Baptism of Fire 43 Rosters/RP/Scores Thread (IC)

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

This RP cutoff is brought to you by the loving folks at Yumbo Jumbo - NS's most extreme bubble gum.

Featured flavor of the day: Funky Flatbread and Sour Grape Frenzy. An Inspired flavor sure to tempt the palate of the most pious of religious zealots. An entire case has been sent to the squad from Michael VII for their enjoyment.

OOC - no offense was intended with this message

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

IC: With opening day fireworks peppering the skies above the Federation's ten host cities, fans decked out in their nations' colors and gobbling down local food, and stadia filled to capacity, the referees have blown their whistles and the tournament has begun.

OOC: MD1 cutoff for K&P's groups is go.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

And now the scores - unless you want more gum

Group A
Bleak Rock 3–1 Licentia
VANTELIRA 0–1 Arnett Mead
Cyborg Holland 0–3 Citadel of Cittagaze

Group B
Cbngggfv 4–0 Sneaky Nuts
Scrap Brain Zone 0–0 Darmen
Ouiseaui 2–2 West Guiana

Group C
Nzyghistan 1–0 Nordstaaten
Chetkosk 0–1 San Havana
Nicloe Riche 0–3 Utmost Upright

Group D
Rebel Slaves 4–0 Italian Mafias
Alexanderburn 1–1 Yankees123
Nothan 2–3 Michael VII

Tables to follow tomorrow.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

The scene: one of the passenger cars of a monorail crossing the vast taiga and pine forest of Kagdazka's interior, where there are almost no inhabitants. The car is whistling along at quite a high speed. The only occupant of the car is a very attractive young Pazhujebi woman named Peregrina Thašighi, a midfielder for the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team. She is a decent footballer, however, she is better known for being a famous model, often the centerfold for many a naughty magazine. Here is a photo from one of her more modest shoots:

The train begins to slow to a stop. Peregrina looks out the window down into the sparse woods below. There is in fact a remote station here, and the electronic voice overhead announces this as such. A single figure, dressed in quite the fancy parka, hastily jogs up several sets of stairs and uses a pass to access the platform. This figure strolls confidently onto the monorail as the door slides shut behind her with a whoosh of icy air.

Peregrina: "Fušia Oujadda? What are you doing here? This is, like, the middle of, like, nowhere."

Fušia: "Peregrina. As big a surprise to see you."

The monorail begins to pick up speed as they continue to talk. Fušia is a much better footballer than Peregrina, probably because she spends less time pursuing a modeling career. She is also known for having a strange and sarcastic sense of humor.

Peregrina: "Were you, like, camping, or something?"

Fušia: "No, but the way you're turning up your nose as you ask suggests maybe I should."

Peregrina: "Well then why are you out here?"

Fušia: "The middle of nowhere is always the best place to run a drug cartel, sweetheart."

Fušia sits down.

Peregrina: "So what's with the purple hair?"

Fušia: "Oh, you noticed underneath this hat?"

She pulls off her cap, indeed revealing short curly hair, dyed purple.

Fušia: "I promised my teammates at Ranca Toco that I would dye it if we won the TQCC. And would you believe it, we did."

Peregrina: "Yeah, that's pretty cool."

Fušia rolls her eyes.

Fušia: "Yeah. Pretty cool. You might use stronger language, like say, 'totally awesome;' but that's fine, pretty cool, sure."

Peregrina: "Anyway, I actually didn't notice it from under your hat. I saw the pictures from that Cafundelense shoot you did."

Fušia: "Don't know what you're talking about."

Peregrina giggles annoyingly.

Peregrina: "Oh, don't be shy. I have the picture right here, I was going to ask you about it as soon as I saw you for training camp. But now I've randomly run into you out here!"

She pulls out the photo.

Fušia: "I still haven't figured out how they managed to make me look so pissed off."

Peregrina: "It actually looks fine, it would just fit in better in a nude sh-"

Fušia: "I'll pass."

Peregrina looks irritated at being interrupted.

Peregrina: "Suit yourself, you're not as pretty as me anyway."

They glare at each other.

Fušia: "So, what are you doing way the hell out here?"

Peregrina: "Oh, no big deal, really, I just went out to Gvardeysk on behalf of the KPFA to make sure that that poor boy Sal Lazzara is all right. I mean, sled dog accidents can be quite serious. So I thought I'd go give him some 'TLC.'"

Fušia: "More like T and A."

Peregrina: "What was that?"

Fušia: "Nothing. Sal Lazzara, huh?"

Peregrina: "Yeah, why?"

Fušia: "Oh, it's just that I would've pictured you as the type to chase after that Yuri Kasparov bloke who works for Surtsey Island Gulls. You know, insufferably cocky douchebags are really more your kind of guy."

Peregrina: "Yeah, he's hot too."

Fušia slaps her forehead; Peregrina has no idea that she was being made fun of. Eager for this monorail ride with a teammate she doesn't really get along that well with to end, she gazes out the window. But suddenly, there is a massive lurch, and the car rocks perilously back and forth on the track!

Fušia: "Oh my God!"

Peregrina: "I hope we don't crash, it'll mess up my makeup."

Fušia: "Really?! That's the first thing you thought of?! Not like, 'I hope I don't die?!'"

The monorail begins to slow as the screeching of metal against metal fills the car. There is a bit more rocking, frightening both of the passengers, as they are twenty feet off the ground, but eventually they come to rest. Smoke can now visibly be seen billowing from the engine car, just in front of them.

Fušia: "Looks like mechanical failure."

Peregrina: "But these monorails are automated! There are no drivers. We could be here for days!"

Fušia: "You're just figuring that out, huh?"

Peregrina: "I have a very important manicure to attend!"

Fušia: "You poor baby."

Peregrina: "Quit acting like you don't care, this is an emergency!"

Fušia: "I know it's an emergency, you idiot, but there's nothing we can do! We're in the middle of nowhere, we're just going to have to wait it out. We can't walk, we'll freeze to death."

Peregrina: "But I'll miss my m-"

Fušia: "Shut the hell up about your stupid-ass manicure! I'm not going to be able to keep trying to raise money for Dora Morales! That's the real reason I was out here, you know, to meet with Baba Yaga about sponsoring her! I think that's quite a bit more important than your dumb cosmetic appointments! Good grief!"

Peregrina: "I don't know who Dora Morales is."

Fušia: "Well seeing as how you couldn't find a newspaper if you were standing next to a magazine stand in Mahathu, that's no surprise."

Peregrina: "We're going to miss the first round of matches, though!"

Fušia: "We'll probably miss more than that if we get stuck here for long enough."

A moment of silence before Peregrina jolts up with a start.

Peregrina: "Hey, wait! Guess what I just remembered that I had in here!"

Fušia: "What?"

Peregrina lifts from her side the largest purse that Fušia has ever seen in her entire life.

Fušia: "Jesus Christ, do you have a bale of hay in there or something?"

Peregrina: "Check it out! A radio! We can at least hear the scores!"

Fušia: "That's actually not a bad idea. It's better than nothing!"

They switch it on. After a minute or two of scanning the dial to try and find an appropriate station, they tune in just in time to hear the scores for Matchday One.

Group E
Camerania 2–0 Ockkorlond
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 2–2 Nitrome Island
Southern Cynocephali 3–1 Burty Royals

Group F
Armorgames 0–0 New Palmouth
Lesser Cotswalds 2–1 Savski Venac
Old Havansk 0–0 Autobotious

Group G
Rent is 3 Damn High 1–0 Matting
Princess Béatrice Island 2–1 Jedi8246
Florinthus 3–1 Ideam

Group H
Jimmer Fredette 2–1 Kalengorod
Kalumba 2–0 Okunion
Beaverriver 1–0 Southwest 2Fort

[Southern Cynocephali]

Sal Lazzara looked at his leather shoes as he tapped them gently on the floor of the team dressing room. The instructions that the team manager, Ramolino, was running through reached Sal's ears as a muffled and distant sound. He wasn't concentrating; after all, he wasn't playing today for both medical and disciplinary reasons.

Sal flexed his hand against the crisp white bandages which the team doctor, Anton Marchi, had applied after his dogsledding accident. Sal didn't think it was too bad, and the doctor had said he was a possibility for the next match. Closing his eyes, Sal replayed the accident in his head, and then the aftermath. The medical staff had been great, responding quickly and ensuring the damage was minimised, Sal reasoned to himself, but Ramolino was not happy with me at all. I don't think that was fair, I mean, it's not like I meant to injure myself.

Sal opened his eyes, and turned his gaze towards Ramolino. The player looked his manager up and down, his eyes narrowing in anger at the way he had dressed him down. Sal remembered how he had been lectured at length, and told it was his one and only chance to stay in the national team. What would he even know, he's only the manager because his brother is President. Fixating his gaze on Ramolino's face, Sal became so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even realise the manager had stopped speaking.

Sal was snapped out of his thoughts by the team captain, keeper Arron Yuill.

"Sal... Sal? Lazza?" interrupted Yuill.

"Oh.. yeah?" Sal looked up at the tall goalkeeper, whos frame was naturally imposing and intimidating.

"I heard you had a visit from Peregrina Thašighi? What's with that?"

