselem vs Sangti (Diamond Park, Stalliongrad)
Jeruselem: Rank 33, 3rd in Group 6 of WCQ (37 Pts, 11W 4D 3L)
Head to Head: N/A
Last meeting: N/A
The strongest team in the group. Look for goals in this game, as Sangti may not win this match, or maybe Edric, who believes in Margaret, would think otherwise and hope for a Sangti win.

MD5: Sangti vs Kalumba (Diamond Park, Stalliongrad)
Kalumba: Rank 102, 4th in Group 19 of WCQ (32 Pts, 9W 5D 4L)
Head to Head: N/A
Last meeting: N/A
A match where Sangti has the most probability to win compared to the other three matches. Kalumba plays defensive football and will look to thwart Sangti's attacks by creating chances due to counterattacks. However, we hope that the Agilang Dilaw overcome this side, should Sangti be in contention in Group B.

Overall
Sangti will be outside looking in to progress in this group, but they have a glimmer of hope, since this group is not as difficult to the other groups drawn for Pot 4 teams. The only hope for Sangti is to put the ghosts of the Market Cup and Manalo's reign behind them, and start a new journey towards success in football.

[Neu Engollon]

"Bien Welk, Neu Engollon! Magda Wertauer talking to you again on the NETV Sports 7 Update. Tonight we do a quick review of the Goats National Football squad as they get ready to do battle on the pitch again, this time in the Cup of Harmony. The Groups have been announced, and it does not look good. Already, we are seeing a fair amount of unfavorable press from other nations in our team's Group in the Cup. Right now we'll play a clip:

"Oh cool, who do we get?"

"Neu Engollon, Neo Lemmitania, Qazox, and Northern Sunrise Islands."

"Well that might make two fun matches and two blow outs."

"I'll give you a hint, they're not talking about our beloved Goats as one of the 'fun matches'. Deplorable. Were we to talk that way about some of Neu Engollon's lesser rugby or biathlon opponents there would be hell to pay and we would be deeply ashamed.
The situation has not been helped by our lack of coverage and support of our boys. We here at NETV Sports 7 have vowed to give way more coverage to the Neu Engollon National Football squad in what may be their last tournament for a while.
The only support they lack is from the common Confederation sports fans that have been lackluster towards a sport that is seen as hopeless, with so much catching up to accomplish to be on any kind of parity with the better teams in the multiverse.
It seems almost alien to sports fans to see the amount of coverage footie has gotten lately. The Confederacy is an economic powerhouse, with much of it being in the food & beverage sector. In true cold mercenary fashion, with some success at their level of play, and some interest just starting to peak, the merchandisers have gotten on board. With clothing and endorsements, comes raised stadium attendance. Then heftier paychecks follow. Football has gained a solid third percentage ranking behind women's flattrack roller derby and rugby (all codes) for viewership in the Confederation. We hope to do our part here to continue that trend. So please stay tuned over the next few days as we try to interview a different player each broadcast, usually via satellite link up. We will also do our best to give you the best highlights and full rundown of the matches that only NETV 7 can deliver. See you tomorrow, Neu Engollon!"

[Filopines]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

"Ken, come here."
"What's up?"
"You see that gym across the street?"
"What about it?"
"Let's go there after school."
"Are you serious? You want to go to the gym?"
"Well, it would give me a better chance of making it in the big time."
"Really, Jim? You're only 15 and to be honest, you're a tad overweight."
"I know! That's why I want to go to the gym! I want to be a football player."
"Me too. But, isn't there any other way?"
"Why are you so scared?"
"Alright, fine. I'll come."
"We'll meet tonight at the gym at five o'clock."

"Oh, crap. My dad would never let me go."

"Dad, can I go to the gym?"
"You have a friend that has the same name as you? That's interesting. You know, come to think of it, Jim is quite a common name."
"Gym, dad. Gym. As in gymnasium. Not the name Jim."
"Oh, that's great! As long as someone comes with you. After all, you're only 15."
"Only fifteen."
"Pardon?"
"Nothing."
"Ken's going to be with me."
"I like that kid. Go ahead. Knock yourself out."
"You sure?"
"Not literally."
"Hehe. See you, Dad!"

"Oh, crap. My dad would never let me go."

"Father?"
"Yes, Kenneth?"
"Can I go out tonight?"
"Watch your language, Kenneth."
"May I go out tonight?"
"Where and who?"
"Gymnasium and James."
"OK."
"Thank you, Father."
"You are welcome."
"That was easier than I thought."
"Pardon, Kenneth?"
"That wasn't me."
"OK."

Rising up, back on the street, did my time, took my chances, went the distance, now I'm back on my feet, just a man and his will to survive.

"This is actually quite fun, Ken!"
"I know, right?!"

So many times it happens too fast, you change your passion for glory, don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive.

"Um, sir? How do you use this thing?"
"Like this, kid."

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger.

"We're closing now, kids."
"That was fun! Thanks, Marcus!"
"That's alright, Jim."
"Thanks, Marcus!"
"Good job, Ken. Both of you are really strong and fit."
"I've never heard that in my life before."
"It's quite a suprise because you actually quite are strong and fit, Jim. Same goes to you, Ken."

"Hey, Ken. I'll race you to the gym."
"It's on."
"Ready, set, go! He actually believed me."
"Jim? Where are- ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ken? What's wrong?"
"I can't get up. It's my knee."
"I'll take you to the clinic. After all, I got my driver's license last week!"
"OK."

"I'm afraid that's an ACL."
"Well, everyone's got one!"
"Calm down, Ken. Go on, doc."
"You've torn your ACL. I've heard about your skills, son. But, I'm afraid it's all for naught. Your career is over, I'm sad to say."

"Also on sport, Barnton FC has signed 17 year old James Gordon. Said to be the fittest 17 year old in the land, Gordon is an attacking midfielder from Cabrera Secondary has a promising career ahead of him."

"I have a feeling that this won't be a normal family dinner."

"I think that's him walking down the stairs!"
"Oh, Ally! Hurry up and get down here. Where's Jim?"
"Hi, Uncle Tony."
"Hi, sweetie. Now, tell me. Where is your brother?"
"He's still in the shower."
"Oh, clear out, people! He's still in the shower."

"Jim!"
(claps)
"What's all this about, guys?"
"Don't lie to us. We know you're a bloody professional footballer! Bloody great!"
"Thanks, Uncle Tony."

"Substitution for Barnton. It looks like it. Yes! Gordon, the seventeen year old midfielder will come on for the home team in the sixty-eighth minute in place of Jimenez."
"Here's Gordon, he passes into White, goal! It's a goal for Frank White off the assist by Gordon."

---

"Jim, you've been a great friend and I don't know what I'd do without you. Please don't die."
"Hi, Jim. It's your sister, Alexandra. I didn't spend a lot of time with you but with the time I did spend with you, it was wonderful. I regret not being with you any longer. Stupid education. Get well soon."
"Hey, bro. Rick here. I don't know what to say. I literally don't know what to say, mate. Uh... poopoo? Hehe."
"Brudah! Donny boy here. Hope you... get OK."
"Hello, nephew. Goodbye, nephew. By the way, it's ya Uncle Tony."
"I made this necklace for you, James. Also, this is Auntie Pia. Put it on when you wake up."
"James, it's your mother. I love you. I can't say anymore. You're my eldest son. Of course, I still have Richard and Donald but that's not enough for me. I love you, sweetie. Say something, Eddie.
"OK. Uh... Don't die, James. Dad's here. I always believed you'd make the big time. You've won so many awards. And you've won many more in my heart."
(flatline tone)
"Oh my. What do we do, Carol?!"
"I don't know!"
"Doctor?! Doctor?! Nurse?! Somebody?!"
"Oh my. Go get it!"
"Yes, doc!"
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Please! We need you to leave."
"Um... (reluctantly) OK."
(Eddie and Carol watching through the window)
(Doctor drops equipment and stands still and stares)

"No. Really?! That's... unbelievable. I don't think I can do this. Breaking news everybody. Former football star James Gordon has been announced dead ten minutes ago at the age of 27. The former Barnton midfielder retired six months ago after being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. The cause of death is unknown so far. When did you find that out, Jack? OK. The cause of death was by suicide. It is said that he jumped off Gracias Tower a few hours ago. Sad news for any Filopinian to hear."

