The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[The Palentine]

Philo looks over at the door, smiles and says,

"Church you say? Why I'll have you know Jim, I was a consecrated boy!""

At this point a group of Destructor Bunnies wearing suits, and programmed to speak walked up on the Bar's Stage. They began to sing backup harmony for Philo as he began to play...

"2When I was a little boy
(When I was just a boy)
And the devil would call my name
(When I was just a boy)
I'd say "Who do
(Who?)
Who do you think you're fooling?"
(When I was just a boy)

I'm a concentrated boy
(When I was just a boy)
I'm a singer in a Sunday choir
My mama loves me, she loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
Ooh, she rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me

When I was grown to be a man
(Grown to be a man)
And the devil would call my name
(Grown to be a man)
And I'd say, "Who do
(Who?)
Who do you think you're fooling?"
(Grown to be a man)

I'm a consummated man
(Grown to be a man)
I can snatch a little purity
My mama loves me, she loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
Oh, yeah, rocks me like the rock of ages
And loves me
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me

If I was President
(Was the President)
And the Congress called my name
(Was the President)
I'd say "Who do
(Who?)
Who do you think you're fooling?"
(Who do you think you're fooling?)

I've got the Presidential Seal
(Was the President)
I'm up on the Presidential Podium
My mama loves me, she loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
Oh, yeah, she rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me

She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
My mama loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
My mama loves me
(Loves you like a rock)

She loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
Yes, she loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
Oh she loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
(Loves you like a rock)

Yes she loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me
(Loves you like a rock)"

[Simone Republic]

Philo looks over at the door, smiles and says,

"Church you say? Why I'll have you know Jim, I was a consecrated boy!""

"Oh God, Paul Simon now?" An ursine assistant screams.

"Can we invade AO?" Another human assistant adds.

"No. They have the Kennyites, we don't. Also Simone Republic cannot to go to war unless they invade. We have no troops, only weapons of mass destruction. So it's either no invasion or nuclear weapons. Or Mariah Carey at full blast volume."

"But didn't they invade once?"

"We also have Acme weapons nullifiers."

"Anyway, did we just pull Airspace Sovereignty Doctrine?"

"Yes, that was directly an instruction from that fat f*** that is our boss."

"I thought it was fat c***."

"No, fat d***."

"Doesn't matter, it's a four-letter word."

"But 'bear' is also a four-letter word."

"Oops."

[The Palentine]

After his song finished Philo motioned to one of the Destructor Bunnies, who jumped off the stage and walked over to him. Philo whispered something and the Bunny nodded and said,

"CAG"

Then it motioned to the other Bunnies and they all left the bar. Philo then had a naughty grin and began to play and sing an old Benny Bell song.

"Everyone is out to get my Fanny
Everybody wants to see my Fanny
Everybody likes to hold my Fanny
But she loves no one but me!

Everybody wants to seize my Fanny
Everybody likes to squeeze my Fanny
They do everything to please my Fanny
Still she loves no one but me.

Oh, don't touch my Fanny
Please don't ever try
My little Fanny
Is reserved for just one guy!

That's why I never let another love light blind me
Everywhere I go you'll always find me
With my little Fanny right behind me
Cause she's so in love with me.

Everyone who ever spied my Fanny
Tried to hang around beside my Fanny
Maybe I should go and hide my Fanny
Or she'll find somebody new.

I've seen lots of fannies in my time
And frequently their cheeks were close to mine
But never have I held one so divine
Like the Fanny that belongs to me.

We will be married
Some day next June
And when we go away
To spend our honeymoon!

I know that everyone is goin'a miss my Fanny
No one ever could resist my Fanny
But they wouldn't dare to kiss my Fanny
Cause she's so in love with me"

[Daphomir]

"The Palentine";p="41311055"]Philo looks over at the door, smiles and says,

"Church you say? Why I'll have you know Jim, I was a consecrated boy!""

At this point a group of Destructor Bunnies wearing suits, and programmed to speak walked up on the Bar's Stage. They began to sing backup harmony for Philo as he began to play...

"2When I was a little boy
(When I was just a boy)
And the devil would call my name
(When I was just a boy)
I'd say "Who do
(Who?)
Who do you think you're fooling?"
(When I was just a boy)

I'm a concentrated boy
(When I was just a boy)
I'm a singer in a Sunday choir
My mama loves me, she loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
Ooh, she rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me

When I was grown to be a man
(Grown to be a man)
And the devil would call my name
(Grown to be a man)
And I'd say, "Who do
(Who?)
Who do you think you're fooling?"
(Grown to be a man)

I'm a consummated man
(Grown to be a man)
I can snatch a little purity
My mama loves me, she loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
Oh, yeah, rocks me like the rock of ages
And loves me
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me

If I was President
(Was the President)
And the Congress called my name
(Was the President)
I'd say "Who do
(Who?)
Who do you think you're fooling?"
(Who do you think you're fooling?)