"Yeah, she came and err.. wished me good luck, and hoped I would get well soon." Reaching into the breast pocket of his navy shorn wool suit, he pulled out a small napkin. "She gave me this."

"Why would she care about you?" Yuill replied, with a shade of disdain in his voice "All you've managed to do is injure yourself and dishonour our team and country in the process. She was just there because the KPFA sent her, to make sure you don't sue them. Not that it's anyone's fault but yours. Broten and Carlton aren't innocent either, but at least they are fit to play."

"It wasn't my fault. I didn't choose to crash. Those stupid dogs took the corner too quickly."

"Suck it up Lazza. We're all going to have to work harder now because of your stupidity. You better make sure you work hard in training as we need you for this tournament. You have the potential to get into the first team, but with this kind of behaviour it won't happen. You had a great season for Rhohdah, don't throw it away now."
Yuill finished his lecture with a stern look at Lazzara, before walking to join the rest of the squad who were preparing to run out onto the pitch.

---

---

Lazzara took his seat in the substitutes box as the match got underway. Sitting to the left of Ramolino, he compared his manager's suit to his own. Nice cut, Lazzara thought, when I'm back in his good books I will have to ask where he got that suit. Probably somewhere in Upper Solferino.

As the game got underway, Sal settled into his seat. Lazzara watched as Reidenbach and Cleo Barrasa established strong control of the midfield area, and began piling the pressure on the Burty Royals defensive line. Two corners in three minutes almost resulted in a goal from Mercier, but Burty Royals held on admirably.

Sal's thoughts began to drift away from the game as he thought of Peregrina. She was exquisitely beautiful, with lushcious dark hair and eyes. Sal made a mental note to watch the Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national football team more often. Putting his hand just inside his suit pocket, he felt the memento she had given him, making sure it was still there.

Sal's thoughts were broken by the roar of the crowd. He looked up to see Burty Royals streaking down the side line on the counter attack. The speed of the counter attack had caught Les Cynos off guard, and a sole Sterling Greynold tracked the play back into the box. The ball was whipped in, and Greynold, sensing the striker on his inside, slid to clear the ball. Greynold was only able to just get his foot to the ball, and the horrible deflection sent the ball past the keeper and into the bottom right corner. 1-0 to Burty Royals in the 29th minute.

Sal heard Ramolino utter a myriad of profanities, whilst Greynold and Yuill stood in disbelief, staring at each other in the box. The Burty Royals team celebrated in earnest at the goal that was against the run of play.

Lazzara watched as for the remainder of the first half Les Cynos played nervously, their character and spirit lacking from the early confidence.

---

Halftime Southern Cynocephali 0-1 Burty Royals

---

Joined by Broten and Carlton, Lazzara visited the stands at half time, signing some autographs and having his photo taken with fans in the stadium. The reaction from the supporters was largely supportive, with many wishing him the best and a speedy recovery. One fan in particular began to hurl obscenities and abuse at the trio, which gave others the confidence to join in. Lazzara took this as a sign to retreat to the substitutes box, and as he and his accomplices did, he realised the players were coming back onto the pitch for the second half.

---

Les Cynos started the second half in a similar manner to the first, and once again came out dominating possession and field position. At the fifty minute mark, Lazzara watched Zezima take the ball down the left wing, before beating two defenders and making it to the edge of the box. His wicked left foot shot curled past the outstreched arm of the Burty Royals keeper, and clattered off the top right hand side of the goal frame, in the corner where the crossbar and post meet. The rebound was cleared by the defence just before Bugay could get onto it and drive it past the keeper.

Lazzara looked on as the chants from the Les Cynos supporters in the crowd began to grow. The resulting corner saw Zezima curl the ball out then back towards the goal, and onto the head of Kluka at the back post. The ball came flying off his forehead, and straight past the stationary Burty Royals keeper. The Les Cynos supporters' cheer filled the stadium, and Lazzara and Ramolino, with the substitutes, rose to their feet in unison to celebrate. 1-1.

Les Cynos began to dominate again from the kickoff, and Burty Royals had now moved all ten men behind the ball in an attempt to hold on for a draw. Lazzara's thoughts once again turned to Peregrina, the enchanting beauty of his dreams. Lost in his thoughts, his attention was patchy, but he noticed as Zezima began to dominate the left wing, making his opposing defender look like an amateur on several occasions. Lazzara was listening to Ramolino's instructions to Plambeck who was to be substituted on, when Zezima once again took the ball down the left, beating his defender. His cross to the middle of the box found Mercier with only one defender, whom he rose higher than to reach the ball. The header was just too powerful for the keeper, who got a light touch on the ball, but not enough to send it wide. 2-1 to Southern Cynocephali.

Sal grabbed a bottle of water from the trainer as Les Cynos kept pushing forward. Time was running out in the match, and whilst they were dominating, a 2-1 lead was never secure. As the eightieth minute ticked over, the crowd could sense a play was building, as Reidenbach and Cleo Barassa began an intricate series of passes in midfield. Working the ball to the outside men before calling for it back, the two midfielders in the centre of the field, kept working the Burty Royals defence. The gap they had been probing for finally emerged as Cleo Barassa played an accurate through ball, which Mercier ran onto with a perfectly timed run. Beating the defence, he was one-on-one with the keeper, and he calmly finished with a well placed inside foot shot from just inside the box. 3-1 Southern Cynocephali

The final whistle went, Lazzara felt the hand of Ramolino on his shoulder. "Sal, you would have been out there today. I want to be able to pick you for the next game - do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes, sir" Lazzara replied, unable to hide the disdain in his voice for the manager.

Ramolino shot him a look of fatherly disappointment, coupled with exhaling audibly and a gentle shake of his head. Ramolino then turned towards the field, and began to walk out to join the rest of the team in celebrating an opening round victory at the Baptism of Fire.

---

Full Time: Southern Cynocephali 3 -1 Burty Royals

---

---

Later that night

"Where are you going? whispered Randell Broten to his roommate who was about to walk out the hotel room door.
"I've got to go and find her. It's like she has cast a spell on me. I can't stop thinking about her." Replied the figure at the door.
"Who?" replied Broten turning on his bedside light.

The light flickered across the face of the man at the doorway - Sal Lazzara. "Peregrina" he said, almost as if it was obvious.

"Oh, you're kidding me aren't you. You're an idiot."

"Maybe. But I have to see her. Fuck this team, and Ramolino. His brother is ruining our country, and he is ruining our team by not picking me. I'm off to visit Peregrina, she seemed to appreciate me."

"You are the most deluded person I have ever met Sal. Whatever. Are you telling Ram?"

"No."

"Coward. Fine, do what you want. I'm not waking him now, I'm not going to be responsible for that. Remember when Yuill woke him that time? Not a nice thing to be on the end of. But I will tell him in the morning where you have gone." Broten replied, like a vastly more mature big brother.

"You do that Randall. Thanks for nothing." With that Lazzara closed the door and sulked off down the hallway, out of the hotel and into the night.

---

[Utmost Upright]

Reverend William took a last sip of water as the producer counted down to when they were to go on air. "And welcome to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega where our boys from Utmost Upright make their international soccer debut against the heathens of Nicole Riche. I'm Reverend William and I'm here a couple hundred feet above the pitch with my broadcast colleague Friar Edward."

"And it's a blessed day for a match, Reverend William. I was privileged to be in the locker room this morning for the team's time of prayer and worship, including a good ten minutes calling down curses on the team from the nation of Chetkosk for the blasphemy they made against our God and our national soccer team. Suffering will hopefully bring them to repentance and conversion."

"Amen!" called out Reverend William. "And here come the teams on to the pitch. Oh my eyes! I may need to gouge them out tonight, for the team from Nicole Riche has come on to the pitch in scandalously skimpy uniforms that no doubt are intended to seduce our boys into sin."

"But look at our boys, William," Friar Edward chimed in. "It seems that Cardinal Moses has anticipated such a uniform and has had our boys come out wearing blindfolds over their eyes to prevent them falling into the sin of lust."

"I don't know how they expect to see the ball to kick it, but I have faith that Cardinal Moses has thought of a way around that."

"Nicole Riche will be kicking off...And the 43rd edition of the Baptism of Fire tournament is underway..."

[10th Minute]

"This whistle system that Cardinal Moses has come up with is rather ingenious," Reverend William said admiringly. "The boys are playing like they don't have blindfolds on."

"One of our stat guys made the point to us here in the booth that when one sense, like sight, is taken away it sharpens the other senses. Apparently Cardinal Moses chose players whose hearing will be sharpened when they lose their vision."

"And here's a chance for Nicole Riche...There's a cross into the box...The header goes far post...Diving save by Brother Francis! And Friar Grey clears it safely out of danger..."

[28th Minute]

"I have to admit that it is a weird sight to see Pope Peter in a soccer uniform on the bench," Friar Edwards stated. "I would have expected him to be the starter since he is on the team. However, I'm sure that he and Minister of Sports Cardinal Moses talked it over in advance of the tournament."

"There are times when we are not to know why God works the way he does, the same goes for our earthly government."