[Brenecia]

THE ROZELLE OBSERVER
Group Draw Fuels Patriot Ambitions
by Kurt Callaghan

The groups have been set, the battle-lines are drawn and our world ranking is no longer set at a humiliating 267th. Here is Group E, in Cassadaigua...

#96 - FELIX
#131 - BRENECIA
#74 - BARUNIA
#51 - CASSADAIGUA
#55 - INEVITABLE SYNDICATE

The first thing you will notice is that we are the least good of these teams, at least according to the WCC. The second thing you will notice is that that isn't by much. Cassadaigua sneaks into the first pot by virtue of being hosts, meaning there isn't actually all that much variation between the rankings!
The third thing is that the Inevitable Syndicate looks familiar, and it looks familiar because they utterly mullered us. Twice.
Let's get into the spirit of things. Felix, also from Esportiva, isn't much to look at on paper, but, well... they were runners-up in the Baptism of Fire and came dangerously close to qualification for the World Cup. Obviously they failed, which is why they're... well, here, but still. We're not going to be favourites here. I feel, though, we can snatch a win, though a draw is more likely. They play 3-4-3, and that should in theory leave them vulnerable to our counter-attacks... but that's only if we can weather their own assault.
Barunia are the dark horses of the group, and I can't see us winning here. They're an established side and are in the much-vaunted Class of 51 (that is to say, the Baptism of Fire 51 producing such nations as New Sideburn, Saintland, the Sova Empire, Nenets and Hyskigland), and it's hard to see how we can beat them. A draw, on the other hand, is certainly within reach. They play 3-5-2, the midfield forming a sort of plus-sign, at which captain Harry Centena is the central playmaker. However their best player according to most is Victor Castolo, the striker. Now there's a man we'll have to keep an eye on...
Cassadaigua are the hosts, and they're a strong and established side. The highest-ranked side, they're narrow favourites to top the group, and it's predicted by most that they'll account for us with relative ease. But if we can stick to our guns, we might just pull through... a cursory examination of their roster reveals they've retired a lot of numbers. A thorough examination of their roster reveals a fundamentally attack-minded, high-pressing side that should hopefully be possible to catch off-guard on the counter-attack.
Finally, the Inevitable Syndicate, which as we're all too aware by now are better than us all over the pitch. They play a defensive brand of 3-5-2 that in practice resembles a 5-3-2 with particularly adventurous wingbacks. Sinclair and Birch are both great players, and Allbeck and Proudfoot will have their hands full dealing with them. Despite their skill, we did better in the second match against them, where we utilised the flanks (after all, they can't be everywhere at once) and had our own wingbacks mark them down heavily to give our wingers a free run. Still, expect a draw at best.

So signs are bleak, and yet there's still a ray of hope in the darkness. The other sides are, comparitively, not especially powerful... and that might just leave room for us to sneak into the next round. Stranger things have happened, after all. And on that happy note, I leave you for now; I'll see you next time.

[The Inevitable Syndicate]

Cup Of Harmony 57 Group Preview

13th July 12013

---

Concord Heights, CASSADAIGUA---- It's here once again ladies and gentlemen, the Cup of Harmony has rolled around, and we've been invited to show our stuff once again. This time, however the Syndicate are looking to advance further than the group stage, something that they haven't done in a single WCC Event (not counting the team's 4th place finish at their BoF). Of course, as is always the way in international competition, it's not going to be easy, and Group E looks to be full of characters that are sure to give us a hard time. They are as follows:

Group E
Felix
Brenecia
Barunia
Cassadaigua
The Inevitable Syndicate
As always, flag images courtesy of Equestrian States.
But you knew that already.

So, first up we have Felix, a nation that is ranked 96th in the world. Felix had a rather decent World Cup cycle, finishing third in Group 18, with 35 points. That's a point better than we did, so Felix may pose a threat when we face them on Matchday 5. Hopefully by then we will have racked up some points, and could exert a lead on the opposition.

Secondly, we have Brenecia. We faced these guys in the World Cup, and both times we came out victorious. We're sure that they'll be back with some anger in their hearts, and the Syndicate are going to have to up their game further if they want to come out the winners. We'll be facing them first, so it'll be important to hit the ground running (like we did in the World Cup) and fight our way to the top. Of course, if history repeats itself, we'll be very pleased, but some say that lightning never strikes the same place twice...

Next on the list is Barunia. A team that couldn't even score a goal last CoH cycle has come along leaps and bounds, after an average World Cup performance and now entry to the CoH again. Facing them second shouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but if we gain a victory on the first Matchday, hopefully we'll be able to keep the momentum going for a second win.

Last, but by no means least are the wonderful ladies from the host nation of Cassadaigua. Cassadaigua are the strongest team in the group, and that coupled with the home advantage means the Syndicate are going to have to put a lot of effort in if they want to win. The team will also have to be rather respectful of the culture of the country, as women are the more dominant of the sexes there. Why everyone isn't equal is beyond me, but I'm sure the team will cope fine. Even if the capital claims to be the most traditional area.

Hopefully after playing all of those teams, the Syndicate will be in one of the top two positions, and finally advance to the Round of 16 to face someone in Group F. We look forward to it!

Freddie Johnson
ILN Sports

[Barunia]

Diary Entry, 13th July

Cup of Harmony starts tomorrow. So, we drew the hosts. Just our luck, as always. They're ranked higher than us too. At least they'll attack us, not like last Cup where all our opponents just stayed in the box and hit us whenever we got near the goal. Might actually get some action this time.

I haven't been able to sleep lately. Lucy says it's because I've got unfinished business with this tournament, having not done what I set my mind to do last time. I'm not sure that's right. After all, we failed last World Cup and I had high hopes for this year. And we did worse. Perhaps that's it. I can't believe I didn't get more goals against Mahloki Vai. All we had to do was beat them. It's my fault we're in the Cup of Harmony, just like it was last time. Only this time I will redeem myself and win this. Or at least do better than last time.

Up against Cassadaigua tomorrow. Top ranked team in the group, and home ground advantage. But I will score. I promise, I will do better. I will not let this team down again.

I dreamed last night I was a fox, being hunted by horsemen made of smoke. They where wearing Suns kits. I don't know what it means. I'll have to ask Lucy. It's tough being a million miles away from her, but at least I have the internet. It feels like I'm separated from my lifeline. Although Lucy would say football is my lifeline, and she'd be right as usual.

[Cassadaigua]

Host Note: Cutoff time for Groups A-D, daily, will be between noon and 1pm, eastern USA time. (or 25-26 hours from the time of this post)

[Maklohi Vai]

Cup of Harmony 57 - Group H Preview

#117 -  Aels (7.11 pts.)
#131 -  Kinzar (6.00 pts.)
#46 -  Maklohi Vai (16.31 pts.)
#26 -  West Angola (26.04 pts.)
#71 -  Sandwich Territories (12.68 pts.)

Schedule
Maklohi Vai v West Angola
Sandwich Territories v Maklohi Vai
Maklohi Vai v Aels
Kinzar v Maklohi Vai
Bye

We come into this CoH as the second seed in our group and with our first ever top 50 ranking. The hopes are high for the Vaian team, who aim at least to get out of the group stage and into the playoffs. It's the last chance for departing coach Rimolanao Lomokanapai to win a major trophy, and while he's happy with the two Friendly Cup championships, a CoH title would make his retirement all that better. The team, fresh off a close playoff loss to Ko-oren, is looking at this CoH as a way to boost their chances to qualify for the next World Cup. With that said, let's look at the opponents.

West Angola, the #1 seed in the group, has been a medium sized power for quite some time, but is now making more of a push to break into the elite. With a solid cast of characters and constant training, the Angolan team is well disciplined and a haerty match for any foe. When they face the Vaian side, it is expected to be a struggle between the solid Vaian defense and the quick, but effective, Angolan offense. Winning this game would be the best thing Maklohi Vai could do to increase its chances of leaving the group in the top two, as it would put them ahead of the first seed and also provide a boost for other games.

