The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Unibot II]

"There, she's done," the woman said, "Now let's switch the TV to Cute Suits!"

Kuno turned around and shouted across the room at the woman, "Nooo, the news is on Eddy's trial now!!"

Percy shook his head and pulled a piece of paper from his jacket, his smile dissipated as he stared at the contents. Krugner looked over Percy's shoulders and read the letter too and nodded.

"You -like- got an internship with Goobergunchia too?" said Kuno.

"Yeah," said Percy quietly.

"You're not thinking of *like*, turning them down? Are you!? They're a commended delegation, Perse." said Kuno with concern in this voice.

"So was Unibot," replied Percy, he knew he was being silly and looked away embarrassed.

"Yeah *chuckles*, but there's nothing left of Eddy's old -like- 'squad', he doesn't have a penny to finance a lawyer anymore let alone the dream; the last soul who tried to do something genuinely good in the World Assembly *chuckles* ended up -there-" said Kuno pointing to the television, where Eduard was gloomily listening to more charges against him being announced.

"ϟ .... For enslavement as a crime against humanity within the meaning of article 1(c)(2) of GA#102; How do you plea? -- Not Criminally Responsible; For the use of nuclear, chemical, biological or radiological weapons against a civilian population with foreknowledge of likely civilian casualties as a war crime within the meaning of article 1(b)(5) of GA#102; how do you plea?-- Not Criminally Responsible; For genocide, how do you plea? -- Not Criminally Responsible; For accessory to piracy before the fact; how do you plea? ....ϟ " droned in the background.

Percy shook his head, "There are other great authors in the World Assembly, Eddy just was different than them. Different circumstances and bigger obstacles to overcome -- the people who were financing him were the same people who were going to be the ones who'd lose the most with a bit more goodwill in international law. It was only a matter of time before they did -this- to him when he wrote a law that couldn't be circumvented -- who would have thought it'd be in the Security Council that he did it."

Kuno shook his head, "You don't owe Eduard anything, Perse."

"Yeah of course I do," said Percy, "When your hero asks you to man the gate for him, you should oblige."

Krugner laughed at Percy's drama, "You know Eddy's not coming back? Right!? Even if he manages to get out of *like* the bazillion charges they've launched against him, he's not the same dude -- he's run dry of ideas and he's got a bazillion more people who want to knock him off to keep him distracted. Ha."

"ϟ .....For contempt of court; how do you plea? -- Not guilty; For grand larceny, how do you plea? -- *smirks* Not Guilty;....ϟ "

Percy ripped the letter from Goobergunchia and threw it onto the bar-table and order another beer, nodding sadly to Kuno.

[Astrolinium]

Dr. Giovanni Romero walked into the bar looking rather sour. He sat down at his usual seat and said, "I'll take a bourbon."
He rested his head in his hands and rubbed his temples.

[Flatulati Incontinentia]

Then, a faint mechanical whirring sound could be faintly heard in the distance. Repeating, then repeating, growing slightly more strident with each repetition.

Whiii-r, Whii-r, Whii-r...

It sounded as if whatever was causing it was straining, as if oppressed by considerable force. The rhythmic repetitious sound slowly growing louder, but by no means unbearable to the ear.

Whiii-r, Whii-r, Whii-r...

"What the bloody hell is that noise?" was uttered aloud by an unknown bar patron.

Then, and utterly without warning, a small blue police box began to materialize out of sheer nothingness immediately outside the front doors of the bar. As the whirring noise increased in volume, the police box became more solid, more tangible, more visually definable until finally, it was as if it had been there forever. A perfectly ordinary blue police box, that could be found in the perfectly ordinary environs of any perfectly ordinary London street on any perfeclty ordinary day. Yes, it was perfectly ordinary except for the fact that it had wafted into view as if called from the ether and now sat immediately outside the bar.

The whirring stopped.

There was noise from inside the police box and the door slowly creaked open.

Out stepped a man of average height and build dressed from head-to-toe in the most outlandishly decadent military uniform most of the bar patrons had ever seen. This gaudy uniform was only outdone by the sheer breadth and volume of the figure's prodigous moustache.

The figure turned back to the police box door, speaking to someone out of sight -- presumably within its rather tiny confines, "Thanks for the lift, Doctor."