"And here comes Cardinal James making a run up the far side...The defender closes in, forcing him to drop the ball back to team Captain Cardinal Paul...Cardinal Paul plays the ball short to Friar Timothy...Friar Timothy jukes and creates some space...Hallelujah! Utmost Upright takes a 1-0 lead in the 28th minute on a well-aimed missile into the bottom left corner of the net from Friar Timothy, who was fed by his mentor Cardinal Paul."

"What a beautiful strike by Friar Timothy. That was a goal that will make even the veteran participants in the World Cup sit up and take notice. What a beautifully place ball out of reach of the keeper who didn't dive for that ball. She must not have wanted to reveal any body parts that are already uncovered too much by diving for that ball. She may be redeemable yet, despite her heathen qualities."

[41st Minute]

"The Utmost Upright fans have gotten more into the match now that our boys are protecting the lead. Or at least we're hearing more chanting of praise psalms going on than sinful derogatory jeers from the heathen fans of Nicole Riche."

"Nicole Riche still seems to be dominating the time of possession. Cardinal Moses' blindfold scheme was good at avoiding temptation, but the idea apparently wasn't foolproof, as the heathens from Nicole Riche have started whistling to try to throw off our boys."

"Nicole Riche seems to have something going here...Friar Grey over runs the ball, letting the winger for Nicole Riche get the ball...There's the cross...Headed away by Friar Tuck...Wait...Another chance for Nicole Riche...Deflects towards the corner...Brother Lawrence is there and sends the ball upfield as we cross into the 42nd minute of play here in the first half...Father Martin runs on to the ball and he has some space to run...Father Martin on a break...He blasts a shot from 25 yards...Hallelujah! Father Martin rockets one of the hands of the Nicole Riche keeper to increase the suffering on the heathens to 2-0."

"The keeper from Nicole Riche appears to have injured her hands on the play, and may have to come out. Hopefully this small injury will be the suffering she needs to bring her to conversion. A rousing version of the "Hallelujah Chorus" is being sang in the Utmost Upright portion of the stands."

[Halftime]

"A well played first half from our boys from Utmost Upright, and their hard work was rewarded by God with a 2-0 halftime lead against the heathens from Nicole Riche. What are your thoughts on the first half, Friar Edward?"

"The blindfolds have been effective when combined with the whistling system Cardinal Moses established. Possession is a bit of a problem, but that is likely because of the blindfolds. I would expect to see a more defensive approach taken in the second half to help preserve the lead."

"You already appear to be right, as there is one announced change from the Utmost Upright locker room. Forward Cardinal James will be taking a seat on the bench and substitute central defender Reverend Edmund. That now has Utmost Upright playing a 4-5-1 scheme."

"And we have also received news from the Nicole Riche locker room, Reverend William. The Nicole Riche keeper has jammed multiple fingers and will sit out the second half. May suffering bring her to repentance and conversion."

[69th Minute]

"Nicole Riche has kicked up the attack trying to get back into this match. However the Utmost Upright defense has been up to the task, clearing anything that Nicole Riche tries to send into the box."

"And you can tell that the heathens from Nicole Riche don't have the perseverance to continue patiently attempting to breach the Utmost Upright defense, as they have started shooting from farther and farther out in desperation."

"Speaking of which, here's a shot from 30...Off the post! Friar Tuck quickly clears it out with a pass out to Reverend Philip...Our boys dodged a bullet there. That almost got Nicole Riche back into this match, as Brother Francis was nowhere near that ball when it hit the post."

"Praise God that hit the post, because that would have certainly changed the momentum of this match if it had gone in. Our boys are starting to get more counter attacks. That's going to be something to be aware of as this match winds down."

[88th Minute]

"Here comes Brother Matthew on the counter attack...Nicole Riche is trying to get players back...The ball is played through to Father Martin, who already has scored once today...He cuts into the box and shoots...Tipped over the bar by the substitute Nicole Riche keeper for a corner as we cross into the 89th minute...Father John trots out to the corner...A lot of the defenders are cheating up, smelling an opportunity here...The ball is played towards the top of the box...Somebody gets a head on it...Hallelujah! Friar Tuck is getting mobbed, so he must have got his head on it. Regardless, Utmost Upright now leads 3-0 in the 89th minute.

"That will clinch the victory for Utmost Upright. The convincing win will also help build goal differential in case that tiebreaker comes into play. A great performance on both ends today by Friar Tuck."

[Post Match]

"And that's a final. Utmost Upright wins their opening match of the 43rd edition of the Baptism of Fire tournament 3-0. A convincing performance by our boys on both ends of the pitch."

"And I have more news for rejoicing, Reverend William. I have just received word that the blaspheming heathens from Chetkosk have been punished for their sins against God with a 0-1 loss to San Havana."

"Praise God! Amen!"

Group C
Nzyghistan 1–0 Nordstaaten
Chetkosk 0–1 San Havana
Nicloe Riche 0–3 Utmost Upright

Unofficial Standings:
1. Utmost Upright 3 points, +3 GD
2. Nzyghistan 3 points, +1 GD
3. San Havana 3 points, +1 GD
4. Chetkosk 0 points, -1 GD
5. Nordstaaten 0 points, -1 GD
6. Nicole Riche 0 points, -3 GD

[Rent is 3 Damn High]

The High Paper
Damn, we won a game!
the 1-0 victory over Matting was taken extremely well by the public of RI3DH, with celebrations currently still happening all over the country. The team itself is said to have completely ruined a hotel room overnight. The highlight of the game came from a quite well executed goal by Jimmy Mack Jr. Jr. in the 34th minute, and subsequently his grandfather, slightly crazy national manager Jimmy Mack Sr, came running onto the field, only to be escroted off by security guards. The fatherland, Stuffed Taxidermists, is very jealous of our win and any Stuffd Taxidermistan we see gives us a filthy look. Jealous losers. We also happened to have got further than them in the recent Australian Football Invitational, WHICH THEY HOSTED!
Didn't even make it out of the first round. Useless. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. The coaching staff and players now hold some distant belief that we may make it past the group stage. Yayz is now the most often word heard when discussing soccer in our nation. Anywho, stay tuned for more biased soccer news in the future!

[New Palmouth (Ancient)]

The New Palmouth Sports Network will comply a full report of the 0-0 result for New Palmouth against Amourgames at 1:30pm UK Time.

[Kalumba]

The Herald: Sport Today

Report by Bruce Mtwetwe
In Kagdazka and Pazhujebu

Kalumba made a bright start to the Baptism of Fire 43 last night with a comfortable 2-0 victory over Okunion. The game kicked of in a drizzle, with a pitch frshly mown just beggining to take up some water. The situations were well suited to the long ball game that Kalumba play and have perfected to a tee. The Okunion players struggled to compete with the physical presence of the Kalumban team, especially William Anderson in midfield. The Protestant minister showed his typical brutal efficiency in the second minute with a wild slide tackle that left the Okunion left winger hobbling but able to continue, however the referee did reach to his pocket and showed a yellow card. This did not stop Anderson who continued to fly into tackles leaving the Okunion players unwilling to keep the ball and build moves in front of the back four. Such violence, as it can be called, left the Okunions unable to play their favoured passing game and they struggled to threaten Ottbourne's goal.

Despite the advantages offered by the conditions and the referee, who let the crunching challenges go, Kalumba still struggled to create anything. The Okunions while being physically smaller were faster and much more tactically capable than the national side. But in the 38th minute a high clearance from Pilgrim dropped to the head of Kevin Davis on the edge of the eighteen yard line. With years of experience at holding off opponents, including in his two year boxing career, Davis took the ball down muscled his way past the centre back and let fly a rocket shot. But a brilliant bit of goalkeeping turned his effort onto the bar and the ball broke loose. Poor marking by the Okunion back four had allowed Ollie Roberts to glide into the box and poke the rebound into the onion basket and one nil to Kalumba.

The half-time break brought changes for both teams with the ineffective Cheeter being replaced with Rowlatt by head coach George Davies. It seemed an inspired move, Rowlatt and Roberts combined brilliantly within a minute of the restart to create Kalumba's decisive second goal. Rowlatt went past the Okunion midfield dinked the ball over the defence to Roberts, who appeared to be marginally offside. Roberts then sped to the byeline and chipped the ball back to the edge of the six yard box where Abouto volleyed home leaving the keeper no chance.

The rest of the game played out without any real incident, bar a possible penalty claim for Okunion. With ten minutes remaining a through ball split the static Kalumban defence and allowed the Okunion number ten to run on goal. Ottbourne rushed out to meet him, but only succeeded in forcing him wide, then the incident. Pilgrim had sprinted back and scythed down the striker appearing at first glance to win the ball .The referee waved play on and Kalumba were reprieved, replays showed that Pilgrim while making contact with the ball had definatley fouled the Okunion forward and was lucky to remain on the pitch. But with the penalty waved away Kalumba went on to comfortably see out the remainder of the game. Now topping the group, on goal difference, let us hope Kalumba can go on to glory.