I've got the Presidential Seal
(Was the President)
I'm up on the Presidential Podium
My mama loves me, she loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
Oh, yeah, she rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me

She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
My mama loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
My mama loves me
(Loves you like a rock)

She loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
Yes, she loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
Oh she loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
(Loves you like a rock)

Yes she loves me
(Loves you like a rock)
She loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me
(Loves you like a rock)"

I LOVE IT

[Great Beulah Land]

Big Jim Slade takes a sip from his Colt 45 Malt Liquor and taps his feet to the Benny Hill tune.

"You know, that Benny Hill some funny shit. Ol Benny be thrown in jail today if he try to do what he did back then. Mel Brooks be right in the jail with him."

[Simone Republic]

"Let's settle the bar tab and go back to the office". An ursine assistant says. "Not keen on the music. "

"But... What are we supposed to do then?" A human assistant asks. " We are just supposed to be here and doing "diplomacy." Whatever that means. "

"That fat **** has plenty of liquor in its office plus I think several Nintendo Switch game consoles. Let's move. I already told that fat **** that we are in the office. "

[Retired WerePenguins]

Trivia looks at Herman, "You know I just can't just sit while this is happening. I'll be right back."
Trivia walks out of the bar. A few minutes later she returns with a very odd-looking device, a strange violin-looking instrument entombed in strange machinery.
"Back me up, here," she tells Herman.
Then, turning the handle on the hurdy-gurdy, she begins to sing.

God, I wish somebody would have told me when I was younger
That all bodies aren't the same
Photoshop itty bitty models on magazine covers
Told me I was overweight
I stopped eating, what a bummer
Can't have carbs and a hot girl summer
If I could go back and tell myself when I was younger
I'd say, "Psst!

I know Victoria's secret
And, girl, you wouldn't believe
She's an old man who lives in Ohio
Making money off of girls like me"
Cashin' in on body issues
Sellin' skin and bones with big boobs
I know Victoria's secret:
She was made up by a dude (Dude)
Victoria was made up by a dude (Dude)
Victoria was made up by a dude

Everyone notices the emotionless look on Herman's face when he repeats "Dude."

[Great Beulah Land]

"We sho got some fine music in this bar now. We oughta think about havin a karaoke night! Why, myself I'm a walkin catalogue of 60's and 70's soul and funk."

[Tigrisia]

"We sho got some fine music in this bar now. We oughta think about havin a karaoke night! Why, myself I'm a walkin catalogue of 60's and 70's soul and funk."

"Oh yes, we diplomats have gotten way too serious lately!", agrees the Head of Mission of the Tigrisian delegation, Thomas Salazar. "A night of karaoke for everyone, Doyens, Trainees, Secretaries, Ambassadors, Excellencies, cleaning staff, gnomes, buerocrats, spies, everyone!"

[Great Beulah Land]

Big Jim wheels in a gigantic antique karaoke machine (of apparent late 1980's vintage), along with boxes and boxes of what appear to be cassette tapes and compact discs. He assembles all of this in a corner away from the bar and from Philo. "This a loud muthafucka, hope we don't get throwed out" he says.

"How's everone Friday goin? Y'all ready to do some singin?"

He turns the machine on, presses a couple of buttons, the music starts, and he launches into Come Get To This

[Great Beulah Land]

"Now all y'all can use my karaoke machine. Don't be bashful. We just havin' a good time here!"

[The Palentine]

"Now all y'all can use my karaoke machine. Don't be bashful. We just havin' a good time here!"

At this moment Her Hotness, Empress Jhessan Spaulding of the Palentine and Zara St. Croix, her best friend and Palentine Ambassador to the Kennyites entered the bar. Apparently they were having a "Girls Night Out". They were talking to each other as they walked in.

" Its a damn shame Jenny was busy.", said Jhessan.

"Yeah, but she said she might try to catch up with us a little later.", replied Zara.

The two attractive ladies went to the bar an ordered a couple of Cosmopolitans. They took their drinks and noticed Big Jim's Karoke setup. Jhessan smiled and said,

" We haven't done Karaoke since High School. Lets go!"

Jhessan and Zara looked through the selection of music, Jhessan smiled and picked a song. She queued it up, took the mic and began to sing in a bluesy contralto voice ...

