International Basketball Championships IX (RP/Roster/Scores)

[Carasatoga]

RP Cutoff for Matchday 3! Sponsored by 9 Energy!

[Carasatoga]

Group 1 MD-3	       Score
Andromeda Islands      95
Black Steel itho Chaos 79
	
Darmen	               59
Sarzonia	       83
	
Kagdazka & Pazhujebu   82
Ipeland	               93

Rank	Group 1	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Andromeda Islands	3	2	1	0.667%	282	209	73
2	Sarzonia	        3	2	1	0.667%	227	229	-2
3	Darmen	                3	2	1	0.667%	227	235	-8
4	Ipeland	                3	1	2	0.333%	232	251	-19
5	Kagdazka & Pazhujebu	3	1	2	0.333%	235	257	-22
6	Black Steel itho Chaos	3	1	2	0.333%	227	249	-22

Group 2 MD-3 Score
Bergnovinaia 82
Mapletish    79
	
Silver Beach 80
Qazox        90
	
Aleckandor   85
Megadia      63

Rank	Group 2	        P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Qazox	        3	3	0	1.000%	266	238	28
2	Aleckandor	3	2	1	0.667%	242	229	13
3	Bergnovinaia	3	2	1	0.667%	255	232	23
4	Megadia	        3	1	2	0.333%	209	257	-48
5	Silver Beach	3	1	2	0.333%	251	249	2
6	Mapletish	3	0	3	0.000%	231	249	-18

Group 3 MD-3	   Score
Cosumar	           79
Homelands Our	   74
	
Western Cuba	   79
Cassadaigua	   97
	
Erathore	   79
Soviet Canuckistan 77

Rank	Group 3	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Cassadaigua	        3	3	0	1.000%	272	216	56
2	Cosumar	                3	2	1	0.667%	270	216	54
3	Erathore	        3	2	1	0.667%	230	238	-8
4	Western Cuba	        3	1	2	0.333%	245	254	-9
5	Soviet Canuckistan	3	1	2	0.333%	218	271	-53
6	Homelands Our	        3	0	3	0.000%	207	247	-40

Group 4 MD-3	Score
Altimarus	70
Yesopalitha	78
	
Cotdelapoms	83
Sibirsky	90
	
Thatius	        68
Legokiller	63

Rank	Group 4	        P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Yesopalitha	3	3	0	1.000%	250	196	54
2	Sibirsky	3	2	1	0.667%	225	232	-7
3	Thatius	        3	1	2	0.333%	202	233	-31
4	Cotdelapoms	3	1	2	0.333%	228	234	-6
5	Legokiller	3	1	2	0.333%	185	211	-26
6	Altimarus	3	1	2	0.333%	215	199	16

Group 5 MD-3	       Score
Carasatoga	       80
Allamunnic States      62
	
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 70
Valladares	       85
	
Cakistan	       86
Euskirribakondara      72

Rank	Group 5	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Valladares	        3	3	0	1.000%	252	230	22
2	Carasatoga	        3	2	1	0.667%	245	214	31
3	Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk	3	2	1	0.667%	242	228	14
4	Cakistan	        3	1	2	0.333%	247	266	-19
5	Allamunnic States	3	1	2	0.333%	242	240	2
6	Euskirribakondara	3	0	3	0.000%	199	249	-50

Group 6 MD-3	       Score
Andossa se Mitrin Vega 76
Torisakia	       69
	
95X	               69
Civil Citizenry	       77
	
Michael VII	       79
Sovreignry	       80

Rank	Group 6	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Andossa se Mitrin Vega	3	3	0	1.000%	243	197	46
2	Sovreignry	        3	2	1	0.667%	219	228	-9
3	Michael VII	        3	2	1	0.667%	254	212	42
4	Civil Citizenry	        3	1	2	0.333%	228	249	-21
5	Torisakia	        3	1	2	0.333%	224	249	-25
6	95X	                3	0	3	0.000%	208	241	-33

Group 7 MD-3	Score
Mangolana	68
Patricant	58
	
Taeshan	        60
Delaclava	78
	
Spitfyred1	67
Camwood	        78

Rank	Group 7	        P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Mangolana	3	3	0	1.000%	246	203	43
2	Taeshan	        3	2	1	0.667%	211	210	1
3	Patricant	3	2	1	0.667%	212	216	-4
4	Delaclava	3	1	2	0.333%	234	238	-4
5	Camwood	        3	1	2	0.333%	220	230	-10
6	Spitfyred1	3	0	3	0.000%	194	220	-26

[Yesopalitha]

From the Yesopalithan Sports Network, Facts and Opinions Only

Flames Dominate Thatius

YESOPALITHA 91, THATIUS 61

Code: Select all

YESOPALITHA 22 23 23 23 | 91
THATIUS     15 16 15 15 | 61

SACRED HEART - FREEDOM'S ALTAR - YESOPALITHA

It was a historic night in Yesopalitha as the Flames won their game over Thatius, 91-61, in a fabulous performance in the first game that Yesopalitha has ever hosted in any sport.

Lady Nirdasil, the leader of Yesopalitha, was present, and she led the crowd in a moment of silence for those that have lost their lives in the eruption of Mount Calroan. After that, endowed by the energy of the crowd, the Flames turned in a showcase of their defensive power and offensive prowess.

Point Guard Isaac Redman, Jr. continued his stellar play, going twelve points, six rebounds, and nine assists for almost another double-double. However, the story of the night offensively was Bethany Dickinson. The Power Forward seemed to simply will herself to the basket at times, dominating the Thatius defenders and gashing them for 28 points and 14 rebounds. Other notables included Ryan Thompson, who added 14 points, and Kevin Yeshuan, who made another three 3-pointers to a twelve point night.

"Our defense is clicking," commented Coach Scandricks, "And the turnovers we are causing are turning into easy baskets on the other end. I like the way we are playing ball right now, and I think if we can keep this up, we'll be in good shape."

Added Dickinson, "Isaac did a good job of giving me the ball today. Everyone seemed to be focusing on him and Kevin (Yeshuan), so I took the shots that I was offered. Thankfully, they fell, and we won."

Two games into their qualifying schedule, the Flames seem to be playing solid defense and just plain good basketball. Next up is twentieth-ranked Altimarus, who lost on a buzzer-beater to the 4th ranked Sibirsky Capitalizt to fall to 1-1.