Match Stats:
Possesion- K 46% - O 54%
Goals- 2 - 0
Shots on target- 3 - 0
Shots off target- 1 - 0
Fouls- 3 - 1
Bookings- 1 - 0
Red Cards- 0 - 0


Kalumban Dressing Room:

Manager George Davies finished congratulating his players on the result but now got down to bare facts. "We were trounced boys. No doubt about it the scoreline was a lie. They had too much of the ball and only Ando's brilliant fouling in the middle stopped them creating real chances. And you" he said turning to Duncan Pilgrim who was drying his long dyed blonde hair "you bloody mincing faggot! What the Fuck was that tackle? See the bloody round thing, kick that not the bloke, you could have cost us the game. "Sorry boss" "You bloody will be if you do it again, and stop pissing about in front of that mirror. No one gives the slightest shit what you look like, focus on football. What are you, a man or a bloody bird? Mr ooh look at me i wear earrings and dye my hair aren't i pretty? I have had enough of the amount of campness in here. You are here to play sport not knock up the local birds." Now he included everyone in his anger. The national team were reknowned for their ability to get women on bed and for being consistently voted the best looking men in the country. Davies and the older players despaired at the young men who seemed more interested in how they looked than the results. "Now we are back in training tommorow morning. God forbid any of you are late." With that the players left to enjoy their evening off.

Ottbourne stayed behind to talk to the manager "Boss your being a bit harsh on the lads, they may all spend too long on how they look but they are good out on the pitch, and we can't have a dressing room split." "I know Terry, but look at them. There is more jewellery, shampoo and perfume in here than in the biggest whore house in all the world. They need to start working on fitness not faggotness." "Well boss, lets just keep them working hard and in the camp so they can't waste their time. And even if they look like poofs they play like men. Young Duncan's tackle may have been shite but i wouldn't of like to be on the end of it" at the Ottbourn chuckled, as did Davies. "I've got to agree with you there and maybe they can play. We just have to wait and see." With that they both retired for an early night knowing that fitness was to play a key part in their success.



Nearby Bar:

Duncan Pilgrim was goose-stepping around the room doing a Hitler-salute yelling in a German accent "Zere vill be no poofs on my football team. Ich bin fuhrer George Davies all worship me!" The rest of the players in the bar laughed. It was a common party trick to mock their manager who they felt was stuck in the dark ages. Thye were all self confessed pretty boys, because they knew that the Kalumban ladies loved it and like most young men were only after a good nights fun. Tonight they would try their luck with local birds but didn't seem to be having any luck, so were simply drinking themselves stupid. They were young and just acting like young men but they didn't realise the level of the bollocking they would get the next day, as assistant coach James Dorran was sat in the corner of the bar quietly nursing a pint and taking notes of their activity. Most of the squad were here and only Rowlatt, Roberts, Anderson and Davis did not seem to be here drinking.

Anderson and Davis were like the majority of the other older players enjoying a quiet meal at the hotel before going to bed. Roberts and Rowlatt were in a small restaurant down the road, doing something that would have disgusted their manager. For little did he know they had been in a relationship for six months since meeting at the national call ups. Ollie Roberts was a constant target for the homophobic abuse of his manager and most of his country men, for like Duncan Pilgrim he had long dyed blonde hair and a diamond stud in each ear. Unlike Pilgrim though he was gay and had fallen in love with the boxer Ben Rowlatt. Rowlatt had long been seeking love and had found it in his team mate. In secret they had loved and were enjoying a meal together away from the prying eyes of their team mates and manager. Even though they were by far the best players in the team, they knew their manager would not hesitate to drop them if he found out about their relationship.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

I forgot to post tonight's venues. Sorry

MD2
Group A
Licienta vs. Citadel of Cittagazze @ Et’ai Zirakul
Arnett Mead vs. Cyborg Holland @ 4th Quad Stadium, Errion Vega
Bleak Rock vs. VANTELIRA @ Stadii Se Triarii Rivii, Triarii Rivii

Group B
Sneaky Nuts vs. West Guiana @ Stadii Se Ska’rulai, Alariz
Darmen vs. Oiseaui @ Twisted Sports Arena, Tobia
Cbngggfv vs. Scrap Brain Zone @ Stadium Cavern, Undermountain

Group C
Nordstaaten vs. Utmost Upright @ The Pit, Erda Khaza
San Havana vs. Nicole Riche @ The Hex, Kunei
Nzyghistan vs. Shetkosk @ The Shark Tank, Turin

Group D
Italian Mafias vs. Michael VII @ The Dockyards, Millsport
Yankees123 vs. Nothan @ The Ancient Stadium, Parthenon
Rebel Slaves vs. Alexanderburn @ Gahiji Urdinhertal, Radience

[Bleak Rock]

Bing Bong: This is a stadium announcement. Would the loud and brash supporters in the Bleak Rock section 3A please consider the other supporters and be seated. Thank you.

Bing Bong: This is a stadium announcement. Would the two squabbling supporters in the Bleak Rock please keep their arms to themselves or the stewards will have to be called. Thank you.

Bing Bong: Your scorer for Bleak Rock in the 34th minute, VAAAGGGGNNNNNN ROSENMEYERRRRR!

Bing Bong: This is a stadium announcement. Would the supporters trying to hack into the stadium wi-fi please refrain from doing so, internet availability will be provided in the press suite after the game for any important issues. Thank you.

Bing Bong: This is a stadium announcement. Would the supporter waving the large Resolute Storm flag please refrain from doing so. We encourage active support but you are obscuring the view of supporters behind you and being aggressive in your motions towards your neighbours. Thank you.

Bing Bong: This is a stadium announcement. Whoever set that flag on fire, your actions have been caught on camera, and stewards are on their way to eject you from the stadium. Thank you.

Bing Bong: This is a stadium announcement. Would the owner of the silver estate car in the car park with the Resolute Storm flag in the back window please return to your car, as it has been set on fire. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause. Thank you.


Later, in the car park...

"ARE YOU INSANE, YURI?!"

"Hey, when the going starts waving flags aggressively, the tough get setting the flags on fire."

"AND THE CAR?"

"Oh, that had a Resolute flag in the back window, my instincts took over, sorry."

"YOU SET MY CAR ON FIRE!"

"Well whatever, Jossi, you didn't have to snap my dongle off. I had to try and hack the stadium net and got told off."

"Well I couldn't let you send the footage of that goal straight away could I?"

"Well you sent your footage pretty quickly."

"That's my job. You still didn't have to set MY CAR ON FIRE!"

"Whatever, old man, whatever. This isn't over, I can assure you. This isn't over."

* * * * *

DO YOU LIKE BLOCK MUSIC?
A music blog by Ingeborg Guðmundottir

Hello again. Yes. Again. It's me. Again.

Something to do with being in the wrong place at the wrong time means I'm here, reporting on the football again. Here I was, minding my own business, following the progress of Polarian band The Icekills on their first tour of ASMV and I get a call from the editor of the Bleak Rock Herald spouting some excuse about not being able to afford to send a reporter out to follow the team. So here I am again, trying to do my best to report accurately on a sport I know fairly little about, when I'd much rather be in some sweaty club somewhere, headbanging and sampling the local 'wares', as it were.

Personally I think it might have something to do with the fact that I know how to run a blog internationally, and the Bleak Rock Herald writers don't seem to know which end of a pen is which, but I digress.

So, first match, against Licienta, and I've actually got a ticket. Yes, rather than lying face down in a ditch sleeping off a bad trip, I actually made it as far as the stadium in Millsport this time and took my seat amongst the other Blockheads for my first experience of a live football match from the stands.

And you know what, I quite enjoyed it. Our supporters were loud, and brash, and whilst I don't claim to understand all the jokes and all the songs I tried to join in where I could. Some of the characters on those terraces wouldn't have been out of place at the Grunge-Weekender in Mið-Sal the other week. Mind you, a quarter of the population probably filled that event so half of them probably were there anyway.

As for the game itself, there were a few twists and turns here and there, and there were these two incredible annoying bickering Polarians behind me that started squabbling every time Rosenmeyer got the ball, but for the most part things went well and the Dukes ran out 3-1 winners. Eygenroy started the scoring in the first half with a free kick before crossing a deep ball in for Rosenmeyer to volley in magnificently from the edge of the box. In the second half, what looked like Taylor managed to get a goal back for Licienta before Sigurhelgason managed to rifle in a shot from a narrow angle after cutting in from a long and mazy run down the left. Good goals, all three of them, but for that volley, I have to give my man of the match award to Vagn Rosenmeyer.

Next up for the unstoppable force of the Dukes is the unmovable object of Vantelira, and a swift BLOOGLE* later tells me they slipped to a 1-0 defeat against the impressive looking Arnett Mead. I'll be there, in the Stadii Se Triarii Rivii in the town of the same name, wishing I was elsewhere but most likely secretly quite enjoying myself.

Tata for now,
Ingeborg

x


*other search engines are available.

[Chetkosk]

Danil Ludovichia was a busy man.
What he was busy with? Well, that was the question, and Danil wasn't entirely sure he knew the answer.
Numbers, he worked with numbers.
The man, aged 36, sat at his tiny desk in his tiny cubicle, the long obsolete computer before him chugging away as the numbers he typed appeared on the screen. The hardware was stained beige with age, coffee rings on the top from some previous, careless occupant of the cubicle. On the black screen were lines and lines of numbers, sometimes separated by acronyms or grid lines. Danil couldn't really remember what these numbers signified, but he knew exactly what to do with them.