A faint but largely inaudible response came from inside the box, before the resplendent military figure closed the door. The light on the police box began a slow sequence of flashing and the whirring noise commenced again.

In seconds the police box was gone again.

"Harumph." The military-clad figure cleared his throat, as he checked to make sure his medals were all aligned perfectly. He took just a second to delicately run his pinky finger over each side of his moustache before turning to the bar and announcing,

"Greetings, one and all! His Transcendental Superlativeness, By Divine Intervention and Overwhelming Force, Venerated Emperor of Flatulati Incontinentia, Defender of the Cyclops Calf, The Excessively Honorable and Drunken, Rastus Odinga-Odinga XXVIII³ at your service."

He paused as if waiting for some sort of pomp or fanfare. It never came.

"Uhhhh... Well then... uhhh... Oh, bugger! You can call me 'Rastus'" he said almost inwardly to the silence and made his way to the bar...

[Oscilloscope]

Godwin Shackleford, one of Oscilloscope's top WA Scientific advisors, grumbles at the entrance of Rastus. "How rude, he didn't even ask us if we needed a ride back anywhere."

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

As it happened, the sudden appearance of Eduard's ugly mug on the screen elicited a predictable chorus of jeers and disgusted murmurs throughout the bar, and as various patrons began to hurl whatever was handy at the television -- beer bottles, dishes, remnants of Chef Dazza's charming fusion cuisine -- Susa stood amidst the unruly mass, removed his shoe from his right foot, and, brandishing a reproving finger at the TV image and shouting: "النظر في هذا اللقاء الخاص أقبلك الكلب!", sent the shoe arcing gracefully through the air to hit Eduard squarely on the forehead, triggering the TV to change the channel. By happy coincidence, the channel it switched to was KBC. There was blonde bombshell Jessie McArthur, making faces for the camera and declaring, "And now it's time for everybody's favorite strip-tease game show..."

The studio audience compliantly chimed in: "CUTE SUITS!"

Cut back to Jessie, cradling the mike so close to her mouth it looked as though she were about to give it some serious head: "...Where the girls get to guess what the guys got on under the hood, and if they're right, the guy's gotta drop trow right here on the stage, for everyone to see!"

The audience, chiefly composed of horny women and gay guys, began to hoot in hormonal anticipation as three muscular fraternity jocks strutted cockily onto the stage, all wearing identical clean-cut suits, the usual shirt and jacket replaced with stylish dickies.

Jessie: "That's right, ladies. And now, say hello to our first contestant, Hannah!! [cheers.] Alright Hannah, take a good look at the man-meat in front of you, and tell us, is Dude #1 a Boxer Man, a Brief Jockey, or Captain Commandooooo??!!"

The excited college girl, examining the attractive young man, appeared to carefully consider her options before answering: "Briefs!" The audience "whoo!"-ed healthily.

Jessie: "Alright girls..."

Audience: "DROP! TROW!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Dude #1 smiled confidently as he pulled down his pants without hesitation--

The screen abruptly cut away from what was sure to be a scandalous reveal as a KBC News title card splashed across the screen and an urgent voice trumpeted: "We interrupt this shameless display of Half-Naked Man Candy for a KBC News Special Report. Here now is KBC News Special Assignment Editor, Jamie Maloney..."

Jamie: "President Fernanda has reportedly fled the country as the beginnings of a constitutional crisis emerge. Good evening, everyone. I am Jamie Maloney for KBC News.