Sandwich Territories, the number three seed in the group, is a relatively new team who the Vaian side has not faced before. Playing a slightly attacking style, the Sandwich Territories seeks to find gaps in the opponent's defense and then exploit them. If the Vaian defense can stay strong, there shouldn't be a problem with that. An issue that might prove to be something worth of note is the lack of scouting on this team. The Vaian side and staff haven't been watching them closely, so there is some catching up to do before the second matchday.

Aels, the number four seed in the group, is the winner of the 52nd Baptism of Fire and a rapidly rising power in international football. With a healthy mix of offense and defense, the squad seeks to use the remainder of the surprise factor that it possessed in both the BoF and the WC here in the CoH. The Vaian team will have to be on lookout over the first couple games to see how the Aels side is performing in this tournament.

Kinzar, the fifth seed in the group, is another graduate of the 52nd Baptism of Fire. They are the only other predominately defensive team in this group, meaning this match will likely be a hard fought defensive contest. With their superior experience, the Vaian team hopes to be able to get off some counterattacks when the Kinzar squad gets out of place or overbearing. Expect to see Tumo Makanopalani very active on the counterattack.

Overall, it appears the Vaians can qualify. Three wins would practically guarantee a ticket out of the group stage, and three wins definitely seems like a reasonable number. Two wins is a little more of an issue, but if accompanied by two draws then it might work. The bottom is this: don't lose. Losses get you nothing and are harmful not only for the value of that game, but also for future games, as any team's morale is affected by a loss. The Vaian team needs to keep their wits together and their heads up, and they should be fine heading into this Cup of Harmony.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

DE PLACA
Now with 10% less calories

CUP OF HARMONY 57
Brat-Town, Rough-Group, Water-Types

After screwing up in the last matchdays, NSI fell short to the possibilities of travelling to Pasarga and Saugeais, while the strong team of New Montreal States and the... well, not that strong but "´ and ~"-filled Farfadillis managed to get a spot at the World Cup in that same group. Anyways, Arceus decided that NSI deserved an invite to the Cup of Harmony, so the good people of Cassadaigua and the good ponies of Equestrian States sent the NSIFC an invitation and the following days, the Vaporeons took the first plane to Rushmore, with everything well set to make an impression at the pink part of this Pink and Purple Tournament.

Sadly, Arceus couldn't protect us from the Group Draw and... well, talk about rough stuff. For start, Neo Lemmitania, which may not look as strong as our team, but have a lot hidden behind that cheerful little 8-bit sprite and their sponsorship with the Eletric Lemming Corporation. Probably one of the matches that the Sunrisians should look forward too.

The Republic of Neo Lemmitania

There isn't much to say about Qazox. They are a good team but we lack a lot of info on them aside from the fact that their region supposedly rips through time and space like if it was a small Carvanha net or something. However, however... That's about it, they also have some little wolf that they seem to like, we know little about that too.

The Most Serene Repulic of Qazox (because this is the last name we remember them having)

The youngest boys on the Group G yard and also the weakest team in this group in the papers, Neu Engollon is the one team we really should win to avoid a huge embarassment. The Neu Engollian squad however has a lot of heart and has shown it throughtout the World Cup qualifiers. It should be a pretty interesting match and the Sunrisian fans are strongly interested in seeing how the team of Astyria back itself up.

The Confederacy of Neu Engollon

Last but not least (REALLY not least), we have Taeshan. They should basically rampage through the entire group and claim first place with not a lot of difficulty. And seeing as they already won the Cup of Harmony once, a long time ago, question is "Why didn't they end up at the World Cup?"

The Wintery Iceland of Taeshan

The Sunrisians will debut facing the good-hearted team of Neu Engollon, then the strong Taeshan and at last Neo Lemitannia so that in the fourth matchday, they will get a bye. The team returns for the last matchday to face Qazox. All of the games will happen in Brattleboro, at the Brattleboro Stadium, Cassadaigua.

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[Kinzar]

Wildcats get unexpected Cup of Harmony Invitation

After failing to qualify for the World Cup, we reported that Kinzar's manager, Eddie Sullivan, was going to be relieved of his duties and could only be saved if the nation received an invitation to the Cup of Harmony. Since the Wildcats never received an invite to the previous Cup of Harmony, it was expected that the country would be passed over again, and Sullivan probably began putting in his resume to other jobs right away. Then, after the playoff games that finalized the World Cup field, Kinzar got the stunning news that the nation could go to the Cup of Harmony.

For now, Sullivan's job is safe, but the Wildcats figure to be in a very challenging group. They are by far, the worst team in Group H and are one of the worst teams in the entire tournament, if you use the KPB rankings as your guide to judge potential success. To try and offset this, Sullivan looks as though he will attempt an especially defensive system in an effort to steal as many points as possible, even if it is just one point in the five games. If you are interested in going to their games, you need to go to Cassadaigua, and more specifically, Winchester. This is recommended for anyone who may have listened to their friends come home from the World Baseball Classic and brag about the women from Cassadaigua that they were hitting on. In the process, you can pretend to be interested in the soccer games as well even if that is not your primary objective. People from this country seem to have an obsession with apples, so if you are trying to pick up a woman in a bar, offering her a hard apple cider, for example, may be a good idea. Unfortunately according to a tourist document, Winchester is a boring city, so you may want to travel to other cities and pretend to root for another country. They seem to not like Saintland here, so good advice to pick up a woman would be to pretend you are from the country that Saintland is playing.

[Equestrian States]

Host Announcement

RP Cutoffs for Groups E-H will be between 9-10 PM (Eastern US) each day. That gives those of you playing in Cassadaigua 32-33 hours to get those RPs in.

[Free Republics]

Sporting World

We're in the Cup of (dis)Harmony
by: Rule Theriault

Our first attempt to qualify for the World Cup did not go the way we might have hoped, as we won 7 matches, drew 3 and lost 8 times, finishing in 6th place in our group with 20 points. However, there were mitigating circumstances. We had to compete in a group that contained a team of talking horses and a team of armed bears. Neither team should have been permitted to enter World Cup qualifying, due to their numerous unfair advantages. We simply didn't stand a chance against the teams that should have been featured on Animal Land and we were also harmed by numerous officiating "mistakes" that always seemed to happen at the most inconvenient times. In spite of all of that, we managed to pick up 17 points in the second half of qualifying and we finished ahead of Brenecia. We also picked up a draw against the "Inevitable" Syndicate on the final day of qualifying.

At the end of the day, we did not qualify for the World Cup, even if we probably do belong in the World Cup. Instead, we were invited to the event that those Bible-thumpers from the north pole are calling the "Cup of Disharmony" and I personally must say that they have chosen a very apt name. Well, those one-worlders at the WA have revealed that Saintland ranks 17,950th in the world in education while we in the FFR are ranked 78,580th. Putting aside all of the falsehoods they are taught regarding the origins of life, it seems that the Sanctii are very effective at educating their children. Maybe beating an education into kids actually works after all, even if all the experts say that such education methods are barbaric and backward. They may well be, but Saintland's "barbaric and backward" education system produces very intelligent citizens and very tough, disciplined athletes. It has to make you wonder whether our society could learn a thing or 2 from them.

If you're reading this article, you are probably interested in international sports. If you are interested in international sports, you are probably aware that those Sanctii are currently enraged regarding the decision of Josephus Flaccus to sign with a club team in New Sideburn. They are also enraged because the Licentian Islands offered asylum to a number of women and children that snuck out of Saintland, with the assistance of several male members of Feministvs Sanctvsterra, the infamous women's rights organization responsible for most of the "feminist spam" on the Internet. Apparently, a number of "runaway wives" escaped to the Licentian Islands and several of them abducted their children.