Pausing for a moment, Danil's gaze shifted beyond the screen to the reflection of himself in the black display. His weary face seemed exagerated in the image staring back at him. The fluorescent lighting in the office did him no favours, the bags under his eyes highlighted on his doppelganger in the computer screen. Danis had considered resigning from his job many many times, and he probably would have done by now - except that he wouldn't know what to do after that. That was the worst part of his job, it made you need it to survive. He had spent so long at his tiny desk in his tiny cubicle, he didn't really know what else he was capable of anymore.If he quit, some small part of him knew that he wouldn't do anything else. He would sit at home, his tiny flat, with no job to go to and no compulsion to get another one. He had no choice, really. The job owned him.

Still, at least he was good at it. Typing away at the numbers on the screen, correcting digits, carry the two, multiply by cell E7, check if it's equal to the "GroDec" (whatever that meant, the employees just referred to it as the "Grow Deck"). The numbers were the best part of the job. Numbers don't lie, they are what they are. Of course, sometimes, there are errors in how they were typed in, just like the ones Danil had just come across. As he stared at the screen and re-read the incorrect numbers, he became aware of the radio in the cubicle next door. It was CBCS Live, the Chetkosk Broadcasting Confederacy live sports channel, and Chetkosk were currently playing their first game of the Baptism of Fire in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

******"...and play begins again here in Tobia, the second half of this opening game for group C. Also playing today are Utmost Upright against Nicole Riche and Nzyghistan versus Nordstaaten. Byshovetsiy has made one change over half time, replacing Tussak with Kurzhakov."
"That's right Tobi, Nico Tussak seemed to be carrying an ankle strain even as the game started, and evidently the physios have decided to rest him. Roman Kurzhakov can't match the pace of the older attacking midfielder, but he can certainly take the ball the entire length of the pitch if he has to, stamina is his strength-"
"-Ohh and Torbinskiy was unlucky there, San Havana's goalkeeper, we don't know his name and there's nothing printed on the back of his shirt, made an excellent save, tipping the ball the wrong side of the post..."******

Danil picked up his phone and dialed an internal number. It rang once before the person picked up.
"Jon, it's Danil. Just wondering if you've got the same error I have in the 'Beta "Grow Deck"' figures for April?"
"Uh, April eh? Hang on...", the sound of several clicks of a mouse, "...whereabouts?"
"Lines 2359 to 2364."
"Uh,...oh. Oh. Yes, yeah that's wrong isn't it..."
"Shit...that means the whole floors got the wrong figures."
"Not my problem man, you're the team leader." Danil grimaced at this. "Team leader" was a role given to him as a consolation prize for a promotion he failed to get a few weeks back - all it meant was that if anybody in a 10 cubicle radius of him made a mistake, he had to deal with it. No mention of a pay rise either.
"Right, I'll get the floor manager on this, see you later."
"Taraa pal."
Danil put the phone down and dialed a new number. It continued to ring as he listened to the radio again.

******"...won't get anywhere with tactics like that. Heimpfel was in a prime position there to take advantage of that gap in the midfield, but Simiertino took it out to the wing, where San Havana appear to be stronger than Chetkosk for the time being."
"I'm going to have to interrupt you there, Nathian, as San Havana are on the break and in a very strong position here, two versus two at the back. Chetkosk's star defender, Mostovoi, is closing down the man with the ball, but Onopko is playing the other on side! There's the pass, and an elementary mistake by the Chetkoski defence! It's all down to Scherbak... ... GOAL! San Havana have the lead in the 48th minute of the game! Shortly after beginning the second half San Havana have eased their way on to the scoreboard, Mostovoi is having words with Onopko, the captian Heimpfel has raised his hands to his head, and the Chetkosk supporters have gone silent around the stadium."******

The phone cut to an answer machine, which meant the floor manager wasn't in his office, which meant he was on his rounds.
Oh god.
"Ludovichia, hard at work?" The cold, stern voice of Floor Manager Korin Flavistadt sent the hairs on Danil's arms on end, akin to having a mug of ice cold water poured down your back. He swivelled in his chair and stammered.
"Sir, I-I was just calling you...erm...the...erm...th-the figures, erm...for April..."
"Which figures Mr. Ludovichia?" Flavistadt made no attempt to hide his disdain.
"Beta. Erm, Beta "Grow Deck", for April..."
"What about them, Mr Ludovichia?"
"Well, they...they're wrong. And the entire floor's got them, I think. Should we call floor seventeen, have them correct it all?"
"No, you do it, then send round a memo to your...team. Is that all, Mr. Ludovichia?"
"Oh, uh, yes. Okay then. I'll do that." Danil then noticed the person at Korin's side, he recognised her from his trips down to the printer, she had a cubicle down that end of the office.
"Right this way, Miss Eseylya, the consultants are waiting." They both walked off towards the management lift. Danil worked on the top floor of number processing. To get higher in the building, you had to take the stairs, or use the management lift - access to both required the correct keycard. He waited a few moments, watching as the duo disappeared as the lift doors shut behind them. But just before they did, Flavistadt turned to Miss Eseylya and smiled. He smiled. That was somehow creepier than when he frowned at you, that look he had that instantly confirmed in your mind how much he loathed you.

It took Danil forty minutes to correct floor seventeen's mistakes and send out the memo. By that time he had once again considered resigning, Chetkosk had lost the game 1-0, and Miss Eseylya had left the building...

[Burty Royals]

RP permission: Just enjoy yourself. Feel free to kill my players, they're replacable.
Style mod: 0.5

Our entire squad consist of slaves, they don't really have names so just call them all Dave, Bob, Kevin or Jim. And possibly Colin.

Match one

The slaves were dragged on a plane. Not a nice one either, there wasn't so much as a economy class for them. No, they were bundled into packaging crates and spent a long uncomfortable journey playing "spank the rat". Later they arrived in Kagdazka or possibly Pazhujebu (NO ONE IS SURE! Except for me, but I'm not letting on.) The were then dragged to a game.

Pre-game motivation is never amazing when it comes down to slaves. They are threatened, then whipped. They even employ a guy to whip them, just for that. I think there might even be a guy who is employed to whip the whipping guy I think... So they all went onto the pitch bleeding and made a minimal impression. It wasn't long however until a slave called Dave (got a ring to it right?) put a ball into the back of the net. It had come across the goal to him and he accidently headed it whilst running away from it. The ball then managed to hit the net. This was lucky as things were going to go rapidly down hill. After this there were three goals in the second half as the slaves started to die from the whipping wounds. About three were dragged of the pitch and replaced with fresh slaves. The defence was destroyed anyway and the three goals were scored. Not good for the slaves.

In the changing rooms there was a lot of shouting and whipping. Another two slaves died, it was lucky they took fifty with them. After this they were sent back to work.

[Jedi8246]

Fenris Sports Corner

"Hello folks. I'm Logan Dale, with Fenris Sports Corner. Our first topic of tonight, the Baptism of Fire. The opener game for Jedi8246 was played in Therakham Velodrama, Mahathu, Pazhujebu. The game was against Princess Beatrice Island, an unknown nation to us. Unfortunately, we lost our opening game to them.

It was a well played game on both sides. The game opened with a series of back and forth team maneuvers. Manny Hem came close to scoring about 5 minutes in, but their Keeper Owen Powell made a nice save and blocked the ball from entering net. The game progressed another ten minutes without events of significance, although Nicolas Hem did get a yellow card for some dirty play. About thirty minutes into the half, the opponent scored. Mid-Fielder Alexandre Dalomax made a swift pass to Forward Cian Howells, and shot it past our Keeper's, Dan Triboult, left side into the goal. The half ended soon after, with our boys feeling discouraged. However, Head Coach Hemlock gave a great pep talk that bolstered our team going into the second half. Only two minutes into the second half, Charles Hem made a deft goal straight past their keeper, tying the game. The rest of the half progressed fiercely, with neither side getting a true advantage. The half entered the last five minutes, with most thinking it would go into overtime. However, in the last two minutes, their forward Per Colton, made a hook shot past Dan Triboult, putting them up by 1. Although the boys tried, they could not score again, ending the game 2 to 1.

Head Coach Donald Hemlock says he is quite proud of the team's performance. He thought that we played very well, and simply saw the loss as luck on the other team's side. He is quite confident that our team will continue to perform well, heading down the road. As always, we wish our team the best of luck, and hope they play well. After the break, we bring you news on the World Bowl."

---

Rob's Casino, Jedi8246
Daniel Heminger was in over his head. He had made far too many mistakes. He was worried beyond belief when Ralph and his boys sat down on the other side of the table.

"Well Dan. You know why I am here."

Ralph commanded great respect among regulars at the Casino. And fear. People knew what happened when you slighted Ralph.

"Yeah, I know. Listen-"

"Enough. I know of your snake tongue. I will not be tricked by your fancy words. I want my MONEY!"

"I'll get you your money. I know it's late."

"ENOUGH! I won't hear your excuses Dan. I will not have you tarnishing my reputation. You know what happens when people don't pay their debts to me."