"Obviously, taking Sibirsky to the wire shows you they're a great team," stated Coach Scandricks, "I think we'll have a tough day at their house. Hopefully, we'll do enough to win."

With their unflappable coach determined to take things just one day at a time, this Flames team seems destined to go as far as they can stay cool.

Reporting from Freedom's Altar, Yesopalitha, this is the Yesoplithan Sports Network.

Player of the Game: Bethany Dickinson 28 points 14 rebounds

Stats

Yesopalitha 91
Redman 12 points 6 rebounds 9 assists
Yeshuan 12 points 4 rebounds
Van Haren 8 points 3 rebounds
Dickinson 28 points 14 rebounds 2 assists
Thompson 14 points 5 rebounds
Jackson, M. 9 points 4 rebounds
Jackson, K. 8 points 3 rebounds 2 assists

Thatius 61
Henri 15 points
N/A

Other Results in our Group
Legokiller 71, ₄₀ Cotdelapoms 66
₄Sibirsky 70, ₂₀Altimarus 68

---

Flames Escape, Take Control of Group Four Early

YESOPALITHA 78, ₂₀ALTIMARUS 70

Code: Select all

YESOPALITHA 18 12 24 24 | 78
ALTIMARUS   15 20 20 15 | 70

MALAUKIS EAST CENTER, PERTH, ALTIMARUS

The Yesopalitha Flames headed to their battle with twentieth-ranked Altimarus, knowing that the Scarlet Sharks would come upon them with a vengeance after losing a close one to the Capitalizt the match before. The Flames were given all that they could handle, before prevailing over the home team, 78-70.

"We started out great in the first quarter," stated Coach Scandricks, "But they made some nice adjustments in the second quarter, the Moore kid caught on fire, and we were down 35-30 at the half."

When asked what he told his team, who hadn't been behind in a game at halftime the whole season so far, Coach Scandricks commented, "I just told them to go out and play basketball, and that I was proud of what they'd accomplished so far. Then they went out and took care of business."

In the second half, Mark Jackson limited Moore to only 4 points. Bethany Dickinson woke up, scoring 14 of her 22 points in the third quarter alone. Isaac Redman, Jr., had an off shooting night, but still ended up with 11 assists. Kimberley Jackson had a solid night off the bench with 10 points and 5 assists.

"It was somewhat of an ugly win," confessed Mark Jackson, "But we won. And sometimes, a team as young as us just need to learn how to win ugly."

With three games in, and three games won, the Flames know that there's a bulls-eye on their backs now.

"We came into this qualifying season unheralded and unranked, and justly so," stated Coach Scandricks, "But I think we're starting to show the world that we mean business, and that we'll take care of business respectfully, with all that we have. Also, I bet some teams are going, 'Are they for real?' Well to be honest I can't say right now, but I guess we'll see."

The Flames will now take on fellow unranked Legokiller at home. Legokiller is 1-2 after losing 63-68 to Thatius.

"Any team that is 1-2 is hungry for a win right now," spoke Scandricks in his no-nonsense tone, "So we expect solid resistance."

Then, the Coach did concede one comment: "I am proud of how this team has come out and played, and this is just the beginning."

This is the Yesopalithan Sports Network, reporting from Altimarus.

Player of the Game: Bethany Dickinson 22 points 10 rebounds

Stats

Yesopalitha 78
Redman 7 points 11 assists
Yeshuan 9 points 6 rebounds
Van Haren 9 points 8 rebounds
Dickinson 22 points 10 rebounds
Thompson 11 points 3 rebounds
Jackson, M. 10 points 8 rebounds
Jackson, K. 10 points 5 assists

Altimarus 70
Robinson 8 points
Howards, J. 7 points
Howards, B. 8 points
Cook-Bell 9 points
Moore 28 points
Harris 5 points
Thomas 5 points

Other Scores in our Group
₄Sibirsky 90, ₄₀Cotdelapoms 83
Thatius 68, Legokiller 63

[The Andromeda Islands]

PORTSMOUTH POST
August 6, 2021

BLACK STEEL IMPLODES

At the 3:15 mark before halftime, a fight occurred in the Marvin Wood Athletic Complex during last night’s game between Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos and the Andromeda Eagles. Cathy Clark, well-known for instigating confrontations between herself and opposing players, was on the court.

“We were doing well enough to play it straight,” Clark said. “I was kinda worried, ‘cause we never played a team like this, but everything was cool until it happened.”

The Brown Bomber, shooting guard for Black Steel, shoved point guard Big Dunkie to the floor as he tried to dribble the ball down court.

“Why ain’t you passing me the mother lovin’ ball,” Bomber asked several times. “That’s bull pants.”

“‘Cause you like a black hole,” Big Dunkie yelled. “You get the rock and we never see it again, son.”

Cassie Ellis and Jackie Bouvier stood under the opposing basket when the fighting started.

“I was just hoping the center wouldn’t trip over his own shorts,” Bouvier said. “Then the whistle blows and big man goes to break up the two guards.”

“I was just commenting to Jackie that something wasn’t right when it happened,” Ellis said. Ellis had scored 20 points in the first half. She left the game with 38 points, 5 rebounds and 4 assists.


Cassie Ellis was like butter. She was on a roll.

Game officials were confused. The procedure for fights between opposing players was clear, but there was no procedure for brawls between teammates.

“It’s a shame that they’ll be remembered for the fight, ‘cause most of the guys were really sweet,” Puffy Woods said. “The really cool guy, Mr. Cool, started calling us the Brown Beauties of Basketball. He also gave us all nicknames.”

Aside from the incident, there was mutual admiration between the Eagles and Black Steel.

“Soul Glow (Woods) got knowledge,” Crazy Bald Head said. “We both like East Coast, so she gets mad props.”

“King Dread is on this whole other level,” Chambers said. “Somehow, we found ourselves discussing the similarities between Rastafarianism and Buddhism. I’ve never had a discussion like that during a game with an opposing player, ever.”

The Andromeda coaching staff saw potential in some of the Black Steel players.

“There’s definitely talent on Black Steel,” Assistant Coach Nova Lee Sims said. “It’s raw talent, but they definitely got skills. They could mess around and win a few games.”

Head Coach Catherine Priest agreed with Coach Sims.

“This was 1-on-12 tonight,” Priest said. “One team against twelve guys. Some of them are good. Really good. But they’re not a team. They’re twelve individuals.”

“Thirteen if you count the Dragon,” Assistant Coach Annie Navarro added.