As you would expect, the King of Saintland was outraged by this news. He has since lashed out in a rage. Although the Sanctii are apparently going to finish out their outstanding obligations, they have no intentions at this moment to enter any future international sports events and are apparently considering a return to total isolation. Anybody who chooses to visit Cassadaigua is warned to stay away from the hotel floor where the Saintland National Team is staying. They apparently sent a large military contingent to Cassadaigua and this military contingent is apparently ready to shoot anybody who attempts to get into contact with their team. They even prohibited their own citizens from traveling to Cassadaigua or even the land of the talking horses to watch the Cup of (dis)Harmony. Until the King of Saintland's rage ends, I think it is best for all non-Sanctii to avoid any contact with their people. However, the recent controversial decision by the Federation Government to sign a treaty securing the return of "runaway wives" and any children they might abduct to Saintland seems to have strengthened the FFR's relations with our neighbors at the north pole. Just today, they agreed to renew the Church of Saintland's title sponsorship deal for the stadium in Albertope.

The Cup of (dis)Harmony will be held in Cassadaigua and the Equestrian States. The field of 40 nations have been split into 8 groups of 5 teams each. We were drawn into the first group this time around and will be stuck in the Equestrian States, a nation filled with talking farm animals. I absolutely can't stand them, after they stole the Di Bradini Cup right out from under my team. After those 2 World Cup qualifiers, I absolutely detest them. I would rather be in the "Free Land" of Slave State than have to visit the Equestrian States, since I am certain that the hatred is mutual. Between matches, I intend to protest throughout the city of Canterlot for the morons at the WCC to ban non-human participation in the World Cup. We shouldn't have to face a team composed of farm animals.

We will start our Cup of (dis)Harmony journey against New Sideburn. Our first 2 matches will be held at the Equestria Dome before we play our final 2 matches of the group stage at the Star Stadium instead. New Sideburn is a very formidable opponent, as they won the 51st Baptism of Fire and swept their group stage matches at the last Cup of Harmony. This time around, they defeated the Sanctii in their little "Strongnesse Cup" competition, which commemorates the vicious unprovoked assault by Lukas Strongnesse on one of the Princes of Saintland during that Baptism of Fire. After winning the Strongnesse Cup again, the winners of the Market Cup and Campionato Esportiva were dominant in qualifying. They won 12 matches, drew 3 matches and lost 3 matches for a total of 39 points. Unfortunately, they had the misfortune of being drawn in the same group as United Gordonopia and the Archregimancy. Gordonopia won 13 matches and drew 5 to finish with 44 points. The Archregimancy finished with 12 wins, 4 draws and 2 defeats, totaling 40 points. New Sideburn had to settle for 3rd place in a very tough group. While they are a very formidable opponent and have never lost to any team from the World Changers region, I still believe that they can be beat.

Second on our schedule is Filopines. Filopines unexpectedly made the playoffs during the World Cup 64 cycle, but this time around they struggled during the middle of qualifying and finished with just 9 wins, 5 draws and 4 defeats, for a total of 32 points. Osarius won their group with a record of 12-4-2 for 40 points while the Sandwich Territories went 12-15 and finished with 37 points. 10-6-2 West Angola finished third with 36 points. Filopines did not seriously contend for a playoff berth and appear to be a declining side.

The third match on our schedule is the very formidable Jeru FC. Jeru FC finished third in a group that was dominated by Eura and the Licentian Islands. Eura finished with 16 wins, a draw and a loss, for a total of 49 points. The Licentian Islands won 14 matches, drew 2 and lost twice for 44 points before going on to defeat the Sanctii in the playoffs. Jeru FC won 12 matches, drew 3 and lost 3, finishing with a respectable 39 points. Eastfield Lodge would finish 4th with 37 points and Ancharmunn, with 22, was the only other team in that lopsided group to finish with more than 20 points. Although the Sanctii eliminated Jeruselem at the last Cup of Harmony and Jeru FC is apparently very closely related to Jeruselem, we are not the Sanctii and they will be extremely difficult to defeat.

After an off-day, the FFR will conclude with a match against Falconwhereveryouare, a very streaky team. The Falcons defeated their first 4 opponents in qualifying, before losing 4 straight. Then, they had a stretch where they won 3 matches and drew 2. They had another 3 match losing streak, before finishing out qualifying with a draw against Powersith and a rout of Razmakistan. When qualifying had concluded, they had won 8, drawn 3 and lost 7. Falconwhereveryouare finished with 27 points. Although their solo bid to host the Cup of Harmony would be rejected in favor of the Cup of (dis)Harmony bid, the streaky side still got an invite. They will probably be our easiest opponent in this group.

It is going to be a very interesting Cup of (dis)Harmony. We finished with the fewest points in qualifying of any side in our group. We also are the lowest ranked side in our group, being ranked just 128th. Jeru FC is ranked 18th. New Sideburn is controversially ranked 47th, ahead of the Sanctii. Filopines are ranked 81st in the world and Falconwhereveryouare are 95th. While the foreign pundits will undoubtedly pick us to go winless in the Cup of (dis)Harmony, I believe we can surprise them. I believe we can advance and I hope you will watch the Cup of (dis)Harmony live on the new International Sports Network. If you do not get ISN, call your cable or satellite provider now and tell them you want ISN. If they won't listen, you can purchase ISN On Demand for the low, low price of just 20 thalers a month by visiting isnetwork.co.republica. Enjoy the Cup of (dis)Harmony.

Rule Theriault is the manager for the FFR's National Soccer Team. He was the manager of Petrograd United. After a disappointing end to his tenure there, he entered a team in the Di Bradini Cup on behalf of the Federation of Free Republics. His mostly unheralded team finished 2nd in that competition, losing to the Equestrian States in the final. He led the National Soccer Team to a 17th place finish in the 52nd Baptism of Fire and a 6th place finish in Group 20 during World Cup qualifying.

[Zwangzug]

They had been, in no small part, the faces of the title race. After an exhilarating season, Zwangzug at last had a new champion, and a new runner-up. Not that it was going to make much difference to the composition of the national team, or even its defensive leaning, but all the same, thought Bridget Scroves, some diversity was admirable.

As she glanced down at the seated players, she reminded herself that things could have been worse. Canbix and Bassabook, the top two teams for two seasons in a row, were both (at least for Zwangzug) known for easily-provoked fanbases, and their matches against each other were frequently tense. The same could not be said for the clubs whose representatives she glanced at again, reaching for her clipboard.

The papers back home had had plenty to say about Group D, but everything Scroves needed to know could be summed up with a few quick glances. Mapletish: one of the stronger teams, and yet only a marginal invitation. Sondstead, a trivia question in the making as the only country to exchange ambassadors with Zwangzug in quite some time, and unlucky to have wound up in the fifth pot--though, Scroves supposed, she'd already seen Aels and Neo Lemmitania, so some new faces would be nice. The less-new faces of Kinitaria, another late confirmation, one of the more hard-luck national teams in the modern game and contenders for the group title if not more--though Zwangzug had taken points from them, too. The Sova Empire, a name to make baseball fans grown just before they remembered the tournament was in the Equestrian States, and wondered, what if...

Perhaps the most frustrating part of the schedule was the day Zwangzug had to play...nothing. The bye day came at the end of the group stage, and if they qualified, well, it would be nice to have a day off. As likely, however, they wouldn't have time to build up steam, and then, well, they'd have quite a lot more days off.

Scroves blinked, turning back to the players she'd called up. Other cities could have their grudges, but those two were exemplars on and off the field. Both competitive, driven to succeed, but not at the cost of playing dirty. Both humble in defeat, never lashing out at struggling teammates. Both proud in victory, crediting their fans but not straying into overconfidence. Both willing to fight through injuries, neither scheming to inflict their own. Model professionals.

The tournament hadn't even started yet, and Scroves was already revising the old idiom to "if looks could kill, they'd both have died so often we'd have legitimate cause to complain about a zombie apocalypse."

"How's the clubhouse?" she asked, once she'd tracked down Brett Chrowder.

"Gloriously temperature-controlled," the team's captain said with a straight face.

"I mean, morale," she said, nodding back towards the glarers.

He mixed regret into his broad smile. "Almost enough to make you wish for the good old days of Canbix winning it all?"

"Hasn't come to that," she admitted. "I'd ask you to keep an eye on them, but one more stare and the place will probably explode from the effort."