"Well, I was born an original sinner
I was born from original sin
And if I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done
There'd be a mountain of money piled up to my chin (hey)

My mother told me good, my mother told me strong
She said, be true to yourself and you can't go wrong
But there's just one thing that you must understand
You can fool with your brother

But don't mess with a missionary man
Don't mess with a missionary man
Don't mess with a missionary man
Don't mess with a missionary man

Oh, the missionary man, he's got god on his side
He's got the saints and apostles backin' up from behind
Black eyed looks from those bible books
He's a man with a mission, got a serious mind
There was a woman in the jungle and a monkey on a tree
The missionary man, he was followin' me
He said, "Stop what you're doing
Get down upon your knees
I've a message for you that you better believe"

Well, I was born an original sinner
I was born from original sin (original sin)
And if I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done
There'd be a mountain of money

Don't ask, we're in the know
Oh baby (don't mess with a missionary man)
Leave him alone now (missionary man)
Don't you mess with him, no, no (missionary man)
(Missionary man)
Don't mess with a missionary man (don't you mess with that man)
(Missionary man)"

[Tigrisia]

"Now all y'all can use my karaoke machine. Don't be bashful. We just havin' a good time here!"

Thomas Salazar chooses "Final Countdown" by "Europe", 1986. The Ambassador enters the stage surrounded by the synthesizers blaring sounds of the intro fanfare. Then, Salazar starts to sing: "We're leaving together, but still, it's farewell..."

[Great Beulah Land]

The music to Mr Bobby Womack's "Woman's Gotta Have It" starts and Big Jim walks up to the mic and begins the semi-spoken intro:

He says: "Fellas I wonder would you mind if I talked to ya for a minute
You know, sometimes we have a tendencies, or should I say we forget
What a woman needs every now and then
That is, if you wanna keep your thing together
Listen to me now"

Then he begins singing

"Do the things that keeps the smile on her face
Say the things that make her feel better every day
Then you got to stay on your P's and Q's
If you don't, the woman you can easily lose

Oh oh oh oh
I, oh I had a love and I lost her
And no one can help me share the pain that she caused me
Oh, a woman gotta have it, I believe
She's gotta know that she's needed around
When you kiss her, you gotta make her feel it, every time boy
She wants to know that she's not walkin' on shaky grounds
Oh, yeah

Well, think it over, think it over my brother
Don't take for granted the smile on her face
Check a little bit closer, you might find a tear trace
Maybe the girl might never say another word
But you gotta make sure that her voice is heard

Oh I, had a love, a true love and I lost it
I'm suffering all this pain that that love caused me
Oh now a woman gotta have it, you got to give it to her
She's got to know that she's needed around
When you kiss her, you gotta make her feel it
She wanna know that she's not walkin' on shaky grounds
Yeah, oh oh

So if you got a love, and you wanna keep her
You got to give her what she wants when she wants it
Where she wants it and how she wants it, oh yeah
Every doggone time she feels she needs it
What I'm tryin' to say, a woman gotta have it
Hey, hey, hey, a woman gotta have it"

[Retired WerePenguins]

Herman looks at Trivia. "It's my turn," he insists.
"Sure," she replies, the hurdy gurdy at the ready. "What's your pleasure."
"The octopus song."
"it's not the octopus ... oh, never mind."
With that she starts to play and he starts to sing.

Oh how many arms have held you
And hated to let you go
How many, oh how many, I wonder
But I really don't want, I don't want to know

Oh how many lips have kissed you
And set, set your soul aglow, yes they did
How many, oh how many, I wonder, yes I do
But I really don't want to know

So always make, make me wonder
And always make, make me guess
And even, you know even if I ask you
Oh darling oh don't you, don't confess

Just let it, let it remain your secret
Oh for darling, darling I love you so
No wonder, yeah no wonder, I wonder
Mm, 'cause I really don't want, I don't want to know

[The Palentine]

Zara takes her turn at Karaoke, after some prodding by Her Hotness, and delivers a version of Proud Mary that would make Tina Turner proud....

"...Big wheel keep on turnin'
Proud Mary keep on burnin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river!

If you come down to the river,
Bet you gonna find some people who live.
You don't have to worry 'cause you have no money
People on the river are happy to give!
Big wheel keep on turnin'

Proud Mary keep on burnin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on!"

[B1G JIM SLADE]

Due to the recent Nuclear Devastation of his homeland, Big Jim Slade is now a man without a country, or a home. He and his family have taken up residence in the former WA offices of Great Beulah Land while Big Jim looks for work. Big Jim decides to "look for work" in the Strangers Bar this morning. He gets a whiskey on the rocks from the bar, and goes over to the karaoke machine. Looking through the tapes, he finds the one he's looking for, puts it in and hits Play.