Ralph drew out a swtichblade, and flicked the knife out. He indicated a blood stain on the knife.

"You don't want me to mess you up do ya?"

"No Ralph. Listen I'll pay you. I'll pay you double, hell even triple!! Just give me more time!"

"Triple you say. Hmmm..."

Ralph mulled it over. Dan was hoping he would accept.

"Very well. If you will pay me triple what you owe, then you can have an extension of six months. Otherwise..."

Ralph made an motion of cutting his throat with the knife, before sheathing his weapon.

"Six Months."

Ralph stood up and walked away with his boys. Dan breathed a sigh of relief, before realizing what he got himself into. Oh shit, six months to raise 300,000 Gold Coins. How the hell am I going to do that? He looked up to the bar TV, and got his answer. The Fenris Sports thing was on, reporting on the first game of the Baptism of Fire. Dan got an idea. He used to be an expert at predicting sports games back in the day. He could raise the money betting on the Baptism of Fire. Yeah, it could work. Soccer would get him his money back. It was his only hope. He rushed off to find a computer. He had some catching up to do on modern day soccer.

[Scrap Brain Zone]

To think that I'd be reduced to this.

I was built to defeat a legendary guardian, a being of strength and power. Now, I'm stuck playing football with a bunch of failed robots because my creator decided so.

Was it my fault? I failed in my mission, but didn't that happen because the doctor hasn't made me good enough?

Who is he to determine that we've been failures anyway? He's childish and incompetent, and hasn't managed to defeat his nemesis even once.

I know what needs to be done.

I will prove to him that we are good enough. I will make him recognize my talent and accept me back. This so-called "football team" will be my army, and this country shall be my stage.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega will tremble!

[Nitrome Island]

"And Ameke receives the pass from Cronin. He's running, he's in the box, OOOHHHH! What a terrible challenge that was by the Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk defender. And yes, it's a penalty. This is the last chance of the match. The Score is Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 2-1 Nitrome Island. It's Keroku to take it. This is for the draw. If he scores it will be his second goal. GOAL! HE'S SCORED! IT'S OVER! 2-2 and we leave with a point."

[Jimmer Fredette]

Jimmer Fredette Daily
Sports
By:John Jackson

In their first game,Jimmer Fredette beat Kalengorod,2-1.The two goals came from Johnny Whitmer in the 21 minute and William Gold in the 78 minute.Wayne Glenn,the goalie had a great 28 saves and let up one goal.It seemed like nothing could get by him.The one goal that got by him was an obvious offsides,but the referee didn't call it.Glenn said he doesn't blame the ref.They can't see everything,and we still won so I couldn't care less.It doesn't matter anymore.Coach Nick Whitson said he was very excited for this win.Soccer has never been a huge sport in Jimmer Fredette,but hopefully we can change that so we can make a run at this.I've seen the predictions,and some of them don't even have is winning the division.We'll prove them wrong.Those experts in Darmen think they'll win it.What a bunch of people full of themselves.We will win this thing.The captain,Johnny Whitmer said we had a great game today.Hopefully we can get win some more to keep this going.If not,hopefully enough to make the playoffs.We got a good team.Lets make sure we show everyone that and go to the playoffs.Also hopefully beat the teams that are favored in this thing.We'll be favored though.Looks like a confident group.Hopefully we can go and remember,LETS GO JIMMER FREDETTE!

OOC to Darmen:I hope you didn't take this the wrong way,but I just wanted to make a conversation to talk about.

[Armorgames]

ARMORGAMES NEWS

This is Malcom Harrison reporting for AG football.

Armorgames tied New Palmouth 0-0 in their first match of the season. Erik Crater played spectacularly not allowing a single shot to get past the goal line. The match was cleanly played with no red or yellow cards given out.

Here is all that Charlie Klien said after the match:

Charlie Klien

I am happy with (Erik) Crater's performance but the strikers need to play better and score some goals. Thats all I got to say.

I would also like to compliment the defense since their wasn't even many opportunities for New Palmouth to score.

The captain of the offense, Clayton Job, says he is upset with himself that he didn't score on his break away and that he will be working on that every day.

Armorgames plays Lesser Cotswalds in their next game. There is no information on that football team.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

The KPFA Administrative Section for Stadia and Facility Management is happy to announce that the following venues have all been approved for use in the following Matchday Two fixtures.

Group E
Ockkorlond vs. Burty Royals @ the Ice Cube, Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka
Nitrome Island vs. Southern Cynocephali @ Banditi Zaliv Stadion, Oktyabrsk, Kagdazka
Camerania vs. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk @ Forestry Department Street, Gvardeysk, Kagdazka

Group F
New Palmouth vs. Autobotious @ Gelendzhik Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka
Savski Venac vs. Old Havansk @ FKM Arena, CMZ Metropolitan Area, Kagdazka
Armorgames vs. Lesser Cotswalds @ Yuzhniy Veter Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka

Group G
Matting vs. Ideam @ Sampa Gumbada Stidiyama, Juvapanam, Pazhujebu
Jedi8246 vs. Florinthus @ Therakham Velodrama, Mahathu, Pazhujebu
Rent is 3 Damn High vs. Princess Béatrice Island @ Praça de Prata, Mahathu, Pazhujebu

Group H
Kalengorod vs. Southwest 2Fort @ Avazhughij Arena, Pkethat Šede, Pazhujebu
Okunion vs. Beaverriver @ Graha'ajat Stidiyama, Zhevassi, Pazhujebu
Jimmer Fredette vs. Kalumba @ Oberlander'ajat Stidiyama, Urajbina, Pazhujebu

[Jimmer Fredette]

Jimmer Fredette Daily
Sports
By:John Jackson

Ro of 16:
Bleak Rock over Alexanderburn
Darmen over Utmost Upright
Chetkosk over Cbngggfv
Micheal VII over VANTELIRA
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk over Beaverriver
Armorgames over Kalumba
New Palmouth over Jedi8246
Jimmer Fredette over Southern Cynocephali

Quarters:
Darmen over Bleak Rock
Micheal VII over Chetkosk
Armorgames over Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk
Jimmer Fredette over New Palmouth

Semis:
Micheal VII over Darmen
Jimmer Fredette over Armorgames

3rd Place:
Darmen over Armorgames

Finals:
Micheal VII over Jimmer Fredette

Game of the Tournament:Armorgames over Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk
Leading Goal Scorer:Jonny Whitmer.Jimmer Fredette
Best Player:Jason Call.Micheal VII

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

It's RP cutoff time for Groups E, F, G, and H, y'all.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Fušia and Peregrina are still sitting in the monorail car. They've been waiting a full 24 hours, now. Things are looking grim. Fušia sighs. Peregrina fiddles with the fancy and expensive-looking watch on her wrist. Fušia sighs again, even louder. Peregrina fiddles again with the watch. Fušia sighs as loud as she can. Peregrina fiddles with the watch again.

Fušia: HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO FIDDLE WITH YOUR WATCH?! IS THERE A GENIE IN THERE OR SOMETHING?! KNOCK IT OFF!!!

Peregrina: Sorry, like, gosh.

Fušia is panting, possibly from rage, possibly from hunger, probably from both.

Fušia: I'm so hungry.

Peregrina: You and your monster metabolism. See, I'm used to not eating for days on end. That's how I got a body like this.

Fušia: That's probably also how you got dropped from the national team for four years due to your crap form.

Peregrina: I was busy with modeling!

Fušia: I was busy winning the league three times with Juvapanam.

Peregrina: Ugh, you are, like, so annoying.

Fušia looks out the window.

Fušia: I wonder if we could find some way to climb down from the track and forage for a bit of food down there.

Peregrina: It's like, twenty feet down!

Fušia: Yeah, but there's snow there, so it might break our fall.

Peregrina: Go for it. But I'm staying here.

Fušia looks down and thinks about opening the window and jumping, but then wisely chooses not to.

Fušia: I'd better not. But I could swear I see some edible plants down there. See that small one there with the big leaves?

Peregrina: That's hemlock!

Fušia: No it isn't, that's just the coach of Jedi8246.

Peregrina: Oh.

A pause.

Peregrina: I can't believe this; one of my favorite music critics is visiting Andossa Se Mitrin Vega right now and I'm missing it!

Fušia: Who's that, the guy who gave Til I Hurl Pens by Ritney Peerz four stars?

Peregrina: That's such a good song, isn't it?

Fušia: Really? Wow. I can't believe how easy it is to make fun of you without you noticing.

Peregrina: No, my favorite music critic is Ingeborg Guðmundottir. Although I think he did really like Til I Hurl Pens, if I remember correctly. Or maybe it was that other song by Ritney Peerz...

Fušia: AGHH!!!

Peregrina: What?!

Fušia has caught Peregrina fiddling with her watch again.

Fušia: Stop. Playing. With. Your. Watch. Or. You. Risk. Being. Strangled.

Peregrina: I'm sorry... it's just... I'm thinking about where I was supposed to be right now.

Fušia: Where's that?

Peregrina: Wishing Sal good luck before his game...

Fušia: Why do I ask these things when my stomach is already upset...

Peregrina: Maybe because you're jealous of how awesome I am.