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FINAL SCORE: Andromeda 95, Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos 79
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PLAYER OF THE GAME

#21 Cassie Ellis – Small Forward

Age: 24
Height: 1.78 m
ASBA Career: Angeles City (2015-present)
2021 Stats: 29.2 ppg, 6.0 rpg

Cassandra Ellis has led the ASBA Women’s Division in scoring for the past three seasons. At the end of the 2020 Season, Ellis became only the second woman in Women’s Division history to average more than 30 points per game.

On January 2, 2020, Ellis scored a league record 55 points at Palermo. She personally outscored Palermo 55-53.

Ellis is also a certified music teacher. She spends much of the off-season promoting the benefits of music education throughout the Allied States.

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THE ANDROMEDA EAGLES (3-0) VS DARMEN (2-1)

STARTERS

14 C Josie Hammerschmidt Todd’s Cove 1.78 m
21 F Cassie Ellis Angeles City 1.78 m
22 F Jackie Bouvier Joppa 1.78 m
32 G Nikki Battle Portsmouth 1.63 m
42 G Julie Lee Palermo 1.59 m

RESERVES

11 C Oksana Korsakova Portsmouth 1.88 m
13 C Missy Chambers Palermo 1.78 m
23 F Mandy Alexander Valois 1.78 m
24 F Julia Gallo Portsmouth 1.75 m
25 F Puffy Woods Joppa 1.75 m
31 G Maria Elena Braga Joppa 1.64 m
33 G Dominique LaRue Joppa 1.65 m
34 G Jenny Turner Portsmouth 1.60 m
35 G Lola Getz Portsmouth 1.57 m
41 G Cathy Clark Palermo 1.63 m

[Camwood]

OOC: yeah, I know MD1, pretty late

IBC 9 Matchday 1
07:57 PM, Dec 9, 11
By: Alice.Gilbert@pbcsports.cam (Reporter)

Camwood brought their "A game" and Manoglana brought their's. However, Mangola's A Game is a little out of reach for the Camian's. Camwood had the lead in parts of the first three quarters. In the start of the fourth quarter Mangolana led by eight points. With five minutes left in the game the deficit was 18 points. The Camians rallied back with well set up plays, and overall athletiscism. At the buzzer center Richard Duvall shot a buzzer-beater jump shot to end them game with a twelve point deficit.

Point Guard Jeff Arwood was stellar; he scored a total of seventeen points, and set up countless other from good passes and good picks. Albert Arr, who played alot for the starting small forward Dan Sanborn, answered the call and score a good eight points and set lots of picks in the "simple stinger" play. Dan Sanborn started, but then injured his ankle. He returned in the fourth quarter.

27 Comments | 198 Views

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PF Ben Haddock: Lame or Fame
08:31 Dec 9, 2011
By: lb.sports@compoliscourier.news (Colmunist)

Hey it's LB (Larry Benson) here. Here's how my lame or fame editorial works. I say why the player may be be lame, and why he may be fame, and then I give a verdict, his overall overview. Here it goes:

Lame: Everytime he plays he either fouls out or has four fouls. I an off day for him is three fouls. He often lets his emotions beat him: He'll get in fights and be ejected at the worst possible time. He contain himmself.

Fame: Are you kidding Mr. Lame? It's not over emtional, it's playing with heart. First off he drives like a freight train, and dunks like a carrot into ranch dip. This dude is freaking bombdiggity!

The Verdict: Fame! He produces so many points game in and game out for both his domestic team, the Clenson Executives, and the national team that it'd probably be sin to call him lame.

51 Comments | 211 Views

[Qazox]

Silver Beach National Indoor Arena, located in the capitol, Lulika City:

The Raving Idiots are the luckiest team of all time! How else can you explain that despite shooting a miserable 47.6% from the field, a piss-poor 42.1% from 3-point range and only a measly 95% from the line beat a team from Silver Beach that has such great players as Harold Arnold, Justin Amakers and George Baileys on it? I don't know either. But as long as the Lucky Raving Idiots still have their luck.. might as well ride it out, right? But we think the luck will runout against 2-1 Aleckandor.

QZX  23 24 20 23  90
SVB  22 18 19 21  80

Qazox starting 5:
Reggie Mata- 11 points, 9 assists, 4 rebounds, 6 steals
David Palmer- 23 points, 8 assists, 3 steals, 4 rebounds
Roger Malden- 24 points, 12 rebounds, 4 steals
Mike Jordan- 17 points, 11 rebounds, 3 steals
Ian Dean- 15 points, 13 rebounds, 8 blocks
Attendence: 20,673 (108.8% capacity)

[Michael VII]

2-1 Record you say? Not bad boys, not bad.

Well, its a good thing that we started away from home, because no one in Michael VII, heck, not even the team knew that they weren't going straight to Carasatoga! So, we played our first two matches away from home, managing to win both, before coming back home to the Frbiba Sports Complex, just to lose in a thrilling one-point match. I guess travelling really is that hard...

Well, we went to 95X, and came away with a huge win 92-68, a 24 point buffer that largely came from the young guns raining threes from all ranges in the fourth quarter that saw a 5 point advantage with 12 to go, turn into a 24 point lead at the end. Starting Small Forward, Asa Baltruweit led the scoring with 34 points, getting 18 of those in the final quarter, as he managed to hit four consecutive 3s to easily get Michael VII over 95X in what by then was, a largely empty stadium. PG Elisha Freddrick got a double-double in points and assists, scoring 13 himself, and getting an astonishing 18 assists. The Freddrick-Baltruweit double seemed to be working wonders already. Michael VII easily defeat 95X to go 1-0 and atop of the group standings. Next up, Torisakia.

Coming into Torisakia, the hosts had come off a 1 point win, being 1-0 at home made them sure favourites to win this game, but a very fast first half led the way, as the Michael VII boys ran up the score to get a 32 point lead at halftime, to go ahead 54-22 at the half, and the fans wondering what the hell was going on, as the starters were shooting amazingly well, while they also chose to play some defense for the first time ever! Confused? So are we! As the starters got some rest, the lead was lessened slightly in the second half with the bench on, as it went from 32 at the half to 19 by the end, with the big man Eziquiel Madre managing to get 18 points, 13 rebounds and 10 blocks for an historic triple-double, but it really helps when you're 7'1", and able to get over anyone for a block, rebound and even a dunk. Calm down Ziq, let the other boys play! The final score ended up being 83-64 in favour of Michael VII in a match that was never really in doubt as the lead never changed and once it got to double digits, it never went below it again. 2-0 heading back home to play Sovereignry.