"We'll be fine. National team, same goal, all that."

"I hope so," she said, then trekked back. "Have you two considered speaking to each other?"

Davi Keane-Liuprand raised his eyebrows. "When's practice?"

"Two hours, but--"

"Thanks!" he called, jogging off towards the clubhouse. A few seconds later, and in total silence, Emily Winters-Neumann paced off in the opposite direction.

Scroves flipped through her clipboard again, trying to look busy. Moments later she was hypothesizing whether she could avoid starting them at the same time.

[West Angola]

The anti-Sandwich Territories rhetoric in this article is an IC view only, and reflects the reaction to being dumped out of a playoff spot by them.

NAMIBE CHRONICLE

Cup of Harmony 57 - Group H Preview

Group H:
1. (26) West Angola (26.04 pts.)
2. (46) Maklohi Vai (16.31 pts.)
3. (71) Sandwich Territories (12.68 pts.)
4. (117) Aels (7.11 pts.)
5. (131) Kinzar (6.00 pts.)

This is a year of firsts for West Angola. The World Cup opened with West Angola being favored to reach a playoff by more than two KPB points for the first time in its history, although we unfortunately failed to reach that goal. Later, the nation watched in horror as, for the first time since our inception, a King was assassinated, which led into the third first, one far happier than the previous two, as we elected the first female to the Throne. Now, the football team finds itself as the top seed in Group H, the first time it has been the top seed in any group in any tournament, and hoping to continue its streak of reaching the Round of 16 in its last four Cup of Harmony appearances. Hopefully, West Angola can culminate this year with a final first, a first they fell a shootout shy of achieving the last time they were here: winning the Cup of Harmony. In order to do this, they must first get out of the group, which is full of tough competition, both familiar and unfamiliar faces, and a team which is quickly becoming a rival for the burgundy-and-white.

Opponent Preview:
1. Maklohi Vai (46)- A rapidly-rising star within the World Cup community, Maklohi Vai first competed on an international level in World Cup 62, and finished in the bottom of their group, managing only four points (all from draws). However, this plucky team honed themselves with several runs through the Friendly Cup and the Copa Gaveo, and returned far improved, prompting a rapid rise in the standings that leaves them as the second seed in the Group. Winning this match is absolutely crucial for West Angola, as Maklohi Vai is one of the main threats to supplant West Angola as group champion, and the match against them will set the tone for the rest of West Angola’s campaign to hoist the trophy.

2. Sandwich Territories (71)- Everyone remembers these guys. This the team that refused to fade like a normal fifth seed ranked below one hundred and instead had the gall to upset us late and reach the playoff stage. Sandwich Territories fell just short against Turori in the playoffs, and by some insane trick by the football gods was drawn in the same group as West Angola. Now, the presence of this team in Group H presents an interesting conundrum: does this represent a chance for revenge, or an upset-in-waiting destined to relegate West Angola to another disappointing finish. One thing is for sure, if West Angola falls to this team and fails to reach the Round of 16, the Sporting Ministry will undoubtedly take the opportunity to clean house among both the coaching staff and the players. Any fans of Phillip Garren and his staff, which includes the management and editors of this newspaper, should be hoping that we beat Sandwich Territories handily, by at least six or seven goals.

3. Aels (117)- West Angola has never faced this team, but that is no reason to underestimate them. As the last World Cup showed (once again), West Angola has a disturbing tendency to drop points they should easily win, usually through draws. Aels managed to finish seventh in qualifying, an impressive feat given that their group included such giants as Legalese, Starblaydia, and Krytenia, rising powers such as Hutt River, Zwangzug, and Neo Lemmitania. Aels may be ranked low and have little experience on an international stage, but they certainly showed their teeth during the World Cup, and are a real threat to pull upsets during the group stage. We here at the Chronicle certainly hope that they focus all of their upset energies against Sandwich Territories, and beat those uppity fellows by at least three, then do us the courtesy of allowing our boys an easy win.

4. Kinzar (131)- The lowest-ranked team in the group, Kinzar is by no means a pushover. This team broke onto the international stage in World Cup 64, finishing ninth in the group but scoring several upsets over Scoutimont and other powerhouses within the World Cup. In World Cup 65, they managed a sixth place finish, scoring fewer upsets but winning the large majority of matches against the teams ranked around and below them, a must for a team looking to advance up the rankings table (Did you hear that, West Angola? You’re supposed to beat the teams ranked below you.) Unfortunately for them, however, there are no teams ranked below them in this Cup of Harmony, meaning that Kinzar must channel the militant underdog strategy they employed during their first World Cup. This time, the strategy could very likely work, as the brevity of group play and the lack of return matches gives an upset far more weight.

[Felix]

World Cup LXV Qualifiers: We Win, But So Does Boring Paradise, Cup Of Harmony Here We Come?

By: Steven Smith

In a win over Estope by one goal to zero that just took Felix by storm as fans celebrated outside in Felix's cities from Altomare to Santa Maria and from Volker to Cato. But the taste of victory soon turned into a bitter placement to third place just missing the playoffs to qualify by two points after Boring Paradise won their match against St Lucoa easily, 3-0. While many people will pose a lot of "what if" questions such as, if Felix won an early match against St Lucoa, or a mistake free match against Qazox in the first round or even a win instead of a tie against Kaznan that shouldn't of happened. Either way those very games are in the past, a third place finish is a great thing for Felix, considering that Felix was a young and new fish to the international football world and we have come a long way since that crushing defeat back in the finals of the 52nd Baptism of Fire. So while we don't get to see a Felixian on foot in the 65th World Cup we might just see them in the Cup of Harmony, but the FFA has not received a invite as of yet. Anyways lets recap the final match of Matchday 18 in the game that Felix won against fellow Esportivians, Estope.

The first half was a highly contested one in which both sides had a equal share of the ball and both sides seemed like they wanted this win, mathematically, Estope had a high chance in qualifying from the super tight group that was Group 18 with a win against us at their home and a couple of loses from Boring Paradise and Qazox. Felix on the other hand just needed a simple loss from Boring Paradise and a win against Estope and Felix would be in the playoff round to qualify, so both teams had a reason to play this match with all they had inside and a loss for either team was not a option. It was in the 6th minute that a opportunity arose for the Felixians as a brilliant play was built up and the shot came off from Lee's foot, but the shot just missed it's mark as it hit the post and went out of bounds. The Estopeians then made some good shots from good plays in the 9th, 11th, and 14th minutes but as the scoreline suggested the shots did not go into the net as Viggo Tyko, the captain of Felix blocked the shots. The Phoenix finally took the lead in the 26th minute as Mikel Araboa shot the ball into the net, after a series of good passes. Felix had the lead over Estope, 1-0. The rest of the half was silent after the Felixian goal and the first half ended in a 1-0 Felixian lead.

The Felixian side saw a renewed Estope side as they were determined to catch up against Felix and steal the lead from the away side that was playing a slightly more superior football than the home team, but for 20 good minutes of the match both teams were locking horns and many shots were taken by both sides. The best shots came in the 50th minute through the 60th minute, in those ten minutes of football the both national teams had a combined total of 16 shots, 9 shots from Felix and 7 from Estope. All of them were on target surprisingly and also surprising, the shots did not go past the goalkeeper's hands to go into the net. Out of those 9 shots from Felix, three came from Araboa, another three came from Lee, two came Saqqaf and one came from Sebastian Krister. Out of all the shots Krister's was the most impressive as the shot came from the outside the box and hit the goalkeeper's hands then hit the post and went out. But let's also give credit to the Estope side that shot those 7 shots, the best one came from an unnamed, unknown player that shot a header right into the Tyko's gloves causing a roar off oohs and ahhs, but no shouts for the goals. Eventually the match ended in a shocking Felixian victory over the favoured, higher ranked and at home playing Estope team.