Fušia: Jealous? Peregrina, you are possibly the sluttiest woman I know. As 'awesome' as it sounds to wake up in a different man's bed every evening, I'd really rather... oh, I don't know... win the TQCC or something.

Peregrina: Say what you will, but at least he's going to notice I'm missing and call for help. There's probably no one looking for you.

Fušia: You know what? Whatever. You can do whatever the hell you want with your own time. I'm not going to judge you. But for the love of God, you might think of that poor boy that you're leading on. I mean, what if he falls in love with you or something?

Peregrina giggles annoyingly again.

Peregrina: Many boys have.

Fušia dry heaves.

Fušia: I wonder if that was hemlock down there, I'd be up for eating some at this point...

Peregrina: Oh my gosh! It's time for the... close that window, Fušia! Stop trying to jump out! It's like, time for the Matchday Two scores!

Fušia: All right, I guess I can go commit suicide after I hear the results.

The radio crackles violently, but Peregrina is right... it's time for scores.

Group E
Ockkorlond 0–5 Burty Royals
Nitrome Island 1–2 Southern Cynocephali
Camerania 1–1 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk

--Group E                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Southern Cynocephali          2   2  0  0    5   2  +3    6
2 Camerania                     2   1  1  0    3   1  +2    4
3 Burty Royals                  2   1  0  1    6   3  +3    3
4 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk        2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
5 Nitrome Island                2   0  1  1    3   4  −1    1
6 Ockkorlond                    2   0  0  2    0   7  −7    0

Group F
New Palmouth 1–0 Autobotious
Savski Venac 0–1 Old Havansk
Armorgames 2–0 Lesser Cotswalds

--Group F                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Armorgames                    2   1  1  0    2   0  +2    4
2 New Palmouth                  2   1  1  0    1   0  +1    4
3 Old Havansk                   2   1  1  0    1   0  +1    4
4 Lesser Cotswalds              2   1  0  1    2   3  −1    3
5 Autobotious                   2   0  1  1    0   1  −1    1
6 Savski Venac                  2   0  0  2    1   3  −2    0

Group G
Matting 1–2 Ideam
Jedi8246 1–0 Florinthus
Rent is 3 Damn High 1–2 Princess Béatrice Island

--Group G                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Princess Béatrice Island      2   2  0  0    4   2  +2    6
2 Jedi8246                      2   1  0  1    2   2   0    3
3 Florinthus                    2   1  0  1    3   2  +1    3
4 Rent is 3 Damn High           2   1  0  1    2   2   0    3
5 Ideam                         2   1  0  1    3   4  −1    3
6 Matting                       2   0  0  2    1   3  −2    0

Group H
Kalengorod 0–1 Southwest 2Fort
Okunion 1–5 Beaverriver
Jimmer Fredette 0–5 Kalumba

--Group H                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kalumba                       2   2  0  0    7   0  +7    6
2 Beaverriver                   2   2  0  0    6   1  +5    6
3 Southwest 2Fort               2   1  0  1    1   1   0    3
4 Jimmer Fredette               2   1  0  1    2   6  −4    3
5 Kalengorod                    2   0  0  2    1   3  −2    0
6 Okunion                       2   0  0  2    1   7  −6    0

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

This is your friendly Yumbo Jumbo cutoff! (Better late than never)

Flavor of the Day - Sicky Cyborg Chew. The wondrous taste of alluminum with just a hint of burnt circuitry. But that's not all - there is a surprise gooey center of motor oil madness. Chew up and enjoy!

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Group A
Licentia 0–2 Citadel of Cittagazze
Arnett Mead 1–0 Cyborg Holland
Bleak Rock 0–0 VANTELIRA

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Citadel of Cittagazze     2    2    0    0     5     0     +5     6
Arnett Mead               2    2    0    0     2     0     +2     6
Bleak Rock                2    1    1    0     3     1     +2     4
VANTELIRA                 2    0    1    1     0     1     -1     1
Licentia                  2    0    0    2     1     5     -4     0
Cyborg Holland            2    0    0    2     0     4     -4     0

Group B
Sneaky Nuts 2–1 West Guiana
Darmen 3–0 Ouiseaui
Cbngggfv 0–3 Scrap Brain Zone

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Scrap Brain Zone          2    1    1    0     3     0     +3     4
Darmen                    2    1    1    0     3     0     +3     4
Cbngggfv                  2    1    0    1     4     3     +1     3
Sneaky Nuts               2    1    0    1     2     5     -3     3
West Guiana               2    0    1    1     3     4     -1     1
Ouiseaui                  2    0    1    1     2     5     -3     1

Group C
Nordstaaten 1–3 Utmost Upright
San Havana 1–1 Nicole Riche
Nzyghistan 1–1 Chetkosk

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Utmost Upright            2    2    0    0     6     1     +5     6
Nzyghistan                2    1    1    0     2     1     +1     4
San Havana                2    1    1    0     2     1     +1     4
Chetkosk                  2    0    1    1     1     2     -1     1
Nicole Riche              2    0    1    1     1     4     -3     1
Nordstaaten               2    0    0    2     1     4     -3     0

Group D
Italian Mafias 0–1 Michael VII
Yankees123 2–2 Nothan
Rebel Slaves 1–0 Alexanderburn

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Rebel Slaves              2    2    0    0     5     0     +5     6
Michael VII               2    2    0    0     4     2     +2     6
Yankees123                2    0    2    0     3     3      0     2
Nothan                    2    0    1    1     4     5     -1     1
Alexanderburn             2    0    1    1     1     2     -1     1
Italian Mafias            2    0    0    2     0     5     -5     0

[Southern Cynocephali]

Sal Lazzara looked at the hotel in front of him. It certainly wasn't the nicest hotel he had ever seen, but it was the most opulent one he had seen around these parts. This was where Peregrina was staying, or at least that's what he had been told.

Entering the large double doors at street level, Sal entered the foyer and was greeted by a warmth which he hadn't felt since he left the team hotel. This was much nicer than the small worn hotel he had found the previous night, but he had arrived in the middle of the night and didn't care where he had slept. I might get a room here myself, or maybe I won't need one, Sal reasoned somewhat optimistically. Approaching the desk in the foyer, he was greeted by a young lady in her early twenties working behind the desk.

"Good evening sir, how may I help you?" said the lady at the desk, welcoming Sal with a warm smile as he approached.
"Good thanks. It's cold out there though" Sal replied, which was met with a blank look of recognition from the hotel employee who had not asked a question of that nature. Not realising his error, Sal continued, "I was wondering if you could let Peregrina Thašighi know that Sal Lazzara is here to see her. I apologise, I do not know her room number".

The young lady looked at Sal, seemingly looking him over, before she softly uttered "One moment please", and disappeared into a back room. Moments later, a slightly older man, in his thirties emerged to speak to Sal. "I'm sorry sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave."

Sal's protests were in vain, and in a short time he found himself standing out on the street, looking at the front of the hotel once more. The burly individuals who had assisted his exit disappeared back into the glowing warmth, and Sal felt the chill cut through his jacket as he stood outside, alone in a foreign country with only a doorman for company.

The doorman looked him up and down, before glancing inside. Looking back at Lazzara, he whispered a low whistle to get Lazzara's attention. Lazzara shuffled slowly across the frozen ground towards the doorman, who spoke in hushed tones when he was close: 'You looking for Peregrina? Yeah, I don't blame you, she is one sexy lady. But she's not here anyway. I can tell you where she went, but it will cost you."
Sal pulled out a small wad of notes from his back pocket, and handed a few to the doorman. Looking them over, and apparently satisfied, he continued; "She went to the monorail station."
"Then where?"
"I don't know"
"Well, thanks I suppose. It's a start but it doesn't help me much" Lazzara replied angrily, but gratefully for at least it was something to go with. Sal turned and headed for the nearest monorail station, leaving the laughing doorman alone in the cold to celebrate his monetary windfall.

Sal arrived at the monorail station, and headed straight for the ticket booths; on his walk to the station he had been struck by a brainwave; the KPFA might know where Peregrina is. Looking at the board of destinations and map, he could not understand the layout, and decided to ask for assistance. Approaching a ticket booth, he leant down to speak through the small opening to the cashier.

"Excuse me, are there any phones here that I can use?"
"Sorry sir, there are no public phones available"
"Oh... okay. Thanks" replied Sal.

Walking slowly he sat down on a nearby bench dejected, lost for ideas. Suddenly, from his left, he noticed a well dressed man, playing with what looked like a calculator. A thought suddenly struck Sal, that's not a calculator, thats a phone. A big, old looking phone, but a phone! Leaping from his seat, he approached the man eagerly, who looked a little cautious of the man quickly coming towards him. Sal greeted the man warmly with a friendly grin to show he meant no harm "Excuse me sir, I was wondering if I may be able to buy your phone?"
"Buy my phone?"
"Yes, buy your phone. Right here, right now, I will give you (NS) three thousand for the phone."
The man's eyes widened, despite his apparent wealth this was still a remarkably good deal, even if the strange man did want his phone immediately, phonebook, history and all. Sensing Lazzara's urgency, he replied,
"Five thousand"
"Really? Wow.... Fine." Lazzara opened his backpack, and pulled out his camera bag. From a small pocket within, he pulled out a large wad of cash, looking around the station as he did so. Pulling off a stack of notes, he put his belongings away, and handed the man the money, and he was handed the phone.