Ah, home sweet home! Or not. The great endeavours of the away fixtures seemed to be nullified against Sovereignry as Michael VII came away with a last second loss to Sovereignry in a very close encounter in their very first IBC match at home! The boys were able to still score at the same pace as the other games, however this opposition had a stiffer offense that breezed through Michael VII's average-at-best D that allowed the road team to put 80 points on us. The exact number of points needed to win in the end. Madre still played well, but nowhere near the same stats, as he was restricted to just 8 points and beaten on the boards to scraping through with only 9 rebounds and 2 blocks that reflected the stiffness of this team's ability to beat strong teams. Edmundo Overshiner led the scoring for Michael VII with 25 points, followed closely by Baltruweit, who finished on 22 points. But in the end, it was one buzzer-beating shot that did it for Sovereignry, managing to find the open man with 0.8 second left on the clock to coolly slot the ball in basket from the top of the key to give his side the 80-79 win. Michael VII fall to 2-1, gearing up to face Civil Citizenry, currently 1-2 despite being the highest ranked team in the group, with this match again being on the road. Go boys, take on CC and come home 3-1!

[Ipeland]

Ipeland earn well deserved win
First victory for the Ipeland team in the IBC

Ipeland's hard work payed off yesterday, as they got their first victory in the International Basketball Championship IX, against Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, a team with little history in the game, and a 1-1 record before this game. Ipeland's next game is against Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos, who are bottom of the group.

The match was mainly even throughout, and the first quarter was no exception, Ipeland leading 13-10 by the end of it, Kevin Davies starring by scoring eight of Ipeland's 13 points. The second quarter was also even, but high scoring, with 65 points being shared between the two teams, Kagdazka edging the half 33-32, bringing the score to 43-45. The third quarter was more biased towards Kagdazka, and by the end of the half they were leading 78-70. Ipeland then stormed back to win the game 93-82

Match details

Kagdazka & Pazhujebu 82-93 Ipeland
Attendance: 2,342

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
Best Player: NAME REDACTED
Worst Player: NAME REDACTED
Shots: 51

Ipeland
Best Player: Isaac Waymouth
Worst Player: Mikey
Shots: 49

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Sea Dragons Rally In Second Half - Now 3-0

The Sea Dragons struggled in the first half of their game with the unknown faces of Torisakia and found themselves trailing the ghostlike team 42-17 at the half. It was the first time ASMV had trailed at the half in the tournament and one of the largest such deficits in history for the boys in Sky Blue.

And that is when Jegolaci Om'shyo went off on his team, ripping them from the court to the locker room and back again. His shouting could be heard all the way back out into the stands and at one point he even threatened to leave them in the lockers and pull fans from the stands to finish the game. The Tirade worked.

Tur'mos and Ough'nal exploded as they led the team to outscore the nameless ones 59-27 in the second half. Tur’mos dropped 6 threes while the big man scored 24 and controlled the paint. A 7 point horrible win keeps the Sea Dragons undefeated and on top of the group.

The next game poses a dangerous threat as we play host to our group’s third seed 95X. They have struggled thus far and are at the bottom of the table with three losses. They are far better than that and we expect a very tough game.

[Sarzonia]

After Sarzonia lost the second match during the qualifying stages of the International Basketball Championships, Coach Henry West ordered his team to run suicides the next day. Immediately after the match went final and all but a few fans exited the building, West had each member of his team run four laps around the court.

"I was disappointed in the effort," West said after the next day's practice. "We just didn't do the things we needed to do."

West didn't answer whether he intended to send his team a message ahead of their match against Darmen. If he had, the message was sent and received. Sarzonia dominated Darmen, winning the match 83-59 and erasing some of the bad taste in West's mouth.

However, you wouldn't know that Sarzonia had just won their first dominant match in this edition of the International Basketball Championships by the look on West's face as he approached the dais after the match.

"We still have concerns about how we're playing," West said. "Losing 95-67 to a team [Andromeda Islands] we have no business losing to is still going to stick in our craw. We played a better match overall, but there is still much room for improvement."

However, West conceded that he did not have his team run laps after the match.

Guard Chris Draden shook off an "embarrassing" six-point performance against Andromeda Islands by scoring a team-high 24 points on 9-for-16 shooting from the field. He was also 3-for-4 from the foul line.

"When you come off an embarrassing game like we had and like I had, you have to bounce back," Draden said. "We know we were 2-3 during the last IBC, but we just can't afford to be this inconsistent this long." As observers of this Sarzonian basketball team know, that edition of the Stars started 2-3 and ultimately won their second consecutive IBC title by defeating They Who Shall Not Be Named 3 games to 1 in the championship final.

That title was a far cry from the first of the two consecutive titles, when Sarzonia won 19 of 20 matches in a dominating performance for the ages. The Stars have won three titles overall and have advanced to the final in each of their first six appearances in the IBC.

"Each tournament is its own unique moment in time," West said. "The first championship was special because we came out of nowhere. The second one was important to us because we'd lost the three previous finals. The last one was important because of the potential to cement our place in history and our opponent."

As for this tournament?

"Who knows when the next match you play is going to be the last one you ever play?" West asked. "We need to play these matches with a sense of urgency because of the potential finality involved."

[Cassadaigua]

Amber’s Space

As we were putting the finishing touches on our 97-79 win against Western Cuba, I was sitting on the bench as the reserves played out the last four minutes of the game. I looked around the arena and other then the fanatic Cassadagan supporters that made the trip on very short notice, showing just how wonderfully loyal our fans are, applauding us. Moments like this really make you realize how fortunate you are to be part of the team that such fans are so committed to supporting. We talked amongst ourselves about inviting these fans down on the court to sign autographs, but coach Gina Flanders suggested that we should not do that out of respect for the home side. She had a point, I suppose, I just really wanted to do something a little different. While we were on the court, jumping out to the 56-43 lead at halftime, shooting an incredible 58% in the first half from the floor, and dominating the glass by a 2-to-1 margin, our confidence soared. Right now, we’re in good form and ready to make a run for this title.