"I was born by the river
In a little tent
Oh, and just like the river, I've been running
Ever since

It's been a long
A long time coming, but I know
A change gon' come
Oh yes, it will

It's been too hard living
But I'm afraid to die
'Cause I don't know what's up there
Beyond the sky

It's been a long
A long time coming, but I know
A change gon' come
Oh yes, it will

I go to the movie
And I go downtown
And somebody keep telling me
"Don't hang around"

It's been a long
A long time coming, but I know
A change gon' come
Oh yes, it will

Then, I go to my brother
And I say, "Brother, help me, please"
But he winds up knockin' me
Back down on my knees, oh

There been times that I thought
I couldn't last for long
But now, I think I'm able
To carry on

It's been a long
A long time coming, but I know
A change gon' come
Oh yes, it will"

[The Overmind]

Howdy, friends.

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54890998

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54895187

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54896373

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54898123

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54901846

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54902045

https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=54904546 (new!)

Thanks for inviting me. Sure, I'll pull up a chair.

[B1G JIM SLADE]

Noticing that Philo has gone to the bathroom, or to get a drink, or....something, Big Jim walks over to the piano and begins playing "Entry of the Gladiators".

[The Overmind]

"The collective is impressed with your musical gifts. If it were not a violation of WA law, we would greatly like to assimilate you into the swarm, that we might benefit from absorbing your unique symphonic abilities into our fold. The learnèd cadence would assist with coordinating the movements of the innumerable broods, while the dialectal aspects of your talent could be used as a redundant form of communication over the hivemind. The sonorous qualities we would gain could be used to lure our enemies out of hiding, or into a false sense of security. You should consider joining us, as our thrall, that you might also benefit from the fury and the might of the swarm."

[B1G JIM SLADE]

"The collective is impressed with your musical gifts. If it were not a violation of WA law, we would greatly like to assimilate you into the swarm, that we might benefit from absorbing your unique symphonic abilities into our fold. The learnèd cadence would assist with coordinating the movements of the innumerable broods, while the dialectal aspects of your talent could be used as a redundant form of communication over the hivemind. The sonorous qualities we would gain could be used to lure our enemies out of hiding, or into a false sense of security. You should consider joining us, as our thrall, that you might also benefit from the fury and the might of the swarm."

"Damn Braden, that's a generous offer! Let me think it over for a coupla days. I am looking for work after all, since you got my homeland wiped off the face of the earth."

Big Jim takes a sip of his drink and glares at the unnamed representative from The Overmind

[The Overmind]

"To realize the grand destiny bestowed upon us by the Xel'Naga, we have felled countless worlds throughout the stars. Your homeland was but a brief spark of light against a backdrop of stars flaring into and out of existence amidst the void. Do not grieve, but join us, and realize your true potential as a servant of a purpose far greater than your own."

[Murray the Evil Skull]

Suddenly the door of the bar burst open and a group of rather fetching catgirls dressed as pirates walking into the bar. The lead catgirl was carrying a box. They walked to the bar right next to the Kawaiian Shrine of the Manifestation. The catgirls opened the box and removed a skull, which one of them carefully placed it on the bar counter. After a few more minutes of making sure everything was perfect, the catgirls left. Meanwhile the skull sat on the counter, its eyes glowing a malevolent red as it seemed to take in the surroundings. After a momnent the Skull begsn to speak.

"Greetings Mortals! Yess it is I, Murray who has returned after leading a fleet of Ships causing mayhem and misery! Tremble in fear because I have returned to CONQUER THE WORLD! Bow before me Mortals! MYUHAHAHAHAHAHSHAHAHA!"

Most of the patrons, who have heard this many time before either ignored Murray entirely and continued hobnailing their livers, or responds with cheers(mostly semi sarcastic) and cries of "Welcome back, Murray!" Murray simply sighed.

Then Murray turned his attention to the shrine and noticed it wss very dusty. Not seeing the elderly Kawaiian Grandmother or the Neko Shrine Maidens around, Murray decided to act. He spied a patron walking to the bathroom, so he called out.

"Hey you!"

"Me?"

"Yes you, fleshbag! This shrine needs cleaning. Go get a feather duster and clean it!"

"But I..."

"Talk to the hand, Mortal!"

"But you don't have a hand?"

"Now Mortal! Or I'll put an EVIL curse on you! Go! Go! Go!"

The frightened patron ran off to find a duster. While Murray sighed again and said,

"Good help is so hard to find, these days!"

[B1G JIM SLADE]

Then Murray turned his attention to the shrine and noticed it wss very dusty.

Big Jim notices the shrine and walks over to take a closer look

"Whas that thing? Look like some kinda' birdhouse. Wonder what it for? Why, you could raise a whole flock of cute little birdies in there. Little yellow birdies, blue birdies, whole bunch of cute little baby birdies. Bring over some cute lil kittens an puppies to play with the birdies. Folk might even bring they babies here to see the birdies...."

[The Overmind]

"Would this be a shrine to the light of the Khala, or the dark of the Ura? Both hold great power, the Ura being much like my own. Our inexorable counterparts, the children of the Xel'Naga blessed with a purity of form, reside in the light of the Khala."