Moving away, Lazzara pulled out an envelope, containing documents the team had given all players before the tournament. It included a list of local numbers, and he found the one for directory assistance, calling it on his new phone. Once he had the number for the KPFA, he dialled it to find out where Peregrina would be.
"Hello, KPFA".
Sal cleared his throat "Hello, this is Sal Lazarra, of the Southern Cynocephali team here for the baptism of fire. I am looking for Peregrina Thašighi."
"Ah, Mr Lazzara, we heard of your accident. I hope all is well?"
"Yes, I'm fine, thankyou. Do you know where I can find Miss Thašighi?"
"Let me see.. ah yes, here it is. She was due in Oktyabrsk this morning for your teams match today. Although, it seems that she hasn't checked into her hotel yet - how strange. Oh well, she is probably late, being mobbed by fans or something."
"Oh I see. Thankyou, I'm sure I will.. err.. see her when she gets here" Lazzara hung up the phone, cutting off the reply of farewell on the other end.

Lazzara returned to the ticket booths. Leaning again to speak through the division, he asked to buy a ticket to Oktyabrsk.
"I'm sorry sir, we seem to have technical issues with that line at this time. I can offer you another route which will take you there but the journey will be much longer. Otherwise you may have to organise another form of transport."
"What? Technical problem?"
"Yes sir. We have technicians investigating the situation at the moment, but we are unsure of the nature of the problem at this time; it could be a stuck monorail car but we are unsure. We cannot advise when services will recommence".
Lazzara turned from the counter dejected. Another obstacle! But... Sal paused, thinking of what the lady behind the counter had said. Stuck monorail car? Could that mean? No...... surely not.... yes! It fit!

Lazzara picked up his pace and headed outside the station. There had to be a way to find the monorail. If there is, I will find it. I will save you Peregrina!

---

---

---

Banditi Zaliv Stadion, Oktyabrsk
Group E
Nitrome Island vs Southern Cynocephali

---

Nicolas walked out of the entrance and down the stairs of the Banditi Zaliv Stadion, in the port city of Oktyabrsk. The icy wind hit his face as he entered the stadium, and he unconciously tightened his jacket as he took in the scene before him. The stand was full of Les Cynos fans; this was the first game that they had been able to get to en masse. Perhaps that was something to do with the host city, which seemed to appeal to the mainly young male crowd of supporters. At the sight of the walls, a childish laugh escaped the slightly blue lips of Nicolas, before the beauty of the bay beyond stopped him dead in his tracks. Possibly the most breathtaking backdrop he had ever seen for a stadium, it was going to make this match something special.

Joining the throng, Nicolas returned a welcoming nod from a fellow supporter as he took his place. He enjoyed the camaraderie of being part of such a group and belonging to a large 'family'; that was why he didn't mind travelling to Kagdazka alone, as in essence, he was not alone. He looked across the group surrounding him, and a few rows in front and to the left of Nicolas he noticed a couple of familiar faces. They were a rough looking bunch, and were known for their passionate support of their team, but Nicolas felt safer amongst them than he had outside the stadium. Oktyabrsk seemed to be quite a fronteir town, and Nicolas had only just managed to evade a few dubious characters in an alley the previous night. Luckily he had travelled before, and he recognised the danger before it was too late; nevertheless he resolved to stay with larger groups from now on, at least during his stay in Oktyabrsk.

Looking at the team programme, he noticed that Sal Lazzara's name was on the team sheet, but if the rumours he had heard were correct, he had walked out of the team hotel on the night of their first round victory. Where he had gone was a mystery, and the team had just said he left for personal reasons. Nicholas wasn't too phased, but was concerned at the lack of information in the programme on their opponent. Who were they playing? He hoped this 'Nitrome Island' didn't provide any surprises for Les Cynos; they had managed a draw with Abcd'stuk who Les Cynos had lost to in a previous friendly. The lack of the team roster had also hampered the supporters club from creating some chants to mock their opponents in their usual fashion, but they still had a collection of chants with which to unsettle their opponents.
The teams ran out onto the field, and the group turned as one and cheered Les Cynos. The compact stadium provided an excellent atmosphere, and the Les Cynos supporters began to drown out the less vocal, and numerous, opposing supporters. The anthems were played, with the entire group in the stand patriotically singing in unison at their national anthem.

The officials and players began to set up to start the match, and the official drummer, Col Lanius, must have been somewhere to Nicholas' left, as he heard the familiar drumming begin. Alain Lanius, his brother, was the head of the supporters group, and generally took the lead for starting the chants.

The chanting began, the drumming amplified by the clapping of the group:
*Boom, boom, boom-boom-boom, boom-boom-boom-boom* "Cynos!"
*Boom, boom, boom-boom-boom, boom-boom-boom-boom* "Cynos!"

Play got underway, and immediately developed into a tussle in midfield. Zezima looked a bit sluggish to start, playing poor passes straight to the opposition defence on two occasions early on. The supporters were vocal in their disappointment at the key players' slow start, and a chant rose to encourage and spur on their man;

He plays down the left,
He plays down the right
Francois Zezima makes the others look shite

The chants continued intermittently, as Les Cynos began to slightly win the battle for midfield. Cangelosi began to make headway on the right, making a few runs down the sideline to put in crosses that ultimately resulted in goal kicks.
Nicholas chanted and sang at the top of his voice, soaking up the atmosphere of the crowd at this unique stadium. The singing continued, the supporters who had travelled so far to be at the game trying valiantly to push their team forward.

"Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go-oo, here we go, here we go, here we go-oo, Les Cy-nos!"

The vocal crowd seemed to be having an effect on their team, as well as on the opposition and their fans. During the last minutes of the half, Les Cynos began to control the match and dominate possession. In the 43rd minute, a run by Cangelosi down the right resulted in a cross that was cleared by the defence, but only as far as Gildas Mancion, the right back. From quite some distance out he hit the ball with a first time strike as it was cleared. The ball rocketed off the top of his foot, and began to rise above the bar before dipping down towards goal. Crossing the face of goal if front of the keeper, it swirled past his outstreched hand before sneaking in the top left hand corner of the goal. The crowd rose to celebrate, as an ecstatic team and stunned opposition digested what had happened. Mancion ran to celebrate in front of Nicholas and the main group of supporters, and Nicholas joined in the loud expression of appreciation for the special strike from the defender.

The referee's whistle signalled the end of the half, and the players retired to the relative warmth of the dressing rooms. The crowd was abuzz with talk of the strike from Mancion just before half-time, which at this stage could already be a contender for goal of the tournament. The supporters whittled away the break by singing songs to their opposing fans,

Can you hear the Islanders sing?
No, no, no no,
I can't hear a fucking thing

With the return to the field of the players the chants reverted to supporting Les Cynos, rather than disparaging the opposing fans. Les Cynos began the second half as they had left off, and had a few chances early on that ultimately amounted to nothing. Touches from Mancion were at first met with a few solitary cries of 'Shoot!', before the entire group caught on. Nicolas thought that this one would probably stick for some time.

A relatively lacklustre second half was broken in the 60th minute with the injection of Schweiss and Plambeck. Almost immediately, Schweiss began to trouble the defence, beating his man and forcing a good save from the Nitrome keeper. Nitrome Island had a few chances of their own, but Arron Yuill was proving immovable at the back. He was known for his superior reflexes, which combined with his natural size, make him a tough keeper to beat. The song from Yuill's club team Lilter, began to echo around the ground; a song which came about at the start of the first league season two years ago, when a sex-tape starring Arron was released online by a well known socialite in Southern Cynocephali, Justine Petit:

He's tall,
he's quick,
he's got a massive dick,
Arron Yuill,
Arron Yuill.

Play continued, and in the 73rd minute, Nicolas rose as Schweiss beat his man and began to run at the defence. Playing a quick one-two with Plambeck, he beat the last defender by almost a whole stride, his pace exposing the weakness of the central defenders. Running onto the ball, he entered the box as the keeper began to move out towards him. Timing his strike perfectly, he lobbed the ball over the keeper's head and into the goal behind him. Nicolas and the Les Cynos supporters went up as one, cheering, as the goal gave them a 2-0 lead. What a player, that Yong Schweiss is, and only 18. I don't think we have a song for him; we will have to come up with something, I think we will be seeing much more of him, Nicolas mused to himself.

Nicolas and the supporters sang vocally for the remainder of the match, their celebrations barely interrupted by a soft consolation goal in the 93rd minute for Nitrome Island, from a corner. Whilst disappointing, the fans realised it was too late for Nitrome Island to do anything else, and continued to sing in victory.

At the conclusion of the match, Les Cynos thanked their supporters briefly before returning to their dressing room and their post-match press committments. Nicolas followed the large throng of supporters out of the stadium and into the brewery next door. It was to be a night of celebration; two from two, Nicolas thought, thats a good start. We have our toughest matches coming up next, but this start has almost guaranteed our progression to the final 32. I'll drink to that!