I wish I had a more exciting story to tell you, but right now things played out by the book for us. After the game, we returned to our hotel, had dinner and hung out amongst ourselves. None of us were interested in going out and seeing what the city had to offer. No disrespect to Western Cuba or the city of Havana City, we just wanted to be with ourselves. Personally, I played some poker in a room with Danielle Fuller, Jessica Myers, and Kendra Peters, and that went pretty well for Jessica, who seemed to win at least half of all the hands. She’s one hell of a bluffer, I have to tell you. One game, she had me to bite to fold when I had a pair of kings, convinced that she had something better, only to find out that she had absolutely nothing (high card of a jack!) We’ll being flying back home in about two hours, and we’ll get ready for our game against Erathore and then we’ll go to Concord Heights Stadium to watch the World Bowl 16 Championship game between Allamunnic States and German Zerabithea from a skybox. Coach Flanders was quick to point out to all of us that it was Carasatoga that eliminated our Dagans in the World Bowl playoffs, and wishes to use that as motivation to get us excited about getting to the playoffs. But we could drink all the 9 Energy in the world, and even if we did, we could not match our excitement about wanting to win this title.

[Silver Beach]

Justin Amakers was looking at the court floor after his team lost against Qazox. He walked around, and was thinking to himself. After a 1 point loss against Megadia, they lost at home to Qazox? They’ve had better days. Qazox did come out firing against Silver Beach, putting up 90 points on the board, and shooting above 40% from 3 point range, and a ridiculous 95% from the free throw line. Justin Amakers was disappointed with himself, since he allowed Roger Malden to literally walk all over him, with a 24 point, 12 rebound performance. Justin Amakers has ha d better days.

After walking around the arena, he decided to make the long drive home. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been against the #2 team in the world, but it could have been far worse. His team needed to get it back together, so they could do good in International Basketball, not continue to stink up the floor like they have been. They had plenty of time to get to the tournament proper, but they had to win games now….

[Sovreignry]

Sovreignry wins again!

Again at the last minute Sovreignry is able to pull it out. This time it was William Chocox shooting a miraculous half court shot and the buzzer to give Sovreignry the win. Hopefully the Falcons can continue winning, just without giving their fans a heart attack.

With the victory the Falcons are now number two in their group and are in the drivers seat for a birth into the round of 16 if the keep winning.

The Falcons next game will be against Torisakia at home at the Sovreignry City Arena.

[Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos]

I met my favourite righteous warriors in their team bus again following the match against the Andromeda Islands, in which they gallantly went down 95-79.

'Damn,' said forward Mr. Cool, placing his mouth to a remarkable glass contraption, 'those big booty queens were suttin' else. Us brothas were just titillated by they skill, man. We done been outfoxed by they poppin' and lockin'.' He bent down again to perform the same strange act. 'It was tough, man. But all along I was thinkin' of what my man, the great blackman Shakespeare, said: 'You draw me but I ain't gon' get my mack on wit you 'cause my heart is true as steel.' Y'knahmean?' I was far too impressed by this man's noble temperance to respond. He spluttered. 'You want a hit of this chronic? Some dope shit, man.' I didn't know what Mr. Cool was referring to, but politely refused anyway. He could barely enunciate his words. I thanked him profusely and moved on.

I navigated through the seemingly permanent pall of smoke and ended up next to a crumpled, lonely mass near the back of the bus. It juddered violently, and from it came a high-pitched sound. Da Brown Bomba lifted his sad face. 'I don't mean to hurt nobody, naw suh, I don't,' he said, voice thick with tears. 'Not Big Dunkie. Not He, the Lord of eternity, King of the Gods, whose names are manifold and whose forms are holy; not He who be the Great Chief, the First among His brethren, the Prince of the Company of the Gods and the Establisher of Right and Truth throughout the World.' I looked deep into the guard's scintillating eyes, and saw the justified reverence he oozed for his master. 'I want to die, suh, fold like a tulip. I want to run, suh, but I know I can't hide.' I touched Da Brown Bomba's sinewy shoulder, and, maintaining my eye contact, vowed that I would help.

I stumbled towards the bus driver's compartment, in which Big Dunkie sat, conveying forth his band of victors and reciting lyric poetry to music so intricate and tuneful that I couldn't help but two-step with the cadence:

'I love from butter pecan to blackberry molass
I don't discriminate, I regulate every shade of the (ass)
Long as you show class, and pass my test
Fat ass and breasts...'

I then became conscious of this man's infernal nature.

[Carasatoga]

So sorry for the late RP cutoff! I thought that my laptop was stolen and I was two seconds from calling someone and that's when my friends decided to tell me that it was they who had it... As a result I am doing the scores now and the next matchday will be delayed for a few hours tonight.

[Carasatoga]

Group 1 MD-4	       Score
Black Steel itho Chaos 75
Ipeland	               79
	
Sarzonia	       93
Kagdazka & Pazhujebu   61
	
Andromeda Islands      71
Darmen	               79

Rank	Group 1	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Andromeda Islands	4	3	1	0.750%	353	288	65
2	Sarzonia	        4	3	1	0.750%	320	290	30
3	Darmen	                4	3	1	0.750%	306	306	0
4	Ipeland	                4	2	2	0.500%	311	326	-15
5	Kagdazka & Pazhujebu	4	1	3	0.250%	296	350	-54
6	Black Steel itho Chaos	4	0	4	0.000%	302	328	-26

Group 2 MD-4 Score
Mapletish    74
Megadia	     79
	
Qazox	     84
Aleckandor   64
	
Bergnovinaia 94
Silver Beach 81

Rank	Group 2	        P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Qazox	        4	4	0	1.000%	350	302	48
2	Bergnovinaia	4	3	1	0.750%	349	313	36
3	Aleckandor	4	2	2	0.500%	306	313	-7
4	Megadia	        4	2	2	0.500%	288	331	-43
5	Silver Beach	4	1	3	0.250%	332	343	-11
6	Mapletish	4	0	4	0.000%	305	328	-23

Group 3 MD-4	   Score
Homelands Our	   70
Soviet Canuckistan 58
	
Cassadaigua	   83
Erathore	   66
	
Cosumar	           77
Western Cuba	   89

Rank	Group 3	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Cassadaigua	        4	4	0	1.000%	355	282	73
2	Western Cuba	        4	2	2	0.500%	334	331	3
3	Cosumar	                4	2	2	0.500%	347	305	42
4	Erathore	        4	2	2	0.500%	296	321	-25
5	Homelands Our	        4	1	3	0.250%	277	305	-28
6	Soviet Canuckistan	4	1	3	0.250%	276	341	-65