"After seven years of unrelenting scandal, trumped-up and sometimes even staged warfare, unprecedented diplomatic crises with Artichokeville and other nations, countless drug deals gone horribly wrong, and dead hooker after dead hooker after dead hooker, it had become the subject of debate in Paradise City and across the nation: just how much crap would the Kennyites take from their criminally irresponsible leader before finally showing him the door? Tonight it seems we have our answer, as details from President Fernanda's latest drugs-and-hookers scandal come to light. Sources at Frowning Street say it wasn't so much that the Destructor was discovered unconscious on a pile of cocaine and gunpowder in the parlor of the Altani embassy, that the attractive woman lying next to him had telling bruises on her neck suggesting attempted strangulation, that he was acutely paranoid and highly delusional after having apparently spent the evening snorting said coke and gunpowder off the hindquarters of an extremely irate donkey (which incidentally was also heavily intoxicated), and insisting to the Altani diplomatic aids who found him that he was Queen Kimoniwannalaya of The Palentine, or even that the nervous explanation he tried to give later that day that the girl was into auto-erotic asphyxiation wasn't the slightest bit convincing. None of this was particularly shocking, the sources admit, one of them saying: 'After seven years of this crap this certainly isn't anything we haven't heard before.' But corporate sponsors reputedly began to smell blood after it was revealed that the hooker was, in fact, a socialist. One of the president's top critics, Katerina Hindenberg of Feminazis for Regime Change, explained earlier this afternoon:"

[begin video clip:]

Katerina: "Hookers we can stand, drugs we can stand, widespread corruption, election fraud, perjury, obstruction of justice, bribery, witness-tampering, abuse of power--nothing we can't live with. Indecent exposure we can definitely tolerate. But we will! not! abide! communism!!! And that's not even the worst of it: while thoroughly cleaning and disinfecting their embassy those Altanis found out where the president and his lady of the evening were dining last night. Take a look at this!:"

[she pulls out a Chick-fil-A wrapper.]

"Enjoy your vacation in hell, you homophobic bastard!"

[end clip]

Jamie: "President Fernanda was being held in a safehouse earlier today when the Stripper Commandos who had been watching him reported him missing after he had apparently crawled out the bathroom window. Sources close to Fernanda say he has escaped to Empress Jhessan's Bouncy Beach Volleyball Court, and is claiming asylum there. Shortly thereafter the Supreme Court ruled that by fleeing the country Manuelo Fernanda had effectively forfeited his presidency, and declared Vice President Sammy Faisano the new President of the Federal Republic. Faisano began addressing the nation juts moments ago, from his Frowning Street office:

Cut to now-President Faisano, speaking from behind a podium marked by the Seal of the President of the Federal Republic: "My fellow Kennyites, our long national drug-relapse is over. After seven years of war, diplomatic intrigue, mutual enmity with the World Assembly, Artichokeville, Kawaii and countless other regimes; invasions of tiny, defenseless countries just to make ourselves look good; subjecting WA fluffies to undeserved torment, and advocating positively evil policies within the World Assembly, including unrestricted free trade, sovereigntist blockers, mass slaughters of dolphins, and turning a blind eye to the tragic global epidemic of male genital mutilation, I pledge to all of you tonight: none of that is going to change. All of former President Fernanda's hardline neoconservative policies will remain in place. But I can promise that I won't be stoned retarded or have my face buried in some random hooker's nether regions while executing them. And that I will pound that bitch-ass Jhessan into the ground at least once before my term ends. May God be with you all, and may continue to bless the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny!

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a big country to run and not a lot time to--"

A phalanx of advisers appeared out of nowhere and halted Sammy before he had a chance to escape. "You promised the network, Mr. President," one of them said.

Sammy: "What the--? Oh God..." He groaned as he turned and saw the reason for his detention.

Jessie McArthur had reappeared, and so had her unsatisfied contestant. "So, what do you say, Hannah? Boxers, briefs, or commando?!"

"Um, boxers?"

Jessie: "Alright, Mr. President, you know what you have to do: DROP! TROW!! WHOOOOO!!!"

Sammy rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his pants just enough to reveal the most adorable pair of lipstick-print boxers you ever did see.

Jessie: "Hannah, you win!!!" She and Hannah began to celebrate excitedly as a burst of confetti suddenly exploded and filled the room. Jessie turned back to the camera and resumed giving the microphone head: "That's it for tonight, but be sure to tune in tomorrow for another titillating episode of CUTE SUITS!! WHOOOOO!!!!"

Avaya smiled almost viciously as she took a triumphant sip of her Ennish shandy. Though the sudden appearance of her ex-fiance on the screen had given her stomach an uncomfortable lurch, she did at least get to witness him being sentenced to serve as president of his awful country, and his humiliation on national television to boot. She turned to check on Dicey, now half-passed-out on the bar, still murmuring love songs into the wooden countertop along with a generous coating of drool.

