An entire wing of the school was shaken from top to bottom as a true whirlwind of sounds exploded from within Marowit's classroom. Nothing could be seen through the fogged glass of the locked door, but the gasps and moans were clear enough. Yet the music of human lovemaking was only a negligible part of the jaw-dropping cacophony that filled the air.
Asides from those obvious aforementioned noises, there was the roar of an albino lion eating a gigantic red squid alive, a mammoth mating with a crossdressing Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejucide, while Elizabeth Bennet played the flute in a dubstep remix of Under the sea with Gene Simmons and Barney the Dinosaur.
There was a horse somewhere in there as well, and from its neighing, it was either having the time of its life with Loki in a bikini, or being subjected to some very hardcore BDSM by a dominatrix Mother Theresa dressed as a purple Catwoman, with matching whip and all. To top it off, George Takei and William Shatner were reading the most kinky gay Twilight fanfic together, and a blue whale whined from the sheer intensity of that experience.
Cthulhu's roar resonated through the entire school as Yog-Sothoth and Nyarlathotep read to him an entire chapter from Atlas Shrugged, and the great Fenrir purred like a baby kitten while Carl Sagan and Fred Rogers sung to him their own remix of The Beatles' Twist and shout.
But the cherry at the top was a noise reminiscent of a tsunami crashing against a thousand Justin Bieber fans, the mixture of that brutal force of nature and those feminine screams perfectly marking the end of a gentle session of "pre-class tension release".
With a sigh, Marowit collapsed on top of Lir, both gods exhausted beyond belief.
"Hah...You know, Lir? I think relationship counseling was an amazing idea." The Wendish deity chuckled, even when the sweat clinging to his black turtleneck was extremely annoying. It made him feel dirty and sticky, two feelings he did not particularly enjoy.
The Irish deity giggled, slender arms surrounding his former husband. "And to think we only started yesterday...I don't like blowing my own horn..."
"Oh, but I love watching that..." Marowit interjected, grinning down at him, and the brown-haired one actually snorted at him.
"...but...I think I do a terrific job as therapist." He finished, smiling contentedly.
Just as you, the perverted reader, must have guessed by now: Yes, after the events in Dover, Marowit and Lir had shirked their duties towards Crowley, and had abandoned their companions in their battle against the Nazi werewolves and all equally ridiculous foes. Instead, Marowit had decided to give the two of them a short vacation for the purpose of self-discovery.
Finally, after throwing blue whales and giant swordfish at each other for an hour or two, they had had the talk. It had taken a lot of talks with Sigmund Freud through Lir's Ouija board, and quite a few kilos of marijuana, but in the end they had figured out their personal problems. Another kilo of marijuana later, Marowit had had a true epiphany, his entire personality suffering a radical change, and Lir had, at long last, stopped being so disturbingly positive all the time. By the time both men had returned to Elfen High, the Irish god had grown a fine sarcastic muscle.
So here they were now, with their core psychological problems sorted out, and gleefully enjoying the afterglow of a long session of sex that had included countless accidental hallucinations from Marowit, and the equally accidental summoning of many actual creatures from the sea. As a matter of fact, right beside Marowit's desk, a bottlenose dolphine was creepily staring at them.
"Hey...is that dolphin male or female?" Marowit asked, eyeing it with suspicion.
"If it isn't male, then we should probably worry..." Lir responded, narrowing his eyes at the animal. "Because that would mean that dolphins have acquired the skill and knowledge to produce strap-ons...and dolphins already are the sea's biggest dicks by a landslide."
Both gods' eyes widened at the thought, and the increased intensity of the dolphin's stare made the moment all the more deserving of the soundtrack from Psycho.