Group 4 MD-4	Score
Yesopalitha	90
Legokiller	66
	
Sibirsky	78
Thatius	        79
	
Altimarus	94
Cotdelapoms	84

Rank	Group 4	        P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Yesopalitha	4	4	0	1.000%	340	262	78
2	Thatius	        4	2	2	0.500%	281	311	-30
3	Sibirsky	4	2	2	0.500%	303	311	-8
4	Altimarus	4	2	2	0.500%	309	283	26
5	Legokiller	4	1	3	0.250%	251	301	-50
6	Cotdelapoms	4	1	3	0.250%	303	328	-16

Group 5 MD-4	       Score
Allamunnic States      66
Euskirribakondara      48
	
Valladares	       75
Cakistan	       52
	
Carasatoga	       69
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 71

Rank	Group 5	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Valladares	        4	4	0	1.000%	327	282	45
2	Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk	4	3	1	0.750%	313	297	16
3	Carasatoga	        4	2	2	0.500%	314	285	29
4	Allamunnic States	4	2	2	0.500%	308	288	20
5	Cakistan	        4	1	3	0.250%	299	341	-42
6	Euskirribakondara	4	0	4	0.000%	247	315	-68

Group 6 MD-4	       Score
Torisakia	       85
Sovreignry	       76
	
Civil Citizenry	       92
Michael VII	       69
	
Andossa se Mitrin Vega 94
95X	               59

Rank	Group 6	                P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Andossa se Mitrin Vega	4	4	0	1.000%	337	256	81
2	Torisakia	        4	2	2	0.500%	309	325	-16
3	Civil Citizenry	        4	2	2	0.500%	320	318	2
4	Sovreignry	        4	2	2	0.500%	295	313	-18
5	Michael VII	        4	2	2	0.500%	323	304	19
6	95X	                4	0	4	0.000%	267	335	-68

Group 7 MD-4	Score
Patricant	79
Camwood	        89
	
Delaclava	81
Spitfyred1	73
	
Mangolana	89
Taeshan	        70

Rank	Group 7	        P	W	L	%	F	A	D
1	Mangolana	4	4	0	1.000%	335	273	62
2	Delaclava	4	2	2	0.500%	315	311	4
3	Camwood	        4	2	2	0.500%	309	309	0
4	Patricant	4	2	2	0.500%	291	305	-14
5	Taeshan	        4	2	2	0.500%	281	299	-18
6	Spitfyred1	4	0	4	0.000%	267	301	-34

[The Andromeda Islands]

ANDROMEDA NEWS NETWORK
11 O’CLOCK NEWS
Marvin Wood Athletic Complex
Portsmouth, Allied States
August 7, 2021

Kent Chapman stands in front of the Marvin Wood Athletic Complex.

CHAPMAN: Three of the Andromeda Eagles’ premier players were in street clothes for tonight’s game. A fourth player, Dominique LaRue, was absent from this evening’s game. Coach Catherine Priest explained what happened.

(cut to post-game Press Conference)

PRIEST: After our last game, a few of our players decided to attend an after party hosted by Black Steel in the Richman Hotel and Casino. The next day at practice, three of the players were clearly affected and a fourth player didn’t show up.

(cut to Chapman)

CHAPMAN: Dominique LaRue, is currently in stable condition at Portsmouth Community Hospital. The other three players, Cassie Ellis, Nikki Battle and Josie Hammerschmidt have been suspended through the Eagles’ game with Ipeland.

(cut to Press conference)

PRIEST: It was clear to the coaching staff that four of our players made huge errors in judgment. We try to give our players a certain amount of freedom, but we draw the line when decisions off the court affect their performance on the court.

(cut to first half action)

PRIEST: Missy Chambers, Julia Gallo and Maria Elena Braga joined Jackie Bouvier and Julie Lee in the starting lineup against Darmen, a country well known for its obsession with sports. The Eagles struggled early, trailing 10-3 when Puffy Woods came in for Gallo.

(cut to coach Navarro at the Press Conference)

NAVARRO: I was surprised that Puffy Woods didn’t go to the after party. I just assumed 'cause her name's Puffy..."


Angela "Puffy" Woods says no to drugs.

(cut to game action)

CHAPMAN: Woods left the game with 15 points, including a three-pointer to bring their halftime deficit to 39-35 Jackie Bouvier shot 63% from the field and registered 24 points and 11 rebounds, leading all scorers.

(cut to Bouvier and Terry Rutledge)

NAVARRO: (off camera) Suspending three of our starters put us at a disadvantage. It would have been easy for us to overlook what they did, but team rules are team rules. Jackie Bouvier’s steady performance kept us in it.

(cut to Woods shooting a three from the top of the key behind a Julie Lee screen)

SIMS: (off camera) Every team has setbacks and problems. Hopefully, we can all learn from this.

(cut to Chapman)

CHAPMAN: The rest of the Andromeda Eagles' group schedule won't be easy. Four of their remaining six games are on the road and their next home game is against a Sarzonia Team that has regained their Championship form and knows what to expect from the Eagles. They'll need to regain their focus if they want to make it to the elimination round. For Andromeda News Network, I’m Kent Chapman.

----------

FINAL SCORE: Darmen 79, Andromeda 71

----------

PLAYER OF THE GAME

#22 Jackie Bouvier – Power Forward

Age: 32
Height: 1.78 m
ASBA Career: Joppa Jaguars (2008-present)
2021 Stats: 20.0 ppg, 7.9 rpg

A two-time ASBA Women’s Division Champion, Jacqueline Bouvier has been among the Women’s Division leaders in scoring, rebounds and field goal percentage for the past decade. She was also the League Playoff MVP in 2018.

Bouvier is one of the few active sports personalities who serve in the Assembly of the Allied States. She has served Joppa's Capitoline District since 2020.

Bouvier’s fiancee’ is Cannon Rooks, a former tennis player and National Assembly member from the Western Islands.