But Avaya's victory was short-lived, as she felt the sudden presence of several female figures creeping up behind her. "What is the meaning of this?" she demanded as she whirled around and found herself surrounded by Stripper Commandos.

As though to answer, Captain Chiang emerged from behind the conference and gave Avaya an uncharacteristically obeisant bow. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but as you are now the First Lady of Omigodtheykilledkenny, it is my responsibility to secure and protect your person and take you to the Frowning Street Residence."

[East Klent]

Stevens looked down from the television and away from the Kennyites to the half empty glass of scotch in his hand, "I really should stop drinking, oh well," he downed the rest of the glass, "Now, where's the remote for that infernal thing?"

[Flatulati Incontinentia]

Rastus dejectedly muscled up to the bar, looking for Neville

"Yezz, me good mane. Could eh pless have a treeple of Maker's Mark ohn the rox, two shots uf Tek-killa, highbull filled wheeth Er-var-kleer, a. nehpkeen, ehnd a straw? I'll be uupening a reerther beegh tab. "

[New Republic of Scotlnd]

The President of NRS ask's the barman for the Finest and oldest scotch whisky.

[New Klent]

Honorary Delegate Chandler Willows strides into the bar with a smile on his face as he takes a seat next to Stevens, "I just had the best moment of my life, he turned towards Neville before Stevens could say anything, The best champagne you have, Neville, hell, make it for everyone here, all on my tab!" he gleefully declared.

[East Klent]

Stevens looked on with amusement, "Well then, what has you in such a chipper mood, kid?" he asked as he recieved his glass of champagne.

Willows waited for a moment, then answered, "I'll give you three guesses, boss."

"I..." Just as Stevens was about to lambast his colonial subordinate, Vice-Delegate Benjamin Mason entered the bar, "Mason, did you have guess what his issue is?"

"No, but then again, that was before he was drunk," Mason replied as he took the stool on the other side of Stevens.

"I'm not drunk, I'm alcoholically-induced reflexively challenged," Willows protested as he nearly collided with the bar top.

"Never heard that one before; kudos for creativity, now, what's making you so damn happy?" Stevens remarked.

Before Willows had the chance to answer, he passed out and fell to the ground. Stevens and Mason stared at the unconcious body of the junior member of their delegation, "You think we should help him?" Stevens asked as an afterthought.

"I think this would be a valuable lesson for the lad, besides, weren't you left on the floor of the bar for a full night before?"

"Yes, but that was after a drinking contest, and I was subsequently involved in a spy sche... import-export management issue," Stevens covered for he was sure that the walls had ears.

"Yes, this is true, however, the lad could do with some rest, after all, this is the best day of his life."

Stevens whizzed around to face Mason, "Why is it his best day ever?"

Mason looked at his wristwatch, "Oops, I'm late for my eight-thirty with the Luxiaian Ambassador, I must be going," he shot out of his seat an trotted out of the bar.

Stevens scowled as he sat there at the bar with the now snoring Willows still sprawled on the floor, "I really need a raise."

[Flatulati Incontinentia]

"Champagne for everyone? Why thank you my good mane! Most kind, indeed!"

Rastus raises several of his glasses aloft in salute... and spills all manner of alcohol on his pants.

"Oh dearh! Might I have another neephkin? "

[The Palentine]

Cut to now-President Faisano, speaking from behind a podium marked by the Seal of the President of the Federal Republic: "My fellow Kennyites, our long national drug-relapse is over. After seven years of war, diplomatic intrigue, mutual enmity with the World Assembly, Artichokeville, Kawaii and countless other regimes, invasions of tiny, defenseless countries just to make ourselves look good, subjecting WA fluffies to undeserved torment, and advocating positively evil policies within the World Assembly, including unrestricted free trade, sovereigntist blockers, mass slaughters of dolphins, and turning a blind eye to the tragic global epidemic of male genital mutilation, I pledge to all of you tonight: none of that is going to change. All of former President Fernanda's hardline neoconservative policies will remain in place. But I can promise that I won't be stoned retarded or have my face buried in hooker's private areas while executing them. And that I will pound that bitch-ass Jhessan into the ground at least once before my term ends. May God be with you all, and may continue to bless the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny!