The postgame press conference was all smiles for the Felixian head boss, Daniel Cardona as he congratulated the boys for a great qualification period and if the "Gods" are smiling on him and his team they would be in the playoffs. It was soon announced during the press conference that Felix was out due to a 3-0 win by Boring Paradise against St Lucoa, he continued to smile and didn't show any anger at all in fact he said this, "Well it's been a fun ride and while we are out of this edition of the World Cup we have shown the Multiverse what Felix can play with some pretty damn good teams and stay in completive." One reporter asked if Felix would be invited to the CoH, a event that has been recently decided to be hosted by Equestrian States and Cassadaigua and he said, "Maybe, I don't know. That's for the hosts to decide and I won't say anything that might change their decision for my team to be there. So if we are there great, if not okay then we will try next time we don't qualify." The last question was about if Felix would get a big boost in the rankings Cardona said this, "Again, I won't give you a straight yes answer but maybe, I mean we got third in Group 18 and 35 points so yeah. But again as said multiple times, I just can't give you guys a answer." Then after a few more questions, Cardona left the room and headed to the locker room.

And so Felix was out of the tournament due to a Boring Paradise win, despite a hard fought win against Estope today and while the elimination hurts the Felixian people just like the Baptism of Fire 52 loss, The Phoenix will rise again in other tournaments, we will once again shock the Multiverse with wins and extraordinary play making ability and if Felix doesn't get invited to the CoH that's fine, but if we do, we have another chance to show everyone Felix can play, we have come a long way since our first tournament back in the Campionato Esportiva against the Northern Sunrise Islands and we has since improved in play. Good luck to Felix in future events and all the teams that made it to the World Cup Final in Pasarga and Saugeais.

Here are the statistics for today's match against Estope

Goals
(26th): Mikel Araboa (FEL)
Assists
(26th): Yun Dong Lee (FEL)
Possession
EST: 49%
FEL: 51%
Fouls
EST: 18
FEL: 13
Cards
Yellow: ESTOPE PLAYER (EST)
Red: N/A
Injuries
N/A

Now here are the statistics for the qualifiers so far.

Goals
Mikel Araboa (12)
Yun Dong Lee (11)
Ziya Saqqaf (5)
Simo Roni (4)
Eutimio Salazar (4)
Sebastian Krister (3)
Aloysius Blau (1)
August Tobias (1)
Assists
Sebastian Krister (5)
Manolo Espina (2)
Simo Roni (2)
Mikel Araboa (1)
Yun Dong Lee (1)
Felix Pier (1)
Ziya Saqqaf (1)
Clean Sheets
Viggo Tyko (1)
Yellow Cards
Simo Roni (1)
Red Cards
N/A
Injury List
N/A

-----

Cup of Harmony 57: Felix Gets The Invite And We Are In The Cup Of Harmony.

By: Steven Smith

Following the tough exit in the World Cup qualifying stage the Cassadaiguan officials have invited the Felixian national team to the 57th Cup of Harmony tournament. Now while many dub the Cup of Harmony as a cup of losers officials from the FFA and the head coach of Felix, Daniel Cardona, have stated this, "Many times that enter this tournament is a full of great teams, to say that this tournament is for losers is ridiculous, the field for the World Cup finals is very small, 32 teams. So this tournament is perfect for the teams were just short of the World Cup, like us." But other many other nations have called this tournament the Cup of (Dis)Harmony, I personally think that is a very disrespectful statement by saying this, the two hosts have devoted their time and a lot of money to do this, to dub a tournament like that is just plain rude and both Saintland and (oh here we go again) the Free Republics should write a apology letter to Cassadaigua and the Equestrian States.

But enough of that stuff let's talk about our first CoH tournament! Our first placement there put us in Group E with Brenecia, Barunia, Cassadaigua, and The Inevitable Syndicate. Thanks to a great showing in the WC 65 Qualifiers, we jumped up to 96th place a 103 placement gain, we are now the best placed team from the 52nd Baptism of Fire class. We also finished the best out of the class of BoF 52 with a third place finish in Group 18, but the old legends, Neo Lemmitania got the second best finish with a 5th place finish in the highly contested Group 5. Right now they are Group G with old rivals from Group 18, Qazox, Neu Engollon, Taeshan and Esportivan rivals Northern Sunrise Islands, a country that has invested a lot of money in Felix by sending farm teams there. I wish good luck to all the teams in Group G. Our "friends" Free Republics have been placed in Group A, along with CoH bidders, Falcus, fellow Esportivans, New Sideburn, Filopines, and Jeru FC. But the "Group of Fire" has to be Group B, with teams like, 33rd Jeruselem,102nd Kalumba, 67th Eastfield Lodge, 137nd Sangti, and 48th Karditan. But lets be honest our own Group E is the toughest of them all with Felix facing the hosts, The Inevitable Syndicate and Barunia.

Lets talk about our group in detail now, Cassadaigua, the hosts, finished in third in Group 8 losing by a playoff spot just like us, by one point, the similarities to Felix and Cassadaigua are pretty frightening, like us they just needed a loss to get that playoff spot, but also like us the other team won, so Felix and Cassadaigua have a lot going for them as they both are just great teams. Another team in Group E is Brenecia, former colony of New Sideburn and was in the same Baptism of Fire like us and finished 7th in Group 20, while they are ranked lower than us we have to respect them and plan just like the other teams. The Inevitable Syndicate did remarkably well in qualifying and were in the driver's seat for qualifying in Group 20 but eventually fell due to a revived Bears Armed team, they still pose a threat and are very well at playing football, so like with all team we will have to play well but especially against them. The final team in Group E is Barunia, they finished 4th in Group 4 just 4 points away from second, they like Felix, Cassadaigua and TIS were oh so close to that playoff spot so I guess you could call Group E the "Oh So Close Group" or the "Group of Death" as 4 of the 5 teams finished in the top 5 in there respective groups. And that is all we got for this week, we don't face any of them this first matchday as we have a bye week but be sure to watch all the matches for Group E, until next time!

[Brenecia]

The call came soon after the final match. 4-1 to the Equestrian States. Not really within the margins of claiming "We was robbed".
Blake Lawless sighed and picked up the phone. It was President Kendall.
"Lawless, BFA."
"Blake! Blake, it's good to see you," said Kendall through a haze of static. It was hard to tell how disingenuous he was being. "Blake, I just wanted to say, you're in the side. We're staying with you for the Cup of Harmony. The Bears Armed result was a real coup, you know? Really won over the board."
"Oh."
Kendall paused. "Oh? That's all you want to say is 'oh'? We're keeping you on, Blake! You can do good stuff for the team, you know?"
"What if I'm not interested?"
"Huh?"
Blake sighed. "Brian, I took your advice and went job searching. Raven River - you know, the Sideburnese club? - well they lost their manager, and I fit the credentials, and I really think that they really fit my skillset a lot more, you know... I mean, you have that guy, right?"
"Yeah," said Kendall, flatly.
"... Look, Brian, I just... don't want a job where I'm not wanted by most of the board and half the fans, right?"
"Yeah. Sure. I'll see you 'round, Blake."
The line was cut. Blake sighed, sank back in his desk, and continued to look over the River roster. This was a team with some real possibilities...

Three days later, Clint Hemingway arrived at the training camp.
The side he was sent to lead was one man short of before. Aldous Huckerby was deemed 'too 36 years old' for the side, and Brad Kuepper had proven useful as a replacement. Edmund Pike had, mercifully, recovered from injury.
Hemingway was a straightforward country man, tall and lean with a weather-worn face and an almost lupine aspect to him. He was the kind of man why looked natural wearing an akubra as he was, at present, doing.
If anyone was going to lead Brenecia to a respectable finish, it would be this man.
The problem was... could anyone lead a bunch of underage colonial rejects to glory in this, the second-most prestigious event in the world?
Well... there's only one way to find out. And Clint Hemingway was not going to flinch from his duty. The results were there for the taking... all that had to be done was to seize the moment.

[Neo Lemmitania]

Greetin’s, boys an’ girls an’ also sentient animals, minerals, an’ vegetables of all sorts, welcome to the first-ever episode of Gil’s Corner, the only pan-chromatic sportin’ talk show on the airwaves today! Joinin’ me is straight man extraordinaire Clem Gilson! Welcome to the show, Clem!

Clem: Thanks. But this show isn’t called Gil’s Corner, as you know very well.

Gil: Oh, sorry, in me excitement over innerducin’ the show I plumb forgot. Wot did we end up decidin’ to call it, The Lemson Hour?

Clem: Not even close.

Gil: Um, Clever Thots Thunk by Gil Lemson?

Clem: You’re getting colder.

Gil: You’re just gonna ‘ave to remind me, Clem.

Clem: No, I said I would never speak the name of the show aloud, and I meant it.

Gil: Oh... why was that, again?

Clem: Because the name that you insisted on, and somehow got your lawyer to push through with the LRN bigwigs, is so utterly stupid that I’m ashamed to even be part of the show.

Gil: Well, if you ain’t gonna be part of the show, I demand to get your paycheck as well as mine.

Clem: Of course you do. Which is why I’m still here.

Gil: Still where?

Clem: On the show.

Gil: Wot show is this, again?

Clem: Stop playing. You know the name of the show, you’re just trying to get me to say it.

Gil: Say wot again, Clem?

Clem: The name of the show!

Gil; Which is...?

Clem: If you want people to know, you’re going to have to tell them.

Gil: Actually, I’m okay with people thinkin’ the show’s called Clever Thots Thunk by Gil Lemson.

Clem: Nobody would ever believe that anyone would name a show that.

Gil: Why not? It’s wot the show’s about.

Clem: Oh yeah? So lay one on me.

Gil: Lay one wot on you?

Clem: Lay one clever thought on me.

Gil: Oh, wull, right off the top of me ‘ead? That’s a li’le unfair, ain’t it?

Clem: You just said it’s what the show’s about.

Gil: Sure, but not right at this moment. This part of the show is about listenin’ to you an’ me argue over wot the name of the show is.

Clem; We’re not arguing over what the name of the show is, we’re arguing over which of us is going to break down and say the name of the show.

Gil: Okay, look, we’ll compromise. Instead of givin’ the name of the show, we’ll break for important messages from our corporate underwriter.

Clem: Which one?

Gil: Come now, Clem, you an’ me both know there’s only one underwriter on LRN.

Clem: You’re breaking for a message from ELC?

Gil: I can’t ‘ardly ‘elp it. Sally’s been signalling frantically for the past three minutes.

Clem: Great, go for it.

Gil: Roll it, Sally.

Voiceover: Mr and Mrs Neo Lemmitania, how often has this happened to you?

Little Billy: Mom! Mommmm! Mommy!

Mom: Dear lord, can’t you ever let me get a single night’s sleep? What is it this time, Little Billy?

Little Billy: I can’t feel my toes!

Mom: Well, that’s probably because the lemmings have munched them off. Consider yourself lucky, toes are a huge pain in the ass.

Little Billy: I can’t feel my nose either!

Mom: Oh fine, I’ll haul myself out of bed and come into your room to see what’s wrong with you now. Oh, nice, you have rubber bands wrapped tightly around your nose and toes. And your fingers too.

Little Billy: I can’t feel my fingers.

Mom: I’m getting the scissors and cutting them off.

Little Billy: Aiigh!! No, Mom, don’t cut off my fingers!

Mom: To cut off the rubber bands. Why in the world did you wrap rubber bands around all your extremities, anyway?

Little Billy: All the kids are doing it!

Mom: Oh, Bejeezus! What in the world is wrong with kids today?

Voiceover: Kids are just rotten, Mzva Neo Lemmitania. But don’t you just wish there was something you could do about it?

Mom: I surely do. But there isn’t anything. So I’ll just have to suffer. Hold still while I cut the rubber bands, Little Billy.

Voiceover: But, wait! Don’t suffer needlessly. Because now, there is something you can do about rotten kids!

Mom: Yeah?

Voiceover: Don’t sound so skeptical!

Mom: Fine, I’m listening.

Voiceover: Tell me, Bdnra. Neo Lemmitania, have you ever heard of child psychology?

Mom: I don’t know, is that like reverse psychology?

Voiceover: Sometimes it is. And sometimes it’s a KickIntheAss(tm)!

Mom: A KickInTheAss? What’s that?

Voiceover: Just the greatest new product from the Electric Lemming Corporation!

Mom: Well, if it’s from ELC, then I know it has to be good.

Voiceover: Sure you do!

Mom: But what does it do?

Voiceover: It just kicks your aberrant child right into shape! Just stick your foot into the foot-shaped opening at the top, retract your leg at the knee, aim carefully at junior’s posterior, and let fly!

Little Billy: Owwwww!

Mom: Wow, that really works!

Voiceover: You know it does. Why, child brain experts across Neo Lemmitania all agree that aiming a KickInTheAss at your child is the only way to program it to behave like a normal human being!

Mom: Wow, real child brain experts?

Voiceover:Would I lie to you?

Mom: ...probably not?

Voiceover: Well there you go, then!

Mom: Um, okay.

Voiceover: If you have a child, you need a KickInTheAss! Get one today!

Gil: Sounds like an unusually good product, comin’ from ELC.

Clem: Sounds atrocious. And also like an overpriced boot.

Gil: Right. An’ wot else are you gonna kick your child with?

Clem: With nothing, kicking children is abhorrent.

Gil: An’ ‘ow many children ‘ave you got, Clem?

Clem: Same as you. None.

Gil: Then ‘ow would your know whether kids need to be kicked in the ass?

Clem: Okay, let’s just drop this stupid subject. Just tell the listeners the name of the program and let’s move on to talking sports.

Gil: ‘ang on, we’ve got another important sponsorship message to get through.

Clem: Are you kidding me? Two ELC spots in a row?

Gil: This one ain’t from ELC.

Clem: Oho. I knew it. So what is it this time?

Gil: It’s another PSA from the toaster people of New Montreal States. I shall read it:

Modern marketing research ‘as indicated that the typical Neo Lemmitanian ‘ousewife is continually being ‘arassed by bratty, snot-nosed progeny and ripped off by unethical conglomerations. Wot with all these loud distractions, it's easy to forgot about the ‘olesome, nutritious breakfast food you'd put in your union-made, Safety-Council-tested Montréalais toaster oven. And by the time you remember, your delicious toaster pastry ‘as gone cold! But the ‘yperToast Rear Admiral 720 will solve this problem forever! When your premium toaster pastry is ready to be eaten, the sound of an adorable bunny rabbit will echo across your kitchen, drowning out the sounds of whiny, ungrateful offspring or unscrupulous disembodied voices tryin’ to sell you products that ‘aven't earned the NMS Toaster Council's Smiling Toaster Seal. You'll know that your toaster pastries are done, even if your ears are still ringin’ from your neighbor's life-alterin’ decision to convert ‘is ‘ouse into a crater first thing in the morning! The ‘yperToast Rear Admiral 720 isn't sold in NMS or anywhere else, except Neo Lemmitania, so you know it was designed exclusively for the mess you're in. The ‘yperToast Rear Admiral 720: proud to be the official toaster of one ‘alf the broadcasters of Neo Lemmitania's Cup of ‘armony 57 campaign!

Clem: Oh, so this is an official Cup of Harmony endorsement you’re doing for them?

Gil: Um... apparently. It said so on the card, any’ow.

Clem: Didn’t you clear that with your solicitor before reading it on the air?

Gil: Wull, I jus’ got back from Audioslavia this mornin’, so, no. I di’n’t ‘ave time. But I don’t see why anyone would objec’ to there bein’ an official toaster of a Cup of ‘armony broadcaster.

Clem: Just because you don’t own any rights to use the Cup of Harmony in your advertisement.

Gil: PSA, Clem.

Clem: No, that one was an advertisement. Not a PSA in the slightest.

Gil: Wull, important message, then.

Clem: Okay, look, whatever. Let’s just get on with discussing the Cup, the program’s more than half over already.

Gil: Fine, since you’re so anxious. Not like anybody cares about it.

Clem: People care enough for them to pay us to do this show. Which you still haven’t mentioned the correct title of, by the way.

Gil: So say it.

Clem: No, you say it.

Gil: No, you.

Clem: Okay, forget it. The group draw: Any thoughts?