----------

THE ANDROMEDA EAGLES (3-1) VS KAGDAZKA & PAZHUJEBU (1-3)

STARTERS

13 C Missy Chambers Palermo 1.78 m
22 F Jackie Bouvier Joppa 1.78 m
25 F Puffy Woods Joppa 1.75 m
35 G Lola Getz Portsmouth 1.57 m
42 G Julie Lee Palermo 1.59 m

RESERVES

11 C Oksana Korsakova Portsmouth 1.88 m
14 C Josie Hammerschmidt Todd’s Cove 1.78 m
21 F Cassie Ellis Angeles City 1.78 m
23 F Mandy Alexander Valois 1.78 m
24 F Julia Gallo Portsmouth 1.75 m
31 G Maria Elena Braga Joppa 1.64 m
32 G Nikki Battle Portsmouth 1.63 m
34 G Jenny Turner Portsmouth 1.60 m
41 G Cathy Clark Palermo 1.63 m

[Yesopalitha]

From the Yesopalithan Sports Network, Facts and Opinions Only

Flames Win Fourth Straight

YESOPALITHA 91, LEGOKILLER 66

Code: Select all

YESOPALITHA 20 19 33 19 | 91
LEGOKILLER  20 15 15 16 | 66

THE SACRED HEART, FREEDOM'S ALTAR, YESOPALITHA

Entering a tournament and wining the first four games in a row? Cool.

Having those four games be the first four games in any sporting event in your country's history? Even better.

Having two of those wins, on the road, be against the fourth and twentieth seeded teams in the world (Sibirsky and Altimarus)? Crazy.

Not allowing an opponent to score more than 70 points in a game this far? Absolutely nuts!

The Yesopalitha Flames are definitely turning it up a notch as they destroyed Legokiller's team, 91-66.

In the first quarter, Legokiller gave the Flames everything they could handle. The score was 20-20 after the first quarter.

Coach Scott Scandricks, however, wasn't worried.

"My team's one where they need a few minutes to get their blood moving," stated the Coach, "I knew they'd pick it up."

When asked if he was worried at all at halftime when the score was only 39-35 Yesopalitha, the serious, no-nonsense coach stated, "I just told them to take what the other team was giving them and to stop forcing shots."

In the third quarter, the Flames took off, forcing five turnovers that led to easy baskets. Bethany Dickinson continued her solid play with thirty points and fifteen rebounds. Isaac Redman, Jr. had double digit assists again. Mark Jackson had seven blocked shots and eight rebounds. The Flames had a 33-15 quarter, and the game was essentially over.

Ryan Thompson had a solid game as well, scoring 17 points.

Next up, the Flames will have to head to Cotdelapoms to face the fortieth ranked team in the world.

"Another day, another tough game. Let's get'er done," drawled Scandricks.

No players were available for comments after the game due to the Coach wanting to keep his players focused. However, he did give us a promise that we will be able to talk to them after the next game, which will make the halfway mark of the qualifying schedule.

Reporting from Freedom's Altar, Yesopalitha, this is the Yesopalithan Sports Network.

Player of the Game: Bethany Dickinson 30 points 15 rebounds

Stats

Yesopalitha 91
Redman 10 points 15 assists
Yeshuan 10 points 6 rebounds
Van Haren 6 points 4 rebounds
Dickinson 30 points 15 rebounds
Thompson 17 points 6 rebounds
Jackson, M. 9 points 7 rebounds
Jackson, K. 9 points 4 assists

Legokiller 66
N/A

Other Games in Our Group
Thatius 79, ₄Sibirsky 78
₂₀Altimarus 94, ₄₀Cotdelapoms 84

[Qazox]

Metropolitan Arena in Joehio. :

All right. I'll finally admit it. The Raving Idiots might not be as bad as I thought they would be. But this team shouldn't be that good. Just look at the roster. How the heck is this team doing it? I've narrowed down to three possiblities:

#1- Magic.
#2- Bribery.
#3- Every other team in this group is made up of slugs/snails/miniature poodles/rocks.

There just isn't any other reason why this team is 4-0 so far. Unless the media guide given out was fabricated in an attempt to downplay the team, in an effort to psychologically mess with our opponents minds. But come on, QIBA officals aren't that smart.

ALK  11 15 22 16  64
QZX  17 21 18 28  84

Qazox starting 5:
Reggie Mata- 14 points, 11 assists, 3 rebounds, 5 steals
David Palmer- 21 points, 5 assists, 4 steals, 6 rebounds
Roger Malden- 27 points, 9 rebounds, 4 steals
Mike Jordan- 8 points, 14 rebounds, 2 blocks
Ian Dean- 14 points, 12 rebounds, 5 blocks
Attendence: 11,209 (86.8% capacity)

[Cassadaigua]

Amber’s Space

We had a pretty interesting flight back to Concord Heights following the Western Cuba, as it appeared as though all of Katie Van Buren’s luggage had been lost by the airline. It caused some anxious moments in the terminal for us for a little while, but at least it wasn’t lost. Instead some genius at the Havana City checked baggage counter misread “Cassadaigua” and shipped her belongings to “Carasatoga”. I guess since Carasatoga is hosting the tournament, that when they thought basketball, they thought Katie was from there. People really gotta stop mixing up the names of our countries. Anyway to make a long story short, Katie’s bags eventually arrived about four hours late, which probably could have been a lot worse. It gave us something to laugh at this morning, which is a busy for all of us because we had the game against Erathore, and then we have to make an appearance at the World Bowl Final. I’m heading the way pretty soon, it’s about two hours before kickoff between Allamunnic States and German Zerabithea, and you can see the excitement building. There are so many media members right now at the facility, from all over the world, that this is probably one of the few chances that we can kinda blend in with the crowd and not get noticed. They’ll experience this in Carasatoga soon enough when the championship series played and we can only hope to be a part of it. I do want to note that in a previous blog I mentioned that we were going to host the U-12 team from Starksville in this game. That was canceled because there is just too much hoopla around here right now over the World Bowl title game, that we decided it would be best for them, and all of us, for that to come at a later time.

While we played Erathore at the arena, the World Bowl title game was still very much on the minds as raffles for free tickets were going off all night. It was pretty cool, especially because there was sentiment that the basketball qualifying game would be where everyone would go that couldn’t scalp a ticket for the gridiron game. Some of my friends and family did mention that there seemed to be more foreigners in attendance that really had nothing to do with our team, or travelers from Erathore. I’m pretty sure we gave them a pretty good show, winning comfortably, 83-66. You almost get a little worried about the way we’re putting away teams seemingly with ease, because it is not at all easy to do. This is how you can be complacent, and right now that may be the biggest threat within the locker room. We started the game off on an 11-3 run, and really never looked back. Momentarily, Erathore closed to 39-36 late in the first half to at least get the blood pumping a little bit, and responded after a time out to score the final seven points of the first half. Katie VanBuren played like a women ticked off with 11 blocked shots, breaking an international team record, and also scored 23 points. It picked up the rough game of Danielle Fuller, who only shot 3-for-12 from the floor. Hey, sometimes that happens. The results of the other games in the group give us a 2-game lead in the group, but again, we can’t get complacent.