Her Hottness, Empress Jhessan looked up at that last comment and snorted in derision,
"Yeah right! He's got as much chance of doing that, as a one legged man has in winning an ass kicking contest."

Jessie: "Alright, Mr. President, you know what you have to do: DROP! TROW!! WHOOOOO!!!"

Sammy rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his pants just enough to reveal the most adorable pair of lipstick-print boxers you ever did see.

Jessie: "Hannah, you win!!!" She and Hannah began to celebrate excitedly as a burst of confetti suddenly exploded and filled the room. Jessie turned back to the camera and resumed giving the microphone head: "That's it for tonight, but be sure to tune in tomorrow for another titillating episode of CUTE SUITS!! WHOOOOO!!!!"

Jhessan laughed at Sammy's discomfort and said,
"I'd be embassassed too if I had to reveil such shortcomings on television."

[The Altani Confederacy]

For her part, as Sophie Fournier watched the KBC News broadcast, she could only shake her head in disbelief. In the parlor of our embassy....thank God I am not the ambassador to that wretched place. Do we even still have an ambassador there? Fournier thought, then shook her head as if to banish the evil thought from her mind. Don't even think about it, don't even think it, it'd be just your bad luck that someone at the MoS would wake up and decide a certain Delegate would better serve as the ambassador to that place... Fournier downed her glass of cognac in a single gulp, as her security watched in shock.

Fournier looked over at Jhessan, shaking her head again. "Your Majesty, I only hope that he does try to do so....it would be surely amusing to watch you turn him into a human pretzel." As the Commonwealth ambassador began to walk out, she paused briefly next to Avaya. "And you, madam, have my deepest sympathies," Fournier said sadly, handing her the bottle of cognac. "I think you'll need this more than I will."

[Zhou Enlai Lovers]

*Stumbles in with a pint of Guinness.*

"How are you Gentlemen?" The Chinese ambassador smiles as he strokes his Fu-Manchu esque beard.

[Flatulati Incontinentia]

*Stumbles in with a pint of Guinness.*

"How are you Gentlemen?" The Chinese ambassador smiles as he strokes his Fu-Manchu esque beard.

"Splendid, my dear chap! " said Rastus as he cleared a heap of empty glasses from the bar in front of him, " please, come and join us all. "

" Neville, my good mane, his next round is on the People of Flatulati Incontinentia, and so is mine! "

[Ardchoille]

<snip>
Sammy rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his pants just enough to reveal the most adorable pair of lipstick-print boxers you ever did see.

Avaya blinked. OMG, those were the ones she'd bought him when ... well, the ones she'd bought him. And he hadn't thrown them out, after all this time. This was beginning to look like a worrying pattern. First the unexpected clash with Sammy in the GA, then Dicey sealing her to a "love goddess" energy flow to complete her Doctorate, and now those boxers showing up; ohhhh, dear.

Not that she was superstitious. Unlike her parents' generation, she didn't believe the cosmic human-energy flows were goddesses. She was always careful to call them by their scientific names. But she was a scientist, and scientists don't deny inconvenient facts: there was a worrying pattern. Note to self: study it in detail tomorrow and see how she could get herself out of the way of these energies. Only idiots stood around waiting to be hit by thunderbolts. Or Cupid's errant arrows, either.

<snip> she did at least get to witness him being sentenced to serve as president of his awful country, and his humiliation on national television to boot. She turned to check on Dicey, now half-passed-out on the bar, still murmuring love songs into the wooden countertop along with a generous coating of drool.

What was she thinking? There was Dicey, her formidable but currently beloved mentor, missing out on an event that was sure to cheer her up. Avaya -- no, Doctor Thibaudeau, this was a professional decision -- mimed emptying a bottle, muttered "nemo saltat sobrius" and watched sympathetically as a sickly yellow glow formed around Dicey, froze, shattered, broke down into powder and was blown away by a helpful wind.

"The Oldest Coven will want to punish you for that, you know," Dicey said, suddenly sitting bolt upright, shiveringly sober. "Unnecessary Public Use of the Power. We'd better say I did it. Now that they've made me President for Life, there's not much else they can do to me."

"Nonsense. It's clearly an emergency under the provisions of the National Security Act and entirely justified," Avaya insisted, mentally projecting that message to divert any potential threatening ZAP!s heading their way from Ardrigh. "Look at this, Dicey. Sammy Faisano's being made President of his hellhole, and he doesn't even seem to realise how embarrassing it is!"

"Well, to be fair, you know what the Kennyites are like," her President answered. "They don't even realise that public office is so humiliating. I bet he doesn't feel in the least ashamed,"she added disapprovingly.

Silently the two Ardchoilleans contemplated the awful majesty of the law: however painful, it was undeniably logical that those judged to have offended against the public good should have to make public reparation, and how better than by forcing them to become a -- bleaeagh! -- politician, spending an achingly conspicuous term of office performing public service? Not that, in Avaya's opinion, even Dicey's sins were profound enough to deserve being made President for Life. But, looking back on her relationship with Sammy, his certainly were.

"I always said that boy had criminal tendencies," Dicey noted with satisfaction, watching the instant replay.

But Avaya's victory was short-lived, as she felt the sudden presence of several female figures creeping up behind her. "What is the meaning of this?" she demanded as she whirled around and found herself surrounded by Stripper Commandos.

As though to answer, Captain Chiang emerged from behind the conference and gave Avaya an uncharacteristically obeisant bow. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but as you are now the First Lady of Omigodtheykilledkenny, it is my responsibility to secure and protect your person and take you to the Frowning Street Residence."

"Oh, Chiang, I thought you were off the stuff, you've been clean for three weeks," said a disappointed Avaya. Chiang, though a political opponent, had always been kind to her, teaching her about local fashion and taking her to interesting hangouts, and it was sad to see her in this condition -- oh. Oh my. Suddenly it clicked. " You're not high, are you?" she demanded. "This is something to do with that blithering idiot's latest blithering idiot moron trick, isn't it? Chiang, you get right back to that blithering idiot moron lunatic and tell him --"

"So this, ah, security detail is Avaya's, is it?" Dicey interrupted. "Then you know your duty, Avaya."

Avaya gasped, betrayed; Chiang smiled, triumphant.

"As you know, Ardchoille is compliant with all WA rules, regulations, conventions and quirky little customs. Militantly compliant, in fact," Dicey continued. "And it is an unbreakable custom that security details are not allowed in the Bar proper. I know some leeway has been given to the Stripper Commandos because of their, uh, entertainment value. But, if this troop you have here is indeed now Avaya's, then she has a clear and present duty."

"Why, indeed I do," agreed Avaya, catching on. "Neville, would you please be so kind as to escort the ladies of my security detail to the pokies?"

"Violet, would you ...?" "Jimmy, would you ...?" "Um, this way, mesdames!" continued politely in the background as Dicey turned sweetly to Chiang. "Remember, you've got firepower, but I've got the power of fire," she reminded the officer. "So, instead of pulling whatever thrilling action-movie stunt you've got in mind, perhaps you'd prefer to sit down and tell us, over a nice, civilised drink, just what maggot young Sammy's got in his head this time?"

[Felix Terra]

Arthur Potter, after days of walking around the World Assembly garden (He had just moved out of the cardboard box he had been forced to live in while he waited for an official office), had finally come across the Strangers Bar. He had heard many good things about it, and was very excited.

He entered and saw many strange creatures. Ponies, bears, dinosaurs (He made note of the dinosaurs) and several other non-humans. He walked to the counter.

"I'll have Coca-Cola and a chocolate cookie."

[Capisaria]

The Capisarian Delegate to the WA, Hoshi Rexford, got back from the Capisarian office to get a drink.

"I'll have a Pepsi please"

She made note of what seemed to be the only other human in the bar.

[Felix Terra]

The Capisarian Delegate to the WA, Hoshi Rexford, got back from the Capisarian office to get a drink.

"I'll have a Pepsi please"

She made note of what seemed to be the only other human in the bar.

"Well, hello, I think I saw you voting on "Repeal 'Nuclear Power Safety Act'" just a day or two ago. Hoshi Rexford, correct?"

[Ardchoille]

"I'll have Coca-Cola and a chocolate cookie."

"I'll have a Pepsi please".

Carefully, keeping her hands visible at all times and with no sudden moves, Violet Bracket served the viciously competitive fizzy drinks with all the professional flourish she could muster. Neville had cross-stitched a motto to hang in the back room, and the staff tried hard to live up to it: "It doesn't matter what they drink, it pays our wages!"

The President of NRS ask's the barman for the Finest and oldest scotch whisky.

"Absolutely!" Neville agreed. "There's no point in drinking anything else! Unless, of course, you're that way inclined," he added, backpedalling. "I think ... yes, I think the best we have is the Ardchoille Old 'n' Funky '98. Though some swear by Capercaillie. Or perhaps there's something else you'd prefer?" he added. After all, it was just possible this newcomer might have his own country's product in mind. Some ambassadors would do anything for their balance of trade.

"Champagne for everyone? Why thank you my good mane! Most kind, indeed!"

Rastus raises several of his glasses aloft in salute... and spills all manner of alcohol on his pants.

"Oh dearh! Might I have another neephkin? "

Rastus's accent rang bells in Neville's head; specifically, the long-ago playground bells of Toongabbie Primary, where he'd first met the kid who led the school to victory in that year's footie finals by teaching them the damndest, most intimidating pre-match haka anyone had ever seen.

"Uh, you wouldn't by any chance come from the land down under the land Down Under?" the BarLord asked. "The one with the long white cloud?"

[Damanucus]

Stephanie stormed through the curtain from the balcony, a splendid, sleek red dress covering her body (although a cut up one leg did create a little tantalizing reveal), and short heels to match, her clutch bag glimmering of the light. The look on her face, of course, seemed to create a sense of irony with her choice of outfit. "Neville," she said, with an evenness of voice which only subtly betrayed her somewhat annoyed mood, "scotch, and keep 'em coming; I've been stood up!"

Then the crash came. The curtain suddenly revealed that it was now a doorway to nothing, as the balcony made the several-storey drop towards the courtyard below. Steph kept up the unnervingly calm facade as much as humanly possible. "And that tops off a marvellous occasion; better make them doubles. On the positive side, at least it got rid of that microphone bug you hid in the vase, Neville."

[Felix Terra]

Stephanie stormed through the curtain from the balcony, a splendid, sleek red dress covering her body (although a cut up one leg did create a little tantalizing reveal), and short heels to match, her clutch bag glimmering of the light. The look on her face, of course, seemed to create a sense of irony with her choice of outfit. "Neville," she said, with an evenness of voice which only subtly betrayed her somewhat annoyed mood, "scotch, and keep 'em coming; I've been stood up!"

Then the crash came. The curtain suddenly revealed that it was now a doorway to nothing, as the balcony made the several-storey drop towards the courtyard below. Steph kept up the unnervingly calm facade as much as humanly possible. "And that tops off a marvellous occasion; better make them doubles. On the positive side, at least it got rid of that microphone bug you hid in the vase, Neville."

Arthur came over and looked down. He intentionally dropped a tiny glass ball. It shattered.

"Well, that is... interesting."

He walked back to his seat and made a note to watch his step out the door.

[Capisaria]

The Capisarian Delegate to the WA, Hoshi Rexford, got back from the Capisarian office to get a drink.

"I'll have a Pepsi please"

She made note of what seemed to be the only other human in the bar.

"Well, hello, I think I saw you voting on "Repeal 'Nuclear Power Safety Act'" just a day or two ago. Hoshi Rexford, correct?"

"Huh, oh yes. Thats my name." pleasure to meet you. "I see you um, got a coke there." she said as she took a god swig of her pepsi.

[The Realm of God]

Crilly collected his whisky and sat next to the fire in a large leather armchair. He asked one of his agents to come to him "Butler, I will need some assistance please. Go over to the bar and get me an order or fried fish and chips please,"

[Felix Terra]

"Well, hello, I think I saw you voting on "Repeal 'Nuclear Power Safety Act'" just a day or two ago. Hoshi Rexford, correct?"

"Huh, oh yes. Thats my name." pleasure to meet you. "I see you um, got a coke there." she said as she took a god swig of her pepsi.

"Oh, I don't have a preference. They taste the same to me."