Gil: The wot?

Clem: The draw. You know, the selection of teams in our group.

Gil: Ah. Yes, I thot it’s a wonnerful draw.

Clem: You have no idea who’s in our group.

Gil: ‘ave a toaster pastry?

Clem: No, thanks. The Lemmings are in group G, ranked second from the bottom in the group. We’ve got Neu Engollon, another alumn of the recent Baptism of Fire tourney, and then Northern Sunrise Islands, Qazox, and Taeshan all ranked above us. Taeshan’s in the top ten in the world.

Gil: Qazox, ain’t that the country ‘oo’s flag shows a dire wolf in the midst of evisceratin’ somebody?

Clem: I think it’s just a bloody wolf eating a bone, but yeah, that’s the one. I’m surprised you would have noticed that.

Gil: It’s rather a memorable flag. Speakin’ of evisceratin’, I should mention these toaster pastries are a special flavour, available only durin’ the Cup.

Clem: Speaking of eviscerating? How is speaking of eviscerating relevant to toaster pastries?

Gil: Wull, I’m glad you asked me that, Clem! It’s because this one ‘ere is called “Premium Evisceratomatosauce.”

Clem: Eviscerawhat?

Gil: Tomatosauce.

Clem: Tomato sauce? Eviscera tomato sauce?

Gil: That’s right. But say it all as one word.

Clem: What the hell does that mean?

Gil: Wull, I s’pose it’s a sauce made of Evisceratomatoes. Although--

Clem: Just stop right there. What is an ‘evisceratomato?’

Gil: Oh... that’s right, you wouldn’t remember them.

Clem: Remember whom?

Gil: The Evisceratomatoes. Thanks to the time-slip... wull, count yourself lucky. Want to taste one?

Clem: No, I just want to know what they are!

Gil: No, you don’t. If you’re lucky they won’t get time-slipped back into existence.

Clem: Okay, look, Sally’s waving at us again. Looks like we’re out of time. we blew the whole first episode talking about...

Gil: Talkin’ about wot, Clem?

Clem: I don’t even know what we’ve been talking about. I do know that we haven’t even said the name of the show.

Gil: Wull, good news! I ‘ad a professional voice actor tape an announcement of it this afternoon.

Clem: You did? Why didn’t you play that at the top of the show?

Gil: I wanted to try an’ get you to say it. but since you’re bein’ difficult...

Clem: Just play the announcement and let’s get out of here. Wait, how do I know this is going to be the real title?

Gil: I swear on me mother’s grave.

Clem: Is your mother dead?

Gil: One can only ‘ope.

Clem: Okay, play the announcement. I’ll just hope for the best.

Gil: Good choice.

Voiceover: Welcome to SPORTS BLAMMITY with GIL LEMSON and Clem Gilson! Get ready for thirty minutes of witty repartee, clever observations, and deep thoughts from the mind of GIL LEMSON! It’s the only thirty-minute sports show on LRN that stars GIL LEMSON! WOO HOO!

Clem: That was horrible.

Gil: But you ‘ave to admit ‘e said the title right.

Clem: Yes, he did.

Gil: Good night, folks!

[Mapletish]

THE MAPLETISH NATIONAL
Mapletish in the Cup Of Harmony

John Smith. So the entire drama of not qualifying for the World Cup is slowing down for awhile now as the Mapletish squad travel to Equestrian States, a country of the ponies for the 57th Cup of Harmony. So we now have Sir Moros Alexander and Muain Newtons at the management team for the Lions in their journey. Both Alexander and Newtons have had experience in coaching the national side, with the former winning three URA Cup of Nations titles in his stint with the national side while Newtons brought the Lions to their first World Cup playoffs in WC 61, while it was Janette, the recently dismissed manager that brought the Lions into their first World Cup. Well we can't expect Alexander or Newtons to perform miracles in this tournament especially when it's a bit rush off from the World Cup and both felt that sticking with the WC 65 qualifiers squad would be a safer option for the CoH 57 than going through a vigorous selection process again.

Of course, Alexander and Newtons' appointments in the national team are the things that the Fireykop can look forward to, especially when the two men have experienced much successes in their time in charge of the national team. The senior, Alexander would look to add an additional tournament under his belt and a few more matches to his already glorious profile after his stepping down as the President of the Mapletish Sports Federation. Muain Newtons on the other hand was appointed for the role due to the close relationship that both Alexander and Newtons share in both of their times in charge of the national team. After the unveiling of their appointments to the press Thursday morning, the duo set off for their first training session with the national team later that afternoon with several fitness sessions to keep the energy up in the squad. Of course it will feel good training under the two experienced and seasoned managers. With many of the national players being once under their charge.

On Friday evening, before their trip to Equestrian States, the Lions faced OvertheRainbow FC for their final preparation match in a relatively tense atmosphere as the Lions came out top with a scoreline of 1-0, successfully marking the start of their renewed debut for the Lions. In a post match conference, Alexander expressed his delight in taking the positives of the match, playing at high altitudes and yet able to keep hold of the play. Nonetheless, it sets the tone for their upcoming Cup of Harmony campaign.

Focusing on the Cup of Harmony, the Lions are drawn in Group D, which currently gives the Lions a medium chance of advancement with any mistakes or inconsistency will cause the Lions a chance to advanced, so what's the ingredient that the Lions need? Consistency of course!

[Neu Engollon]

"Good evening Neu Engollon! This is Magda Wertauer on the NETV Sports 7 Update. In just a few hours, the Neu Engollon Goats face the Vaporeons for their first match in the Cup of Harmony. We have a very special guest with us. The Captain of the Sunrisian National football team, Justin Redwing. Normally, Justin plays for the Koberhausen 13 club when he's not representing his nation, the Northern Sunrise Islands. Justin, good to have you with us, tonight. Thank you for taking the time to talk with us."

"Good to be here, Magda. Not a problem. Glad to reach out to Neu Engollon."

"Excellent. Well, to start out...
How strong do you think your chances are for the Cup?"

"To be honest, not that much. Our group has Taeshan and Qazox, two great teams and the other two teams that complete our group are tough to beat."

"Very admirable of you to say, but you might be a bit too humble there. Will your overall strategy differ for the Cup of Harmony compared to the World Cup?"

"Small tweaking, but no big changes. Our current strategy has obtained us our best WC Qualifier participation since our debut, aside from giving us a great win against New Montreal States, who would go on to top our group."

"Understandable. Who is the best up and coming player on your team?"

"Considering our team, it''s hard to tell. Most of us aren't even that old to have much of a legacy, so I'd say all of our players are up and comers. (laughs)
If you want me to be more objective, I'd say Iau Mangalonga, who won some stuff at Dainer."

"Ah, one of the Mangalongas. So, a lot of youngins, but is there a veteran player on the team?"

"As I said, Magda, most of us are young. I believe the most veteran player is Duda, given he is 28."

"OK. So then, how long has your team been together and how are they holding up?"

"Aside from some newbies like Duda, the Mangalongas and all goalies, we have been together for quite a while. I myself have been in this national team since our debut a couple of years ago."

"Justin, what's the most unique quirk about you or hobby you have?"

"Well, me... I have a billiard table back in my apartment in Flock Nation. Now that I'm moving to another country, seeing as Koberhausen 13 sold me to another team, I'm not really sure if I'll be allowed to bring it but I like it, mostly because I already requested it to be painted by a graffiti artist to have some Combuskens painted throughout the table."

"Interesting. Maybe your next competitive sport when you retire from football, huh? So, what are your predictions for the finals here?"

"Taeshan vs. New Sideburn, I believe. Not really sure about how the second round works at most."

"Well, looks like anybody that's not Taeshan has the deck stacked against them for our Group then. Thank you, Justin, for taking a few minutes to chat with us. We wish you the best of luck, but not too much."

(Laughs) "Well thanks, Magda. Again, it was a pleasure to talk with you and Neu Engollon."

"Absolutely. Stay tuned for the game, Neu Engollon, right here on NETV Sports 7."

Much RP credit goes to Northern Sunrise Islands for answering my questions well and in a timely manner.