– Below is not part of blog –

To: YESOPALITHA BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION
From: CABS (Cassadagan Association for Basketball)
Re: Friendly

To whom it may concern,

Congratulations on your fast start so far. As we both know, our teams were scheduled to play one another in the group stage created by the Mytanars. While it is extremely unlike us to play friendlies in any sport other then soccer, because of your fast start, and because we were going to play, we would like to welcome you to Concord Heights to take part in a friendly.

Please let us know and we hope to see you there!

Sincerely,
Allison Morris (CABS President)

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Sea Dragons Rout 95X - Remain Unscathed

The Sea Dragons prepared for their game against regional rivals 95X with great care. The opponents had been struggling mightily through the first 3 games but when one looked at their initial ranking… Usually the true team can be found somewhere between the two and the Sea dragons were not about to bet on the lower end for such a solid team. Perhaps they should have as they routed 95X 94-59.

Once again the Sea Dragons proved superior in the paint as the combination of Ard'augho and Ough'nal proved to be as good as advertised. Add into the mix Tur'nyo, Say'dare, and giant Per'olde and the size factor was far too much for the pair of huge but inexperienced big men Mike Portland and Kevin Macadam to handle. Macadam especially seemed lost at times as his 7’5” frame was used against him by a more mobile Ough'nal. The truly lone bright spot for 95X was guard Kali Cate who scored 36 of the team’s 59 points.

Ough’nal was again a beast for ASMV with a nearly unheard of quad double (17 points, 23 boards. 13 assists, and 10 steals. 7 blocks left him just shy of being possibly the first man ever to record a 5 stat double. Ard’augho also showed up in this game with 15 points, 12 boards, and 4 blocks. But the difference maker may have been reserve guard Bykyrola Aw'awa who dropped 27 points in this one on 7 of 11 shooting. All 7 were three pointers that kept the defense spread out and unable to pack in against the dunk fest the ASMV bigs were having.

Next we have a day off before traveling to Sovreignry for our second game against them. The first meeting was closer than we had expected and they have been red hot until their loss today. It will be a very good game from what we can see.

[Camwood]

An Interesting Scenario
12:46 PM Dec 11, 2011
austinconkin@pbcsports.cam (Reporter)

Camwood was able to beat Patricant by ten points, and even their winning percentage a .500. It was a very entertaining, close game. Camian Shooting Guard, Raymond Wacker was able to hit 4 three pointers, and score another 4 field goals. He totaled for twenty points. The point guard Jeff Arwood has ten points and six assists. Richard Duvall has six points worth of layups plus htting three foul shots.

It's interesting how two thirds of group 7, Camwood's group, has a two, and two record. Camwood's point difference is back to 0, and with a win over Delclava Camwood can move into second. Manoglana hold a positive sixty-two point difference and a 4-0 record. Camwood is far from first but the Blue Jays are in very godd position.

Comments: 31 | Views 106

A Look at the Camwood National Arena
1:16 PM Dec 11, 2011
kyoung.stadia@teamcamwood.org

It's Kevin young here, the Chairman for the Team Camwood board of Stadia. I'm here to give you a little look at the home of Team Camwood basketball.

The Camwood National Arena has been home to Team Camwood hockey for a while. Camwood basketball has used the arena for the olympics before IBC 9.including tennis, hockey, and much more. It's a stadium like no other and everyone is exctied to play in it.

[Ipeland]

Ipeland defeat "The Steel"
Bottom country close, but no cigar

Ipeland's basketball team got another win yesterday in IBC IX, beating bottom team Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos in a less than comfortable game. The Steel ran us close, sometimes a little too close, and it took a good final few minutes from Ipeland to clinch victory.

The first quarter, as was the whole game, was even. The quarter was quite low scoring too, only 26 points being scored in the half, Mr. Cool helping The Steel to a 16-10 at the end of the quarter. The second quarter was high scoring, Kevin Davies scoring 20 for Ipeland, which helped bring Ipeland on level terms with The Steel, the score being 40-all. Steel regained the edge in the third quarter, King Dread scoring 19 to help the score get to 64-57. Black Steel retained the lead until the 3rd minute from the end, where Kevin Davies shot up the field, passed it to Mikey, who neatly scored 3 points, to bring the score to 75-77 to Ipeland. The game ended a minute later 75-79.

Ipeland's next game is a big one, number one in the world Sarzonia, who had a part to play in the controversy in Mytannion. Sarzonia are 2nd in the group with three wins and one loss, and will be a tough opponent. Let's hope for a win.

Match Details

Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos 75-79 Ipeland
Attendance:1,106

Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos
Best Player: Mr. Cool
Worst Player: Big Dunkie
Shots: 50

Ipeland
Best Player: Kevin Davies & Mikey
Worst Player: Ryanatia Weaver
Shots: 57

[95X]

From Bettors' Illustrated, before MD 4 (think of the RL S.I. with a gambling slant):

Expect 0-10 Finish From 95X IBC 9 Delegation

As this edition of our magazine goes to press, we'd be amiss in our quest to cover major 95X-related sporting events to leave out the team putting forth the most shameful international effort since 95X sent a team of no-name soccer players to AOCAF 30, leading to the dismantling of what was left of 95X's four-team professional soccer alliance (can't call it a “league,” no official standings were kept and most of their games were against semi-pro and pickup teams). We'll do you a favor by saving you precious brainpower, event-watching time, and money by telling you 95X could've taught its again-world-champion volleyball team basketball basics and we'd see a better performance than this “b-team” of blunderstars.

Only the most diehard of international competition speculators who are hungry for high-risk bets would benefit from putting down any money on this dead horse. Watching three consecutive nights of losses, one to a no-name newcomer and another to a much lower-ranked team, simply compound the most recent flop to 6th-ranked Civil Citizenry. Even faded superstar Kali Cate is far from exempt of our objective analysis as she enters the white dwarf portion of her star-like basketball career.

Our coverage of this team and ninth International Basketball Competition will end here. Sadists who enjoy watching sub-par individual and team performances will be best served by watching the scoreboard section of their local newspaper website.

The issue of the magazine this article appeared in was used as toilet paper in the 95X locker room after their loss to ASMV.

[Carasatoga]

RP cutoff for the final matchday of the first half of qualifying! Brought to you by: